How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If HE Broke Up With You

1,328 thoughts on “He Broke Up With You And Now You Want Him Back”

Thisary

July 20, 2016 at 3:59 pm

my ex boyfriend is being so mean to me i want to patch things up with him but he says im annoying and that really hurts me im in a new relationship with a boy i met in primary and i don’t know if i love him and i got into the new relationship 4 days after the break up (do u think its too soon to get into a new relationship) im really confused on what to do coz i don’t know who i like/love my new boyfriend or my ex

Please help it would mean a lot to me

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 21, 2016 at 5:37 pm

hi Thisary..

you’re in a.rebound relationship..

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 19, 2016 at 4:26 pm

Hi Grace,

start actively improving yourself in no contact now.. do 21 days and stay strong in sticking to.it
NINNA

July 16, 2016 at 1:44 pm

Hi,
my ex boyfriend broke up with me 7 days back. exactly last Saturday before we broke up my parents had a meeting with me and my relatives about me and my ex boyfriend basically it was about our future. where they allowed us to date till we get married after a couple of years when he is settled in his life and then we were allowed to get married. But till then we were not allowed to get physical and we were asked to maintain some sort of distance. After the meeting when i came online on whats app my ex boyfriend texted me eagerly asking what had happened in the meeting i told him i would meet him and let him know everything. he was excited to know everything. And he concluded that he will decide whether i should continue with him or no. i told him that its is my decision to stay with you. So he shouldn’t decide about it. there was a big argument about this. where we faught like cats and dogs and i told him i know you want to break up so break up now only why you want to give invalid reasons. still fights continued and in the end without replying he went off to sleep i thought he would text next morning but he didn’t. he directly called 2 days back because i had gone for a trip with my friend and he didn’t know that. he called up saying your friend called me in the morning, is everything OK? Where are you ? which trip are you at ? and with whom? he said enjoy tc and then he went off cold . i asked him if we were gether he said NO! and he said he was never coming back to me. I texted him saying i miss you can we meet? he said he will try later he refused. and said we shouldn’t meet only it wouldn’t be right to meet. i got pissed by his behavior and agreed on the break up and asked him to never come back. i had a reason to get pissed on cause he has broken up almost 15 times in these 3 yrs of relationship but he was always back. and i couldn’t take this shit of breaking up again and again. next day morning i sent him a big text on Instagram in which whatever happened in the meeting was written. Later i saw he blocked me on Instagram. i got pissed and called him up saying i dont deserve to get blocked. i didn’t do anything wrong to get all this. he said he doesn’t want to talk about all this and he said i was boring him by my talks. he kept saying move on. i am never coming back. he says all this every time he breaks up with me. we have had many on and offs.
i really want my ex boyfriend back ? please tell me how should i get him back? i terribly miss him! past 2 days haven’t contacted him at all.

NINNA

July 17, 2016 at 4:58 am

I HAVE HEARD ABOUT THE NC BUT WHAT IS ACTIVE NC? WHERE CAN I KNOW ABOUT IT?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 17, 2016 at 6:31 pm

oh sorey.. it means being proactive in improving yourself, having a new routine, and meeting new people and going out with them
NINNA

July 16, 2016 at 1:50 pm

and ya i forgot to tell you this i know this very well he loves me a lot . he has never cheated on me. yes he has lied many times but i can be so sure he loves no one else the much he loves me. and ya 2 nights before we broke up he was all normal. he showed me all his love he told me what importance i have in his life and there were 7 to 8 messages like these showing what place i have in his life and his love for me……….. idk then why he gives up on me so easily and breaks up each and every time. i want a permenant solution to it please help me please i want him back i miss him please
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 16, 2016 at 9:39 pm

hi Ninna

Try to do active no contact and do it 45 days

Katy

July 16, 2016 at 6:55 am

Hello,

I have been reading your articles and i figured i could use some help.
I have been with this guy for 3 years and what to say, right after we got committed and we were still growing in relation after two months we had a bad situation we overcame and after that he says to me its not working and he wants to leave me, I begged him literally and asked him to stay back with me and he did, now its 3 yrs we have been through a lot of ups and downs and always he comes back to the point where he says I told you at the beginning it wont work, he says he does not have the same feelings for me anymore. It’s been like entire 3 yrs i have tried hard to get him to love back , but I failed.

It has been a tough journey through him keeping n saying he does not love me and I used to doubt whether he could be in a relation with someone else. I also came to know he was a bit interested in one of his co-workers and also saw his profile in of the dating sites. I did feel bad , most of the time I kept asking him to give us some time but no he never thinks of it. He also smokes weed and i often tend to think may it has made him think less of me, i know that’s dumb but i did. He is an adventurous person and every holiday and leave he takes he will go for trekking or partying with his friends and so on.. He loves his friends like anything and always it’s them first and never me when getting his attention. I have never cheated on him , i never played the fool behind his back , i never also thought of any other person at all, and he knows that, he knows no matter what I will still love him. There is no time spending except for sex, there is no surprises , there is no proper communication. At times i feel he is a bit selfish and never thinks or even looks at my efforts in trying to get him , but he would rather love himself. Right now i’m using the No contact rule with him, and ya he hasn’t called me and texted me since 4 days, but i dont feel bad it anymore, as i have tried a lot all 3 years. But still i wish he comes back to me and says he loves me.

