How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule- A Comprehnsive Guide

1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

LISSA

August 5, 2015 at 6:01 am

HI Chris,
I enjoy and appreciate your perspective on relationships and would love for you to give me advice on this nagging issue.
Im 28 my bf is 33 and weve been together 1 1/2 years, this is his first real relationship but im divorced so i guess im a little more experienced than he is. Over the past month or so he’s started showing signs of wanting out or maybe just being too comfortable and a little bored with me and I’ve repeatedly caught him sexting other women. To be honest I’ve talked to him about it and expressed how its making me feel and he admitted the sex wasn’t the same anymore as well as other issues that we had but I still see no effort to change, so I’m very hurt by that but also very ready to move on at this point, I do not wish to save the relationship but I’m still very much in love and really wish I wasnt!
The problem I’m having is that we are going to jamaica in a few days literally and I really hate having to go with him, but it’s already booked and paid for so there’s really no other options here …my mom is also coming up to the resort for a day to meet him for the first time and she’s really excited about it (I’m jamaican … he’s greek) but I no longer see a future here so I’m not sure what to do about that. I plan on cutting everything off once this vacation is over but I’m not sure what the do’s and don’t should be while we’re there since we spent thousands and I obviously still want to have some sort of fun, without falling into his love trap and resetting the clock for me to wait for him to change all over again. What are your thoughts on this, how do you think I should let this one play out??
Thanks in advance !!

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 9:50 pm

Was he intimidated that you were married before?

I know that’s a weird question but I have a sneaking suspicion.

HEARTBROKEN

August 4, 2015 at 11:53 pm

so ive been nc for 14 days. on days., our relationship ended with him saying that he hated me … just two days ago i got a long message from him saying that even if he didnt show it that he did love me and want to marry me while he was with me.. he said that we had alot of problems to deal with in our relationship butthat he will always cheris our memories together, even the bad. we went on to say that he will always love me and that maybe if things could have been different we would have been engaged by now…he said that this is always going to be something that he bears… and that the text wasnt to start anything between us just something he needed to say to be able to move on….

my question is why text me this after so long… im jsut starting to feel better about the realtionship, and he has to go and bring up more feelings..mean right? by the way i didnt respond to the message bc of nc… i feel like maybe he wont reach out to me again in fear of being ignored now….

does this mean that maybe he is missing me? that maybe he was trying to resurface my feelings and make me beg for him back? do you think he will text me again in a few days?
im really confued by this message and really need help!!
any advice will help

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:02 pm

Good for you not responding during NC.

He is definitely thinking about you and thats a good thing.

Melissa

August 4, 2015 at 11:20 pm

Hi Chris,
I need some advice…my fiance of 3 years decided to end the relationship and told me he has met someone else and already had relationship with her since 3 months back. We had a long distance relationship since he had an offer working overseas. Everything was normal until the last two weeks he start to ignore me and be cold towards me. He wanted me to hate him for cheating him and say I deserve someone better. I told him I forgive him for his mistake and giving it a second try but all he said was to hate him as much as I can and I don’t deserve him. Its been two days now that I have not contacted him at all..and he never send me a message either for the past few days. Is it working?Can I get him back?

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:05 pm

So you have only been in NC for two days?

GM

August 2, 2015 at 6:57 pm

Hi chris,
I loved your article but I have a question. I have completed three weeks of NC today and today is my birthday and my girlfriend wished me Happy birthday on facebook. should I say thanks to her or just ignore it and continue NC for 30 days? it was long distance relationship.
kindly revert back Chris. I’d be so thankful to uou

Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 1:11 pm

Continue with the 30 days no contact.

Alegna Rolyart

August 2, 2015 at 9:02 am

What if he pops up at your house uninvited during the no contact period? I know one option is to not open the door, but what if the door is already open when he shows up?

Chris Seiter

August 10, 2015 at 10:25 pm

Listen to what he has to say, if he shows up at your house he probably wants you back. If that is your end goal go with it. If he shows up to fight with you, tell him you are really sorry but you in the middle of something and you can’t talk.

