How To Get Your Ex Husband Back- The Super Guide

416 thoughts on “The Definitive Guide On Getting Your Ex Husband Back”

Cassandra

May 18, 2016 at 5:49 pm

Hello!
My ex-husband and I separated about a year and a half ago. We’ve been divorced since march. He has been in a relationship with someone new since last August.
Recently we started texting and chatting, almost daily. It used to be only about our kids but now we talk about old times and things we have in common. Is there a chance I may just win him back or is he simply being friendly?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 6:30 pm

Hi Cassandra,

let’s say he’s just beijg friendly.. take this opportunity to rebuild rapport.. don’t rush getting back together.. start to improve yourself while you’re rebuilding rapport and attraction

K.

April 25, 2016 at 1:54 pm

My husband and I have been together for a year. The most time we have been in a long distance relationship. We never had any big fights and have been happy together. We are currently again in a LDR. I needed to move for my job for 4 month to another place. We got into a fight, in the first month. He doesn’t like if I ask him to contact me more often or call me because it makes him feel obligated. After that he got the strange idea I most have cheated on him. So I annoyed him because I tried to show him that I didn’t do anything wrong. He believes me know but told me he wants a divorce. He refused to speak or text with me for awhile. After awhile he started to text with me again and we even spoke in the phone again. He told me that he wants to take care of me. And that he is not over me. He also told me that it was a very hard decision for him. And that we could continue to text and speak. He told me the reason he wants a divorce is because he thinks I couldnt handle the military lifestyle. He is already in the military but he wants to chance his job to a more stressfull one. And he would be away more often. I think he still loves me but he wants to protect me from that lifestyle. I wonder if there is any change I could show him, that it would work out.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 26, 2016 at 8:59 pm

Hi K,

you have to have your own life and not be clingy.. because he sees that you’re the type that wants more attention which he can’t give while he’s in the military.

Can't say

April 17, 2016 at 9:08 pm

My husband of 17 years, going on 18 next month, ran 4 States away from me and our 4 children on Valentine’s this year and stated that he wanted a divorce and no more obligations.
We were left in an unsettled situation and the ball was dropped on me to figure it all.
Easter came and he came to “only” see the kids for a day, then left again. I tried to keep my distance by just dropping the kids off.
His birthday was yesterday and he was supposed to come see the kids again, and he did start paying child support on his own.
I have told him that I do not believe nor want a divorce, but he’s determined that he is a man of his word. (Never mind marriage vows)
I’ve been focusing on myself. I’m more socially active now, whereas before I was very codependent and stuck in the house, never getting out. I’ve lost 30 lbs and feel awesome… But he is supposed to show up today for his birthday and I’m nervous my feelings will overwhelm me. I don’t want to mess up… He texted me and reminded me yet again, he was only here for the kids and to get our house livable. And he told me “no romance”
I told him I wasn’t expecting any because although I greatly desire him, I can not be intimate without knowing I’m actually married.
I’m just not sure what to do… The rejection from him hurts and the kids are hurting so badly from him leaving, although he is providing… Which I have thanked him for, telling him what an awesome Father he is and great provider.

K.

May 2, 2016 at 2:28 pm

He still thinks I chatead. So he wanted to punish me and skyped with me from his new girls home. I am done with him. Thank you very much for your help and articles
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 1:51 pm

Hi Can’t say,

he left because he felt burdened with the marriage? It’s good that you’re being proactive…keep at it even after nc.. are you active in social media too?

Tiffany Van Selus

April 2, 2016 at 7:32 am

So, to start of, I recently realized that my ex is the love of my life. We got married in 2005, wedding went great. after awhile, not that it was hard to communicate with him, he was so condescending. In 2009, we had our first baby, a little boy, who had a heart defect and passed away 4 hours after being born. I decided a year later I want to try again. Our second son was born 2011. we completely lost touch with each other, I had to beg him to touch me, there was no love making, if we did anything, it was to try to get pregnant again. Well, after feeling used, unloved, unwanted, and with how he was treating me and talking to me, even in front of our son, I left him. I should had stayed around town, but couldn’t, I am drawn to him, hard to explain. So, I took our son down to Texas for a month, long story short he came got our son over a year ago, he hasn’t changed, but I miss him, the way he was when we first got together, when we first got married. and now, with me spiraling out of control when I felt like everything I loved was gone, I am pregnant with another man’s baby. the divorce isn’t finalized, but he says he has moved on, I think I lost him for good?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 5:30 am

Hi Tiffany,

You’re the man he used to be but sadly as of the moment that’s not him.. I’m not saying he won’t change but you have to deak with it in the present scenario.. For now, focus on your baby.. If he hasn’t changed, don’t chase him coz it’s bad for your baby.. And focus in regaining balance with your life on your own.. coz even if things were great with your husband, you still have to have balance that you can generate by yourself

