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Post categories
Cynthia
April 11, 2018 at 3:03 pm
Ex of almost 9 yrs off n on is with ow keeps going back n fourth between us. Ignores when with her or ignores her when with me. Has blocked and unblocked communication. Tells me I’m what he wants n then goes back to her the next day… any advice?
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 11:13 pm
Hi Cynthia. 9 years is a good amount of time. Obviously, this kind of relationship is not sustainable. He is stuck in a routine which he has chosen not to break, but you are the one getting hurt over and over again. There comes a point where no more, is no more. If you need some comprehensive advice, consider some of my ebooks (website menu/Products) and you will find some other support resources there as well.
Nina
April 11, 2018 at 7:36 am
Hi Chris, my boyfriend dumped me after 7.25years and living together for 2years. We turn 25 this year and are each others first love. He says ‘we can’t live together’ and that he is scared he’ll regret it in 10years if he would stay with me now, because he put this idea in his head that I won’t want children nor that I would be able to adapt my life for them. Besides that, he had feelings for his best female friend, who is a good friend of me too. ‘but that’s not the reason for the breakup’ he said. The feelings started 2y ago on skiing holiday but then he blocked them. Then had the same again a year later, blocked them again and now, with the preparations for the trip this year, had them again for months and didn’t block them because ‘ we were going poor.’ I didn’t feel that way. I know he is always very stressed and gets easily irritated when he has exams and stuff. Since it’s his final year and he has his thesis going on and he is constantly stressed, I just figured that’s why he was always so irritated. Wether I moved or I didn’t, it would be wrong. So I just took some distance and bit my tongue, counting down the days to his graduation to finally have time for us again. Turned out he was shutting me out and opening up to his friend… Before we left for this trip we had a good talk and he said ‘maybe we should try some relationcoaching’ which I found a great idea. I really made an effort on the trip ( where she was as well) to show him that I love him but I didn’t got a response and felt very lonely. After the trip ( 10 february) he was very cold and hiding something. After a week he told me why ( the things I mentioned before and quite some reprovals as well) He told that girl about his feelings on the trip already and hang out with her the whole time. She said to me that she didn’t have feelings for him and that she was completely shocked to hear that he had. She said that he isn’t her type, something she said this summer already, and that she wanted everything to stay as it was in our mutual friendgroup. And that she would block him. She didn’t. After a while she said she was confused and didn’t know if she was getting feelings, that she never had a decent relationship and that she has a hard time living with her parents and seeing her friends settle with a partner. When I asked why she would settle for something that’s not 100% what she wants but is 100% what I want, she said ‘ well, they don’t come knocking at my door…’ He suggested a ‘break’ which didn’t feel okay since I felt he would just go and try with that girl but he said he wouldn’t, that he just wanted to know what’s it like to not be togheter with me. Turned out it was a lie, of which he felt sorry a few weeks after. Anyway, we broke up because this wasn’t working. He left me and our dog and isn’t taking his responsibility for the rent and his stuff. They are togheter now after a few weeks. They ‘tried slowely but both couldn’t’ and ‘first it felt to fast but now it doesn’t anymore’. I lost a good friend, my boyfriend & soulmate. I will lose my home and the upstarting business I was building ’cause I can’t manage all alone. We always had the same idea about life and how to live it, shared the same dreams and plans, had the same principles and humour, quite some shared interests, decided to go vegetarian together, made awesome trips together and planned more,… We had a really good connection and loved each other heeps. But now he obviously wants something else and is scared that I would be the wrong decision. All my friends were really shocked as well, so was I. He pulled my heart out and completely wrecked it, I never thought he would do this. Since his parents divorced when he was 7 because his father had somebody else and now again someone else, that completely disgusted my boyfriend, he hated his father for it. So I never thought he would do something similar. But he doesn’t think it’s similar. Do you think he will come back to me?
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:50 pm
Hi Nina. Life can be cruel, but it can be beautiful as well. Yes, he could return to you. But I think No Contact will be a good course of action for now. For a fuller blueprint on how to deal with a breakup situation, just go to the menu section of my website, click on Products and you will find some resources that should be of help.
Cat
April 10, 2018 at 10:03 pm
Ok, so I’m not 100% sure if the relationship my ex is in right now is a rebound relationship because he started dating her, I’m guessing, around a week and a half after we broke up but they have now been dating for 9 months so I’m assuming it’s moving into more serious territory :/. However, he has already cheated on her with a few women earlier on in their relationship, one of those women being me, regretfully, more than twice.. Apparently she knows about the other girls but not me. I think he’s just projecting his feelings for me onto her because it appears their relationship is moving quite fast. Idk what do you guys think? Do you think the relationship will last?
