How To Make An Ex Boyfriend Trust You Again- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

324 thoughts on “This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again”

A Girl

April 20, 2018 at 1:15 pm

Dear Chris,
Thank you so much for all your advice. I bought your eBook 9 months ago when my boyfriend of 2 years found out I slept with someone else. It was definitely a number 5 blow on the scale and he expressed many times what you say: that he doesn’t think I care about him too much if I was able to do that The process of getting him back “worked” and after doing a brief no contact, apologizing and then being really consistent and adorable with him through his ups and downs for four months, he asked me to get back together. It was a really happy moment for both of us where we were excited. I resolved to keep working on it and being trustworthy, and to be honest, I thought it was going well.

However a week ago, out of the blue, he sent me an e-mail ending things (without even a phone conversation) because he still is not sure whether I’ll do it again and it’s just ‘not working’. So far I only replied a brief letter accepting the break-up and wishing him all the best, but I am lost as to what else to do.

Do you think there is still something to be done, or is his trust shattered beyond repair if it hasn’t gotten better? Is it useful to move on, or to take action so he sees I care about him?

I’m afraid if I follow typical strategies, he will only get proof of what he already thinks: that he was really not my priority, if I am moving on “so quickly” and doing nothing to get him back… I have trouble with all this because I can’t bear the thought of chasing someone if they ‘push me away’, I’m a big fan of NC and being cool, but again, maybe these situations are an exception.

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2018 at 3:47 pm

Hi A Girl (lovely name!)…the good news is he agreed to get back, so it shows it can happen again. Trust is a fickle thing when its broken, but it definitely can be rebuilt over time. I agree, jealousy ploys won’t work here. I think you need to give him some space, but I also think he needs to hear a little something from you that gives him something to think about. Right now, it appears he has a splinter in his mind and he is rolling it over and over, causing him to behave as he did, thinking negatively. So the idea is to replace this splinter with something a little more comforting, then giving him some space to let him roll over and over something that it more positive. Consider telling him you fully understand he uncertainties. Don’t apologize though. You have already done that I am sure. But consider telling him that you want him, only him. So you will not be seeing other men during this period of reconsideration. But you will honor his request and give him space. So by using words like reconsideration…not seeing other men…you are trying to transplant some thoughts in his mind to let him chew on. You are in effect trying to re-draw the situation between the two of you. Then use this time of “giving him some space” to focus on your own healing and using social media to reinforce what it is you have told him by being a little philosophical…using quotes that express appreciation for love and the goodness of special people in your past. An occasional pic of you and he doing something together. Your a landscape of what you want him to see, because most men will follow and check up on their exes.

Finally, looking into my Private Facebook Group (website Menu/Products link). It is about 1400 women strong, who offer a wealth of information to each other. I also do weekly Facebook “Live” webcasts there. I think you will fit in really well and it would benefit you in all sorts of ways.
A Girl

April 23, 2018 at 7:39 pm

Dear Chris,
This helps so much, thank you! It is amazing that you stop by the blog and reply yourself. No wonder your clients are all over you 🙂

I’ll keep in mind the different social media strategy and maybe write him a positive e-mail. The issue is, I don’t even think it’s a period of reconsideration (for him), rather, he “ended” things… but I do think he did it in the heat of a moment of doubts because he was all right before that. Will let you know how it goes, hehe.

All the best! xx
Chris Seiter

April 23, 2018 at 8:38 pm

Hi again “A Girl”….I think I am going to rename you “A Real Sweetheart”! I appreciate the kind words and glad you can soak up some knowledge her. Indeed, it is not unusual for guys to get confused about what they want and emotions can send them off into directions, not intended. Please keep me in the loop. And if you need some individual Coaching or are seeking the advantages of my Private Facebook Support Group (about 1500 women now), just click on my website Menu/Products link and explore. Look forward to hearing how things progress for ya!

