How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If YOU Cheated On Him- Advice & Help

1,990 thoughts on “You Want Your Ex Back After Cheating On Him…. Here’s What To Do”

Penny

December 2, 2013 at 5:02 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 nights ago cause he caught me kissing another guy at a bar. It was an event of his friend and most of his friends (and flatmate) saw it. Thing is, i had too much to drink and had no recollection of what happened. He left me there and i ended up at his friend’s place (with a bandaged head cause i had a fall and cut myself) and his flatmate was there as well. I heard what i did from his flatmate and was devastated. My ex refuse to see me and contact me. He left my stuff over at my front door the next day and the last text he sent me was “I am trying to forget the memories we had. I hate u and i swear i never wanna see you again. You wont be lonely for long cause you will find someone else soon enough.” We have been dating for 9 months and 2 months ago he found out i cheated on him when i first met him with my ex-fiance. At that time of the cheating, i thought things were not serious. That was a weak defence but it was the only defence i had and that was the truth. He told me he never trusted me but eventually opened up and told me that he loves and trust me. But things got really bad 3 nights ago and to push me away even further, he said he has cheated on me before on 3 separate occasions. I was confused at this. If he did what he did, wouldn’t that make his case more severe than mine? I dont know if that was drunk angry talk or the truth. We both work for the same company and we both live 10 minutes away. I know that the 30 days NC seem relevant but i want him back. He threathened me that he’s gonna sleep with anyone when he gets a chance to. And we both travel for a living so thats not hard for him.

I have to admit. We have had intimacy problems even before this whole shenanigan happened. I can say we were starting to be less intimate after 5 months into the relationship. But i still did not cheat. Only that 1 time with my ex-fiance when me and this guy dated for a few weeks. I know alcohol tends to make all your problems show when you are drunk. I had no recollection of kissing that other guy at the bar. Who knows i actually thought that it was my man? And alcohol impaired my judgements? I just dont know what to do. What should i do? Sorry for the long post.
Jay

December 2, 2013 at 4:43 pm

Hi, I really need some help.
About 4 months ago I was cheating on my ex and lied about it constantly. Anytime I’d hang out with the other guy I’d tell him I’m with friends and my phone has no signal etc. by the way we had just started being long distance for the second time. We were together two years and they were amazing. Anyway, after he found out, he hated me didn’t talk to me told me to never talk to him again. About a month later we tried to work on things, but we were both seeing other people (I was still seeing the guy I cheated on him with). A week into this , I told him I’d stopped talking to the guy but I didn’t. He saw a pic of us together at a party and basically told me to screw off. Now, two months later he’s contacted me wanting to work on things. I’ve stopped talking to the guy I was seeing and made this clear to my ex, he seems to believe me.

We are still in different countries and he is still with his girlfriend. The only reason he’s with her is because he has to live with her for certain circumstances. However, if I go back he says he would want to see how things are for a little bit and then get a place with me. I told him I’d come back to try n work on things with him so we can actually see each other and so on. The only thing is he really doesn’t trust me and he thinks the worst of me, he thinks im a completely different person to what he has known me to be for two years. I can see that he wants to work on things, but how can I get him past all of this? I don’t want to return to the country he’s in only for him to not want me back in the end. I’m willing to go through moving back just to be with him and putting up with watching him be with his girlfriend because I really love him. Please help 🙁
Guilty

December 1, 2013 at 7:08 pm

My boyfriend of two years and I have split up, I went to visit him (we live 200 miles apart) I told him I had cheated eight months ago and I wanted to tell him and just be honest, he was understandably upset we spent another 3 days together then I went home…..he finished me the next day and we managed to talk and sorted things out….we were due to move into a new house before Christmas …..then the day after he sends me a picture of him kissing another woman I rang and this girl was screaming at me down the phone……I later found out from a friend of his that it was a set up…..he has told everybody that I cheated and told my sister he loves me to bits but can’t see me anymore…..I sent messages trying to have a conversation he ignored me for a week then I got a message saying I’m not interested anymore bye…..should I take this as its over or give him time and see if he will talk to me…..bye his family hated me before this happened so are very happy about this we had issues as he does as he is told by his family even over me when things were ok

admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:30 pm

May I ask why you cheated on him?
guilty

December 2, 2013 at 7:26 pm

i cheated because i was lonely, and also drunk, i dont want to make excuses i know i shouldnt have done it, but i had to tell him as we were engaged and i didnt want to marry with any lies….
admin

December 3, 2013 at 7:19 pm

Have you read this yet: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-make-an-ex-boyfriend-trust-you-again/
Guilty

December 4, 2013 at 12:13 am

Yes I have now…..I have to admit I messaged him all the first week saying sorry etc and got no reply…I waited two days and told him I loved him and didn’t want to be with anybody else…..I then got a message from him saying I’m not interested anymore bye…..I said fair enough and have not contacted him since 5 days now….should I just take it that it’s over and move on
guilty

January 29, 2014 at 6:15 pm

Just wanted to update how things worked out, after reading information on this site I did the no contact rule, it has now been 2 months, the only message I have had was 2 days ago when he said come and get your things i said ok when?, he replied tell me what day it will be in the garden and i will be out…..and thats it!! but to be honest the way it was worded i dont think it was him that actually typed the message, so at the end of the day, i have come to learn dont ever cheat again and I got everything i deserved, im putting down as a lesson learned and moving on 600 miles away ! I still love him but im sure that these feelings will get easier to deal with in time………good luck to everybody going through the same thing and if your boyfriend does take you back in the end….dont mess it up!!!

