How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If HE Broke Up With You

1,328 thoughts on “He Broke Up With You And Now You Want Him Back”

Courtney

November 4, 2013 at 2:40 am

So my boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago because he said that he felt I was more into it then him and he would rather end it now then hurt me more later and loose me forever yet he likes me heaps and misses me..

I don’t understand please help

We have been through so much together and everything was going great and technically he has lost me forever because I can’t b friends when every time id c him or speak to him I would get upset. Ahh I just need to u understand

admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:33 pm

Have you tried the NC rule yet?

Geraldenne

November 3, 2013 at 11:09 pm

Hi, I have an issue here. My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday due to my stupidness. We have been tgt for 8 months and during that period, I have been controlling him too much . I checked on his phone to see if there’s any girl he is contacting to, and didn’t give him freedom. My attitude wasn’t good either. But I promise him that I will change and of course at some point in time, I said to him yesterday why he went to follow random girls on Instagram & he got angry and blowed with a breakup. Please tell me if he would still come back to me. What should I do to get him back. this is the msg, he wrote to me after breakup: Thanks for all the lovely and crazy memories. I wish you the best in whatever to come. Thanks for loving me once before ❤️. Please take good care of yourself when I’m gone okay? I don’t want to see you fall back to what you used to be. I swear. You’ve meant so so much to me it’s just so unfortunate that things didn’t worked out. Nevertheless I just want to keep this short and simple. I loved you and I’m so sorry I’ve to let go.I’m not really gone. Just around the corner. If you need a friend to take to I’m here okay?
I know I’m a heart breaker but I’m so sorry. If I could I wouldn’t. I swear.
I’m so heartbroken. Can you help me ?:(

admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:23 pm

Have you implemented the NC rule yet?

Sarah

November 2, 2013 at 10:10 pm

Hi, so my ex broke up with me after 4 years together. We lived together but he is now staying somewhere else. I’m on day 13 of no contact and just wondered if I should be concerned that he hasn’t tried to contact me at all? His reason for breaking up with me was that he didn’t love me enough to try and make it work. I’m worried that this is the truth and will always be the case. I’m trying really hard to focus my energies on myself and my friends and hobbies but just worried that the longer I spend not talking to him the more likely he is to forget any love he has for me? I would really appreciate some advice….

admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:30 pm

Well, I dont want to answer you…

Only because I am going to answer a lot of your questions in my next “guide” coming up very soon.

Sara

November 2, 2013 at 8:09 pm

Hi I met a guy he took me in date v had sex all good bt he was nt ready in for a relationship.v share amazing chemistry all good bt he used to keep playing hot n cold n somehow I felt that he is just in coz of sex..I was never ready for open relationship bt got so much in to him that said yes n coz of this I think he took me for granted..things went bad n v stopped talking..v go in same dance class so there he talked me only twice in 15 days no message no cl no asking out nothing.from 1 common friend I got to know that he is dating somebody else too..so i got panicked n put my anger in Side n texted him,he told me he met someone n wants to Gv try there,I was heart broken coz I was just angry with him was waiting for my man to step up instead of that he found someone else..I tried to make him understand bt all in vain.he told me he is deleting my no.n wl never contact me n I should also do so,so I left things n tried to move on.aft a 15 days I got his text that he brokeup wd new girl n wants to meet me(get intimate)I said no for it n gave reason that u ditched me I can’t trust u again..he pursued me just for 2 days n got angry again..this time also he is nt committing to me as he says he can’t date anybody till 2015 (bt he ditched me for another girl n he was dating her)well I told him v can be in touch bt nt intimate for sure n now coz u chose someone else over me so no chance for open relationship at all coz it’s nt worth..he didn’t say sorry to me even once n I don’t know if he is guilty or no..so again he told me to delete his no.n nt to be in touch…aft 2 days of this conversation his b’day was there n I wishes him a simple b’day message on whatsapp ..immediate he replied”who is this” ,I didn’t reply anything n aft 5 minute he sent a “thanks message”well I was hurt that he deleted my no.bt thing is when u send message on whatsapp then receiver always get message by ur phone name so I understood that he is playing mind game or just
want to hurt me …don’t know y he is behaving like a jerk..what should I do..did he really delete my no or just playing wd me..do u think he will ever understand my value n wl come back to me or should I move on..will NC help me to get him back at all…still having hopes..plz help

admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:14 pm

NC can help you get him back but you really need to work on more logical vs emotional thinking.