Melissa

April 12, 2018 at 12:36 pm

Hi, 5 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend. I was completely honest about it and he took me back after a couple of days no contact. But then later lied to me for 3 weeks about a girl he was snapchatting (it’s a long story but he said it was a friend he’d met recently, but turned out to be a girl he’d had a thing with before we met. When I originally asked him who she was he got very angry and deleted his snapchat account on the spot which I found very suspicious). He said nothing dodgy had happened and that they were just chatting, but I think this knocked my trust in him completely. He only admitted to lying after I had found out who it was myself and told him to tell me the truth.
After this I became quite jealous and controlling and started picking fights all the time. I told him I knew I was being horrible but I just didn’t know how to change back to how I used to be and that maybe I should talk to a professional and he kept saying ‘you’re not that bad, you could be so much worse, just give it time’. So I did…then one night he was staying at a friend’s house (a guy) before going away to work offshore for a month (which he has to do very frequently atm). They had gone out for dinner/drinks and for some reason I completely panicked (earlier that day I had been panicking about him going offshore for the first time and said some nasty things) and called him over and over until he finally picked up. I shouted at him down the phone for no reason and he broke up with me. I called him loads that night until he told me to stop. We carried on talking for most of the time that he was away, but whenever I asked what was going on he said we weren’t together. He agreed to meet up with me when he came back and I stupidly slept with him and he said he was ‘on the fence’ about the whole thing and didn’t want to be in a relationship because he doesn’t want to get hurt anymore. The next day he was going to stay with a friend on the other side of the UK for a week or two (just for a holiday) and said ‘I’ll see you when I get back’, but then became quite distant while at his friend’s house. So I got angry because I felt led on and messed around and I obviously came across as clingy again. I called him and he said he doesn’t think we should get back together because he doesn’t think I’ve changed my jealous/controlling behavior and he doesn’t think I will change in the future. This was 5 days ago and I’ve been on NC since. We’ve been broken up for a month and a half now and we met up 2 weeks ago. We also matched on Tinder yesterday which I don’t understand at all…(I was only on Tinder to try to distract myself from thinking about him constantly).

I’m not sure how long to do NC for, because obviously I cheated on him 5 months ago and when he broke up with me he said ‘you’ve probably already got someone else lined up anyway’ etc. which implies that he still feels angry and betrayed about that. Also when I called him 5 days ago to ask what was going on I was out having coffee with a gf and he asked where I was and who I was with which makes me think he was jealous (I was vague and told him I was out with school friends). But at the same time the reason he broke up with me was for being jealous, controlling and insecure. He’s going back offshore for 1-2 months in 3 days time btw.

Do you think I should do NC for 2 weeks because I cheated on him and I want to show him that his opinions of me ‘already having someone else lined up’ etc are wrong? Or should I do NC for 30 days to show that I can change and I’m not as needy and desperate as he thinks?

Thank you so much in advance for your help!

Chris Seiter

April 12, 2018 at 4:44 pm

Hey Melissa…thanks for stopping by! Lots of stuff going on, right! These are good questions you ask. I think 21 days is usually a sweetspot, but it varies from couple to couple. Consider some of the resources I have here at the site (Menu Section/Products link). You would likely benefit from having a more comphrehensive blueprint of what to do when, why, how, etc. That is why I put these ebooks together. Plus, if you feel you would benefit from my popular Private Facebook Group, you can learn more to about that at that link. I think you are going to get through this, but you might need some guided help along the way!

