5 Critical Ways To Get Over and Move On After Your Ex Dumps You

786 thoughts on “How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend”

Jackie

January 13, 2016 at 8:31 pm

Hi Chris,
I emailed you last week thanking you for your help. My ex broke up with me because I moved states away for a job. At first he would text me and try to keep in contact somewhat. He got into another relationship right after the breakup, pretty sure he lined her up while we were still dating. I’m not sure if he left for the distance or for her. They have been together now for almost 4 months. I didn’t care at first, but ever since I heard he was in a relationship I’ve been so sad. I have begged, pleaded, cried to him, all the things I now know not to do. I wish I found your website right after this happened. We had a conversation where we agreed to keep in touch. But then I texted him and had a breakdown because I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t really know what he is thinking, but he moved on and I know I should to. It’s not fair if he puts me on the back burner. He knows I still love him. I have a tiny bit of hope we could get back together someday when our circumstances are different. But, I know I should probably move on now. What do you think of my situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 11:10 am

Hi Jackie,

It might sound unfair that even if he knows you love him, he chose to move on. But look at it this way, what if he used your feelings for his gain? That would be worse right?
You said you have hope that you can get back together if your circumstances were different, what kind of circumstance do you imagine it to be?

AYUSHRI SUBBA

December 30, 2015 at 8:03 am

I was in a living relationship for two years..we were serious and all I thought he was the one for me..though I am just 22 years. I visited this page 100 times but still failed to do no contact rules, I use to talk with my ex but it was harder for me and I cried, I wailed and I begged him to come back to me but I realised the moment you show your weakness exploitation starts. I felt pity on myself I wanted to end my life for a guy who didn’t even loved me anymore, I was pathetic and was in denial and didn’t accept the fact that it was over. Thigh he did wrong to me I tried my level best, I did break every rule from this page.
Well how much a person can try in the end I had to give up and had no choices than to accept it, you know one should always forgive but how can you when you have so much hurt inside of you how can you let go of your sentiments, I did let him go but my ego was hurt badly.
So I send him a long text abusing him that whatever he did wrong to me I made sure I wrote that in words I hate to break the rule again of NC but I did contact him but for the last time just to show him his level and in the end I told him I forgive you but I will never forget.
Well since than I feel good that whatever little I had to say to him I did say to him and I am done with him for good and now k don’t even want to look at his face. I couldn’t believe I loved him once, but I love the person whom I fell in love with and not this person who broke my heart.
I would and have no intention of speaking to him ever again. I am happy by my on. It was hard for me to move but since new year is coming it is best for me to leave my past behind and focus on my future since I have my whole life ahead of me. And I guess moving on in life is the best ever decision one can make. I am happy and still growing strong and I decided not to give up on love.
As love pays us ten times more than what we deserve.

Chris Seiter

January 16, 2016 at 11:13 pm

Question, what is a living relationship?

Haha… Do you mean you were living together?

Alyson

December 13, 2015 at 10:20 am

Hi
Im going through a breakup due to my ex fiancé being depressed by bereavment. We were together nearly 4 years his nan passed in may this year 2015 . He bacame very distant then in july he ended our relationship. Reason being he didnt love me spark had gone. I was so upset because he had told me only 2 days before it wasnt me he was just down. Anyway he cut me off totally was cold . I heard he was in chat rooms only a week after we split. I just coukd not understand he could move on so quick. We never argued had a great physical relationship looked at wedding venues on his decision then all ended. I just needed answers . I lost so much weight was not sleeping and he didnt care. Anyway 4 weeks after i plucked up the courage to ask to see his children who i loved so much. I have a daughter of my own. It went well i dressed up and he seemed quite pleasant. The kids were all over me. When i was leaving i gave him a hug and he said he wasnt expecting to feel hiw he did as in he missed me. Moving on after that he bombarded me with messages begging to forgive him and after telling me he had had a one night stand which hurt me so much and him crying and promising the world i had him back. Things were great for 11 weeks then one sunday he was going to his daughters dance show. He came back and im not kidding here a different person. He came in said he had to leave half way through because it was the first show without his nan going. He told me that night he needed to have a night or two on his own at his flat and see his kids more which i always encouraged. For me my barrier came up as i saw the signs. I asked him a week later and he said i want to be with u and dismissed it. The living texts stopped the hugs he would sit on the other end of the sofa. Anyway i asked him one day when i was at work u dont tell me u love me anymore unless i say it. Well he said thats because iv fell out of love with you and the sparks gone. The sane as last time exactly!!! I said ok well u need to go. He wanted to talk about it so i saw him the next day. He arrived with bags from his flat with my stuff. So i said uv already made ur mind up then. He said yes?? Why one minute want to discuss it then oh its over. It was de ja vu. Anyway he took some belingings. Difference this time he hasnt been cold and despite me saying leave me alone he hasnt. I did say dont cut me dead but all hes doing is talking about himself his concerns how hes going to get through his first Christmas without his nan . Her house sale. Not once as he mentioned our first Christmas apart how our 4 children between us will be affected. All him. Iv tried the no contact but he keeps on about getting his stuff etc. I didnt want to see him but he made me so angry on thursdsy i said get ur stuff and im gonna face u. He said his councillor had advised we see each other sooner rather than later. I disagreed but whatever. I faced him he went in about himself and i said he was a selfish pig and he needs to get a grip. We all lose people and dont push people we love away. He admitted i was right and hated feeling how he did and he was sorry and would end up regretting it. I walked off un a calm way and left him watching me walk away. I sent his watch and ring back. I did not want them. He messages again but angry saying he’s disappointed in me lol. After all hes done to me!!! I ignored his nessages. He messaged me 2 days ago about his blooming councilling session all about his nan again!!!! His nan was 90 and its been 7 months now. Im a nurse I understand. My previous partner committed suicide over me and i suffer with my nerves badly. Hence i have and im not answering him anymore. Whenever i mention us , not to get him back he ignores the issue. Im dreading christmas i have really bad days and some good. I just dont know what to do for the best. We had such a bond and were so happy and he just does this. Part of me wants to just move on but i know hes ill but why should i have to keep being treated like this. He never asks about my daughter yet i always ask about his kids. I told him friday that im not hvg contact with him again. I sent Christmas cards had nothing back nit even a thanku for his. I know i have to move on from him . Can u just advise me if im doing the right thing.
Thanku.