Kayla

March 16, 2016 at 10:16 pm

My husband and I have been together for 4 years, married 2 years. Our relationship progressed pretty quickly (he proposed 6 months into our relationship). For the most part, our marriage has been pretty happy. Our first major setback was about a year into our relationship, he started texting another girl flirting and asking her to have sex with him. Nothing happened after and I forgave him for that. Now, we are having another issue. My husband is a very social, outgoing guy. He loves to go out all the time and be with his friends while I like to stay home more. At first he would ask me to go out with him and his friends but I would say no most of the time so he stopped asking. I asked him to spend more time with me and it caused an arguement. A month ago he said he wanted a divorce from me and that we were 2 different people and it wasnt going to work out. The next day, he said he loved me and wanted to make things work. So we tried. I would go with him to his roller derby bouts like he always asked me and I told him I enjoyed it and wanted to come more often. I would go out when he hung out with friends and we spent more time together. However, a couple of weeks later he started to go out more without me. He typically goes out 3-4 nights a week with his friends or for roller derby. I would ask him if I could come and he said no. I told him I wanted to spend more time with him and that I felt it was unfair that he spent more times with his friends than with me. He got angry at this and said he didn’t think it was going to work out again and wants a divorce. he said he doesnt think we are compatible and our personalities are too different, that we rushed into our marriage. He said he doesnt enjoy spending time with me anymore and that he feels like he can’t be himself when I am with him and his friends. I thought things were going better for us these past few weeks. The little time we did spend together, we were happy and goofing around like when we first got together. So I left about 4 days ago and moved out. I havenet heard from him since. What should I do? Is there hope for us?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 1:57 am

Hi Kayla,

okay..give it a week first, if you could talk when both of you are calmer that’s better. if he doesn’t reach out, contunue it for nc

D

March 14, 2016 at 9:30 pm

Amor,
I know he treated me poorly when were together and when he was begging to get back with me, he said he was sorry that he treated me like that and it was bc he was going through a mid-life crisis. But I personally think it was his drinking. But what I don’t understand is y he treated me so badly but he treats this woman completely different and he won’t see his own kids, but treats his new wife’s kid more like a son than his own kids. And I see alot of men doing that and I don’t understand it. He was great at the beginning when he wasn’t drinking, but he is always drinking. But he seems to be ok drinking with his new wife. And yes I love my kids more than anything and that was a HUGE part of our problem. He wanted to raise them the way he was raised and I said no bc he grew up craving his parents love and attention/acceptance. And I believe people can change for the good. I can’t explain why I love him so much, I think it’s bc when I made that vow my intentions was to be with him forever. I probably should move on but I can’t find anybody that I feel that connection with like I did when he and I was together. We have 3 kids together and yes I have a daughter and no I wouldn’t want her to be in a relationship like I was in, it was actually her who told me to leave him bc of the way he treated me. She is very smart and alot stronger than I am. But I was with him for more than half of my life. I was 16 and be was 19 and we split when I was 36 and he was 39. It’s hard to just let that go. Although I know u r probably right, how do u get passed something like that? If I can’t have him back I would at least like a level ground since we do have 3 kids together and there will be occasions that I am sure the kids will want their dad there, regardless of how he has treated them in the past. They r very caring and forgiving like me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 1:37 pm

I salute you for being so strong after all of it. It doesn’t mean you’re weak that you still love him, because even if you still loved him, you chose to live life everyday trying to be happy despite of the pain. You’re right, it will not be easy to let go of him because you spent half of your life with him. So, just acknowledge that. It’s hard but it’s not impossible.

With them, we don’t know what happens in closed doors. And they’re new, for now it might be okay with the girl about him drinking but if it goes too much, no one will want that. If the kids want to have a relationship with him, they can reach out to him. I know that sounds unfair, but that’s the truth. Sometimes it may seem unfair, but nothing will happen if no one will forgive and take action. If he’s being a jerk with them, at least the kids can sleep at night with a clean conscience. But it’s better if you’re there to guide them and gauge if it’s healthy to try again or not.