I cut off all contact with him a few months ago. I like working on myself right now, but I can’t help but miss him. I would like to reconnect with him but I don’t feel like now is the right time. Do you think the longer I wait to reconnect, the less of a chance I will have?
Chris Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 10:31 pm
Actually, when NC is immplemented properly, it optimizes your chances. Keep the focus on your and your needs. Focus on being the Ungettable Girl. I know it can seem that everything is going down the tubes. But the good news is that you need not try to figure all this out by yourself. I wrote an excellent ebook that has helped scores of people. Simply go to my website’s Menu Section and click on the link for “Products”. There is still hope if you can come up to speed on the best strategies to employ.
Kate
April 10, 2018 at 3:19 pm
Hi! Comment still in moderation so giving it another post as I’d loooove some advice:
So I finally completed no contact and reached out to my ex. He wrote back immediately and said he’d been thinking of me and wanted to know how I was but “couldn’t” text me because of “things going on in his head.” He also said he missed his best friend (me). But then the next day he tells me he’s vegan now. He “met someone” who is “helping him go through this transition.” I basically said well that was fast, and he said it wasn’t planned but he wanted to be honest and he still wanted me in his life. But then he said our relationship wasn’t good for either of us the last few months (we were together nearly 2 years) and that we should talk later. I didn’t know what to say, I obviously felt super hurt, so I just said “I wish you the best.” But we’ve been discussing our relationship and what happened since then. I’m still confused and don’t know what to do. It’s like I don’t even know who he is anymore. Any advice appreciated… my friends say I need to just let it go.
Chris Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 10:44 pm
I know this is a tough time with what has been said. People say things all the time that they think is true at the time, only to find out later that they feel differently. Time will tell how this will shake out. I know it can seem hopeless at times. But it need not be that way. You can optimize your chances. That is why I created a resourced aimed at helping folks like yourself that are struggling. It’s called Ex Recovery Pro. Go learn more about it. You can find it under my website’s Menu Section. Click on the link for “Products”. Hang in there my friend! Your friends may be right, but the future is always moving with possibilities. Just know, however all this shakes out, you are going to be OK and find what you want and need.
Kate
April 11, 2018 at 6:38 am
Thanks Chris, I think I need to let it go and try to move on with my life.
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:51 pm
Hi Kate. Life is all yours. There are many paths that lay in front of you and they can be fulfilling.
Lynn
April 10, 2018 at 4:28 am
My ex and I have been broken up for about 6 months. I broke up with him because he seemed needy at the time. He put me first and wanted me to do the same but it felt like it was us against the world most of the time. We dated 2 years and I, being young, wanted to take a break and test the waters. He moved on to someone as needy as he is I believe. I miss him terribly now and realize the grass isn’t greener of course but he has me blocked on everything. They are in their own little world and have been dating 3 months and I hear she is already talking about marriage to him! I just didn’t realize the strong connection we had until I had time to focus on myself and step outside of our relationship. They are definitely in the honeymoon phase, but he’s also one to work hard at the relationship and I don’t see him ever giving me another chance because he’s bitter I walked away. The OW is very proud to have him and is always posting things/pictures with him. Is there any hope for reconciliation in the future?
Chris Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 11:51 pm
Always hope. It’s good to have a game plan going forward.I think you will benefit from a closer examination of tactics covered in my ebook, Ex Recovery Pro. Simply go to the Menu section of this site and click on “Products”. Hang in there! These can be emotional times and a little help can go long ways.
Ana
April 9, 2018 at 6:57 pm
Hi Chris,
I had a relationship that lasted for four and a half months that seemed like a dream come true for the first three months. I loved him deeply and thought we were perfect for each other. We often went away on weekends and once abroad He also seemed very passionate during that time.
I divorced last year but it was a difficult one that lasted for two years. He was divorced for 5 years but he never lived with anyone, although having girlfriends.
From the beginning every time I asked him why his relationships had ended, the answers were that the girls had become possessive. He used to add that his standards towards women were very high, too
. I suppose these were major red flags that I should have recognized. So after mentioning that some of my friends would like to meet him, he said he needed space, just out of the blue.
