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1,053 thoughts on “He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?”

  1. Ailee

    September 28, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    Hi,
    My boyfriend of three years broke up with me last week to date an 18 year old. We were off and on the last year of our relationship because he always cited that while we were best friends, a longterm relationship wasn’t right for him. We would be off for a month or so, but then we’d end up back together. This time was different though, he broke up with me for the same reason, adding that he still wanted me in his life, and me, being tired of this cycle, got up and left. Before I got into my car, he gave me a long hug and said he still loved me.

    I told him I was going to begin NC to give myself space to heal before I could be his friend again. It wasn’t until a day later that my friends told me he had the other girl over the night before we broke up and that he asked her out the same day we broke up. I was so upset that I blocked them both on social media. Now I don’t know how to proceed. I wake up in the morning wanting to text him, “I know what you did. You’re not the man I thought you were,” but I know it wouldn’t be worth it.

    The worst part is that I’ll see him every once in a while at competitions (he’s my college team’s coach – I just graduated last spring). At some point, I’d like him to come back and beg, but I’m not sure how to proceed from here.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2016 at 11:25 am

      Hi Ailee,

      if you want to increase your chances of him begging, then dont chase and focus in improving yourself

  2. Vida

    September 28, 2016 at 12:12 am

    My boyfriend has a girl on the side. He told the girl he’s with me because I work for his company. I tried the NC unfortunately I need to call him. How do i continue with the nc. I never talk of personal things when i call him and i see him once a month.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 29, 2016 at 5:46 am

      Hi Vida

      why did you need to call him? And by once month, does that mean your work?

  3. Brooke

    September 27, 2016 at 7:16 pm

    Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 2 years. We started dating at the beginning of grade 10 and now we are starting grade 12. My boyfriend has mental illnesses like depression and anxiety and a touch of OCD (he always needs to impress people and do the best). This summer I was on vacation for 3 months so I didn’t see him for that long. He was also away on vacation for one of those months. Everything was going great the whole summer, no fighting or arguing. I was feeling so happy and in love. W hen we both got back to town for back to school things were going just as good. And then just randomly he broke up with me because “his feelings changed” and he “wasn’t happy”. I just let it be because I was sorta done trying to make him happy and have it not work. But then a few days later one of my good guy friends girlfriend messaged me pictures of messages between her and my boyfriend from back in December. The messages included him asking her to go cruising and making sure she didn’t tell anybody about them going cruising. Back in December when this was brought to my attention I asked him about it and he lied and told me she asked him to hangout but he said no and then blocked her. I didn’t even think to go and look for the messages on his phone bc I trusted him to tell the truth. After the girl sent me the messages between them she told me that they never did anything, only went for a short drive. When I asked my boyfriend about why he felt the need to do this and he said he regretted it so much but it was just “to impress one of his older friends” who was already after hooking up with this girl. (Dumbest excuse ever right??) anyways it was also brought to my attention that while I was away on vacation he ended up getting super depressed and his head was all fucked up according to him. So he slept with a girl that he works with after they were done work one night. After I found this out I confronted both my boyfriend and the girl and their stories added up so I knew they weren’t lying about anything. They never talked out side of work only to discuss their work schedules. They never flirted our talked during work because there was always other people around. And it wasn’t a premeditated thing. Apparently she came up and kissed him and for a bit nothing was on his mind so he just let go. He stopped after it started because he was grossed out by her and felt instant regret. After do confronted him about everything he cried to me for 2 hours about how bad he messed up and regrets it and how I’m the best thing in his life and how he loves me with every inche of his body and how he wants a second chance to prove everything. And how he would never do any of this to someone ever again because he realizes how much pain it not only put me and him in but all of our friend and families too. He’s now going to counselling to figure out his mental illnesses and won’t stop trying to prove how he wants to be better for me. He told me afterwards that he didn’t come clean about the cheating in the summer right away because he was trying to find a way to tell me without hurting me too much, but he has to do something bc he couldn’t deal with the remorse and guilt anymore. And well I guess I came here for advice because im confused on what to do. I always thought I’d never get back with someone if they did this to me. But I love him so much and I can’t even hate him for what he did no matter how much I want to. He’s made me a better person. He makes me happy and he’s my bestfriend. He’s been my best friend since 7th grade. In a way I’m glad we are on a break and not together because it gives both of a chance to make ourselves better and do things for ourselves for a chance. But I still want to be with him more than ever. I’m going on the 3rd week of not being in contact with him and he still won’t stop messaging me and trying to make things better. I was hoping after not talking to him for a while my feelings would go away but they haven’t. I’m so confused and to how he could do all of this when he claims to love me? But more than ever I still trust him and believe that he’s telling me the truth about this. I thought after someone betrays your trust you don’t usually believe them. But I still believe him. It’s so confusing. Please help me out. I think I really just want to hear an opinion from an outsider who doesn’t personally know me or him. Thank you:)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 28, 2016 at 6:36 pm

