Using Reverse Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

468 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back With Reverse Psychology”

Roma

December 31, 2016 at 9:07 pm

Hi.
I am a 21 years old girl and my ex is 22.
He is the only guy I can imagine my future with. We were together since more than 3 years.I had had a very serious breakup with him one year before too and got him back successfully by following your no contact rule.
Unfortunately this time its more serious and seems like nothing working.
We brokeup 4 months back when I found that he secretly took pictures of other girls in his phone and also I found that he has crushes on girls in his university/school and he talks to his friends only about his crushes and not me.None of his friends knew who I am.
Well after seeing all this I brokeup.Even changed my number.He stalked me on social media through a fake id.He got restless to see me hangingout with my friends.He cried.He approached a mutual friend and cried to them as well.Then I asked him what he want now ? He said he would comit sucide and only I would be responsible for this cause I am the one taking his peace away.I got scared cause he had once cut his arm for me too.I called him mom and asked her in a humble way to take care of him and also assured her that i wont be talking to him.
After this he was intensely mad at me for telling his mom.He stopped talking to me.
And this was a reverse for me.I realized I have forgiven what he did and now I want him back.I texted him that I want a patchup.
He refused and said, ” Not Anymore”.
Then I didnt text to him back for around 20 days. ( Cause I went on a trip to U.K and he knew that)
After coming back I texted him again and showed him I want him back.He came back too. But again brokeup within two days on a silly excuse/fight.And said to me, I GIVE UP ON YOU.
Now this was the time I went for a proper nocontact period. Didnt contact him at all for 30 days.But seemed like it didnt affect him and I had to text him on my own.Even then we just talked about our issues.He clearly was not interest in patching up.
That made me so restless and I started begging.Also asked our mutual friend to convince him.We both convinced him and he said he would just give it a two day trial.And after two days he again brokeup and I was left begging.He hurt my ego so bad.Well on the same day i found he follows the girl on insta i told him to delete cause he once had crush on her.That made me so anrgy and just to make it look like that he didnt left me I texted him saying , “I cant figure out what I saw in you , I always have forgiven everything you do at my back but you cant change and stop yourself from proposing and following other girls.And even those girls with such ordinary faces and class doesnt follow you back and say no to your proposals.I am glad my time isnt being wasted anymore and I regret why did i even convince you so much when you dont even deserve a text from me.Also I dont want to be with you in future”
He was intensely pissed at this text and replied that he is so hurt how I am making him feel so ordinary.He said he would never ever talk to me again and would take himself so far from me that I wont be able to approach him ever…..This was his last text which I recieved around 5 days ago.
After that he didnt respond at all and also I am blocked on social media.
All this I have written has happened in last four months.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 1, 2017 at 7:22 pm

Hi Roma,

he was trying to manipulate you with threats, you were doing so well until he got mad.. That worked for him, so he just keeps getting angry at you to get the reaction he wants, which is you chasing and begging.. Try being serious in moving on, maybe for at least 3 months.. dont give in to any threat.. tell his mom again if he threats to commit suicide and then just focus in improving and healing yourself for at least 3 months..but hoenstly, for me, you should move on

Sammy

December 21, 2016 at 2:09 am

My ex bf broke up with me one week ago (we were together 3 months) and it was out of blue he said he can’t make me happy anymore I deserve batter blah blah blah but on the day he decided to be single, he still said let’s meet up more than couple of times a months okay ? I just focused on explaining why I didn’t met him, I should said let’s improve and meet more. So after couple of conversations, he told me he felt every worse bexuse it didn’t help. So he was not sure if he want this relationship, but he still like me as a person( this upset me actually) I have been review out relationship I have so many love to him he felt pressure and also before we broke up I didn’t meet him often he told me asked me go out often and I didn’t He also said we didn’t flirt anymore now he wants to be single And very sure after we broke up he doesnt talk to me Even when I msg him he seems not interested I kinda told him let’s just have some fun while your in my city Becaus you can make me happy He said: haha that’s fine then I thought you were upset, I said I was because it happened so sudden now I understand why, so I m not upset anymore. He just replied: ah okay………. I feel like he is not interested in me at all ! Or he is just playing the game or i misunderstood him again I used to misunderstood him lots ! Like when he said let’s meet more often I was really unconscious but now I know what was wrong but he seems not going to get me back 🙁
And we haven’t met for almost a month and we broke up for a 1.5 weeks but we just sent te last msg at December 19 today is 20 We did sent some msg during the 1.5 weeks So should I count 30 days NC since 20th Bexuse we have met for a month and during one month he was struggling and yhight about should we broke up and he didn’t tell me before he was trying to make effort to improve it actually but I decline it Im Anxious now !

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 3:29 pm

Hi,

even if you didn’t meet and talk for a month, if you didn’t focus in improving yourself, that’s not considered as a no contact period. So, start the count for 30 days after reading this and focus in improving yourself.

Sammy

December 20, 2016 at 3:15 pm

My ex bf broke up with me one week ago (we were together 3 months) and it was out of blue he said he can’t make me happy anymore I deserve batter blah blah blah but on the day he decided to be single, he still said let’s meet up more than couple of times a months okay ? I just focused on explaining why I didn’t met him, I should said let’s improve and meet more. So after couple of conversations, he told me he felt every worse bexuse it didn’t help. So he was not sure if he want this relationship, but he still like me as a person( this upset me actually) I have been review out relationship I have so many love to him he felt pressure and also before we broke up I didn’t meet him often he told me asked me go out often and I didn’t He also said we didn’t flirt anymore now he wants to be single And very sure after we broke up he doesnt talk to me Even when I msg him he seems not interested I kinda told him let’s just have some fun while your in my city Becaus you can make me happy He said: haha that’s fine then I thought you were upset, I said I was because it happened so sudden now I understand why, so I m not upset anymore. He just replied: ah okay………. I feel like he is not interested in me at all ! Or he is just playing the game or i misunderstood him again I used to misunderstood him lots ! Like when he said let’s meet more often I was really unconscious but now I know what was wrong but he seems not going to get me back 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 3:29 pm

Hi,

even if you didn’t meet and talk for a month, if you didn’t focus in improving yourself, that’s not considered as a no contact period. So, start the count for 30 days after reading this and focus in improving yourself.

Johanna

December 2, 2016 at 1:30 am

Hi, I overwhelmed my partner with too much too soon and he backed off saying he was really busy (so i could tell I was at the bottom of his priority list)…..so I decided to use reverse psychology and told him that I had been ridiculously over the top about my feelings and that we should cool things down and he should get in touch when he wasn’t so busy etc .. Anyway he messaged straight back in quite a frustrated manner saying that he was ceasing contact for a while and was knocking me off his social networking site 🙁 (he made excuses that he only uses it for work) etc but he would keep in touch via email/text. So I said ok no problem and that I would end the connection on social media, which I did. I’ve not heard for 28 days, I think I went too far. What do you think, have I blown it completely?

Johanna

December 3, 2016 at 9:45 pm

I’m not sure! Any tips?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 3:06 pm

If you have been improving yourself, that you have your own routine now, you can initiate contact and slowly build rapport.. And maintain the routine you have started
Johanna

December 3, 2016 at 3:54 pm

Thank you Amor. You’re right, I think it is because I was too demanding. Patience is not my virtue, I was quite overwhelmed by how I felt and didn’t handle it well.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 3, 2016 at 5:28 pm

You’re welcome! What’s your plan now?
Johanna

December 2, 2016 at 9:06 pm

We went out together 20 years ago for a couple of years and I left as I moved away but deeply regretted it. This time we’ve been together 6 months.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 3, 2016 at 2:34 pm

Actually, I don’t think he acted that way because he thinks you don’t love him.. I think he acted that way because he was offended because he thinks you’re demanding.. Because you said you wanted to cool down because he’s busy right? Which is actually true… So, he said, he just wanted to cut all contact.. If that’s really the case, he has to think you have your own life, that he doesn’t think you’re a responsibility….
Johanna

December 2, 2016 at 8:52 pm

Hi, no we’re not together. He said he was really just too busy at the moment. We’ve had no contact for 28 days, i have been trying to improve my life and have taken up some new interests. I just wasn’t sure if retracting my feelings in that way was a little harsh and I now think there is a strong possibility he thinks I actually don’t have feelings for him. I think my reverse psychology has driven him away permanently, his initial reaction seemed a bit excessive.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 2, 2016 at 6:16 pm

Hi Johanna,

Wait, just to make it clear, you’re not actually together right? How long were you seeing each other? And even if you didnt talk to each other in the past 28 days, if you werent focused in improving yourself, it’s not a no contact rule period..

Val

November 23, 2016 at 1:45 am

Hello,

I’m afraid that this situation is going to come across as quite complicated, and I’m honestly not sure if there’s a straight answer for this, but I’m still going to try my best anyway.

