6 Signs That Prove Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (And What To Do With Them)

2,943 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (The Definitive Guide)”

Lisa

August 15, 2013 at 12:05 pm

My ex left me for depression. At least that the reason he gave me after the break up and he said i pushed things too far but refusing to tell me why. He just says that “some things must happen first”.
It was a long distance one and we never got the chance to meet for real sadly, a month ago he said we could meet up as friends in the future but now he refuses saying it could harm his current relationship when i asked to meet him to get over him.

It’s been 7 months since the breakup and he has been with his new girl for 4 months, she lives in his town and they are now going abroad together.

It hurts and i badly want him back and he knows that. He cut contact with me 5 days ago for me saying that he never loved me, because if he did, he’d never have left. I still love him but cant take him back after he has slept with this new girl.

Can i get him back even though he has moved on with someone else and once again be his first choice? I dont just wanna be a second option, i wanna be the girl he fights for keeping. :/

And how to stop being mad at him for letting me go and being with someone else? :/

Everyone tells me he never loved me enough, that i’ll only be a second option or he’ll most likely never come back again and i cant stand hearing it.. 🙁

Do you have any advice? 🙁
I fear not having contact with him will make him believe that i’ve moved on, like he want me to, and then never talk to me again 🙁

admin

August 16, 2013 at 2:17 am

You want him to think youve moved on though. In order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy. NC rule is the way to go for you and really use it to focus on the most important thing… YOU.
Lisa

August 16, 2013 at 10:53 am

Does it work even though he’s the one that chose to cut contact?

and how to let go of the feelings of betrayal, anger and pain that he has moved on with someone else after the break up?
how to forgive him for it?

i fear just being a second choice if i got him back, i wanna be the girl he fights to keep :/
admin

August 17, 2013 at 3:06 am

I think it is ideal if you are the one that cuts contact but it can still work if he does it as well.
Lisa

September 6, 2013 at 10:26 am

So i sent him a message breaking contact after he had cut contact with me :/ it’s been almost a month now so wrote to him the other day after seeing a picture of him on his romantic vacation with his girlfriend, who is not a rebound 🙁

the reply i got when asking him to send some stuff back was:

“Hello,

I’ll send the ring back, but I have no clue where the blue book went.
I refurnished my room and I didn’t come across it.
I’d like it if we stopped talking though, we’re not friends on Facebook so there is also no need for us to talk through here.
I hope you worked through all of your decisions and that you made fine choices. Good luck with whatever they are.
If you’d be so kind to put your most recent address in a single reply message as a termination of this conversation, it’d be greatly appreciated.

Best regards.”

What scares me is that he shows absolutely no feelings towards me, not even hate, so he’s clearly over me 🙁

Everyone tells me to move on but i cant… after that message i havent been able to leave bed or eaten for two days :/

Is it really hopeless to get him back now? Since he has fully moved on with someone else.

I’ve read almost all material there is on the subject but nothing works for my situation, especially since he wants no contact with me. Do you have any suggestions?

I’ve been thinking of making videos, maybe he’ll stop thinking i’m awful then, telling him how i feel about him and the break up, how he has hurt me, how i’ve changed and then tell him goodbye, leaving it all in his hands.. is that a bad idea? :/
admin

September 7, 2013 at 1:48 am

Well first off make sure that you take care of yourself. Get some sleep and get something to eat. It’s not healthy and you can’t get him back by acting that way.

The videos I don’t think are a good idea b/c I would be really creeped out if an ex did that to me.
Lisa

August 16, 2013 at 10:58 am

and since he has been with her for 4 months, met each other’s families, sleeping together (which i cant forgive him for) and are now going abroad (but he could never find money to meet me), it’s obviously not a rebound.

so what are the chances of winning him back then? is it even worth the effort?
i just can’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else :/
admin

August 17, 2013 at 3:06 am

I think you should give it a try before you completely give up on it. Thats just my two cents.

toni

August 14, 2013 at 1:39 pm

so my boyfriend(now exbf) broke up with me 8 months ago it was december we have dating for almost 5 years, and that he broke up with me for the reason he needed space and want to explore his life (note that we are both first love).days later maybe 5 days, i just heard a news he have a new gf, i mean what the hell, am i just that easily to be forgotten. i still cant figure it out until now!

admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:09 am

It could be a rebound relationship. But to me a guy who does that loses points. I guess I am not built that way but I see it all the time and I still have trouble understanding my mindset. My friend best said it, sometimes I just need a break and want to experience new girls. The thing is though, that his ex was always in the back of his mind and he always had her on a pedestal.

T

August 13, 2013 at 8:14 am

So my boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago. We dated for about 8 months or so maybe a bit less. We had good memories, but we also had fights, because both him and I were in crappy situations. About a day or 2 after he started dating his ex. Is this a rebound? He said he’s confused. what do I do? How long will this last?

admin

August 14, 2013 at 1:52 am

How long did their previous relationship last? I think that can be a good indicator.

Sarah

August 12, 2013 at 3:30 pm

Hi ! I’m 2 weeks shy of my break up with my guy of a 1yr 1/2. We did long distance. I trusted him 100% to never be w/anyone but this is a real example of a pre-meditated rebound. he had his rebound all lined up, he was sick of the distance, met a girl at work and she poisoned his mind….and from there he thought I wouldn’t find out about her and just move along with the break-up his reasoning being the distance between us and he cannot commit any more energy and he needs to figure his life out blah blah. We even made love the last night he saw me and we both cried, he held me etc. He also made it a point to tell me that I can keep texting and calling him as long as I give him space.

Well I left him alone for a week and did a little facebook research and I found out quickly about this bi*ch he cheated on me with and messaged her on FB, and even called him on the phone to confront. All 3 of us were in a ring of nasty messaging and hurtful calls. My boyfriend was very angry with me saying hurtful things. He is now in a new relationship, which is clearly rebound right? even though he told me he didnt want to be with anyone else. And now I see all the lies he fed me and now he’s got someone to worship him….

What really gets to me: he is with someone uglier and fatter than me which boggles my mind but makes me feel sorry for him, she says she loves him on facebook, she calls his cat her daughter and i used to do that….it’s just killing me how can he be in this new relationship so fast?!?!!

How can I hurt him? Am I the one that got away? I haven’t contacted him in a week but i have access to his facebook (he blocked me but i can see it long story) and he is putting things on there that are ridiculous ! WE have just broken up and loved each other deeply. I’m so confused. Give me your two cents. All my friends say he didnt deserve me and he even said that before. This was my best friend someone I contacted every day and now she is saying he is her best friend, I want to kill her. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

admin

August 13, 2013 at 2:46 am

You didn’t do yourself any favors by messaging the girl. She may be a rebound but doing that only pushed them closer together.

My gut says rebound and it won’t last. If she is fat and ugly like you say that will begin to wear on him possibily as guys tend to be super visiual. I think you need to go NC on him for 30 days like I recommend here b/c you don’t want to go into psycho ex gf territory.
Sarah

August 13, 2013 at 1:17 pm

well I only messaged her to get answers I couldn’t let him get away with him thinking that he never cheated…. I had to tell them that i knew about it, but you’re totally right they are closer together…it’s a bummer.
admin

August 14, 2013 at 2:14 am

It’s ok, I understand. I know I give out all this advice and point out mistakes people made but that is only b/c I have made the same exact mistakes. Hahaha honestly, I am single right now and I am happy in my life. It is drama free and that is the best feeling ever.

Though… I do kind of date this site b/c I spend every day with it…
Sarah

August 20, 2013 at 4:15 am

I feel like laying into him again with all of this b/c i have so much to say to him. I just wanna send him a final f*ck you message…..but people telling me don’t contact him, but I don’t care about his feelings anymore. What should I do??
admin

August 21, 2013 at 3:58 am

If you want him back go NC. If you want to burn bridges send your final f you message.
Sarah

August 15, 2013 at 12:43 am

well that’s why I need your advice, you seem like you know what you’re talking about! !! and I think I will be happy being single….i may need your advice later after the NC rule haha
admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:45 am

Hahaha I am always here so just ask a question and I will do my best to help you out.

