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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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Kym
December 19, 2013 at 12:08 am
I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half, but a little over a month ago we broke up and he immediately moved out. After two days of no contact, he called me and we agreed to work on our relationship, but we still lived seperate. During the whole month he would come by about once a week or so but he never seemed to beable to talk on the phone. About two weeks ago he was supposed to come over but he didn’t. I tried calling and texting him the entire weekend, but he never responded…so I felt he was purposely pushing me away and maybe cheating. SO I decided to invite my male friend over to keep me company and ask advice, he was just a friend, nothing more. When my boyfriend finally decided to come by I wasn’t up front with him and I didn’t confront him either because I didn’t want to argue, however my daughter (who he looks at as his own) told him I had a man over. Now he feels I’m a liar and believes I cheated. Its been 2 weeks and I have tried over and over again to get him to believe it was innocent, but he won’t. He feels like I’m playing him for a fool and says I’m trying to force him to forgive me. I don’t know what to do…he has sinced moved into his own place and said he moved on, yet he is giving mixed signals. Was I wrong? What do I do now?
admin
December 19, 2013 at 7:15 pm
May I ask what caused you to cheat on him in the first place?
lizzy
December 20, 2013 at 12:09 am
Not sure who that was for??
admin
December 21, 2013 at 3:21 am
I am confused? Who what was for?
lizzy
December 18, 2013 at 1:55 pm
Good morning chris!!
I hope to give you a short version. First want to say you kept me up all night reading this site and alot of good information, thank you!
Ok here it goes (short version). I was wiyh my ex for 8 1/2 years broke up at 4yrs got back few months later and were engaged till the end of the relationship. I did the cheating (verbal and texting cheating) he read most of them. Did that for emotional reasons, that i communicated with him for awhile that things needed to change. Ok lets move on. I moved out the next day my brother on law got all my clothes anf was trying to help out eith stuff i was going to take from our house. Remember 8yrs… I did the things you shouldnt do text call lets make things work etc didnt help. We broke up end of march. Moved into new apartment in mid may never ever lived alone. We didnt have communication till i moved. Got a text early june that he took some other stuff he found of mine to my apartment office. Thanks was my reply i appreciate it. Ive been keeping busy friends/meeting new people/working out like ive always done. Was going on a lunch date and got a text from him saying he just saw me driving around town. That opened up communication lets just say i ditched that lunch date and had lunch with ex instead. The entire summer we would go out, have dinner my place or his and enjoyed swimming daily. Yes we hsd sex during that time. He knew i wanted him back and thought things were going really good. Until one night im september he just decided he couldnt do it again. About a month with no contact went i did say happy thanksgiving for the holiday and we did small communication via text.. Well i saw him on the road when he was going to work i texted him. We started to text little more, then we talked on the phone for over an hour got to say felt good. I went over made dinner, had a great time. Next day another text for dinner this time we had amazing sex amd just talked and laughed all night. We’ve been doing this for couple weeks. Sometimes we are intimate sometimes we just hang out. Yesterday i text saying that chicken is going to.go bad lets have a nice salad. He said ok, but going to have to slow things down. Past couple weeks ive been just so happy. One thing i read last night when trying to get ex back is to ditch the old relationship and start a new with him??? So thats my story, now some advice please!!! Am i making a mistake and going down another few months of bliss then he shuts me out again????
Brianna
December 17, 2013 at 7:27 pm
Hi Chris so I’ve contacted you before and I even purchased your ex bf recovery pro and I’ve been doing the no contact for about a week now
Well I live with my ex so I’ve been keeping distance and for the past twin night I’ve been staying at my moms and last night be texted me asking me if I was coming home because he was going to have “company over”.
Is he doing this to get a rise out of me so I can go home ? Is ex playing game please help me ?
admin
December 18, 2013 at 6:23 pm
He might be… it does look like that.
