6 Signs That Prove Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (And What To Do With Them)

2,943 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (The Definitive Guide)”

Raul

January 6, 2014 at 11:56 pm

Hi Chris, I’m a guy and this is my story:

My girlfriend of 20 months broke up with me a couple of months ago. It all started with Halloweeen, we had a stupid argument about what to do that day. Then our final exams made us even further apart. She said she wanted to be alone for a while, so I respected her decision and let her go until things would cool down. Then one day, she said she only wanted to be friends. I got mad at this and started fighting with her. It never crossed my mind that she was dating someone else. After things cooled down, I started texting her again like we always used to, but something was wrong, she wasn’t herself anymore.

I asked her what was wrong and she said she was with another guy and she was happy with him. This happened 3 weeks ago. That night I couldn’t sleep a wink, I went to her house at 6am and she barely let me in. I started begging and crying that she means the world to me. She started crying too and said she still loved me, but now she’s in a relationship. Then she said she was going to travel that same day. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, before I knew it, she made me leave.

The next couple of days were hell. She didn’t even tell me where she was or when she was gonna return. I began texting and calling her that I need her in my life, but I had no response. But in one of those calls, her NEW BOYFRIEND PICKED UP and said she was busy! I was completly shocked, this made me want to kill myself. So that night, I searched the web for help and stumbled upon many artciles about “Rebound Relationship” and how these relationships never last much. A spark of hope lit inside me. So the next morning, I manned up and went to her house. She was already gone, but her little brother opened up. I left him a few presents and told him I really cared about him and considered him my brother. He started crying and saying that he missed me. His mom was also there and she let a tear drop. It was a very touching moment, but I promised myself not to cry anymore. I left the house and it felt great to actually be more mature. A few minutes after I left the house, my ex called me and said “Thanks for the gifts, you’re very sweet”. And my response was “I love you so much, that all I want, is to make you happy no matter what your decision is”. Right away, I could hear her choking up. She started saying she stills loves me and that I’m very important to her. And she made me promise to tell her if I ever start seeing new people. What does this mean?

The next day, I began the “No Contact” rule and focused on myself. In the evening, I went out with my friends to watch a movie. It was 10pm when in the middle of the movie, she called me twice, but I didn’t answer any call. Then she texted me: “Hi! I was just calling to see how you were doing, but I think you’re busy. When you can, call or text me. PS: I miss you :(”. It was the first time she’s said she misses me since the trip! I waited for the movie to be over so I can text back. My response was: “Hey! I was at the movies, sorry. I watched Anchorman 2 with some friends, it was hilarious!”. We had a nice conversation, but I didn’t want to get so close to her yet because I was afraid she might friendzone me. That night, I logged on to Facebook and I noticed that a few minutes after she tried to call me, she posted on her sister’s wall that she misses her. And I remembered that every time we had a fight, she would post “I miss you :(” on her sister’s wall. Is she missing her sister or ME? It was very comforting to know that her trip made her miss me more instead of falling more for the new guy.

The next day, she send me a text message saying “I went bike riding again. My brother is really happy for your gift. Thank you! :)”. I didn’t want to respond, because I read the “No Contact” time takes a few weeks to work. Then, she tried to call me, but I didn’t answer. Then, she send me a text message saying: “I think you’re still busy, I just wanted to know when can I give you your Christmas present :/ Write me back when you can, bye!” I felt horrible, but I didn’t want her to feel lonely and ignored. In the evening, she texted me: “Hey, how are you? I hope we can catch up on Christmas. Hope you’re well. I’m not feeling so great :(” This had me really concerned so I HAD to reply her back: “I’m good 🙂 I’m going skating with a friend tomorrow 😀 What happened? Are you okay?” She replied: “Hey silly, I’m back in town early. I feel very confused right now” I replied: “I know how you’re feeling, but I just want to give you your space, so you can be happy.” And she said: “I don’t want to make you anymore harm, but I really miss you! Can I call you? So she called me and we talked about half an hour. I told her “The day I begged you, you said you didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. Now I understand, those weren’t your mistakes, they were MINE. I acted like fool these last months. I’m really sorry.” She said that was the most moving and mature thing I had ever said. She started crying and saying she was sorry too. She promised me she would get me the guitar pedal I always wanted as soon as possible.

Christmas was hard without her, but exactly at midnight, she send me an inbox of 2 paragraphs wishing me Merry Christmas and that she’s really happy I’m closer with my family. I didn’t respond for 3 reasons: I wanted to respect the no contact rule, I didn’t want to seem needy, and I didn’t want to get friendzoned. Then his little brother send me an inbox wishing me Merry Christmas and he hopes to see me soon because he misses me. It’s good to know my ex’s family miss me.

That week was pretty good for me, I focused on myself and did a lot of stuff I’ve always wanted to do. We were going so well I didn’t want to mess things up by writting her love messages, so I blocked her from Whatsapp so the no contact rule could really work. The 30th, she texted me “Thanks for blocking me, I had something important to tell you”. She was pretty pissed, so I called her to calm her down and explain that I didn’t want to complicate things by speaking my heart out. She calmed down and later said “No, I’m sorry. I was being over dramatic. I care about you a lot and I don’t want to hurt you more by telling you what happened”. I dont know if I did the right thing or not by blocking her… and I still can’t get my mind off of what she was going to say! What do you think?

New Year’s Eve was fun, I went to the beach with some friends to spend the night, but my cellphone’s battery was dead. I figured this was good because I would seem “busy”. On January 2nd, a few hours before my trip to Machu Picchu, she called me wishing me Happy New Year and a nice trip. She said she was trying to call me on New Year’s Eve, but I explained to her my battery was dead. She started talking about his boyfriend and I couldn’t help getting jealous. At this point, I felt like I was losing her and we kinda started arguing. After a few minutes, I told her my cab just arrived and we hung up.

