Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
Heartbroken
January 19, 2014 at 6:30 pm
Me and my ex broke up 3 months ago now. We split up in summer last year for four months. During this time I slept with someone else, he knew this before he took me back. He broke it off with me again when he saw i’d messaged the guy I’d slept with. But all I messaged him was to say a rumour about me being pregnant wasn’t true. We ended up sleeping together drunk on Christmas Eve. He said he wanted me to be the girl he married, but that we couldn’t be together right now. I haven’t seen him since then but he did text me to say to never message him again. Im so confused 🙁
Dani
January 19, 2014 at 4:39 am
Hi, I was wondering if you have a suggestion of what to do when you work with your ex? There are only about 30 of us at the organization and only really 15 in the office so we all work really closely with each other and in close proximity to each other so there is absolutely no way to avoid him or completely stop speaking to him. I’ve tried freezing him out except for work related things, but we just end up hostile because it seems more like the silent treatment and me being mean rather than just giving space. I’m at such a lose on what to do at this point.
admin
January 20, 2014 at 12:45 am
yha… you may have to do limited contact.
Catya
January 18, 2014 at 7:38 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago and it came out of the blue (at least to me and both our family and friends). Only about two months before he told me he loved me for the first time. The day when he came to my house for the last time, something was weird and I pointed it out to him. We talked and cried for hours but never got anywhere… the next day he texted me that he wanted a week’s time to sort his feelings out, because he wasn’t sure he still loved me… one of the worst weeks of my life! Then after a week, he said he wanted to break up, because he only loved me “as a friend” now – something I have a hard time believing! I mean we didn’t have any major issues (if he had issues with me he never told me), we didn’t fight. In fact this has been the first relationship I felt safe in for years. We talked about things, he constantly told me how happy he was to be with a great woman like me – why did he throw it all away, why didn’t he tell me what bugged him? How can love even go away in only two months without any incentive?? And he really took his time with the l-word, too. I just don’t understand it.
My therapist told me to talk to him again so I could at least try to get closure or find out whether he still loves me. Her theory is he might still love me and only said he didn’t to make it easier… what do you think? Is there a chance for us to work it out again?
P.s.: I’ve stuck to the NC rule except when I texted him about the meeting but I cleared that with my therapist beforehand. He hasn’t set a date yet but told me he’ll contact me about it after his exams in a week.
Catya
January 18, 2014 at 7:47 pm
I wanted to say:
My therapist’s theory is that he still loves me but has some other issues with the relationship which caused him to break up. She said he might think things were getting too serious too fast or he might be jealous of my first boyfriend who still plays a major role in my life, since he’s now my best friend. (I haven’t seen him for years thought and we’ve been apart for seven years, so I don’t see why he’d cause that much jealousy…)
admin
January 20, 2014 at 12:39 am
I can see how the ex boyfriend thing could bug a guy.
If I was in your boyfriends shoes and dating you I would be a little jealous about that.
Because it’s one of those things “does she still have feelings for him?” “Maybe HE has feelings for her and if they ever met up they would cheat on me.”
I am a very secure guy and probably way too trusting with women BUT even I would think that.
