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darya
June 4, 2016 at 8:16 am
hi
Edie
May 20, 2016 at 2:33 pm
Hi Chris/team
I was in a relationship for 5 years, we lived together up until a year ago where we had to move out due to financial difficulties. We were going to spend a year saving up (I was living with my parents, he’s staying on his military camp) and then I was going to find a new job and move back in together. The financial difficulties, living apart and he also has issues with his job has caused a lot of stress on us recently and we ended up arguing frequently.
Last weekend we decided to sort everything out and he told me he wanted to be with me, buy a house etc. I spent the weekend with his parents and we were very romantic. However when I got home, I opened our laptop we shared and all these messages came through. He’d met another girl before the weekend and taken her out for lunch on the Friday and they’d been texting the whole weekend I was there.
I confronted him about this and he said he was sorry, he hadn’t been happy for a while and wanted to see what it was like with another person. I said I understood, but I had text the girl saying her messages had come through to my computer and we’d spent the weekend together with his parents and had been together for 5 years. He went mad that I texted her and she then told me he said we’d broken up ages ago and we hadn’t spent the weekend together.
I ignored his calls that day as I was so mad. But then stupidly text him saying I loved him and sorry I didn’t pick up. I sent him a long messages saying he was my best friend, I never want to lose him etc. He said he would speak to me after work. I waited after work but he never called. I called him, he ignored me despite reading my messages. I asked him to call and he never did.
It’s now been 4 days and I have started NC. I deleted his number so I wouldn’t text him or call him in a moment of weakness. What’s going on with him? Do you think I have a chance of winning him back? We haven’t even broken up as haven’t said the words as he won’t even speak to me. Surely if he wanted to break up with me he would have said? Does he just need space? Please help!
Edie
June 3, 2016 at 9:05 am
Hi again – quick update since my last comment!
We texted a little bit throughout the day yesterday, although it was a bit awkward. I asked him if I could see him this weekend and he agreed to tomorrow, although we made no specifics. The conversation was very awkward and weird, but I kept it light hearted and positive, no mention of break up and at least he was responding. I sent him a last message in the evening which didn’t really need a response, but he didn’t reply and hasn’t since. I’m worried that now I’m making an effort, he is put off. Please help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 5:33 am
did you meet?
Edie
June 2, 2016 at 1:11 pm
Thank you again Amor.
I spoke to him last night on the phone for an hour. It started off very positive and catching up on what we’d both done over the NC period. I didn’t get emotional or anything, but he suddenly started crying and couldn’t stop, saying how awful he felt and how much he missed me and that he couldn’t get over me. Unfortunately he never mentioned reconcilation and was talking about it like it was the end – almost like I was breaking up with him! I don’t know if maybe because I wasn’t being emotional (on purpose) he thought I didn’t want it, or he doesn’t want it. He seemed absolutely devastated though. I asked him if he wanted to meet up and have lunch at the weekend, but he said he didn’t know if he could do it. He said he needed to send me an email/letter explaining his actions.
We left it on a good note, but I haven’t heard from him since. Should I send him a text? He’s going away for 6 weeks with work in a few days, it would be awful to leave it for that long. How could I convince him to meet? I don’t want to push him away but I’m desperate to have him back.
Thank you
Edie
May 31, 2016 at 12:13 pm
Hi, thank you for your response I think you were spot on.
He’s now sent me ‘breadcrumbs’ after 2 weeks of NC via email, saying he’s a broken man, he misses me, has no interest in anyone else and asking me to call him. This was 2 days ago and I haven’t responded as it’s freaked me out.
Should I continue NC or respond to him? There’s not an apology for cheating on me or anything, more about his suffering. I feel like I should wait for a proper apology as he did this to me, but at the same time I don’t want to miss the chance of reconciliation by further NC.
Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 8:33 pm
Hi Edie,
if he calls, answer it and then listen. If he doesn’t apologize, tell him, you appreciate that he’s calling you and you don’t like him feeling like that, but you don’t like feeling that you don’t trust somebody too and as of now, that’s what you still feel that you still don’t trust him.
