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sisi
January 30, 2015 at 11:37 pm
hi! Please help me. I had the best relationship of my life for 5 years. He was my best friend, lover, my support. A true partner. We had fun together and achieved so much individually because of the other. In my next relationship I would like the exact same relationship. The one problem we had was that he never felt good enough for me and kept putting himself down. I would try to validate him every single day!
Problem is he started chatting on whatsapp to a really obsessive girl and eventuallu it turned flirtatious. I didn’t know about any of this till afterwards. At some point they met up and she gave him oral sex.
It doesn’t look like they met up again afterwards but the flirting continued, even with love poems sent!
I eventually found after it had been going on for a month and dumped him. He’s been remorseful and finally sees her for the manipulative person she is. She basically fed his ego during a time when I was slightly busier than usual.
It’s been almost a month and a half. Should I move on or try again with him going to therapy for his insecuritY?
admin
January 31, 2015 at 3:54 pm
Have you used NC on him?
Kat
January 29, 2015 at 12:26 am
Here’s my story I’m not sure if I want my ex back or not he has really disrespected me but I can’t get him out of my head!
Here’s the story we’ve dated for about 5 months. He’s my first everything pretty which much explains why it may be hard to get him out my head. Well during our relationship he seemed to have a thing for my best friend. Well we decided to break it off for a bit. But he didn’t tell me the real reason why he needed the “break” he told me school wasn’t a environment to be dating. But my friend showed me a text that he had sent was that he liked my friend and that’s why he broke up with me. He still wanted to be friends so I confronted him about it and said if you wanted to remain friends then you need to tell me everything he did confess. Well see I was fine with that but I had confined to my friend about some stuff between me and him she happened to be related to the girl he liked by the way BEST FRIEND. He decided to tell everyone that ruined his life because my friend won’t talk to him on social media. I’m not going to take it I won’t! He now follows her around like a puppy dog. I mean is there away to every maybe get him back or should I just move on? It sounds stupid but I love him. I want to know if there’s away I can regain his interest and if I do manage that how can I get him to respect me and not walk all over me? Thanks!
admin
January 29, 2015 at 3:07 pm
First things first, you have to determine if you want you rex boyfriend back at all.
Kat
January 29, 2015 at 7:55 pm
Yes I do. I had recently had told him to delete my number cause at the time I wanted to move on. I haven’t talked to him since. Talked or texted. At school he trails after my best friend. It seems that he may have moved on. What do I do?
Grace
January 28, 2015 at 2:42 pm
I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant to my boyfriend of 4 years. We have had our ups and downs and I have broken up with him a couple of times due to being in different places in our lives.. Such as he still likes to go out clubbing every weekend and getting drunk with his mates but I am totally past that phase and have been for a year or two. We have gotten back together the 3 times we have broken up as we both love each other so much and plan on spending our lives together, each time he begs me to take him back and tells me that he will grow up because he would rather give up drinking and going out than to not spend the rest of his life with me… Each time I have stupidly taken him back due to his words and not his actions which obviously had resulting in him thinking I will always be there even if he doesn’t change. Okay so now that I am 28 weeks pregnant I just found out through a mutual friend that he had sex with someone else a week ago(it only happened once, he didn’t know her.. He had met her at a party that same night, I was also at the party but obviously didn’t go out clubbing because of being pregnant, and they haven’t had any form of contact after it happened)… When I confronted him about it (over text) he admitted it, he then told me he was going to end his life… After an hour or so of calling to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid, he wouldn’t answer my calls as he said he was too ashamed to talk to me. The same night I ended up going to collect some of my things from the house(we lived together) as I am in the process of moving out because of this. I haven’t seen him since I found out, but we have been texting, he keeps telling me he is so disgusted with himself and that he can’t believe he has turned into that type of person (he hates cheaters). He can’t give me a reason why he let it happen and I am honestly so confused cause I don’t understand why he has done this (i feel bad saying it but the girl he had sex with is really unattractive) so I just can’t fathom this at all, and I don’t want to say it was just because he was drunk cause that’s a stupid excuse but I just don’t understand.
I feel so hurt and lost especially being pregnant, I don’t know what to do.. I know I need space to see if I can even consider getting back with him. He has said he doesn’t expect me to be able to forgive him & he doesn’t want me to be with him because he doesn’t deserve me and that it tears him up knowing he has lost my trust and doesn’t deserve me, but that he will be waiting for me if I decide I want to try to trust him again. I never thought I would be the type of person who would want to take back someone who has cheated on me as I am VERY against it but now that it has happened although I’m hurt, broken and lost, I still cant imagine my life without him. My main problem is I’m scared if I do take him back in a couple of months or so he will think he can get away with anything now as I always come back…
admin
January 28, 2015 at 5:11 pm
Can I ask you a weird question.