So I suppose he might be a commitment phobe or an emotional unavailable guy.
Needless to say that his atitude made me feel miserable and I could not follow the NC rule. I just could not bear it. So I texted him three times during that two weekend space he had asked for.
We talked on the phone at the end of the first week and I ended up on the friend zone.
At the end of the second week I asked him to explain more but it was counterproductive. He was heartless and cold, which was devastating.
In the end he did not want us to remain friends I asked him many questions, because I was clueless, I wanted to get a proper closure, I thought I had the right to know it.
I have the feeling that he might have found someone, an ex girlfriend, since he lately had mentioned her and even told me he had met her at a friends’ dinner party.
I never phoned or texted him again but in mid March without noticing I dialed his number. I immediatly hung up but he immediatly texted me asking if I had called him.
I replied saying I did not mean to. He said’ no problem, are you ok , any advances with the house?’
I told him that I had finally managed to buy it to my ex and he was extremely happy for me and told me some news about his daughters, Easter, etc. In the end he asked me to keep him updated!
For a long time before the breakup he was constantly talking about the house. He knew I was living with my ex because we hadn’t been able to sell it yet. Also the day I asked him if he needed space he said that two weeks later we would see if the house had been sold, and criticized me for not having moved to another lawyer, since I was always complaining about him.
Anyway my ex was not always at home because he had rent a small flat but never said when he was coming or leaving. He also knew we did not talk to each other.
Sometimes I think he is subcounsciously sabotaging his relationships because his wife had left him for an ex-boyfriend and she is still with him.
He stayed with his daughters and clung to them and that may have been an excuse not to deepen his relationships with girlfriends until recently.
Anyway one has been working in Switzerland for three years and the youngest started her first job in Madrid when he broke up, so it may not be the case now.
There was never an argument, fight, whatever, but lately he had started to be picky.
Chris, how do you interpret his reactions?
Looking forward to hearing your perspective
Ana
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 12:38 am
Hi Ana. Quite a story. Sometimes guys can be confusing and contradictory and it is unclear how to interpret their behavior. The truth of want he really wants will come out in the wash.
Ana
April 11, 2018 at 12:59 pm
Dear Chris,
I deeply thank you for your reply and your precious time.
A person like you has the most valuable insight through your experience and yet you can still be puzzled withv stories like mine.
Having said this, you can imagine how much I have endured and still clueless.
I can do nothing actually, only expect that perhaps 99the real reason may one day unfold so that I can get a closure.
Warmest wishes,
Ana
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:26 pm
HI again Ana…such a classy response. It is evident you are a really classy person. You will find what you are looking for in this life. And if you need more comprehensive help, consider any of my ebooks relevant to your situation. Best wishes.
Ana
April 11, 2018 at 2:41 pm
Hi Chris,
Thank you so much. You have been incredibly helpful and supportive and I will definitely follow your valuable advice.
Warmest wishes
Ana
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 11:19 pm
Back at you Ana! You are the best.
Ana
April 12, 2018 at 12:12 am
So kind of you. I really admire all the effort you put into helping people like me who feel so helpless. I feel much more empowered and at peace with mysel now. I will try not to overthink so much about what happened and be more positive. Thanks for uplifting me!7
Chris Seiter
April 12, 2018 at 3:06 am
Thanks Ana…best to you and yours!
Emily McIlroy
April 9, 2018 at 5:13 pm
Hi Chris,
I think my ex might be dating an EXACT version of me.
He dumped me in November because he got cold feet. We had a nice meet up and he basically told me that he cares about me but just cannot commit and that I’m too important… blah blah blah.
To help me move on I unfollowed him on social media but allowed him to see my posts still. However I KNOW he still is {minimum} curious if not obsessed about what I am doing. He has been stalking my instagram and snapchat stories ever since then. Looking at them ALMOST instantly I post them.
Up to last week when I decided to block him. It was getting too painful, and I was finding that I was looking for validation from him ‘looking’ at what I was up to and ‘not posting for myself’ – have I shot myself in the foot? Will he ever miss me now? We havent chatted in a month, but previously we would kind of check in with each other once a month.
I dated my ex for 2 years on and off. We lived in separate cities for a long time and things were bumpy for quite sometime. Last September I finally moved to the same city as him and was so excited to give it a shot. We got in a huge argument at a music festival, and things were not the same then. We mainly got in an argument because he missed my birthday party which was stupid. But the basis of the argument was that he was going through the motions and was too afraid to let go and actually give it a shot between us.