If he messages you again to call him, you can reply, I’m not currently available but you can call me at this time.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 25, 2016 at 12:22 pm
Hi Edie,
maybe he’s a grass is greener case.. and yes, I think he needs space too.. start improving yourself during nc ok? make him miss you and regret doing that to you
Hey
May 19, 2016 at 2:46 am
My boyfriend and I had been together for about 2 and a half years now. We recently welcomed a son. I’ve never liked how many female friends he’s had and that’s always been somewhat of an issue. Not too suspicious though, because they are out of state and I spend so much time with him. Long story short, I found out he slept with someone a few months ago, though we’ve been talking about marriage and being a complete family with our baby. Through tears, he told me he cut her off after it happened, made amends with God, and never told me because he didn’t want to hurt me (or me to confront him and leave). We had a good long talk about it, it was just straight cheating, no other reason besides “it was a mistake.” He apologized and cried the entire conversation. I told him I forgave him. I do. But I’m hurt, mostly stunned. I still love him and wonder, how do I know if I should wait and see if he will better himself, and THEN work to win me back.. or will he just lick his wounds, count his losses, and we both move on? Why do I feel like I am the one who lost something?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 8:00 pm
Hi Hey :),
That’s normal that you feel hurt but is he not doing anything to make up for it? or you’re too hurt to notice? Have you communicated to him calmly how hurt you are and what you expect him to do that would make you feel better? Not in a blaming way of course, but in a way that you’re trying to understand from his position, if he’s not acting the way you want because he doesn’t know how to.
Sara
May 16, 2016 at 4:31 pm
Hi,
I just recently came across this website, sure wish I would have found it when my ex and I broke up. I met my ex on a dating site. I had never used a dating site before. We are in our twenties. I couldn’t believe the connection we had. After a month, we become official. About 3 wks later, I found him still active on the dating site. I don’t date much and I didn’t know what to do really. So I made a fake one after friends told me to. I messaged him and within half an hour he responded stating what he was looking for, a relationship with someone with X qualities. I was so hurt. A part of me feels torn like it is my fault. I called him out on it, he lied claiming we weren’t officially together and that he knew it was me. Not even a couple days after we had broken up he was seeing a new girl. I didn’t do NC at first, I tried so hard to make things work/right. He is now with another different girl and we have had NC for more than 30 days, I am still guilty of looking at his FB. He did text me once claiming that the first girl was his coworker (it was a huge lie). A part of me misses him. We had so much in common. I’ve never met anyone in my life that I liked so much. But a part of me thinks if he cared why would he still be on a dating site and lie and give up so easily???
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 6:14 am
Hi Sara,
I think you got serious for him way too soon. He was on the dating site to find someone to date but 1 month after isn’t enough to say that a guy is serious, whether you’ve seen each other in person or not.. And when you date someone through a dating site, and you didn’t have enough foundation of being friends before dating, you have to be observant on his actions rather than his words because you don’t know him. If ever you’re going to try it out on the dating site again. Take it slow, let the relationship grow first before putting all your trust in it.
LRenee
May 16, 2016 at 6:00 am
I’ve been in a relationship for a year.. My ex boyfriend and I separated once for a month. During that time we didn’t talk until I made a proposal for us to be friends..weeks later he made the decision for us to be in a relationship starting fresh..Today I found out that he’s been cheating on me for a few months, we talk everyday via text and calls . I never saw this coming, I’m upset in the inside I’m heartbroken and crying, he couldn’t face me like a real man.. We.talked about our future together. I love him but the thought of us getting back together is all I want , I can forgive him but He cheated on me I can’t forget this. I don’t deserve this . Now he’s with the other girl . How can I change this situation
LRenee
May 24, 2016 at 11:26 pm
No contact whatsoever since the break up. I’m continually focusing on myself . I actually feel so much.better than before . I was always feeling bad or down when I thought I wasn’t living up to par in my relationship. Yes I did try,a lot. I made the decision to not contact him at all until he makes contact with me first . But overall I forgive our past mistakes ,with hopes of being friends and building a stronger relationship between the two of us.
LRenee
May 20, 2016 at 2:47 am
I’m not contacting him at all. ,.just getting myself together no matter how long it takes, yes I know my ex is going to contact me…… It never fails. I read many horoscope’s about our compatibility it’s very high ( I’m a Cancer , He’s a Scorpio) . I also know why he cheated …. Lack of personal and quality time spent together. I made him feel unwanted and unimportant. I just have to set some grounds if he does come back
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 9:18 am
Hi LRenee,
Just like stated above, it all depends on why you would want to get back with him. If you have a valid reason, are you open to following Chris’advice above?