Gloria

July 29, 2015 at 8:06 pm

Hi Chris, my ex broke up with me about a month ago. I am doing the NC now for a few days. Today there was a letter for my ex. I do not want to contact him in any way. I don’t know his new address where he has just moved in. What should I do? Mail to his office? I don’t want to act like a jerk.
Sarah

July 28, 2015 at 2:28 am

I love your website, I love your advice but what to do with a fiancé (not ex… Yet/ hopefully never) thats life just got turned over with something extremely stressful? He hasn’t been himself lately due to all the stress and blurted out that he’s giving up on us after I kind of lost it on him because he hasn’t really been able to be there for me for a few months now. I have been trying to be there for as much as possible which is physically hard Since we are long distance. I told him if he wants to give up, I won’t stop him but he has to do that face to face the same way he asked me to marry him, not over the phone or on text. I think he might have gotten scared that I took him seriously? Because the next day he wrote to me that he is going through a lot and that we should speak in a couple weeks when things get calmer.. I haven’t contacted him since.. Almost three weeks which was tough because we never had issues, and this doesn’t have to do with us really. What do I do? Continue NC? Ask how he’s doing? I really really need help!! Thank you.
CHERRY

July 21, 2015 at 3:34 pm

Hi,
I am Ms. Cherry . I seen your site and i find that you doing a very good job of helping to understand how to deal with the situation in relationship. I am too in a relationship from past two years. I loved my boyfriend so much that i accepted whatever he does for me as i believe that he might be doing good for me. One fine day he came to my place and he wished to spend some romantic time with me. I realized he wanted that i do something apart from what we both used to do. I tried to do but my mind was not agreeing so i just gave him a hug. I just gave him a reason that I am tired and so i cant do what he wishes. He felt sad. I thought if he loved me he will understand me. I always cared for him more than myself. The situation changed. From next day he hid his profile pic and status from social networking sites and even last seen. I did not tell a word. It happened now more than three weeks he did not even call or text me. I too did not text him or call back just waiting to see whats he is going to do. When I put my new photos on facebook he stopped liking it but when i put some quotes very rarely i find him liking my quotes. I am just sitting quite but i am very sad the person whom I loved has stopped communicating me. Please help me Chris. Give me advice what shall i do? How to bring him back and i really love him lots.

Cherry
CHERRY

July 21, 2015 at 3:23 pm

Hi,
I am in love with my boyfriend and we are in a relationship for nearly two years. But from past one month things are changed. He started hiding things from his social networking sites and he has not even called me from past three weeks nor he texts me. I am really scared does he really love me. He usually calls me after every two weeks to know about me. But now that too stopped. What shall i do?. He had come one day to my place and he wanted that i should had been physical with him. But i said no. I just hugged him. But after that day all things changed. He hid his photos and even his status. Please help me.
Zack

July 20, 2015 at 8:10 pm

Hi chris, during this no contact if my ex messages me on facebook and snapchat and i open it, and they can dee ive opened it do i reply? And should i be posting anything on my snapchats? or should i like any of her posts on facebook? Ive started my no contact and so far ive not liked or heard from her atall yet, i hope it goes well, thanks
Stacy M.

July 18, 2015 at 1:09 am

Hey chris I broke up with my ex boyfriend over a month ago I said some really mean things I begged him back right away he said he was still angry and
, and said maybe one day he can forgive me but we will never be together again. Him and I haver broken up before and have gotten bacj together a few times. anyways I broke the no conatact rule and asked if he could be friends we talked for three weeks (because I reached out) and he seemed a little interested but not thinking to hard on it cause it could mean anything and now im trying to do the no contact rule again. Can the no contact rule still work even though we both agreed to be friends.
Annie