D

March 13, 2016 at 1:19 pm

My ex-husband and I have been together for 20 yrs (married 13 yrs of those). In April 2006 he asked me to file for divorce so if we decided to go through with it, we would have everything set up and ready. Then we put it on hold. He had left me a few times during our marriage. Well 7 months later he did it again. I was so tore up and knew he wouldn’t talk to me so I just didn’t text him or call him and used that time and just focused on my work and my kids. Well after a month he started texting me and wanted to talk to me, but I didn’t want to bc I was hurting and just didn’t want to deal with it. So (without me knowing) pushed through with the divorce. And once I got something in the mail about it, I was devistated. So called and I left him a voicmail that if he wanted to talk, to come by after work. He came by and started hugging me saying he missed me and he still wanted to go through with the divorce but wanted to try to make things work. So he moved back home. So after 2 months he started his same bs so I told him we were done. I would work all week and stay with my sister on the weekends. After 3 months I decided I would give him 1 more chance. Well things were good for about a year and one day I got on his laptop to make sure he reviewed something I had sent him and noticed there was an updated profile in a dating site and he has several profiles on different ones. Now keep in mind, he was telling me he loved me very much. So me wanting to see how far he would go I created a fake profile and contacted him. We emailed for a couple of weeks and I asked if he wanted to get together for a fee drinks. And he agreed. That’s when he told me things weren’t working out the way he had hoped and thing we should start seeing other people. After I asked him was he sure, I told him that the girl he thought he was going to meet for drinks it wasn’t going to happen and he just snickered like “yeah ok” and I said “Do u want to know how I know ur not?” He said “How’s that?” And I said “Bc it’s me. I made that profile” The look on his face was priceless. Needless to say the next 3 yrs was utter hell. He acted like he hated me and out kids. And was always telling me he couldn’t stand me. So in Octobet of 2011 I told him I was moving out as soon as I got my tax return. And he said good bc he hated me and couldn’t wait for me to be gone. So on New Years Eve I was texting an old male friend from school and we decided to get together with our kids to catch up since he was going through the same thing. So we did. A month later my ex-husband found out and kicked me and the kids out. He wished me dead and then in the same conversation after he wished me dead, he asked me to marry him… ( yes I know. One hell of a twist) so after a month of staying with my friend I found a place of my own. Well in that time, he begged me back, but I couldn’t. He left me heartbroken to many times. So my ex told me if things didn’t work out with this guy would I give him another chance? I said maybe. Well after 10 months this guy and me split but I still was hurt and angry from my broken marriage so I didn’t want him back at that time. So me and my ex-husband would rarely talk and he rarely seen the kids and told me to stay away from his family . His family cut our kids out all together. And all of his texts were very mean and nasty. I couldn’t ask him anything without getting the 3rd degree. So 2 yrs later he gets a gf and marry’s here after a yr. So it’s been 4 yrs since he and I split. He has been married for 10 months now and the other day, I was reading a post he posted the other day, I can’t explain it. It was like magic. All my anger and resentment disappeared. And then all these feelings came back. Idk y. The post read “So my youngest son’s bday was yesterday and he is 17. I miss him being around, but that’s life I guess. Sucks.” So the next day I texted him and said “I know u hate me, but for what it’s worth, Happy Birthday. And if u tried texting our son, he didn’t get it bc we had our cells turned off” and the nasty reply I got back was “No he has never answered me in the past 3 yrs so I didn’t even bother.” So I didn’t tell my son that. So I told him I needed to talk to him and it was very important bc I just couldn’t get him out of my head. And most of his texts r him saying things trying to hurt me. He said I am not what hurt him, he said his kids not spending time with him or his parents is what hurts him. Now remember I said they cut these kids out of their lives. But I just let him say what he thinks and I have not gotten nasty back. I’m trying to let him get all of his anger out, but idk if I am doing this right. He says he has moved on and is very happy, but I think he just got married bc he doesn’t want to be alone. He is always saying how much he loves his new wife, but idk how true that is so idk if I have a chance of getting him back or not. I’m trying to follow ur guidelines but my ex husband rarely ever responds to my texts so I’m surprised he is now, even though it’s all mean. He said he doesn’t hate me, that he just doesn’t like who I am as a person, but he talks like he hates me. So idk if he and I are just not going to be able to have a chance or not. My situation as u can tell is somewhat different from these other folks. So my question is how often do I wait to let things cool down or start texting again? I’m guessing this texting thing is going to be a long process if he keeps replying. So any suggestions or tips u can give me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2016 at 2:40 pm

Hi D,

The truth is, you shouldn’t go back to him. It’s a very toxic relationship, I don’t know if he’s just selfish or narcissistic but what’s sure is that he doesn’t have any respect for you and you’re enabling it. Stop it. I think you need to read back your comment and realize how bad he is treating you. I’m sure you haven’t even told us the whole story. I know this is too personal, but I know you love your kids, if you have a daughter, how would you want her to be treated by her husband? Would you want her to experience the same way you experienced marriage? Love yourself D, so the right people will come along.

Help

February 23, 2016 at 3:24 pm

My husband said he wanted a divorce and moved out. For two weeks I pursued him relentlessly. Pushing him away. He agreed to go to therapist. We have had one appointment, where the therapist told us no contact for a week. Today is a week, and we have an appointment at 4 pm. Over this past week, my husband was suppose to be thinking about whether he wanted to stay married or not, so we can pursue the therapy. Over the weekend my husband friended the girl he was seeing sister. The girl is married with kids and her husband made her quit her job because of the affair (she works with my husband)
What does this mean?! Does this mean I will go into this meeting today and get told it’s time to divorce? I want to work through this. I love this man more than anything….

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 8:18 am

Hello,

It’s been a day since your commented, how did it go?

Erin

February 22, 2016 at 7:22 pm

Trying to give the short version, I met my ex-fiancé in 2006, we dated and lived together for 2 years, he broke up with me bc he felt I was to clingy and made him feel caged in. it was hard but I got over it. A year went by and he started calling again. Over and over.

I decided to give things a 2nd chance and we got back together. We had a baby, bought a home, got engaged, I went to cosmetology and life was great. Over time we had lots of arguments, 5 years went by and slowly he fell out of love. We went to a few (3-4) therphy sessions but I believe he was already at a state of not caring so the tools she should us we didn’t use as much…

We are now fully separated. I realized a lot about the person I have become, how a lot of times I was listening to what he was saying but I wasn’t HEARING him.. ive taken most if not all the blame and experiencing the loss of my family has allowed me to see a different light.

Now that we are at a state where he believes I’ll never change and he wants to be free and not tied down.. how do I know when its time to just move on or if I should continue to have faith and try a better approach?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 1:55 pm

Hi Erin,

give each other space first.. to see if things will get better after that..

