How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule- A Comprehnsive Guide

1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

Azadeh

April 29, 2015 at 4:24 pm

I was the one who broke it off twice with this guy in my life and now he won’t trust me to be in a relationship and wants to date others! So I did the NC but broke it a couple of times I am really in love with him and am sorry for my past behavior! Any ways in started another nc again 2 days ago because he was really cold with me it hurt. Now we are both invited to a party in 12th day of this nc that I really want to go to and I know he will! What should I do?
Katherine

April 27, 2015 at 11:03 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex boyfriend broke up with me a couple months ago. We occasionally talk at lunch (we go to school together) and only at lunch. Any time other than that he would avoid me. We have history together before lunch and every time the bell rings he would look at me and I’d glance then walk out. Lately he’s been a total jerk. But he was never like that. There’s another guy who sits with us who is really rude to me and my ex seems like he’s trying to show this guy that he has power over me. Again he never acted like that! I’m going to start the NC and I just don’t know what to do since I usually see him all the time at school
Pamela

April 26, 2015 at 1:56 am

Hi Chris,
I am in 2nd day of NC rule. He said he loves me but he needs space. First i didnt agree but after a day I realized to give him want he wants. I said Im going to our province then he started to cry and hug me tight and before I left he asked me if he will ever come back, will I welcome him back. I said yes I just want to respect his wishes. Will he come back to me?

Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:25 pm

If you do things to improve your chances you can improve the chances that he will come back to you for sure.

Pamela

April 26, 2015 at 1:51 am

hi chris

Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:22 pm

Hi Pamela…

YIN

April 20, 2015 at 5:50 pm

In the middle of the NC but it’s only been just under 2weeks. We co-rented an apartment together so we were sharing the rent since it’s quite pricy for one person to completely cover. But now he’s broken up with me but still offering to help with the rent. However the rent due date is coming up but I’ve not heard from him. Do I break the NC rule to ask about it? Or just hope he calls before the due date? (He ended it with me and is refusing to talk to me)
Jessie

April 17, 2015 at 6:51 pm

Hi Chris!
You’re website has some really valid points and I started NC. But here’s my situation:
Ex broke up with me over a month ago but said he still wanted us to be best friends. He started reaching out a week after by coming to support me in a play I was in. I was cordial, but contact was minimal. A week later I told him I accepted how he felt and that I’ve moved on, but told him don’t be surprised if I one day say I can’t be friends and still need space for now. We tried to be friends after that but it was unbearable for me and so I just stopped all contact 11 days ago without giving him an explanation. He’s texted me multiple times since then and I haven’t responded (even when he seemed concerned about finding out I am sick and asked if there was anything he could do). Since this NC was delayed and more out of the blue, since we already discussed being friends, did I owe him an explanation that he wouldn’t be hearing from me for awhile until I am ready? Did I already start this on the wrong track and screw it up? Thanks for your help!

Jessie

May 6, 2015 at 2:27 pm

On Day 30 and was planning on reaching out today, but he just contacted me. Since it’s the end of no contact, do I respond or wait a few days to send an initial reach out text like you’ve proposed?
Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:44 pm

Awesome Jessie!

Super glad to have you here at EBR.

No explanation.

I think you did ok and didn’t screw it up.

Claudia

April 16, 2015 at 4:46 pm

Before I learned of the amazing NC rule, I was in day 20 of my own NC, when wishing my ex a happy birthday via text. He did respond to me via text saying “Thank You”! I ignored his reply completely thank God. 10 Days later I clicked the Like button on one of his Facebook posts, in which I typically don’t do. Do I start the 30 day NC rule from the sent birthday text date or the date I Liked His one Facebook post?

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:11 pm

The facebook post.

NJ

April 14, 2015 at 5:52 pm

Hi Chris,
I am on day 4 of NC and doing well. He is texting me and asking questions about a joint bank account we have, I think to make me respond even though the question isn’t that important. I Afraid he will get so mad I’m ignoring him that he will intercept me somewhere or see my car at work and come in and ask me why the hell I’m not responding to him. What do I do in that situation?!? Thanks

NJ

April 21, 2015 at 4:01 am

Chris I need your help urgently, he’s asking me serious logistical questions about our joint bills and bank account and dating he wants to close them but we need them for my papers in a few months and he knows that. I dont want to break NC!!! Do you think he’s just threatening or do I have to reply? He will be furious if I don’t and will go ahead and close them! Arrrrggghhhh if I reply how do i reply? Thankyou!
Chris Seiter

April 21, 2015 at 5:45 pm

You are going to have to for this… but just keep it about the bills and the bank account.

