How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If HE Broke Up With You

1,328 thoughts on “He Broke Up With You And Now You Want Him Back”

nadia

September 1, 2013 at 10:53 pm

I have been seeing a man for a year now and things have slowly progressed. We both have children and it took some time for us to decide to bring each other around them. I hit it off with them really well. He and I have never fought about anything. Just last week we both admitted to being exclusive with one another.. two days ago he broke it off and said that his feelings werent growing….WHAT?? Didnt he just say we were exclusive?? I’m confused. Of course, I have tried contacting him to talk more. He was very pleasant to me and just repeated the growing comment. I accepted and haven’t spoken to him since. HELP!

admin

September 2, 2013 at 2:44 am

Do you think commitment scared him?

Kayla

September 1, 2013 at 4:13 am

Hey Chris!
So my ex and I were together for a little more than seven months, but 3 of those months were spent apart because I went home for the summer. We talked a lot and he said he missed me. The day before I came back to school, he said he was so excited to see me. When I finally came back and finished unpacking, he took me out to a movie. Everything was great! Then the next day, he stops talking to me. He ignores me for a week, during which I only texted him twice since he obviously didn’t want to talk. Then he finally replies saying that he is just confused because I treat him “amazingly” but he just doesn’t want a girlfriend right now. He then says he still wants to be friends, but I was hurt and said that I have enough friends. We haven’t spoken since (only about a week) but I did run into him at the gym (he never works out, I always do) and he and his friend were glaring at my guy friend the entire time. Mixed signals! I guess I just don’t know why his feelings seemed to flip within a day. And why he acts jealous when he called things off. Thank you!
PS-Your articles are great! Keep up the good work:)

admin

September 2, 2013 at 2:06 am

Maybe he is finally realizing what he lost with you by seeing you with your guy friend.

Sharice

August 30, 2013 at 3:43 pm

Hi Chris,

Here’s my dilemma. We broke up quite some time ago, and he had gotten into a relationship with someone else. While they were together he told me what a mistake it was getting involved with her and he wished that he had given me another chance. He has since broken up with her and he and I started talking again. I got upset since things weren’t progressing as fast as I had wanted so I became needy/clingy. I kept apologizing every time I would do that and he would tell me we can hang out if I stop doing that otherwise it’s not a good idea. The other day he made a joke about something I didn’t like and called him on it, only to have him tell me that we shouldn’t talk anymore. I got upset and went into “repair things mode long email” and the next day I sent another email agreeing with him and that we shouldn’t talk anymore. I’m now regretting it, do I have any chance anymore since he said we shouldn’t talk anymore, and he never replied to the 1st email that I sent trying to talk him out of it?

Elodie

September 6, 2013 at 7:10 pm

Hey Chris,

So I told my ex who broke up with me 2 months ago I don’t think we can be friends or talk as of right now because its too much for me. I know this was a mistake because I was very emotional today and may have said a few things that would turn off an ex. Because of what I said about not being friends, tomorrow is pretty much my first day of NC but do you think it’s still worth it after what I said today? To him I’m trying to get over him but in mind I’m trying to get back with him, do you think I should still go ahead. He says he no longer loves me but if we try I definitely see potential in us in the long run.
Thanks
admin

September 7, 2013 at 2:03 am

I think NC is even more important in your situation then.
Elodie

September 6, 2013 at 7:12 pm

Oops I apologise to the person who posted first I didn’t realise I pressed reply on your comment lol! Sorry it was an accident
admin

September 7, 2013 at 2:02 am

No, your all good!
admin

August 31, 2013 at 2:17 am

One thing I have leared about couples is that they say things they don’t mean all the time. Just give him some time and make sure you text him in a non confrontational manner and we can get you back on track.

Anonyiss

August 29, 2013 at 10:13 pm

About a year after the break up, my ex and I reconnected. We still had feelings for each other, so we started heading towards a relationship again. However, now I live in another state so it was tricky. Nevertheless, we were always serious about each other so I offered to move back to his city (i lived there four 4 years for college and do not have a job yet anyways–post grad life lol–so the option was there). He said he would really like that and that if we got back together, he would make sure we would not fail again.

But when I went down there for job interviews we broke up. I really liked him. One night he was saying he was scared about what if I moved and we didn’t work out? That me moving puts a lot of pressure to make it work. Then he kept emphasizing friendship. How all we could be is friends. I was getting the impression that he just wanted friendship. I wanted a relationship with him, but was willing to settle just to keep him in my life. So my last night there I said “when i go back, we’re just friends?” He paused for a very long time. Then said yes. I did not learn until after I was home that he really did want a relationship. I guess when I said “we’re just friends” he thought that was what I wanted. We miss understood each other.

And when I tried to explain to him that I do want what he wants, he broke up with me and told me it was too late and not to contact him again. But he was responding to everything I said. Except when I told him that I was really sad and that he broke my heart. He did not respond to that.

