How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back if HE Cheated On You- Advice & Help

1,054 thoughts on “He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?”

Alexandra

April 1, 2019 at 7:51 am

Hi Chris,

I have a sort of strange one for you…

My ex and I were in a transatlantic long-distance relationship for about a year. For the entire year, we had excellent conversational chemistry and could talk for hours on end without getting bored, calling every day and sometimes even staying in a call (sleeping and everything) for two days or more. Even better, when I met him for the first time, a few months in, we had amazing in-person chemistry (sexual, mundane, and otherwise). I’ve had several long term relationships, but this was the best sex and mental/emotional connection I’ve ever experienced. However, something still felt off and out of nowhere we broke up, despite everything feeling the same.

Fast-forward a few months where we couldn’t stay apart and had continued our relationship just like before – he tries to make it official again but ends up having a breakdown the very next day and wants to call it off. I said I was so emotionally confused and that it’d be easier if there had just been another woman (which I had asked about). Suddenly he breaks and starts confessing to this ongoing affair he’d been having with a woman much younger than either of us. He showed me chat logs and I could see that she’d pursued him, coming on strong, for a few months and it eventually slid into more sexual territory even though he’d tried to create distance. (I should also note that during the time it started I was having issues reciprocating sexually because I had been sexually assaulted and withdrew whenever he got too sexual)

This girl was also cheating on her long term boyfriend whom she lived with and by her own admission is a doting boyfriend who loves and supports her (financially and otherwise). However, she still kept trying to convince him to cease all sexual contact or flirting with me, and he kept refusing. Then, when the girl learned that I was flying over to visit she rushed over to visit him the week before I arrived. He hadn’t been in a relationship before and doesn’t seem to understand women, so I don’t think he realized how manipulative she really is. She mirrored his speech early on, constantly flattered him, agreed with everything he said, never revealed her own emotions or that much personal information, and even brought drugs (including Ecstasy and Viagra) so that their first time would be more enjoyable. Then, while I was visiting with him she constantly texted him about how her heart had never hurt so much, she’d never been in so much pain, etc. and went on and on about how she didn’t want him to sleep with me. She even blew up on social media, telling all of their mutual friends that she wanted to commit suicide.

Right after this we “broke up” and it seemed like he felt genuinely guilty, broke down crying in front of me and said “I’m sorry” over and over even though I had no idea what was going on. After I left, she visited him two more times (New Year’s and Valentine’s day) then dumped/ghosted him. His confession was only a couple weeks later. He said even though he chose her it didn’t feel like much of a choice, because he’d never be able to tell me the truth about his cheating, he couldn’t stay in a relationship with that guilt, and she lived only 5 hours away, within the same country (whereas I was across an ocean and we didn’t have concrete plans yet to move). He said the entire experience was a nightmare and he’d never do this again, with me or anyone else, while admitting he still felt attached to her and hurt by the rejection. He wanted to rebuild the relationship and agreed to go to couple’s counseling even though he’s an extremely private person who dislikes doctors.

Now I’m torn, because on one hand, the relationship felt good enough that I was preparing to uproot my life and move to live with him while he finishes his studies, but on the other hand, all the trust is broken and our situation makes transparency ridiculously difficult. I also feel like he just rebounded to me, or worse, used me to get back at her and/or benefit their relationship. I also can’t get over the fact that he chose her over me, at least not at the moment, and his gullibility is very unattractive to me – it makes it more difficult for me to trust him or his feelings.

I’ve maintained No Contact for 5 days now, and he’s tried contacting me every day through multiple methods, even creating new accounts to get past my filters. So, I suppose my question for you is not “how can I can get my ex back,” but “how can I leverage No Contact to get my ex back better than before, in a way that he sees my value as a partner, makes some changes, and doesn’t do this again?”

Chris Seiter

April 1, 2019 at 10:28 pm

HI Alexandra… so good job in maintaining the NC for 5 day. You asked the very question that my Program gets into in a big way. I do cover it in posts and podcasts and videos too, but if you are looking for a blueprint, check out EBR PRO!