dream
January 17, 2014 at 10:35 am
hi
wish i knew about the nc rule from beginning but a guy friend suggested to ignore him.. i didn’t get it but after reading yours and some other sites on this concept. it get it. but i have a couple questions. first, would if you have a small child together and see him during drop off/pick ups. how do you go about having NC? secondly, would if their is another woman that he may but denies it, left me in order to pursue. she is married and lives out of state but a childhood crush/girlfriend? he hasn’t been too forthcoming. after their initial phone contact .. a couple months went by and she separated from her husband and then two months ago, he separated with me but we have a child though are not married, we have been in a loving committed relationship for almost 6 years. a couple weeks before he left, he emotionally renewed his commitment to our relationship and compatibility. had me promise to believe him when he says that no matter what happens will always come home. well he hasn’t come home. stays with his parents and i only found out about the other woman and adulteress a couple weeks ago. before this he had said he left so we can work on our friendship in order to have a stronger relationship. then it was always a different reason. because i know he loves me and i him and we have a beautiful family with issues that we had committed to get counseling for recently but then he left. a few years ago, this woman had drunk dialed him and i had answered a couple of the calls. then suggested she call in daytime hours in order to have better luck reaching him since he was asleep both times i answered. then and now, my ex said she was being mistreated by her partner. my ex says he doesn’t care about doing what’s right anymore and seems almost obsessed with the fantasy of rekindling a crush/relationship with this woman. he’s known her for 14 years and she is amazing he says. such good friends yet, she wasn’t aware of his two sons. one with me and another with a woman he dated along the time he was long distance dating this other woman. she was supposedly hurt that he then chose to be with me and continued our relationship even tho she was in a unhealthy relationship and potentially available. when i asked him if she was getting counseling for the abuse she went through. he retracted the suggestion that it was more then normal disagreeements. almost suggesting i call the husband to move things along with their separation. this behavior is so out of character and he is a family man and i thought respected a person’s marriage or relationship. this has caused his family and our’s a lot of pain and our 2 year old separation anxiety. plus putting her husband through the added ordeal of another man in the picture along with whatever he may do with that information. he spent an excessive amount of money on flying her out ofr two days and booking a nice hotel where he says they didn’t have “sexual relations” since she is a good person and is still married. tho i’m sure they had relations. imo if you haven’t been in a relationship with someone in over a decade and it was as a child. an exceptional person would respect not only their vows but an interest who recently had a child. oh i think their is an immigration issue as well. it’s just all around a bad situation that screams not going to work. he’s not thinking normally and i’m sure there was some deep psychological unresolved issues in their childhood interaction. so even when i bring up that she is married and that means life commitment, he gets upset and says not to say that but after rejecting her interest in our relationship several times and in a previous relationship. he lets himself have an emotional affair 4 months before he left then when she had planned a visit to see a different friend in our state. he seemed to time it accordingly. i care greatly for my ex and believe that he does me and that this isn’t healthy or for the right reasons but out of some emotionally driven need. she may have made him feel guilt or responsibility to her. idk all i know is that we were growing and have an adorable toddler who has taken up the habit since he left of repeating mommy daddy baby. we had talked about our future and although due to finances that are now resolved and stresses brought on by an case of terrible two’s which is reaching three and calming now. i believe their phone talk started as an escape for diapers and dodging toddler tossed objects. then may have moved into would if or if only or infatuation and tension that seemed or maybe is real. i just don’t see it as real since he didn’t choose her when he could have so many times in the past but seemed to get a thrill out of the interest of course. plus she is married says it’s for citizenship but my sense says not. she knows he has two children and rent to pay yet allowed him to splurge on her. which isn’t the behavior i’d think an amazing friend would go along with. after reflection i know what my part in our separation was and it was my putting up a wall around my heart out of exhaustion and just to get through a transition in our life but i had forgot about withdrawing and didn’t realize i wasn’t accepting his love completely. which after he left i have let go and of course fallen in love again with our hero as we like to describe him. initially i took his lead and tried to do things that reflected change in me and confidence in a new way of doing things in our relationship and he wouldn’t budge. so i pleaded, stated my case of love and vision, was intimate with him, texted him long emotional reasons why she deserves a love like his just not his. and he insists that she is not the reason he left it was just a coincidence but i think it’s that his ego won’t allow that vulnerability but it’s very clear he took up being a super single dad on Facebook and was all about building our friendship. perhaps in hopes of seeming less attached to me and his family. so we are going to go to counseling for closure or love? he said he’ll be open but until her spell is broken i don’t know if he will be open to anything other then showing her he is good to go .. which i know by his out of character, dishonest, unhealthy, unethical, and putting his family at risk by a alleged domestic violence situation. all these behaviors are out of his character and not of a person who is thinking with clarity. in his own words he doesn’t care. almost like a teenage obsession which may be mutual. oops didn’t mean to put it all out there but i really want to do things by the book and i know that we love each other. or i wouldn’t put so much faith in a man who is acting like a reckless fool. i can’t let a bad decision keep us from living our dream life we worked so hard to create.
admin
January 20, 2014 at 12:11 am
Sorry I missed something… alleged domestic violence? Explain that to me.
vickie
January 12, 2014 at 9:56 pm
i dint call my exfor a week nd he calledby 12noon to wish me merry christmas.he smiles weneva he sees me,nd shook hands too.weneva i ask him if he wants me to cum back to him,he’ll say that i dint go anywhere before
do u think he still loves,,me..
