How To Make An Ex Boyfriend Trust You Again- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

324 thoughts on “This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again”

A

May 31, 2016 at 2:42 am

Hi,
Thanks for all the great advice. I have a slightly different situation and I’m not sure how to address it. The thing is my boyfriend broke up with me because of some rash decision he took; however, I was left so heart broken that I wasn’t sure if I would take him back at that time. So I went out a week after and ended up with a really cute guy I had known for a long time and we ended up kissing. Sadly, my ex was standing right in front of us. He immediately grabbed my arm and started yelling at me because of how mad he was for what I had done. He told be he had intentions of getting back together with me, so he called me that same night and we ended up talking for hours about how I had screwed up all my chances of getting back together. I came to realize how madly in love I still am with him, so I sent him a text apologizing the next day. He hasn’t talked to me since and I really want him back. What should I do?

A

May 31, 2016 at 7:31 pm

Yes, i did. But he still wouldn’t forgive me!
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 1, 2016 at 1:26 am

give him time now to think about that.. just don’t do any jealousy moves
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 7:07 pm

Hi A,

you apologized right? Did you also explain why you did it?

Maggie

May 26, 2016 at 11:41 pm

My boyfriend LM and I had been together just shy of 4 years.
Our relationship started off when I was broken up with my ex RV but we still owned a house together.
After about a year, I didn’t tell him something I had done one day. It was very minor. I had bought lunch for some guys that had helped me with something home related. He found out because we went to the restaurant where I ordered & the owner asked me if they liked the food. Since I had spoken to my boyfriend the day I bought the lunch & didn’t tell him he said I lied.
Another year goes by & I went to visit a friend of mine and we had planned on getting tattoos. Obviously I couldn’t hide it from him but I told him that it wasn’t planned when it actually was. He found out.
About 6 months ago an old boyfriend, MS, got in touch with me. I was madly in love with him years ago but never had closure after we stopped seeing each other. We started catching up & it was completely harmless at first. I was depressed over a few things like losing my father, my job, not having children, etc. MS was always a good sounding board & always helped me put things in perspective. I told him how I had felt about him but it was all past feelings that I needed to get out to get the closure I needed. I didn’t feel them anymore. LM was not a person of many words so it was hard to have certain conversations with him. MS started sending me explicit emails. Instead of ignoring them or telling him to stop, I responded back. Nothing would have come of it but a person outside reading the emails would not have seen things that way.
About a month ago I started not responding to MS out of feelings of guilt, the fact that I had the closure I needed & I was just uncomfortable with the correspondence. I thought I had deleted all the emails but apparently missed a few.
LM found them. I tried to be calm at first but things got heated. I tried to grab my computer from him & wound up scratching him by mistake. I did bite him on purpose though. He pushed me to get me away from him & I did trip & fall. I don’t want to make it sound like it was a physical fight & we beat each other. It was not like that. The 3 incidences I mentioned are the only fights we ever had in 4 years.
This last fight was 4 days ago. The day after the fight I apologized & admitted I was wrong. He told me my behavior that day was so wrong & my lying was a pattern. Let me just say that in my mind the first 2 instances I didn’t feel I was lying at first. I am just not forthcoming with information because I have had, what seemed to be innocent comments, twisted & thrown back in my face & used against me. Not by him but from past relationships. Yes, I realize it is unfair.
LM had never told me he loved me. Despite being together for almost 4 years, I just didn’t know. I had told him twice but he never said it back. The day the last fight happened he was crying & when I asked, he told me that he loved me. I have never felt so much pain in my heart when I realized that I had hurt someone so deeply.
The last time I tried to text him was 2 days ago. I told him I missed him & he never responded.
I get the 15 or 30 day no contact rule. But how do I establish a conversation to begin with when the time is right?
I would welcome any advice you can give. We really were inseparable & great together.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2016 at 3:24 am

Hi Maggie,

you should aim for 30… actually he looks like he’s insecure.. I don’t see anythig to be angry about you buying food for people who worked for your home.. it’s just being hospitable.. it also looks like the insecurity runs the relationship.. the things you worry shouldn’t be somethin you worry about..