      Hi Brooke,

      Because he’s young.. That’s just it. He’s still immature, especially emotionally. So, the need to impress or just explore over rides his feelings for you.. Well, you wouldn’t really forget your feelings for him in just 3 weeks but I do hope you really focused in improving yourself, being independent and being more rational. If you decide to take another chance with him, take it slow and let him prove his words first.

  4. Catherine

    September 26, 2016 at 7:39 pm

    I was dating my boyfriend for 4 years and everything was fine, in July 2016 he went on a boys holiday and cheated on me for a one night stand.. He got back and immediately told me! We spoke on and off for a while but now have completely stopped.. I still love him and want him back but I’m not to sure if he wants me back because he hasn’t showed any signs wanting to? I’m still really upset and I don’t know what to do because I would like to get back with him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 28, 2016 at 7:21 am

      Hi Catherine,

      who broke up with who and when was the last time you talked? Do you want to try the no contact rule;

  5. Kay

    September 26, 2016 at 12:04 am

    Hi,
    My break-up with my boy-friend is more complicated. I thought I was pregnant and going through a miscarriage I thought that my boyfriend wasn’t supporting me or emotionally supporting me like he should. I end up texting him, saying how I felt and I suggested breaking up and he agreed, which I thought was strange. I was serious with breaking up I was just frustrated. I asked him why he wants to break-up, he gave me multiple different reason like I wasn’t showing him enough attention, he felt obligated to do thing for me, and how he wasn’t there for me. We agreed to give each other space. I waited a week to see if he would contact me but he didn’t and I was not satisfied with his reason for breaking up because it didn’t make sense. We was fine for one moment and I told him that he never express those feelings to me of me not showing him enough attention. He said we could do better as friends but I said no I don’t want to be your friend. I keep push it and he just kept lying to my face. I had a feeling that it was much more than that and it turns out I was right. He finally told me that he found attention elsewhere. So he was cheating on me for an entire month with someone younger and I asked him for details and I was disgusted. We was going to work thing out until I found out the whole extent of him cheating. I don’t even see us working out. He said he love and care for me, but he didn’t even try to get me back or text or call me. We been going out for almost 3 years now and I would think that he would have some kind of trust and loyalty to at least to tell me the truth. It’s hard for me to get over it, I’m still upset it’s been almost a week of us officially over. His cheating was out of the blue, I really didn’t even expect it or thought he was up to something. I thought our relationship was going fine until the last month. I don’t know what to do. I really want to get over him. He still lied to me about detail information about the cheating and the person he cheated with. I ‘m a person who can’t get over something until I know the full truth on what happen. I really don’t know if there’s any way of us getting back together. What do you think I should do? I think that he needs someone to talk to other from his friends that’s not giving him the best advice. His friends gave him the ok to cheat and he did it. I really want to tell his parents of what’s being going on. Do you think I should or leave it alone? His not make smart decision and his going back to his bad habits of smoking weed and hanging out late and now cheating. What is your advice on this situation?Should I just leave it alone?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2016 at 11:08 am

      Hi Kay,

      do not get his parent’s involved. That would piss him off. Aside from following the article above, I think you should check this one too:

      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

  6. Cathy

    September 23, 2016 at 5:13 am

    My husband and I separated 3 yrs ago after 12 years of marriage because he had an affair. We are still married and have no plans to divorce at this point, even though he is living with his affair partner in our home. I’m a full time student and he supports me, even pays for satellite radio in my car, my phone, health insurance, etc. He comes over around once a month & we split a bottle of wine. We don’t hook up but often talk about reconcilliation. I’d take him back in a heartbeat because I’m still in love with him and we were blissfully happy together for a number of years. I’ve frequently asked him if he wants a divorce and he says he doesn’t know what he wants. I questioned him about it and he swears he REALLY doesn’t know & wants to re-visit reconcilliation idea when I graduate in May of 2017. He talks about spending the rest of our lives together, however lately I’ve been initiating all contact. Should I re-initiate no contact? It failed miserably the first time I tried it. Not sure where to go from here. Very apprehensive about NC. Maybe we’re beyond that.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 24, 2016 at 7:59 am

