How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back if HE Cheated On You- Advice & Help

1,053 thoughts on “He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?”

Kelsey

April 5, 2017 at 6:05 pm

Was with my boyfriend for a little over 7 years and we had broken up around Christmas. The reason for the break up was me finding out he was having an emotional affair that started becoming sexual (sexting, sending naked pictures etc). The past year was a bad year for me emotionally and I had to focus on rebuilding myself and my confidence as an individual. Because of this I had become withdrawn from him and things in my life, this is the reason he claims he turned to the other girl and started cheating (because he no longer felt important to me and that I had put my phone, work and my family ahead of him). Anyways we broke up and had a huge fight at the time where we became physical (i smacked him and threw some things at him). At the time we were still living together and had to continue living together. I attempted to kick him out a couple times which led to bigger fights. During this time he was still in contact with the other girl, continued seeing the other girl and wasn’t really sorry for cheating on me. Fast forward to the middle of February. In that month and a half I had tried giving him exactly what he wanted, however didn’t make a difference of course and he began being more forward and open with seeing and doing things with this other girl. I had Kept trying to talk to him and work things out, this only made him angrier and was pushing him away. Middle of February was all I could handle living with him and I moved out and took all of our animals with us. He became angry and wanted the cats back (claimed he would try and work on things however still would not get rid of the other girl and stated if I didn’t let him have the cats he would never want to see me again.) Within tHe next week he had to move out of the house we were living in and since then she has been in his life, literally replacing me. I have attempted the no contact since I have moved out however it never stuck for more than a week. We were fighting every day and not getting anywhere yet he has continued to have her in his life. He claims he doesn’t know if he wants to be with her (she has a child) and hasn’t stated that he is dating her and with how quickly she replaced me I feel she may be a rebound or he is using her since she is giving him everything he wants without the commitment. I have restarted the NC after we have finally had some of our belongings sorted and exchanged. The most recent time he didn’t want me being anywhere close to him, preferred to mail things to each other. He hasn’t blocked me however he has unfriended me on social media. We were very much in love, were talking about marriage and moving forward with each other. Is there any way things between us can be fixed when she is still in his life and he doesn’t want to let her go. He didn’t want to let her go for us to fix our relationship before I founded out he was cheating sonthat was my clue he was cheating. Have i traveled to far past the point of no return? This last time we talked he stated he still loves me and misses me and always will however he hasn’t shown any desire to be with me. Will her being in his life prevent him from wanting to come back?

Kelsey

April 9, 2017 at 9:56 am

Amor,

I have started NC and have plans to never talk to him again about her, ever. I am now 5 days in and how can he see that I am moving on via posts if he isn’t my friend on Facebook? We do have mutual friends on Facebook however no one that actually talks to both of us or even sees both of us. He can’t see anything on my Facebook other than when i update a profile picture.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2017 at 5:27 pm

that’s ok..just keep posting and make them public..so that he has posts to see of he gets curious now or while building rapport
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 7, 2017 at 1:47 pm

It’s not yet too late but you have to stop talking to him about the other girl, and to start looking like you’re moving on through your posts.. Be active in improving yourself..

Anna

March 31, 2017 at 9:02 pm

Hello! A month ago (after 5 perfect months together) I felt that something strange is happening with our relationship. I pushed him to tell me the problem and he said that he’s missing something, maybe he needs some time. I decided to do it but at the same time I was annoying and clingy. I suspected that he is texting someone and as I was very angry I went to his place to take all my stuff. We talked and of course he told me that there is no one else. 1 week after it he was officially in a relationship with some girl on Facebook for about one month (which means overlapping). The day that their “relationship” started was before our first conversation. So my question is – should I try to get him back or just to forget about him after all the lies?

Anna

April 3, 2017 at 5:39 pm

I definitely want him back but at the same time I’m very hurt. Anyways, it’s day 15 on the NC. I don’t have problems with it, but he hasn’t contacted me at all! Is this a bad sign? I know that now he is on the honeymoon stage, but is it possible that this ignore is because he hates me or he forgot about me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 3:18 pm

No, it’s ok if he doesn’t contact you.. What’s more important is that you heal and improve during and after nc.. check this one:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2017 at 2:50 pm

Hi Anna

that depends on you.. on your standards if you still want to give him a chance or to move on

Carin

March 29, 2017 at 11:08 pm

With boyfriend for 4 years. We still had a great friendship and physical connection. He was talking about marrying me earlier this year. We both have issues though which put a strain on our relationship. I’m in therapy. He was saying he needed to do therapy. Sometimes after a fight he would leave and not talk to me for days or even a week or two. I would always chase him, and he would come back. One time that pattern was different – last year he took a break, I did not chase him, and he really chased me instead.

Nearly 4 weeks ago he walked away after a minor fight but it was on his birthday. The next day I found out (TMI) that he was getting involved with a seedier part of life. I messaged him a kind, brief message to basically say: I knew what was going on with him, that I had therapy work to do, but he needed to do therapy as well if he wanted a relationship to work out. I also said that he was hard on me at times and withdrawing was cruel to me. He replied immediately to say it was no surprise to him that I had figured out what was going on. That was all he said and I did not reply.

That was 4 weeks ago. I have made no contact at all since then but he has not contacted me either. Now I am not chasing him, it seems he’s letting us go then? He is very handsome and charismatic and gets lots of other attention.