But HERES THE WEIRD PART…… by word of mouth I found out he is starting to date a girl JUST like me. tall blonde used to model, avid skier, rides horses, and is in law school. SHE ALSO does not live in the same city kinda of like me last year, she goes to law school down in Los Angeles. However she will be coming to the city that he & myself live in this summer for an internship. Is this a rebound??????? is he insane????? Also if he says hes not ready for commitment and is seeking out someone who is not long term available…. he’s probably not looking for anything serious……..I feel so lost… should I give up and move on? I miss him a lot, but I really dont see what else I could do. Contacting him seems so desperate to me…but I cant help but feel cheated that we never gave it a real shot. I cant help but feel like he is trying to replace me.
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 12:44 am
Hello Emily…consider taking a look at the menu/product tab of my website as I multiple comprehensive resources there that might help you out. I know you feel lost, but either he or someone else will find you because you deserve to be with somebody you feel is right for you.
Alex
April 9, 2018 at 2:43 am
Hello! I am in a super weird situation. My ex and I have had a relationship for over 5 years. He finally said he didn’t want to be in this situation with me anymore but just be friends. Instantly got a new gf who he’s seen only 3 times but is already introducing to friends etc. Now we live together. That’s what’s hard. We’ve always been friends and that’s what he wants but I’ve realized I want this more than ever but it feels too late since he’s coming home late from her house every night and moving so quickly. Like within a week. What do I do? Should I not try and move on? I’m currently just trying to be happy and not argue and show how amazing things could be. He always said this is what he wanted and all of a sudden doesn’t and says he never will again.
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:18 am
Hi Alex. Not so weird…well maybe a little weird! 5 years is a lot of traction. I got a feeling this story has a few more chapters to go. Maybe indeed a rebound situation. Arm yourself with the best plans going forward. If you are trying to come up to speed on a wide range of tactics that can help you, consider my ebook, Ex Recovery Pro. I condensed all of my best strategies and tactics into a massive ebook. Go to my website’s Menu and click on the “Products” Page to learn more about this resource.
Liv
April 9, 2018 at 2:04 am
Okay so, my story may be a little different. I was with my ex for a few months and things moved very fast. My ex suffers from depression and anxiety which makes this very hard. We actually lived together because that is how life panned out and he begged for me too. I moved 2 hours out of Sydney to move in with him and it was fantastic and I could really see my life with him and he couldn’t get enough of me! As he suffers with these issues, he pushed me away because he felt like I was going to leave (which he told me later down the track). As I moved my life down there I was going to depend on him for . bit while I sorted my life out and I think that is what he struggled with. I did 2 weeks no contact and was sad but not angry at him when we broke up and he messaged me throughout this time. Fast forward to Valentines day, after a bit of a heated convo he decided to go to the movies with me as he said he could only be my friend and he kept mentioning casual casual so I was like yep cool, just cause I wanted to see him and see if he acted different. I made a deal when we were together one time we went to the movies and he didn’t hold my hand, back to V day, we were in the movies towards the end he grabbed my hand so tightly and sandwiched it between his hands and this to me was huge as he said it was casual but he did this one thing which he remembered I made a deal out of. The reason why he even went to the movies with me was because I told him I was somewhat seeing someone and I knew I had nothing to lose, either he would fight or give up but he fought and after I told him we actually had a facetime chat which he was very sweet to me and told me he loved me still but wanted to be friends. After the movies the next day, he was back in my area for work so he mentioned we should get breakfast (originally coffee) so he extended it. After this he kept calling me and updating me that he was on meds and seeing an counsellor (which he said he didn’t want to do) so him telling me this was like he wanted me to know. He was then messing with my head (hot and cold) that I asked him to come to a family event which he still has yet to answer me but its in 2 days. Long story short, he keeps saying to me that he can’t make me happy but then is so caring and interested in my life and i Just don’t know If I should be his friend and ride it out and see if it turns into anything or let it go…
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:21 am
Hi Liv. Thanks for stopping by. Let the story play out. If you need more resources given these situations can get complicated, check out my ebooks by going to my website menu tab/products!