Brianna
December 18, 2013 at 6:52 pm
He know asked me have I thought about moving out I’m afraid it’s really over
But a part of me is thinking he’s doing all this because I haven’t been home and he has no idea what I’ve been up to
Irene
December 15, 2013 at 12:31 pm
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 months now. I love him so much and really do see myself being with him in a long term relationship (probably even marriage). About 3 weeks ago he found out that I had slept over at this guy’s house after a drinking spree that I had gone on on the weekend before that. He questioned me about that and told me he wouldn’t get mad if I told him the truth. I told him everything even where I had slept in the house (which bedroom). He didn’t seem to believe me, which I don’t blame him for seeing he knows my history with men before him. Even after I explained everything to him and him going through the thought that I could have actually slept with the other guy, he never broke up with me because he said that he loved me too much to let me go. He doesn’t trust me fully any more especially after this came up.
Just recently, he found out that I cheated on him with another guy (who is a friend of his.. I’m such a slut, I know). He told me I had made him look like a fool and I totally agree. I hate myself for doing this to him.
I think I did what I did because I knew of his background with women before me (some of them my friends) and I never thought he’d fall for me this hard and fast. I thought he was just using me so I did stupid things behind his back. But he ended up being hurt and even cried to me asking why I did that to him.
I told him I was sorry for not telling him and also that if he wanted to break up with me or whatever else kinda decision he wanted to make regarding our relationship, I would accept it. It’s been almost 2 days now that he hasn’t texted, Whatsapped, emailed me, etc. and I seriously can’t take it. What do you think he’s doing or what do you think is going through his head?? What should I do?? Please help..
admin
December 15, 2013 at 7:48 pm
You are relying WAAAYYY too much on him. That is not always a good thing.
Numb
December 14, 2013 at 2:43 am
Hi
I cheated on my bf about 4 months back and i told him .. it was actually a kiss with another guy three times.. after the frst kiss he broke up with me and after that there were two more .. he said had it been the first one he would forgive me .. but the kisses soon after we broke has made it impossible for him to take me back.. we were on talking terms till a month back and i actually screwed up..! We got into fights frequently whenever he got into the how-could-u-do-this-loop. Though i would apologise at first , i’d end up saying that he din give me enuf time blah blah. Then a month back he asked me to leave forever. It was then that the enormity of the situation struck me and now he has turned cold to me replying in single words or not at all. I had a friend talk to him and he has said the same to her. he could forgive the frst time but not the ones after that .. anyway so i dont know what i should do now. i hadnt come across this site at first , but now its been 4 months since the incident and i dont know what to do. the NC rule at this stage is not going to help i think .. I know y i must have cheated.. its cuz he din meet me often n i misconstrued his nos for rejection and self validation is what i sought probably. Now i have realised everything but he wont see me .. what should i do!
admin
December 14, 2013 at 10:27 pm
May I ask why you cheated on him? What caused you to do it?
numb
December 15, 2013 at 2:15 pm
We did not meet often . N to me they were little signs of rejectiin.. Whch in reality was only a lifestyle choice
numb
December 24, 2013 at 9:48 am
today we wr to meet bt he cancelled out on me
Nina
December 13, 2013 at 2:32 am
I had just been rushed into a relationship after a break up with a guy and after 3 weeks my boyfriend went away for 3 weeks and I was off on holiday with my family and another family who had a son same age who has likes me for ages.. On the week I was missing my boyfriend and my ex and had this guy here on holiday wanted to get with me every second. One night I was feeling vunverable and for a reason I don’t know I let him kiss me on lips ( nothing more) I didn’t tell my boyfriend after that because I felt so guilty as straight after the kiss I knew I wanted him and only him. Our relationship got to 3 months when he found out about it… He didn’t break up with and still hasn’t because he says he still loves me. However it’s now nearly 6 months being together and nothing is wrong with us except this and obviously this is a pretty big problem. He finds it difficult to forget as he sometimes will have days where he just over thinks it all and he can’t find a way to forget it. Recently it’s getting worse and I need help as I really do love him and we both could see us lasting a long time if it wasn’t for this. We have talked about a break but that scares me as feelings can go and disappear easily (for him) and I don’t want that to happen :,(
admin
December 13, 2013 at 7:30 pm
Clarify something for me…. how does someone rush you into a relationship? Are you basically saying that you went on the rebound after a breakup…
Andie.
