Using Reverse Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

468 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back With Reverse Psychology”

Stella

November 13, 2015 at 7:57 am

Hi Chris
My boyfriend broke up with me 1 week ago. We argued almost everyday because of my personal problems and his new job. I became very emotional so we started arguing everyday and breaking up almost everyday as well for couple of months. Now I realized that the problem was that we did not try to fix the real problem, my unstable emotion and his unbalanced life(he committed himself into only working). We had dated for about 10 months and lived together for 6-7 months. We considered that we are soulmates and true lovers. I still believe in it and I know he still has strong feelings for me. But he still wants to break up with me. He loved me strongly and he committed everything he has into our relationship until he gets a job. He loved my smile and my happiness but as I started to be in bad mood he sometimes said that he cannot make me happy and I am too moody now.
When we argued, I begged him and cried always so that he could not leave me. But since he broke up with me officially, I stopped talking to him but only have some interactions for assignments.(I am a graduate school student) I speak to my friends always in a very kind and cute(?) way so I did not want to change myself too much in a group chat so I kept my tones very positive and lovely but I did not send any private messages to him apart from group discussions. But once I called him his nickname by accident because of my habit in a group chat while discussing.
My friend told me that few days after he broke up with me, he told him that he still loves me but he is emotionally drained because of arguments and I was quite emotional. And his mom told me that he was quite touched when he heard that I asked his mom to buy some candies for his bleeding nose after running and he has ups and downs in his mood. Now, I am taking some sessions to make myself stable in terms of emotional swings and I am getting better and better(at least that is what I feel when I meet new people). However, as we are in long distance because of his job, there is no way to show him that I am a better person(he does not even come in facebook, he is literally occupied by work).
I see that he has quite bad memories about our relationship and he is very tired. But we have some unsolved problems such as my money, our house and so on. Everyone says that if I contact him to discuss money… I will screw up all the chances. FYI, He has a quite high self-esteem and he does not really show his deep inside to others. And he is 21 years old and I am 24 years old.
I am sorting out everything alone without his help at all and he knows that there are many problems left here and I am struggling for my money. However, for his crazily busy work and his exhausted emotion, he does not want to have any interaction with me, I assume. But, he liked my pictures in facebook which were about my problems that made me so anxious are solved. I know it does not mean anything probably, but I guess he does not want me to disappear in his life.
My question is that how long I need to wait for him for NC? until he contacts me?(I know that he expects me to call him first since I always have done it) And if he does not contact me even after a month… can I contact him first to discuss some practical issues(but I am afraid that he will be more upset if I know him right)? And if I may, I would like to tell him that I am capable of controlling my emotions now but I do not want to get back together and I am only interested in going forward with him as a literally new relationship. However, I am aware of that if he does not get over the bad memories and negative feelings about our relationship, whatever I say would not work for him. I just want to let him know that I am a new person. Preferably, I want to see him again and spend time during the Christmas because I had already bought my flight ticket to his home town before he broke up with me but I can just do some stuff alone for my future preparation(I was supposed to move to his hometown to study his language but now I am looking for another language school nearby. Learning new language is absolutely only for my future. Not because of him) near to his hometown without letting him know or just throwing the ticket away.
Plus, can I call him his nickname and post some of our pretty memories in my cute way in facebook sometimes during NC? Just for in case that he checks facebook, I think recalling our good memories is not a bad idea.. because I know he still loves me but he is full of bad memories and it is hard to make time to think of our good memories for him right now because of his personal problems and a new job. I am just looking for a way of reminding him of us in a positive way.
Kait

November 11, 2015 at 6:33 am

I am really struggling and need someone to help me not contact him. Already broke the begging and gnat rules 🙁 on day 5 of NC.

