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Confused girl
May 26, 2016 at 3:18 pm
We’ve been together for a year, and in that period he was my best friend and lover. I thought he was. I had a lot of problems when we started and he was a true listener and support. I really thought he is different than other guys in my city. Three months ago my mother was in hospital and he was there for me, but as soon as she got better he disappeared. I confronted him and he admitted he cheated on me with I girl I know he was hanging out and I didn’t like ( also she was with his best friend before so it is disgusting). I was so humiliated and I left him. That was two months ago. But he was begging to stay friends, he said I’m the best person he had in his life, that he is sorry and that he is confused between her and me, cause with me he has a best friend, lover, trust, communication and that I understand him better than anyone. But he can’t say no to her. So we were texting, seeing eachother, but I couldn’t trust him cause he never mention her. When I ask him what is with them he doesn’t have an answer. I started to feel used, like he is playing with me ( saying all the compliments all the time, remembering our good days and what was good about us but still going out with her).
We had a lunch 11 days ago and I left leaving him to believe we are trying to be friends. He hugged me and didn’t want to let me go. So I started NC because I want to get over him. I don’t go on places where I can meet him. But the city I live in is small, and there are not lot of places where I can go out and not to bump to him ( or him and her) so actually I’m not going out much. I deleted his number and few days ago I saw his best friend and just cross the street on the other side just not to talk to him.
Last night he texted me to ask me when I’m moving and to say that he would like to help me. I texted back to say it’s ok, I have everything covered. I thought it was innocent text back, but today all day he has been texting about his week and his travelling these days. I didn’t reply. Do I need to start over NC or just continue ( because of the short text last night)? And what does it mean by sending these texts today? Why should I know where is he and what is he doing?
Yesterday I posted this story but I can’t see it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 12:57 pm
Hi COnfused girl,
he’s texting you because he thinks you’re friends. Yes, restart the count after that text.
Lynn
May 23, 2016 at 6:46 pm
My boyfriend and I broke up January and I found out I was pregnant a week later. I told him and at first he denied it was him and did not want to speak with me. Things got pretty nasty between us. He contacted me and we decided to work towards being in a relationship by being friends first. It failed. miserably. He has cheated on me in the past and I don’t trust him.. this comes off in our interactions with each other. It always gets to a point of my insecurity in the relationship getting the best of things and he doesn’t want to work on things.
Most recently, he wanted to talk again and I agreed but the same stuff happens… he barely contacts me, doesn’t make any time to spend together, and refuses for us to be friends on social media. He has not been to one appointment that I’ve invited him to and I’m not 5 months pregnant.
I told him he is unable/unwilling to put forth the effort to build a relationship together and told him I want to be on my own. He said, that’s my decision, not his, and wished me well. As if it really didn’t phase him one way or another. I do want us to be together as a family but want him to commit and be 100% in.
Will NC work in this situation? I plan to not contact him, but send him brief updates of appointments, for the next 30 days. My concern is he will cut his losses and move on. I’m hoping not the case but prepared to do this on my own if so. This time will be used for healing as well. I just need a little guidance.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 8:39 pm
Hi Lynn,
we can’t guarantee that nc is the solution but I don’t think pushing further for him to care for you will also make a difference..
Melissa
May 19, 2016 at 4:31 pm
My ex and I were together for 4 years and lived in the flat that we bought for the last year of the relationship. In Jan I instigated the break up saying that I we weren’t getting on and that I didn’t want to move back to his hometown as he did. I was content with the decision, but I think that he wanted to get back together. Afterwards we were in contact for a bit some of it social and some flat related. After about 2 months of breaking up we met up about once or twice a week for about a month, we even slept together a couple of times. I said let’s see how we get on and if we continue to enjoy each other’s company then we would have a big talk about the what went wrong in our relationship. Which he agreed to.
Then he called to say that he couldn’t do it, that it didn’t feel right as there were too many differences. I panicked and said that we hadn’t even spoken about the problems in our relationship, so how could he it end it if we hadn’t spoke about the issues. I told him that everything that went wrong in the relationship was my fault (as upon reflection the majority of the issues were due to my attitude and my impatience) and that I would move to his hometown. He said he needed time to think over what I said. There was no NC for a week until he called to say he couldn’t do it and I simply said ok (as I wasn’t sure what I wanted at that stage myself). Upset, I told him to put the flat on the market. There was NC for 5 days then he sent a text asking was I prepared to do what I said (change and move to his hometown) like I said I would. I said I meant what I said and that I was confused and sad about the situation. He said he felt the same and that he may live to regret his decision, but didn’t want to leave me hanging. I replied that we both need time to think and reflect on everything, which he agreed to. Four days after that he sent an email with the flat valuations and saying that whilst he goes on holiday did I want to get on with selling the flat. I said we’d deal with it when he returns to have a nice time. He went on holiday for 2 weeks and there was NC. When he returned he emailed to say about getting on with selling the flat. I replied to say that we need to meet in person to talk about it and that I had some stuff going on the following week and that I didn’t want to get upset by the convo and let it affect my week and that could we meet the following week. He replied saying ‘yeah sure. Speak to you soon’. That was a week ago now and there has been NC.
I only discovered this website a few days ago, so realised that I haven’t followed the guidance correctly. The NC has made me realise that I want him back. I am happy to continue with the 30 or even 45 days NC. I feel like ‘us’ and the flat are intertwined and they should be separated out. I think that I should email him instead of meeting up and say that I am not comfortable selling the flat right now and as you want to move back home you can whilst we rent the flat out for 6 months.
Also he is very sensitive, so I may need to approach this differently?
Sorry this is so long. Is the email suggestion ok? How should I approach this whole situation? Have I made a mistake by not talking to him when he said that he may live to regret his decision?
Thank you so much for this site and all your helpful advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 8:36 pm
Hi,
have you talked again about the flat? If you’re in no contact now, be active in improving yourself because that’s very important. If you haven’t done that, you have to start over count.
Anna
May 12, 2016 at 3:38 am
I broke up with him and a week later after realized I had made a mistake yet he wouldn’t listen to me; so I gave him time because we both needed to heal. I asked him to get back together but then he had moved on with a junior… Really quickly.( we are in college).Thinking that it was a rebound I remained friends and acted like I didn’t care for 5 months. I believed he had moved on until he started telling me about how much he loves me and misses me(we’ve been friends for 4years…dated for a year). I told him same and asked him to be with me since he didn’t love the other girl. He says he can’t leave her because:
1. She had just come out of a bad breakup so didn’t want to hurt her again
2. They attend the same church and her parents know him so a lot of drama is involved
3. Her ex came back for her but she turned him down because she believed he was worth it, he doesn’t waste her sacrifice
4. She proposed to him, I broke up with him, he probably feels like being with me is more work and uncertainty.
5. In some twisted easy he believes that he will grow to love the girl.
6. He feels like he took advantage of her or used her. ( we are African so in our cultural context making out a girl without intention of getting into a relationship is unscrupulous.).
He wants us to be friends…but he keeps tying me down emotionally so I haven’t moved on, I don’t want to be his safety net….i sure feel like it, if she leaves him then and only then will he get back with me…but he wont leave her.
So we made out once and he started getting clinging(even though he still has a girlfriend)….so I realized I was letting him have his cake and eat it too. Upon realization of this, I told him I can’t be friends because I’m still in love with him and that it really comes down to me or his girlfriend. I started NC. He’s been calling and texting me since then(today is day four). He came to my room to confront me but I maintained NC rules.
Question one- Is it a bad Time to do the no contact, as we are writing our final exams and he could blame me for his failure due to psychological stress?
Question two- Do I break no contact if he wants to talk badly, as he may want to discuss plans of leaving his new girlfriend/rebound?
Question three- We finish school in five days, will Nc still work?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 4:00 am
Hi Anna,
first it wouldn’t just take 5 days.. even if you talk to him before school ends.. I doubt he will change mind because of that.. maintain no contact..it’s his responsibility to do well in studies, because if you talk to him because of that, he will just use another excuse to keep talking to you.
jo
May 7, 2016 at 9:25 am
Hi i recently left my ex, basically i found out he was texting a girl behind my back that he slept with when we was on a break. The text they where sending where flirty and messaged her seeing if she was out one night. Hes denying everything and doesnt think hes in the wrong. Is the no contact rule the best thing to do? He hasnt stopped texting and i keep on ignoring.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 1:22 am
Hi Jo,
yes, since you already talked to him but no contact will not make him honest.. it’s just to help increase the chance that he will be but if not, you have to decide right after if you would continue to allow this or move on.
Annemarie
April 26, 2016 at 1:24 am
Hi! We just started NC, but theres one glaring issue: we are both part of the same super close friend group. This is how we met, and we still get together, have group chats and snapchats, etc, to the point where we really can’t separate ourselves from it. And I absolutely love these friends. What should I do in this situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 6:24 am
Hi Anne Marie,
don’t reply much in the group chat for the mean time.. message your friends directly if you need to talk to them. And if you need to reply to the group chat, just reply but don’t reply to his messages there. During get together, keep distant and stick to one of your other friends.
elsa
April 16, 2016 at 2:01 am
Hi ma’am.
What if my ex bf still don’t contact me after the 30 days or more of no contact rulr what should i do? And what if he’s also waiting me to contact him first since i was the reason why he brokes me. Please tell me what should i do to deal with this. Thanks maam looking forward for your answer.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 5:04 am
Hi Elsa,
it’s ok if you initiate contact but are you being pro active during nc?
Lucy
April 12, 2016 at 3:39 am
So I know I’m going to be seeing my ex at a mutual friend’s birthday in a couple of weeks. The thing is, he’s been trying to talk to me during NC and I KNOW that he’s going to come up to me and ask why I’ve been ignoring him. What should I say in response?
Lucy
April 19, 2016 at 4:51 pm
yeah I’ll still be in NC
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 21, 2016 at 12:49 pm
you don’t have to totally ignore him.. reply politely direct to him..just don’t be engaging..distance yourself before he even comes up to you
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2016 at 8:00 pm
Hi Lucy,
are you still in nc at that time?
MJ
April 11, 2016 at 12:34 pm
After 1 week of NC, he contacted me saying that he wanted me back so we got back together.
However, we had some fights and ended up breaking up again. So I started my NC again.
He texted me few times like why are you not replying? and now he seems so mad.
He is saying: Why don’t you just unfriend me or block me? What is the f***ing purpose of this?
Then he started saying : sorry I didnt mean this, I feel so sad and I miss you so much and stuff..
I need to stay in NC no matter what, right?? Will it not make him too angry??
Thanks in advance!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 2:23 pm
nope..try to talk first..only do nc if it can’t be mended with a good talk
Andrea
April 8, 2016 at 10:51 pm
Hi,
So, my bofriend broke up with me two months ago. Since then, I met with him a few times and message him regularly on whatsapp.
About a month ago, he told me “I love you, but I don’t want to come back with you” (yes, I did a lot of begging). But he continued to send mixed signals. We continued to talk via whatsapp but it became harder for me to get him to answered my texts. Until I decided not to text him first.
Two weeks ago, he had minor surgery, during the first week, he texted me all day, all the days. Then, all of a suden, on sunday, he stoped. I didn’t text him back and then I found about no contact rule, and decided to try it.
On day 7 of NC, he sent me a text asking about work stuff. I answered in a short and upbeat manner. He continued to text and I continued answering with short texts (3 in total, versus a lot from him). Also, I took many hours to answer them, and that’s not like me.
So, the last text he sent me was on thursday, asking: ” Are you okay?”. I didn’t answer because I thought I would break no contact. He hasn’t texted again.
So, here’s my question and I hope someone can help me: Should I’ve answered him? Should I send a casual text saying something like “sorry, I’ve been very bussy but I’m fine, thanks for asking”? Or should I continue with strict no contact until day 31?
I would really appreciate any help. Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 11:03 am
Hi Andrea,
you should continue no contact
Very Sad
April 5, 2016 at 9:52 am
OK, I try again to make it shorter, since I see other posts with yesterday’s date being answered and mine still waiting for moderation.
1) The “thing” happened on our 1st anniversary. We knew each other for years, we were friends before.
2)problems started when he became depressed 6 months ago (because of some heavy changes in his life)
3) I don’t know if we (he) broke up, i got a (possibly) drunken mail threatening with break up under certain conditions. It could be interpreted as a break up (he did such things /sober/ a few times before and he “was never serious”, he changed his mind within hours. He NC-d me regularly for shorter periods (to reach goals/let off steam). He seemed to have changed his mind next morning (i was already applying NC). He called me countless times, my family, friends, work, came to my place twice, tried to contact me on every channel. It seems he thought something bad happened to me. My family ended up thinking the same, I had zero contact with anyone except work. I didn’t know he would be thinking such thoughts, he didn’t communicate that to me only on a message he left at my home where he also found something I wrote to myself (and nobody else) about that I was sad in our relationship, couldn’t trust him, wanted to be free. I saw this only when I got home late at night. I texted him then (in tears, feeling sorry for him but still only) about that it was our anniversary, “good timing”.
4)The physical part is fantastic.
5) We both have insecurity issues about ourselves, each other and the whole world. (and perhaps the nc is only feeding this? thus making things worse?)
6) When that turn happened half a year ago, I gradually lost my free spirit and became a creepy, clingy, nagging girlfriend. With his depression I became depressed too, I’m like a shadow of myself now, thinner and thinner, the world loosing colours etc.
7) He is very different from the 90% of guys. It was his mind that cought my heart first. (Now it’s just everything about him) He seems to be reading me pretty well. He used to be very caring and attentive and patient.
8) The triggers of our fights (this time too, partly) were often our friendships (he has one intimate female friend and me a guy) and jealousy issues related to them (in all kind of ways, the friends are jealous too.)
The question:
does the NC rule apply in this situation? Shouldn’t we have had something clear, like a decent conversation? I was too sad and scared to talk to him, and I still don’t want to though. But I miss him very much, I’m worried etc.
Very Sad
April 5, 2016 at 1:59 pm
Thank you very much!
He tried to contact me on every possible channel on the first day (or rather day zero, within hours after his mail and text). First tried to call a few times, then a text (and it was his first text, perhaps this was the first thing he did when he opened his eyes after that night) about being sorry for texting me in the middle of the night. Perhaps he didn’t even remember that he wrote a mail, it happens to him sometimes (very rarely) that he doesn’t remember things when he is drunk (which is also very rare, i think it might be possible that he drank because of the fight we had). It is possible that in the morning he noticed the drunken text he sent in his phone… Although, of course later he probably discovered the mail too. And it might be possible that he remembers everything but I doubt it. It’s just something that I didn’t think of earlier. At first I thought somehow (i think this is crazy too) that it was a well planned act. I probably have to work on myself before we can be together again because of my currently extremely low self esteem but I’m so sorry for him and so sad and miss him terribely.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 11:19 am
Hi,
I answered your first comment.. I’ll just copy paste my answer there to hereHi Very sad,
How many days have you been in nc? it looks like he doesn’t want to lower down his ego, give him time.. of he texts again to say sorry sincerely, then you can break nc..
Very Sad
April 4, 2016 at 10:39 pm
We have been together for a year. I love him like I have never loved anyone before. It had been ups and downs, a lot of passion in love and unfortunately our fights too. I feel that was always the one saying sorry even when it was not my call, I did whatever he asked me 90% percent of the time. I ended up clingy, miserable, masstexting, calling, mailing and asking for more all the time. (Sounds crazy even to me, I don’t understand how it was possible) When not asking for more, asking for forgiveness for whatever silly little reasons… the fights started about 6 months ago when he had a very negative turn in his life and became quite depressed but this depression was taking form of aggression towards me (and everybody else). I tried very very hard to make him feel better, I guess too hard. He also has a very intimate she friend who has always hated me (she calls me pussy while she refers to herself as the soul mate) and she has been always there whenever “necessary”. She is also huge at the hot and cold and mixed signal sending game from the “friend zone”. She has a boyfriend to use as a jealousy tool (that’s literally what she does with him), while I gave up seeing most of my friends most of the time, not to make Him jealous. So I guess I just did all that was possible to make it fail. We had some epic good times too (one just before this “thing”), I don’t know yet where the balance would get in the good vs bad count, I just know about myself that I love him and since this led me here to this site I guess I don’t have to explain further how much. We had some “break ups” but never serious, he always said he was kidding (he has such jokes) very soon after, often within minutes, or he changed his mind in a few hours saying I was crazy to believe it, “he just freaked out”/”it was just a joke”. The way he “broke up” was a probably drunken mail in the middle of the night after a night out with friends where he just threatened to break up if I ever bugged him about that girl again, he wrote he was too old (12+ to me, he’s in his mid 40s ), tired and having too hard times for this kind of “treatment” (he initiated a fight and after a while of me kindly refusing to engage in it I entered and we ended up talking about that girl). This drunken mail happened the night after we had this fight and he accompanied it with a text so that I could wake up and see what he wrote. It wasn’t very obviously a goodbye, but it was kind of LIKE a break up (I leave you if… in that case don’t bug me anymore etc). I didn’t answer. I didn’t pick up the phone. I applied the NC but he called and called and called and he reached out to my family and friends to know if I was ok… everybody was worried because he sounded so worried (I never did NC before no matter how hurt I was I was always the one making peace, under any circumstances). Perhaps he wanted to say that he didn’t mean it but he hurt me so much and he said sorry only “for the text” (via text). He came to my place and didn’t see me and left a few sentences on a piece of paper. This happened the day after his night mail. I was just too sad to say anything or even pick up. I went to work, and got some special treatment with friends and sports and arrived home very late at night, until when he had looked for me twice at my place and called everybody. I’m afraid he was just worried but not because he wants me, just for some other reason. Why would he have sent me a breakupish mail if he wanted to keep me? I sent him a text before going to bed (in 3 pieces, so 3 texts…), because it was just then that my parents and friends were able to reach me because I just didn’t want to talk to anyone except work. I cried again and I couldn’t resist and sent a msg about how well he had chosen the date of our anniversary for this. And now I don’t know what to do, for days I haven’t contacted him since (he also hasn’t communicated but it seems he was sneaky online), I miss him very much… he wrote a text today. An angry one, of course, saying that I have almost managed to fool him again (because we had very good times just before this fight thing, with i love yous /from him too which is a rare commodity/ and love and intimacy and passion bla bla bla), adding “lucky that it has turned out in time”. Just this. I don’t even know if he is the NC rule person, I don’t know if it applies here, I don’t even know if this was a break up or that I should rather have appeared to calm him (but in the texts he sent the day he asked about me at my family and friends he didn’t write about being worried and thinking about that i might be in danger or anything like that. This is what he told everybody else BUT me. He only wrote this on a piece of paper, that I found on my desk when coming home) I miss him, I miss him, and I’m worried too, he is having some very hard times even without this stupid game 🙁 I don’t know what to do.
Very Sad
April 5, 2016 at 2:08 pm
And we have a lot of friends and acquaintances in common, should I avoid them when he is not with them? Unfortunately we also work together… what if we have to work on something together? How can I handle that? And what if there is something I want to work on (I have been planning it for months and months, but it was kind of “our common child”) but I’m afraid that he also wants to be involved or he might get hurt / communicate it in different ways if he realises I’m working on that, should I just stay away from it? There is a deadline approaching and I can’t put it off for a month, I either do it, or I don’t.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 5:29 am
You don’t have to avoid them.. It means you have to do limited no contact.. don’t initiate a talk and when he initiates, reply politely short and direct.. it’s okay to talk about work stuff as long it’s not about your relationship and feelings.. unless he really reaches out to mend things
Very Sad
April 4, 2016 at 10:51 pm
He also found some secret notes of mine when hmm going through my stuff in my absence (probably justifying it with “being worried”) about that I was sad in this relationship and that I didn’t think he loved me. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 8:47 am
Hi Very sad,
How many days have you been in nc? it looks like he doesn’t want to lower down his ego, give him time.. of he texts again to say sorry sincerely, then you can break nc..
Lting
April 4, 2016 at 4:31 pm
Is nc pointless if the relationship was only 3 months?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 6:00 am
it depends more on why…
mona
April 2, 2016 at 1:18 pm
Hi I’m doing the NC rule but after 6 days my ex tried to contact me and I ignored him. Then he sends me angry text about how we promised to stay friends and days I don’t give a F about him and that he wants to meet me and get his things back AND talk…what should I do??and I don’t want him to be angry after the NC is over…
mona
April 2, 2016 at 10:02 pm
Hi I have another question folows my first question, he wants to talk about the relationship should I keep ignoring him till the NC is over? Let’s asume we got to the-3 dates should I avoid talking about the relationship every time I see him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 6:09 am
Hi Mona,
if he’s serious about mending the relationship, that’s ok to break it and you can talk about getting things and giving it to each other but if you talked about the relationship and it didn’t go well, that means you have to restart count
Koko
March 28, 2016 at 7:58 pm
Hi 🙂
Me and my boyfriend of around 9 months broke up last September, he said that he needed to concentrate on himself as he has a habit of putting others first. We had a holiday booked together in October and against my better judgement we went and had a nice time. We have stayed in contact pretty much constantly since then and met up a handful of times. Our conversation is always pretty flirty and he leads me to believe that he is still interested but when I question him on this he gets defensive and says he needs to be single. I have said multiple times that he is hot and then cold but it’s still the same so long after splitting. He speaks to me like a girlfriend and talks to me about his day at work etc but I know i’ve made it so easy for him to think i’m always there for him. Is it too late to do no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 4:55 am
Hi Koko,
NOpe it’s not.. Are you doing it now?
aaina
March 23, 2016 at 1:21 pm
we broke up a day ago. He feel like now there is no excitement left in our relation. we study together in a class and we meet there on daily basis . we have projects together. although he is talking to me as a friend only. now how to implement this no contact rule.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 1, 2016 at 12:26 pm
HI Aina,
How are you? If you’re going to do no contact, that means you don’t initiate small talk and you don’t talk about your feelings and relationship. Keep your distance and if he initiates it, just reply politely direct and if you can, excuse yourself.
Sammy
March 15, 2016 at 6:39 pm
Hello –
My ex and I broke up last week. We were together for a year – never fought, always had so much fun together, loved spending time together and missed each other when we were away. We have every aspect of a good and loving relationship (trust, respect, honesty, communication, etc…), but he said that it’s just not there for him. I think he’s looking for a spark that we did have at the beginning, but one that inevitably fades as time goes on. We broke up one other time during our time together for the same reason. It’s like he’s addicted to a spark – he wants it to last forever and it’s impossible. He’s not understanding. We’re both 30 and I feel so confused. He said he didn’t love me and hadn’t the entire year we were together, but in my opinion what he feels for me is love. He didn’t have one bad thing to say about me – only amazingly good things to say (and he is NOT a smoke blower). He texted me 3 days in to no contact and said all these great things about me again and told me that our time together was never taken for granted and that he respects me so much and is sorry he can’t be there in the way I want. I did not reply because I am doing NC, but is this a good sign? I just don’t get way he would text me and apologize AGAIN even though I already said goodbye and that we cannot be friends (something he wanted but I think it’s unfair to me). Is this a good sign – should I continue with NC or forget him?
Sammy
March 17, 2016 at 12:34 pm
Thank you! So, I am starting to panic again – I guess I thought I would have heard from him again by now and haven’t. Part of me wonders if he is giving up because he knows I am hurt and I wonder if he took my lack of response as me not wanting him to bother me. He’s already hurt me once too – pretty bad, so I worry that he won’t reach out again out of guilt. He said he hates hurting me. I think he feels REALLY bad. His text said exactly this on Monday (it’s now Thursday):
“I just want to say that the time we spent was never taken for granted. I have nothing but respect for you. I am sorry I can’t be there in the way you want. you’re beautiful and smart and so many great things and I didn’t tell you enough”
“I don’t mean to make this harder, I guess it’s just my response to you saying you think I just brushed my hands off when you walked out my front door”
We broke up last Tuesday – this is actually the third time he’s done this, but one of them I take responsibility for. We talked a little after the breakup before I went in to NC. That’s when he asked if we could be friends because he didn’t want to say goodbye forever, but I said no. I do sort of feel like the text he sent was a way to have me make him feel better about his decision, but I am not validating anything for him because it wasn’t ok. He said he fought and tried 3 times but it’s just not there for him. Honestly speaking – this is why I fear it’s not worth NC and it’s instead better to just let it go. In your experience, have you ever seen a situation like this turn around? Is there any hope?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 2:53 pm
Yes l, actually it’s better to let it go because it’s become a pattern now.. Honestly we see some of that work out after a long time apart
Sammy
March 16, 2016 at 2:53 pm
Any advice for how to keep the variety going and keep him hooked without playing games? I feel like I have a really hard time with that and I think that may be exactly what he needs – someone who challenges him a bit more.
All of this will come after NC of course 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 11:59 pm
🙂 Doing new things together, going to new places, changing he routine, even when you’re having experiences in your own it can help bring variety to the relationship because you’re not always there..
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 2:46 pm
Hi Sammy,
I think he’s wanting variety in the relationship. Yes, continue nc, that’s a good sign. He’s missing you.
Amber
March 11, 2016 at 5:53 pm
So my ex and I broke up a month ago because he said that he loves me but was no longer in love with me. We had a rocky past and he holds resentment towards me due to some mistakes I made in the past. I’m still madly in love with him and what makes this nc tricky is the fact we have a 3 month old daughter together. I keep trying to implement the nc rule but he tries to keep hooking up with me. I think due to the comfort level between us. How do I keep the nc intact and setting the boundry of not hooking up with eachother? How do I redirect his advances?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2016 at 12:39 pm
Hi Amber,
He can still see his daughter but ou have to refuse hooking up with.. Restart the nc count and Don’t talk about feelinga and the relationship…
Charmagne
March 7, 2016 at 9:32 pm
Hi Chris,
I’m currently in 10th day of no-contact with my EX HUSBAND. But, we have been divorced for almost 2 months and we were married for 5 years. I just started no contact 10-days ago. But now, he contacted me not because of anything, but HE WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER. What is this? Should I break the no contact and accept it? Or, ignore him, wait for 30 days?
needcourage
April 21, 2016 at 3:39 pm
OMG Gharmagne, you are my hope.
My husband has been insisting in us getting a divorce because we’ve had several issues. We were together for 10 years but got married because of visa requirements, we wanted to be together but the marriage part was a bit forced, we wanted a proper wedding but had to sign the papers in order to even live in the same country, but it was always true love from both parts. And to me, especially now, it means as much as a voluntary marriage. Because of our problems, he says we need to get divorced and start with a clean slate! We are already separated and to me this divorce just creates even more separation and pain, so I tried holding him back by saying that the divorce would be final, he says that it is just a piece of paper and that our love would help us heal and get back together in some time, that we need some time apart. To me this just sounds insane and I initiated NoContact last week, it has been 8 days and I am going INSANE! I am signing the papers tomorrow (we are doing it separately). So after that, NC is my only hope. How do you even get back together after a divorce? It gives me hope to hear that NC has worked for you, Charmagne.
He contacted me twice last week, I ignored him and he hasn’t contacted me again, which makes me feel sad and just destroys my last hope, which is NC. Please, give me some courage to keep going (I am not ready to give up LOL).
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 8, 2016 at 6:49 pm
Hi Charmagne,
Let’s wait first.. a little mire effort.. of he insists, talk to him..
KRYSTIN
March 3, 2016 at 11:04 pm
HI CHRIS. MY BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME ABOUT A MONTH AGO. RIGHT AFTER THE BREAK UP HE CUT ME OFF AND WOULD NOT RESPOND TO MY CALLS OR TEXTS. I CALLED AND TEXTED HIM A LOT TRYING TO GET A REPLY UNTIL EVENTUALLY I SHOWED UP AT HIS HOUSE. LOOKING BACK ON IT NOW I WISH I HADN’T THAT AND I REALLY REGRET IT. I JUST WANTED TO KNOW HE WAS OK, I WAS REALLY WORRIED ABOUT HIM BECAUSE I KNEW THERE WERE SOME PERSONAL FAMILY ISSUES GOING ON WITH HIM. SINCE THEN WE DECIDED THAT WE NEEDED TIME APART. THAT FAILED AND WE ENDED UP MEETING UP TO TALK. WE TALKED ABOUT HOW IN TIME WE WOULD COULD BE FRIENDS AND HE SAID HE JUST NEEDED TIME. WELL THAT AGAIN FAILED. I TEXTED HIM FEELING SAD BECAUSE I FELT LIKE HE DID NOT CARE OR MISS ME. I UNDERSTAND NOW THAT I HAVE COME ACROSS AS NEEDY AND THAT IS NOT GOING TO HELP THE SITUATION. I NOW KNOW WANT TO REALLY STICK WITH THE NO CONTACT RULE. I WAS WONDERING IF THAT IS TOO LATE FOR ME NOW? HAVE I ALREADY RUINED MY CHANCES IN GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM? OUR BREAK UP IS STILL VERY UNCLEAR TO ME AND IT CAME OUT OF NO WHERE. WE HAVE HAD UPS AND DOWNS HAVE TALKED ABOUT SPENDING TIME APART IN THE PASSED BUT NEVER ACTED UPON IT. WE ARE BOTH TRYING TO FIND WHO WE ARE AND BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP AND TRYING TO FIND YOURSELF IS VERY HARD TO DO. BUT I STILL LOVE HIM AND I THINK HE STILL LOVES ME. SO I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF THE NO CONTACT RULE WILL STILL WORK FOR ME? IT HAS BEEN 3 DAYS SINCE I LAST TEXTED HIM.
I ALSO HAD A QUESTION ABOUT THE SOCIAL MEDIA ASPECT. I DELTED HIM OFF MY FACEBOOK AND INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT BECAUSE IT WAS HURTING ME TOO MUCH TO SEE HIM ENJOYING LIFE LIKE NOTHING HAD HAPPENED. HOW DO I DEAL WITH THAT? I AM IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING A NEW JOB, GETTING MY BODY IN SHAPE, AND DOING THINGS FOR ME! BUT I WANT HIM TO SEE THAT WITHOUT TELLING HIM. DO I RE-ADD HIM? OR JUST LET THAT GO?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 4, 2016 at 6:58 am
Hi krystin,
truth is, we won’t be sure until you do it.. and until he sees you’ve really moved on..because no contact can help for him to think you’ve decided to move on, but then your texts after no contact should also indicate you’re being friendly.. and we’re not sure if 30 days is enough for him to think that you’re just being friendly..
in social media, it’s better to re add him so he can easily see your posts but if he tries to communicate don’t respond, but if you want to readd him after nc, still continue to be active because you’ll never know if he checks your profile through a friend