December 12, 2013 at 11:17 pm
So I truly need advice. Me and my boyfriend were together up until last night. There were a lot of trust issues on his end but I would constantly trying reassure him I was all about him. Then about a month or so ago he started acting distant and cold and I couldn’t figure out why. Maybe I haven’t tried hard enough but I did try to find out what was going on in his head into get him to show me the affection and attention he used to. Now I’m away trest and my cook who is in his early 40s became great friends. Eventually it led to emails. At first they were innocent enough sending things back-and-forth to one another like news articles and stories. Then eventually it turned into flirting back-and-forth. A part of me felt great because I was getting me adoration that I needed. So I played it up. never while I was at work but through the emails. Then one night at work about three weeks ago but he he called me into the back of the restaurant. We were having a conversation about world events then out of nowhere he pushed me against the sink and kissed me. In that moment I knew it was really messed up so I had stopped it. I pushed him away and just as I did the dishwasher came walking in and I took off. I hit it from my boyfriend but he ended up stealing my phone last night and read the emails. He called me every name in the book and made me feel worthless and as of right now I really feel like I am. I didn’t sleep with my cook. But even though I had pushed him away from this kiss my boyfriend wants nothing to do with me. And all I want is to show him how sorry IM and how much she means to me. How do I mend this and get my baby back? I need help I need him in my life. he’s everything to me. Please help me.
admin
December 13, 2013 at 7:19 pm
Well, have you done any type of no contact? Have you read my guide on trust?
Brianna
December 11, 2013 at 6:31 pm
I’m living with my boyfriend how would the 30 day no contact rule come into play ?
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:59 am
Limited contact and just act like a respectful roommate.
Brianna
December 12, 2013 at 11:39 am
So here’s the whole story my now ex boyfriend and I were together for two years in high school and my senior year we broke up I was heart broken throughout those two years he constantly cheated on me and I never did .when we finally broke up he string me along ,he had me and other girls I finally moved in and after a couple months if being apart we got back together . But about few months ago my old fling came back into my life and I cheated I was so insecure always thinking that my now ex was always doing it but it was me . When he found out he was disgusted and he said he didn’t want to be with me and that what u had done just put the icing on the cake and we were done. But he still continues to show me he does love me . What do I do ? Do I give him his space ?move on ? Move out ASAP will he ever take me back? Is he saying all this out of betrayal ?? . Please help give me some advice since you are a man yourself what would you do ?
admin
December 12, 2013 at 7:27 pm
Well, I don’t want to pass judgement but your relationship doesn’t seem healthy for either of you. If I was in your position… I would move on… I think you should be with a guy who doesn’t constantly cheat on you.
Brianna
December 12, 2013 at 7:48 pm
I just bought your guide . Thank you so much for your help I really appreciate it
anonymous
December 11, 2013 at 6:18 pm
Ok, so here it goes. I can’t believe I am typing this because this is something I NEVER NEVER NEVER thought I would do, but did. I went to a holiday party had about three cocktails and was dancing with friends and forgot what happened from midnight till 3am. My dad had to pick me up because I was passed out and I could not walk or drive and the next thing I know I am awake in bed. Anyways long story short, I got a Facebook invite the day after the party, by some random person whom I never met. I accepted the invite and noticed it was the DJ from the party. So I replied, some crazy party last night, right? He replied that we hooked up and that some people that were there were pretty upset about it, since I was so drunk. I freaked out and said that I didn’t know that I was doing that, and that I have no memory of that event. BUT I AM FREAKING OUT, because I have a boyfriend that I have been with for four years. I love him, he means everything to me. I don’t know how to move on from this and I am still in shock. I feel sick to my stomach and disgusted with myself. I wish i can remember what happened at the holiday party and what lead up to me hooking up with someone else. I am going to have to tell him the truth, I just don’t know where to begin. I know that you should never cheat on the one you love and even myself I have told my boyfriend that cheating is definitely a NO for me. Why did I do it? I just hate myself! I plan to tell him this weekend but like I said I don’t know where to start and if he breaks up with me I honestly, don’t know how I am going to live.