Saree

February 20, 2016 at 6:26 am

Hi, so I had commented on the original how-to-get-your-ex-back post.

So my husband and I had a fight and we’ve been separated for 3 weeks today. We’ve talked on and off, and I tried no contact for 7 days but broke and he eventually opened up a little to me. I just got off the phone with him and he told me that he wants to be with me, but he wants a healthy relationship. He is afraid the same thing will happen again. He agreed to meet me on Monday night, as I am put of town right now with my sister. How can I convince him I’ve figured out that our problem is communication and that I am willing to try new ways to communicate, as well as changing my old ways (like saying things I don’t mean)? He won’t discuss divorce but he won’t say he’ll stay with me either. I’m afraid he won’t want to be with me anymore after we see each other. 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 10:42 am

the thing is, you can only prove it by being calm when he gets angry or when he says something that is upsetting.. Or just by being calm during the whole talk and listening to him..Saying it and asking for another is like begging in a way

Sam

February 18, 2016 at 7:56 pm

My husband and I were head over heels in love when we married in 1993 – love to you more than the sky was our little saying. Everything was wonderful.. we had a beautiful daughter in 1996.. then my mother moved to the same city we live in. My mother has always been a little controlling, kinda manipulative and always tried to be noticed (big shot syndrome). Anyway, she got a job as a manger at a local gas station/convenient store. We live within an hour of many casinos and we all used to go every now and then. My mother started going more and more and developed a horrible gambling problem. She would win tons of money. She actually won over $50k in one night and paid for her, her husband and their son… my husband, my daughter and me a two week stay at Disney World in Orlando. She bought her husband a new motorcycle, bought a new Cadillac Escalade, and many other things.. and made sure that everyone knew what she had and was able to do. My husband hated her and hated that she was such a show off and always tried to be center of attention. She didn’t like to go to the casinos by herself and she would always ask me to go. Well, I didn’t have the money to play like she did and told her so.. so she would tell me that she would give me x amount of dollars and if I won, then I could just pay her back and if I didn’t then I didn’t have to worry about it. I would go with her once or twice a week and that caused problems with my husband. Well, as it turns out, my mother was embezzling money from the company she worked for and was formally charged. I work in the courts where she was charged which caused a huge embarrassment for me. I hired an attorney for her without my husband’s knowledge.. because I knew he hated her, I knew he would say no, but I wanted this to be over as soon as possible since she was charged in the courts where I work. I finally sat my husband down and told him everything, and to say he was livid would be an understatement. We lived in the same house and did not speak for over 7 months. He would leave every weekend to go hunting/fishing etc… While I took care of the house, our daughter and everything else. I felt I deserved that punishment. My mom was sentenced to a little over 3 years in prison. I’ve always felt so guilty about her conviction because I felt like I should have seen what she was doing or should have known somehow. When she actually started serving her time, that I should have been able to seen it and stop it. She is very manipulative and uses people and lies so easily. She asked me to help her husband and their son until she got out – she said because I owe her all that money that she “gave” me to go to the casino. So to make a long story short.. I tried to help both households for over a year and my family suffered from it and suffered terribly. All the while my mother was in prison calling and demanding that we all send her money for her account (very controlling and manipulative).. she would come up with any excuse to get money. I spent alot of money meant for my family on helping my mom and her family as well as on gambling. Everything finally blew up, my husband moved in with his brother…I shipped my mom’s husband and their son back to their hometown and told Mom that I wasn’t putting any more money on her account. By that time the damage had been done. My marriage was in shambles.. My husband blamed me for us almost losing the house (I accept that) and many other things. He moved back into the house but he constantly reminded me of my wrong doings. One day, he said he was going on a deep sea fishing trip with a company that does take associates out to Florida on trips such as these… but mid week.. I just had a funny feeling so I called the company and asked when “Bob” (the owner) was coming back from their fishing trip.. I was told that they did not go on a trip and that Bob was in the office if I wanted to speak with him. Imagine that… I started thinking about the 7 months that we did not speak and did some snooping.. I managed to log into his work email account and other ones as well and found where he had went online and registered on some dating sites and had been seeing a woman named Katrina Crabtree in Evansville, Indiana the whole time. What hurt the most was that he was so ready to remind me of all my wrongs.. that he failed to mention what he was doing. We ended up getting a divorce but in paper only. We both decided we wanted to make it work. He had his own checking account, I had mine.. we had access to each others log ins and passwords and all was good for a while. About a year ago he started asking me to combine the checking accounts again. I wasn’t ready to do that, not because I had anything to hide.. I just felt a little reserved.. maybe I didn’t fully trust him. So over this past year.. we kinda just became roommates.. no passion, no romance.. We ride the motorcycle on trips and spend a lot of time together and slept in the same bed and held each other every night. Did the usual I love you’s… blah blah… all stale.. daily rountine stuff… Then a week before Christmas he told me he was going to spend the weekend at his brother’s house. I had no problem with that.. That Friday evening, my daughter’s car wouldn’t start when she was trying to leave the mall so we called my husband. He told us to call the auto service for a jump b/c he was tied up and couldn’t get away. Immediately I knew he was lying.. turns out he went to Florida for the weekend.. he ruined our Christmas.. and he has been back 3 weekends since then. He told me when he got home from the first trip that I have ruined his life, that he doesn’t love me, doesn’t like to do things with me and doesn’t want to be around me… He said we are over… so I said really, then why didn’t you tell me all that before you were busted in your lie. He has nothing to say.. So, now he’s sleeping in the upstairs bedroom (with his computer and all his electronics), keeps his phone on silent and is a hateful ass. He says we are over… to justify what he is doing. Now, I love him “more than the sky” but I hate him right now too. I know why he cheated, hell we were both stuck and didn’t know how to move forward.. but he still shouldn’t have bailed on me like that and humiliated me. But even I thought of straying.. because we were both lonely. I am 50 years old and have never imagined my life without him in it. We’ve shared many dreams, and many, many good years and memories. Yes, I want him back .. so tell me what I need to do and if you think he meant what he said .