Natalie

February 4, 2016 at 6:10 pm

Trust me. You are. Worry about you. He should stay out of your picture. Go make YOU happy again.

Jennifer

December 10, 2015 at 3:43 pm

I need help. How do I get over my ex? He is angry and says I am the one who caused the break up.. But he is the one who broke up with me. I made some mistakes, but nothing worth breaking over…
Luna

November 13, 2015 at 10:18 am

Hi, I met this guy 2 years ago. My friends started teasing me with him in the beginning for some really trivial reasons, so I never spoke to him because I thought it would be awkward. But then, two months later, he texted me regarding a project we had in high school and the texting went on back and forth for days after that. We hit it off and started getting to know one another, but when we met face to face, we kept the talking to a minimum because we didn’t like getting teased. 4 months into it, he took a small vacation for a week, and I thought we won’t be in touch, but he called me everyday and he even asked me what I thought I thought about him. I said that I would not date him and he swore that he would change my mind. After that I started looking at him differently and we started going out, but we didn’t label it as ‘dating.’ It was nice for a couple of months, but then he suddenly started distancing himself from me. We fought a lot, we didn’t speak for days on end. But then he would always come back…. this went on till September of this year. I lost it and I told him that I could nit keep up with his erratic behavior any longer. We are in different colleges now, he is aspiring to become a doctor and I want to be an engineer. So we don’t see each other at all, and it is only possible if we make an an effort. He was very hurtful to me and said that he never had feelings for me. I just didn’t want to talk to him again and so I left a long emotional text and didn’t contact him. Then last week, I just texted him a “Hi” hoping to make things alright between us, we hadn’t spoken for a month. But he seemed disinterested in a decent conversation so I left it hanging. He has told me some really nasty stuff like I should visit a psychiatrist or behaving like he does not know me, but I miss him, and I want him to treat me the way he used to. I am not able to get over him when I clearly should. I need your help.
Idabella

November 12, 2015 at 6:15 pm

There is no chance of a reconciliation. I am stuck. I am devastated. I know I will never find as intense and passionate a love as this. My esteem is shattered even though I know I am attractive. How do I find my smile and reason to go on if it seems every guy will just not compare? I’m not being mean, it just was an intense relationship and I feel lost and alone
Kait