      Hi Cathy,

      Take a different approach. Try doing nc again but this time, after it, do not be engaging in taking him back if he asks it. Make it seem like you’re not that interested anymore. And if he wants you, he as to prove it.. And ofcourse, improve yourself during and continually after nc.. Maintain your routine after nc

  7. Melissa

    September 22, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    Hello, I’ve followed 30 day no contact, followed the texting guide and got the dinner date in 10days! I really believe in your method. We are in constant stream of texting but as soon as we start flirting, he cuts the conversation for 6 hours and then starts messaging again? He saying things like wow I’m really wanting sex, I’ll say something similar and then he vanishes and bans the conversation… I don’t think ignoring him is the way, as he’s being messaging every day, just not sure how to read this. Is he not into flirting, does it scare him, or is he seeing me as a friend, does he not want me to think he’s using me for sex? I have no intension in sleeping with him until commitment. He’s 29years old.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 23, 2016 at 2:31 pm

      Hi Melissa,

      I think he doesn’t want the conversation to be too forward.

  8. Akiko

    September 21, 2016 at 3:19 pm

    My ex boyfriend of nearly 3 years cheated on me and he doesn’t want to admit that he did. We really did love each other but towards the end of our relationship, he started becoming more distant and I found out that he’s been with another girl. I live with him and he still wants to be friends and he said that he still cares for me as a close friend, since we’ve known each other for years even longer than our relationship. Even after all of this, I still love him a lot, but I don’t want to just be friends and apparently, he’s already with the girl he cheated on me with, but he doesn’t want to admit that they’re together. He did this to me before but at that time, we weren’t really together. Although, he realized that he hurt me so much and wanted to make up for it. Right now, he doesn’t realize that he’s technically doing the same thing again/letting history repeat itself BUT this time, we were actually together. I’ve already done the NO CONTACT rule for 3 weeks and he got super bothered and kept trying to reach out. We are now on talking terms, but even now, I still want him back and we helped each other grow so much. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 23, 2016 at 8:44 am

      Hi Akiko,

      and you’re still living with him? If you really want something to change, the circumstances has to change. If you don’t want to be his friends, then don’t be his friend.. Living together is going to put you in a friends with benefits position which is even worse

  9. Carolina Chavez

    September 20, 2016 at 1:34 pm

    I’ve known my ex boyfriend for over two years. We started off as friends, then hooking up, and we became in a relationship. I found out that in February he hooked up with his ex girlfriend of 4 years. During this time, we weren’t official. However, I also found out he has been talking to a new girl. When I confronted him he apologized was remorseful and constantly stated feeling embarrassed and like an idiot. He said he doesn’t know what to say to me because he is embarrassed and I don’t deserve this. He also has been ignoring me because he feels like he doesn’t deserve talking to me. During our relationship, he did not show any signs of unhappiness. We talked every day, laughed, saw each other. Best relationship I ever had. We haven’t spoken for three days and I don’t know what to do. He seems like he is avoiding talking to me. What should I do?

    1. Carolina Chavez

      September 24, 2016 at 3:30 pm

      He started talking to the new girl in August. He claims he does not talk to her every day like he talks to me. He isn’t really fighting for me. He keeps saying he feels like he doesn’t deserve to talk to me and how he feels embarrassed. At this point, I don’t even know if we are broken up or not. The last thing we said is that we are taking time to think. He was the one that suggested this. I am willing to try the no contact rule. What do you think I should do?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 25, 2016 at 8:40 am

      Ok.. yeah, I think you should do 30 days no contact.. Don’t be friends with benefits with him again.. It’s still a good sign that he feels guilty. Just don’t lower you value by chasing him or agreeing to be friends with benefits again.

