How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back if HE Cheated On You- Advice & Help

1,053 thoughts on “He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?”

Emma

November 16, 2015 at 11:13 pm

Hi Chris
me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for 2 years, everything was going well we was happy I couldn’t ask more from him, about 9 months ago we decided to move in together we was happy for first 3-4 months we started arguing over silly things and he was stressed which he didn’t talk to me about just blamed me for everything. then a couple of months ago he didn’t want to see me as much I felt insecure as he was acting like he was cheating I found blonde hair in our bed and bath and constantly hiding his phone, I constantly asked him are you cheating on me he kept denying it over and over, recently I discovered a girl on his fb he never used to talk to other girls and I messaged her asking does she know him, she told me they had been seeing each other for 2 months and didn’t know about me. I found out they hadn’t slept together but was taking her out and spending lots of time with her, I confronted him and he told me he loved me and he only was with me as he felt sorry for me. so I left and he went to hers for the night. the day after he told me he wanted to be honest and talk so I met him again to talk. he told me had feelings for both of us and would regret it if he lost me and told me I’m the love of his life. so I felt like he was sorry and wanted to try make our relationship work. we kissed and I went to my mums. then when I left he txt me saying he didn’t think it wud work out and now dumped me for good over the phone saying he wants to be single and the reason isn’t because he wants to be with her but I don’t believe him. I love him desperately he is my first true love and I’m his I want to try make the relationship work how can I get him back thanks x
Héloïse

November 15, 2015 at 5:24 pm

Hello chris,
my ex and i were fighting for like a month because i wasn’t good with myself ( had a lot of problems ) and i started arguments and was just stupid … finally we set the problems and wanted to continue because we loved each other and had the most amazing week. he even came to my place as a surprise and we had the best time! he told me that he loved me and he even texted me that he loved me when he left.. the same night he cheated on me and kissed that girl.. the day after he told me and was crying his heart out and told me he was lost and didn’t what to believe of himself anymore because its the first time he cheated on anyone and can’t stand the fact that he hurt me so much.
he was crying so much it was terrible and he ended it with me…
i tried to get him back twice but wasn’t begging him but he said no …
i have red different ebooks and did a no contact rule .. i texted him and i even talk to him as we are in the same school but its always me that has to come to him … he juste came to talk to me once …
he is very flirty with everyone but doesn’t actually do anything ( of what i know )
he looks at me a lot at school or at school events and sometimes he shows up behind me in clubs … but for 2 weeks he is just absent.
He said to friends that he wants to move on and doesn’t want to go back in the past and will never go back to me … but he looks so weird and sad since we broke up and everything he does is weird or fake …
what should i do ?
Stuck on this one

November 7, 2015 at 11:32 pm

So I had found my bf was flirting with other girls behind my back, so I broke it off, I then went into no contact over the summer and was constantly referring to this website. after getting in contact I tried to take things slow but he really pushed for things and soon started dating again, Halloween came around and ended up cheating on me physically with some girl 😐 I broke it off obviously now, whenever he sees me in the halls he smiles and says hi or he tries to come sit with me and I ignore him and all him and his friends laugh….what do i do?
confused

October 31, 2015 at 9:50 pm

Recently walked in on my bf (almost 40y/o) cheating on me with a teenager. When I found them he basically picked her over me, telling ME to leave. Was very suspicious of her during the whole relationship and he lied to my face for months about it. Not just cheating via sex but emotions are involved. After the initial breakup and crazy angry texting.. he is telling me he loves me, has made a mistake, but “knows he cannot make it right.” Essentially he is still with her and has not said he will leave her, but claiming he is upset over losing me. I stopped contacting him. Today he texted me happy birthday and I did not reply. Is this salvageable? I know part of the NC rule is deciding if I even WANT him back, but I was would like your general view here.
iris taylor

October 23, 2015 at 5:37 pm

Chris please help. My ex/child’s father have been on & off for 4 years due to his cheating. I finally left him alone but we co parent. I still love him & is still in love to with him but he has to know that I won’t ‘allow the bull crap , especially since the are older and have a child. However, I want to teach him a omoblesson by knowing what it feels like to not have me. But today I just found out that he is moving out of town. Is he trying to hurt me ? Is he trying to move on? Would wanting him back be a waste of time or even foolish of me? I am hurt.
Aleesha