November 10, 2015 at 4:15 pm

Hi Chris, I know you get thousands of messages like this, but I really need some advice. I think I’ve completely blown my chances of ever getting my ex back, even if I do follow your guides/advice. Basically we’ve been on and off for over a year now and we argue a lot, he never apologises after arguments and will just ignore me for the rest of the day or even for a day+ where as I’ll apologise most of the time regardless and I hate being ignored, especially by him, and then when he does speak to me he just acts normal again or sometimes he’ll say things like ‘going to be a normal gf or still an angry troll’ I admit when we argue at times I can say some really horrible and unforgivable things, but so has he. He’s said many times over the past months that he doesn’t love me and hasn’t wanted to be with me for months now. It’s mostly him who breaks up with me, I’ve only ever broken up with him I’ve but I didn’t mean it. He’s also said that he’s only taken me back because I made him or wouldn’t leave him alone. Now last week we had a huge fight on Sunday and things got so bad and again he said were over and that he doesn’t love me anymore and that once I leave his house I won’t be setting foot in there ever again. Things got broken and he got angry and pushed me but I replaced the broken things and got them sent to his house. He text me 3 days after the break up saying he got the items but he can’t accept them knowing how he feels about us and that he sees no future for us and doesn’t see us ever working. I tried to do no contact but failed on day 3 🙁 and text him back saying ‘Hey, I was just thinking about the first time we went to the cinema together to see Jurassic World, it was so good. I am glad we did that.’ But because he didn’t reply I turned into a text gnat and then said ‘could we talk please? I don’t like how things were left.’ He replied ‘I enjoyed the good times we had too but things aren’t the same and we argue too much, please send me your address so i can return the items as it doesn’t feel right’ I responded ‘I don’t want to lose you, so will you please work with me to make our relationship work again, I know I don’t deserve it but I care for you deeply and I love you..I want you to keep the them, I’m sorry.’ And again he didn’t respond so I text him again saying ‘Please just talk with me, even if you hate me, please hear me out.’ He responded saying ‘it’s over I sorry, there’s nothing else I can say’ I continued to keep begging him to take me back and him not replying and when he I asked him if he loved me he said no sorry and he also said he won’t be contacting me anymore and i really dont want to upset you more and talking is doing that, you are more than welcome to let me send the items back, other than that good bye. I continued to bombard him with messages and calls, he replied no my minds made up..I continued to message and call him the next day too but no reply. It’s not been almost 3 days I haven’t heard from him and I’m absolutely terrified of losing him. I didn’t text him today so this is the first day I haven’t contacted him for..I want to try the no contact but I always end up caving in. Do you think the Nc rule will get him to speak to me or even give us a chance of ever getting back together? I did the NC rule once before and it got him back and about two weeks later he said he missed me, but do you think it’ll work a second time? Please help, I really don’t know what to do! We live 2 hours apart, so there’s no chance I’ll randomly bump into him :(.
Lana D

