786 thoughts on “How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend”

1. 

   Marie

   September 26, 2016 at 1:59 pm

   I am definitely a category 1. I was actually following all these steps for the most part before finding this page. I do have a bit of a speed bump coming up though. Before finding out that my ex of 6 years had cheated we had been asked to both be in a wedding. Everyone was blindsided, including me, when he confessed his infidelity and we broke up. He is taking the unhealthy route of getting past our break up by smoking, drinking, and getting into a relationship with the girl he cheated on me with days after our official break up. I have been exercising, reading, and dedicating my time to myself, friends and family who truly cherish me.

   This wedding is coming up and I’m nervous that this is going to set me back on my year long no contact. I don’t have a desire to contact him thankfully and all forms have been deleted on my end so I couldn’t if I wanted to but I’ve already gone about 50 days and feel like I’m letting myself down by putting myself in a situation with my ex that I have no desire to see. I don’t want to let my friend down and I don’t want my ex to be a factor in things that I decide to do. Am I being to hard on myself for this one? Is the obligatory situation that I’m in an ok hall pass?

   I don’t plan on talking with him other than being civil for the benefit of the two getting married. Any advice is appreciated!

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   September 27, 2016 at 8:49 am

   Hi Mari3,

   take this as a step of healing too.. because it will help you practice to control emotions..that’s right, just be civil..

2. 

   Katey

   September 19, 2016 at 4:38 am

   Hi, I’m Katey. I am still really young ad realize I have a lot planned for me in life and blah blah blah.
   I have had clinical depression since I was 7. My ex boyfriend has had bipolar depression for just as long. I am 13 and he is 15. We had an on and off relationship (mostly on) for 11 months. He was the first guy I have ever really fallen for. He showed up to all of my dance performances and softball tournaments. Everybody said we were ‘goals’ for the longest time. I DID almost lose my virginity to him (I am still a virgin tho) and last month while I was on vacation in Seattle Washington with my best friend (which he knew damn well about) he left me a voicemail saying things weren’t working out. He had ‘family problems’. He did have family problems but I also found out later that he was cheating on me. We got in a huge argument over snapchat about how his depression was getting worse and I “didn’t understand.” Last week, my best guy friend committed suicide. **note: I was also on vacation with him and his cousin who is my best friend**
   I was an emotional wreck and my ex called me up to see how I was doing. I was rather rude to him because he said some pretty terrible things to me while we were arguing. When I answered I was in tears and started lashing out on him. And I never cry. I do t remember why I was crying but I was.
   Anyways… I texted him on accident (besides the phone call i was nc ever sibce the argument that happened a couple days after we broke up)because I was testing my other friend and we were joking around I said ‘oh my gosh!! We haven’t talked in forever!! I miss you sooo much!!!’
   I know that seems to perfect but I stopped talking to my other guy friend for 15 minutes or so and he said ‘Kateyyy whered you go?? I miss you!!!’
   And yes, I did miss my ex but I beer wanted to admit to that. So I said (to my ex)
   Me:shit sorry wrong person haha
   Him: I miss you to
   Me: wait what
   Him: I miss you. Besides the fact that I have a girlfriend and you have a boyfriend. I miss you
   Me: really? You’re not screwing around with me
   Him: no I’m not. I miss you
   Me: oh well.… I miss you too
   But I found out today (this conversation happened Friday night) that he and girlfriend broke up. But he told me they were still together. But he also said he missed me
   He is sending me so many mixed signals!! I don’t know how to figure out what he’s saying!! First he says he never even loved me. Then he says he misses me. Then he says he misses me despite the fact that he has a gf. Even though he doesn’t. Does he really miss me or is he looking for some kind of one night stand? If he misses me, then why did he say he had a gf when he didnt? Oh, side note: when I first found out about his gf, he said they were cousins. I just need help sorting out his mixed signals!! This drama is making my head spin. Please help!

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   September 21, 2016 at 8:28 am

   Hi Katey,

   it’s normal for his age to be fickle minded because most of the time, the actions are based on what they currently feel and his feelings are not stable yet.. he probably said they were still together when he was talking to you because they have just broken up. It hasn’t sinked in yet..

   I think you should focus more in being emotionally independent.. when you get into a relationship in the middle of depression, the relationship becomes more of need.. real love is when you’re alreasy complete and he’s just an addition in your life.. If you lose him, it will still hurt but not to the point that you’ll lose yourself..

   but I actually think you’re handling it well and that you’re just wondering why he’s giving you mkxed signals

3. 

   Rachel

   September 18, 2016 at 2:07 pm

   Yes, I made the mistake of dating someone at work. Granted, it did not last long – only a few months and we did not even have sex – I did not fall in love with him, but did develop a strong ‘infatuation’. He works in the office next to mine, so I don’t have to look at him all day, but I do run into him occasionally. I work four ten hour days, so every week I get three days off to get away from him and I feel like I am starting to get over him, but the second I see him at work, I get upset all over again and feel like crying at my desk all day. He acts like nothing has happened, so of course I act the same way, especially because we are at work, but I feel so weird. We both wanted different things – he wanted a more casual relationship and I wanted more, so we just sort of stopped texting and hanging out – he never really officially broke anything off with me – he just ‘changed’. I cannot just get another job; mine pays well and I just graduated from college and I need to pass a few actuary exams before I search for another job. How do I get over an infatuation with someone that I have to see several days a week?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   September 20, 2016 at 3:13 pm

   Hi Rachel,

   Do new things outside of work.. Volunteer, take classes, go out with friends. Take your time.. but more importantly, experience new things and meet new people and make new friends

4. 