Can you please help me with this. Please.
Thanks & Regards
Katy

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 16, 2016 at 8:38 pm

Hi Katy

that’s good.. after 3 years, it’s time for you to put yourself first and really and reflect.. it’s not a relationship anymore..he basically just use your guilt to use you for 3 years.. use this time to really have your own life.. and to make him realize that you have your own life and you’re not girl that will chase him

Ellie

July 15, 2016 at 12:01 pm

Hey there,

I am 20 (21 in October) and my boyfriend/ex is 21 (22 in january)- When we first met in sixth form, it was almost out of nowhere, like we were in school with each other all our lives but we only ended up crossing paths when he was in his final year in school and I was doing my AS Levels in year 12. Our relationship has been everything great in a relationship and more- yeah we had arguments and my parents have been going through a divorce whilst he’s recently lost his two grandparents , so we’ve both had to be strong and supportive of each other at a young age as well as both our family dogs passed away around the same time, and our pets meant a lot to us. So on that basis we had a lot in common. throughout the relationship, I was told how i’d brought my boyfriend out of his shell- he’s not the quiet and shy guy anymore- i brought out the best in him (I like to think I’m outgoing and confident to make people happy sort of thing). ANYWAY on April 19th, my ex used the excuse that i wouldn’t give him a two week break as a reason to break up with me. Now in the easter holidays he went on a ski trip with uni mates and whilst on that holiday, he changed. We almost broke up but he realised how pathetic and silly he was being and just felt a little confused, scared and unsure about the present and future. We managed to keep a really good relationship through his time at uni and he’s now graduating where as I have one more year left- and when I say he’s changed, the break up came out of nowhere and with that he became a really horrible, careless and nasty version of himself which i never saw before.. at the same time, I was a mess, we’ve been through so much together and we’ve always worked through things.. I know we’re young, but reasons such as liking another girl or wanting the single life really was not the reason he broke up with me.. which I would’ve fathered him have cheated on me or something so i would think wow never will i take back someone like that. This break up has been a mess and has brought out the worst in us- he said we won’t take me back because i’ve shown a side of me that he’d never seen before- so i questioned this because i thought well.. what side? the hurt and devastated side of me because someone who meant so much to me has now broken up with me? How else should I act? happy and celebrate? I don’t think so. To this day he still doesn’t understand why I am hurt and so upset.. I gave him the nc for about 35 days to which I realised in the mean time he had tried contacting me- but i blocked his number at the time so i didn’t know at that point.. he phoned me once and said he was done with us hating and not talking etc. and said he really wants us to meet up after exams.. time went by after exams and I realised that he wasn’t moving home till the 4th July- so i’ve been waiting around for him to waste my time.. we met up once for 30 minutes which he thinks was enough anyway.. he was an hour late because of traffic and then had to pick up a mate so I didn’t get a chance to talk about the breakup.. Anyway i’ve been so strong suggesting we should meet up before he goes away on holiday (he’s gone away today to florida with his little brother and his girlfriend- a holiday I had been looking forward to since january and obviously I’m now missing out… they have a holiday home there where i’ve been twice before with my ex and we’ve made so many good memories and had sex on almost every piece of furniture including the pool and sun lounger!) The last thing he said to me after pushing me away and telling me to just grow up and move on.. is that whats happened has happened so I should move on- but he also said he would meet up with me when he gets back on the condition we don’t talk to each other whilst he’s away now for 3 weeks.. I just want him back- i hate the person he is right now, it’s not him. We’ve been through so much and had a future to look forward to.. and i know we’re young but relationships don’t normally last during university but ours did till the very very end.. we have such similar personalities and i don’t think we’ve laughed as much in anyone else’s company.. i just want him to miss me now and realise how far we’ve come.. We always said we’re a team and would support each other through everything and whatever decisions we made based on career paths or where our journeys take us- we would always be together because we both agreed how we couldn’t imagine this exact relationship with anyone else- and that means a lot to us because we really are better than this nastiness which has been going on since the break up.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 15, 2016 at 6:39 pm

HI Ellie,

I know you did nc, but you have to restart.. You have to really active in improving yourself and this time meeting new people and going out with them… and don’t rush things.. when you said, he thinks 30 minutes was enough for your first meet up again, actually it was.. it should be short.. and you weren’t supposed to ask about the breakup during the first meet again. And he has a girlfriend now?

rida

July 15, 2016 at 8:57 am

hey….my ex was only 2 months younger from me and we are just 17.we are together from last 6 months and few days ago….he broke up with me……without any appropriate reason……i know he was not happy…but he pretends to be happy after our break up…….he blocked me everywhere.i begged him for two days after our bearkup but he does not want to listen anything….he told me to move on……and i really don’t know how to be strong in this situation……we were very happy in our relationship…..but now everything is over and i really want him back! what do you think what should I do???

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 15, 2016 at 6:18 pm

HI Rida,

do you want to try what Chris advised?

Trace

July 5, 2016 at 7:12 pm

My boyfriend (25) and I ( (37) used to be a lovely couple. However, I passed through difficult situations in my job and life ( left and started to make some small ones to survive) and we lived in a distance relationship. He was developing his career, and I waited 2 years to settle down things in his professional life. However, I started to pressure him to marry, and always saying that he need to improve. After all, I told him that I was sad in my life and relationship, and even then he told me that he would be with me. However, after I told him that he will took time to conquer me again, he just gave up of us. We brokeup last weekend, after 1 week without talking. I told him that I saw how much selfish I was, that I pressure him because I am frustrated in my life, and apologize for trying to make him not to talk with his family ( He has problems with his father and I told him to not speak with him ). However, he cried a lot telling me that he love me, and even with it, he decided that is better leave me, because he only suffer and ”loose” his love by himself.