After the first night of the trip, I texted her “Sorry about last night, I was feeling weak, but today I’ve meditated enough to see life is beautiful and things happen for a reason”. The whole trip was eye-opening for me and it helped me think about myslef more. After that, everything has been great, we started texting again like we used to. Every night, we would talk about our day. I even uploaded some selfies and she said I looked very handsome! She also told me her best friend was coming from Germany on February and it would be great if was there. Then she asked me if I got home safe and sound. I said I was great, then I asked her how she was, and she said she had a great day with the family (despite writting a sad face on her WhatsApp status). I told her I had a great trip and that I wanted to catch up this week because I wanted to tell her everything about the trip. She said she would be glad to see me again! One thing that concerns me is that her birthday is this Thursday. Should we meet BEFORE or AFTER her birthday?

I’m really nervous, but at the same time I’m confident things will turn out fine. I was planning on meeting her at a Starbucks and just talk and act cool like James Bond. The next week maybe we could watch a movie, and the 3rd “date” maybe go to the beach and afterwards I would pop the question if she wants to give it another try. But I’m just spitballing here.

Overall, my questions are:

1) What does she feel for me?
2) What did she mean when she made me promise to tell her if I ever start someone new?
3) What do you think she was going to tell me on December 30th?
4) When should we meet? Is it too soon?
5) What should I do for her birthday?
6) When will her rebound relationship end? (It’s been 3 weeks since she’s been in a rebound relationship).
7) When should I pop the question?
8) what’s my next step? What is my plan?

P.S.: Yesterday my ex changed her relationship status with her boyfriend from public to private. My best guess is she isn’t happy with the new relationship.

admin

January 7, 2014 at 6:34 pm

Hey man, I am actually working on something right now for guys. I am hoping to have it completed within a week. If you give me your email I can send you the link to it when I finish.
Gee

January 18, 2014 at 2:59 pm

As a female I can tell you… Sometimes you really do love somebody… But you meet someone else and think the grass is greener only to find out it’s not…. She needs to make up her mind… U sound like a great guy that deserves better… Could you really ever trust her after this? Sometimes the hardest thing to do is walk away but when one door closes another opens
admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:35 am

No I definitely think THE hardest thing to do is to walk away when you love someone with that much intensity…

Other than that I tend to agree with everything you said.

Actually I wish more poeple would comment on others situations.
Sir_Sleep

January 9, 2014 at 12:12 am

Do you think this guy would have doomed himself if he went mental and sent her a horrid text the night he found out she was seeing someone else….? That’s what I did, and I can’t help but to think things would’ve got back together if I’d just waited 5 more mins to calm down!!

Judy

January 6, 2014 at 3:59 am

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago, and he’s already seeing someone, but, the month we broke up, he kept telling me he loved me, and he kept talking to me. I dont understand. We dated for a little over a year.

admin

January 6, 2014 at 6:47 pm

Whats yoru question?

Nic

January 6, 2014 at 3:16 am

Hi Chris,

I recently moved out from my partner of 4 years (a long winded story but suffice to say it was not so cut and dry as a simple i no longer love you kinda thing, because i did, and still do). I moved out because i had too, to save myself, and because towards the end, whenever we argued, he would yell at me that i should move out and just f*&k off. Finally i had enough and left. He had a computer gaming addiction that essentially meant that for the middle 2 years of the four that we were together, he ignored me, for hours, for days, for YEARS and we would argue, because i wanted him to spend time with me, actually be present. Lots of other stuff too, so i’m not sure how many good memories he has of me, the first year yes, the rest.. well.. he wasn’t really “there” with me much, after i left i made sure the rent was paid – more than i needed to, took care of the bills, and generally made sure he was ok, took care packages of food around etc.. He said he wanted to keep contact because he realizes how much i care. i left end Sept 2013.

For the first week or two, i didn’t hear from him, which saddened me, then i got the messages about how he missed me etc but to be honest, one of the reasons i left was also because he had some major issues to work on, and i’d hoped that by leaving it would give him a wake up call and he’d get to work on them (not that he’d get to work on someone ELSE)

He’d ask me what he needed to do to “woo me back” etc and i told him that he needed to look after and concentrate on himself first. He’d still use endearing terms when talking to me, ask me to come by and visit him, stay for dinner etc, and be flirtatious (even now, with the flirtations), however i didn’t put much stock in how he was behaving as i have massive trust issues with him so didn’t really think he was actually being sincere.

Within under 2 months of my leaving he has met someone via online dating, which he fired up pretty much instantaneously, and is set to “woo her”, thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread, probably because they actually hooked up and went all the way on the second date… And while doing this, he has been asking me to go to the beach with him, at Christmas he suggested i could pop over to where they were having family lunch (i had presents for the family), still being somewhat flirtatious when he sees me and wanting to hug me to make me feel better (i declined).

We have a mutual friend, who confirmed regarding the other girl. My ex, told the mutual friend what was going on, not to tell me. I found out and when i confronted him, he denied that he’d hooked up with anyone, saying he’d only been on a few dates and was “going to tell me”. He has messaged to ask if i am ok, and to tell me he feels sick to the stomach, nauseous, after thinking about what we talked about (on my confronting him) and the pain i must be in.. all the while continuing his little love tryst.

I am so confused by this person! On the one hand, he’s been asking me what he has to do to win me back, yet working on hooking up with someone else, who he raves about, to our mutual friend. We are not together anymore, yet when i see him, he gets all flirtatious. He was the one who demanded i leave, yet apologizes for doing that and says he never meant it, telling me how much he cares for me. He has told me he really wants me in his life, that he can’t bear not having me in it (probably for selfish reasons)and that at least to have SOME connection, is something he can hold on to. I actually feel really manipulated, not sure what is up or down where he is concerned.

We have had a couple of facebook messages back and forth, where i pretty much told him how i felt, that i’d hoped what would happen was that he’d wake up, see that things needed working on and that he actually wanted to try to fix things together with hope for a future together, to which of course he didn’t reply. He didn’t say he didn’t want that, but then again, he didn’t say he DID. I made a comment to him about his lack of response to which he said he would in due time, when his head was more clear, because he didn’t want to say anything hurtful or that he didn’t mean. His default is pretty much, hurt someone (with words)before they hurt you, if he feels he is being attacked… He has mentioned to either his sister or a friend ( i don’t remember which) that he thinks i have a hope for something in the future, but didn’t say anything beyond that.. what do i do?

