Probably the most consistent question that people ask me in our Private Facebook Community is,
“Chris, how do I know if my ex is still in love with me?”
In this post I’m going to teach you the most common behaviors that you can expect an ex to exhibit if they are still in love with you.
I’m also going to be sharing a few new case studies that I’ve never shared anywhere else before to illustrate my point.
Let’s get started.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSigns That Mean Your Ex Is Still In Love With You
Initially you may not think ten signs is a lot when it comes to understanding if your ex is still in love with you.
I’ll admit, there are probably a lot more than ten signs out there. However, what I really wanted to focus on were the most common signs that I am seeing in my work with clients.
Here is the breakdown,
- Your ex will find reasons to text you (sometimes ridiculous reasons)
- Your ex will start to invest more time into you
- Your ex may reach out to your family and friends
- Your ex may start to buy you gifts
- Your ex will act jealous
- Your ex will begin to exhibit unconscious signs of interest
- Your ex slips up and uses pet names
- Nostalgic reverie in interactions with you
- They watch every one of your instagram stories
- They send a spy to check on you
These signs may not seem revolutionary to you but what makes them revolutionary are the case studies I have to back some of them up.
I always believe that you learn more by seeing the experience of others first hand and that is what I hope to accomplish with this post.
Let’s get started.
Sign #1: Your Ex Will Find Reasons To Text You
I wanted to start off with a bang so I’m going to tell you a story.
At the beginning of this year I began working with a client who found herself in a very difficult position.
Her ex had broken up with her out of the blue and had taken up with another woman. Initially, when I began working with her I thought her situation would be among the most difficult that I’ve ever taken on.
However, after following the process outlined here my client began to see some slow results.
Strangely enough my clients birthday happened to fall right in the middle of her no contact rule. That’s when she received this text,
You may be wondering who “Rocky” is, right?
Well, it’s not this guy,
No, Rocky was her dog.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizYes, you read that right.
Her ex texted her about buying a present for her dog.
It’s ridiculous, right?
Here’s the thing. I’ve noticed that when an ex still has feelings for you a common thing for them to do is to find any reason to reach out to you.
As a general rule of thumb, the more ridiculous the reason for reaching out to you the more likely it is that they still have feelings for you.
Sign #2: Your Ex Will Start To Invest More Time In You
I’ve often talked about “the interdependence theory.”
I use it as a primary foundation for how to make an ex commit to you.
If you want a quick explanation this is the best I can do for you,
Interdependence Theory: When human beings are making commitment decisions they use a pro (benefits) and cons (costs) list. Ultimately they will commit to the person they feel has more pros than cons.
I even dig deeper and starts talking about three things that human beings use to compile their “pro and cons” list.
- Satisfaction
- Alternatives
- Investment
Interestingly, when scientists studied these three factors they determined that human beings will actually stay in a relationship they are unhappy with if they feel they’ve invested too much.
Therefore, investment seems to be one of the most important facts when you look at getting someone to commit.
The problem with that is that there is a huge misconception about what investment is.
A lot of people look at it like it’s only something involving money.
But money is just one type of thing someone can do to invest into the relationship. Here’s a few more examples of what investment can be,
- Spending Money
- Opening Up To You In A Way Your Ex Never Has Before
- Spending Time With You
- Relying On You Above All Others
Here’s my point.
If your ex starts investing more of their time and emotional energy into your relationship. It’s a sign that they still might be in love with you.
Sign #3: Your Ex May Reach Out To Your Family And Friends
When I was 19 years old I went through my first breakup ever and probably like yours it wasn’t exactly what you would call a “calm breakup.”
At 19 the breakup devastated me and I started feeling emotions that I had never experienced before. One of the ways that I would try to “expel” these emotions was by talking to my exes best friend.
There was a window where I wanted my ex back and the following thought crossed through my mind,
“Maybe if I could just talk to her best friend she’ll catch wind of it and look at me in a new light.”
Here’s what I’m getting at.
When someone is heartbroken and still has feelings for you it’s not such a stretch to believe that they are going to reach out to those who are close to you.
It’s their very strange way of trying to be close with you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSign #4: Your Ex May Start To Buy You Gifts
Technically speaking this sign is just another form of investment (refer to sign #2 for that.) However, it’s something that I see happening so commonly that I felt it deserved it’s own “sign.”
The thing I’d really like to touch on here is the fact that there are different levels of gifts.
I’ll never forget the advice I gave to one of my first coaching clients that revolutionized the way she looked at relationships. I was explaining this concept of investment to her and we brainstormed an amazing idea.
The end goal my client wanted to achieve was to have her ex ask for her back.
So, I suggested that one way to do this was to get him to invest a lot of time, energy and money into their relationship.
We accomplished this by planning to progressively get him to up the intensity of the gifts that he was buying her.
(Since he was already buying small gifts for her.)
Notice how at the beginning she is only dropping hints of liking flowers with the hope that he’ll buy her flowers. But as time goes on and her ex bought her more gifts the gifts themselves become more extravagant.
- Taking her to dinner
- Taking her to the opera
- Taking her on a boat ride around the city
By getting her ex to invest more in the gifts he was already buying for her it forced him to confront the reality of how he really felt for this beauty he was buying all these gifts for.
Sign #5: Your Ex Will Act Jealous
I don’t care what anyone says,
Jealousy = Good
In my book, if your ex is showing his or her jealous side it means something. After all, we don’t get jealous if we find our previous exes who we are over start dating or showing interest in someone else.
I’ve only ever been jealous of someone that I have feelings for and I think most human beings are that way.
Sure, you can envy someones position in life and be jealous of that but that’s not the kind of jealousy that I am referring to here.
Now, what I am talking about here is being jealous specifically of someone else showing interest in your previous romantic partner or having your previous romantic partner show interest in someone else.
You are only jealous because on some level you still care very deeply.
I’ll give you an example. In this article I wrote about a very popular jealousy tactic that’s being used in our Facebook Group.
Essentially you go to dinner with someone, it doesn’t matter what gender the person is. Once you get your food out you take a picture of your food with that persons arm in the picture,
The idea here is that if you post that picture with someones arm in the picture your ex will grow jealous.
It sounds stupid but I got the idea on a coaching call after hearing that this exact thing happened to one of his clients.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizApparently she had posted a picture of her food (without knowledge that this persons arm was in the picture) innocently not even trying to make her ex jealous.
Of course, she got this text a few hours later,
Can you imagine how obsessive that persons ex is?