    3. Carolina Chavez

      September 20, 2016 at 1:52 pm

      Also, he stated that he wants to be with me. That he has done more with me than any other relationship he has had (2). He just feels like he doesn’t have the right to beg for my forgiveness. I really would like for him to fight for me but he hasn’t. He’s going to be 28years old in a couple of months and I don’t know if he got scared because the relationship was serious or because he feels like he still needs to mess around with other girls. I just wish he would talk to me. He took the decision of taking time to think and stuff on his own. I didn’t ask for time or I didn’t say to not contact me. I don’t know what to do.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 21, 2016 at 7:33 pm

      Hi Carolina,

      when did he talk to the new girl? and when did you break up? Are you going to try what’s advised above?

  10. Stacy

    September 18, 2016 at 3:39 pm

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. We were recently living together and I went through his phone and saw some very in inappropriate/ flirtatious text messages. When I confronted him he told me they kissed and he likes the girl. I broke up with him the same day because he didn’t want to cut off the girl. His reasons for this is because I often have the habit of shutting down and not talking about things and I just end the relationship so he feels disposable and he says if he cuts this friend off then he won’t have anyone to talk to when I dissapear on him emotionally. While I do realize I have things to work on I think it’s an excuse. He then moved out and continues to talk to the girl, I found out through a friend that he’s been staying at her house and we’ve been broken up for 2 weeks. They both share common interests and values and he often seems to rub that in my face. He also compares me to her. Now this girl isn’t someone new in his life they have been friends for years and they even had a little thing in the past when they were younger but he just didn’t decide to pursue anything, and so I’m having a hard time figuring out why now? I recently started the no contact method and he’s been contacting me and texting me non stop. I deleted him off social media and blocked his number and he texts me and tells me I’m immature. It’s been a week since I started the no contact method but I don’t get why he’s still Calling me, and sending pictures of us together and begging for me to talk to him if he likes this girl and is currently staying with her. He recently texted me and stated he tried and ever since then the calls and texts have stopped since I didn’t respond. Should I continue the NC method or just move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2016 at 2:00 pm

      Hi Stacy,

      Looks like he saw her as a grass is greener case because he got tired of feeling unimportant and now, he misses you because you’ve been silent.. but that doesnt mean he would want to get back with you..try to finish 30 days first and then decide in the end if you want to try to slowly build rapport.. Heal and Improve yourself during nc too

  11. P

    September 15, 2016 at 6:05 am

    Hi,

    My boyfriend of 1 and a half years has decided to end our relationship. He came clean about cheating on me with his ex during a trip with her together, and it was during the infidelity, he realised he loved me. He has never cheated before and this was his first time, and was very guilty about it. He apologised for the infidelity and said that he could not forgive himself even if I ‘ve decided to give him another chance; he can’t seem to bare to live with the guilt if we were to continue this relationship, and told me i deserved better and i should go away and never come back. We have broken up twice during our relationship, due to certain factors that are stressful in our personal life. In both those break ups, he plead to continue the relationship.
    Before he broke things off this time, he told me that I was the only girl who he’s truly loved and expressed how he feels, as he is not an expressive type of guy. I could tell from his voice, he sounded lost, and needed some direction.
    If he loved me, why did he allow the cheating to happen? why is he coming clean now after 6 months after their trip ended? How could he continue the relationship in that 6 months period as if nothing has happened? He said he knew he had to tell me sooner or later, but he didn’t want to tell me sooner because he doesn’t want to lose me over something meaningless he had with his ex during the trip.

    I know i should forgive him, for myself. But I don’t know if what he said is true and not just bullshit guys tell girls and if we still have a shot at this relationship if we do plan to continue or is this the end?

    Please advice. Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 18, 2016 at 12:23 pm

      Hi P,

      looks like he’s telling the truth and breaking up with you is his form of remorse.. when did you break up?

  12. B

    September 12, 2016 at 11:06 pm

    I dated my exboyfriend for almost 18 months. I am 40, he is 28. I have never loved anyone more than him. This was my first ltr in awhile. I asked him to choose between his girlfriend and me. He chose me. We have been through 2 miscarriages, drugs and alcohol, loss of a parent and even lived together. I caught him cheating and we ended the relationship. He is currently with this person. I am currently working on the 30 days no contact. I am trying to improve myself. I want him back, but hesitate. I also hesitate to purchase your book because I don’t know if it will truly work. The saying it happens for a reason keeps me from investing in your book. Help me decide if I should move forward…

    1. B

      October 7, 2016 at 9:48 pm

      Why are you texting me?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2016 at 12:34 pm

      hmm.. it is kind of a negative text but actually you could have turned that around.. he’s just wondering why you’re texting him and he might be getting a hint that you’re doing it to get him back.. so, if you’re response was casual, it could have made him think that maybe you just wanted someone to talk to..