admin
December 12, 2013 at 2:00 am
Well, just manage your expectations right now.
angela
December 11, 2013 at 5:38 pm
hi. i really need an advice. please.it’s a long story. i am the culprit in this. it all happened because of me. it’s been 2 years and i am still not over him. i dated him for 3.5 years. it was a long distance thing. i was 19 then. it had a great begining but gradually long distance started taking its toll on us. we had fights , we broke up several times but in the end we were together. he loved me like crazy. i dont think i did the same. i was stupid . i was a flirt. but i did feel for him. he was a special person then n today. i but then after 3 yrs i got someone else and i kind of cheated on him. we were parting ways but still were together. used to cry alot fight alot. but in 2011 end we broke up. he asked me to not do this but i had started liking this new guy alot because i was gng thru some tough time . family wise n academically.this new guy held my hand n was with me. he(old guy) tried to approach me for a week or so but after tht he never talked . i had moved on. there used to be times when i used to miss him beccause i still had something something for him. after 3 4 months i even tried to call him but he had changed his contact number. i cudnt contact him. i wanted apologise. then after 4 more months my new guy dumped me for some other girl. i guess KARMA. bit me in my **** too. i cried like crazy. but i let him go. after a month or so i called the old guy . somehow found his number. told him eveything. he even said he will date me again. but tht lasted for jus 3 days. he said he cannot trust me anymore but he wanted to be with me. but the trust is no more. thats obvious. but since then i have tried to talk to him he even talks to me if i call him. but always says to move on. if i ask him if he has moved on , he says nothing. its been so long he has blocked me from facebook. he has not moved on. i know. he even asks me everytime i talk to him if im dating anybody,. i am single since then. i am not able to move on, i dont want to. i regret what i did. i have apologized a hundred times i swear. he never forgives me. he never calls me ., never. hes single too since then. he never talks properly now, i just wanna be with him . if i had to move on n not mean my aplogy then i would have ,moved on by that time only. but its been more than 2 years i havent coz i love him. will he ever come back.? i cant forget him i dont want to. he feels for me too i am sure. is it true tht if something is meant to be it will happen? please help.
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:58 am
Are you going to try no contact?
angela
December 12, 2013 at 2:50 pm
i have done tht many times. he never shows any interest. i had stopped talking to him in august,.. waited till november. but he never call or text . earlier he had blocked me from FB then he unblocked me when once he had apologized to me for being so rude . then he became same rude again and stopped all contacts and later on he blocked me again. i did not do any thing to piss him off. but now i again started messaging him.but he doesnt reply.
angela
December 12, 2013 at 2:52 pm
and also long distance thing really is tough . how to this no contact thing. he’s 35hours away from me.. but i am planning to visit him in a few months. n surprise him. u think this might change his thinking? its been 3 yrs we havent met but hes single am sure.(coz he told me so )
Katie
December 10, 2013 at 3:55 am
About a month into dating my now ex boyfriend I cheated and slept with a mutual friend. It was a huge mistake I made before we were in love and while highly intoxicated and feeling like I was the only one putting in a real effort towards our long distance relationship. Right after I did it I knew it was a huge huge mistake that only made me realize how much I wanted to make it work with person I was with. I never told him what happened and our relationship evolved for the better; we were completely in love, and he finally opened up which made me so happy and finally secure with where we were at. He talked about moving together and our future all the time. Several months later he heard a rumor about what happened and I lied and denied it until I convinced him it wasn’t true because I was too too terrified of losing him. Things were great for a couple weeks after that until his friends found out the rumor was true and told him. I finally admitted it was and tried to explain that it was early on in our relationship before we loved eachother but that there’s no excuse. He was so cold and angry towards me and wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I know I was dead wrong and made a huge mistake, but this guy is literally the love of my life and I know he was as crazy about me as I was for him. I NEED to get him back but I don’t know how with his friends and family all hating me and him being miles and miles away. I’ve started NC but what do you think my chances are of getting him back?