For him to notice some random persons arm.
That ex is still very much in love for him to have a reaction that way.
That’s my take.
Sign #6: Your Ex Exhibits Unconscious Signs Of Interest?
So, what are unconscious signs of interest?
Simply put, it’s types of things that your ex is going to be doing that indicate they are interested in you without them being consciously aware of them.
Common examples include,
- Your ex leaning towards you they’re attracted to you
- Leaning away from you means they aren’t as interested in you
- Blushing a lot
- Talking about stories of the past
- Mirroring
All of these are unconscious signs of attraction.
All good signs, except maybe the leaning away from you bit but I had to leave that in.
Sign #7: You Ex Slips Up And Uses Pet Names
Pet names in case you don’t know occur when your ex lovingly refer to you as,
- Honey
- Babe
- Baby
- Love
- Birdy
But sometimes pet names can be less obvious. One of my best friends in high school used to call his girlfriend “brat.”
Seems mean, right?
Not to him.
It was like his own personal pet name for his girlfriend and he always said it with a smile.
We just got done talking about unconscious signs of interest above and in a weird way this is a variation of that. Your ex “slipping up” and calling you by a pet name gives you a window into their mind.
Sign #8: Nostalgic Reverie In Interactions With You
Coach Anna and I believe that nostalgic reverie is crucial to the ex recovery process.
So, what is nostalgic reverie?
Simply put it’s when your ex is overcome these extreme bouts of nostalgia.
It might also help us to explain “hot and cold” behavior. Often time an ex is really hot when they are having the bouts of nostalgia and cold when the nostalgia wears off. Of course, for some exes that nostalgia is so overpowering that the hot phase never goes away.
How do you tell if your ex is experiencing this?
Pay attention to the kinds of subjects they are bringing up in conversations with you.
Is it a good memory from the past?
If so, that’s an incredibly good sign.
Sign #9: They Watch Your Instagram Stories
This has become more and more common as the years have gone by.
In fact, being on point with your instagram game is so important I did an entire video on it.
One of the interesting trends I’ve noticed over the years is if you notice your ex watching your instagram stories after the breakup.
And they don’t miss a beat.
This indicates they are obsessing about you and checking that instagram story is a way of feeding that obsession.
Sign #10: They Send A Spy To Check Up On You
Remember that story I told above of talking to my exes best friend?
This is a lot like that except the difference is that your ex actively tasks a spy to check up on you.
The spy will lie of course when confronted.
YOU: “Did (insert exes name) tell you to check up on me?”
SPY: “Of course not… how could you even think that.”
The spy will then report every last thing you say to your ex because that’s the point.
The mere act of tasking a spy to check up on you indicates to me that they are very interested in what you are doing. Maybe they don’t full on love you yet if they haven’t exhibited any of the other signs mentioned but the pathway to the promised land is there.
Conclusion
Let’s recap everything that we learned today.
- Often times the more ridiculous the reason your ex uses to get ahold of you the more likely they still have feelings
- Investment can mean a lot more than money. How much time your ex is spending with you is something you really have to keep an eye on.
- When I went through a breakup and contacted my exes best friend (what a doofus.)
- Progressively raise the intensity if you find that your ex is buying you gifts. Find a way to up the ante.
- Jealousy = your ex still has feelings for you
- Pay attention to the unconscious signs of interest
- Pet names are particularly important
- Nostalgic reverie and bringing up moments of the past is also important
- Is your ex watching your instagram stories?
- Spies….
As always, I encourage people to comment on my articles. The more the merrier!
Lisa
August 24, 2018 at 1:11 am
We’ve been together for 4 years, lived together for 3, bought a house on our 3rd. We’ve been in AZ a year now. It’s here where our problems Sat in. I wasn’t able to get a Nursing job right away due to the wait time of endorsement from Cali to AZ. This year I have felt him distant but I shove the thought away because We had plans of getting married this year or next year. We broke up 2 weeks ago and I started NC a week ago after he signed off the car title to me. Before we broke up we had a 5 hour break up a week before the actual break up. He had told me that he can’t see his life without me at that time. Then a week after I asked him how we’re doing he said it’s better because I changed. Then 3 days after that I asked him again and he said it’s not getting better. I asked him if he still loves me and he said no. I cried so hard. I gave up a good job in Houston, I gave up going back to school to get my Bachelor’s to be with him because he asked me to. I moved to a place so new to me with no friends nor family. The break up was really bad. Name calling, he said he’d rather be homeless than be with me. I knelt and beg and he said ” this is why you’re not the right girl for me because my mentality is way above yours. The next night we argued again and he wanted me out of The house. The next day, I left on my own no one to help me. Then he still texted men and belittled me again and called me selfish and other mean things. I’ve been on NC for a week. We broke up 2 weeks ago. He messaged my daughter that we can use his Netflix account my daughter declined and said thank you though. Next day he Emailed me “I know I may be the last person you wanted to talk to but I want to see how you’re doing”. I didn’t respond. Day after that he texted my daughter saying “hi ____ please tell your mom I need to discuss some things with her and I need to contact her please”. I didn’t respond. My daughter just replied “ok I’ll Let her know” and he replied “thanks”. I sent him a cashiers check for my bills for my stay there after he broke up because he asked of it. He didn’t reach out after. It’s been 3 days I haven’t cried but I still love him and it still hurts. I don’t know why he’s reaching out after being so furious at me. I was thinking he wanted to discuss my payment.
Genuine
April 16, 2018 at 4:29 pm
Hi Chris, My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 5 1/2 weeks ago. I’m in my 40’s was married for 20 years, been divorced for 4 years. My boyfriend who is also in his 40’s has never been married or had kids. I have 2 teenage kids, one in college the other about to graduate HS. I have a full time career, and care for two aging parents. My boyfriend has his full time career. We do not live together. When we met we lived 30 min away from each other, but after a year he took a job 1 hour away. The distance puts a strain on the relationship. I can’t move for couple of years due to kids and parents, and legally (divorce decree). He wants me to move to where he lives and says he tired of being lonely and doesn’t want to wait any longer to buy house and get married. Now, with all that said…. here is what has transpired.
We met via a mutual friend, hit it off, he wanted a mature, beautiful, successful, loving and faithful person in his life ( which is describes how he saw me, not how I see myself). One of the desires I have is not someone’s money, or gifts, or someone to take care of me… I got that covered.. I just want someone to love me, be supportive of me ,as I would be them, and allow a feeling of security and faithfulness , and most of all trust, be the cornerstone of the relationship.