      Like, if you texted him about a topic that he loves talking about and he replied that, then you can say, oh because that topic reminded me of you, and it’s very interesting to you about that, coz you’re the only person I know that can really a lot from that topic

    3. B

      October 4, 2016 at 11:51 pm

      So, I went ahead and texted him on Sunday and Monday. It seemed ok. Today, I texted him and I got a negative response. I ended the text immediately. Does this mean I should just give up or give it more time?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 7, 2016 at 8:19 am

      what was the text?

    5. B

      September 26, 2016 at 11:59 pm

      Ok so he is with the girl he cheated on me with. Do I still initiate a text message conversation?

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 28, 2016 at 8:13 am

      Yeah. Do not be forward in texting with him. Act like you have accepted they are together and that you’re just friendly. Follow this one: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

    7. B

      September 25, 2016 at 11:36 pm

      My 30 days is almost up, but I feel that I need more time to improve myself. I miss him like crazy and want so bad to talk with him. Do I start texting him and continue or do I wait until I feel I’m in a better place. I don’t want him to forget about me. What should I do?

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2016 at 10:55 am

      Well you have to continue improving yourself even after nc and while rebuilding rapport. So, if it’s just improvement, it’s ok to initiate contact now.

    9. B

      September 20, 2016 at 11:38 pm

      Yes I’ve done my lists.

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 22, 2016 at 7:23 pm

      That’s good. Focus your energy in improving yourself. You only have a short time in just focusing in yourself. No contact is just a start of a routine that you will continue when you start rebuilding rapport and attraction again and even when you get him back.

    11. B

      September 18, 2016 at 4:28 pm

      I want him back. We were good together. I am still in love with him.

    12. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 19, 2016 at 6:37 am

      Ok.Are you going to try what’s advised above?

    13. B

      September 16, 2016 at 10:40 pm

      I want him back! I miss him and we were good together. I realized that I want him back. We have been through a lot and I can’t imagine going through anything else without him. I am still in love with him.

    14. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2016 at 3:21 pm

      Hi B,

      That’s a lot for 18 months.. Ok, why not try this one first. List down the reasons why you should and shouldn’t try again and then list down your non negotiables too

  13. Darian

    September 9, 2016 at 5:01 am

    Hi,

    Me and my boyfriend were in a committed relationship for a few months. It was my first real relationship, and his second. We spent ALOT of time together, despite both of us maintaining full time jobs. We’re 18-19. Things were going smoothly. We never fought but we always laughed and traveled and went on date nights. Then, a week before trouble happened I noticed a change. He became distant.

    I started to strategize ways to fix it when a friend told me that he recently created a profile on a hookup site, (Grindr) which is weird because we made love frequently. Supposably he “got bored with me”. I, enraged, waited until I was rational, gathered my evidence and confronted him the next day. He shut down because I caught him (he’s military and values “integrity and honor”) and has since resisted my efforts to fix the situation (He’s a Scorpio “avoidant personality”). I messed up by texting too much and being too aggressive in trying to fix our situation. Long story short, I asked him for closure and he kept retreating until he finally blocked me on snapchat.

    It makes little to no sense because he was the one who put so much effort into remembering things like our anniversary and showing me off to his friends, and then in the matter of a week this change happened. After these failed attempts I started the No Contact. I’m 13 days into it. He now has re-added me as a friend on snapchat but I left his friend request pending. He also screenshots pictures of me on our mutual friend’s snapchat. I’m getting mixed signals here. How should I handle this?

    To make matters worse his first ex boyfriend, (who has admitted to only using him for free food and sex) is pursuing him. This charming boy admitted to sleeping with over 80 people and has his sights set on my ex again. I’m not too worried about them rekindling anything other than a hookup, because things never last with that whore, but it’s a variable to keep in mind.

    I honestly care about him because he’s only 18, and he ran away from an abusive home for that whorish user ex boyfriend. The other boy apparently got “bored” of him and he got dumped, only after getting mooched of money and food for a good many months. 8 months or so later we met. He’s supporting himself, which is impressive, but he has NO family nearby. I just fear for his safety that an injured soul might seek out bad company and degenerate into bad and unhealthy habits. He was doing so good with me and my family. Sorry for the really complicated situation, I’m just desperate for someone’s take on it. Maybe there’s something I’m missing.