Chris Seiter

November 17, 2015 at 2:35 am

You just need to do other things to take your mind off of him. You can do it!!! 🙂

Marry

November 9, 2015 at 4:20 pm

Hi Chris! I really need some advice, my ex and I have known each other since childhood. One day last year he started flirting online with me and then we started texting and really hit it off. He lived out of state and I wasn’t ready for long distance, but he still kept trying for me. So after months of flirting and falling more and more I decided we can give long distance a try since he comes back to our home town often and I can go visit him. After a few months of that things were good and he actually as able to move back home and we were so perfect for each other. Saw each other all the time and fell more in love, spent time with both our families all the time and every one was happy. Then my life got stressful with work and studying for Med school applications. And he got a new job that was very demanding and took a lot of his time. I noticed things became distant when he didnt have time to see me or even just relax with me, he always had work first and his family is also very demanding and took a lot of his time as well. I was planning on talking to him about the issues but he’s not one to be up front and talk things out, he rather tell me “its okay ” so i thought there were no issues, when in reality i pushed him to far and kept asking to see him or plan things or complain when he didnt even have energy to talk after work. We had date night once a week and i would see him maybe once or twice on weekends and that was okay with me, but i still made him feel bad about it. One day he had so much work he asked for me to leave him alone for a weekend and that upset me and i ended up calling him one to many times, and he exploded and told me he can’t do this any more that he needed his space and to break up, he said he wanted to figure himself out and get his life in order and that he felt bad that he didnt have the time a girl friend like me deserves and that he didnt want to hurt me anymore. I was devastated, this messed up my studying and my life for weeks. We didnt communicate for a week then i ran into him at an event, we talked some but knew it wasn’t the right time or location for a chat like this. Then we talked a few days later but everyone was still heated, he said he didnt have the answers i needed and he doesn’t know what the future holds and that he’s sorry he had to do this to me and hopes we can be friends later that we just need space now. Yet he says he cares about me and still has feelings for me. Im so confused, and probably asked to soon if he can see himself with me again, since he did the same exact thing to his last girlfriend for the same reasons and took her back. He tells me he doesn’t know what our future will be more then friends or not and doesn’t want to give me false hope…. If he worked on his own issues and i worked on mine could we get back together in a few months? he keeps saying i did nothing wrong and its all him and his own issues, but i know i was needy and acted ways I’m not proud of. I was just so scared to lose him i ended up pushing him away. I just want to know how to get him back or make him realize if we just talk about our issues instead of running from them maybe things would be smoother when were both on the same page. I really love him and deep down know he still cares for me and loves me. Im just so scared to say the wrong things now and push him away even more. He is having a major surgery soon and i care so much, but don’t want to make him think I’m needy. Could he really have his own personal issues? or did he just use that excuse to let me down easy? He tells me there is no one else but i don’t want him to move on without me during this space period if we don’t talk about things. Please help I’m a lost soul, this is my first heart break and after over a year of talking and almost 9 months dating i just can’t see why he would leave me so suddenly with out answering any questions. Is there any way to get him back? I try to contatct him as little as i can so he has space but its hard and we are still friends on social media even though he deleted all signs of our relationship together. i just worry so much that i lost my best friend and will never have him back in my life as even a friends. When we do talk i ramble and talk in circles and i know thats pushing him away more so I’m trying to stop. I just over think everything and always questioned everything and i guess it showed I’m insecure when i really have bad anxiety over a lot of things. he was always so supportive and calming and then he just left me over one fight, our first fight….I just want to talk about all i have thought about since he left me and how i hope to fix things so we can grow together. what should i do!? sorry for the long post I’m just a very confused heart broken girl who lost the love of my life, at 25! thanks for the help
Firecracker

November 5, 2015 at 4:14 pm

Hey Chris!
I don’t know how much this 30 days no contact works. My boyfriend and I argue like mad. We have broken up or have been on the verge of it many times. Things have hit the roof. We go insane screaming. We have told each other that we are done and YET, either of us call up the other and argue further, calm down, and end up saying “I love you”. However bad it gets, we end up reconciling. I don’t know how to take that. We do love each other and yet we fight like cats and cats (dogs are scared of cats most times :P) I have said many hurtful things to him, he’s done the same, we have driven each other up the wall and yet we can’t walk our separate roads. Does this mean that we both are pushovers or that we can’t be without each other? By the way, we meet during weekends( usually alternate) because we live in different cities. We have been together for almost a year and have taken two major vacations together. We do a LOT of crazy things together. I don’t think anyone else would be game for being as crazy as he is or vice versa.
Nicole

October 23, 2015 at 1:43 am

This is the 3rd breakup in 8 years with the SAME guy. When he ended it this time, I did try and tell him what I was working on and what we could work on together to make it work and he told me he just didn’t want to try. We had been bickering over things the last couple of months. I let him leave, didn’t chase, didn’t call, didn’t text. Truth is I followed you the last time we broke up and I did everything you recommended and got him back. BUT I fell into the same mistakes, leading me back to heartache.