What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2016 at 9:10 am

Hi trace,

you can only him space.. you’ve already apologized. give him time before talking to him again

mon

July 3, 2016 at 6:21 pm

i’m 18 and my ex is 23… he broken up with me 6 months ago without any reason … just called it an infatuation … after what i tried to fix up everything …even my friends also tried to talk with him… now he blocked me in everything…. i’m not sure but maybe he have engaged with new one … i have tried a lot… but i can’t move on… i do want him back..i do love him ….what to do….i even cant sleep at night…. :'(
HOW TO GET HIM BACK? WHAT TO DO?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 8:49 pm

Hi Min,

how long were you together? and do you want to try Chris’ advuce?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 22, 2016 at 9:09 am

Hi Tamy,

that’s good that he sees you’re online. Take that opportunity to be active in nc and then check this post out: What Really Attracts An Ex Boyfriend To You?
Jen

June 19, 2016 at 10:06 pm

Hi… My boyfriend just broke up with me a couple of days ago and I haven’t had enough sleep, I still cry everyday, I haven’t been eating for days… Believe me, I’m trying to not think of our memories but I don’t know why I end up thinking about those times. He’s been nothing but great to me, it felt like I lost a diamond. We dated for about a month and week, I know its only a short period of time but he made me so happy and I knew I made him happy too. His friends told me that I made him happier, but then last week he told me he still loves me, and a day after that he didnt know what he wants anymore. After that day again he decided to break up with me because he doesnt love me anymore and that I don’t make him happy like I used to. I pleaded for him to stay and give me another chance to make it all right, he still said no. He gave me one week, that’s all I can have. We went to church together and that’s the last time I could ever contact him. He told me to never bother him anymore. But I can’t. I can’t lose this guy that made me a better person. I know I’ve known him for a short period of time but I know, he helped me go through a lot. He gave me so much to remember. I want him back but I don’t know what to do. I was planning on doing the NC rule… I know I wouldnt be able to focus on myself but I’ll try to make myself better, although I’m just worried that he wont contact me at all because he told me to never bother him again. Any suggestions or advice? I really want to get him back and I would literally do anything to make that happen.

Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 22, 2016 at 4:23 am

Hi Jen,

do you have an idea what the reason could be? That’s a normal feeling.. You’re still in the honeymoon phase when you broke up..

Tania

June 10, 2016 at 1:06 pm

Last week, my boyfriend (aged 34) of four years broke up with me (aged 30) through telephone because of my continuing lies which he found out by himself because things were escalating and he got suspicious. First of all, I lied to him about my educational background: Two years ago, I told him and everyone else that I managed to obtain my Bachelor degree in Law, whereas in fact I was simply ashamed to admit that I couldn’t obtain my degree even if I was already a 28 years old senior student. It causes me panic and I haven’t got my degree until today (now I’m broken in pieces and yet trying to fix some things during the summer exams). In the beginning, I was just thinking that yes, it’s a big lie, but I will somehow continue my studies and get my degree secretly and then that’s it, no more lies. The problem is that my boyfriend and I were living together until the moment we broke up (We are still making arrangements so he will bring my stuff to my mum’s home because we were living together in another country) and this resulted to him having many expectations of me such as getting a job to provide for our household too, applying for a Master course to improve my chances in the job market and so on. He is a very ambitious man with a PhD in Informatics Science and an impressive CV, coming from a good family (his father is a University Professor in our home country) whereas in the same time I come from a broken home (my grandmother hates my mum and wants to throw her out of her home, my mum got two times divorced, suffers from chronic depression and screams all the time, I’ve experienced domestic violence and very high pressure in personal matters, have suffered from insomnia and depression in the past which is still haunting me now if things aren’t going well). My lies escalated because I simply did not admit that I have no Bachelor degree and I started to add more lies on top of the first one: He wanted me to apply for Master Courses last year and I said yes, despite I could not. Then when he asked for the results I told him that I wasn’t admitted to any Master Course where I “applied”. He even sensed that I was lying about this and told me in a serious manner no more lies again and I said yes then. This year,he wanted me to take lessons in foreign languages to improve my skills and I said yes, I told him that I take English and German lessons through Skype with a friend of mine and an English teacher, which was not true. I had no time to study for languages and I did not want him to pay for any lessons too. He even helped me to write a “good” CV where I wrote that I have a Bachelor in Law! Of course I never applied for any job position with this CV. The actual job searching in the country we were leaving was not leading anywhere, I was sitting home without a job trying in secret to read for my law exams while he got even more angry with me because I was not providing too or doing something productive like him – he has a very good job with a good salary too, which he found before we got to this country -. He’s also for total honesty and demanded from me that we tell everything to each other, which I just couldn’t do.I could not bring myself to tell my soulmate that I’m his total opposite, a failing depressive person, whereas in the same time he is so successful in whatever he’s doing. The result was as following: He sent me to my home country for some language exams in January where I did not take part. I took part in my law exams where I failed again too and afterwards I told him that I failed to pass the language tests. He turned suspicious and then wanted me to apply again for a Master Course in May, where I just got crazy and started crying and told him that I’m 30 and I don’t want to study anymore, yet again did not tell him the truth. So he started searching and found out that in January I did not take part in the language exams and that I don’t do any Skype language lessons. He confronted me with facts and I just had to tell him the truth. He was absolutely devastated because he was doing anything he could do to make us both happy (nice home, his job, trips, movies, presents, flowers) and just couldn’t understand why all those lies. I tried to explain him that I was deeply ashamed and couldn’t bring myself to tell the truth but in the end, we spend 3 miserable days together where he was like a sad expression of his self, told me he feels disappointed and betrayed and then I took some things and flew to my home country, for some English exams where I took part but also for good. He said in the beginning he needs a relationship break to think but last week he broke up with me because he says we were living our days in a lie and he can’t continue like this, can’t rebuild any trust in me and though he loves me and it’s painful for him too we are breaking up. I have told him about how much I have supported him in all the other things (because of his job, we changed 3 different countries in 2 years and I never found a job with all those moves, I was just a trailing spouse!) and he says he acknowledges my total support in all other matters but after all what has happened he can’t continue and advised me to fix my lying problem for the next one. I’m so angry at myself, I can’t believe how much I messed up with a good man that I love…All I wanted for us was to be happy and have a baby and even when I asked for a baby 2 years ago he said that as long we’re financially unstable we won’t be having a baby and that was it. Now I don’t even know how to stay polite when he’ll come to bring the rest of my stuff. I don’t even dare to ask if I will get this man back as I don’t think he’ll ever come back to me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 16, 2016 at 7:36 am