I was doing OK and working on myself but I am starting to feel heartbroken. I thought he would contact me after a few weeks. I guess I gave him a mild ultimatum? Do you think he will contact me?

Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 30, 2017 at 5:26 pm

hi Carin,

you can initiate contact after nc.. but if it was not focused in improving yourself and in posting in social media, you have to restart the count

Miss him

March 22, 2017 at 10:58 pm

I did all the wrong things to get him back. Drove by, snooped through his house when I was over, screamed at the new girlfriend, told his mom and dad about what he was doing as well as talked about it to a lot of others. 🙁 is there still hope to get him,back? We fought a lot because he was cheating and I shut down

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 5:41 pm

Hi Miss him,

yes, try no contact and genuinely change..

Sarah

March 22, 2017 at 2:09 pm

After dating someone for 7 months I find out he cheated on me with someone else. After them knowing each other for 4
months he moved a few things into her house. It has now been 5-6 months of them being together and are now listed as
in a relationship on Facebook. They recently went away together. I have done the no contact rule for the full 30 days and in that time I have lost 25lbs and have
made myself a better person. I got to the 7th day of the texting and seemed like things were going pretty well. Ever
since he got back from vacation with her, he has iniciated the first message but they are just vague ones. He has called
me by my nickname that he used to call me when we were together 3 times so far. Is he even a little interested and do
I still have any hope at getting him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 22, 2017 at 3:25 pm

Hi Sarah,

don’t rush.. It will take time, he’s still with her. You have to keep building rapport to the point that he will want to be with you rather than the other girl because you’re the better option and because he will lose you if he doesn’t. So, you have to keep being active in your activities and in going out too.

Clover

March 19, 2017 at 2:17 am

Hi. I have been dating this guy for 8 months. We really in love and last january i have to go back to my country for a month. He said he can wait and told me to enjoy my vacation. Everything is good so far until suddenly he didn’t text me or if he did it’s not like he want to text with me. He broke up with me on valentine But, 2 days before he broke up with me he called me and said that he really love me. I told him why? He just said he didn’t love me anymore and want to blocked all my contact. After a week i went to his country and talked with him, can we made up and everything is okay. But! Again after he said he love me i lost his contact for a week And last week i just know that he cheated on me with my coworker. It’s really hurt but i want him back. I want him back because after a month i still have the same feeling. And we can be a better person after this. I think the reason he cheated on me because he need “sex” since for a month the one that i could gave him is sex phone.
I begged him and cry. After what have i done can i get him back after 30 days NC rule??? Even if he was a person who will not back to his ex?like what he said??

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 24, 2017 at 8:06 am

Hi Clover

there’s no guarantee that it will work..it can only help increase your chances.. it’s better to do it,.improve yourself and heal than to chase him

Sarah

March 18, 2017 at 5:48 pm

So I was with this guy for 7 months all to find out for someone else. I did the no contact rule
for the full 30 days and in that time I made myself more attractive physically, mentally and emotionally. I have
tried the first contact and that went alright. I got up to the 7th day and things seemed pretty good. He was slowly
becoming attracted to me again which made me excited. I find out the other day that he went away with the chick he
cheated on me with and he has been with her for 5-6 months now. He contacted me the other day when he got back and we
started chatting but he wasn’t being very nice. Today he has looked to see if I messaged but have not and I don’t intend
to. He has also requested me to play a game with him today as well. He said she was just a friend and his fb status still
says he is single. Is he still into me and just had a bad day? or is he losing interest? Im not sure what to do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 22, 2017 at 3:26 pm

Hi Sarah,

don’t rush.. It will take time, he’s still with her. You have to keep building rapport to the point that he will want to be with you rather than the other girl because you’re the better option and because he will lose you if he doesn’t. So, you have to keep being active in your activities and in going out too.

Sam

March 17, 2017 at 10:45 am

Hi
My husband of 28 yrs cheated on me with a girl at work. She is 15 yrs younger and never been married or has children. She is 36 and my husband and I are 50. She is covered in tattoos and piercings which he hates normally. He left to be with her in Dec 2014 but has come home 8 times but left within weeks to be with her. When he is with her he constantly says he wants to come home but difficult cuz he works with her and can’t just walk away after 2.5 yrs with her. Managed walk away from 28yrs and 2 kids and a mortgage though. He last came home 6 wks ago but has since gone. He kept saying I had nothing to worry about but I came home from work last week to find he had gone. He says she is now only a friend and that he has his own place so that he can have the kids every other weekend. He wants a divorce as she says he was never going get a divorce or sell the house. Sell house over my dead body! I believe he is having a midlife crisis but while he still works with her I am unable to gain my husband. I was amicable and offered him furniture to which he agreed and even said to the children mum and I will be speaking and texting etc but when I sent him some pics of furniture he sent a nasty email saying he needed this time and to stop Thisbe or will get a harassment order. I have ceased all contact. I don’t know where he is living. He now states wants divorce which he has said before but then done nothing about it so this time I have took the bull by the horns and applied myself. I see no other option now. He says his head is a shed and he wants to be able to do what he likes, when he likes and how he likes. As for the lying! Nothing is the truth that comes from his mouth. Do I love my husband? With all my heart, do I want him? Yes but I can’t see how to woo him back. I think end of the road for my marriage. Any ideas?
Thanks
Sam

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2017 at 4:10 pm

Hi Sam,

Try the advice above and check this one too:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

Dakota

March 10, 2017 at 4:53 am

Hi. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 9 years 5 days ago. He cheated on me and confessed to me when I asked him why he hasn’t proposed to me yet. He cried and apologized. He told me he loves me from the bottom of his heart and he was so stupid.