LilyD

August 12, 2013 at 4:56 am

Hello. I’ve been to your site a few times in the past couple months. I will TRY to be as brief as possible. I was with my ex for nine years on and off. He would break up with me and start seeing someone else (this has happened a total of 6 times), I would be crushed and ask him to take me back, we’d get back together. We got engaged a little over a year ago and were starting to plan our wedding this past February to get married in the Fall. I was in a different city than him to get some work experience and was planning on moving in with him this past June. There were certainly many issues in the relationship. He felt that I didn’t appreciate him enough, that I didn’t show him I loved him enough, that we didn’t have sex enough. He said there was no passion. It felt like everything I did wasn’t enough. (Let me say, that I did everything I possibly could for him. Down to driving 2 hours to be with him every weekend, buy his groceries, take his laundry across states to wash and return, clean his apartment, book dr’s appointments, and we had sex on average 3 times a week. Sometimes much more, sometimes less) I loved him truly and fully. I have never been with anyone else. I have always been faithful to him, even when we were apart. In March he told me it was over, that it had been over for him for a while. Immediately he deleted me from facebook (but kept all our pictures up), changed all joint passwords, deleted all his cc information for joint accounts we had. I probed him and it turned out he had met someone else but they were just “talking.” Unfortunately, I did the crazy depressed girl thing and tried to text him, call him, etc. However, as soon as I did stop doing that, he wanted to see me. Came to see me, told me he still loved me, but that the past was too much to bear, that he really liked this new girl. Then cried and wanted to spend the night with me. This happened a few times. It was back and forth for two months. I found out that within a few weeks, he was having sex with her. Within the third month, he was flying to Miami with the new girl for a weekend get away. After that I went completely no contact for 46 days. Then I get a call from him saying he was seeing a therapist and wanted to talk. Then it turned into, “bring running clothes, bring the dog, bring an overnight bag.” We ended up meeting to talk. He told me he was sorry for all he ever did, he was still so attracted to me, that I was so beautiful, that he dreamt about me, that he was a bad person and wanted to be better, that he treated me terribly, that he had truly loved me, always would, and still did. But that he isn’t happy, that just because he is with someone doesn’t mean is life is great, that he’s actually miserable. That it’s really hard to cut things off after 9 years. He wanted to know if I was dating anyone. If I had slept with anyone. He wanted to know how and why I was happy. He said he wanted to go dancing/clubbing. We had dinner, rode bikes until 3am,I ended up staying the night because it was so late, we had sex. He held me all night. Then he started telling me he was worried the new girl was going to find out. That he “thought he loved her and he couldn’t trust me.” We began texting and did for about a week. He then asked me if it was okay if he called, and then the very next day after asking if we could talk, I found out he went to Belarus with her (she’s from Belarus). I told him he needed to stop lying to me, stop lying to her, and he wasn’t being fair to anyone. His response was “I wish you the very best in your life. Move on and leave me alone.” This girl has no idea he was sleeping with me, that I was spending the night, etc. So after I found out about the overseas trip, I blocked his number and have had no contact for 28 days. I realized that I was the girl on the side, that he cared more about her feelings than mine, and I clearly had no self respect. Apparently, her facebook says she is in a relationship, but his says nothing.

SO my first question is, he said he was “over me” before he broke up with me. Do you think this is true? Or do you think this girl is a rebound? A convenient way to exit a situation he wasn’t 100% happy in? He said he thought he loved her- but if you love someone, you don’t have sex with someone else! It has been 5 months at this point since we broke up. Do you think their relationship will last?? And why would a girl who knows a guy JUST got out of a 9 year relationship start dating him??

My second comment/question is am I absolutely bonkers for missing him and wanting him back? I can’t stop thinking about him and if he will ask for me to come back, and part of me really wants him to. Should I unblock his phone number and see what happens?? Or should I go for 90 day no contact as some people recommend? I’m focusing on me, reading a lot of books, writing, improving myself, working on getting a new job, prioritizing, becoming more self-reliant, etc. I’m doing all the things I “should be” doing, but I still love him and miss him. Help?

admin

August 13, 2013 at 2:15 am

Hi, first off I want to thank you for stopping by my site for the last couple of months. I am really proud of the way people are reacting to it!

Secondly, you are absolutely right. If you love someone you don’t have to think about loving them and you sure as heck don’t sleep with someone else. I am not sure if this new girl is a rebound or not but if history suggests then this is probably another girl in his path of destruction.

If I was a betting man (and I am not hahaha) I would say that his new relationship won’t last but I can’t guarantee that of course. That is just my opinion.

You are not crazy for missing him. I actually would recommend the 30 day NC instead of 90 days. I mean, ninty days can be really hard. You are doing the right stuff by focusing on you.
LilyD

August 13, 2013 at 5:39 am

Should I bother trying to contact him if he’s “in a relationship?” Let him experience not being with me for longer than 30 days? He’s made no effort to contact me. Is it time to just let it go?
admin

August 14, 2013 at 1:42 am

I would say try the 30 days out. Then after that contact him and go from there.
LilyD

August 12, 2013 at 5:36 am

Also, does your rebound timeline apply if he has been with me the whole time as well?? Or was he just using me?
admin

August 13, 2013 at 2:23 am

I am a little confused by what you are asking. I am really sorry but is there a way you can reword it for me so I understand it better.

Dumb Chris is at the helm of Ex Boyfriend Recovery today so forgive him 😉

Tianna

August 11, 2013 at 9:31 pm

Hi, so I’m seeking some advice because so far I really enjoyed reading your articles and really need some advice. So I was with my ex for 9 years. We were engaged for the last 2 years out of the 9. I broke up with him 10 months ago because I caught him texting other femalesand we were fighting a lot about finances. He didnt full blow cheat but obviously he emotionally checked out. We were arguing a lot and he says it pushed him away. Anyway so one of the girls he began talking to he had a rebound relationship with for about 4 months. We were separated for 10 months and recently got back together. I just discovered he was still sleeping with her. I recently caught her at His apartment.I had a convo with her and she said they were no longer dating but would occasionally hook up. I saw txt that he would initiate and then she would. He initially swore he wasn’t sleeping w her n recently admitted they last slept together a month ago. He said she would give him blo* job* n leave, which the girl admitted that too. I was devastated. He reached out to me to get back together! Why would he continue seeing her? He has been begging forgiveness and apologized. He has been sending me txt messages,gave me access to all his online accounts etc. said he’s willing to do whatever it takes to redeem himself. He said he was planning to break it off completely with her but didnt bc he was insecure whether I would really take him back. I’m just so disgusted. I still love him and he sounds genuine but it really bothers me that for the past month since we “got back together” he was hooking up with the rebound. Do you think he can ever change? I don’t know if I should be willing to forgive him if he’s become a liar. Do we stand a chance? Please help.

admin

August 12, 2013 at 2:48 am

Well, he is begging you to take him back hahahaha so you already technically got him back. The problem you are encountering lies with your ability to trust him. If I was in your situation I would take a good long look at myself and think: can I live without this person?

If the answer is Yes then you can let him go. If it is not then maybe you should give it a go a second time around.

Except put in groundrules.

He is never allowed to talk to the girl again (stuff like that)

Give him extreme hoops to jump through just to see if he does it.
Tianna

August 13, 2013 at 11:11 am

Thank you so much for replying! Your absolutely right, I don’t know if I can trust him ever again. Ironically he has suggested some extreme conditions ( for ex he says there’s an app I can put on my phone where I can track where he is so that I know he’s not lying about his whereabouts) but honestly I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to constantly second guess my partner. I can live without him, I guess I just don’t want to because i do love him and have no desire to be with anyone else. 🙁 I want my loving, caring boyfriend back, not the lying loser he’s become :/. Uugghhh. Well, your advice did help bring some clarity. Thanks again!
admin

August 14, 2013 at 2:01 am

If you have any more questions feel free to ask! I am here all week 😉

Maria

August 11, 2013 at 5:53 am

Hi!
I got together with my ex-boyfriend two or three weeks after his last relationship (which lasted 3 Months; he is not known for long relationships).
He dumped me after a little more than a month, just to get together with someone else after a few weeks.
-Was I in a rebound relationship with him?
-Is there any chance to get him back or is constantly changing his girlfriend just his way of being?
Thank you for this website!
Maria

admin

August 12, 2013 at 2:17 am

Hi Maria,

Is he the type of guy that jumps from relationship to relationship?

It may not be a rebound relationship it may just be he is a guy who plays the field a lot.

