How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If HE Broke Up With You

1,328 thoughts on “He Broke Up With You And Now You Want Him Back”

TessmAria

February 16, 2017 at 4:59 pm

So I’m in a tough spot a little over a week ago my boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me. I feel completely blindsided. He said he doesn’t see a future with me and doesn’t love me. He said he wishes we never would have dated because it’s hard on him loosing our friendship. I was so shocked and hurt. He said he needs a few days to think about what he did. I gave him a few days. He then says it’s ok I can’t be in his life and that he knows its best if we both move on. I am still upset because we also work together. We kind of had closure. I said I know it’s real because you didn’t talk or want to be around me at work. He sAid I need to accept the break up and his feelings never grew for me after 8 months. I want him back but I’m not sure what to do. We are in week one of no contact.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2017 at 9:02 pm

HI Tess maria,

You need to check this one:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Veronica

February 10, 2017 at 10:16 pm

hi….my name is veronica and me and my boyfriend broke up today and he said he has family issues and i asked him thats what he wanted and he said yes….and i dont want we have been dating for 3mths and we did everything together…what should i do?

Veronica

February 13, 2017 at 3:02 pm

sure i will try it…
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 4:16 pm

that’s good..do at least 30 days and aim to be the ungettable girl.
The Ungettable Girl
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2017 at 11:38 pm

Hi Veronica,

do you want to try the no contact rule?

Linda

February 10, 2017 at 10:57 am

I was dating a guy for about 4.5 months and from the very moment we spoke I told him that I have 3 kids and I’m on my own. I am in no way dependant on anyone (except for family who babysit for me). I have my own car, my own house, work full-time etc. He had told me earlier about his hesitation about the kids and I completely understood, but he said he wanted to continue to see me. Frome our first phone Convo to the night before he broke up with me we would talk to each other every day some how. So we were very much connected and aware of what was going on in each other’s lives. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. He came over to my house (I thought we were going out or spending time at home), and a good 20mins after we chatted (our usual chit chat), he said he couldn’t see me anymore because he could see himself with kids eight now. Boy was I hit hard. I was not expecting that at all! Not since there was no heads up really about us talking or him having concerns. We both said we’d like to be friends… And I truly mentioned it. The next day I, out of habit, snapchatted home along with my other friends. He snapped back that night I responded and then realized this was not good. We were going about this as if nothing happened and I was still heartbroken and crying. So I stopped all contact. Well he texted a couple of times referring to thing I had got him for Christmas and situations I could relate to. I again ignored it. He proceeded to send me snaps as well. Made the mistake of viewing them but did not respond. I had posted something about my Daughter’s dental visit in Instagram and later that evening he texted to asked how she was. This actually made me angry! He told me he wasn’t ready for kids and couldn’t see me and now he’s asking me how they are? I ignored it and I got 3 Snapchat chats from him since them and I have not viewed them. Why is he sending me these mixed messages? If I continue this NC period with him should I then initiate conversation? How long do I wait? Is there a possibility that we could still have something later?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2017 at 7:28 pm

Hi Linda,

If he is saying the truth, move on. Because right now, he might just be like that, being friendly, because he misses you because he’s used to having you in his life. so that means he might be thinking that after a few days, it’s ok to be friendly now.. if what he said is a deal breaker, move on.

If you still want to try with him, the question is, have you improved yourself and were you active in posting in social media? If yes, initiate contact after 30 days. If not, restart the count. Take it slow after nc, and also keep in mind what he said. That means if you agree with what he said, then you have to be clear that he’s just your boyfriend right now, not the potential step father of your children. But of course, you need to set limits on until when it’s like that because if it’s really a serious relationship, he has to step up to that role.