October 17, 2015 at 10:45 am

Hi Chris
My ex and I had being together for 4.5 years lived together for 4 years and have a two (2) year old child together. He proposed to me and 4.5 months later we broke up but decided we would try to work things out. 3 months ago I trusted my gut and found out he was cheating on me ( apparently only emotional cheating not physical) I kicked him out then and there. I miss him so much and am devastated that things have ended and I wish I had my family back. He is still seeing her and has told me that he has no feelings for me at all when he looks at me. I have very low self esteem and this has being a massive blow to my confidence and have not being coping with the rejection well. When we have spoken he tells me he doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore but then the way he says things and his body language make me feel otherwise. I have started to see a psychologist to try to help me cope and she would like him to come to a session which he says he will and that it’s very important to him yet he doesn’t make me a priority and keeps putting his work first ( which was an issue for us whilst we was together). I’m so confused if I’m holding onto false hope or if there is any chance of me getting him back.

Thanks

Chris Seiter

October 18, 2015 at 6:08 pm

You will have to work on getting your confidence back up during no contact. Try going on dates and work on the things that are making you feel inadequate. It’s very possible to get him back.

Rachel

September 17, 2015 at 9:44 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and I were dating for two years. Our relationship was always rocky, and we have broken up several times (only for a couple weeks at a time), especially in the beginning. He never REALLY wanted a relationship and I stupidly stayed with him because we made the agreement to not hook up with other people. We spent all of our time together, met each others families, went on vacations, knew each others friends and all of that… The relationship got better and better, but with a lot of fights and trust issues along the way. This last summer was the best our relationship had ever been, I finally felt like he was accepting the idea of being in a committed relationship and we stopped fighting. Well.. I ended up finding out he cheated on me a few months earlier, during a very difficult time in our relationship. At first he refused to make a comment on it, he just yelled at me, cussed me out and told me to leave him alone. A few days later we REALLY got into it, screaming at each other and putting each other down….And a few days after that he told me it was one of the biggest mistakes of his life and that I have always deserved so much better, but that we can’t be together again, he feels too disappointed in himself. I have not begged for him back, but we do send the occasional “I loved you so much, I wish things had ended differently” email to each other. He continues to tell me he can NEVER be with me again…. I’m not sure how to approach this, I do love him… and I want to make things work. It’s been 3 weeks since the break up and the last “I loved you, I’m sorry, We can’t be together ever again” email he sent was yesterday.

M

November 19, 2015 at 10:47 pm

Hey Rachel,

I like you have been in a similar situation. My current boyfriend treated me terribly for the first two years or so that we dated. He cheated on me with two different women, one of which he tried to say we were never dating so it never counted. That was followed by months and months of being manipulated into thinking that I was the one with issues, that I pushed him to cheat on me, and that I was being unreasonable.

Long story short, we broke up a while after this. I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted my backbone back. A few weeks later he begged to date me again. I told him he needed to prove it to me. After two months of near perfection I agreed to date him again. He has honestly been a great boyfriend since, and it had been about two years. So, I imagine, I guess I got an ending you are similarly hoping for.

What I want to tell you though, is that I’m not sure if it’s the ending that you want. While I am with the person I love, and am building trust with him (still), I will always wonder if he is putting his phone face down for a reason. I always question what he is doing, who he is with, and whether or not he is being faithful… Although I don’t act like it. I am a different woman now. If I saw the red flags I ignored the first time around, I would put my foot down and walk away. But I just want you to know, that even if you want him back, you may question your decision later if it actually happened. Even after two years of a near perfect relationship rekindled. Even after warning signs have disappeared.

Please be strong. Do it for yourself. Do not contact him anymore. The only way I got my guy to see he had to change was by showing him I wasn’t interested in him the way he was then. And honestly, I wasn’t at the time. And you shouldn’t be interested in a guy who is dragging you back and forth like this. Who never respected you enough to be up front, faithful, and reassure his love for you.

And honestly, you may want to consider the fact that he may have another person in line. Guys like these ones tend to tell you what you want to hear to keep you around when they aren’t sure if there’s someone else to fill that void. Then when the void is filled by a fling or another relationship, are much more likely to be firm or even mean. Just something to consider.