Shelby

November 2, 2013 at 2:29 am

Ok, I need help!
My ex and I started our relationship long distance. We started talking marriage after two months of knowing each other. It has never felt so right! He asked me to move in with him, so I started making plans to move to his state and all that good stuff. He started getting really stressed with work…he’s up for a promotion, he’s a staff sgt now in the army about to get promoted to an E7. Anywho, he started being angry a lot. Snapping at me, he was needy in the sense he would blow up my phone if I didn’t respond but he called me needy. I then made a solid effort to give him space and when he was in a mood I would simply get off the phone and go on with my day. Besides this we were really happy. I have never felt such a strong and loving connection like this before. Mind you when he started getting angry all the time I started to get worried. We patched things up and agreed that if he was in a mood he would try to not take it out on me and I would try to stay positive. That worked for about a week. Then one day he was really snippy. He broke up with me and we both cried. This is three weeks before my moving date to move to be with him. He said sorry a million times, begged me not to hate him, said he didn’t know what was wrong with him and why he turned so cold. I said ok and out of shock I went numb and didn’t respond to him for three days. Then I broke down. He then sent me an iPad which he had engraved for me, and had a note attached saying “I know you weren’t expecting this so soon but this was not only my fault but my loss, I hope one day you can understand why I did this.”
So I still moved, he helped me. And for the past four months he has refused to get back with me. I did everything wrong. I cried to him. A lot. I begged for him to tell me why he left. Begged him for reasons. He used to cry with me, now he just tells me that I’m stronger than the way I’m acting. I made him gifts, sent a letter which finally sent him over the edge. I understand that he’s frustrated because I’ve been trying for 4months and he’s been saying no and telling me to move on and I haven’t been listening. But I love him. He said but he doesn’t love me.
He told me if I ever bring it up again he won’t answer me. So a few days later I tried to talk to him just to catch up. We texted back and forth until he told me to chill out because he was at work then he said “you remember we can’t really be friend right” so I said “if that’s what you want then ok. I was just trying to catch up. The door is always open if you ever need anything. Have a good night and a safe trip. Goodbye Andrew. You were my best friend and I wish you all the happiness in the world. Take care of yourself, you’re gonna be a great recruiter. I’m sorry you can’t forgive me for the past four months. As long as you’re happy 🙂 just wanted you to know that someone cares, didn’t realize the damage I was doing. It was a good lesson to learn 🙂 no hard feelings”
He responded “I get all of that but we are not at a friend level”
I said “it’s ok, no worries” he said “ok…”

We haven’t spoken since, he went to Baltimore for a wedding and is back here now. It’s been 13 days, the longest we’ve ever gone without talking. I love him, this hurts. I have never felt like I found my one before. I do want him back, but I’m afraid I pushed him too far by not giving up on us when he clearly has. Please help :.(

admin

November 2, 2013 at 7:01 pm

By any chance have you read my LDR guide yet?
Shelby

November 2, 2013 at 10:30 pm

Hi Chris, thanks for responding. I haven’t read that, what is it? I will definitely take a look at it. I’m not the type of girl to fight for a man, but I love him. I don’t know if he just got scared, but now I’m scared I pushed him too much. He was engaged before (actually married on paper, but no one knows but me) she left him after a month of being here, in the letter I assured him I would never do that. He said he doesn’t want anyone to care about him. Can you tell me what I did wrong? Should I continue with no contact? Ugh, I’ve never felt so awful and at times I have moments of hate towards him for hurting me, but I don’t want to hate him.
admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:31 pm

So sorry read what? I completely forgot what I told you hahaha.
Shelby

November 3, 2013 at 6:14 pm

The LDR… I read it but we aren’t long distance anymore….do you think there is any hope? I am really shocked he hasent tried to check up on me yet.
admin

November 4, 2013 at 4:49 pm

Sure there is but a lot depends on factors that take too much time to explain in a comment. But I do think there is hope.
Shelby

November 3, 2013 at 7:51 pm

Do you think it’s still possible for us since I started the no contact rule, but after 4.5 months of fighting for him/crying 🙁 ?? Or is it too late?
admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:05 pm

No I think its possible.
Shelby

November 2, 2013 at 10:32 pm

Do you think there is hope? Or should I just move away? He had told me when I mentioned moving that maybe that would be good for me and sticks to saying he’s never coming back to me. Stings.
admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:27 pm

Only move away if YOU want to do it. If you feel it is right.
Shelby

November 3, 2013 at 4:09 am

I just read the LDR page, very interesting!! I tried to have phone sex with him when he was getting stressed out but he snapped at me because he has room mates and then he said the thought of even getting naked stressed him out…I was like wtf?! But we would still send dirty pics and all that. Any who, we aren’t log distance anymore because I still moved near him to fight for us…ugh day 14 of no contact
admin

November 3, 2013 at 6:02 pm

Hahaha I am kind of with him on the naked thing. I don’t know it just would feel weird to me over the phone. I would much rather do it in the privacy of my house with someone I trust.
Shelby

November 3, 2013 at 4:35 am

Ahhhh darnit, I just read the sins page too…I may have gotten too emotional towards the end 🙁 dammit dammit
Shelby

November 2, 2013 at 2:46 am

I’m just shocked he hasn’t checked up on me. We aren’t friends on social media, but he can still see my stuff, don’t know if he ever looks, I can still see his stuff too because its not private and he looks happy. I don’t know what to do or what I did wrong. He told me I did nothing wrong, that I’m perfect and should never change. That he wanted to cut emotional attachments and that’s what I was. I told him it isn’t fair that he’s taking out his anger on me. He told me that him being mean was taking it out on me, so he left. And unfortunately I’m on the receiving end. Will I ever hear from him again? I stopped talking to him oping he realizes what he’s doing, but I’m so scared. I appreciate your time and would love your help, thank you so much
admin

November 2, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Eventually I am sure the two of you will talk.

lccran

October 30, 2013 at 4:38 pm

Hi,

I also need some help. I’ve been dating my exboyrfriend for about 10 months.

We started dating about a month and a half after he broke off with his ex-girlfriend so as you know, in the beginning I thought I was a rebound. But I liked him a lot – we’ve known each other for over 10 years and have personalities that match a lot.
Anyway things were great in our relationship until about two weeks ago or so. I started to feel very insecure about him because I was feeling he was losing interested. I assume the blame because I work a lot and was always very tired and gradually we stopped doing stuff, just to sit back in my house and watch television. We’re both 24 and though I never stopped him from going out with his friends, me myself was never in the mood. I set out to improve myself and consequently the relationship, trying to be more affectionate and making new plans with him more often. But I was too late.
I texted him asking if things were okay with us. He said no, that something was missing. So we talked over the phone – he said he loved me but sometime he felt like he loved me as a friend. I agree that for the last couple of weeks, we hanged out more as friends but that I was still in love with him. He said other things like, he didn’t think there was anything we could do to take it back to the beginning and that sometimes it was like we didn’t have the chemistry. He made it sound like he wasn’t attracted to me anymore which I can understand as I really didn’t put in the effort.