lily

January 29, 2017 at 1:34 pm

Hi ok basically I’m confused I had been with my ex for 9 months and he is 7 years older than me we started great he did everything the correct way was a proper gentleman spoke to my parents from the beginning he spoke about our future, he travelled for work and I always trusted him I never once doubted him, we never had sex because he wanted to wait until marriage we had our odd argument but I understand he hadn’t had a relationship in 5 years but we always got over it and handled it and basically in December he went away for four weeks and I was fine he said we would make it work and he would speak to me there because there was a 5 hour time difference slowly by the end of the second week he started changing, he was being snappy and rude I couldn’t ask him questions, he was hiding stuff from me that I was finding out elsewhere, he stopped saying I love you, he never said that he missed me, and he never once called me as the weeks went by he started contacting me less and less and then when he came back I went to pick him up with his mum and he was fine kissed me and hugged me like nothing we went back to his house and it was literally like he never left, it was amazing obviously I did want to talk about what happened but he came to my house the next day to eat and he just said that he didn’t love me anymore so I was shocked because his actions were saying the opposite so I just stayed silent and he left, I was sooo confused and in shock that 3 days later I went to his house just because I don’t like leaving things unsaid and well I didn’t say anything when it happened and he couldn’t look at me he couldn’t sit next to me he avoided eye contact my picture was still in his room and he was still adamant that he had no feelings for me and he wouldn’t look me in the eye he said he needed two weeks to think. ok I left and then he contacted me on the second week Wednesday just casual to see how I was in uni, how my family was and just a normal conversation like before the break up, he then messaged me on the Friday inviting me to his church, I went and he hugged me too tight and started walking with his arm around me I got out of it because thats not right and once again it was like nothing changed, we went to eat and he didn’t talk about the two weeks thinking he did he just spoke about everything like we were together again, we shared a meal. before we left I told him that I forgive him for whatever he did in the evening he messaged me saying thank you for going and I sent him in a way like a goodbye message just wishing him the best and that whatever he did I hope he can forgive himself and just stuff like that. the next day he tried over message picking a fight with me about what I had written and I just sent him a pic of him and another girl in the club which was taken whilst he was away so I just said I just wanted honesty because things can be sooo easily misunderstood and I hd more pics he said he would explain them, then the conversation moved on once again sending me picture like he would when we were dating. I never once messaged him all these conversations he started. two weeks passed and he messaged me saying sorry for being ungrateful that we were meant to meet (which we never really agreed on) but if I would like to go out to eat the following weekend and then he went on to tell me some family problems which he always trusted me with and then asked about uni told me about his work and then went to bed. I haven’t met up with him yet but I just have no idea what to think because he messages me when I least expect it, he still has our picture in his room and on his Instagram and Facebook pages, I just don’t know what he wants. he said he wanted to remain friends but needed time and didn’t want to speak straight after the break up but yet he contacts me, he said he didn’t love me and had 4 weeks to get over it whilst away but after the break up his mum told he locked himself up in his room for two days straight, I just don’t get it it came out of nowhere can I have some advice please, thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2017 at 2:04 pm

Hi Lily,
he may have had the grass is greene feeling when he was away.. check the link below:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

Nelle

January 24, 2017 at 4:13 pm

Hi! Me and my… I don’t know what honestly… Boyfriend I guess I could call him. We dated for three-four months, we never made it official, and we broke up a month ago today. The last time we spoke was three weeks ago. I think I want him back. I’m not sure. Anyways. I’m thinking about contacting him in a week or so… But I’m not sure if he hates me or not. I know he’s really angry at me. And I know why, and I understand his feelings towards me. I didn’t cheat or anything. But let’s just say I went really psycho at the end. My question is if I could send him a text saying ”Hey, maybe kind of random of me to ask. But what protein powder are you using?”. I got to taste his protein shake at some point during our relationship and it was good. And I’ve started working out and are going to buy protein powder. So I personally think it’s a legit reason. But I need someone elses opinion on it before sending it.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 12:34 pm

Hi Nelle,

how much did you change and improve in the last 3 weeks?

damilola

January 21, 2017 at 4:01 am

my exboyfrend nd i dated for bout two months nd some weeks but he broke up with me claiming dat he doesnt like LDR relationship but now he has a new gf wat can i do to have him back

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2017 at 3:45 pm

Hi Damilola,

when did you break up? follow the advice on this one:
EBR 015: How To Get A Long Distance Boyfriend Back If He Has A New Girlfriend

Colleen

January 8, 2017 at 9:50 pm

Hello,
I just reached my 30 days no contact and am planning on messaging him tonight. He told me the reason for the breakup was because he didn’t trust me and he didn’t think that he wanted a relationship ever. I was just wondering if it was still possible that the no contact worked on him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 11:22 pm

Hi Colleen,

why doesnt he trust you?