I have not contacted him since and have not heard from him. And it’s been almost 30 days. When we reignited a year later, he said he cannot stay mad at me for long. But I am wary of contacting him. I would be really embarrassed and hurt if he did not respond. I feel I made it very clear that I cared about him a lot…I was going to move to another state for him. So for me to put myself out there..again and risk the rejection again is really overwhelming. If a guy really cared about you, won’t they reach out eventually? Or does the girl really have to be the one to instigate after the break up?

admin

August 31, 2013 at 2:03 am

Are you still seperated by a state? I am going to come out with a HUGE post on LDR (long distance relationships) so a lot of questions may be answered there.
Anonyiss

August 31, 2013 at 10:31 pm

Thanks for responding! Yes, we are still separated by a state. However I will say that he THINKS I am still moving there. One of the last things I told him is that I was going to move there anyways for a job. To which he was like “don’t talk or speak to me again or come by my house”. But I changed my mind. He doesn’t know that though lol, But to answer your question, yes. Still separated by a state.
admin

September 1, 2013 at 4:44 am

On monday I am going to have the LDR post out that will give you a gameplan going forward. So, check back then and I should have it up!
Anonymiss

September 4, 2013 at 3:18 am

I read the LDR post. It was great! My 30 days of NC is up in two days. I still do not know about contacting him though. And I haven’t heard from him this whole 30 days
admin

September 5, 2013 at 12:05 am

Well, whether or not you want to continue doing contact or contact him with some of the texts on her or on Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO is completely up to you.

Sam

August 29, 2013 at 2:07 am

First of all I wanted to say, I bought your ExBoyfriend Recovery Pro and I read it back to back. Thank you, it’s a great book. It almost made me feel a little better just reading it… My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me a week ago. He said he needed to be single, which I understand, because we were in such a serious relationship so fast and we’re both young. However, right off the back he’s talking to a couple girls, including one whom he’s spent time with before but never dated. I saw him twice since, and things are completely back to us dating when we’re with each other. We’re flirty and close. He acts like we’re dating, touching my hair and holding my hand. The second time, I left to go out with friends and he was jealous. He even texted me twice and called me once, asking if I was coming back after. I’m so confused. Deep down I really do feel that he’s not over our relationship and I’m trying my hardest to move on but I can’t. I feel like I’m in limbo.. I’m trying to start the No Contact period but I’m worried he’ll completely move on. What if he doesn’t bother talking to me at all during that time? Does that mean anything? And what if he asks for his stuff during the No Contact period, do I answer and give it back to him?

Thank you so much,
Sam

admin

August 29, 2013 at 4:22 am

Hi Sam,

Thank you for the Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO purchase! I really appreciate it (you have no idea how much.)

Lets look at the alternative to NC. If you text him you could risk annoying him and becoming a text gnat. Right now, time has to go by for him to be willing to try again. If he asks for his stuff during NC you should give it to him.
Sam

August 29, 2013 at 9:59 pm

We’ve seen each other the last few days.. Once was even to give some things back. However, he’s told me that he still has feelings for me. He’s even asked who I’ve been out with or if I’m seeing anyone else. I read your book, so I know part of the problem was that I did let myself go during the relationship. Obviously, if its a problem to me I can understand why that turned him off. But him talking to other girls really hurts. If he still has feelings for me, why is he trying to force himself to stop? Why won’t he just give us a chance? He texted me today apologizing and asking for me to call him… Do I still establish the NC? Or do I wait until we talk to find out what he wanted?
admin

August 31, 2013 at 1:59 am

If you are out of the NC period then I say you can respond.

You might also want to check out this post (as it will give you some insight into men.)

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-complete-guide-to-understanding-your-boyfriend/
Sam

September 5, 2013 at 9:17 pm

Hi Chris,
So I broke the NC rule and we talked and ended up getting back together. I know it was quick and we ended up fighting and parting ways again last night after just a few days. It’s really evident that we both care about each other so much. But last night we ended in a fight, not on the best terms. Should I reach out to him again? Or should I just jump right into NC? I’m worried that I won’t hear from him at all because he’s waiting to hear from me.. I still want to work things out.
admin

September 6, 2013 at 2:32 am

Jump right into NC.

Hey, good job on getting him back though. Even if it was for a brief moment.

Hey

August 27, 2013 at 9:19 pm

Me and my ex were together for 9 months. I’m 20 he’s 24 and we both study abroad. I’m from the UK he’s from Austria. When I first met him he was quite cold because of past issues he’s had to deal with but over time he really opened himself up to me. The time we spent together was great. He’s the first guy i’ve ever loved and I’m the first girl he’s ever loved. He treated me well, he would buy me flowers whenever I was down and spend time with me, he’s cried for me when I was thinking of breaking up with him. He invited me to Austria to meet his family and so I also invited him to come to England during the Summer holiday. We both booked tickets and were excited. As soon as we finished university and he went back home to Austria he restricted contact. A few days later he calls me and breaks up on the phone with me saying he loves me but not enough to carry on and that he’s just not into the relationship anymore, and that i’m no longer invited to germany as he has problems at home and he’s very stressed. I asked him if he was ok with not talking to me anymore or having me in his life, to which he responded yes.
I’ve never felt so betrayed by someone i love as it was unexpected. We had great plans for the summer and now I’m feeling very down as tomorrow i’m supposed to visit him but obviously i no longer am.
It’s been one month since the break up and he hasn’t spoken to me at all and neither have I. It hurts seeing him online every day and not being able to even say hi when we used to talk every day. Recently i uploaded a picture on fb and he liked it, what does that mean?
I’m finding it hard not to think of him every day, I feel like he would never have been able to say those things to my face, as he was a coward just saying it on the phone.
I don’t know what to do when I go back to Uni in one months time and see him again, it’s going to be so strange not being able to treat him as my boyfriend when the last time i saw him he said he loves me and that we’ll see each other in a few weeks…..

admin

August 28, 2013 at 4:11 am

So, have you tried out the NC rule yet?

