5 Critical Ways To Get Over and Move On After Your Ex Dumps You

786 thoughts on “How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend”

lucylou

January 18, 2014 at 9:06 pm

I spilt up with my ex in the summer after 3 and a half years of living with each other and raising My son (not biological his but been together since he was 6 weeks and my son has no contact with real dad) my ex moved on pretty sharply which I expected as I know he cant be alone. All was going well and I was moving on until he contacted me randomly a few months ago. We started sleeping with each other behind his gfs back. He then left again and my heart feels shattered. Although I know hes an absolute w****r I just cant hate him. I want to get over him but I am reminded about him by my son and our house that I live in. I recently had a nice man texting me and wanted to get with me but I just cant bring my self to do it! Even though I like him. I literally feel like smacking my head against a brick wall because I know I shouldnt be feeling like this but I cant stop!! All I want is him even though I know its not him I want….its him two years ago. As a full time working single parent I dont get much free time to go out and socialise etc. Nothing seems to make this empty feeling go away. Please tell me that im not going mad and this feeling is normal!

admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:42 am

Man thats tough to hear.

You aren’t going mad you are just feeling kind of played. Like you want to get over him and he keeps pulling you back in.

Alyssa

January 17, 2014 at 1:21 am

I’ve written on the site before about help to get my ex boyfriend back. I’ve been in two weeks of no contact. But that changed today. We have one class together, and my ex was looking very down, so I, being the caring person I am, asked him what was wrong. It turns out that he misses his ex before me, and I quote, ‘I just want to be with her, I felt more at home there.’ He was refering to the place he lived before moving to my city. He might move away again in May. Do I even have a chance anymore, or should I just give up? She was his first love, and they have a very strong connection. But I have never been more in love with someone before, it’s indescribable. Should I stay and fight, or move on?

admin

January 20, 2014 at 7:08 pm

Weigh your chances.

Do you think you have a good shot. Do you feel you do I mean?

hannah g

January 16, 2014 at 4:05 pm

I was with my ex for 6 years, and i am only 19- so he was and always has been a big part of my life. during this time he cheated on me, and yet i (stupidly) forgave him. last july, i finally broke up with him after i found out that he was flirting with a girl he worked with. since then, we have both gone to different universities- miles apart and he said to me that he wants to be open and honest with each other about what’s going on in our lives. i thought this was mature of him, and he told me that there was nothing going on with him at all- that he wanted to focus on work. although i knew i would never get back with him, i suppose the possibility was always in my mind.

recently, however, i saw that he has a new girlfriend (i found out on Facebook) and he also blocked and deleted me. i was really upset because
1. i didn’t think he would move on so fast
2. he has a new girlfriend
3. he was the one who told me that he wanted to be open and honest.

now i just feel like I’ve lost such a big part of my life. i know now that i need to move on completely and literally erase him from my brain but its so hard going to sleep every night knowing that they are probably together.

thank you for your help though,

i suppose it just takes time.

hannah x
Nicole Ali

January 16, 2014 at 6:19 am

Hi. I just finished reading your article and it was very informative. My story is this; I have been in a relationship for just over 5 years. We’ve lived together for 4.5y and at first, it was OK…never perfect but I was OK, content. Until about a year ago. He started becoming super verbally and emotionally abusive and the last 6 weeks or so things had become physical. Looooong story short, I had to put him in jail, got a restraining order, court, etc. 30 days in jail and we didn’t speak at all. I never let him move back in but I did let him stay a few days until he could get a place.
So he is out of the house and we started talking again. We have been doing this for the last 6 months. I’ve really tried to set boundaries but they’re not being respected.
My problem is, he has started back into his old ways. And I must admit since he’s been out of jail my guard is up, naturally, and I haven’t made things easy. But I feel like I’m tired of it. I kick myself in the ass for even answering the phone when he called when he got out.
I just feel so stuck. I feel like he has this power, control over me. I am soo unhappy. I feel weak and a failure. I’m just so sad.
How do I get away? How do I not call or text or answer if he calls? I feel powerless and hopeless. Do you have any words or advice you can give me? Thank you…

admin

January 16, 2014 at 6:05 pm

Erase his phone number… Best thing I can tell you to do if you are serious about that.