Were you relying on him financially?
Grace
January 29, 2015 at 7:08 pm
What should I do 🙁
admin
January 30, 2015 at 3:52 pm
Well, definitely implement the NC rule.
Financially I know you may feel a bit trapped but I think NC is the way to go to get him back.
Grace
January 31, 2015 at 9:52 pm
Do you think because we have already had a few break ups that if i take him back again he will just think he can get away with anything? The last break ups would last from 2 days to like a week?
admin
February 2, 2015 at 1:46 pm
He might… Unless you make it clear you aren’t putting up with any more of his BS.
Grace
January 29, 2015 at 1:28 pm
I feel like I’m too weak to do the whole no contact thing, i cry all the time and I hate myself for missing him so much and just wanting to run home to him… It’s been three days and every day I’ve been texting him asking him why he has done this to me and the baby, telling him I hate him, that I miss him, that I don’t know how to get over this, that I love him.. My heart is aching from the betrayal & from missing him SO much. I’m so lost.
Grace
January 29, 2015 at 7:57 am
Not at the moment, but when the baby comes yes we would be living off his wage
Marie
January 26, 2015 at 3:03 am
Hi, I think I am having a issue and I really hope that this comment section is still active… I’ve been in a year and a half relationship with my boyfriend. It’s a long distance relationship, which has caused my boyfriend some major trust issues. He has been cheated on himself and was very persistent on how badly he thought of cheaters. I gave him my trust, because well it’s a long distance relationship, you kind of needed. Now he has had his doubts about me. But I have been faithful no matter (even tell him when people flirt with me and how I turn them down) and I have showen him a huge amount of love and understanding. We have been together in the same room as well, a few times a year. This year I was planning to move over near him.
Yesterday, I got added by some chick (on facebook). Through this chick’s account her very angry boyfriend wrote me that my boyfriend has been hassling her with nudes. He showed me the pictures and well, they are the same I got from him. This has truely broke my heart and my trust for him. I confront him and he admitted that he has seriously fucked up. (Sorry for my language!) There was no sexual contact (I feel a little bit lucky about that), just sexting. And it only went on for 2 days after that, he felt horrible about it.
When we talked on the phone, and although I have not forgiven him, I gave him a chance to show me amends. Later I found out that she was apart of it as well (in fact started it), and that it was easy for him to cave. He actually wanted me to break up, because he was pretty guilty about it and thought I deserve someone better.
Now he isn’t a very emotional person (or doesn’t express it often. He has said that he loves me more than anything in the world and etc, just not often) and a loner. So showing me amends will be very difficult (and I have my doubts). My days consisted of me waiting till he was done playing video games. It actually was a huge issue for me for awhile, but I learned to deal with it, because he needs space and is a loner. I actually started to love my alone time. But it’s something that needs to change and I am scared that he will easily fall back into that habbit. It needs to change, because well I didn’t feel like I a part of his life, I was just there to entertain.
I really love him. I know that he felt guilty but I know that trusting him, on a long distance, how do I deal with it. I’m hardly coping that he did it in the first place.
Although this isn’t a exboyfriend situation, I don’t know what to do, how to cope. I really hope that he can make amends, but I am just scared he’ll fail. And that I can’t trust him anymore.
Please, please, please help me…
admin
January 26, 2015 at 4:10 pm
It is still very much active.
Question for you- Do you forgive him truly for this indiscretions?
Do you think hell realistically stop?
Marie
January 27, 2015 at 6:26 pm
Well things changed quickly. I later found it it was a more regular occurance and have actually asked the ex for pictures.
So we broke up. I gave him the chance to change and then come back to me. But I think right now, I need pay attention to myself, I am so hurt and crushed that he did this to me.
If I ever will move on from him, I don’t know, he was a very important person to me. I can’t believe he did this to me…
admin
January 28, 2015 at 3:17 pm
I am so sorry…
I agree, pay attention to you.
Marie
January 26, 2015 at 7:22 pm
That I am really am not sure.
I know that he feel horrible about it and considers the worst f*k up in his life. But if that will stop from doing it again, I don’t know if he strong willed enough.
I guess I am allowing him to prove to me that he won’t do it again. It’s just how can a person prove something like that without me needing to check on things.
Day by day I am calming more down over the situation. I guess when it happens, you are just hurt for awhile…If I ever will forgive him about it, I am not sure, I think I can. But I won’t forget it and I am scared that if I get reminded about it after a long time later, how I’ll react.
I guess for me, what he did was very unpredictable, I never thought he would do that. And that unpredictable behavior is what is making me worry a little.