Liz

January 6, 2017 at 5:18 pm

Hey so I need serious advice. My ex and I were together over 4 years. We met and literally every day since then we’ve spoken and hung out. Earlier this year we bought a house together and everything seemed picture perfect. After a few month of living there we got into a huge argument. It was bad. The cops showed up because we were outside. We had never ever been like this before. It was rock bottom. He was so angry he had broken something and the night was such a mess that both our parents found out. Long story short, my family was unimpressed and said some hurtful things to him. His parents were also disappointed to find out that their son had reached such a breaking point and that it was due to him bottling up stress and resentment. When we moved in, I got lazy. I didn’t help out much and he was doing everything around the house and also paying the bills. I don’t know why I didn’t realize I was being so uncooperative but he also admits that he was very passive and never spoke up about how he was feeling. Two months after the incident is when we were finally able to address the issues and I immediately took ownership and made efforts again. He even said I pulled a 180, we also communicAte much better. The issue is that he felt that that night shouldn’t have happened. He questions why it took us rock bottom to finally improve and as much as we can forgive each other he isn’t ok with what happened and so he wanted to go separate ways. It says been about 3 weeks and you can imagine how awful it is for me. I feel like I did so much to try and help us but that it isnt enough. We share a dog together, she’s only a year old so we agreed to stay in touch and hangout once a week. At first he said “we can hang out and see how things are going and maybe get passed the issues” but after two weeks he also said that even though he misses me that he just doesn’t feel confident in a future with me because he thinks my family will never let go of what happened.
When we hang out it’s great, we are still so comfortable around each other and can have fun. we’ve had sex every time we’ve seen each other, we text here and there, send each other funny memes and videos, etc. so it’s hard for me to process that we are over. We definitely aren’t together right now And I know time may help him heal but I’m worried he’ll just get used to this. I’ve thought about then I contact but that means I also lose my dog… (she stayed with him). What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 4:08 pm

Hi Lix,

can you arrange for him to leave your dog to somebody else for you to pick up while in nc? Like a friend or a neighbor?

Moe

January 2, 2017 at 8:49 pm

Hello there ,
This is my first time opening up like this but i really need some advice, i was with my ex-boyfriend for 2 years and our relationship was rocky from the start but we always worked things out no matter how heated it got, we loved (and i still do) each other very very deeply but the situation we were in didn’t help, we live in an Islamic country that does not approve of any gay activities, i also got death threats from family members when they suspected i was gay and warned me not to hangout with my bf whom they thought was a bad influence on me. All that made our relationship very problematic but we had everything figured out, where we would leave this country and move to america live there and start a family together.
before breaking up with me by two almost 3 weeks we took a vacation and it was the best 5 days of my life (hiss to i assume) we got all the freedom that we never had, after we came back he told me how much he loved me and that i was his whole world, two days after that he starts getting mad over small things and says he needs a break for a few days when i tried to message him 2 days later he told me he had nothing to say to me and blocked me from everything, i did everything i could to reach him ( using friends, calling his house phone, and even waiting in front of his house hours on end) all that fr nothing, he finally calls me and tells me get away from my life and goes on to send me text messages saying he doesn’t love me anymore and that he literally hates me and he starts insulting me and saying things like i am better than you or go back to the barn you came from which honestly shocked me, but i just told him if you wana go just go but stop talking.
It’s been two months since then and i am still hurting over him, i still love him and i built my whole life around us, but he moved on and is with a new guy, i am sorry for the long story but i needed to get it out there.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2017 at 12:30 pm

Hi Moe,

did he leave for the other guy? If yes, then it’s a grass is greener syndrome. Check the link below about that. But when did you last talk?
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

tatumn

December 28, 2016 at 5:11 pm

My ex and I were together for 9 months which is considered a long time for juniors in high school. We did everything together and we had our whole lives planned out together and we would always say stuff about us getting married and having a family and he would always say I was the love of his life and vice versa. around October we started getting in more fights because I had recently started A snapchat streak with someone I used to like because he had streaks with a bunch of girls so I did it out of revenge. That guy started getting flirty and saying that I deserved better so I began to talk to that guy more and more and that hurt my ex. In early November I went to a football game with a friend and that guy was there and he sent my ex a picture of himself and I lied and said it wasn’t him. We got in a huge fight and I broke up with him. Two days later we got back together and everything was good. A couple weeks later the same issues started coming back and he said he didn’t trust me because I lied to him to avoid a fight and I realize that was all my fault but we broke up anyways. After it happened, we both realized what we had done and I apologized and asked if we could get back together. He said that we needed time to be single so I agreed. That Monday we were talking and he said we need to act single and he said I could hang out with other guys as long as we didn’t touch and I said he could do the same. So Tuesday he hung out with a girl he used to talk to but never dated because she cheated on him and she’s also in college. Before she came over to his house we got back together and he was so excited and happy and we made plans for the rest of our break and we decided we’d hang out the next day. I texted him the whole time she was there and told him to tell me what time she left. She left at 2:00 am. I was mad and rightfully so but I didn’t dwell on it and instead said I loved him and couldn’t wait to see him that day. He texted me and said we weren’t going to work out shortly after that. The next day was thanksgiving and they went Black Friday shopping together and have been together ever since because she’s also home for the holidays.
I’m just wondering if there’s a chance of us getting back together because every night since the break up I have had the same dream about us getting back together. I know I’m young but I really do love him and I do believe he’s the one I’m supposed to be with.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 7:08 am