So, for first 3 months of the relationship he would tell me how beautiful I was, open doors, flowers, cards, texts all day, passion and affection.
Then…. at about 5-6 month he wanted to start moving toward a commitment. I had my reservations , which we will get too. I don’t introduce or drag people in and out of my kids lives.. so I waited to introduce him. At about 6-8 months he shared with me he had been through a bankruptcy and that’s why he still rented instead of owning. His business crashed in 2008… in our time together I noticed he was frugal and in our frist 6-8 months he paid for our dates. I offered from to time .. and was happy to to help and offered. . However as time went on he started to complain about taking me out cause of his finances, and I started paying more… he started complaining that I wasn’t giving him affection like he wanted. He said that in his other relationships that he always had affection from them, he started to complain about the distance(1 hourdrive) and said he wanted to come home to someone everyday. So at about 1 1/2 years ( last summer)… I just felt him pulling away and “ knocking me off my pedestal he put me on”. He had our picture on his phone.. which was one of me kissing him on the cheek… He took it off…would blow hot and cold. Over the last year my mom and dad have had several health problems…that kept us from seeing each other like we wNted but he never once offered to come and support me with their illness or be there for me.
We have now broke up twice.. one month apart. He broke up with me first time the day my mom had a stroke then a month later he broke up with me again when my dad fell. Both times I had been scheduled to drive to his house for weekend.
So, here it is. 5 1/2 weeks I iniated contact twice by text. I called once only for him to yell at me because I can’t move, he wants to buy house and ***says he can’t buy one by himself*** , and that he doesn’t want to move my way and live an hour away and drive that distance everyday to work. He said he will always love me but he wants to buy house and have someone to come home to everyday. He said he couldn’t wait 2 more years. I’m devastated. I love this man, I always went out of my way to make as much of a priority as possible. It’s tough with two kids, work and Sick parents. I been NC for 17 days. When I talked to him last we said we love each other, it all sucks, and that he was sorry he couldn’t wait. His last text to me was “I’m sorry hun”He said he was tired being alone. I know it’s hard to do distance but we never been longer than 30 min to 1 hour drive apart. At exactly 4 weeks he put a new FB profile up marked single. **** We both have been off FB for last two years. We decided to do that cause I think FB hard on relationships and drama. So he now has his single status profile up. He can see I’m still not on. I’ve vanished over last 17 days. I do have Instagram but it’s locked. So he has no way of knowing what I’m doing. I can’t even bring myself to get back on FB. It would kill me to see him with someone new. Or worse have him block me. Honestly, I need help with seeing if my thoughts are on par for him being selfish, or emotionally unavailable? Of Hell is it me? I just know that I love him, sometimes I feel like he’s immature. I don’t know .. can you shed some light on this? Did he put the FB profile up to get a reaction from me? Is he staying silent, wanting me to chase him? I am the one that has tried to hold us together by reaching out. This is crazy making for me. Everyone that knows us says how crazy he always been about me, but over last 6 months I haven’t felt that. Was he just using me for his own gains( my house, cars,
boat). He told me that there was no one else in his life.
It has left me feeling rejected, and not good enough. H
Help. He said I was his 2nd longest relationship… that a red flag I’m sure. I don’t know what to do?
Chris Seiter
April 17, 2018 at 11:49 pm
Hi Genuine….he does sound like he needs some more maturity. One of the most important aspects of NC is the part where you focus on your needs…your healing…your goals. Allow the passage of time to helps you get more centered with your feelings and assessment of whether this guy is worth pursuing and if you wish to invest in any more. Certainly make use of any of resources/products that are available to my readers on my website Menu/Products link as you go through this journey. I know it feels crazy right now. Its important to clear those feelings so you can process this with all your senses and experience.
Genuine
April 18, 2018 at 12:06 am
Thank you Chris…am I right to assume that the NC will help me with healing but also increase (possibly) his desire to contact me? What do you think in my situation? Thsnks
Chris Seiter
April 18, 2018 at 5:26 am
Hi again…Yep. It is a twofold strategy. One for you. One for him. In my ebook, you will learn about Psychological Reactance and how it can be a part of your game plan.
Lauren
April 6, 2018 at 10:55 pm
My fiance of 2 years ended things with me January 20, 2018 after a stupid fight we had just a few days after his mom had passed away. I had text him a few times that day in regards to some things he had of mine still in his car and he ignored them, later that evening he responded asking me to leave him alone, he had already moved on and didn’t need me anymore and for me to please stop bothering him in regards to my things.. I left it alone at that, then Sunday, the next day his little sister messaged me saying it was best if I didn’t show up for their mom’s visitation or funeral, that she didn’t want me there and for me to possibly cause a scene. So I didn’t go to the visitation, but I did go to the funeral, I sat in the back and paid my respects to his momma, me and her were really close. Afterwards I walked over to his car, told him I was sorry for hi is loss and he rolled the window up in my face, so I walked away, got in my car and went and spent the day with my family, despite how bad that hurt, I held it together. So I started the 30 days no contact. On February 20th he reached out to my best friend and mother pissed about the fact that I hadn’t deleted the pictures of me and him yet, so I told them both to leave it alone, ignore him, and let it go. I have yet to reach out and contact him since everything else that has happened because right before then, he shut off my phone and so I got on my own plan once he did that. I just don’t know what to do. Yes, I am seeing someone else, and yes it is a rebound… and yes my new guy knows everything that happened and how I feel because he’s in the same boat. What do I do?
Jennifer Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 2:02 am
It’s not uncommon for people to break up as a result of a death in the family. You may need to do 45 days no contact if he still seems angry.
Chandre Roos
April 6, 2018 at 3:22 pm
My ex told me he loves me, can’t see himself being with anyone but me, can only see himself marrying me. Yet, he broke up with me because he feels I deserve better.
We dated 9 months, and all 8 of them were perfect. He treated me so so well. Would buy things just because, and would do anything to make me happy. Then on month 9 we started to argue more, talk less, and be distant.
I told him we needed to talk and he agreed, so he texted me “I love you no matter what happens between us”
I keep telling him, he’s perfect, we just need to get to a place where we can openly communicate. I truly feel he is the one, I just don’t even know where to begin. I cut down on contact. He only texts me now.
I just don’t know what to say during our conversation for him to see that he is worthy of me.
