How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Has A Girlfriend V. 2.0

1,117 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Has A Girlfriend -Version 2.0-”

Leslie

January 21, 2016 at 5:47 am

HI Chris,
So I’m in a very weird situation. I met a guy in September who was a lot older than me. Like 12 years older. But we met through mutual friends and we just instantly connected and I knew I needed him in my life. But at the time the idea of dating someone that much older than me seemed ridiculous so I just assumed we would be friends. I’ve always had much older friends because I don’t think I can connect with people my age. Anyway, we started talking and hanging out and I got a really big crush on him. But i knew it would never happen. When I told our mutual friend who I was becoming very close with she told me he was a great guy but it was never going to happen. Even so, my feelings just kind of grew every time we texted or we hung out. He was the first guy I ever liked that there was a possibility of a mature relationship with. Time went on and I realized he liked me too. And I was so happy. And I have so many issues but with him i just felt peace. We agreed to wait the 6 months until i turned 18 to date. but then one day he kissed me. And i know you must think “what kind of 29 year old goes for a 17 year old whats wrong with him” and i thought the exact same thing. But as I got to know him it made more and more sense to me. he made so happy every time i saw him and he made my life exponentially better. He was my first for pretty much everything. our relationship was like a movie. It was really intense but also short. I got really sick after we met. Like “she might have brain cancer” sick and im already diabetic. I was a mess all the time and while he made me happy it was really hard for him to be there emotionally for me because he didnt know what to do. but we kept going. One night about 7 weeks in I told him that i loved him (way too soon I know I know) but i did and i wanted to tell him because he was so obvious that he felt it too. but he didn’t say it back. he told me how much he liked me but he didnt think he was ready to say that. We didn’t talk much that week. he finally passed his real estate license exam that friday which he had been studying for the whole time i knew him. he didnt talk to me most of the weekend and i knew he was going to break up with me. When i saw him with my friend on sunday things seemed okay. But then we talked on the phone after and everything went downhill. He told me he felt so much pressure all the time and he puts it on himself but i put it on him too. He told me the second i said i love you he felt like he was leading me on. he said he felt so guilty that he didnt know how to be there for me and he cared so much but it hurt him so bad that he didnt know how to help. he said it was so much more serious than he thought and i told that thats ridiculous because were very open about how we feel. He told me he loved me but i didnt believe he was saying it because he felt it. at the end of the talk we were still dating but the next day i told him we should just be friends but hook up. and then things were great again! the pressure was finally gone. but then i asked if we were exclusive and he told me no because thats just dating again. I knew he wouldnt see other people though because he hates sleezy hookups. that weekend he said we should just be friends. i agreed but then he was all over me and we started to hook up and he said we shouldnt. then the next time we hung out he told me he wouldn’t care if i saw other people and kept telling me that so i told him i was and showed him pictures of three different guys. he cried and told me he just wasnt ready for it to hurt that bad. so that night we had sex and again the next day but then he was cold. we didn’t talk much that week either but after how he was i didn’t want to hook up anymore. i asked him to hang out that next weekend and he turned me down but then changed his mind. I was ready to just be friends but then i noticed a hickey on his neck. he told me he didnt want to hang out because he didn’t want me to see and hurt me. i cried for aminute in private but composed myself and told him i just wanted to be friends and we needed to get back to normal. the next few times we hung out it wasnt alone, it was with our mutual friend. we swapped christmas gifts and his to me was so personal and thoughtful with such a sweet note. after that night we hung out alone for the first time. he was all over me again but then i pressed about the hickey and the girl who i thought was some hookup and it turns out he was only seeing her. he told me how boring she was and she wasnt good in bed at all and he already had to meet her family but they did grown up shit and he didn’t have to hide her and they did fancy things. So basically the only reason he was with he is becuase he thinks he needs to grow up. but she doesn’t like the things he loves and she isnt any fun. so i just keep pursuing him in a loose sense of the word because he says theyre not exclusive but he doesnt like to mess around with more than one person at a time yet he cant keep his hands off of me. i tell him i dont want to do anything while hes with her. but i had full faith that he was the worst and he would come back to me because i loved him. he said again that night that he loved me but he also said that i was the one he wanted but she was the one he needed right now and i needed to let him see where it went. so it went on and i found out more about her and he and i just have been getting to know eachother better because we totally skipped that step. We moved really fast because were both super emotional. I freaked out every day while we were together because i thought i was dying. now im better and i feel normal again but he thnks i naturally just freak out constantly. anyway i hated watching him be with this girl who wasnt making him happy when he told me how happy i made him. he talked shit on her all the time and couldnt keep his hands off of me ever. we gave in a little one day and made out but he freaked out about cheating and being a good man. i started to feel used and played. one day we sat down and i told him that growing up wasnt about doing fancy bitch things it was about finding what makes you happy and going for it and it wasnt her. i told him if hes happy with me then it doesnt make sense that hes doing this. I told him i couldnt keep waiting for him and i was going to see someone that weekend. me seeing someone else made him so upset again. and he told me that my age stressed him out so bad and he never told me how bad it was. but anyway he got really upset and left because of my truth bombs that if he didn’t break up with her soon he wasnt going to because he would feel to guilty to do it and that i thought he was afraid to let himself be happy. the next day he said he needed space. but i called him anyway because i was a wreck for basically forcing him to choose her. i told him to tell me we would never happen and he wouldnt do it and then did it in such a fake voice. We ended up hanging out that night and things were going fine. then he said that he loved her. I flipped out at him and told him if he loved her then he shouldnt try to cheat on her everytime he sees me. i told him that now everything was bullshit because he said he wasnt ready for a relationship with me and now here he is in a super serious relationship with this girl that he obviously DOESN’T love. I asked him if he ever loved me and his answer was “of course i loved you. I loved you back when we would sit in the car and talk for hours. I loved you when you said you loved me but i freaked out. And i still love you” which only confused me more. and then after all of that we fooled around again. I felt disgusting and used and played and couldnt take it. so i shut down for a week or so. i told him if he touched me again that i would slap him and i would leave and never talk to him again. and so he behaved finally. for about two weeks. but the past few weeks we finally really started to get to know each other. we have real conversations and talk more often and hang out a lot and i bonded with his roommates and they love me and we all hang out and have a lttle group now when before he was so scared about me not being able to interact with his friends. he told me he had a dream i left for college and stopped talking to him and he got really sad. We facetimed for like 3 hours and have been texting and snapchatting. this past weekend we celebrated our mutual best friends birthday. I didn’t want to go home to an empty house so he said i could sleepover. we had had friend sleepovers before so we thought itd be okay. we went to my house so i could get some stuff and we ended up talking and hanging for hours. he told me he was so exhausted by this relationship with this girl and all thy do is run around at these crazy events. we talked about that for a while. i found out he thought i was leaving in april right after my birthday when i dont leave for 7 more months. he thought “Id finally get to be with you and you were gonna leave a week later” then he said i was gonna change and leave him behind which i said wasnt true. we talked and cuddled and my biggest thing was that he could be naked with me but not hold my hand or kiss me and i felt shameful and used. But then he was holding my hand. and we got closer and closer and i wanted to kiss him but he said if we did we were all in. and then we kissed. and then had sex. i thought he would freak out about it but he didnt. he told me he loved me and i really believed it. we just went upstairs and played instruments and he didnt know i was good at that and he was so impressed and kept saying stuff like “why didnt i know this when we were dating” but we went back to hishouse and slept and we got breakfast and did work togethr for like 4 hours and continued to get to know eachother which has been so nice. Last night he complained more about her. i always say stuff like “youre going to stay with her for a w hile, arent you?” and he always nods yes. Last night he opened up to me and told me he was thinking about becoming single again. And that’s where were at right now. Sorry this is so long i dont know how to tell stories without excruciating detail. But basically do you think there’s a real chance? was i played? Do you think he’ll go through with breaking up with her? I think hes finally seeing what we had but i never did the no contact time and he never had to miss me. He doesn’t see how much im supplementing his relationship. I love him, weirdly a lot, but should I go for it if he is single? is that pathetic? I know it was so short but everything was so intense and everything was amazing and i think we broke up because he was scared. i don’t know, all I know is I love him and i think he loves me and he makes me happy. Sorry again for the super long post.
Leslie