Lilann
April 8, 2018 at 10:17 pm
My ex is younger than me by 7 years we were together for about 4 years he broke up with me two months ago. I had a feeling he had an interest in one of the girls he works with closely! We work together and because of him trying to get a raise and promotion we worked late and our s ex life declined! It’s not the first break up! The first break up was similar and lasted a month! He still send me texts because he doesn’t feel appreciated at work and wants a new job! He defend the girl I think he’s interested in but won’t admit to it! Other ppl think they have something going on too! The thing is my ex said he wasn’t ready for marriage or kids…. and the new girl is just 1 year younger than me and has a kid…. he still hasn’t told all of his family or friends about our break up! I haven’t done the NC rule but I’m just gonna do it now! He said I wasn’t his go to person anymore but he still tells me his problems etc and he gives me explanations when I ask him! His social media is the same as when we were together even though I told him to take my pictures down if he wanted and change his status. I’ve deactivated my social media accounts for now…..he’s only known this girl for 4 months maybe and he basically does her work because she has no experience because our boss brought her in as a favor to a guy she dated! He says he’s over the job and wants to leave…..is this a rebound relationship? Can I still get him back?
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:31 am
It may be and yes, he may see things differently down the road. My best advice is you need to gain more insight and smarts on how this whole ex recovery thing works. That is why I created an ebook called, Ex Recovery Pro. Go take a look. You can get there by way of my website’s Menu, click on the link for “Products.” Chances are, you just need a few good ideas to tap into!
Kate
April 8, 2018 at 8:52 pm
Hi Chris! So I finally completed no contact and reached out to my ex. He wrote back immediately and said he’d been thinking of me and wanted to know how I was but “couldn’t” text me because of “things going on in his head.” He also said he missed his best friend (me). But then the next day he tells me he’s vegan now. He “met someone” who is “helping him go through this transition.” I basically said well that was fast, and he said it wasn’t planned but he wanted to be honest and he still wanted me in his life. But then he said our relationship wasn’t good for either of us the last few months (we were together nearly 2 years) and that we should talk later. I didn’t know what to say, I obviously felt super hurt, so I just said “I wish you the best.” I’m so confused and don’t know what to do. 🙁 It’s like I don’t even know who he is anymore. Any advice appreciated… my friends say I need to just let it go.
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:46 am
Hi Kate. Goood job with NC. Count it as a blessing in disguise. Either he truly is not the guy you thought he was. Or he is suffering from Rebound itis. In time his true colors will show. Turn your focus on yourself and seeking to be the best version of YOU, doing things that are fufilling. You don’t need him to be happy. Maybe now you don’t see that. But you will.
Kate
April 11, 2018 at 11:46 am
Yeah I’m starting to realize that he’s very emotionally immature and has no idea who he is. He was pretending to be the person he thought I wanted, and then he didn’t feel like he could pretend anymore. And now he’s pretending to be someone else for this new girl. Going back to NC until I feel like I’m ready to pick my stuff up from him, but I’m done expecting anything from him or expending energy on him. It’s just so sad to waste so much time and love on someone who was only pretending. I didn’t know how brutal breakups could be! Thank you for your encouragement, and all your advice on this site. 🙂
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:33 pm
Hi again Kate. So he is a pretender. Life has a way of maturing is in time. Just remember Kate. You can get through this. Dig into any of my ebooks available on the site if you need a more comprehensive blueprint!
Sam
April 8, 2018 at 1:24 pm
Hi Chris,
I and my exboyfriend were together for 2 and a half years. We were on an off with long distance and got to see each other every month and all summer because of us going to different colleges. It’s been almost two months ago he broke it off, his reasons being that we just weren’t right for each other anymore but he said he wanted to remain friends. He didn’t really offer any more closure than that. Prior to the break up he’d also told me that he’d be unable to date for a long time if we were to break up. As fate would have it, 3 weeks later he started seeing a new girl from his college. They seem pretty solid although he hasn’t mentioned anything about her to me and hasn’t posted about them anywhere on social media. The only way I knew was because the OW had posted pictures of them holding hands at the beach together. Admittedly, during the first couple of weeks I broke non-contact to ask if I corrected my ways if he’d take me back, the answer was no. I’m not three weeks into no contact. I just wanted your insight on the whole situation? Is it a rebound relationship and what should I be doing? His mom still likes all my photos and comments nice things on them too, overall i’m just really confused!