I really need some advice…

I guess my main questions are:

1 – WHY is he doing this?

2 – Why on earth would he want to be friends?

3 – Is it normal for a guy to move on so quickly?(and to rave about the new girl as if she’s the be all and end all)

4 – why is he still flirtatious with me?

5 – why would he tell our mutual friend “not to tell me”, and also lie to me, when i asked him outright if they were getting it on?

any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I have also just purchased your ebook, might take me a while to get the energy up to read it, this whole thing has drained me!

Regards.

admin

January 6, 2014 at 6:38 pm

He is probably being nice with the being friends part.

Guys tend to move on quicker but sometimes it bites them in the butt when they realize that ppl aren’t as good as you.

He has feelings for you still I am betting.
Nic

January 7, 2014 at 8:18 am

Hi Chris, thanks for your reply.

Re the Friends part, prior to my establishing NC (which i’ve posted about, in your NC section), not only was he saying he wanted to be friends but also regularly contacting me via facebook (& also texting me) to see if i wanted to meet up with him in the dog park (he does dog walking, as do i, for different people who live in the same area)on the days he walks them, and also to see if i want to go the beach with him, when he goes, again on a regular basis. It baffles me, as to why he’s asking me to do this, when he’s already found someone else.

He was messaging me about the above when i started the NC, and he definitely wasn’t liking the non-responsiveness, judging by his messages.

What would be your take on it?

I look forward to hearing from you!

Cheers, from down under.

hurt

January 4, 2014 at 8:35 pm

Bn wit ma x 2yrs n he’s bn wit this girl 4mnths nw. Wev bn textin fo a mnth n last I saw him we slept together n he said he ws in love again. He kips sayin this grl is jus a rebound bt he neva confirms if he will break up with her, he says he’s confused.
He says he’ll cum c me sumtyms bt doesn’t pitch n obviously he’s with her. M realy confused cos he regularly texts me n is swit bt nt thr wen I need him. Is he jus usin me? What should I do cos I wnt him 2 leave her bt he’s says he’s confused???
Plssss help

admin

January 5, 2014 at 7:54 pm

Well, don’t sleep with him until its official between the two of you.

Hettie

January 3, 2014 at 2:20 am

My NC ends on the weekend of my ex boyfriends rebounds birthday. when do you think I should contact, before or after? Before could be more tactful as I could be on his mind? What do you think?

admin

January 3, 2014 at 7:56 pm

I don’t think you should. Wait a little longer.

brookewallace

December 31, 2013 at 5:25 pm

So me and my exboyfriend dated for about 9 months but our families are good family friends and we’ve known each other for a long time. He’s a little younger than I am and we now go to different colleges because I transferred. We spent all of our time together and had a very serious relationship that made many promises about the future and that if it didn’t work out now we wanted to try again after college.
He is an athletic guy, the type that has to act all macho when his friends are around but told me that he becomes his true self when we were together. He turned out to be very sensitive and even clingy in the relationship, which I was afraid of because I knew I would be transferring. Before we parted ways I decided to break it off at least temporarily until I got settled into my new school. I wanted to remain friends until then but I knew that the serious part of the relationship would be incredibly hard to handle with the transition. After we broke up I got a rebound almost immediately, not one for a relationship just more like someone new I hung out with a few times. I experienced the rebound cycle and came back to the conclusion that I wanted him back. This period lasted only about 3 weeks. In the mean time he was really hurt about the relationship but had gone into a relationship as well. He started talking to one of his friends that he graduated with and they have the same interests and friend group. During the beginning of his relationship with her we had seen each other a few times which always ended with us dropping I love yous and kissing goodbye and such. At this point I knew that I was still head over heels in love with him and that this new guy I was hanging out with was only a rebound. I decided to make him choose between me or the friend that he started seeing. He even told me that this new girl and him probably wouldn’t be together for long and that he needed a physical relationship that I couldn’t give him because our schools are 2 hours apart. It ended with a fight and I told him that he should tell her that we were still talking and acting as a couple. He got really mad that I wanted him to tell her this. He started ignoring me and after a week of constant text messages and annoying him I decided to try NC.
They have been dating for almost 2 months and according to mutual friends he doesn’t act as nice or loving to her as he had to me and just seems in a terrible mood all the time. I know he has been ignoring me mostly besides a few apologies and friend requests he’s sent me on social media. I know his new relationship is convenient and is easy because they have all similar interests and friends. I just want to know if this relationship is going to last between them or not. I highly doubt he can ever connect with someone as he connected with me, but I want to know my chances. It just bothers me because during our relationship he always said mean things about the girl he is now dating. Help me please I have been miserable for months trying to get back the guy I thought was my soul mate. Too bad it took me a break up to figure out how much I loved him
Cat

December 31, 2013 at 5:32 am

Could you tell me why a man would rebound with a girl he wasn’t physically attracted too as well as a girl whose habits are something he doesn’t care for in a girl? Also, why he would hook up with her if he knew his ex didn’t like or trust that girl and knew it would hurt her feelings for her to find out that he started hooking up with her? Is he being desperate? Trying to get even with his ex for breaking up with him? Could you do a section on this please, it would be very helpful.

admin

January 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm

The best I could think of is to distract himself from the pain he is feeling from a breakup.

Maegan

December 30, 2013 at 9:34 pm

Hi, so I am concerned about a relationship that just ended between me and my ex last week. I am 22, almost 23, and he just turned 25, about a week ago. I have been in nc with my boyfriend since we broke up on Monday, December 28, and the conclusion of our relationship was not dramatic with me begging or pleading for him to take me back. I accepted his decision and immediately went nc, due to the fact that past relationships have taught me that begging and pleading never works and is embarrassing. I want a guy to choose me, not feel obligated to meet my demands. I am not one to get mad when someone breaks up with me, but I just feel hurt and miss them. I always want to work things out and talk. I don’t give up on people easily and generally believe the best. I recognize these personality traits and I am being critical of my feelings and my bfs actions during no contact because it is also about what I want, not just what he wants. However, right now i want him back. I don’t want to be a needy doormat and no contact keeps me from becoming one. Thank you for explaining no contact in the way that you did.