January 21, 2016 at 5:46 am

HI Chris,
So I’m in a very weird situation. I met a guy in September who was a lot older than me. Like 12 years older. But we met through mutual friends and we just instantly connected and I knew I needed him in my life. But at the time the idea of dating someone that much older than me seemed ridiculous so I just assumed we would be friends. I’ve always had much older friends because I don’t think I can connect with people my age. Anyway, we started talking and hanging out and I got a really big crush on him. But i knew it would never happen. When I told our mutual friend who I was becoming very close with she told me he was a great guy but it was never going to happen. Even so, my feelings just kind of grew every time we texted or we hung out. He was the first guy I ever liked that there was a possibility of a mature relationship with. Time went on and I realized he liked me too. And I was so happy. And I have so many issues but with him i just felt peace. We agreed to wait the 6 months until i turned 18 to date. but then one day he kissed me. And i know you must think “what kind of 29 year old goes for a 17 year old whats wrong with him” and i thought the exact same thing. But as I got to know him it made more and more sense to me. he made so happy every time i saw him and he made my life exponentially better. He was my first for pretty much everything. our relationship was like a movie. It was really intense but also short. I got really sick after we met. Like “she might have brain cancer” sick and im already diabetic. I was a mess all the time and while he made me happy it was really hard for him to be there emotionally for me because he didnt know what to do. but we kept going. One night about 7 weeks in I told him that i loved him (way too soon I know I know) but i did and i wanted to tell him because he was so obvious that he felt it too. but he didn’t say it back. he told me how much he liked me but he didnt think he was ready to say that. We didn’t talk much that week. he finally passed his real estate license exam that friday which he had been studying for the whole time i knew him. he didnt talk to me most of the weekend and i knew he was going to break up with me. When i saw him with my friend on sunday things seemed okay. But then we talked on the phone after and everything went downhill. He told me he felt so much pressure all the time and he puts it on himself but i put it on him too. He told me the second i said i love you he felt like he was leading me on. he said he felt so guilty that he didnt know how to be there for me and he cared so much but it hurt him so bad that he didnt know how to help. he said it was so much more serious than he thought and i told that thats ridiculous because were very open about how we feel. He told me he loved me but i didnt believe he was saying it because he felt it. at the end of the talk we were still dating but the next day i told him we should just be friends but hook up. and then things were great again! the pressure was finally gone. but then i asked if we were exclusive and he told me no because thats just dating again. I knew he wouldnt see other people though because he hates sleezy hookups. that weekend he said we should just be friends. i agreed but then he was all over me and we started to hook up and he said we shouldnt. then the next time we hung out he told me he wouldn’t care if i saw other people and kept telling me that so i told him i was and showed him pictures of three different guys. he cried and told me he just wasnt ready for it to hurt that bad. so that night we had sex and again the next day but then he was cold. we didn’t talk much that week either but after how he was i didn’t want to hook up anymore. i asked him to hang out that next weekend and he turned me down but then changed his mind. I was ready to just be friends but then i noticed a hickey on his neck. he told me he didnt want to hang out because he didn’t want me to see and hurt me. i cried for aminute in private but composed myself and told him i just wanted to be friends and we needed to get back to normal. the next few times we hung out it wasnt alone, it was with our mutual friend. we swapped christmas gifts and his to me was so personal and thoughtful with such a sweet note. after that night we hung out alone for the first time. he was all over me again but then i pressed about the hickey and the girl who i thought was some hookup and it turns out he was only seeing her. he told me how boring she was and she wasnt good in bed at all and he already had to meet her family but they did grown up shit and he didn’t have to hide her and they did fancy things. So basically the only reason he was with he is becuase he thinks he needs to grow up. but she doesn’t like the things he loves and she isnt any fun. so i just keep pursuing him in a loose sense of the word because he says theyre not exclusive but he doesnt like to mess around with more than one person at a time yet he cant keep his hands off of me. i tell him i dont want to do anything while hes with her. but i had full faith that he was the worst and he would come back to me because i loved him. he said again that night that he loved me but he also said that i was the one he wanted but she was the one he needed right now and i needed to let him see where it went. so it went on and i found out more about her and he and i just have been getting to know eachother better because we totally skipped that step. We moved really fast because were both super emotional. I freaked out every day while we were together because