I don’t know if that affected you, because you said you bit him but what’s more important is, you become more independent and that you gain perspective..

when you start again, pick topics that he would like reply too, ones that he’s interested with..don’t talk about the relationship or feelings

Robyn

May 12, 2016 at 12:39 am

So here’s my situation:
I dated this guy for almost 9 months. 3 weeks ago we fought over a stupid thing at my place and we were both getting really angry. So I lost it and told him that there were only two options: solving this problem or him leaving my house and that that would mean the end of the relationship. He decided to leave and told me he “didn’t need me to be happy”. So obviously I was heartbroken and cried all night. The next night I went out with my best friend and ended up kissing a guy but that was it. I missed my boyfriend too much so I didn’t do anything else and just went back home. The next day I spoke with my boyfriend and I told him how much I missed him and he told me missed me a lot too. So we were almost getting back together but I don’t like having secrets so I told him about the other night and he just lost it. He was so mad because for him we hadn’t broken up and he thinks I cheated on him. I tried NC but called him after a week and all he kept saying was that I cheated and that he was too hurt to see me. Two days later we agreed on going out and he said he wanted to try again and confessed to me he slept with another woman, and that he wanted to leave everything in the past and start over. We did for like a week but he would always bring up the fact that I “cheated”. Then last weekend he called me to tell me that someone called him and told him about that night and that I didn’t tell him the whole truth (I did tell him everything) and now he’s mad again and we “broke up” again but this time he says he doesn’t want to see me ever again and that he can never ever trust me or forgive me for breaking his heart. He’s always been very proud and kind of vengeful and holds lots of grudges, and he did say to me very rude stuff. I really do miss him and love him despite all his flaws. And I know it’s not all my fault but he makes it seem like it was. So, is there any hope? What can I do? Is it really possible to get him back? It’s been 4 days since we broke up.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 12:33 am

Hi Robyn,

Try to read this blog posts too.
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t

and start no contact.. improve yourself but don’t do jealousy moves.

Anonym

March 29, 2016 at 4:28 pm

My ex told me (after the NC which was I broke up) that he is insecure about the future. He fears that either me breaks up again or he.

What does this mean? What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 6:12 am

Hi Anonym,
have you talked again?

Kristyn

January 29, 2016 at 10:39 pm

hi Chris
Ive never reached out like this before but I need some help!! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years. Several months ago I bought a new car. He had told me he didn’t think it was a good idea but I bought the car anyway. I had just lost my father and I wanted something new. Anyway, long story short I bought the car and he said he would help me pay the taxes when they were due totaling $1500.00. He owns a successful business so I didn’t think it would be an issue. The taxes were due in May 2016 and did not get paid. We discussed in June that I did not have the money and he said he could help me with half of the money. In late August he began paying me 100.00 per week from his business because I took care of all billing, phone calls, post office errands etc. and after 2 weeks upped it to 250.00 before taxes. My tags expired on my car at the end of August and I would have been driving on expired fictitious tags had they not gotten paid. I overpaid myself from his business enough to pay my taxes and then when I had what I needed I stopped paying myself completely and continued my work. On October 31 he found out and we separated. We were working on things and last week he messaged me at 1:30 am and told me he couldn’t sleep and asked what I was doing. I lied and told him I was home when I was really at IHOP with my brother and sister. It was a stupid lie and he in the past has been the type of person to say something very negative even when I know im telling the truth he assums its a lie. He has cheated on me and lied to me several times over the years. I love this man so much and I know he loves me but we are in a very bad situation. He now says he cant believe anything that cones out of my mouth. What can I do?? I know I will never as long as I live ever lie to him again but how do I make him see that? Please help me anyone if you can!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2016 at 2:25 pm

HI Krystn,

Trust is very important and it needs patience and courage on both sidesion building it up again. First, there’s no such thing as absolute honesty. If he was not looking good at a particular day you wouldn’t say he’s ugly straight to his face right? Haha!
Kidding aside, in building trust, you have to make up with your wrong doings and keep your word this time. Remember, you have to be patient. Basically, you have to be honest with almost everything you say and do and convey it in a loving and patient way. Because the truth is, at first, you might experience him questioning you a lot of times. So, more time to prove him that you’re telling the truth can help build trust because merely telling him over and over again that you won’t lie again won’t help it and it doesn’t prove anything.