Jennifer Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 3:00 am
It sounds like your still together. I don’t think you should become distant in your relationship because if you breakup there won’t be any shock. Relationships are different then breakups. You need to maintain communication and make sure your not knatting him. Sit down and figure out why your fighting and then correct those issues. Also, for every 2 texts he initiates, you should initiate one.
Chandre Roos
April 7, 2018 at 3:05 am
hi, so he decided that he needed space, and we broke up. he then proceeded to tell me “he doesn’t want this to be the end, he loves me, and that he still wants to be able to maintain contact”
i obviously said no, and today have stated the no contact rule.
Jennifer Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 3:32 am
Okay so I don’t think you should be telling him no just go straight into no contact and make him wonder where you went but it’s okay. Stick to your no contact. Have you read the texting post yet? https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/using-text-messages-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/
KRASHINDINA JAURIGUE
April 4, 2018 at 4:17 am
My bf broke up with me back in January. We were getting into fights. The fights didnt start getting bad until he started working at his current job. His co worker was his friend at first but i was uncomfortable with this and i expressed this to him many times. Well fast forward to this year where he broke up with me. We were still taking and trying to work things out with each other but she was a constant thorn. He would tell me how much he missed us and that he still loves me. Than he finally ended it completely with me at the beginning of March. He told me that he is now dating her. I was broken beyond repair. So today we met up for something and he started the conversation about how i look good and and he misses us. But is still with her. It tore me up inside to see him. He told me that hes not in a romantic relationship with her. I dont know what he means by that. Im dating someone new but i expressed to him that im not interested in a relationship with this guy. He said that hes trying to move on but i thought he did. Can we ever work things out even after he told me we will never get back together? I miss him so much. Im still in love with him and he knows this. What can i do to help him see that we belong together?
Chris Seiter
April 5, 2018 at 10:51 pm
So, you’ve obviously told me a lot about your situation but you’ve neglected to tell me any strategies that you have tried out yet. Have you attempted NC or anything else?
KRASHINDINA JAURIGUE
April 6, 2018 at 8:01 am
Yes, the no contact rule. We do work together so its been business only. That is very difficult only because i want to tell him how much i miss him but i bite my tongue and walk away when the shift over. I act like nothing is wrong and i have a smile on my face. But he knows me so well. He knows im faking it.
Chris Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 4:52 am
You want to know how you can show him you aren’t faking it.
Go on a date, post it on social media and he’ll start to doubt what he believes.
KRASHINDINA JAURIGUE
April 7, 2018 at 5:50 am
Done that…….
Chris Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 9:31 pm
Ok, tell me exactly how you did it though. What was the picture like and did you throw it in his face or were you subtle about it?
KRASHINDINA JAURIGUE
April 9, 2018 at 7:09 am
It was me with a couple male friends. Strictly friends. I posted it on my instagram that he follows.
Claudiakriss
April 3, 2018 at 4:57 am
We broke up in early feb for good after 2 months of trying to make it work. It was a 4 year relationship. He said he just didn’t feel the spark anymore. I had begged him for a chance but eventually accepted his decision and tried to move on. After 36 days of NC he started texting suddenly, about twice a week saying he just wanted to say hi and asking would I rather not be contacted. I was cautious at first but now initiate convos at times. But these conversations are polite, skim the surface, and don’t seem to go anywhere after 3 weeks. Where do I go from here if I want him back. What does he want? Thank you.
Chris Seiter
April 4, 2018 at 1:04 am
Ok, so the name of the game is momentum building (from an ex recovery perspective.) Sounds like you’ve not been letting that happen. Why not? Are you not fully sure you want him back?
Alexandra
April 3, 2018 at 12:35 am
My ex and I broke up because his parents are possessive and they hate me for “taking away” their son. We stayed in touch after breaking up because the problem wasn’t on us, but on his parents. So we’ve been secretly seeing each other. His parents have been brainwashing him all the things I’ve never done and said. They also put me as a scapegoat to blame me for all the unhappiness. He has been through a lot of struggling because he is in the middle and doesn’t know what to choose. When it’s just two of us together, everything is still perfect. Whenever he started thinking of the pressure from his family, we would start arguing. I don’t see anything wrong with him, but his parents being in the picture has been SO ANNOYING AND DESTRUCTIVE. They caused so much pain to both me and my ex. I was under a lot of stress and said something offensive about his parents, and he got mad and blocked me. I don’t know if I could use NC rule now or do anything right now. What should I do?
Chris Seiter
April 3, 2018 at 2:07 am
I think it’s important that you actually do the no contact rule.
Alexandra
April 4, 2018 at 9:35 pm
I just started doing no contact rule, but I don’t know if his parents are going to take this chance to blame me more. His parents literally use every single reason they could think of to picture me as a destructive person who interrupted their family balance… (?!?) My ex and his confusing parents currently live together right now. With me being blocked, I am not sure how much of influence I could make over social media or anything actually. Is this true?
Also I have been reading from Ex boyfriend recovery but do we have any articles related to breaking up due to outside forces, especially toxic parents in laws?
Chris Seiter
April 5, 2018 at 11:41 pm
I think the closest thing I’ve written is religious differences. Although I think your situation would be a decent article topic.
Alexandra
April 6, 2018 at 3:28 am
I can see how an article of that would be so helpful…I have been suffering from this unsolvable problem for over a year now. I can’t be crying anymore. He has been such a mommy’s boy and it’s never hard for me to see the struggle in his head. I hate putting him in the middle, but pushing him would only hurt both of us, and getting myself blocked apparently.
He has been probably really angry with what I said about his parents. I simply pointed out that they are forcing him to be take on the role of parent and be responsible for their financial and emotional needs. And now he is even ignoring phone calls from ER. (I was very sick and taken to ER by a friend.)
It seems a bit heartless to me. What do you think of this?
Chris Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 4:46 am
The tricky thing with relationships is a lot of women believe they can control things outside of what they can actually control.
Also, have you considered that when you call from the ER he isn’t looking to be the caring guy you are hoping he will be. He is thinking,
“God, the crazy girl is calling me from the ER now…”
That’s the perception that you need to learn to combat.