Molly
December 10, 2013 at 9:59 pm
I’m in your exact position, and I want my boyfriend back but he hates me! Mine happened a year and a half ago and he just found out I have no idea what to do 🙁
admin
December 10, 2013 at 7:10 pm
May I ask why you felt the need to cheat on him?
lisa martin
December 9, 2013 at 7:24 pm
I cheated on my high school sweetheart boyfriend devon. Were both Jehovah’s witnesses and are not suppost to date until you’re ready for marriage but we loved each other so we dated for over a year. We lost our virginitys to each other so naturally I wanted to be with him forever but then he said he wanted to take a break for a little while of course I was sad but I said find e and we stopped talking for a little bit and then I couldn’t take the silent treatment anymore so I tested him and we talked but then he ignored me again so I sent him some dirty pictures and then he started talking dirty like we used to but then again he ignored me so the only time he ever talked to me is if we were talking dirty or if I sent dirty pictures so I felt a little ignored and unappreciated so I agreed to hamgout with this guy who goes to school with me and we talked and he showed me videos of him playing piano and I said it was really good and he asked me if I wanted to go to his house and watch him play and I said yes well one thing led to another we did it for like 5 minutes and I told him to stop and we walked back to school I kept it for devon for like a month and I told him last night we were on a break and he called me a fucking slut bitch cheating fucking slut and it really hurt me it made me feel terrible about myself I’ve never been called that so I felt so sick to my stomach I didn’t mean to do it and I still love devon more then air I don’t know what to do I haven’t eaten in two days I just don’t feel like eating all I want to do is sleep I want him back reading your article made me feel a bit better but I don’t know what to so anymore please help!!
admin
December 10, 2013 at 6:38 pm
May I ask why you cheated on him?
Lisa Martin
December 10, 2013 at 8:52 pm
because he ignored me everytime i texted him and when we talked he was distant and this guy i cheated on him with was so nice and he flattered me which my boyfriend haddnt done in a while plus we were on a break so i had sex with him i feel terrible about it and i want him back he told me to f off and get out of his life forever
kim
December 8, 2013 at 8:41 pm
You say don’t contact him but What if he’s the one contacting you?
admin
December 9, 2013 at 6:56 pm
Yes don’t reply to him. That is the essence of NC.
Felicia
December 7, 2013 at 2:36 am
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and we lived together for 2 years. I cheated because I was intoxicated and I didn’t feel appreciated. I have no communication what so ever with the guy I cheated on him with. Last week I slept over at my friend Nick’s house but I SWEAR nothing happened I just needed some space because my boyfriend was drunk. Well he found out about everything since he went through my phone and read text messages from my girlfriends. I know Hunter is the love of my life and I want to be with him forever. We talked about getting married and even naming our children. I know I messed up so bad I’m just hoping he’ll talk to me. He responds to my text messages but I haven’t seen him since the night I moved out which was Tuesday night. What do I do!!
admin
December 7, 2013 at 7:56 pm
Can I ask what made you cheat on him?