Elle

December 1, 2013 at 1:40 am

Hi okay so me and my bf broke up 3 weeks ago. We were kind of talking about getting back together but never fully discussed it properly because we are both busy. Anyways I went to a concert a few days ago and was drinking and my friends left me alone with this guy that they new. I was just talking to him most of the night being nice I think maybe he took t as flirting but anyways something happened with my friend I won’t get into it and I couldn’t go home with her so since this guy lived closed to me he drove me home I also found out he was my ex’s friend so obviously I trusted him more. But like in the car he started kissing me and I stoped him because I didn’t want to. But like I told my ex because I didn’t want his friend saying something or making up something or incase we were to get back together I didn’t want to lie. But I feel so terrible and so stupid and even though we weren’t together I feel like I cheated and idk how to fix it because he told me to never speak to him again.

admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:36 pm

May I ask why you cheated on him?
Elle

December 1, 2013 at 8:30 pm

Well idk if it’s cheating if we’ve been broken up for 3 weeks. But his friend drove me home and when he parked the car we were just talking and he just started geting closer and closer to my face and kissed me. (Before this boyfriend of mine well I guess my ex I was only with one other person for 5years never dated anyone else ad I’ve never kissed cheated or anything- so I was kind of shocked when his friend tried kissing me I was expecting that to happen at all). For me it was a mistake that I wish never happened. And I can’t explain that to my ex because he’s just pissed of right now especially since he also knows it was his friend that I kissed.
admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:39 pm

He will come back down to earth eventually. Itll just take some time.
Elle

December 3, 2013 at 12:05 am

So should I just leave him alone for now? I honestly don’t think he’ll be coming back down to earth he’s a stubborn person.
admin

December 3, 2013 at 7:40 pm

Have you read my guide on trust?

melissa

November 30, 2013 at 7:29 pm

as i mentioned earlier its been 6 months since we broke up.during that time i have broken the NC rule.i texted him on and off for 4 months.i even drunk texted him twice.( currently im on NC for 2 mnths)so i think 2 months of NC is not enough in my case.am i wrong?and can u tell wethr theres a chance of us getting back together.i just need someone else to understand the situation and give me an advice.

admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:08 pm

There is a chance BUT a chance doesn’t mean you will succeed. Just know that before you got too overexcited.

Karissa

November 29, 2013 at 7:59 am

My story is a headache and might take awhile… :/ I really need someones help tho.

Could you possibly message me ?

admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:26 am

Well I usually only respond to people in the comments…

Crystal E

November 27, 2013 at 2:06 am

Hi, My boyfriend and I of 3 years broke up last week. Well he broke up with me. He caught me talking to one of my friends about one of my past lovers while in a relationship with him. He also saw some emails I was sending with an older man who wanted a beneficial relationship with me. I didn’t have any type of relationship with the man. As a matter of fact I was really scared of continuing a conversation with him. Well he saw the messages and was very hurt and disappointed. I tried talking to him. He called me a “gold digging slut” which surprised me because he had never disrespected me before that. Well I feel very bad and guilty. I tried talking to him the day after he broke up with me, but ever since he disrespected me that way I haven’t spoken to him. It’s been a week, I want to let him calm down. But I’m not sure if he would ever take me back? I do want him back, he’s not the type to hold grudges against people but since he actually disrespected me that way I don’t know if he would want me back? In my case how long should I wait? We had many plans for the holidays, but I messed them all up.

admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:46 pm

Have you read my article on trust? You should really check it out.

Tasha

November 26, 2013 at 7:16 am

My boyfriend caught me cheating on him yesterday. His cousin was kissing me in the bathroom I tried to push him away but he was huge compared to me. I cant remember anything because all three of us were drinking and I drank wayg to much. All I know is I woke up and went to the othr room to lay with him and he didn’t want me to touch him he wouldn’t even turn his body towards me or speak to me. In a conclusion this isn’t the first time hes caught me cheating I use to text another guy but we never did anything physical. Anyways I’m giving him space. Is there anymore I can do?

admin

November 26, 2013 at 8:10 pm

Man you have a tough road ahead. Start NC up.

