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1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Maria

    January 18, 2017 at 6:45 am

    Hi Amor,
    So about 2 weeks ago I bought the Ex Recovery System in hopes of getting my ex back. My ex and I have been friends since middle school and started dating in high school. As of right now we are both 22. We dated for 2 1/2 years before he initiated the break up, which was 2 years ago. He said we were fighting too much and his feelings were going away. I made the mistake of begging him not to leave. We remained friends, but still continued be intimate. His feelings would come and go, but I still love him, I always have. I read about the No Contact Rule and decided to give it a shot. I am now on Day 7. He tried to contact me on Day 2 and on Day 4. Will any of this help me? Or am I wasting my time with the No Contact Rule? Thank you for your time!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2017 at 7:45 pm

      Hi Maria,

      i’m not sure, I understood your question.. did you mean you just want to move on or break nc and talk to him? If it’s the later, dont.. focus in improving yourself instead .

  2. WinterBlues

    January 7, 2017 at 2:11 am

    I am uncertain of what to do, I didn’t exactly follow the NC rules. So, on December 1st my boyfriend and I broke up after 2 years of dating. Prior to this, about 2 months prior he kept saying he needs a break and that he doesn’t know what he wanted. I was willing to give him a break – while occasionally texting and maybe seeing eachother once a week. But still he came back to me with “I don’t know what I want, but I still love you” .. being both in our 30s and knowing that I wanted a family, I didn’t like being toyed around especially since we were getting serious and plans were made to come to my country and meet my family. So I felt I had no choice but to end the relationship, I told him – I love you and I am willing to support you as your girlfriend through this and he stated “I don’t want this relationship but I still love you and I don’t want to let you go.” He also stated that he feels very confused and depressed with work influences and wants to just enjoy time with his friends without me. And as an aside, I am not a clingy person and have always been supportive of him enjoying time with this friends. Naturally, I was confused and felt I had no choice but to end it to protect my heart from further heartache as this boy is clearly confused. Now 15 days after NC – I texted him and asked “are you happy” and he responded with “No, I am not, I still love you and want to work things out” … we texted back and forth with eachother and met up and talked, I asked him what that text meant and he kept saying the same things “I don’t know what I want still, I think I want you in my future, etc” Which again, really confusing and I said, you need to figure yourself out and until that happens I can’t be with you. We were no contact until he sent me a text on christmas telling me that he loves me and to wish me a merry xmas … I was so tired of being toyed around – I just responded with “you too” and now there has been no contact ever since. I don’t hear from him nothing. I asked a mutual friend if he has talked to him about us, His friend tells me that he tells him that he felt I was very cold of how I responded to him at christmas and stated that he was sad when he saw I unfriended him on facebook – but still has not made he effort to call or text me or at least put some action toward making this happen. I am very sad, I love him – during this NC I really went into a great depression, I am now slowly getting out of it – I have been hanging out with new people, going on road trips, and putting more effort into my career. Can this not be salvaged? Should I just let it go? Any thoughts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 5:47 pm

      Hi Winterblues,

      I think as a last resort, restart the count of nc after this and do 30 days and just focus in healing and improving.Move on without fully moving on.. and then after nc slowly rebuild rapport and attraction with him but don’t be too available.. if it doesn’t work, then move on..

  3. Trisha Claire

    January 7, 2017 at 12:06 am

    Hi,
    We broke up 2 or 3 weeks ago. I started the no contact for like 11 days ago. But then there’s something important that i needed to get from him so i went to his place.. at that time his friend also told me that he is struggling with his family and he needed me to understand him. so i took the chance to ask him how he was when i went to his place and then we talked about our relationship.. i was hurt with what he said that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore.. because he’s having so much problem.. i needed to respect his decision, decided to left.. my mistake the day after that i went to see him again and tried to talk about our relationship.. and that time he was annoyed and made it clear that he doesn’t want a relationship now, and that he’ll talk to me soon. I think i’ve put so much pressure on him at that time so i apologized and left.. his birthday is next week i wanted to make him happy but i don’t want to annoy him anymore.. i’m starting to lose hope.. but i am still willing to do everything to have him back so i decided to start the nc period again.. is it too late now? or do you think i still have the chance to change his negative perception of me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 5:24 pm