Do you think relationships can be happy again and be like normal again after something like? I think that is what I am most scared about…
Kay
January 25, 2015 at 7:09 am
Hey Chris,
my boyfriend cheated on me and now has been talking to a family friend because she offers him positivity. He says that our relationship is negative and he doesn’t feel good enough for me. We are broken up and I asked him if there together, he said no they are cool n he enjoys talking to her. He is currently out of the country. We were together for 3 years. Do you think that he has replaced me with that girl since she offers him “positivity n makes him feel good”?
admin
January 26, 2015 at 3:40 pm
He cheated on you though… what makes him think that you are th ereason the relationship is negative?
Seems like he is the negative force here.
Karishma
January 23, 2015 at 10:14 am
Hi Chris,
So we were in a relationship for 5 yrs..all was going good when in the last few months I got busy with CA exams..he had been with me all throughout but I noticed dude to lack of communication and spending time together we were kinda experiencing problems..I trusted him more than myself when it came to cheating and he has never cheated before.. Once my exams were over I told him let’s decide where we were heading and spend some time together..to this he said I think we should break up as things are not workings out..after a few days of questioning him y not give it a shot he said there was someone else..we both are 23..when I asked him who it was she said it’s his Family Friend who is 18!!
Now firstly I never expected her as I had met her 2-3 times and she knew we have been dating for so long..he says that when I was preparing for my exams I had become snappy and Thts when he was talking to her as friends..she says they started to talk more and one fine day she says love u and miss u..he confronted her saying m dating 2-3 times but she continued and he says she made him feel wanted and loved!!
Now the problem is I am unable to accept this being real as I feel she just pampered him when I couldnt..his male ego got a brush up..he claims this thing with her happened for 2 months..and now doesn’t want to get into any relationship and be friends with both..I don’t think I can be friends when he continues to talk to her..which I made very clear to him too..when I told him we could give this a shot and I could avoid this whole 2 month thing as if it never happened as I see not legitimacy to it..as i hve met her I know she is a kid and there seems no future there..I told him I don’t think it makes sense to toss out 5 yrs relationship for such stupidity..to this he says he thinks he is stuck somewhere and think he’s still feels for her..at the same time he doesn’t want to loose me!! He says he doesn’t want to date anyone!!
I don’t know what to do here..I do want things to be back as they were!!
LISA
December 13, 2014 at 10:23 pm
Chris..
I need your advice.. I will keep this short.. My BF and I are in a long distance relationship. he is in the states and I am overseas. A woman FB messaged me just 4 days ago and sent various messages that she/him were corresponding via text and a long narrative. She completely blindsided me. I am going on vacation in 3 months to his area and will be moving there in 5 months. I read about your no contact rule for 45 days. He asked in the beginning, how he could fix it, offered to changed his FB page to in a relationship, etc. She viewed my FB site and saw the two of us together that is why she contacted me.
Unfortunately, we have in be in contact the last 4 days. I so wanted to enjoy my vacation there and can’t believe that he couldn’t of held out for 3months. We haven’t seen each other in June, but the end result was that i was moving there. Please advise. I told him that he would have to earn my trust back.
How do i now implement the no contact rule, will this work?
zoe
December 1, 2014 at 8:03 am
3 weeks ago, an unknown woman sent me messages told me that she had been seeing my bf for 3 months, then i just realized i was being cheated.
She said she did not know he has a gf, until their last meet at his place, she found my stuff in the toilet.
Me and my bf are in LDR since our 11 months relationship, I fly back to stay with him every 3 weeks for 5 days. And we were great until 4 months ago, he’s jealousy that I spent too much time with my friends and I was angry and wanted to leave him right away at that night, he cried and begged me to stay, i stay at last. But we’ve been distant mentally since then, but we tried hard to make it work and we even went to France for a long vacation for 1 month. After the vacation, I fly back to the city I work and he returned, everything is so perfect like we used to be before the LDR, and he even asked me if I’d move to the place with him in the future, and he said it’s like heaven during the vacation.
Until that woman came to me, i was still think we are meant for each other, the truth is, he meet the woman and had sex again with her 1 week after returning from our vacation. He said he wanted to end it up with her, so he let her come to his place (as before they meet), and he just failed to resist the lust.
He said it was just casual sex, only sex for him, he does not care about here at all (which can’t explain why he still let her come to his place?), and he claimed he’s not needy and could always be able to resist the temptation (by saying that he never cheated his ex before for their 8 years relationship, his first one, and I’m the 2nd relationship for him); he said it’s not because he loves his ex more, he loves me far from her and he could never imagine he could love one so much. I asked if he likes having sex with that woman than me? He said no, he insist everything is much greater with me. He apologies and asked me to give him another chance, he said he never thought he’s such weak and coward. But…
– I just can’t figure out why they still have sex after our vacation?
