How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule- A Comprehnsive Guide

1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

Ashley

May 2, 2020 at 10:26 pm

I have things to get back from my ex’s place, he reached out to me a few times to pick fights with me ..I ignored all of them until he blocked me and ended up speaking via email and a quick phone call to coordinate me getting my things. Since I am moving I will have some help and could possibly have one of my siblings go. Should I have someone else go? Would that be overly dramatic , I don’t want to seem weak

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 3, 2020 at 10:08 am

Hi Ashley if you could get a male friend – even if its just a cousin he never met to help you that would be a power move. But no it is not weak to have someone help you collect your things

Jenn

April 13, 2020 at 5:31 am

Hello,
My boyfriend and I were together for 6 years. He was the father figure to my daughter since she was a month old. On March 20th I found out he had reconnected with his high school girlfriend whom has a lot of serious drug and alcohol problems. He left me for her and I’ve been miserable since. I’ve seen him a few times since. He brought us groceries and came to watch a movie at our house with my daughter. His current girlfriend has now forbid him from contact with us. The last time I spoke with him he told me he’s making the choice himself to stay away from us. He recently changed his profile picture on Facebook to a picture of them togther. Ive now deactivated my Facebook for a period so I’m not tempted to look him up and feel sad. Also, I have a playstation like him and he has been sending me game invites and requests to talk in a party. He said she doesn’t need to know and he wants to be friends. I changed all my statuses to appear offline today. I’m now at 24 hours of no contact and it was hard. Do you think no contact will truly work?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 14, 2020 at 11:21 pm

Hi Jenn you need to do 45 days of NC so it is going to get easier, but I would not allow him to treat you as a secret. If you want him back then you need to complete 45 days NC and then reach out following the being there method.

Nina

April 9, 2020 at 9:35 am

Thanks for the article! My boy friend and I broke up because he was trying for jobs globally. Thought it was best to end it to avoid heart breaks in the future. He was clear that he can’t put his dreams away which I respect. It was a very respectful and calm breakup. After two weeks he texted and I spoke to him. I asked if he changed his mind and I was very disappointed to hear a “no” and he just misses but still stick to the decision – our conversation ended up bad this time where he said we both have to work on ourselves too. Now I am no contact for a week and he texted & called me – I haven’t responded! I’m worried it will hurt his ego. I wanted to text and say-“ I am not ignoring you, However need some time to cool off” . Is that the right approach or just continue with no contact ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 9, 2020 at 9:54 pm

Hi Nina, do not send a message telling him you are not ignoring him! You need to just let him sit in NC and wonder why you are ignoring him. You want him back then follow the rules of NC this includes that you do not explain that you are not talking to them for a reason

Karla

March 23, 2020 at 6:15 pm

Hello!!. I’ve been dating this guy for 8 months. He has a huge ego and is a little selfish and that’s something we’ve been talking about over our relationship… He only thinks about what’s best for him and all of his decisions are for himself. I’ve broken up three times over the last 4 months with him and I always forgive him right away!!. I feel he takes me for granted a lot. I know he loves me cause he keeps saying it and I feel it’s sincere but I’m sick and tired of being taken for granted. He knows what I want, he has it clear as ice and he knows I’m getting tired of giving chances. But also it’s really hard cause we’ve gotten used to talking 24/7 and being all the time together… Before quarentine I broke up with him cause he literally showed he didn’t care about me in a situation and then he came to give me my stuff and convinced me for an other chance. The next day it was all the same so I asked him to take me home if he wasn’t going to try… So he did and basically said that maybe he wasn’t ready, he knows he is not good enough for me and cried a little and let me go. Two days later he is texting me he’s thinking of me and how I am, and I’ve been very neutral about it and living my life, but it’s so hard!!! Could you give me some words to stay positive? Tricks? Advice? To stay strong mustly. With quarentine it’s so hard not to think about him, there’s nothing else to do. Also we have like a little company together and we are going to have to meet about it one day and I’m scared AF about it… HELP!!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 24, 2020 at 1:00 am

Hi Karla, so do not be scared to meet up with him you can remain professional and look amazing when you go for the meet up. And know you are not below him whatsoever. Read about the ungettable girl information and apply this to yourself so that you know how to behave when you are around your ex

Collin

March 11, 2020 at 4:30 am

Hi,

I see your point with the birthdays and holidays, but what about something that you know for a fact garner’s less public attention. For example, my ex has college danceline tryouts coming up that would interfere with the NC by a few days. However, I know for a fact that she does not get many good luck texts. What would you recommend?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 12, 2020 at 1:19 pm

Hey Collin, no you still do not break no contact. You need to stick to it for the full 30 days

Allison

February 26, 2020 at 8:22 am

Hi!

How do you deal if you have a lot of friends in common?
EXB broke up almost 3 weeks ago but I saw him after 2 weeks because of an event.
He broke up twice with me
First time : he has the grass is greener syndrome, he came back crawling after 3 weeks of NC I managed to get out of any event that I would have to see him during NC tho
Second time: he broke up because he cheated, he had a drunk one night stand, the next day he broke up with me saying BS excuses that did not make sense.
I only learned about the cheating when I saw him 2 weeks in NC.
He apologized, told me I was right about everything (all the stuff i have learn about grass greener syndrome that I sneakily explained to him without telling about this website) and he told me he screwed up everything and that everything was his fault. He cried. Ok we slept together, I have not spoke to him since and it’s going to be a week.
I’m sure I’m gonna see him soon because we have so many friends in common. But I’m working on being a UG (which I think I definitely have the upper hand here) and I genuinely try to move on. I’m talking to other men and I actually have a date plan so…
I just have this gut feeling about this man, that he will always be in my life, it’s hard moving forward and having this thing in your brain telling you, ok move forward but what if we’re actually just so perfect together.
Thing is, we are best friends, partner, lover, i know for a fact that I have set the bar very high (all his friends told me)…
This is like the 100 comments I have left I have lost hope someone is going to reply but if Chris does than I’m grateful and also thank you for this website that kind of help me moving on a bit.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 6, 2020 at 10:12 pm

Hi Allison Im sorry you have felt like you had not had a reply I try to get to everyone as soon as I can.

So you say that your relationship was perfect, but the fact that you’ve broken up twice because of issues with other women, shows that your ex is still looking for who else is available to him. This is where being Ungettable comes into play you need to be the best person he could possibly be with that he doesnt feel the need to lose else where. There was something missing for him to get the grass is greener syndrome, even if it is simply you are too available to him.

As you have mutual friends, you can just follow the limited no contact rule when you are around each other, but dont go out of your way to spend time with him. Try to avoid it if you can and make sure that you do not talk to those friends about your ex, or about getting back with him. Focus on telling them about your dates, about your life, always appear happy and moving forward

Helen

February 24, 2020 at 8:30 pm

Hi, my ex and I broke up mutually because of family issues from his side (Parents weren’t approving), but during the break up he told me that his feelings had reduced for me over the past 3-4 months and that’s why he cannot fight for our relationship anymore. After the breakup he messaged me once wishing me good luck for my exam and after that he messaged me again asking me to block him on Instagram, to which I told him to block me himself if he wanted to. After that we had no contact and on the 4th day of NC he messaged me at around midnight -‘ I miss you.’ I saw the message but didn’t reply and shortly after that he deleted his message on Instagram. When I woke up next morning, I saw that the same thing happened on Whatsapp. He had sent me something but deleted it later but I couldn’t see what he had sent me. I didn’t reply as well. I miss him too and would like to give our relationship another chance but I’m hurt that he said his feelings were getting less for me.. Do you think I should continue with NC or ask him about what he sent me on Whatsapp that he deleted later?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 3, 2020 at 10:24 pm

Hi Helen, continue with your No Contact and reach out with a text that Chris suggests, do not bring up the deleted text as you do not want to let on that you noticed

Dorice

February 19, 2020 at 4:52 am

My ex broke up with me a little over a month, he has a new person he’s been talking to, however we have a child together…his birthday is tomorrow and I’m contemplating if I should call or text him so our son can wish him a happy birthday

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 19, 2020 at 9:17 pm

Hi Dorice, if you are in limited No contact, then do not reach out to your ex. If he reaches out to you about seeing your son you can reply but other wise do not reach out to him

Desire

February 7, 2020 at 3:55 pm

So my birthday is coming up and I have a pretty good feeling he is going to text me happy birthday. I’ve been in no contact for about 75 days and counting, so I was wondering if I should reply to him or not. Nothing crazy, just a “Thank you”,but I’m open to input. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 7, 2020 at 9:27 pm

Hey Desire, is there a reason you are doing such a long No Contact? You should reach out after a maximum of 45 days to get conversations flowing. But to answer your question yes you can reply thank you. However do not expect that he will reach out as you are setting yourself up for upset if he does not reach out to you

Elle

January 8, 2020 at 12:37 pm

Hi there
I was in a long distance relationship where we spoke and texted everyday, (we met online) and I was travelling tp see my family anyway so took the opportunity to meet up We had a huge incident the weeK i was arriving where he was rude and hung up- there and then i decided to call if off, and didnt answer his calls etc, at which point he begged, made promises even said he loved me. I arrived but still did not agree to see him. I eventually relented and said Id meet him. Met for drinks and it went well. When I arrived home, he pulled back, then said he wasnt sure, maybe hes gotten used to being on his own etc, this was a week ago

Been no contact since that message, and he reached out with an Are you OK – i just said Im good thanks… then after that he sent me more arb messages to which I have not responded…today I got this
“It’s not like you owe me anything of course, but to go in complete silence, like we or I didn’t exist, because you didn’t get to feel closer?.. thought 4 months of talking at least qualified us as friends? when you were here, did I treat you so bad? I’m surprised tbh, you seemed to have more than that..”

My sense is maybe he is in angry phase? Should I respond or carry on with NC

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 11, 2020 at 5:53 am

Stick to your NC he is just annoyed that you are not replying to him as a friend to make him feel better

Emma

January 3, 2020 at 3:50 pm

My ex of 2 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He thinks we aren’t compatible and he doesn’t love me as much. And he said he just wants to focus on his career as he just started working. I am happy to follow the no contact rule and give him space. But he owes me money from previous trips which he did remind me when he ended things. I need time to calculate the total and I am not worried he will not pay back.

Should I break NC and reach out to tell him about the money once I have the total calculated, will that break NC?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 5, 2020 at 12:01 am

Hey Emma if you can do with out the money for 30 days then you can wait until you have spoken a few times before asking for it back, if you need it back soon then you can send a direct polite message making him aware of the total and asking for it to be paid

Amanda Thomas

December 21, 2019 at 5:30 am

It been three days since the no contact and my ex message me the first day and called me i did not respond. The second day nothing than the 3rd day he text me trying say he sorry and that i deserve better that why he coundnt be with me etc. I did not respond than he call me 3 hrs later i did not answer. Than he wrote a comment under my facebook page even know i deleted him i did not respond. Why is he reaching out so early like this? What do i do if he pop up at my house? Ignore him or let him in?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 21, 2019 at 10:56 pm

Try to keep to your no contact, but it just shows how it is effecting him that you are not talking to him or giving him what he wants (the ability to talk to you when he feels like it) keep going strong

Izz

December 16, 2019 at 1:15 am

Hey, my ex broke up with me, we were dating for almost 2 years. I did the NC a day later and 2 days after, he’s asked me to help him sort out an invoice for him. Should I respond with a straight forward answer?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 16, 2019 at 11:52 pm

Hi Izz, no do not answer

Kay

December 11, 2019 at 11:19 pm

My BF and I just broke up – 2 weeks before xmas. I’m a xmas freak and he knows that. There are still loving feelings on both end and he has even straight out said that he will still call me (we’ve talked about staying friends – though I know that it’s too soon in reality). I KNOW he will send me xmas wishes at the very least – so do I not respond? Is it better to ignore, seeming cold, or just be positive and bubbly in my response? I can probably stick to NC on my end, but I really would hate to ignore him if he messaged me (he will). Xmas and NYE are big to me, can I stick to NC besides those days? lol I know, I know…but our relationship, though we have our issues (clearly, we’ve broken things off), but we don’t have hate or anger between us…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 15, 2019 at 6:50 pm

Hi Kay, so IF you hear from HIM first on Christmas, then you can reply “happy holidays” and that is it, no conversation and do not ask how he is etc. Straight back into your No Contact and as for new years eve, dont reply at all as you are going to be too busy celebrating that night 😉

Jen

December 7, 2019 at 10:01 pm

Hi there, my boyfriend and I just broke up and did not discuss what to do about our dog during that conversation. I immediately found this website and am starting no contact today. What do I do if he reaches out about the dog? She is technically mine, but we act more as if we share her 50% 50%.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 8, 2019 at 11:01 pm

If he asks to see the dog then you can allow him time to see her but make sure you are not around when he does.

Meech

December 1, 2019 at 7:46 pm

I’m thinking of going no contact but it isn’t with an ex. The problem is he has keys to my apartment and I want to knoe how to handle no contact of he shows up to my place without warning…Or worse if he’s already there when I arrive!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 1, 2019 at 10:38 pm

Hi Meech so this is called limted no contact, but unless you live together you are able to ask for your keys back so that this situation does not happen

sarah

November 30, 2019 at 10:34 pm

Hi,

Super long story short, I have been in a long term relationship for almost 10 years. For the last year we have been LDR due to him moving for work. I have noticed that as work increasingly became more difficult, issues were arising in the relationship. Fast forward to 5 months ago we had a fight that we didn’t speak for almost a month (not normal I know – not our normal). Once we spoke, things were brought up that were from the past that are just not coming to light (no cheating. childhood things). He asked me if I still wanted to be in the relationship now knowing what I know, and I said yes. I was there for him no matter what. Since then, we had been in constant communication, things felt off but I figured after something like that it would take some time to get back on track. Communication went from talking every day to, every two weeks (not on my part). During that time I was getting “I miss you so much. I hope you are doing okay, I am just going through it – I love you” every couple of weeks. Then he wanted to speak and work things out and start to work on us, like I did. However the next day we were talking and I was concerned about how an issue was being handled and addressed it very nicely and asking what was going on and then he never responded to me since. It’s been about 45 days since we spoke. I don’t know what to do from here, any suggestions?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 30, 2019 at 10:46 pm

As you havent spoken in 45 days, in that time have you been living your life and doing as you would normally? I would reach out using one of Chris texts he suggest and get him talking on a friendly level. It is not normal the little communication between you so suggest maybe couples counselling if you want to try make this work long distance. Is there a plan to not be long distance anymore?

Anna

November 30, 2019 at 2:14 pm

I’m in no contact and my ex sent a message saying that she received an email concerning that her email account has been opened in an unknown device. She says It must haver been me. The thing is that I have a new l’home and I used an app to transfer all the info front my old phone and my tablet in it. She was logged in in the tablet and now her account us oppened in my phone. I’ve done nothing. Now I don’t know what to do. Should I break no contact to explain this to her or shouldn’t I? I still have two weeks left of no contact

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 1, 2019 at 12:41 am

Giving that you are not using her account to do anything where you are using her name,or accessing her private messages then no. Just log her out of the device and do not reply to her.

Kavita

November 14, 2019 at 4:12 pm

Hi Chris,

To begin, he was messaging me about a football game he went to…alone. And I asked him why he didn’t invite me after he was complaining that he’s always doing things alone. I have 2 kids and he naturally assumed that I would be busy, but that is not an excuse for not inviting me. So simply put, after the game was over and he was going back to his house, I said, of all the days, why didn’t he invite me because I could have gone with him. And then he EXPLODED at me, called me names, F you this and that and this is why I hate you so I just stayed silent. I don’t think my question deserved an erruption like that. The next day I went about my business and didn’t even check my phone until 1-2pm when I saw several texts from him saying he was going to soon call hospitals and police departments to make sure I was ok because he hadn’t heard from me. I was a little confused because the last messages he sent me were F you and get out of my life etc type messages. I politely messaged back hello and kept the conversation short. He quickly caught on and told me to stop living in the past. For me, less than 24 hours isn’t living in the past and if someone tells me to leave or get out of their lives, it’s not in my best interest to keep pushing myself down that person’s throat. So I removed myself from what I thought wasn’t a good situation for either of us. And that’s when he got upset and said he BLOCKED me from instagram. I admit, that really, really hurt me. Because before we were lovers, we were friends and he was willing to throw that friendship away because he said things he didn’t regret and I was hurt by his words. I followed your no contact rule after my ex blocked me on instagram, did not return my 3 texts or 1 email.

I finally got the clue and stopped contact with him. In fact I did a lot of things without realizing that they were good. I got off of social media. I started exercising more and eating healthier and I stopped drinking alcohol. I started to feel good about myself after 4 days. Believe it or not I even got a job interview after being laid off for 6 months. And THEN my ex emailed me on night #4 because he was borrowing my car and in very simple terms he wrote “where should i drop off your car and keys?” I waited a day to respond because honestly I didn’t need the car so I wasn’t even going to contact him to get it back even though it is a large item and at some point I would need it. I gave him 2 options of returning the car. He was vague in in his response and as usual asked me to decide, which in the next email I did decide and told him to meet me at a neutral location at a certain time. And in his usual fashion, he wrote back and said he would let me know if he could meet me there at that time – WTF?! Clearly he likes to have control so I just let it be. 24 hours after his “I’ll let you know” email he wrote to me asking me why I was so upset with him that I ostracized myself from him. Now, from that email, my understanding is that he isn’t taking any responsibility for his behavior and I am the type of person that will remove myself from situations that create conflicts.

What to write back? Or not write back at all? This is now getting annoying.

What I want: an apology from him. Some kind of hint that he will or is going to evolve.

What I will get: more heartache and annoyance.

Ugh. Advice anyone?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 18, 2019 at 8:53 pm

Hi Kavita, so you are doing the right things essentially get your car back and then keep at your No Contact, your ex will know why you are upset and just because he feels it is not a big deal to him it is to you. So I say do not write back to him asking why youre upset, just sort out getting your car back. make sure you keep in a public place and stick to short interaction so you can leave quickly. I understand you want an apology but I dont think he is going to give you one any time soon based on his email

Ashley

October 25, 2019 at 10:36 pm

Hi guys, i’m on day 2 of no contact and it feels like an eternity. We were together since we were 15 (13 years in total) and lived together for only 2. The last break up was a year ago and we were together for just a year. It was amazing but I didnt move forward with him, I got mad over trivial things and it was a catalyst for this break up. He says he thinks there is a better fit for the both of us. He has a “friend” that he says he doesnt have feelings for and doesnt want a relationship right now. I went to my sisters and told him i need space, to not contact unless it’s an emergency. I’m going to try and continue no contact until then, hopefully i can stay here for 2 weeks. My plan is to work on my paintings, work out and most importantly, love myself. Your guide seems to think 30 days is good for my situation. Any advice for when i come home? Also what do we do after no contact? Can i be his friend?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 27, 2019 at 8:50 pm

Hi Ashley so after your nc you are supposed to be his friend where you build it up from “low friend” to a closer friend and build the relationship up to more romantic level if you want him back… The most important thing you need to do is work out why you were always arguing and trying to resolve (on your part) the problems with the relationship and you need to treat the situation as if you are getting to know him all over again

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1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”