How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule- A Comprehnsive Guide

1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

ella

March 4, 2015 at 12:12 pm

Day 10 of NC and his mom keeps liking and commenting on my instagram pictures.
I replied, ‘Thanks- hope you’re well’.
Did I make a boo boo?
Three days ago he ‘liked’ a comment of mine on a mutual friend’s fb wall so I blocked him on all social media and then noticed he blocked me back.
Am I to read any hope into this?
Thanks so much.

admin

March 7, 2015 at 4:46 pm

He is keeping an eye on you and that is never a bad sign.

Anu

March 3, 2015 at 4:52 pm

Hi Chris, my boyfriend n i brokup just a half month ago,(inrelation: 5years 2month)..I don’t know the reason behind brkup,he suddenly told me.. I tried my best to convince him ,even begged him but he completely ignored me..he started acting like theres nothg between us ,he even told everyone we are just goodfriend ,everythg changed so quickly..its so hard for me to acpect that so i apply NC (friend of mine told me about ur website),i havn’t contact him last 4days..first day,he texted me at night..second day i found him following me..3rd day he send me smiling emo..i ignored everythg ..its working but now he is really angry with me..he text me that he’s going to ignore me lifetime n never see my face again..i havn’t response aythg still..i love him so much ,anyhow i want his presence in my life ..Can you please suggest me what should i do now ? Should i continue NC or brk it?
Peggy

February 26, 2015 at 3:10 pm

No contact rule in a live-with-ex situation: My boyfriend of five years broke up with me. We were very close. We lived together for 1 1/2 years. Thankfully, I always had a room that was all “mine”, so that’s not an issue. My question is, when he doesn’t come home at night at all, usually I know he’s alive because there’s some evidence somewhere, like an internet post (he’s active in the community, so tweets or fb posts). When there isn’t any such evidence, the next day I just want to know if he’s alive. Especially if I know he’s been out drinking at a bar in a snow storm. So I’ve been texting him “are you safe?” the following morning or early afternoon. (Neither of us have family in the area.) Am I totally ruining NC?

admin

March 1, 2015 at 6:20 pm

Read my latest post.

I deal with this situation in a more in-depth manner.
Peggy

March 2, 2015 at 9:07 pm

Thank you. So I guess NC stands. I will be tough! Unless he’s truly dropped off the face of the earth. In which case, I may just report him as missing. Also, I like your 7 positive contacts in a day rule. I’ll get 1 or 2 … they weren’t enough for me to take the bait, thankfully.

Lola

February 23, 2015 at 9:55 am

Hei!
I met this guy in a really unstable time in my life, and got immediately attracted to him ( the way that happened with no one else) , we dated for three months ( by spending a lot of time together) and then he went to his hometown for holidays for a long period, during this period we had everyday contact. Up to the point I re-recommended ( he had repeated 3-4 times) that, To move in the same apartment, since the period which was coming was about t be really busy for me and him, and why not?
Then the tale changed and he became all about not getting too attached and to stay friends. After some days he started talking about this other girl.
Long story short he came back, we had sex and the very next day he slept with this other woman he had talked to me about. Back and forth moved I with him and I realized that I got this fwb status. Which I saw with other understanding. Until recently. Story repeated and he came with another one, who wanted to introduce me. I cried but didn’t showed him. Just ignored him and went for the next day. When he made up and we slept together. I can’t resist him, and he knows that. Yesterday , we fought again . I hate the idea that he is about t meet a new one. Today he said, that that’s the way it is, if I like it.

I know it sounds destructive and a situation to stay away, but in this person I see unique qualities, and I want him in my life, but I am completely aware that there is one way for us to be and I want to try being in a committed relationship.
Funny story how he’s the only person that I’ve stayed for so long.

We come from different cultures, have different educational level and are in different stages in life ( he has gone through a divorce and has a child, while I’m inexperienced in relationships) .
We fight quiet often, but I recognize that all his anxieties are about the life he looses and the one he wants. We always come back to each other, but not by having sex.
Is that selfish even try to keep him, since he wants all the grown up things and I am still where he was five yrs before?

admin

February 23, 2015 at 9:45 pm

You became a FWB?