Also, you might want to check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. I think it may be really helpful for you.
Hey

August 30, 2013 at 10:31 pm

Yes I have tried the no contact rule, it’s been exactly 1 month since the break-up and I haven’t said anything and I will not say anything first. He broke up with me so there’s no way that I will contact him first. But he didn’t contact me either so I don’t know what to do. The only contact is that he liked one of my fb photos… what could this mean?
Does it seem to you that he’s lost interest?
admin

August 31, 2013 at 2:28 am

If I was you I would swallow my pride b/c you MAY have to contact him first.

Irishgirl13

August 21, 2013 at 11:46 am

Hi

My boyfriend broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. Prior to that he used to get angry easily and was like walkling on egg shells around him but despite his faults i still loved him as there were good times too. He said the reason for breaking up with me is that he didn’t have the urge to sleep with me anymore. He would always cuddle me at night but he never initiated sex. when i tried to talk to him about it in the past he would get angry and accuse me of being obsessed with sex. (I’m not but after having a healthy sex life to having none at all i was bound to say something)

i asked him if he still loves me and he said yes and that a part of him always will but sometimes love isn’t enough.

i was devastated and kept contacting him only to be ignored. eventually he contacted me after a drunk night out. and i went round there but he still didn’t want sex. we said we would be friends and went to the cinema and something to eat a few times. I confided in him that my ex before him had got back in touch with me as he had found out me and him were no longer together. when i told him this he go so angry and told me to F off back to my ex then. he seemed to have forgotten that he was the one who broke up with me and i was only telling him this because he is my friend and that i had no intentions of going back to that ex anyway.

since then he has either ignored me or replied to my texts in a horrible and spitefeul way.

the fact that he said he still loves me and i sitll love him makes me want to get back with him. how can i make him desire me again? i told him at the start of our relationship that if we saw each other all the time he would get bored with me and he reassured me he wouldn’t but it seems to have been the case the fact that he doesn’t desire me sexually. he said that he can see that i’m an attractive girl and that other men would fancy me but he has lost the urge himself. i don’t know what to do.

admin

August 22, 2013 at 2:58 am

Well, have you started the NC rule yet?
irishgirl13

August 23, 2013 at 10:04 am

No I havent yet. I feel like this is a lost cause now because when I asked him if he was over me his response was “yes I think I am”. Why would he say that if he didnt mean it?
admin

August 23, 2013 at 7:25 pm

Yea, that kinda complicates things. It may be time to throw in the towel. You never know though.
irishgirl13

August 24, 2013 at 3:06 pm

Iv spoken to him again and he is now saying he is not over me but he is over the relationship? In your opinion, is there a difference? And do I stand a chance?
admin

August 25, 2013 at 11:42 pm

I don’t think there is a difference personally. How can you NOT be oversomeone but be over the relationship?

Georgia

August 21, 2013 at 5:53 am

Hi there,

First I’d like to say I’ve really enjoyed reading your articles. I am also a firm believer in the NC rule, and if nothing else, feel proud of myself for sticking to it.

I’m currently going through a rough breakup with someone I had hoped to have a future with. Our relationship was really great, except for one small thing: he is not the most affectionate person, and I tend to be more affectionate.

I brought this up a few times, but it never got resolved, and now I am moving home (about 3 hours away) for a few months to get my career on track and save some money. I plan on moving back in three months or so, but as this issue was still ongoing, my boyfriend decided it would be too hard to be apart because he was worried I would become unhappy not seeing him frequently.
He is a very caring person, so part of me believes this; however, part of me wonders if this is an excuse and he is trying to spare my feelings because he does not have romantic feelings for me anymore.

It seems impossible for me to know now since I have been in NC since the breakup, but I don’t want to hold out hope of getting back together once I move back if that was just an excuse.

Any idea what I should do after NC?
Thank you for your articles!

admin

August 22, 2013 at 2:04 am

Hello Georgia,

Is that really your name? It’s so pretty.

I think you and I are alike in some ways. I was with a (now ex) girlfriend that I felt I was more affectionate than (she never told me her feelings a lot of the times.) Now, I am not some super overemotional guy but still this girl was ice cold. Anyways, I can kind of understand where you are coming from there.

Congrats on embarking on the NC rule. I say really work on yourself during the NC rule. What do you plan on doing during NC to evolve?

As for what to do after NC I do a fantastic job of explaining that in Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. The condensed version:

You text him, leave him wanting more, reignite his feelings, push his emotional hotbuttons, get a date and then reunite. (thats the ideal way this is supposed to work.)
Georgia

August 22, 2013 at 4:29 am

Thank you so much for your response; it very much reinforced my ideas of what I want to be experiencing post-break up.

He is definitely a cold person as far as romantic emotions go, which was very hard for me.

I really want to get in better shape, take some interesting classes, and find a more fulfilling job over the next month. I want to become the type of person I would want to be in a relationship with.

I’m very glad I came across your site – after reading your guides I am feeling confident that I can stay strong and win him back!
admin

August 23, 2013 at 6:14 pm

That makes me happy to hear. You are on the right track. People who understand that in order to get their ex back they have to become someone that their ex would actively run over people for tend to do a lot better. Now, I am not saying that you will get him back b/c ultimately it is up to him. However, people with your mindset tend to do a lot better.