i thought i was dying. now im better and i feel normal again but he thnks i naturally just freak out constantly. anyway i hated watching him be with this girl who wasnt making him happy when he told me how happy i made him. he talked shit on her all the time and couldnt keep his hands off of me ever. we gave in a little one day and made out but he freaked out about cheating and being a good man. i started to feel used and played. one day we sat down and i told him that growing up wasnt about doing fancy bitch things it was about finding what makes you happy and going for it and it wasnt her. i told him if hes happy with me then it doesnt make sense that hes doing this. I told him i couldnt keep waiting for him and i was going to see someone that weekend. me seeing someone else made him so upset again. and he told me that my age stressed him out so bad and he never told me how bad it was. but anyway he got really upset and left because of my truth bombs that if he didn’t break up with her soon he wasnt going to because he would feel to guilty to do it and that i thought he was afraid to let himself be happy. the next day he said he needed space. but i called him anyway because i was a wreck for basically forcing him to choose her. i told him to tell me we would never happen and he wouldnt do it and then did it in such a fake voice. We ended up hanging out that night and things were going fine. then he said that he loved her. I flipped out at him and told him if he loved her then he shouldnt try to cheat on her everytime he sees me. i told him that now everything was bullshit because he said he wasnt ready for a relationship with me and now here he is in a super serious relationship with this girl that he obviously DOESN’T love. I asked him if he ever loved me and his answer was “of course i loved you. I loved you back when we would sit in the car and talk for hours. I loved you when you said you loved me but i freaked out. And i still love you” which only confused me more. and then after all of that we fooled around again. I felt disgusting and used and played and couldnt take it. so i shut down for a week or so. i told him if he touched me again that i would slap him and i would leave and never talk to him again. and so he behaved finally. for about two weeks. but the past few weeks we finally really started to get to know each other. we have real conversations and talk more often and hang out a lot and i bonded with his roommates and they love me and we all hang out and have a lttle group now when before he was so scared about me not being able to interact with his friends. he told me he had a dream i left for college and stopped talking to him and he got really sad. We facetimed for like 3 hours and have been texting and snapchatting. this past weekend we celebrated our mutual best friends birthday. I didn’t want to go home to an empty house so he said i could sleepover. we had had friend sleepovers before so we thought itd be okay. we went to my house so i could get some stuff and we ended up talking and hanging for hours. he told me he was so exhausted by this relationship with this girl and all thy do is run around at these crazy events. we talked about that for a while. i found out he thought i was leaving in april right after my birthday when i dont leave for 7 more months. he thought “Id finally get to be with you and you were gonna leave a week later” then he said i was gonna change and leave him behind which i said wasnt true. we talked and cuddled and my biggest thing was that he could be naked with me but not hold my hand or kiss me and i felt shameful and used. But then he was holding my hand. and we got closer and closer and i wanted to kiss him but he said if we did we were all in. and then we kissed. and then had sex. i thought he would freak out about it but he didnt. he told me he loved me and i really believed it. we just went upstairs and played instruments and he didnt know i was good at that and he was so impressed and kept saying stuff like “why didnt i know this when we were dating” but we went back to hishouse and slept and we got breakfast and did work togethr for like 4 hours and continued to get to know eachother which has been so nice. Last night he complained more about her. i always say stuff like “youre going to stay with her for a w hile, arent you?” and he always nods yes. Last night he opened up to me and told me he was thinking about becoming single again. And that’s where were at right now. Sorry this is so long i dont know how to tell stories without excruciating detail. But basically do you think there’s a real chance? was i played? Do you think he’ll go through with breaking up with her? I think hes finally seeing what we had but i never did the no contact time and he never had to miss me. He doesn’t see how much im supplementing his relationship. I love him, weirdly a lot, but should I go for it if he is single? is that pathetic? I know it was so short but everything was so intense and everything was amazing and i think we broke up because he was scared. i dont know, all I know is I love him and i think he loves me and he makes me happy. Sorry again for the super long post.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 1:10 pm

Hi Leslie,

I’m going to be straight with you. You are being played. If he really loves you or at least respect you as a woman, he won’t do anything he did. I understand that you’re young, but you have to keep in mind, what happens to us is only what we allow. Don’t assume things and read his actions, not his words. Talk is cheap. Real men do what is right.