Did you listen to episode 6 of the podcast?
Lola

February 25, 2015 at 9:51 pm

Yeah , I’ve done that . But there are more indicators that’s making the situation more difficult. He is talking to me about new girls, and every time I avoid him he insist on how much this friendship between us is not working. He stopped being interesting , just controlling and judgemental.

If you ask me why I want t try that out, is because i am completely convinced that this person deserves more than this anger that is controlling him.

Del

February 20, 2015 at 8:10 pm

Hi Chris, thank you for sharing all this wisdom with us, I appreciate your time. My boyfriend of 9months broke up with me and I didn’t know about the NC rule so I called him on the second week to say hi and he picked my call,after greetings I asked if I could meet him, n he says yes, but then I felt I should just give it a little time first. So I rescheduled the meeting,to ‘SOON’, Please did I do right? And does him responding mean there is hope for us getting back together?

admin

February 21, 2015 at 12:06 am

Lets take things one step at a time.

Yes, there is hope for you two to get back together BUT you need to do the right stuff AFTER the NC rule.

You know what to do, right?

Jenny

February 19, 2015 at 2:47 pm

Hi Chris!
I cheated on my ex boyfriend a year ago… When I realises that I wanted him back was 4 months ago…by then he had moved to another country. When I initiated to apologize to him, he did respond but was all cold and full of anger.. I even went to the extend of flying over to the country he had moved to. The first night when we met was good, but the subsequent days were bad – full of arguments and him shouting and threatening to throw me out of the house. Finally I decided to pack my luggage and left… After 2 days he texted me to say he cannot forget the lies I have told him… I know it is over, and I did not respond to him till 3 weeks later I responded him that I hope he will some day forget the lies and be ready to speak to me again… It has been a week since my last message to him and tomorrow it’s his birthday, should I wish him happy birthday? What should I do? I still subconsciously hope to have another chance with him…

admin

February 20, 2015 at 11:27 pm

What made you want him back if you don’t mind me asking?
Jenny

March 23, 2015 at 11:29 am

Hi Chris,
I guess I was not able to get over him after all and I still want to be with him. Now, I have no idea how to get him back, or it came to a point whereby I let nature takes its course.
Coincidentally, I am on business trip to the country he will be in. I told him about it, and he wants to meet up with me. I knew things will not change overnight that I could get him back. I felt silly that I agreed to meet him and now I have no idea what to do even if I see him. I made a promise to him a year ago that I will celebrate all his birthdays with him, I was hoping to fulfill this promise but I know I will have expectations on him again.
What should I do?

Lisa

February 19, 2015 at 1:04 am

Does the NC rule apply if he messages asking how I am? And asking why I’m sad?

admin

February 20, 2015 at 11:04 pm

Yes it still applies in these cases.

L

February 18, 2015 at 6:55 am

hi chris,
I really thank you for your incredible website,it is very helpful.actully I posted several times in your articles,also fb, but I didn’t get any response from you. As you said earlier every situation is different and needs its own approach. My boyfriend and I broke up about one month ago.he is 5 years younger than me and becouse of this he is completely appose to the idea that we would have any future together (marriage ).in the relationship he always telling me how much he loves me and there wasn’t anyone in his life that he loves as much as me, Unfortunately I found your website late, after I answered 2 times to his texts! During 2 weeks after breaking up. Then I started the Nc, after 2 weeks he called 3 times, I didn’t answer but 4 hours later I texted him that I was busy at that moment that he called,he texted he just wanted to know I am ok because he had a bad dream,I replied thanks I am ok, I am wondering that these 3 times answering him was right and have doubts regarding countinuing NC or starting over?!! I’m wondering if he call me any more, and his birthday is coming up,what should I do Chris?its 6th day from the last time he called and then I texted him back,your answer to this post is greatly appreciated,thanks for all your efforts,I know how much you could be busy.phases

admin

February 18, 2015 at 9:52 pm

I am so sorry L…

I am being clawed at by ladies everywhere wanting advice.