Sam

March 21, 2016 at 7:09 pm

No, she is not and will not ever be an issue again. My “ex” husband and I live in the same house but he had moved upstairs. We have decided to sell the house in 5 months – that gives us time to replace the carpet and make other repairs before putting it in the market. I don’t want that / I want my husband and life back so I ha e 5 months for him to change his mind. Where do I begin ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2016 at 5:59 am

I can’t assure you that everything will just fall into place in 5 months.. but for now, you should start first in forgiving and talking to him in the right time about everything.. Apologize but don’t overdo it.. Don’t beg.. Just make it sincere.. and then start to become friendly again.. expect him not to be at first but just take the high road and start rebuilding your life too.. Have your own life, it’s not too late.. Find your individuality again before trying again.. Rebuild yourself first before rebuilding a relationship
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 8:58 am

Hi Sam,

Before anyhing else, the situation with your mom is not an issue anymore now right?

Renee

February 17, 2016 at 8:30 pm

I am going through a divorce right now after being married 4 years and together for 8 years. We have one 2 year old daughter together. I was the one who ended up leaving him and moving out, but now I regret it and want to have our family back together but I am not sure if it is a possibility.
I feel that most of what happened in our relationship was my fault. The biggest factor is that I have a drinking problem. He also hid some personal information from me about my identity that I found out soon before we broke up.
Now I am dating someone else who I like a lot, but I want to be back with my almost ex husband. He is dating someone as well but I think fairly casually.
I talked to him recently about getting back together and he says he definitely does not want to and he does not love me anymore. I just can’t picture our lives apart from each other and as a family.

Renee

February 19, 2016 at 7:39 pm

How do I work on having a better relationship with him now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 8:27 am

Be friends with him first… If he sees your improvements, there’s a chance he will trust you again to reconnect with him,even if just as friends at first
Renee

February 17, 2016 at 8:31 pm

I meant to write about his identity, not my identity.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 11:27 am

Hi Renee,

it depends on how serious he is with his girlfriend and how he seew you as well.. If he knows you stopped drinking that’s good but if be sees you’re with another man and you don’t have a good relationahip with him now, you have to work on that first

Maria

January 26, 2016 at 11:16 pm

My husband and I were together almost 10 years , married for almost 3 years , it’s been almost 2 months now that he decided to leave me , he now lives with his parents again and I live with mine , he tells me that he doesn’t love me and that he has been feeling like this for a long time now , but during this time that he said he didn’t love me anymore he showed me genuine love , and he showed me that he loved me , up until the month of November we were fine , we were happy , but then in November we would have little arguments , I lost my job and he stressed out even more , maybe I shouldn’t have started little arguments knowing that he was stressed out , but even though we were fighting a little maybe once or twice a week he still showed me and did things that made me believe he loved me , we got into fight in the beginning of December and he was fighting for our marriage , he was fighting for me , and when I told him that I wanted things to work out between us the next day he woke up and said no , that he didn’t want to be with me anymore , he left me , I never thought he was going to leave me and when I asked him why he said he didn’t love me , and I don’t know if I’m in denial but I don’t believe when he says he doesn’t , and even till this day their isn’t a day that goes by and i don’t miss him . It’s tearing me apart because he says now he’s happy without me in his life but I want nothing more then to win him back but I don’t know where to start or what to do to make him fall in love with me again . It hurts so bad , and when I read this website it says no contact for 30 days but how if we have a daughter together and he’s the one usually texting me to ask something about a bill or our daughter or the child support , am i doing it wrong by still texting him ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 1:45 pm

HI Maria,

There are exceptions to the rule, like yours. You can still do no contact by only talking to him about your daughter. Don’t talk about the relationship. Don’t talk about getting back together and don’t have small talks. If it’s about your daughter that’s fine. While doing this, work on yourself. I think it would be better for you to read this. So, you would really understand what to do. The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)

no name

January 22, 2016 at 5:33 pm

My husband and I are married for 9 years and separated for 2 years and we have a 10 year old daughter. During our 2 year separation he wanted to try to make the marriage work but didn’t change the things that we separated for so I did not want to reconcile. During 7 months ago I started noticing changes in him which made me think that we had hope and I told him I wanted to make us work and he was happy. Then he told me that he was seeing someone, Long story short, 7 months later he is still seeing her and is now living with her, He calls me almost daily and we still sleep together and have been for the past 7 months. I want to make our marriage work and have a family again. He says that he is good with this girl that he is with and is not going to leave her. He missed me and our family and thinks of us often. Our daughter tells him often that she misses her family and prays for all of us to get back together.
He says that he still has hope for us and loves me very much; I want to know what I can do to reconcile. I know that he loves m, I know that he would come back if this ‘relationship’ failed. I know deep down that he loves me. He doesn’t want to let go but doesn’t want to leave this girl either. They have yet to have an argument. She obviously doesn’t know that we are still sleeping together.