A little history about my boyfriend and I – my boyfriend dated a girl throughout college in Tennessee. After college he moved back to Texas, we are from the same hometown, and dated his girlfriend for a year and a half long distance before he broke it off in August. My ex ended the four year college/ long-distance relationship for several reasons which we discussed early on in our relationship. His college girlfriend had lived at home throughout college with her parents and this bothered my ex because he felt she was overly dependent on her family and lacked independence. He also confessed to me that although he viewed his ex as a best friend and as a person he was very close to he believed he was more on love with the idea of her rather than her. He felt they lacked true chrmistry and true desire for one another, but enjoyed each other’s company. During long distance, my bfs college gf would travel to visit, but they would spend time apart reading and playing video games during these visits. My ex’s mother and sister both felt the relationship between him and this girl was lacking. He said he would defend it when they were together, but in hindsight felt that they were right. At the beginning of the summer 2013 my bf had given his ex an ultimatum. He asked her to apply and take a job in Texas so they could end their year long LD relationship. He felt that he had always made sacrifices and jumped for her and needed to know she would jump for him. He was thinking about proposing if she agreed to jump for him, as he described it. The college girlfriend chose to stay in Tennessee over moving to Texas and my bf broke off their relationship. The ex college gf begged for him to take her back, called incessantly, text gnat, etc. My ex stayed single during this time and refused to take her back. He went on a date or two had several offers of people trying to set him up, but turned them all down.

During this time I was single and had just began my first year of teaching. I am from the same hometown as my ex, but he is two years older so we really didn’t know each other. Over several months we heard each other’s names from time to time through mutual family friends who were trying to set us up. My ex finally decided to ask me out after looking me up on FB and we went out on November 1, 2013. I was obviously apprehensive about the ex girlfriend from college at first, but my then bf was always open about her trying to communicate with him and even told me about a month into our relationship that she was saying she wanted to move here but that he told her not to that bit was over. He felt it was too late, her decision had been made. Once we started dating the relationship between us became serious very quickly. I have not dated a lot and tend to fall too fast and give too much too soon. Something I recognize I need to be better about in the future due to the fact that guys like the chase. My boyfriend was also invested in our future though and talked about us getting married, like how soon could we get married and it not be weird to the outside world, and we talked a few times about what we wanted in terms of kids, life goals, and since we are both Christians our faith and our hearts for serving others. He initiated us meeting each other’s families and was always excited about us spending time together and really made me feel special and loved. Everything really matched up between us and he told me he felt like we had this amazing chemistry that was lacking with his ex. He said he felt like we had no each other our whole lives and things were so easy, like I was this missing piece. Unfortunately, several outside factors brought stress to our relationship. My ex was trying to get his certification so he could become a full time teacher at the school he was working at, and he failed his certification test. This was a huge blow for him because it put everything in his life on hold – having money, being able to get his own place (independence is extremely important), feeling accomplished and confident, etc. bottom line he became a bit depressed. Around the same time that he had this blow to his manhood, my ex and I had sex for the first time which put stress on our relationship since we are Christians and believe in waiting till marriage. I was a virgin, he had had sex with his hs girlfriend, but never his college girlfriend. I told him I loved him and he didn’t say it back, but he was okay with it and we talked about why I felt that way. We talked and decided we should probably slow things down considering everything that was going on. We still wanted to be together, but take things down a notch. He said he didn’t feel like he could define things at that time with me because of the stress of his situation, but that he didn’t want to date anyone else and that he still liked me and wanted to be with me very much, he just needed to take a break from the future talk and expectations. I was very supportive of him and he was thankful for this and I felt that we grew a lot in our trust for one another that night. We went on two dates later that week and he was being serious again, brought up future talk and was very physical with me. I brought up relationship talk that night after a drink or two and he did not feel like talking about things because he was tired and wasn’t ready. In hindsight, this was one of the places where I messed up. I heard from him for the next two days and things seemed fine. Then after having a guys night, I texted him to ask how it went and I heard nothing from him except a snapchat. I sent him a snapchat the next day and heard nothing. I waited a week didn’t bug him at all. Then last Monday sent the following text: hey I haven’t heard from you in awhile. I hope everything is going well. I wanted to apologize for putting unnecessary pressure on our relationship last week. I would like to hang out with you over the break if you are open to it. I really enjoy spending time with you. He responded and said: you have no reason to apologize, I an the one who should be apologizing. I am not ready for a relationship and didn’t realize it until it was too late. I responded by saying: I respect your feelings does this mean we cannot be friends. He said no it does not. Then I said, ok well I will be happy to see you when I do. I an busy over the holidays and I’m sure you are too. I made a little joke after that, to which he responded: you are silly ;). Then I sent a little text later that same night that said: Hey Doug, one more thing I want you to know, I’m praying for you. Although i am disappointed, I’m not mad or angry with you, but see this as an opportunity for me to grow and learn. I still care a lot about you and I think you are a good guy. I am glad you came into my life when you did. You have given me a lot of happiness over the past two months.

I’ve been no contact ever since. After reading this page I am wondering if I was just a rebound and since our relationship was only two months long if trying to get him back will work. I felt that the stress of not passing his exam and the stress of our decision to get serious so quickly was too much for him all at one time. I am also a bit concerned that he is communicating with his ex again since we broke up. They were obviously close because they dated so long and he thought about marrying her, but our relationship was really good, we had a great time together our friends and families loved us together, we never fought, things felt natural. I want a second chance and I truly believe time will make a difference in regards to him figuring some things out and feeling in control of his life again. He will retest for his teaching certification around the time the NC period ends so that is good timing. In the mean time, was I a rebound and do guys ever become serious about a rebound? Like even after a breakup? Through social media I know he has communicated some with his ex. I feel like he felt confident about not wanting to be with her due to the aforementioned issues, but with history comes good and bad? Could he be turning to her out of comfort and familiarity in a time of stress? He did say he still considered her to be a best friend? I never brought her up in our recent relationship discussions or during the break up. I feel confident about how I have handled things thus far no contact has been hard, but I believe that if he has ended things then I can’t argue and I need to respect his feelings. I also like that my response has been the exact opposite of his exes response, I know she badgered him and annoyed him with her emotional texts and flip floppy decisions about him. I really love him and view taking a step back to give him space to sort out his life as an act of love. I know he can’t give me what he wants to give me right now, I just don’t like the possibility of losing him forever. Will you please answer my questions about the ex and let me know if you think I have a chance at winning him back after no contact considering the circumstances of our relationship. Thank you for your time. I apologize that this was so long. If you read all this you are a saint. I am an English teacher a writer so that should explain my wordiness.

admin

January 1, 2014 at 10:40 pm

Hi There!