I can tell you are a beautiful person. Please embrace that and don’t let someone taint it. Move on for yourself, and if he comes back, only then will it have a fighting chance. And even then, like I said, it may not be everything you wanted. Be your own best friend for a while. Take yourself on some dates, whether it’s a Pinterest and wine night at home or an expensive meal. You’ll be surprised how okay it is to be on your own, to enjoy your own company. If you find that peace, then no one can ever bring you down!

Love,
M

Claudine

September 7, 2015 at 3:00 am

Hi- my ex is actually my best friend of 9 years. whilest I never thought anything would ever happen between us- we moved in together- he esTablished a relationship with a bitch- and suddenly on a drunken night (I NEVER DRINK AND IT WAS MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH WITH BEING DRUNK) HE SLEPT WITH ME. sINCE THEN WE HAVE BEEN ON AND OFF FOR 4 YEARS. He has since broken up with the ex- moved out and had 2 relationships- although he still continues to sleep with me. For me – he has become my one true love-I am 43 and always had men in my life who were abusive (paedophiles, verbally, physically) I thought he knew me better than anyone else- and was always a stud amongst women but treated me well. He currently has moved in with a horse mad girl called Ari- but he continues to sleep with me every week. I miss him and our relationship and am always so excited and happy to see him. I should probably add- that in the last 2 years I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome- I know that it is unlikely that I will ever find a guy who genuinely loves me. I used to be gorgeous and with a slim and curvy body to die for. Illlness has put on 20 kg and I am no longer so appealing to men!!. Maybe I have bee brainwashed by the Disney movies and songs from my generation that imply that everyone gets a prince or a great love in their life. I always did the right thing- I was a virgin till I was 21- waiting for the right man to come along.. (yep- he turned out to be a Paedophile and wasted 7 yrs of my life) and I just don’t unde3rstand why at 43 I am alone, lonely and unloved! ….and still usedby this man who I love but who uses me as a weekly servicing (since the current gf apparently doesn’t put out very often) I supported him financially, physically and emotionally(when he claimed he had bowel cancer and only a few yrs to live) but I have nothing to show- yet I still can’t see myself with anyone else. what do I do??
ELLA

September 3, 2015 at 3:38 am

My ex and I was together for 4 years and lived together the last 2 we had a few trust issues and we got into a heated argument about money and bills and he left and come to find out he was cheating and 2 days after leaving our house he was living with the other female. WE HAVEN’T COMMUNICATED SINCE I MADE ONE ATTEMPT TO CONTACT HIM N HE WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME HE DELETED ME FROM FB AND CHANGED HIS CELL PHONE NUMBER…DO YOU THINK I HAVE A CHANCE OF GETTING HIM BACK?
pinks

August 24, 2015 at 2:29 am

Can you please explain to me why my boyfriend cheated??? We dated exclusively for 7 months, agreeing not to see other people and he became my boyfriend. He told me he loved me and then shortly after that he broke up with me during an argument because he needed to ‘focus on himself’. I later found out that he had been seeing his ex on and off the ENTIRE time we dated and continued to do so after we broke up. I’m deeply confused because he always said that I was so out of his league and that he was lucky to have me. He told me I was the sweetest girl he’d ever been with. After speaking with his “ex”, I realize that she is very insecure and immature. All they do is argue and make one another miserable, they can’t even get along for a week. He always said being with her was stressful and I am the opposite of everything she was. I also know that I am much more physically attractive. He once said he couldn’t attach himself to me because he was protecting himself but anytime I asked what he was protecting himself from he couldn’t answer. I was an incredible girlfriend who always encouraged and supported him and my love was unconditional. Even now that I am not IN love, after everything I still love him as a person and want him to do well. I was so good to him and he told me that I was constantly. I never would have hurt him or abandoned him. I just can’t understand what he was thinking.

pinks

August 27, 2015 at 3:45 pm

It was his idea to be exclusive, but he wouldn’t call me his girlfriend for a long time because he didn’t want to “label” it. He is a Youtube personality and his viewers have crushes on him. He said he didn’t want to jeapordize it because he is trying to become an actor. He kept saying that he was mine and I was his and got mad anytime I asked about the label and jealous when I suggested that I should be allowed to see other people.