I didn’t know anything about No Contact rule before because I never been in the situation, but my pride and dignity told me that I can’t let him have control over me. So I told him that until he clears all the mess he created, NEVER EVER contacted me again. I also showed him that I blocked him in Facebook and instant message app. He still has phone, iMessage and he knows where I live so it shouldn’t be a problem if he really wants to contact me again.

Then I dumped him. I told him that he is free to do whatever he wants, but if he wants me back in his life then do something.

He has to go to work in foreign country for 45 days on the day we broke up, so he asked me to wait for 45 days when he comes back. I told him, fine but don’t contact me during that time at all. I need time for myself too.

So, my case is a little bit different. I am the one who force him not to contact me for 45 days. I don’t regret what I asked him, but deep inside, I am so scared that he would forget me and move on without me.

I know he cheated and it was awful, but when we broke up he seemed so sad and weak. It’s his first time and we had been together for 9 years. If he is willing to make thing right, I will give him second chance and he acknowledged it.

I am devastated because it has been just 5 days. I can do nothing except really believe that NC rule works.

Sarah

March 18, 2017 at 6:13 pm

So I was with this guy for 7 months all to find out for someone else. I did the no contact rule
for the full 30 days and in that time I made myself more attractive physically, mentally and emotionally. I have
tried the first contact and that went alright. I got up to the 7th day and things seemed pretty good. He was slowly
becoming attracted to me again which made me excited. I find out the other day that he went away with the chick he
cheated on me with and he has been with her for 5-6 months now. He contacted me the other day when he got back and we
started chatting but he wasn’t being very nice. Today he has looked to see if I messaged but have not and I don’t intend
to. He has also requested me to play a game with him today as well. He said she was just a friend and his fb status still
says he is single. Is he still into me and just had a bad day? or is he losing interest? Im not sure what to do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 22, 2017 at 8:11 pm

Hi,

dont rush at trying to get him back.. it will not take just a week to get him back..that’s why you need to implement the being there method and to keep improving yourself for him to think you’re the better choice but at the same time not be too available for him to think he will lose you if he doesn’t man up
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 9:20 am

Hi Dakota,

I believe it will work, since it’s his first time..be active for yourself during nc..

Mary

February 17, 2017 at 5:12 pm

I was dating my boyfriend for 8 months he asked for some space so I gave him his space bc I love him and I wanted to respect his need of space recently I logged in his social media and he was talking to his friend about how he slept with some girl…I was torn I called him crying and how this wasn’t fair he said I deserve someone better but as much as I love him I can’t let him go idk what to do now….

Jen

February 20, 2017 at 3:04 pm

I’m in the same mess.. but we didn’t call the break and he left to another country for almost a month and when he came back he’s the one who told me he slept with another girl.. also saying I deserve better… and I still want him in my life
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2017 at 7:53 pm

Hi Jen
do you want to try the no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2017 at 9:17 pm

Hi Mary,

do you want to try the advice above?

Michelle

February 17, 2017 at 12:19 am

I was in a 5 yr relationship and engaged, for the past 2 years in went downhill after I caught him cheating. I never forgave him and we continued to be together but it was constant arguing and bickering. In January i told him we might need a break from each other which he agreed to and now 3 weeks later he tells me he’s not happy and that he’s talking to someone else. What should I do? I’m devastated

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2017 at 1:47 pm

Hi Michele,

2 years of being like that would really take a toll on the relationship.. right now, do you want to try the no contact rule and focus in healing and improving yourself?

Nicole

February 14, 2017 at 10:22 pm

Exactly 30 days ago (1/14/17) I found out my boyfriend of 6 months was cheating on me. I showed up unannounced to his house, to leave a note (which we commonly did for each other) after he said he had a work emergency, because I was in the area, and he’d cancelled on me meeting up with his sister to celebrate her birthday. We both worked a lot and I trusted he was telling me the truth. No I didn’t catch them sleeping together, I saw another girl’s car in his driveway and the blinds were drawn while she sat on his couch with him, so putting 2 and 2 together. I confronted him that night and he couldn’t muster a word, he just simply closed the door in my face. That night I blocked him on everything (Snap, FB, text, etc.), but instantly regretted and eventually unblocked him. I didn’t friend him again. The next morning I’d texted him for my stuff to pick up from his house, which I had my sister get. Some of it I got back, but he said he threw out the rest (I’m pretty sure he said that to get a rise out of me). I came across your site when I was at my lowest and implemented the 45 day NC rule. But he has yet to reach out to me even to apologize. In the past when we had a disagreement, I’d have to be the first one to speak because he rather avoid confrontation.