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 2:18 am
Hi Sam…I offer more comprehensive advice in my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. That might be a resource for you. Found on menu tab/products link
Nicole
April 8, 2018 at 5:44 am
Hello Chris, I recently found out i am 7wks pregnant from a 3 year relationship. He told me he wanted to move on before finding out i was pregnant. He says were uncompatible and he wants to try and see if things will work out between this new girl he just started talking to a week ago to my knowledge. I still love him so much and i feel like hes giving up on us. Should i just move on and give up, since he feels as though were “uncompatible” as he calls it. I dont understand why he stuck around this long if thats how he felt.
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 2:30 am
Hi Nicole….some men can be cruel in the things they say and do. Right now keep the focus on you and your pregnancy. Allow for some space to deal with the pain of his behavior. Give it a few weeks. Later you will be in a better emotional place to connect with whether you want to invest any energy in seeking to get him back, if that is what you want.
Nat
April 7, 2018 at 8:19 pm
I posted a comment but never got a reply.
Chris Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 9:42 pm
I don’t see it?
Nat
April 7, 2018 at 10:43 pm
It’s 2 comments lower in the thread
Nat
April 7, 2018 at 10:21 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex and I dated for a year. We had a rough start and we argued . He was jealous and fought with me most of the time he initiated the fights. He broke up with me 2 weeks ago and said that he was tired of the fighting and drama… that he wanted to be single to focus on baseball and school. Since we ended in a fight , I texted him last week to end on good terms and talk in person and he said we had absolutely nothing to talk about. That he was done. People have seen him out with his ex already … what do I do? Need advice
Chris Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 3:51 am
Sometimes texting an ex for closure isn’t the best tactic. Personally I think that the timing isn’t right on this one so you are going to have to probably do something in the meantime until the time arises where you can strike.
Nat
April 7, 2018 at 10:01 pm
It says comment waiting moderation..
Chris Seiter
April 9, 2018 at 11:40 am
I moderate all the comments to ensure no spam ones get through. We get a lot of spam comments.
Nat
April 7, 2018 at 10:00 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex and I dated for a year. We had a rough start and we argued . He was jealous and fought with me most of the time he initiated the fights. He broke up with me 2 weeks ago and said that he was tired of the fighting and drama… that he wanted to be single to focus on baseball and school. Since we ended in a fight , I texted him last week to end on good terms and talk in person and he said we had absolutely nothing to talk about. That he was done. People have seen him out with his ex already … what do I do?
Chris Seiter
April 9, 2018 at 11:41 am
Right now the best thing to do is not be super reactive! It’s to stack the odds in your favor until the timing favors you a bit more.
Leslie m
April 7, 2018 at 8:16 pm
Hi. My ex husband cheat2d on me and left me and our kids a little over a year ago for his ex from 10 years ago. She was pregnant before our youngest was a year old and before either of them were divorced from previous marriages. He married her as soon as our divorce was final. Their baby is 3 months old. He has since stopped paying child support and I havent spoken to him since November 2017. He sees our kids on his weekends and that’s all. He doesn’t do anything else. He once told me she was better than me bc of her new car and her job and that when he was with me he was picturing her. This is really hard. They lost a baby 10 years ago after only being together about 6 months and now are back together. Is this a rebound relationship?
Chris Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 9:44 pm
Do me a big favor Leslie.
Can you create like a bullet point timeline for me? I am responding from my phone and it’s hard to conceptualize this.
Basshark
April 7, 2018 at 4:10 pm
I was in a 1.5 year relationship long distance with someone who was close to my family (we saw each other often and I have plans to move there). We had all of the same goals in life. I started going through a lot of stressful personal things that I took out on him and he broke up with me saying that he was afraid he didn’t feel he could make me happy. Before this, he had begun to distance (speaking less and hiding things). We broke up less than a month ago and I did all the wrong things at first, begging, pleading, bargaining, trying to drive to see him. He continued to talk to me but limitedly and with lots of boundaries. I started no contact and he started trying to friend zone me by asking to be friends and sending funny memes. I replied a few times but have now stuck to no contact for a week with the exception of the day I lost a loved one to death and he kindly reached out (I only replied with a simple thank you). Since the no contact he has begun to post on other single women’s posts flowery things and reply to singles events on FB (shows up on my feed) we also share a calendar where we have been able to see each other’s plans and he had kept things hidden that now he is making very obvious. Are these good signs? I am so afraid that the judgment from family and friends over the break up and him getting isolated will work against me for the no contact. We are supposed to attend a mutual friends party at exactly the 30 day mark so planned on staying no contact and then just being nice and polite but remembering my worth. Does this sound like a good plan or should I try to reach out before the party?