Madison Jade

November 25, 2013 at 1:17 am

I’m a 22 year old girl. I guess that’s important. I was with this guy. He was amazing. We were together for 2.5 years, and broke up about 7 months ago. I thought we were going to get married and be together forever. I really did. But then, I had a meltdown and made mistakes. I had a way-too-early life-crisis, because I was terrified of the future. I was terrified of graduating college and getting a job and starting a life. I was scared. I met this other guy. I didn’t like him at first in any way other than friends. But we talked a lot and… well long story short, it broke me and my ex up. Then I ended up dating this new guy. While I didn’t technically cheat on my ex, I’m sure that is how it feels to him. Anyway, my current bf went away a little while ago. He’s coming back in 20 days. Shortly after starting to see this guy, I sorted my life out and got over my miniature breakdown, and I’ve spent pretty much every day since shortly after starting to date this guy (every day since figuring myself out) missing my ex. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him or think about him. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how easy it would be to slip back into my life with him. And not a day goes by where I don’t think… what have I done? I’ve been trying to give it time, to see if it was just a temporary thing. But I’ve been in a downward spiral.

My ex told me, when we were breaking up, to talk to him once I’ve figured things out for myself. But… would he ever forgive me? Can we truly regain what we had? I haven’t spoken to him because… I’m afraid to. I’m afraid he is going to say he hates me. Deep down, I’m afraid of him telling me that there’s no chance for us.

My question is… do I really miss him? I have looked into similar situations that others have gone through and people tell them that they only miss the memories and times spent with their ex, not actually their ex. But I can’t help but feel like I still love him. I mean, I KNOW I will always love him. But do I miss him, or our amazing time together?

And part of me thinks… this is my own fault and now I have to deal with the consequences. I don’t deserve my ex back. He was nothing but wonderful to me. He really was the best guy I could have dreamed of. But … what’s the saying? “I made my bed and now I have to lay in it.” I deserve this…

And part of me wonders as well… do I only miss my ex so much because my new boyfriend has been away? Will that change once he is with me again? Am I just lonely? I mean, sure, I started missing my ex BEFORE my current boyfriend went away. But I’m sure being alone is adding to it. Right?

This new guy really is great and I don’t want to give him up if this is just a passing phase. I don’t want to make another mistake. But I’ve given these feelings so much time to go away, and they just aren’t. Some days are worse than others. But it’s always there. I just don’t know how to sort through all of these feelings.

So, I’m asking for your help. I don’t know what to do. Please, I need advice.

admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:46 pm

I don’t think you should give the new guy up… thats just my personal opinion.

melissa

November 23, 2013 at 6:45 pm

hi!i met him at a match last year.at that time i was goin out wit my bf of 8 months.i was havin second thoughts about that relationship cz i felt lik we are nt that close anymore.however i met him during this time and he realy fell for me.we started talking and we two realy got close.i didnt tell him that i had a bf.eventualy we started goin out and i felt lik he is the one.at the same time i felt guilty cz i hd been cheatin on him.howevr aftr 2 months into the relationship he found out.and was realy hurt.he somehw wanted me back.i was abit reluctant at frst.i told him i needed time to change myself.i needed to make myself (u knw stp tlkin to guys nd make him realise that i have changed for him) he was ready to wait for me.aftr 2 months i met this guy at college nd we two gt close.at dis tym i was stil tlkin to my ex.i tld him abt this new guy nd promised him that nothins gnna happen between me nd him.bt one day he texted me nd said dt he wants to stp evrything he has wit me cz of dt new guy at college.i ws so hurt cz i was nt having anytin wit that guy.i said okay nd we stpd tlkin thinking that he wil come back lik he did befo.aftr smetym i realised that he ws nt gnna come bak.i decided to contact him again.he sounded dffrnt and less caring.and i knew that he has changed.during this time i realy changed myself.i stopped talkin and flirting wit all da guys and i was completly honest to him.he did nt believe any of da thins i said.my friends spoke to him to make him understand.bt he jst wouldnt giv me a chance.i finaly decided to giv up nd move on.and later on i got to know that aftr me he hd strtd seeing anther grl nd he didnt tel me.when i askd wethr he cheated on me while we two on a break he said dt he did nt cheat.bt nw he admits that he hs a gf.it has been 6 months since we hav broken up nd 2 mnths since we have completly stpd tlkin.i jst cnt foget him.i have waited more than 30 days witout talking.i dnt knw wat to do.should i move on or wait fr him to realise that i have completly changed for him?i know im being stupid bt its realy hard to fgt wt we had and jst move on

admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:28 pm

You are not being stupid.

What are your texts to him looking like now that you are past NC?
melissa

November 28, 2013 at 6:19 pm

should i wait more to contact him?if i am to contact him wat should i tel him.i mean hw shud i start the conversation? im just scared dt he wil nt show any interest in tlkin to me.that will defintly hurt my feelings alot.do u think two months of NC is nt enuf in my scenario?
admin

November 29, 2013 at 1:59 am

Why is two months not enough?
melissa

November 24, 2013 at 8:55 pm

last time i texted him was on our anniversry day.i sent him a text nd askd him nt to reply.bt he hd replied sayin dt he remembrs nd dt he wishes it ws never thia way.i dint reply him bak bcz i know if i talk to him i wil get hurt.since then i hvnt contacted him.nw its been almst 2 mnths.i realy miss him everyday.i dnt knw wt da next step shud be
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:25 pm

Well just stick to the plan.. I know its tough but you are doing the right thing in NC.