no name

January 23, 2016 at 3:32 pm

What can I do then….He still loves me and his family and misses us. If love is still there then we still have a chance…we still have hope.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 7:29 pm

If he really loves you, he will break up with the other girl. It’s not like he’s being forced in the relationship. It was his decision to be in the relationship. Another sad possibility is that, if you stop entertaining your ex-husband, he will stop being with you too because as of now that’s how he sees you. He sees that he can all do this because you’re okay with it.
For me, there’s another choice but it can take longer. It can also mean he won’t come back with you without another girl in tow, if he is really a cheater. But if he came back with after you this, there’s a good chance he’ll be faithful.

And by the way, has he changed his old ways, the reasons why you don’t want to be back before?

Okay, value yourself. Have standards. No, is no. Don’t sleep with him because you’re not that kind of woman. You’re deserve a faithful man. And then start to move on. Find happiness. Do activities that make you happy. More likely, when he sees you and your daughter happy without him, genuinely. He will miss that. And because of you’re maintaining your standards, he will leave his other woman and he will have respect for you.
But it can also be that, he will leave you totally because he can’t get his way with you.

But put it this way, if your daughter is in the same position, would you want seeing her sharing her husband to another woman? Don’t you want her to raise her standards and value herself because you know, as her mom, she is very valuable and doesn’t deserve to be treated less in any way. And if she has a daughter too, you would want her to be a good example for her as well.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 3:24 pm

HI No Name,

I have to be honest with you. He will not leave her as long as all of this working out with everybody. You’re not gone, She’s not gone, why make the situation worse?

Anna

December 6, 2015 at 2:48 pm

Dear Chris,
Thank you for taking the time to read this message. Your analysis above gave me hope that i could actually affect the chances of getting back with my ex husband. I am 41 years old and i know my husband all our lives. We met in college at age 22 and he was 26. We were together since, and we married on 2002 after 6 years being together. I followed him in Athens after university- my hometown is Thessaloniki, and left all my family behind cause we loved each other so much. We had our kids at 2005 and 2007. Then problems started as i slowly stayed alone and lonely with 2 babies, he was absent most of the time due to work, and my family being away, i really needed more emotional support from him. I dont think he did anything on purpose he has such an innocent heart, but he never took my begging seriously. I was begging him to devote more time to me, to change house cause we were living next to his interfering parents who nosed in our lives, taking over my role as mother and my husband never took my side in that. On the contrary he was stating ” dont be ungrateful they gave us house to live”. My point was let us please be alone, let your priority be THIS family now, you must not let your parents control us anymore. He has a weak point, he wants to please his friends and relatives, he likes to have fun, social life – thats fine i want that too, UNLESS that gets priority from your woman who begs for attention and care. Anyway i got clinical depression, lost weight, babies were small still, i was fainting and he wouldnt understand why i was acting like that. i left the house as my last effort to save my health, and make him understand that we need some time to calm down. Now after 3 years divorced, i stay in his town still, i didnt return to my hometown because i do not want my children to be punished and not see their father, but also cause i still love him. I never stopped , he s the only man i knew since i was just a girl. I tried to have 2 – 3 superficial relationships just to fill my loneliness but i knew from the start that i am devoted to my husband and always am his as / when he realizes. He was hurt too as i left, but never understood the reason. Still accusing me of abandoning him. in meantime we have been meeting and even having sex with each other, i many times tried to suggest to get bacj together, but he said he doesnt want to. I know he loves me and i know he was hurt. He said he got used in being alone since i left and he prefers to meet me in this no attachment ways we are meeting without commitments. Do you think i can use the ways you mentioned above in getting him back? i love him and i know he does. maybe he needs a little help to realize… i hope i didnt make you tired. Please advise if i should try…

Chris Seiter

December 7, 2015 at 6:00 pm

You should stop by my other site, My Marriage Helper.