ANONYMOUS

January 13, 2016 at 5:42 pm

Hi Chris,

I recently found out that my ex boyfriend is dating a new girl. We have been dating for 3 and a half years, and we broke up about 2 months ago. He hasn’t been dating her for long, but he’s been talking to her casually for about a month prior. We are all still in high school, but she goes to a different one than we do.

My ex boyfriend cheated on his girlfriend with me 3 times in the same week. I did not know about her, as he outright lied, saying he didn’t want a girlfriend and just wanted to be on his own. I found out from mutual friends, and a picture she posted of them kissing that he claimed not to know about.

He says he told her everything that happened between the two of us and apologized. He told me what he did with me was a mistake, and that he was driven by “feelings from the past”. He said those feelings were no longer current, and that he should have cut me off completely after the break up. (Which I did not take well, by the way. I became a text and call gnat, begged for him back, and always managed to turn our hangouts into emotional talks).
He says that his new girlfriend “thinks the same way” as he does, and that she accepted everything that happened and they are okay. I am devastated.

Just a few days ago, my ex boyfriend was cuddling me and telling me he wanted me in his life. Then I found out about his girlfriend and he says we shouldn’t talk anymore. I am going to go no contact to try and heal from this. But, I am concerned. Even though it appears to be a rebound relationship I can’t help but feel like she’s a little more special to him. People seem to think she is a lot of fun, and she is also very attractive. And she supposedly forgave him for cheating which makes me wonder how serious they are. The fact that he even told her about it, and is still trying to make things work with her, makes me very anxious. I know people say to give your ex time to miss you and realize how much better you are, but what if I’m not? Near the end I was emotional and controlling and jealous. This girl is nothing but fun, and I’m worried he won’t miss me. He has told me to move on from him and that he wants to do the same.

We were each others first everything. Seeing a picture of him kissing someone else, the way he used to kiss me (and still kissed me a few days ago!) is heartbreaking and maddening. I have not confronted the new girl and I have told him I’m going to back off. I told him his lying hurt me, and he apologized. Last night he told me he loved me. Today he said he wasn’t replacing me, just living his own life. He said he’s not sure how important she is to him yet, but that he thinks she will be important.

I am so confused about what to think. He cheats on his girlfriend deliberately, so soon after starting a relationship with her, but seems to value her more than me? Even though he supposedly loves me? He has always gone out of his way to spend time with me and help me when I’m down, even in this last week, but now that I know about her all of a sudden he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

I am scared that this girl will be so much more understanding than I am, less emotional, mess jealous, more fun, and so much more similar to him than I am, that he won’t think twice about our failed relationship.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 10:30 am

HI Anonymous,

Well you definitely need to do the no contact rule for several reasons. You need stop the cycle of him going back to you then to the new girl back and forth. Work on yourself and don’t compare yourself to her. She will be better in some aspects and you will be better in some aspects. Be confident because the person who’s more sure of himself or herself will always appear to better. The road to moving on and getting him back is the same. Men want women that appear as a challenge and him knowing you still want him is not a challenge. Play your cards right. Pretending your a challenge will just hurt you ‘coz you’ll end wanting more attention when he doesn’t give it. It’s all about knowing your worth and showing it.
ANONYMOUS

January 13, 2016 at 5:56 pm

By the way, he won’t friend me on Facebook because he said he wants privacy. I know he isn’t doing this to make me jealous. But I am hoping there is a chance I can get him back? He said just last night that he still has feeling for me and that’s why he did what he did, but that he never wants to do it again. He was crying and apologizing. I really hope he does still love me and isn’t just saying it. I really hope he just needs to be on his own and see whats out there so he can feel happy and accomplished (he hasn’t been doing so well in school or with finances or withhis family. I added to the stress and so he left me). I hope his negative perception of me will fade, but I’ve heard it’s a bad sign when your ex gets a girlfriend and then stops talking to you. He doesn’t want me to know anything about them, to “avoid hurting me”, but I don’t know if that’s the real reason or if he really just wants me out of his life and wants to be with this new girl, and he doesn’t want me getting involved anymore.

X

January 3, 2016 at 6:55 pm

Hi Chris

I’m going to try to tell this with as less words as possible. I haven’t had the chance yet to order your book because my parents would know and I don’t want them to (I’m in grad school). I don’t want anybody to know, except my best friend, who’s been there from the beginning.
My boyfriend and I broke up in March of last year. I know, it’s been a long time. The reason we broke up is because I was not feeling well in the end. It had nothing to do with him, I was just tired all the time, I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what I wanted and the little energy I had, I needed for myself. Our relationship could’ve ended worse if I’d invested that little energy in my relationship instead of myself. Anyway, we agreed that our love wasn’t over yet but that it just wasn’t working out at that moment. We stayed in touch until the end of June. I felt like I no longer needed his texts because I was well rested and quite happy. I thought I was moving on and our texts were getting less frequent and shorter. At that time I didn’t realize yet that I was finally getting better. I’ve dated some other guys since then, but they never fit the image of “my guy”. I even met a guy who was everything I ever wanted and all I could think about were my ex’s little quirks. I started missing my ex and eventually I realized I hadn’t had the chance to get over him because I was so focussed on myself. I need to tell you, I had to fight to get him in the beginning, but ended up being in an amazing relationship with him for almost 3 years (but we have a history of 5 years) But then… I found out he had a new girlfriend. Eventually, I’ve texted him and we had a chat in person. I was finally able to tell him what had been going on with me when we broke up, because he’s never known what was wrong. I found out that he and that girl, who was already a friend of his, got together because they slept together as a result of him going in “player mode” because he was hurt (because of our break-up). I know he has that player mode when he’s lonely and sad. I told him I was happy for him but that it was hard and that I wished things would’ve gone different a year ago.
He told me he couldn’t chat for a long time because his girlfriend would get upset, but eventually, we spend 1,5h together. Talking about our relationship and other things. It felt good. But now I feel bad. I want him back. I know that I was someone special to him. We really had to work to get together 4 years ago. I know his love wasn’t over. So now I’m in NC. For 5 days now. I’ve already made up a plan for “after NC” and I’m working on myself. I’m even posting things on facebook because he literally told me “you never post anything on facebook” so I know he’s checking.
He did seem happy. But I keep wondering, is there still a chance? Is it still not over and should I try after NC? He’s the guy I fought for and the guy I would still fight for…