November 4, 2015 at 11:22 am

Hey..
So I probably need a shrink, but maybe I need to really hear the truth from another source, about how incredibly screwed up I am.
I was literally obsessed with this guy back in 2012. I sort of hung around him all the time till we finally got together (got together as in in a skewed Friends with benefits type thing) because back then I had gained a shit load of weight which I felt incredibly insecure about because I have been supermodel skinny all my life. Anyway. He was alwayys so detached, like he’s swimming through life, which wasn’t that far-out an assumption, since he’s pretty much a deadbeat by society’s definition, 26 with no job, no career and a junkie who lives in his parents’ basement. Literally.
What he does have is this smart mouth, and we’re kind of the same person so he really, really got to me. Also I’m a decidedly weird person so not everyone gets me. I’ve always been emotionally detached too but when i do feel things, I feel them fiercely.
We were together for two years, and things evolved. I lost the weight, which was an oxymoron on its own, but I felt so much better about everything, and we were amazing together. Trouble was, he never wanted me to use the whole official “boyfriend, girlfriend” labels for us. He would freak out if I called him my boyfriend, because what he told me was, because of his lifestyle he can’t ever give his all to another person, so he didn’t want to set me up to fall. And I got that. I wasn’t pushing for more, I was happy with our little relationship, whatever it was.
Then I started working for this psychopath, who was obsessed with me. He did the most insane military type operation on our two families, (who didn’t know each other that well but both our parents liked us together, my mom knew he was a good guy at heart and his mom thought I was a good influence on him) Our dads however were a different story, they didnt even know that we were dating because both are headstrong and extremely conservative. So that ex-boss of mine infiltrated our families, got me institutionalized on false charges of addiction, and then went to his house and frightened his mother to the point where she genuinely started fearing for his life. This all happened randomly. We were good, extremely good, the last night I met him, we spent together, he kissed me goodbye, it was great. I never knew I wouldn’t see him again. Because of what my boss did, we never spoke to each other directly. I got shoved into rehab for two weeks without any warning, my phone was taken from me and I had no contact with the outside world. I couldnt even speak to him. He had blocked me on facebook suddenly while I was in rehab, and my boss came in with a printed FB email conversation between him and my ex which said the most hurtful lies about me, like how I got him to start using, and we were only together because his friends thought I was cool, which was even more unbelievable because our friends didnt even know about us. Also it said that he had told me he would break up with me if I kept being a ‘bitch’ and lying to him. I had never lied to him in my life, plus we had never talked about breaking up. It was always like, if we can’t be boyfriend girlfriend, we can never officially breakup,that way we can be together forever. (yes, I know its delusional).
Anyway because of the incident, my mom sent me back to college *at that time I was at my parents house for the holidays* ( i study in another state and he was in my hometown) and I had a new cellphone and number, and I was forbidden to contact him. So I did the no-contact thing heartbroken, for around 4 months. I couldnt get over him, because there were so many unanswered questions. I felt betrayed by my boss and my parents and by him who never made the effort to reply to me, although I knew he read my blog daily and I poured my heart out there. Plus he has a nasty mean streak so I was afraid, if I called him, he would be an asshole and I would kill myself out of grief.
I finally called him on a cold december night when I had had it with life, and to my relief, he sounded glad that I had called. He told me the reality of what had happened, and he was really caring that night, warning me to play it cool and to not overreact and lose my temper and jeopardize our future even more. But that was that night. The next day I was all excited, to call him and speak to him, but it felt like someone had flipped a switch. He told me he was still really angry with me for what my boss did, for letting him in our lives, and he couldnt talk to me. I didnt exactly beg, but I wasn’t dignified either when I replied. I knew we couldnt get back to the way we were but I never wanted to go back to being strangers. But then he told me to stop calling him and I did. We didn’t speak for another 7 months and I became lost and kind of unstable. On his birthday, I flew out to my hometown and drove all the way to his house to wish him…and he unleashed his mean streak on me that night with all his fury. He cussed and swore, and I lost it and begged him to come down for a second, but he was all go away and F*** you. So I pretty much sat under his house and cried the whole night in my car. After that, I promised myself I’d get over him.
So I came back home, got a new job, started focusing on college, and then I met a really great guy who fell in love with me, and I fell in love with him. We’ve been together for two years now, and we’re about to get engaged. When I got together with him, he had sent me an angry whatsapp message, saying that I messed us up with my ‘obsession’ with him, and now that I have a new guy, I can forget all about him. Basically it sounded bitter. I was with my new boyfriend at the time when he messaged, and I settled by throwing my phone across the wall after sending a very smug and catty reply which I totally regret now.
But I can’t help but feel like I’m settling for him, even though Id never break up with him. We have a good thing going, I’m happy, he’s happy. But my ex is a wedge.
He moved to where I study, his whole family did so its not because of me. And then he contacted me when he needed something back in June. Ever since then, he’s been coming over, and we’ve been “friends”.
He doesn’t want anything more. I know. And I could have made peace with it, but he has a new “girlfriend”. And yes he uses that term for her. It irks me beyond belief. He comes over, sits on my couch, pretends that we’re alright and that nothing ever happened, the whole incident with my boss, we’ve never talked about it. Its mostly because I’m a chicken and I hate confrontation, and he doesnt like talking about unpleasant things either. We’re both alike, in a lot of ways, except he has mastered the art of indifference and I’m still a bit unstable.
Last night he came over, and all I wanted to do was kiss him. It is unacceptable. I don’t know how to get over him. My boyfriend is great, I should learn to be happy with him. But I don’t want to cut my ex out of my life, even though I can and nobody would get hurt. I don’t know how to end things. I don’t have the guts to confront him, or the will. I just am not wired that way.
I need to sort my shit out, its driving me insane. Please help. The only reason I’m so into him is because I feel so connected with him, and I havent found anybody else who is that in tune with who I am. My boyfriend feels generic, as does the rest of the world. But I care about him, and I know I can fall in love with him if I cure myself of these delusions.
HELP!
B

November 3, 2015 at 3:29 am

I HAVE BEEN WITH HIM FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS LIVING IN THE SAME APARTEMENT ,WE HAVE BEEN TROUGH ALOT TOGETHER MOSTLY BAD SITUATIONS , WE LOVED EACH OTHER AND HELPED EACH OTHER ,BUT HE IS THIS GUY THAT HAVE TOO MUCH PRIDE. HE BROKE UP WITH ME 2 MONTHS NOW , WE DO TALK , HE COMES AROUND BUT WAT CONFUSED ME IS THAT HE DOESNT WANNA GET BACK BUT HE STILL COME TO SEE ME, HE REALY BROKE MY HEART AND HE IS THR FIRST AND I WANT HIM TO BE THE LAST ONE TO BREAKE MY HEART , I ALWYS TELL MY SELF I DONT WANT TO GO THRU THIS ANYMORE, ANY WAYS THINGS HAVE BEEN SO HARD FOR ME I HAVE CRIED AND PRAYED HARD TO GOD SO THAT WE COULD GET BACK BECAUSE I STILL CANT IMAGINE HOW I WILL LIVE WITH OUT HIM HE WAS EVERYTHING F ME, BUT FOR SOME POINT I RELIASE HE WAS WEAKED BECAUSE AFTER THE BREAK UP I WAS PREGENANT AND I TOLD HIM THINKING HE WILL SAY LETS FIX THINGS BUT THE GREDY GUY ADVISED ME TO DO ABORTION. IM IN SCHOOL NOW AND CAN NOT CONCETRATE THINKING OF HIM AND EVRYTHING , THE WAY HE TOOK ANY OAT SAYING HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME OR HURT ME. U SEE I DINT EVEN DO SOMETHING JUST BECOUSE I WAS PISSED OF FOR A DAY AND DID NOT WANT TO TALK TO HIM BECOUSE HE DID SOMETHING WITH OUT INFORMING ME , SO HE SAID HE WAS TIRED OF MY EMOTIONAL, I WANT TO FORGRT HIM AND LET HIM GO WHAT CAN I DO.
Rose