   Iris

   September 17, 2016 at 10:16 pm

   Hi!

   This boy and I, we were having a mutual relationship but he ended it yesterday. We were having a mutual relationship for 2 weeks. I know its just small span of time but during those days it was very okay. The reason why he stopped it because his family found out and he is not allowed to have any girlfriends yet. He also said that its also for both of us. He wanted us to concentrate on our studies. I log in into his fb and saw he chatted girls like saying hi my name is this can we be friends. I was badly hurt of what he did. I don’t know what to do. I told him about this and he said he just want to het to know that person as friends. He told me that I’m the one he loves and he’ll wait for me. He kept saying that to me. I don’t know anymore. We were okay for the past 2 weeks together. I have his fb and he didn’t even chatted any girls but now I don’t have it he keeps chattung girls already. I don’t know what just happen. Was I not enough? I’m kinda chubby and I asked him is it because of my features he told me no he loved me for who I am. The night before he stopped whats between us we were okay. Like that afternoon we ere together eating and we were having fun. Please help me. I also want him to regret messing with my feelings.

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   September 20, 2016 at 6:27 am

   Hi Iris,

   how old are you both? I’m assuming you’re young.. So, it makes sense that he really wont be serious with relationships yet.. If you want a boy to regret leaving you, do not chase. Dont demand and just be your best. The more you chase, the more you will look unattractive

5. 

   Sarah Sanchez

   September 17, 2016 at 6:13 am

   We broke up and he told me he didnt have any feelings for me anymore and that he tried to but couldnt. It stemed im guessing because i couldnt handle him being friends with a girl he used to like but he told me that he wasnt feeling like that towards her and after we broke up he posted a pic of him sand her saying “me and the wife”(there not really married) and im so messed up right now

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   September 19, 2016 at 11:38 am

   Hi Sarah,

   so whats your decision? move on or try no contact rule first?

6. 

   ishita

   September 4, 2016 at 9:50 am

   i want to take revenge from my ex to teach him a lesson that its not right to play with somebody’s feelings for about 7 yrs & then say i dont left with feelings for you anymore. can u suggest me something?

1. 

   Katey

   September 19, 2016 at 4:42 am

   Hi! I think the best revenge is to find someone better than he is and show him what he’s missing.

2. 

   Rob

   September 11, 2016 at 11:59 am

   Why would you want to make your ex boyfriend miss you? If you want to break up then make a clean breakup. You go your way and let him go his. The worst thing is to try to get him to miss you. Do you want him to stalk you? Do you want him to pester you? Just let go of him and move on. Either find someone else or take a break. It is plain out counterproductive to break up with some and then try to get them to miss you.

3. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   September 5, 2016 at 1:33 am

   Hi Ishita

   I dont know if you like thid but suceess is always the best revenge.. Be your best self and let him go. That way you’re not going to regret anything because you didnt hurt him intentionally but he’s going to regret leaving you because you became someone better

7. 

   Silvia

   August 27, 2016 at 1:22 pm

   Hello
   I’m living in a confusion and I don’t know how react.
   My bf broke me up on the end of July. Well I only think he did. We had a kind of roller coaster up&down open relationship for 2 years. A catastrophic relationship basically because he never stopped using datting websites&flitting (with no successful at all I must say). That’s a kind of addition he has as clearly he is involved in a midlife crisis. I felt disappointed and I lost my trust on him as even if it were an open relationship, openness and sharing are key behaviours.
   We were in a severe crisis and basically life together became so dull and bored unless we were arguying, the main time we just became cold and polite. We were living together.

   He was flirting underwearth again and I found it out but he didn’t stop it even if I said I couldn’t cope with it. We had a terrible argument really agressive but although we made some peace, he told me he wasn’t atatracted to me and it looked he didn’t get feelings. we were not bad doing things with me as partners but he didn’t feel passion. He didn’t know if that would be something temporary or permanent but he thought it was selfish asking me for stay in that way. I told him he might think of what he wanted to and for that I was coming back to my home country on holidays to let him time apart and space to think of. I said I also needed that time to get relaxed and make some plans. I said that whatever his decision were just we could talk when he felt ready and that I wanted he didn’t feel guilty about anything.

   Don’t know if that’s good or bad to say but I don’t care it was what I really felt. I also need take time and space because I was feeling so hurt and wihout self steem which it’s not good.

   Day after I left he still texted me asking me how I was doing and so on. I said again (in a very friendly and nice way) he should take the time to think about his feelings and I would take that time to be in my own too.

   5 days later I got another message telling me he knew we were not supposed to communicate in this period but he wanted to tell me anything about his kids and his dad (who was ill). I said “no worries” and I answered his message so nice but I think just taking a distant. I just really wanted it.

   I received other messages from him every 2/3 days, telling me about his kids and current news with family and so. I answered so short but friendly telling him I had not good signal to be texting.

   We had booked a holidays trip together with his kids to greece and when last time we spoke he said i still were invited to go with them, but i don’t feel that’s good. One week before the trip he texted me again telling me: “will you be coming with us? It would be good if you do”
   I answered that I hadn’t thought of our issues and I didn’t know if he had had time enough to think and was ready to talk. I said about Greece we should talk first.
   I didn’t get any respond to that message at all.

   I should have gone if we would have been able to make some peace as I adore those kids. But I couldn’t go if he didnt want to talk to me. What a pointless.