Linda

March 17, 2019 at 11:10 am

Hi chris,
My ex Brad cheated on me while I was serving my country. We were separated since 10 months ago due to both of our deployments. He cheated on me with one girl then left me for another claiming he was not going to cheat on this one. He liked her pictures on social media and claimed she was beautiful from what my sister said. I had to cut all ties so I told him I will leave you alone forever goodbye. Recently he has messages me three times once saying hi, another saying he is sorry and Hope’s i find someone who will treat me right and the third talking about tickets. The last message was a week after the first. He also has said he wanted to meet me halfway after I told him goodbye. I was nice to him afterwards and havent talked to him since January because I am conflicted. He even blocks and unblocks me from social media. Is there any hope? He wasnt a very nice guy but I do believe he has a big heart when he tries doing nice things. It’s that man that I miss not the one who wouldnt settle with me.

Thanks,
Linda
Noelle

January 5, 2019 at 11:12 am

Happy New Year Chris!
My fiancè cheated on me and ended it. All of his friends told me that the girl was just for sexual relationship only. The family of my fiancè were furious and made sure that both would cut the relationship and on the day they were caught, both parties ended it. My fiancè said sorry but is not talking to me anymore after that. I don’t know if he still loves me because he broke up with me the day he was caught cheating. Their relationshp started october 2018 and we got engaged august 2018. He is very egoistic. But I know he will still change. I started NC rule two days ago after messaging him and asking questions. I even asked him
If he’s going to throw away our 3 year relationship and all he answered was he doesn’t know. He just said he already ended it with the girl. Can I still win him back?
Jenni

December 23, 2018 at 9:54 pm

Hi Chris
I’d really appreciate an opinion on this situation. What about if it wasn’t really cheating because you weren’t officially exclusive at the time?
I started seeing this guy, and it had only been 2 weeks when he got with someone else. We were still casual because it was too soon to establish any boundaries, but it still hurt as I trusted him, and it was with someone else I know, and right in front of me. We had decided to keep it quiet amongst the group of friends (same sports club) until we knew where it was going, so she didn’t know at the time. I confronted them both and they still went ahead with it. He was upset and sorry afterwards but also said he had wanted to be single since breaking up with his ex so I still called it quits. Now they’ve carried on seeing each other.
I knew I needed to establish no contact but it is tricky since we see each other most days at the club. It has been 2 months now of just minimal small talk about necessary things. I’m still deciding whether he’s worth it, but I did really like him and think there was potential there. Also this is just my opinion but can’t see it working out with the other girl long term, she’s 12 years older than him. Do I need to start no contact again even though it’s been 2 months? And how is it best to do this if you’re in the same social circle.
Thanks very much.

Chris Seiter

December 24, 2018 at 3:44 am

Hi Jenni..he didn’t seem to want to give the relationship enough time to develop. So I do see some benefits for you thru employing NC. Be sure you understand how to leverage its full use. I have a lot of useful info on the site in the forms of books, posts, videos, and other resources you can tap into!

Sam

December 20, 2018 at 6:07 pm

hi,
my bf cheated on me and is also greedy for things. i met him. 6 months ago and he cheated on me 2 times in this period. we were about to enggaed and i met his parents multiple times. he cheated on me due to another girl or maybe his x. i cried hard infront of him bcoz i was feeling scared and weak. then he said show me your salary slip and bank acc balance i showed him the 2nd day he called himself and tried to be normal with me i didnt respond properly then he didnt contact me now when i contacted him he said buy me a new modle car of civic then he can fix all the things quickly. its almost a month we didnt contact each other after he demanded a car. but yes i put up cool stuff on whatsapp status that i am enjoying a friend wedding and hanging around with friends. 15 days ago he sent me laughing pic on my whatsapp status where i was dancing. what does it means pls advise what to do bco,z i am unable to forget him and i have no mental peace.

Chris Seiter

December 21, 2018 at 12:56 am

Hi Sam….yep…some guys can be greedy and selfish. You should focus on recovery aspect of no contact. You deserve some fulfillment

Zee

December 8, 2018 at 9:52 pm

Hi Chris Seiter! Hope you’re doing well.
My boyfriend recently cheated on me and it’s been 20days I haven’t contacted him neither he did. We study in the same university and I saw him 2days before…he was staring at me continuously but he never contacted me…I still love him a lot I don’t know why but I do. Can you tell me that…is this a sign that he will come back? Because I am missing him badly and I can’t forget him.