Jennifer Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 7:13 pm
He’s trying to get your attention with posting publicly on other women’s fb’s. I think it is a good sign and the no contact is probably working. I’d recommend a 21 day no contact starting from the last “thank you” message you sent him. I think you should reach out before the party. The goal is to build attraction slowly.
Joy
April 7, 2018 at 2:16 pm
I’m just curious. I’ve been in NC for 30
Days and my x has a new female. He has posted stuff about them going to a concert and calling her baby. That is out of character for him, we have never shared our relationship on social media. He wanted to cut all ties. Shouldn’t I just let go instead of potentially humiliating myself with a text? I’m devistated, however, how will he not see the grass if I don’t leave him be? He HATES texting. That is tough here because he absolutely hates texting.
Jennifer Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 7:41 pm
If he never posted about social media in the past do you think he’s doing that now to get a reaction out of you? How does he like to communicate? By phone calls? If so you could send him a story text and then if he responds say … “This is to good/long to text, can I call you for a second?” Keep the phone call short! 5 minutes or less.
Nat
April 7, 2018 at 12:23 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex and I dated for a year. We had a rough start and we argued . He was jealous and fought with me most of the time he initiated the fights. He broke up with me 2 weeks ago and said that he was tired of the fighting and drama… that he wanted to be single to focus on baseball and school. Since we ended in a fight , I texted him last week to end on good terms and talk in person and he said we had absolutely nothing to talk about. That he was done. People have seen him out with his ex already … what do I do?
Chris Seiter
April 9, 2018 at 11:35 am
I think it’s important for you to give him space at this point. This is why we have the NC rule as such an important strategy!
Marlisa
April 7, 2018 at 11:02 am
Hey
Me and my ex of 6 years broke up in October. We were ‘seeing’ each other after this but I found out he was seeing someone after we broke up as well. He is still seeing this person and we are ‘friends with beenfits’ I tried no contact and failed because he kept seeing if I was okay this week. I told him I needed space. I’m at a loss because I feel his situation with this girl is more than a rebound and if I start no contact again he won’t take me seriously cause i already told him i needed ‘space’. I also feel during this time things with this girl will only become more serious. He says I am the closest person to him and doesn’t want me out of his life, but I’m worried they’re more serious than I think. I purchased the No contact rule book and I’m gonna revisit it. Are there any tips on no contact again this time? Also have you seen success with women getting their ex back when he has moved on and his situation was more than a rebound? Your opinion is appreciated
Jennifer Seiter
April 8, 2018 at 2:27 am
I think you should do the no contact and don’t tell him about it. So have good conversations with him and then just ghost him. Date other people during your no contact. 21 days should be sufficient.
I think you being in the picture is the glue to their relationship. He’s getting anything he’s lacking from that relationship from you. Give them a chance to fight. Then you swoop in. 🙂
Marlisa
May 7, 2018 at 11:31 pm
Thank you so much for your help. Previoisly when I broke up with this same ex I used this site to get him back. This time, I think things are ruined. The other woman found out and after a messy few days he told me he does love her. Things aren’t good between them but I guess they’ll figure it out. He also said this is it between me and him. I’m completelt devastated to say the least. I’ve blocked him on all my social media websites. A big part of me would still love for us to work. We discussed starting a family and everything, but part of me feels this is over for good. If you have any success stories of people in a similar situation please let me know. In the meantime I think i’ll Be checking out the latest article on getting over your ex. I’d reallt appreciate a link to the most recent one and any other advice on whether I should pursue getting him back at a later time..
Thanks so much.
Chris Seiter
May 8, 2018 at 4:52 am
Hi Marlisa….i agree you would benefit by just focusing on your own recovery and personal goals. Apparently, he has made a choice. Time will tell if he revisits and if he does, you may not want him back. Also, consider taking a look at my Private Facebook Group Community. It consists of about 1500 members…mostly women..and they are really helpful and supportive of each, swapping advice and ideas. I do weekly live webcasts, so that is another added benefit.