At the start of this conversation he said he wanted some time off. I don’t agree with taking time off – either people are together or not.

It has been three days since we broke up and we are not talking right now. I’m trying to move on – joined the gym, make plans with friends, went shopping for a new TV and taking care of myself physically and emotionally. It really hurt me that he didn’t talk to me sooner and that he just quit so easily of our relationship. I obviously still love him, miss him and want him back. I really don’t know what the procedure is because this is my first committed relationship.

We are supposed to have a coffee at the end of the week which I am not sure about. I’m scared this week will only prove to him he likes me as friend and sees no future in our relationship. I’m scared he won’t want to solve things and I’m scared if he wants to, he’ll just change his mind in x months and I’ll be in the same place all over again. So I don’t want to go talk to him just yet if there is no chance of working in our relationship, but I won’t know until I go talk to him.

And I know you can’t change the way someone feels about you (life lesson for me) but is it possible that the way he was feeling was just because I wasn’t putting in the effort in myself, that he was just bored of the life we had as a couple? I guess what I’m trying to ask is.. can he still be in love with me? Or once you fall out of love with someone, its over?

Thank you very much in advance for any help!

admin

October 30, 2013 at 10:00 pm

It is possible he could be bored. I mean, if I was bored in a relationship I might leave too.

That doesn’t mean you can’t become unboring though haha.
lccran

October 31, 2013 at 3:02 pm

It is possible! Thank you for your answer.
I had a sort of clarity moment last night while reading your website. I realized the pain I was feeling was probably because I still love him and it’s hard to just have him cut off my life. But I don’t think he is the one, or that a relationship between both of us would ever work any other way than it did.

So thank you for all that you write. It’s hard to accept but you are right. Now the important is that I work on myself! Thank you again
admin

October 31, 2013 at 8:16 pm

You had an epiphany!

My work here is done… jk jk I will be around if you need me.

Michelle

October 30, 2013 at 12:49 am

Chris,
My situation is a bit different. My ex and I were married. We were completely in love in the beginning, in fact, I was the only girl he had ever dated that he actually considered marrying. I allowed my sister to control my life and sadly we drifted a part. We had a couple kids together. He never wanted any kids but at the time I did. All he ever wanted was to be just with me. Years went on and infidelity happened. When I caught him cheating, our first child was a newborn. I don’t think I ever got over it and something inside me changed forever.
In any event, we had another child and when he was one he left for another woman. Long story short, we divorced and he moved straight in with her. He stayed in that relationship for a few years and I stayed alone with my little kids. I dated some but not much cause I still loved him so attaching to another was difficult.
Eight months ago, I asked him if we could try again. I knew I had changed. I had a few years to reevaluate myself and fix my flaws. It was really difficult for him to leave her but he did.
He stated that he never wanted a divorce, thus, he just wanted to feel important in our relationship. He never threw his ring away either. One thing that made me different than all the rest to him was the fact that he was always extremely attracted to me and the sex was awesome.
The problem I am having is—he’s not in love with me. He said that he’s scared to put himself out there again for anyone. He states that he knows I’m different but he doesn’t have faith in anyone or anything anymore. He’s trying to resolve issues within himself.
It hurts really bad and I just need to know what to do.

admin

October 30, 2013 at 4:19 am

Yea he has some issues if he doesn’t have faith in anything anymore. Just give him some space and go into NC.

John23

October 28, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Chris my gf of 2 years just broke up with me 2 weeks ago..

She said this

“I’m so sorry I’m doing this to you.. Now I really want to be by my own!! No relations.. Just alone! Ur right to be pissed and dissapointed and I wish I could change things but I can’t,. I don’t feel it! I feel I wanna be alone!! I’m here!! Whatever happens I’ll be there if u need me.. You made me happy and u are great.. It’s me not you!!! I’m really sorry.. Be mad at me.. I’ll be here for you.. No matter what!You will always be part of my heart!”

I didn’t reply anymore after this email.

so this is 2 weeks ago..

I don’t know what to do? good thing is I can control myself to not contact her anymore or to not reply..

but we are still friends in facebook.

I’m posting stuff in my facebook like nothing happened. Like i went to this restaurant.. basically showing her that I can live life without her and I’m happy.. but deep inside I am truly hurt…

advice please.

admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:58 am

Glad you control yourself! Thats a rare quality my friend.

Umm… NC is definitely a go here. 30 days without contact is the first thing I’d recommend.

You have the right idea on Facebook as well.
John23

October 29, 2013 at 4:07 am

Thank you chris..

based on what she messaged me what do you think could be the reason for her doing this? I’ve been great to her all the time.. is this loose of attraction? confused?

also another problem is we are currently long distance at the moment due to her work in europe and we talked about me moving there in 4 months. still she did this.

I’m definitely sure it’s not because third party because she told me there is no one and she just wanted to be alone..

I’m confuse as hell but at the same time don’t want to contact her..
admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:41 am

Hmmm… long distance certainly plays a role I am sure.

I wish I knew you and your personality better or knew what her problem was with you. I just can’t make a guess b/c I dont have the information needed. Do you think you expressed how you were feeling to her enough?