Hi Tania,

well, whatever your life is..people will love your character not your skills.. it’s a plua of course but next time.. just keep in mind that if a person judges you just because of your family background or educational background then avoid that person.. Good people look past that..

right now, you have to put yourself first.. try to finish that degree and then apply for jobs.. if you can work while studying then much better right.. put your life in order first so that you have inner peace before trying to get back with him

Emily

June 8, 2016 at 10:12 am

Hey 🙂
BACKGROUND:
My boyfriend of 2 years (4 months initially, he went overseas for 9 months but we remained together, and then the remaining 8 months).
We met while both on holiday in New Zealand and hit it off. We actually had the same flights booked home, so we got to sit next to eachother on the flight home.
At the beginning of our relationship I was still living at home which was about 1hr drive from his family home. So i only saw him once a week (which was good at the time). Everything went well for those 4 months up until him going on his trip to europe with a few mates (that he already had booked before i met him). He was meant to go for 12 months but only stayed for 9 months. He came home after 9 months and suprised me by turning up at my doorstep.
A few months later i moved out of home to be closer to work and the beach (which ended up being only 15 minutes from where he lived). We started seeing eachother more (about 2 times a week) but it stayed like that. He had recently started his own business and was very busy with work. I respected that he needed to work alot but still felt like I needed to see him more however I didnt say anything.

1 month before he broke up with me he asked if we could go on ‘a break’. I immediately said no and gave him the option of either breaking up with me or not. He can’t have his cake and eat it too. We talked through what was bothering him and he told me that when he gets down he tends to push everyone away. (He was very upset about his ill friend). We worked through that within a few hours and we went back to normal straight away.

1 week before he broke up with me, his parents went up the coast for a week. And seeing as though we were going really well, I suggested that maybe I stay at his house for the whole week to see what it would be like if we lived together. (We never did this at mine because i live in a tiny studio apartment and we would annoy eachother being in the same room all the time). I had to convince him but he eventually gave in to me. I stayed there for the week but only saw him at nights because we both work. We didnt fight at all but on one of the last nights he as really quiet and i got annoyed that he wasnt talking or wanting to touch me. At the end of the week we both agreed that we had a great time and we always say to eachother how we make such a great team.

BREAKUP:
One week later, he ends it.
He picked me up from my house and we drove down the road.
He broke up with me and said “I don’t feel the spark anymore”. He told me that I am an amazing girl. He told me that I was perfect and attractive and that I will find another guy, one that will give me what I need. (Lately I have been saying that I need more love from him and more time).
I let him say everything he wanted to say while i was balling my eyes out, but i didnt say much.
I had no idea that he was going to break up with me. When he texted me that morning saying that he wanted to talk i thought he was going to tell me that his friend (who has been very sick in hospital) had passed away. He had all my clothes packed in the car and took his stuff out of my studio apartment.

I told him that I take time to process things and I will have questions later and he said “that’s fine, I will answer your call if you ring, I would never ignore your phone call.”
I ended up calling him a few hours later and asked “Do you think we will ever get back together” He said “No probably not”.
A few days later (Weds) I called again and asked if we could meet up. He said he was busy and couldn’t see me until Friday so i said that i will call him then. On Friday I called and said that I will have to see him next week as I am busy. I never called back because I thought it wasn’t a good idea.
I am trying to figure out whether he just wants this break that he wanted earlier. I cant work it out. Up until he broke up with me I thought we were going really well. He gave no indication that there was a problem. He acted like normal the whole time.
And that brings us to now. Neither one of us has made contact.
Lynn

June 6, 2016 at 12:46 pm

Hi Amor

I was with my boyfriend for 6.5 months. We met two weeks before he went on holiday for six weeks. That two weeks was amazing. He said he never felt this way about anyone before, that he’d fallen in love with me and was excited about living together and our future together. He texted me continually while he was away repeating these messages.

But when he got back things became different. He was depressed – struggling with work and he hated his basement flat because it was so dark and he shared it with his lodgers so spent a lot of time in his room. He said he didn’t know what was wrong with him and just kept bursting into tears. He was also worried that I wanted children (he didn’t) because I had IVF treatment a couple of years ago when I was with my husband. He’d told previous girlfriends he didn’t want children and they had been fine with it but changed their mind and that caused heartbreak for him. I reassured him that I was happy not to have children (and I probably couldn’t have them anyway), that I was there to support him and we would get through it together.

The texts became fewer with less emotion and I saw him less often. When we did arrange to do something it was always spur of the moment – nothing really planned. He said it was due to work (he has a very stressful job) and that he was struggling and depressed and he was so tired all the time. Again, I said I was there to support him and gave him some space.

We’d met on match.com and he went on there a couple of months ago because he said he didn’t trust me. He saw that I’d been logging on regularly. But I was not on there looking at other men! The reason was that I was helping my friend find love on there – helping with her profile and commenting on people she was interested in. I showed this to him and he seemed content. He said again he was struggling and depressed and had just convinced himself that I didn’t want to be with him. I told him I loved him and only wanted a future with him.