Thank you in advance!
Your website is truly amazing!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 9:10 am

Hi X,

There is always a chance. And especially when you know he still has feelings for you, you will regret if you don’t try.

Rose

January 3, 2016 at 6:24 pm

Hey chris, the website has so much info! Next week is the end of 30 no contact but he has already got a girlfriend in this time, even though he said he didn’t want to be with another girl for a very long time and focus on himself.
Do you think I should still text him once the no contact ends or leave it? I’m worried he’ll turn round and say leave me alone I’m with someone else now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 9:57 am

Hi Rose,

It’s ok to try. Besides your test text won’t be romantic.Keep it light.

JANELLE

December 29, 2015 at 2:20 pm

My ex boyfriend is in a LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP now.
They became official 20-25 days after our break up. I want to think it’s a rebound. However, it may not be the case.

Five days after they became “official”, the girl went to another country for work and will be back after a year and a half. Even though they were only able to meet and spend 3 days together during the span of their 4 weeks relationship, my ex said that he will definitely wait for her.

I knew all these things from my ex’s sister (it was confirmed by my ex when we had our final conversation when we met at a family event this month). I am in a very close relationship with his family (so is his family to mine) so it’s kinda hard not to hear anything about my ex-bf during NC.

I have been on strict NC with him (and his other family members) for 23 days now. I’m planning to continue for more than 30 days, but I’m not sure if I still have to contact him after NC.
He is in love and happy with her now despite the huge distance. I heard she has a lot of similarities with me (skin, hair, eyes, and height). I’m just younger than her.
But of course, I’m better and will be sooo much better than her. 😉

Is there a chance to get my ex-boyfriend back?

Chris Seiter

January 16, 2016 at 11:05 pm

Hi Janelle,

You have a chance but it’s not going to be easy. Traditionally LDR’s are one of the more difficult situations to succeed in. HOWEVER, you are talking to a LDR veteran so it’s very possible.
JANELLE

December 29, 2015 at 2:53 pm

So far, I didn’t do anything stupid or something desperate and I’m doing good with my NC.

But it looks like he doesn’t care a bit about it. In fact, my silence and disappearance is working well for him.
He is currently on the honeymoon phase of his new relationship and they are maintaining a good and consistent communication. I’m afraid it will only make them stronger. And since it’s an LDR, they can always put their best foot forward, so there will be lesser chances for fights or seeing their bad sides. They can always maintain the perfect image for each other.
I’m sure he will not break up with her if he keeps his perfect image of her.. He is actually saying that he will marry her if they can keep the relationship going. And he’s determined to keep it.

I want him back, but maybe, I’ll just have to wait… or am I waiting in vain?
I’m not really sure about the best step to take if after the NC period and he is still in this LDR with her.
If he is happy and they’re getting stronger, then will that be a sign to just get over it?

U

December 11, 2015 at 12:55 pm

Hi Chris,
Me and my ex just broke up awhile ago officially. He said a lot of hurtful things to me. I still begged for him back but then let him go after finding out that he was seeing someone. ? I honestly don’t know if there’s a chance he’ll ever come back. You said how he would compare his new gf to his former gf (me) and if I set a higher standard, good but I don’t think I did set a high standard. I was a very timid and clingy gf. That’s why I’m so scared he’ll be gone for good. ? Do you think I still have a chance?

U

December 12, 2015 at 3:57 am

Chris! I have sort of good news! He’s not dating someone! It was a lie! Awhile ago, I finally accepted that he was with someone else so I texted him a genuine apology for all the pain I put him through during our relationship and how I just want him to be happy though not with me. Then he replied saying that he lied about dating someone just so that he could show me he can move on. I was ecstatic. But he told me how it doesn’t change anything, he still won’t take me back. I ended the conversation saying goodbye and don’t be a stranger because begging certainly won’t do anything but worsen my chances of getting him back. Do you think I have a chance?
U

December 12, 2015 at 12:46 am

I highly doubt he’d miss me.. He told me he wanted me out of his life. We just officially broke up yesterday but technically speaking he initiated the break up in august but I begged for another chance, so I was able to get him to stay just until yesterday. Only to find out that he was secretly seeing someone else. ? We dated for about a year. I feel so tired of making so much effort to make our relationship work. I still want to but now that he has someone else, I just.. It hurts and I don’t wanna bother their relationship. As much as it hurts, I’m not the kind of girl who would try to split up her ex with his new gf just so he’d come back. I’m still hopeful he’ll come back but at this point, I’m just going to try and let it go. If he’s righ, he’ll come around. If he’s not, then I need to let him go.
Chris Seiter

December 11, 2015 at 1:48 pm

You still have all of the memories you’ve created with him. Can you write down a list of good memories? You will use them later.

