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Joy
October 10, 2013 at 10:17 pm
We have been broken up for about 3 months now. He said he don’t love me anymore. We broke up because I had a bad attitude toward him. I know that I drove him away with talking about my feelings for him and begging him to come back. I miss him so much and still madly in love with him. I don’t anticipate him coming back to me at all, but do you think after a while of us not talking and seeing each other, is it possible for him to gain feelings for me again? Like miss me or even love me again? He said that he’s done and he’s leaving everything in the past. Seems like we’re never going to talk ever again.
admin
October 11, 2013 at 6:04 pm
Of course it is! But you have to play your cards right. And right now that means patience on your part.
Clary
October 10, 2013 at 5:54 pm
At first after i broke up i had no idea about the NC rule so I broke it..a lot… because we agreed to be friends. Now that the summer is over we go to the same school and have exactly the same friends and we can’t not see each other. But I have switched to no contacting him and appearing cool in front of him. He generally ignores me and we do not talk any more like we did in the past. He does touch me, like he’s hitting me like a joke or such stuff and some times we look at each other for long times and I look the other way first. I miss him as a friend…and I don’t know what to do anymore. The NC rule I cannot do because I’ll have to give up on my friends entirely…so how can I have him back? How to know he wants me back?
admin
October 11, 2013 at 5:40 pm
Gotcha!
I would say at this point establish communication the way I suggest in the E-Book! (or on the site.)
Jessica
October 10, 2013 at 5:01 pm
So my boyfriend and I just broke up on Monday. It started with me telling him that not going to church with me is eventually going to be a dealbreaker. He called me the next day (he was visiting, went home and lives 3 hours away). It was my birthday weekend, a big birthday mind you, 30! He took me out to dinner bc I had suggested it but didn’t get me anything. We have been officially dating for 2 months but have known each other for two years (long distance). During the phone all he said that maybe we weren’t a match bc I wanted him to go to church with me and that the long distance was too hard, he was sick of being the third wheel when going out to eat during the week with his friends (who are married). The convo ended with me crying and saying there is nothing left to talk about and hung up on him. We had such awesome chemistry and got along really well and usually always had fun with each other I am def. not ready to lose him again. A little background info. We dated long distance for a year I lived in CHarlotte and he lived in Dallas. He moved to Tulsa where he got depressed (there was no one to go out with, no where to go, no friends) so he broke it off with me bc the distance was too hard. Which he was right it was. He was supposed to move back to Dallas looking for a new job but took a job in Austin instead bc he just had to get out of Tulsa. I was thinking before the breakup we were going to have issues if he didn’t go to church with me and never bought me any thoughtful gifts but I expected us to work on it. I am so heart broken and don’t want to never see him or talk to him again. I have not contacted him since Monday. Is there hope? Can I make him come crawling back!? I miss him already.
admin
October 10, 2013 at 7:00 pm
Yes, but you need to stick to NC!
Jessica
October 10, 2013 at 9:13 pm
Thank you. SO glad I found your blog. I now feel like getting out of my crying at home rut and going out with girlfriends. I will let you know how the NC works! Thanks!
admin
October 11, 2013 at 5:56 pm
I am glad you are moving past the “crying” stage haha. Go out and have some fun this weekend.
Danielle
October 10, 2013 at 4:10 pm
Iv been with my ex a few months he really wanted children I agreed we could try but then got cold feet as we’ve only been together a short while so told him I wanted contraceptives we discussed it and I agreed for a baby again and then month later I told him its too soon we don’t know each other well enough, he broke up with me iv done the texting calling thing he said give him some space so he can think I gave him space and he came back saying its over iv messed him around on the one thing he truly wants he forgave me the first time but can’t go through a relationship with me with constant arguements and when we don’t want the same things I’m madly in love with him told him I’d do anything to make him happy texted called him constantly pretty much begged him to take me back he wouldn’t I said the only way I can stop contacted him is to delete his number which he agreed i shud do, would the no contact thing work in this situation as he was getting really mad at me for keeping texting him or should I just try move on
admin
October 10, 2013 at 6:57 pm
Yes, I think especially in your case it could work!