   Next day he texted me telling me something about one of his kids but nothing regarding my last message or the Greece trip which I feel so inconsiderate. I texted back I was so glad of good news but I didn’t mention that I was waiting for a response.

   I didn’t understand why he didn’t want to talk to me and have the conversation. Probably because he is afraid to face the situation and the end????

   I have to tell at this point that he was being so lovely with his words calling me “baby”(usual word between us) but I didn’t respond using it as I didn’t feel it. Also I have to tell that I never used to initiating messagea, always it was him.

   Last week they were taking the flight to go on holidays and I should have been on that plane so I sent him a message telling ” I wish you all very very good flight and happy lovely holiday!!”

   I was genuine with no wishes. But I got this back: ‘ Thank you. You are being missed here. It is lovely weather.’

   Clearly colder&distant than his previous messages. I didn’t know how to answer so I didn’t do it untill yesterday evening when just I just have said: same do I, and I’m sure you all are having such a good fun xxx”

   I have not been answered even I know my message has been read.

   I’m so confused becauae I dont know how to deal with the situation. No matter if we don’t get back as partners but I cannot help feeling devastated because this situation which I don’t know how to deal with.

   He’s such a complex type of guy, so revengful, resentful and with a big proud&ego and now I suspect he’s angry with me even if I’ve done nothing but wait for us to talk and break up defenetely, go back or just get some peace. Whatever decision is good to me really.

   What do you think about?? I really need you opinion.
   Sorry about the speech and
   Thank you so much in advance!!

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   August 30, 2016 at 11:57 am

   Hi Silvia,

   Sorry I didn’t fully understand your comment. Did you mean you were together, lived together but he kept on talking to other girls in a dating site? You lived together but he said you’re not really exclusive together?

8. 

   James

   July 14, 2016 at 8:45 pm

   Hi, my name is James. I understand this is a site for women. But I really don’t know where else to go. After reading your post (which I thought had some unique views) I thought you could help inspire me with some wisdom from the female perspective.

   I was with my girlfriend for the best part of two years. We met each other at the end of university and after a summer of passion we were an item. I moved back home and we committed to a long distance relationship for the best part of 6 months. After this, I decided to move back to my university town (where she also lived) for the purpose of finding a better job and making a commitment to the relationship.

   I actually moved into her place, which was only ever meant to be a short term thing but it snowballed into 8 months. Coming from a small town with little experience I found it hard to get work. But she supported me throughout giving me love and attention when I needed it. Over this period I have completed internships and just recently secured a full time position within a small but growing firm. Financially I was and still am very much broke compared to her. She always said it wasn’t an issue and that ‘money is not everything’.

   But it was when I started a new job 3 months ago when things changed. I work long hours and have to commute to the office. I was tired in the evenings and just enjoyed spending time with her. In hindsight, I can see that I did neglect certain aspects of the relationship during this stage.

   But as time passed, we were still good. Until one night I went round to a friends to play some poker. While I was there, unbeknownst to me at the time, she was out having lobster with another man. I actually caught her out about this and challenged her. She told me they were just friends and that nothing happened (!). Its probably worth explaining at this point that this was my first serious relationship. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She told me nothing happened and I believed her. Because I loved her. I mean… Isn’t that what your supposed to do in relationships. Trust your partner and what they say? Maybe I was just naive.

   So more time passes. I start looking for my own place (which was always the plan). Until one day she tells me she doesn’t love me anymore. I ask her why. She doesn’t answer. I ask her who he is. She says no one. Then she says there is someone. Then she backtracks and says she didn’t mean it and there is no one again (!). I understand I had issues (If I am honest, I used to smoke alot of dope) and I looked in her eyes and I told her that I was willing to work on my problems and work towards something better. I asked her if she was committed to working on the issues of the relationship. She said she was. Even though she said there was another man at a brief moment. Somehow, I just wanted to forget about it. Again I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She told me she loved me and I believed her.

   A month passes. I stop smoking dope. I become more active and I start looking for a better job as well as viewing rooms to move into. I tell her that I was going through changes and that I needed support. But she really was not there. She used to go out on week nights and come back at 2-3 a clock in the morning. We still had passionate sex. Even during the end stages of the relationship. But its clear to me now that she made her mind up a while ago. Things were rocky. My head and my heart were being pulled left, right and center. I really did not know what to think.

   So one weekend I go home back to my home town. I needed to clear my head. When I got on that train I knew it was a mistake. But at the time. I just wanted to see my family. I couldn’t sleep all weekend. I kept having dreams of her being with other men. My sister told me I was being paranoid and I thought she was right. I mean I gave up smoking dope. So I knew that being paranoid was likely to be a side effect. Anyway. I had booked Monday off of work. My plan was to travel back on that day. But my dreams haunted me. I couldn’t sleep on Saturday night. So when Sunday morning came, I decided to go back and see her.

   I had left my keys inside her place. So when I got to her house I had to knock on the front door. There was no answer. so I went round the side gate through to the back door. As I was a few meters away. The back door opened for a split second and then shut again. I walk up and open the back door and walked into the kitchen. A few moments pass and my girlfriend walks around the corner into the room in her pajamas. I walk through the house to the front door and notice it was wide open. A few minutes pass and words are exchanged with my girlfriend at the time. She hugs me. She kisses me and we end up having sex (!).

