How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule- A Comprehnsive Guide

1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

Sophie

December 25, 2018 at 3:58 pm

Hi my ex broke up with me at the end of November randomly (after 4 years) because he said he isn’t romantically interested and it wasn’t working . I was clingy in the relationship but he had reassured me often he loved me.Idid NC for 3 weeks and then asked him to meet. We had a fight when he denied because he says it unnesary to meet and I restarted NC after saying I’ll work on myself and be his friend when I’m better. He never tries to contact me and is very stubborn. I plan to NC until February and then arrange to meet again. Is this a good plan or should I be worried that he doesn’t try contacting me?

Chris Seiter

December 25, 2018 at 11:31 pm

Hi Sophie…so 4 years together is some solid time together which puts down roots and may come into play later. I hope you have my eBook, EBR PRO, as it will help you through this process given its many elements!

Shara Cazon

November 13, 2018 at 4:10 am

Hi Chris, I just broke up with my fiancee I’ve been living with for 3 years. Officially he left our house yesterday. I broke up with him because I caught him chatting with a girl on Facebook. (It was an online relationship only but I decided to broke up because it wasn’t the first time). But I still want him back because he is really flirty with girls but he’s a nice guy. He have done a lot great things to me and my family. On our downfall when our dad left, he was there, he had been like a father to my younger siblings and helped me to where I am now.

I felt like, I had been spoiling him because I have been so easy on and soft on him even when he commits mistake. That’s why I wanna do the NC to make him realize what he did and at the same time improve myself.

I never talked to him since he left, and os as he. But just today, he kept messaging me on facebook, because I shutdown my phone, but I ignore it. Telling he was sick, if I no longer cares for him. My plan was to ignore him, but when asked about our dog. My heart melt, and I replied to him. But it wasn’t an emptional response, maybe 5% emotional. Like I told him ” I pity him and I do care. But it was his choice to neglect and cheat on me”

My question, did I just lost my chance of making him realize? Is it still okay if I start my NC?
Kristina Luck

November 12, 2018 at 9:25 pm

Hi, what if his new GF contacts me during NC. She keeps leaving comments on my IG and deleting them starting around midnight last night then this morning and then after work hours. I haven’t posted anything on IG since may except one story last week with a Delorian from BTTF movie. She is commenting on old posts. Why she chose that image dunno.

Chris Seiter

November 12, 2018 at 11:31 pm

Hi Kristina!

So it seems that perhaps his new GF is a bit threatened or obsessed or something. Just best to not acknowledge her.

Melanie

October 23, 2018 at 1:33 am

Hi, my boyfriend left me 2 weeks ago bc his ex girlfriend is on drugs and had her children taken away…. he thinks it’s up to him to fix it and her
and left me…..most of his things are still here….. he texts me everyday telling me he thinks he made a mistake and how he wishes we could be together, he still loves and cares for me and how he cherishes the time we had together, that he I was the best thing that he had and he traded it for someone who hurt him and probably will again…. but he believes he has to try. I’m not answering his texts or calls atm, and it seems to drive him crazy…. what should I do?
Unknw

August 14, 2018 at 6:05 am

How to react if you saw your ex on same route during NC?
Jeannie

August 4, 2018 at 11:12 pm

How about if my ex sends happy birthday -message to me during no contact? Should i say thanks or just ignore him? He ended the relationship and before nc i made the mistake to try convincing him come back to me.

Chris Seiter

August 5, 2018 at 2:01 am

Hi Jeannie….Probably best to ignore in order to get the most out of the NC. You also might want to consider picking up my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as it will give you a lot of more insights into the process and how to work thru it.

MLJ

May 13, 2018 at 9:44 pm

I broke up with him two weeks ago. He still wants to be friend and was shocked when I told him no. We work together so I told him unless it’s something regarding work, there’s nothing more for us to say. He’s been calling me but I won’t answer. We’ve interacted a few times during work but it was very short and simple. He’s suddenly responding to my facebook posts (something her very rarely and/or never did). He called me last night and I didn’t answer. I’m afraid his next move is going to be to show up at my house. How do I handle that? I have an attached garage and could act like I’m not home.