November 1, 2015 at 1:46 am

HI! Thank you for your tips on how to get over with my ex. I must say Category 2 is really what I should follow because my ex boyfriend’s little sister happened to be my closest friend in school because we’re in the same course, we are both AB Mass Communication students. But I just want to ask, am I crazy if I say “I don’t want to get over him, because I just love him so much”? We always see each other like almost everyday because we came from the same University and every time we have a project in school their house is like our meeting place and I always see him and there are times we even talk to each other, and before the first semester ended we even had sex which never happened when we were still together because he respects me and I can prove that 🙂 , we were both drunk at that time his sister got even mad at me because we slept together. That time I can prove that I haven’t moved on. I just love sleeping next to him, hugging him, kissing him everything about him, I miss it. I want to move on but a part of me saying I’m still willing to wait for the time he comes back. What should I do?
Paris Patterson

October 29, 2015 at 12:37 am

Hi my name is Paris and me and my ex were together for 7 years every since i was 16 and we just broke up 2 weeks ago because i went out with my family and he don’t like clubs but he has been talking to other girls behind my back and i found out because one girl texted him and all he had to say was that he like talking to other women. I have cried, tried to go with out texting and calling but it didn’t work and he does not respond but i came on here and i read this post and could not stop, i think that this will help me hopefully i can get over this breakup in a healthy way.
Ursula

October 24, 2015 at 9:09 am

Hello Chris…
My situation is somewhat specific and I was wondering what your advice would be…
I was in an AMAZING relationship for 4 months (I know it is not so long), till that time I have never been so in love neither have I ever felt love so much. I am pretty much sure he is my soul mate: We shared everything… Talked everyday… He was my rock and we had so many plans for the future. He used to ‘promise’ that we will always be together and I (even though I knew it was risky) believed him. Generally I thought I am one of those lucky ones that found the right person to stay forever with.
Well, till last 2 weeks. I KNOW I was slightly needy but he kept saying he kinda enjoyed that. I know I didn’t give him the space to chase me either but this is not the point right now…
During one week he became less responsive and even ignoring. Next week we had the first fight in our relationship and he left me hanging for few days, as I was basically left with ‘I need to think about it all’. We’ve finally met after that time and let me quote him: ‘I love you. You are the love of my life and the most perfect girl I’ve ever met… But I am craving for freedom and I don’t want a relationship right now.’. Yeah, yeah – we all know that scenario but trust me: he was honest. His tears were honest.
He basically begged me to ‘stay friends’ because he didn’t want to disappear from my life and neither did he want me to completely leave. I agreed then, but kinda with hopes that he shall change his mind someday and would like to be with me. We had very emotional and sort of funny breakup – lot’s of laughs and consuming comfort food together, so I went back home very positive about us…. But still heart-broken.
Apart from me being devastated and left with nothing (I moved countries to be with him) I realised I do not have much friends or activities I could get involved in: I am in a city I barely know and I’ve met little people, I also have a job that forces me to stay home almost all the time (<— the worst situation ever when you know you have to forget). But I was determined to get him back somehow…
Two days later he called me himself asking if I would be willing to give it another chance. I said yes, obviously. (Later I found out that one of my friends 'text-slapped' him, convincing him to give it another shot.) We agreed what do we need to change and I felt very positive and actually believed we may work through this. But then it was two days of silence from his side and then I texted him and asked for a skype call because I wanted to tell him about something… We started to skype but then he asked what are my feelings about 'us'. I said positive. His? Just the opposite. He said that he still loves me but 'lost the drive' and doesn't feel as if he was in a relationship anymore. He says he can't find a hopeless battle and he doesn't know how to TRY to save us. But he doesn't want to lose me and he thinks we are more 'suitable of staying friends'.
I have a rejection-trauma from my past and I am basically terrified of being rejected (hence I was struggling so badly during our first break up), so I decided not to allow him to 'reduce' me and 'friend-zone me'.
I stated clearly that I cannot stay his friend, for that will physically destroy me, and the moment we end our relationship I am going to cut myself off and disappear from his life. He got scared by that, because he obviously doesn't want me to leave… We agreed that we give each other 3 weeks (2-3 meetings because we're seeing each other mostly during weekends) to cherish our company and do as much things together as we can, and then I am disappearing (going NC, as you advise).
I can't help but kinda hope that when he is aware of the fact he may lose me and our time is limited his feelings for me and the drive to be in a relationship will reappear. Do you have any advice on how to eventually 'help' him do that?
If they won't though, and I will go NC for as long as I can, do you think he may miss me at some point and hence his relationship drive shall reappear and I would be able to get him back? (If I won't decide to get over him completely although at this very moment – I do not see that coming anytime soon)
Or in case when he 'loves me but feels he can't be in a relationship' this is completely hopeless and should I just give up and disappear as I said I will?
Please Chris, help me because I know I am not going to meet another guy like this but do not want to hope in vain to reclaim him someday… What would me your advice and if this is possible to make him stay: what should I do?
Thank you!
Cathy201