Joanna

November 21, 2013 at 8:16 pm

Need advice!

Me and my xbf got back together in September, things had been going AMAZING we both couldnt believe how happy we were together. The feelings were extremely intense on both ends. On Saturday night he was supposed to be where I was but never ended up coming and was not giving me clear reasons why. He was being extremely sketchy, short and careless with me and i started to get angry and felt like he was doing something wrong. Alchohol was involved and I ended up making a really poor decision and went to another club where my x bf was. I ended up kissing my x in front of my current boyfriends best friends. They obviously told him and now i cant get him to respond to me. I tried calling, texting, emailing him tryng to explain myself and the only reply i got from him was “youre gross”. I have not contacted him since tuesday because he wont respond to me anyways. I love this person and really need to fix what i have done. please any advice?

admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:15 pm

Are you goign to stick to NC?

Crystal

November 21, 2013 at 5:46 pm

Hi, there, my bf and i just broke up it hasn’t been 24 hrs, I was cheating on him emotional with someone else emotional and having inappropriate conversations with the other guy..and he found those messages I did not sleep with him but the conversation was really graphic but not only that i am a flirt and i was working on that but he has seen messages before not to this magnitude but just flirting so its not the first time..saying he was angry and hurt is an understatement. the reasons i did what i did was because of his uncertainty of wanting to be in this relationship he has broken up with me before so that he can just focus on himself. and the first time he did that the hurt i felt was indescribably I’ve never dealt with a death but that is what it felt like ..the second time I started talking to someone else.. we were together for 4 yrs and i truly do love and want him in my life he is my best friend and the only man i’ve ever seen myself marrying ..but now he wants absolutely nothing to with me he feels betrayed and like i disrespected him and the relationship and theres is no point on getting back together because he will never feel the same about me and i understand why. i wasn’t honest with him. i should’ve told him how i was feeling instead of doing what i did.. how can i get this man back he has never done anything wrong to me and he is worth me fighting for. I want to change the way he thinks of me. and start over ..what can i do!

admin

November 22, 2013 at 6:48 pm

Well, go into NC.

Also, I have a new guide coming up soon that I think is going to apply to you BIG TIME!
Crystal

November 23, 2013 at 4:52 am

we are in nc right now i told him i’d give hime his space..when will your new guide be up? and ty for responding
admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:57 pm

I am hoping to have it done by the weekend. Plan on working today on it… Saturday 🙁

T

November 20, 2013 at 6:47 am

I cheated on my boyfriend he’s soooo hurt but is trying to make us work he broke up with me but came and took me out then got mad all over again and keeps asking me details about what happened he hacked my texts calls emails and everything so he knows too much and it crushed his ego. He wants to work it out but doesn’t know how to deal with this. What can we do what can I do it’s been only 6 days since this has came out and this is my first and last time cheating I’m usually on the other side but I hate I hurt him so bad he even lost his mom this year and is so hurt by that too we’ve been in love years now

admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:51 pm

I have a new post coming up that you may find interesting.

Tish

November 19, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Hi, I was in a 5.5 year relationship that started in college. There were several up and down moments and occasions where we both hurt each other. He ended our relationship once to go on spring break single, and ended up hooking up with a girl while he was there, and the night he got back he came back to me and wanted to get back together – I forgave him very quickly and took him back (looking back I should have made it more of a challenge than I did, but I am quick to forgive)
WE got back together and were doing so well – then we graduated college and he left to go over seas (not military) – I didn’t see him for 8 months straight, but we did talk as much as we could. I know during that time I shut down emotionally to continue functioning and going day to day – this was now 2.5 years into our relationship. While he was away there was obviously a void that was left and a friendship developed that I should have never let happen.
I prefer to no talk about these things because I am letting them go as part of my healing process and soul searching – and holding on to them will not help with moving forward.
Long story short – the friendship that developed became a daily interaction because it was with a coworker. when my boyfriend got back to the states we were still long distance for almost another year, putting us 4 years into our relationship before he finally moved to the same state as me.

I had always told him I wanted to start a family young – he asked for a timeline from me (I did not give him an ultimatum) and I told him I would like to be married by 25 – by the time our 5 year anniversary rolled around I was going to be 26 in 5 months. I have recognized this as a resentment because I supported his dream of playing overseas and my dream of starting a family young was not even being addressed in my eyes.