We were arguing because he got into a habit of not texting me back for days while he was posting on social media. He constantly told me he was just “busy” and I tried to be understanding and just asked that he check in each day. He couldn’t even do that. He kept getting mad at me for being hurt over it and this time he got so mad he broke up with me. Later I found out he was texting that girl all those times he said he was busy.

I think he is insecure because he kept telling me I was out of his league and also I have noticed he doesn’t know how to be alone. He constantly needs attention from girls. He sometimes told me stories that were made up to make me jealous. Still, I don’t understand why he would leave me if he felt so lucky. To be honest, I’m a confident girl and I know he was extremely lucky to have me. I wish I could understand this.
Chris Seiter

August 24, 2015 at 5:36 pm

Who’s idea was it to become exclusive? His or yours? What was the argument about?

advise

August 15, 2015 at 7:35 pm

Hi chris i was wondering if you reply to KM what to do if ex contacts you during 45 day no contact ? I would like to know because my ex is contacting me by calling but i blocked his call and by messg. Tango. Can you share the advise.

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 10:42 pm

How long have you been in no contact. If he is contacting you alot after the 30 days you can respond. Anything before the 30 days you have to ignore him unless he is asking you to get back with him.

Pat

July 17, 2015 at 6:18 pm

I met a guy 8 years ago at a bar on the beach. He was sitting at the bar drunk with his head on the table. He saw me and just started dancing along with me. I was not looking to hook up with anyone at the time and was there for the good music and because I felt comfortable as I knew the owners. We started talking and I found out that his 25 year marriage had dissolved and was considering suicide. His wife left him and he was heart broken. I really felt sorry for the guy. (BIG MISTAKE THERE. NEVER FEEL SORRY FOR A GUY). Nothing happened then and there. Days went by and I would go to the beach and since he lived there he would see me and come sit with me to vent. I was going through my separation at the time as well. I tried helping him which helped me cope with what I was going through. He used to always invite me to his home which I would politely decline as I did not like him and did not want to be involved with anyone. So a couple weeks go by and he tells me that I would not have a problem if I went to his home because he was impotent. We continued to meet on the beach and became friends. One day I accepted his invitation and I went to his home as I considered him a safe friend but after some drinks and making out I found out that he was far from impotent and we had sex. We agreed that we would be friends in a monogamous relationship. I was always clear and told him, “if you want to have sex with someone else, just let me know and go. I did not want to jeopardize my health by exposing myself to stds and at the same time I really don’t want to be with a guy that desires something else. So 8 years go by and we are still together and I find 10 videos of him having sex with another woman , WITHOUT A CONDOM!!! As I watched the videos I felt my heart pounding so hard that I really thought it was going to explode out of my body. When he saw me he said that it was only one time thing and told me lies after lies. The next day I went to the gynecologist and spoke of the cheating situation and my fear of having aids or any other std so she tested me thoroughly and thankfully all of my tests came back negative. What hurt me the most was that he jeopardized my health with any disregard and the violated my trust we had. I had obviously befriended a low life with no values or morals.
So I cried, stopped eating, got mad and had to schedule time with a psychologist to help me pass through this situation that I had never been through. I felt the NEED to get revenge so I had sex with his cute neighbor. This CRUSHED him. He went crazy texting me and calling me saying over and over again how much he loves me, he’s not eating , he’s crying , he screwed up, please give him another chance, that he lost his best friend and lover and that he needs me back in his life.
Even if the sex that I had with the neighbor turns out to be a one night stand I truly have no regrets. He went through the pain that I went through when I found out and I LOVED every minute of it. This is one of the best moves I’ve made in my life.
Just know that when there is cheating and you find out something , there is always so much more that you don’t know and may never know so a word of advice, get yourself together and get to the bottom of it. How did I get to the bottom of it ? I had to spend the weekend with him. Got him drunk, asked him to call my phone which I didn’t know where it was, memorized his password, kept on giving him alcohol and when he fell asleep got into his phone.
Don’t give in to his lies and excuses because they are not true and if you do you will be living in a fantasy world far from reality. Being guided as a sheep by a wolf. Find a way and get to the bottom of it. Use every resource. Even if you have to disguise yourself and follow him, go into his phone, anything. DO IT!!! DO NOT LIVE a fake life believing a cheater’s lies. Find the hard evidence, put it in his face, walk out to NEVER RETURN and plan a revenge. If you don’t , just beware that it WILL happen again.
KM

June 15, 2015 at 3:39 am

Hi Chris,

URGENT HELP NEEDED
My (so-called) ex contacted me after 15 days of NC. I didn’t expect it. I don’t know what to do.