Anonymous

December 1, 2015 at 8:36 pm

Anonymous

Hey there to start off I have broken every rule to ur guide. My ex husband n I (we are not divorced) have know each other all our lives n have been married legally 6 yrs 5 yrs together. We have a 2 yr old n since our separation we have been playing the yoyo game as we like to call it when we say we wanna get back together but we changed our minds. I have played the needie card, the angry card, jealous etc, we both had cheated n ever since then our relationship had gotten rotten cuz of that cuz we both can’t leave the past behind.we’ve tried married counseling but that was no help so with the many fights n countless cheating on his part I just said we need to separate n said the one thing no man wants to hear “I am not in love with u ne more” which was n is not true cuz I am in love with him very much. With that said we said things we didn’t mean he moved on n I’m trying to move but we just end up sleeping together n then the cycle continues aka the YOYO. He is now in a relationship that is toxic his current gf an him have broken up at leat 5 times n he has cought her cheating on him. Now we only talk if its about the baby nothing more n I just want to know if I should keep fighting for my married or call it quits n try again to move on. With all the hurt that we have done to each other I still love n want to be with him, I honestly don’t know how he feels about me. I have been working on myself physically n mentally n trying to keep calm every time he tells me he’s back with his on n off gf. Since there relationship I have not let him take the baby cuz in my eyes I don’t think it’s healthy for our daughter to witness. Is there ne hope that we can fix our married or is it pretty much gone forever??????

Anonymous

December 1, 2015 at 10:46 pm

The cheating I have yet to figure out on his part, it was wrong of me to get even n one time was enough for me. I let him see our daughter when ever he wants n as long as he wants I just refuse to let him take her cuz I know he’s gonna take her to see his gf n 4 kids. His gf is not civil to me to where I had to take legal action. Even when they break up he goes n finds another women giving me no time to swoop in, even then he tells me that he’s happy that he’s single again
Chris Seiter

December 1, 2015 at 9:20 pm

First of all, why is everyone cheating? What is causing that?

You should let him see his daughter unless you know he is abusive/has a drug problem etc. If you know this about his new gf that would also be grounds for him to see your daughter in supervised visits only. Otherwise it’s not really fair to your daughter to take away her father.

I definitely think you can fix your marriage. Follow the guide and when he breaks up with his current gf again swoop in and take him back. He is yours after all.

Sandy

November 26, 2015 at 4:35 pm

Hi Chris,
My husband and I have been married for a year. Of course it was all beautiful at the beginning, perfect if you ask me, all pink color. We found out we were expecting 5 months into our relationship. So happy about the news because we were planning it. I’ve had a tough past, a hard childhood just been thru so much in life therefore leading to an attitude where I’m so hard to handle. I block myself from people it’s like I have a wall built and don’t let anyone in, but also very very independent. Anyways, though out the time I’ve been with my husband, I’ve changed in so many ways to where family and friends ask me “what happened to you?”. My husband is a very jealous and insecure person. I’ve done things (that I isially don’t do, or would never do) to keep him happy thinking it’s going to change something. I’m not independent anymore. He has issues with where I need to work, with me getting ready, with just so many things.. I’ve tried to change those things but it’s been for nothing really. He tells me I have a big ego and maybe I did before and realized it and trust me I’ve chnaged that as well, I have no ego up to this day, I realize and accept when I’m wrong or the errors I’ve had. He’s always blaming me for things that are mostly his fault. He doubts me so much. He has a big ego himself. In his head he’s never wrong, he always blames people for everything that happens. He’s always calling me a Liar and a Faker or a Pretender. I’ve proven to him things so many times and yet it’s still my fault. It’s like sometimes he just lives in the moment. I really want him back and if I’m trying to get him back is because he used to not be this monster he’s become today. I love him with all my heart and it’s been so hard for me. My mom and bff tell me to do the No Contact Rule but it’s just so hard. Even though he says he’s done I know he’s not because he always ends up coming back no matter how mad he has been. I want to do the right thing, I want to be the person I was before, if not better. I want to be independent again and just be able to hold myself and kids. Please I ask for your advice, it’s very needed and I would truly deeply appreciate it. Thank you so much for taking your time in helping people and I hope to hear from you soon!
-Sandie
Dee