Chris Seiter
April 28, 2018 at 4:27 am
Hi Mariama….I hope you don’t mind me jumping in here! First of all, if you have not done so already, go pick up a copy of my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. It is a great Companion Guide that walks you through everything in a comprehensive way. You might as well have the benefit of how best to proceed in the days and weeks to come. My sense is that he wants his cake and eat it too. But mature and long lasting relationships are not founded on going back and forth from you to this other girl. So my take is to implement a full course of No Contact. There is so much more you can learn about this whole process and how to optimize your chances…and how to focus on your “needs” and how you may not want this kind of guy when you get further down the road with your own recovery. So go take a look at my ebook or if you need some personal Coaching or the benefit of my Private Facebook Support Group you can learn more about all of that by clicking my website Menu/Products link where you can explore what you think is best for you. Keep us in the loop Mariama!
Marlisa
May 6, 2018 at 3:31 pm
Hey Chris, thanks for your response.
Side note, is there anyway you can hide my name from the last post. I didn’t realise it did my first name and last aha. I usually like to go by my middle name.
Anyhow, things recently took a bad turn. The other woman actually found out about us through a mutual friend I have on social media. The fiasco has settled and it seems my ex is no longer in the lives of either of us. He apologised for making things with the other woman not seem that serious and said he did actually really like her. But they have no future now as things went too far between me and him. I don’t think it would be wise for me to go back to him for now. Either way, I’ll be doing the no contact rule for now. Do you have any suggestions for how long I should do it given the toxic situation that happened?
Also, I think naturally I’d still like for him to miss me. He could easily make up with the other girl in a few weeks. So I’m quite torn between just getting over him and moving on or moving on but in a way that leaves the door open for us in the future potentially.
Sorry for the long message. I’d appreciate your suggestions and feedback on this
Chris Seiter
May 6, 2018 at 9:05 pm
Hi Marlisa….i deleted your comment from 8 days ago so your last name would not show up!
One thing you might consider is taking a look at my Private Facebook Support Group Community. There is a lot of sharing and help from many women who have had a variety of experiences. Just visit my website Menu/Products link to learn more!
Den
April 7, 2018 at 10:11 am
I’ve been in a 6 year relationship with my exboyfriend. He was the first for me.It was a long distance relationship but we were really happy with each other. The first 4 years were okay..but the 2 last years we were constantly fighting with each other and i was the one starting the fights because at that point of our relationship i wanted him to move in my city and to get to another phase..i wanted him to find a good job..and he kept saying he was trying but things weren’t changing. I loved him very much but i started to get tired of all that situation..after 6 years i couldn’t still be on a long distance relationship and be on the phone with him all day. So i broke up..he kept calling and texting me and i would reply every time because i missed him..so even though we were not together we kept talking..he was begging me all the time and i was saying no..and this lasted for 2 years..i took him for granted..but i never talked with any other guy..because i loved him and even tho i was rejecting him deep inside i was waiting things to get better..but after a big fight in december he didn’t write anymore..i didn’t expect that..because it had happened other times and he’d still contact me..so i texted him..he was very cold..we met..had sex and the next day he said he needed space. I said ok i waited 2 weeks waiting for him to reach me and ..nothing. So i called him , i texted him..he said it was over ..i started crying and begging (now i know it was wrong)..and he said there’s no going back. So i left him alone..i had my birthday last month he didn’t wish me a happy bday..then it was his bday i sent him a happy bday text..and we started to talk a little..he has texted me a few time from then and so have I .he said i miss you and i told him the same but when i asked him to meet he said no..since then i haven’t texted him anymore and it has been almost 20 days..i run into him once during this period but i didn’t talk to him..he looked well and relaxed..so yeah thats pretty much my situation..i really miss him very much but I’ve no idea whats going on anymore.i think maybe he has a new gf because otherwise he would have come to me..idk and furthermore now he has moved in my city and started a master program. I really miss him
Chris Seiter
April 9, 2018 at 11:30 am
Ok, at any point of this have you tried NC at all?
That is always step one in situations like yours.
Den
April 9, 2018 at 3:24 pm
I’m on NC for 20 days now..and i haven’t contacted him and he hasn’t called or texted me either…until one hour ago.he sent me a text—— hey,how are you doing? I dreamt you last night,but it wasn’t a good dream.im a bit concerned about who you keep close to you these times— i haven’t replied.what should i do?
Chris Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 4:08 am
You stay true to NC!
Den
April 9, 2018 at 12:26 pm
Yeah I’m on NC now…i haven’t contacted him and he hasn’t contacted me either in nearly 20 days..i run into him once, a week before, and we didnt talk to each other..i have lost all the hopes
Chris Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 4:07 am
Nah, you are just in the midst of a tough part of the no contact rule. Just relax and take this one day at a time.