You always have a chance to get your ex back. However, I think in your case (and realize I am just looking out for you here) you really have to question why you want him back. Is he even worth wanting back?

Marina

August 11, 2013 at 1:24 am

Hiya Chris! So I really appreciate your site and I really think it’s awesome that you personally reply. So now, I need help. I really want my ex back. Obviously, I’ve read most if not all your material, but obviously like all situations, it’s a bit unique and confusing. The one I relate to is, I left him because I thought I could do better. But I lost what may be the man that understands and loved me the most. I miss him everyday and think of him everyday.. The story starts ,this guy who works with my sister at Walmart. I’ve seen this guy around for about 3 years, he’s known who I am as me and my sister are very popular. Me, being a very attractive woman if I do say so myself. I have thigh length shiny straight dark hair, I am very fit, tight abs, glowing tan skin(drink lots of water! 😉 )big green eyes, and I also model in my free time when I’m not working as a supervisor at a hotel. So obviously I know my worth and from what I was told along those 3 years is that he was completely smitten with me. But he was in a (horribly possessive) relationship for five years with this girl who was really insecure and possessive and couldn’t even talk to me. But around the time, ironically, that both of us ended our long current relationships,(his girl cheated on him and left him, and I just got cheated on in my year long relationship) he finally decided to break the ice. Never seeing me around, he decided to tell my sister to tell me he says Hi. Subtle! Nice! So slowly but surely I came in to see him( I thought he was cute, not super attractive, but cute. Not being mean, obviously I love this man.) And it seemed by fate we always missed eachother! So I told my sister to tell him hi too. Crummy I know. But she did and he was so happy I was told by almost all of his co workers.(which I’m friends with as well cause of my sister). So finally, one day I had gotten off of work late but had this urge to go see him. So I ran into the store and seen my sister’s boyfriend(he works with my sister too, in a 2 year relationship so he’s like a brother to me.) and I ask him if he’s seen Joe(we’ll call him that). And he says he thinks he just left. So I ran to the electronics department to ask his co workers if they seen him. They said I just missed him again. I was so upset and all his co workers were sad for me. One even said, you two really miss eachother huh? But to my surprise, my sister’s boyfriend seen him heading out and ran after him telling him I had come to see him. So I literally seen him, and we ran towards eachother and he picked me up and spun me in his arms!(he’s 6’4 and I’m 4’11)And literally almost the entire store was watching and was so happy we finally got to see eachother. We held eachother for such a long time! It was a great moment. Obviously we finally exchanged phone numbers and texted eachother all night. So over the next two weeks, we texted nonstop. We could never see eachother cause of my work schedule. Hotels are so unpredictable. 🙁 But one day he said he’s tired of not seeing me. So he told me he’ll walk to come see me(he doesn’t have a car and no license. He spent time in jail, it’s a long story) SO me confused cause it would’ve been like a 4-5 hour walk. But omg, he did it. And the exact moment repeated itself, we ran to eachother and reunited. We left my work and went to dinner and got to know eachother more, and everything was amazing. So we went home and we had our first kiss. We said our goodbyes and went home, and stayed up all night on the phone witheachother. And oddly enough at the exact same time we told eachother we loved eachother. So nonstop over the next month everything was amazing and we were inseperable. Everything was amazing! But somehow I started feeling jealous and insecure. I would purposely try to make him jealous and insecure trying to hint that I had feelings for my ex or hitting on other guys in front of him. Horrible I know, but I did.. I regret it so much. It hurt him alot, but he would never be mean or anything, he would always just try to calm me and reassure me. He never ever yelled or scolded me for any of the wrongs I did. I was seeing how much my actions were hurting him, but I began to not care. Keep in mind that we were together for 4 months through the course of my mean actions. Altogether 5 months because of the first month. Sadly enough, he dealt with everything I gave him. Always there for me, reassuring me, or staying with me the entire time I was upset. Never giving up on me. And even the times I would hit on someone else in front of him just to upset him. He would get mad at the guy. He wasn’t a jealous person, but I made him into one. He started getting more jealous, wanting to hold onto me when he knew I was fading. He started resorting to drinking again(he was an alchoholic before we got talk to eachother, and when I told him I was straight edge, he stopped completely.) He still smoked, but was doing his best to quit. But I knew he would drink to escape my games and still try to deal with me. And when he would drink, I would get even more upset. Even so another 2 months passed and we spent every night together.(but never doing anything sexual). So now 7 months together, he started getting clingy and attached. VERY insecure. It threw me off cause he was never like that. But he was always texting me and calling me, never even giving me the two seconds I needed to reply without getting upset. He would send messages back to back asking if I love him and if I cared, IF I replied I would tell him I did, and he would say no you don’t. And make me repeat myself. He would call me NONstop. Even when he knew I was always at work. I promise I was always at work! And he would even call me when I was in business meetings and would just see if I would answer. It got to the point where he was possessive. But so was I. We turned into what we never wanted to be and what we escaped our other relationships from. But still spent every night together. And when we were together in person, all our issues and problems would go away. Not once did we fight in person. Oddly enough. He was always amazing though.. We even got a dog together and called it our love child. Just for pure humor though..And two more months passed and I was being more distant than ever. He was more attached than ever. Truly distant.. I was so cold..I would never reply or never answer his calls, I became mean and not even attracted to him. And getting annoyed by everything he did. He knew and he was just further attaching himself. And literally if we seen eachother at his work, he would attach himself to me and hold me hip to hip. Even his co workers told him to let me breath. He would glare down any guy that would even look at me. I didn’t mind though. I liked his jealousy. I liked the fact that he needed to merge with me to feel secure. So messed up yes.. But we carried on for another month. And one day when I woke up(we sleep together), he was already at work, nothing out of the ordinary, but he had left a note with his apartment key. It had asked me to move in with him and stay there. I didn’t take it seriously and left the key there, crumbled the note and left as usual. He came home and seen that. He was heartbroken, I could tell..I didn’t care though.. And when I came over that night, he clung onto me like a child. We watched a movie and he layed ON me just to feel secure. Like he thought I wouldn’t go anywhere if he did that. I didn’t mind..Everything was fine when we were together. Another month passed and everything was the same. Calling and texting me nonstop. I hated it. Finally it happened, I didn’t come over one night and he was calling me worried I was still out.. I said no, and coldly broke up with him. He immedietely broke down crying. I told him to suck it up, and that he’s just not what I want and that I’m too busy to babysit him all the time. He didn’t say anything, just cried. I felt horrible, but I hung up. We didn’t speak at all for 2 months..So I def had NC. I never went to the store either. Purely we didn’t exist to eachother for 2 months. My sister said he was just depressed..Buying alchohal everynight, no smile always upset. So finally I went into the store on Halloween with my sister and her boyfriend. He was Joker, she was Harley Quinn and I was Catwoman. Cool trio. 🙂 And we seen eachother again, and without words we hugged eachother again. We talked all night, nothing about the past just current lives. Over the next two weeks, I missed him alot. And we texted nonstop for the next two weeks. We were obviously still in love with eachother, and told eachother everyday. He always called me Perfection. That was like his name for me. Perfection. We texted and called eachother(never going to his apartment though) for the next month. We never fought, never got jealous or anything just pure love. I would only ever go see him at his work, and we would act like a couple. We would kiss, hug, hold hands, even makeout outside. We would snuggle and coddle and everything. He even asked me when we’re going to get married. He said he’s just waiting on my word, and he’ll run out and go get a ring. He still offered me his key and we even had a talk discussing baby names. But I would never go to his apartment, so he would always make a crack at me saying I only ever come see him at his work cause I could runaway since he couldn’t leave. I always told him it’s true, and we ended up making it into a joke. But he knew we weren’t together. I reminded him every night, and we weren’t. I still didn’t want to exclusively be with him. I went on dates and flirted and everything. But he was always loyal. I even went on to have a boyfriend. But as Karma would have it, this guy showed me no affection, and used and abused me. EVen though I really like that guy. KARMA, lol. So I got cheated on by that guy and I finally ended it. But through everything Joe was always there for me. And finally I seen. I had to start making an effort for him like he did for me. I texted him and called him, came to see him all the time. And we were acting like a couple again. But finally, he started acting distant to me. So one day I was out and I had a bad feeling. So I went to his apartment. I heard music and people talking, but no matter how many times I tried to ring the bell, nobody answered. SO I left and started blowing up his phone. I told him that I was really confused. He didn’t answer me for a day. He finally responded with I’m so sorry my love!! I had important company over and didn’t hear you. I called him a liar and told him my heart was broken. And he told me to never say that and that I’m freaking out for no reason. Obviously he’s never talked to me like that before.. So I kept blowing up his phone with questions and accusations and finally he called me and said that he thinks we should just move on. He said that my games are too much and that we have different visions of love. I started crying and I told him love is dead to me. I hung up and we didn’t speak or see eachother, so NC for 5 months. But then on easter he texted me and said Happy easter to you and my family. I love all of you. (My mom took him in. He was friends with my sister, and his best friend is my sister’s boyfriend. But he even called her mom.) So I just replied, you too. So another month passes and he texts me again asking how mom is. I just say good. No response, and then another 2 weeks passes and he texts me again just saying he hopes I’m well. I didn’t respond. But then it finally happened. My sister told me he was dating someone else. Someone that worked at Walmart with all of them. Her name was Katie and she was an overnight supervisor. I was devastated..Everybody who knew about me and him was pissed. Cause Katie was an addict. To everything. Smoking, drugs, drinking, and gambling. Everybody was like omg, no way he’s dating Katie. They would tell my sister, him and your sister were so much better together. He was so happy with your sister, now he’s back to being miserable and never smiling or laughing. Just always buying beer with her. This girl, is obease, mean, acne ridden, and does not bathe. She has holes in all her clothes, and just looks like an overall drug addict. And together they look miserable. Like omg. My sister is friends with this girl and my sister says that Katie will be all insecure and he won’t care. She came to my sister one night crying saying that she thinks Joe is cheating on her with me. And all he said was Get over it. Nothing else. And then another night, she ran to my sister crying, and said now I know for sure I’m a rebound, he’s not over your sister. So I was surprised to say the least. And about 2 weeks later, he texted me and he goes, I hope you’re doing okay and I hope you’re still perfect. I replied and said, still perfect as always. Thank you, hope you’re well too. 😉 And no response. But then on my mother’s brithday, he texted me and said Wishing mom a happy birthday and just checking up on you, the perfect angel. Stay perfect love. So I replied that I’m perfect as always and said my mom was fine. So then finally I went in one night with my sister and her boyfriend and my mom. And we seen Katie and her friend. My sister said hi to her, and she hardly said hi and did nothing but stare me down. I looked especially good that night! And so we all do our thing, messin around and having fun with all our friends, and Katie is just staring at me the entire time. SO we go outside and just talk to co workers for a bit. So I get in the car in the back seat since my mom was driving her car. And my mom gets in the driver seat. My sister and her boyfriend were outside the car talking to eachother. And then suddenly out comes Katie with her friend and Joe a little ways behind them. They see us immedietely and Katie and her friend stand probably like 4 feet away from my sister and her boyfriend and just stare at me who is sitting in the car. Joe comes around and goes to my mom’s side of the car and gives her a big hug. So Joe and my mom are on one side of the car talking and on the other side of the car was my sister and boyfriend talking to me in the car, with Katie and her friend right behind them. Not even saying anything.So finally Joe walks away and Katie and her friend still stand there.! And when I got out to follow him, my mother tells me that he was trying to say hi to me the entire time. But I had my back turned. And my mother says to him, she really does want to say hi, and he goes well she should if she wants too. He almost reached out for me, but he seen Katie and he stopped and walked away I was getting ready to go and chase after him when he came back out and we met up. Staring at eachother for the first time in 5 months. Katie stares us down the whole time probably watching to see what he’d do? We immedietely hugged, and and talked briefly really awkwardly cause I knew that Katie was watching. So to shorten things up, we went home and I still never seen them kiss or hug or anything. So for some reason, I went home, and begged for him back. I begged and begged. I didn’t get any response.. So the next day,I text him asking him if I could ask him something. And he said go ahead my friend. I asked him if he still loved me. He said he did as a person, friend, and family. So again I broke down and begged him to be with me again and that he has my heart forever and such. He replied an hour later saying he’ll always be my friend. That’s it. Like he didn’t say no? And he didn’t tell me about Katie? Nobody has told me about Katie? And it seems he’s hiding it from me.. So that same night I went to bed and my sister gets a call at midnight. Two hours after me and Joe had that conversation. It was Katie’s friend asking my sister’s if she knows where Joe is. She said Katie’s crying and she can’t find Joe. He’s not at his apartment and he’s not at work. My sister’s like, why are you asking me? And they bluntly told her, we were wondering if he’s with your sister. He was texting her and then he left without telling anybody. My sister said no, and they hung up. My sister thinks he was out pondering about what I said. Since it was the first time I asked for him back. So a week passes, and as I’m out at the mall I get him a t-shirt. I always used to get him nice things, and that always made him so happy because nobody has ever gotten him anything before. So I take it to his work and my mom goes with me. We go in and as soon as he sees me his face lights up, and we embrace. So I tell him to close his eyes, I got him a present. So I give him his t-shirt, and he was so happy. We hugged again and he kept only hugging me with one arm. So I called him out and told him to hug me like he meant it. And we embraced so long! So then somehow him and my mom started talking about his upcoming 30th birthday and he was saying how he was gonna do something crazy. And I knew that he meant drinking so he seen my face get sad. And he interrupts and goes, well not drinking, I don’t do that anymore.. And he looks me in the eye. I smiled and he smiled. So then my mom looks at him and goes, we miss you so much..He looked at me and goes really? I looked at him and again we embraced. And I whispered, we miss you very much. He just squeezed me tighter. So then he tells us that he might go overnights, and I go but then I’ll never see you, and he says well I have another job too. Which now he’s a laborer as well. So after more catching up on eachothers lives, we said farewell with one last long embrace. My mother then told me he was staring at me the entire conversation. My sister came home that night and said he was bragging to everybody about his shirt and was bragging it was from me. I was so happy. So I texted him saying I hope he liked the shirt and it was so amazing to see him and his smile. I got no response…So that’s my story..As I’m writing this it is a day after the t shirt thing. So now I’m lost on what to do. What should my plan be? Where do I go from here? What’s my best apporach? What is he doing? And do I have a chance you think? I’m obviously of thinking about a little NC for a while. But I want to get your opinion on it all. Thank you for taking your time to read my story, and thank you for any responses. I really appreciate your site and I have every page bookmarked. Thank you for such a helpful site and thank you for being as generous as you are. 🙂
Thank you again!