How long have you been broken up? How long did you go out for?
U

December 11, 2015 at 1:05 pm

What will he think if I do the no contact rule on him? Do you think he would think about me at all considering he has someone new now ?
Chris Seiter

December 11, 2015 at 7:00 pm

He might get angry at first but that anger quickly turns to curiosity and then he starts to miss you.

Palakk

December 8, 2015 at 7:20 am

Hi Chris! Thank you for all the valuable information you have given here.

I was friends with this guy for 5 years. In July 2015, we got committed. But few days back, he met up with his ex and somehow his feelings for her got re-ignited (she had dumped him earlier and now that she had a break up, she wants him back) and now they are together. He told me that he lost all his feelings for me and now loves her. My relationship with this guy was a long distance relationship. But now he has someone in real life, I wonder, if I use the NC rule on him…won’t he forget about me and move on?
Jessica

December 7, 2015 at 4:11 pm

HI Chris,

This guide was really great, but I have one question. When you posted the guide on texting your ex you set up a schedule to slowly build up how much you text your ex each day (The low tide to high tide thing). However, since my ex is dating someone new should I follow that still, or should I space out the texting more? Thank you!
Cleo

December 7, 2015 at 3:12 am

Hi Chris – and thank you for all the valuable info. here.

I’m on day 6 of NC. Had to start over since I blew it by emails and text. His last reply was that he does love me, he wants to tell me to move on, but doesn’t know if he’ll regret it. He requested a break almost 2 months ago after 3.5 years of dating. He was responding to an email I sent asking for clarity on said break. Told him I was making positive changes and still love him and want him in my life. I said it sounds like he still has some thinking to do (after he texted) and he started asking about my new job. I cut it short. I then emailed 5 days later saying I’m trying to move on and see new people, but that it’s hard there’s a void in my life without him… blah… (Shoot myself in the head stupid email). I am doing NC by default now. Wish I’d followed through before. I never got a real answer about why he needed the break – he said his life is a mess and I deserve better, he doesn’t have much to offer, his ex had gone after him for more child support. I’d also been experiencing ex problems. He’s a recovered addict, so I was afraid he went back, but I have no clue. He could have become bored, got a new girl, etc. one day he was saying he missed me and the next there was nothing. I have been crying for a month and a half. I was so good to him and he called me beautiful the last time I saw him 2 months ago. I said I wasn’t feeling beautiful, but I’ve since told him it was just a mood I was in because he always made me feel beautiful. I know he still reads my texts even though he doesn’t respond because he asked about my new job he wouldn’t have known about otherwise. Anyway, I’ve gone on two dates (which I know is recommended), but I can still only think of him. I try so hard to distract myself!!! So I take it I need to wait another 24 days. It’s not like I have a choice. As late as September, we were regularly texting and writing in cards that we love one another. It was all VERY sudden. Initially, I’d ask about his day or Thanksgiving and he’d just say they sucked and he’s not doing any better. It’s so hard to not have him in my life. Thank you for reading. Sorry this is so long. Any response is appreciated!!!!

Chris Seiter

December 7, 2015 at 3:49 pm

Well, what are you doing during no contact self improvement wise?

dawn

December 5, 2015 at 4:05 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex dumped me a week before Halloween, so its been a month and a few weeks since the breakup and now he’s seeing someone. Is it to late to get him back? We have been in contact during this time through email. Basically, it’s me spilling my emotions and him answering with short responses like, ‘ you need to move on’, ‘I’m seeing someone’, ‘you’re unstable’. After reading your article I see that I need to stop. But, I do want to ask if there’s still a chance? 3 weeks before the breakup, he told me he wanted to marry me but now he’s with someone new? I’m pretty confused.
Paula

November 26, 2015 at 6:48 pm

Hello Chris, I need your help. The thing is, my boyfriend broke up with me after three years of dating, actually it happened a week ago. There had been problems on both sides but he always said we would be able to overcome anything together. In August, things got worse, as he moved in with some girls. I didnt like the idea but I couldnt even say much about it because he was very excited about finally having some nice people around. At least that is what he said. Things started to aggravate, he began to lie and not mention that he went to the movies with his flatmate(girl) I just saw these things on her facebook page. I was trying to save this relationship for three months but he was becoming more and more distant, not wanting to confide in me anymore. It was bad and it hurt, most of all the fact that he started treating me much worse. Then of course, I was making the same mistakes as the majority of women, I started being desperate asking him what he is doing why doesnt he respond etc. This probably just drew him further away. Then he started telling me that he needs a break that we dont fit together anymore, that we are too different and he cant handle it at the moment. I was like okay, but than a week after that he broke up with me. After I cried and begged and cried again and was mean to him, he admitted that he had slept with his flatmate, stating (of course) that it happened after our break-up. Of course I dont believe it. Thats basically the worst part that its his flatmate and I cant do nothing. Of course I sent him mean messages about him and her and after I had read your page I can tell that I couldnt have done a worse thing. He kept saying that the fact they slept together had nothing to do with our break-up. (althoigh he reproached to me that we hadnt spelt together in months, which of course was true as during the last months I was trying to get him back but he was just so distant and ignorant that I didnt feel this emotional connection, therefore almost nothing happened between us). Maybe you are asking how I can be so stupid and even want him back, but I just still love him. And I cant live with the idea that he doesnt love me anymore and that I have just wasted three years of my life. Please can you give me some advice on why he did what he did, whether you think he might have feelings for her and whether there is a chance for me to win his heart back? (another problem i deleted him from my facebook and skype), but I try to live on and post just happy pics on my instagram to make him a bit jealous or curious, although in this situation, i am not even sure whether he checks my instagram at all and wther all of this is still worth it. Please help me.

Thank you
Stephanie

November 18, 2015 at 10:11 pm

Any advice on how to get your ex back when there is a child involved? My ex bf and I were together for 5+ years and we have an 18 month old son. The NC rule is not really an option since I have to be in contact with him to coordinate him spending time with my child. I’ve suggested that we go to counseling (which we are doing for co-parenting, but he says he’s not interested in couples counseling). He has not admitted it, but I think he has a new gf. She is his coworker and I’d bet money that they started their relationship before he actually left me. He admitted that he was flirtatious with her, but he claims nothing more than that. He has also admitted that they had sex after he left (again, I’d bet this actually occurred before our break-up). You may ask why I would want to get back with someone who I think cheated on me, but I do love him and we’ve been through a lot over the past 5+ years and now we have a son. It’s very important to me that my son grow up in a loving family with both parents together. I also 100% believe that he would not have left had this woman not started working with him and being so accessible to him. He would have stayed and agreed to go to counseling to try to work on our relationship. Having a baby makes a relationship extra hard!
Cxx

November 10, 2015 at 7:23 pm

I’ve read your Ebook and this page. What’s the difference? It seems to be exactly the same. I wanted some extra help on my situation hence I here to look for more advice.

My ex responded positively for a while then became neutral. I feel it’s because maybe he was starting to be more srs with the new chick. I laid off not wanting to impose too much. But how can I try to win him back again? Honestly lost.

Cxx

November 10, 2015 at 7:35 pm

I’ve done nc and all the steps in the Ebook. When he kept responding neutraly Idk how to approach the situation.
Chris Seiter

November 19, 2015 at 5:32 am

Try a better text or go back into no contact for a week and try again.

Silly

November 2, 2015 at 3:26 am

Hi Chris,

My ex broke up with me about four months ago. We finally saw each other at an alumni event at our school, and I had gotten to the point where I felt comfortable asking him for coffee. We spent an hour and a half together (with him doing a lot of nervous talking, I did everything I could to listen carefully and keep the conversation light). He texted me that night that he was now seeing someone else and didn’t know how to say it to me before. Obviously, I had hopes of getting back together, so I’m still trying to be optimistic about the situation. Unfortunately, the thing that I believe broke us up was an anxiety disorder I develop over the last 6 months of our relationship, and he does not know that this was the reason for my somewhat emotional behavior. I really wanted to get to talk this out with him at some point, but should I wait now that he is seeing someone? We are now two hours apart; should I try to have this meeting in person or over the phone? Thanks!
PM

October 27, 2015 at 3:26 am

My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago. I got most of my things back from him 2 weeks ago, and we had “the talk”. According to him, he found someone better and went for it. He then proceeded to tell me that he’s moved on, and that I should too. I thought it was kinda funny because I have not given him any reaction since we’ve broken up, shown him how miserable I am, talked to him only when necessary (we work together), but never about us. The thing is, now that it’s clear out in the open that he’s with someone new, it confuses me why he still stares at me. At first, I thought it was only my imagination, until other co-workers have actually started noticing it too. Is he staring at me so that he can feel better that he’s found the “better one”? He’s also cold towards me at work, which others have noticed, and truth be told it does get annoying because I am trying to be civil and an adult about this. I’ve continued being my cheerful self at work from Day 1 after the breakup, so my friends seem to think that he’s trying to hurt me for not giving any reaction.

I do still love him, and want to get back together with him. I don’t know this new girlfriend, nor do I want to. I know that I’ve given my best in our relationship, so I refuse to let myself think that she’s better than me. Do I still stand a chance, and how do I get him back?
Lauren S

October 26, 2015 at 1:38 am

Hi Chris,

so i broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years one night in the middle of a fight. he basically said im not going to change and if you dont like than leave and I hung up on him over the phone. Well for three weeks after that we kept going back and forth texting and calling everyday I know very bad. But he wouldnt give me a clear answer it was always changing of of we were getting back together or broken up, in that three weeks i found out he had a girlfriend for a couple days i bad mouth her one night when we were talking because I found out the day after we had sex. WELL then we started talking he kept messaging me first asking to meet up and to come over. so finally I DID we had sex and he said he wanted to slowly get back together then i didnt hear from him for a day or two then While i was at a concert I got drunk and had to go to hospital he told me he was going to come but ended up not, well I FOUND OUT HE was with a new girl. That day my phone started acting up and kept texting and calling him well he kept responding and answering in first ring. sometimes we were talking about some of his thing he asked how i was feeling since i got hurt. His new girl called me and told me to leave him alone and all, well so i haven’t talked to him since. Well we ran into each other at a restaurant and as soon as we made eye contact he ran out of the restaurant leaving his food uneaten and look liked he was crying. I had been starting to work on my self and wearing some sexy looking clothing. the other day I had to text him about something important and he responded right away as i took forever to respond. Now this girl is no way better looking or acts better than me. She is three years younger than us. Do you think there is any chance of us getting back together? While We were dating my ex told all of his friends and family that i was the one for him and got me an engagement ring and we were starting to talk about moving in together any chance this girl is just a rebound and a chance for us to get back together?
Beyonka