Oh, and Georgia if you like my site then you will love my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. I do realize you have to pay for it but I am not too greedy of a person by nature ;). If the price is an issue for you then you can email me and I can make it more affordable for ya! If you aren’t interested then no hard feelings. I am always around.
Georgia

February 24, 2014 at 2:12 am

Hello again!

Not sure if you’ll see this, but I wanted to thank you again for your posts/guides. I’ve been following the site periodically over the past 6 months, and all of your advice has felt very natural to me.

After 2 months of NC (during which I’ve met tons of new people and finally figured out what I want to do with my life career-wise), I began texting my ex-boyfriend, feeling confident due to your guides on how to text your ex-boyfriend. As time went by, the responses I got were more and more positive.

I recently saw him again (in a small group of friends), and had the best time! I made sure to look my best and focus my attention on all of the friends I’ve missed since I moved. Well, it must have worked, because he started bringing up fun things we did as a couple in conversations with all of our friends, and he also attempted some flirting, which I kept politely brushing off. But…

Stupid me, I ended up sleeping with him. Oh, I forgot to mention there was also a lot of bourbon present at this gathering. Yup.

It went nicely and nothing emotional was brought up. It was more like how it was when we were first dating: fun, romantic, and comfortable. He drove me back to my friend’s house the next day and made it a point to update me on what’s happened in all of our mutual friends’ lives (since I moved) along the way. Then we kissed goodbye.

But now what? I’ll be moving back to his town in a few months for work, but in the interim, I’m at a loss on how to act! Do I keep going on with the same casual demeanor? He’s not generally the type of guy who just hooks up with people, but he’s also, ya know, a guy. I’d like to build on this experience, if possible, and not let it get forgotten.

Thanks again!

Georgia
admin

February 24, 2014 at 6:42 pm

Hi Georgia!

Glad you finally commented.

Yup, you shouldn’t sleep with a guy until he commits to you. Just act super classy!

Alison Poh

August 19, 2013 at 5:56 pm

So I broke up with my ex boyfriend about 2 months ago? He said that he needed to focus in himself first. And he thinks I need to also focus in myself? He says he cares a lot about me and sometimes it’s just isn’t enough? I don’t know what he want. I don’t know if I will ever get him back or if we two will ever get back together? His friends told me that he broke uo with me because he wanted to be a better person for me and there is just too much wrong with us? He wants to be friends with me, like hanging out with his friends and him. We have got common friends. So mostly of the time I’m hanging out with them as well. He is there too. And he has been talking to this girl? Which is also my good friend? She is a very sweet and pleasant girl. I was super insecure because they seem very close and it got to be, I felt uncomfortable and started questioning his actions. And he knows how I felt about then both. He told me I was just being insecure and over thinking, they are just good friends. They work together on music. And have same view on certain things. He said they treat each other like collgeues. But it was hard for me to believe.. Many a times I wanted to walk away and really just let go. I just felt I can’t do this, I can’t watch him from behind knowing I’m no longer a part of him anymore. I got tired and I told him I cannot do this. He told me to not run away. Face him like how he faced me bravely. But what? We are just friends. I don’t like being just friends when he meant the whole world to you? He broke it off obviously he wouldn’t feel hurt. I really don’t know what he wants.

admin

August 20, 2013 at 4:23 am

I have a post I think you might find interesting: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/what-to-do-if-your-ex-boyfriend-just-wants-to-be-friends/

Natasha

August 17, 2013 at 4:28 pm

yesterday my boyfriend of almost three years said “bye” after nearly a month of not talking. i was on my summer vacation in Asian where i would only get 1-2 texts from him per day. the past couple of months, things were really rough and we were fighting a lot. i admit i was a very controlling person where i would monitor everything he does, check his texts, not let him see friends and have this major flip outs with his family. this was why we were fighting because he feels caged. we broke up a couple of times but always got back together in a week. i would always tell him ive changed but i never did since we went to school together and somehow i thought it would work out. now we do to different college but still in the same area. the last couple of things he said to me were “ull never change and it took 3 years to find that out” i promised him i really did change this time because i didnt want to lose him. this past week i knew i would lose him so i started panicking and sending him tons of msgs and calling him more than 50 times. he also said “the damage has been done” and when i talked to his friend to days ago, he said that my ex bf wants nothing to do with me. my ex bf is a type of person who reacts to the emotion and does things without thinking. before i left he said that he loves me but i have this side where he hates. im shattered and i dont know what to do. i want to prove to him that ive really changed and that my whole life is surrounded by him. i can’t believe i looked over all the good things hes done for me. i only focused on the bad things when we were together. i just really want him back. what can i do? also i was planning to see him in person since after 3 years, all i get is a “bye”? he deleted my on facebook but still follows me on instagram. he’s always out with his friends and told me that “im finally living my life with no stress” i want to be in his life and make him happy, not like before. would the NC rule work? i was thinking to go see him at his class in 10 days. would that be a good idea?

admin

August 18, 2013 at 4:14 am

Hello Natasha,

You are in the rare position where NC might not actually work. It seems to me b/c you two didn’t talk for a month he got tired of that so maybe going to see his class is not a horrible idea. BUT if that doesn’t work I say go NC then.
Natasha

