1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

1. 

   Alex

   October 13, 2014 at 6:01 pm

   Hi Chris

   I have a situation which I don’t think you have covered: I am on day 11 of no contact, but my boyfriend and I have not actually broken up yet.

   We had an otherwise completely normal and healthy relationship until about 3 weeks ago when, because we are both going through the most stressful times of our lives right now (me with my career and him with career and also some property renovations he is doing) we were starting to take the stress out on each other a little.

   I suggested we take a couple of weeks to deal with out individual stuff and therefore make time that we could spend together as ‘quality over quantity’. At first he was adamant that he would still come and see me that week but obviously a bit of time apart brought it home to him how much we needed the space and we stopped texting/calling as much.

   I had noticed it got to the point that if I didn’t text him in a day, I wouldn’t hear anything from him, yet if I did message him, I would hear back as if everything was normal.

   After a while I asked him to call me one night and basically asked straight up what the deal was, explaining that if I don’t know why he isn’t contacting me, I don’t know how best to react.

   We had a really honest and reasonable conversation where he explained that everything was getting on top of him and that he was aware he was being distant. He mentioned a few times that he feels like he’s not being much of a boyfriend to me and that he keeps telling himself it’s because we’re busy, yet in his own words, ‘he is still making time for everything else’.

   Obviously that doesn’t exactly bode well, so I told him I would leave it with him, give him as much space as he needed and joked that I would ‘wait for him to get in touch and dump me’. He was a little upset by that comment, asking why I was being so negative about it and at the end of the conversation was adamant to tell me that he ‘doesn’t think that splitting up is what he wants’.

   So yeah, it’s been 11 days and I really do want to give him the space, but it’s getting harder each day and with the amount of time that’s passed, I feel like it’s pretty clear he doesn’t want the relationship any more. The trouble is I have some important final exams (essential to my career that I pass them) in 3 weeks time, so I really need to be focusing on those and not on this relationship which I don’t have closure on. I think he’s probably waiting until after then to finish it, if that is his plan.

   I don’t want to break up with him to cut the waiting short as I fundamentally do not believe we should split up over a few difficult weeks.

   While doing my best to maintain no contact, what should I do if he does contact me? Given the relationship technically isn’t over, would you advise agreeing to meet, get it over with and then after that I will apply the no contact rule infinitely as I’ve managed it no problem before. Or is it better to just treat it as a break up anyway and do the 30 days?

   If he doesn’t contact me before the end of my exams, is it reasonable of me to request that he meet me to finalise things then?

   Basically I need the thing that will best help me get this out of my head in the short term to happen, otherwise I might be single AND fail my exams, which would literally suck.

   Thanks for reading!

1. 

   admin

   October 14, 2014 at 3:44 pm

   Probably ignore him unless he is super adamant about contacting you and then you can shorten your NC to 21 days.

2. 

   ida

   October 11, 2014 at 4:36 pm

   Hello again chris! Just a suggestion. Can you please do an article on what is going through the men’s mind after nc period? generally most ladies who visited your site here, are making the first move after nc period. But our ex bfs will all gives us different reactions.

   How about “the male mind after the no contact rule” also, what is going through the male’s mind if we ladies keep going back and forth failing to complete 30days nc. Maybe we went one week. Then we contact them. Then back to a few days nc. Then we contact them again. How we ladies can read more into their words and actions.

1. 

   admin

   October 13, 2014 at 6:08 pm

   Great suggestion!

   The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule!

   I like it. I think I am going to start writing it today.

2. 

   Nicki

   October 15, 2014 at 12:05 pm

   I can’t wait for this! Can you include the male mind after no contact and what they think when you mess up and go back into no contact… Then start the cycle again!

3. 

   admin

   October 27, 2014 at 2:42 pm

   I am doing the male mind AFTER NC right now. Tomorrow I think it will be done.

3. 

   Rosie

   October 9, 2014 at 11:28 pm

   Hi Chris,

   I met an amazing guy named Long. We dated for 8 weeks. I told him I had baggage and he was okay with it. I got jealous of his lesbian best friend Anna and she was kind of stretchy even though I did not have proof. On her birthday dinner, Long had a female friend sat on his lap and wrap her arms around him while Anna took the picture and posted on FB.

   I made a big deal about it, then I tried to bring Anna into the fight, but it just made it worst. He started to think I am a stalker, cheater, and trying to change him. He tried to use the factor that I would have a hard time winning his parent approval and I created too much drama for him to handle. I text him 8 times and called 4 times after the break up and stopped after 3 days.