– He said it’s his first time being unfaithful, and totally 5 times sex with same woman, is this consider as ONCE-cheater? or 5-times cheater?
– Why that woman keeps coming to me? She even sent me messages and asked me to confirm if I had slept with him for the past months? (I told that woman I’m not his gf, and I’m only friend of him, because i want her to shut her mouth and stay away from me forever, but she keeps bugging me by sending me the messages describing how they were and ARE together)
admin
December 1, 2014 at 3:38 pm
I consider it a 5 time cheater and I don’t care what anyone says.
She is hurt too by his cheating because to her she was the only one he was sleeping with.
Charu
November 27, 2014 at 4:43 am
Hey Chris,
Me n my bf were in relationship from last 2 years. Then 5 days back he told me that we cannot be in a relationship as he is dating someone else. I felt betrayed, angry and cheated and I cant even explain my feelings. I really love him and his love and care was everything for me.
Initially he never gave me the reason for his move, but today I asked him calmly and he told me a few things.
1. He never got enough space with me.
2. I wanted too much time from him.
3. I was too much dependent on him.
I dont know if he will ever come back to me but I really love him and want to forgive him. I just want him back like the way he was and I will give him enough space. He says that we can be friends and he can still meet me once in a week. But it wont be at home and we will not share love, kisses and hugs.
Please guide what should I do?
admin
November 28, 2014 at 3:19 pm
He cheated on you and just told you he was dating someone else????
Confused
November 26, 2014 at 12:48 am
Hey Chris,
Okay where to begin….my ex and I where together for about half a year, yes I know not that long, but I fell for him pretty darn fast. To make matters worse, we actually work together so everytime I step inside the store I take a glance around to make sure the coast is clear. Now the reason for this comment is because I can’t find it in myself to let go of him and move on. I guess in order to understand my ordeal I’ll have to share with you what exactly happened: One night he sent me a message only saying ” I have something to tell you” well being the type of person I am, I automatically assumed he wanted to break up with me and I hestitated in answering him. After a few minutes he then asked me what time I worked the next day and told me that he wouldn’t feel comfortable saying what he had to say in a text or phone call and he wanted to do everything face to face. Of course I am officially a wreck on my side of the phone and asking myself what in the world did I do and to just breathe and wait until the next day. When I arrived he saw me and told me that he had something to tell me, because I was still anxious I asked if he could wait until my lunch break because it was a really busy day. Well the clock is ticking and by the time his shift is over I still haven’t gone on my lunch break. It honestly looked like he made a beeline towards me and told me that he would wait for me outside. Several minutes pass and I was finally told to go on my break so I run outside to find him. As he got close to me he started figeting and wouldn’t really make eye contact. He then started to swear and said that he really didn’t want to tell me and then he looked at me and just said ” I cheated on you with ____” no need to tell you her name… Well seeing that he used a name that obviously means I know the girl right? She happens to be the daughter of his fathers girlfriend. Well to say the least…I was in shock, didn’t say a word, walked back inside the store and cried. The next morning I asked him why he did it and he said it happened while he was trying to cheer her up. Then I asked him if he liked her and he said that he had liked her when they first met and he thought that he had lost feelings for her but obviously not. He asked if we were still together and my response was well since you like her I guess not. He then starting sending me several messages which were all along the lines of “you’re a very nice girl you don’t deserve this I’m so sorry” etc. After a while I got fed up told he to just stop and he hasn’t sent me a message since. The problem is I still have feelings for him but I’m just not sure if this is something I should pursue or just let it die down. Honestly, if he had cheated with anybody else I would take him back in a heartbeat if he asked, but since it’s her…I just don’t know how to go about this. Your advise deeply needed.
Sincerely,
Me.
admin
November 26, 2014 at 3:09 pm
I am so sorry that you were cheated on.
You seem like a very kind person just from the small blurb you wrote.
Ignore him for a while, while you sort out your feelings ok. No need to find answers right away. Let time heal you a bit and give you some perspective on the situation.
How old was this daughter?
Is there a creepy age difference?
Confused
November 26, 2014 at 5:25 pm
Her and I are only one year younger than him so no, no creepy age difference. Another thing, I know you say to ignore him but if he greets me at work am I allowed to say something back? Maybe I’m a pushover but I was thinking since it’s the holidays there is no reason to act like he isn’t there… Thank you so much for answering.
Sincerely,
Me.
admin
November 28, 2014 at 2:58 pm
Yes you are, you are allowed to say something. Just be positive and happy but don’t engage him veyr long.