My ex texted me at 17 days no contact and then again at 19 days. I ignored his text until 21 days. When I responded I kept it friendly, short and told him to take care. After 4 days of ignoring he responded me within 4 minutes and I let his text be the last. NOW it’s been a week and he hasn’t contacted me since. We live together and he currently is staying with his family so his texts were about our place/stuff/what I’m going to do/take (which we already talked about when he ended it). So all I said was “hey – let me get back you you, working on it. Take care”….I just thought he would have messaged me again by now. I’m not sure what to do next, maybe RP?! Should I send a text to remind him of a good memory?

The old version of me would have begged, pleaded, responded the instant he made contact. I haven’t done any of it. So I like to think this is making him second guess….The old me would have reacted and completely lost it. I have maintained my composure.
mary

October 21, 2015 at 3:57 pm

Hi Chris
Great work!
I havent heard from my ex for 2 months. Friends tell me he is still angry because I left him. He doesnt seem to understand why I left. I just wanted him to appreciate me and understand my feelings. But instead he only sees his point of view. He tells my friends he will never get back with me. I have done the no contact rule to the core. After the 30 days I wrote to him twice and I got a no answer. To some people he says that im a great women that he is the the idiot. But to my friends he doesn’t, he even told them he is sure I have someone else. I am confused about what he wants I am not sure if reverse psychology would work with him. I don’t even feel like writing to him cause when he doesnt write back it hurts me. Please any input will help.
Thank you deply

Chris Seiter

October 21, 2015 at 8:43 pm

What are your texts to him?

Louisa

October 11, 2015 at 5:34 pm

Hello Chris,
I am really struggling and need someone to set me straight [haha] with the ‘she is going to contact me first’ expectation. I think this is the expectation which my ex boyfriend has (we have been together for 6 years, broke up 2 months ago on ‘good’ terms). Does this mean that even after 30 days of NC you still have to wait untill he initiates contact? (I have been in NC with him for 2 weeks now). Or is it after 30 days okay to contact him first anyway?

Thank you in advance 🙂
Elaine

September 20, 2015 at 9:15 am

Hi Chris. My bf and I was in a long distance relationship, we have been together for 4 months but he wanted to break up with me on 11 September. He had always been a really caring and sweet guy, but for the past month he been ignoring and giving me cold replies, saying that he no longer has feelings for me and that I can find someone better. He has removed all the photo of us on facebook and instagram. He has also been busy with his school work attachment and has very little time for me. He felt alone despite me trying to fly over to visit him every 2-3 months, and trying to make it once every month. I’ve also made myself available for him to contact via facebook, skype, twitter and whatsapp. During this period I’ve been sharing love quotes with him and trying my best to show him concern. On 20 August, I know he is a man of his word, in order to try to get me to stop chasing him, he said he has a new girlfriend (which I know is not possible because he mentioned before he despise those kind of people and will not be one of them). I really love him because he was the one who comforted me during my 1st breakup and help me get up on my feet, and eventually he fell in love with me, that’s why I’ve fell so deeply in love with him. I’ve sent him a photo puzzle of us, as well as a card for our 5th monthsary, which will probably reach in a week time hoping it will jot his memories of the happy times we had together. I really need some advise to get him back cause I can’t imagine my life without him.
May

September 15, 2015 at 10:42 pm

Hi Chris,
He broke up with me 4 months ago. I begged a lot in the last 4 months. He told me that we are only friends now. He answered my calls and called me if he needed to talk about something. We met each other once a month in the last 4 month but I ended up crying and arguing each time while saying goodbye as he was distant and cold and kept saying that we are only friends. The last time we argued a lot and he has not answered my texts and calls after that. He used to answer me even after our arguments. I have not contacted him for 5 days. Is there a chance for me to get him back if I can be on NC for 1 month? Does it work after that much begging and crying?He is mad at me that even hasn’t answered me.
Snow

August 29, 2015 at 5:46 pm

Hi Chris,
I really love your site. My fiance broke up with me 3weeks back. I broke the the NC rule though cos I was too attached to him. I was calling and sending messages of the good memories we shared together and even apologizing. Our relationship is a year and some months. We broke up on the ground that he was to attached to the opposite sex which he was telling me, he had nothing to do with them which led to me not trusting him. Although the content of his messages to the lady in question were weird. I really wish we are back together. How possible is it? Thanks

Chris Seiter

September 12, 2015 at 1:14 am

Sorry about the breakup.