Angel
January 8, 2014 at 7:05 pm
Yes he wanted to talk to you. You texed first though and that was a chance for him to call you he felt safe to do this. You should have called him back if your interested if you’re not leave him be. He hasn’t called you back because he was expecting you too out if respect I would have texted back or called him to say hi how are you or have s conversstion with him.
Andrea
January 10, 2014 at 11:34 pm
My ex boyfriend keeps talking about me to my friends and saying mean stuff about me.Does he still have feelings for me but won’t admit it?
Angel
January 8, 2014 at 7:15 pm
Sounds like you deliberately wanted s response from him hence including him in the group text so it wouldn’t be too obvious.
Do you like him? Want yo talk to him? Then do it no need to ask for an opinion from others he only knows the answer and don’t be afraid to ask him.
He’s also wondering why you texted him and so on, I would do the same if I were him and he called you back, out of respect I would have replied.
Fran
January 8, 2014 at 2:18 pm
I found your site this evening and wanting to learn more on anything i dont know of from what i do know so far – My bf and I have broken up now 10 weeks – he wanted to talk at the time of breakup but i was so mad I didnt, now I didnt talk with him for 6 weeks (except i’ll be honest and say I only emailed him for a receipt for the payment i made to him on a refrigerator he purchased while we lived together within the first 2 weeks of breakup) but I contacted him Christmas day, and he was still angry and hostile with me, so last 2 weeks I didnt bother with him and today, I felt compelled to see him and ask to talk and he says, ‘i wanted to’ and i told him, ‘i was angry and I wasnt going to be rational and that is why Ive come to see you’, plus at the time he moved out, he left a note saying he wanted to talk, which i emailed him with im done knowing he wanted to break up with me – i was mad.
Now with today’s meetup, he wasnt keen on getting back together, telling me where i went wrong, which i didnt even realise what it was (which was being too much at my parents and not listening which according to him was that Im always right and refuse to listen to other people, which I only appear to be right if im knowledgeable about it, not for the hell of it), and he claims he cant do it again (we have broken up 3 times in 4 years – one month after starting out, 1 year after starting out and now 2 1/2 years after the last one).
Thing is, he isnt interested in getting involved with anyone else, i knew it was me who had to make the move as he isnt the type to chase or make first contact so its hard, and I thanked him for letting me talk and asked him if it was alright for me to call him and talk again and he said yes – although Im not implementing this for a week or so – i dont want to pressure him and I want to look into the problems he said I caused, to improve myself but I am so much wanting him back because, he has been the only one that I have felt right for me, or the one to spend my life with and I really want to fix this.
So on this topic here, does this mean, even though he says he doesnt want to be with me (or risk it) but he said its ok for me to get in touch to talk again, does this mean, if i work slowly at it, I may have a chance to get him back? Or he has something but being tough about it?
Fran
January 8, 2014 at 2:21 pm
‘Something’ meaning still has feelings although is denying them?
Isabel
January 5, 2014 at 4:22 am
So me and my boyfriend well now my Ex broke up this is the 3rd time it happen I miss him so much!!! We broke because we got in a fight he lied about something and I was mad at him so he just broke up with me. Couple of days ago he told me that he still likes me!! I was so happy but he wants to get over me :(. After that my friends said I was seeing someone (which I’m not) and he said who they told him that couldn’t tell so he got mad at them because they wouldn’t tell. So he texted me and ask me but I didn’t tell him. And he really wanted to know. Also he told me he liked a girl who liked him back and she wanted to go out with him but he won’t go out with her and another girl likes him too. I want him back so bad but I don’t know what to do anymore! Now I find myself listening to sad songs and not even caring anymore. All I want is him!! Please someone help me he was the first boy I loved and I was the first girl he loved. I need help please. 🙁 I just want him back.
admin
January 5, 2014 at 8:14 pm
Have you entered into a NC rule yet?