(this story really isn’t getting much shorter) but I did cheat on him with this person I developed a close friendship with – he had become my best friend in a very inappropriate way – but none the less he gave me the emotional support and attention that I craved. So one thing led to another unfortunately and I made decisions I wish I never had. I was on a trip in July to a wedding (that I asked my ex to go on with me several times but his response was it didn’t make sense to spend the money, so I went with a girlfriend) – while I was gone he went through my things and found cards that the “other man” had given me for Christmas that were signed “love” and had some suggestive language in them. I got back and he waited 5 days before asking me about them, I tried to lie my way out of it – which was stupid and a huge mistake but I was terrified of losing him. He obviously was furious with me and broke up with me. I will admit I did act a little of it and tried calling and talking and fixing things as quickly as I could – I was in panic mode. I cut the other man out of my life.
My ex would agree to see me ever so often, we had dinners, I tried to be as available as I could, I tried as much as I could to show him I was sorry, we slept together even – then now, November, he is cutting me out completely. I asked him to tell me what he wanted and to tell me if he knew he could never love me again – and he won’t.

What are my next steps? I know I want him and I would never do this to anyone ever again – but I also don’t want to stare at a closed door when I feel like he is out hanging out with so many different girls and enjoying his single life.

admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:11 pm

I am working on a new guide that talks all about trust… you may want to wait for that.
Tish

November 20, 2013 at 5:22 pm

Thank you – do you know when that will be available? Is there anything you would recommend in the meantime? I am currently 4 days into NC.
admin

November 20, 2013 at 6:02 pm

I have some stuff to knock out but hopefully by next week.
Tish

November 25, 2013 at 5:38 am

Thank you for completing your trust guide/article. I have a couple of questions I just wanted she guidance on if possible. Unfortunately I didn’t find your site until a if weeks ago and I’m already 4 months post break up. I wish I had found early bc I didmake a lot of the common mistakes you write about. The last time I saw my ex was almost 3 weeks ago and he agreed to see me. We talked a little but then he said he thought it was best we don’t talk or see each other anymore that that was the last time – I was obviously upset but agreed bc we were both exhausted. At one point he said he didn’t want this to be our last time. .I asked are you sure he said yes, and I haven’t heard from him since. I have heard he is consistently dating someone else and has introduced her to really good friends if his. I want to reject their relationship but I know I want him and see my future with him. I have no interest in dating around our anything, and I am trying to have the blind faith. .. but am I just waiting time? There is a really good friend that I do hang out with bc he got me out of the house, for me moving, kept me from sitting at home crying all the time and helped me start eating again – is that person going to ruin any chances I do have?
admin

November 25, 2013 at 8:06 pm

Well, I am going to be writing a guide on when to know when its time to give up so you may want to check that out when it comes out.
Tish

December 9, 2013 at 7:40 pm

A quick update on this – so it was roughly a month since I last talked to my ex and I obviously still observed but from a distance, and I noticed he was seemingly dating someone – so I sent him a very nice email. It was a genuinely nice email with no agenda. I told him I was very happy for him and it was good to see him look so happy and smile again. I told him I could now let him go, because that is what you do when you love someone – you let them go to be happy. So later that day I got a text from him saying, “I’m not sure where you’re getting this information i’m not in a relationship.” I didn’t answer him…then he texted me 3 hours later again and said “I guess i’m not getting a response to that question”. I replied with “I’m sorry – I wasn’t sure what response there was.”..he responded with “would you like to come over and talk?”, Me:”I’m not sure what else could be talked about especially at this hour, what difference does it make what I think” Him:”well you seem to be convinced that I have a girlfriend when I don’t. I have no idea where this is coming from and i’d be open to seeing you tonight at my place as I can’t drive bc of an injury” – so I ultimately ended up going over there. We started talking and I explained to him that the email wasn’t malicious and was genuine best wishes for him. That I hadn’t been told anything from anyone and that I do not talk to him and his business with anyone, it was just something I observed. He then told me that over the past week he had been thinking and that he wanted to tell me that with everything we’ve been through he forgave me. Which was monumental to me. The next night he asked me if me and the dog that we had gotten together before we broke up would like to come over – I told him we’d absolutely love to come over and hang out with him. so we did – it was a very good night, we cuddled, he was using the blanket that I had made for him as a gift one year for Christmas and we hung out, had dinner and talked. Over the weekend it seemed like he was starting to get really distant again – shorter texts, asked if I could help him go get groceries since he still can’t drive and I couldn’t help until later, so he got another friend to help him. I sent him a text asking that if at some point we could talk about what his motive was behind the night he told me he forgave me, why what I think matters to him, and what his end game was. He said that’s fine, it really is a pretty simple conversation and we can do that. I just responded with “simple is fantastic at this point, thank you”

Today at lunch I went over there to talk. He said that he doesn’t want to get into anything with anyone and that he is really needing to take this time to himself. He said he needed to reevaluate his goals both short and long term. He asked what all I had been doing to make positive changes in my life, if I was healthy, and that he hoped eventually he would be able to get back to himself with being able to communicate with me.