October 24, 2015 at 11:26 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5months. He is 42 and I am 30. A couple of member in my family knew him before I did. At the beginning of our relationship he has always made time for me and slept together like every night a rarely had problems. He would always say that he adored me but I had doubts becuase sometimes his actions would not match with his worlds. My roommates were having issues with him coming over so we were going to get a place together but I didn’t feel like our relationship was steady enough to move into something I couldn’t afford if I had to take care of everything on my own. We ended up living in hotels for two week becuase I didn’t find anything I liked. I broke up with him telling him I can’t be in a relationship right now because I feel insecure not having a steady living arrangment he cried and I told him i need to get on my feet first and once I get an apt we can be togther. He still help me put my stuff in storage but was so angry at me. After I had moved in with my sister I wanted to get back together but he said we need to grow. But then he started playing playing games and not showing up for date nights. We didn’t contact each other for 30days. Then a month ago he sent a message though my brother about wanting to fix something on my car. I went to see him told him I didn’t have his number any more becuase I figured we were over and how I saw some girl driving his car. He said the girl was not his girlfriend and he don’t have a girlfriend. Then he started talking about how he loved me and when I left he gave me the longest and tightest hug ever. I went back to see him two days later for the light and he asked how come I never invite him over to my new place. I told him I don’t think he was interested in seeing it. So he came over I cooked dinner we watched tv and then I told him I need to go to bed because I have to get up for work tomorrow. He gave me a hug and tried to touch on me and I told him I’m not trying to do that. So he left mad and text me saying it won’t happen again. Long story short, I had a talk with him about what he is looking for between us, a friendship or something more. He said a friendship that can grow into something more, but I had to force him to answer. Sex started to come into play but I feel like I being use because he would come over late a night or sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him for long periods of time. Sideliner: Also during this time I loss my job and he said he would be there for me. So I called him on the phone told him how I felt and asked him again what does he want out of the relationship becuase I feel like a boot call and we should be clear so we don’t manipulate each other. He starts making problem and turning the situation around talking about I have been going on dates with ppl and that I’m being manipulative then he said he will call me back, well he didn’t and I didn’t hear from him that whole day. So I went to see him and asked him again he act like he was too busy to talk to me and said he had to leave with a friend. He never answered my question the jumped in his friends car. But I knew he was lying so I sat there and parked some where else until he came back. After he thought I was gone he came back and got into his vehical I pulled up and said I’m going to ask you again. He never answer my question so I told him. Judging by him actions he has obviously met someone and that where he needs to be focused and that I don’t like being used and that I don’t understand why he attempted to come after me when I was just getting over us just to bring me into this emotional rollercoaster told him I will need to break myself from this situation and that I wish him luck in his situation and have a good night. All he said was you too. And we both drove off. So my question is what went wrong after the no contact rule? If it was just sex why do all that for sex it’s not that serious. And why couldn’t he just be honest in the first place? Do you think there is hope for us should I go on another 30 day NC? Sometimes I want him back but after seeing these games that he was playing as 42 it’s immature kind of a turn off on the other hand I believe the games stem from the hurt that I cause him. But I think back to the begin of our relationship he treated me well a lot of the times so I know he atleast cared and loved me at some point. Haha I hope I don’t sound crazy. I just want a matured relationship like we had before I moved out of my roommates house.
Sweetie

October 20, 2015 at 11:36 am

Hi Chris,

My exboyfriend of 7months broke up with me 2 and half months ago. It was an LDR. I started NC after 2weeks and successfully finished it. It was him who started the contact to greet me on my birthday. We continued talking for a month now and he always replies even he never started to communicate. He always tell me he’s busy no time to any relationship. He mentioned once that he also miss me but denied it the next day.
Yesterday after an emotional conversation he told me that he is already dating someone. He’s not sure yet how will it go but he jusy can’t get out of it. He wanted us to be what we ate now, but i feel like im becoming an option if i’ll let it. I only told him I understand and respect his new relationship and didn’t reply after.
Now, im thinking of letting him be again, do NC again. Would it be wise to do NC again? For how long? Or, maybe you have another recommendation?

Thank you in advance.

Ana

November 9, 2015 at 11:55 pm

Hi Chris,
Super helpful article, I’m just not clear on one thing. If No Contact has already been completed, good contact has been re-established but THEN he gets a new girlfriend & doesnt initiate further contact after that, does No Contact have to happen all over again? Or just the first No Contact period is sufficient? How long should i wait before texting him again?
Chris Seiter

November 19, 2015 at 5:40 am

You would do no contact for two weeks after that. Then reach out with an exciting text.
Sweetie

November 1, 2015 at 11:18 am

Hi Chris!
You were not able to asnwer me but it’s fine. Still thank you for the great insights you are providing for every girl around the world.
Anyway, had a talk with my ex. At first I was hurt and really down, but then i realized i don’t need someone like him in my life. i am way better without him and the time trying to get him back was a waste of time but none of it i regret because i learned a lot from it and from you. Next time, i know more how to treat my boyfriend or exboyfriend if it ever happened again (i hope not!)
Thank you for being a silent guardian! I am now moving on! And I am really feeling great!
Sweetie

October 22, 2015 at 4:04 am

Hi Chris,

I know you have a lot of people contacting you. But, I really need to hear from you. Do you think me doing NC again will work? He always use the “not right now” to me. How long should NC be this time? I did 30 before.
Thank you in advance.

Mariah Salvador

September 25, 2015 at 12:37 am

Oh my God! I just want to say a big THANK YOU CHRIS for creating such a wonderful website. I’ve been searching quite a couple of months over the net but couldn’t find any help but finally found answers to my every question I’ve been asking myself. Thank you once again…

Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 6:24 pm

Yay!

Another converted fan 🙂

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