   Two weeks pass and the relationship is at breaking point. She went to a house party and did not tell me (even though originally I was invited), she stayed out all night and came back looking fresh (!). I couldn’t trust her anymore. I knew It was over. She lied to me so many times. I just couldn’t trust her. When she got back, We went out for a walk. We sat underneath a bridge and we broke up. It was mutual at the time. That Saturday night. I went out and got fucked up. I was in pieces. But as I watched the sun rise. I thought to myself “At least it was a mutual break up and we left it on a good note”.

   Monday comes and I have my final house viewing after work. I view the room. Its everything I have been looking for. She texts me and asks if I wanted dinner, at this point I was sleeping on a friends sofa and had not eaten in days. So I took her up on the offer. As she was cooking I watch her. We kissed a few times and danced in the kitchen to the radio. As she was serving food. My phone was out of battery and I needed to ring my mum to tell her how the house viewing went. So I asked her if I could use her phone. She said yes. I went outside and rang my mum. I told her I was at my ex’s house and that she was cooking me dinner. My mum told me to get out of there cause she was trying to head fuck me (or probably wanted one last passionate night.. although that is just what i think). I probably would not have left. But I decided to have one last look through her phone (and to be fair I never used to do that. I think privacy should be respected. Maybe that was my downfall). She must of deleted every text to him. Every text about him….Apart from one. It was a text to her friend. I know it off by heart and can still see it now. the text was sent a few days after when I came back from home early on that Sunday morning. It said: “He came back to mine that night and he stayed till 5 a’clock the next day. We were just getting frisky again until James walked through the front door and I had to sneak him out the back. it was so dodge LOL”….. That sudden realization. That sudden moment when everything the universe has been telling you and you choose false not to believe is validated. When the world shits on you and you realize its not candy. The anger, the sadness, that great heartache.

   Part of me wishes I tried to catch her out. I should of walked back in and played her to a fool (like she had done to me). But I confronted her straight away. So you know what the first thing she said was? “Why are you going through my phone?” Not sorry. Just straight on the defensive. I ask her if she had slept with him. She said yes. i said how many times. She said once. I ask when. She said “the night you played poker”. We exchange words for a while. Its all so meaningless. 10 minutes pass and I grab my stuff and walk out the door.

   2 days pass and I could not sleep or eat. I had been sleeping my friend sofa for the best part of 4 days. My blue work shirt was starting to smell and I needed to change (maybe that is what I told myself). All my stuff was at my ex’s house and one morning I decided to go back and change my shirt. I used my keys on her door for the last time and walk in. The first thing I do is change my shirt. Then I go to her room. If I am honest. Part of me just wanted to see her. I knock and she comes out naked and closes the door behind her. I ask her “Can you do me a favor. Can you show me there is no one else in your room.” She says she cant. At first I ask her ” Does he know you’ve been sleeping with me while you have been sleeping with him”. She doesn’t say anything. I said “Well then, you too fucking deserve each other.” I was calm. But as I walk past her door on the way out of the house. Suddenly I get angry. I burst through her bedroom door. Somehow she gets in front of me and pushes me back. I keep trying to come in but she keeps pushing me back. I remember a fred perry bag on the floor, the smell of her room was different. I was shouting”Where is he? I need to look into the eyes of this man. This man that destroyed me!”. I peak round the corner and see him under her duvet pretending to be asleep. I didn’t see his face. Fucking coward. I could have quite easily of pushed my ex to the side and gone for him. Ripped off the thing between his legs and made him bleed. But part of me just couldn’t do that. For all my flaws and my problems. I am a good and honest man. So I left and I went to work. I moved my stuff out of hers that evening and finally moved into my new place.

   I saw her a few days later. I had to drop some boxes round to hers which I used to transport my stuff to my new room. All I said was “happy anniversary” and walked off. Since then I haven’t seen her. She has text me a few times and I have only responded even fewer. The worst thing is that I haven’t even had a proper apology yet.

   I know this guy works with her. He has more money than I do. Probably a bit older and more sustainable then I am. Its hard to say but I feel like my girlfriend has just upgraded for a better boyfriend and in some ways. I don’t even blame her.

   This was only ever meant to be a small rant. But its seemed to off snow balled into something more. Sorry about this.

   Truth is. I still love her. She was my first in every way. I am not sure what category I would fall into. But I wouldn’t mind some general advice. I know I have problems. But I am determined to work on them and work towards something better. Its just hard because while I am sat alone (in the evenings), I know she is with this guy doing god knows what and in terms of getting over each other. Shes most likely doing it alot better than me.

   I understand that this is all a part of life and that I will come out of this a better man. Its just, it hurts so fucking much.

   I am a month into the no contact phase and I am looking for some good advice. As i said, your female and hopefully non-biased view would be most welcome.

   Yours

   James

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   July 15, 2016 at 12:56 pm

   Hi James,

   Well, at least you’ve done a month of no contact ..but right now,.it’s more important that you start a new routine

9. 

   Regina George

   July 9, 2016 at 9:56 pm

   My boyfriend and I broke up in December after 9 months of dating. It sounds like a short time but it was short and intense. I have 3 young children under the age of 5 that are not his and they grew to adore him. We broke up due to trust issues. After recently rekindling when I thought was lost, I found out that he had been bringing another woman around his family yet, telling me how much he loves me at the same time. I am so embarrassed and hurt by the situation and do not understand why I still sometimes want to reach out to him. I am trying the No Contact thing for the past 2 months. it’s been so rough and lots and lots of tears. is this normal?

1. 