Lucy

October 28, 2013 at 1:09 am

My ex broke up with me because he is insecure. He believes I am settling for him. I know he loves me. We speak daily. But how can I ever convince him how I feel is true? This is something in him, so can I ever overcome it? He has to get over that somehow. But I feel so helpless. We love each other and yet we are apart still.

admin

October 29, 2013 at 1:57 am

It is going to take some time and patience on your part…

Elena

October 25, 2013 at 5:53 pm

So, do you think a new girlfriend a week after a break up is a rebound?

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:33 pm

I think it is in rebound territory without a doubt.

Jenna

October 25, 2013 at 5:11 am

Hi Chris ~
I hope you can help me. My ex-boyfriend and I dated for 2 years – my Jr. and Sr. year of high school. He is a year older. We were best friends. I was his first long-term relationship and he broke up with me because while he said I was the type of girl he would eventually like to marry, he had nothing to compare it to and wanted to date other people. I, on the other hand, felt perfectly confident in our relationship and pictured us together forever. The break-up came as a complete shock. He knew I still loved him and didn’t want our relationship to end. That being said, we have remained friends – only friends – no intimacy – that was my rule. Over the course of this last year and 3 months since we broke up, he has been the one to keep in contact. 95% of the time he has texted me first. It is now 1-1/4 years since our breakup and he now has a new girlfriend. Shortly after he met her he texted me to tell me that he had met her and might date her in the not-to-distant future. He wanted to know how I was doing and wanted to prepare me so I didn’t hear it from anyone else. I told him I knew the day would come, but had hoped that it wouldn’t, but I wished him the best. He said he hoped this wouldn’t change our relationship as friends, because he really valued my friendship and wanted to keep it. I didn’t want to lose his friendship either, but mostly because I always had hope that because he worked so hard to stay in touch that we might eventually get back together. Once he began officially dating “Betty”, he continued to text me like always. He plays in college sports and during one of his texts he made the comment to me when he played a really good game – “I wish you could have been there to see it”. I said maybe I can make a trip to one of your home games. He said “thats fine, but I want you know “Betty” will be there. She knows we’re still friends and I think she’ll be fine with it”. I told him nevermind, I’d be uncomfortable. Then I told him: “This is really much more difficult for me than I thought it would be”. He apologized and said he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable or unhappy. I told him I wanted us to stay friends, but I need to get over it and move on like he had. He didn’t respond. That was 3-1/2 weeks ago…and this evening he texted me saying “Hey Jenna how ya’ been?” I haven’t answered. He’s still dating “Betty”. Why does he continue to keep in touch? What do I do?? I mean I would be the happiest girl in the world if we were to get back together, but he’s the one who broke up with me to date other people – and he has a girlfriend …I told him I need to move on too. Is he really that dense that he can’t see how difficult this is for me? Do I answer his text? Do I continue to ignore it? Can you please help me understand his thinking? Can you advise me as to what I should do?? Thank you so much for any advice or input you can give me, Chris.

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:10 pm

No, stay in NC at this piont!
Jenna

October 26, 2013 at 8:15 pm

Ok… but do you think he really just wants me as a friend, or is there still a chance he really still loves me and maybe misses what we had? Or is it just wishful thinking on my part. If he just wanted my “friendship” I would think he would give me a little more time and space. It’s almost like he doesn’t really want me to let go and move on. What do you think???
admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:05 pm

No I don’t think its wishful thinking at all.

sarah

October 24, 2013 at 6:47 am

after of one month of breakup I texted my ex bf to get my stuff back form him .He texted me back saying Ok and its been 4 days that he didnt respond bACK .CAN YOU PLZZZ tell me what is this mean to not responding back in 4 days … doest it mean he wants me back ?? plz help me ….thanks

admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:01 pm

Well, are you going to get your stuff?

Elena

October 22, 2013 at 1:20 am

Hey Chris,

So, it’s been a week since i’ve broken up with my ex…and now he has a new girl.. a lot of people on campus, including me, feel like our impression of him has changed greatly if he can replace a 2yr relationship in a week. i feel so betrayed..and now i’m just going to get over him. i still love him, but i don’t think i’ll ever want him back after this… i just wanted to update u and say thanks for ur support earlier on.

admin

October 22, 2013 at 10:23 pm

Do you think he is on the rebound?
Elena

October 23, 2013 at 4:22 am

Even if he is on the rebound…he’s treating our relationship with no respect and I don’t even want to bother being with him again. He has hurt me too much and he is so not worth it.
admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:01 pm

Then I suggest you read this page: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-over-your-ex-boyfriend/
Elena

October 24, 2013 at 7:00 am

Well, one more question…do rebounds tend to last?
admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:03 pm

A true rebound wont last.

Fel

October 21, 2013 at 2:36 am

Firstly, I think it’s so great that you’re giving of your time and helping like this 🙂

I am seeking your objective opinion on my situation. My ex and I broke up after a year and a half of seeing each other. I want to abstain from sex until marriage or at least till I feel like my guy is ready to commit to me. Sex on top of long distance came between my ex and I. We met in college and at that time we were both each other’s best friends and sweethearts. He fell for me very quickly. I could tell because he bought me gifts, took me out frequently, planned and paid for trips, and he practically paid for everything we ever did together. However, things got rocky when he had to move out of state after graduation. He became distant and less and less affectionate. It just seemed like he morphed into another guy. He initiated the break up and we eventually called it quits. His reasoning was that the distance and lack of sex got unbearable. It’s been almost a year since the break-up and for most of the time, we’ve kept in contact. However, I did NC with him last month. After that, he broke down and said he misses me. However, after talking he revealed that he still doesn’t know if he wants us to be in a committed relationship.However, he said he still cares about me a lot and if we could be in the same place he would want to be with me. I also found out that he’s having sex and seeing someone else- which he claims isn’t serious. I can’t keep in contact anymore because it’s too hard for me. However, he thinks I’m making it complicated by wanting to end communication. He’s confused and I apparently still want the little jerk. What do you make of this conundrum? I’m thinking that in my own timing I can accept friendship but I want more. Do you think we have a chance of being more than friends again? Is the no sex thing unreasonable for the average guy? I would love your feedback.

admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:29 am

1. If you play your cards right I think you can be more than friends.

2. I don’t think it’s unreasonable.

3. sorry I am kind of short with you today. I am just busy beyond belief. This is without a doubt the most busy day of my entire life and I am not even lying.
Fe

October 22, 2013 at 5:52 am

Aww, thanks for making the time to reply. I hope you’re able to get everything done! I’ll go ahead and read the info on your site to see how exactly I can “play my cards right -)”. Thanks again!
admin

October 23, 2013 at 6:58 pm

Sorry for the late response. I got really sick yesterday and it was just a nightmare so I am sorry I didn’t reply yesterday.

Vivian

October 20, 2013 at 5:24 am

Hi Chris,

My ex and I were together for 3 years, close to getting engaged. So close that he was meeting up with a jeweler a few days before the break up. He broke up with me because 1) he thought I made a lot more money than I did (he assumed that I made more money than he did), and 2) he assumed that I would be the primary caretaker of my mom when she gets older and he does not want to be a part of that (again, it’s financial issues, he doesn’t want to have to contribute our incomes to helping out my mom if she needs help financially). We were in couples counseling before he broke up with me and the counselor is sure that those are his true reasons why he ended it and not just excuses. She got to know us pretty well and he puts money over love. He also did tell me that there was nothing else wrong with our relationship. He said that honestly, if my mom wasn’t around, he would have wanted to stay with me. He said that he felt like he was making me choose between my mom and him and he did feel bad about it, but he did not want that life for himself. We were fine before he brought this up. I was shocked when he broke up with me. I really did not see it coming. And then, within a few days, he starts dating this girl who he has been friends with. They are still dating. He broke up with me on August 7th.

I’m asking your opinion because the reason why he broke up with me is not one of your reasons why men break up with women. This is a money issue. Considering this reason, is it possible that he will change his mind? There is really nothing I can do about my situation. My mom will always be my mom and if she needs help financially in the future, I will always help her if I can. I also have 3 other siblings, so it’s not like all the responsibility will be mine. My ex knows this as well, but he is closed-minded and refuses to see this.

I am STILL heartbroken even though it has been almost 3 months. I want him back. We’re not speaking. I freaked out in the beginning and tried to reason with him, etc. But I do have to say that I’ve been calm since the end of August until now. I have not been entirely good about NC. I have yet to complete the full 30 days because I keep contacting him. Not in crazy ways, but one text here and there and he will respond back with a few words and then I stop the texts. I am so worried about waiting the full 30 days. I feel like the longer I wait, the stronger his current relationship will be, which it really seems is the case.

So, long story short, considering WHY he broke up with me (he thought I made more money than him and he doesn’t want me to help out my mom financially in the future), do you think I would have a good chance of getting him back if I follow your game plan? Or is this just an entirely different situation than what you’re used to seeing?

Thank you for responding.

admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:59 pm

I think you have as good a chance as anyone honestly.

BUT at the same time I think the fact that he is insecure about you making more money is ridiculous and YOU need to ask yourself if he is someone worth being with.
Vivian

October 21, 2013 at 1:54 am

Hi Chris,

Thank you for your response. Actually, he broke up with me because he thought I made more money than I actually do. He thought I made more money than him, when he actually makes more money than me. He thought we would have a much higher combined income. He told me that it just comes down to numbers. It’s not love; it’s numbers. Given that reason, in addition to his assuming that I would like to help out my family financially if possible in the future, do you think I have a chance? Or is this a lost cause? I don’t see how he can change his mind about this.

Thanks for responding. I truly appreciate it.
Vivian

October 23, 2013 at 7:59 pm

So, regardless if he is good for me or not, I have been thinking of my first contact text. Would you please give me your opinion on it? So we used to laugh hysterically when Rihanna’s song “Diamond” would come on the radio because he used to sing it and he was spot on!

I was going to text him something like “I just heard Rihanna’s song on the radio. SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND and it made me think of you singing it! You were so good at that song hahaha”. But I think he might respond (if he responds positively) with only something like “haha”. Should I add something in like how have you been? I almost don’t want to hear how he’s been because I know he is already seeing someone and that would hurt me badly if he mentioned her.

Also, I have been thinking about why he broke up with me and I really don’t know if he would change his mind about getting back with me because I don’t know how someone can become unselfish. He is so selfish and I don’t know if that can be changed. Do you think he could change?

Thanks, Chris. Your website provides me with reassurance during this crazy time.
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:20 pm

I like that song. Diamonds!

I like the text as well.
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:26 am

….. still a sissy reason for a breakup.

I think you have a chance the question is “is he good enough for you?”
Vivian

October 22, 2013 at 2:32 am

Thanks for your response, Chris. Yes, I know that his reasons for the breakup are just plain wrong. I have some issues of my own considering that you are not the first person to tell me that he’s actually not good enough for ME and I cannot see it myself.

I appreciate you responding. Thank you!
admin

October 22, 2013 at 10:31 pm

No problem!