Hi Tatum,

I think there is a chance, but dont chase him. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

Geeta

December 27, 2016 at 12:43 pm

I am in a relationship w a man of 43, my age for the past 4 years now . Both of us are separated from our spouses and have one kid each . Right from the day one he said that his wife didn’t like to stay w his parents so left him and staying at her parents home in the same city Along w his kid. She hardly visits him and hardly lets kid meet his dad as well. She refuses to stay w him in his parents home and he refuses to stay separately w her as he grew up in a joint family . So they have been staying separate for the last 8 years . Married for 13 years .
I stay separate from my hubby too .
My lover n I have been happy w our relationship w all its ups n downs . However these days his kid has grown up n asking him to take him on a holiday . He was rejoiced and requested his wife too to accompany him. I was very upset because he said he never loved her after she left home . So now how suddenly he decided to ask her on a holiday ?
When I confronted him he says that it’s for kid. But each time they meet up socially he n wife have fun. However they go back to their own houses. In the past ten months he never met his son because she never let him meet the kid .
Suddenly things changed and he says he wants to go on a family holiday
I feel very upset though I understand the kid needs him, how can this man forgive a woman who walked out him just 4 years after marriage ?
And on the top of it she never let the kid meet his dad frequently . Each time he had to beg her to go out w the kid.
I have been extremely loyal to this man , made him my top priority in life and never even wished to get back to my husband .
Now this man is saying that he will go on a holiday with wife but he loves me only .
He is ready to make me his friend overnight if I have a problem with this arrangement .
I’m devastated because I’m deeply in love w this man for years n loyally but when his wife , who never cared for him , is ready to take him on a holiday he jumped n agreed.
. Following this, I made a big mistake. My jealousy got the better of me and once the tickets were booked for their holiday I started feeling very insecure. I requested him to promise me that he wont get back to his wife. He said he is not interested in going back to her but he wont make any promises. At the same time, I saw her suddenly ‘liking’ all his posts on facebook and sending him messages etc., the same female who never let him see his son is allowing him to take the kid out and she is also accompanying them. While Im very happy that he gets to spend time with the little boy, Im extremely insecure by the behaviour of his wife. When she left him for so many years and staying separately, how come she changed this suddenly? This made me very insecure and I asked him to tell me if he wants to give his marriage another chance. HE said he doesnt know. He said he is confused. He said he will surely not live with her and vice-versa, he cant promise me anything till he comes back from vacation. Im shocked and surprised by his sudden behaviour. While his wife left him, it was me who took care of his every need and never ever left him alone. Now Im unsure how this woman changed suddenly and behaving so nice with him. They even started sharing many text messages, planning for holidays etc etc. He is hardly saying that he loves me. He says it only when I ask him many times. I am extremely depressed with these sudden changes, I could not handle the undertainity and I went to him asked for a breakup. He refused at the begning saying im over reacting but when I asked him why cant he make me feel secure by promisng that he would come back to me, he has no answer. He said he cant promise about his feelings after holiday. I felt this is ridiculous. He was laughing it off. Then things went really bad and I said i was seriously wanting a breakup. I cried like mad and refused to leave his place till he broke up with me. Finally he said its over an hugged me and left with tears in his eyes. Later that night, I felt very bad, regretted my decision and called him to talk to me. But he didnot pick up any of my calls. I begged him, swnet hundereds of messages and finally he picked up my call. It was a night before his leaving for a holiday. He was very rude, said he hasonly 10 min to talk to me. I told him that we should take a decision after coming back from holiday. I told him that I could not handle all these sudden changes well, was jealous and insecure and he never told me that he would surely coming back to me so I acted that crazy. After a long persuasion, he said ok. But he was not at all sounding interested. I told him that he should try how it goes in the holidays and if she and he are seriously trying to get back together, he must tell me and we can be friends after a while. He said ok. nothing else. My heart was bleeding while I was sying all this. I cant and dont want to lose him. How can she become so nice so suddenly? She troubled him, insulted himf or years and now he forgot everything and didnot even think what I would be undergoing. I feel so terribly depressed. He left for holiday for 10 days. I dont know what is going to happen once he comes back. After he comes back, should I bring up this topic at all? Will he snwer me? Will a ten day holiday bring them back so close that he will chose her over me? I agree that I made his life hell in the past few weeks by asking to give me assurance that he would come back but then I had valid reasons. Im not able to control my emotion. What should I do now? What will happen after ten days and how should i deal with this? Please please help me, Im almost having a nervous breakdown, Im not eatng or sleeping. Does he not love me????? Am I really wrong in asking him to assure me after seeing her behavior?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 11:41 am