T
May 5, 2016 at 8:35 pm
My fiance broke up with me about a month ago. We had been together three years, and he told me he loved me, but wasn’t in love with me. He told me he had been thinking about this for months, which I don’t believe based on his actions. Two days later I found out that he cheated, and was still pursuing a relationship with this woman. He was already telling this woman he loved her, and wanted to marry her. He was cheated on in his first marriage, so this was something I never thought he would do to me.
It was like someone had flipped a switch. He was physically and romantically loving. He would send me sweet texts, and post things on Facebook. He was excitedly planning the wedding with me. He talked about me constantly to friends and co-workers. Then one day he came home, and it was over. I want him back. I haven’t initiated NC, because we are still trying to split up accounts and stuff. However I have no talked to him except for when he reaches out. Today he told me would could never be together again, because he wouldn’t be able to get over what he did to me.
I purchased one book, but the section about cheating was if the reader had cheated on the person they wanted back. I need help specific to my situation. He is the love of my life, and I can’t imagine living without him. Please help me.
T
May 10, 2016 at 6:17 pm
I am starting to follow Chris’s steps. I have to interact a little with my ex, as there is paperwork we both need to sign to split some accounts. I am keeping those conversations strictly about what we need to take care of at the time.
I have already begun to work on myself, as well. Hopefully, with Chris’s tools I can get my ex-fiance back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 8:04 am
HI T,
after reading this post, do you plan on following Chris’ suggestions?
Gabby
April 13, 2016 at 4:50 am
Hello,
Lost in this gray area. I had been dating this guy for 6 months and everything has been pretty good for the most part. We have had our moments, typically when he drinks and jealous fits. Fast forwarding to last week I found he had cheated on me with some random girl. I choose to forgive him and move forward with the relationship. A week later he starts this huge fight, kicks me out of his apartment and tells me doesn’t want to have a relationship with me because I have drama with my children’s father. He blamed his cheating on me. (Which was a random drunken night with a random girl) We’ve since talk and he says right he doesn’t want a relationship with me but doesn’t want to lose me or for me to see other people. He wants to go on a date now and still sleep with me. I’m confused because I feel this should be the other way around. He wants me to beg for him back and said I have tall orders to ask for anything for myself right now since he is still deciding on rather or not he wants a relationship with me. Thoughts?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 5:19 am
Hi Gabby,
run away! He sounds selfish and manipulative
Rosy Marie
April 13, 2016 at 2:18 am
I broke up with my fiance 4 days ago. We had been together for a little over 3 years. The past year our relationship has been long distance. He got a bigger apartment for my 3 children (not his) & I to live with him. He “accidentally” sent me a pic of some woman saying “you’re so cute”. Of course he denied denied denied until he confessed. Problem is this is the 2nd time (first time was after the first year) I acknowledge that I may have driven him to think about cheating. I do have a tendency to take things out on him, I can be very mean & sometimes cruel. Each time it happened after I had pushed every possible button I could, simply because I felt I was not getting enough attention & then I even resorted to flirting subtlely on fb with someone in a mutual group. I acknowledge I have a problem & I need to work on that but I love him so very much but unsure of what to do. I was going to try to forgive but I could not & went NC (didn’t even know that was a thing I was just so angry). He didn’t want me to end things. He said he was sorry & that it was just sex & understood I had a big decision to make because it was twice now. I’m going to continue NC mostly to help me with my problem but should I forgive the cheating & try once more? Perhaps couple’s & individual therapy?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 4:52 am
Hi Rosy,
Yeah, I was actually thinking that both of you should do therapy.. I think it can be worked out.. you just have to work on your communication
piyu
April 3, 2016 at 9:55 pm
Hi Chris,
I and my guy,we met in a place where I was staying for my internship. He was a neighbour there. We met,we started liking each other and I fell for him. I said him about my feelings. He said that he wants to be with me,but he doesn’t know about the love thing because he recently got his break up. We stayed almost for 5months together. Later on I had to move to my own city for my further studies. but we promised to meet after months. Everything was going perfect. Daily phone calls,texting,video calling… But suddenly everything changed. And later I came to know from him only that he is dating someone else. I cried and asked why he did this to me!? He replied not to bother him.
Chris,I really want him to love me,to be with me. I want him back in my life.
Please help me out…..