I do want to say I also understand where you are coming from though. The heart wants what the heart wants.

anonymous

October 19, 2013 at 1:03 am

Okay sorry for the confusion but the only signs i see that he may be open to dating again is that in facebook, he happens to tag this particular lady in any funny video or movie posters commenting “shall we?” ( sort of sharing it with her) i know the lady, have mutual friends with her; she’s my colleague frm another dept and she’s alrdy engaged. My mutual friends with her say that she’s not that kind of lady; who would cheat on her fiance etc. And maybe i’m reading too much into his actions 🙁

his close buddy said he’s not dating anyone at the moment. I’ve been facebook stalking him and it doesn’t look like he has anyone at the moment either. I used to have photos of him in my facebook. I deleted them all early sept. Less than one wk later, he took down my photos from his facebook too.

I’m upset as this is by far the longest we’ve not been in contact and he hasn’t made any effort. The last time we NC was approx 2wks and he called my office and came by my office to see how i was doing when i wasn’t responsive through my mobile. Now i don’t see that anymore 🙁

in fact he used to come by my office at least once a wk, for work purposes. I would see him ard. But the last time i saw him at my office which was 2wks ago, he just completely ignored me. I noticed him staring intently at me, but he didn’t hang ard longer for a chat (like he usually do)

does he ignoring me equates to him being ready to move on or is he just as affected as i am? Its hard to tell 🙁 i dont know if i should try to reach out to him after 30days of NC.

admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:22 pm

At this point I am going to say that he seems just as affected as you are.And yes, you should reach out during 30 days NC.
anonymous

October 21, 2013 at 12:00 am

Okay. So i have a week more to go. And 2weeks into the NC period, was my birthday. And he was the first to wish me via text msg. Thereafter, he didn’t contact me. After the 30days is up, should i text him by starting the convo with “i came across something, and thought of how much fun we had doing this and that”? Basically bringing up a memory of us. Or how else should i initiate the contact? Assuming he replies to my text, should i just ignore and not reply?

How then should i initiate contact in future?
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:06 am

Initiate the contact. What will your text be?
anonymous

October 22, 2013 at 2:25 am

Okay. So we used to go for museum trips back then. I love going to museums and sight seeing. He just goes along with it. Haha. During our first year dating, on one of our dates, we went to harry potter exhibition at a local museum. Took a photo together with the exhibits. He bought one of the photo for me to keep.

And another thing. He is the kinda guy who wears slack. T shirt and jeans. But during that harry potter date; he made an effort to put on a nice shirt (which was a wee bit tight on him, since its an old shirt) but i thought he looked sexy anyway! He used to make extra effort to look good when we’re going out cause he knows i take pride in the way i dress when i go out with him too.

Thats all in the past 🙁 anyway, i thought of taking a photo of the photo we took on that date, and whatsapp-ing him, to say “came across this photo of us, do you remember how much fun we had? How happy we were, and how much you complain how uncomfortable the shirt made you feel, but you put it on to make me happy anyway”

i wish to tell him too, how much i appreciate his efforts in the past but i don’t want to come on too strong.

As he deleted my photos in his facebook, i notice that he didn’t delete the photos he took on our museum and photos of food on our dinner dates etc. I’m still tagged in those photos he took. The only photos he took down were of me. Seeing that the museum photos are still in his photo album, it should mean something to him right? Or is it just wishful thinking on my part 🙁

What do you suggest?
admin

October 22, 2013 at 10:31 pm

I think you are on the right track but that is a little too strong in my opinion.

Try making it a little less emotionally charged.
anonymous

October 21, 2013 at 1:08 pm

Also, I don’t wish to always be the one to initiate contact first. True, i maybe in control of the conversation if i start the conversation and leave it “hanging” by not replying him. But how do i make him chase me again? And make him want to commit to me? How far can NC go if he has not made any move to contact me during the 30day NC? And if i have to be the one who keeps initiating contact after NC?
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:52 am

I understand but sometimes you have to be the one to get things started if he doesn’t.