Alexandra
April 7, 2018 at 7:02 pm
We were just hanging out and talking fine earlier. He asked for a second chance, he wanted to meet up to figure out a solution. It was the first time that he ever tried that hard to fix things. but we had time conflict so I said no, we could probably reschedule it to another day. He disappeared then. What’s more confusing, I told him that I know I said aggressive things about his parents and I apologize for that. I was under a lot of stress because of my sickness. (I recently found out that I am getting the type of cancer that runs in my family…) I told him that it is not going to the right direction and I have been meeting with multiple doctors to figure this out. And then I got blocked. If I get blocked because of pointing out how his parents have been hurting him by being toxic and possessive, that would probably makes sense. but I honestly don’t understand why telling someone that you are cancer sick could be so wrong enough to get yourself blocked.
Does this type of alien behavior make any sense to you?
Chris Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 9:45 pm
He was abducted… It all makes sense.
Let’s call in Mulder and Scully!
Let’s take a look at this for you.
So, my guess is that when you said “no” because of the time conflict he took that as a slight and as if you were rejecting him. Scared, he would get hurt he completely withdrew.
It all stems from that.
Alexandra
April 10, 2018 at 5:57 pm
I don’t know if NC rule still works for this case though. Why would he be scared??? With his sister disappearing too right now, I really don’t know what has been going on in that house recently. His parents and my ex had literally a non-stop big fight over me last Easter, so when it gets to this time of the year, I can see how it might be a “sensitive” holiday. His mother literally called him to drive on the highway for 40 minutes to go back home at 2 am… but wouldn’t let him stay at friends house (which was actually my house lol but she didn’t know). It was 2 am, and she texted him for like 20 times at least to get him home. It scared him and pushed him. However, when my ex’s dad works super late, his mom doesn’t even care. It feels like she just need my ex being home to be able to fall asleep. Things like this are just on an everyday basis. His parents excluded me when taking pictures together, it has to be my ex to literally actually call my name to get me in. They later on refused my ex to take me to their house and church for lunch. They also canceled our trip 3 days before it happens… we already booked everything…
They somehow can’t tolerate me at all, but they are hypocritical enough to only demonize me behind my back when my ex was just by himself.
With me being blocked by him, and his sister disappearing, I really don’t know if there is anything else I could do. I worry if NC rule would work. Do you have any suggestions??
Jennifer Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 6:37 pm
Some mother’s are overprotective and it sounds like that is the case here. Why do you think they don’t like you?
Alexandra
April 10, 2018 at 7:47 pm
They are the enmeshing type, the engulfing mom and dad. They think all his time and money should be spent on them, because they raised him, so he should “return the favor”. They can’t stand the idea that my ex puts me as a priority, spends time with me, spends money on me. They constantly need to “test” him to see if they are still the top priority or not. With all due respect, it feels like they are training him more into a pet dog, less into an adult.
Do you think NC rule would work here? And anything else that I should probably be doing?
Thanks!
Chris Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 10:20 pm
Hi Alexandra, I hope you don’t mind that I jump into this convo. Parents can be weird like that. Getting mixed up in places they don’t belong. NC is usually a good alternative. IF you haven’t already you should consider taking a deeper dive into some of the resources I make available here at the website. Just click on Menu/Products and explore and you might find a fit for what you are looking for. There are some Coaching spots opening up and I have tons of other resources.
Alexandra
April 9, 2018 at 10:34 pm
I don’t know if NC rule still works for this case though. Why would he be scared??? With his sister disappearing too right now, I really don’t know what has been going on in that house recently. His parents and my ex had literally a non-stop big fight over me last Easter, so when it gets to this time of the year, I can see how it might be a “sensitive” holiday. His mother literally called him to drive on the highway for 40 minutes to go back home at 2 am… but wouldn’t let him stay at friends house (which was actually my house lol but she didn’t know). It was 2 am, and she texted him for like 20 times at least to get him home. It scared him and pushed him. However, when my ex’s dad works super late, his mom doesn’t even care. It feels like she just need my ex being home to be able to fall asleep. Things like this are just on an everyday basis. His parents excluded me when taking pictures together, it has to be my ex to literally actually call my name to get me in. They later on refused my ex to take me to their house and church for lunch. They also canceled our trip 3 days before it happens… we already booked everything…
They somehow can’t tolerate me at all, but they are hypocritical enough to only demonize me behind my back when my ex was just by himself.
With me being blocked by him, and his sister disappearing, I really don’t know if there is anything else I could do. I worry if NC rule would work. Do you have any suggestions?
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 12:19 am
It can be confusing as to how to proceed given all the different variables. That is why I wrote an ebook about it. ou might want to take a deeper dive into a Blueprint I devised that can help you with your needs. To learn more about some of the products I created, go to my website’s Menu Section and click on the link for “Products”. I think you will find some useful resources there that will help you with your situation!
Alexandra
April 9, 2018 at 8:40 pm
I don’t know if NC rule still works for this case though. Why would he be scared??? With his sister disappearing too right now, I really don’t know what has been going on in that house recently. His parents and my ex had literally a non-stop big fight over me last Easter, so when it gets to this time of the year, I can see how it might be a “sensitive” holiday. His mother literally called him to drive on the highway for 40 minutes to go back home at 2 am… but wouldn’t let him stay at friends house (which was actually my house lol but she didn’t know). It was 2 am, and she texted him for like 20 times at least to get him home. It scared him and pushed him. However, when my ex’s dad works super late, his mom doesn’t even care. It feels like she just need my ex being home to be able to fall asleep. Things like this are just on an everyday basis. His parents excluded me when taking pictures together, it has to be my ex to literally actually call my name to get me in. They later on refused my ex to take me to their house and church for lunch. They also canceled our trip 3 days before it happens… we already booked everything…
They somehow can’t tolerate me at all, but they are hypocritical enough to only demonize me behind my back when my ex was just by himself.
With me being blocked by him, and his sister disappearing, I really don’t know if there is anything else I could do. I worry if NC rule would work. Do you have any suggestions?
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 12:28 am
Hi Alexandra…I know it hurts when people say bad things behind your back. But that’s on them. You could probably benefit one of my ebooks. That cover a wide range of topics and situations. You can get more info under the menu tab/products.
Alexandra
April 8, 2018 at 7:37 pm
Wow. Thanks! I never thought anyone would be able to understand such behavior.
Regardless of how his parents have been demonizing me and our dating not dating mess, I always have a superficial but good relationship with his sister. She helps me with things like renting houses etc. However, right after he disappeared. His sister disaappered too. I didn’t tell her anything, I just said happy Easter. And she went away too. I feel like they had a conversation over me…Easter is also a very sensitive time of year for all of us too because his parents were so mad at him seriously dating me, they had a three day non stop fight in the house. And they literally almost brainwashed him to come back and break up with me. How manipulative! Anyways, his sister went away too.