admin

August 11, 2013 at 3:38 am

Whew, I felt like a ran a mile just reading that hahahah..

I am just going to tackle the NC thing here. I do think that is the best way to move forward after you got no response after the shirt thing.

However, NC isn’t something you half a**. You have to be fully committed. AND you have to improve and evolve during that time. It is almost like a mini healing session where you heal a little from the breakup and turn yourself into an uber hottie that he wants to get back with.
Marina

August 11, 2013 at 3:57 am

I know, so sorry for such an in depth story, but thank you for reading it! 😀
And I completely agree about the NC. I am veeerrry good at NC, so of course I will stick with it. And of course, bettering myself. Thank you! I’ll def go with NC.
admin

August 12, 2013 at 2:10 am

Hahahhaha the story was awesome. You hold the record for longest comment by FAR. The previous one was like two thousand words. Yours was over THREE!
Marina

August 12, 2013 at 3:15 am

Hahaha, that’s awesome! And thank you! The story is quite interesting. But all true and confusing. But thought it’d be best to tell the full story to get the full advice. And curious, with all that story in mind, do you think he still has feelings? And do you think he’s in a rebound?
admin

August 13, 2013 at 2:07 am

Feelings I would say yes. In fact, I still have feelings for my ex from FIVE YEARS AGO! However, feelings aren’t enough I do want to point that out and I want you to be realistic about this. As for the rebound part. Does the rebound meet most of the qualifications on this page? If she does then yes I would say the possibility is there.