Olivia

October 17, 2013 at 7:07 pm

So my boyfriend broke up with me 4 days ago really out of the blue, you could say. We go to different schools about 3 hours from each other so we only really got to see each other on the weekends, which wasn’t too hard. And I am also a freshman in college and he’s a senior in high school still. We met over the summer and stayed seeing each other and dating up until he broke up with me.
The weekend before the breakup I had my fall break, so I was able to stay two extra days. I saw him for 5 days straight then and everything seemed completely fine. On tuesday I went back to my school after seeing him and he called me that night, everything was fine, except for when he told me that he was planning on leaving one of my family functions we had planned to go together early to hang out with his friends. Which I was not upset about, just kind of passive aggressive about it. Well the next day he did not text me good morning, which he always does, and he texted me later on treating me just like an old friend, if you know what I mean. We don’t talk much throughout the day because he has a lot with school and football practice, so he texted me that night, which was normal. And we were texting back and forth pretty lightheartedly. I was planning on apologizing to him that night when he called me for acting weird on the phone on Tuesday, but he never called, which was another first. So after a while he didn’t respond to my text so I called him and he said he had fallen asleep, so I apologized for waking him up and said goodnight. The next day, still no goodmorning text. And not much later on. I decided to reach out to him and send him an “I miss you” text which he responded to later on saying he missed me too, but pretty lighthearted. I told him to call me when he got a chance cause I wanted to talk to him about tuesday, so he did, and I apologized to him for acting weird on tuesday when he told me he was going to hang out with his friends, and he said that it was okay, that he understood why I might’ve acted like that, and that he didn’t think about it much in the first place. We ended the conversation and texted a little, and he then didn’t respond for a long time and texted me again late that night. We texted some and he said that he planned to stay the whole time at my family get together now. He then called me a little later, and I had been drinking with my friends, so I was feeling pretty good and we talked for about 20 minutes, and I regret asking him several questions about the relationship, but from what I can remember he seemed okay about it, I’m not sure. He then said he was going to bed. So we got off the phone and I sent him a pretty long and pointless text when I was getting to bed. The next morning, still no text from him. And I was planning on driving up to see him on friday after I was done with some plans I had made. He first texted me later in the day than he ever has before saying “Hey Olivia!” which was strange and I didn’t respond, 10 minutes later he texted me again saying “We need to talk to tonight when you get to margarets.” (Margaret is his friend that was having a bonfire that night and was where I was meeting him). So I responded with “Heyy whats going on?” and he said that he just wanted to talk about us tonight. I then told him I wanted to talk to, I wanted to talk about why things had not been the same that past couple days. So that night when I got there we were both sitting in my car alone, having a small talk conversation. So I asked him what he wanted to talk about and he asked me what I wanted to talk about. I told him to go first. He then said “I just wanted to talk about us..” I said “What about us?” and then he dropped the “About how I kinda think we should just be friends.” And let me tell you, I was shocked, just 3 or 4 days ago everything was completely fine it seemed! He told me that lately he felt more like a friendship towards me than anything more than that. Like the feelings went away. Which makes no sense to me considering how he acted just a week before.
So, what I don’t understand is- did he really give up that easily? Or is there more to the story that he isn’t telling me?
I haven’t heard anything from him since and I haven’t contacted him at all either.
How do I fix this? What could be more to the story?

admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Sorry he broke up with you. That always hurts no matter what.

Have you started the NC rule yet?
Olivia

October 19, 2013 at 3:32 am

Yeah I haven’t talked to him since the breakup, its been a week.
admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:33 pm

So, if you are doing NC you have three more weeks to go.
Olivia

October 20, 2013 at 5:32 am

I actually ran into him tonight at the state fair of all places, we were both with our own different friends. We crossed paths 3 different times but we didn’t speak to each other, he didn’t talk to me, and I didn’t speak to him. Does that affect the week I’ve gone into NC?
admin

October 20, 2013 at 9:00 pm

State Fair? Really?

Nope you are still good.

Tabula

October 16, 2013 at 8:01 pm

But then again… when I told him after our last fight that I was done and this was it and left his place, he ran after me, told me he never wants to lose me, that he loves me etc. and we made up. And then the next day he dumped me and told me that I could not have expected him to have acted rationally that night after little sleep. I am just so confused… I really don’t know what to think or what to hope for. Is there hope??

admin

October 17, 2013 at 5:45 pm

There is hope definitely. However, the biggest issue in my opinion is that you are a bit over emotional and getting him back in this state is not going to be easy. You need to kind of come down to earth a bit and that will happen with time.
Tabula

October 18, 2013 at 5:42 pm

Thank you for your words. You are completely right – I am over emotional! But hopefully it will get better with time. I just constantly keep running into him as we study at the same institution. Yesterday I said a friendly hi, while today I just couldn’t and pretended I did not see him.
admin

October 19, 2013 at 7:33 pm

It is hard to not get overemotional I totally understand that. I mean, when you love someone so much and lose them it is like losing a part of yourself.
Tabula

October 22, 2013 at 1:48 pm

A little update from me: After a week of NC I wrote him a very short and casual e-mail. He replied – longer than usual, also about casual stuff and asking me how I am doing. I hope I’ve opened up a channel of communication that will make it possible for us to reconcile once we have less stress in our lives – which should be in a couple of months. Playing it very slow right now.
admin

October 23, 2013 at 7:55 pm

Thats cool I guess. Tell me again why you can’t text him?

Tabula

October 15, 2013 at 4:42 pm

What about if your ex thinks that there was just too much drama in the relationship and that he can’t handle conflict? That yes, there were good things, but that these did not outweigh the bad stuff? Is there any hope at getting him back? It is not like I am right now in a position to show him that I can be no drama – I always wanted to work on things, and I believed that we could get past this stage (we were together for 5 months, so basically the last month was the one where we’d argue just getting to really get to know each other). He however ran away and now wants to work on his exams. I just worry that – because he can be a bit of a drama queen – he is just remembering all the bad and none of the good. And I think this makes even becoming friends rather hopeless.

admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:32 am

Drama queens… ugh…

Give him some time and he will remember the good.
Tabula

October 16, 2013 at 10:33 am

Yeah, I hope so. That’s why I have gone NC now… We did have one big falling out a few weeks back, but because it was me who hurt his feelings by telling him some pretty nasty things about his behaviour I went to him as I wanted to talk about it and we kind of patched things up. But now he just doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I wrote in a comment under a different blogpost that he dumped me over texts/emails, but then kind of retreated and said he just needed time to sort out his exams. But I felt that he was just saying this to avoid confrontation, so I called him and we ended it properly. It was a bit ugly though, because as my feelings were hurt I told him never to speak to me again or acknowledge me when he sees me (we are both at the same university). He then sent me an email apologising and stating that he is leaving because he never wants to hurt me or upset me again (yeah, right! he just doesn’t want that for himself 🙂 ). Knowing that he will just focus on the bad in order to get over it I replied that I never really cared about the upset and listed all the nice memories I have of him and wished him good luck for the future.