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 1:00 pm
Hi Piyu,
Don’t chase him.. He’s not the only guy you would meet. You should start to build a new life and do more new things to meet people and move on
Apple
March 17, 2016 at 11:47 pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years (but about 1.5 years officially). We’ve been in a long distance relationship but seeing each other once or twice every month and using Skype to communicate every day in between. He has never introduced me to his family but talks about them all the time as he is really close to them. He has also never met my family but in my culture it’s improper unless marriage is around the corner. I have been to his house a couple times, but since he travels a lot for work, I usually just travel with him or he comes to my state to visit me. Last month I drove all the way to his state (an 8hr drive) to surprise him for his birthday/valentine’s day. When I went to his house he was still at the office (unbeknownst to me) and another girl answered the door and proceeded to tell me she was his girlfriend. I was floored. I exchanged numbers with her and left as I was in a rush to get out and she kept asking me questions. Right before leaving I decided to stop by his office to check if he was there. He was and his ‘other girlfriend’ I had just met showed up. Anyway, long story short. She had been living with him since after we had started dating, and apparently I had been the other girl at the time. Meaning, he was sleeping with the both of us up until the time the two of us became official. Then it transitioned and he tried to break it off with the ‘original girl’ and had even stopped sleeping with her (this was confirmed by her as well). So! He was basically living with a girl who was his ex in his eyes, but she still wanted him even though they weren’t having sex after he and I became official and he asked her to leave multiple times (this was also confirmed by her). The kicker is, even though in his mind he was trying to nicely move her along, she was close to his family, attending his family’s functions, holiday get-togethers, and company parties (all of which I had never been invited to.) We weren’t supposed to be talking this past month, but I’ve had slip-ups and have responded to his skype calls/text msgs. Oh and I should mention, 2 days after I left from driving to surprise him, he finally made her move out since she lives in a whole other country. Two questions: Should I extend the no contact rule since I broke it midway? Also, I’ve always been under the impression men should work to get you back, so far he’s sent me two bouquets and bought me a diamond necklace/earrings. I feel like it’s a cop-out. Especially since they were among a list of things I told him men usually do to apologize since he wasn’t doing anything but explaining or more defending himself (which was the most annoying). He was living a double life, and had even given the girl one of his cars (a Benz) thinking she would leave more easily. This whole situation marked the first time this guy has given me flowers or jewelry. Sorry for the rant, next question: how do I know he’s sorry?… I don’t feel he’s working hard to get me back. Flowers/ “I am sorrys” all seem worthless. I want to see action if he’s too prideful to get on his knees and beg. Before I forget, even though they weren’t intimate, he admitted they had been sleeping in the same bed the whole time even though there are four other bed rooms in the house. He’s a good guy in his own right, but I know I can do better.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 8:16 am
Hi Apple,
yeah you can do better.. Almost two of years of that is not a light issue.. You could be in the original’s girl’s position someday if you get back with him
kris
March 11, 2016 at 5:00 am
Hi,
I’m in a 7 year and 7 months relationship with my boyfriend. We are not living together, we just see each other at school, in our dates, and in family occasions. We are just any other couple, we have some fights but i know we are happy until one day everything changes. Three weeks ago, just before we even had our 8 month celebration, i’ve found out that she has another girlfriend, they have been in relationship for a month. My world crashed down. I can’t believe that he can hurt me this bad. It didn’t crossed my mind even once. Finally, the day came. We are at my place, I asked him, and teary eyed he confessed everything to me.. Every detail cuts me. He said it was a stupid choice he made, he said it was a mistake. When i asked him as to why he did that, he said that he came to a point where he got confused, he questioned his self if this is still what he wants, if we are really for each other. The moment he said that, everything that happened for the past months flash backed at me.. All the fights we had because of school, the pressure to graduate, the moments we didn’t have time for each other because of our situation, and the lost in communication. I blame myself because i didn’t saw what he is going through before, but i still think it is not right that he cheated on me. When i asked him what it is that he wants right now, he said he still doesn’t know because it is so complicated, our families and friends are upset and doesn’t want him anymore for me.. He said he loves me, but there are much more things to consider before deciding whether to get back or not.. I personally want to forgive him, i still love him, and i want us to have our second chance but i want it to come from him coz he is the one that caused this. Since he didn’t initiated anything for us, i just want to be distant, to show him that im strong. I like to follow the no contact rule, but how? We are still in our last year in college, we are thesis partners and we are required to do it together, see each other every now and then.. that makes our situation much complicated and harder. how can you separate the feelings, the emotion, the pain? is everything going to be okay? i’m so confused, what should i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 11, 2016 at 11:38 am
Hi Kris,
You can still do no contact, it will be limited. That means you distance yourself as much as possible, don’t talk about feelings and the relationship status, don’t initiate small talk, improve yourself and if he initiates small talk, reply short and direct but politely..