Anne J
December 5, 2013 at 4:09 am
Hello! I wrote you before
I tried NC for about 3 weeks (is an special “no trust” situation, you recomended 2 weeks), then started texting and all went smooth, although I am the one who initiates the contact always. We hanged out one time last week, and this week we saw a movie in his house, all went from playing, touching, then kissing and confessions about how he can’t stop loving me and thinking about me and stuff, then we had sex… but in the middle of all, there was some mention to the reason we broke up, and the past relationship, and he says he wants to get over the anger and resentment, that he needs to heal from the pain caused by our past relationship, but doesn’t know how, and how long will it take him. At the end I didn’t want to push him so far, so I just told him that I respect his decision and honestly I don’t know if I want to wait for him to be ok. And that day and the next we texted, he told me about his day and sent kisses and stuff. But today he was kind of cold… I think he doesn’t want to get involved emotionally again, I am a little worried. what can I do??
We have broke up thousands of times for the same reason, and I tried hard to make things work, but he seems stuck with the anger
Please help
Anne J
December 5, 2013 at 4:13 am
He also said that seeing me that night, took away the sadness he felt the whole month for not being able to see me
admin
December 5, 2013 at 6:41 pm
I have a feeling that he is just drawn to you..
Anne J
December 6, 2013 at 5:33 am
“drawn” in a good way or in a bad way? 🙁
admin
December 6, 2013 at 7:57 pm
good.
Anne J
December 7, 2013 at 3:55 am
No, he just said he wants to close things in a good way, without fight, this week I will see him for the last time… He says he needs to heal, and it will take time, a year, 2 years… forever… who knows…
And I think I should just let him go… for good 🙁
Thank you very much for your advice
admin
December 7, 2013 at 8:03 pm
Well I wrote a guide on moving on so you may wanna check that out.
Dae
December 5, 2013 at 12:20 am
I didn’t cheat by having sex I cheated by kissing someone and letting him kiss my chest and I ended up telling my boyfriend 2 months later. My boyfriend cheated on me by kissing another girl and I took him back a week later and it’s been a month since I told him and he hasn’t took me back. What do I do?
admin
December 5, 2013 at 6:27 pm
You might want to check this guide out: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-make-an-ex-boyfriend-trust-you-again/
Tay Lei
December 4, 2013 at 1:09 am
I wanted to quickly add a couple things really quick.. He also told me that he deleted all of his instagram and Facebook so he doesn’t have to see anything about me. And that he asked his friends to not tell him anything about me because some would ‘look out for him’ and tell him things they saw or something. I just read one of your posts about how he will be checking up on me and he basically said he won’t be… Unless that’s the emotion talking.
Tay
December 3, 2013 at 7:46 pm
I am 22 and my recent ex just turned 23 in September. We have been together on and off since we met when I was almost 16. We have been more together than not together though. There were two years between us that he was just a jerk and went back and forth between wanting to be with me or dating around… and he sure would tell me he loved me but didn’t want a relationship then he would end up in a relationship with someone else or dating someone else. And he did this also after I had just gotten out of the hospital for something that was life threatening. I can’t recall how many times I’ve been devastated over things he has done to me.
But about 3 years ago we got back together and I felt continually unappreciated and taken for granted. He left for Mexico for 2 weeks with his family and while he was gone there was a guy at work that gave me the kind of attention I had always been lacking. He made me feel really attractive and we all just hung out as friends but it really made me realize that my relationship at the time wasn’t working out. When he got back from Mexico he said while he was gone he suddenly realized all these things but I said then I think it was too late, I had been feeling this way for way too long and I’m not sure if there’s a way out of it. We broke up. We were still talking and seeing each other but I did end up sleeping with this other guy about a week later. He went through my phone one evening when I was at his house, after this whatever it was between the guy at work and I had ended. We would still flirt and what not but I wasn’t interested in anything else coming out of it. And all hell kinda broke loose. He said I cheated on him and that I broke up with him just to sleep with this other guy which was not the case but either way eventually we worked through that issue and we got back together. He told me not to talk the guy anymore and he found a text I thought about sending to the other guy in my phone just apologizing for all the drama because I wasn’t totally honest with him either. As well as I found out he got arrested for something and I just called him to be like what the hell did you do not out of concern but I did have his number under a different persons name and he caught me with that as well.