Hi Geeta,

asking him more will just annoy him more.. do you want to try the advice above?

Flora

December 21, 2016 at 11:02 pm

Hey, me and my ex boyfriend broke up 2 months ago and we are in the 4th week of NC. He said he’s not ending this but pausing this for us to grow apart as we were too dependent on each other but he wants us to stop contacting each other. During the first 2 weeks of the breakup I’ve done all the things i shouldn’t have done like showing up to his house and constantly texting which made him really annoyed. I also got really mad at that time because overtime when i tried to ask “how are you” he would be like “stop” “dont talk to me” “I know you’re trying to creep back into my life again” so I sent him this text telling him I don’t want to be back with him and told him not to reply to the text. We went on NC ever since, just wondering should I text him and be like I was really angry thats why i said that. I don’t want him to actually think that i dont wana be back with him I want to leave a door for communication when the time comes

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 26, 2016 at 12:42 pm

hi Flora,

nope, dont go back to that incident any more.. it looks like he just said that he wants you both to grow first but what he really wants is for you to move on..so, he has to see that you’ve moved on first.. for him to be open on being friendly again..

Marla

December 8, 2016 at 3:38 pm

My boyfriend and I were together for one month until he decided to break up with me because “he didn’t see the point of doing long distance”. We both knew before we started dating in late September that we would be 1 hour and 30 minutes away from each other come January. He was the one to pursue me and made me feel so wanted and happy. I felt such an intense attraction to him so I really opened myself up to him and possibly may have fallen in love. While one month was a very short period of time, we spent 3-4 days each week with each other. His actions led me to believe he cared for me as much as I did for him.

I am having a hard time getting over him a month after the breakup. I had met up with him 2 days after the breakup because I wanted to know the real reason we broke up. What is really bothering me is that he knew before we even started dating that I would be moving, hence the “what’s the real reason” type conversation. I still can’t accept that he broke up with me over an hour and a half “long-distance” relationship. He maintained that there is nothing wrong with me and that he still cares but that he just can’t do long distance. We will both be transferring to different universities and his is, historically, a challenging university. Still, he at least led me to believe we could at least try to make it work. We ended up having a nice conversation for about an hour afterward and I mused that I was glad we could still talk to each other. He stated that he’d like to be friends, but we all know what that means.

Regardless, I reached out and made an attempt at being friends by sending him a funny text telling him the restaurant he had taken me to while we were dating was being shut down for health concerns. He responded and I responded back but that was the end of that conversation. A few days later, I texted him asking for the address of a bar and he responded. He also liked a picture I had taken that night on Instagram and opened a snap I sent him and viewed my story on Snapchat. That is the end of our communication post-breakup and we haven’t communicated since then (3 1/2 weeks). However, he still likes the Instagram pictures I post.

Over Thanksgiving, I deleted him off all of my social media….but then shamefully added him back on Facebook and Instagram a week later. He accepted all my requests quickly. I ran into him on our campus as I talking on the phone. I could see him from the corner of my eye stop and look at me and think about walking past me. He walked past, I waved and smiled and so did he. A week later, the same scenario happened except this time he ignored me. He sat in an area in which we could clearly see each other but not once did he even look up and I was too nervous to say or do anything. This all happened despite him liking a picture I had posted a few days prior. I saw him yesterday in our university library, but I don’t think he saw me and I was able to move to a different seating area. We have a ton of mutual friends, and all of his friends liked me. One even remarked that I was a “keeper” and one of his closest friends told me he rooted for me during the breakup.