    Thanks : )

    1. Darian

      September 21, 2016 at 4:58 am

      Thanks you so much Amor! I appreciate your response 🙂

      Also, quick update, I’m at day 26 and our mutual friend is telling me that my ex has been binge eating like crazy (ice cream/ junk food) the past month, and hooking up. Depression maybe? Is that good or bad for me?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 22, 2016 at 10:08 pm

      You’re welcome! Good for you.. well, bad for him

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 10, 2016 at 10:56 am

      HI Darian,

      I think it’s because of the age. He’s young and he wanted to explore. He screenshots your pictures? and then what? he sends it to you? Well, it looks like he’s starting to miss you.Just continue on with your no contact period and have you started to improve yourself? I think you should do 30 days too

  14. Lydia James

    September 7, 2016 at 1:39 pm

    Hello,
    My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for 8 months now. We initially broke up due to insecurities and trust issues on my part. I was constantly questioning him and suffocating him but before we started dating he shattered every piece of trust I had and we then built our relationship on sand. We were together for 3 1/2 years, lived together and have a dog. He moved immediately after the break and as soon as the lease was up I moved out as well. He just got a job promotion 2 hrs away and he consulted with me before he took the promotion. I have done the no contact rule for 30 days back in March. Ever since then we have talked daily and I continue to watch the dog every month or so. Even though we are broken up it feels at times we are going to get back together. We were planning a vacation for January 2017 but he told me last night that he didn’t think it was a good idea and he decided to tell me that I need to move on. It’s been 8 months and us getting back together just isn’t going to happen. I tried to be positive and not let him get to me but on the inside I’m dying and I can’t stop crying because I don’t want to move on I want to be with him. This break up has been a humbling experience and I’ve forgive him for losing my initial trust. I’m just unsure if I need to let him go even though I don’t want to, or do I keep fighting for us? Any advice will help. Thank you.

    1. Lydia James

      September 8, 2016 at 7:13 pm

      Thank you for the suggested article. It was very helpful and I understand that I need to be okay with walking away if need be. Also, do you suggest I start the no contact rule again, even though it’s been 8 months from the break up. I’m skeptical that this is where it will officially come to an end but I also realize something has to change. Thank you.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 9, 2016 at 5:28 pm

      I think that’s the only way you could increase you chances, so yes, restart it

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 8, 2016 at 12:56 pm

      Hi Lydia,

      he friendzoned you and he can see you’re still hoping so, he had to cut contact with you.. If you want you can try first what Chris advised in this article: EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend before fully moving on.

  15. Yo

    August 30, 2016 at 1:17 am

    My boyfriend and me agreed to shut down all social media before we started our relationship as i did not want to have a boyfriend who keep adding girls on Facebook. He took his time to delete instagram and we had a very big fight cos he was follwing girls, after 3 days not talking he told me it wont happend again and deleted instagram.

    We have been together 4 months, and this august he was making excuses not to meet, like he was sick, have to do stuff with his mom…
    I told my best friend to spy on one of his friends Facebook, and we saq there that he has been going out partying and gone on hollidays with his friends when he was supposedly sick at home.

    I sent him a whatsapp with the pictures proving what he did, and he has not bother to reply.
    Then hours later my best friends sees him on Facebook and instagram with a New account ( but the accounts had more than 1800 girls on each) so i guess he had those accounts during our relationship but with another name and picture so my friends wont see him.
    I sent him another whatsapp telling him i knew about his Facebook, and again he has not bother replying even do he read what i told him.
    That was 4 days ago.
    Do you think he will contact me? Or that as he knows he has screw up and cant give me any excuse for his behavier i wont be hearing from him again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 12:15 pm

      Hi yo,

      he probably feels suffocated.. I’m not saying what he did is right but a relationship has to have trust. If it started off like that, it means you know he will do something right at the beginning of the relationship..