Now the issue is a different guy at work, I don’t recall when he started because I was not at all interested in him or anything about him. Later on down the line something happened and I suddenly became attracted to him. Around Christmas time he gave me so much attention it was really nice. He kinda looked at me like I was the most attractive person on the planet everyone could see it when he looked at me and chemistry between us kinda came out of no where. You could see it from across the room. It was kind of more of an emotional thing because of the attention I was getting until about January. We began sleeping together and he had a girlfriend that he had been with since he was 16 as well. So personally that connection with us being kinda in the same spot I believe helped us connect on a deeper level for myself at least. I had gained all these feelings for him just because the attention he gave me was exactly what i wanted. I stopped seeing my boyfriend at the time as much because I knew what was going on wasn’t right. Even though him and I both knew this was wrong we continued it and eventually my boyfriend and I broke up in March because I just couldn’t express all the things about our relationship that were bothering me and I knew what was going on couldn’t continue the way it was. We didn’t talk for about 4 months and I continued to see this other guy on and off since he was still with his girlfriend I would try to put an end to things because I knew it wasn’t right and I didn’t want to be in that situation and he couldn’t figure out what he was doing or what he wanted… Which I was also doing when my ex and I were still together as well. So his girlfriend eventually did find out about his affair and they broke up and him and I continued to have fun and hang out and such. My ex came back into the picture on a night I got really drunk and called him just because I couldn’t take it anymore. We started talking again but I was still seeing the other guy too. Eventually my ex went through my phone again and saw that I was still seeing someone else, yet he was seeing someone at the time too.. And he told me that he just didn’t see us working out because something felt off about us. He never told me that he knew I was seeing someone else or anything of the sort. The other guy and I still saw each other on and off then one night with him everything kind of exploded and went down the hill. He thought I was looking for a commitment to him of which he said he wasn’t in any place to make to me and I said no that’s not what I’m asking for I just want to know what we’re doing here and he could never give me an answer so it was just that time to walk away from that. He felt that how we started ruined what good we could of ever been and I don’t really care because I don’t think him and I would of ended up together. During this whole time my ex found himself a new girlfriend for that month. Which made me walking away much easier because I was furious about the guilt he gave me for seeing someone else when he just ended up in a relationship anyways. But he ended up reaching out to me in an email and this is when I found out that he knew I had been seeing someone else and that he just knew then that he had to walk away from me. He said he jumped into things with her to deal with not having me. Eventually we did get back together and had been back together for about a month now but he still thought that the other guy was in the picture. I texted the other guy just to say happy thanksgiving and my bf at the time saw it. He said he’s seen his number pop up on my phone a couple times when I’ve been at his house. He also said that he knew about the affair all a long but he didn’t want to say anything and just held it in. He never wanted to talk about it or get into any detail about it. He said he’s read things recently about me wanting to work things out with this guy and that if he hadn’t told me he didn’t want to be my boyfriend we would havve never gotten back together. He was borrowing my old computer and I had snapshots of texts in my pictures from the beginning of this year when we were together to when we weren’t together during the summer too. And there’s one he can’t get out of his head and that was me saying to this other guy that it’s hard having him and it’s hard not having him… This was sent when my ex and I had been broken up and he (the guy i was seeing) was still with his girlfriend and I had to see him all the time but I knew it wasn’t right continuing what we were doing under the circumstances still too. And my ex took this as a very very emotional statement. He was angry and told me I’m untrustworthy and unfaithful and that he will never let me in his life again when I saw him the other night. I was at his house trying to talk to him and he didn’t want to hear any of it.. Eventually he began to cry and I tried to hug him, he tried to stop me but eventually let me and we were both crying about the situation. It’s about 3 or 4 am at this point and he