Kate

August 9, 2013 at 10:41 pm

Hi Admin,
I had been dating my ex for close to 3 years since 2010. I met him through a relative of mine, actually they are friends. At time i was joining campus and he was graduating his. We separated 4 months after we first met, and it was cos of some misunderstandings like he felt i didn’t appreciate he’s efforts since by then he hadn’t started working or earning. We got back together 8 months afterwards in 2012 but the relationship ever since was very rocky. He kept accusing me of wanting he’s money even there was a time he called me a gold digger. I forgave him for all that and in return i tried to do stuff for him like buying him special gifts like designer perfumes, sandals and setting up romantic home dinners. He was even very close to my mother and my brother who i fought for them to accept him because they didn’t want me to be with him since he was stressing me up and treating me badly. At the end of 2012 he broke up with me for like 3 months and the reason was i was nagging him up. I used to complain about how he was treating and all i wanted was for him to treat me better and to stop thinking i want he’s money. We got back together At the end of 2012 and we dated up-to recently in May.
The whole of this year things were really different, we lost attachment because there was a time i went over to he’s place and stormed actually twice. He said i embarrassed him to he’s neighbors and from then he got cold and disinterested in me, even sexually. In May it reached a point i didn’t know what more to do so asked him that i want to end the relationship. He agreed immediately, then a week later he called me and started to try to get back but at that time i was still very hurt and so i yelled at him and asked him not to call me. 2 weeks later i called him to hand him something of his and when we met at first i quarreled him up as he was dropping me home. I told him that all along i was feeling insufficient in the relationship and that i felt he was treating me badly because i wasn’t working like he was. Always when i would tell him that he would say it’s my insecurities and i have to deal with them. He proposed we be friends and i agreed to it hoping we would stopping fighting and reconcile. We met twice and i felt like he was being to change things only to be shocked. There is a day he had pissed me off and i went quite on him, he tried to calm me down by sending apology texts and i would text him back the same texts and when he’d call i’d receive the phone but would not talk. I had never done that to him and he even said through the phone. After a week i called him up and asked him to meet me, he refused and he broke it off with me. I was so heartbroken i even asked him never to contact me again or ever come back looking for me.
At that time i had missed a job interview of a placed that i really needed so badly. That was the time i really needed he’s support most but he left me. 3 weeks later i was called for an interview at the same organization, and i passed. I was so excited and because i forgive quickly i felt i would to share the good news with him, so i called him up to tell him.
I think he was shocked and i also told him that i was thinking of moving on because my plan had always been to get married once i get a job and i got a good one. He really quarreled me up and he even told me that he was dating someone else too. Later i text-ed him that i wasn’t dating anyone and that was just to find out if he was dating someone, he replied that he knew it and that is why he said that. He even said that he always felt like i had another guy on the side which it’s not true and all my friends knew how much i loved him and i used to ignore other guys who tried to date me in campus.
But i don’t believe him because i feel like he was dating someone even when we were still together.
Please advise me because i still love him.

admin

August 10, 2013 at 3:22 am

Hi Kate,

Thank you so much for your comment.

I want to ask you if you have read the “how to get your ex boyfriend back” page yet?
Kate

August 10, 2013 at 5:29 am

Yes i have, i have always applied the NC rule whenever we break up where i don’t call him until he calls me first. I have worked on myself by getting into shape and even i see other guys but i don’t seriously date them. I also disappear from his ladder like currently i have changed my cellphone line so that he might not see me on whatssap, i blocked him on Facebook and any of his relatives who would see me.
I don’t even look for him as we stay very far from each other.
NB. The relationship was a long distance one all through out, we only met once a week because of his career.
admin

August 11, 2013 at 3:01 am

Gotcha, well the NC rule I suggest on this site is vastly different than yours. Check it out: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-no-contact-rule/

Elaine

August 9, 2013 at 8:42 am

When we met, my ex was very recently divorced. His wife cheated for 6 months and now lives with the other man. I didn’t know this until we were together for a while. But I’m naturally cautious. So we talked a lot and became emotionally bonded slowly. We dated for almost a year. Although we got close, there was that barrier between us. He was clearly conflicted and guarded. We agreed he wasn’t ready. I broke up with him 3 1/2 months ago hoping he might go back and grieve and get closure. Or at least focus on his goals. I decided I needed to work on some things as well.

I wish I had done it better. Although I told him one day we could be friends, I ( and a few trusted friends) think it hurt him a lot.

He immediately and aggressively started with someone new. I know because she’s a FB junkie and since early July put photos, tags, links for getaways, events on his wall multiple times per week.. He takes all photos and tags down. She posted a “places to see before you die” link and photo and wrote “I wanna go!” Would you say that’s extreme?

Anyway, It seems they started about 2-3 weeks after we broke up. I feel pretty sure it didn’t start sooner based on our timeline and his transparency with phone use and availability, etc. and because I believe he’s a genuine guy who’s lost, hurt and distrustful of women.

Anyway, I decided to “unfriend” him but to write a note wishing him well and saying I respect his choices and his “privacy”. That was the start of him calling, texting and showing up at places I frequent while driving full speed ahead with his current. He knows I know, about her but won’t mention it. Just brings up that he has been out of town a lot and, he’s planning a few trips including San Diego (we live in SF) next week.

Keep in mind, he called me and managed to volunteer this information. And then he tries to draw me in, and to take a class I’m taking, or to say we always have so much to talk about, I was a such a good partner, I helped him so much, etc. Nothing sexual or about love, so far. Just admiration and respect and caring.

So, I’m confused. Is he rebounding? Is he still into me? Is there a way to finesse a genuine friendship while we each sort our lives out? How do I deal with the new woman? I am somewhat jealous but I don’t think we are being disrespectful and don’t want to be destructive toward her. But I definitely think we are reconnecting.

Thoughts?

admin

August 10, 2013 at 2:47 am

I think you are handling things the right way. Being a little jealous but not being disrespectful or destructive.

If you get the feeling that he is still into you then there might be something there. It doesn’t seem like you are making something out of nothing.

Sonia

August 8, 2013 at 7:12 am

I was with my ex bf for 9 years. Yes, the relationship was that long– no ring on the finger. 🙁 He broke it off last year. He still can’t believe that someone can literally lose themselves in loving someone. That was me. I was just not the same woman he met years before. To cut it short, He started to IM me back in Feb of this year- on and off. It isn’t recently in June that he finally let his heart out and me as well. We IMed out pain and hurt we had in the relationship. Last week of July, we agreed on a reconciliation agreement- lay our expectations out clearly.. Mainly to communicate everything and to avoid past mistakes.

For two weeks, we were chatting via IM and SMS pretty much all day long. This week, he has gone cold. He’s logged on to IM but no initiation what so ever. Not even SMS. He hasn’t even looked or updated at the reconciliation agreement (which on cloud drive) for a week.

Oh, I also found out that he went to visit a female ‘friend'(who he has known since college for one year and lost contact until couple years back) in Washington state back in April. She even came to visit him on Mother’s Day, then her coming back again in June for family function.

He did tell me he cares for me since love is very hard to define – according to him. In those intense chats we had, he said, ‘let’s make up and catch up’. As for sex, he did tell me that all is lonely.

I feel like I’m getting mixed signals from him. Is he seeing his female ‘friend’ or his friend becoming something more than a friend (or is he leading her on to believe it to be more than just being a friend)

Is he just fishing for now? Or am I just hopeless in thinking this reconciliation will work out for the long run. I did tell him I want things permanent this time around so I want to make it work.

admin

August 9, 2013 at 4:13 am

Wow 9 years that is like marriage in and of itself!

I think when you are with someone for that long then things can get a bit stale! He isn’t dating his friend yet so I wouuldn’t freak out but I think you have a clear advantage for being with someone for that long.

His feelings will be there for you but I think you can use this time to better yourself and evolve into someone who he would actively seek to want back. I think you have a shot Sonia!
Sonia

August 10, 2013 at 9:24 pm

Thank you for the reply and this site!! 🙂
admin

August 11, 2013 at 3:26 am

No thank you!

Jackie

August 7, 2013 at 4:51 pm

My ex and I have been broken up for over a year. He gave me no reason for breaking up with me but since then, we’ve hung out a couple times. He even told me once before that he was thinking about getting back together with me. He has been with a couple girls since the break up but the most recent one (the one he started “dating” two weeks after we had hung out) has changed her relationship to “in a relationship”. Is this a rebound or is if official?

admin

August 8, 2013 at 2:22 am

I would say it’s offical b/c you have been broken up with him for over a year.

Keep in mind that “official” relationships end just as much as rebounds do. They just take a little longer.