August 20, 2013 at 4:02 pm

so a little more than 24 hours after saying his “bye” he texted me saying “hey. i just want to talk. not about anything. just talk” we continued with our conversation then i said “i respect u. im hppy u found ureself eventho id love for us to work out, im so much more happier as friends.” he replied with “me too i found myself been more relaxed, healthier. if u move on early hide it cuz obviously 3 years was long for me too not just u” but as we go to different schools now, i proceeded to ask him to hang out. he said “sure but not sure when i can. im really busy especially tmr.” which was the day i asked him to hang out but apparently he was home all day playing games. then after that i continued to ask if it was possible….he stopped replying. maybe i freaked him out to hang out too early? normally eventho he never replies to me, for the past 3 years, i will still send him texts. is there anything i can do at this point? i think he might be lost?

can i please add that when we were on vacation, i send him more than 20 texts per day but he barely replies.
admin

August 21, 2013 at 4:42 am

Well, I think you are acting a little too needy. Especially with those 20 texts that he barely replied to. I am going to guess that you have never tried anything like the no contact rule before have you?
Natasha

August 21, 2013 at 2:39 pm

i think im going to try the NC rule for now. last night he sent me a really mad text out of no where. anyways, do you think there is still a chance? he is happy without me, living his life
admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:24 am

I think you should try everything before you throw in the towel. NC rule is the way to go!

claire

August 14, 2013 at 2:33 pm

Hiya.. I broke up with my fiance 4 days ago we’ve been off and on for nearly 3 years when we got back together this time it was different we both side we would price our love to the ones who doubted it.. He has 3 kids that live with him and I have 1.. Me and him went on holiday to Egypt in June and it was the beat holiday ive had we chatted and really deeper in love. We came back off holiday and the first 3 weeks was great then gradually he drifted off and we argued alot then all of a sudden he broke it off and said he couldn’t trust me no more because I told white lies which I did he has broke up with me in the past and said he couldn’t trust me but we got back together but during the break Ups I found out he was in other relationship which made me think isn’t it ment to be the other way round ” should I be the one that says I dont trust you ” we talked 2 days after we broke up because he has a really bad back and might have to an op on his disc’s and i text his mam to find out how he was and if his back was okay i told him about texting his mam because i was worried and i still cared for him and also that i also will.. His response was i love you 2… I dont get it i need help.. I’ve admitted that i was in the wrong and told him im sorry till im blue in the face but there’s people that keep butting in and saying i told them this and i told them that and when i denied it he told me i was lying and ive not herd from him since then i text him asking if we could go somewhere just me and him to talk and try and save what we had and that i love him and he loves me and its got to count for something but there’s no reply please help me

admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:19 am

What do you think about trying a 30 day no contact rule? It can possibly put the train back on the tracks for you.
claire

August 15, 2013 at 10:52 am

I have started the 30 day rule yesterday ive even took myself off Facebook… Do you think there is something still there?
admin

August 16, 2013 at 2:11 am

I think it is certainly worth a try. Why not right?
claire

August 14, 2013 at 3:05 pm

Can I also add the day we talked on the phone he asked if we could keep in contact and I said what is the point in that because I was angry.. I felt gulity after saying that and text him is there no solution and try again his respond to that was tell me a solution this is the last thing i wanted was for us to split Claire i still love you but i can’t trust you…. What does he mean!!! It makes me angry he is 36 and im 25
admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:22 am

Well lets put things in perspective here Claire, he was emotional, you were emotional and things were said, hurtful things that either party probably didn’t mean.

Lindsay Patterson

August 10, 2013 at 2:06 am

Hey chris
I recently and a 6 year relationship with the guy I’ve been off and on with by asking him to move out and get his own place. I had been happy for a while and we have had many problems over the six years ago Dano los a pregnancy and some cheating on his behalf against me we once broke up for 3 months because you left me for another woman in a week later realized he wanted me back .he moved out and moved right up the hill for me and we still communicate on a daily basis he told me he just wants to be my friend I tried the 30 day no contact policy but we have so many things that we have to do together its so hard to what’s the easiest way to start the no 30 day when you’re still talking getting along and maybe so sleeping together sometimes. Or should I even try if we are hanging out and getting along ?

admin

August 10, 2013 at 3:28 am

Well, here is the main problem. You are in the friend zone right now. If that is what you want then sure go for it.

However, if you want to be more than friends then you are going to have to do something drastic.

Anne

August 9, 2013 at 3:22 pm

My bf and I broke up a month ago after dating for 7mos. We’ve had problems a week before the break up, but I wasnt expecting it to get to this point. I love him so much. I even gave up an opportunity to study abroad, because he promised me that if I stayed, that he won’t leave me unless I cheat on him. He even asked me to marry him already. I know everyone in his family, he knows my family as well. I really thought we were going steady, but it all got sour when he started working for his dad. He just graduated from uni when we got together. That’s why we got to spend almost everyday together. But when his dad started to train him to succeed their company, everything changed. I don’t get to see him as often, or talk to him or text. I got a bit needy because of that. And he became cold towards me. After that, he broke up with me. His only reason is that he isnt happy anymore and thathe wants to be alone. On first week of our break up, i begged him everyday to answer my calls to talk, but he said he doesnt want to talk to me or hear from me anymore. What should I do? Do we still have a chance to get back together? If yes, how? Do I have to move on now? If I go abroad to study, would it lessen the chances for us to get back together? I really wanna get back with him. help! thank you!

admin

August 10, 2013 at 3:04 am

You do have a chance but I don’t want you to get overly excited. That doesn’t guarantee your success.