October 17, 2015 at 6:17 pm

I cant Chris. I just cant. We were together for a year and a half almost lived together. I just cant really . I am thinking about him am an extremely huge amount of time. The long ive been waiting on nc was for a month successfully and then get back on track on getting him back with no success. Yes we talked yes we came close. But it was always too early for him. And always wanted things slower. I reached my limits i am sorry i just cant anymore i cried and i tried so many times slower, and slower but we cant all this cold or confusing attitude and not knowing what we are doing. He was so deeply madly in love and so did i and i still am but even if he keeps saying he loves me no matter what he just dont move. I cant get over him i cant cut loose i have to text every single day even if he wont respond anymore (2 days now) otherwise i cry my eyes out. There is something wrong with me i am sure no one has acted so crazy as i do. I consider seeing a psychologist or something.
sarah

October 14, 2015 at 9:16 am

Hello, I liked your advice and really am desperate to move on and follow your advice. Trouble is, I can’t do the no contact rule and I know this would be the best thing for me to do. We have been together for the 13 years, but the last 18 months we have not really been together but due to finance, debts and children, we are staying in the same house. Initially I ended everything 2 years ago due to my daughter leaving home early and I couldn’t cope as I blamed him for her leaving. about 6 months later I regretted my decision and asked him if he would have me back. He has been very confused as I hurt him a lot when I ended it. He has understandably blown hot and cold over the last 18 months but has never really forgiven me. So here we are 2 years down the line, still having to share the house- though he sleeps down stairs. He has moved on emotionally and is beginning to date and I need to sort my head out as I am in constant pain, full of anger, resentment and jealously and pity. I am living Yoda’s quote! But I don’t want to be. I can’t do the no contact rule, but have begun cleansing items – old clothes, old romantic gestures etc. But to be honest I am in a living hell as no matter how positive I feel and think I am getting somewhere, I see him texting away, or being secretive … and my jealously goes into overdrive. I think I need a new head. I am beginning to go out with friends more, but find my self thinking… what is he doing and who is he with. I have no right to think this, but I can’t help it. I need to find some inner strength to not give a rats arse about him in that way as I am not able to move out for unforeseeable future and our youngest daughter lives with us and she does not need to see me being mental. Please help!

sarah

October 17, 2015 at 1:55 pm

yes, in the long term. The house needs doing up so we can rent it out. But this will take some time. Its the meantime that I need to learn to cope with.
Chris Seiter

October 16, 2015 at 2:16 am

Do you guys have plans to leave the house?

Shalonda

October 13, 2015 at 2:41 am

Hi. My name is Shalonda and i am 16 years old. I recently just got out of a relationship with someone that i genuinely loved and cared about. He was my world and so much more. I literally wouldve done anything for him..
Well, we go to the same school.. And he now has a girlfriend. Since school has started, ive been a mess. My grades have severely fallen and all i do is cry. Sometimes i feel like a living corpse..
I have no idea what to do. I feel lost and afraid and alone. I feel like if i leave the school, ill be better. I just dont want to leave under those circumstances. Please help me ??. I need some really good advice.
Sincerely,
Heartbroken

Chris Seiter

October 14, 2015 at 1:02 am

Well the first thing I want to ask you is whether or not you want him back or just want to move on and get over him.