Lolah

August 7, 2013 at 2:50 am

Dear Chris,

Me and my boyfriend have a long history. Bottom line for the last year he has been seeing this girl whenever i was away for college. (he started seeing her after i dumped him)…but then i wanted him back.. when i came back he broke up with her. but she kept talking to his brothers and friends all the time…that made me mad…so after being together again for 5 months then he told me he does not know what he wants…so i stopped to talk to him for over a month…he was angry when i contacted him…telling me that its too late for us now, and that he wasn’t happy…however, he still texts me and calls, we even slept together…everytime i try to show him that i love him he pulls away..so i told him that i have a new boyfriend now (lie), and that i don’t want to mess his new relationship…he called and text me but i ignored him..finally i picked up…he was asking me why i was ignoring him…i ask what he wants from me..friendship or what…and he didn’t say anything…at the end he said that he wishes my new guy makes me happy…..ughhhh what do i do now…do i wait for him to come…do i start being his friend…do i tell him that i love him…what???

admin

August 7, 2013 at 3:32 am

Well, you shouldn’t have lied about the bf. Hahaha that is kind of funny actually.

Uhh… lets see here. Why don’t you try NC out?
Lolah

August 7, 2013 at 3:45 am

I already did do the NC, we have talked ever since then. i just don’t know what i should do from now on..?
Lolah

August 7, 2013 at 3:50 am

he has not asked me to see him again, or be his gf…how can i make him do either..
admin

August 8, 2013 at 1:45 am

It seems that if you are texting back and forth you need to do a better job of displaying an “ungettable girl” persona. Also, you can ask him out on a date if you feel you have tried everything.

TyRonda

August 7, 2013 at 12:21 am

Great post. I found his website because I was curious how long rebound relationships tend to last. I have two exes I’m concerned about, and when I say concerned I mean about their happiness. I’m past the stage in my life where I would like to re-open the romantic chapter with either one of them. But I know one ex we were together for about a year and 3 1/2 months before we broke up and the first few months after we were kind of together off and on before I decided I no longer wished to try and work things out. He then would mess with a lot of girls of which he liked to flaunt in my face and about 5 months after I decided I would no longer try to work things out with him, he was in a new relationship but didn’t mention this to me when he decided to invade my space for about a week and brought the girl around at one get together but never mentioned who she was. After he would always talk to me how good the relationship was but then suddenly would always complain about it, and apparently didn’t like doing certain things with her which he loved to do with me and I thought that was quite strange. I then learned he cheated on her all the time and that’s when I realized he was most likely in a rebound relationship. They have now been together for a little over 2 years. The other ex, he and I were close friends for a couple years and then we started a friend with benefits relationship. It was never defined as a relationship because at the time I was rebounding and didn’t want to define it, but all of our friends basically viewed us as being a couple. Anyways I had started realizing that he had feelings for me which in turn made me realize I had feelings for him. I wasn’t sure if a relationship was the next step for us so I was planning on going celibate for a while to make sure it was really feelings and not mainly lust. When I mentioned the idea of us not sleeping together for a while he wasn’t for it and even mentioned dtr-ing when drunk once, but then quickly lined up his rebound (dtr = defining the relationship btw). When I found out that there may be someone else in the picture, instead of considering going celibate I made up my mind that I would, but of course he wanted one last go. It was later that day that I found he was supposedly in a relationship and had been for 4 days. And even though he was with this other girl he would continually try to force his way into my life on a more than friends basis for almost a year before I finally drew the line completely and would not entertain his feelings or drunken confessions at all. Now my first ex, he and I are still close and we talk often. This other ex though, for my own sanity I keep him at more of a distance, but I’ve noticed he’s very destructive. He drinks and smokes more even though he has a heart condition which it could greatly effect, he often won’t want to talk about his relationship at all to me, but when he does he tends to complain or just seem like the relationship is there only for comfort or fun. He has told me often how at times he just won’t feel the need or want to have sex with his girlfriend which is odd since he and I used to sleep together almost everyday. And with all that they’ve been together a little over 2 years as well. Now I do believe that both my exes have feelings for their current girlfriends, but I believe that because they inadvertently got into rebound relationships, they won’t be happy in them, and while that makes me feel bad because I genuinely wish them the best, I’, just wondering is it normal for rebound relationships to go on this long. Or I could just be wrong that they aren’t rebound relationships, but I highly doubt that since one can’t be monogamous if life depended on it, and the other is slowly on the verge of being an alcohol who at times refuses to sleep with his girlfriend for long periods of times. What’s your feedback?

admin

August 7, 2013 at 3:26 am

Hey, thanks for taking the time to comment on this site! I really appreciate it.

Ok, I think if a rebound relationship lasts past 8 months it is something more serious. So, I think that while they may have started as rebound they devolped into something more serious. That’s my two cents.

Allie

August 6, 2013 at 5:43 am

I so confuse! :D. Hope all is well. Is the timeline indicating that if the “RR” begins 1-3 mo after the couple splits then it’s a 100% chance it’s a rebound, or that if it lasts only 1-3 mo then it was a RR? The 2nd paragraph in the graphic threw me off (the longer it lasts, the less likely it is a RR even if it began within weeks of the split?). I could get a gold medal for over analyzing…

admin

August 7, 2013 at 2:22 am

Hahaha lets put it this way (I was worried ppl might get confused with the graphic)

1-3 months (that ex and new girl have been dating) = High change of it being a rebound.
3-6 months (that they date) = Above average change of being rebound

You kind of get it?
Allie

August 6, 2013 at 6:04 am

Oh-I think I’ve told you his BFF called her “Swimfan” on FB. (& his other pal & exchanged brief emails where he referred to her as a dirty slut…my ex is in his 30s, but his closest friends & family think she’s bad news-WHY doesn’t HE??). Anyway…there were 1-2 comments where my ex referred to her as “Swimfan.” Something along the lines of seeing how long it would take for Swimfan to react if he asked another local chick to go out with him. She quickly (naturally) responded & even called herself Swimfan. So…imagine you’re a mind reader. Is my ex playing along with the name calling in fun because he DOESN’T think she’s a stalker, or could he be dropping hints trying to get her to back off? & is she that stupid that she plays along with being called a stalker or does she just think she’s being cool going along with it? I’m hoping it is a “sign of trouble,” but it could just be playfulness between them. :(. Your thoughts?
admin

August 7, 2013 at 2:24 am

My gut tells me she is playing along but probably kind of hurt or just doesnt get the joke.. The swimfan thing was totally meant as an insult if I am understand correctly right?

allison

August 4, 2013 at 1:16 pm

Me and my ex were together two years off and on we have a baby together and our relationship had its ups and downs. The one thing that never changed was my inability to stay happy or faithful. I’d become unhappy and cheat. I was doing better on being faithful and not nagging so much we got engaged two days before christmas all was going well and then we moved to our own home away from his mom. And one night I got drunk and had se$ with a friend of his we split up but continued living together and acting like a couple. I had tried dating someone new and it didn’t work out my ex fiance moved away and we still continued the I love yous and kisses and more until here recently he met a new girl. He not only lives with her family but says she’s everything I wasn’t we hooked up once while they have been together and then he stopped telling me he loved me and wanted me back(he would always add but not right now) I’m sure this is a rebound bc everytime we’ve broke up he’s never dated. This time I’m the one crying and heartbroken and trying to hold on and try. Here recently he has been acting differently he’s been acting as if we were never together like I never anything to him at all. I’m afraid I’ve lost him forever this time to the new girl. How can I make him remember the good times we had and possible rekindle what we once had? I have already tried NC and it made a little progress but he still acts as if I never was the most important thing to him what do I do when I made him jealous it made him nicer towards me but no I’m alone again he is back to his new girl . How can I get my soulmate and family back together?

admin

August 5, 2013 at 3:24 am

Have you actually done NC though? Like seriously, not contact him at all for 30 days with no slip ups?
allison

August 5, 2013 at 8:16 pm

Yes except for when it was about our daughter and last night he told me he loved me he just wasn’t gonna say it all the time bc of his new girl. I’m more confused now than ever is that good that he told me he loves me?
admin

August 6, 2013 at 3:36 am

I think so haha
allison

August 6, 2013 at 4:52 am

Ok first off I’d like to say this site has been very helpful and actually proved to help me a lot thank you my ex broke up with his girl friend should I wait to rekindle things bc I know he still loves me bc he told me. Is him ending things with his girlfriend a green light for me or not?
admin

August 7, 2013 at 2:10 am

It’s a green light but NOT RIGHT AWAY. Give him a few days before you swoop in!
allison

August 4, 2013 at 1:35 pm

And just a couple days ago he updated his facebook relationship staus from engaged to me to in a relationship with his new girl he’s only been with for a month but yet anything I need he comes to help with and I’ve told him he is my one true love and that I want no one but him I’m freindly towards him but me and the new girl don’t get along he tells me his new girl and him are having problems lately. I’m so confused is there any hope we will reunite he tells me he knows I love him but he says its disrespectful for him to tell me he loves me. Is there any hope of us getting back together or should I give up I love this man so much it hurts and I miss our family so badly that I have not wanted to even date. Please tell me if sounds like he still loves me and that there’s a chance we will reunite ?