Rhea

March 16, 2018 at 6:01 pm

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half. I’m the type of girl that mostly had guy friends, and I my past relationship was horrible. I moved on from all of that and met my boyfriend well he’s actually my ex boyfriend now because I did him wrong. Basically, I found him really controlling and being a hypocrite where he’d do whatever he wants but always got mad at me if I were to do the same. He is also really overprotective. A year later, he went off to university 2 and a half hours away from home, whereas I stayed home and went the local university. Me and his cousin had started talking, around the time my boyfriend left, I never liked his cousin because I always believed him to be a bad influence. Basically after my boyfriend left for university he really neglected me, like he was always busy partying or with his new friends. The first day he was there, he was in a car with 4 other girls smoking. I’m not the type of person to call him out on something like that because I really trust him and he’s extremely loyal. Anyways, he even forgot to wish me on my birthday; he sent a snapchat message and that is all. I spoke to him about it but I still felt neglected, so I wanted to go on a break with him. On the other hand, I started talking to his cousin and I’d always talk to him about my boyfriend and I guess his cousin kind of took advantage of me but we never did anything besides flirt on text and I met up with him once while I was hanging out with my cousin and her two best friends, we just all went to the mall and walked around and talked that’s all. I never told my boyfriend but his cousin went and told him and the same day I felt really bad because my boyfriend really loves me and cares about me and he felt really guilty and I put him through all that guilt, on top of that his cousin went and told him I was flirting around with him and we met up and stuff so my boyfriend got really hurt hearing that. He mistook it as that I wanted to leave him to mess around with other guys which really wasn’t true. My boyfriend and I sorted that out and we got back together. He was still hurt but I gained his trust back and we gave each other a fresh start. At the same time however what I found really odd was that his best friend is a girl, whereas he would get mad at me for even talking to a guy. He was still distant with me and I felt like he was getting close with her but being with him makes me extremely happy, I basically thought he was just hurt and wants space. Things kind of became normal again after 2 weeks, but I still felt lonely because he was busy so I talked to some other of my guy friends and I don’t know why i went and vented to them about how much I hate my boyfriend because I guess he just wasn’t there for me but I do love him and the guys were all like oh you deserve better and this and that. I don’t know I kind of fell for their bullshit and we flirted a bit but I knew it was wrong. I hung out with one of my guy friends, we just went and got mcd and then chilled and talked thats all. My mom was late so he offered to drop me home, that’s all. I stopped talking to guys and cut everyone off because I realized I did this all before and it ruined my relationship and I didn’t want to go through it again so I cut everyone off and focused on my relationship. My boyfriend logged in to my account randomly and read everything, but I did stop everything and I never really did anything wrong, I really love my boyfriend. He feels hurt and betrayed and lied to. I really love him and I know he loves me but I just need him back and I can really show him that I stopped everything and he’s the only one that matters and I’m trying to give him space but I can’t help it, I’m so afraid of losing him. Me and him have been through so much in life and we’ve helped each other through a lot and we moved on together. I really can’t lose him, all I know is that I keep messing it up and making him feel its his fault and I’m doing it because of him but at the same time these are my actions. I don’t want to or mean to hurt him. I really don’t know what to do, I can’t lose him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2018 at 4:02 pm

Hi Rhea,

Are you going to do the advice above? And you need to change your social media password.

clara

March 11, 2018 at 10:28 pm

was dating him for a very intense 2 months (I know it is short but we both felt it really strong). He said something rude to me following a discussion we had. I got really hurt by the example he gave. I impulsively told him that if he thought that of me, he could go out. I was so angry I was asking why he would think that and isolated myself. I calmed in about 5min then realised he did go! I ran after him but he still got his train, regardless I came all the way to apologize to him. He decided that was it and he broke up. He does not want to acknowlegde I could be hust by his words, he thinks he did nothing wrong and will not forgive my behaviour of having “kicked” him out. I tried explaining myself and how I felt hurt, but by text I think I made it worse.This is an overreacting issue which was caused by a hurtful comment. I apologized many times for my reaction, I cannot do more.
I want him back so I do not want to hurt him and want to let him miss me:( I want him to forgive me and that we talk and fix it as we were getting to know each other.
Do you think I have a chance if I do not contact him until his birthday in 3 weeks (which I will wish to him)? or will he have completely moved on? Do you think having kicked him out is a very serious non negociable mistake? he thinks it is 🙁 I want to move on because I am in pain of loosing him, but I have my dignity I do not want to chase someone who does not want me. So would that sound like something that can be saved? or the short time is not enough to have a bond that is created both ways?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2018 at 4:54 pm

Hi Clara,

It would be chasing if you still contact him because if you really didn’t like what he said, he should be the one apologizing…

cassy

February 28, 2018 at 11:26 am

I lied with my ex. I told him that someone kissed me while sleeping. I did it to see what will be his reaction and to make him jealous. I regretted doing that. He told me he will never come back for good. And that I already crossed the line. He also told me not to contact him anymore. He blocked me in all the social media and my number. I dont know what to do 🙁 I dont want him to hate me. He felt like i cheated and betrayed him. I was drunk when i texted him that lie. He told me even if it’s a lie or not it’s already embeded in his mind and he doesnt want anything to do with me anymore.

I want to apologize to him but i dont know when and how since he cut me off completely. I still love him.
Anon

February 5, 2018 at 10:47 am

My ex boyfriend broke up with me 6 days ago. I have accused him of cheating 2 months back and he said that he’s been trying but ever since that day i accused him , his feeling for me have changed. I feel really upset but all i could was to go with his decision. I really missed him and i’m on my 4th day of no contact. The last conversation was about me saying i’m extremely disappointed in him. Please help me , i really want him back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2018 at 12:10 pm

Hi Anon,

What made you accuse him? Because it sounds like he’s just turning the table on you to save face.