November 25, 2015 at 4:06 pm

My husband immigrated from another country to be here in the States with me. We worked hard to get his visa so that he could be here. Now I’m no fool, I know that this was a fantastic opportunity for him because I see great promise in him. He is younger than I am by 8yrs. We prayed and talked in depth about the responsibilities of having a family( I have two boys one grown now) and the fact that we would still have to care for his family in his country. I’m a family woman so I had no problems helping my in-laws. We have been married for almost 6 years. He has gotten a career, the car of his dreams, spoiled me and my children and I have done the same for him. But the fights started because I started to feel neglected. I also know that am a jealous woman which has ruined me. At first we had date nights and family outings and the loving was good. He started to branch out away from me… everyone needs space, a time away from the spouse, but for me his meetings with the group he joined were taking the time we had completely away. They have meetings every third Saturday but then he joined a committee which meets the next Saturday they are not American so they start late and end later. Then when they are finished they go over to a place to eat and drink (he’s not much of a drinker) he’s home by 1am. But then emergency meetings would take the next weekend as well. Sundays we would go to church and then I’d hear… I’m hanging with the guys today.. “for real?” where is my time? Sitting on the couch after work watching TV isn’t really spending valued time together especially if you fall asleep on the couch. Anyway on three occasions I have allowed my jealousy to rule me. He hates being shamed in public and if I see him talking to another woman ( I hate sidebar conversations) the first time the hurt was written all over my face I didn’t say a word he just grabbed me, held me tight and said he was sorry and that he never meant to hurt me… the conversation was more of “hey I haven’t seen you in a while what’s been going on?” The second time I noticed a woman at the parties we attend ( his culture) following him. Now I didn’t say anything for months and many parties but this one night I complained to him about her habits ( I did sit back and watch.. he never paid her any attention) but I was tired of her doing it. We had an all out argument that I was jealous and if he didn’t notice why was I acting out? This last one … I didn’t see it separating us. We went to his groups fund raiser and there I was dressed in a ball gown. I knew he had to do a lot of running around for the group so he wouldn’t be attentive to me so much, but the other husbands were sitting and talking to their wives, taking time out to see about their needs or comfort and he was consumed with the duties that he just kind of left me feeling alone. I kept an eye on him, just wanting to and longing for him then I noticed that he went into the kitchen area. I got up and I saw him speaking to a female … it wasn’t so much that he was talking to the woman, it was his body language and the look on his face that drove my mind into over load and before I knew it, we were fighting again he “HATES” public scenes and I pushed too hard. Now grated he has his issues, I might as well tell you that he has gotten several loans that eat his check so he hasn’t been able to help me with bills. At first I thought he was lying but then I checked out joint account and no.. he’s in a mess which means so am I . I can’t say that I resent him for this but I warned him about being in this country, getting credit cards and loans. It’s all fun when you get it.. but he did some of this behind my back. He confessed all the money issues and I happily or stupidly tried to fix what I could… it’s still a mess. Back to the party. He wanted to leave and I knew he wanted to take me home and go. I kept pressing… he snapped took all his clothes, shoes left other things and left me and went to his friends place and said he was going to get another place to live. He says he will not dissolve the marriage, our home or the family but he needs time to find out if he made a mistake coming here and getting married. He wants to go out on his own to see if he can make it … is it him or is it me? Now I have put every part of myself into this marriage. But I was forth coming that I was damaged from other relationships and easily broken. He promised to help me work out my issues with love but somewhere in the mix it became about him, I lost myself inside of him, I stopped doing anything that I would usually do trying to please him and I guess all that running behind him ran him away. I want my marriage… I didn’t get married to get divorced. He is stubborn, and head strong. When he truly makes up his mind about something I rarely see him turn around. I am working on my emotions. He came to see me last night.. we talked about some things but it’s still so raw.. he’s only been gone 4 days as of now. But he has been looking for a place. Help me win his love over again. I know this was a lot to take in but I need sound advice. I’m not strong enough to not speak to him but I can call less, I can do the texting… I don’t want to loose him he is a good man.. we all have issues. HELP….#honestwithmyself
Carly

October 29, 2015 at 9:22 pm

My ex husband and I have been divorced for seven months and we have talked about working out but we’ve had a hard time communicating our feelings. We have a three year old son. But he has a girlfriend now and I still want to work things out with him badly. But he won’t talk to me unless it’s about our son and he refuses to be alone with me. He says he’s done and that he belongs to somebody else. Even though he’s only been with this girl for about two weeks. He and I had sex about two months ago and he has been intimate with me on FaceTime about a month ago. Then a week later, he tells me he’s dating this girl. I’m so confused. He tells me one thing but in front of me he has this sad look and just tells me he’s sorry and walks away. I love him and I want to fix this. More than anything. What do I do?
duong

October 27, 2015 at 1:58 am

My husband and I married 6 years, had 2 kids 4 years old boy and 6 months old gal. He has a new exciting job, got promoted quickly to the top mgt level while he is only 30. I accept a more stable job, focus on work life balance and take care of my kids. He traveled extensively last year, this year he is too tight up with work. He constantly use devices to work, check out work group chat room, socializing, talking at events. I am the main care giver for my kids and at the same time working.

I have helper so we still manage to get together at night when kids go to sleep. We talk on many things (life, work, changes, news); we hang out for good meals and movies. But we rarely understand and support each other emotionally. My fault is I have expectations that my spouse will take an active role in playing and guiding the kids. But he does not spend time with them. He mentioned that it takes effort to spend time with kids (he does not like kids) and when his day is hetic, he just wanted to do stuff to reduce stress and find interesting things (He is a typical aquarius). So some days, when my life is hetic and I broke down, I blamed him on spending time socializing and taking care of himself. I feel that I am not shared and taken care of. His point of view is that he already sacrifice a lot of time and his interest to take care of me and my kids. He mentioned that when I and my kids go to sleep, he spend his time alone doing things he really like. And after awhile, he find that being alone is ok.

He broke the news to me 2 weeks ago. Bluntly, he is not in love with me anymore. He will take care of the kids (send to school and home, and play awhile in some days of the week) but that is about that. He will do his stuff after that and he expected me to understand that he is no longer like before. He is trying very hard against his nature to treat me as friend and show concern to my health. He went out often and got home late (often after mid nite – for drink, coffee, quiet time alone, etc). I was confused but tried to manage. I have to accept and I try not to blame him. But it hurt so much. When he got back last nite, I asked him what he wanted from the separation. He said he wanted time and space; he did not want me or my better one. He said I should not have expectation, should feel ok with him behaving like that, doing what he want and need to do.

I do not want him to move out but it seems the only choice now. Having him around in the house but acting coldly wreck my emotions. I am so confused now cos he will move out in 2 days times. But he will come to pick up kids and play with them at my house. What should I do when he is around?

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