Sorry been taking some time off (you know, New Years and all.)

This was one heck of a comment haha ;).

How long specifically did you date him for? Don’t remember if you said that or not.
Maegan

January 1, 2014 at 11:50 pm

Sorry so long. We dated for two months. I know that is not very long at all, but we got serious quickly in both a emotional and physical sense. Through discussions with him about our relationship compared to his previous one I always got the impression that we had a chemistry that was lacking in prior dating relationships. He talked multiple times about it with me.

I appreciate your time and your response.
Maegan

January 2, 2014 at 1:28 am

I should add that he and his ex had been broken up for 3 months when we got together, but had been long distance for a year and a half prior to the breakup.

As a male, do you think his job situation, feeling like he lacks financial and literal independence, due to the fact that he cannot move into his own place because he was unable to take the full time job, combined with the feeling of failure with regards to not passing his certification exam, plus feeling like he may have failed me as a leader in the relationship due to our religious views on premarital sex were main factors in the break up?

I feel like those things combined with the fact that although I was trying to be patient I still wanted him to tell me more about how he was feeling and where things were heading that last night we hung out made him realize he had too much on his plate.

I mean new relationships are stressful in and of themselves, but to add all that other stuff on top of it… I know those other things are out of my control and generally I would believe that if you love someone you don’t let those sorts of things stop you from dating, but I can see how as a guy too much is too much.

Also new development, my bf’s Mom text me tonight. She has never text me before and said she thought she saw me at Dillards or something. I responded by telling her I was at home grading and asked about her Christmas. We exchanged a friendly text and I ended it by saying well it was good to hear from you, tell D I said hello.

I know she likes me and his parents where responsible for setting us up to begin with. I also know she can be a bit of a meddler. I found the texts to be curious and not a negative sign with regards to family sway on their children.

Confused

December 30, 2013 at 5:43 pm

Hi I recently started dating a guy a couple of months ago and he turned out to be a great guy, very sweet caring and sensitive to my needs. He told me repeatedly that he had talked to his family and friends about me and he decided that he even wanted to meet my mom. I am an out of state student and I decided to go to my home state for the holidays and before I left the guy that I was dating decided to buy a plane ticket to come out and see me for the last week of my break. He is 27 years old and I am 23. So for the first week he would text me all the time and tell me how much he missed me and how he even wanted to change his plane ticket to come out and see me. Well the sunday before Christmas I noticed a change where he wasn’t texting back regularly and on Christmas Eve I confronted him about it. He said that he had been busy with his family and he was a little defensive. Christmas day I heard nothing from him and then the Friday after christmas I asked him to call me…in which he told me that he was too busy for a relationship and that he didn’t see it working out. He also told me he didn’t want to come out to see me anymore.

As hurt and stunned as I was I cried a little and figured I would get over it…the next day I saw what he was in a relationship with someone else. he had starred and highlighted the even and made it public (I had deleted him on Facebook) which i thought was odd…so I called in out on it and he said he withheld some information about another girl and that there wasn’t anything more to talk about.

I was stunned and after doing some research and talking to friends I found out that this girl came out of nowhere and I suspect he found her from a dating website. I asked one of his friends about how long he had known her and that I needed closure and that that was all I needed to know. His friend told him and he texted me and told me that t he had just met her last week…however the text message that I got was highly agitated and defensive. I told him that I wished the best for him and that I hoped it would work out. Rebound? I think yes…I’m just wondering if you think he would come back to me and what I should do when he does…or if he will?

Confused

December 31, 2013 at 11:27 am

I am aslo confused at how agitated he is at me. I did not text him after he broke it off with me, and when I texted him about the new girl I felt like I was being reasonable and was very calm…however he freaked out when I confronted him about it…

Nic

December 30, 2013 at 10:53 am

Hi Chris,

I recently moved out from my partner of 4 years (a long winded story but suffice to say it was not so cut and dry as a simple i no longer love you kinda thing, because i did, and still do). I moved out because i had too, to save myself, and because towards the end, whenever we argued, he would yell at me that i should move out and just f*&k off. Finally i had enough and left. He had a computer gaming addiction that essentially meant that for the middle 2 years of the four that we were together, he ignored me, for hours, for days, for YEARS and we would argue, because i wanted him to spend time with me, actually be present. Lots of other stuff too, so i’m not sure how many good memories he has of me, the first year yes, the rest.. well.. he wasn’t really “there” with me much, after i left i made sure the rent was paid – more than i needed to, took care of the bills, and generally made sure he was ok, took care packages of food around etc.. He said he wanted to keep contact because he realizes how much i care. i left end Sept 2013.

For the first week or two, i didn’t hear from him, which saddened me, then i got the messages about how he missed me etc but to be honest, one of the reasons i left was also because he had some major issues to work on, and i’d hoped that by leaving it would give him a wake up call and he’d get to work on them (not that he’d get to work on someone ELSE)

He’d ask me what he needed to do to “woo me back” etc and i told him that he needed to look after and concentrate on himself first. He’d still use endearing terms when talking to me, ask me to come by and visit him, stay for dinner etc, and be flirtatious (even now, with the flirtations), however i didn’t put much stock in how he was behaving as i have massive trust issues with him so didn’t really think he was actually being sincere.