He seemed to turned a corner when he moved into the other flat he owns for the short-term while he tried to sell it (I helped him do it up to put on the market) and find another one to buy and said he was happier – the light (it was a first floor flat) had made such a difference and he enjoyed living in that part of town. He continued to tell me he loved me, we went away together, I met his parents and best friend, he spoke about us in a future context and we looked at flats together for him to buy (but with a view for me to also move into at some stage). We reached six months and I wrote him a letter thanking him for the last six months and the amazing things he does for me and that I love him and was looking forward to future adventures.

We went away for his 40th birthday and had a brilliant weekend. He then asked me to go away with him for bank holiday weekend but I’d got something booked with my sisters for one of the evenings. But I said there were still two days that we could do something together and we said we would arrange something. However, he then arranged a lunch on the Sunday with friends without me. I was hurt by this but didn’t want to make a big deal out of it so we said we would still do something in the evening and he would call me when he was finished. I heard nothing until late that night when I got a drunken phonecall to arrange something the following day. When I went over to his the following morning and questioned him about the previous day that’s when he split up with me…saying he would rather have spent time with his friends than me, saying he didn’t love me anymore (and hadn’t done since he came back from holiday 5 months ago) and couldn’t imagine living with me. He said he was still struggling and that he was going to see someone (a counsellor) about it.

I’m completely heartbroken and have no idea what to do. It’s been a week and I have only texted him once about arranging to sort out various belongings but not talk about our relationship. I’m trying to get on with my life but I miss him so much. I thought he was the one. I don’t know if I’m able to salvage this relationship or whether I should just let it go.
Mia

June 1, 2016 at 10:56 pm

Hello!

Erm, I don’t really know how to start this but I’ll do my best to explain my situation.
Well, my boyfriend (20) and I (17) recently broke up this past memorial weekend after 4 days of utter silence on his part. It scared me because the last we’d seen each other everything had been normal, we stated we loved each other and he promised to be at my graduation. Suddenly that Friday he vanished completely, no longer responding to my texts (he’s usually very rapid) and didn’t answer my calls only texting me later that evening stating that his phone had died. Eventually after making up excuse after excuse and promising to hit me up when he was less busy I got the “Sorry I don’t want a gf. I’m done” text which of course hurt me deeply. I questioned him on the situation and he explained to me that it was based off of financial stuff as well as personal problems (he’s had money issues ever since we started dating) and wanted to “fix himself” before furthering anything with me, but, he still loved me greatly. He also told me that we could date in the future, just not currently which I took pretty well. I mean, it wasn’t like he just dumped me and said goodbye, right? That was until yesterday, we had no rules set in place for this “break” period, which meant I was allowed to text him still. So….I did, but, he rarely responded. He did however send me goodnight texts (ablate without the “I love you” which hurt a lot since he ALWAYS said I love you), I sent him a good morning texts but got no reply which hurt a lot. I know it’s stupid but I messaged him on snapchat with one of those adorable emoji’s and he responded a few hours later with a heart and a “My phones on 1% I’ll hit you up later” texts. I was ecstatic, greatly. I waited, and waited, and by midnight I’d simply had enough, telling him “goodnight” (WITHIN 5 MINUTES he replied) his excuse was helping his mother move and would text me call (which he’d been doing for about 2 days now) he’d never lied to me before so I believed him. I was upset but at the same time excited, he was going to call me! I hadn’t heard his voice in days and it was comforting. But, flash forward to today, we actually had a decent conversation that spanned for two hours via text, he made sure I was alright like he normally did but nothing intimate as before (which stings) but whatever, I was talking to him! He didn’t once bring up calling me though and eventually left me on R which is saddening. So, here I am now, waiting for a text or call from him.

We’ve broken up in the past but nothing as severe as this, our longest break up was a day and that was easily fixed because he didn’t ignore me, but this…I don’t know what to do, and I can’t stop crying. Please help me figure out what the best course of action should be. I know we’re young, but we share this connection I can’t begin to explain, we saw a future together, a very bright one despite the hardships that are bound to occur with young lovers.

Thank you very much!

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 3:42 am

Hi Mia,

I have a lot of questions, so bear with me 🙂
are you in a long distance relationship? and how long were you relationship? what is the probably reason for the breakup? Are you going away after graduation for college?

Izzy

May 28, 2016 at 8:35 pm

My ex-boyfriend (20) just broke up with me (28) yesterday. We dated for a year and a half. The first six months, it was wonderful but then then fights started to happen more often, and it got to the point that I felt left behind. He seemed abnormally unhappy/unfulfilled/not interested but even that… every time we broke up he wanted to get back with me, he didn’t want to lose me so we tried hard every time to get it work, but at some point he became resentful and everything I said to him was a critic, we had huge fights because he didn’t understand my point of view and we stopped to do the same things we do, he started to play games and make new friend which I didn’t know anything about them. He pushed me away from everything, and to this point he broke up with me on valentine’s day, but the next day he and I got “back” together, well it was more like a try-out that lasted more than 3 months. But this situation was draining from me, so I told him I was getting upset because I didn’t want it to be like that, that I was tired, so he had to make a decision about this relationship, and we gave another month to finally see what was going to happen. That was one this last month… when he was finally suppose do decide to be fully committed again, I have to explain that this was a relationship “on-trial” but we were supposed to be loyal, the terms were that he and I couldn’t date other people… Anyway since I was a little suspicious, and I must add girls have to trust their instincts… so I started this investigation, when I gathered all the proof needed (almost all of them I had some pieces loose) He explained to me that situation, but of course all that was him lying…. So I kept going on that direction cuz I caught him lying to me on silly stuffs. I didn’t know what I was looking for, I wasn’t sure, or didn’t want to believe…. but he had started a relationship with another girl (since December while he was still with me), I caught him cheating on me… I fronted him with proof and he came clean that he was dating this girl, he also told her and explained the whole situation, but since I wasn’t sure that if he was lying or not I talked to her to also explain her, I didn’t treat her bad I thought she deserved to know because we both were being fooled by this guy, even like that I still love him… I know I did badly, I begged him to choose me, but of course he went to the other girl, he basically is choosing her, because “our relationship was so screwed up” he even said I verbally abused him, which was not even the case, he was the one who was always resentful and he would take anything from me as harmful… I really don’t understand if I was that bad when he couldn’t fully end the relationship with me… and suddenly he decides to stay with this other girl.
I have so many questions…. Like: Why he was keeping us both? Did he ever love me? Is he mad at me? He always said I was heartwarming and nice, and all that good stuff and until that same day he swore to me that he loved me more than anything else and he would do whatever it takes to make it work… but he changed his mind… So… Yeah I don’t know if we can really get back together again…So im considering doing NC, but I dont know if its something that we could work out or not.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 6:43 am