   Regina George

   July 11, 2016 at 5:35 am

   Is it normal to still want to contact him after what he’s done? What is there to say to make this better? Is it normal to be still so hurt after 2 months of no contact? Some days I feel like this will never go away no matter how logical I am. I know he was wrong. I know I am beautiful and valuable but that doesnt make the pain any less.

2. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   July 12, 2016 at 9:25 am

   I think it’s called the halo effect..that you only focus in the good things about him.. it will still hurt but if it doesn’t less that also meana you’re not making progress

3. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   July 10, 2016 at 7:58 pm

   Hi Regina,

   hmm which is normal? that the hurt doesn’t change or that you still like him after what he did?

10. 

    Veronica

    June 19, 2016 at 12:57 am

    Dear Chris.
    I come out of a very draining relationship that was 2 1/2 long . I’m 25 my ex 26.
    I want to definitely move on from my ex for good.
    I gave him everything I was honest, supporting and loving. I tried to build something with him but he was always indecisive and always came up with excuses. So I recently broke up because I couldn’t anymore.
    Afterwards he wrote a post on Facebook anouncing to everyone our breakup, not very mature to be honest.
    And he very quickly went on a dating website looking for a rebound.
    I’m disappointed I thought he was a better person.
    I have good memories and to me he was the love of my life and I feel like love blinded me.
    And it’s hindering me to move on.
    I don’t want to try to get him back.
    He will never change and he never will be able to make up for everything he did to me anyway.
    He really hurt me and I really went trough a lot because of him.
    I’m going back to my home country. By the way I came to the UK for him. But I’ll come back in 4 months for a week to see some friends .
    We have many hobbies , passions and friends in common.
    How can I deal with this situation every time I’ll come back to see my friends?
    Dear Chris please help me turn the page.
    Thank you

1. 

   Veronica

   June 22, 2016 at 1:36 am

   Hi Amor,
   Thank you Amor for reply to me but I disagree , that’s not the best way to handle my situation .
   I read section 2 , but I don’t want to to be friends with him, quite the opposite I want him as much as possible out of my life.
   I think what I’ll do is block him in every way possible and make it clear to friends that there will be no friendship .
   When you get hurt so deeply by someone like I was you don’t want to fake sympathy in front of others.
   I thought Chris could maybe give an advice on how to handle the breakup myself, the dis appointment and the betrayal.
   Hopefully one day he will write an article.
   Anyway thank you

2. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   June 21, 2016 at 5:46 am

   Hi Veronica,

   if you’re going back to your home country, that can help you move on faster because you’re in a different environment, and then when you go back, you already have a different perspective. But I think you should follow the category 2 in this post, the HOW TO MOVE ON FROM YOUR EX BOYFRIEND (WHILE STILL BEING FRIENDS)section

11. 

    Jessica

    June 15, 2016 at 7:35 pm

    Hi there – I will try to make this short. My boyfriend and I dated for about 5 months and broke up. He was having a stressful time having just graduated college and basically said he did not know if he wanted to be in a committed relationship at the time. So I broke up with him, was devastated and found this sight. I used all the tactics and it worked like a charm! After 2 months we were back together and he was begging to commit to me. Things were going well for about a month and we had a discussion last Sunday just to talk about how this time around needed to be different. We are of different religious backgrounds and we agreed to make it work and just to take it a step at a time. The following week I began working and he started going to class on top of working and got a job offer. He has to decide if he wants to accept the permanent offer or go back to grad school by June 30. All very stressful things and timing. The following Sunday after the stressful week – he tells me that he does not think he can make me happy because of the religions and bolts.

    I am very confused because he was so committed to making this work and it seems like when things get stressful he crumbles. I’m curious what my best plan of action should be? I want to protect myself from this happening again but I still love him and hope it will work. However, I do not know if he would ever be able to be with anyone in any stressful times – not just me. Also, do you think he will comeback again or does it seem like he’s done?

1. 

   Jessica

   June 15, 2016 at 7:49 pm

   Side note – he said that we should “move onto other people that will make us happier in the long run” even though he said he still loves me right now. I cannot tell if he will actually move on or if he is just pushing me away and blocking me out again because things are stressful again.

2. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   June 18, 2016 at 9:24 am

   I think he’s just pushing you away.. remain calm and give him space to think before talking to him again

12. 

    Leah

    June 14, 2016 at 8:50 am

    Hello,

    I was seeing a guy for two months and he broke it off with me just over a week ago because he said I was too over sensitive. I begged him and begged him to give me another chance to prove myself that I could change but he wouldn’t. He said he really liked me so I don’t understand how he can go from that to not wanting a relationship anymore or wanting to work through the issues with me. I really want him back but don’t know how to do it. We said a lot of nasty things to each other but we have kind of made up now. I don’t know if Ive lost my chance from all the begging and pleading or if there is more to it (If he’s seeing someone else). He said that he just wants to be by himself.
    I messaged him the other night saying I really thought we could give it a go one day and he replied with “who knows about the future from now”. I don’t know what to do, I can’t move on, I’ve been in a state of deep depression. I’m getting the help I need but I really liked him 🙁 He wanted to remain friends but I just can’t stand not being with him. I started the NO CONTACT rule today but I’m not sure if the two months of seeing each other is enough for him to even miss me or want me back. What can I do?? 🙁

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   June 17, 2016 at 3:02 pm

   Hi Leah,

   aim to be more emotionally independent and to be the ungettable girl.

13. 