We had a lot of special moments, inside jokes, and fun times together despite the short period of time. We are both affectionate people, we liked the same movie/shows, I always complimented him and put his needs first, and I truly was starting to fall for him. I realize how crazy that sounds considering we were only together for a couple of weeks and one month but that was the most passionate relationship I was ever in. Honestly (and clearly) I miss him. I want to get him back, but I am too scared and emotional. I feel like my social media behavior has pushed him away and I am scared that once I move in January that it’s officially it. We’re over. Any chance I have of having him back in my life is gone.

What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 2:31 pm

Hi Marla,

Truth is, it’s already over. The relationship was a month, and it’s been almost a month now after the break up right? So, right now, it’s not really about continuing the relationship. It’s re-attracting him back.

Joe

December 3, 2016 at 5:16 am

hey there,
here what happened in my life, we both couple up this year around Feb and we both had good time, but since we both are studying.. he got involved in his student life, like organizing events sience hes the head of engineering. then slowly by slowly he started spending less time with me and we started having arguments about it. the thing is he had time for hi friends and many other things but not for the relationship. like wise he said i became clingy to him which he doesnt like.. he always says that im weak when i cry! and he tells me he cares about me, but then why would he break up and then he said he moved on while he didnt… then i asked him and he said he doesnt want to hurt me thats y he had to lie regarding that he moved on. i just love him so much i really which he knows how i feel.. i just want him back but i dont know wat to do.. even in university we have mutual friends and more.. he avoids me like nthg happened and that hurts. what should i do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 3, 2016 at 5:08 pm

Hi Joe,
do you want to try the advice above?

Anon

November 25, 2016 at 7:56 pm

Hello; my long distance relationship ended almost 3 weeks ago and my last and only attempt at getting him back was 2 days through text after he told me his decision to break up with me, but he didn’t respond and we haven’t been in contact with each other. He doesn’t have interest in a relationship or a friendship with me anymore because he perceived me as overly clingy. It had gone downhill from a text I sent him after last seeing him, when I left my phone with him and I needed it back so he drove to get it to me and we used that opportunity to spend time with each other, and I really regret it; I don’t know what I was thinking and it’s become totally embarrassing for me, too, but for best illustration, it was this:
I really appreciate you having come; getting my phone back can’t compare at all with getting to see you again 🙂 I was also happy to have been introduced to your friends and am glad we had some time for ourselves, how ever little, but man, it’s been bad enough that when I needed to be doing school work the entire time I had you on my mind from Saturday to when you came today, and now the cycle repeats until the next time, whenever that is (laughing emoji, sweating happy face emoji)
The message was followed by me giving him some details on the next times there might be reasons to see each other, such as performances, and asked him to keep me updated on what events he planned on coming to if any.
I now cringe about the entirety of that and understand why that must’ve been such a turn-off and made him think that a relationship or a friendship with me wouldn’t be healthy since it seemed I would be obsessive and things along those lines; it must have scared him off so much and ruined his interest. This was the only thing that changed things; we had no other issues or rough spots, and I had tried equally as much to keep him interested before the relationship as during, but this is where I slipped up and lost my chill. Though that sent a really strong clingy vibe, I am determined to diminish it and get him back. How do I do it when we don’t see or talk to each other and he might think that I’m only keeping myself from contacting him because he told me to and sees my keenness about at least staying friends as just adding to the impression of clinginess? How can I make it so that he’ll trust me enough not to be clingy that he’ll willingly stay in touch with me, and I can work my way up from there in the future with the circumstances I have? Thank you!

Anon

November 26, 2016 at 11:03 pm

are not active*
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 2:23 pm

You have to be active in posting is social media.. whether he has an account or not, because there is still a big chance that he will check your account once he gets curious why you stopped chasing.
I didn’t understand your last question though..If you meant you were clingy, that means you weren’t active enough in your own time because if you were active in your time, you wouldn’t be clingy. Yes, you are distant, but I think what you meant is that you were demanding? Correct me if I’m wrong. That still means you’re clingy. He has to see during and after nc that you’re more busy. You don’t have much time for him and you’re not asking nor demanding more time from him anymore because you have a lot on your plate.