  16. Daisy

    August 24, 2016 at 8:08 pm

    I don’t actually know if he cheated on me, but I know he approached a friend of a friend at bar, when we were having a really hard time in our relationship, probably to flirt at least with her. He also said when drunk “I talk to every girl and I feel guilty,” so I know it was not an isolated occurrence. He does not know that I know about the friend of a friend, and if he misses me and contacts me, I am not sure I’ll be able to keep that a secret. Should I bring it up right away, that I know about it and that he was doing things like that near the end of the relationship? In a way, I can understand if he was severely unhappy with us, he was looking for an escape route and to feel better, but it’s embarrassing for me that he was going up to a friend of a friend (humiliating really) to try to hook up or whatever. I am pretty embarrassed of him for doing that, and it’s hurting me deeply inside. I had no idea that he was on the lookout for new women, he said it was about us and not about wanting anyone else. I am severely hurt and betrayed. He was clearly looking to cheat and that kills me. I would be willing to forgive him but I do not want him not to know that I know about it all.

    1. Daisy

      August 31, 2016 at 9:30 pm

      In this case, do you recommend 45 day no contact since all that occurred, the begging also, and the general negativity? We did have a good relationship before it got fighty.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 12:55 pm

      yes, do 45 days

    3. Daisy

      August 29, 2016 at 6:18 pm

      By the way I’m on day 15 of no contact. I cried and begged on August 12th to get him back, but he was firm no. So not sure if I should ever bring this up but it makes me mad that he may think he pulled the wool over my eyes.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 9:48 am

      It depends on why he cheated. If the guy cheated a lot of times in one girl, that’s a pattern and he would less likely to change. You have to redeem yourself by really just focusing in improving yourself and having your own life so that he won’t think you’re going to chase him again

    5. Daisy

      August 29, 2016 at 3:42 pm

      But does this mean he’s not worth getting back? Once a cheater always a cheater?

    6. Daisy

      August 24, 2016 at 8:11 pm

      Basically, he thought she was a stranger to flirt with not knowing my friend was right there, and seeing him approach her friend.

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2016 at 6:06 pm

      Hi Daisy

      it’s your right to unburden yourself but keep in mind, he would take it as an attack.. so, it’s better if you do it personally, calmly and when he is in the best mood.. and let him know that you just had to say it because it’s been bothering you and you just have yo let it out..

      be prepared if he gets angry as defense but more likely he wont if he was really in the best mood at that time

    8. Daisy

      August 24, 2016 at 8:09 pm

      He didn’t know that she was anyone in my circle ( I Don’t know her) but my other friend saw it. He said we were fighting and not “really together.” Not actually true, he was making himself available. Right after that happened (again I didn’t know at the time), he was trying hard to break up with me.

  17. Kiera

    August 23, 2016 at 9:11 pm

    My ex fiance of 5 years and I broke up in June. This is our 3rd breakup (the first two were my fault & dealt with me not trusting him for no reason & being insecure). This time the breakup was because of him although he broke it off with me. I caught a girl coming out of his home @6am. Both of them said they did not sleep together but she did spend the night. I initially held in my anger and all my questions. He did apologize but offered no information when I asked about details. I tried to let it go but couldn’t so I asked him four days later if he was being honest about sleeping with her. He said all I do is think about myself and that we were not going to work out. He said that he could do better & so can I. Then he went completely became cold, ignoring all phone calls, texts, email, etc. Of course I did not go into NC right away….I begged, cried, etc. I waited a couple of weeks, called him late night, he came over we had sex and he disappeared the next day. I immediately went into NC (successfully completing 30 days). I sent him a “remember the time text”, he responded with “That’s what’s up”. Then the next day, he sent a for what it’s worth text stating it was very hard for him not talking to me during our breakup. But he feels he had to get out of the way so the one that is destined for me will find me because it was not him. That the breakup had to be done cause God has something great for both of us, we’re not great together. I replied with “I do believe that we are destined to be together however I respect how you feel. I love you & I hope we can reconcile soon.” He never responded. I do believe that is now talking/sleeping with someone else, I suspect from work. I believe he has been talking to her before the break up but just recently in the last month (after breakup) began sleeping with her. These are all suspicions as i do not have any proof of this. What can I do to get him back? Prior to the June incident we fought a lot due to our wedding being postponed. We postponed the wedding to work on some of our issues. The main one was communication of which a therapist advised that it could be fixed.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2016 at 6:47 pm

      Hi kiera,

      you said the break up was in June, so when was the last talk?