    Stacey

    June 12, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    Hi Chris , i’m really hoping you can help me. My boyfriend of one year broke up with me 5 days ago. We lived together and I have gotten majority of my things but still have some items at his house. We have only communicated a few times via text about getting my belongings and him getting off my phone plan. Things have been rocky between us for the last 5 months due to major trust issues on my end and his lying repeatedly. I was his first serious relationship and first girl he lived with. He is 26 and I am 27. He was very rude and said hurtful things when he ended things with me saying he’s not in love with me and hasn’t felt the same about me in months. He told me he basically wants to be able to talk and sleep with whoever he wants. I cried a little bit did not beg him to stay with me like I have in the past when he tried to end things. I am extremely heartbroken and don’t know how to cope with all of this. He has been talking to other girls and being intimate with them since our breakup. How can he act like I meant nothing to him and move on so quickly? I am afraid once I get the rest of my stuff that means we are done for good. Is there any hope for this relationship or is he to far gone and doesn’t want me anymore? I really hope you can help me get some clarity or closure on this. Thank you

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   June 17, 2016 at 10:39 am

   Hi Stacey,

   I think you should read this
   What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Tells You He Never Loved You
   are you in nc now?

14. 

    Monica

    June 8, 2016 at 10:09 pm

    Lots of background I don’t want to bore you with but my ex and I broke-up (if you can call it that) last week. We’ve been together (on and off) for 3 years. IT was always hard b/c it was a long distance relationship. We were only exclusive for a short period of time and we both agreed it would be best to remain in contact and see each other when we could but not technically date. We’ve both had bad experiences with LDRs in the past and they’re just so hard. I got to a point where I couldn’t maintain the “open” relationship b/c it just hurt too much. I was willing to try the LDR again and he wasn’t. He wanted to keep things as they were but I declined. So I have gone no contact for a week and it’s killing me. What’s eating at me is that we’re not together but it’s not b/c we don’t’ love each other and it’s not b/c we don’t want to be together and it’s not b/c either one of us wanted to end things. We aren’t together very simply b/c of distance. So how do you get over someone and move on from something that you both ultimately want? I don’t want to close that door forever b/c ya just never know in life. It’s really hard to wait for something that may never happen. But it’s even harder to give up on something that is everything I want.

15. 

    Supreet

    June 2, 2016 at 2:54 pm

    Hi,

    My boyfriend at the time and I were together for almost 2 years. He picked me up when I was depressed and self harming. He helped me become a better person and to always love myself . I grew up without a dad , so for me to seek a guys attention since the age of 13 I partially blame it all on that.
    Moving on, our relationship was toxic in somewhat way, very emotional, very controlling. He gave up with me midway, he put me down about my weight, he would snigger behind my back to his friends , he would say nasty things to me. And I always forgived him for it, although he knew how hurt I was deep down. He no longer wants to be with me , last year October he made it very clear and said he wanted to focus on his education and gym. It broke me so much, I’ve slept with him. And I’m an Indian, my parents are very strict . Ever since last year we were still seeing eachother , still going out on dates , still sleeping together but he refused to have it on social media . My mum is very sure ( mothers incline ) that he’s been seeing other people behind my back. It’s so hard to let go of him. Today I got a call from my friend and she asked whether we were officially over and I said yeah kind of why? She said because she just saw him with another girl in the highst. I called him up, and he said yeah I am meeting girls, and then said he was just studying in the library with her. Which is a first . He’s never studied in the library with a girl, I asked whether she does the same subject
    And he said yeah. It doesn’t really add up, and I’m not sure if I believe that either to be honest . It’s hurt me so much, I ended the call and said just keep doing you. But I’m hurting so badly . I just wanted to be loved by him. I wanted him to keep the promises he made. He’s literally laughing at me , and I can’t sleep or eat or get out of the house . It’s eating me up inside . I’m 19. I know I’m still young . But I hate myself . I hate him.
    I want him to suffer the way I’m suffering . I want him to feel the pain, I want him to try so hard to contact me instead of it being the other way round. Can someone please help me . Councelling I have tried but she wasn’t helping me , she was more based on time . Can someone give
    Me some motivation. Please

1. 

   Shaz

   August 23, 2016 at 2:26 pm

   Hey sapreet,frankly speaking I have never commented before on this kind of social networks but I felt I had to when I read your post.I don’t have a big experience in relationship but I had my share and I was just 1 year older than you are now .it lasted for a year .I ended it .I know it’s hard . But I want to tell you something you should never forget. “you can’t attract anyone who loves you if you don’t love yourself”.please allow yourself to feel the pain.please be there for yourself.don’t push it away or bury it.feel it .ask yourselves questions.and find answers.my dear it’s hard but you need to do it.work on your self esteem and your boundaries as a person.this might sound strange to you but if he was really to come back to you nothing would change. it would only get worse because you will be doing everything to please him while you forget about yourself.and it might end up becoming a disfunctional relationship.and one last thing I would like to say is “when people show you who they are believe them”.Take care.

2. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   June 12, 2016 at 6:12 am

   Hi Supreet,

   sorry for the late reply.. the good about being young is that you have a lit of opportunities to bounce back in your life.. you know, being successful is always the best revenge.. but right now, you have to feel the pain.. you have to go through it.. and the jey word is to through it, not stay in it.. it’s ok to feel the pain right but set a time in when you would start to rebuild yourself. You have to learn how to make yourself happy and not rely on others to do that..You’re very fortunate to experience this early in your life because that will be your reason to get out more, and meet new people and do the things you have put off or do new things you haven’t done before without somebody holding you back

16. 