He has to see that you’re starting to move on during nc, so that there’s a higher chance that he will initiate during it or he would think that you’re just being friendly after nc if you initiate. That’s why you have to keep the routine that you will start during nc while your’e rebuilding rapport with him slowly.
Anon

November 26, 2016 at 11:02 pm

Thank you very much for your reply! I have looked at the suggested pages, but I have a few questions dealing with my particular case: What can I do when it comes to working on myself so that not only am I benefitting myself for doing it, but my ex also notices if we aren’t in contact, are inactive on social media, and don’t see each other? Do I try to reflect my progress if I see him in person again? Do I do that by reaching him after no contact even though he told me not to contact him again when we broke up? And what is there to do if the problem was more that I made him feel I was feeding off of any interactions I had with him to an unhealthy degree rather than an issue of not being my own person (because I didn’t lose my own life for his, which I was better able to do because of our distance)?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 3:00 pm

Hi Anon,

check this ones:
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?

Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

Er

November 24, 2016 at 5:16 am

My boyfriend of 3.5 years just broke up with me yesterday night. I am 18, he turned 19 today. I know – we are young and have our whole future ahead of us, but there has always been something about our relationship that other people didn’t understand. To us our age didn’t matter. We built and matured our relationship responsibly and very well. Last week, I got very defensive, and accused him of never being interested in me and being cold to me whenever he had a lot of schoolwork. He angrily went to bed (however still said “I love you”), and later that night I sent him an apology for how I should have been more understanding and supportive of his work. He texted me good morning the next day, which is usually a sign that we are okay, and so I sent him a few cute messages to brighten his day. I didn’t hear from him for 5 days, which was VERY new, as we never missed a day of talking, and will admit i was very pushy and clingy the first 2 days, trying to get him to answer constantly when I knew he wouldn’t). I realized how much of a mistake that was, and sent him a long letter about how sorry I was for my actions, how he deserved the space he asks for, and how I took full responsibility for my actions, and how I would change them to be more understanding and supportive. Then on the 5th day (last night), I received a call and he broke up with me. We talked today, (because despite the break up we both know that we can’t just give each other up so easily and heartlessly), and he told me that he wasn’t as happy as before – he said that he didn’t mean that he was unhappy being with me, just that he wasn’t as happy in general. And that he likes being alone sometimes, and needed to figure things out on his own. I find it nearly impossible that in the span of 6 days he has magically fallen out of love with me. He says right now that he loves me as his best friend – again, I strongly choose to believe that this is because he doesn’t want to admit he still loves me, in order to try and spare my feelings. He keeps saying that maybe in the future when we are both single we can reconnect, but that I am still his best friend and that we can still hang out and be there for each other, and that it is still ok for me to love him. He wants me to have the opportunity to meet other people. I respect that and thank him for wanting that for me, just to get rid of the “what ifs” before we actually commit. But I personally do NOT want to meet anyone else. We have been so strong for 3.5 years. And, don’t get me wrong, I love him too much to push him out of my life because of this. He IS my best friend, but he was also my boyfriend who had always talked to me about our future. I still am grateful that he sees me as his best friend and hasn’t just thrown me away completely, but I want him back as my boyfriend. Right now, he says he is just happier being alone sometimes, rather than being in a relationship, which is something I have never heard from him in our 3.5 years together. Earlier this semester, I suggested a break and he fought against it. But i decided on it anyway, then quickly realized that my reasons were unreasonable, and “ended” the break i wanted from him. He later broke up with me (about a week later), but quickly got back together with me as well. Then I visited him back on Oct. 8th, and he just kept telling me how he truly believed that we could make it no matter how hard things got. I just don’t understand how he could want to be alone, and just give up what we built together, and just be best friends, so suddenly? How successful do you think the no contact rule would be in this situation? Again, I know the no contact rule is crucial in healing before we can rebuild our friendship (which we kind of painfully and only somewhat successfully jumped right into trying today), but do you think maybe he just really does need time to miss me and realize what he’s giving up?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 6:54 pm

HI Er,

there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but I think you don’t have any better choice than to give him space and to use that time to improve yourself.