Karina
February 25, 2016 at 11:29 am
Hi,
I have been in relationship for 2 years. We live together from the beginning. We are a good match and basically nearly never fighting. I was quite a jealous girl and made a fight over his so-called friend. The girl was into him and I felt a bit threatened… Fortunately the girl left the country and our relationship were back to good sweet days. In general I was showing a bit of jealousy now and then and being a bit clingy and needy. He is thinking about breaking up, he mentioned he has no feelings for me anymore. I prevent breaking up saying I do not believe in all of this and that he is confused now and I wait for him to be back to his old self. I already know my two mistakes: being needy and trying to stop him. There are few more factors as well, he recently graduate and didn’t get a job he dreams about. He is very ambitious man and career is important in his life. So far he had only me and his life was going around me most of the time. I discovered as well he is meeting a new girl. She is a student so probably he can impress her more than me. I’m 2 years older and have my life quite well organize. He was the only missing puzzle. Unfortunately I told him he means all to me, and I’m willing to work on our relationship to get it back on the track (probably another mistake). We were about to move back to his home town together and that would be a huge change for me. He said he doesn’t want me to follow anymore. I think he got scared of us getting too serious since he is not ready for getting married yet and he is thinking this is the think I really want now or I will want if I move in with him to his hometown(which means moving the country). What should I do now? Should I initiate break up now? Should I just use NC rule? Should I become UG? Do I tell him I know about him cheating on me? What is the best strategy in this complicated situation?
Katrina
May 3, 2016 at 11:50 am
He said nothing. It was me talking. He only nodded but didn’t say much. I said it wasn’t fair towards me. He only asked me why do I think it needs to be fair… I wasn’t crying or shouting, talked to him in a very calm way. But he was very absent there, didn’t even keep an eye contact with me, seems to be a totally different person. He is like that for a few months now – for me looks like a bit depressed, sitting on the sofa and sighting loudly (there were 2 or 3 days he didn’t even go to work and slept all day long). But I know he is checking on me on Facebook (I saw him). I’m not sure why he is doing that. Is it because he somehow miss me or used to know about every of my step, or just checking out of curiosity.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 11:49 am
I think it’s because he’s curious to what you’ve been up to.. he’s disconnected.. nothing much is going to happen if it’s like that..you really need restart from all of this.
Katrina
May 2, 2016 at 12:30 am
So should I extend NC? I guess its not so effective coz im still somewhere around… He still lives here coz of contract for apt. I know he is looking for a new job in a new city so probably will move when he gets sth.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 3, 2016 at 10:00 am
yeah.. he’s not missing you much because you’re still there..how did he react when you told him you knew?
Katrina
May 1, 2016 at 10:42 am
Heya,
So I’ve told him I know about cheating. We officially broke up. I did NC rule which is going to reach 30 days tomorrow. He still is seeing that girl, but at the same time, lives with me. We haven’t talked for a month, barely seen each other coz I made myself extremely busy! How can I initiate contact now? It’s a bit awkward to txt him, because I can just talk to him if I want since we still live in the same apartment.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 3:17 pm
well, don’t text him.. but actually don’t talk to him yet.. why is he still living with you?
Tiffaney Grant
April 10, 2016 at 6:57 pm
Its been 3 days since my ex randomly broke up with me, we have been together for 4 yrs and out of the blue last week he has been taking a while texting me back and not returning my calls(he’s away in college) I sensed that he might have found someone new and 3 days ago out of the blue he blocked me off all social media and blocked my number and he would answer none of my texts, the next morning he texts me and says he can’t be with me anymore that he just met someone. HE JUST MET HER AND HES BEEN WITH ME FOR 4YRS AND HE CHOOSE ME OVER HER !!!! I’m devastated we are both madly in love with each other and our 1st loves I just don’t understand how u can leave the love of your life for someone u just met ! He says he has a better connection with her than me and that I should move on and start a new relationship. I’m speechless. Just like any normal girlfriend I harras him by text message begging him to take me back and all I did was get ignored. I can’t eat or sleep and I have a knot in my stomach that won’t come out just thinking about him ignoring me because he’s with another woman makes me go crazy, then he says he can’t talk to me because letting me go is the hardest thing he’s ever had to do, I want to text him so badly and just ask him are u sure u want her ? U don’t love me anymore ? And then he says he hopes he’s not making a big mistake, that means he’s not sure if he wants to be with her. Right now I’m just trying to be as calm as possible but I keep looking at my phone or praying I wake up and see a text from him saying I was right he made a mistake he wants me back, I’m trying the no contact rule but its only been 3 days and I’m dying to talk to him already, he was my best friend we talked 24/7 ! Someone please give me some guidance or motivation he is the love of my life and I’m so crushed that he’s left me for a girl he just met ! I feel like this girl is just there to feel a void because he’s in college and were not able to have sex often because he’s away so he has this girl now and she’s clouding his judgment into thinking he’s really into her
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 11:40 am
Hi Tiffaney,
The more you should do nc.. You’ve done your job and you’ve begged so stop and focus on yourself now.. Make him regret… Post your improvements and tour activities and set him aside for 30 days..