      Hi Trisha,

      yeah you have to restart the count after that.. I think you have to approach it like he has moved on.. So, focus in improving and changing because he won’t have a different perspective of you if you don’t change for yourself first

  4. Brinda

    January 4, 2017 at 12:29 pm

    Hello,
    I have started with the NC period with my ex. My birthday is in a week, so if he wishes me on my bday what should I do? Should I respond with a Thank you?
    I tried NC before I learnt about this site and he seems to try to reach out to me with a Hi or Hello but when I say something either he gets mad or is neutral. He also keeps checking my Instagram and if I’m enjoying with friends and putting pics, he will make me feel guilty saying sarcastically that you are partying around….

    Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 6, 2017 at 6:19 am

      Hi Brinda,

      Nope, just ignore it.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 6, 2017 at 6:19 am

      Hi Brinda,

      Nope, just ignore it.

  5. Rose

    January 4, 2017 at 4:53 am

    Hello
    my ex bf wished me for happy new year like at 2:30 am on the 31/12 ( not yet New Year’s Eve ) it wasn’t a cold msg
    I wished him back too ( not a cold msg as well ) and I don’t know if I did wrong but I asked about him he answered but didn’t ask about me as I said hope always he said assuming I’m good ” you more as well ” then he liked my nye’s pic on insta .-.

    I’m wondering what is this and what should I do ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2017 at 8:56 pm

      Hi Rose,
      it does mean you cross his mind but what do you want? If you want to build rapport, do it through texts and calls first. If you want to move on, ignore him

  6. Adia

    December 29, 2016 at 10:56 pm

    My ex asked to send some of my things back (long distance) after a few days of me implementing NC. One was the second part of the xmas gift he got me, the other is a skullcap I left at his place. What should I say? I don’t really care for these items btw.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 30, 2016 at 2:00 pm

      Hi Adia,

      if it’s not important, either ignore or tell him you’ll inform him when he can send it

  7. tanya

    December 29, 2016 at 10:24 pm

    Hello,

    So have been in NC for about a week and a bit. My ex texted me telling me he was going to be somewhere that I would be. What does this mean? Should I even reply?

    We also have a ton of mutual friends should I be avoiding places he will be at, or should I be acknowledging him when I am in the same social setting?

    Thanks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 30, 2016 at 1:23 pm

      HI Tanya,

      don’t reply to that. Just be polite if you bump into each other personally.

  8. Ally

    December 29, 2016 at 7:37 am

    Hey, so I was talking to this guy seriously for about two months. It was a long distance thing. He went out if his way, flew me out to see him for the holidays for a week. Everything was going well until he told me that he couldn’t see this going into a relationship. He told me this the day before I left, needless to say we didn’t end on the best of terms. We’ve texted a bit and decided to be friends and I haven’t heard from him since, it’s been a couple of days. How should I go about this since it is long distance? Also, he really went out of his way to impress me and see me simply to claim that he doesn’t want a relationship all of a sudden… What do you think is going on?

    1. Leigh

      January 4, 2017 at 9:48 am

      Hi,

      Reading your story sounds a lot like a guy I was friends with. He had lots of friends who he would entertain, but had very very few relationships. He had a friend he had told me about that he flew out to Vegas once and then she ended up leaving early. I can’t recall if he paid for her to go, but the sense I got was she wanted more. Yes, he can be very impressive. I’ve seen him in action, but truth be told he isn’t looking for anything. He cuts women off very quickly and doesn’t think twice. The few relationships he has had were because he had to pursue them for long periods of time. If I were you I’d get out while I can. You’re not head over heals and there are plenty of men who will honor you and be sincere. A man worth having wouldn’t act that way.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 30, 2016 at 11:14 am

      HI Ally,

      You mean you never met him in person? If that’s the case, that’s hard to say if he really was serious with you nor with his efforts of impressing because you never met him and he bailed on you just before you were to meet him. If you want, the best you can do is to do a 30 day no contact rule. But for me, you should move on from him