I think right now the most logical solution is to implement a no contact rule and give him some space.

Aneta

August 9, 2013 at 12:16 pm

Hi Chris I have read your page carefuly and Im wondering if you can help me. Will tell you my story and I hope you could give me any tips about it. Lets start then. Me and my ex are working together. I started my job 4 years ago and strait away notice my exbf I would say he started to chating me up 🙂 We went for a date try to hide everything for workmates to not have subjects to talking about b,ut in a few weeks time everyone new what was going between us. So we stoped from hideing and started to be a happy couple. Was fantascic every time he was around me at work and after it. I have a child witch that was not a problem for him, we where enjoying our time together seing eachothers everyday. After 2 years he proposse with a big surprise 🙂 that was lovely time. Then suddenly something went wrong I lost my interest of him we start agruee a lot I told him that I dont love him any more but we tryied to make it work. Day by day get worst and worst we just hurt eachother more and more I have stoped puting any efford so was he. Then one day that new girl start working with us very beautifull young girl. He startet to be frieds with her so as me but 3 months later I did find on his iPad messages to her. That wasnt flirt ones just like frendly ones but I frick out I started to be very jealous, was asking him to stop all contack with her witch he did but still couldnt get over them talking together at work so we fight a lot about it at home. That sytuation was for 4 month every day the same I was angry and jealous but to be honest was never anything between them what so ever just my imagination. I wrote a letter to him letting him know all my worries my feeling my sadnes and how our relationship is not gona work and that I will understan if he wants to finish that. That was my mistake. On the next day we talk about it and decide its over we both was crying cuddeling and never wanted that but we knew its not gona work. I gave him ring bak and keys of his house and left. That was horrible!!!’ next few day we where not talking till I saw him at work. We both never new what to say and how to be about eachother. After a few days I text him and we meet up for coffe to talk thing thru. That day he said its hard for him but he feels more relax now and less stress. I was crying because its not what I wanted to hear I wanted him to be back to start again and makes things better but that was over for him. He said he wants as to be friends because he is not in love with me any more. That hurts sooo much. We stoped talking again for few days and again that was me who text him and start conversation. I thought if I will act as a fried then closer I will be with him but was wrong. I was puting feeling everytime we talk. After 2 weeks was a work night out so we both went, we get drunk and ended up in bed 🙁 strange feelings!!!! From that day we where started to seeing everyday for a week. We kissed couddle talk as before till one day he said its not that he wants. He dont want to back together and that we shouldnt do all those things we did he just want to be a friend with me. I told him that he gave me a hope and That I cant be a friend with hom because I still have feeling for him. But he said will be better if we stop doing anything. I get very angry and said to not call me to stope texting me I blocked him on facebook delated all pic with him. And said to him to not talk to me and ignore me totaly!!!! Now its day 10 as we ignoring eachothers no calls no text nothing oh no sorry yesterday we said hi when we passed at work. Its hurting me so much and I still do love him. That week we where kind of back together was best time we ever had. He is very quite, prudent person who hides his emotions. He been hurt before in relationship but he open his hurt for me after a long time and I just brake everything. I want ti show him how much I love him and that I know I hurt him and how sorry I am for that. If he will give me a chance I would never do anything to make him feel down , being sad. I want him to be happy smiling jumipng with a joy. My only worries is that he will not give me a chance to proof that. Please give me some hints what can I do know if Its not to late!! What should I do that he will see me in a diferent light and wanted to try again??? Please help me I am trying to be as normal as I can but dont know how to be at work with him so that he can see I want us to be together but to not scare him or push him away from me even more. Thanks for your time reading my story and any hints you can give me ….

admin

August 10, 2013 at 2:56 am

Hi thanks for commenting!

So you are kind of doing a forced NC period? I think that is a smart idea b/c it sounds like the emotions need to settle from both sides.
Aneta

August 10, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Well he is ignoring me now totaly. Should I keep NC for whole 30 days?? Tell me please do you think with this situation I have a chance to get him back??
admin

August 11, 2013 at 3:25 am

Hahaha he is giving you the ole NC rule. Yes, keep the 30 days and really focus on YOU and not him.

Jennifer

August 7, 2013 at 3:17 pm

Hi Chris, i would really appreciate if you give me your opinion on my situation.
Me and my ex boyfriend dated two years ago and we broke up and got back together twice. The second time we got back together i was really afraid of loosing him so i did something stupid. I started calling him, txting him 24/7 and trying to get him to be with me as much as he can. Now that didnt work out at all and after a month he just left me without saying anything. He stopped taking my calls and replying to my msgs.. he just said leave me alone you are super annoying, and he was right i got out of control. To show him the break up didnt hurt me I got a boyfriend right after that and ive been with this guy for two years now. But I am still in love with my ex and all this time ive been lying to myself and the guy im with now. My ex probably thinks i dont care about him anymore and im pretty sure he doesnt care about me. About a month ago we talked via messenger and I gave him my phone number to call me and he never did. A few days ago i txted him asking who is this phone number is pretending that i just had it without a name and he was chatty but didnt want to tell me his name.
Chris do you this this one is a lost cause… I really wish there was something I could do and I hate to sound needy or desperate because I am really not that kind of a person …just when it comes to him.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.

admin

August 8, 2013 at 2:18 am

Hmmm…

Well, this is bad I think.