It’s tough when it’s a fiance.

So, did he actually cheat or is this just speculation?

Zee Bee

July 30, 2015 at 1:34 pm

Hi Chris!

I love your articles! They’re really enlightening! I have a question though. My boyfriend and I just broke up this week on Monday and it wasn’t hostile (meaning no tears, no insults, no begging). It was really calm actually. Now trust me if I was a different woman in a different time I would’ve been crying my eyes out and begging. But I’m 24 now and I wanted things to end with me still having my dignity and respect. He broke up with me and actually thanked me for not crying. Haha! What does that even mean? Also even though the conversation was serious (cause you know he was breaking up with me) we had some laughs, mostly from things I was saying. In this entire relationship which has only been a few months, we’ve never really had a full-fledged heated argument. We’ve had disagreements here and there, especially on my part. I never really nagged him constantly. I just told him how I felt about certain things he does (or doesn’t do). He was the best boyfriend I’ve ever had though. He was nice, funny, genuine, and never insulted me or abused me. He treated me very well. But now all of a sudden he wants to focus on himself and go back to school and get a good career. He basically said it’s not me and that he just needs to work on himself. I have no problems with that at all but I just wanted to be there for him as he moves his way up. Him and I are on different levels career-wise. I have a degree and career and while he did go to college, he wants to go back to get another degree and get his life together. He doesn’t want to be working at Starbucks the rest of his life! Anyway, right before we went separate ways after him breaking up with me I asked if he was going to be up to text (not about the relationship but just random things) and he said he would. (Also an important note…he told me that he didn’t want me to fall off the phase of the Earth. He wanted us to still be friends) But I made a decision when I got home not to text him. I was really sad and crying but I’m just glad I didn’t cry in front of him or beg. I just calmly told him reasons why I really loved our relationship and why I wanted it to work. But everything was very calm and light. I could even laugh a bit and there were times where I looked out into the distance while we spoke and he asked if I would be ok and I just told him it’s a lot to take in.

So my question is, I didn’t beg or lose any of my dignity on the day we broke up and I haven’t contacted him since. Will this No Contact and RP thing really work for me? I have hope because things didn’t end in hostility, which is a first for me. (my past exes were jerks and I was only using no contact for them because I was no longer interested in having any sort of relationship with them. I pretty much cut them off. And a lot of them did try to contact me but I didn’t care about them cause they were wrong for me and mistreated me in the relationship.) But this guy has been really good to me and I seriously don’t want to let him go. I want him in my life. So do you think I have a chance? Will this work on him? I’m on Day 3 of NC. It’s hard but I don’t want to seem desperate. And I also need time to heal and work on myself.

Thank you in advance for your help!!!!

Nora

August 25, 2015 at 5:08 am

Zee Bee! When my boyfriend first broke up with me I was in the same situation as you. I didn’t beg or cry, and later, when we went back together he was pretty upset about it haha. You were not crying because he was the one losing you. I guess, after reading many of Chris’ articles, I can say you are kind of showing him that you are a strong woman. I think NC is the way to go since you ended up as friends, he will go nuts by the fact that you will ignore him. Anyhow, I am not the expert, but I hope it helps.
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 4:25 pm

Nora, great answer thanks for your input!
Meri

August 19, 2015 at 2:34 am

Hello, my bf broke up with me. 10 days later of no talking, I met with him to try and understand why, because we had a pretty great relationship. I had accepted the break up but at the end I tried to make him reconsider then he asked me to respect his decision. I started no contcat after that. I had told him when we broke up not to call me or text me (not knowing about the nc rule). And he hasnt contacted me. I am starting week 3 and am confident I can make it tne full 30 days. I am also self improving. He didnt seem angry when we broke up. Do you think nc is working?