Isabel
January 6, 2014 at 1:33 am
What’s the NC rule?
admin
January 6, 2014 at 6:14 pm
The no contact rule.
Isabel
January 6, 2014 at 10:27 pm
Oh I try but at school he won’t stop messing with me it gets annoying like I can’t talk to other boys because he gets in my way.
Lucia
January 7, 2014 at 11:06 pm
You can’t make excuses honey. Block his number, turn your phone off. I know the feeling though:-/
Isabel
January 9, 2014 at 12:39 am
I’m not making excuses, really I promise he just comes out of no where and blocks my way or he will get in front of me when I’m talking to someone and bug me!! It’s annoying like really annoying! But now he is say I’m going out with his BestFriend which I’m not.
Isabel
January 9, 2014 at 12:39 am
*Saying*
Sivling Wang
January 5, 2014 at 2:52 am
We broke up with some personal reasons, I made him reached his limit of patience with me. After I realized how stupid I was, he said everything was too late. He wants to move on n he asks me to do so while I still guilty n love him that much. Now we are in the no contact rules, as he said he really annoyed to hear or know sth from me. We were in love really strong for almost 2year with a long distance as well, whst I doubt now if he still has feelings for me? As he said many times that he has no feelings anymore. But now I see his change profile picture with the T-shirt n the string I bought for him. Can it be also a little hope that he still think of me?
admin
January 5, 2014 at 8:06 pm
There is no doubt in my mind that he thinks of you.
Sivling Wang
January 6, 2014 at 5:28 am
What’s the next step after no contacts ? I don’t know if he still want me again, esp we are in long distance relationship. He decided to leave relationship, do u think he wants me back? I tried to apologies him n ask to be back but he always said it too late. He hurts till afraid to be hurt again. He even talk sth that hurt n mean with me when I still talk with him. But now we no contact for almost 2 weeks n tomorrow will b our 2nd anniversary. It is going to kill me with that. He not delete everything with me in Facebook, me either. But I don’t feel the next move for us can b back or not , as both of our family also know about our break up. Can u tell me is there any hope between me n him?
Jessica
January 4, 2014 at 6:49 pm
My boyfriend and I are going through a no contact phase because we were having a hard time communicating lately. We still loved each other but the relationship was making us unhappy, so we’ve decided not to talk for two months.
We had already decided to have a break a few weeks before, but he came to my house for a weekend to be close since I’d had surgery and he wanted to take care of me.
He did so, and although we had decided to spend the weekend together just as friends we ended up confessing our feelings for each other and rationally deciding for the no contact 60 days in order to solve the problems that were causing us to fight. This should end at valentine’s day, when I’ll go to his city to spend the weekend with him and try to have a fresh start.
He’s showing some really confusing behavior that is causing me to question his intentions though. He texted saying he missed me for christmas, I replied. Then he started posting on Facebook all sorts of plans for the future, so I unfriended him because it was messing with my nerves and going through this is hard enough without mind games. Eventually we talked on the phone and although he sounded really caring and loving he said that at the moment he doesn’t know what he feels and he’s just happy being single.
Later he texted me out of the blue saying he’s been watching some movies I liked and reading my favorite books and he liked them, but then he started rambling about the fact that Valentine’s day is for conventional people and restaurants are more expensive than usual, so he bought some bottles of Dom Perignon and we’ll stay home drinking that and he’ll cook, so he’ll save some money to take me to a festival abroad with him the following month. To me nothing of all this makes sense, the Dom is way more expensive than dinner so money can’t be the problem. My friends say he probably doesn’t want to be seen around with me, but then why is he making plans about the future?