Amy

April 12, 2015 at 8:06 pm

Hi, my ex and i have a holiday booked for July which is all in his name and only partly paid off.He has text me on day 5 of no contact to ask what we are going to do about the holiday. Should i ignore it? Thank you. Amy x
Ashley

April 9, 2015 at 7:56 pm

During our relationship, he asked me twice when was his birthday. I answered the wrong date (yes i know, terrible). It was a long relationship as well. His birthday is coming up and although I understand to not text him on his birthday, I am wondering if I should in this instance because he might just think “Of course she didn’t remember my birthday just like every other time.” It will show how I haven’t made a change. What do you think? Still no contact?
Sarah

April 5, 2015 at 1:23 am

I went to a party last night by a guy i had met the weekend before. The guy turned out to be a sleaze, so i went home early. But it basically made me miss my ex because he was always such a gentleman and always treated me with respect, and it made me miss what i had.

i resisted texting.
This morning I was still feeling that same urge to each out to him. I havent heard from him since day 10 when he sent me a long heartfelt txt and uploaded all these photos of us to this app we share. It was also my 24th birthday 4 days after than and he did not contact me.

I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and put on thismovie we used to watch all the time together, and uploaded a snapchat to my story tab, with the tagline simply “best way to spend a sunday”. I could see that he had seen it and he instantly contacted me saying that “funny enough i planned on watching that today too”. It was like he knew i was missing him!

I have 1 more week left of my 30days no contact. And hes reached out a total of 3 times (1st was texting, 2nd was the same night where he uploaded photos, and the 3rd time was today). Mostly all neutral responses as above.

I have followed your instructions Chris, and ive actually found that I realised i was relying on my ex tomake me happy, rather than relying on myself. It quite an eye opener really! I think without knowing it, i was putting pressure on my ex to make me happy. I have spend more time with friends, have been going out, been paddleboarding and being active – and to be honest i feel great! Ive realised that i can be happy on my own. Ive reached the point where ive realisedi dont NEED him, but that i WANT him. Which for me is huge. Ive always felt like i needed to be happy.

just thought id leave a little update.
So now i will just need to revise the first approach txt module on how to reach out. To be honest, im a little scared about what is going to happen. So far not responding to him means i have had the control. And if he doesnt respond, then i will be handing over that control.

Guess time will tell!

I guess my question is, with all being said, do you think my chances are looking okay or is he just trying to be friends?

Sarah

April 7, 2015 at 6:26 am

He sent me another message via snapchat saying “i had a dream about you, and about your dad too…hope ur okay”

Im 5 or so days out from finishing no contact and this is the 4th time hes tried reaching out to me.

i just cant tell if he just wants to be friends or maybe if hes regretting his decision?

Eirene

April 1, 2015 at 12:47 pm

Hi Chris.

My ex cheated on me fir the 2nd time with the same woman. We are now apart for 2 and a half months. We had a pretty big fallout about 2 weeks ago. I confronted him and his current girlfriend. Since then I have not contacted him at all. He owes me quite a lot of money which he promised long ago to pay back. I started legal proceedings yesterday to get my money back. He does not know about this yet. He also contacted me yesterday and apologized for hurting me. I just told him that I don’t want to discuss it. He said he’s going to call me tomorrow to discuss the money issue. Do you think me taking legal action to get my money will hurt my chances of getting him back?

admin

April 2, 2015 at 11:42 pm

For the second time?

Are you serious?

What’s your reasoning for wanting him bacl?

Sonia

March 31, 2015 at 3:00 am

Chris , Hi. I need some advice. I’m doing your no contact rule. It’s been since March 21 since I stopped talking to him. I will explain my whole story in another email. I just have a problem and I dunno if I’m doomed because of this. My ex knows I’m doing the “no contact rule”. I accidently sent him the link to your webaite. I was trying to send it to myself to go back to your page. “Honest it’s what I did. I was used to sending him things I did this by accident. I then text him to say sorry that wasnt meant for u. At this point he wasnt even answering me anyway it had been days. I did all crying texting calling ect bad stuff u said not to do but when I found ur site I stopped. I havent contacted him. Do you think the no contact can still work if he knows I’m doing it? What should I do?
Crystal

March 27, 2015 at 7:20 am

Can I wish him happy birthday if I kissed his childhood friend and hurt him? Since i did something terrible but want him back, should i be nice and break the NC rule?

admin

March 29, 2015 at 2:50 pm

No, you can’t wish him a happy birthday. That’s the way NC works.

roha

March 25, 2015 at 8:16 am

My birthday is in two days hr texted me to wish my happy birthday should I answer and if I should what to say ?!

admin

March 31, 2015 at 7:55 pm

Nope no answer at all.

I talked about this in this article.

Sarah

March 24, 2015 at 8:46 am

Hi chris,
My partner (now ex) and I were together for about 9-10months. I am aware it doesnt seem like very long, but we just seemed to click from day 1. After 3 months he confessed he loved me. After about 5 months he nervously and bravely broached the subject of moving in together. We decided we would wait a few more months and in the mean time we would purchase household furniture etc for our new place. All the while we took holidays together, he told me that i was the one and that he wanted to marry me one day etc etc. Everything was perfect, better than perfect!

My partner unfortunately has abandonment issues which stem from his dead-beat dad, who time after time lets him down. Long story short his dad once again let him down massively, and my partner was very upset, and has been since because of it. My partner is also a police officer so has a very stressful job. Basically he became distant over a period of 4 weeks, however when we were together he would tell me he loved me etc, and things seemed great). I planned us a nice valentines weekend (as he admitted none of his gf ever made a big deal about the fact it was for both of them, rather making it all about her) where again everything seemed fine and he would again tell me he loved me and even thanked me for all the effort i put in, that he appreciated everyghing and that the weekend was perfect. Again he was distant for a week and then told me that he had a lot going on in his head and with his dad and that he didnt think he could contribute to a relationship at the moment. A week later we met again and discussed things, we both cried, and he left saying he hsd more to think about. Another week later he told me he has done some thinking and he needs to stand by what he said. I had asked him to come over to talk and he refused, saying that he wants to see me but not until emotions have calmed down. Admittedly, I was an emotiknal wreck and his point was probably valid.

Since then i have employed the no contact rule. I have noticed hes been on my facebook as he liked something I posted two weeks ago. Its currently day 10 and my exboyfriend txt me tonight saying “hey i see you changed your relationship status kn facebook. That was quick. If you wang to talk about it all lemme know”

Just quietly im a little happy that hes miffed about the status changed. And actually surprised that hes contacted me – the NC rule is working! Ive posted a few pictures on my fb stating im going out for lunch in the city with a friend (no details about girl vs guy)

So, im hoping if I carry out thd next 20days that I can start to implement the reintroduction text phase.

My only question – do i need to reply to his text as i wzs the one wanting to meet up to talk about things post-breakup/pre-NC? Or do I stay strong and finish out the 30days?
P.s. is it good that he is slightly annoyed?

Thankyou Chris, this blog/ebook has actually helped with my breakup alot, very insightful!

admin

March 29, 2015 at 2:25 pm

Finish out the 30 days of no contact. Yes it is good that he is slightly annoyed. That emotion will change over after the 30 days.

Your welcome I’m glad it helped you through your tough time.
Sarah

April 1, 2015 at 7:32 am

What should i do about the heartfelt txt and the photos he uploaded? I dont know what his intentions were in doing that.

i love him and want him in my life. Im afraid that because hes an emotional person deep down even though he hates to let it show, that my coldness/ignoring him is hurting my chances. I trust in your theory so still havent reached out to him. But im wondering if 3 weeks would be enough since he has somewhat reached out to me on day 10, or whether i need the full 4 weeks?

Getting pretty nervous, but im focusing on making myself happy and doing things that i enjoy – e.g working on my other friendships, paddleboarding, getting in shape etc.

Are his attempts to reach out a good thing, or just simply mixed messages?
Sarah

March 30, 2015 at 7:05 am

Thanks Chris. I appreciate your advice.
I actually posted an update too which is still awaiting moderation below my original post, which id like your insight on when you get some time (he sent me a heartfelt txt and uploaded all these photos of us to a couples app we share together, which i go into in more detail in the post awaiting modersation).

hes definitely keeping up my fb page though as keeps liking posts i put up, so ive read your blog on using social media so will be trying to use that to my advantage 😛

thanks Chris, hope is well and keep up the good work with this site 🙂
Sarah

March 25, 2015 at 5:33 am

Update: he text me again (twice!) At 2am last night. The first text was about getting some things back “at some point” and the second text was a surpringly heartfelt message.

Basically he apologized for distancing himself over those past weeks and that i didnt deserve it. He said im an amazing person and that im literally flawless. He said he was distant because he didnt know what to, and thinks he just doesnt know how to be happy and loved. Hewent on to sayhe couldve been the happiest man on earth with me but he just didnt know how, and that he owes me an apology and a thankyou for everything i did for him, so when he sees me he will tell me in person.

if that wasnt confusing enough he then uploaded to Between (an app for couples that lets you share photos and memories with eachother) all these old photos of our trips away, old sweet txt messages i had sent him, photos of us together etc.

Im not sure what to think?????

Do I reply to his text? Its the first real heartfelt text i have received from him in weeks since he became distant, so i feel as though i should at least acknowledge it even if its just a “thankyou for your message, i appreciate your honesty”

What do I do? And is he just giving me mixed messages because hes lonely and missing me, or is he regretting his decision and just trying to test the waters with me??

HELP

Betty

March 14, 2015 at 9:45 am

My situation includes two of those things which you’ve mentioned in this article. We had a really good LDR but my boyfriend wanted to concentrate on his career and was super stressed about it. We had a great time together but then he just said he can’t do it anymore. Or any relationship. He had a bad relationship before me and so on.. And yes, I wanted to know if we had some possibilities to be together one day in the same country. BUT the thing is that I started a NC after I tried to convince him to take me back. (Yep, was not so good idea.) Then after a week he contacted me because I’d left some stuff (actually there was more but he didn’t mention those things) at his place. He wanted to send them to me. So he contacted me. I replied really briefly after one day. Then he started to ask me questions etc. but I just answered quickly few hours later. Then nothing and I was happy to continue my NC.

But now I don’t know should I count my NC as started when I really started it or when we last changed messages? Cause the thing is that of course he has a birthday on next Monday.. :/ And if I don’t think of our last messages then it’s 30 days NC. We didn’t have any problems just the timing.. And yes, that can be a problem too.

And we tried to have a break too but I didn’t want to continue it. I was like a zombie..And the rules were “not contact each other except when we have birthdays etc. and not to see other people..”

You really don’t need to analyze anything else but I would be so grateful if you can say your opinion should I send any wishes or not.. (And yes, I want him back someday..)

admin

March 15, 2015 at 4:43 pm

When you started it.

Don’t message him on his birthday. Do it a little after his birthday.

dreamgirl

March 13, 2015 at 5:59 am

I broke up with my ex weeks ago. It was a heated argument. The next day I texted and called to apologize and pretty much begged. We sent each other long texts messages. And I said I was open to talk. He pretty much refused to speak to me so I went NC. Broke it 4 days after because he said that we should be adults about the situation. Which I agreed. But I felt like he was dragging me along. So this is my 2nd attempt at NC. Day 10. And he has been texting me for the past three days, been ignoring. Because I believe I am worth a civil conversation in person not texts. Its been hard to ignore him, will NC eventually give him the hint that I rather him call me or arrange to meet than texts?

admin

March 13, 2015 at 9:30 pm

I think it can give him that hint but don’t be disappointed if you have to work on your own a little bit to set up that date.

Kelsey

March 10, 2015 at 9:14 pm

Hey Chris
My ex of 3 months broke up with me and contacted me 2 weeks into no contact asking for one of his things back.. I was out of town at the time and he told me to let him know when I was back. Should I let him know or wait for him to text me again asking for it?

admin

March 13, 2015 at 6:50 pm

You can break NC for this if you want to.

Sarah

March 5, 2015 at 5:18 pm

After 2 weeks of no contact he started texting, I egnored him, then a day after he shows up at my door, tells me he misses me but dosent want to get emotionally attached, (didn’t say anything about gettimg back together), but said he doesn’t want to loose me out of his life. We’ve been broken up for a few months already, I just finally laid the NC cuz I’m trying to make a change! I allowed the discussion of the relationship. He said we can be exclusive, hang out more and will erase his dating profiles. Is this enough? I feel like I gave in too soon and didn’t egnor or put him off long enough for things to REALLY CHANGE. To have an impact enough of him apologizing or really know how deep he can loose me? Do I start the NC again? And if so do I send a message saying you know what I need more time alone to myself? Or do I now just go with the flow?

Confused on what I should do. But aware I should of said I was busy and not talked to him when he showed up. What now???

Julia

March 18, 2015 at 10:47 pm

good question – i’m wondering the same thing! if he says next week – “i made a huge mistake, i want to work on this together…” i assume i can say “hell ya!”

oh mercy. help us Chris!

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1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”