Our relationship progressed rather quickly. Within the 6 months, I spent half my time at his place and vice versa. I even had a toothbrush and personal items, which he insisted on leaving at his place. We didn’t make it Facebook official, nor did either of us talk about or delete our online dating profiles. I always assumed it was a non existent issue, I didn’t use them after he asked to be exclusive. I’m 28 and he’s 32, he often joked about eloping and getting married. He constantly talked about how I was good influence on his life and even introduced me to his family before we were even official. He planned long romantic weekends and wanted me accompany him on his sports trips with his buddies. He always introduced me as his girlfriend, wanted me to meet his friends, and was the proud boyfriend, talking about my accomplishments. I did tell him I loved him first, but he said it back and even asked why didn’t I say something sooner.

The whole cheating came as such a shock to me because I thought we were in a good place. Now I find myself second guessing other moments and the trust is tarnished. I want him in my life, right now just as a friend, and maybe one day romantically, because despite the cheating he was becoming one of my best friends. It’s tough because I feel like that night I lost my boyfriend and best friend.

Nicole

February 15, 2017 at 12:04 am

f you would have asked me 30 days ago, absolutely not. After the first 30 days I feel that I have/could forgive him if this is an isolated incident. I think his lack of response is what’s throwing me. He hasn’t attempted to apologize and we haven’t spoken, there’s a lot of pieces I feel I’m missing.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2017 at 5:47 pm

maybe when rapport has been built, when he feels more comfortable, he would apologize or it would be easier to bring up how hurt you were before without sounding bitter.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 10:37 pm

Hi Nicole,

if it’s just being a friend, start talking again.. but have you forgiven him? Because you cant really say somebody is your friend if you dont trust them

Marie

February 14, 2017 at 6:28 pm

I purchased The Texting Bible hoping to find out what to text a cheating ex at the end of a 30-day NC period. There wasn’t a single thing about how to end an NC period with an ex that cheated. I’m twenty days in, and I’ve gotten four texts– the last one expressing remorse. “I’m so sorry for hurting you. I wouldn’t talk to me either. I hope one day you can forgive me. Bye.” I don’t know how to handle the “Bye,” and it’s destroying me. Is he trying to guilt me into texting him back? Is he moving on? Either way, how do you recommend texting him when the NC period is over?

Marie

February 15, 2017 at 10:48 pm

What do you and Chris suggest for a first contact on a cheating ex? The same as you would recommend for any other ex? Something interesting and upbeat?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2017 at 1:39 pm

not really, especially with yours that you’re going to squeeze in saying you have forgiven him.. for example, if it was me and my bf likes bikes, Id say:

I passed by the motorshow earlier, checked the new models arriving this year, and it includes the one you said that were only available abroad. Thought of you after a long time, how are you? and thought you should know too that it’s water under the bridge.. do you think they allow installment pay for those models?

something like that..
Marie

February 15, 2017 at 5:15 am

I have, but I haven’t told him so. Should that be my first text at 30 days? Or what do you recommend?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2017 at 7:12 pm

yeah, you can start with that but don’t make it the main topic.. squeeze it in one text with the main topic..
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 9:38 pm

Hi Marie,
have you forgiven him?

Aashi

February 13, 2017 at 11:12 am

Hello
I had a break up with my bf 15 days ago. He was always dominating in our relationship. We were in tgis relationship for 8 months and it was our first relationship. Few days ago I came to know that he was cheating on me with one of our mutual bestfriend who already have a bf. from last two months our relationship was not going well during which he started dating other girl. From the day of break up i didn’t tried to contact him and deleted his number too. All of three study in the same institution but we just dont talk to each other anymore. I think he is not even serious for the girl he is in relationship with. What are the chances of getting him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 3:36 pm

Hi Aashi,

it’s a good chance that they wont work but with you and him, it depends more if he will see you better than her and better than who you were before

Ines Ava

February 10, 2017 at 12:08 am

hello, thank you for this article. my ex bf cheated on me, i found out a month ago and left right away without any confrontation. because he kept denying everything. i gave up and just walked away. he tried to text and call for about a week, i blocked him and only sent one text right after to leave me alone and never call me again. so now its been a month almost that we haven’t spoken. he has not texted me after i told him to leave me alone. i do not want to reach out to him at all. i am just wondering is he over me or is it his ego? i wonder if he is suffering at all or he does not care. also does he respect me because i have not called?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2017 at 4:57 pm

Hi Ines,

It’s hard to answer all of that. There can be more respect because you chose to walk away but it will also depend on how you lived life after that and how you will be if you ever get to talking again.. Because, he might have just stopped trying because he knows you don’t want to talk, but once he sees you’re not angry anymore, he will also guage how you still think about him, how you will react.. If you don’t chase, and if he wants to get back together,.then that’s your chance of implying that he has to earn your trust..but if you make things easy for him, then even if you went silent, he will still think you haven’t changed

keisha

February 3, 2017 at 10:58 pm

We were in a relationship for 6 months. I found out he was cheating on me with his ex and never deleted his dating profile. He said he loved me and his ex and wanted to date us both. I told him I refuse to share a man. He dumped and wanted to be friends. I said no. He calls me the same day he dumps me and acted like nothing happen. I ended the call quickly. Two days later I asked if he was sure he wanted us to be over. He said he missed me and never answered question. I love him so much and want what we had back. Is NC even worth it?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 4, 2017 at 12:10 pm

Hi Keisha,

The other options is to move on or to chase, which we dont advise of course.. So, think about it first..