BA

December 19, 2015 at 4:22 pm

HI!
My boyfriend of one year broke up with me because I lied to him. We are in a long distance relationship and we were face-timing when my phone vibrated because I had a text message. He asked me what that was. I said nothing trying to just ignore the fact that I got a text. (The text was from a old guy friend who works with young life and was asking if my family donated). Because it was a guy i kind of freaked out inside, so i lied. I told my boyfriend it was a new mail message. Well, he knew that was a lie because our phones vibrate once for a mail and twice for a text so he knew it was a text before he even asked. I even took my stupid lie as trying to send him an email…

I finally admitted all of that was a lie and then explained the truth but at that point my boyfriend was really mad. I had never lied to him before but now he questions everything I say, because I lied to his face. He broke up with me and then after two days he started talking to me again. He face timed me last night and then said ,” you probably turned your vibrate off so that never happens again.” My reaction was to say a quick no, although truth was, I had… I was messing around earlier that day with the vibrates and just turned them off. He thinks it was to be a sneaky bitch, but I really just did it…

He then ended our relationship again… I messed up and I don’t know what to do. I don’t think he will ever believe me again and it was all because I did stupid, stupid things… I don’t want to lose him please help!
FK

December 14, 2015 at 5:04 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex and I were together for 9 years. I never lied once to him until recently. 1st time I lied about a stupid issue cz I didn’t want to upset him and he forgave me after. Last night I lied to him again about something serious and made up a huge lie. I thought I was getting away with it but apparently I wasn’t. He broke up with me last night after 9 years of being together and he claims that he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, that he regrets wasting 9 years of his life with me, & that he doesn’t ever want to hear my voice or see me ever again. I know I was wrong and I feel terrible about it, but I was honestly scared to tell him the truth (I did not cheat on him). I don’t know how long I should do the “no contact” rule for before I start attempting to regain his trust. I know it will take me a VERY long time to regain his trust and I am willing to work extremely hard on that to get him back. I’ll do whatever it take for however long it takes. Your section about the lying part was a bit short, so can you please give me more advice?

SW

February 3, 2016 at 6:29 pm

I am struggling in this area too. I was dishonest about a few life events to gain sympathy or love from my boyfriend. I told the same lies to others to gain the same effect, acceptance via someone feeling sorry for me. I am not really sure how to best explain the behavior. I know that it took my boyfriend finding out to stop this very bad behavior I had developed at some point (likely after my first marriage, in which I was involved with a much older man that was a petafile.). When my boyfriend found out, I was devastated. I had really hurt someone that I really loved. I mean, my best friend and my lover. I betrayed him badly. At the same time, I was thankful that it was out in the open and I could move past the behavior finally. My boyfriend was going to finally get to know the real me, and I was going to have to trust him enough to really let him in this time. Therefore, my boyfriend (who stood by my side during cervical cancer) became even more of my hero. He brought something I wanted to correct out into the open and it forced me to deal with it and change into a better person. It has been very freeing. Yet, it also has been very, very difficult.

My boyfriend of nearly 2 years and close friend for probably 5 years before dating, says he has been hurt very deeply by what I have done. He has said he is not sure how, or if, he can move past the hurt and mistrust he feels. He says he is failing at moving past what I have done, and wishes he could, but is not sure how. If there is any hint that something does not make sense, we go back down this road again. He has a really difficult time believing anything I do. I brought this on myself, I know. I was wrong and I am maybe the sorriest person alive for what I have done. I came clean with him and I have cried many times telling him I am deeply, deeply sorry. I have prayed and asked for forgiveness over and over. And, I have not lied again. In fact, now I feel very close to him because I am so honest with him and have really let him into my life (like I should have from day one).