Michelle
October 10, 2013 at 3:24 pm
I broke it off with my ex 4 days ago because I felt that we’re not compatible. We haven’t seen each other in about 3 weeks now. When I broke it off with him, he said he already found someone who will love him for who he is. I think it is a lie but I took his word for it and I just sent him a message saying good luck and I ignored the message he sent after that. The next day he sent me some video links on facebook 2 days ago which I ignored. Should I still go NC for a month? To be honest, I miss him a little worried he will move on.
admin
October 10, 2013 at 6:54 pm
Yes, I do think you should go NC for a month.
Randa
October 10, 2013 at 8:39 am
Hey, so me and my boyfriend have been best friends all throughout high school and we’ve dated once when we were 15 and now again for a year and we’re 19. He broke up with me because he didn’t think I could have intellectual conversations with him and he wanted someone who would “challenge” him. He also doesn’t really believe in being in love at this age and I also think he is thinking the grass is greener on the other side, that being single in college is fun. Not in a slutty way though, I’ve known him for years and I know for sure that he doesn’t want to sleep around (he’s pretty Christian), hes just a little afraid of commitment and wants to be free, also he wants to see who else is out there. I did the NC for about 3-4 weeks and he contacted me first, telling my girl friend “just tell me when i can talk to her again” when she asked him when he would talk to me again. We’ve been texting often but i decided to stop texting him today because I’ve always chased him throughout our relationship in high school and I want him to show me that he’s truly in love with me before I ever get back with him. I know he still cares about me and it’s so weird not to talk to him because we were so close for so long, but does it sound like he’ll come back someday? In our talking recently, I’ve showed him I understand that its important to not just talk about petty things and to have stimulating convos that help two people grow. That’s what I was blind to before, but he’s also taken me for granted a lot when I’ve been nothing but the best gf I could be. I really think it is because he is scared of being committed to me for the rest of his life even though he might about me enough, but he also wants to see what else is out there before totally settling down. We were also each other’s first time, and we are so compatible and have so much fun together. I really feel like hes the one for me because he feels like home to me, however when he broke up with me he disagreed about feeling that I am the one for him. What should I do after NC, keep ignoring him and let him think about me and text me first? Does it sound like maybe later on he’ll come back?
admin
October 10, 2013 at 6:44 pm
Read the rest of this post (after NC stuff)
Samantha
October 10, 2013 at 5:40 am
Hi you have written a great article, I really enjoyed reading it!
But I have a question for you, what do you think should be done if you’re in a serious relationship one that you both plan on spending your lives together and then have a serious argument that leads to breaking up.We normally bicker but these past 2 arguments have pushed us to breaking up.These arguments have been serious but they are primarily about me living under my parents roof again. I have graduated college and to move back home with my parents is something Ive done because I need to for a while, my parents expect me to follow rules such as not staying away all weekend. He has gotten sick of the rules and became uncomfortable with the whole “situation”. After getting into our second argument he decided to break up with me…on the phone,in a very rude, rushed manner. He continually calls and texts me saying that I’m rude for ignoring him but I just feel like this is such a waste of a two year relationship, that “break up” honestly wasnt good enough for me. Do you think it’s best to ignore him for a while? I still am in love with him and don’t know what to do! He is normally the best in the world but right now were really going through some rough patches.
Help me please,
Samantha
admin
October 10, 2013 at 6:20 pm
I am glad you enjoyed it hahaha.
I do think it is a really good idea to go into NC and ignore him for a while.
TJ
October 10, 2013 at 2:59 am
my ex girlfriend and I are 18.. is 30 days too long to be no contact? I am very serious about getting back with her but I feel like after 30 days it’ll be too late to rekindle any sort of spark.
admin
October 10, 2013 at 6:01 pm
I think it is ok.
BUT if you are concerned about the time you could maybe cut it down to 21 days.