I am researching these advices for myself as well as I just broke up with my 3-year LDR boyfriend a week ago, which is what I didn’t want to. We have been working things out sooooo well that he flew to visit my family across the world until the past 2-3 months that we had less talks as he said he was busy. But that is after he asked for my permission to let him have physical activity with a woman he used to have sex with long before he met me. 🙁 I know… This is really complicated and sounds very unfair to me. But I trust him that there would be no emotional attachment developed between them.

A month after the incidence, he started to respond to my text less. I freaked out. I tried to understand that his work came to the point that it was demanding, just for that short while. I have been trying to be strong and working things out for us but things didn’t work out, like I was doing it alone. I got so weak and hopeless. He kept saying he was busy and finally needed time to work things out because he could not stay at home, at his desk for a long hours, or get up early/sleep late for us too talk any more.
After consulting with friends and my American dad (I’m not American but have a very close connection with my host family since I was an exchange student there), breaking up was the common solution they gave. I was hopeless, weak, confused, freak out, doubting, everything. Then break up happened. I said it, not in exact word but the content was straight forward. He didn’t respond at all after that.

I did NC and it’s been 15 days that I didn’t contact him. I keep being positive. I hang out with friends and family more. I even went on dinner with a guy I met on a famous matching app (just to distract myself and more for socializing purpose). I finally change my hair and follow your ‘THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO USING FACEBOOK TO GET YOUR EX BOYFRIEND BACK.’ And 2 days after changing my hair and showing it at my friend wedding, he just contacted me – it’s last night. He texted me in FB chat (our normal media to communicate other than Skype) saying ‘Would you like to talk or you want me to leave you alone?’

I have no idea what his objective of contacting me is. I’m scared, honestly. I want us together but that feels like we need to start over. And it is harder since our emotional connection has been once broken (in a very bad way) and we are in LDR. Keeping it when it was shaken was already hard, I felt like I was putting so much effort but he couldn’t do well with it. There’s a doubt how could he rebuild it? Does he really want us back or he just wants a to make closure? I’m so confused.
Bottom line: I miss our beautiful time. I have him in everywhere, everything. I watched Jurassic Park last night and thought about when he protected me during the time we face a storm in the sea, etc. Please – help me, What should I do? How should I talk to him and get him back? I don’t how to start the conversation and make it a good start.

Thank you.
jessica

June 4, 2015 at 11:17 am

Hi chris!
I recently broke up with my boyfriend because he cheated on me. We were on LDR. But hold on. We break up because our relationship was already strained because of I’m clingy, that’s the main reason, the cheating part only triggered it.
We were serious and I was planning to move to AU (where he lives) and many future plan. Our relationship has been strained recently because we’re both busy with college, especially he got part time job as well and then we’re having a 2 weeks break to cool down our fight (idk what was i’m thinking) then this old friend/fling of his having a vacation in his country and he became her tour guide. Long story short, he has a moment of weakness.
The one who initiate the break up was my bf, he doesn’t want to corrupt our relationship no more because the trust is already damage and he completely lost confidence in his commitment and because his feelings already split. It’s more hard to emnd when you’re on LDR. I appreciate his honesty and courage to tell me this, but honestly, we were so good together and I just can’t let a single mistake ruin a whole relationship. But maybe I’m just thinking like this because of the post-break up.
I’m going to do the NC rules now, but I’m afraid he doesn’t want me back because he thinks when we’re together we only dragging each other down, plus his confidence in commitment is shattered.
What do you think? What should I do?
Aiko Chilombo