I love him and I want to get back with him but I don’t know what to expect or how to behave frankly. I’m afraid he’s just going to forget me and by the time February comes he just won’t be interested. I’ve picked a really nice outfit for the occasion but what if by looking like I’m dressing up for him I just look like the puller and I cause him to act disinterested? Also, he lives 3 hours away from my city. I have a few friends in his city, should I arrange to actually spend the weekend with them except the “dates” I’ll have with him over the 3 days? I don’t intend to get in touch with him before the no contact period is over, but making up my mind about that weekend and knowing what to expect and how to behave would make me feel a lot better right now… 🙁
Sorry for the never ending message and thank you!!
admin
January 5, 2014 at 7:42 pm
I guess the best thign I can think of off the top of my head is my long distance post. Have you read that?
Jessica
January 5, 2014 at 10:38 pm
Thank you so much for replying, Chris! 🙂
Yes I’ve read it, but it doesn’t apply to the situation because I don’t need to get him to text me since we already mutually agreed on the day we’ll talk again to discuss the details of the date on Valentine’s day.
Also, I’m working on myself and on my faults that caused us to split.. I’ve read all your posts but I don’t know how to keep the date short with the distance.. I’d be the one traveling since he booked all sorts of events in his city (just because I live in a really small swiss town where there’s nothing, we have the alps in the middle and he lives in Zurich so there was no alternative), and I won’t travel for 3 hours to spend an hour with him and then travel back, that’d make me look stupid, wouldn’t it…
He planned dinner on friday, museum on saturday morning, opera on saturday night, astronomical observatory after that and classical concerts on sunday. Should I tell him I’m not interested in all that to increase my chances with him? I think he’d just get super mad because he already spent more than $2000 in tickets and booking the observatory just for us…
And you don’t mention sex anywhere… if things go well during a date, is that allowed? Or should I wear a chastity belt to make sure I don’t fall for it?
So, considering all this, should I sleep at friends that weekend and meet him only for the dates he scheduled or should I stay at his place?
Lindsey
January 3, 2014 at 7:21 pm
I had a boyfriend who I felt safe and loved been with him. But I treated him bad, I didnt meant to I just didnt knew how to handle my self. I used to get very jealous and got mad when he talk to girls…he stop doing that. We had got in a big fight when he was talking to this girl I got really jealous when he sent her a winky face and he still wanted to talk to her because supposly they were bestfriends. He left her for I would be happier. We fought because I used to get mad at little things too, but I really love him. He made me realize after my break up that things arent always going to be my way. He gaved me a second chance I messed it up by giving an attitude because he didnt knew if he was going to come to my house for my birthday and that same we were going to make 9 months or if he to go to his cousins 15. I got mad and he started to say how I have manipulated him, yes I get that I had cut my self once because I didnt knew what to do, I promised him I wouldnt do it again a long time ago but he still mention it he said that I will always be a jealous type and how he wants to talk to other girls because he told me that back then girls were who got along with he said that the guys he were friends with were assholes. And he kept blamming things on me…he said how if we were to stay friends if it would be weird…when he said that I started crying…he told me a story of his life that I never knew..then he broke up with me…i wanted to change his mind so I kept saying dont or I love you please dont do this…. now he deleted me and my family from social media such as facebook and he deleted all of our pictures..my mom had called him on new years eve saying why …and since I hadnt stop crying and I was outside all day and was getting sick…he said what he told me to my mom and how he didnt loved me anymore ,how he had snap out and didnt love me. My mom left him alone ..my sister in law called him because of me..i was getting highly depressed and same thing…he said to her that only spoiled people cry and trow tantrums..i thought to my self ..im not spoiled if I rarely can even eat everyday..and such…after that I been searching here on google trying to know how to get him back..i love him and I had told him that I regret treating him like that and so on and I told his brother that I love his brother and how I was going to not bother non ofthem and for his brother to just have time to think . But that was it. After that I deactivated my facebook. I now woken up since he’s gone of how I did things and now I have cleared my mind and now know how and what I should change because yes I was a pain in the ass, but now I know and I am changing because I think its necessary and I told him I was going to change and everything but I dont think he believes it. I want to win his heart back ,but I dont know how I love him dearly I always told him I love his and I always told him how I aprecciated what he has done for me I said thank you. Please help me how to win him back. Ive been searching for reverse pshycology ,but I dont have the money to afford it…please help me. It’ll mean soo much too me, I really do love him.