Chris Seiter

December 9, 2018 at 2:13 am

Hi Zee!

I would suggest you complete you NC and do the things i recommend in my Program. Pick up my epic long eBook if you have not already as its the best Guide on how to manage this whole process!

Marie

December 2, 2018 at 6:12 am

Hey I’m Marie
I jus started a relationship with a boy I met in college about 2 months now , he took my virginity and he always have financial problems and asking me for help , recently I went on his Facebook and saw him and this girl , I confronted him about it he said it was his ex and that I shouldn’t go through his old stuff and he then blocked me off Snapchat .. I really do love him but my friends say he only comes around when he needs stuff but it hurts like hell honestly

Chris Seiter

December 2, 2018 at 5:07 pm

Hi Marie!

I think you should take a big step back away from him….giving him plenty of space and focusing on your healing and recovery. With time, you will gain greater perspective as to the bigger picture of whether you should invest any more effort in this relationship.

odara

October 23, 2018 at 3:10 am

Hi,
It had been one week me and my ex broke up our one month relationship.the reason is his ex kept on talking to him and she contact me too.my ex boyfriend loves his ex they had sex n had slept together and they have many memories together.but she had cheated on him with her ex boyfriends.after their break up 3months later my ex asked me out.i posted a pic and his ex had seen that and had contacted him so he had asked her to get back together.but sometimes he said he don’t want a bitch like his ex but same time he is saying she became lesbian n all because of the bad people around her.he said he talked to his ex so he cant hurt me or cheated on me so lets break up he made many mistakes n I’m not responsible for those what should I do?
Shiela

September 7, 2018 at 1:33 am

Hi Chris,
I broke up with my ex boyfriend because I caught him cheating on me thru text message. We were long time friends and 3 years as bf/gf. I confronted him and he just told me that it was nothing serious. And he told me like it was just nothing! Now, he goes out and comes home sometimes after a day or two. It’s been almost a month now. And sometimes just out of nowhere tells me that he misses me and I just simply don’t respond to it. It seems that he’s not sorry for what he did and acts as if nothing has happened.
I’m trying to do the NO CONTACT RULE but it’s pretty hard because we’re still living in the same roof. I’m trying to save money now so I can move out asap. I still get to see him everyday but we’re not texting and the communication’s just basic.
Recently I got sick, he didn’t see me around the house so he checked up on me in my room. I was burning w/ fever and he acted worried. He took care of me till I got better. And now that I’m better, we we’re back again to square one.
Everytime that he asks help from me I always tell him to go ask help from his other girls in a sarcastic manner. I’m not even sure if I’m suppose to do that.
My question is… I know it will take a while for me to move out because I don’t have enough money just yet. What do I do?
I still love him but what he did just hurt me big time. I’ve been cheated before and it’s always the end of the relationship and no 2nd chances. I don’t know why this time it seems like I want to get him back. Help! I really don’t know where to start. Thank you in advance.

Chris Seiter

September 7, 2018 at 3:32 am

Hi Shiela!

Yes…when you live together, its more of a limited no contact program. He is being mean to you and you don;t deserve it. No one does. I think separation from him is best and being able to employ full no contact will give you a better opportunity to heal and figure out if you really want him in your life.