How long have been ldr?
Katrina
March 4, 2016 at 11:37 am
I didn’t tell him yet that I know he is cheating. Don’t know how to start… I don’t want to make him feeling negative about me. I don’t want to sound as if I’m giving him ultimatum: her or me. How to say in a best way I don’t like the situation we are at at the moment without giving him ultimatum? We live together, how long should I let him stay in the apartment with me? He seems to be moving further away from me day by day, which means getting more involved with that girl. Is there anything else I can do beside revealing I know the truth and we should break up?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2016 at 5:54 am
hmmm.. it’s going to be absurd to tell you that you should try to treat him better, initiate the fun times, treat it like the way it was at the start of the relationship because even though that may work, you still have that secret you’re carrying..it’s not like you’re just going to forget that.. it’s your choice.. try to work on the relationahip now and then tell it when the relationship is better or face it now
Katrina
February 28, 2016 at 8:33 pm
Would NC work if we officially didn’t break up yet? To do NC without talking about the cheating…
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 29, 2016 at 12:24 pm
you mean just not talking about the cheating? Or really not talking at all? coz nc, actually is not talking at all.. If you didn’t talk, it would be awkward to just suddenly nc..especially of he didn’t know that you know there is a problem
Katrina
February 26, 2016 at 12:37 pm
I think I can talk to him in a calm way. I just wonder if it’s a right time. Every day he prepares dinner and run to me with a plate of food (I’m coming back home later these days because I’m working on my goals). If I’m late, asking when I come back home. Is it just sign of feeling guilty or he has strong feelings for me and still wants to take care of me? I think not achieving great career plays a huge role in his ‘depression’. Which is not an excuse for cheating at all. But at least I understand from where it comes. Grass is greener on the other side, and newest factor. I’m to be blamed for it as well, didn’t notice enough early and was putting more pressure on him and growing my expectations towards us. Should I wait a bit more before I reveal I know about everything and hope that newest and excitement factor wear of and he will give up on her? Or tell straight away and tell him he has to make up his mind what he wants to do with his life? If we break up, I know exactly what to do. But I’m puzzled with what is the best for now? Talk to him or wait a bit more…..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2016 at 6:06 am
It’s better of you can talk to him as soon as possible..but don’t rish it.. as you said.. wait for the right time.. when both of you are in the right state of mind.. or mostly when you’re in the best state of mind..
he can be guilty and he can be missing you too..
Katrina
February 26, 2016 at 7:04 am
He is seeing her over the weekend. I found proves like some receipts (hotel, dinner booking, etc.) When last time I asked him what he wants (in terms of us) he said he doesn’t know yet. Then it seems everything was getting better but when I asked him if its fine with us, he replied not really. He mention then with poker face he doesn’t like me anymore. Then I found out about that girl. I booked us trip together but he said he doesn’t feel like going. He knows I hate traveling alone so probably thought I won’t go anywhere without him. Imagine his surprised when I said I have no reason to cancel and Im happy to go. He couldn’t sleep all night long. He was hugging me at night but in a nervous way. Im trying to get more independent from him as I used to be. I’m working on myself, improving my life and focusing on my goals. Should I still confront him about the other girl or just leave it and wait if he comes up with breaking up?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 26, 2016 at 12:14 pm
If you tell him, it might lead him to break up with you but that means you can have peace of mind too because you’re not keeping a secret anymore and he would feel guilty..
But also tell it the calmest way possible.. I know that seems silly but if you get angry, he might just use that anger against you…
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 25, 2016 at 2:43 pm
Hi Katrina,
If he moves back alone, does that mean you ldr or you’re broken up? And by seeing, do you mean they’re togerher for sure or he’s just talking to her?