kowalinska

February 1, 2017 at 11:18 pm

Hello, I made a mistake to texts and I don’t know if there is still a chance to get him back. We met on internet, I wasn’t attracted because his physique was atypical but he was passionate, well raised and nice.He proposed a coffee, why not. But when I saw him I felt something strong, I was surprised, I went not motivated and there I have a guy who is not my type of guy and I liked.We shared so much that time passed too fast, so the restaurant and even after dinner we were in no hurry to leave.It brings me back, and 2 minutes after texts if I think we will have other parties like this. Wow it makes you want. In spite of our jobs we begin to exchange texts and it is motivated even in a meeting.It is even better, a quiet and romantic place to discuss. And this time he kisses me on leaving, 2 minutes after a text message if it was not too daring. There I start to fall for him, not beautiful but Passionate, caring. The next day the textos is more intimate but never sexual, In the evening we speak on the phone and we are made to understand that we have desire. But the next day is his day with his son so we are adults. But in the evening he texts his son spends an evening with his ex. Do I agree to see it, as at home it is small etc, I agree to come to him. He is proud of his apartment, the photos of his son, but ends up with a very intense and passionate sexual relationship. It brings me home because I work in the morning and I understand that there is a trick. He does not send me the famous texts, the day of his birthday, I try to remain calm but he does not answer. Not give up and send a text message, it does not have the feeling. I’m shocked, he refuses to talk to me, I’m 45 and I know when things are missing but there? I sent text messages saying that he was mistaken and that we could be good together if he gave us some time, After 3 days I sent him a text message that I accept his decision, I wished him good. Worse I told him that if he wanted more suporters on his arrival during the marathons, I would like to be in. He does not answer, I can see on the internet that he spends time on the dating site. Is there a chance to make him at least want to talk to me, it’s been a long time since I have not had this kind of connection with a man and I’m not talking about sex

Cassandra

February 12, 2017 at 6:23 pm

Is this guy in Charlotte, NC? This sounds identical to a man I’ve been texting with.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 6:31 pm

Hi Kowalinska,

honestly, it looks like all he wants was sex.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

Chinki

February 1, 2017 at 6:14 pm

Hi

Me & my bf were in a relation from 9 or 10 months. He is very smart, charming and athletic. But d problem is dat he is a big time flirt. He flirts with every girl he looks at. I knew it frm d start but honestly i never noticed him doing it. We also had sex twice after 3 months of our relationship. But from last month, i m noticing his flirting. And i m hurt like hell. I had a fight wid him twice too. Because he stopped talking to me coz he is after someone else.
Now again he is after a girl. He flirts with her daily and she is responding positively by being there daily at d same time when my bf leaves for work. I saw dem… And i was hurt by seeing all dat right in front of my eyes but somehow they didn’t saw me.
Today i encountered him directly and asked him about it and he said shamelessly dat he is flirting and will keep doing it. I was so angry and hurt dat i slammed d door and left. He knws m hurt but he doesn’t care. He was laughing and he is so bloody shameless. I keep on crying coz i love him too much.
We live in d same area and i can see both of dem flirting and its really killing me inside. Its their daily routine. I cant ignore dem and cant get dem out of my mind. Its impossible. The only thing i did right (bfore reading dis) was i left in anger. If i implement nc right now for 45 days, will he realise anything? What should i do.?? Please suggest. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 4:42 pm

Hi Chinki,

there’s no guarantee that it will work but it’s better to do it and focus in improving yourself rather than chase him

Ivan

January 24, 2017 at 7:53 am

i’m in dilemma, I have two women who I love. It’s very difficult for me to make a choice. My first choice was sentimental, I feel comfortable with her and feel compatible. While the second my girlfriend is challenging, Every day I would quarrel with her because of disagreements with all aspects but I’m very passionate with her. We often have sex and after that we will be fighting as a daily routine. I really love both of them. I’m confused by my own feelings.

Kate

January 31, 2017 at 7:14 pm

He spent with me a month and a half, then went back home. I suppose he assured her he is coming back soon, because she said to let her know so they try to meet up…
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2017 at 11:33 am

Hi Kate,
did you use a different email add? or is this a first comment?
Kate

January 30, 2017 at 10:10 pm

Hi, first thank you for the wonderful website!
My boyfriend and I were together for 4 years in a long distance relationship, however 2 weeks ago (when we were in the same city) i found he sent several “too friendly” messages to another woman (he talked about his trip, sent her pictures, seemed very happy when she responded and assured her he was coming home very soon). When I confronted him about it he just said I am being paranoid and crazy. The conversation became a really big fight, old problems were brought up and eventually I kicked him out telling him to never contact me again. he left and since then I haven’t heard from him. I have no intention of contacting him any time soon, however I feel like I was too harsh on him. Truth is I am not sure to what extent the new relationship has been formed. Am I being paranoid for real, what do u think?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2017 at 3:00 pm

Hi Kate,

why did he assure her he was coming home?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 9:20 am

Hi Ivan,

what are your non negotiables and who meets them?

Rowena

January 19, 2017 at 1:28 am

It’s been more than 1.5 years since we broke up with my ex boyfriend. I was suspicious that he was cheating on me, he denied it, we broke up quite dramatically, but later we started talking again. Sometimes he answers me just politely, sometimes he starts talking in a sweet and flirting way, lately he seems to be just talking out of politeness. Maybe he has someone in his life, I don’t know. I truly want him back, and I don’t know what to do. His birthday is coming and I will text him, but how can I intrigue him again How can I show him that I’ve changed, especially on essential topics and the way I think about relations and about him?