SV
October 9, 2013 at 11:39 am
I’ve known my “ex” (we were never official), for about 10 years – we were together for 10 months. We have always had a thing for each other since we met and flirted on and off in periods where both were single. First he asked for time and space – he needed to sort things out economic etc, because he wants a house and kids in a year and so on. Then after two weeks he suddenly texts me that he doesn’t think he is going to be able to give me what I need and that he is sorry and that he loves me. He also texted that he off course doesn’t know how things are in 3-6 months, but that he doesn’t think it’s fair to stringing me along waiting. I replied that if he was sure that this is what he wanted, I must accept it. He replied back that he wasn’t sure about anything. He said he would delete me on facebook so that he doesn’t contact me again, because it wouldn’t be fair and that he felt guilty whenever my facebook picture popped up. I thought he was just confused at the moment because he had so much on his mind at the time and it would be like the other times he ended it, where he soon after regretted and made contact. We had nc for about three weeks and then I texted him, that I miss him and was thinking about him. He replied that he felt the same, but ‘but you know it doesn’t work) that he doesn’t feel good about it because his feelings ptobably aren’t as strong as mine. Then nc again for a week or so and I texted, trying to get our friendship back, but he says he wont be my friend because he doesn’t want to know/hear/see me with another guy. We texted a few hours about it and then he “left it open” by not repliying on the last text. Then nc again – it’s been 5 weeks since the breakup. I so unhappy, I love him and I’m in love with him. Is all hope lost..?!
admin
October 10, 2013 at 1:20 am
Ok, the issue I am seeing here is that you keep jumping in and out of NC. Have you ever made it a full month without jumping out?
SV
October 10, 2013 at 10:11 am
No, I haven’t.. Guess I’m afraid too much time will pass and he moves on.. From his responses earlier, it doesn’t seem like he is thinking about me or missing me.. I guess I could try the 30 days from our last contact – but what then, after the 30 days..?! He is probably already with someone else… Just hard when he is the stubborn and testing kind of guy..
admin
October 10, 2013 at 6:42 pm
Haha you text him the way I talk about in the E-Book or on this site.
SV
October 10, 2013 at 9:00 pm
I think he may think it’s wierd suddenly hearing from me again after another month.. Then he will have moved on completely and know I haven’t at all.. From his earlier replies, he seems pretty sure that it’s best to just delete each other from both of our lives – like he did by deleting me on Facebook and telling me he ddosn’t want to be friends or anything..
admin
October 11, 2013 at 5:55 pm
I don’t think it’s weird at all after some time goes by and the dust settles.
Thats just me though. Obviously don’t do anything that you think is uncomfortable.
Oksana Danylych
October 9, 2013 at 7:27 am
I was in a relationship for 8 months and it is almost 8 months that we are broken up. We reconnected about 4 months ago and celebrated each others birthdays, but there was no talk of reconciliation. My ex broke up with me because he feels that he is not ready . I am 37 never married and no kids. He is 43 divorced with two adult kids that he has no relationship with. We had a fantastic relationship and out of the blue he just pulled the carpet right under me… I meet with him a month ago where I was honest with my feelings for him and how I felt about the break up. I am not sure if I messed up and now on day 28 of no contact… He has not tried to contact me… I don’t want to come off desperate and in a way think that he should be contacting me … Should I wait more than 30 days ???
admin
October 10, 2013 at 1:09 am
I think 30 days should still be fine in your case.
I know it seems really tough but you can do it!
Diana 2
October 8, 2013 at 10:09 pm
Good day to everyone,
We was together with my ex 4 years then I fly back to my country. He promised me to bring me back but things doesn’t work out with him, he was financially weak.So we complete one more year chatting, every day sending to each other love messages. I sent him greetings on his birthday After his birthday we fight for stupid reason ‘money’ he got mad from me and stop sending messages. Me too I ignored him. After 24 days of silence, he sent me message that he is getting married. Spanish girl, he is Palestinian I think to get passport. I was shocked, I started to panic. I sent him messages, but he replied that he doesn’t love me anymore 🙁 He call me and told me that he loves other women and he just respect me. I cool down, I started to moving on…… But after a few weeks he started to call me and telling me he is just checking on me and wants to say ‘hi’. I answered first time, then again and again…..he told me his wife out of the town. Then one day I decided to don’t answer him, he sent me message that he is angry because I don’t answer him, and he wants to say only ‘hi’. I replied that I don’t want to talk with married man. He sent me message again, saying that he loves his wife but he want to check how I am doing. I want to move on,he keeps calling hurting me…. Why?
admin
October 9, 2013 at 2:22 am
Have you tried NC yet?
riley
October 8, 2013 at 2:03 pm
my girlfriend broke up with me, she’s with someone else now. but she still loves me. But she told me ”It might take 3 years before we can be friends again to forget me ” I think she’s lying, she is with someone else. Or can she truly feel guilty?
