5 Critical Ways To Get Over and Move On After Your Ex Dumps You

786 thoughts on “How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend”

Leslie

September 10, 2013 at 4:46 pm

I am really glad you posted something about getting over an ex. At one time I wanted so badly to be with him and have this wonderful relationship. We are both in our late 30’s. He spent the past year and a half with me, but at the same time he would keep “disappearing” on me and going back to his ex who he had a lengthy relationship with before me. So yes, I am now past the “getting him back” and trying phase, to me that is just outright terrible for him to have done that to me. I should not have put up with it as long as I did. There was just so much shadyness and lies involved. He left this time with no explanation and still tried to be friends with me at the same time and went back to her..again. No closure. Then he just started ignoring me. His girlfriend knew about me and has posted pictures of them on facebook on trip together with his family this past weekend. He and I broke up in June. The real bad part about it is he made friends with my best friends across the street since we broke up and makes appearances over there. He even has his mail packages sent over there and has to come pick them up…grrrr! Lol. (It’s like don’t you have any other friends to mail your stuff to?) The whole thing just sucks and hurts, but I know there is nothing I can do but to sit there and take it and do my best to move on finally. My guy friends say that he will try to contact me again because of his past history of “returning” and that he is just using her because he is bored and trying to forget me. Is that true? That is certainly what I don’t want because I am trying so hard to forget him and the last thing I want is a text or email. I can’t ignore texts or phone calls, that is just my nature, no matter who it is or what the circumstance is and he knows that. I’m a wimp 🙂
Btw, thank you for all the time you are putting in to guiding all of us…you are really doing a great thing!

admin

September 11, 2013 at 2:22 am

I am really glad someone is happy I posted this. I have been a little worried people would be angry I’d be talking about this.

Lisa

September 10, 2013 at 11:20 am

Dear Chris,

Thank you so much for this post. I was in tears when I read it. It really hurts to lose someone you have truly loved, cared, and trusted. It also hurts to decide to let him go…

I have left a couple of responses on your other posts recently.. The man decided to break up with me two months ago but would like to stay good friends. During this time, i never contacted him, he did text me periodically to check in. I have been a “good girl”, trying all the health ways to heal myself, and take good care of myself.. Just like you said, I have realized that only time and having good times can help me heal. I have already had a lot of both on my sides, so i am not that “worried” about myself :-). I am also determined to “love myself bit more” especially during down time like this..
One day he did not get a response after he texted me, he kept calling me several times. When he finally got a hold of me, he said he was mad at me because he was worried.. I said i am sorry but I was traveling (i lied 🙂 He asked some questions, blah blah. Anyway, i took it as he actually missed me maybe just a bit but did not want to admit it. During this time, I would say that I am 80 percent on track with my life by now. In the beginning I had close to zero productivity in my job, but now i am close to full speed… On the surface, perhaps nobody can tell I have been through the most difficult period of my life… I do have made peace with the fact that he will never be back again and I also truly believe that all in all I should come out of all these to be a stronger person. But I still miss me dearly. Even now there are moments when i am alone, i am still so sad and can’t help crying. But even with all that, I did not want to contact him even after the 30-day no contact period was over. Although he did show interest in a way, I kind of don’t know how serious he is. I guess deep down in my mind, I need him to show me he is sincere and he needs to try hard to get me back, if that is what he wants…And if he does not show me that sincerity and determination, I would rather lose him for good and swallow all the pain by myself than I need to work hard to get him back. I was wondering whether i am thinking logically here, or am I having too much self-proud? In a way, I feel like he wants me to re-initiate contact with him, because he is a very proud person as well. He told me about something quite important for me but leave it like, please follow up with me if I forget to update you next week ….But i am a bit taken back by that and don’t want to accomodate… I guess you can tell i am not over him yet.. I would really like to hear your opinion on what I should do..
Thanks again!

admin

September 11, 2013 at 2:01 am

Hi Lisa,

I am proud of you if that makes any difference.

I suppose it all comes down to what your ultimate goal is. If you want him back then contact him (but before you do that I really recommend Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO so you can get your ducks in a row.) If you want to move on then don’t contact him.
Lisa

September 11, 2013 at 6:23 pm

Dear Chris,

Thank you very much for your reply and your encouragement. I can always use a sincere pat on the back 🙂 and it is especially comforting to hear it from someone like you.