May 27, 2015 at 11:33 pm

Sorry for this being really long and please help me with all the issues thanks in advance. I met my ex boy friend 4 years ago and we started dating in December of last year. He just started dating a girl when we started talking seriously. When he broke up with her to be with me I had him wait a couple weeks before we started dating. He’s liked me for a long time but I would never give him the time of day. When we started dating things were fine fights here and there but nothing major. Our fights would be over real quick because they really weren’t important. So to get to my point a new girl moves in during our winter break from school and she lives in the same neighborhood as him. I trusted him not to do anything. I met her and she gave me an attitude the first day I met her in my mind I already knew she was going to give me trouble because she knowing I was the girlfriend. So as time goes on he tells me now she’s tries to kiss him and her telling him she loves him. So I have this sense that something’s going on and that he isn’t telling me. So he knew I was upset about this topic so he said he would stop talking to her for me. So he tells me he stopped and I said I could careless if you told me because you could be behind my back and wouldn’t know. He picked it up as he was okay to talk to her again. So after a couple weeks I took his phone and wanted to see if he was talking to her. When I went through it I saw he was talking to her and then I saw these messages with 5 other girls and he’s talking a little too friendly and so his sister told me that he’s like that but nothing serious. So this was a major argument which led us to arguing and making a scene and we didn’t break up because I wasn’t wanting to. So he told me he stopped talking like that. So issue was gone and as weeks go by I just can’t let go of the girl in his neighborhood. I can’t accuse him of cheating because I’m not there in the neighborhood when he was hanging out with her. He wouldn’t tell me till I found out one day. We broke up because we went on another break because he needed to fix his anger and I needed to fix some things for myself. So I tell him ”break” and my friend tells I was done with him so he dates the girl from the neighborhood starting idk when. We went on a break the 12/31 for a couple days which is there anniversary also he told me after we broke up that he kissed her on new years eve. While he was dating her he told me he didn’t want to close the door on us and to wait for him. So I told him I would wait and I was okay to date other people but I didn’t want to. They broke up and he wants to work on things with me he has always loved me and regrets loosing me and idk whether to get back or not. Like I tired to stop and not but I always still wanted him. Yet their are still friends and I can’t do anything about it because I donr want to make him cut off a friend. Also supposedly she won’t remove the date for a while so that her parents can keep thinking everything is okay with her yet that’s sketch.
Nyx

May 26, 2015 at 3:06 pm

Hey Chris, so I was with my ex for about 4 years, (on& off I may add) but we were crazy for each other. Once we graduated early together, I moved in with him.We were inseperable, at one point we even worked together. Well all was great until I became pregnant, which was fine, we were excited, but 2 weeks after the baby was born, I caught him texting an ex + other girls. I told him to stop, he said he would, but he didn’t, so I moved out, we broke up. Since we broke up, I went to go see an old friend, who then told me my ex cheated on me while pregnant. That it was with a girl from work who I had suspected, he told me he would just give her a ride home cause she didn’t have a car which I thought was fine, because at the time she was my friend too! I’d go eat with her, pay for her, everything! Anyways, turns out, he went to go smoke with her& they ended up sleeping together. I’m a brand new mom, & he comes to see the baby daily, so it’s not like I can avoid him. I have so many mixed emotions, I just need a little help, or some guidance.
Kay