Judy
October 17, 2014 at 2:25 am
We were together on and off for two and a half years. He Sked me to marry him and at the beginning everything was great! I couldn’t get enough of him. Then I had a death in my family and was super stressed at work and totally backed off. He took the ring back. We continued dating but he continuously complained about the lack of time together. We kept trying to make it work and then he started backing off and got on a dating site and said he was done around his bday. Then he invited me to dinner at his home that weekend and we had a fabulous night together. I told him how I was going to be better about time and even come over so much that he’d get tired of me to prove I meant what I said. That Monday night I went over to follow through on my promise and I waled up to the door to him making out with another girl. He told me he was going to his mom’s for dinner. I’m a wreck. He texted the next night and said, eye for an eye. I didn’t respond until a week later I said I didn’t understand the text and that I must have misunderstood his intentions from that weekend. He responded that he didn’t know who the real to was from. And then said that he did indeed know who it was and that he needed my address to mail my stuff back. Even though I know he knows my address after two years, I sent it and nothing else. It’s been two weeks… Not stuff and no contact. Should I continue no contact? I don’t know what to do. I feel sick.
Helen
September 10, 2014 at 1:10 am
Hi Chris, I hope you’re doing great. So I’m here because my boyfriend cheated on me. I’m 20 and he is 21. We have been together for almost 2 years and a half, and also we were friends for a year and a half before our relationship started. We had a beautiful relationship, full of love, new interesting things and we always stayed close each other. What hurts me the most is that we were that relationship that everybody looks as perfect. I even thought we were the perfect relationship, I was just living in a fairy tale. Even his friends told me all the time how he loves me that they never see him that way before. We had future plans and everything looked perfect. He is my first love and I thought he would be the only one. But I recently found out that he cheated on me with his exgirlfriend. He told me that this girl called him and they had sex once. They broke up three years ago because she cheated on him. He hated her, they did not even talk each other, and they even saw each other everyday because they study in the same Faculty. I dont understand how a person can hate someone and then just fuck her. When I found out I went to talk to him, but things were out of control because I was so dissapointed just crying and we could not let things clear. We just broke up and he told me that he was sorry and he knew that what he did has no forgiveness, he told me that he wants me to be happy and he wont call me or something because he wants to make things easier for both of us. It has passed 3 weeks since we broke up and he just sent me a message that says he misses me and I obviusly did not respond him. I’m devasted and heartbroken and I do not know what to do. I’m applying the NC but isnt him the one who beg in my door? If the Nc rule finished, should I ask for an explanation? because he never told me how things happend and I think I deserve to know it, please Chris help me.
admin
September 15, 2014 at 3:27 pm
How many times did he cheat on you? Do you think it was a one time thing or would he do it again?
Lisa
September 6, 2014 at 11:28 pm
Hello Chris,
My boyfriend and I have broken up two weeks ago, we been together 1 year and started almost two year long distance relationship. In this time period, I just met him once about one month we been together.
On the beginning of this August, he found another girl. But he have not told me this until the middle of August. I made so many mistakes,like begging, crying, text gnat and also tried to sabotage his new relationship. I regret what I have done, because he said what I have done let he decided which girl he loves.After I realized my mistake, we talk sometimes just like friend about 10 days.
Today, I said to him, I do not want to be your friend and say goodbye to him. I want to apply the NC rule from today. We are still in long distance relationship and he will leave that new girl 10 days later because he will take the college class.
My questions are, is he in the rebound relationship? Do I have to apply NC rule? And do I have the possibility to get him back? Please give me some suggestions about my situation.I can go to see him in person 4 months later and he can meet with that new girl at the same time.
Thank you very much!
admin
September 15, 2014 at 3:04 pm
Did he actually cheat on you during the relationship?
amy
September 1, 2014 at 10:11 am
Hey chris
My ex used to text some girls hearts and kisses emojis. Their replies used to pop up at odd hours. He called these girls his friends. He used to run errands for these same few girls. Sometimes he cancelled/changed our dates to fit in an errand for them. Other times he would show up to the date with them already in the car. He would introduce me to them by name not as his girlfriend. I sat at the back while both of them continued in the front because I was more petite than them.
I spoke to him about it several times. However things worsened. He started keeping his phone beside him 24/7. We stopped going on dates because he said he was embarrassed of me. More because he didn’t want anyone to see us. Sometimes I would wake up to him texting these friends.
So I broke it off because I thought he cheated. Do his actions count as cheating?
admin
September 2, 2014 at 1:14 pm
Its weird he ran errands for them… Sounds really fishy….