Ether Reign

January 3, 2018 at 4:39 am

My boyfriend of a year dumped me after I told his girlfriend I was pregnant. (We both were already in relationships) he freaked out and blocked me from all access to him. That hurt and I freaked out and emailed her about everything. (She already knew about me)… So he says that’s the second time I’ve broken his trust so he will never deal with me. We argued back and forth, off and on for a few days. I was pregnant with twins but miscarried one and I told him. He didn’t respond but in a later argument he expressed that he believes I’m pregnant by my boyfriend but I’m trying to put the baby on him. His girlfriend has his phone aligned with hers so his emails and texts go to her as well. During our argument he tried to insinuate that i was multiple men and I don’t know who the father is but that he had never been with me so it’s not his. That pissed me off so I sent some hurtful truths to him. He knows I had only been with one person for 12 years and twice with him this past year. We both have calmed down and I apologized for telling her our business out of anger. And that I realized I.should have given him time to process everything. I also professed my love and declared my loyalty to him and gave him full control over me
( that’s our thing)…. I’m still pregnant with his one child but have decided not to have it which I also told him on IG where she didn’t have access. It’s been a week since I sent it and he hasn’t responded. Should I do no contact for another week or two or three???? And what are the chances of him trusting me again???

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2018 at 9:09 pm

Hi Ether,

I don’t want to be offensive, but why did you agree to be in a relationship with him if both you are currently in a relationship? Why haven’t you broken up with your current?

Amelia

December 25, 2017 at 2:02 pm

I cheated on my boyfriend and slept with another man while we were together. I kept it and he found it out. I am deeply regretful. He forgave me and we were together for the next 2 days however it was a whirlwind of emotions. We were okay and then we’re not. On the 3rd day he got all his feelings out after he found out I unfriended him on Facebook which was prior to the cheating. He got really mad and broke up with me. I want him back. Help me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 27, 2017 at 6:15 pm

Hi Amelia,

Check this one:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

molly

December 14, 2017 at 8:16 pm

i slept with my ex(before the current one)due to sympathy his suicidal problem, it was bad cuz i didn’t want to, and later i realized he just being manipulate so i’m mad about myself being stupid, i lie about this for an year, after my ex found out he broke up with me right away, and we were talking about get marry the next year. so during the breakup we were in long distance, i flew to his country for a week to show him i’m serious, he think that was very sweet, but no long after i went back, he told me some girl liked him, later they were together, but not for too long due to some mistake he made and he just can’t find some stuff that i have in her so he breakup with her, then i tried no contact, on the 30th he message just to ask if i’m sleeping with anyone cuz he got an anonymous message saying i am (which is kind of strange cuz i barely have time to go out and i didn’t), then we talk shortly every week or so, sometimes he’s being hot sometimes cold.
a month ago he got back to my country, i pick him up at the airport, we hang out quite often, almost seems like nothing happened, sometime even call me babe, when the time we are not hanging out he would randomly make friends with other male/female, cuz he told me when we were together he didn’t want me to get jealous so he didn’t make any friends and his life was miserable, he’s not doing that again(which is totally fine with me)later he’s school started, he said he’s busying with everything so don’t have time to hang out, but i know he has time for friends,then he admit he gives friends priory.so i just said when you want to hang out just let me know(cuz i don’t want to feel like keep pushing him or whatever)and we didn’t really talk much.

“one thing goes in circle is he want me to do something grand /extreme to win him back,to prove that i’m willing to sacrifice like he did before. but he doesn’t know what he wants and that’s my job to come up with stuff. i seriously don’t know what i can do, and sometime when he’s hiding stuff(cuz he doesn’t want me to get jealous)or rejecting me i feel really frustrated and don’t wan to talk to him, idk what’s something grand/extreme to do, and how to make him put me first again