So I am actually not sure what my ultimate goal is for now. I guess it depends.. I am looking for true love, the kind of love I can trust, depend on and worth for fighting for.. However, although I have no doubt that our mutual feeling to each other was real, now I am kind of observing how he behaves or acts to determine whether he is worthy of me to get him back (even though he breaks up with me…).. I guess in a way, i am telling myself, if he can’t show me he is sincere and he can follow things through on small things he mentioned, why should I trust him again with my heart and my life? So deep down, I do want to get back together with him one day, but I will only do it for the right reasons, and I need him to impress me with his actions. That’s why i don’t want to contact him..

I hope i am making sense here 🙂 Please let me know if you have any thoughts, if what I am thinking does not make sense or is silly…Thank you again, for your help and suggestion!
admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:42 am

You make perfect sense to me!

I wish more women were like you. Just straight up telling you what they thought. Haha I think you should try to get him back but at the same time be prepared to live life without him if you have to.

Essentially: you want to date him but you don’t NEED to.
Lisa

September 13, 2013 at 11:49 am

Dear Chris,

Thank you very much for your reply! It really helps me to put things into perspective. I did not have a whole lof of experience on relationships. I also tend to keep a lot of feelings/emotions to myself. So sometimes I kind of feel heavy with all the thoughts going on inside of my mind and was not sure whether they really make sense.. I felt I become “light hearted” after I read your comment 🙂 Thank you so much again! I think you nailed my mental state now.. I want to date him but now I don’t feel like I need to date him. I don’t feel the urgency that I “need” to meet him again or get him back, as I prob died to do right after he breakup. I want to heal myself first and get over him first…
I want to purchase your eBook, but perhaps my main motivation for now is not focusing on getting him back, but rather I really want to become one of the “unforgettable women” perhaps one day down the road. Whatever the end result of this relationship turns out to be, hopefully all the experience and learnings will enrich my life and make me a better person.
Have a wonderful weekend!
admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:24 pm

I will have a wonderful weekend thanks for saying that!

And whatever happens you will always have a friend here.

Ashley

September 9, 2013 at 8:20 pm

After my boyfriend moved away to another state we became long distance and we’d fight almost every phone call over what we should do to keep things alive (ironically) until my boyfriend said he’d rather not. To wich I replied “you’ll never hear from me again” and he just said “great” We broke up the night before my birthday and then (of course) on my birthday I didn’t hear from him which hurt. I’m on day 3 of no contact and I really doubt he’ll reach out because he’s busy with his new job and his roommates and all these new experiences. He’s excited. And this long distance was the only pain in his life so that’s why he cut me off. I feel like what I should do (and will do) is make everything I really want for myself a reality. Start living my dreams as well. However, I can’t help but miss him and hope that after a year we’ll get back together. I don’t want to contact him at all. And I’m not sure if he’d ever contact me… Maybe after 6 months or maybe after a year when he comes back. Or maybe never. But I’m determined to never reach him again unless he reaches out. And he’s veeeeery prideful. He’s got a huge ego. He’d much rather suffer secretly that admit things and fix them. At least it’s never happened before. Maybe because of what you say… That guys don’t feel the burn till after about a month. We’d breakup all the time only to get back together the next day. It was heavier for me for that reason. And he always took me for granted cuz is always do the work in mending things. Which is why I never want to reach out again. But maybe after a year of no contact, if he really hasn’t tried contacting me, and I’m still not over him, I’ll contact him and tell him about how much my life has changed and how I’m living my dreams. I’m just afraid he’ll be completely over me by them. Since he’s on top of the world right now. Do you think a year of no contact would ruin any chance? Is it too long? I’ve heard love needs to be nurtured but I’ve also heard it takes guys months to feel the breakup in full effect. What do you think that will do? Any advice? I’m not thinking a year precisely, I’m just thinking as long as it takes me to make my dreams come true. But I do think he comes back home in around 9 months – a year. I KNOW that the contrast of coming back home where things are slow and familiar will make him miss me. But I’m not sure if so much time without speaking would hurt or help that. I don’t want him to forget I want him to miss me more as time passes. Is that really how it works for guys? (We really were in love. He had asked me to marry him. I know it was the most meaningful relationship either of us has ever had.) so do you think with time it’ll start to affect him? Is there a limit I should not pass on no contact. The heart is meant to heal! It does move on. I don’t know what to do! But I’m definitely gonna work on my personal plans, for sure. But I’ve begun to forgive him after being such a jerk. At first I wasn’t planning on getting him back. But today I’ve realized I’ve completely forgiven him and I love him and I miss him. :/