says I should probably go but I was in no place to leave yet. He said it again about 30 minutes later, he said you should probably go because you have school in the morning.. But i just said I can’t leave right now, I had been crying so much it was difficult to see. He didn’t face me when sleeping at all but didn’t completely stop me from putting my arm around him. When he left for work I stood at the door and just asked him to look at me and he said he couldn’t I asked why and he just began to cry again and said don’t you realize what you’ve done and I gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek and he left. I continued to text him yesterday of which he responded to. He thinks I have other guys juts lined up and I can say I don’t want to be with anyone else. I know where I want to be and he thinks i’m just so unsure after everything has happened. I feel like i emotionally destroyed him and he was responding till about 7:30 yesterday and he hasn’t responded to me since. I want to save this and heal what I broke. I was absolutely devastated seeing what I did to him. But it is hard for me too because that relationship with the other guy is over but he questions that because of that thanksgiving text and what he believes he has seen in my phone supposedly. He says if it was really over I wouldn’t continue talking to the guy and I even told him if I had known everything he knew I would have never continued to talk to him at all and I know that makes me sounds terrible…
I honestly feel like a terrible person and I don’t know what to do. I’m at a complete loss. He believes whole heartedly that I wouldn’t be with him if the other guy would be with me which is bullshit because I could have continued to just see that guy and have fun like we were doing but I didn’t want to do that. We still would talk every now and then not very often thought. He says that I’m the one that begins and reaches out to these people. It’s not them it’s me so it says that I don’t know what I want. He says the happy thanksgiving was me reaching out to say I’m still here yet that’s where the conversation ended and I had already told other people the same thing as is…
I’m sorry this is so long.. I don’t know what to do?!
admin
December 5, 2013 at 12:34 am
Have you been able to implement the NC rule yet?
Tay Lei
December 5, 2013 at 3:30 am
I haven’t tried speaking to him since yesterday. So for the most part, yes.
But that does seem to make me a little nervous since I am the one that made a mistake and really hurt him. I guess I’m just afraid that if I don’t keep trying he will be sure that I don’t care if I’m with him..
admin
December 5, 2013 at 6:42 pm
Its ironic that almost all women worry about this when the opposite is usually true.
Tay Lei
December 5, 2013 at 7:10 pm
Why is that though? I could say from my own perspective if a man did this to me and he left me alone I would think he didn’t care about what happens with us..
One more thing as well, what do you think my chances are? Because I’m thinking pretty little. Others think he’ll come around.
admin
December 6, 2013 at 7:14 pm
Well lets look at your other options. You could go on like things are no which probably isn’t a winning formula, you could bug him to death effectively ruining your chances or you can do NC the only thing that has a track record of success.
Tay Lei
December 7, 2013 at 6:09 pm
Yeah… It’s definitely not an easy process that’s for sure though.
I was reading over your post on the NC rule and I still don’t understand how that shows him that I do care especially now… If that makes sense?
SSS
December 3, 2013 at 4:38 pm
Hi there! I’ve cheated on my bf with his friend. And we went through a lot since then. Obviously I want him back. He met up with his friend and he knows everything now. And now he is texting me, saying that he wants to talk to me for the last time. And saying that he hates me and loves me at the same time, and that it is very painful. Should I reply to him? Or I just have to keep quiet for a while as you adviced?
admin
December 3, 2013 at 8:14 pm
May I ask why you cheated on him?
Anne
December 3, 2013 at 4:53 am
I know this isn’t your typical response to this article but I tend to think the worst of any situation and need your feedback. I’ve read your other responses and value your opinion. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and everything was going incredibly. until he was about to leave for university, which is why I believe it was a coping mechanism to the fear of him leaving. (Not trying to blame him) I was intoxicated and cheated then two nights later did the same thing. I feel awful about it and think about the guilt constantly. I haven’t talked to the person I cheated with and I can’t imagine breaking up with my boyfriend. I’ve been cheated on before and I know how terrible it feels and I can’t believe I did it to him. I can’t even own up to my own mistakes, I just can’t tell him, what do I do?
admin
December 3, 2013 at 7:54 pm
Have you read my trust guide yet?