Candy

August 3, 2013 at 7:33 pm

We started out as fb friends and he started courting me.he is from new zealand im from singapore.i wasnt looking for a relationship but he was persistent. He always told me i love you and kept asking me to be his gf but i said we should meet first in person.we video chat but stil i want him to meet my family due to strong family values. For 2.5 years we we had a mutualunderstanding. Last march he still said he loves me very much and is gonna visit soon.he is saving for it. He has kids thats why i understand he has many financial responsibilities and its ok for me to wait. Then this korean fb friend, a common friend of ours brokeup with her american bf.i was concerned coz i know she used to flirt with steve when steve and i were just friends at that time.then 2d week of april steve said he’s gona be a bit busy with his kids.i understnd that.i always urge him to spend more time with them. When i opend my fb chat he wasnt online. Then i opend my other fb acct, he was oline there. So, i got upset why he turned off his chat on my main fb.to make the story short, i got jealous that he may be spending time with the korean than me and we argued.it happened so fast that he unfriended me in fb. I was so hurt he just left me and ignored me. I messaged the korean and asked if they have a relationship. she didnt reply.steve got angry and just messaged me its over and i shouldnt be messaging his friends. it was so sudden why didnt he even talk to me?i tried calling and skyping but he ignored me.i told him i love him fr the first time.Then he emailed me he wants time and space for his kids.i said i will give him time and space. But then he blocked me in fb.. I texted and emailed him many times asking for answers and trying to talk to him but he ignored me. I emailed him at his work email which he uses sometimes to message me and then he said i shouldnt be sending him messages there. I didnt contact him for 2 weeks but still he wont talk to me.he said he isnt ready for any relationship and wna focus with his kids. july he is still angry with me and said it is over. I said i will give him more time he said ok.his bday is on august 15 and i made a preorderd delivery gift for him to surprise him on his bday.but i was devastated when i found out 3 days ago that he is leaving for korea. I used my sister’s fb acct to message him and ask him if he is courting someone.he said yes and i asked ifits the korean then he said it doesnt matter.he doesnt have to explain. He said its my fault i didnt say i love you to him andthat he felt harrassed wth the many messages i sent. I told him he gave me no choice coz he just suddenly abandoned me and blocked me. He said he wants time and soace but in less than 3 months he was flirting with the korean and planning to go there.while i waited for him.he said he doesnt love me any more. I cant believe it. How can he unlove me so easily just because of those messages. We r good friends and have a mutual understanding that we love each other. It was our first major fight and he ddnt give us a chance even if i said i love you to him. He was so angry and upset like i am. Now he is in korea posting how awesome the korean girl is and his friends are commenting they cant wait to meet her. Im so crushed..i cant believe the man who promised me he wont make me cry and continue to propose to me suddenly left me for the korean.we both said hurtful things to each other and i was so hurt i emailed him many times.can i still get him back?it seems hopeless right now because he is showing happy pics with the korean in fb.is she a rebound? What do i do?

admin

August 4, 2013 at 3:21 am

Have you tried doing NC yet?
Candy

August 4, 2013 at 4:47 am

I tried nc for 3 weeks.but he git angrier when i messaged him if we can talk and work it out. D u thnk we still have a chance when he told me he doesnt love me anymore a day before goin to korea? I feel he wanna get rid of me so he can focus on her. I cant believe he left me justlike that when we had been like bestfriends andthe emotional investment we had is so big. Can men do that so easily? Move on like nothing happend? Unlove so easily coz of the many messages he got from me? Is there hope for us if i do straight 30 days NC?

Im so hurt and scared thinking he is with d girl right now and will be there for 3 weeks and on his bday. 🙁
admin

August 4, 2013 at 11:52 pm

I would say that him saying that came from a place of anger.
Candy

August 6, 2013 at 5:13 am

I fear that his anger might turn into apathy when he is having fun with the girl. 🙁 do you have anyntips how to move on when evrything seems to be hopeless? I love him very much but what if im holding on to a false hope while he is moving on and totally forgetting me.

Ty chris.i appreciate it alot
admin

August 7, 2013 at 2:15 am

I do have tips! You can contact personally and I can help you with them.
Candy

August 5, 2013 at 6:27 am

How long usually does it take for a man’s anger to subside? in my case he seems more angrier than the first day we had afight and doesnt want anything to do with me and made me feel i should leave him alone so he can focus on his new girl.

In my heart im still hoping he comes back to me but atthe same time trying hard to accept that he might not and i should move on

Chris, Ty verymuch for your site and for taking time to advice us. I wont be shock if i see you guesting on tv.
admin

August 6, 2013 at 3:03 am

Eh, Google kind of dinged the site today (I have no idea why) so I am a bit down but I keep on soldiering on.

Anger is tough. Different people hold on to it differently. I would say that after 1-3 months the anger will subside.
Candy

August 5, 2013 at 12:29 am

Now he is posting pics in fb with the girl and her family.it hurts so much he is there instead with me.will there still be a chance for us or is it reallyover in a man’s point of view. How could he have moved on so fast? Did he really moved on if he is angry with me?is there really no love left for me when he said he doesnt love me anymore? Do i email him on his bday?

Should i nc back to day1? He will bethere 3 weeks, idk if it matters if he wont hear from me when he is with the girl. If he would still think bout me while he is vacationing in korea. 🙁
admin

August 5, 2013 at 3:42 am

The girl is probably a rebound.

Lindsay

August 2, 2013 at 3:07 am

Here is my story… we met last May in 2012 and dated up until the end of August. He then told me that he didn’t want to keep things going anymore as I was going away to school (four hours away), and he thought long distance would be too hard. We ended it, but within my first week back at school, he was texting me every single day and saying that he missed me. When I visited home a month later, he asked to meet up, and he told me that he had not been able to stop thinking about me and that he had fallen in love with me and didn’t want to lose me again. But here is the thing… he never wanted to make us “official” as he said that being official changed things between people and he liked the way things were going with us and assured me that I was the only one in his life and that a status shouldn’t define the way we feel about each other. So we started dating again that weekend, and for the rest of the year, we acted like an official couple. Even though we could only see each other for one or two weeks a month, we talked every single day and when I was home, we’d spend the entire time together. We slept over at each other’s place every time, he spent the Christmas holidays over at my place with my family, he invited me to his mom’s 50th birthday and introduced me to all his cousins, grandparents, etc. Now, I am in my early twenties and due to the different type of lifestyle I had as a teenager (I was a very competitive athlete and devoted all my free time to my sport), I had never been in a real relationship before, and thus was still a virgin. We had a serious talk about it after the holidays, he admitted to me that he didn’t necessarily like being girls’ “first,” because of the emotional baggage it can bring, but that he loved me and so we agreed that he would be my “first”… but beforehand he wanted to get a checkup. So he went to the doctor’s (even though he is crazy scared of needles) and we finally did it on valentine’s day. One night in March he told me that he was crazy about me and that he thought that there was a “reason” that we had met. Since the way we met was extremely random, he thought that fate had played a role and that we were meant to be together. At the beginning of May, I had been done school for about 3 weeks and it was just 1 week before our 1 year, I got annoyed with him as he had just ditched me, and it wasn’t his first time doing that in the last month. He had also made a facebook status about “avoiding relationships due to a fear of being alone”, which I got mad about since he had never told me that, yet had put it on facebook. We met up the next day and I said I wanted to end things. He offered to take a break instead, but I was unsure, after a few minutes he agreed that it was better if we ended it, as I wanted a serious and settled relationship, which he wasn’t able to give me at the time since he was 25 and seeing all his friends buying houses made him feel like he was behind in life, so he wanted to focus on teacher’s college and buying his own place. So I guess you could say it was mutual. When we parted he told me that he would keep in touch with me. We texted a few times after… even planned a lunch date. About three weeks after the breakup, he became facebook friends with this new girl from his work (which he had quit the same week she started), and they became a facebook official couple ELEVEN DAYS later! Just over a month after our breakup! And he had never made things official with me, even though he said we were meant to be. Had he completely forgotten about his status concerning avoiding relationships due to the fear of being alone?! Or him saying that he couldn’t be in a settled relationship right now as he wanted to focus on school and buying his own place?! Anyways, just four days after this new relationship started, we had our lunch date, it had been planned before I found out about this new relationship, but nevertheless the relationship hadn’t caused him to cancel our meet-up. So we went for lunch and he did not say a word about this new girl, when we were done he left saying “well I’m sure I’ll see you again!” and since then we have talked a few times… he also texted me an inside joke we used to make between the two of us back when we were dating. I also think it’s important to mention that he NEVER used to be a very active facebook user. When we met in 2012, his profile picture was form 2009, he very rarely posted anything throughout that year, he went on a trip to France and didn’t post a single picture… now since he’s been with this girl, he adds pictures of the two of them at least every weekend! Something which he never did. It’s so bad that he is even re-adding pictures that he has already added. I have a feeling he is doing it to try and make me jealous or get a reaction out of me? Or am I just imagining this to make myself feel better? I just don’t understand how he could have dated me for a year, told me all the things I wrote down about being together for a reason, and then one month after our breakup, he becomes official with her! Was he lying to me for that entire year?? I am so heart broken…