Hi Izzy,

I think what you really need to ask yourself is if he deserves to go back in your life.

maca

April 28, 2016 at 6:40 pm

So I met this guy 6 months ago. I am 23(i swear I act like 30 since always) and he is 29. I believe we met and he was just looking for a hook-up. He just moved to my city and broke it off with his ex due to the moving factor. For the first 3 months we hanged out, went for drinks, dinner and talked everyday. I went home for the holidays for 3 weeks and after that it was all good. We still kept in touch everyday during that time. He introduced me to his brother, family friends, co workers, boss and almost everyone. after three months of that, I wanted to know where we stand, not necessarily label it but a girl needs to know if we are seeing other people or not. He is a good guy by the way, not necessarily a player. After than conversation, where he said he was not seeing any one else, he started being distant. I was doing all the planning and he was always busy. He indeed started having a lot of changes ar work that required a lot of time during and after work hours. Also, he told me about family issues that no one else but me knew, that was keeping his attention. but again during that time I started loosing my patience, because he “never” had time for me. One day he tried to visit at my office but I was on a meeting but after that, he just started ignoring me for 4 days with his no time excuse. So i decided to ask for him to talk. I said it was obvious he don’t have any interest in keeping a relationship with me and then I went to his place to talk.

He said he was sorry. That he is going through a lot, and that he is not ready to take a next step. he mentioned how he met me as soon as he moved so he never really settled. He mentioned how he is focusing on his family now and the fact the he has a lot of respect for me, he didn’t feel it was right for him to keep me hanging when he couldn’t take a next step. He said he wanted to be friends. and I think he was surprised that I didn’t push it. I was being overwhelming before the break up but at that moment, I just talk to him, I listen we agreed to be friends and i said that I understand he is frustrated with things so that I didn’t want to be another reason for him to get stressed.

Since then we haven’t talk. He hasn’t contacted me and same from my side. We had a great time together but I don’t know if I should just let it go and maybe try again in a while.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 8:52 am

Hi Maca,

try nc and then decide after if you still want to try.

Kristyen

April 21, 2016 at 5:12 am

I’m just going to get straight to the point I guess. He’s 27 and I’m 25. We had been together for almost 2 years. We were engaged and recently had a healthy son. Most of our relationship was joyful, just the end wasn’t. I gained almost 100 pounds during my pregnancy and when I finally had my son I got postpartum. I pushed everyone out of my life including my future husband and hide in the baby’s room. He turn to his only friend in the city who just happened to be female and I thought he was cheating on me. I confronted him and gave back his ring. We continued to try and work things out but all of his past relationships with women having had mental illness and said they were getting treatment and weren’t, he didn’t trust me to get help. I was and still am. I tried to initiate sex but he didn’t want to. The next day he said I made him feel uncomfortable and he was done trying. Things got even worse from there. Less than a week ago he moved out. He messages me every day and asks how I am. Today he was fishing for me to tell him that his son and I still need him and I stupidly fell for it. He keeps telling me he loves me but is no longer in love with me. He says that I need to become more reliable, consistent and trustworthy. He told me the day he left that he felt that there was still hope for us. I want to believe that but I know that he is seeing someone else. I guess my question is do you think he is lying about seeing a future with us together again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2016 at 2:29 am

Hi Kristyen,

let’s say he’s saying the truth and he probably meant that he lost desire for you, probably because of his history with women.. and also because everything has been more on the negative side lately.. and whether he tells the truth or not, you should get your life back for you and your son right? You deserve to be happy with or without him.. So, first things first.. heal yourself and focus on you for you and your son.

SA

April 19, 2016 at 12:47 am

Hi. I live with my ex. I broke up with him 5 weeks ago out of anger. And I’ve been trying to make things better ever since because I knew I did it when I was mad and high on emotion, zero logic. I guess I’ve understood that it happens when I feel like there’s no other solution but I wasn’t patient enough. We tried working on things but everytime we hit a milestone something happens than sets him back and makes him hesitant to work on it. Twice it happened and a lot of the times it was in his mind that he’s convinced to not try anymore for us. Both out of my hands. And I just went with the flow to let him heal.

Recently we had a stranger almost break into our apartment while he wasn’t in. I was fine but traumatised so I called him. He was aloof and didn’t ask how I was or bothered to come home earlier from work. When he did, he asked if I was ok but I was too much in shock so I only replied I wasn’t ok but I’m very tired now.