Jackie

January 15, 2014 at 5:32 am

Just wanted to say thank you for this website. I actually had been off and on with my ex and he tried keeping our relationship as “friends” but this was still hurting me very bad and realized I cant get over him like that. So I finally grew some balls today and told him we shouldn’t talk anymore and cant be “friends” anymore. I know this is the first step to get over him. Im done being sad and heartbroken. When I was reading this website I was sitting in my room crying as I read but then I read “he broke your heart and you broke your pants button” and really made me laugh. Thanks for the steps and help.

admin

January 15, 2014 at 7:26 pm

Hahahaha pretty good line right?

I had forgotten I had written that.

Sarina

January 12, 2014 at 11:35 pm

My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago. We were together for over a year, but a big portion of it was Long distance. We were off and on a lot because we kept fighting. He always used to fight for me, but when he came back home, the relationship became abusive, and he started being sneaky. He cheated on me before, and I was his first relationship. I was at this place a few days ago with my friend, and he happened to be there. He stayed with his friend for 10 minutes, but then sped off…he did not say a word to me..is he over me? I don’t know why I keep obsessing over him when he did so much to me.

admin

January 13, 2014 at 6:22 pm

I don’t think he can be fully over you yet.

Chris

January 10, 2014 at 2:34 am

So I wrote before in another section and I decided to move on with my ex at New Years (like all of 8 days ago). Right after that I ran into this guy: He’s ah-mazing! Our first two dates have been phenomenal. I didn’t think I could do better than my ex( who was out of my league) but I am definitely dating WAY above my league here. Then again… I get numbers a lot… I don’t give myself enough credit here. I am picky though, I usually do the dumping – not the other way around.

The problem is: this is a little soon and I know it is soon. I’m trying my HARDEST to not let this be a rebound. I havent let this guy know i was in a relationship right before him….. I don’t think i will unless he asks HAHA.

I just have all this stuff and all the memories and while I don’t plan on doing anything with this guy that involves removing clothes etc. etc. for a long time (I know TMI) … I miss my ex and those intimate moments we had… matter of fact I just miss my ex… I would give up this guy for my ex if he came running at me with flowers and a tear in his eye…. the product of too many sappy chick flicks.

So I’m TORN…WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?! I’m a Clinical Psychologist student. I know people don’t change overnight. My ex had issues and I was willing to love him through it and I miss him but obviously for him I wasn’t enough. He just freaked I guess… IDK what happened and I hate not knowing!

I can’t just throw away all of this stuff like it never happened. Every time I try to I get teary eyed. I really did love him and love being around him. However, I can’t let opportunity just slip by while I am waiting for a GHOST, a dream, a wish. This would be easier if I wasn’t a romantic lol….

Sooo….
Should i mail him this stuff? BTW it’s his birthday SURPRISE haha…here’s the stuff from your ex…
Should I just burn it?
Should I just not even date right now? (pfftt… this guy is HOT eye candy, forget that question)
Am I just using this guy as a rebound or does it stand a chance?
Which I was sitting in a coffee shop, reading a book, when he approached me… not bar hopping or anything crazy and I tried brushing him off but he was persistent and the conversation turned out to be quite pleasant…

admin

January 11, 2014 at 1:28 am

Don’t burn it.

That might not go over well. I think you can either exchange it or just mail it to him.
Chris

January 10, 2014 at 8:12 am

I need to add…. I was engaged once before (eons ago) and called that off. I don’t believe in the whole year to year thing, especially that I am on my way to becoming a psychologist. I think we all grieve in our ways and our own timing. If I did… I would have never of met this ex. While that sounds like a GREAT thing… I did learn from this -failure.

To tell a divorced person that was married for 30 years to wait 30 years before beginning a new relationship is a little excessive (if they got married at 20, they are divorcing at 50, meaning they have to wait till 80… if they make it lol). The grief in break-ups (especially divorces) can be comparable to the grief of losing a child. It’s like telling a mother to wait to have another child until she is over her first child because she cannot possibly begin to love another child the same way again. True. She will NEVER love the next child in the SAME way, but she is capable of loving, even while grieving.