Misty

June 21, 2015 at 12:51 am

Sorry for the novel, but i am at a loss as to what to do or think… (going on day 6 of no contact – i butt dialed him a few days ago and he called back later that night but i didn’t answer)

A little back story: We were bf/gf for only a month – went on a 2 day vaca already – and we really hit it off from day one. He is 37 and I am 30. We are both attractive and I know he’s very attracted to me. We have the same wants except he is terrified of getting married. Ive been married twice so i said i could deal with not getting married again. We already had a trip to Hawaii planned in November… Things just fit and we both seemed flawlessly happy. He broke up with me because he said he doesn’t see himself marrying me but my argument was it was way too soon to break up with me for something so far in the future. He brought up marriage and kids and said that I am going wherever he goes next (when he gets a promotion and has to move for work) and I light heartedly went along with everything.

I had to leave for a week to see family and the night before we got in to it because he asked if we ever broke up if we would be able to be just friends – I of course said yes, but it made me pull away because I felt that was a strange question to ask… Well aunt flow was about to visit, so I was overly emotional and after a little spat I cried and said that maybe we should take a break. I left (with a heavy heart) and upon my return he said he just wants to be friends. He even asked if I would still go to Hawaii with him in November (no tickets bought) and brought up going on another small trip. He was baffled when I said no. I told him I couldn’t be just friends with him due to my feelings for him and he said to take time to think about it and realize that it’s for the best because he knows I won’t be happy and yada yada. I told him those weren’t his decisions to make.

The next day after he broke up with me I met with him to ask the questions I needed answers to but nothing was really answered except “he has trust issues” and he doesn’t know why. (Even though he said he would have stopped talking to me after we broke up except for the fact that he trusts me so much).

The last time we hung out he was upbeat and still hugged me and asked if we could make plans for this and that and I said I would have, but not anymore. I asked if he would honestly be okay with me dating other people and he said yes (that broke my heart) and I told him I couldn’t deal with him being with other people so I can’t be just his friend. He said that all relationships ends badly and by us being platonic friends that we can be apart of each others lives for so much longer.

I get it. But I don’t. Please, please help me. I hate to say “soulmate”, but I’ve never felt this type of connection with anyone in my life. After we had that slight disconnect, I could feel something shift but no love was drained from either of us.

I haven’t texted him back and just want a mans view on what is going on with him?

Please help…
Sara

June 17, 2015 at 3:12 pm

Hi Chris! I could really use some advice right now. I know you’re busy but if you could look over this message and give me some advice I’d sure appreciate it 🙂 my fiance and I were together for four years, knew each other as kids and were friends in high school. For together in 2011 and broke up exactly 2 weeks ago.since then we would talk and fight and try to get back together but it didn’t work out. I found this site and have been reading it a lot and it’s helped me quite a bit. At some point I started nc and it worked for 2 days, the second day he texted a few times and called, I didn’t answer but that night I became worriwd and called him. We talked and again attempted to work through things only to find the next day it wasn’t working again. So we fought for a few more days. He was very mean yesterday on the phone so we stopped talking, then he texted me a few times. I called him this morning to let him know that we can’t talk anymore because it keeps leading to hurt feelings because it makes me think he wants to work on things when in reality he doesn’t want to. He agreed and that’s the last we spoke. I know that was this morning and I started nc right after that. However he seemed so mad whenever we would talk and say he didn’t love me anymore and never wanted to be with me again. I guess my questions is do you think there’s still a chance he might change his mind? He seemed very adamant this time. We’ve fought and broke up before where he has said those things but typically comes back around within a day or two. I just feel like he will actually move on this time. We fought but we also had an amazing relationship, only toward the end did things get bad. We considered each other beat friends. He only had one other good friend and he still preferred spending time with me than him. I do know towards the end he had an interest in a coworker which really hurt my feelings but I don’t think the feeling was reciprocated. They spent a day togerher after we broke up and he said he just saw her as a friend, like she was boring and kind of odd and barely spoke to him and stuff. He did have plans with a male coworker that day but the guy canceled so while my ex was up into the area (about an hour away from where he lives) where he works he asked her to hang out and she agreed. Despite it all I know he loved me very deeply, just two months ago he said he wanted to get married this year, he brought it up on his own. I never even mentioned it! I just don’t get how you can even think to make that commitment yet give up and move on overnight? 🙁 I really hopes this gets through to you, I could really use some advice. Thank you so much! Also I bought your eBook and its also helped me feel better I just could use a touch of personal advice. 🙂
Ex frenchgirl