May 20, 2015 at 9:20 pm

I recently found out my boyfriend of 6 months cheated on me with someone I knew who was also in a relationship at the time. We were all relatively good friends, although none of us had ever had any deep emotional conversations or such. Our whole relationship had been a happy one, we spent pretty much every night together, made dinner with each other, never had a fight and even thought it was possible that he loved me more than I did him (but I am a fairly guarded person so I though that was just a slow letting down of the walls). Even up until he day I found out I never doubted that he cared for me and considered himself very grateful for our relationship. He did however, seem to be a bit flirty with a particular girl on our sporting team and would complain to me that she wouldn’t leave him alone. I knew that she was talking to him on facebook regularly, but as they had been friends before I came into the picture I assumed that it was nothing more than this. We never had the ‘monogamy’ conversation and I never said anything about his flirting, but we did occasionally joke about how I would ‘have words’ with other girls we knew if I ever knew they liked him. He even told me one night how on a night before a comp he shared a bed with another girl who we both knew as one of the two girls (it was in a hotel during the comp) who were going to share together had the flu. However, one day out of the blue the boyfriend of this girl who he had been talking to regularly and flirting with at sport came and told me that his girlfriend and my boyfriend had been cheating on us for months. He had screen shots of their facebook conversations which while not overly graphic, implied that they had spent a lot of time together and had engaged in at least some oral sex. The messages also showed that it was mainly her pushing herself onto him, and while my boyfriend did seem resistant, he didn’t always say no. From the conversation I can see that he did end it with her, and told her that he loved me. The conversation implied that they had had some sort of similar conversation before. I confronted him about it and I could see him go white the minute he realized I knew. He did the usual of telling me that it was over and he loved me, that he hadn’t want to tell me before as he didn’t want to upset me. Our relationship was always going to be a bit tricky as he is just under 5 years younger than me, and we are both actually nationals for different countries (me Australia and him the UK). We were at uni in the UK when all this occurred, however, he knew I was planning on moving to the UK,and was even considering moving to Australia for a few months while we sorted out my visas etc, although we hadn’t yet had the conversation about what that would mean for us. He genuinely seems upset about what he did, and is trying to make things better by stopping all contact with her (difficult as we are all still at Uni together) and has apologized to her boyfriend. I really don’t know what to do. I am considering trying again with him as long as he commits to being ‘all in’ which means moving to Australia for a while, which may have serious consequences for his Olympic campaign. However, I am scared that if he managed to do this to me for so long and was too much of a coward to stand up for me instead of succumbing to her advances than he won’t have the strength to do it next time either. I know our relationship was short in the grand scheme of things and that he is still only very young (21) but I do very much want to believe him when he says it won’t happen ever again. Part of me thinks he needs this harsh lesson to learn not to do it again, but I also think that maybe all this current heartbreak might be enough.

Chris Seiter

May 21, 2015 at 3:42 pm

The question I always ask women in your situation is can you forgive him for cheating?

kate gunderson

May 20, 2015 at 3:45 pm

Ok, theres this guy (names Tyler) that i was with for 5 almost six months. and during the that time , when we started out having a thing and getting intimate he was still together with his girlfriend Ryanna but we were still very close. a month passed and his girlfriend broke up with him because they fought every single day, and i mean every single day. She would hit him even, I was there for him when this happened , i was comforting him, being more there for him than anything. when we started spending more and more time with each other like he would come over to my house and we would watch scary movies, and kiss. i went over to his house and he would put movies on( have me pick them out no matter how girly they were), he’d make me spegetti, cuddle with me, play with my hair until i fell asleep into his arms. we go into a friends with benefits relationship but suprisingly turned into something much more bigger, were getting more and more serious. This was the Five month almost 6 months. he took me to a dance place (prom) and it was so romantic, he picked me up, got me a dozen roses before we got there. and we danced then when went for a walk . and he said that he wants too move this relationship to the next level so we did and we were more committed, more fond of each other it was perfect…..then a week or two later his ex girlfriend tried asking him out, he rejected her, then a weeek after this event his ex Ryanna said that she s pregnant and its Tyler’s kid. He went to the hospital to see if it was legit and “it was, She’s pregnant”, then a few weeks passed and tyler and me kinda were a little iffy around eachother . hes with her now cuz she threaten him and we were forced to break up. and now i just want him back i love this dude and I NEED UR HELP please, this guy is so important to me , i cant lose him, i love him. hes different.

Chris Seiter

May 21, 2015 at 3:32 pm

So, he was cheating on his girlfriend with you initially.

This guy sounds like a total player….

Anna

May 15, 2015 at 4:39 pm

Great work Chris!!! Very practical solutions and you are doing good deed by helping people around world

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 5:40 pm

Thanks Anna!

Nora

May 9, 2015 at 5:08 am

Hi,
My boyfriend and I are high school sweetheart we been dating for about 4 years. I don’t think we have big problems just small fight for quite useless things and never thought of about he will cheat on me. However I found out that he is cheating on me and he dating with someone he meet online. It was at first really shock for me but I told him to break her up and he said he will just give him time bla bla bla . However in the end we broke up he still dating with her and it was 4 years ago. And now still he is with her. After all for four years , I still want him. I also date some other guys but it don’t work out. Last week I start contact with him. We talk and Skype for a long hours it was quite awesome and we cannot meet because we live in different countries now coz I moved out. I have boyfriend and he has girlfriend. It is possible to that we can be together again.please advise me. Even I can live without him , some part of me want him.

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