Chistina

October 2, 2015 at 1:38 am

Hi um my boyfriend broke up with me around 8 months ago and that was during January when we started dating and I was hoping for the best valentines on February but then he started ignoring me then I asked him what’s wrong and he said he’s being abuses by dating a girl , so we had to break Up , then from that day on , I cried every night before I go to sleep because after when I cry I get very tired and I did that for around 2 months , I love him and I still do he’s the nicest guy , he would think for my safety he would secretly tell the guys off to stop playing football too hard in case that I would get hurt , he loves me as much as I do , he would do anything for me but now it’s all different. I was dating him and his befriend was dating mine ,life was amazing I felt so free , I would always put on a smile everytime I see him no matter how bummed out I am he would always be there for me .When his parents found out , they would yell at him , abuse him , and that’s the reason why we broke up , and I miss him , I miss him so much ;( everytime I see him I just had to pretend I’m okay about it but every night I dream about him about the times we had once I woke up I knew we could never get back together , I never hugged him never held his hand but now .. There’s this slut in school toying with him and he still goes with it , he would hug her and even in his Skype status says : *thenameofslut* is cool , he never did that with me and even girls went to his house but me ? Nothing all just texting and texting .The slut doesn’t care if she hurst you feelings like last year she went for these two guys and this year she’s going for my ex and my friend. It’s hard seeing my ex hugging someone I hate ,it’s hard ,I never got to hug him and she got his attention by hugging him wearing slutty clothes , my ex was never that kind of guy ,I don’t know .. And I wanna fall in love again but I just can’t keep thinking about him .i followed all you’re steps but it didn’t work , I thought I got over him but I didn’t instead I’m fell even more in love with him , I can’t control it , I love him with all my heart . And now his best friend and him goes around with different girls , my heart hurts even though I still have to pretend I got over him
Nhung

September 16, 2015 at 7:32 am

Hi Chris!
I love your topics and I think I found a right way. I think my ex wants to get over me, because he said “No, I can’t. We we are never ever getting back together”. He has new girlfriend after our break up 3 days (he met het at work). And i made many mistake: begging, crying, begging… he never reply my sms. He is in Ho Chi Minh city because he must to take care for his dad. And I don’t know when he comes back. I want to use NC rule but i want some advises from you. Can I have a chance? I really want to bring him back. What should I do?
lisa

September 10, 2015 at 2:02 am

Me and my ex were together 7 years and it’s been a year since we broke up. He says he still loves me alot but doesn’t know what he wants and feels confused. when we hang out everything feels perfect but he still says he doesn’t want to make it work while feeling unsure He makes me confused I recently moved out from his mom’s house. What should I do? Should I do the no contact?
Aurora

August 30, 2015 at 2:50 am

Hi Chris, My ex and i were tgt for 2.5 yrs b4 he broke up. We had conflicts cuz of issues( he is on the run,minor camp thingy in singapore). He immediately had another gal. 5 days later he was caught and sat in jail. I wrote him letters(reali jus trying to help him with his loneliness and his fear for loss of freedom) he wanted me back. I still love him & oso had rebound relationships tat failed (1 mth). I say yes and waited for him. 1.5yrs later,he came out and we got tgt. He changed a lot and made promises. He showed me a lot of love and actions. but of cuz me, have my doubts. I tot i gave my all but i became selfish. I jabbed at him hard with words when we hav arguments. I didn’t saw the pain in his heart. Few days ago he said he needed some time to think. He assured me it is not affair. And plead me to understand him. I was hurt,so i became cold towards him,saying words i never meant. He plead me not to but i carried on. Den he stop. After a few hours, i recollected my thoughts and send him how i should i understand him. He says from the start i should have done tat. I had already done irreparable damage to hiz heart. It died. Angry. He was so angry. Many hours later i was sorry. I pleaded him. That go on for another day(i had already collected my things. He does not wan to see me and won’t hear my voice. He said before it would break his heart.) The next day i didn’t txt him at all. Cuz i told him i will let him go, without me he won’t feel pain anymore.he txt me ard noon to say bout whether there’s anything i didn’t take. I said i took all. He says there’s coin box(ours). Would like me to take it back. I say its ok. Den after tat,if there’s anything he saw,he will tell me and ask me to take. Evening,he txt me again, askin haven i eaten. Made casual replies. Den he txt again when i didn’t continue the conversation, asking am i otw hm,did i work etc. Replies casually again. At night, he txt me again. Asks whether i am home. At tat point i felt like giving him cold shoulder is not right. So chatted. And after 1.5 hrs he gt pissed. Cuz i keep afk( i was lookin for pics to giv him,looking at map at where he is. Cuz i reali dunno wat to say to him. Den he says keep afk how to chat,tells me to go. And i did. In the past i would hav said no etc and continue convo. (Next Morning i asked him bout why he is at home when he said he is at camp) he was pissed. He says hes tired and wans to go home can? So i jus said im jus asking. At night, i saw his watsapp photo changed. Wit a gal. i was devasted. I txt him and ask is it his new gal etc. I tried calling him but he blocked. I used another phone and he rejected. But he calls back. He says after all this pain i inflicted on him what more do i wan? He says his heart is only filled with anger. He gave his all and showed his vulnerable side tat no one ever saw. I pleaded with him and wants his forgiveness and wants him back. He says you still want to be selfish? I was struck. He was right. So i told him to be happy and i love him and sorry for wat i had done. He hung up. No more contact. Could you help me and see from a guys perspective? How to heal his heart? His pain? Broken trust? He always wants me to be better but i didnt. Now i wan to do my best. Be healthy,be good. I know i should let him go but i have decided to love him my whole life. Protect him(i know people change,feelings. I meant me.) Take care of him forever. What should i think? I know im not gonna contact him. I was thinking of upgrading myself into a much much better person in 2 years. Mayb longer i know. But this fear in my heart tat he would be long gone. He would be married. Stuck me. Actually wat i was reali afraid of is he wont love me anymore. Afraid tat he might not love his new gf/spouse etc. Scared tat his partner wouldnt love him with their life. Cuz he told me he would jus play gals, wouldn’t trust love anymore. Was stupid to believe in true love. Wat hurt me the most is him being painful. I want him to be able to love again. Even though mayb not me. Prove it by my loyalty. But i dunno whether tat is the right way. Of cuz i hav selfish thoughts, i would love to have him come back to me. I reali do. Please enlighten me on a man’s heart. How he is reali feeling right now. Thanks a lot..