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2017 at 5:03 pm

aside from trying the advice above check this one too:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

jj

December 13, 2017 at 9:30 pm

i slept with my ex(before the current one)due to sympathy his suicidal problem, it was bad cuz i didn’t want to, and later i realized he just being manipulate so i’m mad about myself being stupid, i lie about this for an year, after my ex found out he broke up with me right away, and we were talking about get marry the next year. so during the breakup we were in long distance, i flew to his country for a week to show him i’m serious, he think that was very sweet, but no long after i went back, he told me some girl liked him, later they were together, but not for too long due to some mistake he made and he just can’t find some stuff that i have in her so he breakup with her, then i tried no contact, on the 30th he message just to ask if i’m sleeping with anyone cuz he got an anonymous message saying i am (which is kind of strange cuz i barely have time to go out and i didn’t), then we talk shortly every week or so, sometimes he’s being hot sometimes cold.
a month ago he got back to my country, i pick him up at the airport, we hang out quite often, almost seems like nothing happened, sometime even call me babe, when the time we are not hanging out he would randomly make friends with other male/female, cuz he told me when we were together he didn’t want me to get jealous so he didn’t make any friends and his life was miserable, he’s not doing that again(which is totally fine with me)later he’s school started, he said he’s busying with everything so don’t have time to hang out, but i know he has time for friends,then he admit he gives friends priory.so i just said when you want to hang out just let me know(cuz i don’t want to feel like keep pushing him or whatever)and we didn’t really talk much.

“one thing goes in circle is he want me to do something grand /extreme to win him back,to prove that i’m willing to sacrifice like he did before. but he doesn’t know what he wants and that’s my job to come up with stuff. i seriously don’t know what i can do, and sometime when he’s hiding stuff(cuz he doesn’t want me to get jealous)or rejecting me i feel really frustrated and don’t wan to talk to him, idk what’s something grand/extreme to do, and how to make him trust me and put me first again…

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2017 at 3:44 pm

Hi JJ,

aside from trying the advice above check this one too:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

Vanessa

December 8, 2017 at 3:08 am

Me and my ex were together for almost 4 yrs. Things are really great. Really special.

He then got busy with his work and law school and things got boring like we rarely talk anymore. The sparks are fading. But I still love him so much. I made a mistake of chatting to different guys. He forgive me once. But after that, nothing changes. So, I made the same mistake again.. chatting to different guy. I never meet up with him but we exchange i love you and I didnt really mean it (which is really hurtful on his part). I truly regret what I did and I begged for his forgiveness personally, I cried in front of him and asked if he could give me one last chance. He said he can no longer give me a chance and he was really devastated. I dont know what else to do. I wanted to make things right. I didnt realize what I had til its gone. Its been a week. Is there a way to win his trust and his heart back? I know it’s impossible, I know I am fool for doing this..But i’ll do everything to bring him back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 11, 2017 at 9:46 am

Hi Vanessa,

Do you want to try the advice above?

Sara

December 1, 2017 at 2:57 am

Hello,
I’m sorry I’ve told my story hundreds of times but I don’t know if you keep track, so many love stories around here!
What should I do if it wasn’t cheating but in an open relationship that went wrong? 1. Went study abroad 2. Decided to stay 6 months more 3. Decided to come back but my ex saw a text where I said “I’m staying for him (the other guy”.
When we were trying to make things work he kept asking for a big gesture like he wouldn’t invite me to a concert of his and then say he waited for me all night to surprise him.
I’m on day 21 NC, looks like he’s moving on with his life.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 3, 2017 at 3:51 pm

He said that before or during nc? If yes on either, dont do it…because you would like you’re chasing him..just slowly build rapport