July 17, 2015 at 1:11 pm

Hi Chris
My situation is a bit unique. I am married and my ex is married too. We got into this affair and met couple of times but had sex only twice within a month. After second sex, he told me that he cannot do this as when he looks at his kids he feels awful for what he is doing. He wants to be friends, give me attention but just not sex. I cannot be friends with ex and according to me meeting and making out everyday is worst than sex as we share emotions and get more attached. After he broke up with me, he took me out to nice dinner, we talked about random stuff and then ended the journey. Since then it has been 19 days and we have not spoken to each other or even exchanged texts. Its driving me nuts. I really like him and miss him. He is on my FB and seems he is enjoying life with his wife and friends. I do want him back. How do i cop with my feelings? I am not sure if he played with me or he was being honest? What do u say?
Seattle Girl

July 17, 2015 at 3:35 am

Was with my ex for 2+yrs. Volatile relationship. I’m on day 2 of NC…but we are supposed to be in a friend’s wedding next Saturday. Help me please! I love him to death, but I refuse to break NC. I am determined to do at least 30 days of NC to get him out of my system. I dunno what to do.
Lorelei

July 16, 2015 at 10:06 pm

Hi Chris,

I’ve listened to the podcast and read so many articles on the site, including the one above. In brief my situation is this: my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me a week ago. We’ve lived together for the last six months and signed a twelve month lease in March for a June move in (plenty of time to reconsider). The break up happened one month into the lease. He is a very serious guy, in the military and a cop and also in school, and he has talked about marriage with me multiple times. He used to date/sleep around a lot until me. The night before the break up, we were at his parents outlining our future plans and he told me again he saw his life with me. Then the next night, we got into a little argument and he flipped and told me it was over and he couldn’t be in any kind of relationship. I handled it calmly and told him I disagreed but he stood his ground (no begging, excessive crying etc.). I slept at a friends the following evening, without telling him where I was, and he texted asking if I had everything I needed. The next day, I come home and wrote him a letter. The next day he texts and says he still doesn’t want to continue the relationship but thanks for the letter. A week from the break up, we sat down and talk. I asked him (calmly) some of my questions and we worked through some issues. He was extra curious about my intent to date while living together. It ended with us sleeping together. . . He says he still loves me very much and wants to be in my life but he cannot handle a relationship with his two careers as well as school. We set a “move out” date for me at the end of August, but he is now saying he wants me out sooner. We’ve been sleeping in the same bed this entire time. I also caught him on a dating app. I told him that was disgusting to do while I still lived there and I changed my fb profile photo. He told me he needed to be an asshole so I wouldn’t think we were getting back together and it’s how he is coping. He has since deleted all recent traces of our relationship from facebook. I can do a mini no contact for 2 weeks while house sitting for a friend, which was already planned. Now, I don’t know what to do. Do I move out? Do I make him move out since his behavior went from courteous to dog-like? Please help!
Lovely

July 15, 2015 at 8:02 pm

My boyfriend and I live together and were in a LONG term relationship. He broke up with me a few days ago and I haven’t seen him since. He came to get his stuff when I wasn’t there. He texted me to say he was going to get the rest of his stuff and wanted to know if it was ok. He knows I will not be there. Do I ignore the text or respond? If I respond what do I say? How will I get to see him again?

Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:10 pm

Living together is tough…

Ignore if you are in NC.

Not Chris (another guy to comment)

July 9, 2015 at 12:33 am

I’m just a guy in his 30’s, who’s been in every situation (dumper and dumpee). I really like this write-up/page, because although I thought I been through alot I’m still learning alot from reading these posts. Hopefully I can add a 2nd opinion from my experiences!

Charlie

August 4, 2015 at 9:33 pm

Hey “No Chris” what do you think about this:

My boyfriend and I Broke up on the 17th of July very heated fight and he left the same day on a month holiday, he message me on the 21st asking how I was, I replied saying “not to contact me again” (very upset after him breaking up with me over the phone) I kept my NC then on the 27th his father passed away – he was with him. I sent an email saying: I’m sorry for your loss I hope you are ok. He replied : all good. I appreciate your kind note. after that no contact again (both sides) . he is completely silent i had a big day on 3rd of august (citizenship ceremony) and not even a congrats from him. NOTHING! but I’m staying strong with my NC although I cry everyday 🙁
By sending this email, did I break the NC?
Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:30 pm

Thanks “Not Chris” Really awesome job!

Can I help you with anything?

You definitely deserve it.

Sara

July 8, 2015 at 11:14 pm

HI My ex fiancee and I split up about a month ago. We lived together and were able to talk before I left and say see you. Then he wanted to give me my mail and I met him and we again had a talk and said see you!! He reiterated that he didn’t want to be with me. I told him to go freely into the world etc. Let him go. And we both agreed that maybe would run into eachother again sometime in the future life is funny. And again no good bye just see you. Then he texts me again to say that I am still receiving mail, asks if I changed my address and that he will wait to see what else comes in this next week and then get it to me. I was only three days into no contact. I waited another two days and felt petty about not replying about mail that could actually be important. So i text back very succinct “ok, yes I put in the address change” big mistake? He immediately text me back to let him know if it was OK if he waited another week to see what comes in then get me my mail. Hmmm. Is this really about my mail? Should I just ignore him? Thanks so much!!

Not Chris

July 9, 2015 at 12:29 am

He’s playing games. Straighten things out ASAP with as little contact as possible, and move on. He prob already has but out of habit is contacting you, don’t think too much into it.
Chris Seiter

July 8, 2015 at 11:20 pm

How long did you date for?

Wendy

July 6, 2015 at 11:13 am

Hi Chris,
I just broke up with my “non-boyfriend” for that very reason. He wouldn’t call me his gf, he only wanted to hang out on his terms and alltho he said he loved me, he wasn’t “in love” with me. Basically…after numerous occasions when I asked him to hang out and he had something better to do, I just said I wasn’t looking for a casual relationship and ended it. He sent me a txt that he had issues to work out that I was awesome and I shouldn’t feel like I wasn’t good enough for him. After 3 days he called me up, drunk, telling me he can’t stand the fact that he couldn’t call me anymore, that I was the perfect gf for him, in theory, if he wasn’t so messed up and that he wanted us to stay friends and hang out once in a while. It’s been 3 days after that call, I haven’t heard from him since and I realize…I shouldn’t have taken the call in the first place. I really love him but everything he says or does points to the fact that he just doesn’t like me in that way. Next time he calls or texts I’m gonna ignore it. But I really would like to hear from you, that this is the right way to go…Because every day I’m second guessing my decision, arguing with myself and I need all the support I can get to distance myself from this toxic relationship that was only beneficial to him.

Not Chris

July 9, 2015 at 12:31 am

I just read your 1st sentence, and already can tell this guy isn’t into you. Sorry for the honesty, but I’m a guy who pulled that non-sense… get better, and move-on to someone new, that will get his attention. don’t look back.

Alice

June 22, 2015 at 2:34 am

Hi Chris, I’m new to this site – by one day, actually. Was “seeing” someone for three months, and in the last month he started the slow fade. We never actually “broke up.” As a matter of fact, I’ve given him an out and he won’t take it, but still is fading. After reading your website yesterday, I deleted him from Facebook. He texted me and I gave a one-word response. Later in the evening he began texting me and I completely ignored him all night. He continued texting and calling. I’ve responded with very short answers. In this situation where we’re not officially broken up but well on the way, do I just implement completely NC?

Chris Seiter

July 15, 2015 at 6:38 pm

Welcome to the site.

May I say that I hope to never see you again!

(I want you to get your ex back and never come back.)

Go NC!

Ex French Girl

June 15, 2015 at 9:03 pm

Hello again Chris. So me and my ex broke up 4 days ago, he literally just texted me telling me hes cancelling the internet tomorrow. should I reply? I’m on day 3 of the no contact rule!! I’m so lost on what to do. its the only thing he paid for when he lived here and its technically one of his things, should i reply???
I really need your insight so please message me back asap!!

Not Chris

July 9, 2015 at 12:16 am

IMHO, ignore him. Let him cancel it, he’s doing exactly what he wants you to do.

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1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”