He doesn’t even tell you who he is after you tried that stuff?
Jennifer

August 15, 2013 at 3:36 am

haha yaa..its pretty bad he didnt want to tell me his name. aand i dont want to come out as a werido so i just left him alone lol but he might be thinking that im still with my bf idk

Kate

August 5, 2013 at 3:51 am

Hi Chris
Firstly, I’m glad I found the insightful info you put together for helping us get our exes back. Great job.
Secondly, if you have time, I would appreciate your opinion on my situation.
My b/f of 20 months broke up with me last week. He is under enormous pressure at work (13-17 hour days, 6 days a week), does not sleep well, poor diet, has his 3 small kids every weekend and also manages to fit me in about once or twice a week. He starts work at 4.30am! We live 30 minutes apart so due to him always being tired it’s not always practical to see each other. Also, the owner of the company is currently away sick for 4 weeks so my b/f has been also trying to fit in the owners work!
Anyway, his reason for the break up was: “I don’t have enough time to fit everything in. I can’t give up work, I can’t give up the kids so I have to give you up. I still love you and this is very very hard for me to do.”
I said I was happy to help out and fit in when it suits him. He said “That wouldn’t be fair, what if I can only see you once a month? I don’t want you waiting around for me. I don’t want the pressure of having to be somewhere. I thought I wanted a relationship but I don’t… no kind of relationship. I need to be by myself.”
He rang me 2 days later and we had a good chat. I re-iterated that I want to support him and am here to help in any way I can. He admitted he almost got on a plane and was going to run away from me, the kids and work. He said he feels his head is going to explode. Basically the stress is just too much. I said I wished he had spoken to me about the pressure instead of throwing our relationship away but I think it was a last resort reaction. I told him that I understand and respect he needs space right now. I explained that once his head has cleared a bit and his feet are back on the ground I’d like him to think about working ‘us’ out. His exact words were “You never know what’s round the corner.” He said he doesn’t want to cut me out of his life and he still wants to be my best friend. He has text me every day. He rang me at work one day and I started to cry (I’d been holding it in for 3 days). He said he knows it’s his fault I’m sad and he hopes I believe he is sorry. He has rung me twice more asking if I’m ok. Then Friday night he send me a text saying “Hope you are heading to bed soon. Sleep well x”. We have this longstanding thing about how many kisses we include in our texts. I know how he is feeling depending on the amount of kisses. He had not included any kisses in the past 10 days so I knew he was genuinely worried about me – or is he feeling guilty coz he hurt me? Yesterday (Sunday) I was having a low day and sent a text telling him how much I miss the nice things we did together. I said I still loved him. He didn’t reply.
So I now wonder if I start the NC rule. HOWEVER, this guy is more in touch with his feelings than most men. I’m not a big ‘I love you’ person and only save it for special times. He told me every day. He would complain that he sometimes didn’t hear from me until the afternoon. I didn’t realise that he likes to be wanted. I’m quite independent and not very mushy but I now realise he wanted all that and by me not giving it to him made him feel unloved. So basically, if I stop contacting him for such a long time, he will just say to himself “Well I was right all along, she doesn’t care about me after all.” I know he will ring and text me a lot and he’s a stickler for manners and being polite. If he asks how I am and I don’t reply, it will be rude and unforgiveable.
Can I at least tell him that I’m giving him space so he doesn’t get upset when I ignore him?
Thanks for your time – Kate

admin

August 6, 2013 at 2:44 am

No, you shouldn’t give him a heads up bc then he might not text you at all during NC.

Nadya McClure

August 3, 2013 at 11:04 pm

Hi Chris,

I was my boyfriend’s first girlfriend and relationship. We met when we were 21 and dated just shy of 4 years. We moved in together after 2 years (big mistake, since we were not ready for such a commitment). I was going to school full time and had picked up a new full time job. I was unbearable stressed out and I feel like I brought a lot of that stress home and neither of us could handle it.Things got tough a couple of times but I thought we had gotten through it. I guess not. I definitely relied on him for a lot of my emotional support, and I made him my whole world because I loved him so much. Reasonably so, he wasn’t able to be everybody I needed him to be- friend, companion, therapist, boyfriend, guide. He was my sole source of entertainment, happiness, comfort and attention. I feel like it became very demanding. Anyway, 4 weeks before finals we had an argument about somewhere I wanted to go and I became really frustrated and left. I came home and he had gone, at which point I became very angry and began sending mad text messages. When he returned, we had an argument and he broke up with me. He said he wasn’t happy, and I didn’t blame him. We had 3 months left of the lease and I stayed living there fire another 2. one month because of school and another to figure out other plans. During this time, we had a lot of time to talk to one another and u asked him a lot of questions. His most common answers were, “I don’t know”. He made it clear that our relationship at this point and in the foreseeable future was over, and that he didn’t know if we could work things out in the future. The more the more we talked, the more he seemed to understand what had gone wrong in our relationship and would seem open to the possibility of reconciling later after we had some time and space apart. To my dismay, I discovered on 2 separate occasions that he wad taking to and hanging out with new girls that he’d met at the bar he hangs out at. Of course, I was once again devastated. I feel like everything he’s said is a lie now because he’s talking to other women. Do you think with time apart from one another and me keeping my distance so he can have space will bring us back to a point where he would want to work things out with me? He says he still loves me, that he wants to be a part of my life and that he cares about me and wants me to be happy. I love him so much, and all I want is an opportunity to prove to him that things can be different if we do things differently and take things slow. My anxiety had been out of control and I want him to come back so bad! How should I feel about all of this? How do I be okay with his new behaviors of talking to other women and surely wanting to sleep with other women. I understand where he is at in his life, he said he didn’t know what he wants and needs a change to figure out what he wants to do with his life and maybe our relationship. I’m afraid to lose him to another woman before I get the chance to try and make things work! What can I do to ensure the best possibility of maintaining or spiking his interest in wanting to try and with things out?