Thank you!

Rowena

April 10, 2017 at 1:53 pm

Hi Amor!

First of all, a big thank you for your patient answers, and of course to Chris for these amazing tips and ideas. They work 😀 I can’t say that I got my ex back, but at least we met (finally!)

However, I’m still in doubt. I don’t want to think too much of it because it can be due to many reasons, but after we met he first wrote me a message saying it was nice to see me etc. And I said you too but -in the flow of conversation- said that he didn’t deserve more sweetness from me, which he accepted too. He was a bit distant -which is actually reasonable, since we haven’t seen each other for more than a year- and he never used to be so touchy anyway. But since yesterday he didn’t say anything, no message or no word of another meeting. I told him “next time organize better” because he couldn’t really organize this meeting well. I don’t know what to do. I will wait for him to do something I guess. Or should I try to talk to him warmly? I think he is intimidated by me, and I can’t be sure if I should encourage him more.

Thank you again! Have a great day 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 8:46 pm

you should initiate, and continue building rapport through texts.
Rowena

March 22, 2017 at 12:36 pm

Hi Amor!

I’m now starting to believe maybe he is actually clueless. Because this is crazy. After all those romantic talks, him speaking of the past without me asking, explaining to me about things I was doubtful etc. how can he still not want to meet?

After that last talk I wrote here, he still contacted me two days later “good morning, you don’t think of me anymore”. And I said “Well I only know you from photos, so it’s normal, right?” in a joking way. He wrote some more on sunday, sent me selfies etc and I cut it short because really, it’s annoying. And yesterday he wrote these: Good morning (kiss emoji) If I don’t look for you… You have a lot of lovers.” I laughed and said “it seems Italian men like me”. And he said “It seems so ahah you are always busy and always with someone. Have fun, I will not disturb you anymore ahah” Then I laughed and said “As you wish cutie (kiss emoji)”. Then he said “Eh anyway you don’t look for me at all, obviously you have things to do. It’s pointless that I write if you don’t want it, byee (kiss emoji)”. Like, really? You are the one who’s not meeting!! So I said laughingly “I’m still waiting for you to call to speak”, and he said “Eh, Just like I’m waiting for you to look for me”, and I wrote “Eh, maybe I got bored of messagging.” He said “I’m doubtful”, I asked “Of what?” but he didn’t say anything. Then I called him, but he couldn’t be reached. I don’t know if he got a message or not.

I really can’t understand this.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 3:05 pm

he’s trying to get you to chase by conveying that he’s pulling away… rest for a few days from replying and initiating.. let him wonder
Rowena

March 15, 2017 at 11:55 pm

Hi Amor,

Yesterday I was thinking of writing a review here saying how miraculously worked the tide theory and what I learned from here. They worked, I managed to build communication from basically zero!

However, my ex is an unsolveable person that is plain ridiculous. He had asked me to meet when he would return from his hometown, which as yesterday, but there was no word of a meeting. But he was writing me everyday, there was a sexual tension, we had a deep talk about feelings and he even talked about past, without me asking, he said “maybe I made mistakes… I didn’t behave as you wanted… That didn’t happen maybe because of me…” etc. So everything seemed to be fine. But then something happened. Yesterday it was fine, he was normal, we kept sending each other photos from our day, then he said “but later I want a cute photo from you, not food, sweets or your name written” and I said “I already sent you enough” and he was like “uff ahah” still sending me kisses. Then I said I liked it when he says my name and he said “Next time I will say it live, whispering in your ear”, and I said “we will see” playfully you know. Then there was nothing until today and I wrote him ” Hey, I have time for a coffee on saturday, let me know until tomorrow if you are free or I will make other plans” and I sent a kiss. He said “but on saturday at 5 my parents are coming to see a house I’m buying” and I said something like “We’ll turn home by 5” and he didn’t get it, so I said “I can’t write now, can you call me later?”. He said of course, but nothing. Then at 22.47 I wrote him “I’m available call me anytime” with a wink. At first the message didn’t arrive to him, then he wrote “I’m in bed now ahaha I will sleep soon”. Is this a joke? I’m just out of words really… But, funny thing is, an hour after he said this he was still online! He kept going online for an hour as if talking to someone. It seems to me that I boosted his self-confidence with these messaging and now he’s using it to flirt with others. It’s impossible to keep sane in this situation, really 😀 ahahah please help me!
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 4:36 pm

just dont open up a meet up again in the few days…let him do it
Rowena

March 5, 2017 at 11:25 pm

Oh, another important point!

Last weekend, I sent him a photo of a lunch by seaside, and at first he joked “Oh a romantic lunch?”, I didn’t say anything, and he was annoyed and said “Your boyfriend?” I said, “a friend, why do you care?” and I goaded him a little bit, but he was clearly annoyed. Then two days later he wrote me first, saying “already you don’t think about me anymore” (See how often he says that? Why?”