  18. Emma Robertson

    July 2, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago after he cheated on me multiple nights with my best friend about two weeks ago while I was on a family trip. The first night was the night that I had left and they had initially kissed on the couch but only after my best friend had kissed another guy at the party and she had been following my boyfriend around during the night. Towards the end of the night, my best friend was passed out on the floor, so my boyfriend too it upon himself to pick her up and “put her to bed”. After realizing that they had been gone for a longer amount of time that it would take to put her in her bed, my friends got worried and went upstairs looking for them. When my friends walked into the bedroom, they saw him on the bed buckling his pants, with his boxers on the floor, and her in the closet without any pants on. Things can be assumed from that little interaction but I dont know if I’ll ever know what truly happened that night.

    The second night was the night before I came home from my trip. My best friend decided not to drink as much so she was only tipsy that night while my boyfriend was considerably more drunk than she was. My best friend decided it would be a smart move to stick by my other best friends side the entire night to ensure nothing would happen. Well, after my best friend had used the bathroom without my other friend being there, my boyfriend was waiting outside of the bathroom door and whisked her away upstairs. They walked into the bedroom where they proceeded to make out and very possibly do more. My best friend has informed me that she told him “No, we can’t do this, what about Emma?” but she was not assertive enough with her action and continued to make out with him. My other best friend, realizing that my best friend and my boyfriend weren’t anywhere to be found, ran upstairs to the bedroom and opened the door for a second, only to have it shut on her. My boyfriend was on the other side of the door putting weights on it to prevent anyone from coming in. A few second later, my best friend ran out the door and downstairs.

    Drunken things were said and drunken feelings were shared and he has told me multiple times that he meant none of it. I had honestly been skeptical of them being around eachother from the start and it made me very uneasy seeing them get close, which I informed both of them of. He has also cheated in a previous relationship about 2 years ago but says that he cares about me so much more than he did that other girl because him and I were very close friends before we started dating. His father is an alcoholic and because of that, my boyfriend tends to be unable to just have one drink. He always drinks hard liquor and it is never in moderation. After this experience he was decided to make a change for himself and stop drinking, but all of our friends really doubt that he will continue to stand by that. I am still very much in love with him and want to take him back but is there any possible way after everything that has happened?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2016 at 3:44 pm

      hi Emma,

      do nc first so you can think clearly on what to do

  19. Jane

    June 13, 2016 at 3:34 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend broke up with me last month after a four year long relationship which includes nearly two and a half year long live in relationship. We Both are 22 and go to the same college and have a bunch of mutual friends. Recently, a girl from our college became a new entrant to our group. My boyfriend made out with her a month prior to our break up when I was not in town and this girl had recently broken up with her boyfriend then. This is for the first time he’s done this with any other girl. He confronted this to me on the next day of my birthday saying he loves her and that he doesn’t feel for me anymore. He made my birthday so special and screwed it up immediately on the very next day. Post break up he expressed his desire to stay friends with me and considers me as his best friend. Also, he has sent me various messages after break up saying that I’m a gem of a person but he cannot stop his feelings for her. Also, he tried initiating conversations complimenting my display picture on WhatsApp and asking about my family members. However, I’m on a no contact with him since three weeks and thus did not respond. Now he hasn’t messaged me since a week. I love him to the moon and back and want him back in my life. Please help me out Chris. Please. I feel devastated.

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      June 14, 2016 at 12:56 am

      Ah it’s likely not going to work out between them. It’s just a crush as long as you play your cards right you will be of higher value then her. What have you been doing during no contact? Have you made any strides in going out with friends etc?

  20. darya

    June 4, 2016 at 1:16 pm

    We’ve been together for 2 years and 4 months. 4 months our relationship has been long distance because he left the country for studying.after this 4 months we had a fight and he broke up with me.he said that distance is making problems and bothering us. But after 2 months he texted me and said that he love me more than anything and we started our relationship again. After 1 week he suddenly changed and acted distant. When I asked why he said that he told about marrying me to his parents but they disagreed because they have family and financial problems and cant support us now. He broke up with me and he cried so much over the phone.
    After 3 weeks I texted him and said I want to be with you and I can wait,but he said no, Im trying to forget about you even though its hard for me. Its better for you too.
    Its been 2 months since then and I spoke to one of his best friends yesterday. He said that he was under a lot of pressure 3 months ago because of the problems of his family and university and loneliness.so he had sex with someone and dated with someone. And then he felt guilty about that. I don’t know what is his feeling about that girl or is he still love me or not? I got mad when I heard these and blocked him in Instagram and facebook. Can I change this situation? I still love him,what can I do? Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 3:13 am

      Hi Darya,

      it depends.. can you forgive him?

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