Jenny

August 18, 2018 at 2:59 pm

Hi
I met my bf at work when we were both 21. We broke up after a few months over a childish argument and we both didn’t know how to handle our emotions. We hooked up a couple of times in between but he would always say he wasn’t ready for a relationship. All of 2017 he had blocked me on social media and WhatsApp and we never spoke. Bumped into him in Jan 2018 and he said he missed me this whole time and wanted to make it work. We struggled for a while as I had a lot of resentment and was on edge that he would leave me again. Last month we finally made it work and he had met my friends and we talked about moving into together. Then randomly one day he stopped messaging me. I found out he had skipped work too so I thought his mental health issues were back etc so I went to his flat to check he was ok and his flat mate said he wasn’t in. He texted me a week later saying I’m obviously not up for a relationship. I was shocked as I didn’t see it coming. I called and texted asking why and got no response. After 3 weeks he finally agreed to meet me yesterday where he admitted he cheated on me hence why he had ghosted me the next day.
I asked who the girl was he said he had a few friends over from Australia and the girl was someone he had hooked up with when he was 18. He said initially he slept on the sofa whilst she slept in his bed but in the morning they ended up hooking up with each other. She even stayed 2 more nights after with him. She’s now back in Australia and he said he had been messaging her as friends. I asked him if she was still here would he want a relationship with her he was like I don’t know. I asked him why he cheated and he said he doesn’t know. I asked whether he was unhappy with our relationship and he said no he was happy hence why he met my friends and wanted to move in together. I asked him if he still wanted me and he said he doesn’t think the relationship will work now that he’s cheated as the trust as gone and that I would always be paranoid if he went out.

Obviously I’m emotional and don’t understand what happened. For 4 years of my life he’s the only guy I’ve been with and genuinely thought he was the guy I was going to marry.
Now I don’t know what to do as clearly he doesn’t think it will work between us. He’s also now blocked me on all social media. I feel like I’m being punished. Were supposed to be going to Paris next week for our friends wedding, he said he won’t be coming so I’ll be going alone. I just don’t know what to do.

Chris Seiter

August 19, 2018 at 12:30 am

Hi Jenny!

Probably best you have an ex recovery plan. You should know that the 4 years plays to your advantage. Invisible roots and traction gets laid down that can act as a invisible force to slowly pull you back together. Take a look at my ex back program (Pro) which you can learn more about on my home page. I think your chances are better than average.
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2018 at 12:30 am

Hi Jenny!

Probably best you have an ex recovery plan. You should know that the 4 years plays to your advantage. Invisible roots and traction gets laid down that can act as a invisible force to slowly pull you back together. Take a look at my ex back program (Pro) which you can learn more about on my home page. I think your chances are better than average.

Angelica

August 14, 2018 at 3:33 pm

Hi Chris

Would you call flirting with someone else while in a relationship is cheating?

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2018 at 2:59 pm

In most cases, no.

Selene

July 28, 2018 at 7:23 pm

Hello, I’ve been in a relationship of 2 years and 10 months our 3 year anniversary is on his birthday. So we have always been honest with each other he swore to never cheat or see someone else. Our relationship was amazing. I’ve always been supportive and involved with his family and life. However, I’ve always wanted to get married before moving together and he has always disagreed but has always said ok bc he loved me. So a few weeks ago to he took week trip to mexico. While he was over there and before he left he said he was going to ask for my hand in marriage, I was never so in love. He came back and acted kind of weird then confessed he has begun talking to someone else he met over there. He said he needed time but I didn’t give it to him because he would not agree to stop talking to the other person. He broke up with me and hasn’t even said sorry. I asked his family for help but they don’t want to get involved worst part is they know he’s talking to this person!! He left yesterday again I told him to stay but he left…. I got so frustrated and wished him the worst I have been so hurt. How can someone who was deeply In love change his mind in a few days.

Chris Seiter

July 29, 2018 at 1:38 am

Hi Selene!

I answered your question you sent to my support email!

Angie

July 28, 2018 at 7:16 pm

Hey I’m loving someone whom I met in chatting app n we used to be together since 2 years .then he started cheating on me n went with another girl but within 20 days he came back to me then I accepted coz i couldnt love without him I never get a love as hever do to me .and then again he used to talk to another girl and he left me for her n was with her for 4 months I cut my wrist to ask him to come back yet he ain’t come that periods then now he left that girl n talking n was to me n i now came to know he’s talking to his another ex gf too n caring her untill she sleeps everyday. Then I asked that girl if she loves him then she says no we are just friends .I’m asking what can I do with this guy .is he loving me he talk to me on call everyday he keep call on n sleep everyday and he dont say that he loved me.when I told his ex he calls me n talks to me eveyday then he must be loving me then this guy get angry and said you wanna know why I call you it’s coz i dont wanna hurt you you are always sad n alone so why I’m talking to you. I don’t underatnd what he wants from me but I love him a lot yet i know he’s a player idk what to do please help me.