Within under 2 months of my leaving he has met someone via online dating, which he fired up pretty much instantaneously, and is set to “woo her”, thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread, probably because they actually hooked up and went all the way on the second date… And while doing this, he has been asking me to go to the beach with him, at Christmas he suggested i could pop over to where they were having family lunch (i had presents for the family), still being somewhat flirtatious when he sees me and wanting to hug me to make me feel better (i declined).

We have a mutual friend, who confirmed regarding the other girl. My ex, told the mutual friend what was going on, not to tell me. I found out and when i confronted him, he denied that he’d hooked up with anyone, saying he’d only been on a few dates and was “going to tell me”. He has messaged to ask if i am ok, and to tell me he feels sick to the stomach, nauseous, after thinking about what we talked about (on my confronting him) and the pain i must be in.. all the while continuing his little love tryst.

I am so confused by this person! On the one hand, he’s been asking me what he has to do to win me back, yet working on hooking up with someone else, who he raves about, to our mutual friend. We are not together anymore, yet when i see him, he gets all flirtatious. He was the one who demanded i leave, yet apologizes for doing that and says he never meant it, telling me how much he cares for me. He has told me he really wants me in his life, that he can’t bear not having me in it (probably for selfish reasons)and that at least to have SOME connection, is something he can hold on to. I actually feel really manipulated, not sure what is up or down where he is concerned.

We have had a couple of facebook messages back and forth, where i pretty much told him how i felt, that i’d hoped what would happen was that he’d wake up, see that things needed working on and that he actually wanted to try to fix things together with hope for a future together, to which of course he didn’t reply. He didn’t say he didn’t want that, but then again, he didn’t say he DID. I made a comment to him about his lack of response to which he said he would in due time, when his head was more clear, because he didn’t want to say anything hurtful or that he didn’t mean. His default is pretty much, hurt someone (with words)before they hurt you, if he feels he is being attacked… He has mentioned to either his sister or a friend ( i don’t remember which) that he thinks i have a hope for something in the future, but didn’t say anything beyond that.. what do i do?

I really need some advice…

I guess my main questions are:

1 – WHY is he doing this?

2 – Why on earth would he want to be friends?

3 – Is it normal for a guy to move on so quickly?(and to rave about the new girl as if she’s the be all and end all)

4 – why is he still flirtatious with me?

5 – why would he tell our mutual friend “not to tell me”, and also lie to me, when i asked him outright if they were getting it on?

any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I have also just purchased your ebook, might take me a while to get the energy up to read it, this whole thing has drained me!

Regards.
Allie

December 29, 2013 at 8:34 pm

I dated my boyfriebd for 2 1/2 years. I’ve never felt so loved in my entire life! I was madly in love. The relationship was long distance but we saw each other quite often. It was only about a 3 hour drive one way. It was an intense love. In September of this year we hit a rough patch and took a break but kept in touch. The break lasted 2 weeks. We went on an amazing weekend trip in early October and the following weekend while he was here I got a call from his ex wife who told me that those two weeks we were on a break they were together! He didn’t deny it (he couldn’t – she had proof). He said he thought we were over. He reached out to her the day after we went on a break. I broke up with him and he begged and pleaded for about 3 1/2 weeks when I told him I just didn’t think I could forgive him. The trust was gone. He told me he can’t love without me and will wait for as long as it takes. No one could ever be me and no one ever will blah blah. He would do anything to make us work. I said no. He never contacted me again. That was Nov. 7. I discovered there was someone else. According to her FB page she met him on Nov. 7. They were engaged on Nov. 28th and they got married yesterday!! She’s got 4 kids living at home. My mind has been blown! It hasn’t even been two months yet!! I’ve tried to date someone and I can’t stop thinking about my ex and comparing them! I’m nowhere near ready. How in the hell does this happen????

admin

December 30, 2013 at 8:16 pm

Guys are a little different. Give it time and maybe the same thing will happen to him.

KIKI

December 28, 2013 at 9:25 pm

A gentleman I dated casually ( we were friends and things progressed romantically, then we backed off due to our divorces) recently contacted me on Xmas after 30 + days of me going NC, after he informed me that he’d met someone. I was fine and moving on an then the Xmas texting started. First it was a casual “Merry Christmas” then became a bit flirty. When I reminded him that I was not interested in being with him if he’s in his new relationship he admitted he’s still with her and got “carried away” with the texting.

I quickly tore into his ass.

He responded with apologies, never meant to hurt me, blah…blah.

Then later that evening, he responded very positively to a pic ( not nude, but a little sexy) that I’d sent hours previous, before I decided to not speak to him.

My questions

1- what are some reasons he’s texting me at 9am on Xmas morning IF HE HAS A GF?
2- why after telling him I did not appreciate his behavior, did he respond favorably to a pic he’d already saw and responded to 12 hours after it was sent, after I’d given him a piece of my mind
3- why after I made it clear I would not date him if he had a new primary relationship is he still doing this? He’s a good looking successful man and many women would be his “booty call” so why is he bothering me?

Any advice us helpful.

admin

December 29, 2013 at 6:39 pm

He is checking up on you. Maybe the holidays brought back memories.

Hettie

December 28, 2013 at 1:53 am

I am currently at around 2 weeks of N.C and have worked out that my ex is in a rebound relationship. He still doesn’t know that I know and has texted me twice. Once the 1 month of n.c is over how do you I suggest I contact him? Should I wait for the month to end or the rebound relationship to end?

Thank you!

admin

December 28, 2013 at 7:44 pm

Texting is something I am fond of.

April

December 27, 2013 at 11:12 pm

My boyfriend of 13 months recently dumped me at the start of November. He is 25 and I am 28 and it was the first breakup I’ve ever been thru. The pain was tremebdous and ashamed as I am to admit, I behaved like a crazy girl by blowing his phone up every day with long emotional messages. It got to the point where he said I had proven to be crazy and that i needed a new boyfriend. Suddenly someone I knew so well turned into a cold, mean person that I didn’t know at all!

Fast forward to Christmas. I hadn’t had contact with him in 2 weeks and foolishly sent him a merry Christmas text that he of course didn’t reply to. I was hurt but the picture that was publicly posted on facebook with him spending the day with his new girlfriends family cut right to the bone.