   I went to see his dad who was the deacon of his church and present my case. The dad was willing to work with me and converting to Catholic was not an issue. Long saw potential in marrying me and that is why he wanted me to gain the parents’ permission.

   The Dad told me he talked to Long for 2 hours and Long came up with the conclusion that we should have a year of separation to focus on career and discernment. I tried to go to his house, the parents told me to go home and he doesn’t want to talk to me.

   Then I went on FB and post I would take a sabbatical break to fix myself up and pray for us. Anna tried to convince me that Long has no intention in getting back together and that one year was BS. He already block me on FB and Anna could only told him because he texted me later on: “Hello rosie, There is no break. Do not wait for me and date other people… PERIOD.”

   I did not respond to it and it hurt me. It has been like 12 days since the text and 17 days since the breakup.

   I think Anna messed with his mind. His guy best friends say that Anna treats him bad behind his back and uses him. He became friends with her because she gives him a social life.

   I got a job a week after his final text and post the news on facebook. Anna saw it and liked it. She message me: “Hi Rosie. Do you still want to be with Long?” “Hi Anna. Yes, I do. Why do you ask?” She saw my response yet and has not say anything.

   For her to ask me out of the blue like that and not give me a response in return is fishy. My friends say Anna is messing with me on purpose. Using my weakness to break me. I have not done anything to her to make her be mean to me. I know I cannot get Long without Anna, since they are a package deal.

   What am supposed to do? I am worried that Anna is messing things up for me and for some reason she is keeping tabs on me. His other guy best friend is my FB friend so he is seeing the same stuff, I hope it balance it out. Oh yeah she had to state to me that she is a lesbian and have no interest in Long.

   We had a great dating experience. Anna was not an issue until the end of it. Long and I saw potential in each other and he was bringing up the idea of marriage and parents approval. He was saving himself for marriage so he wasn’t using me for sex. He never felt this way with a girl that liked him for him and not materialistic. He had some bad experience that were pretty bad: green card, using him for his money, and not wanting a relationship. What was a common issue was Anna though…

   Thanks for taking time to help me.

1. 

   admin

   October 13, 2014 at 3:21 pm

   You absolutely have every right to make a big deal about it.

   What he did by allowing some girl to sit on his lap is unacceptable in my opinion.

   Have you attempted any form of NC?

4. 

   Nicki

   October 9, 2014 at 3:02 pm

   I’m really confused. I’ve written a couple of times before. Broke up in April – only successfully completed the NCR at the end of August. It was going well after then – but he never initiated any contact. Would reply – sometimes he’d take a while and would also meet me for drinks/dinner. I ended up sleeping with him once – this led to me feeling horrible – telling him I felt horrible and that I didn’t want to go down that road if he didn’t want us to be together. A week later I asked him out for a drink – he didn’t reply and an hour later I bumped into him leaving the pub with a ‘work friend’. Girl. Eurgh!

   I was drunk and freaked out a little, then I called him and freaked out a little more. He was away for a week working and said I needed time and space to relax and should concentrate on myself for a bit. I basically take that to mean ‘leave me alone’??

   After he got back from his week away I text him to see if he fancied lunch. We met up yesterday – there wasn’t much talk of the freak out – I’d already done all my apologising in the needy phone call after the event! I just shrugged it off and said ‘well I was drunk, had just been groped by a stranger in McDonalds and after inviting you out for a drink and not getting a reply I see you with another girl’ not overly surprising I freaked out really.

   But I guess any attraction that was building up has just been shot down. At the end of the lunch I asked if he wanted to hang at the weekend and he’s going away for the weekend…. he said he is ‘too unorganised to commit to a time and date of next seeing me’. I said alright – what’s the rules.. to which he replied ‘there are no rules’.

   I think he’s chasing after other girls while I’m chasing after him. I don’t know what to do now.

   Do you think I should go no contact again – and if so how long for? Or do I start on the attraction texts again – though last time I think I still came across as too keen and the fact he didn’t text me first once sent me into emotional turmoil.

1. 

   admin

   October 13, 2014 at 3:05 pm

   Yes, try going NC but maybe for 21 days.

2. 

   Nicki

   October 15, 2014 at 11:42 am

   I am terrible at this game!!!

   So I have now started no contact – but I’ve been stupid. Since the lunch I have sent him a song, asked to meet him for a coffee and sent him a long email about how I was ‘cool’ with just hanging out.

   When I asked to meet him he said ‘not sure’, I asked why and he said he doesn’t think its a good idea. I acted a little surprised and pushed for the coffee. He met me for a coffee and said he feels like he has to meet me out of guilt, doesn’t think its such a good idea us hanging out as its ‘not helping me’. I told him I wish we could go back to this time last year when we just had fun and also said I want us to get back together! He said ‘we’ve been through all that and come out the other side’ and ‘ that is why we shouldn’t hang out as I don’t want to give you false hope’.

   I then sent him an email in an attempt at damage control! I basically said that I have had a serious chat with myself after freaking out on seeing him with another girl and my behaviour has was childish and unfair on him as I wouldn’t act like that with anyone else. I said I only wanted to have fun and understood that meeting him for a ‘chat’ is never going to be fun and that I definitely don’t want him to meet me out of guilt. I said I don’t want or expect anything from him or anyone, the break-up did me a few favours in that respect as it has changed my outlook on a few things as I had some funny ideas when we were together (I got too serious too quickly for him I think). I told him I don’t expect promises of the future but all I know for sure is I still miss his jokes and if he wants to hang out and have fun then to let me know’.

   He didn’t reply! I tested the water the next day with a picture of a zombie event I went to saying his camera would have loved all the costumes… he did reply and asked a little about it and then my battery ran out so I followed up the next day – I got a reply but it was neutral. Then a bit later I sent him a text saying I’d found some of his stuff and was going to pop it in the post. No reply.

   I really think it could have been going OK before I freaked out – he wasn’t initiating contact but his responses were slowly warming and he was meeting me for dinner dates and we were having a nice time. How much damage do you think this might have caused – he seemed indifferent when I met him for that coffee 🙁

   Anyway so now, FINALLY, I’m in no contact. or do you think more given confession of above crazy behaviour? Whatever the time frame I know I’ve got to get my shit much more together before contacting him again!

   Also when I called him up to apologise after freaking out on him (see above!) I remember being all way too available and saying that I felt like everyone wanted to be my boyfriend except him and that although I wasn’t waiting around I hadn’t started seeing anyone in case he didn’t want me back after that – he said “you don’t have to start seeing anyone” – I don’t take this to mean he doesn’t want me back –

3. 

   admin

   October 27, 2014 at 2:41 pm

   I think just stay in NC for a little while at this point. I am so glad you are FINALLY in nc haha.

4. 

   Nicki

   October 15, 2014 at 11:45 am

   My questions got cut out!?
   1. Do you still think 21 days NC
   2. Do you think him saying I don’t need to see anyone else means he still has feelings

5. 

   Melin

   October 8, 2014 at 2:36 pm

   Hello, Chris.
   You made me a big fan of this web site.
   I have twon questions :
   1. Can I use no contact rule in my situation?
   2. How long do I have to do this NC.
   (You said 30days of NC is good. But how about in
   my situation of short term relationship?)
   I am in a very hard situation.
   Short term relationship (2 months)
   LDR (Different language and nationality)
   and now he has a new girl.
   My ex and I met in the same company we worked togather.
   We were very good friends for 3months before starting our relationship.
   Our relationship was in a secret (Because of the position in workplace.)but his family and some of our close friends knew about us. I am really close with his family and friends.
   After one and half month, I had to come back to my country (12 hours away by airline)and he cried a lot.
   2 weeks later, because of some problems (He didn’t send me a message sometimes.) I said him please stop us if this makes him so hard, and he said that It’s better to break up. For one month, I begged him a lot like a crazy girl. He answered to my messages but was too cold. One of our close friend said me a secret that he has a new girl. He doesn’t start with her yet (He just met her one time. She lives in a city 2 or 3hours far from his house.) but he talk with her everyday by phone. He said he has known her for 4 years but met her first a few days after our break up, while his business trip… and He said he loves her.
   Last week, in his birthday, I sent him a message ” Congratulation, have a nice day ” but he didn’t answer. It was the first time he doesn’t answer.
   Now I am in my NC (But today is just 7th day..)..
   But in my case, how long do I have to do NC?
   Some people said 30days are too long to my case.
   I have a plan to go back to his country with new work in 4months… I want to get him back….
   He is my first and only love.. we shared a lot of things for the first time for each other’s life.
   I was a second girlfriend in his life and the first one was 10 years ago… I was also his first sexual partner… I know how it is important thing with his religion… I need your help, Chris.

1. 

   admin

   October 9, 2014 at 1:25 pm

   1. You absolutely can!
   2. Probably for 30 days is best.

6. 

   Maya

   October 8, 2014 at 2:40 am

   Hello chris! I’m in my nc period. And i was wondering since my birthday falls on nc period. If he texts me to wish me happy birthday. What does that mean? If i choose to ignore his msg and not reply him. What do you think is going on in his mind?

   Thanks in advance! 🙂

1. 

   admin

   October 8, 2014 at 1:09 pm

   It means he is thinking about you on your birthday… Trying to be friendly.

7. 

   hopelessly_lost

   October 7, 2014 at 9:05 pm

   Hi Chris,
   I came across your site while searching answers for myself.
   Your writing is really straight-forward and I really appreciate that. Thank you.

   To tell you about my long story short, we dated 3 years, then got married (coming up on 11-year this Sat. We’ve moved around the world and recently (mid-june) moved to northern Europe – we had so much great memories of us as a couple. Because of the housing is tough here, we had really hard time finding a place and stayed at a friends (on separate single beds) for over 2 months. At the end of that two month period (i was having a really hard time mentally, then), he told me he is broken and wants to separate. Then a few days later, he came out with the fact that he slept with another girl who he works with (whom I warned him about before. i didn’t have a good vibe from her and she was not very nice to me when we did meet). A day after that, he told me he can’t stay at the apartment that we finally found and moved into… Of course, now he is living with her and it’s obvious that he is either in love or infatuated with her in my eyes. He told me he loves in a certain way, but not like before… According to him I broke his heart long time ago, and there is no way that he is coming back because it’s not right… we’ve been together almost 14 years in total. It wasn’t always great. There were ups and downs and I thought we were working through it everyday. And personally I don’t know how a guy could walk away without trying to really work things out, especially when he looks up to his grandpa who stood next to his wife till she passed away 2 years ago.. Anyhow…

   I am currently working on myself as I am a strong independent woman, working through a program, and also working with a counsellor (and trying to find a job too). One of the things that I do everyday is sending one nice appreciative message to him (i.e. I really appreciate your honesty.) which was recommended to me to do as part of my weekly exercise.

   For a married person, things are more complicated i think, even when we don’t have a child. We have a dog.
   As we only chat on his term right now, I am doing my best not to break when we see each other in person.

   so now to a point, despite of his cheating, I still love him as he is- i know it sounds ridiculous, but that’s just how i feel right now… I am willing to do this NO CONTACT with him after his mother’s visit (which is in two weeks from now). I wanted to ask you how long i should really do it for. and what I need to really watch out other than getting engaged in his poking and prod conversation.

   Sorry for the long comment, but I could use some guidelines here as you ARE a guy.

   Thanks for the help in advance.

   Best regards,
   Hopelessly_lost

1. 

   admin

   October 8, 2014 at 1:01 pm

   My heart really goes out to you.

   May I ask you what he meant by you broke his heart a long time ago? Was there some sort of incident or fight that caused him to say this?

2. 

   hopelessly_lost

   October 8, 2014 at 8:13 pm

   Hi Chris,
   Thanks for responding back.
   I am really not sure what he meant and he didn’t really elaborate. We were having issues for a while and i’ve asked/suggested to him many time to go for couple’s counselling, which he absolutely refused at the time (and currently kinda regrets not going when asked). We’ve had so many good times with some major fights. He is a very emotional and sensitive person and honestly, he would shatter if I was to break…. I don’t believe it’s just a single fight/argument we had that did it.

   We even fought here in Europe… (We wanted to start a family here.. but due to the situation that we were in, I was asking to just wait a bit longer and I was not fully emotionally connected to him to have sex in someone’s place on a single bed.) So he told me that I am just f***ing around and not keeping my promises. That fight was absurd and ridiculous. Both of us were trying to reach out to each other, but we couldn’t hear one another… I’ve not broken any promises that I’ve made to him as I am true to myself…

   Could you please give some advice from your (man’s) point of view?

3. 

   admin

   October 9, 2014 at 1:38 pm

   Well, you didn’t want to have sex with him… He got angry b/c he had the expectation that he was going to get lucky!

   That probably sparked his anger/comments.

4. 

   hopelessly_lost

   October 9, 2014 at 6:44 pm

   Hi Chris,
   Haha, i can see that you are definitely a man. Thanks for that comment…
   but i want you to know that i didn’t deny to make love to him completely we did have our fun here and there, just not that often. He always said he was too tired and wouldn’t want to at that moment. (I forgot to mention that the promise was about having kids, not sex as we were planning to have kids here) so i was up for whatever he wanted to do. As a matter of fact, we had sex a week before he told me he was done with our marriage. I did not withhold sex from him as a control thing. I think that is very wrong especially for a married couple. We just didn’t have a lot of it since we got here.

   So back to my question regarding an appropriate length of time for my intending NC with the consideration of my long term marriage, could you please tell me how long will be good? And some signs whether it is physical or emotional that i need to look out for?

   Again, thank you foe help in advance.

8. 

   FallenRobot

   October 7, 2014 at 3:07 pm

   Hey Chris,

   (Its funny because thats the name of the guy who told me to ask my Ex out)

   So I sent you an email four days ago explaining the situation (not nagging, just updating) and I just thought of another reason NC could be complicated. So as you know,or will know, I started my NC on Thursday and me and my Ex are besties so we check in at least every other day, and since I didn’t he did, and if it had been a regular message I would’ve ignored it, but it was one pertaining to a school event and im Class President so I kinda HAVE to respond to things pertaining to school because its my job (although he could’ve easily asked our other guy friends that are on SGA but what ever, I’m not mad (actually I was because I was at work and people were pissing me off, anyways back to important things). So I kept it really short and to the point just giving him a date and a yes (he was finding out about a pep rally that he cant even go to, but his sister will be there cuz shes getting money) sooo do I have to start over or am I good? I left him hanging after those two messages and didn’t even answer his thankz (which wouldve normally led to further discussion). Oh and this happened Sunday.

1. 

   admin

   October 8, 2014 at 12:44 pm

   I suppose that if you HAVE to respond then respond but like I say in the article… keep it stricly business and not at all relationship related.

2. 

   FallenRobot

   October 9, 2014 at 11:32 pm

   Yay! I did it right!
   Also I mentioned in my email (I don’t know when you check your email so I’m just going to update here) that he’s currently in England (racing eco cars and getting me candy) and so I have a SUPER cute outfit to wear the first day I’m going to see him after break, which will be next Thursday because he gets back on Tuesday and we take the PSAT on Wednesday (I’m not even sure if he’s coming that day, currently don’t care anyway), unfortunately it’s also going to get attention from the Ex before him…. pray that I don’t cuss the twig out this time >.>.
   But speaking of Thursday. Thursday nights are Swing nights and so I’m stuck because I REALLY like going BUT they switched up the schedule so now we wont be able to be with our other friends since we moved up to intermediate classes. So im thinking about not going Thursday (which would be the second time I bailed on him since the break up…. omg it’ll have been three weeks o.o, time flies, anyway there’s NO way I’m going to miss next Saturday night swing because the theme is “Spectors at the Speakeasy” and I have this REALLY cute flapper costume and I’m so hype! I’m planning on skipping the class to avoid being alone with him during that time, I’m also bringing friends for the actual dance portion, and then I’m gonna avoid dancing with him and being left alone with him by dancing with other guys there, which will hopefully be effective as one I wont be with him the whole night, two I get to dance with lots of fun people, and three he likes it when when I dress up for different decades (last time we did sixties, bonus because we won the costume contest!)

   What do you think of this plan? Does it undermine my NC? Is it just kinda mean…. or will this be effective?

   Oh… and like, if he asks me to dance, am I allowed to say yes?… I think it’d be rude not to and dancing with him is SOOOOO fun o.o…

3. 

   admin

   October 13, 2014 at 3:22 pm

   He might get jealous of you dancing with other guys…. I guess it depends on how you dance with them.

4. 

   FallenRobot

   October 17, 2014 at 2:24 am

   Well I just wanted to tell you that you are a genius. I didn’t respond, and since Tuesday he’s texted me on multiple occasions 🙂 I’m not sure when I’m going to respond to yet. But today was the first day since before fall break and he liked waited until I got out of my car to get out of his (which was way earlier than he normally gets out), and I got stopped by one of my friends and He walks up to us and waits for us to finish talking then he started a conversation. 🙂 Lolz, I feel a little sadistic/power hungry, but I guess that works. I’m still not sure when I’m going to respond to him though because TECHNICALLY my decided two week NC ended today, but I liked the reaction… so I didn’t answer today… Is this wrong? But we’ll be talking soon because of the Speakeasy on Saturday so I’m not going to continue to ignore him (I do feel kind of cruel) But I definitely have my confidence and ego back (I guess it was kind of hard since he was the first guy that every broke up with me…) and while I’d still like him back I KNOW that I can get another guy if I set my mind to it, My outfit proved that today 😉 (Best part it wasn’t like a THOT outfit or anything, it was a really nice looking outfit, I got lots of compliments and my OTHER ex asked me why I was dressed like a “business woman” because apparently skirt + blazer= business woman)

5. 

   FallenRobot

   October 14, 2014 at 1:14 pm

   It’s swing dance…. trust me that’s nothing, it’s a better, faster form of ballroom… Homecoming might be sketchy, but that’s next week I’ll deal with it then.

6. 

   FallenRobot

   October 14, 2014 at 7:49 pm

   OMFG, I’m trying not to crack >.> He just landed and the first thing he did was text me… GIVE ME YOUR STRENGTH!!

7. 

   FallenRobot

   October 9, 2014 at 11:51 pm

   Oh and I forgot to mention… my candy… I’m going to get it regardless of rules because Candy=Life

9. 

   Sam S

   October 3, 2014 at 11:17 pm

   You asked on my last comment how long i have been in NC with him, have been in NC with him fb,texting,calling etc since january but the last time we interacted (wchih was in person) was in july

10. 

    Elle

    October 3, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    Hi Chris

    I am not officially in No Contact right now.

    (did 6 weeks of it this summer, rebuilt my relationship with myself and was feeling really good! talked to my ex, had a fantastic conversation, he said let’s talk again soon, I told him I’d like that, he said he’d call me in a few days, that was a month ago and I haven’t heard from him since. Kind of surprised, but decided I’d rather focus on my life than chasing him or pining)

    I’ve been trying a lot of new things and recently signed up for a class. When I showed up the first night, my ex’s sister was there. We were both surprised, said nothing and didn’t even acknowledge one another. I am not dropping the class but I have no idea how to handle things with her there and I’m nervous about seeing him there because I know he picks her up sometimes. Any advice would be great!

1. 

   admin

   October 6, 2014 at 11:24 am

   Just be super nice. Don’t bring him up at all if you end up talking to her.

2. 

   Elle

   October 7, 2014 at 3:24 pm

   Thanks Chris!

   Do you think I should break the ice and talk to her and say hey good to see you, how you been, blah blah blah. Or should I hold back and wait for her to talk to me?

   I don’t want things to be weird but I don’t want to seem like now that I know she’s there, I’m going to pounce on her to get to him.

   They’re really close too so I think its a safe bet that he knows I’m in the class and will know about any interaction I have with her, how I’m doing, etc.

3. 

   admin

   October 8, 2014 at 12:45 pm

   Hold back and let her come to you at this point.

11. 

    Amy

    October 3, 2014 at 9:23 am

    Hi Chris, I broke up with my ex about 10 months ago, we did the no contact rule although we meet each other every day.. on and off I will msg him about how our past is great and he will just ignore me. So yesterday I found out that he was quite close with a new girl, so I messaged him to ask whether they will be together and he replies no. But he continues to text the girl and everything and still ignores me face to face. What should I do?

1. 

   admin

   October 3, 2014 at 2:38 pm

   How can you be doing NC if you meet each other ever day??? Were you working together or something?

2. 

   Amy

   October 4, 2014 at 6:34 am

   We are working together

3. 

   admin

   October 6, 2014 at 11:43 am

   I wrote about that here.

12. 

    Maiya

    October 1, 2014 at 10:24 pm

    Hi Chris, I know you probably don’t remember me from the thousands of posts that you get but I’d just like to give you an update that today I met up with my ex. It took quite sometime for it to happen, but it finally did. To cut the long story short, we had a really good catch up. Before I met him, I did all I can to make myself feel better about myself–exercising, spending time with friends, meeting new people, basically just having fun. So when I did, I was able to genuinely feel glad about seeing him. I could tell he was very awkward about it at first, but I did my best to make him feel comfortable. Every time I felt like he would mention the breakup, I steer the conversation away from it (honestly because I don’t think we really should dwell upon having a breakup). At the end of it though, we were having a lottery conversation and how there used to be a saying I knew where if one was lucky in gambling, he’d be unlucky in love and vice versa that if one was unlucky in gambling, he’d be lucky in love. He mentioned that he was unlucky in both–that he seems to lose in both. After which he told me he wanted to meet up again when he gets back from his holiday. When we were saying our goodbyes, I had a feeling that he might have wanted to kiss me, but I just hugged and kissed him on the cheek instead. I did not want a kiss if I wasn’t in a relationship. It was at that moment that I felt that I think he might be rethinking, if not regretting the breakup.

    I’ve been thinking about that moment, and realized that there’s nothing I would have liked better than to get back together with him–but I really wanted to take things slow–kind of like start with hanging out first without talking about breakups and relationships, and then we can sit down and talk about things seriously.

    Now I’m at a loss at what to do…can you give me an idea about what is going on in his mind so that I can decide on what to do? Should I just have talked about us on the first meeting or just waited?

    Thanks so much again for your time and patience.

1. 

   admin

   October 3, 2014 at 2:20 pm

   Seems pretty simple on what you need to do… You need to hang out with him again!!!! Seems like you had a positive date so keep building on that.

2. 

   Maiya

   October 5, 2014 at 10:37 pm

   Thank you Chris for the encouraging message. However there’s a slight problem there…we were having a bit of a long distance relationship before, as we both live in different cities where there’s at least an hour and a half train ride away. Do you think I should make things clearer first through text messaging or should I just see how it goes in the next date?

13. 

    Sophie

    October 1, 2014 at 6:59 pm

    I can’t send you a question Chris, help! the captchas aren’t working

1. 

   admin

   October 3, 2014 at 2:18 pm

   They seem to be because you got this comment through.

14. 

    Ria

    October 1, 2014 at 5:15 pm

    Hi Chris, I’dso much appreciate some advise right now cause I’m really living in such a hell, I can’t think clearly..please help!
    last year I met my ex through fb,even though we went in the same school and he lived in my area,he then worked in another city so at First for 3 months our relantionship was through phone and Internet.He seemed so determined about us,we even planeed a trip abroad together.He finally came back for his sister’s wedding,we met some times,he was through I difficult phase back then,after a while we started argue,I became clingy..he left again but after a while we started talking again.he returned to my city,yet he didn’t seem to want us together.I had lost hope,then I found your site, I did NC.I worked,he actually texted me, then after NC he seemed so eager,he replied, he said he had missed me and after some texts he said he wanted to meet me and he was looking forward to our trip.We met once in his House,he introduced me to everyone as his ‘gf’ and then he kind became indifferent again and when the trip came he said he couldn’t make it cause of his job and that we can’t be together and we wont be!I went back to NC,he closed his fb, then about a month later I texted him again.At fist he didn’t reply.I tried again he seemed possitive, we talked now and then, I even called him once!then at june, he started being distand again,then I decide to ask for my Money from the trip(that he owes me) and he says he will and that he has a gf now!I panicked,I lied that I also have a bf.Then a while later sth happened and I decide to send a text saying I’m really glad and thankful for his help and support and that I’m glad to know him.No sign for him ever since.So all the summer we didn’t talk but he uploaded some photos of him and I get he was somewher with his gf..And then he adds a girl on fb, and I see he likes her photos(only) and she likes his posts,so she’s definately his gf.Also he changes his profile pic to one that looks like mine!Then he’s posting romantic songs.I didn’t know what to do, so I thought maybe if I tried bring some memories back with my posts.So yesterday I post a song he had taught me and today I see he had post a song saying ‘That much I love you’and the gf comments <3 and he does too..I really can't stand this anymore, I make no sense and I'm thinking of deleting him. Please, if you can understand anything, what is his all about?Is there some things done on purpose or they're just coinsidence?

    oh and meanwhile he still owes me the Money but I can’t ask them again, I feel so annoying.What can I possibly do? Is there any way I can use that to my advantage to bring him back??

1. 

   admin

   October 3, 2014 at 2:10 pm

   Don’t delete him on Facebook.

   You can break NC like I suggest for asking for your money but follow the rules I outline on asking for your things back.

2. 

   Ria

   October 4, 2014 at 12:15 pm

   the point is I already did this once, he said he needs time.I don’t want to ask it again, I feel bad, also do you beleive I can use this to my advantage and bring him back? somehow..??

15. 

    Angelique

    October 1, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    Hi Chris. I really need some advice. I have followed your guides after my ex and I broke up, did NC and all that & we began talking again about 2 months ago. We even went out a couple times & started talking almost everyday, but he sends a lot of mixed signals. Some days he acts like he wants to be with me & that we are taking things step by step & “will see what happens” & then other days he acts like he doesn’t want to get back together. He says he isn’t dating anyone else & says stuff like “he is mine” yet does not want to make a commitment to me. The past couple weeks I noticed he hasn’t called or text me as much & then I didn’t hear from him for almost a week. I asked him about it & he says he has been busy. I said that no one is too busy to call or text for a week and then he admitted that he had been thinking lately that maybe we should cool it & not talk as much cause he doesn’t want to feed into feelings if he isn’t ready & doesn’t want to mislead or hurt me. I am really hurt by this & now everything feels so hopeless. Do you have any advice on how I can fix this? Should I do NC on him again? And if so, for how long? Pleeaase advise, thank you

1. 

   admin

   October 3, 2014 at 2:06 pm

   When you two have went out, have you been physical with each other?

2. 

   angelique

   October 4, 2014 at 12:52 am

   the last time I saw him we did make out, he tried to have sex with me but I didn’t. It’s been a couple days since he said we should cool it & I haven’t heard from him & I haven’t attempted to contact him either. Should I do NC? Please advise, thank you

16. 

    Annie

    October 1, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    My ex broke up with me back in June (we were together for 5 1/2 years) and he instantly had a rebound… During the break up he said that he still loved and cared about me. The whole it’s not you it’s me deal. I did the no contact rule for a while, but he was the one to contact me first after about a month and a half of no talking. We didn’t really talk much. On my birthday, my ex actually wished me happy birthday right at midnight. Just yesterday, he messages me and tells me that he was sorry for hurting me and that he had been drinking. I’m pretty sure they broke up. But during the messages he just said that he was sorry and that he basically still feels lost and confused with his life. I would like to get back together with him, but I’m not sure what the right steps would be. Any advice or suggestions?

1. 

   admin

   October 3, 2014 at 2:07 pm

   Well, your currently in NC correct?

   How long did the rebound last for him?

2. 

   Annie

   October 3, 2014 at 2:12 pm

   The rebound lasted 3 months. We’ve been in NC for about a month and a half, but when he contacted to apologize, we talked for a little bit. Not very much though. He’s also been very dramatic and posting sad songs and quoting them. Seems like he has a lot on his mind, but it seems like he still doesn’t know what he wants. My guess is that I should maybe wait a week (since his emotions are high) and then attempt to text him?

17. 

    Michelle

    October 1, 2014 at 3:34 am

    Hi Chris! I just purchased your ebook and read it all. My situation is a bit more different. My ex and I broke up last November. It was over something beyond stupid jealousy issues so we didn’t talk for 2 days. After that we started talking everyday as he said he still wanted me in his life. However when you still have feelings for you ex emotions get crazy so we stopped talking. he completely blocked me off everything and cut me off. So December it was literally us texting each other and just cursing each other out. Like we were both crazy ill admit. Then we didn’t talk for 2 months and I texted him saying something in February about the super bowl because he loves football and he ended the conversation really quick. Than in March I sent him a text saying I missed his friendship and idk how but we started talking everyday since than. It started off from us just texting to talk on the phone hanging out hooking up etc. It was pretty much like we were back together except no title and I clearly didn’t want to bring it up and seem pushy. So then on Sept 7 we went to a football game and we got into a huge drunk fight. It was pretty bad and everything I was holding in came out.( he’s a big flirt on instagram and all my friends would show me the comments he would leave on other girls) So we didn’t speak that whole night and I called him the next morning to see if maybe we can talk it out and bam I was blocked. I texted him from an app and was like I don’t understand the blocking its not like I was going crazy looking for him. So that night he called me and told me that he couldn’t do it anymore I cause him too much stress and that I had serious insecurity issues he told me that how was I possible that I got jealous over a girl when I wasn’t his gf. So I responded back in a mean way and told him how dare he say that while he was treating me as his girlfriend. So we didn’t speak and a week later I asked him why we couldn’t remind friends and he kept going along with that and just said move on … have a nice day. and that was it. Then I sent him a text on sunday(this sunday) telling him a football game I went to wasn’t the same without him ( we love going to football games) and he didn’t respond. So that was it. His birthday is next weekend the 12th and I wanted to know if you thought I should text him and say happy birthday or no because of the 30 day rule? thank you!

1. 

   admin

   October 1, 2014 at 3:59 pm

   Not sure that was the best text to send.

   I would have went with a, remember when we went to that football game that one time type of text.

2. 

   michelle aguilar

   October 1, 2014 at 7:18 pm

   im aware your very busy and cant get back too all the emails i just dont know what to do im losing it

3. 

   admin

   October 3, 2014 at 2:19 pm

   Hi Michelle, how can I help?

   Sorry for me being busy I will try to make more of an effort to answer your stuff.

18. 

    Becky

    October 1, 2014 at 12:04 am

    I just sent you an email to [email protected]
    the date is 09/30
    Please help me out. I’m a mess now, need your help!
    thanks!

1. 

   admin

   October 1, 2014 at 2:14 pm

   Ill look into it.

19. 

    Sam S

    September 30, 2014 at 10:52 pm

    I also attended a party a couple days ago and my ex’s best friend was there and we dont really know each other but he knows who I am and I just felt like i was being watched by him like he would always look in my direction and he even randomly started a conversation with me at one point.. On top of my last comment what do you think???

1. 

   admin

   October 1, 2014 at 3:52 pm

   Sounds like a SPYYYYY

20. 

    Becky

    September 30, 2014 at 10:51 pm

    Chris, I really need your help, can I send you and email ?
    I’ve been reading your blog, but the truth is my situation is so complicated, that I don’t know what to do even with all this great posts.
    Please help me out, I’m kinda desperate here, and I don’t wanna bother my friends any more than I’ve been doing.
    Thanks in advance!

1. 

   admin

   October 1, 2014 at 3:51 pm

   [email protected]