I have practiced the short bursts of honesty. I have been consistent, and open. At the same time, I have had to let go and forgive myself. I have just been myself. It feels wonderful, it really does. But, if the topic comes up again (which begins when something triggers his disbelief) it rips my heart out. I feel deep pain, regret, sorrow, guilt, shame, etc. My heart begs for mercy and forgiveness from him. I don’t want him to walk away because he cannot move past this, and I want to be patient, loving and honest to gain back his trust. However, it is taking a long, long time and seems that he may not be able for forgive me.

I don’t know what to do besides pray about it, and keep working hard to show him I am not some God-awful liar.

My advice for the group …

1. Don’t give up on being consistent, patient, and continue to be a better person. Keep going in the right direction. Keep working on you and how you can be a better partner (not just brutal honesty, but your appearance, your level of support for them, and your compassion for them). Make this an opportunity to become a better you.

2. Sometimes, you may have to not talk about things that may trigger the disbelief; even when you really want to share something with the other person. Wait until you can show them physically, so that there will be no thought you are lying.

3. Think about your words and behaviors that may appear to be untrue or disbelieving. Does it sound like a fish story? This brings about doubt, and it will bring everything back to the surface again … which takes you on an emotional roller coaster as you so desperately want to be forgiven and move forward.

4. Talk to someone else besides your boyfriend about it. You have to heal yourself from your guilt and the person you hurt will often not be able to see how the situation is hurting you too. They believe they were hurt, and don’t know that your heart is aching for the hurt you caused them that you want to fix so badly.

5. Be prepared for yourself for unforgiveness, and try to be patient. Knowing you hurt someone is really hard when you love them. Knowing you cannot go back and do it different is even harder. Knowing they are hurting so deeply that they cannot forgive you is the hardest. Knowing they may walk away because of their hurt is gut wrenching. Just know, you learned a lesson. You are a better person for what you learned. You can’t fix this. You can only hope the person has grace like God, in that, they can give you a chance to be a better person and love you with open arms. Just know, if (and I mean if) you can gain their trust again, you cannot never ever, ever lie again. If you do, it is a deal breaker and you are done.
mg

January 26, 2016 at 1:59 am

I’m in the exact same boat, almost identical. I lied to him about smoking, twice, and he hates smoking.. please help

Alyssa

December 6, 2015 at 2:25 am

Hello. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We go to two different colleges, 5 and a half hours apart… That in itself is tricky. I met a guy friend up here at my school, who ended up kissing me. I broke things off with him, and of course told my boyfriend about it. Then after a few weeks, I saw this guy again and we sat down and talked and he apologized for what he did, and I tried to be the bigger person and forgive him. I told my boyfriend, but he was not okay with that. So I broke things off again. Then I was on Skype with my boyfriend the other night, and that boy just randomly walks into my room! I immediately hung up on my boyfriend out of complete panic. Now he feels hurt, lied to, and unimportant. He said I have lost his trust, which is reasonable. He has still kept a little bit of contact, but I don’t know what my boundaries are. If I don’t talk to him, does that mean I am not trying to earn his trust back, therefore giving up? But I also want to give him time and space to heal, and not annoy him. I do want to do anything I can to earn his trust back, but I don’t know if the NC rule will hurt or help in this case… What are your thoughts?
Liss

November 23, 2015 at 2:28 pm

Hello! Your site has been able to help me realize what I need to do to get my ex back. I would like some insight about my situation and how I should go about executing my plans. I’ve been dating my ex for about a year, and he broke up with me about a week ago. The reasons for the break up are because I was lying about smoking pot and I don’t really express myself when I need to. I realize these are signs of a toxic relationship but I don’t think it’s something that I can’t work on and be better at. His mom doesn’t think we are compatible (even though we have been together for a year and not to mention we have already met the family). I feel like his mom affected his decision too. I don’t feel like he totally did it all himself. He is a wonderful person and my best friend and I feel bad for doing this to him. He told me that he thinks we need to focus on ourselves and maybe down the road we can get back together. I’m determined to change my ways for myself and for our relationship. I believe we were meant to be, and I know he loves me. I’ve truly believe that it’s not over, it’s a matter of showing instead of talking. I just hope I have the chance to show him that I can be the girl for him. Please help me. ): Thank you for your feedback
Anne