What would you recommend my next steps being. I had planned on not contacting him or reaching out to him until he did so first. I told him I had no interest in recreational physical interactions, but that if he wanted to just hang out and get to know each other again, then I would always make time for him. Do you have any other recommendation?
Tish

November 25, 2013 at 5:41 am

I’m sorry I don’t want to reject their relationship – that was supposed to be respect. I want to show him that I love him uncondutionally and that if he is happy I am happy for him – even though I want to be the one to make him happy.

Danielle

November 19, 2013 at 2:14 am

I just started dating an old high school friend in June. We hit it off instantly and our relationship skyrocketed. We texted and called each other everyday. He’s in the military and he lives three hours away from me, but he went out of his way when we first start dating to make sure he made it to see me every weekend. He’s in the military and started going overseas for weeks at a time. I noticed a lot of things started to change. He was more rude and indifferent. I started to feel very unappreciated and we got into arguments constantly. We had a big spat, broke up and stopped texting each other for 2 weeks. I started talking to an old co worker of mine that was there for me when I was going through the breakup. Then at the beginning of the month, my ex showed back up on my doorstep. He and I sat down and discussed why he acted the way he acted and made up, but I didn’t cut ties off from the other guy and he posted a status about finding the “one” on facebook like we were an item. My ex’s (now bf again) got word of the facebook posts and completely spazzed out. He just said “have fun with so-and-so” and left. He’s cut his phone off and has completely ignored me. I want to try to explain to him that I was just buying time and trying to find the right way to break it off to the other guy. I really love my ex and want to be with him but he won’t have anything to do with me. I’m lost. What should I do?

admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:40 pm

What have you tried so far? NC?

Kim

November 19, 2013 at 1:15 am

Hello,
Thank you for interesting forum. My boyfriend (maybe x now) and I have known each other almost 6 years but we were like on and off. We became more serious 2½ years ago and live together the last year. He saw my old ( kind of initmate)emails i wrote with a guy i liked before i met my now bf. He saw that i kept writing to the guy and the worst thing is that i didn’t tell the guy that either i had a bf or i lived with a bf. Probably that is the worst part. My bf was very angry and 2 days later he just moved out. I kept sms him probably 1000 times at apoligize, promise him that i won’t write to the guy again. He wouldn’t listen, i wouldn’t even write back. 2 days after he came to the apartment saying that he ‘d give me a chance to say what i had to say,so i did, but it doesn’t seem to help. He has already made decision.
He said the feeling he has to me is not that same. And how he can trust me and that i might do it again if he forgives me. He said he tried to focus on the future and not the past, but how can he love somebady he doesn’t trust and he can’t future living with somebody he doesnt trust. He said he probably doesnt love me anymore. And i asked him if he loved me before he found out about this cheating story. He said ‘yes’
Can anyone stop loving someone so fast ( like overnight)? I m thinking about going to meet him at work but i m not sure if it’s a good idea. What can i do?

Betty

November 22, 2013 at 1:06 am

If you ever truely love someone, I mean true love. That love never goes away. we learn to accept things but the love never dies.
It sound’s like you had issued from the beginning and the right foundations weren’t in place, that a break up seemed inevitable based on the on and off type relationship. Having a disagreement isn’t cause for a break up in a healthy adult relationship – it sounds like you both need to work on yourselves to be able to be better as a couple. in the end, the question you need to ask yourself is: what was the underlying reason you felt you needed to be in contact with this other person? there was obviously something you weren’t getting from your relationship that this other person was providing.
I’ve been there, I was in a relationship for 7 years, we were best friends before we got together. I wasn’t feeling that we were going anywhere, i felt like he was no longer interested so I did the hardest thing i could and ended the relationship to work on myself, in the hopes that things would get better. i started seeing an old friend from school and this relationship quickly made me realise I wanted my ex. But sadly, the hurt i caused him from breaking up with him was too much in the end. we did get back together but there wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t make me feel bad for having broken up with him in the first place, our relationship in the last year was messy, he ended up cheating on me and I ended it. We remainded friends afterward for quiet a long time until he got a new girlfriend – she had a problem with him being friends with me.
It’s been 4 years now since we broke up and i still think of him every day. i care about him deeply and wish him well. i often wonder if we were to get back together now whether enough time had passed that we would work. I miss him everyday. For many years I felt we would get married, now I’m with someone new.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:38 pm

Yes they can unfortunately BUT I hold on to the beleif that if you have a strong emotional bond with someone that bond doesn’t just go away overnight.

sharmistha

November 17, 2013 at 12:23 pm

Your article is very interesting and is very convincing. Now I am feeling, may be I have a chance to get him back. I would like to narrate my story in short.
Me and my bf was in relationship for two years. Its exactly six months he broke up with me because I had some intimate chats with one of my classmates. I love him a lot. After break up, we were in contact each and everyday. Still now we are in good contact. Sometimes we both get upset by discussing the past. We meet often. Once a week may be. He is seeing other girls. Not a single girl, two or three girls are there. I don’t know whether he is in love with any of them. But he is not happy, that’s what he says. I apologized like a dog and begged him to come back like a begger. But he never shows interest. When he gets emotional, some of his words make me think that he is also not happy with this break up. Now tell me what to do. Today also we had a fight. He blames me like anything and points my Fault whenever he gets a chance. I know I will never cheat him again, but he laughs at these words. Please suggest me something. I want us to be happy together. I know he will be happy if we get back together. Please help.

admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:01 pm

Well maybe you need to make the words your own so they don’t make him laugh you know?