I just want her back, i wanted to marry her, she’s my soulmate! I seriously need someone to talk to.
Btw, is there any chance she will contact me earlier than the 3 years she was talking about? Do you think she still thinks about me as much as I think about her? Do you think when the lover she has now, breaks up with her, she comes back to me? And should I want that?
I really had this intense relationship….I loved it.
I always wanted to grow old with her…
I only think about her, and am suicidal, I don’t think about myself, how can I have my own life? and friends tell me to move on, they can’t deal with someone only whining about her ex… btw i’m gay
what shuold i do?
admin
October 9, 2013 at 2:11 am
Well, have you tried a NC yet?
Thomas
October 8, 2013 at 10:23 am
My girlfriend and I has been together for 4 years. And everything has been fine till she started working. She has been exposed to many things that she has never been exposed to. She eventually break up with me. We broke up 2 weeks back and and I find out that she has been seeing this guy now. I’m lost, any advise?
admin
October 9, 2013 at 2:05 am
Defintely do NC! I can’t stress that enough.
Thomas
October 9, 2013 at 7:58 am
I have tried NC. She did contact me asking how have I been. But I guess she’s just feeling bad abt how she ended this relationship without giving me a proper reason. How can I win her back? She’s is already dating this guy, is it the end for us?
admin
October 10, 2013 at 1:10 am
Have you tried it for 30 straight days though?
Thomas
October 11, 2013 at 3:06 am
I don’t think it is a rebound. She met this guy just a few days before she broke off with me. My guessing is she misses the feeling of a new relationship whereby everything is new and shiny. She misses the feeling of excitement when she received text or call from someone. After all, my 4 years relationship with her is stagnant, we know what’s the content of the text Before we read it. And everything we do has become very expected, she wants new life in her I guess? She told me I’m the best she ever had, and she was the one not good enough. What scares me is that she is able to not feel upset at all and is so happy after a breakup. Does I not mean a single thing to her? Is it even possible that she can just move on with her left without any trace of memory?
admin
October 11, 2013 at 6:19 pm
She could be masking her feelings by appearing to be “over you.”
Honestly, this is a site full of women. You might want to ask one of them to decipher her actions since they are more in touch with the feminine psyche than I am.
Thomas
October 10, 2013 at 5:10 am
Not yet. I does it for about 10 days and she contacted me. She is almost in a relationship with a guy. Does NC really going to work out for my situation? Wouldn’t she just get more committed and rely on that guy?
admin
October 10, 2013 at 6:11 pm
Well, the new guy. Does she seem to like him a lot? Or do you think he could be a rebound?
Jen
October 8, 2013 at 4:09 am
Ok not trying to drudge up the whole thing here,but what if (a) he’s already seeing someone (too soon) and (b) i found this out by breaking the no contact rule…is there any way to start over?
admin
October 9, 2013 at 1:44 am
a. Higher probability of a rebound.
b. How exactly was the NC broken?
Jen
October 9, 2013 at 1:30 pm
I texted him. And straight up asked him. I asked him if she was his girlfriend and he said “potentially”. Then I kind of did the over texting/over calling thing. I knew it wasn’t a smart move, but my emotions were controlling the situation.
admin
October 10, 2013 at 1:22 am
Yes, emotions taking the wheel is usually never a good thing.
Jen
October 8, 2013 at 1:50 pm
Also just found this last night, so didn’t know about the no contact rule
admin
October 9, 2013 at 2:06 am
It’s no problem.