November 16, 2015 at 11:28 am

Hello Chris,
I’m going to end the NC and thinking about the game plan.
I broke up with my ex coz I lied to him. It wasn’t cheating but the worst case possible. He knew the truth but I kept lying. I started begging until he told me to stop contacting him. If not, he will block my number.
Now, I’m moving to the next step and need your advice to deal with my case coz I made it complicated!
Would you please give me some samples of the first text message and game plan?
Thank you very much
lily

November 9, 2015 at 2:22 pm

Hi chris!
I desperately need your help!
I broke his trust like he loved me so much but i didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Now he hates me to the extend he said he should’d waited for the RIGHT girl ;( tht hurts like hell! He said whatever i’ve done to him, makes him furious. He doesn’t want to hear my voice again. He doesn’t want to see me again. He regret to be in that fucking relationship. He says i’m his worst nightmare ;( he feels depressed whenever he thinks about me. He said he was foolish enough that he loved me. I am pathetic. He doesn’t want a single message from me. N tht i will nvr have him again ;( please HELP!
Liza Gollrad

October 23, 2015 at 12:52 am

Hey, I really need help!
I had this “relationship” with a guy I met on highschool…. We were best friends first, REALLY good friends, until I realised I was kind into him, I mean, he’s the typical friki guy, loves anime, he’s a gamer (and he’s also italian) and I was soo stupid to fall in love with him. All those guys chasing me, but it was always only him. After thinking it a BIG while, I decided to tell him how I felt, and so I did. He had a really good reaction. He really had the “Don’t wander off thing after something awkward happened”. We stayed like friends for a week, and then I had to go to his house to complete a project, and there he asked me to had a strict relationship, which I agreed. We broke up 2 weeks after, but it was “funny” though, we broke up a Friday afternoon, and THAT exact Friday in the morning we were just fine. No troubles, he was telling me how much he liked me, how much he needed me. And the thing is, I did loved him. He broke up with me. He just did. I talked to his best friend before he applied me the “Bro code” (Bro’s after hoes, which is exactly as how I fell right now) and he told me that he did loved me…. That first he was going to ask me out because he was pitty of me, but then he fell in love with me, or so he says.

Why did we broke up? We had no troubles, we were doing great. I really miss him, and I feel so ashamed that I lost him. Now he don’t even looks at me. Nor he speaks. I sit behind me in History, but he just don’t even cares about my excistance. As if I was not there, and I feel just miserable. I want him back, and I don’t want to feel like a doll, an old, used, ragged, not-worth-enough doll. I want to feel great again. And I want another shot with him…. Please, help me
isabella