Of course I researched this girl and came to find out she is 38 (again he is 25) and has two small kids ( one is just learning to walk) and she looks nothing at all like his type. The more research I did I found out it was his buddy’s at works girl that I had heard him talk about before. These two were together 4 years and was last a couple in September and these two kids are his. The ex of the new girlfriend has even reached out to me to cry the blues about how they are both blowing his phone up wanting money and trying to take his joint rights away!

Jay has never been around kids….this girls got baggage galore with her kids and babby daddy issues. Not to mention has been married twice. Jay hates drama and I can’t believe he has gotten sucked into all this. Him, new girl, and her baby daddy that has friended me all work together and apparently is drama city. Jay is like a totally different person and trying to play dad to these kids (he isn’t a kid person unless they were his own) and I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on here! Its a bit of an ego blow to be left for a girl that is the complete opposite of me.

admin

December 28, 2013 at 7:25 pm

Something tells me that this has the makings of a rebound..

Miss Dazed & Confuzed

December 27, 2013 at 6:48 pm

So, my ex and I broke up about 2-3 months ago. It was initiated by him though he was very insistent it was mutual. We were fighting a lot and I was in a bad place in general which pushed me to become very attached and dependent on him. I grew very clingy, jealous, needy, and desperate. The break up was a good idea no doubt. I ended up moving back home to Ohio to reevaluate and work on myself in a better environment. (I was living in Texas when I was with him and ended up basically living with him due to roommate trouble.) He said we could be friends and due to my desperate nature at this time agreed. I realize now I jumped on this so quickly with hope to still be close to him. I definitely want a second chance with him just bc I think it could work out well now that I’m in a better place mentally. Whenever we saw each other in person he acted like we were dating still: super flirty, touchy, sleeping together. I’m going back to Texas to visit for my birthday in 2 weeks. We haven’t talked much since I’ve been in Ohio so idk what to expect. I do know right after we broke up (or maybe even when we were still dating) he started to talk to his ex again. Do ex rebounds have the same rebound rules as regular rebounds? I know they’re still talking but idk how serious since it is long distance. She was his first real love but she cheated on him and hurt him pretty bad. I would like him back but would ultimately want his happiness. It hurts he got over our relationship SO fast. We did sleep together after we broke up and before I moved so they weren’t exclusive then. I’m just really confused what to do. He would never put a relationship on facebook so I wouldn’t know that way. His friends say he’s not dating but idk that he’d tell them about her either. Do you have any suggestions on how to find out if it’s a rebound? And how could I go about getting him back if were “friends” and on “good terms” ?
Petter

December 25, 2013 at 12:07 pm

I’m a guy, but still! 🙂
I was in an open relationship with a Russian Girl. She had a child and I didn’t want us to get too serious. She told me she loved me and was very intense after only two short dates. She would send me 50-100 messages a day during our 10 months together, take me to Riga to see her family and all the time wanted us to live together as a family.
She also made an insane amount of jealous drama during the relationship.

Suddenly she deleted me as a friend on facebook and two days later she proudly tagged herself at a bar with my closest “friend” from the gym. I don’t know him personally, but we worked out together many times a week.
It turns out that this a-hole had been “working her” for many weeks, telling her to dump me and date him instead. He had showed her messages where I talked about the other girls I dated.

I later found out she had slept with him, even if he is borderline mentally retarded, has no social skills (even asked her to move in with him before even meeting her), and he lives on welfare and hasn’t had a steady job in the years that I’ve known him.
She only speaks English and he can almost not communicate in this language.

She denied having slept with him and stood by this until I got written proof from a chat between him, that he had let get away from him (long story, not interesting).
After she had met him, she was trying hard to get me to believe she only met him as a joke, to see my messages and that nothing happened. I could see that he had pressured her to deleting my other profile on FB, but she had to ask me to do it for her, as she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

It has been three months now, and she is still posting things publically on FB that are obviously meant for me. Such as sad songs about people finding back to each other because “their love were meant to last forever” and such. When she is in a bad mood, she will post bitter things, or a lot of photos of her working out and telling the world how great she feels. Publically.
Some days she will go through month old pictures of her with my ex-friend and change the privacy setting to public.

I sent some of this stuff, and some messages she sent me in the middle of the night, a message where she was telling me that she had many men interested in her – despite having a child – but she was “not ready for a relationship yet”. She is basically admitting not being over me, and just getting screwed in the weekends to get over me.

Five days after sending this to my ex-friend I got an angry text from her saying “I would not change anything between the two”….so they haven’t spoken in five days, then.
I also know that she has almost not seem him at all, except for a few hours on a Friday evening (then left on Saturday) or on a Sunday afternoon (don’t ask, not stalking, his place is right near my gym I have to drive past it).

The strange thing is that in the beginning I sent her evidence that he was a drug junkie, she knows he is stupid simply by talking with him, he is dwarfish in height (shorter than her), but has a very muscular upper body (the rest of his body is shit, though), he is bald, pot bellied and 10 years older than her. Too poor to afford a car and a complete failure in life. He has kids, but no contact with any of them.
I then found out he had beaten his ex-girlfriend half to death, and got photos of her that looked like she was more dead than alive. Sent her this, but she still meets him! :O
Found some texts he sent me right before stabbing me in the back, where he told me he liked to buy underage prostitutes on vacation. I judged him in the message, but didn’t know what to make of it. After all, we would still be at the same gym. Another reason I wanted nothing to do with him personally. She still sees him, after seeing this too.

Now all of a sudden my ex-friend is telling me that the two of them are in a relationship and she has now been hinting that she is moving to his local community (after I sent those screen shots to my ex-friend). These hints consist of her posting a photo of him at the gym the same day as I sent the photos over, and writing (the next day) that she hoped to change to this gym soon, as there was a great personal trainer there. She added a smiley with his mouth hanging out, though – probably so it would look like a joke to other men she is flirting with. She also pressed “like” on the page of his local community a little earlier.