admin

September 11, 2013 at 1:27 am

Hey, check out the long distance relationship post!
Ashley

September 11, 2013 at 10:29 pm

One thing, you posted a picture somewhere that showed a breakup between HIM and HER and how girls feel sad at first, guys feel free and happy and then after a month it shows guys feel sad and girls are now free and happy. The point is, if it takes a guy around a month to feel sad, why should we contact them after a month? We would have suffered a month and they would only start to feel it now and we’d rescue them. Shouldn’t we let them feel sad for a month and call it even? So perhaps it’d be better to do no contact for TWO months instead on one. What do you think? Just a thought. Or does that mean that by doing no contact for two months were allowing them to get fully over us? Maybe it’s best that we “rescue” them after a month when they really do want is back. Hmm…. I’ve also heard stories about guys you realize they miss their ex after six months. I know my ex wont contact me because of his ego but I’m thinking of contacting him after the no contact. I’m just wondering when would be the most promising time. Today is the fifth day so I’m sure right now he’s still in the “good riddance” phase. Should I really contact him after 30 days? Is that really the best amount of time? Thanks so much for you wisdom and kindness….
Akruti

June 30, 2014 at 2:38 pm

I really like your reasoning about the Him n Her BReakup meme :). Sounds good, and fair to me. Assuming 1 month is an exact time frame, which it isn’t. One month NC is difficult as hell. I’ve planned a minimum of 3 months NC because I’m not sure whether I want him completely out or to be friends with my ex. I just want to rue the day he realizes he made a mistake breaking up with the Ungettable Goddess. Right now I’m in a ‘I’ll show you’, state of mind. But I want to be able to do that in a calm n peaceful way as well :). Im into 2 weeks NC right now
admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:37 am

Good for you! Ungettable goddess! I like that.
admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:57 am

My mind just got blown!

Holy CRAP! That is genius!

Well, the only problem with it is that I know women. Through this site I know a lot about them haha. And I know that they cant even go a month without talking to their exes. Most of them can’t I mean. So, me even asking a month is a lot for them. I need to give them an acheiveable goal and 2 months might be too hard for them.

Besides, that picture is a meme and every situation is different.

BUT, I want to test it out. Seriously I really really want someone to test it out. 2 months NC and then see the results.
Sarah

September 24, 2013 at 12:04 am

OMG Ashley this is exactly what I’m going through, except my ex has mommy AND daddy issues….it’s the worst. He is a compulsive liar b/c of it. Had to cut me out very quickly after 1yr and 6months. Who knows if they will contact us, he needs therapy and help like my ex. They cannot love us if they hate themselves. We have to let them acknowledge it …ugh which sucks b/c i wanna reach out and help my ex so bad but I’m not his responsibility anymore. One thing I know is if they get help they will contact us….sad bc the ego and the pride and these type of men have the ability to supress these emotions…but it’ll catch up to them sooner or later.
Ashley

September 13, 2013 at 12:00 am

Well, I might do that. But then again, I might never contact him again. I miss him. Today more than ever but I’m starting to realize it may have been an abusive relationship. He used to threaten to leave me about once a month only to get back with me and tears would be flowing from both of us (a lot more from me) He had daddy issues. His dad was very cold and never accepted him. I think since he’s rejected by his dad, he tries to reject me all the time. I think that’s pretty sick. I still have feelings for him and wish we could be *happy* back together. But I’m also starting to think he makes the worst boyfriend ever. So I’m not sure. But I do miss him. So much. Not sure whether to let go or hold on. At this point the only way we could get back together would be if he contacted me after a month, two months, six months, a year… But I don’t think I should contact him ever. He would have to lower himself to me and show me that I’m more than just a form of relief from his daddy issues. Show me that he cares enough to bust his ego to get me back. This can only work if the tables turn which I don’t think they ever would if I contacted him. To be honest, I’m almost certain he’ll never contact me either so I should definitely move on. In the back of my mind I just wish he’d text me during the 30 days so I could ignore him and after no contact we could have turned the tables and I’d even consider visiting him. But I think the deciding factor is if he contacts me. I hope one day he regrets what he did and learns to love so we can be happy together forever. This is my sincere wish. But I don’t think it’s realistic. 🙁
Just like I had kinda hoped he’d call on my birthday, but knew he wouldn’t. :/ He’s terrible. Why did I have to fall in love?!
admin