  9. Nancy

    December 28, 2016 at 7:29 am

    Hi Amor, I reached out after the 60 days of no contact with a fun memory that we had. He responded almost 24 hrs later saying that yes, that is a cool memory. I responded back to that casually and mentioning I had some exciting news and got no response after that. Should i try again or does that mean he’s not interested in communicating with me and was just being nice by responding to the first text?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 30, 2016 at 4:20 am

      Hi Nancy,

      more likely he’s just being nice.. wait a week before trying again but dont use a memory text..try a different one, use a topic he always loves talking about

  10. josh88

    December 27, 2016 at 3:21 am

    Sorry for my English. My fincè and I broke after 10 years of relationship, bot 28yo. Too much work on both side, few money and her couldn’t accept the idea of me not having a work, bacause I promised to marry her for the end of the year. She was getting depressed and obsessed with that. I simply let her go. I wanted to fix my problems first, study hard and find a work. She needed of me but I told her to live her life, whatever happened to us. I literally gave her the strenght to stay away from me. We slowly cut off communication. 5 months passed, I finally got my degree and found a work but she slowly become hystercal and hostile to every attempt of me contacting her. I tried to get news about her by calling her brother, my good friend. She enraged a lot many times about this. In the end she outclassed me: she found this great job with great salary, and from that moment she is going out with these bitchy friends, very sluts, in nightclubs and discos; she did a new facebook profile and adds boys everyday. On december 19 I was still on my new NC time from my last failed attempt. I struggled a lot but I didn’t give her birthday wishes; she send me a message three days after telling me that she was being obnoxious staying away from me, but she suffered like a beast because of the study to prepare this successful test to gain this new job; she had deprived herself of a life, of pleasure, of going out with friends, just because of studying to apply for this job. She recognize I was always standing by her. She says she is now breathing for the first time, and discovering she has emotions and happiness, not because of me being bad previously, but because of the lifestyle due to her study. She is going out with her friends, dancing and laughing but she is not doing “stupid things with boys”, there is no need of that. Indeed, she says she is confused.
    I took time to understand this email and to know if and what to answer. I finally asked my brother for a suggestion, then two friends, all of them who know how much I suffered because of her tell me that is a bye bye from her, a closure.
    But why after so many months? why she also tell me she is not doing stupid things with boys? there is no need! she is not mine anymore! I finally decided to not answer, even for christmas I did no contact at all, and didn t answered at her hypocrital mother giving me wishes.
    Did I do this wrong? NC is finished now. Did I waited too much for answer to her message? what to answer?
    5 days with me not answwring and not doing christmas wishes.. is this dangerous? she is still going out every day!!!!

    PLEASE HELP.

    1. josh88

      December 29, 2016 at 10:59 pm

      The month of NC ended on 20 december. On 22 december she sent me the letter above. I was so confused about the meaning of the letter that I didn’t answered. Not even to this day!!! 8 days passed from the letter to this moment.
      In the previous time I went out quite a lot with my friends and subscribed to a gym. But I’m not doing things continuously.
      But now !!! what to do about this letter? it falls after the first month of NC !!! please help.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 30, 2016 at 2:30 pm

      Nothing..treat it like a closure letter.. be continuous in improving yourself during and after this nc.. be the alpha male..do new things and make new friends.. Show that you’re moving on through your posts and do new things to widen your world..

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 29, 2016 at 9:53 am

      Hi Josh 88,

      the second nc is just 5 days? how much did you improve physically and socially since the first nc? how many new things did you do and new friends did you make?

  11. Mela

    December 26, 2016 at 10:22 am

    Hi, should I reply to his Christmas wishes during NC period? He just sent me a cold text: Merry Christmas…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2016 at 5:37 pm

      Hi Mela,
      nope..

  12. Shannon Pageon

    December 25, 2016 at 4:17 pm

    My ex and I broke up 6 months ago. We still live together and hang out all the time. We’ve both gone on dates with other people and had sexual relations with other people… but he still asks me to go to the movies with him and we cook dinner together… its like we are together without any commitment to one abother. he’s currently in North Carolina for two weeks. I haven’t responded to his texts since he went there but I feel like there isn’t much hope for us at this point. Any advise?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2016 at 4:38 pm

      Hi Shannon,
      are you or him going to move out and when? Don’t sleep with him again..