I ran into him yesterday though, and I was all smiley, but he obviously didn’t know how to respond. So I just stopped, said that we should be civil, that I take back what I said about wanting him to pretend that I don’t exist and we shook hands on being civil … that’s just because we could not hug in the corridor, really. So that might have been weird, but I hope I at least left the door for future communication a bit more open with that gesture.

Now I am totally NC. And I hope I am doing the right thing and that we can be at least friends in future, because I do really care about him and find him interesting and want to know how he is doing.

I should add that I think he took the break-up pretty badly, even if he initiated it. He was crying all the time, and said that he doesn’t want to meet face to face because he would just find it too upsetting. This kind of gives me hope, but at the same time I just wonder whether he felt so awful that he is going to want to avoid this feeling at any cost in the future and thus never get in touch again.
admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:30 am

You are doing the right thing. I think so!

I have had one bad breakup that yours doesn’t even compare to so I wouldn’t worry too much.
Tabula

October 27, 2013 at 8:29 am

So he came up to me a few days ago and we chatted for 5 minutes. Even though he had just come out of a very important meeting, he chose not to tell me at all about the meeting and to focus the conversation on finally finding out the date of his exam and location etc. (he used having to prep for this exam as a reason to break up in order to avoid distraction and drama). So obviously I am immediately jumping to conclusions that he wanted to tell me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us once he is done. But he didn’t actually say anything like that. Now I am just waiting in NC to see if he is ever going to initiate contact…
admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:42 pm

You can contact him after NC you know that right?
Tabula

October 16, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Argh, sorry to post so much, but I just thought back about moments in this short-lived relationship and I am starting to think that he wanted to break up all along so there is probably no hope of getting back together. All the times he used to say that I deserved better, that I should just think about how shit he is and move on etc. and instead of getting the hint I’d just reassure him that he’s great and that I want to be with him, thinking he had just low self-esteem and not that he just wanted the easy way out. How pathetic. This now also makes me upset about that nice e-mail I wrote to him in response to his apologising e-mail.

anonymous

October 15, 2013 at 8:35 am

Hi chris, i was wondering if i can get my ex bf back, when he broke up with me on the basis of him not being ready for commitment, he doesn’t know what he wants. He’s 27, i’m 24. We’ve been dating for a year plus where things were great. But the past few mths since he claim that he’s not ready to take a step further, we’ve both agree to keep our options open and date others. His friend told me that he is currently not dating anyone at the moment. Though i’m pretty sure he’s in close contact with some ladies. I have not been in contact with him for 3weeks; which is the longest time apart so far.

Thank you for your time 🙂

how do i get him back? To commit to me? Even if i did the whole 30days of no contact, will it change anything?

admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:01 am

Definitely try NC!

You have a shot but that doesn’t mean you will succeed. No one can guarantee that to you.

Have you read the rest of this site?
anonymous

October 17, 2013 at 2:19 pm

I have read the rest of the site; was considering purchasing your bk actually. But as the day passes; now into day 20 of NC. I’m starting to feel hopeless. He hasn’t shown any signs of wanting to get back together. If he wanted this as much as i do, he would have contacted me by now.

Besides, things btwn me and him went downhill since april this year. Friends have been telling me to give up and move on, but its really hard. Part of me doesn’t want to give up, but part of me is just tired of trying and waiting. Esp after all the hurtful stuff he said before, abt not loving me, and telling me to move on and find another. 🙁
admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:47 pm

Hey I am really sorry you are going through a rough time.

Well, lets look at the situation as logically as we can. This is all about how you can become the happiest human being you can be. Do you see him being able to fulfill that role?
anonymous

October 18, 2013 at 1:36 am

Yes. He does make me very happy. That one year plus of dating him, i never felt so happy. Sure we had ups and downs. But it was generally okay.

Before we NC, He told me that he doesn’t feel like dating anyone at the moment but his current actions say otherwise. He seems to be getting to know plenty ladies and seems open to be dating again.
admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:43 pm

Well, I always say look at someones actions. He may have lied to you 🙁
anonymous

October 15, 2013 at 10:21 am

He said before that he didn’t love me, and he thinks that maybe it was just a crush. He said that we should let things btwn us go for now, if its fated, we will be together eventually. It makes me feel like i’m the only one wanting this, and fighting for it too. These 3weeks of no contact, will it even affect him at all? If one mth is up and he hasn’t made any effort to contact me, that just goes to show how much he doesn’t care abt me right? (With the exception of my bday, he was the first to wish me via text msg; i replied thanks, and the convo stopped there)
admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:06 am

It should affect him!

But that all depends on you not breaking NC.
anonymous

October 16, 2013 at 4:10 am

I have not broken NC yet. But i don’t know if i can really do much apart from NC. You see, though we did really dated for that one year plus. He ended up saying “lets just be friends”. And “i’m not ready for anything serious”.

He has tons of close girl friends; which i’m not sure if he has any intentions of dating them since based on what his close guy friend told me, he isn’t dating anyone now. I don’t want to be just a friend. So thats when i decided to do NC. As, From my understanding, part of being an ungettable lady is to do NC. But apart from that, what else can i do to set myself apart from all those ladies?

The reason i want him back is cause i truly feel that the reason we broke up and drift apart is just silly. I mean really, if he wasn’t ready for commitment, then why waste a year plus dating me? And during which, he did all the planning of wanting us to move in together and get married. We have the same goals in life etc. I don’t understand why he suddenly feels he’s not ready to settle down etc.
admin

October 17, 2013 at 1:50 am

I wrote an article just today on the ungettable girl. Take a look at that haha.

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