I fell in love but realistically, he’s not coming back, he’s moving on (matter of fact he had ALREADY moved on by activating his online dating account while we were dating and I was in surgery…) I was in love with… an illusion.

lexie

January 6, 2014 at 11:15 am

its been almost 5-6 months since me and my ex broke up when ever I see him at school I get sad I don’t know what to do why do I still have feelings for him? its been tearing me apart. 🙁
Sierra

January 6, 2014 at 7:02 am

Hi , well here’s my story , my boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months broke up with me on New years at 12 io clock . I’m still very in love with him but it seems as he loves his new found freedom and there’s no fixing US and I’m fine with than and is completely ready to move on . I have him on Facebook , instagram , twitter ect even know I know I should delete him I have a tendacy of being in his pages looking and its making me more upset , should I unfriend him , delete him , unfollow him ? & there’s one more thing me and his sister have became very good friend , best friends ! and every time I go over there he’s there what do I do !?
Julia

January 6, 2014 at 6:27 am

Wow !
Chris I can’t begin to explain to you how this has been so eye opening. I only wish I read this sooner. I just broke up with my ex of 2 years about a week ago and I miss him so much now. When we broke up he called me non stop for days, so blocked his number and ignored all social network posts for a few days but then I had a weak moment and saw him yesterday. We fooled around, then we started fussing and fighting about past issues in our relationship and just dumb stuff. And after all that he leaves me. He sends me long emails about why he’s over me and how many women want him now; and then he ignores all my calls and texts. Basically I left him only to come back, we argue and he leaves me and ceases all contact. I feel rejected and abandoned, and really dumb. Because had I stuck to the plan and left him alone for good I wouldn’t be the weak one right now. Reading your article about being done with him for good was my goal a week ago, but now that he’s no longer chasing me I feel like I want him back. How can I channel these feelings and stick to the ultimate goal of leaving him alone without crawling back?
Kelly

December 30, 2013 at 8:06 pm

Chris! It’s been a month since my 2 year relationship ended and I finally feel like I’ve made progress. This site is amazing!!! Your articles have helped to get me to move on in a positive way! In the beginning I wanted him back so badly but now I don’t. Why? Because I realize I’m worth more and I will find someone better who will appreciate and love me and treat me the way I deserve. I am happy with my life right now and I know there’s someone better for me around the corner. Thank u for the amazing advice I’ve been recommending this website and I visit it often when I need advice or when I need to remind myself to stay on the positive track. U are truly amazing!!!!! Have a blessed new year! 🙂

admin

January 1, 2014 at 10:36 pm

I hope you have a good new year too!

I am happy you got something out of this. I really really am. Made my day!

Aaria

December 29, 2013 at 1:59 am

Thank you for this guide. By the way, you got the “fears” section of the article dead on. I remember reading through it and smiling to myself like an idiot because of how true it was. It’s like you got inside my mind haha. Thank you Chris. You don’t know how much you’ve helped.

admin

December 29, 2013 at 6:54 pm

The only reason I got it right is because I have literally talked to 20,000 women through this site (for real) and I understand all of their fears hahaha.

Kelli

December 27, 2013 at 4:30 pm

Hi
When I was 16 I fell for a guy in my high school. We always had this connection with one another and both new that one day we would be together. We always kept in touch throughout the years, never dated each other but we would both tell each other how much we meant to one another and that we knew each other were ” the one”. ( He had a bad childhood and i was that one person he would call and talk to everything about) When I turned 21 we were both single and decided to be together. We started the relationship long distance ( for about a year) until I found out I was pregnant. After that I moved in with him and had our daughter. We were very much in love and happy,but our work schedules were completely opposite which made it diffucult for us to have us time.After 5 yrs together and being engaged to be married. I found out he was flirting and talking to a coworker on f book. I approached him about it and we talked about how our relationship was slipping, and we just pushed our relationship to the back and made our daughter number 1. After we talked we went on more dates, made time together and were doing amazing! Abouth 2 months later he told me he was confused about this other girl and left. Me and my daughter moved out and live on our own now. After a couple more months he told me he regretted it and is done with thus other girl and we decided to go to counciling together ( he was already going for some depression issues and personal issues he had), and we went on a couple trips together telling each other how happy we were for working it out. He told me a week ago he was still seeing and sleeping with this other girl. I ended it for good cause I know I deserve better. I could never trust him again so I don’t think we could ever be together. He is now dating that other girl and it breaks my heart that he gave up everything for her. I do the no contact thing as much as possible he still will try to text me or call to talk about his personal stuff and I don’t want to be mean but I don’t think that’s my place anymore. I eventually want to be there for him and be a friend But it’s still really hard. I try to kill him with kindness and be the bigger person through all of this, I want him to regret losing me and losing someone who knows him better than anyone.
Raven