Aurora

August 30, 2015 at 2:57 am

I am 28 he is 25. Hope it helps.

Chris (female)

August 30, 2015 at 1:02 am

I was in a relationship off and on for 11 years. We never live together I would usually stay at his house, he didn’t seem to want to come to my house. In the beginning things were good there were also two kids that he had partial custody of. Is occupation as a first responder gave him a lot of time off in between shifts. I knew he was controlling when we first got together but after we had been together for so long it only got worse. And he started drinking a lot. We didn’t really go out much not even to eat. He definitely fed me, he knew how to cook. During those years he got married. He said he was doing it because of his children even though she wasn’t their mother. She was an old “friend” who always wanted a family, and he finally conceded to her request. As you can imagine I was devastated. That didn’t seem to stop us though we seem to still see each other. She actually caught us together at my place and when we all sat down he said that I would always be in his life and she would have to just except that. Long story short they weren’t even married a year, and then got divorced.
As time went on he was drinking a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more. I would question him about it and of course he didn’t think he was drinking very much at all. When we did go out he would say rude crude things to hostesses or to a lady sitting next to him at the movie theater or me most of the time. We would go on vacation together usually to Mexico and every vacation we went on there was an argument and I would cry every single time. When we first met there were all these little idiosyncrasies that cannot be explained. I truly believe we were soulmates we fit. The best thing about him was spooning with him because we fit so well.
In the end the ex got back into the picture she wanted a relationship he just wanted to be friends. So many things happened in that last year that anyone in their right mind would’ve left. Obviously I wasn’t in my right mind. He controlled everything we did, everything we watched, everything we listened to, everything. If he said jump I’d say how high? That is what I was used to, walking on egg
shells all the time.
There is so much more to the story too much to write but I will say I haven’t talk to him in four months, I finally got up the nerve to read him a letter I wrote about all the things I wanted and he listened. This was all over the phone and then I just said goodbye. This is the longest amount of time I’ve ever gone without talking to him texting him or driving by his house. Nothing good could come from doing any of those three things, and for that I’m proud of myself but I’m still so lonely without him. Which is kind of ironic because I was lonely with him. I was addicted to him like he was addicted to alcohol.
I don’t want him back there is nothing good about him and I can see that now but that doesn’t mean I can get over him because I can’t, or I guess I choose not to because it’s all about choices. I do want to move on with my life because I am 61 and I feel like I wasted the last 11 years of my life. Who wants someone my age?
Anyway if you want to share anything with me that would be great. I am in therapy therapy most of my life. I have come a long way and I know it takes time but right now I feel like time is not my friend. That’s another thing, I don’t really have any girlfriends that are able to do anything, either because they don’t have the money or they don’t have the time so I struggle with meeting new people. I’m trying meet up groups but I don’t socialize very well because everything I say I think nobody wants to hear or it’s wrong because that’s all I know. I’ll keep trying it’s just that I feel I have nothing to look forward to.

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