Chris Seiter

July 29, 2018 at 1:41 am

Hi Angie!

You really want to put an ex recovery plan in place which you can learn more about in any of my ebooks,my posts here on the site and some of my podcasts. What is important though is your healing and recovery. Make that your first priority.

Josie

May 10, 2018 at 1:00 pm

Hey What if they were still hung up on their ex gf after being with you for a year? Then broke up with you?

Chris Seiter

May 10, 2018 at 4:01 pm

Hi Josie…thanks for stopping by. That is not uncommon, though I know it hurts. It could be a rebound with an ex, thinking they can recapture something, but what guys often forget is that there is a reason their old girlfriend is an ex. Something didn’t click just right. Now, no relationship is going to hit on all cylinders…it takes work and commitment to make relationships successful for the long haul. bet you would benefit from a more directed strategy. Consider a resource I put together called Ex Recovery Pro. It is aimed at helping you in all sorts of ways. You can learn more about it by going to my Menu Section and clicking on the link for “Products”. I am guessing you will find something that fits your needs! Let me know how it goes for you Josie!

Shalini

May 9, 2018 at 3:41 pm

He cheated on me… he repented n said it was first time in life tht he was faltered… I forgived him immediately.. Aftr tht he was jus taking me for granted … I broke up … now I want him bk as it was seven yrs of relationship.., cnt live without him . Wht to do?

Chris Seiter

May 10, 2018 at 1:13 am

Hi Shalini….Have you already picked up my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, right? If not, go check it out as it is of epic length and is aimed at optimizing your chances and figuring out what to do after a breakup (visit website Menu/products link). The positive thing you have going for you is the length of your relationship. It is rare that after 7 years the relationship collapse with not chance of recovery. Roots get laid down and they don’t come up easily. So do yourself a favor and make sure you a Guide in your hand to help you with decisions going forward!
Chris Seiter

May 10, 2018 at 1:22 am

One more thing Shalini…be sure to take some time and create some space so the emotions can die down.
Shalini

May 10, 2018 at 2:50 pm

Chris I made a mistake I called him after 2 days of breakup .. he spoke to me normally… as a frend … n he refused to take me out on sat night as he said he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. M I being too needy ??
Chris Seiter

May 10, 2018 at 3:54 pm

Its OK…everyone makes plenty of mistakes around relationships. I think you should pull back and focus on your self recovery activities.
Chris Seiter

May 10, 2018 at 3:54 pm

Its OK…everyone makes plenty of mistakes around relationships. I think you should pull back and focus on your self recovery activities.

Jess Gallagher

May 6, 2018 at 4:51 pm

My boyfriend messaged another girl and lied I questioned him about this girl who added him he lied I knew it. I then messaged her to find the truth As soon as I told him I messaged her he was angry and then said to me he’s done he can’t cope with the relationship anymore. It took days for me to find out the actual truth about the message during those days he cried told me he was in love with me but he’s having a breakdown etc. Little bits of the story kept coming out until 5 days later I finally found out it wasn’t an add it was a message and got the screen shot. He then became angry at me tried to blame me said he was going to “get” the girl back and then he’s not had any contact with me. I don’t get why he’s broken up with me because he’s cheated.

Chris Seiter

May 6, 2018 at 8:43 pm

Hi Jess… I think he is struggling with guilt and would rather not blame himself for his actions. I think implementing a form of No Contact will do you both good. You have picked up my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, right? If not, go check it out because it is like a Companion Guide that will better your chances acts as a blueprint of the things you should and should not do. You can look into it by visiting my website Menu/Products link.
Jess Gallagher

May 6, 2018 at 8:54 pm

I’m trying to work out if it’s worth it all I mean he did break up with me I have no idea if he regrets it at all I just don’t get how he can cheat but then break up with me and doesn’t want anything else to do with me despite all the crying .. if he loved me that much surely he would want to make things work ?
Chris Seiter