I am pretty sure she is just hinting about this to provoke me, and that this is a obvious rebound relationship. When she posts stuff publicly a lot of new (single) men are pressing like, she is active on Match and has taken up contact with some of the men she tried to get feelings for while we were dating, but were unable to, as she had too strong feelings for me.

I will just ignore them both now. What time-frame are we talking about? Two more months, three? Or could she actually take her son out of the school district, move 45 minutes away from her family to a place where she knows nobody but this psycho, even if she dropped almost all contact with him before suddenly resurrecting her interest when I gave him some attention?
Even on Christmas eve she posted a public photo saying that Christmas was a time to “forget the past and remember the present”. Seems like she is still a bit bitter.

admin

December 26, 2013 at 5:59 pm

Very bitter hahaha.

I guess I want to ask you… Do you really want her back?
Petter

December 26, 2013 at 8:45 pm

Oh, no – not at all! I would never want a woman with such low standards as a girlfriend or a mother to my future children! 🙂
I am just angry that my Judas “friend” is getting laid as a “reward” for stabbing me in the back.

But what goes around comes around. The moron forgot that he has sent me many messages during the years, where he talks about how is he working illegally from time to time and still talking welfare checks, how he has smuggled steroids, bought prostitutes (illegal in Norway) etc.
I have of course done my civil duty and sent all of this to the police and the welfare office so they can take away his welfare checks and demand that he pay back all he has gotten illegally. 🙂

….I forgot to mention that I am a lawyer! 😉
…although I might be a childish one, and quite devious. 😀

But what time frame would you give this….thing that they have going on?
Two more months, three? 🙂

Yesterday my ex posted a public photo of a heart lifting weights and the text “oh, yeah – first day of Christmas begins” with a heart.

I would often do the “Duffman imitation” from the Simpsons when Duffman says “OH, yeeeeaaahh” whenever I was playing “cool” with her, so this
seems like a reference meant for me. Also the heart lifting weights is a symbol of her re-building her broken heart, I think, and the text with the heart probably means she was going out to party and meet men (we had our second date, and slept together for the first time, exactly one year earlier (to the day)).

She also commented saying “anyone wants to have fun today? We are in <some local Norwegian town".
Doesn't seem like she is in a relationship yet, or is even ready for one. Especially not with a old, retarded, woman beating dwarf on welfare. 🙂 But I still would value the input of the other members here. 🙂
admin

December 27, 2013 at 6:59 pm

Yes… gotta say your friend doesn’t seem to be a good one.

But at least you know his true colors and you won’t surround yourself with him again.

Marisol168

December 23, 2013 at 8:19 pm

Somehow I feel like this rebound relationship he’s in is going to last a long time. His new girlfriend has a lot in common with him. I hate to admit it, but it’s true. They both love anime. I have no clue what it is. I asked him to introduce me to it so I can have a chance with him. His family told me not to give up and I won’t. But ever since he’s been in this relationship I’ve been feeling like I want to give up. Like I don’t have a chance to get back with him. What can I do?

admin

December 24, 2013 at 6:51 pm

Have you attempted a NC yet?
Marisol168

December 25, 2013 at 6:00 am

Yes

Mr. Want Her Back

December 22, 2013 at 9:50 pm

I really need your advice!

I recently ended a relationship with my girlfriend. We dated for about 8 months and were truly in love. She did everything possible to keep me happy during this time, and was borderline obsessed with me. She is 23 and I am 24. I’ve dated around but never fell in love for a girl before her.

When I really got busy with work and school and she needed someone during a tough time in her life, I somewhat disappeared and she went to a social event with someone from her past who I know really wanted her.

I found out and impulsively broke up with her thinking she wanted to be with that other guy (who lives 2 hours away). She immediately began dating this guy and it has crushed me…

We spoke again after 2 weeks of NC and she told me how bad I hurt her and that she’s been depressed since the breakup. This totally caught me off guard. And now we’ve been sporadically calling and texting, spending hours on the phone sometimes. She won’t accept any of my offers to go on a date, though.

I really think this guy is a rebound, but I know she’s looking for a LTR and this guy offers that. What do I do…

admin

December 23, 2013 at 8:00 pm

How long has he been dating her?
Mr. Want Her Back

December 24, 2013 at 12:30 am

At this point it has only been a little more than a month. He lives nearly 2 hours away and they can probably only see each other a few weekends each month.

What also gets me is that she has been willing to text and call me behind his back just a day after posting how much they mean to each other on Facebook. I feel like she ran to him only to get me mad, and she admitted she wished I came back to her during the first week of the breakup.

After 2 weeks of NC me and her started speaking again and were on much better terms, even flirting with each other. The last text I sent her was a few days ago and was a good morning text which she didn’t reply to. I know I shouldn’t have sent it, but I’ve been NC ever since and I think I should continue to do so and probably blow her off when she does.

Their relationship probably can’t last since he is a rebound that not only doesn’t make her happy (I REALLY did until I messed up) but can’t see her nearly as often as she needs.

What’s my best course of action right now?
admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:07 pm

Honestly… I would say focus on trying to be more logical than emotional. Just use your NC period to kind of get over her (without getting over her) if that makes any sense.

amo

December 22, 2013 at 7:09 am

hi, please i need help. my ex bf and i were together for 6years. he went abroad to work so he can sustain our needs and dreams in the future. apparently, ive discovered that he cheated on me after 4months of being abroad. i can consider this as a rebound relationship. the girl is now back in our country and my x is still abroad. suddenly out of the blue, my ex called me last night saying that he misses me alot. he even told his cousin that he misses me. i dont know what to do, im confused! i dont know if he tells the truth or is it because the girl is no longer with him abroad pls i need advice on this one. thanks in advance.

admin

December 22, 2013 at 7:55 pm

Has he given you any reason to believe he is lying?

Misty

December 21, 2013 at 11:22 pm

Boyfriend of 10 years with whom I was engaged to for 3 years moved out with his friend and then became involved in another serious relationship and the new girl moved in with him and his roomate 1 month after we broke up and now 5 months later are engaged and planning to get married. His family and friends were shocked as was I . I was mortified to say the least. I cant imagine what he is thinking.

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