Bancy

November 21, 2016 at 7:47 am

Hello. My boyrfriend just broke up with me, cause I was just pushing him and make some tension without no reason. He told me several times that it doesnt have reason for my behavior..but i think the glass was full and it happen what happend. He doesnt want to talk with me, he blocked me from fb and phone and all social media…i made some drama, a begged, prayed but it make things just went worse… i think im gonna die. 4 days i dont have any contact with him… i don ttry at all beacause i have nothing to say anymore…. a did my best! and worse 🙂
What should i do…

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 11:35 pm

Hi Bancy,

check this one:
You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That

Bri

November 15, 2016 at 8:41 am

My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday, six days after I got back home from visiting him in the city he goes to school in, he said he has been having thoughts about not seeing us long term. We were together for 3 years, I am 21 and we were long distance for 1 year. He really made the breakup about caring for me, asking if I’m interested in seeing other people and concerned that I might have missed out on life because we started dating when I was so young (we started dating when I was 17 and he was 22).

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 8:32 pm

Hi Bri,

are you open in trying the no contact rule?

Cherry

November 15, 2016 at 1:11 am

Hi,

My almost 3 years ex broke up with me last week. during the break up it was so hard for us and we were both crying so badly. I gave in my all to him. He told me he wants to focus on his work for now on. He admits he still love me but not as much as before because he is too driven in his work. He said eventhough we cant be lovers but still can be best friends. But I have met him twice after we broke up but he was very cold towards me. I always had an question in mind wondering if we both love each other why cant we just continue and try. He said while he is working he would definitely neglect me and throw me aside, he knows i would be totally fine with it because im understanding. He dont want to continue to take me for granted. I do text him things like i will always be waiting for you. and he would reply me with grateful texts. He will always remind me like let him know if i need any help & things like that. It is so hard to me to let go because he still treats me nice. But I really really want him back. Do you think there is a chance for us?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 11:03 am

Hi Cherry,

well, don’t put yourself in the friendzone or the chaser position. Letting him know that you’ll wait for him is like letting him just make you wait, and wait and wait. There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work, but it’s better than just waiting.

Bianca

November 9, 2016 at 1:06 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. I love him with all my heart. All my heart and he says he loves me too. But recently we have been fighting. And he has come to the conclusion that he has lost the spark and drive to make us work because of Ireland- a lot of his friends are moving back to Ireland (where he is from) currently and he now says he needs to move back. He doesn’t want to raise kids here etc etc. And he wouldn’t ask me to move. Even though I have said that I wouldn’t rule Ireland out. I asked if ther was someone else and there isn’t. He says it has always been me. He can still barely keep his hands off me and want to kiss me but he doesn’t see a long term future anymore. I am completely lost. I love him so much. I just don’t know how to move on from someone who loves me and I love them. I have spoken to my family about it. She says To give him space but if it is worth it Ireland isn’t far from England. They would all support me moving over when and if the time was right. We just need more time to develop our relationship. Even if that means he moves over whilst I sort my career over here and I go see him every few weeks in Ireland. If our feelings are strong enough for eachother then we will wait for each other. Have spoken to my family about it all. And they are all believers that if I love him enough and he loves me enough I should move to Ireland when the time is right for us to work. My grandma moved to south Africa to be with my grandad in the end of the day. I have told him this. I need a few years to settle my career etc so I could be able to have an income in Ireland and I would wanna live with him first properly before making the move and things like that but I would move. Believe it or not. Never thought I would. But it seems as though he is playing games. Which I don’t get. He knows all f this, which was the biggest worry of our relationship so that pressure of Ireland has gone, but he won’t directly text me and talk to me but he will Snapchat me or send me pictures and things on Facebook. What game is e playing?! What has he got to gain by doing all of this? I keep going round in my head saying he is playing me-but then I think what for?!!! I have told him j would give him the one thing he wants, and then I think is he trying to give us space to think but can’t fully not have contact wth me so keeps snap chatting and sending pics to me on Facebook- in which j think why not just talk to me?! Make sense?? So we aren’t together currently. But we are still going on a European trip together end of the month but I have no idea what to do right now. I am so lost. And seems as though he just doesn’t care.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 12, 2016 at 3:31 pm

Hi Bianca,

I’m going to be realistic here. You’re willing to give it all up and adjust.. Is he willing to do the same? His friends leave and now he changes his mind but even if you’re willing to do all that you can, he doesn’t seem to want to compromise with you right?

But in his defense, maybe he’s just not that serious for a relationship yet. Maybe he does have feelings for you but he’s not that committed. Did you sleep with him after the break up? Don’t do it again. Do you want to do the no contact rule?

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