admin
January 4, 2014 at 6:43 pm
Have you attempted to go full NC yet?
lindsey
January 5, 2014 at 8:48 am
i havent talk to him if you mean no contact (NC),
ever since he left me which was on dec 31st its been almost a week (about to be 5 days) and my birthday is almost here jan 8th ..it might be depressing since in that same day we would of made 9 months. I want him back..i havent put pressure on him whatsoever..my last message i had sent him was of me changing and how i thank him for telling me what i did wrong and i was going to change, and i know i shouldnt change for anybody but he is not just anyone to me. He i smore than that. Have any tips on how to win his heart back?
Lindsey
January 4, 2014 at 8:30 pm
What do you mean go full NC yet?
Lindsey
January 5, 2014 at 4:51 am
you mean no contact? yeah i havent talked to him since dec the 31st, about 4 days now and still going..its jan 4th today his brothers birthday..soon to be my birthday on jan 8th..i dont know what to do, i really do love him not even kidden
Dream girl
January 2, 2014 at 5:27 pm
I have an ex who we both loved eachother so much, and he was my first actual love out of any of my exes. We had a very bad breakup, things didn’t end very well. And in the mean time trying to recover from it I met my current borfriend who treats me so good, he tries to give me everything and does everything for me. But 4-5 months later my ex comes back saying he’s sorry and wants me back.. I want him back but I just didn’t want to miss out on an opportunity of a great guy with my boyfriend.. My ex messeges me he loves me, he misses me, sends me songs telling me how he’s feeling and wants me back, he tells me he realizes he can’t live without me, that he wants to give me everything and do everything for me now, that he wants to have a family with me. He always messeges me first, when we used to be in a relationship I was always the one messeging him first and all that. He tells me that as long as I’m happy he’s happy but whenever I tell him I have to move on he comes back. He drove an hour and left work to come see me so he can spend some time with me even if my decision was a no. I do still love him but I’m not sure who I should go to?? I no that my ex had found out that he had a child but he never cheated on me this was before we got together. And I guess that’s what’s holding me back also was that I wanted to have somebody’s first child. I was starting to fall for my current boyfriend but sometimes I feel like I have so much more in common with my ex than I do my current bf. with my ex I’m happy and with my current I’m so mean and get irritated and I feel bad. I no that my family didn’t like my ex but then again they’ve never completely met him and saw what I seen in him. Iv known my ex for 5 years and weve just clicked since then but we were only together for 5 months. All of or family was in the way not accepting it and it was very difficult for both of us having to sneak around. We both have a great history together. Is it bad that I think of my ex when I’m wht my bf?? Or that I talk to him here and there behind my bf back?? And I don’t really know the reason I do it just feels good. Should I just let go or go back?? I need some help …
admin
January 2, 2014 at 6:48 pm
It’s not bad its just you need to figure out who you want.
Sree lakshmi
December 31, 2013 at 5:14 pm
when i was in 8th i met him who loved me…bt i reacted negatively bt in my mind i too had an attraction for him and after 3 years i told him that i too loved him and the 4 year love changed into a relationship but the problem was tat he was a christian and he never wanted to hurt his parents and so one day he broke up with me …it has been 1 year and i still love him and cry at night and he want me to remain as friends but one day when i unfriended him from facebook he reacted but aftr tat too he want me as a friend…..how can i know that he still loves me?please give me a reply to my mail
Rocky
December 30, 2013 at 8:42 pm
My ex and I have been together for 6 years and we have two young children together, we recently split up and were living apart for several weeks, but we started talking again every now and then, four weeks into the separation everything was getting back on track and we were discussing the things that went wrong, he told me he still loved me and I did him, we got intimate about three times and I thought all was going to work out. One night we were having dr I nks and I simply asked him about who he had been talking to on fb (he never had fb when we were together and activated it when we split) he started getting defense and a fight started, he continued to ask me to leave after this (we own the house together) I didn’t want to leave but he made it apparant he wasn’t going to stop asking so I left and waited for a taxi, I came back 30 mins later because no taxi arrived and I was waiting on the street after am. When I returned he was on the phone to some women packing a bag for him and the girls saying it was his solicitor, I rang the police who confirmed my suspicions, that would not be his solicitor, he snuck off and left, I rang him and asked if he had gone with her and he said yes. I tried to keep calling him and he blocked my calls. We have spoken now but I initiate it and he has no interest in sorting it. He hasn’t seen his children in five days and says he can’t because he is ‘homeless’ and won’t have them stay with him at a mates, I don’t understand because he chose to be homeless. I have offered him to come home and I will move out and leave my keys for him and he still refused. I don’t know what to think and am really hurt that we were getting back on track one minute and the next he did that. He assures me he isn’t with anyone and doesn’t plan on it, but I just don’t trust him, I haven’t spoken to him for two days and it’s already killing me. He blames me for everything that night saying I’m controllinh, but I just wanted to know the truth. Im so lost and hurt what should I do?