October 21, 2015 at 2:01 pm

My ex boyfriend and i were dating for almost a year. He is 20, and i am 19. He is extremely jealous (no following any guys on any social medias, needed all my passwords, checked my phone all the time) he tells me what i should and shouldn’t wear and what pictures I’m allowed to post. About 4 months into our relationship we moved in together (I moved where he went to college about 4 hours from friends and family) i became very lonely and relied on him 24/7. During our whole relationship i have lied to him because i didn’t feel the need for him to know i slept with 5 guys so i told him 4, i went to a club with my friend and didn’t tell him because i knew we would fight but i needed a night out ( i ended up feeling guilty and just sitting on the speaker the whole night), but that was the worst of them. About 5 months in he told me he hated my friend, Alyssa, because whenever were together she tries to get me to do crazy things (she does but i can handle myself) and so i suggested not being friends with her (not realizing he would hold me on this word and really make me block her on everything and I’ve been friends with her for almost 3 years) Initially i didn’t talk to her but then i couldn’t help it.. she was my best friend and it was so hard with him constantly checking my texts and all my social media. After moving back home maybe like 9 months in my other friend, Cat, went about and tweet something about him which was very immature and rude, but it just said about his jealousy or something and she didn’t mention his name, anyway he saw it and he told me to tell her off and just block her on twitter which i did and i told her it was wrong and extremely disrespectful of my relationship but she didn’t delete it and i mean i can’t make her but she’s been my best friend since the fucking 3rd grade that girl is my soul sister i would never give her up but i love him but I’m scared if i stay with him ill lose her friendship. Also he wants me to text literally 24/7 like all the time he says it shows how much i care about him and that i wanna talk to him and I’m putting him first. personally, i don’t even like texting that much and sometimes when i go out to take photos or go to lunch whatever it is i don’t text back as fast and he gets really hurt and i mean its crazy last summer my grandma asked me to join her in paris for 2 weeks!!!! amazing huh? and he said if i went with her he’d never go with me because then i would’ve already gone so of course i didn’t go! Back to the point yesterday he broke up with me because i didn’t respond to him for a few hours and he told me he’s done being disrespected and lied to and that I’m shitty and a liar and what not. i don’t know if this is normal or not its kind of my first real relationship and my parents are kind of shitty so i can’t ask their advice. Do you think this is at all healthy or salvageable?

Chris Seiter

October 21, 2015 at 8:52 pm

Ah it sounds like he either has some growing up to do or he could become abusive. I’d advise to give up on him. You could also try dating again in a few years if you think he might grow up. Are you his first relationship also?

leah

September 23, 2015 at 2:17 pm

Before i get into anything, i want to say that i LOVE THIS PAGE SO MUCH!! it has really calmed me down a lot and got me thinking about things i didnt before! 🙂 so thank you chris!

So now for the story, i want to start off saying that my ex boyfriend is very immature, he obviously thinks over wise but the truth is he is terribly childish. Me being 2 and a half years younger than my ex and still being in school (im a senior in high school and he 20), i thought that dating someone who was older that me would make for a mature and honest relationship because i do consider myself to be a lot more mature than my classmates. But I soon came to realize that he was very very jealous and a lot of that had to do with him ex girlfriends because he had been betrayed multiple times by all of them (3). He always used that as an excuse as to why he had terrible trust issues and for a while that made sense. now for a story: My best friend for 2 and a half years was a boy, and a boy that i was head over heals in love with for over a year may i add. We never dated, he never had real feelings for me, but i did kiss him a few times during the time i liked him. So when i got into the relationship with my now ex, i continued to talk to my friend because he was just a friend and the feelings were gone. he was just someone i had been friends with for years so i didn’t want to lose that friendship (and for the record, he got a girlfriend soon after me and my boyfriend started dating). basically without getting into everything, he asked me to stop talking to my friend, and thinking it would make our relationship stronger, i did. but there was one time that he did text me asking me a question and because he was my friend i answered the question. My boyfriend went looking in my phone and saw the messages (that was back in march/april) every since that icsident, he has been throwing that in my face. I stopped all communication with my friend after that (i havent talked to him since april) thinking it would stop, but it never did. so i havent talked to my ex in 17 days and im starting to wonder if he is never going to get over it because he super insecure about myself.. any advice?? i need help haha!
Jal

September 13, 2015 at 10:27 am

Hi Chris,

I would like your advice on using the book. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend in June and dated someone else (including sleeping with him). He saw us and felt I was cheating as I dated immediately after the breakup. 2 months down the road, I realise I love my ex a lot more than I imagine, but he has just gotten together with a girl he who has been a close friend for 10 years.

During the first month we broke up, he begged me to try the relationship again but I told him “Lets be friends”. When I learned that he moved on, I begged him to reconsider me, stayed close and met him everyday etc….anyhow one month later (last week), he told me he couldn’t forgive me and have decided to let go/ move on. During these few months, we still text a lot everyday. How should I best use your book for this situation, and has it been too long for me to execute this?