Sandy
October 7, 2013 at 7:50 pm
I started talking to a guy on a dating site that lives far away and who I’ve never met in person but who we stayed in contact mostly by texts, from the get-go. He asked to add me on FB back then and I said yes. We broke up “FB”-wise, several times, most of the times with him de-friending me but now this time, I was de-friended AND blocked. There were several reasons but for the most part, my jealousy of his female friends on his pages and my own insecurities, of accusing him of stuff or that he was lieing or not being forthright with the truth. He got fed up and just stopped talking to me. I tried to respect his wishes and called and left a VM to apologize the day he blocked me. 2 weeks later, I sent him an email that was just a “I realize I over-reacted, thank you for pointing out that my jealousy and fear of abandonment are issues of mine alone, and that I am working on those things about me right now and to take care and sorry again”. (Not begging or justifying my behavior; more like acknowledging/accepting blame and wanting to say I was sorry one last time). He has kept me on blocked status on FB but I know he stalks his ex-wife’s page/maybe his other ex-gf’s too, and so I’m assuming he does on mine too, bcuz the last “breakup/no-contact on his part” he came back to me in like 3 weeks when I posted public pics and comments on FB, that I was losing weight, feeling great, tan, going to lots and lots of social functions, games, restaurants, that I was getting in greatttt shape, dressed up/pretty, and other guys were complimenting me to the hilt for it publicly”. I’m pretty sure he pulls this “FB de-friend/block routine” to be the one in control and not look like he was the one to get dumped/be blamed? I resumed the NC Rule after that last email 19 days ago. (I went 14 days NC til I sent that single email; then another 19 days after that contact now. So the 30 days NC would technically be up in 11 more days…) What should I do when that 30 days is up? Wait for him to contact me again? I am afraid this might all be just a game he plays or an ego-trip that he goes on? Because we have never met in person and are states away from one another. I can’t move there and he can’t move here at the moment anyway, but both of us are divorced and basically not in a big rush but had so much in common and got along so well when there weren’t arguments, also to include me complimenting him a lot on pics/flirtations and him not really calling me pretty or beautiful when other friends on FB do a lot! He’s good-looking and I’m good-looking and so idk if he just doesn’t come out and say it, or if he just figures it’s assumed i know it or what? Please help me. And thanks for your web site! It helps explain a lot about what’s going on in a guy’s head 🙂 altho i am real curious about that 70% percentage on a guy thinking about his Ex after a breakup, if he’s the one to do the breaking up most of the time???
admin
October 8, 2013 at 2:15 am
I broke up with my ex and still thought about her for half a year.
JESSICA
October 7, 2013 at 5:51 pm
me and my ex have known eachother for 12 years . we have 2 kids together one is his first baby girl which is only 3 months old. he broke up with me in october and then came back in marvh. he recently broke up with me in august stating that we argue too much and that i have trust issues. mid you i had trust issues because of finding emails text etx from other woman due to his rap career. now he seems to be seeing this female who he has been doing acting with and coming home late because he was over her house. he left the end of august and my son has told me that the woman sleeps over his dads house etc. me and him have been arguing like crazu he is my first love i was engaged to him and with him for 8 years. his family loves me. i really want him to miss me and leave this girl alone so that we can fix us and have a family again. what should i do. ?
admin
October 8, 2013 at 2:14 am
Have you ever tried a NC rule before?
sakina
October 7, 2013 at 4:03 am
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 1 years now and we broke up a 4 month ago.I loved him very much i want him back as early as possible.The reason of our break up is that his family didn’t like me and they want that he will stay out of me. so he moved on with some other girl and looks very happy with her and in last 4 months he never tried to contacted me even though he blocked me on face-book and he put my number on black listed but i cant stop thinking about him i always tried to chase him because i want that he will miss me but he always ignored me.i don’t know why i still feel the pain inside in his eyes of loosing me do i have to move on or wait for him to come back to me..?
admin
October 8, 2013 at 1:35 am
I say you do neither. You focus on YOU and actively look to get him chasing again while giving yourself the option of moving on.
Racheal
October 6, 2013 at 4:13 pm
My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago I was with him for 5 years and just 2 months ago he proposed and I said yes. After we became so excited about getting married he had to move to another state2s for business for a few months which is normal for him. I did fly out to see him for 1 week and everything was great! 2 weeks later he called me and states that he isn’t into our relationship anymore? Im confused how do you go from putting a ring on my finger and me being the most important woman in your life to you not being into it anymore?! This is day 3 in my NC rule and he has already contacted me 1 time via text message but I have no replied. I have been updating my instagram with fun pictures. What do you thing I should do?
admin
October 7, 2013 at 12:29 am
At this point you are doing the right thing with NC. However, you might want to focus on what YOU are doing with YOUR time during NC.