June 15, 2015 at 4:40 am

Hey Chris! I’m fairly knew to your sites but I have been reading them non stop for 4 days (since the day my bf broke up with me) my situation is a little different. I’m 20 with 2 young boys (2&3) my ex walked out because he felt like he isn’t enough for us and he thought my attitude reinforced that for him, I’m not an overly sensitive female as I was raised solely by my dad but I never forgot to let him know how much I loved and appreciated him. Never the less, this went south, I tried to convince him to stay for TWO HOURS. Talk about desperate. Anyways I know I should have left him be but I seized every opportunity he talked to me to try to convince him I am what’s best.. Big mistake. Last conversation we had it went very well and we both expressed all of our concerns, he went to leave and still was asking for time to sort things out. Before he left I went in for a kiss, he pulled back. I said that’s fine, only kiss me if you want to and he kissed me long and hard and when we hugged he kept pulling me closer by my waist. The reason I’m messaging now is because I have emailed you, I have facebooked you and I figure the best and fastest response I would get is directly from your website. The last message he sent me was “Maybe we could start over again sometime. I’m not saying tomorrow. But you never know what the future holds I think it’s best that we part ways and that you focus on yourself for now, (ex frenchgirl)” I’m not exactly sure what it means but my view is that he’s not denying we will ever be together again but he’s still asking for time. Please help me, I started my no contact rule right after this message but extra insight would be wonderful! If there’s any other way I could contact you please let me know!!!
Thanks,
Exfrenchgirl

Ex frenchgirl

June 15, 2015 at 11:00 am

I should probably mention that the very next day after the break up my ex blocked and deleted me from facebook. He still has my number in his phone and still follows me on other social media but not facebook..

Tanja

May 24, 2015 at 4:37 pm

Hi Chris!
I need your advise. I cant decide whether to go and see my ex bf concert. He is with another girl now. He has been with her for about 5 months now and since then i havent contacted him nor i have heard from him. Id like to go to his concert though, but im struggling to decide because i dont want him to think im desperate and still hoping to get him back. What do you suggest? And in case i go how should i behave? Mind you his gf will be there. Thanks for your help!!
karina

May 21, 2015 at 2:47 pm

Hey chris. Im a first timer to your site……

I have a couple of doubts and quedtions to my break up. First off He was my first and only relationship. Unfortunately he broke up with me because of trust issues he’s already had in the past. And he left me over a mistake i did. Never cheated though. I do want him back. But I’ve gone over your guidelines and i broke all of them since day one…. So i was wondering if the guidelines might still work for me to get him back. Its already been about 2 months since our break up. We were talking. So my question is if i start the nc rule now could it still work? Or where should i start from your guideline?

Confused

June 17, 2015 at 5:53 am

hi karina … i feel like were in the same boat do you mind me asking for an update on your situation?
Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 6:05 pm

Hi Karina,

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you.

Been kind of overwhelmed with work.

Making a lot of big changes to the site.

Yes, I think its in your best interest to start it right away.

Lily

May 7, 2015 at 7:06 am

Hello Chris,

My boyfriend and I had been together for almost four years. Recently, we broke up twice within several weeks. For the first break up, I was the one who dumped him because we’d been quarreled a lot. Afterwards, I begged him to forgive me but he rejected me strongly. Second time break up was few days ago, I was the one dumped by him because my housemate told him i cheated him with another man. Sadly, I never cheated on him. I went to see him on next day, but and he won’t forgive me. He’s kinda afraid of me. So i decided not to bother him in few weeks. But I’m going to be hospitalized soon because old sickness. Do I need to tell him about it? He’s also having slipped disc now, and can’t walk properly. And even in pain all the time. Is RP really going to work if leave him alone?

*His family dislikes the idea of me and him getting back together, especially his mom and older sisters.