He was really concerned about my sickness. When I came back in town from a trip, he showed no me a bunch of links on medical research he did on my symptoms. Weird enough tho, he sent me those links from a random email account. Like, he literally opened a random email account just to send me this. It scares me that he seems to have no privacy under his parents, even email account….
I am still on NC rule, gettin in to the second week. With your understanding of this situation, is there anything else I could do?
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:48 am
Hi Alexandra…just follow my advice in my posts and ebooks!
Maria
March 29, 2018 at 11:26 pm
Hi I need help. My fiance broke up with me last march 26 .. we were living together for 4 years l..got engaged nov 2016…and LDR for from dec 2016 but we managed to see each other every 2 mos…. we have shared good memories together and travelled to different places. he opened a food business in his country to start our life together and left me in UAE last dec 2016.. come sept 2017 we decided that i go back to my home country to process our marriage visa to follow him.. when i already applied for marriage visa he suddenly got confused and dont want to marry me at the moment… he said my jealousy is killing him and his business is really down at the moment and settling down is not his priority. 3rd party was not involved in his decision coz he is not a cheater. However im thinking his family influenced him while were away from each other.. he is a bachelor and i have 2 kids.. he is muslim and im catholic.. but those factors were not a hindrance for our love when we were together.. He asked for some space last oct 2017 and unfortunately didnt happen coz my dad died and he tried his best to be there for me though not physically..dec 2017 i felt he got distant and i tried to pursue him.. and he made me feel important again around january 2018.. our application was put on hold since he has to get his own apartment and he cant afford it yet. He told me he will work harder ans wont let me down and we will make it. I was pressuring him I guess that i wanted to be with him really soon and wanted to see him..we booked his plane ticket to come here last march 26 and he said its over and he didnt come here. i know his business is down and he didnt have any money so i used mine to buy his ticket..but we agreed that he will come and he is happy to see me.. I dont know what went wrong.. we were talking almost everyday.. and suddenly its like that. he told me he dnt want my family to spend for him.. he said his love for me has changed and dont want to marry me anymore..and he was crying too much and i know i can feel he was not cheating on me but why he decided not to come here… AND he already withdrew our fiance visa application.. march 27 i wrote him a text saying that breaking up is not the solution blah blah blah.. and he said he needed time and space to know what he want AND WE WILL TALK AND SEE WHAT WE CAN DO and he is thinking of me all the time … ..then march 28 he sent me voicemessage telling me the same thing and he was crying.. i responded with a long message telling him i honor his request for space and time and told him i will think of all the good memories weve had…and will honor his decision about our love….now is march 30.. 2 days he never contacted me AND I DIDNT CONTACT HIM.. i accidentally waved on his messenger but he never waved back. I WANTED HIM BACK!!! MY WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN WHEN HE DIDNT COME TO SEE ME AND MY FAMILY i dnt know who influenced him but i think people sorrounding him doesnt want us together except for his grandparents.. ive been to there country 3x and he came here 3x as well… NOW I WANT HIM BACK. ILOVE HIM SO MUCH. I GAVE UP MY CAREER FOR HIM FOR OUR FUTURE AND HE WILL JUST DO THIS TO ME… IM SO DEPRESSED AND DNT KNOW WHAT TO DO PLEASE HELP ME.. 5 DAYS IM NOT SLEEPING….
Chris Seiter
April 3, 2018 at 1:55 am
Ok, before anything I want to tell you.
GET SOME SLEEP!!!!
Next, are we doing a no contact rule?
maria
April 3, 2018 at 7:20 am
chris i only did NC for 2days and he replied eagerly with positive response..we exchanged text like 5x..
Chris Seiter
April 4, 2018 at 1:05 am
Ok, from what I’ve seen you might need to last longer. You can try things your way of course but just know you always have a place to refer back to with Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
maria
April 5, 2018 at 1:45 pm
i really hope chris we would talk soon as from what he said..what can i tell him when he calls me.. i want him back chris.. i cant imagine being with another man.. i wanted to apply NC rule but what if he forgets about me.. he is stubborn..
Chris Seiter
April 6, 2018 at 12:00 am
I think you won’t get him back with the mindset you have now. You need to be willing to take the risk of losing him if you want him back. This isn’t the kind of thing where begging works.
maria
April 3, 2018 at 7:07 am
hi chris i did for 2 days only. and after he replied to me like he is eager to talk to me…and he still calls me baby and he said we will talk to each other soon. my guy friends tild me to text him once a day and yesterday he told me he is also reflecting on our relationship reminiscing the good and bad moments. and he said he still need some time and we will talk to each other soon with an emoji kiss!i really want him back. i cant imagine my life without him and i knew i did cause d break up coz ive been pressuring him and because of that im crashing his dreams.. i want to correct everything that went wrong.. hope he gives me second chance.
Alice
March 19, 2018 at 9:27 pm
My post from March 16 didn’t get a response. Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 24, 2018 at 4:29 pm
Hi Alice,
Do you have a particular question in mind? What did you mean that you tried to ignore him? Did you mean you’re still talking to him now?
Tracey
March 17, 2018 at 3:41 pm
Me and my ex have broke up for 4 weeks now we have two kids together and I’m still in contact for them but no other contact other than the kids.hes told me loads of times that it’s over but he has never told me he doesn’t love me anymore even when I asked him so I don’t really know what to think anymore.when he sees the kids he is always in my house and it’s too difficult to be with him in these circumstances because when he leaves I get really unset.i know he has been on a date and I belive he is still in contact with this girl.he is also looking for a flat with his dad.just want him back because this is out of character for him
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2018 at 5:08 pm
Hi Tracey,
Check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them
Marie
March 16, 2018 at 8:16 pm
My boyfriend of nearly a year broke up with me last month because he’s been dealing with depression. He basically said he lost feelings for me and felt like the relationship ran its course, like the spark wasn’t there. He assured me that he’s going to get help for his depression finally, but he felt like this break up is what’s best. He’s basically not sure if his feelings are a product of the depression, or if it’s how things really are (I think it’s the former). He didn’t want to get our hopes up by saying that things will be better after he gets help, because he doesn’t know if his mind is going to change really.
We both care about each other a lot, I just don’t know what to do. He texted me the day after the breakup saying that it was really hard on him and that I’m a very important person to him. I responded and basically said I need a few days to process things and not talk to him, but I will be there for him if he needs anything (like help with his depression). He said he respects that and appreciates that I’ll be here for him.