Sarah D.

November 16, 2013 at 3:21 am

Hey, thanks for creating this resource for us all.

I was with a man for about 2 years. We had a rough start due to his lies and infidelity, but I forgave him. But, deep down I knew I couldn’t be with someone like that, there was no fiery passion, and he had an incurable STD I was terrified of contracting. But, he was my best friend and I didn’t want to hurt him by walking out.

I met another guy 2 years into that relationship. The 2nd guy, my soulmate, knew I was in a relationship. I broke up with the first guy and told my new man that I was free to be with him, and he was elated. Unfortunately, I relapsed due to guilt and got back together with the first guy–so at this point I’m dating both guys at once, both long distance, both had no idea.

I couldn’t take it after a few months, so I got rid of the 2nd guy, thinking I owed more to the first one since we had so much history, and he was my best friend. Sadly, he continued to reach out to me and didn’t understand why I cut him off, but I ignored his attempts in order to remain truthful to my first boyfriend.

Months later, I found out the first boyfriend, the one I was actually with, had been emotionally cheating on me. I broke up with him for good (such a hypocrite, I know). I ran back to boyfriend #2, who was happy to have me back, and knew I’d just been with my ex, but didn’t know that I’d ever gotten back together with him in the first place. He just thought I went there to see him and we hooked up.

My new boyfriend and I were going strong for several months, and I truly had cut off connection with the first guy. However, last week the guilt overtook me. I knew all along that I wanted to marry this man, and that I couldn’t do it with this huge secret in our past. I admitted to him the whole story.

He was horrified, told me our entire relationship was a lie, and that he’d never be with me again. He emailed me once to tell me I owe him money, and called to yell at me and to ask for details in order to sort out the timeline and questions in his mind. He also initiated phone sex during that time, but not in a romantic sense. I went along with it, desperate to do whatever it takes to get him back. He said he’ll never trust me again, there is nothing to salvage, and he laughs when I mention getting back together.

I’m going to send him a check for the money (it was for hotels and all the plane flights he took to see me once I came back to him the 2nd time–the amount he’s asking for is nowhere near the true amount and I feel so guilty I just want to do something for him).

Now, he’s on another continent and I will be moving to a location an hour away from him in 3 months. I absolutely need him in my life… he hasn’t taken into consideration the fact that I came clean 100% on my own, he never stumbled upon or suspected anything. I know that doesn’t change things. But please help me get him back…

admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:54 pm

Have you read my LDR guide yet?
Sarah D.

November 17, 2013 at 4:03 am

No… I will start there right now.

Larae

November 15, 2013 at 1:10 am

I really hated today my bf left me now I have no life

admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:35 pm

Well, time to get one haha.
Larae

November 16, 2013 at 1:39 pm

R u single admin?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:29 pm

I am!
Larae

November 15, 2013 at 8:09 pm

How old r u?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:21 pm

24 years old.
Larae

November 15, 2013 at 1:12 am

The sad part is that he was hugging another girl this morning and it wasn’t me
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:38 pm

How do you know? Did he post it on Facebook or did you see him?
Larae

November 16, 2013 at 1:38 pm

I saw him then he lied to me and said that he didn’t cheat on me and he gave me a promise ring and then a few weeks later he chert sped on me now I think that I should date his best friend bcz I count him starring @ me in lunch I’m only in 8th grade but my ex is in 10th but me and him r only 2 years apart and pple think that it’s the end of the world that he dated me and now he’s dating a 12 year old and he’s 16 and my friends told the prinsible on both of them
admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:33 pm

You read my lying guide right?
Larae

November 15, 2013 at 8:09 pm

I saw him and it wasn’t nice of him to tell me he doesn’t love me anymore but now me and him r over I need a bf plz help
admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:30 pm

Sorry :(. Your in NC?