Chris Seiter

May 14, 2018 at 3:35 pm

Hi MLJ….want don’t you text him and tell him you need some quality alone time to heal and reflect and that you will be focusing on your recover for the next few weeks so you feel it best to end communications during this period and to please respect your privacy.

Isa

May 5, 2018 at 12:17 am

Hi. It’s been 4 days we broke up. We lived together for about 2.5 years and I kept it together while he moved out. No crying or begging. He texted me after he was completely moved out saying he needs to see me bc I have his passport and social. I replied politely and stated I’m packing your stuff and they’ll be ready soon to which he replied No worries I’m in no rush. Then I said I have to get my stuff from storage and he replies we got time. I immediately started NC and 3 days in I get a text “Hi how are you” Id like to know should I continue NC or reply: I’m ok thanks for asking or I need some time and space and can’t talk to you for a while

Chris Seiter

May 5, 2018 at 4:10 am

Hi Isa…the immediate period after a breakup can be confusing. There is a certain addiction we have for our partner and since you both were together for 2.5 years, that makes for some traction and roots put down which are not easily given up. You have my ebook, right? If not, go check it out. (website Menu/Products link). It is full of information as to how you should proceed to maximize your chances, which I think is better than average. Kindly respond to him and let him know you have decided to enter in a NC period, not to punish him or anything like that, but to focus on your self recovery needs. Of course, there is much more than that to the NC principle. Let me know how thing go for you Isa!
Isa

May 8, 2018 at 8:49 pm

Hi! I did what you suggested. However, throughout our week breakup, I’ve received texts from him twice about picking up his things. I already replied that it’s ready to be picked up but somehow he still hasn’t gotten around it. My last response was a short “ok”. I’m not quite sure what to do especially when I’m trying to so NC. P.S I’m still reading the ExBack Pro.
Chris Seiter

May 9, 2018 at 3:03 am

Hi Isa. It does put a pinch on the NC effort when the ex won’t cooperate with picking up his stuff. But in time, that will get done. It is also possible he is avoiding it because he has mixed feelings about what went down.

Becca

April 21, 2018 at 4:37 am

Hey Chris,
We previously had a conversation on another post.
I asked you about what to do in my situation where my grandma passed away a few days after our breakup , and I was worried because his sister told him about it during no contact but he never said anything about it to me and I was pretty sad because that translated to me as him not caring anymore.
You wanted me to follow up with the situation so here I am.
I have finished my no contact period. Actually, it’s been a few days passed the time for me to send the first message.
I’ve written so many drafts and worried that if I said the wrong thing then it would ruin all my chances.

I have taken this time to improve my life in so many ways.
I go to the gym almost every day and I look & feel so so much better.
I go to a therapist that helps with my anxiety and depression (which was something that was hard for my ex to deal with)
I’ve gotten closer to my friends and family, and am finally starting college after putting it off while in the relationship (2 years).
I feel like I’ve matured in more ways than one and my perspective on life is totally different now.

But I continue to wake up everyday with him on my mind.
Wondering what he could possibly want to hear from me.
We were a very music oriented couple. We both sang and played guitar, went to concerts. So I’m wondering how I could use that to my advantage while writing my first contact text? Any help would be appreciated

Chris Seiter

April 22, 2018 at 12:16 am

Hi Becca…of course…I remember you! You are doing great. In my view, the personal healing side of ex recovery is the most important cog in the entire ex recovery process, because no matter what happens with your ex, you want to be balanced and emotionally fulfilled. I know you want him back. But you don’t need him to be happy. Remember that. That are so many potential paths for us all and many of them lead to great places. By the way, you are an excellent write. Very good structure and style.

Just like the way you write, keep your text short and brief and yes….connecting with music is a possible good way in. Maybe make mention of a concert coming up that you plan to go to. Indeed, find one, and go to it as you should treat yourself. Remember, you are your own best friend. Go with your friends or just date yourself and go alone. And by the way, I don’t remember if I mentioned it to you, but I have a Private Facebook Support Group that has about 1400 women in it who all have gone through similar experiences. Each week I do facebook lives with this ladies (a few men in there too) and they are so great with each other. Just go to my website (Menu/products link) to learn more

Bronte Russ

April 15, 2018 at 8:46 am

hi chris, my ex-boyfriend and i decided to remain friends after we broke up last week, he said he still wants to see me and spend time with me as we normally would, since then i have discovered your website and podcasts and have started the no contact period with him, however just today (day 2 of no contact) he snapchatted me asking if we could take the dog (my dog and him were close hahah) for a walk on the beach or something tomorrow afternoon. i broke no contact and replied with ‘i cant im busy tomorrow’. in cases like this when he askes to hang out should i still continue no contact or should i reply to messages like that?
please help! thanks!

Chris Seiter

April 18, 2018 at 4:12 am

Hi Bronte…IF you have not already, go get one of my ebooks! They are all very comprehensive and can help you along the way. My gut tells me, yes, he is making a little overture, so meet him halfway. Perhaps offer an alternative date. Then go it slow. Just have fun and don’t talk relationships. And if you need some personal Coaching, just check out the website for more details.

Craig

April 9, 2018 at 8:11 pm

Hey me and my ex have been in and out of contact for the last month or so. I sent the clean slate text this past weekend and it went over really well. I decided to do no contact for the next 3-4 weeks.
Anyways, there is a concert this weekend of a mutual friend’s band. It is at a somewhat small place and we will undoubtedly see each other and talk. I’d say we are on good terms but she still wants that space and doesn’t initiate contact with me at all.
Is it a bad idea to go to this concert and risk blowing my NC. Or is it good to go and let her see a glimpse of me 2.0 but continue NC afterwards?

Terms of the breakup were her moving in with me and my roommates and just losing connection towards the end after dating for just over a year. She broke up with me and moved out, but it hasn’t been bitter or negative, just me wanting her back and her wanting some time for herself.

Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 12:33 am

Go to the concert and don’t sweat the small stuff. What happens happens, you can’t control everything.

Jacie

April 8, 2018 at 5:22 pm

If he reaches out for his stuff and I reply, does this mean I need to start all over with NC though?? Or just pick up from where i was?

Chris Seiter

April 10, 2018 at 4:04 am

No, this is one of those few situations where you are allowed to break NC. But I wouldn’t break NC unless the things were essential to have.

Danielle

February 28, 2018 at 8:30 pm

It’s only been two full days of no contact and my ex has messaged me asking if I was okay, just saying hello, and saying he wants to be my friend through text, instagram dm and Facebook messaganger. Is this a good sign? I was the one that broke up with him. I tried to move on from in after I broke up with him and that didn’t work. I’m afraid he’s going to think I’m trying to move on again. And not want to talk to me ever again.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2018 at 11:56 am

But you’ve been chasing him for two months.. He’s basically just stringing you along because you allow him to..

Danielle

February 27, 2018 at 2:15 pm

so I broke up with my ex bf of over two years after he started acting differently, I didn’t like it so I left him. He was Devestaed.. I still remained his friend shortly after until I made the stupid mistake of jumping into another relationship. It broke my ex. And The guy was a rebound, the relationship only lasted a month. During that time I realized that I do still love my ex and I want to work things out with him. So for the past almost two months I’ve been trying to get him back, he says he still wants to be friends and that he doesn’t want to date right now, but does in the future. Anytime I tried to do no contact I’d fail within the first day Bc of how much he texts me first. Then one day he told me to move on, after begging and pleading like a hysterical idiot I decided to start NC. Within the first day he was texting me “hey” and calling me old nicknames. The second day he said “hey” again and asked if I was okay. I’m still going to continue no contact. But what are my chances of it actually working? This is killing me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 2:57 pm

Hi Danielle,

There’s a good chance if you do it right. Stick to at least 30 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting and continue to do so after nc while slowly rebuilding rapport with him.

Mary

February 22, 2018 at 11:36 pm

It’s been 6 months since I broke up with him and he wants to be with my best friend. I see him at school daily, and the past week has been made up of me asking for him back and him asking me to be okay with him dating my best friend. He showed interest and said he might want to get back with me a few weeks ago when I started showing interest again, but as of now he is adamant that he doesn’t and the only person he has feelings for is her. My question, I guess, is whether or not NC would still be effective in this situation.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 9:45 am

Hi Mary,

It’s not a guarantee but it can be.

Mizb

February 17, 2018 at 2:15 am

I’m on day 8 of the no contact rule on Valentines Day my ex sent me a Happy Valentine’s Day wish and I did not respond however we have a small business together and one of our clients works with and pays him and then he brings me the money that payment was due on the 15th should I text my ex and alert him to how much is old or should I just trust that he should turn that money into me I’m trying hard with the no contact rule and it is a struggle to want to text or respond immediately and I can’t help but to admit I’m thinking maybe he forgot about me and he moved on but I’m trusting the process of the no contact rule however I do feel the need to text him and let him know that this gentleman owes us a certain amount of money or should I just let it be please respond and help me every day I come back to this page and read as much as possible when I have a strong desire to break the no contact rule this is my first time really doing the no contact rule and it’s it’s it’s something else but I’m going to trust that is going to work in my favor

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2018 at 2:27 pm

Hi Mizb
It’s ok to talk about work if it’s only about work..

Gigi

February 11, 2018 at 12:29 pm

My boyfriend of three months just ended things with me (out of the blue) last week. Everything was seemingly perfect – we never fought, he met my family a week before, were planning vacations, we spent every day together nearly (he cooked for me, introduced me to his cousin and friends), etc. 24 hours before ending things, he told me how he never knew it was conceivable to love someone as much as he loves me, and how he wished we could wake up together every day of our lives. When he broke things off, he only gave elusive answers and said that while he loved me, he can’t be in a relationship. We both cried and I begged (more than I would have liked)… I never thought I was the type to ever beg a guy… he asked me to stay over and said we would finish the conversation in the morning. By morning, I asked him one more time and he was adamant. So I packed my things and left.

Background: 3 weeks before we met, he ended an engagement and when I met him and found out, I told him that (1) I don’t want to be a rebound and (2) I don’t date for fun.

It is currently Day 10 of NC and no word from him. I was blindsided by the breakup. I wish I could be mad, but I am just hurt… I love him so much – still. I can’t turn it off. Should I reach out or just maintain NC? He told me in the past that he could never (1) rekindle a past relationship nor (2) be friends with an ex. He was such an integral part of my life since I had just moved across the world to a new city when I met him – he quickly became my best friend… and my birthday is in two weeks. I can’t imagine celebrating it without him. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2018 at 1:10 pm

HI GIgi,

continue in nc..focus in improving yourself and be active in posting in social media.. Check this one:
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

Elizabeth

February 10, 2018 at 11:37 pm

What do you do if you are trying to do the no contact rule to give your boyfriend space but you cheated on him? If he texts you during that stage of the no contact rule do you reply to notify him that you are willing to fix the relationship that you damaged by cheating?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2018 at 1:01 pm

Hi Elizabeth,
check this one:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

Lindsey Yarborough

January 16, 2018 at 2:52 am

Hi! So, I’m wondering how to handle NC with my guy, he broke up with me because he isn’t sure he wants a future with anyone, he’s trying to “find himself.” I freaked out at first, making all the mistakes, but then after NC for two weeks I felt SO MUCH better. He came over for us to exchange things, we shared a bottle of champagne and talked, and then we had a “last night together” (read: hours and hours of sex) and said goodbye. It was nice. We were friendly for a few days and I recognized myself hoping for too much, so I’ve been back on NC for 2 days. Should I tell him that I need space or something before going radio silent? We have never been the type to play games… If he does actually text me first (not his style) I’m worried he will think I’m mad at him or that I am being cruel.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2018 at 6:18 am

Hi Lindsey,

if he texts you first, that’s probably because you slept with him and that’s not good.. So, you can reply and tell him being friends is not workable for you and then continue on in nc..

Joy

January 11, 2018 at 9:36 pm

After our breakup, he said to me that if im not going to talk to him anymore it’s alright and he can live with it, its the consequence of his decision, is it true?ive only implemented the NC after our 30days breakup,will the NC work im on my 9th day, ive never heard anything from him

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2018 at 8:16 pm

Hi Joy,
it’s not a guarantee that it will work in any situation but it helps increase your chances.

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1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”