I understand why you were jealous.
amy
September 6, 2014 at 8:09 pm
Hey chris should I do the 21,30 or 45 day NC
admin
September 15, 2014 at 3:00 pm
21
amy
September 3, 2014 at 10:04 am
Why does he text me during NC if these other girls are still there for him? Am I just another name on the list?
amy
September 1, 2014 at 11:22 pm
could you do a post on how to recognise men who send mass messages to women?
admin
September 2, 2014 at 1:52 pm
What do you mean, mass messages?
amy
September 3, 2014 at 9:58 am
as in men who send the same message to a number of women hoping that one of them will reply. how to recognise them.
Lani
August 15, 2014 at 12:30 am
Hi Chris,
Came across your blog in search of answers. What you saying makes sence but I made a lot of mistakes and now your advises, which I hope I could use, don’t exactly fit my situation.
I been dating this guy for little less than a year. It was absolutely different from my previous relationships. I was always the one waiting for him to call. He didn’t like when I go out and gets jealous even if it’s just my friends. He would go out with his friends and never take me with him. But I always trusted him and would even bring hungover remedies the next day. I know some of his friends, but not all. It was like he was trying to keep things separately. Now We went out together only 2 or 3 times.
I have to say he doesn’t go out much. Maybe once a month or two. Works a lot and, like me, prefers to stay home. So we would mostly hang out at his or my place, watch tv, cuddle, talk etc. Sometimes I’d come to his work and hang out there. When I started questioning and pointing out that it seems more like fwb, he said I’m very wrong, that I’m much more than just that to him. We texted every day, he would send me ‘I love u’ ‘I miss my gf’ messages and such. He is a very private type of person, needs a lot of space and time to be alone. But at some point I started mentioning that while he can find time to party with his friends, he doesn’t have time left to spend with me. At that point from seeing each other 2-3 times a week, it became 0. For almost a month he claimed he had no time and was super busy, which made him very tired by the end of the day. He would call me and txt every day though. One day he asked me to come over to his work to hang out for a bit. There he apologized for not spending time with me, said he loves me and asked to understand that even though I’m right, he sees my behavior as needy and that when girl becomes needy he runs for the hills. I adjusted my behavior and we started spending much more time together.
Recently I found out that his dating site profile (where we met) was active and that he was flirting with other girls. I confronted him and he said that while he may go on some dates to meet girls, he still loves me and said that men can have sex without any feelings being involved. But said that I’m different. This made me to ask if he was cheating on me. He denied, but then proceeded justifying his flirting as men nature. He said that if some cute and fun girl comes into his life, he’d be glad and possibly even have sex with her, but said it has nothing to do with his feelings for me. He also tried to justify having sex on the side as men nature, that’s how men are and that’s what they do. Then he started saying that I act as if we were merried and that he thought we had more of an open relationship going on. When we started dating, I did say that he can do whatever he wants, because I don’t believe in putting limits on someone’s life – if they want to do it they will anyway. I told him if he does anything I won’t like I better to never find out about it, because I’ll be done with him.
I am devasted. I been telling him from the beginning that I could never tolerate cheating, that I find it to be the nastiest form of betrayal. He would agree with me at that time. But, according to him as I just found out, it applies only to merried/engaged couples. I told him I can’t deal with this and broke up with him. He tried to calm me down but eventually said he doesn’t want to cause me any more pain and so we should go separate ways. He asked me to stay friends so he can still have me in his life. He keeps saying sorry for how he made me feel.
I just want to understand, is he the type of guy who will be a cheater forever? I do want to be together with him, I love him like I never loved anyone before and I’m 30. But I know I can’t stand cheating and open relationship isn’t my thing.
Chris, is there a way he could realize it’s time to grow up and change his ways or is this how he is and always will be? I’d get back with him but only if he would never cheat again. I’m not even sure if it’s an option…should I try your advises and demand to change his ways if he really wants to come back? I know he loves me. I know sex for him has nothing to do with feelings, but but he’s very stubborn and will move on if he has to.
Emily
February 2, 2015 at 8:56 pm
I dated someone for 3 and a half years, him and I dated in high school and most of college. We broke up 5 months ago. Things have been so hard on me and he is taking it like a champ. We would attend church together, always travel the hr that was between our colleges, and he had given me a ring. We made plans to move a state over, start a family etc… one morning he woke up this past summer and decided he didn’t love me anymore…or so he said. Many times I have wondered if he had another girl while him and I dated just because less then a week after the break up he had another girlfriend, obviously that didn’t last but he has continued the same pattern. He has become a huge drinker which before he was the casual beers every once in a while; he doesn’t attend church very much either and when we dated we were both sure to go every weekend. We motivated each other for the better! We’ve talked about 4 times since the break up to “check up” on each other…but that is it. Its hard avoiding each other when we are home because we run around with the same group of people and have for 10 years. What do you think he is feeling or thinking? Just want to get someone elses opinion. I dont necessarily want him back I just guess I wish he wanted me back.
admin
August 15, 2014 at 2:49 pm
Ok, I have a few things to say here.