I’m currently in day 23 of NC and considering what my first text to him will be. Our would-be anniversary is a week from tomorrow, so I’m trying to give that date some space if that makes sense. I don’t think I want to wait until after that day to text him because it’s already been hard enough these last 3 weeks.
I also want to text him during the week because if I’m at work and busy, I’ll feel less of an obligation to text back right away. If I was just sitting at home, I know I’d be staring at my phone waiting for a response.
I’m just really at a loss for what to text him when I eventually do reach out. (And I know he’s definitely not going to text me, I told him I needed space and he won’t be the one to break the silence)
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2018 at 4:37 pm
Hi Marie,
Follow this one:
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact
Nicole
March 16, 2018 at 6:43 pm
Hi Chris,
Please help me! My husband and I are separated. He began asking for space and then moved out in July! We have been together for 20 years, married for 12, with 3 children 9,6 &3. We had a lot of ups and downs and had fighting but was never over anything major and no matter how much I beg, cry plead to save our marriage he tells me no! He said the only chance he will reconsider is doing a separation agreement and if he sees changes he would reconsider. He says he doesn’t feel the same way I do because of the fighting and he just doesn’t want that. He wants to live a peaceful life. I love my husband and want our family back together. He says my actions do t match my words, sometimes I get so frustrated because we haven’t been together and I never thought this would happen. How do I get my husband to trust me again and love me again? He’s been gone 8 months and the only time spent together is with our kids on most of his visits. This is tearing me apart and my children. Is there any hope for me? We are actually seeing a lawyer to do a separation agreement today and I’m devastated.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2018 at 4:24 pm
Hi Nicole,
Have you checked this one:
How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them
Sara
March 16, 2018 at 7:39 am
I was with my boyfriend for 18years, two beautiful daughter. He wasn’t brought up by his father who is a womanising horrible man, he met him a few years ago and had such an impact on him. We weren’t getting on since him being on the scene then I lost our first son at 14 weeks and never told him, felt I couldn’t talk to him. I then pushed him away for a whole year, it killed me and I felt disappointed, I slept with another guy a week after the anniversary of my baby’s death, I was broken over it all. A year later, I told him the truth, I couldn’t keep it in, 3days later he started sleeping with one of his sisters friends, she lives over an hour away, he thought I didn’t know, we were still living Together. When I confronted him he told me it was over between them, we started getting on and I thought making a go of it, turns out they were still in contact, I threw him out. He’s insisted it’s not like that between them anymore, that he’s confused over me pushing him away and NoT having sex with him last 2 years and now where getting on and having sex after me not letting him touch me, he’s been having sex with me now and seeing me for last 3 months and chasing her, meeting her in bars, kissing hugging all ‘the good stuff’ clearly having sex now and again. I called him on it again yesterday after he spent the day in bed with me and he says he doesn’t feel anything with me anymore, but wants to have sex and still loves me (apparently I’m the best sex ) I’ve had arguemwnts with the girls friend too where she claims to be using him to piss me off but I think that’s lies. We’ve argues mainly about her, all my assumptions seem to have been true, he told me he’s not sure he wants this life anymore, now he’s got use to some freedom I guess, but can a family man who has a good life really not want it anymore? Every time I’ve had enough over the last 3 months and said that’s it I’m done( 3times now!) he comes running back to save it yet then a day later says he’s now not sure (head f**k!!), I have a lot on at work and sorting finances and looking after our daughters, i work in a gym and I lost so much weight and feel a mess! Although I’m hit on every day and continuously told how lovely and gorgeous I am, She walks around in skimpy lace outfits with tits and arse out) lives at home with mum doesn’t drive but does work! I’m 33, he’s 36 and she’s 26! (Is this s mid life chrisis!) We have spend 18years great and 2 years crap, really crap! But is it worth trying to get him back and can I even? Or does this new girls stand a better chance and I should just let him go.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2018 at 3:49 pm
Hi Sara,
Try the nc rule first and check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them
Alice
March 16, 2018 at 6:38 am
I met him while on vacation in South Africa. We spent 1 night together before he had to fly back home. He then asked his boss for more time off and flew back to spend my last 4 days of vacation with me and my friends. We started dating shortly after even with the long distance, me in NYC, him in South Africa. I visited him twice since, the last time for a whole month. We dated for 9 months until he broke up with me because he said he was tired of waiting for me to move to South Africa. He said I took too long to decide, that he would have helped me find a job there, etc. He blocked me on all social media and texts. I couldn’t contact him at all so I sent him a letter and he unblocked me after a week telling me we couldn’t get back together. We talked about it and he said I didn’t do anything wrong but he just didn’t feel the same anymore. We stopped talking then but a week later he asked me what he should do with my stuff. He offered to send them and asked me if I wanted him to also send some of my favorite hot coco and ketchup from SA. He also said I could keep his grandfathers pendant he had given me. After our talk I thought that was it but he still sends me songs and asks me how my weekend was. He says things like you know what I like, and most recently texted me on Friday night with a funny video. Since my phone was broken I couldn’t respond and on Monday he sent me a video of the new car he bought. Its been 2 months since we broke up and I still love him more than anything. I’m trying to ignore him but he keeps reaching out.
Na
March 15, 2018 at 5:11 pm
I met this person online, we were talking everyday all the time and calls etc.. He is married and at first it was just an friendship relationship, but it just started to get intense. I live in Brasil and he lives in Peru,he bought plane tickets to come to my country, we reserved the hotel and it was going just fine.. on womens day he sent me a bouquet of red roses to my office with a beautiful card (he bought online and sent)… he said I love you so many many times but he was jealous about me and started to get weird when I go out with my friends, one friday he said “I will call yu tomorrow at noon I love you” he didnt even send a text for me on the next day and then at sunday he called me and I didnt answer and I said I wanted to talk only on monday now because you just pretended I didnt exist.
He said he didnt want the relationship anymore because I did this and he didnt like I changed my behavior, and he said it was better if we ended everything he cancelled the plane tickets and said he wouldnt give me what I deserve and said he wouldnt change his situation (marriage). He said he didnt want to worry about his house and about me and that he cant handle this situation. He broke my heart and I said why you made me like you so much and you are not coming here anymore to even see me??? Now he doesnt talk to me, I said sorry for him after we broke up and he was rude saying he wish me the best and saying bye. Now im suffering and I just need to know if have any chance of him talking to me ever again…
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2018 at 5:59 pm
Hi Na,
If he’s married, you need to cut ties with him because he’s making you his mistress..