Sasha
February 17, 2016 at 9:42 pm
Hi,
I have been in a relationship for 6 years with a guy I have a bang for. He broke up with me and went out with this girl. We got back together and he has broken up with me around 3 weeks ago…. Once again to be with this girl.
I am not sure I want him back because I know I am worth more.
But if I did want him back would asking him to leave ruin my chances of getting him back or make him miss his comfort of his previous living arrangements with me (increasing the chances of him coming back)?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 12:19 pm
Hi Sasha,
if you’re living together, you can still do nc by limiting contact and going out more becausebif he moves out, that means they’re getting serious or you need a space from to think clearly
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 1:01 pm
Hi nicha,
if they’re sexting, they’re not friends… I think you know what to do, you just chose not to do it.. Yiu said it yourself, you keep forgiving.. Either you continue doing this until you get fed up, or muster up the courage to respect and love yourself..
Lisa
February 1, 2016 at 9:57 am
Hey,
I found out that myboyfiend was flirting with other girls online, and when i faced him he said it s not such a big deal which lead me to getting upset and angry , telling him i deserve better and that he an enjoy being with them than me, now i really don’t know what to do, should i get him back to start with, it s been a week and i have so mixed up feelling, i’m still upset and i miss him at the same time
Lisa
February 1, 2016 at 11:04 am
I will give him an other chance if he is truely sorry about what he did, even when i went into argument with him ( this was by whatsapp coz he lives in other country) he suddently stopped answering me while he read my texts when i got angry, and now we don’t talk for a week , I can’t help comparing myself to these girls and looking for the tiny details which kills me, what should i do to make him back to me again but at the same time making him realise his mistake and see me as the special woman he always told me i was to him
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 10:14 am
H Lisa,
Well, you’re the only one who can answer that. Are you going to give him another chance or you can’t tolerate what b he did?
Sam
January 17, 2016 at 10:51 pm
I’ve been reading everything for days now, and it’s been almost my first week of no contact.
Me and my boyfriend dated for 3.5 years, and were long distance for 1.5 of those. He cheated on me with his female roommate that moved there this summer. He said after the fact that he felt all the constant talking and texting we did felt forced and obligated. I can understand that because ldr is hard, and it was easy to be with her while I was far away. I’m not saying he’s innocent at all just I could understand where it went wrong.
Probably is, I begged and constantly messaged and texted him non stop and he told me he wouldn’t read any of my emails and going to change his number.
So I’ve been using this time to think, he feels guilty for the cheating and I think we could make it work but he’s saying I pushed him to a point with all my texting and calling… I just really want to try. I’m willing to fight, so I hope this no contact works and he’s willing to try back…
Lisa
January 17, 2016 at 9:19 pm
My ex cheated on me and I knew about the other woman but he insisted there was nothing going on. Finally I ended our 5 year relationship one day when she called his cell phone when we were together and he tried to lower the volume and act like it was someone else. He wouldn’t be honest about cheating and he was constantly pulling away from me. Even though I broke up with him We continued to hang out for another 3 months but he would never recommit to working on our relationship. He would always tell me he was trying to get himself together and put his life in a better situation. He’s 42 and not ready to get back into a relationship. We continued to hang out with no arguing, and spending every day together along with his kids. As I saw there was nothing wrong with our relationship and he just wanted to be out of the commitment I found your site and immediately did the 30 day no contact rule. Our 1st encounter was at a mutual friends birthday party and he admitted to missing me and didn’t know why I wouldn’t talk to him. I still continued to keep my distance, not responding to his text messages wishing me Happy Thanksgiving or Merry Christmas. Finally we saw each other again a few weeks ago and I became weak. All of my feelings came back and I miss him so much. He’s now “seeing” the girl that I always accused him of cheating on me with but says they are not in a relationship. He and I hung out this past weekend and had a great time. He says that he and I can hang out with each other and our families because we are just friends. I told him I wasn’t willing to hang out with him if he is seeing someone else because I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me. It turned into an argument and he became very defensive because he felt as though I was playing games and trying to turn something into nothing. After we got off the phone I receive a text message from him stating “I appreciate you” and “ttyl”. HELP! I miss him. I would like to see us get back together.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 10:27 am
Hi Lisa,
I think you’re great. Just be consistent and be clear with yourself with what you want and what you can’t control. if you want to be back with him but he keeps on being shady, either hope he would change after stating it to him clearly and accept if he doesn’t or walk away.