This guy is a scumbag. Will he be a cheater forever? I have no idea but right now the fact that he is open to cheating on you is not a good sign.
Secondly, I think you made an error in not putting limits on the relationship. He probably assumed you would be ok with being cheated on.
Lani
August 15, 2014 at 5:26 pm
Thank you for the reply. Yes, I know I’ve made lots of mistake and it’s just one of them. What should I do to get him to consider changing his behavior and maybe get back together? If he won’t change, I can’t be with him but I sure hope he loves me enough to change…
Anisha
August 12, 2014 at 11:43 am
I dated this guy for almost 1 year. although initially evrything was fine, once he left to another place in search of job, he changed. he hardly used to reply to my texts or text me or even call me.he wudn attend my calls too. it was only cos of my constant texts that he replied once or twice. he was a very unromantic person and i never felt like he cared for me. i kept doubting his feelings for me n complained about this to him many times, which made us fight and breakup cos he felt im doubting him. it all looked like my fault. v brokup and didn speak to each other for 2 months after which i went to his place to meet him and he came n met me. we got back but v never addressed or spoke out the past problems. things were good later on, but once i saw a text msg in phone to one of his colleagues, saying that he doesnt have feelings for me. i ignored it cos i was trying my best to not doubt him and i made myself blieve that its ok if the guy needs some space to flirt as long as hes true to me in the end of the day. But when i askd him about marriage plans, he was doubtful and said he needs to think. this made me realize that wat i saw in his text msg was not wrong afterall.i brokup with him saying that i dont need to be with a person who needs to think twice abt chosing me. v stopped contacting and months later i heard from one of our mutual frns that he told her that he never realy had feelings for me ,that he liked his ex and that what hapnd btwn us was just a moments thing. i am not sure if i was really his rebound cos m doubtful if rebounds last fr almost 1 year?…anyway, after hearing this, i just lost my mind and swore at him,got angry and verbally abused him. to my surprise, he abused me back.
i wanted to know what goes wrong in all my realtions so i just happend to talk to my ex(guy before this one), about what actualy went wrong.he said it was always his fault but i kept asking if i did anything wrong, while talking i understood what mistake i committed in both the relations. : I usedto talk about my exes to them a lot,thinking that il make them feel jealous and by doing so, i wanted their attention. but that inturn, resulted in a disaster. i want to apologize to him and get him back, he has a lot of ego and will never again read my texts cos he said hes lost all respect fr me after swearing at him. what do i do?
admin
August 13, 2014 at 1:31 pm
NC seems ideal here.
Anisha
August 13, 2014 at 3:55 pm
do you think there are any chances of getting him back? cos he has the worst kind of ego and he is never gonna text me first. he never did when we dated too.
admin
August 14, 2014 at 11:50 am
That’s ok, you can text him first even though I know it sucks as long as he is responsive you should be alright.
Anisha
August 14, 2014 at 4:20 pm
thing is after all that m pretty sure he would never respond. its his birthday day after. do you think i should wish him that way or still maintain NC?
Anisha
August 13, 2014 at 4:05 pm
the thing is that he is pretty close to this mutual friend of ours and she works with him. he takes care of her by giving lifts and accompanying her evrywhere cos shes alone. now that shes running out of a place to stay shes staying with him and his roomates at their pg. Now there is this other guy who likes her and he tells me somethings going on btwn them n i believe it. this guy calls her up and asked her whether they are dating and that “I” told him that they(my ex and my frnd) are dating, to which she got pissed and blocked me. she said she tried to help me with him and i doubted her, so now she can be a bitch. i stopped thinking about this for now. im sure she’l tell my guy(ex) about this….im just trying to frget evrything but simply cant…should i wait for him or just move on?
Georgeanne
August 12, 2014 at 11:23 am
I have been with this foreigner (which I met through another friend) for a month and everything is going so well. And he’s everything I wanted for my guy. We have our differences but it never gets in the way. We compliment each other, and we just basically brings out the best of each other. We support each other, we meet almost everyday, we text almost all the time updating what we’re doing (except when he’s in class because he’s med school, and I’m at work). He introduced me to his closest friends, took me to meet his 2nd family in this foreign country, and he met with my friends, too. Everything just seem to be in right place… Until I REALIZED THAT I wasn’t the only girl in his life. And the worst of it, is that I’m actually kinda the mistress (although he’s not really married). He’s in a relationship with 2 other girls before I came into the picture. When I finally confronted him about it and made him tell me everything, he said that those girls are his exes and they came together again and now he just doesn’t know how to break up with them. He said that the girl #1 wants to marry her, and he can’t. And he just feels indebted to girl #2 who was there for him when nobody else was. And I actually met the girl #2 and desperation is written all over her face because she knew that the guy is with me, but she doesn’t seem to be bothered at all. And I feel worried about her.