I read your book and you mentioned cheating as the lowest and almost impossible one to reconcile, can you please please help me.
Gina

August 30, 2015 at 11:22 am

My boyfriend broke up with me because he thought I lied. However, I am one whose feelings surfaces as times go on. I told initially why I said how I was feeling about a situation in our relationship. I explained I was expressing how I felt and being honest. Then later I said I was upset. I later sort out my feelings and realized being upset initiated my honesty of how I felt but I didn’t act out of anger. He felt I attacked him, but was simply stating what I was thinking. I read the letter to an unbiased person (someone who is not aware of the situation) and they stated it was staying the facts and not attacking. So, I am left at this point with an ex who will not initiate contact after the 30 days non contact.
C

August 28, 2015 at 1:29 pm

I sent a video message to you, I’m not sure if it definitely send so I’m writing here too.

I broke up with my [best friend] ex boyfriend for stupid reasons like being too busy with school. We still did relationship like things for 8 months but I always told him we were just friends. I was seeing other guys, and he would ask me if it was true but I’d deny. I know how wrong I was to lie and it’s caused so many fights and heartbreaks over time. He found out last month about all my lies. At first he said maybe we can be together one day but now he says we can’t ever. He says he doesn’t care about my feelings anymore cause he can’t believe them. He says I broke so much trust and now while he’s taking this time away from me he’s losing feelings for me. The only positive I get is that “maybe one day we can be friends again”

It’s killing me how much I hurt him. I want him back so bad. I really have changed. I deleted all my social media and talk to no guys besides our mutual friends. I seriously am a whole new me and while it does feel good myself it would feel amazing having him back. I don’t know what to do.

NC makes him get over me and be further from me. Talking to him all the time makes him mad. I feel like this whole thing is hopeless but he’s so worth it. I wish he could turn around swallow his pride and talk to me normally to see how amazing it would be. What do I do?

Chris Seiter

August 30, 2015 at 3:37 pm

I will be getting back to the podcasts in about a month, my wife and I are about to have a baby so I have to focus on that for now but I promise I will get back to the podcasts.
C

August 28, 2015 at 4:16 pm

I meant an audio message. Not video! Whoops 🙂

lita

August 11, 2015 at 11:05 am

hi Chris, its been almost a year that my ex broke up with me . its been very difficult for me . He has become the person I could never imagine would become. He still talks to me once in awhile. Also post break up we had many ugly arguments. He says if i do not talk to me he would also not talk to me. he has become very rigid. 90% of the time whenever he talks to me, i cry. but he doesnt care. I will also mention here that it was my fault that he broke up with me. we were together for 5 years. i really still shattered even after 1 year of break up. I was the controlling/ dominating type of girl in the relationship though that was not what i intended to be. My behaviour towards him changed drastically according to him. but still after he broke up with me, I say he is best person i ve met and happened in my life. his casual words to me hurt me to the core. also he told me he doesnt believe me. I tried to forget him but i feel so stuck. he has seen me growing up in those 5 years. I met him while i was in college . He broke up up soon aftr i started working. I feel guilty and indebted towards him. I know he cannot deny that he loves me. he still loves me i know. I want to regain trust from him, if possible. Can you help me ??
Irene

August 4, 2015 at 11:21 pm

Hi there, I’m just needing to get any help I can get. Mine starts with being in a relationship for a short amount of time before getting pregnant, feeling forced to move in, miscarriage, me shutting down and shutting him out. Had contact through social media with an ex, which neither of us crossed the line, he didn’t make any suggestions to get together, he knew I was with someone. But now I know that the principal is that one does not need to be in contact with an ex. He feels betrayed. Trust has been lost and I need him back.

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:05 pm

Hi Irene,

So are you currently dating someone?

Mara

July 19, 2015 at 2:42 pm

Hi Chris,
I think I might have messed up the apology. I did 15 days no contact, started with a priming text, got neutral response, waited a week, send another priming text and got a positive response. However he would wait days to respond. I thought perhaps he was still bitter about the cheating, and thought he was annoyed that I hadn’t mentioned it. So I sent an apology, and he seemed annoyed and since then he hasn’t been responding. What should I do?

Thanks <3
Mara

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