  13. Anon

    December 25, 2016 at 4:17 pm

    Hey Chris,

    My boyfriend of 8 and a half years broke up with me. Says he needs time to find himself. He’s lost and doesn’t love himself and so he can’t be in love with someone else. He told me I’m his best friend, the best thing that ever happened to him, he still loves me but doesn’t think he’s in love. It’s been 4 days since he broke up with me and 3 days since NC. He contacted me the first day sayin he’s sorry he’s hurting me and he still wants to be there for me. He then texted me 3 days ago saying he’s hurting too and that he wanted to see me Monday. (We had Christmas plans together that day). I texted him 3 days ago and told him that I thought it was best we took time apart right now and that’s the last we’ve talked to each other. Until today. He texted me Merry Christmas. Can I respond back? Also, when would be a good time discussing when I should get my things? We lived together so when I left I only packed what I would need for a week. We also have a dog together and I’ll need to stop there to get her more food. Do I wait until NC to completely move out, or before?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2016 at 9:31 am

      Hi A,

      It’s ok to talk to him about your things that you need and about the dog, as long as it’s only about those things. So, that means no greeting him, no asking how he is, no small talk. If he does initiate when you meet, just reply politely short.

  14. Melissa

    December 18, 2016 at 2:38 pm

    Hello, my ex and I were together 2 years. This past year we’ve had a lot of arguments and broke up then made up more than i can count. This last time we got together, things were better, no arguing, spent a lot of time with each other and had a good thanksgiving with fam. We made Christmas plans then out of the blue i felt he started an argument and wanted a break into Christmas and said we could still spend it and miss each other. I flipped out and became a gnat. I found out a week later his ex was in town visiting the kids because they live with him and that she stayed with him. She’s engaged and he said they didn’t do anything. I started no contact a few days ago so my question is, do i spend Christmas with him if he tries? My kid and his kids are very close and it’s hard but is what to do..thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 1:01 am

      Hi Melissa,

      If the kids want to spens christmas with his kids, I think it would be better to start nc after the holidays..but in the mean time.. treat this like an nc also.. dont initiate contac but if he does, just give polite short answers.. and start improving yourself too

  15. Nancy

    December 13, 2016 at 12:00 pm

    Hello,

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. after a 9 mo relationship. We had great chemistry but have both been through some painful experiences in prior relationships (I am recently divorced and he hasn’t attempted a serious relationship for 6-7 yrs before me) so we both had our guard up. There was also a 15 yr age gap with me being 35 and him 50. I love him dearly and although I did want to socialize with my friends once a week, he felt I was too old to go out all the time. He is a man very set in his ways but I too take the blame for being stubborn and not taking the time to listen to him. I also made the mistake of saying horrible things when we would argue which I deeply regret. After the break up I would send little texts here and there and he would respond within a few hours. At first he would ask me in return how am i and then he ended up texting me to “be well”. I took those words as he truly wants nothing to do with me and sent a goodbye email which he never responded to. I have now been practicing NC for 2 months and he hasn’t contacted me. I didn’t wish him a happy birthday or happy thanksgiving..with Xmas coming up I was thinking of wishing him happy holidays either via text or a card in the mail. Is it pretty much hopeless of us ever reconciling?

    1. Nancy

      December 14, 2016 at 2:15 am

      I have grown a lot actually. I picked up yoga and have been spending more quality time with myself and close friends while focusing on my career. I’m just not sure if I should reach out. I know I hurt him a lot with being very detached and not overly affectionate. Is it a pretty safe bet that if he hasn’t reached out on his own once in all this time that he is probably not interested in hearing from me?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 1:34 am

      Nope, don’t assume anything about him for now.. After no contact, you can initiate. Just really improve yourself during and after no contact period.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 13, 2016 at 10:48 pm

      Hi Nancy,

      Take this as a restart. How much did you improve in the past 2 months?

  16. Crystal

    December 12, 2016 at 5:42 pm

    So my ex ended things with me two weeks back, but stated that he still wanted to see me in person once he is back home from school to talk about things (we have been long distance). It’s been two weeks, I was talking to him back and forth and I talked to him on the phone a day before he was driving back home for winter break. He told me that whatever I do or say, his feelings won’t change, and that all he thinks is that I am trying to “appease him”. I was so upset, and it has been day 1 of the NC rule. I see no point in talking things out in person since all is said and done. What should I do if he attempts to reach out to me to meet up? Should I ignore him for 21 days or should I reply to him stating that I am hurt about what he said?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2016 at 7:46 pm

      Hi Crystal,

      Why did he break up with you and how long were you together?

  17. Jess

    December 12, 2016 at 11:46 am

    How do you stay present in your ex’s mind during NC? Is this down to social media only?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2016 at 7:13 pm

      Hi Jess,

      it depends on your situation. Are you schoolmates, workmates, neighbors? If not, then yes, through social media only.

  18. Ellie

    December 12, 2016 at 1:24 am

    I broke up with my bf a week ago and have been NC. He really encouraged me, and was proud of me for going back to school. When he broke up with me, he said multiple times that he wanted me to let him know how my first semester at school went, and how my grades were. I could text him on Christmas and wish him a happy holiday, and let him know how the semester went. But it will only be day 20 of NC. Should I wait until the full 30 days and make him wonder why I didn’t text him? I’m just worried that he’s going to think I’m cold, and resent me if I don’t. What if he contacts me on Christmas or before that? Should I ignore him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2016 at 11:02 pm

      Hi Ellie,

      I think this time, you should inform him that you need space to move on but don’t tell that you’re doing no contact rule and for how long and then yes, do 30 days.

  19. Bree

    December 11, 2016 at 5:59 am

    I cheated (under the influence) on my boyfriend of 2 weeks… we dated for about 6 months as friends and then had a miscarriage about 3 weeks before I cheated. I keep asking myself why I cheated and I honestly have no clue.. maybe scared of my commitment.. afraid of the future… but I love him and know that I want him in my life as a husband one day. He asked me why I was being so unfair.. that I should let him be with someone better than me. I feel horrible and I don’t know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 13, 2016 at 4:46 pm

      HI Bree,

      Check this one:
      EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?

  20. Elle

    December 9, 2016 at 11:07 pm

    Hi!
    I’ve actually been on this site before and got my boyfriend back after 2 weeks of no contact. He broke up with me after 1 year together, and now a year later, he’s broken up with me again for the same reason. Without going deep into it, this time, I accepted it, and agreed that we should break up. We both just had this feeling that our relationship might not work in the long run. He kept saying, through tears how much he loved me, and would always care for me, and how I was one of the most important people in his life, but that we’ve both worried it wouldn’t work out in the long run. He said it sucked, because our relationship was going so great right now, but that he wasn’t sure we were “the one’s” for each other.

    I’m ashamed to say, that after leaving on such a positive note, I texted him all day while he was at work the next day asking why specifically we broke up, and I said if he told me he genuinely wanted the relationship to end, that I would leave him alone. He said that he was scared of commitment, and that he was confused about what he wanted, but that while the breakup sucked, we would be fine. I apologized for bringing it up again, and he said it was ok. The next day he sent me a funny video, and told me that he saw it, and knew I would love to see it. After that I instigated no contact.

    When he broke up with me, he told me how important it was to him that we keep in contact, and stay friends, and he kept saying this over and over again. He talked about how he wanted to keep being there to support me, and it would mean the world to him if he could be invited to my graduation in a few years time. He said that he understood if I didn’t want to talk to him for a while, but asked if I would at least let him know how my finals went, as he encouraged me to go back to school and was so proud of how much I had been progressing with it. I told him I would.

    However, now I’ve been in NC for 4 days, and my finals end shortly before christmas. I guess my question is, should I break no contact to wish him a merry christmas and tell him how finals went (it will have been only 20 days), and should I break NC in that time if he contacts me? I guess my main concern, is that he’s a pretty mature guy and I worry he would find it petty and rude if I didn’t wish him a merry christmas?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2016 at 11:02 pm

      Hi Ellie,

      I think this time, you should inform him that you need space to move on but don’t tell that you’re doing no contact rule and for how long and then yes, do 30 days.

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