admin

August 3, 2013 at 2:47 am

Have you tried the NC rule yet? I think it may be good in your situation.
Lindsay

August 3, 2013 at 9:21 pm

We’ve still been texting/facebooking here and there ever since he’s been with this girl. I started the NC rule a few days ago
Lindsay

August 4, 2013 at 2:45 pm

With a look back I don’t think I’d ever get back with him… but I guess what I wanted to know is do guys lie about these types of things just to keep girls around? And do you think she’s a rebound?
Lindsay

August 8, 2013 at 11:30 pm

Well I guess the NC rule worked. He texted me after just 10 days with another one of our old inside jokes… except he is still with his girlfriend. I don’t know what to think of it, this is so confusing..
admin

August 9, 2013 at 4:41 am

You still have 20 days to go hahaha. Then you contact him after NC.
admin

August 5, 2013 at 3:30 am

Gotcha, to answer your question guys will lie sometimes for sure.

For the rebound… I would like you to reference the graphic at the bottom of this page.

Grace

August 1, 2013 at 7:45 am

I have been with the father of my one year old daughter for seven years, things started falling apart a year after we have moved in together, in January he met this girl and he just started sleeping outside and not coming home, he would come home the next day in the early hours of the morning, we would argue about this until i reached a point where i decided to go stay at my sisters for a few days. The day after i moved i went to the house to speak to him, thats when i found him with this girl and she has brought an overnight bag. he said they were nit dating they are just friends, but i knew he was lying, he then took the girl and her bag and they left, he knew i had the house keys, so they never came back to the house, he phoned me and said he was taking the girl back were he found her. i managed to find out where the girl stays and works, i then phoned her to find out whats going on between her and my man, she started telling me that they met at some club and he told her he is unhappy in our relationship and she also started confiding in him that his boyfriend is cheating on him, she then told me that their relationship its just based on $$$,and the night i found them they went to my boyfriend’s friend and had #$$ there. she told me she still loves her boyfriend. my boyfriend and i have tried to work things out and im now back at the house with him, but he has changes, he is too distant from me and constantly talking to this girl on chat rooms, he is not the spontanious, romantic guy that i met,he would sit with me without saying anything and not even giving me a hug or kiss or telling me how he feels. everytime i try talking to him about this, he keeps telling me to relax and everything will be fine, but so far i havent seen anything being fine as he claims it would. he promised that he has stopped talking and seeing the girl, but i have found out that they still sernd each other messages and call each other. everytime i ask him what he wants and if he wants me and our daughter in his life, he just says if he didnt want us we wouldnt be here with him. could it be that he is in love with this girl or is it just a rebound?

admin

August 2, 2013 at 2:02 am

I am a little confused. Are you together still or are you broken up?
Grace

August 2, 2013 at 6:57 am

We never broke up, we are still together and staying together. but things are not as good as they use to. i just love him so much.
admin

August 3, 2013 at 2:52 am

Gotcha, ok make sure you take a deep breath and try to take a big picture look at things.

A lot of the problems couples have boil down the communication issues. Either you can’t communicate or he can’t. I think that is where you should spend your focus first.
Grace

August 15, 2013 at 2:50 pm

Hi im so confused right now, i tried the communication thing but it doesnt seem to be working. he is constantly chatting and messaging this girl, everytime i get online on the chat rooms they are always both online at the same time but he never chats to me. If i sent him a message he would either reply with one word answer or not reply at all. Remember we stay in the same house, we still together,have a child together and have been dating for 7 years. He started seeing this girl this year January and they met at a club. He comes home late everyday and weekends sometimes he would come home with lipstick on his clothes, his friends and cousins keep telling me that he always talks about how much he loves me and our daughter and how much he wants us to stay a family and that he doesnt wanna loose us. i dont know what to believe any more, he lies a lot and even lied to his mother buy telling her he is not seeing and talking to the girl anymore. i tell him i love him, but he never responds back like he use to, he is not intimate with me any more. i tried everything sexy, changed my hair, how i dress but nothing seems to be working.Please advice, im loosing my mind here.
admin

August 16, 2013 at 2:26 am

Well Grace, you are going to have to accept that this is going to take some time. Have you tried the jealousy ploy yet?

Stacy

July 31, 2013 at 2:42 am

I commented with my back story on another page yesterday about getting your ex back when you have children. I am convinced my ex is in a RR because he told me that he started talking to the girl he is seeing almost immediately after we split up. He has tried to convince me (or himself) and the other girl that it isn’t a RR. He told me that he explained to her from the start that he will always love me and I guess his friends have told her more than once that he still loves me and always will and they would be surprised if he actually let me go because we had gone through so much during our 3 years together. I am not questioning if it is a RR because I already know it is my concern is that he recently told me that he is moving in with her tomorrow. I was a little thrown off by this plan because when he classifies her with me he just says a girl I’m kickin it with. I am worried about him getting himself into a horrible situation and since he has agreed not to have our son around her he told me that he is going to get a hotel room when he has the baby (we live 4 1/2 hours away from each other so I just have to hope that he is being honest with me about this plan) but what self respecting woman would be ok with that…actually what self respecting woman with a child of her own would move a man into her house after being together for like 3 maybe 4 weeks? I’m just trying to figure out how long before it crumbles and will it be long enough for me to get myself together and be ready to start working towards getting back together

admin

August 1, 2013 at 4:59 am

Honestly, I think its the actions of a woman who is extremely desperate to have someone take care of her that is why that “self respecting” woman is doing it. That’s my two cents anyways.
Stacy

August 1, 2013 at 5:36 am

That was my thought on it too but I wondered if I was thinking that way because I am a little biased and I just don’t like her. She seems like she is so desperate to have a “father” for her son that she would be willing to keep him from is own actual child.

I do need some advice for this weekend though (you have become my relationship guru!) As I said my ex and I live 4 1/2 hours away from each other and I am going back up there this weekend for my graduation ceremony and I am spending an extra day there so that my ex can have a whole day with our son. Because of his new living situation he is supposed to get a hotel room Saturday night for all 3 of us….how do I deal with this correctly so that I keep on the right track towards getting back together??
admin

August 1, 2013 at 5:51 am

I can understand where that other woman is coming from I guess. I mean, she probably has been through a lot herself so she would take any guy who could provide. At a certain point I think sometimes women will overlook a lot just so they can find a man who provides even if it’s not morally right.

The advice is definitely tricky. Hmm….

You are going to be tempted to sleep together I think. But I don’t think you should do it. Look amazing so he really wants you and make sure you get him to chase you. It’s late here and I am almost out of gas. I wish I could help more but I need to sleep too hahaha.
Stacy

August 1, 2013 at 6:09 am

I complete understand you should get your rest. Your advice has been great and I appreciate it so much!!

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