How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule- A Comprehnsive Guide

1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

Susiev

August 19, 2017 at 3:50 am

I moved to another state and bf has always wanted to move there. We have been on & off for over 20 years and in tbis time he married and divorced. His ex wife lives in Iowa and takes care of her elderly parents. She came to his town to see all of her family and he went campung with her & her kids for 10 days then lied about where he was. Her adult kids do not like him for some of the derogatory things he has said about her & members of the family. When he got back he called and said he would like to drive out and see me for 4 days ( I live 600 miles away) I told him I am not playing second fiddle to his ex wife and he said he would not come out if we were going to argue about her. I started feeling needy and he told me to stop badgering him about moving west with me. I told him I didnt want to argue about her any more than changed my phone number and have not been in contact with him for 10 days. I found out he was going to take his RV to Iowa where she lives and stay for a month. She asked him for 1 more chance but she will never leave Iowa because she cares for her elderly parents. He hates Iowa esp. the weather and is a workaholic and will be trapped in a small town taking care of her parents. Is it hopeless even with the NC?

SUSIEV

August 22, 2017 at 1:39 am

He is divorced but she keeps pulling him back. She gained over 150 lbs and now that she has lost the weight she thinks their relationship will work…even though he has no desire to live in Iowa and take care of her parents.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 10:10 pm

he’s an adult.. if he really doesn’t want to, he can refuse..
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 19, 2017 at 9:24 pm

Hi Susie,

Yep, he’s married and looks like has no plans of divorcing her and he’s using you as rebound when they have fights..

Susie

August 19, 2017 at 3:45 am

I moved to another state and bf has always wanted to move there. We have been on & off for over 20 years and in tbis time he married and divorced. His ex wife lives in Iowa and takes care of her elderly parents. She came to his town to see all of her family and he went campung with her & her kids for 10 days then lied about where he was. Her adult kids do not like him for some of the derogatory things he has said about her & members of the family. When he got back he called and said he would like to drive out and see me for 4 days ( I live 600 miles away) I told him I am not playing second fiddle to his ex wife and he said he would not come out if we were going to argue about her. I started feeling needy and he told me to stop badgering him about moving west with me. I told him I didnt want to argue about her any more than changed my phone number and have not been in contact with him for 10 days. I found out he was going to take his RV to Iowa where she lives and stay for a month. She asked him for 1 more chance but she will never leave Iowa because she cares for her elderly parents. He hates Iowa esp. the weather and is a workaholic and will be trapped in a small town taking care of her parents. Is it hopeless even with the NC?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 19, 2017 at 9:24 pm

Hi Susie,

Yep, he’s married and looks like has no plans of divorcing her and he’s using you as rebound when they have fights..

Remoabetswe

August 15, 2017 at 7:20 pm

What if things he comments on something you posted on social media?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 16, 2017 at 1:23 pm

That means you dont comment back nor reply

Yanna

July 28, 2017 at 2:12 am

Need someone to help me or to enlighten me. I don’t know what to do.

This is not the first time we decided to end our relationship we’ve been 8yrs. But this is the first time he said this things to me….. that made me decided to distant myself till I learned NC rule. I sent multiple messages expressing my bad emotions, disappointments.whenever I feel not okay he is the one who taught me that to express everything to.him than to keep quite…. Till I received a message from him.He said, he is hoping I can find better than him, someone I really deserve. Someone who is not insensitive and can commit. Someone who can makes me happy. He added he is afraid and cannot make a promise he can’t hurt me. He said he can’t blame me if I cannot trust him.No more words to say since I don’t trust him. If we are destined then may the right time unite as again…and more messages……..I am speechless after I read it….was a mixed emotion.asking myself maybe I put a lot of pressure on him.and at the same time. I feel sad for myself too. So I decided not to reply. I started NC. This.is not to win him back but I feel the pain and feeling no words can express how I feel. I feel confused. I cried and cried…..till on the 2nd day He texted me. Asking if we could meet to talk… I am still not okay and I don’t want to see him so I ignored the message. He keeps calling several time but I decided not to answer it because I feel lost. I don’t know if I still want to fix the relationship or not. All I know something is wrong. I am really hurt..For him and for.myself. . I decided to change my #. So that he don’t need to keep ringing my phone. I jus really don’t know what to say..I want to take a pause. On the 3rd day afternoon, he sent me an email. He said he is worried, asking if I wouldn’t mind if we meet and talk.he said he wants to see me even for a short period of time..or maybe for a last time. He said he realized many things and he is very sad realizing he hurts me a lot. He feel sorry he said. Hope we could talk. If there’s one regret that he can never forget on his life is the day he’s not taking care of me and hurting me.He said he thought I will always understand him to the point he has no clue that I might taken for granted…… I don’t know what to say….. and I feel very sad for both of us that’s why I decided not to reply right away. I took 3days after when I realized I have to reply and make him feel I’m ok not just to make him realize I’m fine but also to make him feel I’m not his obligation. So I replied and said I’m sorry for the late reply. I also shared how busy I was and I think I cannot meet him because i have a tight schedule at my work and on the weekend I’ll be out of town…yup I agree It was really an excuses but I love to make him feel I have life he has nothing to get worry about me anymore. .. it was mixed emotion……then he replied after couple of minutes he is asking if I am still working on the same schedule at the same workplace…… so I don’t know what to reply again because I’m asking myself what’s next after he confirmed Yah I’m still working same time same place..then what….. does it make any sense…… I am full of hesitation and questions…till after 2days I decided to reply. What i realized. I should not overanalyze. Just answer his question then that’s it. So I replied 3 letter word ,”yes” then I received a quick reply from him ” 9pm I will be there tomorrow ,” that’s tonight…

Now I don’t know what to do….I did not reply.

I don’t know what to do because I am afraid to hurt him and to hurt myself again.

I don’t know if I’ want to fix it or no more.

I don’t know what to say maybe I’m full of fears, pain,doubts and love.

Idk. Need someone to enlighten me.
I learned what I’m doing is NC rule somehow. AND I realize maybe i just need time..we just need time..idk..

Need help..I am confused and feeling lost.

Yanna

July 28, 2017 at 2:17 am

Sorry for my bad grammar….
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 31, 2017 at 5:39 am

HI Yanna,

did you meet up and talked?

Yanna

July 28, 2017 at 2:10 am

Need someone to help me or to enlighten me. I don’t know what to do.

This is not the first time we decided to end our relationship we’ve been 8yrs. But this is the first time he said this things to me….. that made me decided to distant myself till I learned NC rule. I sent multiple messages expressing my bad emotions, disappointments.whenever I feel not okay he is the one who taught me that to express everything to.him than to keep quite…. Till I received a message from him.He said, he is hoping I can find better than him, someone I really deserve. Someone who is not insensitive and can commit. Someone who can makes me happy. He added he is afraid and cannot make a promise he can’t hurt me. He said he can’t blame me if I cannot trust him.No more words to say since I don’t trust him. If we are destined then may the right time unite as again…and more messages……..I am speechless after I read it….was a mixed emotion.asking myself maybe I put a lot of pressure on him.and at the same time. I feel sad for myself too. So I decided not to reply. I started NC. This.is not to win him back but I feel the pain and feeling no words can express how I feel. I feel confused. I cried and cried…..till on the 2nd day He texted me. Asking if we could meet to talk… I am still not okay and I don’t want to see him so I ignored the message. He keeps calling several time but I decided not to answer it because I feel lost. I don’t know if I still want to fix the relationship or not. All I know something is wrong. I am really hurt..For him and for.myself. . I decided to change my #. So that he don’t need to keep ringing my phone. I jus really don’t know what to say..I want to take a pause. On the 3rd day afternoon, he sent me an email. He said he is worried, asking if I wouldn’t mind if we meet and talk.he said he wants to see me even for a short period of time..or maybe for a last time. He said he realized many things and he is very sad realizing he hurts me a lot. He feel sorry he said. Hope we could talk. If there’s one regret that he can never forget on his life is the day he’s not taking care of me and hurting me.He said he thought I will always understand him to the point he has no clue that I might taken for granted…… I don’t know what to say….. and I feel very sad for both of us that’s why I decided not to reply right away. I took 3days after when I realized I have to reply and make him feel I’m ok not just to make him realize I’m fine but also to make him feel I’m not his obligation. So I replied and said I’m sorry for the late reply. I also shared how busy I was and I think I cannot meet him because i have a tight schedule at my work and on the weekend I’ll be out of town…yup I agree It was really an excuses but I love to make him feel I have life he has nothing to get worry about me anymore. .. it was mixed emotion……then he replied after couple of minutes he is asking if I am still working on the same schedule at the same workplace…… so I don’t know what to reply again because I’m asking myself what’s next after he confirmed Yah I’m still working same time same place..then what….. does it make any sense…… I am full of hesitation and questions…till after 2days I decided to reply. What i realized. I should not overanalyze. Just answer his question then that’s it. So I replied 3 letter word ,”yes” then I received a quick reply from him ” 9pm I will be there tomorrow ,” that’s tonight…

Now I don’t know what to do….I did not reply.

I don’t know what to do because I am afraid to hurt him and to hurt myself again.

I don’t know if I’ want to fix it or no more.

I don’t know what to say maybe I’m full of fears, pain,doubts and love.

Idk. Need someone to enlighten me.
I learned what I’m doing is NC rule somehow. AND I realize maybe i just need time..we just need time..idk..

Need help..

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 31, 2017 at 5:39 am

HI Yanna,

did you meet up and talked?

shreya

July 23, 2017 at 10:16 pm

i am in the 2nd week of no contact, he texted me in 1st 2 days, that he wanted to talk but than i didnt rply, from than he didnt text yet, and yup he broke up with me cz he said he has feelings for some new girl so in no contact obvio he must be talking to his new girl, is no contact will help in this case ? and one more thing i should block him everywhere too or just dont talk to him?
hope you will rply
thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 5:31 pm

Hi Shreya,

Stay in nc.. and no need to block him.. Be active in improving yourself and in posting.

Cathy

July 22, 2017 at 5:58 am

Hi!

So, do you tell him that you’re going NC?

And more importantly, do I delete him from Facebook and messenger? I think it’s a bit extreme but friends suggest I do, because he seems to play games, was rather manipulative, and may have moved on. Plus, he doesn’t handle rejection well. Not sure what to do- deleting off Facebook is permanent… thoughts? I’m on day 3 of NC but we’ve been broken up for 3 months…xx

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 2:45 pm

Hi Cathy,

nope on both your questions.

Lucy

July 13, 2017 at 10:08 am

Hey! Was going for the 21 day NC because we never officially ended things just a lot of stress factors led to needing some space. Family, work, life etc. So it’s been two weeks full NC despite some social media attempts to lure me into talking ,We work together and have kept that professional but now he wants to talk. Do I break?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 6:34 pm

If you meant about the relationship..just let him talk.. Listen and nod.. If he wants to get back together, good.. If he’s just apologizing, just accept.if he wants to be friends tell him it’s not workable for now

Nicole

July 11, 2017 at 11:35 am

Hi Amore, UPDATE:

I sent the phone charger through my friend she said the look on his face was priceless. She was still texting me his reaction and he was already calling me. I didn´t answer, Later on in the day when I got off work, I called back and HE didn´t answer… anyways I didn´t insist , left it at that and 4 days later , yesterday he calls me. Exactly on the 30th day of no contact. I answered. At first he was saying that it was not necessary to send the phone charger through someone else and that I could have given it to him myself. I kept calm, and told him it was easier that way because I have been busy… he then made small talk. Asking how I was, saying he had gone out with some friends and asking about my family, and excusing himself for not answering my call back on thursday because he could not answer at the time… my big question is… what should I do now? Should I go into no contact again since he has no other excuse to call me… should I start trying to build rapport? Help me

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 12:16 pm

You should start to initiate and slowly build rapport

Nina

July 10, 2017 at 2:53 am

I have been doing the nc thing & my x boyfriend reached out saying good morning, early in the morning, how have you been trying to start conversation my response was very short, later that evening, “hey, I’ve been gud pretty much” & I’m not sure why he reached out I really need to know how to handle this situation. What is he thinking to contact me during nc, It’s been 2weeks since the break up & he contacted me 10 days in what do I do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 13, 2017 at 9:48 am

That means you need to restart the nc..

Amber

July 7, 2017 at 3:59 am

What if he wants to fix things before the NC ends?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 9, 2017 at 4:57 pm

If he literally says he wants to fet back with you, you can break nc.. If he just says he misses you.. Dont break nc..

Iris

July 5, 2017 at 4:52 pm

I have been in no contact for 2 weeks with my ex. We have a son together. He sees his son twice a month. I only reply when it has to do with our son. Anyways, since I’ve been ignoring him, he txted me last night telling me was sorry for hurting my son and I. He told me that he hoped our son had a happy fourth. What do I reply to that? Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2017 at 6:43 pm

Hi Iris,

Nothing..

Nicole

July 5, 2017 at 3:52 pm

Hi! I have now been in no contact for 25 days. Last night super late at 1 am my ex texted me asking if I had his phone charger (he had two and left one at my house to use as needed). I don´t feel like he needs it really and has a really old phone.. but anyways my question is … is it normal to get a text like this or is he maybe starting to miss me and doesn´t know how to go about it? Anyways, I stayed strong and didn´t text him back. My best friend is his co worker, so I believe what I am going to do is not answer the text and give her his EXTRA phone charger to give to him. Is this a good way to go about it?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2017 at 6:41 pm

Hi Nicole,

Yeah, he might be starting to miss you and yes, it’s ok to have someone else give it

Alexis

July 4, 2017 at 6:24 pm

My ex has been texting me without me replying. He’s not mad or desperate, he seems to be staying calm (almost clueless?) so I can’t tell if he’s actually affected by NC. Thing is, today (4th of July) he texted to wish me a happy Independence Day to “my favorite American” (he’s an immigrant). I see articles about not contacting your ex during NC to wish them happy bday or happy holidays, but what if the ex contacts me in these situations (my bday is coming up soon so I have a feeling I’ll need to have a plan for him contacting me then too).

Thank you for all the advice you give! The EBR team is great 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2017 at 5:19 pm

That means you don’t reply too

Sonia

July 1, 2017 at 12:41 am

Hi I have a question. I completed the 30 days successfully without reaching out. He reached , but with a call then a text wanting his personal belongings. Ignored his call and text. In text he said he wanted his iPhone and letters or if not he wanted my mom’s number. The thing is his mail ,would arrive at my mom’s. The next day he went to my mom’s to ask for his letters but of course there wasn’t any because he changed his address and he even told my mom he changed his address.. he’s a reaL dummy here. And if I can say the items he wants letters, it was something he didn’t need. His car insurance letters which he would always throw away because he payed the bill over the phone. The iPhone was old and broken and he had said many times he was gonna throw away . I had confiscated it a year and half ago after he told me I could hold on to it so I could trust him ect long story. But anyway I find it strange he’s reaching out for these things and actually went to my mom’s for this. To me it felt like he was just trying to see if my mom would tell him how I’m doing. What should I do? By the way this day he called was on June 22 the day I changed my phone plan to a separate one since last month him and I discussed over text I could change my plan this month and soon as I did metro sent me and him a text and within an HR or less he reached out..wierd huh? But I didn’t answer. I stayed zero contact. This was last weekend he reached out. What do I do? And what’s your opinion? I do want him back but I’m scared I’ll ruin my chances. Thanks, Sonia

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2017 at 8:09 pm

Hi Sonia,

How much did you improve and how active were you in posting?

Caitlyn

June 30, 2017 at 7:56 pm

Hello,
My ex boyfriend and I have been split since March 31, and we were together for almost two years but best friends for 11 years. Well his reasoning of breaking up with me was because of his combat ptsd, he said he needed to work on himself and not on a relationship, he wants to keep our friendship since I am his best friend… it makes no sense but I agreed because I was scared for him mentally. Anyways he said he was still in love with me but we can only ever be best friends, come to find out it is because he started seeing an old high school friend of ours and they are now living together. Well I have started the NC so many time and he always contacts me and pushes for the friendship. I can not just be friends with him, I want him back, he won’t let me go and he flirts still. So my real question is what is a good excuse to start the no contact rule again or is it too late for him to miss me?
I am just at am impasse right now; I want to let him go, I also want to hold on and be his friend since he always comes back to me. I sound pathetic… but he is my person. Kind of toxic, but combat ptsd or any kind of ptsd is a hell of a thing.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2017 at 5:25 pm

Looks like it’s not ptsd.. Maybe he does have it, but he just used it as an excuse to you.. Just start nc.. You’re not his gf, nor his mother..so, dont worry much about his excuse..unless you want to stay friendzoned

Alex

June 18, 2017 at 10:50 pm

Hello,

I tried writing a comment yesterday, but I still don’t see it posted so I am writing again. I feel like I am in a bit of a predicament today. For some background, my ex of over 4 years broke up with me about 3 and a half months ago. He said he knew we were both unhappy and incompatible. I know my own insecurities help to cause him to lose attraction towards me and felt he broke up with me to hang out with someone else he did connect with while I was struggling with my own issues, pushing him away at the same time. We lived together for about a month after the initial split (during which he were hanging out and were intimate towards the end of the month) and had been in contact a good amount since. I noticed for myself that I started to engage in clingy behaviors such as texting more than he was and started to really feel him pull away, so I decided to try No Contact as an effort to work towards not only getting him back, but bettering myself by finally taking care of my own shit and myself both mentally and physically. I have recently implemented the No Contact about 6 days ago (but have been actively not speaking with him for 11 days).

Anyhow, I am wondering if it would be OK to break No Contact to wish my ex a Happy Father’s Day. I know hands down that being a father has always been something that has been very important to him, he has struggled with his own insecurities of being a good father due to the fact his daughter (9 years old) lives in another state majority of the year with her mother and step father (whom her mother has her call him ‘dad’ instead of my ex, which has been an issue for my ex). I have always supported and encouraged my ex in his fatherly abilities and efforts to build a stronger relationship with his daughter and be as present as he can in her life and I would be present and there for him in turn. During the course of our 4+ year relationship, I have grown soooo incredible close to my ex’s daughter as well and still love her as my own despite not having been in contact with her either, which has made the break up all the more difficult. I have seen his struggles with trying to be the best father he can despite the difficulties he may have with his daughter’s mother. I admire him so much for all he has ever done for his daughter and how he has stepped up his efforts. I know he questions his abilities and can feel he isn’t good enough despite how hard he tries. I used to make Father’s Day special for my ex since he doesn’t have his daughter present and doesn’t always get to speak to his daughter due to circumstances outside of his control. I know that today is Father’s Day and I’m not sure if you received my post at all previously, but I really would like to know if it would be meaningful to break No Contact to send him a thoughtful happy father’s day wish knowing being a father is a very important part of his identity and has his own insecurities around it. I know not every one will be showering him with happy father’s day wishes like a birthday, so would it be helpful to wish him one, especially knowing how much being a father means to him and I know he IS an amazing father? If you could let me know that would be great, I wouldn’t mind sending him a belated one either if I get a response later than today. Please help and thank you!

Alex

June 19, 2017 at 11:39 pm

Thanks for getting back, I actually didn’t send him a greeting/wish yesterday for Father’s Day, but got advice from another expert that Chris has advertised and recognized in his emails and videos, who thought it would be a good idea for me to send a quick greeting. I reached out on this site too since I know you all are busy getting back to those of us with all our questions, however, with that said, I signed up for his coaching too and he knows more of my situation and am a little confused now… it’s hard when I’m getting different advice from recognized experts.. I guess my fault for asking more than one person? Do you think I really need to restart no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 23, 2017 at 12:53 pm

That’s ok.. since you didn’t, you don’t have yo restart the count
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 19, 2017 at 7:13 pm

I hope you didn’t greet him, if you greeted him, you need to restart the count

Mindy

June 18, 2017 at 12:16 am

What about Father’s Day? We have no kids together, he has kids from previous relationships.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 19, 2017 at 7:15 pm

Nope too.. a birthday is more personal but ît’s not a reason to break nc too

Alex

June 17, 2017 at 11:33 pm

I am finding myself in bit of a predicament. For some background, my ex has a daughter, who lives majority of the year with her mother out of state. I have grown incredibly attached to his daughter over the course of our 4+ year relationship which has made the break up all the more difficult because I have been out of contact with her as well. Ever since being with him, I have encouraged and supported him with his parenting and making a stronger connection with his daughter. I praised and appreciated his efforts with her both as a father and the man he is, being a good father is something that is very important to him and he can be very insecure about his efforts and position he plays in his daughter’s life (she has a step father whom her mother has been having her call ‘dad’ instead of my ex) which has been difficult for him especially being at a distance.

This brings me to my concern, father’s day is coming up, and I’ve always made an effort to make this a special day for him since he highly values being a father and has his insecurities with himself about it.

My question is, should I break my no contact (which I have been actively successful with only the past 5 days, but we haven’t spoken in 10 days) to wish him a thoughtful happy Father’s Day?

I would absolutely love your input and if you could get back to me as soon as you have the time and get the chance, that would be absolutely amazing! Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 19, 2017 at 7:13 pm

I hope you didn’t greet him, if you greeted him, you need to restart the count

Kinzie

June 17, 2017 at 9:59 pm

I accidentally butt dialed my ex during NC. He texted me asking what’s up. Do I respond? Do I need to start over NC?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 19, 2017 at 7:10 pm

if you didn’t respond or just said you butt dialed his number, you dont have to restart

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1,046 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”