The next day he sent an neutral apology text but it was only after I told his mom abt it who said she had a word with him last night. So I’m not sure how sincere it was. Then the next night, he acts as if nothing happened and insisted that I get the strangers number (ie confront him and not call building security) so ex can have it. This made me burst into tears and walk back in my room (sleeping separately now) and just cry. While he continues to eat the pizza I bought for him and watch a movie. Further interaction included me asking him to fix the door to make sure no one comes in the house. He replies simply, ok.

This morning. No reaction when he was getting reaso for work. I sent him some texts explaining to him why I was hurt and that I was no longer upset. Just very, hurt. And that I appreciated him making time to fix the door to make everything better. (He said yes though it was my suggestion in the end). He did not reply.

I guess I want insight on what he may be thinking. He’s hurt and wants to work on his career and his life because he blames the relationship for not being able to perform (another story for next time, but I find hay hard to believe because I was always supportive of both his career and him and his friends). I want to know why he acts this way when I cry after the trauma.

I’m on NC with him. We live together but must still be cordial when it comes to common situations. Issues like this I thought were necessary to bring up to the ex because it was a safety issue. I do want him back and am trying to do it the right way but I hit a snag.

SA

April 24, 2016 at 10:49 am

Update from the week:

From my last post, I initiate contact every now and then because I believe he still thinks it’s what he wants (that i need to do something for him to look at me). We went to the movies the other day and he enjoyed it, but the next day went back to his routine of ignoring me. I did go on no-contact for a couple of weeks (minimal talk etc) as recommended for those living together. Then, we had a discussion and he immediately pointed out that i did nothing (because i did NC) to show him anything worth coming back to. He told me who I had to be in order for him to consider dating me again.

So, I’m not sure if NC is worth going back into at this point as it gives in to more damage?

Tbh, I was very hurt inside when he told me i had to change…because I was happy with myself and didn’t need to be qualified by his standards. That’s when I said I would leave because yes, I felt like i would hurt him more along the way and didn’t have the heart to prolong the pain for him anymore. But also, I don’t see myself changing from being a relative introvert to the extrovert he wants me to be. He claims that I’m not ambitious when I am happy with my accomplishments in life and career (save this relationship right now :/). I guess it boils down to the fact that he no longer accepts me for who I am. But I do. I don’t do drugs or anything illegal. I’m just me.

It’s very hard with the flip flop, I was thankful that the talk we had yielded something positive like him telling me to stay longer and not move out. He joked one time at dinner that this is why I should stay…because we would have good times like this at dinner. In retrospect, was I being asked to stay to placate him?

But, I’m getting lost in what I want to do at this point. It hurts everytime he takes a stab at me (and it’s when I least expect it). It hurts when he flip flops and i don’t know if i still ought to stay. How does the ex-gf deal with the ex-bf as they flip flop? How does the ex-gf manage in the situation overall so they don’t get burned in the next steps?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 26, 2016 at 3:11 pm

That’s why it’s really important that you know yourself because other people’s opinion and world view will be thrown at you.. I wonder why he thinks you didn’t do anything when he was the one who started ignoring you.. Did he mean he wanted you to chase him? It should be equal. Did you tell him that you did it because he ignored you? And you’re right, you don’t have to be an extrovert for somebody to love you. You can still have fun even if you’re an introvert. Be calm whenever he’s like that. Try your best because he will not listen if you just answer defendingly. Agree, and then ask him your point of view. Like, “yeah most of your activities are actually fun, but sometimes I just get tired easily because my source of fun different, I would like to understand if that is wrong.”
In that way he will think and answer in your behalf, if not. Listen and ask again.. not in a debating way but in a way that you’re trying to understand him and also trying to make him see where you’re coming from.. but sometimes, know when you have just have to agree to disagree and take the high road and be calm.
SA

April 24, 2016 at 10:47 am

That was the first place I went to 🙂 Thank you, though I found this post more relevant. I think what was missing from the post was more about the flip-flopping of emotions from the ex-bf. Especially when they become condescending in speech. How does one deal with feeling toyed when the ex-bf flip flops? What could the ex-gf like me do to quell the situation (when he takes stabs at me) and make things work to my advantage?

Amor, thank you for taking me through this. Your advice helps to reassure me that I’m on the right path.
SA

April 22, 2016 at 12:11 am

We recently had a heart to heart. It went somewhat okay, until I told him that it may be better for me to leave the apt because I didn’t want to hold him back. I realized in my attempts at getting him back (showing him I’m always here and that I won’t give up on the relationship) were hurting him and holding him back.

Right after that revelation he said he was sorry that He made me feel like that and we hugged. He said I was perfect and all the nice things. Next night, we had dinner and he said I shouldn’t move out yet because we would miss out on nice things like this (having dinner at one of our fave spots and just enjoying conversation).

I guess now, is it right for me to continue being cordial and also inviting him (not too much, but every now and then) out to do new things to build some new positive memories? Like a movie, meals, wtv pops up?

I guess I’m trying to give us both a positive aftertaste of the relationship between us. I still want to work on myself at the same time, just being happier at the same time, not waste opportunities with him.

Any advice for a somewhat unstable time because there is a big possibility that he’s hot this one moment and will be cold in a little bit. Should I stay far away so he reaches out again? He seems to show also that he wants me to initiate more.