sarahJ
October 6, 2013 at 7:36 am
Hi, my bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago after almost 2 years long relationship. we were on NC for a week and because things weren’t clear between us i asked him if we could meet and talk about things. we did, he told me some really nice things – that he loves me alot, and i was sure we will get back together. he said he just need some more time to think. we were in contact in next days and after 3 days he told me he just want to be friends. i said i can’t be just friends, not now, because i was hurt. we haven’t talk since then, so it’s almost two weeks now. The reason for our break up was that he dind’t have enough space which is mostly my fault, but also some other circumstances lead to that. we discussed that and i told him i can change, but he refused to give me a chance.
so what do you think, should i stay on NC for some time, I am not sure about that because i think he may not contact me because i said i can’t be just friends now and he will wait until i’m ready. what can i do?
admin
October 7, 2013 at 12:03 am
Yup, you need to complete the full 30 days of NC.
sarahJ
October 7, 2013 at 6:17 am
if he still won’t contact me in 30 days, should i send him a message?
admin
October 8, 2013 at 1:44 am
Yup that is actually what I recommend. In fact, thats the only way it shoudl go.
sarahJ
October 8, 2013 at 5:40 am
what can i say to him then? simply “hi, how are you” or something else?
admin
October 9, 2013 at 1:47 am
No, don’t do that. It has to be a lot more in-depth and orignal than that.
Anna
October 5, 2013 at 11:44 pm
Hey,
So a few days ago my boyfriend dumped me because we fight too much and it wasn’t working. At least for him, we mostly fought about my other ex boyfriend who lives out of state, he was always texting my recent ex and making him angry eventually I had to break off contact with him this was the night before I was dumped. The night we broke up thursday I was home sick and he didn’t text me all day at all and he knew I was miserable now its normal for him not to text for a few hours but all day so when he finally texted me I asked why I was ignored and he said his phone was on airplane mode to conserve battery cuz of his away game but my friend promises she saw him use it in piano so whats the deal? My ex has an ex who he told me many times he never talks to and calls being with her a mistake and said he wishes his only track record of girlfriends was with me. But lo and behold I was messing around on snapchat(which is basically sending pictures with text captions) and saw that she was one of his best friends meaning he snapchats her a lot so clearly he was lying. Now I’m worried that he cheated I texted him to ask him (and I know contact is bad) it was stupid he didn’t reply. I was sick on friday and came to school to get my books and as I was at my locker I hear someone clear their throat (loudly trust me) and its him walking quickly with his head buried in his phone neither of us said anything. Then today I went to a school soccer game (i’m a junior so is he) fully aware that he would be there as he plays on the jv team I was trying to give the persona of being busy and happy and having fun, well he looked at me a few times I think but pretty much ignored me. I had some fun acted happy but mostly was miserable on the inside. He has a big reputation for dating girls and only wanting sex the funny thing is 5 months ago when we started having a thing I made it very clear I was not going to lose my virginity anytime soon I said no and he was fine with it, but my friends and mom think he just wanted my virginity but stick around and waste 5 months pretending to love a girl? It doesnt make sense to me. He stuck around, he has a cottage on my road so we spent the summer together and fell in love, he was always sweet loving devoted understanding all of those types of things never pushed me or anything we told each other all the secrets backed each other up hell we even talked about the future and college and UNE and then california and children. I was already scarred from a previous relationship and abuse from it ( I was over that when we started dating) so I was closed off and not very warm, he stuck with it waited until I trusted him coaxed me out of my shell, he fixed me I guess and now I’m crushed again. How am I supposed to believe and accept that that boy is just gone and the feelings are gone? When the breakup came I had just asked about the ignoring me all day and he said that he hated all the argueing and fighting I was confused he ignored me what was wrong with asking for a tad bit more attention and then he asked if I thought the relationship was working I said its getting there but I think you hate it he said he cant handle all the fights and school soccer work its all too much I said I understand I’ll try to be less argumentative and he said its us its not working I said ok he said its just a break I said no in between it doesnt work so he said ok we are broken up but I want him back so much. Do I have a chance? I know the NC rule but he’s in 4 of my classes how do I make that work?
I’m sorry this was so long but thanx!
admin
October 6, 2013 at 1:32 am
Well, looks like instead of NC you do limited contact.
Anna
October 6, 2013 at 2:58 am
and just be patient. its not like i’ll need to talk to him during class thank you for the help