Lou

November 23, 2017 at 10:38 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago because he found old sexual texts on my phone that I exchaged with my best friend before I had met him. My best friend is in a comitted relationship with a girl who has bipolar. I never told my boyfriend about this little ‘affair’ because it was short lived, I put a stop to it before I met him and we had remained friends throughout our relationship, I was also very ashamed of it. But my boyfriend has depression and has had a failed marraige because he was cheated on and when he found this out he said that he couldn’t look at me, would never look at me the same and had no trust in me anymore. (although he had waited 2 days to tell me that he had seen these texts and had acted normal in that time before completely blowing up when he decided to ask me about it) He called me vile and said he hated me and that he’s shared everything and I didn’t show him the same. However, we were together for nearly 6 months, I was devoted to him, we had talked about marraige, I was very close with his 6 year old daughter, we very nearly moved in together. I’d let him live with me briefly, lent him money. A month ago he thought that he might have cancer and broke up with me because he said that he didn’t want me to be put through it even though I had said that I would stick by him no matter what. When he found out that he didn’t have it, he came back after 2 weeks and told me he needed and wanted me in his life and loved me, a week later this happened. We had a very intense love, it did happen very quickly but we were very attached and devoted to one another. I have things at his and he owes me money, I’ve been blocked on all platforms, phone, facebook, instagram. The day we broke up he told me not to contact him but then proceeded to keep texting me telling me how disgusted he was, that he despised me, how he wishes he’d never found the texts and then said that he was deleting me from his life. I dropped off his keys and a watch that I’d fixed for him a week after we broke up but posted it and cycled away, he wasn’t in. I’m not ready to see him or deal with any of it yet, if I did I would just break down. He’s very unstable but last time he came back and he’d been drinking and self harming. I’m just at a loss, I’ve told him i’m sorry repeatedly, that I’m ashamed and that all I have done is love him and that that period of time was a strange time for me and meant nothing but that still doesn’t make it ok. but I have had absolutely no contact since the break up and I’ve come off social media. How much more no contact would you recommend, and how should I go about contacting him when I need to? I’m not bothered about getting my stuff back right away, the only things that are imprtant are two jumpers and a mug, the money can also wait but its strange that he hasn’t just sent it back over if he wants nothing to do with me. Last time we broke up (and he blocked me) I sent him a heartfelt letter saying how much he meant to me and ust wanted him to be ok. I don’t know if that would work this time because of how angry he was. I have no idea what to do, I’ve been trying to work on myself and become more positive but I keep breaking down and if I was to contact him I wouldnt know when or how to act because I don’t want him to think that I don’t care and don’t feel remorse. I miss him and his daughter so much and just want them back in my life.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2017 at 2:43 pm

Hi Lou,

You have to let time pass and follow the advice on this one:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t

Dee

July 29, 2017 at 10:39 pm

Hello, I read one of my boyfriends text messages because I was having some trust issues. It was bad that I did that and I regret it completely. I told my boyfriend that I read one of his texts without him knowing because I was feeling insecure. He then broke up with me. This was about 6 weeks ago. We are obviously still broken up. He said that we would maybe get back together and that he just needs time to get over this. He feels like he cannot trust me anymore because I went behind his back and read the text messages. He said that he knows his own pattern and that he has a hard time trusting people in general so this is a really big deal to him that I did this and he’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to forgive me. Now he’s not sure if anything that I say is true and what to believe. I apologized immediately. I also made mistakes like begging, text gnat, and showing up at his house unannounced a few times. He was never mad when I did any of this. He said that we would most likely get back together. Then he put up an online dating profile. He said if I date though that he will not be able to forgive me. He said that he just needs more time and that him online dating is just in case him and I don’t work out. As time passes he said that he doesn’t feel attracted to me in the same way anymore. He is physically attracted but it’s not the same. I was stupid and slept with him about 2 weeks after the break up, he initiated it. We have not slept together again. I told him that I would not do that again without commitment. I see him once a week at a game group that we are both a part of, it’s at his house and he still asked me to be in it. I’ve become friends with everyone in the group. Currently I don’t text gnat him anymore. He does reply to my text messages. He agreed to take me on a rock climbing trip with him this month (we are both part of the same community now- he introduced me and I love rock climbing). We go to the same gyms and everything. His friends thought that the reason we broke up was silly. Others agreed with him. But everyone is still very friendly with me. He said that he wants me to continue climbing still. I’m not sure what to do. He is very emotionally distant. We have spent time together since sleeping together here and there. I’m afraid that he may never be able to trust me again. He’s not having any luck with online dating currently and was single for many years before dating me. I really want him back. But it’s starting to feel hopeless. I’m not sure what to do. I’m also not sure what to do in regard to the community that we both now share. I wonder if he just needs more time and me being patient. I also wonder if I am falling into the friend zone. He said that if he could forgive me he would be willing to do dates again to rebuild the very strong chemistry that him and I did have. He says that when I text him he wonders if I am not telling the truth. Me reading his text really affected him. And it worries me that there was a breach of trust in a former relationship that he could not get over, “that’s my pattern,” according to him. I really do love him a lot and we were happy when we were together. This is a very sad situation to me. We both cried during the break up. It was very devastating. I know that I messed up but I don’t think that reading his text should end a relationship. But everyone is different. I just want him to trust me again. And he’s very hung up on the text. I don’t know what to do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 31, 2017 at 10:05 am

Hi Dee,

Send him a clean slate text and then start the no contact period of at least 30 days.. Tell him the currenr situation is not workable for you. You’ve tried everything to prove your trustworthy and allowing him to date others while he knows you’re hurting while also trying to be friendly with him is being disrespectful to your self. Thank him for everything but you need time to be alone to heal and move on before being friendly.

Dont tell him you’re doing nc and dont tell him when you going to text him again

Adele

June 30, 2017 at 5:14 am

Okay so i decided weeks ago, to offically try to move on from my ex, so i decided to delete him from snap chat, and block him through my phone. I then get a friend request from snap chat of my ex and he sends me a message saying why would I block him after everthing we have been through (I had an abortion) and he then tells me he is sorry if he hurt me in any way. We started talking through there and he starts telling me that he wants it to work it out and that he is going to prove it. We would text every day, and two weeks ago we hung out which was on a saturday. We went out to eat, and after that we went to a little get together with his friends. At the end of the day, we started arguing, and it all happened so quick that he snatchs my phone and ends up looking through my phone. I have to confess that i was messaging and seeing this other guy, and he read the conversations we had (the messages included calling each other babe and boo) they were constant flirty messages, He then started saing that i was a liar and that i made it seem like he was the bad guy but in reality it was really me and idk what. Well we had planned to see each other last saturday, and he was just playing games the whole week. i would text him and he would literally reply to twice everyday. and he didnt even tell me what time we were gonna hang out and where, i assumed he was going to flake so i told him i was going to leave him alone. He replies and says why are you acting like that we are going to see each other, but i just had a feeling he was going to play his dumb games so i didnt respond, he then sends me another message with a question mark and i still didnt repond. I then messaged him on tuesday saying i didnt repond because it was all goin to be pure bs. He then tells me that i flaked because i was with some one else. I went off on him and he calls me and tells me that i flaked on him and told him i dont want to argue, and he then tells me he doesnt either so that he will text me, i said okay and he never texted me. I went off on him agin and he never replied. He has not looked for me. I dont know what to do .I feel like things could have worked out if he never saw my phone. I feel like he lost interest or respect 🙁 what should i do?

Adele

July 4, 2017 at 7:45 pm

Okay so update on what happened. He ended up looking for me two days ago. He asked what I was gonna do on Fourth of July. He then said that he was hurt and mad about the guy. I responded and he then tells me to hang out. We hung out and I mest up big time by having sex with him. He then tells me that his precum went inside me and that we shouldn’t risk it. So he then tells me that he will buy me a plan b pill. He tells me he will give me the money tomorrow to buy it. I then start questioning him, telling him why can’t he just go to his and give me the money on the spot , he says he can’t. I question him why not and he kept on saying he can’t. I start assuming that if he his living with someone and can’t be seen , he then says that I’m acting crazy and that I should stop. I went off on him and told him I’m not gonna be his booty call. The next day we met up and he bought the pill. I took the pill and then I asked him why he was acting like that, he says it’s because I was acting crazy. He asks me what I’m gonna do and I told him probably just go to the gym, he said he wanted to go but that he rather just stay home and work out. I dropped him off home, and I decided to invite him to this beach event. He then tells me he doesn’t feel like going and I went off on him telling that he doesn’t even try spending time with me and that he doesn’t put no effort. I started sending him many messages and calling him and he wouldn’t reply. I went crazy and told him I was gonna head to his house. Ten minutes later he replies and tells me that I’m acting crazy and that those are the reasons why he doesn’t hesitate to ask me out or even be with me. I told him that To stop looking for me if I’m that crazy and that I regret having sex with him. I fee so heart broken and sad and I regret having sex with him 🙁 what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2017 at 5:40 pm

Check this one:
EBR 030: What To Do If You Sleep With Your Ex Boyfriend
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 30, 2017 at 4:50 pm

Stop replying and engaging in fights..finish at least 30 days of nc

RAM

June 18, 2017 at 1:49 pm

My exboyfriend broke up with me for lying. We were together for a year, and had a one week break up in between. When we were broken up, I talked and went on a couple dates with other guys. 1) I lied about that to him. 2) One of the guys I was talking to, I met up with him when I got back with my ex and he was out of town. No kissing, or anything sexual involved. Now, he said he doesnt trust me whatsoever, and cant forgive what I did. I’ve apologized, admitted my mistake, and let him know that my main priority is to rebuild his trust back no matter what it takes. But he said i’ve crossed the line. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 21, 2017 at 3:04 pm

Hi Ram,
follow the advice above. Even if you didn’t cheat, if he thinks you did, you should follow the advice above..