September 13, 2013 at 4:19 am

Hahah relax, you are just going through normal human stages after a breakup.
Ashley

September 9, 2013 at 8:45 pm

When do you think it’ll start to hit him? That’s definitely something that’s comforting to know… I’m still doubting it ever will because he might repress it till its gone. Given the circumstances. How he’s so busy and pleased with his new dream career. I just wanna hear that after a month or two he’ll be miserable lol! I mean, I’d take him back. Its not that I wish him harm!
I do think this a period where were both supposed to grow as individuals but I really do hope we can get back together one were more mature and happy with our lives and our selves. But I would totally spend the rest of my life with him. I’ve never thought that about any one before.
admin

September 11, 2013 at 1:29 am

Well, I wish I could tell you if he will be miserable but I don’t know.

He may

He may not.

Time has the answer and it will come with patience I suppose.

Allie

September 8, 2013 at 5:40 am

So….this may sound like a crazy question….based on the statement early in this post that for women who say “I don’t need him anymore” are the women whose exes come begging their girlfriends to take them back. It’s been YEARS since I watched any of the Star Wars movies. It seems that there is some kind of theme about letting your thoughts influence your outcome/mind over matter, etc. (correct me if I’m wrong). You’re familiar with my situation (bonafide LDR, have a baby together, he’s in what I hope is only a rebound relationship, I haven’t let myself go, haven’t been a text or phone gnat AT ALL, etc…). I agree with becoming the ungettable girl again-even if only for my own benefit-but would it be beneficial or “effective” to try to convince oneself that “I don’t need him anymore,” adopt that kind of mentality (hard to demonstrate long distance & LC) & that could draw him back towards me? I know it’s nutty, but does it sort of go along with fake it til you make it? There are days that I feel like giving up all hope, am angry at him for the crap he’s put me through, then I miss him & long to have a relationship with him again. Sometimes I wonder if I need to adopt the mentality described above so that it isn’t quite so painful & quit holding out hope for something that may not happen. I’ve heard they want you back when you quit chasing or when you want nothing else to do with them. I don’t think I’ve chased him. Anyway…just curious of your opinion on whether changing your thoughts could change the outcome (crap…don’t turn into Tony Robbins or one of those other motivational speakers on me!! Truth only-haha!).

admin

September 8, 2013 at 5:12 pm

Tony Robbins hahaha.

I do think it is beneficial to adopt the “I don’t need him anymore” mindset. Not because it will increase your chances drastically of getting him back but it will put you in a place mentally where you won’t be as hurt if things don’t go your way which lets face it, can happen.

Of course, it does do something towards achieving that ungettable girl persona. The “I want what I can’t have” type of a deal.

I have found a correlation in all the success stories I have dealt with personally. Well, not all but most of them. Women who have accepted that their exes may not come back and are content with moving on tend to have better results. I don’t think that is nothing..

So, in recap adopting that type of a mindset.

Can put you in a place where you won’t be as hurt if things don’t go your way.
Can help you achieve your ungettable girl persona.
Slightly increase your chances.
Allie

September 12, 2013 at 9:42 pm

Ok-I’m not asking this sarcastically at all. Basically, I have a little better chance when I finally give up hope? How Do you really move on to dating someone else Assuming that is when you have really moved on? I know that if I were actually in a relationship, it would definitely be a rebound and just killing time. Where I live, there are really not any good dating prospects, just to go out on casual dates. It’s actually kind of embarrassing to be seen with some of these guys! :-). I’m still keeping busy, and then good shape, etc. So do I just keep telling myself that there is no hope and to get over it once and for all?

Oh, and in regards to Ashley’s remark above, I went seven weeks Before texting and nine before we spoke on the phone. I am the alley that has a child with my ex who is also dating that swim fan girl. I will email you sometime to tell you about our conversation. It was okay. It was hard going that long, but it can be done. He and I had been breaking up over many months and then done other periods of sort no contact. Maybe suggesting to women that they go to months would mean that they could actually make it for a month? 🙂

Sorry for not proofreading. I’m doing this on the phone.
admin

September 13, 2013 at 4:23 am

Women who move on technically do have a better chance because they can prepare themselves if things go wrong and can manage their emotions better. A lot of the success stories are like this.

Dang, I wish I had actual data to back it up.

Of course Allie! You are the Seiter Sister 😉

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786 thoughts on “How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend”