How To Keep A Conversation Going With An Ex Boyfriend- The Complete Guide

Sara

November 8, 2015 at 10:44 pm

Hi Chris! thank you so much for this site, it really makes me dare to hope to get my love back.
I really hope you can take a little time to help me, I have 2 questions and i’ll try to keep it short…

#1
My ex and I have had a turbulent relationship. We were together for 1½ years, then kinda out of the blue he broke up with me. Back then i did everything wrong, cried, begged and so on. He agreed to give it a try but backed out a few days later. Then I finally stopped talking with him, and after 2 months he contacted me. I tried to ressist, but I gave in and began talking to him, and then for about 1½-2 years we were in and out of (not public) relationships. I really had a hard time trusting him again, causing me to not wanna be public. We’ve had alot of fights, and has lost contact, some times, but i always ended up contacting him again. Back in september, we finally decided to go all in (and he got what he had wanted for SO long), and became a public couple. everthing soon got perfect, if you ask me. But then a few weeks ago, I got a text saying that he’d thought about it (for the last couple of months and then had denied it), and had reached the conclussion he simply doesn’t love me enough to continue the relationship and, wait for it, “give me what i deserve”.. he also said he did’t see a future in the relationship anymore, and that I couldn’t have done anything different. He went on to promise him, I wouldn’t change for anyone. He told me I am fantastic, and the best person he knows. We met face to face where i asked him to elaborate the text he send me. At the meeting, i did tell him I loved him, but I didn’t beg. It was just important to me, that he knew my true feelings for him, and how much it hurt.
I need to add, that he has a very low self confidence, and has never believed himself to be good eough for me – being told so by alot of people, who said that I am way over his league. Also, his farther has talked him out of our relationship before.
How long would you say the no contact period needs to be? im so scared of ending it too soon, and make things worse, but im also scared of waiting too long. A month seems as such short time but much longer seem as such a long time..
So how long should no contact be?

#2
Im friends with my ex on facebook, and snapchat (he hasn’t deleted any pictures of us on his fb and still haven’t changed his fb cover which is a tribute to me). Since the breakup i’ve not been active at all, in fear of screwing up my NC, but is it the right aproach? I was thinking, that he shouldn’t be able to see anything from my life. But then again, I dont see him at all, we’re not going to the same school or anything, so he wont be able to see my self improvement durring NC, and begin to miss me. So should i begin to be active, or should i stay off the radar?. (I wouldn’t send him a snap directly, just use the “my history”).

I really really really need your advice, I can’t loose him forever.

Lea

November 4, 2015 at 6:58 pm

I got my ex back! Thank you so much, Chris, for your answers and for this site. I wouldn’t know what to do if it weren’t this site. We decided to try again few days ago, he’s in love with me again and I can’t say enough “Thanks” to you.

I’ve read your articles in which you say what to do after reconciliation but if you have any more advice, I would be very grateful.

I would really like this to work out but I don’t want pressure him because one of the problems in previous relationship was that it became too serious too soon and we had so much expectations and then crashed to reality of living together in stressful periods and he fell out of love.

So, should I keep things more casual now, at the beginning, or should I talk to him about my expectations (that I want from he to take this chance serious)?

c

November 3, 2015 at 10:46 pm

Hey Chris,
First of all, your website is great! I just got through the NC period and have started texting with my ex again. I’ve gotten positive responses from him over the past week and 1/2 and it seems that the conversations are pretty friendly. There are some days I don’t text just because I want to give him space and not bombard him with my texts. Over that time, he’s never really initiated the texting nor have we gotten to the stage of talking on the phone (and he’s never been a phone person), I’m not sure if that makes a difference in your opinion. I’m at a point where I want to start having conversations about “us” again. I find it necessary to discuss what went wrong before in order to move forward, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea to do over text or to even bring it up at all. We are long distance and living in different states and I don’t think I could wait to see him to talk about it in person and I’m not sure if he will travel. I’m just having trouble going from general text conversations to texting about how we were. Any advice or suggestions is appreciated!

Isabelle

November 2, 2015 at 11:42 pm

Hi, so my boyfriend and i mutually agreed to breakup a couple of days ago and he told me he loved me but that it was hurting him to be in this relationship and that we could be the best of friends. He also said that maybe in the future we could work out but not now because we both need time to grow and find ourselves. I agreed at first and we sat and talked for a long time about everything but later I broke down and begged for another chance (which i’ve already had and wasted too many of) and he got really mad at me and told me to leave and said yes to another chance to get me to leave and later texted me that it was over and not up for debate. The next day we had a phone call and I told him it was right and I was going to let him go and we both cried and that was it. Some background on us: we’ve dated for a year and a half and we had a lots of ups until maybe 8 months in and we started to have some problems. Sometimes I would just be irritated and take it out on him or I wouldn’t always hang out with him when he wanted to or I’d make an excuse. He use to want me so much and was very needy and now it looks like the roles have switched! Looking back on it, I just didn’t feel as much for him as he did at first (he asked me out) and I didn’t value all that I had with him. However, as time went on, I did fall deeper and deeper in love with him and he became my best friend but I did hurt him a lot and with each chance I had, something would happen and it would become a bigger deal since we were already on edge. We cut sex out of our relationship because we had some scares and I wasn’t ready yet but then we did it again the weekend before we broke up and after, I felt that same fear I did before and I told him and he seemed really supportive and understanding. Yet, later he told me that he just thought that would be what would set us back on track but it didn’t which is why things began to spiral down so quickly. I think that I need to give him some space and time until I ask to give it another shot but I don’t know how since I see him almost everyday at work. Now he is texting me and wondering why I didn’t show up for work, should I respond? Do I have a chance of getting back with him, how?

Bella

November 1, 2015 at 4:12 pm

Hey Chris, love your site!

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me three months ago. I was unemployed and depressed, to be honest I was just a hard person to be around. We started speaking again 2 months ago (after NC) when my sister died (her illness contributed to my stress).

Now I have since started a job, lost two stone and am in general a much better person to be around. I’ve been upfront about my feelings and I asked him to give us another try last week, and he said that he didn’t see us getting back together, when I asked if he was sure he said ‘I don’t know’. I’ve decided not to contact him for awhile to give me a chance to get over things a bit.

I’m not sure whats going on in his head but he was hot and cold for the past two months, getting weepy at ‘the memories’ and giving me chocolates for my birthday. I’m not sure if he said he didn’t see us getting back together because I put pressure on him for an answer or whether that’s how he actually feels.

Any advice would be great, I think he can see some of my changes but showing him in new better ways would be good too. We had a great relationship for the most part, it was only in the last 3-4 months of it that I felt like my life was falling apart. I will say though that although I was the main reason for the break-up, he didn’t communicate his issues with me until after the relationship failed, so we both need some work!

Verlincia

November 1, 2015 at 3:22 pm

Hi Chris!
I just recently bought The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, and I wanted to tell you thank you 🙂
I also have a quick question… My ex (broken up for a month now) has slowly been unfollowing me on certain social medias. The first one two weeks ago with Tumblr. The last one last night with Instagram. (I’ve noticed that when I post cute pictures of myself, he unfollows shortly after.) He still follows me on twitter and snapchat, and we’re still facebook friends…for now lol. I’m on day 21/35 of no contact (doing 5 weeks instead of 4 because the break up was so emotional and sloppy) Any advice on what this means?

Elenora

October 31, 2015 at 6:41 pm

It has been almost 3 months since the end of my NC, and my noncommittal guy texting me back within 2 min of my confession text. We’ve been on 4 dates since then, each one very enjoyable, and he is treating me way better in person. I have noticed a big change.

He has sent me many texts saying in many different ways that we really need to see each other more often and really get to know each other better. We’ve texted frequently since the end of NC.

Problem is, he won’t make time for me. Won’t follow through, and sometimes won’t text me back for a few days.

Should I go into NC again or throw in the towel with this one because it seems he has other women he’s seeing, and might be stringing me along.

His messages to me have been nothing but positive and flirty: calling me hot and wanting to do a photo shoot with me, taking me different places, suggesting activities, etc.

I am seriously confused. And yes, I am keeping my options open and working on myself in the meantime.

Thank you for your help!

Kay

October 30, 2015 at 7:22 pm

Hi Chris!

Thank you for all your advice. I’m just having trouble with my particular situation and I’m not sure how to go about it, what kind of chance I have for reconciling and how to persuade someone to change their mind. Me and my ex were together for 1 1/2 year. We broke up around the same time last year but we got back together. The reason we broke up last time was because of lifestyle differences. All that changed when I started to really enjoy spending time with his friends and started to get to know them. We never fought and our relationship has always been great. However, a month before the breakup, we started talking about marriage and kids. That was where the issue came up. He’s Jewish and my family is Christian. In addition to that, he’s caucasian and I’m Asian. At first we came to a compromise of celebrating both culture and religion and everything seemed fine. I was blindsided when he broke up with me out of nowhere one day saying how he realized he can’t compromise on some of these things and he want to raise his kids Jewish. Previously he had asked me to convert and I said I would. He was even happy and excited about it. But when we broke up, he told me that it’s not okay for him to ask so much of me and for me to get nothing in return. We’ve talked after the breakup and we’re both really hurt and upset about this. He said he needs space to get over me and that I should do the same. Whenever we message each other, he seems to put up a front and he just keeps saying that nothing is changing and that we won’t get back together. But when I talk to him on the phone, he is really upset and says how he is so sorry for hurting me and he would even cry. So I guess my question is Chris, based on your experiences, what are our chances or reconciling this relationship?

Jane

October 30, 2015 at 6:46 pm

Hi Chris,
So I did 32 days NC, I sent an exciting first contact text and my ex and I have now been texting for almost 2 weeks. I’ve taken all your advice, reminding him of memories, stories, and I’m always making him laugh. All seems positive. And his replies are detailed and good…never had a negative response. But sometimes it can take him 3-12 hours to read my messages and reply, other times 20 minutes. I understand I have to be patient, but I also believe he maybe seeing someone new. So the last thing I want is to be friend zoned. I want to get him chasing after me.
Any advice?

Jennie

October 29, 2015 at 11:58 pm

Hey Chris!
Thank you so much for all you do! So, my boyfriend recently broke up with me because he said he doesn’t love me anymore, and that he just does not feel the same connection he felt for me when we first fell in love. He also said he wants to remain “best friends” but his romantic feelings for me are gone. How do I ensure that when we reconnect it is romantically and not as friends? I really love him, and I see a future with him, I do not want to be friend-zoned.

Is he spiteful? haha

October 29, 2015 at 10:10 am

I’m getting addicted to your website, very interesting the reactions from people when you apply this stuff on them lol. this is becoming a bit of an experiemental thing for me haha. I love how you analyse different situations and tailor these plans to individual needs..

anyway, the more I end the conversations (which is everytime and in the most positive way, mind you)
it’s like the angrier/distancier he is the next time I talk to him? my first contact was great, his responses were good, then I ended the conversation. he was blunt & jerky afterwards. did no contact for a week did another first contact, response was positivish, then I kind of just didn’t reply.
continued to day 2, it was neutral, he waited for MY high point then didn’t reply, (the nerve of him right?! Lol just kidding) I should of went NC, unfortunatley, THEN that same night i saw something got a bit over excited and sent him a message which must of been interesting as he replied that time and we had a decent conversation which I ended at 4 texts, he even responded to my endofconversation message. did no contact for 3 days because on day 2 he posted a short non-specific angry kind of post (not sure what it was about! hopefully not me!) Which made me stand offish so I continued no contact until the next day. and then he was really blunt so I didn’t respond :/ (also I don’t reply not just because he’s blunt or I’m mean, I just try to stick to my message limit lol)

the more I end the conversations and the shorter I end them, the angrier/distancier he seems the next time I talk to him.
it’s like he’s punishing me for ending the conversations or trying to get some kind of revenge….. (Scary!) lol. or does he think I’m playing mind games?

Dena

October 29, 2015 at 1:38 am

Hi Chris,

I hope you’re well 🙂

I thought I would re-post my question here, as I think you may have missed it?

In a nutshell, I have been communicating with my ex for approximately 2 months now, (after 1 month of NC). We broke up in April of this year.

I am getting frustrated, as he never initiates contact. He always responds in a relatively timely manner (within an hour or two) to texts, and is happy to chat if I suggest it. He will call if I take the initiative to organise for the phone call to occur beforehand.

It has also become obvious in the past couple of months that he is suffering at least a mild case of depression.

At this point, we have discussed that he will come and see me (we are in an LDR and I can’t fly at the moment) in November. However, I don’t believe anything, until the ticket has been booked and paid for. We agreed that we will meet up and “see how things go” (his words).

We haven’t had any contact for a week now, and I am hesitant to reach out again, as I am getting over the predominantly “one way street” communication. I am feeling extremely fed up.

What should I do to rectify this situation?

Many thanks for your help.

Shayna

October 29, 2015 at 12:12 am

So my boyfriend of two years broke up with me last Tuesday. I was his first girlfriend, and this breakup was a complete shock. I did all of the stuff I’m not supposed to do: begging, crying, freaking out, etc. He hasn’t responded to my many texts or calls, and he’s been avoiding me. I started no contact on Monday, but I’m afraid that he won’t even consider returning to me, because he has convinced himself that we are not meant for each other. We’re going to have to see each other when we go to a conference in mid-November. Should I continue no contact until then, and then try to talk to him? He’s VERY inexperienced regarding relationships, so I don’t know if he’ll react like other guys.

Rin

October 28, 2015 at 7:36 pm

Chris,I sent you an email on Monday,not sure if you have read it or not.Kinda of need some advices and help!

Gabby

October 28, 2015 at 3:55 pm

Hi Chris!
My ex and I have been on and off, and I tried very hard to be strict NC. By the third week I broke down because I was so upset that he had not reached out to me and I texted him a lot, and no response. The next day he told me this phone was off and said “nice messages”- I texted him back and he didn’t say a word. I texted him yesterday and he replied, then later on, I texted and he didn’t say anything. Why is he only responding randomly? If I stop texting him all together, do you think he’ll reach out?

Linda

October 28, 2015 at 2:43 pm

Hey Chris ! I have a question not so much related to this article though.
I”m currently in NC again after he broke up with me again on Friday.

The first time he broke up with me was in the beginning of July. I went to see him in August after NC rule and we decided to get back together after that. We discussed our issues and decided to take things much slower and I promised him to come visit him once every month. Things were going really great, he took me to see his family, they really like me, I met his friends, he said he wanted to travel with me, he put pictures of us up in his apartment and I really felt like he was falling for me all over again. I went to visit him again in September and also now in October. Like I said before, he broke up with me last Friday, week after I had gotten back home after visiting him.

When he broke up with me again he said that he didn’t feel as strongly for me as before, we are in different places in life
and that he feels like he doesn’t give me the time and attention that I deserve. He told me he would miss me very much and he still has feelings for me but not enough to keep LDR going, also that he’s starting new work in January which will keep him even busier than he is now. He also stated that he would miss me terribly and that I was free to send him messages whenever I wanted. He also said that he’s never loved anyone like he loved me, he said that multiple times when we were together before the first break up. I didn’t take any drama fit, I thanked him for his honesty, wished him all the best and it was overall a very mature break-up.

Like I said before, I’m doing NC again and so far he hasn’t had any contact but it’s only day 5.

My question is this:
Does NC work the second time around ? It makes sense to me that guys are stubborn and he might think “We already tried getting back together once and it didn’t work, wouldn’t want to try it again. Have you seen it work or are the chances less ?

Thank you so much for your insight ! I’ve read every article there is on your website, patience is the way to go, I learned that from the first time around 🙂
I now know that good things take time and it’s not good to get your ex back in the short-time (1-3 months) like you talked about in one of your articles.

Ps. The distance is quite far, it’s another country, but it only takes 3 hours to fly and I was very clear that I have the money and time to make it work, besides, I would be moving there for exchange studies next spring. We haven’t always been in LDR, we used to date for 3-4 months before,.We met in February this year so it hasn’t been a long relationship, but he was very committed.

Jane

October 28, 2015 at 2:20 pm

I met up with my boyfriend today, after having a very turbulent nc period… He had been convinced I was extremely mad at him for some reason and I thought the same, so we met up to clear things up. It went well, we were talking normally like before, no awkwardness or anything.. But I have a bad feeling after the meeting. I feel like for him it was the final meeting for him to move on. He did talk about the breakup, he said he knew he had been a bad boyfriend, didn’t know what to do and it didn’t work out for certain reasons… He also mentioned that after it happened, he just had to keep himself busy, in order to move on. Neither of us tried to initate physical contact, except when I hugged him before he left. I just feel like this was the final good bye for him, while for me it just made me realize how much I want him back. Should I give up?

Rose

October 28, 2015 at 12:06 pm

Hi Chris !
I just love your website and because I’m not able to buy your book (India) I’ve gobbled up almost all your articles several times 😀 I’m during NC (12 th day) and there is nothing I can do about it right now. My question is why can’t I locate a search button on the site ? Is it somewhere where I can’t easily see it or non existent? It really gets tiring to scroll down the whole website everyday 🙁
Please look into the matter and say my “Hello” to your most beautiful wife 🙂

Louise

October 28, 2015 at 11:06 am

Hi Chris,

I was with my boyfriend for five years, I broke up with him last year.

We decided to give it a second shot but it got off to a bad start so I ended it rashly after a couple of weeks.

We have both been with other people but I realise now the mistake that I have made and I want him back.

He has agreed to meet up with me for a drink but I know that his resistance to me is that fact that I have hurt him twice before and he probably doesn’t see me as the same person that he fell in love with.

What can I do at the meet up? I’m not sure I can just play it cool and hope he asks me on another date because I think this is my one shot.

Any tips?

Tamy

October 28, 2015 at 1:01 am

Please respind to this question Chris. Is it any way to get a ex who i have been broken up with for 5 years from a 4 month relatiinship. Which we had break up sex twice. And a whole lot of fughts since we broke up. But we always came back normal? Is there hope for me? I love him deeply as you can see.

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