A month and a half ago I got into a relationship with someone who I am romantically interested in, who also just happened to be a good friend of mine at the time. He said that he liked me in that way as well, but he was afraid of entering a romantic relationship again because of things going wrong in the past (he said that he had ruined friendships in this way before). So, we were kind of a thing for a week and a half until he finally caved in and said he still wasn’t sure about it (this also happened right after I asked if I could kiss him… yeah, awkward…). He was also drunk when he confessed his feelings for me (not super drunk – he was alert enough to walk me back home and then walk to his own place himself, and to this day he claims that he wasn’t that drunk when he sent me those messages), but he still kept on going with the relationship for a while after that, so I don’t know…

So, it’s been a month since we broke up. I will admit that I did contact him for the first two or three weeks directly after the breakup (because I didn’t know about the whole no contact rule then, as that was actually my first romantic relationship…), but it was basically just us talking about our studies and other things going on in our lives. The breakup was brought up a few times (he would always say “I’m sorry” and start talking about how he’s hurt me and how he’s messed everything up), but it was pretty 50/50. I mentioned it once, then he mentioned it twice. He’s asked me to continue being his friend, but then he later admitted that he’s confused about his feelings towards me (he basically said it’s more than just friendship, but it’s also not sisterly love, and he doesn’t know if it’s romantic love).

So, I have basically been doing the whole reverse psychology thing since around the 8th of this month. And it does seem to be working a bit, because he’s been asking me why I haven’t been replying to messages and why I haven’t been showing up to social events where we have both been invited. I will reply if he asks me any questions, but I keep my replies really short and vague (basically just saying “I don’t know” whenever he asks if I’m ok), because I don’t want to come across as immature by just not replying at all.

But now he’s not really reacting to my silence. He first noticed it when he sent me a random message out of the blue (it was just a video, nothing important) and I didn’t reply. But now he seems to be keeping his distance.

I just wanted to check to see if that’s normal? I was planning on continuing with the no contact rule until the second week of December (haven’t decided on an actual date yet, I guess I’ll just have to wait and see how this all plays out), but I just want to know if that’s still a good idea, or if I should really get back in contact with him for whatever reason? Also, he is very much the proud and silent type – so if something or someone displeases him, chances are he’ll just suffer in silence, and I kind of get the feeling that he’s doing that now… But I did mention to him right after the breakup that it’s probably a good idea if I keep my distance, and he panicked (he replied saying that I couldn’t say that), so I think maybe he’s just so afraid to say anything now and that’s why he’s not talking?

Also, how should I get back in contact? Just a simple message saying something along the lines of “hey, how are you”?

We’ll also be apart over the Christmas holidays as well (as in it will be more or less impossible for us to see each other in person because he lives in a different country – he’s studying abroad, and will be studying in my country for another two years at least), so how should I deal with that? Just keep messages to a minimum, but not go for full on silent treatment like I’m doing now?

Sorry for the long comment, but I really am just very confused about this whole situation, and would really appreciate any advice that you could give.

Thanks,

V

Val

November 28, 2016 at 7:22 pm

Hi Amor,

Thank you for your response 🙂 I’ll try doing that, then.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 2:07 pm

You’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 25, 2016 at 3:32 pm

Hi Val,

try a full 30 days no contact..if he really doesn’t want a relationship then he has to see that youre done waiting and that you’re improving..so, to increase the chances of him regretting not making the relationship official.. And then after 30 days slowly build rapport.. Check this one to initiate contact:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Marie

November 17, 2016 at 7:40 am

Hi Chris!

I already commented with my whole story on the “How to make him miss you” article. But this article brings me to mew questions…

So we were together for a whole year and towards the end he became increasingly unsure of his feelings and whether or not to break up due to this lack of feelings. After a few weeks, I told him “If you want me, stay or if you don’t want me, leave. Both are fine but it can only be one.” He found that very unfair but eventually chose to leave because he has some other issues with himself he needs to settle and work on before being able to date anyone again. He has said when he reaches that point again, I would be the first girl he asks on a date.

I’m sure he’s the type for very subtle RP, but not for more obvious RP. However, and here’s the big catch or catches:
1) When he settled for breaking up, he said he wanted to be friends and never want to lose me. I told him I would be okay with friendship as long as he initiated it and put the most effort into the friendship in the beginning. (This is a thinly veiled attempt at making him chase me that has worked before on other men.) He agreed he would do that, AFTER a bit of no contact.
2) He chose the no contact for a while and that he would then message me again. So all I have to so is wait and deal with the effect of no contact. Nothing I can do, right? (For the record, I already exercise 3-4 evenings per week and I have a minimum of 2 social evenings per week where I go out with friends. This was the same or similar for much of our relationship.)
3) Why would I beg for him back? Over texts and phone calls and what not? We had broken up previously about six months ago. Back then we were living on different continents so all we had was Skype. He dumped me very unexpectedly (one day he texts me saying how he thinks all will go well for our relationship, next day he breaks up with me). I asked him if he was sure, he said yes, we ended it. I then asked him some questions about the break up over text, but only because I thought of them LATER. I told him firmly that I would prefer the relationship to continue but would also accept the break up if it made him happier. He realised he wanted to be with me and made a mistake within less than 24hrs of dumping me.
Similarly, this time around I told him that I want to be with him and I would prefer to stay together. Even though I was crying when I did this, I’m not sure it qualifies as begging. I said this to him in person and during our 3hr break up conversation…so he probably doesn’t expect me to beg for him.
4) He knows he was the best boyfriend I ever had and he knows the reasons why I think he was the best, because when we were happy together I told him so. He doesn’t quite believe me though…

What would you suggest? We’re currently on Day 5 of No Contact.

Marie

November 19, 2016 at 10:06 am

Ah, okay. He doesn’t know why he fell out of love, and that’s what’s most upset him. He can’t see anything wrong with me or our relationship, on paper it’s perfect and yet he isn’t happy. Not with me, not with himself, not with his life. And he isn’t entirely sure why he is so unhappy. I mean, maybe I was so perfect that I bored him? That’s pure speculation though – I once dated a man who was so perfect I was bored…or maybe, since in the last 7 years he’s not been single much he just hasn’t processed his old relationships. So maybe he doesn’t really know what he wants.
He may be lying to himself and as a consequence of that lying to me about not knowing why he fell out of love, that’s possible.

Because he worked full-time and needed to study a lot, we didn’t get as much time as we wanted together. He is in my country on a work visa, so he works for a company and studies for them, too. If he fails an exam, they will fire him and revoke the visa, hence all the studying. Usually he would come to my flat late Friday nights, Saturday mornings we would go for breakfast and then to our common hobby. Or we would go on short trips for a night or so. And during the week I would occasionally sleep over at his place. So yes, there is that free time but if I start spending that volunteering or whatever, I will have almost zero time to myself. And I think I need more time to emotionally process the break up. I feel like I’m already doing so many things that distract me so I’m avoiding any introspection. And without that introspection it’ll be very difficult to notice and reflect my own thoughts and feelings…so like you said, I’m using it for myself, this freed up time. But literally so. I’ve even thought about spending some time redecorating my flat and using the KonMari tidying method to make sure my flat is super neat and full of things that I LOVE and that bring me joy.

We’re currently on Day 7 of no contact and I do find no contact helpful. I’ve spent a lot of time with my friends and I’ve also been invited on two dates so far. I’ll probably go on both of them. Even though I know I’m not looking for anyone else..
I’ve also put some photos on social media that involved me having fun with friends so that if he does come looking at my profile, he sees me having a great time.
And I found a cheap photo shooting deal that I will buy to update my profile picture, as recommended! 🙂

Thank you so much for all your responses! I really look forward to seeing how this turns out. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 11:39 am

That’s good Marie.. Yeah, maybe he is overwhelmed.
Marie

November 17, 2016 at 5:30 pm

Thank you, Amor. How does rapport building work? What is it?

I genuinely can’t fit any new activities into my life, I am a full-time researcher and I have lived in my city for several years. So I already have a lot of friendships, some of which I will work to intensify, some of which will “just” need their normal maintenance. I’m very happy with the number and intensity of friendships that I have.
The one thing I can do to improve myself is go to the gym in the mornings, apart from training in the evenings…but again, he has made clear that there is no improvement that he wants to see in me. This makes it so difficult to figure out what to improve and how…even going to the gym, I guess he’ll be happy for me if I change my body but he genuinely loves and adores my body…sorry I seem to be a difficult case…:(
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 18, 2016 at 11:06 pm

What about the time you used to spend with him before? Use that for yourself now. Why not do volunteering with your current friends? Most of the time guys say you dont have anything to improve, if that is really true, why did he fall out of love? Building rapport is like when you were just getting to know each other and getting him interested or being interested. Building the relationship slowly..
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 17, 2016 at 2:14 pm

Hi Marie,

nope,it’s just normal that you cried. Dont beg. If you meant building rapport,dont worry, that wont be begging. Like any kind of relationship, you have to build rapport first.. Even if he knows he’s the best you’ve had, what’s more important is how much you will improve during and after the no contact rule. Do new things like volunteering, so you can make new friends..