Astrid

May 3, 2017 at 11:09 pm

My situation is a trust breaker but doesn’t fall into the categories outlined.

I was dating a co-worker who is very reserved, quiet and shy. To make a long story short, we became very close and I was the first person he told about a serious issue he has which prevented him from dating.

When the relationship went sour due to his fear of getting close, being hurt (he hadn’t dated in a certain amount of years) and his problem – I felt lead on and hurt. I tried remaining friends but he started avoiding me.

I ended up venting to a co-worker/friend and out of anger slipped what his problem was. It got back to him and now he never wants to talk to me again. I’m not like this and it was an honest mistake.

I truly feel like I lost my best friend and want to know how I can get him back. He has an item of mine, but has said- he’ll give it to me when he feels like basically.

He’s been hurt before and truly want this person in my life. I’ve already started the NC rule after he told me to buzz off.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2017 at 3:00 pm

Nc is the right way to give him time..he’s just emotional..focus in improving yourself

nillie

April 28, 2017 at 3:20 pm

hi, when we were togehter i was a bit flirty and too nice. especially for guys i have history with. when all of my mistakes blew up, i promised to change and i did. i was absolutely perfect. after one month when he was cold and distant and i tried to regain his trust and full affection, he broke up with me, saying it’s too late and he can’t go back to who he was with me before. i wasn’t cheating, just too much “nice” and “caring” for other guys, and didn’t keep proper distance. it was all happened on social media and stuff, never touched anyone or something.
do you think there’s a chance he will be back? im doing the contact rule for 4 days now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 30, 2017 at 8:10 am

It’s not yet too late.. Even if you didn’t cheat, approach it like you did because that what he thinks..

Joela

February 7, 2017 at 6:28 am

Hi.
I am literally going crazy and I feel like I am dying since me and my boyfriend broke up some days ago and last night definitely . My situation is really complicated and I really need help. Please read it carefully
Me and my boyfriend (ex now) have been in a relationship for one year. He left someone else because he fell in love with me. His ex was a psycho and always trying to destroy our relationship. She made me sick and me and my boyfriend had constantly fights because I didn’t believe him and I thought they were still talking (because she made me believe so through online posts on social websites) So i decided to open a fake account as a male and talk to her. I made everything so I could know what she was talking about my boyfriend and me. His ex found out recently that it was me and told to my boyfriend. I didn’t have the courage to tell him the truth and I invented other lies until everything came out and I admitted I did everything. I begged him to give me one more chance but he thinks im a professional liar and sick person and he can ever trust me again. He said me he doesn’t love me anymore. But how can love die within a day? How can he judge me so bad for one mistake? He knows I love him more than everything is this world. Our relationship was serious and all knew about it, we were planning to spend life together. I know I did wrong but how can she cut off everything without giving me another chance? I don’t want to lose him. Last night was the last time we met and I begged him but he just said I came to say that there is no us anymore because I cannot trust you anymore. You lied me multiple times on this matter and now everyone knows and I feel ashamed and you fooled me in front of my eyes- he said. I know he is right but he should understand that I did that for vengeance against his ex and jealousy.
What can I do? I have 5 days without eating and I just sleep with pills. I left school because I cant go there and see him. I dont want my dad to find out and suffer for me because he is already sick himself and he suspects I have something.
Help me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2017 at 8:05 pm

Hi Joela

how old are you? Get counseling first and eat and sleep right because you wont really think straight if you don’t take care of your body.. click this:
You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That

Juli

February 1, 2017 at 6:29 pm

I just basically read your articles and i need help my situation is more complicated

I thought my x and i was on a break so to cope i started taking to other guys….in result my x and i got back together n he saw the messages to other guys ..i kept texting them even after we got back together but i stopped b4 he came to see me which was like 3 days after the fake break . i don’t know what to do this is my 3rd time doing something like this to him and he’s telling me i can’t get his trust back but i can try so i have like 2 weeks to prove to him and besides that i actually been getting counseling for it and i been getting help. I don’t know what to say or do

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 4:50 pm

Hi Juli,

did you cut all ties with the other guys now? Check this one too;
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

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