If you leave me a voicemail on my new Podcast I will answer your question in an in-depth manner there to make up for me slighting you.

Laura

February 18, 2015 at 1:09 am

Hi Chris. My boyfriend of two years just broke up with me this past weekend. He said he didn’t feel the same way about me anymore because he thought we were drifting apart. We had been fighting but I never thought it was serious enough for us to break up. I’m going to do the no contact rule but what happens if he doesn’t even try to contact me during this time? Should I just forget about it completely if he doesn’t?

admin

February 18, 2015 at 9:42 pm

No, too much is made out of who contacts who first.

In my opinion, you reach out first after NC.

It’s as simple as that.

leanne

February 18, 2015 at 12:28 am

Hi Chris,

I am currently almost 3 weeks into the no contact rule after my ex broke up with me. (we left things on okay terms, there was no hostility etc.), i still have very strong feelings towards him though. However, he hasn’t contacted me yet and I completely expected that since he’s quite stubborn in his nature. However, my birthday is in 3 days which will complete the 3 weeks of no contact. I was wondering what i should do if he calls/texts me on my birthday. I know the rule strictly states 30 days but I’m just don’t want to seem mean by not replying to birthday wishes. Also, although this may sound very minor and petty but he recently liked a photo (selfie lol) of me on instagram and was wondering if that actually means anything or if i’m just over analysing the situation? your advice would be much appreciated and thank you in advance 🙂

admin

February 18, 2015 at 9:41 pm

You simply ignore him haha.

Frank

February 16, 2015 at 5:08 pm

I got back with my ex after several years apart and after she experiencing other relationships. There´s a lot of history between both of us. First time we where on a 5 years relationship and this second time in a 1 year. She is a single mom of a baby, not mine but Ive been like a father to him. I went through all the pregnancy process etc. during this year. I broke up with her because of some trust issues. After breakup we kept in touch for about 1 month and she was sad about breaking up however when I told her I wanted to get back together she said no and started acting like she did not care. She argues it was a good decision because we constantly broke up and got back together in a week. She thought I didn´t want to commit but I did, however she doesn´t believe me. This time I did some clingy things to get her back for around two weeks and after failing to get her back, now I started with NC. Any advice? Do you think we can get back together? She says theres no way.
Ash

February 15, 2015 at 6:59 pm

After my ex and I broke up, we stayed friends. Slowly I stopped having feelings for him. However, at some point, he told me he wanted to get back together, and I said we’d talk about it tomorrow. The thing is, once he put it back in my head, I realized how badly I’d been lying to myself, and got all hopeful and shit, but the following day, he told me to forget it. Basically he made me have to get over him a second time and it hurts. Will no contact work now? Aside from wanting to get back together(I don’t even know if I truly want too, he cheated on me and told me after we broke up because he felt guilty. It was only making out, but I told him it didn’t matter and I got pretty pissed because I think cheating is probably the worst thing a person can do and isn’t that tough to avoid..), I want to make him want to be with me again. If anything, for selfish reasons, just because I want him to get to feel all the pain he put me through when he messed with my feelings repeatedly just because he couldn’t figure out his. Do you think no contact could work?
anna

February 15, 2015 at 5:10 am

me and my boyfriend / father of 2 kids broke up was because i never initiated sex and i wasn’t the affectionate type among other things. we live together but he is currently seeing someone else. he doesnt sleep at home anymore and when he does its on the couch. i broke down really bad sulking etc. i then left with the kids for a week to get myself together(MC). now that im back ive been showing him that im ok without him. we’ve been on friendly terms. he even slept in the bed and cuddled but that was a one time thing. how will i win him back…do i initiate the sex and show him i am capable of what hes been asking for even tho i know hes still seeing this girl?
love

February 14, 2015 at 3:03 pm

Hey, I miss my ex boyfriend so much. I broke up with him though, we were having issues for about 5months and I asked a friend of mine to help me talk to him. Anyways, long story short, they now started chatting deep, he’d call her and she’ll message him daily. I got uncomfortable and talked to her about it, I also told her to stop telling me about what they both discussed about. The climax was when she called me one night and told me that she thinks he was over me and he’s hitting on her. I felt so bittered, that’s when I broke up with him without even telling him why. But he didn’t even try to reach out to me. I was in so much pain. But, 3weeks later I messaged him telling him all my friend had told me that made me break up and the pain I was in. Then he told me he did nothing with her, but it was too late for me cause I didn’t ask him, we had a long argument though. Afterwards, my friend started telling him terrible things about me. But he messaged me about two weeks after d argument to compliment my picture, but I ignored. My friend kept telling him horrible things about me, she even told him she regret him having anything to do with me. I haven’t heard from him since then. Don’t know if I should wish him happy Val’s day. What do u think? Pls reply.

admin

February 16, 2015 at 11:24 pm

Don’t wish him a happy V day.
love

February 14, 2015 at 3:13 pm

Oh and by the way, after the argument that’s when I came across the no contact rule, though my brother had told me not to contact him that he’ll contact me when he notices I don’t contact no more. When I contacted him, he asked why I didn’t msg him on new years day. So after d argument I stopped contacting him. That’s when he complimented my picture, but I ignored. My friend has been telling him terrible stuff about me ever since. Now I really doubt if he’ll contact me again, and I don’t know if I should wish him happy vals day and remind him of last year’s?

Yumi

February 14, 2015 at 9:52 am

So my ex told me to leave them alone forever should I take it seriously or it is just heat of the moment thing, how does no contact rule apply to this situation..
Mina

February 12, 2015 at 3:59 pm

My ex broke up with me a month ago and I’ve done the mistake of being needy and trying to talk to him to get back together. He kept saying he needs to be alone for now..
Exactly a week ago I took my stuff from him after I understood there’s no way we’ll get back together now. I’ve started NC (it’s been a week). But I’m wondering.. Is there even a reason to go NC? I can’t imagine him trying to contact me.. I’ll be surprised if he’s even thinking about me now! I feel as if he’s probably happy we’re broken up:(
Do you think there’s a chance of us getting back together or should I just let him go?
Also.. We live in the same city and go out to the same places. How should I act if I see him? What should I say and do?
Thanks for your help

admin

February 16, 2015 at 10:22 pm

I think there is.

You are still so early in NC and the idea is YOU contact him after NC.
Mina

February 12, 2015 at 6:01 pm

I forgot to mention. We’ve been together 8 months. 2 months after we started dating he brok up with me because he was too stressed in his life and after talking to him and after his family spoke to him we got back together after 3 weeks. Now we we together for 5 months. he says we have a really good and perfect relationship and that I’m his best friend and it’s hard for him to not talk to me and loose me. He says he loves me but doesn’t know if it’s enough for the time that we’re together. He says he can stay in the relationship because it’s a great one, but he’s not 100% in it and it’s not fair towards me and that he feels that for now the right thing for him is to be alone and not in a relationship.

I love this guy and he’s the first guy I see a future with!

Cha

February 12, 2015 at 9:46 am

My ex and I have been in long distance relationship for 9months been together physically for only like 2 months.. Cause he lives in england and i am from the Philippines.. He went to see me first for 5days and then after 2months went back to spend a month with me.. Then after a couple of months when he’s planning to go to thailand to see his bestfriend.. I went to thailand too to see him and we spent 4 days together since i need to go back for my classes.. But then I surprised him and went back one weekend.. He was so happy,, and as i have to go home he has to go back too.. After 3months just texting and calling and not seeing each other.. He broke up with me he said it won’t work cause we are so far away from each other. But i know for a fact that isn’t true.. Cause a month before that he kept on convincing me to get a visa to go to england and meet his family. That day that I agree with the break up I received my visa and sent him a message about it.. He just said thats good then at least they said yes.. Obviously it didn’t change his mind.. So i was upset and argued to him about it, then just let him go. After few weeks i decided to use the visa and planned my trip to england. I posted it on facebook a week before my flight 3weeks after the last time we talked and he messaged me immediately where I’m flying to.. Then when i said england he started asking me the information of my trips and he offered me a place to stay which is their house with his parents. And even offered to pick me up. And i said right! So when he picked me up at the airport he was treating me as if we never broke up,. Hugged me kissed me on the forehead and kept on holding my hand while driving,. I was keeping distance but was really cheerful.. Innocently pull my hand away everytime he tries to hold it and he noticed it and obviously got annoyed and just held it. I just let him for a bit and tried to take a nap to be able to keep his hand of me.. I did want him back then but I didn’t wanna rush just in case he will still thibk that it won’t work. When we get to his place i met his family they are so nice. He’s all sweet and nice treating me well and were all cuddly and kissing and we even slept together.. We’ve been that way for a month and a half but he didn’t want to commit then, he just keep saying that he’s gonna be my boyfriend soon and I just keep saying “who said so?” Playfully.. Then i found out his mates and him had planed a trip back to thailand and i know his friends like what they do especially in thailand so it upsets me but i act cool about it.. As i was flying back to the philippines anyway for a month for my brother’s wedding. Then when i was back in phi. he asked me about me and him if there’s gonna be an us when he comes back. I said we will see but then i saw a photo of him of some girl’s facebook he’s kneel down and tying her shoe.. Thats the same girl that was sending him naked photos when we were broken up.. I’ve seen it on his ipad.. So i messaged him saying i think we should just move on that its obvious that we want different things. Then me messaged me saying he doesn’t want anomyone else but me. Then u saw another photo of him with someone else kissing.. Saw photos of him with random bar girls it upsets me but it wasn’t a big deal for i know that he won’t take them seriously anyways.. Then i flew back in england a week before him his dad picked me up.. His mum loves me so much and wanted me to stay with them.. And a part of me wanted to stay there anyway, so i did regardless of us not talking.. I tried to keep a NC but i didnt know how.. I went to some places in england while he’s still away and I was with a male friend then. Ad soon as i posted the photos (i didnt post a photo with my male friend) he messaged me asking who did i go there with after a week of not talking. I didnt respond, but after 4 days i messaged him jokingly about the restaurant that we always eat at, i told him i ate there and remembered him then said hope he’s doing well,, then he didn’t respond at all.. Then after 2 days he came home.. He was very distant, i asked him if it’s fine that I’m staying here for a couple of weeks until i figure out where to move, he said it’s fine i was cheerful but he’s distant, he doesn’t even say a word to me unless its important or i asked him a question.. His mum noticed and asked me whats wrong we had 5glasses of wine before the talking and i got drunk and told her everything lol.. Wrong move eh? Then she was like I’ll talk to him i stopped her and said no.. She just hugged me and said just give him a couple of days. The worst part is i talked to him when i was drunk saying i missed him.. And he’s like good! Don’t you need yo wake up early tomorrow as you anf mum will go shopping? Then I’m like look at me! Look at me! Oh my god!!! It was a disaster! Then the guy liked me called me that night and I anwered went to the other room. He slammed the door close.. Omg!! Worst thing I’ve ever done! never happened again..

Well basically we’ve been sleeping in the same bed for 5nights now.. But things are getting better as were starting to speak again. We watch movies every night before going to bed.. But we didn’t have sex at all. Which is hard, i’m always tempted and that I know if he’ll try I’d go, he hasn’t really tried except there are few times when we are about to sleep he’ll touch his feet to mine for a few minutes and Wheb i dont react he’ll remove it and face the other way or i move my feet away,. Then one time i the middle of the night he opened his arms and said here! (When we were together he’ll always tell me to lay on my spot which is on his chest) i was half asleep and laid on it then he kissed me on my forehead then i woke up realized that it’s actually happening i faced the other way I didn’t know what to do but his arm is still under my neck.. It only happened once.. Oh Well now i found out from a mutual friend that he posted 3photos with this thai girl sitting on his lap and 2 photos just sitting next to each other. I’m not sure if this girl is a bar girl or not but one thing I’m sure of she must be more special than the other girls he was seing back in thailand since he posted photos with her.. Although I wonder why he posted it on instagram when i blocked him in it.. While he didn’t post it in facebook where he got me there..

I just found out about it today so i dont know what should i do. Hiw should i act around him. What should i do? On her facebook it says she’s in a relationship but he is not. Hnlike when we started dating he made it official on facebook right away.. So idk if she’s a rebound or something he’ll take seriously.

Should I Limit contact? Or continue having a nice time with him? If i should limit contact or no contact at all should i avoid him? Like stay in the living room until it’s bed time? Should i be cheerful and continue joking around? Or just keep the conversation serious and short? Please help!!!!!!!!

admin

February 16, 2015 at 10:14 pm

You absoultey should do NC!

Terri

February 11, 2015 at 9:43 pm

ok so I broke up with him after 8 months over a heated row on the 6th feb , he has suffered two deaths in his family and said I haven’t been there for him,i said id tried my best and he wouldn’t open up to me, it ended with him kicking me out(not in his usual manner)and me left rather foolishly on the street. Im inclined to think this humiliation is what drove me to send the text saying when can I get my stuff?ect..its over. we have only had this sort of argument once before, again me initiating we should split, like the rash idiot I am,i love him wholeheartedly so decided to leave him alone all day on the 7th of feb,the the 8th arrived I couldn’t help myself I text him telling him I was sorry, I love him and im sure it was just the tensions of me starting a new job and him going through a worse period, he kept replying with daft short answers. he told me he loved me, but doesn’t know what he wants, all I can think is ive broken is trust. the last bit of contact I had with him was Monday 9th feb,what I wanted to ask was can I still use the NC Rule even though I did contact him soon after the split? I have not text him for 2 days so far is it worth continuing thankyou

admin

February 16, 2015 at 9:53 pm

Yes, you can still use the NC rule!

marie

February 9, 2015 at 6:34 pm

Here’s one for ya! I’m on day 14 of NC after the over 3 year relationship. (Doing ok, he has stopped texting me and begging me to respond. Nothing for six days now.) Still want him back desperately and hoping he’s absolutely miserable. His birthday is actually coming up directly after V-day so finishing out the 30 days is REALLY GOING TO SUCK!

BUT that is not the question. Three days ago his BEST FRIEND asked me out. Not okay!! I brushed it off and said I already ate, but at the time I didn’t think he was asking as a date. Thinking about it and talking to friends, it turns out he was. If it happens again, next time I’ll just tell him not okay, i guess?

Yeah, so how do you handle ex’s creepy best friend (and I am sure my ex doesn’t know) asking you out on day 11 of no contact, when all you are doing is dying inside because you want your ex boyfriend back so badly?

Side note, pretty sure the best friend has probably not talked to the ex about our breakup and only knows because he lives with a mutual friend/coworker of mine. They have opposite schedules and don’t see each other too often. BUT, I still feel like maybe the ex is completely moved on since he’s asking, or maybe it’s just simply the fact that men are total pigs. Appreciate any thoughts!

admin

February 10, 2015 at 3:28 pm

You turned him down which is good.

Do NC on his best friend now.

Maya

February 8, 2015 at 8:43 pm

Loving boyfriend of four months who had us change our FB status and told his parents about us. No problems between us, everything going great until two weeks ago. Emotional turbulent event that spooked him and he had a lot of stress at work. Near emotional break down or so he told me. We are long distance. He wanted to take a week break and I was heartbroken but switched my FB status to single as I didn’t feel like I was in a relationship with someone who wasn’t sure about us. We text about a week later and he says he wants his life to go back to before he met me and it was less complicated. I said I was not ready to let go the relationship. I have sent him a small gift for Valentines. Go NC for a month even if he texts thank you for the gift?

admin

February 9, 2015 at 4:47 pm

You shouldn’t have sent him that gift…

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1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”