D
December 30, 2013 at 4:38 am
Hi there, first of all, just want to say thank you for your website. Very good advice! Wonder if you can help my situation? The ex and I had a bitter break up 4 months ago. Went into no contact for two months. Recently got back in contact. Decided to be friends. We have met up for dinner, had a wonderful time, clearly still have feelings for each other but have not pursued anything more, no physical contact, just purely friendship.
I think we’re both scarred from our relationship failure and too scared to try again but there is so much love between us.. Do you think a relationship is salvageable or is it best to just admit defeat and move on.. It’s incredibly hard when two people love each other but maybe we just truly aren’t right for each other.. Thanks again for any advice you can give.
Candie
December 29, 2013 at 8:04 am
Hi, I am needing some advice. My ex fiance broke up me for a second time recently. Basically, we got in a fight over the phone and he just blew up and said that he couldn’t handle the emotional burden of our relationship anymore while maintaining his sobriety and recovery and that he was breaking up with me. He was very hostile and cold following this break up (just as he was during our first breakup about 6 months ago, but he came crawling back not even 3 weeks later); anyway, as I was saying, he was very hostile and cold for about 4 or 5 days. He was telling me not to contact him unless it was important or he would change his number, etc. Then one evening he called me – only a few hours after a hostile text session – to inform me that he had a dream about me and was thinking about me. We talked on the phone for almost an hour, we texted as well; I was very nonchalant, and was actually out with a friend and took some time responding which seemed to get to him. I woke up the next morning to a phone call for no real reason, just chatting on his walk to work; after hanging up I realize that before the call he had sent like 4 texts trying to get my attention, but I had been sleeping. From there we maintained contact on a regular basis, at first he was distant, but it did progress to where we expressing our love for one another and talking about working things out; he even mentioned our future plans that we used to share and things like that. We saw each other on Friday 12/20 and then I did not hear from him at all. I tried to call him a few times and was told by roommates that he was not home. Yesterday, after just having enough of the lack of contact I decided to go see him at his work and see what was going on. He works at a pizza place so I originally planned to just order a pizza and see if we could chat for a moment, I have done this in the past when we were together and it never bothered him, otherwise I would never have dreamed of doing such a thing. Well, when I got there he was outside riding his skateboard home because he had gotten off work early. I flagged him and he looked stunned, he was very cold and basically acted as if none of the stuff we did or talked about since our official breakup had happened or mattered at all; he told me he didn’t want to associate with me anymore, etc. I am so confused.
Mimi
December 22, 2013 at 3:20 pm
I found your website yesterday and it has really helped me with a lot of questions that I had. My ex called it off on Monday night with me. He said that my reaction to a particular comment that he made caused him to realize that we were definitely not good for each other. He said that I shouldn’t call him anymore. I was devastated. We’ve had many “fake” breakups over the past year but continued to live our lives together as though we never separated. This time has been different. We haven’t seen each other in 5 days. Not at all common. However, I’ve respected his wishes and without realizing it implemented the NC rule since Monday and low and behold he called me twice on Friday about random things. Then I accidentally butt dialed him and he answered immediately with joy in his voice attempting to keep me on the phone. Your NC rule seems to work. I am dealing with a combination stubborn angry guy so we’ll see how it goes from this point.
admin
December 22, 2013 at 8:04 pm
Keep on keeping on if it is working.