May 6, 2018 at 9:14 pm

Time is the arbitrator in these matters. Just use the time ahead of you wisely. Focus on your recovery and in time, he real intentions and desires will become known.

ayeshaa

April 20, 2018 at 5:25 pm

my boyfriend cheated on me on saturday. we go to the same school but hes moved on and meets his new girl at least once a week. hes been asking me to be friends but i dont want to be friends. is there any way i can get him back? he told me he still loves me but does not feel the relationship but i dont get hows hes moved on so fast if he still loves me. how is that possible? i really love him and i want it to be like old times.

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2018 at 9:09 pm

I am so sorry Ayeshaa that your boyfriend cheated on you. Perhaps the whole thing will turn out to be a rebound. But it is important you experience some healing and focus on your recovery needs. You would benefit by having a plan. Take a look at some of my ebooks on this site as they are designed to do just that. I am thinking No Contact is the first step you want to initiate.
Ayeshaa

April 21, 2018 at 1:56 pm

Thank you Chris for the advice. I have not spoken to him since the break up though he seems so happy. I am in the same social group as him so it’s quite difficult as I get information about his new gf and it juss makes me feel worse. He cheated on me for her and I can’t seem to move on. I’ve been spending time with his mates and he doesn’t really like that as he claims that I am trying to take them away from him but I’m not quite sure if he’s maybe jealous
Chris Seiter

April 22, 2018 at 12:02 am

Yeah…a little jealousy can be useful. But I want you to focus on getting the healing you deserve. You are obviously special in man ways, so remember that and do things for yourself. My Private Support Facebook Group might be of help to and your recovery.

Sarah

February 21, 2018 at 7:56 am

Hi, I bought the texting bible. There is no mention anywhere of a suitable first contact message for me to make after 45 days no contact because he cheated on me as alluded to in the above article. All the sample messages are too ‘kind’ for want if a better word. What do I say? I don’t even know if I want him back but I would like contact to potentially get an explanation or apology. Thanks, Sarah

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2018 at 4:32 pm

Hi Sarag,

Say that.. Say that you just needed to hear why he did it.

Evelyn

February 14, 2018 at 10:15 am

My ex and I dated for 11 months. the first 7 months was wonderful. we made a lot of promises to each other and I was fully committed to us. He’s been uninterested in the relationship recently. Always asking for breaks and taking me for granted.

I met a girl at his apartment recently who he claimed to be a friend but my instincts said otherwise. Two days ago, he promised to come to my house in the evening but cancelled it on me. my friends (lives close to his apartment) called me to come see things for myself. when I got there, I met the same girl ready to sleep. He yelled at me a lot and even asked me to leave cos he had a guest. I broke up with him immediately.
But, I hate the fact that I still love him and want him back even after humiliating me. I miss him a lot. he was a big part of my life. Do you think this relationship is worth saving?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2018 at 2:14 pm

Hi Evelyn,

Only you can answer that.. It depends on your standards

Amy

January 13, 2018 at 6:59 pm

He cheated on me . He was with me for 9years . We broke up in August 2017. During our relationship he was with the other girl as well for 4years. And now he broke up with me and told me off. He continue with the girl. I Tried the no contact rule twice but unable to complete it …first time in November about 4days …second time in November for about 2weeks…this drives him crazy he been calling and texting me non stop and even sending me pictures our favourite things and gifts I gave him . He requested to meet up . He told me he was not happy without me in his life. I told him that he told me off and he didn’t need me in his life anymore . We spoke about the other girl but he has no intention of telling me whether he is breaking off with her. Nevertheless he convey how special and significant I am in his life and he wants to share every single thing with me. I allow him to call me and we went out sometimes. However, I can see at the same time things are getting more serious within him and the other girl . And I am very destruct . I did ask him if is ok we stop contacting each other but he told me he can’t but will respect my decision if I decided to do so. What should I do now? Does he still likes me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2018 at 11:59 am

Hi Amy,

if you’re really important to him, he wouldn’t have cheated or continue cheating on you..

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1,054 thoughts on “He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?”