Nadia

November 5, 2016 at 11:51 am

Hi!

I am 34 years old and my ex is 38. We met 4 months ago, although the intensity of the relantion made it feel like we’ve been together 6 months. We saw each other everyday after our first date, except when he had to travel. We almost lived together because he always asked me to stay at his, we cooked dinner together etc. He is everything I looked for in a partner (always texted right away, also texted first as much as me, called to say he loves me, always wanted to see me, hold me the whole night and basically eveythibg you dream in a man). We went on a vacation together for his birthday and I even told his mom about me. He always said i was his dream woman and that i will make ge peefect wife and talked about kids and married life. Just a month ago he started to add his last name to my name. Then also like a month ago his company rushed him into taking over the companys branch abroad and they iffered him a huge salary for that so he took he job. With my nationality to get the visa there is super dificult and he says that even if i get it, it will not give me a permanent residence for us to make a life and he doesnt want a long distance relationship. So 3 days ago he came back from his trip and broke up with me saying what i said before and adding that he doesnt want to waste my life making me wait and hat he sets me free. He also said that he doesnt know how will this career step he is taking will end up so he is not ready to take the responsabilty to ruin my life and that i can always call him if i need anything. He is he best that ever came into my life and I dont know what to do to change his mind. Help

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2016 at 9:17 pm

Hi Nadia,

you cant control or force other people, you can only control yourself. but you can influence them in some ways, especially if they want to be you, or to be with you because yiu make them happy..
If he doesnt want a long distance relationship, it’s probably because you had a short relationship and there’s not attachment for him to keep the relationship with you..or he thinks you’re clingy and it would be work to maintain a relationship with you..

For now, do you want to try the no contact rule?

Clara

October 12, 2016 at 8:51 am

Hi,
I know each situation is different, but I do believe that mine is a bit particular. I met a guy on Tinder in January, right at the moment he was flying back to the US (I live in Europe). However, his plan is to move to Europe as soon as possible, as he’s totally in love with how life is here. Anyway, he said he’d be back within a few months and we kept in touch.
Even though in the beginning we were talking in a casual way, we went further and deleted our Tinder profiles, started to talk every day, Skype, call and so on. We had some fights as well, as he started to act a bit more distant at some point and I was being a girl about it, but we moved passed that. At some point he started to say that he wants to take things easy, have fun, not get too serious immediately.
Anyway, time passed by and he came over on the 1st of September. I picked him up at the airport because he asked me to, we went to my place and spent the night together and it was awesome. The next day we went out for lunch, then for drinks and dinner and the day after we went to the mountains on a road trip for a couple of nights. We had a very nice time together, we had really private and deep talks, about family dramas from the past, the way it affected us, etc. Everything was going really well.
When we came back from the mountains he told me that he really likes me and he wants to take things slowly and not jump in and get too serious immediately. My reaction was not the greatest, as it made me very sad and I assumed he’s not into me that much, since he doesn’t feel like he wants to spend most of the time with me. He had told me several times in the past though that he takes a lot of time to get into a relationship. Anyway, we came back, he seemed really sorry to say bye and we met a few days later for drinks. We were talking every day though. During drinks I proposed we go to the beach and spend the we there, as it meant a lot to me to take him to my favourite place. He said he’d think about it and kept me hanging until the next day when he said he’d rather not go, that he just wants to rest. Well, he did propose to leave the next morning instead of the that night, but I got super sad because we had discussed about going to that place at the beach several times since January and he knew how much that meant to me. We eventually stopped fighting and then we went on a date the next evening, when we almost fought at some point, but we managed not to in the end. We each went home that night. The next week we met again for lunch, then we saw each other on Friday, Saturday and Sunday evening and he said something to me on Saturday morning that changed a lot our situation: he said he wanted to date other people too. However, we had a great time together. I got very upset when he told me that, then I asked him to let me know when that happens. The next days I was playing in an amateur theatre play and he came to meet me after for a drink, as he couldn’t make it on time for the play because of work. We had fun, then we fought again because I twisted my ankle and he made me buy food instead of letting me sit, really stupid fight. I guess that was also some kind of frustration going on, as the last time we had slept together was when we went to the mountains. Then he was supposed to join me on a road trip to my parents’ house and after the ankle incident he said he’d rather not, that I ask too much of him, put too much pressure, etc. I had simply told him that I was going to visit them to a very beautiful area and that he was welcome to come, he said Yes and then he started to have second thoughts and eventually decided not to come. I was upset not because he decided not to come, but just because he told me the day before, although we had been talking about it for a week. Next, I came back and when I called him, he told me he went out on a date with another girl. I told him that’s it, I can’t take that and that it was all over. Then he wrote to invite me out for dinner and instead we went for drinks, we had a very nice time, he was sweet and complimented me and acting a bit jealous (afraid I might have went on a date myself), then we ended the evening with a fight because of me, as I understood we were going to have something to eat and instead he was getting me a cab to go home. I acted crazy several times, not crazy like yelling or something, but I wasn’t calm. I suppose that the frustration caused by the lack of physical connection mixed with the insecurity he built around our relationship made me lose it a bit. We got into a bad fight then and he ignored me completely for the entire weekend. It drove me nuts of course. We started talking again on Monday, as he wrote to me, but I tried to meet him and talk during the we after and hit a wall… He said we might but then he just disappeared. I cried of course, I begged to meet, I made all the stupid mistakes a woman who hurts makes. Then, on Monday morning, after a couple of make up trials voice messages and a begging text at 3 am, I wrote him to tell him that I tried to apologise for my mistakes, I humiliated myself and had nothing in return, I told him that it shouldn’t be such a big thing to meet for a drink for 30 min when we talk for 9 months, that this shows he doesn’t really like me or care about me. Also that he’s not a good person and I would’t date him. Then I said goodbye. He wrote back to say that this is why he can’t go out with me, because I’m all over the place, not stable. Since then, nothing and I decided only time can heal this, if it can ever be fixed.
I know where I made mistakes, I’m seeing a psy nowadays to understand what got me so angry and how to avoid these things in the future. I wonder though, from the outside, do you think the no contact rule could help us? He seems to be a man’s man and I have faith in psychology, but I have of course doubts…
We are both 36 years old, we have similar scars from the past, family problems, fears and so on, but we also had quite an amazing connection…
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, it means a lot.

Clara

October 14, 2016 at 7:18 am

Indeed, you were right, he texted yesterday, saying just “Now you ignore me?” I didn’t answer. I’ll see what else he’ll have to say, if he’ll say anything else. He’s going back to the US end of November, should that have an effect on the length of the NC?

Thank you for being there for us all, btw…
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 4:33 pm

Hmm nope..because even if you cut it short, it would just leave you less time to improve yourself, when it’s not changing the fact that he’s still leaving..
Clara

October 13, 2016 at 7:05 am

Hi,

Thank you for your reply. You see, the thing is that the two of us have been talking on daily basis since the 5th of January. We made plans to launch a business together, we discussed about how he will move here and the stuff we will do together. The situation changed after coming back from our trip to the mountains, where he might have felt overwhelmed by being around me all the time (he’s kind of a lonely guy, not a lot of friends, likes spending time on his own). I know for a fact that we had a deep connection, it was not just a fling, even though we messed things up. My guess is that knowing that he was coming over for 3 months and then going back for 6 scared him, as he told me at some point that he feels he’s being tied down. Which was not the case, but I wanted to spend time with him and it might have been interpreted like this, like I was going to monopolise his time. He’s got serious trust issues and the feeling I have since he came over is that he’s back and fourth all the time: doing something really sweet, being adorable and then withdrawing, taking a step back. And when getting into a fight bam, a wall around him.
And btw, this exclusivity thing must be cultural. In Europe, if you’re dating several people at the same time, you’re a jerk or a jerkette 🙂 We don’t do that, when you date someone, you date that person and give it a fair try.
I am in my 4th day of NC, I hope this time will also make him think. I know he thinks of me, impossible not to, I’ve been in his life for 9 months, daily, several times a day, I’m a friend he would talk about what he’s up to and ask advice from. I don’t know if he still likes me though…
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 4:54 pm

Yeah it was a long time.. I don’t think he’s going to lose his interest in you immediately..
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 12, 2016 at 1:31 pm

Hi Clara,

Correct me if I’m wrong. But you’re not really girlfriend boyfriend right? You were exclusively seeing each other at first but there was no label? And then you slept with him but he said, he wants to take things slow.. But you kept expecting him to be sweet or involved with you..

I’m not saying it’s all fault. It looks like you were not aware that you had a different expectation from him. You kept expecting him to do things a boyfriend or someone really committed would do even after he said he doesn’t want to move fast and even if he repetitively showed he doesn’t want you to get more attached to him..