Then, a few days ago, we were talking about the relationship of a common friend. And I said that they looked sweet although I didn’t want a relationship. He was very interested, kept asking me what I meant. And I said I didn’t want it because first I didn’t have time now, and second it was more fun this way. And he was like “well of course you have a lot of male friends enjoying yourself…” I again goaded him a bit, and he said “you’re young and beautiful, enjoy yourself, you’re doing well” but he was quite annoyed with all that, because after that all his answers were one liners 😀

In the light of this, the recent messaging tragedy becomes different?

Thank you a lot! <3
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 9, 2017 at 11:23 am

Dont go overboard on teasing him.. because for example, sending him a private message of you eating with someone and then asking why does he care is contradictive. For him, why did you even private message that photo in the first place? Just to make him feel bad? It’s different if it’s a public post or if you said, “Oh, just with a friend. Fantastic sunset right? Sometimes I wonder why I don’t notice that in my own window. Do you notice that sunset from your place?”. That way, it looks like you’re really talking about the sunset but of course he would think about who you’re with and he knows you’re only talking about the sunset, not really trying to make him jealous.It’s ok to be a little playful, but its different if you look like you’re doing it on purpose.. You can initiate again or rest a few days if you want..
Rowena

March 5, 2017 at 11:04 pm

Hi Amor!

Time for some update and questions 🙁

For the last two weeks everything was fine. We were openly flirting, he was clearly interested, writing me all the time even when I didn’t text him and was even sending me good morning texts. Finally yesterday he asked me to meet when he came back from his hometown, and I said okay. Then he told me that he was going 3 days later and was coming back in 10 days. I said, so we will talk in two weeks, byee. And he said, “no we will meet in a week, don’t you want to talk to me anymore?” I was being playfully vague, “well who knows maybe I won’t be here” etc. Anyway, this morning, when he didn’t say anything, I wrote him a message, and he sent a good morning with a kiss and said “you don’t think about me anymore”, and I wanted to joke and said “yeah, I sent this message to you by mistake” and he didn’t say anything. Afterwards I sent a facepalm gif, he didn’t say anything to that either. It was an obvious joke but I now realize he took it seriously, like I really made a mistake in sending the message to him. That’s so stupid but he’s also too proud, I know it. And he’s been telling me “only for me, photo only for me, I don’t want you to show your dance to anyone else” etc. in a possessive way. So, yeah. I feel like I shot myself in the heel in the last meters of the race 😀 What do you think I should do? Wait until he talks to me?
Rowena

February 18, 2017 at 2:58 pm

Hahhaha 😀 Well, I was hopeful of course but to be honest I was not really expecting this much; especially after 1.5 years, and his apparent lack of interest.
After the selfie, we talked a bit more; me in a casual, carefree attitude. Then in the morning he sent me a good morning text with a kiss. Then I reminded him of a funny dialogue from a morning when he made coffee for me, but he either really didn’t get it or he didn’t want to say it, I don’t know. He responded with something else, so I said okay I’m gonna go see you later. Do you think it’s going fine for now? It seems like he doesn’t want to lose contact (or lose me) but for some reason he’s holding back. I don’t know.

Thanks a lot for all the suggestions! I will let you know of the updates 😀 <3
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2017 at 6:21 pm

Yes, it’s is.. Just take it as building more rapport and building more memories before really making it official.
Rowena

February 16, 2017 at 10:59 pm

Yeah, he just responded, 2 hours later. He sent a selfie, without saying anything else.

I think he is trying to drive us all crazy 😀
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2017 at 1:40 pm

hahahaha! at least he replies, that’s great
Rowena

February 16, 2017 at 9:06 pm

Hello 🙁

After he didn’t say anything yesterday, I wrote him today, and said “That selfie was of a bored man, I would like another one” and I added a cheeky second message like nudes work too :p. He was online went I sent him the first message, then he kept coming online but he didn’t answer. Did I blow it, what do you think? Or maybe he was talking to some other woman, who knows…
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2017 at 9:51 pm

maybe he’s just really busy at that time.. let’s wait first.
Rowena

February 16, 2017 at 12:51 am

Hello Amor,

I am super happy right now, because I guess we are starting to reap what we sow!
A quick update, I listened to your advice, and didn’t text him for 3 days. But I learned a surprise today! One day after I last texted him and he wasn’t really interested, my phone got broken, and I was without a phone for a day. Then I started using another phone, so I couldn’t see if I received any messages that day. Turns out, he had sent me a selfie on that day! But since I didn’t see it, I didn’t answer it. Two days after his selfie, I wrote him on another subject, and he answered quite fast and nice, and I finished the conversation on a high note. The next day I wrote him again, a quick talk and stop. Then I didn’t write for one day. Today I was again trying to talk about his favourite subject of football but he wasn’t really keen to talk. I had to prod him to get answers. Then I saw that he had sent me selfie! So I sent him a voice note explaining the situation and saying sorry that I didn’t answer him. The conversation didn’t go anywhere though. Do you think it’s time to suggest a very casual occasion to see each other? Like, a visit to where he works with the children I work with, because they really want to see? Or is it too soon and straightforward now? But that selfie is a big thing, I couldn’t believe he sent it! 😀