Marissa
December 22, 2013 at 8:06 am
My story is complicated, it goes like this well I dated Shaun my ex for about a year in a half and now there was lies got in the between us, by the way we had a long distance relationship I knew it wasn’t gonna last because he cheated on me with some chick, I’m thinking is this how your ending it, were through. So I ended things with him, after a few months he starts contacting with me on Facebook saying that he loves me, still does, hopes me and him go out one day, I’m thinking why is he doing this, plus I have a boyfriend and how do I know if he loves me or not, can someone tell me :/
admin
December 22, 2013 at 7:55 pm
Well, if you are already dating someone I would sort that out first.
Marissa
December 23, 2013 at 1:33 am
How do I like sort it out who do I have to talk to?
admin
December 23, 2013 at 8:08 pm
What do you mean?
Marissa
December 24, 2013 at 4:06 pm
Like do I have to talk with my ex or boyfriend about it?
PB
December 20, 2013 at 12:59 am
This week, my ex and I have been talking to each other (at school) a bit more. Neither of us has texted the other yet. (I just ended my NC, so I will be texting him this weekend.)
My ex has been less touchy with the girl he was (is?) interested in (she rejected him, but he still tried his hardest. He used to try to shove himself next to her to walk with her into the school, but he stopped doing that this week. He also stopped trying to talk to her as much as he could.). He actually started a conversation with me a couple of days ago, to my surprise.
Sometimes I look up and in the corner of my eye I see him glancing/turning away from my direction. I think he might occasionally glance at me, but I can’t be sure. (I think he might still be glancing at the other girl too, but definitely not as much.)
This is very little to look at, but do you think that these are positive signs?
admin
December 21, 2013 at 3:28 am
I think they are positive signs haha
PB
December 21, 2013 at 12:01 am
An update for today:
In the morning, my ex was texting the other girl. (From what I could glance at from a few feet away, their conversation didn’t seem that interesting.) Later on, he and I ended up being stuck sitting next to each other for a ceremony at my school. (I wasn’t trying to sit next to him, but I guess he didn’t feel the need to completely avoid me like he used to.)
We said nothing to each other for a while, until eventually he said a movie quote to his friend, and I pointed out what movie it was from and ask him casually if I had seen it with him. He said probably, then hinted at the fact that he and I used to mess around during movies. (He did that before when I reached out to him through text a month ago, but although it seemed rather flirty to me, he was all over the other girl the next day.) During the ceremony, he often rested his arm in a way where it was touching my arm (it was a light touch, but it was definitely noticeable). I didn’t move if he moved his arm back against mine, but I did move if I accidentally brushed him.
After the ceremony, neither of us really talked to each other. I did ask him a question (he seemed like he was walking in the wrong direction and I wondered where he was going) and then later told him a short happy birthday.
Whenever I talk to him, he seems rather wide-eyed and he laughs a little. I don’t know if that means anything good, or if he’s just uncomfortable.
What do you think about my situation? Do you think he’s showing signs that he still has feelings?
hannah
December 19, 2013 at 9:33 pm
my ex and I were together for almost 8 months then he randomly texted me after lunch breaking up with me, we were broken up for a week and he asked me out again, I said yes, we dated for about another 2 and a half weeks then he dumped me again because he said its because he doesn’t have time for me and im to young for him (hes a year and 6 months older than me) , a week later he got a new girlfriend and then broke up with her 4 days later on her birthday, then another week later he got another new girlfriend who is even younger than me she is 3 years younger than him, today (he is still with that girl they have been together 2 days0 he texted me saying he misses me and ill always hold a place in his heart and he wants to get back together in the future when hes “less busy” and he loves me so much and all this sweet stuff I said maybe and right after I was walking out of the class room he was kissing her what on earth is going on
admin
December 21, 2013 at 3:16 am
He wounds like a real jerk to me… Like he is purposefully doing this to hurt you and rub it in.