Please help.
jenni

April 24, 2015 at 6:55 pm

I guess I just need advice. My boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up. We have a child together and just bought a house together 6 months ago. He says he wants to leave but he has no where to go seeing as we moved out of state away from his family. We have argued like any other couples and have broken up for a couple hours here and there when fights got bad. But once he cleared his head things were fine. This is the first break up that feels real even though its only been a couple of days. I’ve never seen him in this emotional state. I have had some time to reflect and I know there’s a lot I need to work on and I’ve been extreemly stressed and depressed. The big picture is his father died in November. When he broke up with me he said he’s been feeling like this for a while and has been scared to do it obviously because we have kids together. I took it hard of course and cried he said if I continued he’d leave for the night. He never did although he just kept trying to stay away from me as much as possible . things have been really hard for him since his fathers passing. He is very quit and doesn’t tell me how he’s truelu feeling. Ever. But I know him well enough to know how bad its been. This is the man I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with. His basic reason is its him and not me. Its his head that has fallen away from me. I try my hardest to not bug him about us although I’ve had some breakdowns.
Where I get confused is even though he completely protests and says he doesn’t want it he still has slept in bed with me every night. With his back turned but he’s still there. He’s came home from work sometimes late but still came home. He could go to a friends house which he’s done on the weekend but doesn’t stay for more than a day. When he goes to work I still do my usual routine and make his lunch and coffee and then I leave him alone. I was asking for a hug but I stopped. I just dont want to push him but then he’d say dont u want a hug? Its so confusing. Of course there’s so much more to this and I feel like I’m just holding onto the little things for hope because he is the love of my life and the father to my daughter. I would be so greatful to receive an email from u Chris. I’ve read quite a few of your blogs and I feel none of them truely fit. I can’t ignore him cause he lives with me and we have children. So how do I give him time.

jenni

April 24, 2015 at 7:21 pm

I’ve also tried to contact you using your voice message system but my phone is older and it wouldn’t let me. I can only imagine you are extreemly busy so if you find the time please send me an email. Thank you Chris.
Chris Seiter

April 24, 2015 at 11:14 pm

Hi Jenni,

Have you tried asking your question over the comments here?

cecilia

April 13, 2015 at 8:25 pm

Yuck

I’m on day 43 of no contact. He broke up with me by email on March 1. This is hard, because I keep reading on some websites that 60 days of no contact might be pushing it (He may find someone new during this time). But I don’t really have any choice. i’m not ready to contact him, until in like two weeks or so. Family issues, pretty stressful stuff.

So i’m gonna have to make a leap of faith now, and get back to contact on day 56 or 60.
I wish I wasn’t so afraid that he finds someone new, and that I could wait until he calls me (The full reverse psychology thing). He is generally a very stubborn person.
Nix

April 13, 2015 at 10:25 am

Hi! We broke up a couple of days ago. But that was for the third time already which kind of puts a twist on things. The first one was led by a gradual im full of this tired of everyday fights but the break up itself was heat of the moment and the next day he came back. The second time, after a month, it was basically the same cycle. I didnt contact him for about 3 weeks, in that span of time he kept messaging me things he realized and what he was sorry about (although it sounded more patronizing, like it’s not you it’s me kind) and that he was really letting me go. But then he asked that we meet up and talk about us. We did and he told me that he was still very confused about the idea of getting back but we eventually did although that was with a lot of doubts and hesitation and that really hindered the growth of the relationship.

After another month, we’ve fallen on the same cycle of fights, insecurity and trust issues (mostly me on the last two) and a couple of days ago he had told me he was tired of everything, no energy or desire to fight for me, didnt the see the worth of the relationship, doesnt wanna be involved romantically with me and all that. I initially agreed with him that I wanted to let go as well, but on the last minute I said for us to give it another shot. I told him it wasnt exactly to salvage the relationship or continue the kind we had but that I kind of wanted to uproot everything and clear the ground and see if we could still actually be happy being in each other’s lives. He said it seemed like a good idea and that he’ll “seriously consider it” but that we couldnt make a decision since were both so confused and everything’s really just a mess. We haven’t talked for 2 days since then and I thought about sending him a final message that basically really ends it all (which I related to being like an RP move so I do want him back despite that message) but I hesitated coz I thought what if he really does reconsider and I send that so he pulls back? Or if not, I get convinced and eat my words and humiliate myself for being weak. Or I take too long that he gets to tell me his thoughts about that “another shot” but that he doesnt want it and I get slapped in the face by that? Thoughts please?

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