Now, the guy keeps on telling me that it’s me he really loves. And that I was the only girl who made him feel as he feel now, and the only person to meet those important people in his life. He asked me what do I want and I told him to get his shit together and leave the girls alone because more and more people are getting hurt. He said he will do as I advised. He still texts me every once in a while saying “take care” “how are you doing?” And “good night. feels so lonely alone here”.
Although he’s asked me if I would ever get back with him, or if I think we could work again after he’s pulled his shit together, he doesn’t actually openly tell me that he wants us back together. And IDK if I want him back either.
I caught him cheating through viber. He said he only talks to them through that, and I’ve seen that he hasn’t been online in that account again ever since the confrontation happened. I haven’t responded to him for 3 days now and reading this made me decide that I really should continue so. Maybe it will give me the time I NEED to figure out whether I still want him back or not.
I feel so torn.
admin
August 13, 2014 at 11:33 am
Man he really likes juggling a lot of women doesn’t he?
Anon
August 2, 2014 at 10:50 am
Seema, sorry for intruding.
I was reading all the posts. I hope your guy came back. I can imagine how you are feeling if he didnt! Just felt like writing, seeing yr indian name.
We might be emancipated, but culture is too deep in us!
Kim
July 25, 2014 at 12:59 am
I stumbled on this because I’m guilty of googling everything under the sun about a cheating boyfriend. I have been with my boyfriend for three years and he moved in a little over six months ago. We are both in our 40’s (if that matters…it just feels funny to say boyfriend after a certain age). 😉 He always brought fresh flowers every week, told me he loved me daily, and was always by my side. We entertained family and friends every weekend and we’re close to each other’s families. However, he would withdraw at times. I don’t know how to explain it…but he’d go play poker or something and leave out details. Anyway, I went through his phone a week and a day ago. I was floored to find his active profile on AshleyMadison.com. He had messaged women in September and October, before we decided to live together. And then I found a message from February (4 1/2 months ago) where he asked a woman to meet for drink or coffee so he could get to know her better.
I texted him and told him I was in his account and he needed to get his things and get out. He picked up some things the following night but his furniture is still here. I did send him an email about how much he had hurt me and he sent an apology but it didn’t say anything about a second chance. He just said how much he hated himself for what he did. I never responded to the email. Now that a little time has passed, I’m wondering if I was too abrupt. I honestly don’t know if I want him back…but I don’t know if I “don’t” want it to work either. Any advice?
admin
July 25, 2014 at 3:02 pm
Your not guilty for wanting to understand more.
I hear you about the boyfriend/age thing. Usually people at that stage are talking about husbands.
May I ask why you want him back?
Kim
July 25, 2014 at 3:32 pm
I appreciate your reply Chris. I’m second guessing myself because we had built a pretty good life together. We really had a lot of fun together, cooking, traveling, entertaining, etc. I don’t know if he actually met with anyone…but I’m not stupid either. I feel like it was cheating. I just wonder if I should pursue finding out what he wanted and needed in order to do my part to make it work. I do believe he genuinely loved me…and I him. I’m struggling with whether or not it is salvagable. But today, I’m back to thinking I’m not in the mood! It’s just so hard to deal with “everything’s fine” to nothing.
admin
July 28, 2014 at 1:51 pm
I think you need to ask yourself if HE is the best person for you in the future. Take yourself out of the moment for a second and ask yourself,
“In 5 years can I still be happy with this person?”
N.M
July 24, 2014 at 4:27 pm
Ok so im a cheater, im cheating my husband, but really im not! Please we are living parallel lives! I would leave him if my bf, we had aprivate wedding ceremmony back the, would take me away! Oh God this sounds so sleazy!
admin
July 25, 2014 at 3:10 pm
How does it benefit you to stay with your husband if he has done all those horrible things to you?
N.M
July 25, 2014 at 4:52 pm
My bf is Not going to take me away! He has abused me too, he cheated yet accuses me of cheating, is like a chameleon, offence is the best defense, whenever i tried to get an apology from him, i ended up apologising for Daring to adk, so that he wouldnt leave me! But it will never work outill stay with my husband and pretend its my bf! Im mad!
admin
July 28, 2014 at 1:57 pm
I don’t get why you would want someone like that back?