Dwane

November 14, 2013 at 3:20 pm

Hi. Thank you for your website, it enlighten me on what to do on my current situation right now. I have this 4year relationship with my “fiancée” but he caught me cheating on him. Cheating because I’m still having communication with my bestfriend whom I love before him. January this year, I did create another Facebook account in which my bestfriend and I can communicate exclusively. In this Facebook account, I was able to say things to my bestfriend like how I feel about him before, how much I love him, I miss him, and all such sweet words I was not able to tell him before when where together. It became my outlet to say to him how I feel about him and how much it hurt me when he left me. We did not have a closure before that’s why I took that opportunity to say to him how I feel. I planned for us to meet and talk but that’s it, we only see each other, nothing happen between us two. My bestfriend also know I’m with someone else already, that we’re living in the same roof for 4years already, that my boyfriend and I are already planning for settling down, that we already bought a house, that we already informed our parents that we will be getting married next year, in short, everything’s been planned perfectly for me and my boyfriend… My bestfriend was happy for us as well, he was also with somebody else already and been planning the same. 2 months ago, in God’s time, my boyfriend was able to see my Facebook account that was used to communicate with my bestfriend, all of our conversation is there, and he reads it. It ruined everything. I know how it feels and I feel terribly sorry for my boyfriend. I see him cry for the first time, it shattered him into pieces. I did admit to him it’s my fault, I did not deny anything, I told him everything and I asked an apology and another chance from him. I give him the PW of the Facebook account and after that, I let him deactivate all my online accounts. He went home to his family for 1 week and advice them of what happen. He cancelled the wedding plans, his sisters and brothers did not communicate with me anymore, I texted them sorry and asked them forgiveness for what I have done to him.. My life was shattered into pieces as well. I became suicidal at first, I’m ashamed to face my family and friends of what I have done that ruined a once a perfect relationship. After a week when he got back, we talked and I insist him to give me one more chance to make up to him, and he did. We live together again, I did everything to make him happy on that chance he have me, but there are times that he became paranoid that I’m still doing something behind his back. He keeps on rewinding the happening why I did that and everything that’s happening to our relationship now, this misery, this doubt, this insecurity he has is all because of me. He became cold to me after a month. But luckily, I was able to read your website on how to get your Ex back when you cheated on him. It give me insights on how to handle such. I hope it’s not too late for me to get him back. Last Monday, he asked me to move out because our relationship is no longer working. He said I already done my part and I need to give him time for himself to be free again; the problem is now on him he said, and not on me anymore. And since I read you website already, so I did move out. I started the NCR. He emailed me the next day that his free now and it feels good and all of this is because of me. =( he met me in my office, he give me back all the stuff I gave him. It’s hurting me but there’s nothing I can do for now because I deserve this for what I’ve done to him. =( I just continue to pray and stay positive. Hoping that he will realize someday that we still have a lot of good things and memory together and this is just a test for our love. Do you think I could still win him back? =( I really do love him, and I miss him already it’s just 4 day of my NCR. =( I want him back.. Pls help. =(

admin

November 14, 2013 at 8:08 pm

You are still early in the NCR tell me what you are doing to evlove during it?
dwane

November 15, 2013 at 9:36 am

Well, it’s so hard for me since I’ve been used to be with him for the last 4 years. My time, my goals, my plans, my whole life only evolve on him. But now, I keep myself busy, I already ended up what ever communication I have with my bestfriend. I want to make it up to him in order to regain his trust and love again. I’m staying positive that maybe, he’ll still remember all the good memories and good things I’ve done for him. What worries me are his friends and maybe counselor that tells him to end our relationship and start all over again. I really don’t know what to do and how to handle this anymore.
dwane

November 15, 2013 at 12:37 am

Well, it’s so hard for me since I’ve been used to be with him for the last 4 years. My time, my goals, my plans, my whole life only evolve on him. But now, I keep myself busy, I already ended up what ever communication I have with my bestfriend. I want to make it up to him in order to regain his trust and love again. I’m staying positive that maybe, he’ll still remember all the good memories and good things I’ve done for him. What worries me are his friends and maybe counselor that tells him to end our relationship and start all over again. I really don’t know what to do and how to handle this anymore. =(
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:33 pm

Deep breath.

Right now there isn’t a lot you can do b/c he is the one that makes decisions but right now you should just keep the focus on YOU.
dwane

November 15, 2013 at 11:24 pm

Thanks! I just continue to read all the part of your website here.. =) coz it gives me hope that there is still a chance that we can be together. Let’s just hope for the best! Thank you again. =)
admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:08 pm

There is you just have to focus on what you need to focus on to make it happen.
dwane

November 15, 2013 at 9:40 am

Well, I started to keep myself busy. I do jogging session everyday after working hours. I’m staying positive that there’s still something within him wanting us to be together again. I don’t know how to show him how sorry I am for doing such thing.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 7:53 pm

Thats really great!

You can’t right now its just going to take time.
Dwane

November 14, 2013 at 11:23 pm

Well, it’s so hard for me since I’ve been used to be with him for the last 4 years. My time, my goals, my plans, my whole life only evolve on him. But now, I keep myself busy, I already ended up what ever communication I have with my bestfriend. I want to make it up to him in order to regain his trust and love again. I’m staying positive that maybe, he’ll still remember all the good memories and good things I’ve done for him. What worries me are his friends and maybe counselor that tells him to end our relationship and start all over again. I really don’t know what to do and how to handle this anymore. =(
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:02 pm

I understand completely. He will remember the good memories. Trust in your ability to create them.

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