There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work. It can only help increase your chances. It’s very good that you’re seeing a psychologist now. If you decided to do the no contact rule, do it to be more independent, to do more things that you love and meet people that do the things that you love so you can make new friends. Widen your world. You have to be more emotionally stable and more rational before you talk to him. Do it 45 days and then just continue the routine you will be starting in it even if the nc has ended.

Reiko

October 9, 2016 at 8:25 pm

Hey,
I posted this comment in a different section of this website already but was wondering if reverse psychology could help me out with this guy I was interested in?

I recently ended things very badly with someone I was seeing. We were seeing each other for 2months and he started to lose interest in me. I guess with everything going on in my life I became more clingy and desperate. What’s worse is I have been diagnosed with depression-which I’m waiting for a psychiatrist to get back to me on. So anyways one thing led to another and I basically acted out and screamed at him for no apparent reason. My friend/boss got involved and threatened him to leave me alone. Obviously to save himself he’s now blocked me on facebook and unfollowed me on everything. I tried to explain what happened on whatsapp after, pretty surprised he didn’t block me there. I asked him if there was any chance we can at least be friends. He replied ”Personally I don’t think it’s a good idea but we’ll see. Not right now anyways.” So for me, I guess there’s hope we can be friends one day right? I must have sounded so pathetic in my last message too… wrote like 1000words spilling my heart out which I suppose was 100% the wrong and pathetic move. I guess I just wanted to try again with the guy if possible. At least start of as friends this time and was wondering if this could work ? It’s been driving me crazy and I’ve been feeling sooo guilty things ended the way it has. I guess I just need some real and sound advice. Will the no contact rule work this way too do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 8:11 am

Hi Reiko,

There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule and honestly, if he knows your situation, I don’t think reverse psychology will work too.. But there’s still a chance of being friends again, that is when you’ve truly changed and healed. Put that first.. heal first. Not for him but for yourself.

D

October 9, 2016 at 9:24 am

I have been in an on-off relationship with someone since the past 6 months. I broke up with him a month back as he refused to commit into a proper relationship and does not give me any time. He gave me too much attention in the beginning and then he just stopped when he started working. By stopped I mean he literally stopped texting and give me any time. It feels like he was with me just out of convenience. So I followed NC for a month but he didnt bother contacting me. So I made a mistake by contacting him first and we chatted casually without fighting. Infact he started texting often and he also said he would soon meet me but as usual he didnt. The problem is I keep waiting for him to talk to me or make plans but that rarely happens. I try to get over him but it is getting more and more difficult. Whenever I text him, he replies back and we talk but he does not seem to take any initiative. I know this relationship has no future but I feel powerless and keep waiting for him. He seems to have moved on very easily and this bothers me a lot and I can feel the anger build up in me. I have tried a lot of ways to ignore him and move on but it seems impossible and it has no effect on him. I just want him to atleast accept that he made a mistake and be sorry about it but I know that will not happen. I just want to stop feeling so desperate and needy and powerless. That is not who I was. Can you help me out of this situation? Any kind of advice would be really really helpful.

D

October 14, 2016 at 3:38 pm

Hi,
Thank you for the reply. I see what you mean and I try to do all that but I’m afraid he will lose interest and move on completely if I take a step back. Plus, I know I suffer from low self esteem and self confidence so I mess things up by contacting him again and again. Any tips for that?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 5:14 pm

that’s why it’s important to be focused in improving yourself. Why would he lose interest when all he could see is your improvements? Guys lose interest to a clingy girl, unconfident and insecure one.. so avoid that.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 10:28 pm

Hi D,

you’re not succeeding more likely because you’re doing for the wrong reason. You’re doing it for him. Do it for yourself. Because you take yourself in every relationship.. Do activities that has progress, that gives you growth or the feeling of growth.. How many things or activities have you started? How many new friends have you made?

Birdie

October 9, 2016 at 2:33 am

I’ve read through several articles on here and I’m honestly not sure which of these methods would work, simply given my situation and the way things ended between me and my boyfriend.
He and I met when he started working at the fast food joint I worked at. We started talking a little and exchanged numbers. A couple of months after said exchange, I had to move to a different state. He and I stayed in contact, however, and he eventually asked me if I’d be his girlfriend. I had had a crush on this guy since the day I met him, so I, of course, said yes.
We managed to make the long distance thing work. I visited him whenever I happened to be back in town, and we texted constantly. Skype became a vital resource for us. We had our ups and downs, mostly due to the distance, of course, but overall, we were happy.
Well, I recently moved back to a town much closer to his, which, of course, made us both ecstatic. His schedule and mine didn’t quite mesh, so I’d mostly just get to visit with him for about half an hour to an hour while he was at work, either when he went on break or when he clocked off. This past Saturday we were supposed to spend our first night together (nothing sexual, neither of us were ready for that, just to be together), but our plans fell through and I just got to see him on break again. We were both incredibly happy–we were even planning what we could do for our first anniversary in just a couple of weeks.
Then, on Sunday, he went to church. When he was done, I asked if he’d learned anything and he said yes, and could he talk to me for a minute? I said yes, of course. The paraphrased version of what he told me was that “while he still loves me and wants to keep me close, he wants us to just be friends. He’s been very confused lately about who he is and what he stands for, and he learned in church that he has potential to do great things (which I agree with), but that he needs time to figure things out before he can be in a relationship”. He was very kind about it, and very sorrowful actually, and I was heartbroken.
Now, I can understand the reasoning behind his decision. It’s a mature one in my mind, but at the same time…I don’t want to just be friends with him. I even told him I’d be perfectly fine just starting over and going slow, to which he said maybe we could try that in a few months. But I’m afraid of what could happen in a few months. I understand he’s trying to work through some things, but I’d much prefer to be by his side and help him work through them like I have with other issues this past year, instead of just rooting him on from the sidelines as a “friend”.
I guess the main point to all of this is, I kinda screwed up on some of the steps, as I’m only just finding out about this website. I’ve already made it very clear to him that I want him back, and I’ve already been talking to him as much as I could (albeit with very awkward conversations sometimes). I’m not entirely sure where to go from here. I believe he’d be in the group that reverse psychology doesn’t work on, but how long should I wait before priming him and asking him if he’s ready to get back together? Am I even going about this the right way?
(I apologize for the long story, I just saw the page saying we couldn’t email questions anymore and didn’t think I could explain this whole situation in 90 seconds.)

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 8:35 pm

Hi Birdie,

you said you made it very clear to him that you want him back? Was it a type? Because you also mentioned that reverse psychology might not work for him.. Whatever you’re afraid of that might happen in a few months will still happen even if you stayed.. And staying will not increase your chances of getting him back because he will not miss you…

If that is what you really said to him and he still doesn’t want to get back with you, then you’re just contradicting what he has already decided on.. Reverse psychology is that you agree on what he has decided on, in this case breaking up..

You know, if he has already decided on it, staying with him and continuing to convince him will just look like you’re forcing him.. so, wh

Rachael

October 6, 2016 at 3:49 pm

Hey, I could really use some advice! So I’ll start off by saying that I know I’m only 16, and I have a lot of people yet to meet and a lot more to do, but I’d still really appreciate some help.
So my boyfriend, or ex now, broke up with me about 5 weeks ago. We had been dating 2 weeks short of a year… and our relationship was a good one. We started dating way back at the beginning of the school year last year. He had been someone I didn’t really notice, before; he didn’t hang out with my friend group, wasn’t popular, wasn’t even on my radar. But my dad first introduced me to him, and I decided to pursue him and see what happened. Basically, it didn’t take much chasing from me; we went on a few dates, and within two weeks, he asked me to be his girlfriend.
We had a lot of fun for the first 7-9 months of our relationship. We always got along, made each other laugh, and were just happy together. We shared, and still do share, a lot of things in common; values, thoughts, goals, dreams. We were very compatible. Unfortunately, near the end of our relationship, we started arguing a lot. I was having difficulty trusting him, because he is very easily influenced by others; I didn’t trust the people he was hanging out with and going to parties with, and because he is so easily influenced, I found it hard to trust him. I was vocal with him about this, and he knew, but he was not very good at reassuring me, through behaviour, that I could trust him. Throughout our relationship, despite the fact that we were happy, I had difficulty with trusting him, I was jealous, controlling, suffocating and sometimes needy/clingy. He was there for me through a very difficult time, and he understood that I was sometimes acting this way because of the anxiety I was dealing with. He wasn’t perfect though either; he had a hard time accepting that he was wrong, he would let issues build under the radar, instead of talking about them, and then go to extremes when they exploded (breaking up).
We were very involved in each other’s lives. He met my ENTIRE family, spent a few days at a cottage with my immediate family, and did a lot of things with us, as a group. I met his WHOLE family, spent a week with him and his mom and sister, and then 2 days with his grandparents and the rest of his family. I remember once playing games with his mom and sister for hours on end one day.
So, the breakup. We had started arguing a lot again, and instead of talking about it with me, he again let things build until we broke up. He said he couldn’t keep having the same fight over and over (they weren’t even fights) and that we needed to be apart. When we did break up, he was crying just as much as I was, told me how much he loves me and was almost even worse than I was. The next two days after the breakup, he texted me all day saying how much he was hurting, how much he missed me and how much he loved me. After that we slowly minimized contact, and then after a week, we were back in school together. The first week was okay; I tried to act friendly and normal, to make things less awkward, but he wouldn’t comply. He was very awkward to be around, he wouldn’t look me in the eye, and always seemed really sad when I talked to him. I asked him if there was any chance of getting back together, and he said maybe in the far off future. He said it was because I couldn’t trust him; he looked sad the whole time he was saying this. For the next couple weeks, he ignored me and was really cold towards me. At a weekend course we were at, on the second day, he was actually being really friendly and flirty, like he used to be; this was a few weeks after we broke up. Then the next week, at school, he was cold again. He was acting really happy and laughy in front of me, and trying to make me feel jealous. The following weekend, on the Saturday, I learned that he went to a dance and almost kissed another girl. I know this because we was talking about it right in front of me. I told him how I felt about how he was treating me, because I didn’t think that was fair, and told him to just leave me alone because him doing those things on purpose was hurting me. The next day, at the course, he seemed really upset, and wouldn’t look at me all day.
For another week after that, I ignored him and just tried to move on. But this past week, he has been looking at me. In class, I’ll always catch him looking at me, and my friends notice it too. He has started walking down my hallway, and hanging around in my hallway more, and when I talked to him the other day, it wasn’t nearly as awkward. I often catch him looking at me, but he doesn’t come and talk to me. He’s not seeing anyone else, I know that. I just find all these signals confusing…
anyways, based on what has happened, I was just wondering what your opinion is, and if you have any advice for me?

Thank you so much, and I look forward to hearing from you,
Rachael:)

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 9, 2016 at 1:41 pm

Hi Rachael,

You’re both young, so the problems are actually from being emotionally immature to handle things… I’m not saying you should find another guy, what I’m saying is that, that’s what you should work for if you’re going to do no contact rule… work on being more independent, have your own routine that you will continue even after the no contact rule ends..I think you should do at least 30 days

Claire

October 6, 2016 at 9:32 am

So first contact message went great I ended it very quickly and positively then he started texting saying Im just getting into his head again and was telling me not to ignore him I eventually responded and then briefly spoke to him on the phone he continued texting so I replied then left it after he replied. Later on in the evening he text so I replied then he ended it by saying nite. So I left it a day text this morning with a memory got a positive response so I text again he hasn’t responded at all I’m unsure if this will work he thinks I’m playing games should I leave it a couple of days and text again in a few days how should I go about this?

Claire

October 8, 2016 at 9:52 pm

I ended with I’ve got to go I’m just on my out to meet sarah x.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 6:55 pm

it might be just a thought.. if you said goodbye, stick to it. So, that he would believe the reason why you said goodbye…Because if you kept responding after that, he would believe his idea that you are just playing him..
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 8, 2016 at 7:09 pm

how did you end the first text? I mean the first attempt of ending the text in high note.

Kathy

October 5, 2016 at 1:53 pm

Hi hun. I was with my ex for 3 years. 1 and a half years in we decided we going to move in with eachother in 6 months. 6 months went by and we were so happy but when it came to moving out he buckled and delayed it. Month after month for the 9 months I kept fighting him about committing and every fight led to a break up. He then went into a hard time due to losing work and his license. He hit depression and got rid of his best mate cos he was a headache. Soon after i was in the firing line too. I went away for a week to find myself again. In that time i thought about him and was ready to tell him lets stop fighting and just be us again. He didnt give me that chance to tell him and decided to leave me instead. He blocked me from calling and left and would not see me. I did the crying and tried to see him and talk to him for 2 weeks and now we decided we can be friends as it just didnt work out. BuT i want him back. Everytime i left him he came begging and crying and promising to committ but it never happened. I know he still loves me but says it just wont work. He tells me hes seeing someone but i think its just to get me off his back. I dont beg or mention it anymore. We talk sometimes through email he responds but very short. He told me tnite that i cant email him at nights incase hes with this new girl. I really dont want to lose him. He said i deserve better he said i need to accept and let go. I havent done nc im afraid he will be gone with this new one and find happiness there. Besides the fighting about committment we were really good together and he always said that. Help pls. Thanks.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 2:35 pm

Hi Kathy,

I think you should read this one:
How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit

cassie

October 5, 2016 at 1:49 am

hi chris. i appreciate all of your advice & help that you offer to all of us ladies, and id like to ask for some extra help. to start off with, my ex boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. it was only 3 days after our 1 year anniversary, and his reason was that i needed to learn and grow as an individual. He said that he felt that he was in the way of my personal growth, and that he needed to take a few steps back. the whole thing was a little dramatic. i definitely overreacted, and tried to say things to change his mind, but in my heart, i knew it was good for me & he was sort of right. so we split, and obviously i was beyond torn. however, the “forever” tears only lasted 2 1/2 days. after that, i couldn’t cry anymore. i just didn’t feel the need to. of course i was still heartbroken, and not being able to contact him hurt me even further. so i did the dumb thing that most girls do…i broke the no contact rule. only 6 days after our split, i wrote him a letter. i kept it short & simple. apologized on my behalf and that was basically it. 75% of the reason why i did that was to get it off my chest because i felt everything was my fault, & 25% was because i subconsciously wanted to “contact” him. he took the letter, and ended up hanging out with me at lunch. the following day, he wrote me back. however, his letter was a page longer, and mentioned things that i never imagined. he said things like “im always here for you,” “i love you,” “when we get back together again,” “i make sure to see a picture of you before i go to sleep every night,” “i miss you more than you know,” “you can talk to me anytime you’d like. even if it’s 1am,” “i’ll always be thinking of you,” etc. etc. i couldn’t believe what he was saying. it made me feel safe & that everything was going to be okay. a week later, i started to realize that he was probably just giving me false hope. so i was on this whole “false hope” topic, and it got me really pissed. i didn’t see him for nearly two weeks after that, and then, he randomly came back to school. he would try to make small talk with me, but i wasn’t really having it. i wasn’t interested because i was hurt. hurt because i believed he was playing games, and i just got irritated. the following week after that, i saw him walking with some girl. i didn’t think much of it because i figured he was only trying to make me jealous. at this point, i was just tired of his confusing games, where he would come & say hi, act like we never broke up, etc. etc. all i wanted from him at this point was ANSWERS. i wanted “relationship closure.” simply because i had never received that. so being the naive heartbroken girl i was, i called him over at lunch. in my heart, i just wanted to talk to him. i caught up with him a bit, and he had acted a little different. things were just a little awkward. i ended up not asking him to talk, but i did share my lunch with him. he took my fork at the end of lunch and said, “i’ll see you tomorrow because i have to give you your fork back.” i just thought whatever. next day came, and he gave me my stuff back at lunch, along with bringing me food. at the end of lunch, i told him i really wanted to talk to him. there was just so much i wanted to express, and he said he’d love too. he even mentioned how he used that fork as an excuse to see me that day. clearly that was obvious. we ended up going and talking one day after school. he bought me sushi, and we just talked for about 2 hours. i went for answers & closure, but came back even more hurt and confused. he had apologized for giving me that “false hope” because we simply both don’t know what the future holds. he ended up having to go because his mom was being pushy, but we wanted to continue the conversation. so we talked again friday, but we didn’t even talk about us. we were just acting like how we used too, and i even ditched class with him to “talk,” but all we did was basically hangout. before he walked me to my last class, i told him i just wanted the truth. he said “truth is, i want to get back together, but timing is confusing.” i just said “ok i understand etc. etc.” but then he still wanted to talk. i told him “im sorry, but i don’t want to continue this conversation all the way until monday if there is really something important you need to say, just text me, but only if you feel comfortable.” (it was a friday at school). he said he would, but i didn’t expect him too. he ended up not texting like i figured, but it never phased me because after that day, i was honestly so tired of trying to get answers that i realized i was probably never going to receive. he didn’t show up to school monday, but his friends came and basically harassed me that day because i was hanging out with some other guy (who is simply just my friend). my ex’s friend came up to the guy & i, and told my guy friend that i had a boyfriend. i said “no i don’t. we broke up.” it made my guy friend feel uncomfortable, and he ended up leaving. i was with my ex’s friend as i was walking to my car and he said “let’s call (his name).” HE WANTED TO CALL MY EX! i told him “why do you want to call him?” and he was like “this is his number right? let’s call him.” i was so irritated, but what he said to my ex made me want to whack this guy in the face. he called my ex and told him i was looking for him at school today, and that i missed him, & all these things that never even came out of my mouth. after he got off the phone with my ex, he told me in a joking/serious way, “you better not be trying to get with g.” (g is my guy friend i was walking with earlier). i was beyond annoyed at this point, but figured he was just trying to look out for my ex. after this day, my ex came back to school. i had already restarted my no contact 3 days prior, and didn’t plan on talking to him for a long while. however, when i got out of my second period, my ex was already there waiting. i tried to ignore him, but he came up to me and put his arms around me and said “i heard you missed me.” & at this point i wanted to kill his friend so i said “no. your friends are just irritating.” and he said “i know. just kidding. but i really missed you too.” i didn’t really say anything after. he hung out with me at lunch, and i really didn’t show any interest. he walked me to class after, and when he gave me a hug, i didn’t even lift a finger. i was just annoyed. i didn’t go to school the next day, but when i got back thursday, he was walking with that girl again. i really didn’t care. i just walked by and had a smile on my face. i tried ignoring him by pretending i was on the phone when i would walk by him, and that definitely worked. he would wave and stop, but i kept going. i felt that he would follow me at lunch because wherever i was, he was. i laughed about it, and just focused on my friends. we had an assembly this past friday, and the entire time, i saw him looking because i was sitting really close to “g” (the guy from earlier^). he was trying to make it look like he was having the best time ever, but i knew that my guy friend being really close to me made him uncomfortable. across the way, i could feel he was trying to make me jealous by sitting close to this other girl (who is his best friends girlfriend..). it hurts me, but i know it doesn’t mean anything. that night there was a football game. i didn’t go because i wasn’t really feeling it, but i knew he would probably go. while i was at home, i got a text message from him saying “where you at?” i didn’t answer because i figured he “accidentally” sent it to the wrong person. i saw him typing, but i knew he was waiting for some reply. i didn’t answer for 5 minutes, and he ended up saying “im sorry, that was my friend messing with my phone.” i just left it. i haven’t talked to him since last tuesday, and i’m going to try no contact. i have no idea what’s going on, but i’m honestly over trying to get closure/answers. i am tired of the confusion, and im pretty sure he’s just playing games. i want to move on, but at the same time i don’t. he told me things in the past like “i can’t move on.” and he admitted to being very depressed after our break up. i was never “depressed.” i just cried for two days, and after that, i didn’t really shed any tears. i wasn’t holding back, i just never felt the need to cry. but recently, i find myself crying in the shower, or when i go to sleep because i think about him. i either want to get over him, or get back together. i just don’t know what he wants, and i have no idea what he’s doing. i just don’t want to get hurt. i’m even more confused now because i also found myself finding interest in some other guy. i’m annoyed with myself because i think i’m doing it to make myself feel better, but i also know this other guy has qualities that i enjoy. i know this other guy has a little bit of interest in me because he tells his friends who tell me, but i definitely know i still have feelings for my ex, and i do miss him. so i’m not ready to move on to some other guy. it happened at bad timing because it’s confused me even further. i shouldn’t be focused on other guys. just myself, and figuring out what i should decide to do. so i guess my main questions are “what should i do?, & how do i know if my ex is really playing games?” i really want to try the reverse psychology method because i think it might work, but what do you think? i miss him so much, but the more i distant myself, the further he distances himself. if i draw closer to him, he draws closer to me. the whole thing is confusing & i feel like he won’t ever try to pursue anything because that’s not the type of person he is. his friend even told me today that he barely tries to pursue a friendship. any advice on all of this will really help. thank you so much & have a great day! (:

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 8:49 pm

Hi Cassie,
Do the mature choice. Stick to no contact rule and focus on healing and improving yourself independently. If it’s really true love you can survive on your own. Heal yourself first by yourself. Not through his friendship and not using any other guy. Find yourself firs. Do things that improve yourself. Do new things and meet new friends. Do that first. Do at least 30 days before initiating friendship with him again.

If he really just wants to friend zone you,then being independent will help you get away from the friend zone.

cassie

October 3, 2016 at 5:34 am

hi chris. i appreciate all of your advice & help that you offer to all of us ladies, and id like to ask for some extra help. to start off with, my ex boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. it was only 3 days after our 1 year anniversary, and his reason was that i needed to learn and grow as an individual. He said that he felt that he was in the way of my personal growth, and that he needed to take a few steps back. the whole thing was a little dramatic. i definitely overreacted, and tried to say things to change his mind, but in my heart, i knew it was good for me & he was sort of right. so we split, and obviously i was beyond torn. however, the “forever” tears only lasted 2 1/2 days. after that, i couldn’t cry anymore. i just didn’t feel the need to. of course i was still heartbroken, and not being able to contact him hurt me even further. so i did the dumb thing that most girls do…i broke the no contact rule. only 6 days after our split, i wrote him a letter. i kept it short & simple. apologized on my behalf and that was basically it. 75% of the reason why i did that was to get it off my chest because i felt everything was my fault, & 25% was because i subconsciously wanted to “contact” him. he took the letter, and ended up hanging out with me at lunch. the following day, he wrote me back. however, his letter was a page longer, and mentioned things that i never imagined. he said things like “im always here for you,” “i love you,” “when we get back together again,” “i make sure to see a picture of you before i go to sleep every night,” “i miss you more than you know,” “you can talk to me anytime you’d like. even if it’s 1am,” “i’ll always be thinking of you,” etc. etc. i couldn’t believe what he was saying. it made me feel safe & that everything was going to be okay. a week later, i started to realize that he was probably just giving me false hope. so i was on this whole “false hope” topic, and it got me really pissed. i didn’t see him for nearly two weeks after that, and then, he randomly came back to school. he would try to make small talk with me, but i wasn’t really having it. i wasn’t interested because i was hurt. hurt because i believed he was playing games, and i just got irritated. the following week after that, i saw him walking with some girl. i didn’t think much of it because i figured he was only trying to make me jealous. at this point, i was just tired of his confusing games, where he would come & say hi, act like we never broke up, etc. etc. all i wanted from him at this point was ANSWERS. i wanted “relationship closure.” simply because i had never received that. so being the naive heartbroken girl i was, i called him over at lunch. in my heart, i just wanted to talk to him. i caught up with him a bit, and he had acted a little different. things were just a little awkward. i ended up not asking him to talk, but i did share my lunch with him. he took my fork at the end of lunch and said, “i’ll see you tomorrow because i have to give you your fork back.” i just thought whatever. next day came, and he gave me my stuff back at lunch, along with bringing me food. at the end of lunch, i told him i really wanted to talk to him. there was just so much i wanted to express, and he said he’d love too. he even mentioned how he used that fork as an excuse to see me that day. clearly that was obvious. we ended up going and talking one day after school. he bought me sushi, and we just talked for about 2 hours. i went for answers & closure, but came back even more hurt and confused. he had apologized for giving me that “false hope” because we simply both don’t know what the future holds. he ended up having to go because his mom was being pushy, but we wanted to continue the conversation. so we talked again friday, but we didn’t even talk about us. we were just acting like how we used too, and i even ditched class with him to “talk,” but all we did was basically hangout. before he walked me to my last class, i told him i just wanted the truth. he said “truth is, i want to get back together, but timing is confusing.” i just said “ok i understand etc. etc.” but then he still wanted to talk. i told him “im sorry, but i don’t want to continue this conversation all the way until monday if there is really something important you need to say, just text me, but only if you feel comfortable.” (it was a friday at school). he said he would, but i didn’t expect him too. he ended up not texting like i figured, but it never phased me because after that day, i was honestly so tired of trying to get answers that i realized i was probably never going to receive. he didn’t show up to school monday, but his friends came and basically harassed me that day because i was hanging out with some other guy (who is simply just my friend). my ex’s friend came up to the guy & i, and told my guy friend that i had a boyfriend. i said “no i don’t. we broke up.” it made my guy friend feel uncomfortable, and he ended up leaving. i was with my ex’s friend as i was walking to my car and he said “let’s call (his name).” HE WANTED TO CALL MY EX! i told him “why do you want to call him?” and he was like “this is his number right? let’s call him.” i was so irritated, but what he said to my ex made me want to whack this guy in the face. he called my ex and told him i was looking for him at school today, and that i missed him, & all these things that never even came out of my mouth. after he got off the phone with my ex, he told me in a joking/serious way, “you better not be trying to get with g.” (g is my guy friend i was walking with earlier). i was beyond annoyed at this point, but figured he was just trying to look out for my ex. after this day, my ex came back to school. i had already restarted my no contact 3 days prior, and didn’t plan on talking to him for a long while. however, when i got out of my second period, my ex was already there waiting. i tried to ignore him, but he came up to me and put his arms around me and said “i heard you missed me.” & at this point i wanted to kill his friend so i said “no. your friends are just irritating.” and he said “i know. just kidding. but i really missed you too.” i didn’t really say anything after. he hung out with me at lunch, and i really didn’t show any interest. he walked me to class after, and when he gave me a hug, i didn’t even lift a finger. i was just annoyed. i didn’t go to school the next day, but when i got back thursday, he was walking with that girl again. i really didn’t care. i just walked by and had a smile on my face. i tried ignoring him by pretending i was on the phone when i would walk by him, and that definitely worked. he would wave and stop, but i kept going. i felt that he would follow me at lunch because wherever i was, he was. i laughed about it, and just focused on my friends. we had an assembly this past friday, and the entire time, i saw him looking because i was sitting really close to “g” (the guy from earlier^). he was trying to make it look like he was having the best time ever, but i knew that my guy friend being really close to me made him uncomfortable. across the way, i could feel he was trying to make me jealous by sitting close to this other girl (who is his best friends girlfriend..). it hurts me, but i know it doesn’t mean anything. that night there was a football game. i didn’t go because i wasn’t really feeling it, but i knew he would probably go. while i was at home, i got a text message from him saying “where you at?” i didn’t answer because i figured he “accidentally” sent it to the wrong person. i saw him typing, but i knew he was waiting for some reply. i didn’t answer for 5 minutes, and he ended up saying “im sorry, that was my friend messing with my phone.” i just left it. i haven’t talked to him since last tuesday, and i’m going to try no contact. i have no idea what’s going on, but i’m honestly over trying to get closure/answers. i am tired of the confusion, and im pretty sure he’s just playing games. i want to move on, but at the same time i don’t. he told me things in the past like “i can’t move on.” and he admitted to being very depressed after our break up. i was never “depressed.” i just cried for two days, and after that, i didn’t really shed any tears. i wasn’t holding back, i just never felt the need to cry. but recently, i find myself crying in the shower, or when i go to sleep because i think about him. i either want to get over him, or get back together. i just don’t know what he wants, and i have no idea what he’s doing. i just don’t want to get hurt. i’m even more confused now because i also found myself finding interest in some other guy. i’m annoyed with myself because i think i’m doing it to make myself feel better, but i also know this other guy has qualities that i enjoy. i know this other guy has a little bit of interest in me because he tells his friends who tell me, but i definitely know i still have feelings for my ex, and i do miss him. so i’m not ready to move on to some other guy. it happened at bad timing because it’s confused me even further. i shouldn’t be focused on other guys. just myself, and figuring out what i should decide to do. so i guess my main questions are “what should i do?, & how do i know if my ex is really playing games?” i really want to try the reverse psychology method because i think it might work, but what do you think? any advice on all of this will really help. thank you so much & have a great day! (:

cassie

October 6, 2016 at 9:43 pm

i feel like i have failed myself. his friend called me over, and i went to talk to him. he asked “you want to hangout with us at lunch?” and my ex was sitting right there. i tried not making any eye contact whatsoever with him, but he was talking to me. i felt uncomfortable, and it probably only lasted about 3 minutes until i just said i have to go. i felt really weird, & im upset with myself for giving in. i just didn’t know what to do in the moment. i think he still expects me to talk to him. he treats me like i’m nothing when i walk around school. all he does is say hi. i feel like he’s trying to do it to get a reaction out of me. he’s really good at playing games, but i don’t want to slip through. i think im going to try to avoid all areas where he might be so im never in his sight. hopefully that will get him to wonder where i went. is this a good idea? & do i start restart my no contact even if it was just for 3 minutes?!
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 8, 2016 at 6:37 pm

you don’t need to restart the count.. he needs to think that you are moving on and not being bitter and that you just keep improving.. that way, your chances of him chasing are higher because a person won’t chase somebody who they know is still in love with them.. So, that means if you really did that, if you really changed, it’s ok to initiate contact, since you’re just being friendly
cassie

October 6, 2016 at 8:38 am

so i’m allowed to contact him after around 30 days? i feel like that’s still me initiating first and like giving in? as of right now i’m on day 8 on NC. i distanced myself, so he did too. it’s so hard seeing him around school, but good thing we have fall break next week!! that will make the no contact much easier. i feel no urge to text him, so i won’t struggle with that part. it’s just the face to face situations. however, his birthday will be coming up really soon, and i’m not sure if i should wish him a happy birthday or not? i don’t want him thinking i’ve moved on completely because i haven’t, but i also don’t want him to think im still absolutely in love with him. ideally, i want him to chase and pursue me, and wonder why i haven’t tried contacting him. i have a feeling he won’t contact me during the no contact time, and that’s not necessarily good. based on his actions, he doesn’t seem to be 100% interested, but he always says things that make me believe he’s still completely in love with me. he’s very confusing, and that’s why i decided to take a step back and just do me. but if i really should contact him after the NC period, how should i approach it in a way without coming off as interested in him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 8:49 pm

Hi Cassie,
Do the mature choice. Stick to no contact rule and focus on healing and improving yourself independently. If it’s really true love you can survive on your own. Heal yourself first by yourself. Not through his friendship and not using any other guy. Find yourself firs. Do things that improve yourself. Do new things and meet new friends. Do that first. Do at least 30 days before initiating friendship with him again.

If he really just wants to friend zone you,then being independent will help you get away from the friend zone.

Claire

October 1, 2016 at 3:46 pm

So day 27of no contact. I still don’t feel fully healed and stable. Do I need to extend my no contact? I haven’t heard from him but I have had to change my number as I hadon’t broke my phone and taken out a new contract now I’m thinking well if he was interested in me he would of got in contact so is there any point in getting in touch with him

Claire

October 2, 2016 at 10:21 pm

I figure I’m just nervous because I really want to reconnect with him. Scared of no response. So with my first txt do I put kisses on the end?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 4:49 pm

you won’t be fully healed during no contact, so you have to keep improving even after no contact, while rebuilding rapport with him. Check this one for a first contact text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Claire

October 1, 2016 at 10:31 pm

Also want to add that I have discovered a lot about myself in the past month and I have made a lot of changes I just don’t know if I’ve done enough

Joelle

September 27, 2016 at 3:18 pm

See if you can help me fix this:
Just over 2 years ago my now ex and I met and started dating after a fewonths of friends with benefits type relationship. I got pregnant within 3 months of being an official couple. (Complete accident I was on b.c but stuff happens right?)
In a nutshell we were supposed to get an abortion but I changed my mind and I left him. He didn’t want the baby and he was in shock and so mad. I wasn’t going to bother with him at all. One day while I was about 3 months pregnant I realized, it takes 2 to make a baby. He needs to take responsibility for this too regardless of what he wanted. He was not entitled to force me to have an abortion and he should have been prepared to deal with my decision if I didn’t want one. So I told him he was going to help me with the baby Wether or not he wanted to raise her. (At this point I had no intentions of being with him I was still discusted by his behavior when he found out I was keeping the baby).
Eventually he came to his senses and we actually started spending time together he would bring me to my appointments and slowly we started to fall in love with each other. Eventually we decided to try to make things work. The baby was born and things got hard but we made it through them. It’s been over a year now and I thought things were going ok. Not necessarily good but ok. If I had to describe where our relationship was at I would say we were trying to get out of the “power struggle”. I’ll be the first to admit I have been a very bad woman. I have just been SO not nice. And agressive. We had a fight about it and we decided toget her to try and work things out I am even talking to a counselor to deal with my unfavorable behaviors. But it’s only been a few weeks. And a couple days ago he told me. That he just doesn’t love me enough to be with me. That it has nothing to do with what happened. He said he just lost interest. Quote “the love just isn’t there anymore”. He told me he’s bee feeling this way for the past few weeks. I have been trying to get details and some kind of explenatuon so I can figure out what I need to do to change regardless of how he feels about me. But he has no answers.
Naturally I will not accept this. I asked him if he really doesn’t love me but he just says “I do love you just not enough to be with you.”

And I have put a lot of thought into what I want to do about all this. I want to just let him be and stop begging him to work things out so this morning I woke up with a plan to work on myself and give him the space and hopefully he will see the changes in me and find new reasons to love me but also remember why he loved me in the first place.

I’m just looking for some extra advice on how to spark his attention and keep his focus on me. This morning I had him have breakfast with me and our daughter before he brought her out. I even got all dressed up and dolled up for him. But I didn’t bring anything up.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 4:54 pm

Hi Joelle,
Try minimal contact.. you would just focus in improving yourself for a number of days and only talk to him about your child and not anything about your feelings nor relationships.. open this one:
Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

Misty

September 24, 2016 at 4:51 am

Hi so I’m currently in a situation where I don’t know what I should do and need some help Asap. I was in a relationship for 5 yrs and my ex broke up with me about a month and a half ago. Let me give a quick synapses of the last 5yrs. I moved from my home town in Oregon with my kids to his home town in Washington. We ended up moving because it was an unsafe living situation for my kids and myself. It was like he saw me as a damsel in distress. Well we were perfect for about 2 weeks or so then I had to take my oldest children back to Oregon to their father’s mother for summer school because I refused to pull them from the school that they knew. Things were ok we argued every once in a while untill someone thought it’d b a food idea to try to get revenge on my boyfriend because he stole this guy’s lime light with his brother who we call dad. Well dads brother had someone call cps or what ever child services is called now a day’s and make flats accusations and because I grew up in the system I refused to have my kids grow up that way. Well the worker came to the house and after he left I had this feeling he was going to come back o I called my kids father who was on a boat in Alaska and told him he needed to come home for the kids while I took care of the situation so when he refused to come home I took the kids to his sister’s house. Well when he came home he spread rumors all over town to the point that even my family disowned me. He then cut off all contact with me from my kids. That completely devastated me and I did nothing but cry for 3 days straight then he packed up my kids and moved and no one had heard from him or the kids for about 5 months. Now I have to pay child support for my younger two an I can’t get in touch with my older two kids grandmother either. So my current ex and I hardly ever fought but when we would it was a huge blow out. Then this couple started chilling with us and she would come to hang out with me and started telling me about this girl she thought her boyfriend was sleeping with behind her back and my boyfriends best friend asked me if that’s who my boyfriend was hanging out with and put the idea that the reason he was acting so odd (not telling me where he was going if she was going to be there, keeping his phone on him except when he was sleeping or in the shower, hiding his phone when he was txting, giving me dirty looks when I would ask who he wad texting even though I had to tell him who I was texting and would get mad if I didn’t tell him, getting up and going outside to talk to her when she would call etc.) And then I thought about it and I thought hid friend was right. I mean we haven’t even had sex in over a year and I always had to stay home when he had to go run his errands. Hid phone went off and I was to be his Secretary while he was sleeping and this girl txted him asking if he was awake and a few messages above it he had txted her good morning beautiful I’m awake, I daw that and I saw red and snapped and woke him up and we got into a huge fight to the point he was in my face name calling so I did it back and he pushed me and I left and we broke up but because I don’t have anywhere else to go I came home and he wad upset because he is a southern boy and was raised NEVER put your hands on a female EVER do he felt bad. He hadn’t been able to look at me the same since because he can’t stand that I pushed him to that point. We got back together and without asking he asked mom since we’re staying on her land if this girl and her kid could come and stay in the trailer on the lot and told me that was how it was gonna be. I didn’t like the girl when we first met. 1She’s younger then me and way prettier then I am and she knows it and he know I have low self esteem as well. Her sobs father was in jail for a dv charge nd he showed up here when he got out and everything was good for a while till she started talking bout her last job at the strip club waitressing. Then my ex was very interested in her even more. They have been inseparable ever since. And when she is around he is a prick to me and is sweet as can be to her but when it’s just me end him he’s fine. I felt bad because her kid wad taken from her here and I felt for her and realized maybe I was being to hard and judgemental of her so u took the time to get to know her and we get along till all 3 of us are in a room together then it’s little inside jokes that I know are being directed in my direction from her or picking fun at me or something like that and inside joke between them and being all secretive etc. Together u could cut the attention with a knife but separate were all fine. Now the last few weeks have been he’ll and idk what to do. I have given up everything for this man and now he could care less what happened to me when she bats her long black eye lashes at him she gets whatever she wants. Shell ask him fir some thing after I already have asked fir it and he tells her yes when he told me no. She has been here in my trailer with us the last few weeks and has been doing things for him that I’m supposed to be doing and he’s making comments bout her and he sais something the other day
Bout son thing not bein official yet but as far as I know she don’t like him in a romantic way and things u don’t do in front of someone who is still in love with you. I can’t ever get time to talk to him because she’s always around but when I do he tells me he wants me to leave and the reason he’s never home in because he can’t stand being around me after I let other people put ideas into my head bout the two of them when nothing was really going on. Knowing that I’ve got no where else to go he says hell take me to the woman’s shelter, but we still sleep in the same bed and snuggle and he confuses me when we’re all around each other and the constant mixed messages from them like they’ll b fine and then go somewhere together and when they both come back he’s all happy go lucky and she has this holier then thou attitude for a while then everything goes back to normal between me and her but he still has an attitude to me. What do I do to fix this issue because no matter what what he does I am still head over heels in love with him and will do anything to get him back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 7:26 pm

Hi Misty,

If he really doesn’t want you to live with him and he’s not respecting you anymore, then you should find your own place or move back home with your parents. It’s not healthy anymore to keep living with somebody who doesn’t want to live with you. If you can’t leave right away, start by saving up for it. Do you have a job? If no, then find one. That’s your first step. If yes, then go out more with your co workers, or do other things after work or before work that can help you spend less time at home while you haven’t moved out yet. You need to have your own life.

Honestly, it looks like he’s in a grass is greener syndrome and that he has already started falling out of love with you and that he has associated you with negativity already.
So, the first step is getting your life back together. It’s not just for trying to get him back, but for yourself. Do that first. Start with 45 days minimal contact. Do not talk about the relationship, no blaming, no feelings talk, no demanding, no hurting. Just talk to him if it’s about important things and be more focused in improving yourself.

Beachrose

September 20, 2016 at 6:32 pm

During our (6 yr) relationship, my ex was hot and cold, neglectful, lying, disrespectful, cheap, and usury. Some of this was ADHD (this is important), and some was just being a real insecure, spoiled jerk. But he realized I was a catch, and we did have a real vibe together. We also know each other from high school, so we have history (I didn’t date him back then tho.) He was conflicted re committing – as opposed to just bolting. (He repeatedly asked, then reneged on marrying – classic GIGS and need to chase/ thrill of the new / ADHD.)

I finally made him move out – after many tries. I know his new living situation is uncomfortable, sloppy, and tenuous. He works a lot, but he’s struggling financially b/c he’s over extended (another ADHD feature.) Besides ADHD, he also has alcohol issues. He knows & agrees he’s ADHD, and wants to improve that for HIMSELF, but like many ADHD’ers, has real trouble initiating and following through (won’t see a shrink, but buys music toys), and has serious organizational & procrastination problems.

Now my ex is looking for ways to try to keep me around “as a friend” and use me like a mom or assistant – taking care of mundane things. He’s trying to fit me into his usual habit of getting women to take care of his life, be a safety net, etc – including emotionally. He’s mixing this in with wrapping up picking up his stuff. He asks for special things like face cream I make (the best), trying to keep access to my cool desert cabin that he worked on with me, etc. (The cool cabin is a big deal to him, he liked bragging to his friends about it, now its gone to him.) A few of his (non essential) things, plus tools are still at my cabin, too.

I know he wants to improve for HIMSELF re ADHD, health and maturity, just NOT necessarily for me.
But I also know I set the bar really high: looks, fun, history, smarts, cache’ – but I’m not a musician, and thet’s a big draw for him. Also, he tends to fall for dramatic, crazy types, because they’re exciting.

SO: do I push nicely/minimally to wrap up getting his things back ASAP, and then just go into NC cold turkey? ALSO: do I skip explaining and just go NC? I’ve always been a self-improver, so I’m all about going to the gym, self-care, looking good, being fun, creating stuff, getting a better job, etc.

Thanks!

Beachrose

September 22, 2016 at 9:26 pm

Right on, Amor! I agree with every single thing you said. Your intuition and insight is spot on.

I think I have a good jumping off point to go into NC now, so I’m going for it. Thanks!
Beachrose

September 20, 2016 at 7:49 pm

PS – I do know he’s feeling bad (he texts me oblique messages about it – like jokes), but I know he’s also trying to escape his bad feelings by staying super DUPER busy – like 24/7 workaholic (another ADHD trait, too). Or numbing himself some way (alcohol, and now weed – he’s living w other musicians. Haha. ) I

do know he finally has a kind of generic (non-ADHD) therapist who’s at least trying to get him to sit w/ his feelings a bit, as opposed to his usual numbing/fleeing/ignoring his feelings. But I also feel he’s still in GIGS mode/ fantasy rock-star-no-matter-what mode.

I think he’s surprised he’s reacting/feeling this much.

Just mentioning all this re: what to do specifically re NC. Still in getting -all-his-stuff-back mode, vs his ADHD /procrastination about it.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 5:33 pm

Hi Beachrose,

I remember you! 🙂 Well, you can’t let his adhd totally define how you would treat him. It’s ok to keep it into account but the good thing about being human is we can be aware of what or how we are and we can change it. Unless he’s crazy and loses touch with reality, then that’s different. So, help him by treating him like a normal person. If he needs his stuff, he can get it but you can’t always be available for some stuff that he can get somewhere else or make it himself. If he needs the cream, give him two months worth. If he really wants to stay in that cabin, ok, but avoid him. Don’t bond or talk with him while he’s there.

You can’t really tell him what nc is. The best you can do is tell him that you really need space and being friends or treating you like his mom is not what you want. And you hope that he can respect that. Take responsibility, lay down your rules. Because if you don’t do so, then that means you are letting his adhd or his personality be the core of your relationship with him. It’s like that’s the main star. Everything revolves around him having special needs. Adhd or not, he’s an adult that can take charge of that and change it or navigate around it. Don’t get to the habit of making your actions rely on that.

« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 … 9 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

468 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back With Reverse Psychology”