Thank you for replying 🙂 I wish there was an expanded section on what to do if you live with your ex. I think it’s the one with the most opportunity to do something but also the most volatile situation because too much can be done and too little may not be enough.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2016 at 6:02 am

Just don’t react the same way when he’s angry.. be calm and protect your own mood..
We actually have a blog post about that.. Here it is
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend
SA

April 19, 2016 at 1:16 am

We were five years into the relationship prior to break up. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 21, 2016 at 8:27 am

Hi SA,

if you haven’t had a heart to heart talk..do that first… be calm.. but if it’s not workable..be active for yourself during nc.. make the most out of it and build a life of your own

Naty

April 12, 2016 at 7:11 am

Hi,
I’m not sure why, but it seems my comment dissapeared..so I’m giving it another shot.
So I was with this guy (he’s 30, I’m 23) for not even 2 months, and we didn’t really date. We spent all days messaging each other, and it seemed awesome, but he didn’t really want to meet with me. He asked me out for the first time after 2 weeks of everyday messaging and after that we saw each other after a month(though we saw each other a little at work). Explanation he gave me for why he doesn’t want to spend time with me was, that he doesn’t want a relationship right now, so he doesn’t want to get too close to me. So it went on with the two of us talking all the time, being exclusive with each other, but during the 1,5 month we only met 3 times. I was not vedy happy about the situation, and told him I feel like he just doesn’t want a relationship with me in particular, which he denied. After 6 weeks he became distant, talked less to me, so I tried not to push him..but after a week of us barely talking he messaged me we have to end it. He told me I’m too good for him, he’s not a good guy. He has things in his life he needs to deal with and doesn’t want me to be part of it. If I were with him I would get hurt even more in future, that I do now. He kept saying he doesn’t want to hurt me. If we were to date, I would get to know him and dump him after a year. I spend next week trying to convince him, get him to meet me. But I couldn’t, and went no contact. I broke it after 2 weeks and texted him I’m sorry for pushing him to relationship and being clingy when he ended it, wished him all good in life and to meet someone who will make him happy, because it is obviuosly not me, when he let me to so easy. 3 days after that he replied with thank you for the wish and wished me all good too. I didn’t react to that and I do the no contact again (2 weeks now). But now I don’t know what to think about it. I like him and want him back. But I really don’t know what to think about him. He kept telling me he likes me, and there’s nothing wrong with me, how awesome I am, yet he broke it off and never really let me in, or spend much time with me. But when we didn’t spend some time together it was awesome, and he seemed so loving. Is there even point in trying to get him back? Was he ever info me really? Would it be difference this time? I know difficult questions..
Anyways, thank you for reply

Naty

April 14, 2016 at 2:27 pm

Thank you so much for the answer, though I have to admit it’s really hard to hear. I just can’t imagine not seeing him or talking to him again, I was really set on trying to get him back, even if it meant waiting for few months..so it would really be the best not to contact him at all? I mean..I see he needs time, and I’m not even really mad that I was a rebound..it hurts, but in a way I understand. I should have seen it sooner..but he went out with some women before me, so I guess I though he’s over it. I just hate the idea, that one day he’s going to be ready to be in a relationship and he will date someone else. I want it to be me..
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 10:27 am

Hi Naty,

yes, it looks like you are rebound.. Move on from him.. it’s better that he decided to move on by himself instead of using you.. Continue to be productive for yourself… if it’s tje right time someday, and you somehow got in touch then at least by then you’ll be more mature and would be able to take things slower

Maya

April 11, 2016 at 7:39 pm

Hello Amor, just yesterday my boyfriend brokeup with me .. suddnly after dragging for 6 days saying he has no time to talk to me he will talk later ” about us ” making me so anxious all of these days, till then he said ” I don’t feel I love you anymore, I don’t care about trying anymore, I don’t have affection for you don’t u get it? its over” , and it was just … because the past months he was busy with studies we had no time together , and I got jealous of his girl friends and the free time he had spent with his friends, felt I wasn’t there in the picture anymore :(, but he said he is just busy and I do understand that .. but I nagged at a times and he said a month or so ago that he will like me less if I keep on nagging about these things .. and I said I will try not to get jealous or nag .. ofc I will a bit .. but I wil try to make it less and he agreed .. but how could he not love me suddnly ? … before 6 days he told me he didnt love me anymore , I begged him and told him u r just busy and u dont really know whats happening now u just forgot the good feeling its there … because of my nagging I’m sorry .. and told him is there another chance give me peace he said there is … but yestrday he changed his mind and said its over 🙁 I’ve been not able to sleep good I have lost 5kilo/11pounds in the last few days alone I have been very depressed it’s killing me … so the talk ended with him saying ” I said I dont want this anymore I dont want anything you are making me angry again ” and I said .. ” don’t be angry please, I will wait then till you are calm to talk to me ” .. and stopped right there … ofc I was begging him and writing so much the past days it was all over texts he refused calling and talking … we have been together for 9 months , long distance but it was so good we shared every things with each other the ” no love ” feeling suddnly was just .. so sudden … out of nowhere but he says its not he started having doubts the last two months that this wont work because of my nagging and he is busy … but I never gave up 🙁 even when he said hurtful words I overlooked it …

no havent texted him since then but I admit I did send photos of the beach when I went today .. to him .. he just saw it .. and I know .. I knew he wouldnt reply .. but like .. I wanted to share .. and I think I want to send just photos like that everyday at least one … might that be too much ? … I wont talk .. but I dunno how wil that be he is a man if he decided something he is strong at it and cold as a wall … so I dunno ..

NC for a week? … cause I’m mentally and psychically tired of thinking of him …I have no idea I’m confused and lost and still want him back .. 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 1:54 pm

Hi Maya,

actually you should do it for a month.. don’t send him photos..you can post it on your social account but don’t send it directly at him or don’t tag him.. Stop chasing and start to put yourself first now.. Heal first and start to do things that can help you be more emotionally stable before trying to talk to him.. The focus of nc is for you to improve physically, emotionally and mentally.. It’s not just not talking to him.. Do that first. Put him aside for a month and love yourself first.

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