Tay
January 1, 2016 at 9:12 am
Hi, Chris –
I was dating a boy for 4.5 years (I say boy because of his actions ) , he started acting off, lying to me and not letting me see his phone – he had a best friend , he told me there was nothing to worry about – two days after dumping me he started dating her, I had asked previously if there was something going on and he lied to my face telling me nothing – he said he didn’t cheat on me, but come on two days after breaking off a long term relationship ?
I never found out that he was dating her , until I asked her myself – this was after I had slept with him on a day that should have been our anniversary , 5 days after he was already dating her – the day he slept with me , he said we were getting back together – when his friends came over unexpectedly , he hid me in the back yard and chased me out the front door when his friends were in his bedroom , I sat in the park across from his house waiting for my life – I saw his “best friend” walk through the park but she didn’t see me – Now he is calling her the nickname he used to call me – a personalized one -it hurts and what is worse is people keep saying that they won’t last and that he will come back – but I don’t want that – we were each others firsts everything , he left me for a 16 year old who had dated and slept with all his friends , and he likes her better because she fits more into his crowd and he says she has his back like i never did- yet I chose him over my whole family most of the time ….. it is funny how things work …
I am not sure what to do now , but I guess if you are just girlfriend you are basically nothing .
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 11:23 am
HI Tay,
That’s not true. Nobody should be left being worthless. The question is, is he worth getting back to. With his actions towards you, you don’t deserve to be treated that way.
CONFUSED
December 29, 2015 at 6:25 pm
Hi,
I had been dating my ex boyfriend for 2 years before he dumped me a year ago. We were happy to my knowledge, we had never fought or had problems during our relationship. We were in a long distance relationship for a year and a half, with no problems. I got a job in his state and relocated to be closer to him. All was well, for about 4 months of my relocation. We went to Mauritius on vacation, I must say it was the worst vacation of my life. We started having small arguments about things that did not make sense to me. He started being distant and moody. He was constantly on his phone. He started complaining about my weight and dress code which he had never done before.
After we came back from vacation, the arguments and fights became worse. Five days after we came back, he told me he needed space. He started ignoring my calls, not coming over to visit, not wanting me to visit. I could not understand what went wrong. He was avoiding and ignoring me for about three weeks so I took it upon myself to go over to his place unannounced to try save our relationship. When I got to his place, he was shocked to see me and told me to leave and that he did not love me anymore on the hallway. I could not believe where this was coming from, I tried to be rational but he wanted to leave urgently so though he was expecting someone. As a glanced inside the apartment behind him, I saw ladies garments. Only then it dawned on me why everything changed, he was cheating on me with someone else. Heartbroken, I walked away. The next day, I told him what I had seen and he told me that it was my fault that he cheated on me but failed to explained how I did that. I was so depressed that I had a mild stroke and was hospitalised for 2 weeks after the break up.
Long story short, a month ago (a year after the break). He came back and apologised. Confessed everything. I realised I still love him but I am not sure if I can take him back. When I remember our good times and how happy he made me. How he was not only my boyfriend, but my best friend and partner, everything in my body says ‘why not’. However, I have this dark cloud that is hanging over my heart reminding me how he broke it. I have forgiven him but I don’t know how to forget and how to look at him past the pain. I don’t know how to trust him again.
Please help me with my decision.
Kind Regards,
Confused
Zoey
December 27, 2015 at 8:12 am
Dating bf for about 3 years. We are a different culture and he is kind of traditional. He has been talking about marriage and our future, saying he is making changes in our life to benefit our future. As affectionate as he is and constantly shares his love, if picks fights a lot. He picks dumb fights and dumps me and doesnt talk for a week or more. Then when he’s calm he talks to me and we make up. I just found out he has been cheating on me. He only admits that he did it once but i think its more. I found messages on his fb to this girl calling her his queen saying he was excited to see her. This girl knows of us and she still intentionally pursued him. she had tried texting him months ago and i got upset with him and he had her blocked on everything, until i saw those messages and caught that he had gone to her house with a bottle of wine. oh, he went to her house to cheat on me after cutting our date short claiming he was tired. once i caught him he was more shocked and stayed silent. he didn’t even apologize, just went straight to fighting with me. i packed up his stuff and took it to his moms house and i was so angry i told her what he did. he is saying i made him look bad in front of everyone and his family. he has turned it all around on me claiming i did the wrong. he won’t apologize or even fight for me. it is sad because i thought i was what he wanted in life. i have no answers and I’m struggling.