Please help me! I am terrified of losing him add the love of my life forever. He is the love of my life. I’ve been in love with him since the day we met.

admin

August 4, 2013 at 3:27 am

Try implementing a NC rule

dne

August 3, 2013 at 9:03 am

hi Chris,
well, I just broke up with my bf yesterday. we’ve been together for 1 1/2 year .last week my friend told me that she heard my bf cursed me. I was really upset when I heard that. same goes to my sister..she went really mad and then went to see my bf and attacked him without my permission. though I’m upset,i wouldn’t attack him. my sister said to him that he was a total jerk that he only take me for granted.she shouted at him in front of almost everyone in the class. I know my bf was really embarrassed bc of that.after that,my bf stopped talking to me for one whole week without even looking to me nor talking to me. well,we’re both 17. then,yesterday I went to meet him and ask him whts bother him a lot. then he said he can’t hold it anymore. Oh God,i really really love him and I’ve made commitments for us. by the time I heard those words from him,i knew he’s leaving me. I asked him why he said that..then he said he still love me but he really have to go. I DON’T UNDERSTAND!:( this is so sad.but because i love him, i respect his choice.then, i let him go though it hurt me so much. please.i really don’t want to lose him actually..he’s kinda a top student a school and we were going to take a very important examination on november. Please..what should i do? who’s fault is this? do my sister did the right thing?

admin

August 4, 2013 at 2:39 am

Your sister should have stayed out of it in my opinion.

For now, you should give him some space. Try out the NC rule and DO NOT ACT DESPERATE

J

August 3, 2013 at 2:38 am

Hi Chris,
My ex and I were casual friends for 11 years and we both decided to start dating. We dated for about 10 months. We didn’t fight much but in the end he said the “it’s me and not you” bit. He said he would need more time to think about us and that he would contact me after 2 weeks. I waited the 2 weeks with NC and after that time I text him to see if we could talk. No answer. The next day I sent an email asking for my belongings I had left at his house. No answer and I still haven’t received my belongings. That was a month ago and still have not heard from him nor have I tried contacting him. I would like for us to get back together but I fear he doesn’t want anything to do with me.

admin

August 3, 2013 at 3:34 am

Ok, he clearly doesn’t want to talk to you right now but in the future he will. Just give him some time with the NC rule and improve yourself.

Nicole

August 1, 2013 at 6:27 pm

My ex broke up with me 2 months ago after a year and a half together. We went through a lot but the last month of our relationship was bad. I wanted to spend time with him and he just kept pulling away, saying he was busy with school and that he wanted to spend time with me with everyone to save time so he can do everything he wants. He broke up with me saying he wanted to still be friends and that he was so unhappy with himself that he needed to fix himself first. He promised he’d come back, but then he started doing things like telling others he just wants to be free and single and how he’s not sure he ever wants to get back together. And I found out he was doing the opposite of fixing himself, but partying a lot and not focusing on school. He also started noticing other girls and made his fb relationship status single and public when we both decided to keep it private for a while and never even let me know he changed it. Basically, he kept me thinking for the first month that we would get back together I s, but then I found out he lied a lot and stopped all contact with him. We live in the same dorm at school and have mutual friends even though he’s made a lot of new friends and has started to hang out with old friends he grew apart from when we were together. Do you think he’s completely moved on, and he won’t ever come back? I just need to know if there is a large possibility he will, not that I would take him back so easily.

admin

August 2, 2013 at 2:20 am

I think the more pressing question is if you even want him back?

Weigh the pros and cons of getting him back. Is this just the normal I want my ex back you are feeling or is it something deeper. If it is, all I can tell you is that I can’t guarantee you will get him back but these tactics will definitely improve your chances.

Good luck Nicole!
Nicole

August 2, 2013 at 7:34 am

Thank you for replying. And I used to want him back for the right reasons but that’s when we first broke up and I didn’t know how much he was lying to me. I read your advice on how to get your ex back and it does seem like good advice for someone who’s ex didn’t lie and do cruel things to after the break up but my ex doesn’t deserve me back. I understand that he might have lied in the initial break up to spare my feelings but incessant lying and doing things behind my back is not okay. As hard as this is to do, I know I will get over him and quite honestly your advice on contacting him seems like a lot of work for someone who doesn’t deserve even a small of amount of that effort. If he tries to come back by all means he can, but not bc I’ve been secretly setting the moves for it, and doesn’t guarantee that I would take him back in any way. A lot of trust was broken for me and its causesd me a lot of disappointment and sadness these past few months.
admin

August 3, 2013 at 2:58 am

I just hope that this site or anything I have said has helped you come to this decision where you are truly happy with your life!

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