    Noha

    May 30, 2016 at 8:19 am

    I will rise, I will get over him, I will get into the best shape of my life and show him what he lost, he’ll regret but by then I will be over him. I will conquer my fears and step out of my comfort zone, this break up will push me much further and it already has for the past month, it has been a month and I learned so much about myself, so much about life and so much about relationships. I went through this entire site. I never begged, never asked him to stay with me, when he called for a break up I told him I wanted him, that am welling to give us a chance if he wants but if he don’t then I won’t go any further with it, he said he didn’t know what he want and all this shit so we just broke up. I never contacted him since then although it hurt like hell. I am taking care of myself, giving it all the love it deserves. At first I wanted him back, I thought I should wait for 30 days, but during this month, I grew up so much, mentally and spiritually, my confidence is boosted (after feeling like shit for the first couple of days after the breakup). I am so freakin proud of myself. Yes i miss him, and yes maybe I still love him, but i deserve much much more than this, things were perfect between us but he was too shaky, I need someone who loves, respects and appreciates me, he did all of these and more, that’s why I can’t hate on him, but he just woke up someday deciding not to go any further. I’d like to thank him for everything, I learned from him, from the relationship and from the break up and for that am really thankful. But I won’t break down, I will rise and shine and he won’t know what to do. This site helped me get over this whole thing (although am still not fully over it) but things are getting much better. I miss him so damn much but I love and respect myself enough to not hold on to someone who won’t hold on to me, I love it enough not to let it break and go trashy. This too shall pass. I am becoming a much better person, i’ll love again and everything will be ok 🙂

17. 

    MK

    May 27, 2016 at 5:12 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex and I dated long distance for about two months before he called it quits even though everything went smoothly because it seems he could not fall in love in me and get over his ex. Instead he wanted us to be good friends which I refused outright. Before we broke up he admitted seeing another girl that he knew he would fall for. I know I could not move on if I stayed in contact with him so I deleted his number and texts but I did not unfriend him on FB. Not even two weeks after breaking up (when I finally accepted, this wasn’t meant to be), he called to know whether I blocked him on Whatsapp cos he could not see my profile picture. I cut the conservation short and did not bother much when he called me again the next day multiple times citing I was busy with work. When I did call him back eventually (out of guilt) after a day, he was angry that I did not entertain his calls earlier and resorted to blame me for not being there for him (why can’t he just call him gf and tell his problem to her??). The thing is I do not want to get back with him and his doing is making me exhausted. Shall I just block him?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   May 30, 2016 at 4:33 am

   Hi Mk,

   if the goal is to move in..yes block him

18. 

    Jamieson

    May 6, 2016 at 12:19 am

    Hi
    My friend and I never dated but he was interested and it couldn’t work out due to religious differences. He started to pull away when I moved to another city and I think i got needy and asked him about his behaviour change. He blew up and said didn’t want to be friends anymore. I asked a whole bunch of times and but he was unwilling to be friends. I sent him a long message in November telling him what i thought about his behaviour. I messaged him again decemeber due to mutual friends and he actually joked and responded so I thought he was more receptive. In jan when I messaged him again he was responsive at first but then would stop responding. I called him out on his behaviour in Feb, we had another huge argument and he said he was going to block me. I apologized for my behaviour and the misunderstanding and he didn’t say anything until 2 days later and sent a quick apology for overreacting. I followed up with a funny comment and he never responded. I didn’t contact him again for 2 months until 2 days ago letting him know about a job opportunity that he had applied to and didn’t look very promising. He didn’t respond for more than 24 hours saying he knows and thanks. I send a funny meme in response and didn’t hear anything. I feel like I have tried to reach out multiple times and I am tired. At this point I feel like I need to let it go and I am not sure what the best way to do that is. I have his birthday present from last year which I never got a chance to give him, so I was thinking to leave that along with other things he has given me with a mutual friend and text him to let him know that he was right and we can no longer be friends. I want to do it amicably and not look immature in the process but think I need this to move on properly and heal. I did send him a long message before so don’t know if doing it now the second time would be useful especially since its been more than 9 months since we firsts stopped being friends. I also want to delete him off my Facebook. The only problem is we have mutual friends and I might run into him again. What’s your advice on letting him know I am moving on in a mature way and still get the point across? thank you for your help.

1. 

   Jamieson

   May 28, 2016 at 7:09 pm

   Hi Amor

   I wanted your opinion on something. I haven’t really spoken to my friend since the last time I asked you because I didn’t want to come across as desperate anymore and be the ONLY one trying. I found out from a mutual friend that he told her he had been cordial to me when I had talked to him last so I don’t know what that meant. Then 2 days ago I got a linkedin invite from him. We used to work together and I know he us trying to get some work, do you think he is open to communicating or is this just for work? Had my birthday a few days ago and he didn’t bother to wish me.

   I know i asked you this before but in light of this new situation wanted your opinion again because I haven’t gotten around to it. I have his birthday gift from last year, and some gift items he had given me nothing crazy big but meaningful including a note. I was wondering what and when would be the best way to give him back these items? and whether this might have the impact to piss him off?

   Basically I want him to realize that I am not begging for his friendship anymore but don’t want to look petty either since we had a decent conversation last time. I was thinking to return these items to a mutual friend. The problem is I might see him during the summer so I am not sure if I should 1) give him his bday gift only or return his other gift items as well? 2) give it to a mutual friend at the beginning of summer before returning to school in another city or wait till the end to see how he behaves in case I run into him during the summer? 3) text him before hand to let him know I am leaving these items or just give them to our friend and she can pass it on? thanks as always Amore.

2. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   May 31, 2016 at 6:25 am

   it’s better if you give it personally.. but do it after you meet so you’re not that worried

3. 

   Jamieson

   May 10, 2016 at 3:50 pm

   Hi Amor

   The thing is we were talking and then he said he had to go. So i didn’t get a chance to say bye before him. he usually disappears in the middle of a conversation, it is almost like he read the post as well. But this time he said he has to go and I said me as well enjoy your vacation and left the conversation. He ended up explaining what he was doing and said bye so i am not sure if that counts as me leaving first? this is first decent conversation we have had in while. He also took a long time to respond, like perhaps a day or two. I feel like he was purposefully waiting to respond. sometimes it would take him 12 hours sometimes a 2 days. How much time do you think is not too much time to get an ideal response?

   I read chris blog on leaving the conversation on a high but somehow he beats me to it. I am not sure how to do it. One more thing how frequently can I message? wait for a week or maybe a month? thanks

4. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   May 14, 2016 at 2:58 pm

   He takes too much time.. but if he replies just 12 hours but it’s within the day then reply after about 30 min – 1 hour and then text again the next day..Try to follow the tide theory.. if he replies after 2 days but early in the day, reply after an hour, then send a text again nearing the end of the day.. You have to take hold of the convo because you’re the one initiating it..and if it always goes on for 10 minutes end it before it gets to 10 minutes.. Try to make it more about him, like if he’s in vacation ask. Because in that way he would want to share.

5. 

   Jamieson

   May 9, 2016 at 5:30 pm

   Hi Amor

   thank you for your reply. I ended up messaging and he responded right away. I asked how he was and we ended up chatting for 10 min before he said he had to go. he is currently on vacation. How do I figure out if this is a one time thing or if he is willing to talk again? At this point do I no longer message first and wait for him to initiate conversation or would i have to message again and if so how often and when?

6. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   May 10, 2016 at 3:46 am

   It’s ok to initiate again but did you leave the message at high point? Read this blog post so that you have more idea on what and how to do texting with him.
   Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

7. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   May 8, 2016 at 9:02 am

   Hi Jamieson,

   actually you just have to move on and continue to do what you’re doing daily or start new activities and then just message him when you can meet up so you can give his things

19. 

    Sarah

    May 5, 2016 at 7:15 pm

    I am so confused. I was with my ex for 4 years. He randomly decided he did not want to be in a relationship and told me he wanted to break up and he has no feelings for me at all anymore. He gave me a specific date, said December 21 is when it started. He thought it was just a phase and that Christmas would knock him out of it. When he was breaking up with me, he was crying. I called him after he left and he said he was driving and very confused. I did not ever hear from him again.

    I went through one of my animals dying, he said nothing. I wished him a happy birthday, he did not wish me one. His friends say he won’t say anything about what happened, he told me and his friends he hopes he can be friends with me, but not yet. It has been 3 and a half months. His mother told me that he is just eating and getting fat. He looks miserable in any photos I saw of him (I had a facebook he would appear on- I have since gotten rid of it).

    Recently I had to have surgery, which I am embarrassed to admit I was in the hospital bed crying for him to come back. I was so scared to have surgery done, I wished he would just magically appear and tell me he was wrong and how sorry he is. It didn’t happen. So that night after the surgery, I decided to give him a call to tell him what happened to me. I found out his number has been disconnected and he changed it. I have not contacted him since January, about a week after he broke up with me.

    I should also mention I feel used because I used to let him use my car (with me in it of course) to go to shows and places and pick up friends. Before he broke up with me, about 2-3 weeks before, he got a new car. I just don’t know what to think. Why did someone I know and trust so much go so cold? How can someone just look at you and tell you I do not love you after he told me he did the day before and that he had no plans of breaking up. Should I even wait or try to get him back? Or do you think he is never coming back and I should just try to move on. I had no closure, and I feel like I am going nuts. HELP!

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   May 8, 2016 at 6:57 am

   Hi Sarah,

   since it’s apparent that he doesn’t want to talk now.. it’s better if you move on and talk to him after a long time of silence..maybe another 3 or 6 months.. when he’s sure you’ve moved on, it’s probably easier to reach him

20. 

    Marie

    May 5, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    I met a man about a month or so ago, within that month, we had 5 dates, he introduced me to his friends on the 4th date, we had a 5th and last date. I have left out some important details, such as, each date, I got sloppy drunk, I mean, I blacked out at each one only a memory of him storming away, he told me after the 3rd date, we could talk, but no see each other again because I called him another mans name that night. well, we had a 4th date. After that, no more dates, we had a 5th, but every time, as embarrassing as this is to admit, I’d be stupid drunk and after the 5th date, which was a week or so ago, we haven’t seen each other and he said this time, he means it because all we do is go in circles, in all fairness, we were always normal, no bad vibes when we got together, it was the dumb drinking, he told me the end of the 5th date, to lose his number, I stopped all contact, he then texts me 3 days later with a photo of my favorite flower and a text saying “I saw this and remembered my friend” We have spoken since (text) but it is not at all the same, I asked him to come out today, he refused, I am unsure what to believe or think, I have left him alone. By the way, we had sex the first 2 dates and the last 3, none because I pissed him off……

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   May 8, 2016 at 6:01 am

   Hi Marie,

   you have to do no contact and change your image in him.. improve yourself and post your activities.. try to do 21 days