December 23, 2013 at 8:43 pm

So my ex moved over summer and decided he still was going to try and date me. School came up in august so the week before school started he broke up with me. Then at the end of that week he asked me back out. Of course me being stupid I go back out with him cause I missed him we were together for almost two years but tht next week when school started he broke up with me and didn’t tlk to me for a while i was hurt. Two months later I’m still not over him he text me and tells me he miss me as a girlfriend.. I told him I do too we started talking we are friends but I’m not over him. He has did things with other girls and it hurts..and told me he loved me and asked me to do things.. I was hurt when he said he likes someone because he was telling me things as if he wasn’t lookin for another. So recently I decided to take a loong break from him so I can focus on muah:) cause 2014 is coming up and I’m done with being hurt

admin

December 24, 2013 at 6:52 pm

So, you can focus on muah hahahahahah that made me laugh.

I think taking a break is a really good idea.

Rose

December 11, 2013 at 10:51 pm

I am done. Out of a five year relationship. I found out he was chatting up a girl on FB back in August. We got into a big fight about it. He said she was the one chasing him. He never apologized and we sort of got tired of arguing about it so I never brought it up again. Relationship was good since. He went out of town for two weeks. Barely communicated with me even when I tried to reach out to him. Well found out he was hanging out with the girl the entire time. He comes back tomorrow. I have blocked him from everything. He does not deserve an explanation. If I confront him he will lie then there will be an arguement. I am exhausted of arguing with him.

He hurt me so bad so I don’t want to be his friend. I KNOW I AM DONE. Thing is I need to stop looking at his FB page. We are not friends but his wall is open 🙁 I get sad when I see pictures of them together.
NoGoingBack

December 9, 2013 at 11:53 pm

Ah, finally, something that makes sense. I had been feeling a bit “guilty” about not wanting to be friends, ever! Now I know my instincts are right and that I really don’t need to be “nice” about any of this. Gone! Done! Buh Bye!

He wasn’t a “bad guy”. He just wasn’t honest about what he wanted and how he treated me never matched what he was saying. I don’t need to be “friends” with anyone who is just going to use me as an “emotional crutch” via texting and phone calls. He can do that with another female friend, not me!

Nook

December 16, 2013 at 1:51 am

Force yourself to block him. And her. Even if she’s not your friend you can still block her. They do it on purpose because either you will see it or a friend will and tell you. That’s what they want to make you jealous. And the lady thing you want to do it’s what they want.
admin

December 10, 2013 at 6:57 pm

Haha check you out!
NoGoingBack

December 14, 2013 at 12:43 am

I simply don’t see the point in remaining “friends”. We started seeing each other with the intent that it would become something. It didn’t because he was using the “I need space to figure stuff out” tactic and that “someday” he’d be ready. I simply grew tired of the excuses while he maintained almost daily contact through texting and phone calls.

I have to admit the almost daily contact really threw me for a loop. He wasn’t going a way, yet he wasn’t “here” either. I’m very much a “one person” kinda person and he knew this. Once I realized there was never going to be a “someday” by one excuse too many, well, the rest is history.

I still can’t figure out the constant contact thing, so I’m chalking it up to being an “emotional crutch”. Not sure if this is right, but he has not once attempted to contact me since I’ve gone no-contact. So I guess “something” was really “nothing”. No need to be friends then.
admin

December 14, 2013 at 10:24 pm

Well, do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.

Naina

December 8, 2013 at 1:05 am

Hello,

I am in the process of still moving on from my ex for forever. However, I did mention that he and I have mutual childhood friends, so that does mean running into him at events. He and I will most likely be going to the same party coming up next month with a bunch of our mutual friends for a religious festival, and it’s kind of hard to avoid because either he has to give up spending quality time with his siblings and childhood friends, or I have to give up not spending it with my siblings or childhood friends. So my question is, how should I interact with him at an event that requires us to both be there for a couple of hours?

admin

December 8, 2013 at 6:50 pm

That is unfortuante. My whole thing is to act with class no matter what. So, that is how I would approach that.
Naina

December 9, 2013 at 4:04 pm

Okay so I want to act with class, and I still continue to plan on it. However, one thing. I found out that he spread a rumor about me a couple weeks ago, before I knew we were going to end up at the same place for this event. During that time, I texted him in a very firm but not overly emotional and b****y manner to not contact me. After doing something like that, does it seem hypocritical to initiate a polite “Hello” or is that considered classy? I prefer to be in control of the situation, therefore I like to be the one who says “Hi” first just so it doesn’t make me look bitter. Is that a good idea or should I just let him say “Hi” to me if he is feeling mature enough to do so?

Dee

December 4, 2013 at 9:15 pm

Hi,

Your article was great! Thank you so much, it has filled me with positivity. I have recently- ish come out of a relationship that broke my heart really badly. I won’t go into the deets too much but it’s the third time he coldly and brutally cut me out after begging me back and convincing me to come back as he had changed. Now, the most recent time he did it, I totally lost the plot and did everything wrong. I wish I could scrape back some of my dignity, I mean I was a MESS. Big time. Got drunk, begged for him to come back when he was being unbelievably cruel. Barley went out and felt so sorry for myself. This went on for two weeks. Now about two weeks ago a light switch went on and I said ENOUGH! I’m so much stronger. I KNOW I won’t contact him anymore, my pride and self worth decided to come back. I am still plagued with being angry at myself for behaving so pathetically but in all honestly, I was truly hurt by someone who was meant to be close to me and I kinda lost control.

I feel stronger every day but I won’t lie and say it wouldn’t make me feel good if he contacted me. I want to get passed that, I want that feeling to stop. Yes I do still care but I know my own strength now and know I won’t lower myself again. I want to move on completely.

I will absolutely follow your one year no contact- I feel that strong now but I do feel as though I let myself down and I need to move past that.

Do you have any tips on how to not be so hard on myself? I know I am not ready to date yet as my self esteem is definitely extremely low.. Do you have any tips on how to build up send esteem? You hit the nail on the head, I do feel totally unlovable and I want to stop this! I want to love myself enough to be able to love and treat a man well! I absolutely want these things and I just wish I could get out of my negative mindset. Mind you, I am trying – so hard. I want this.

admin

December 5, 2013 at 1:28 am

Not be hard on yourself… best thing I can tell you is to start meeting people. Just interact with as many new and interesting people as possible. Doing this always makes me realize that other people do like me so in a way it is like tricking yourself into speeding up the recovery process..
Dee

December 4, 2013 at 9:16 pm

*went on for two MONTHS not weeks 🙂

Cheryl

December 2, 2013 at 9:29 am

ok, well, ive been with this guy for 2 1/2 years. we broke up a few times but not for very long. he always came back saying he missed me and loved me. everytime we were broken up, his reason was that he wanted to work on himself and figure out his feelings. and then like i said, he would miss me and come back. we broke up the last time about a month ago. im in love with him, and im honestly a wreck. i can stay strong for a few days and then i break down crying and sadly text him (i know im not supposed to) .. i know i dont want anyone but him.. he has a new girlfriend, and its killing me. i cant standthe thoughts that run through my mind. he says he still loves me but that he doesnt think hes good for me because hes hurt me before. he said ‘i really like this girl and i want to be with someone who i havent hurt and who doesnt know me. i want to see where it goes. ‘ …. im a mess. i want him back becayse i love him and being without him just hurts so bad, because hes been such a big part of my life and im used to having him hete every day and now i have to fight myself whenever i want to talk to him which is all the time. i mean we were best friendsand so happy together that i just cant beloeve this is happenig. at the same time, the thought of taking him back after hes bern with another girl disgusts me. how could i ever kiss him after knowing his mouth has been on another girl… .. i just feel so much pain and miss him so much.. odk what to do… please help
M

December 2, 2013 at 7:30 am

I’m in a difficult and sensitive situation. I broke up with my ex about 7 months ago. I also got into a rebound relationship which then turned into one of the happiest relationships I have ever been in. I’m now engaged and happy of it. However, I have attempted to move on numerous times from my ex after he cheated and I punched him in the nose. He apologized to me months later and wants to be friends. He has also been in a relationship for several months now. But no matter how happy I am in the current one, he keeps coming up in my head, thoughts, etc. I miss him. I miss being friends, but can’t at the same time because I’m scared that I still love him. I get jealous when I see him and his new girlfriend, but I’m so in love with the man I’m with now! I feel confused, torn, and shameful. Any advice?

admin

December 2, 2013 at 7:17 pm

Right now patience is key. With this new gf in the picture you kind of have to wait on the sidelines.
M

December 2, 2013 at 7:39 am

also, I try to avoid my ex like the he has swine flu. I try not to engage anything with him whatsoever. He is typically the one to do it in friendly ways like offering me a ride or asking about the weather

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786 thoughts on “How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend”