How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule- A Comprehnsive Guide

1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

Ame

February 29, 2016 at 5:34 am

Hi chris,
I broke up with my bf about 3weeks ago but am on day 8 of NC . i didnt quite know about nc until a few days ago and then i started it . my bf contacts me once in two days (which i dont think is not hard enough going by his antecedents )but i have ignored sinc then. He is out of town now but when he gets back we have àn event to plan together. I know from previous posts that i should be strictly professional with him. My problem is that i hope he wouldn’t take me for a joke cos i have ignored him previously for three days and he came begging me and we made up sexually but he still wants us to be friends but no relaionship. I have learnt that that is a bad idea . what do i do so i get the best result from Nc,? Because i want him back. And how and when do i tell him we cant be friends?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 8:38 am

Hi Ame,

he may try again because of last time and just be firm.. Sometimes you don’t have to say, when you’re avoiding him, he will see you’re not like before

koko

February 27, 2016 at 1:38 am

HI
Im on day 7 of my NC. He broke up with me 2 months ago because we moved to our home countries. I still want him to reconsider LD. He texted me yesterday that he has to go into military, i didn’t reply. He was a bit sarcastic then he said have a nice day. Is it rude that I didnt reply to such a big news like that?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2016 at 11:13 am

Hi Koko,

Nope of course not.. you have ur right to process things

Brenda

February 26, 2016 at 5:05 pm

Hi, after almost four months of dating, my guy told me he does not want to be exclusive. We’ve talked about (pros and cons of exclusivity) it and concluded that we do not want to stop seeing each other. However, since I want exclusivity – and he does not – we reached a blurry situation (I obviously won’t sleep with him anymore, or engage in any other physical contact). So after I recently asked him if he had plans, he invited me to a classical concert and when I could not make it, he invited me to join him for a museum visit (which I also said no to). Since we are in a grey area right now and we did not really say goodbye, I am pretty sure he will text me during the NC period. Ignoring him seems rude because we ended (or didn’t we) it on good terms. What should I do when he texts me? If he won’t commit, I would like to be friends in the far future – once I’m feeling good again. With this in the back of my mind, how will I go about doing the NC period.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2016 at 7:36 am

Hi Brenda,

For me you’re the right thing because you akready talked.. You’re being firm with your standards and that’s good. He’ll understand why you’re not responsive to him. So, in nc, just contnue to ignore him during it..

Marissa

February 26, 2016 at 2:21 am

My ex boyfriend sexted another woman, and I broke it off with him. I decided to give him another chance, and as we were starting to talk again he asks if we could take a break, “doesn’t know if he can be faithful to me” so I broke it off in hopes he would come around. What should I do? I clearly value our relationship to have given him a second chance.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2016 at 9:48 am

Hi Marissa,

You have to value yourself too.. Give him a chance to work for you so he won’t do it again.. He’s actually kind to say that he’d rather not be with you than hurt you… So, let him earn you..

Kristen

February 22, 2016 at 3:57 am

Hi there!
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. We haven’t spoken much but we live together. We purchased a house together. He keeps trying to talk to me about what to do with the living arrangements. He wants to move out but we would have to rent our house out. How do I do NC if I have to address these issues? And he contacted me today to tell me he watered our plants. I have been at my sisters trying to avoid him as much as possible. Why would he text that?

Thank you so much!
Kristen

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 10:25 am

Hi Kristen,
if he decides to move out, then nc would be easier, if not it means you have to go out more, and when you’re home you keep your distance and also you can’t talk about your feelings or the relationship while at home.. if he initiates just respond mnimally politely then excuse yourself.. But if he really means to talk to fix the relationship.. you can break nc

J

February 19, 2016 at 4:04 am

hi, i need help on this situation.. my ex sent me valentines day greetings in which i said thank you and i thought it ended the conversation.. but somehow he continues it and asked what i want to do on my birthday, also asked if i have plans for the day. ( fyi, our relationship was long distance ) oh yeah and our supposedly second monthsary is the day after my birthday so i can’t help thinking of the possibilities that could happen.

what should i do? should i just ignore him or at least respond to him saying i have plans/sure i want to watch a movie together? i’m already 7 days in my NC break and i haven’t responded to him

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 10:44 am

Hi J,

why did you decide to do nc? Maybe he’s trying to reconnect now

Sophie

February 14, 2016 at 3:41 am

My ex’s birthday falls on day 29 of NC, do I still not contact him? Or is it okay to send him a simple birthday text? Or what about a belated birthday text after the 30 day NC since it is only a couple days later? He broke up with me, and I initiated no contact soon after. He has tried to contact me multiple times recently through text and Snapchat, but I have not responded. I just feel like he will associate me with bad feelings for not reaching out to him on his birthday since we will be almost at our 30 day mark of NC.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 8:02 am

Ho Sophie,

You can send a bithday greeting that will not lead him to reply.. Like, “I’m sitting here in the bus, about to get off for work, I remembered it’s your birthday, happy birthday.. gotta get off to work now..”

At least that way, he won’t wonder why you can’t be able to reply

Chris

February 13, 2016 at 7:32 am

Hi Chris, my ex keeps calling me to make sure i’m ok. Should I tell them i’m fine or just keep ignoring?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 12:07 pm

keep calling during nc? if during nc, you should ignore the call

Sunstorm

February 11, 2016 at 7:51 pm

For some reason my long post yesterday did not go through or perhaps posts are moderated for a longer period. Now I have some question, Chris mentions in the beginning the question that has been bugging me all along, what if he never contacts you during the 30 days? My BF is the stubborn kind especially since I broke it up due to massive disrespect and changing his mind on commitment. I do not want to be the one initiating under any circumstances.

I doubt he will not contact me since he will likely want to travel to my city to collect stuff and also use that as an excuse but under no circumstances do I want to weaken and get emotional so I would have someone else hand over his stuff, Is this a good idea?

Someone also mentioned to me a psychologist friend that not responding if he keeps calling or texting will make him stop eventually and forget about you, is this true? I doubt it but meant to ask, most girls give in for this reason.

I do understand how important NC is.

What if he writes something upsetting? Like humiliating like sorry I apologize hope you forgive me I could not give you what you wanted, along those lines, sort of like he was the one to end it. Ok sour grapes I can say.

He most likely things I will never forgive him as I heard him crying and he said he broke my trust in him but still cannot make a commitment and he is the worst combo, insecure and very stubborn at the same time.

I probably have stupid questions that arise from time to time which are scenarios at this point but want to know how to react.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 2:36 pm

Hi Sunstorm,

I answered your post, I think just later when you checked.. have you seen it now?

Alexandra

February 5, 2016 at 5:24 am

I’m going through no contact day 10 , my ex and I broke up 1 month ago
A group of friends including my ex and myself all bought tickets for a concert , the concert takes place before the no contact period ends ??
What should I do ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 10:40 am

Hi Alexandra,

That means you have to avoid talking to him about the relationship. Avoid talking to him but don’t be rude. Avoid eye contact too.

anon

January 30, 2016 at 10:50 pm

What do I do if he wishes me a happy birthday? I don’t want to be rude, but should I not reply in any way nonetheless?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2016 at 4:40 am

You can send a casual thank you reply. 🙂

Sarah

January 18, 2016 at 9:59 pm

What if he contacts you to remind you to come get a book you loaned/gave to him to read?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 10:02 pm

Hi Sarah,
if it’s a reminder for you, then don’t reply

Jess

January 15, 2016 at 4:53 pm

I am currently in no contact. What do I do if I had a pregnancy scare during the time of the break up and told him about it but never told him later on (as I started no contact) that it was a false alarm? He texted me asking if I had gotten my period yet after the break up and I think it might just be a way of talking to me but it also seems like a legitimate question. I do not want to answer because I don’t want to break no contact yet, I am not even a week in. Also, I feel like he knows i would contact him if I was still concerned, so is this his way of trying to start a conversation? I don’t want to be more rude than I have to be :p Thank you for your help!

Jess

January 16, 2016 at 8:57 pm

Well I sent him a text saying it was a false alarm but now I feel worse since he didn’t reply and I’m afraid I’ve given him more of an upper hand. Am I supposed to start no contact all over again or just continue since I only sent 1 text and won’t reply given the chance that he sends one?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 10:18 pm

Hi Jess,

Honestly, I think it’s too unfair to play the pregnancy card against somebody. If I was in your case, I’ll let him know the truth to to get it off my conscience.

Plus, I don’t want somebody staying just because they’re guilty or being responsible. I’d want them to stay because they want to stay with me.

And for me, it’s not him being the upper hand if he didn’t reply after that because right from the start he knew about the possibility of you being pregnant but you still broke up. If there we’re no pregnancy scare, would he have contacted at all during the no contact period?
Now, we can prove that because it’s
now just about you and him only.

If you’re afraid because he won’t contact anymore since the pregnancy scare is cleared, be more afraid that he only contacts you for that.

If he doesn’t text again after that, it’s not because you gave him the upper hand, it’s him showing his character and true intentions.

You being honest to him also shows him that you’re not the kind of person to manipulate him that way. It’s also a form of respect for yourself.

In texts, showng the upper hand by being the last text doesn’t mean being rude right? You either say you’re busy and have to go now suddenly or he knows you’re doing something that can be a possibility of you not replying immediately.

You can leave the conversation hanging with no apparent reason but doing that every time you’re texting is rude.

I’d rather show I have a life apart from him(which makes me the ungettable girl) than show I’m being rude or just plain manipulative.

I know some of my words are hard, but if getting him back is really the goal, get him back without having to feel guilty at the end. Don’t lose yourself in the process. And being strong is always attractive.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 9:38 am

Hi Jess,

I think it’s more important to tell him that it’s a false alarm. Then go on with the No Contact period. We don’t know if it’s his way or he’s really concerned. If he is concerned, then you’re being unfair to him. This is a major life event, what if the tables were turned and he didn’t contact you after what you told him because he’s under NC period and there’s no need to contact you because if you were pregnant, you would let him know. It would feel bad right?

leslie

January 13, 2016 at 3:32 pm

Chris, Last night i saw a facebook message that i sent to his dad making it seem like i wanted to talk to him maybe romantically when i really wanted to talk about my boyfriend. I cleared it up by sending him a facebook message. I know he will tell my boyfriend do i have to start the nc for 30 days again or not? I have not contacted by boyfriend for 12 days.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 10:56 am

Hi leslie,

I’m sorry I don’t quite understand what you said. Have you been talking to his dad only during the No Contact period?

Jenny

January 12, 2016 at 4:06 am

Hi Chris, i just stumbled across your article today. My ex and I officially ended it on New Years day, and i didnt know about the no contact rule at the time and broke every rule in the book. I didnt contact him for a few days after but when i did i asked him to meet up to exchange our stuff, we even hooked up and had sex (making me so attached and clingy the next day). When that next day came i went to his house to talk and i cried and begged for a chance. He finally agreed and we were to meet 3 days later to hang and talk however he canceled it a few hours later the promise was made. I accepted it and few days later on the 10th we talked one last time for a few hours about our memories and everything and said our goodbyes and it was done. If i start using the no contact rule for 30 days after the 10th of Jan would it still work after failing everything in the book? or did i ruin all my chances but contacting him right after the breakup? I know he still loves me (he admitted to it few days before and said that he has regrets)

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 2:32 pm

Hi Jenny,

The no contact rule happens after the most recent communication. And most of us fail to do rules before implementing the no contact rule. So, don’t worry about that. But NC rule doesn’t guarantee 100% that you’ll get your ex back. You didn’t also ruin all of your chances because you contacted him right away. 🙂

So, go ahead and start the count down to 30 days and use every day for yourself

Jessica Khoury

January 12, 2016 at 1:04 am

What if he falls in love with someone else during the nc ? Or what if its been a month since i last saw him? And by the way we broke up 2 months ago from a 10 months relationship and i think he just loves his new single life and is already chasing other people. But we were so close and i was his best friend. When we broke up i was too clingy and needy and mad. I think im hopeless and sometimes i just think u are giving us all false hope.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 8:35 am

Hi Jessica,

Thanks for being honest. The no contact period is not guaranteed 100% to get him back. It’s there to help you find yourself, and also for both of you to let go some of the hurt caused by break up. So, you can start with more logic.
If he finds a new relationship in less month after break up, that’s most likely rebound. But the more important question is, if he keeps on chasing other people during NC or right after Nc and your efforts of reconnecting, I think you need to assess more the actions he’s showing. And to ask yourself, would you do the same if you truly love a person?

Effleurer

December 15, 2015 at 2:01 am

Hey Chris!

I would need quick advise from you!

So I’m invited to a party by a friend of my ex next week, it would be exactly a day after 30 days nc. Should I go or is it better if I get everthing going by texting him instead?

Would really truly appreciate an answer!

Effleurer

December 15, 2015 at 2:10 am

Oh and he hasn’t contacted me since we met to speak after a out of the blue breakup. He said he still loves me but can’t be with me right now and that he wants to stay friends and he’ll always be there for me. Still he’s the stubborn type and I think that’s why he hasn’t reached out to me after almost 30 days nc.

Also I don’t know for sure why I’m invited to the party, I was always invited to the partys of that friend of him but we’re not together anymore and I don’t really have any contact to this friend of him, besides at the partys that he always threw. We always got along well though.

Just wanted to give you a bit of a background without making it too long. 🙂

Thanks again!

NC

December 13, 2015 at 10:03 am

Hi Chris, my ex said they wanted ‘space’ and said I should see other people so we are in NC now. Ex has been blowing up my phone in the first 48hrs via text. Ex wanted an answer to whether a gift I had been brought down was still ok to be given their baby cousin (to me this was just an excuse to talk as its obvious I wouldnt deny a 2yr old a gift I had bought him)…As I was in NC and not replying the texts became angry because I was not replying so they were saying things like “I know you hate me” and “Grow up and answer me I need to know”. I waited several hours then replied: “Hey I was out shopping, I was going to text you when I got home. I don’t hate you. Of course he can have his present. Hope you’re ok” Ex has since text me twice since trying to initiate conversation…Yet I am back to NC straight away. Do you feel this was the correct way to handle things?
Trin

December 13, 2015 at 12:26 am

Hi
My ex and i broke up roughly 3 weeks ago. we (mainly i) habe broken the no contact rule heaps of times and yesterday was worse cos things came up about the relationship etc and i came across really wanting to see him. Please please tell me its not too late if i start no contact from now. (12th)
We have planned to see each other in ten days though and its important but if i have no contact til then will it at least help a bit since we been in contact like every couple days? Then after we do see each other i will go back to no contact?
i know its not ideal but its something simce im usually bery clingy and needy..and cos he would b fairly sure im obsessing?
fm

December 12, 2015 at 3:11 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m on day 12 of NC and have a question about tying up all the “loose ends”. We shared an apartment together and have a cat, and we agreed on the day we broke up that, at least for the next weeks, we would share responsibility of the cat as well as split the apartment 50-50 (by that I mean I stay there two weeks a month and he moves out to a friend’s, and then vice versa). After that we agreed that I would take over the apartment and the cat, but we haven’t set a specific date for all that yet.

Right now we are in touch every so often about details such as when he can get back in the apartment, who will watch the cat over Christmas, etc. I ignore everything in his texts except for the organizational stuff and do not reply to any of the “how are you doing, I hope we can speak soon” elements to his texts.

Am I breaking NC by prolonging the shared living situation, even if we do not see each other? Do I need to tell him to move all his stuff out asap, or should I wait until the NC period is over to discuss these bigger issues like taking over the contract of the apartment? So far I have been waiting for him to write about any details, and not pushing for a fast solution. Part of me thinks that the effect of NC on him would be stronger if he was really out on his own and didn’t have the comfort of seeing the cat and being in our apartment for a couple weeks a month. But I worry if I push him move out quickly it will come off as bitter and I am trying to remain as neutral and mysterious as possible in all interaction with him.

Thanks in advance

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1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”