Thank you very much again! <3 <3
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2017 at 6:40 pm

too soon.. keep building, transition to calls next if you want..
Rowena

February 8, 2017 at 4:03 pm

Hello Again,

The next day after the my messages about a dream, he wrote me a message out of blue, giving me his new number because the old number is for his work now. Then I sent him a pic of me traveling, we had a small fun chat and that was it. The next day I wrote him good morning with another pic of me traveling and he answered immediately but that’s all. The next day I wrote hey how are you, and he immediately answered that too, we had a casual chat about the cities I’ve been to and that was it. I didn’t write him for one day and today, I started telling him a funny story but he wasn’t interested. He asked me a question half an hour later about a small part in the story but didn’t ask for the rest, and he was online for a while when he didn’t answer me. I felt like it was going well last week, especially when he gave me his number but now it’s like not working. It’s running away from him that attracts his attention but how can I run away when I’m not even near?? 😀
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2017 at 6:01 pm

space creates desire.. but if it becomes a pattern, of course he will notice it.. So, that means, when you rest, let’s say for a day, make the next rest 2 days, and then the next just one but most importantly, work on your topics, how you say them and your activities. Do not stop living your own life and in posting in social media.. If something you do gets him curious, that’s better.
Rowena

February 3, 2017 at 6:36 pm

Hi Amor!

We’ve been talking every day since, in the natural course of the subject I managed to tell him how my experiences at work changed me. He didn’t answer for a few hours then he suddenly wrote good for you, i just finished working but I will do double etc. And we talked a bit more. Then yesterday I sent only a funny pic and he responded immediately but nothing else. And today I wrote that I saw him in my dream. He asked what was it, and I said it was action, and then we were at his house, and that I couldn’t tell all but I had never seen that side of him. And he didn’t respond. He wasn’t online all day either, but then I saw him online for a second in the evening but no answer. Should I still continue writing everyday or should I wait for him to write?

Geez this is becoming crazy! 😀
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 9:07 pm

you should rest..I think.It’s starting to become boring
Rowena

January 30, 2017 at 3:10 pm

You’re lovely, thank you!

(I just hope I’m not making a huge fool of myself :))
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2017 at 3:32 pm

just dont overtext.. and keep improving yourself
Rowena

January 29, 2017 at 10:38 pm

Hi again!

I sent him a message with a funny picture on his birthday, he was happy and we talked for a while. Then I said I needed to go because my climbing lesson was about to start (a new thing), and finished the conversation. The next day I sent him a video of myself with a toy he used to like a lot, I said it reminded me of him singing a song about it. He sent a voice message like “greeat eheh” and that was it. I skipped a day, and today I wrote him about his favourite group’s concert. He told me about other concerts he has been and will go to. And I, being as nervous as I was, talked a lot about those concerts and he didn’t answer them. So after half an hour I said “Anyway I like your music taste, let me know if there are good concerts bye” and he was like okay byeeee. At first I felt like it was going well, but now I am confused. Should I continue with messages? Like, one more week of “interesting” messages, according to the Tide Theory, and then see what happens?

Thank you very much for reading and answering! I will buy the book as soon as I get my paycheck but I need specific help in this!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2017 at 2:27 pm

yep continue it.. but mirror his texts..dont text long messages if he’s not sending one..
Rowena

January 22, 2017 at 8:54 pm

Well I do want him back! 😀 His birthday is in a few days, how can I use this to build a contact or attraction?

Thanks for your answer!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2017 at 3:10 pm

honestly that’s just one day that he probably expects you to greet him.. the only thing that can really make.a difference is if he gets attracted to you again.. you have to appear as the ungettable girl..
Rowena

January 21, 2017 at 2:09 am

Hi Amor,

Thank you very much for the reply. I already had long periods of no contact. Unfortunately he is the type of person that if I take a step back he completely vanishes from sight. The first time we broke up, I didn’t talk to him for a month. I even changed country. Then I contacted him, sent him a blog that consisted of everything I had on my mind. He answered some things, and he kept saying that he didn’t cheat on me. So I said whatever. Then we didn’t talk for 7 months. Then I called him when I went back to the country we met. He was shocked when he heard me, said he wasn’t available at the time, and messaged me the next day. I told him that I would like to see him as a friend and he said it felt strange to talk about friendship. Then, we came across in the street a few times, then texted each other for a few times. Sometimes he initiated, sometimes I did. Two months ago we talked about an international match of our football teams, I jokingly implied that we should watch the next game together, and he didn’t answer. Then, when that next game was played he texted me, I asked what was the score, he didn’t answer again -which wasn’t the type of thing he usually does actually. He always answers normally. Anyway, the last time we talked was on NYE and that was it. We are not connected on social media, I have two of his friends as contacts but I don’t think any info goes through. We don’t see each other either, we live in different parts of the city. So I can’t find a way to show him that I actually changed how I regard relationships. He broke my trust and made me behave in a way I never had before, yes, but I was also quite critical and perfectionist towards him and the relationship and probably drove him away unknowingly. I only wanted him to put some more effort into this, and nothing more but it didn’t turn out so. I am still complicated, and I dated lots of men in the meantime but I can’t really like anyone. Against my better judgement, I compare them to this ex. He is the only one I want to be intimate with, physically and mentally. But he doesn’t seem to be interested in me anymore. Is it possible to reverse this?

Thank you!! <3
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2017 at 11:57 am

I dont think it’s going to be in the near future becauese it looks like he’s avoiding you because he still thinks you want him back
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 20, 2017 at 3:31 pm

Hi Rowena,

what about trying the no contact rule?

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