Emma
March 15, 2018 at 1:33 pm
I was with my boyfriend for 7 months. At the beginning he was smitten with me, would have done anything for me- and I was the same. For an unknown reason, my attitude changed and I become quite negative towards him in a sense where I would stop him from giving me affection, I would never give affection and I had no interest. So I broke things off, and he was distraught. I felt guilty and ended up being back with him. But then he changed too and we began arguing every minute of every day. I ended it again as I couldn’t cope with it. He seemed to be upset but he agreed that it was for the best. In the end it was me who changed my mind, and to my shame I begged for him back. It took a couple of days for him to agree to try things with me again.. but his attitude wasn’t the same. He wasn’t loving at all, he didn’t seem interested, the “good morning” texts just stopped and he become quite mean to me. I text him asking why he has been so different and he just replied “be over in 5”.. I knew he was going to break it off, and sure enough- he did. (This was last night). He still stayed for dinner, and he still kept telling me he loved me. But he said that he shouldn’t of agreed to get back together as it’s not what he wants and although he does STILL love me, he’s lost a lot of love for me. He stayed the night, and it was an affectionate evening, we got along so well, cuddled all night and he left for work this morning, he gave me a kiss and a long emotional cuddle and we said goodbye. I text him saying I wished it didn’t have to be this way but I wish him the best. He said he loves me too and also wishes me the best. I have a gut feeling he will end up coming back, he said “if I changed my mind in a months time, I would beg for you back. But you’re not the sort of person who would take me back are you?” I said ”if I was still in love with you then I would take you back”.. I’m just wondering if this sounds like he will ever come back? I said I was going to block him from social media and at first he resisted but then said himself he would block me on everything except from text.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2018 at 5:46 pm
Hi Emma,
If you’re going to try the nc rule don’t block him but go for 45 days since he expects to you talk to him again after 30 days.
June
March 15, 2018 at 7:06 am
There was this guy that I was really close to. We used to text each other very often but did not get to hang out as he was overseas. When we finally get to meet, we cuddled and made out but little did I realize that he didnt want a relationship. We lost contact ever since.
Ella
March 14, 2018 at 7:59 pm
My ex, who I’ve known for almost a decade at this point, broke up with me a week after telling all our mutual friends that I was the ‘love of his life’ and that he ‘couldn’t do anything without me,’ ‘couldn’t wait to marry me’ and asked for advice on how to articulate all of that to me. After we broke up, we didn’t speak for a few months, during which he had a rebound girlfriend. Immediately after they split, we started talking back and forth and on-off for months. We even saw each other once before he started graduate school and before we both started traveling a lot. We still do talk frequently and even when I’ve tried to ignore him, he pokes me until I respond. When we speak it’s like he wants to show me how much better he’s doing, especially now that he’s in grad school. He’ll make teasing and loving comments about me, the way I dress, my new apartment and he watches everything I do on social media…it’s lovely but he doesn’t make big moves, even to meet up. Even with all the history and tension and he’s always been extraordinarily shy and timid by nature. We talked about meeting up after his recruitment for summer jobs, which was stressing him out a lot, was finished. Is he still interested though? We talk A LOT for how long we’ve been broken up and I’ve been told by a few friends that he clearly keeps an eye on me….
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2018 at 12:59 pm
When and why did he break up with you? How long has it been since the break up? You can follow the advice on this one:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
Chloe
March 13, 2018 at 11:19 am
Tough one. My ex fiancé broke up with me over the phone 2 months before our wedding. We were living in Bristol UK (his home) and making the move to Australia (my home) where we were going to get married. He told me to fly to Australia to finalize wedding plans and he would pack our flat up and be with me in a few weeks. He never made it over. After 6 ½ years he decided he couldn’t make the move. We got along so well, never fought, we’re best friends who talked about everything but he was just too stressed about getting married and it freaked him out. Instead of talking to me about it (if he had I would of called off the wedding knowing it would save my relationship) he walked away from his best friend and everything we had.
He then went to America and hooked up with a girl there after only 6 weeks from our breakup in October. He has since told me they talk at least every 2nd day, that she is more into him than he is to her, she is coming to visit him end of March, he enjoys feeling wanted but knows it could never work out. I feel like I have just been replaced and he has given himself no time to truely know if he misses me or not.
I flew back to the UK to pack my things up. The first night I was there he admitted he missed our friendship and how easy it was to talk to me. We slept together. He admitted he wasn’t 100% sure he made the right decision, he said he still felt something for me. Yet he still thinks that he made the right decision to cal things off but he can’t tell me why. It is so frustrating!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2018 at 1:38 pm
Hi Chloe,
Follow the advice on this one:
EBR 059: How To Get Him Back If You Were Engaged…
Lena B
March 13, 2018 at 2:50 am
My ex, who I’ve known for almost a decade at this point, broke up with me a week after telling all our mutual friends that I was the ‘love of his life’ and that he ‘couldn’t do anything without me,’ ‘couldn’t wait to marry me’ and asked for advice on how to articulate all of that to me. When he broke up with me a week later, it was a complete 180 and seemed to come from some scary place of neglect and fear, culminating in him yelling at me ‘why would you want to be with me I’m a fat nobody with no career to speak of’ (we went to Ivy League universities so that’s when I realized it was depression and that he felt like a failure and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t break through to him). After we broke up, we didn’t speak for a few months, during which time he had some random rebound girlfriend. Immediately after they split, we started talking back and forth and on-off for months. We even saw each other once before he started graduate school. We still do talk frequently and even when I’ve tried to ignore him, he pokes me until I respond. When we speak it’s like he wants to show me how much better he’s doing, especially now that he’s in grad school. He’ll make teasing and loving comments about me, the way I dress, my new apartment (that he hasn’t even seen) and watch everything I do on social media…it’s lovely but he doesn’t make big moves, especially to meet up. Even with all the history and tension, he’s always been extraordinarily shy and timid by nature. The last time I brought up meeting he said after recruitment for summer jobs was finished (a crazy few weeks at one of the top MBA programs in the world!) and that it sounds like a good idea. The ball is in my court now.
Is he still interested though? We talk A LOT, especially for how long we’ve been broken up and I’ve been told by a few friends that he clearly keeps an eye on me….