7 Definitive Steps On How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You

5,888 thoughts on “How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup”

p

April 25, 2017 at 7:06 pm

hi,
I think I sent out sth ytd in explaining why the relationship between me and my ex boyfriend ended. however, I wonder whether where can you check whether the comment I sent is awaiting moderation.
thankyou

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 9:45 pm

no contact is not about being silent, and just waiting. You have to use it for yourself to heal and improve.. Take it as if he has moved on and then slowly rebuild rapport after nc.
p

April 25, 2017 at 7:11 pm

i just realised,it didn’t get send properly ytd.
I am sorry for typing such a long story too.

I broke up with my ex boyfriend nearly 2 months ago, I am still not quite sure what is the exact reason.

Basically we went on a trip. However, his phone unexpectedly shut down when all the routines were on his phone. I was trying to connect my phone to the local hotspot. Meanwhile, he was next to me. He thought my phone was connected, but it wasn’t. Therefore, I started to be annoyed and walked away from him. He kept following till a point, and I paused and asked why he was just following. (this walk away-follow-pause pattern happened around 3 times) The last time, I tricked him and said I need to put sth in his backpack so he wasn’t facing me, I just ran away again. He didn’t know what direction I went, therefore he sat still and I went to him less than 15 mins, coz I felt bad already.
On the day we flew back to London, he put his bag underneath someone’s seat as this is what passengers were asked to do most of the time. I was annoyed coz he didn’t lift his bag completely onto his lap and got his passport out. He said he has been doing this every single time and it has been fine. As a result, I stopped talking to him and once I got off the plane, I walked quickly to the immigrations and got my luggage from the belt and left without waiting his luggage to arrive. (I just went to the toilet with my luggage.) After I came out of the toilet, I noticed that he wasn’t in the “belt area” anymore, so I went out and I found him. I asked if we can let this thing go coz clearly it wasn’t a good trip. I thought he was fine with this decision but clearly not.
3 weeks later, he intended to break up coz he said we valued different things, he said he valued my feeling more than what is actually correct in the trip. But after hours, he wanted me back so I went to his house. He gave me another chance that I won’t raise another “non-sense” fight.
Because we study at different unis, we don’t normally meet each other till the weekend. Whenever we met each other since then, there would be always a “fight/argument”. But during the weekdays, we were completely fine.
One Friday, he was going to go to celebrate his post bday and his friend’s house warming party. They had planned this for like 2 months. My ex and his friends came to my ex’s house to get table and chairs because the host didn’t have tables and chairs yet. I found this “moving furnitures” a bit outrageous and I didn’t express my opinion right away because I don’t want his friends knew that I was a bad gf so I texted him by saying “let’s end this” (because I know he won’t reply to text quickly, so I tried to be passive aggressive and typed such), “I m sorry I shldnt say this”; I forgot what’s his reply; I replied “I will do whatever you said”. Conversation ended there and I called him at around 5am in the morning and asked if he was on the way home, meanwhile I walked on the street and tried to meet him. I could have gone out while he was having fun with his friends, but I wasn’t feeling well that day. Once he went home, he didn’t say much and just went to shower and slept. The next day (Saturday), we had a massive talk- all i remembered what he said is all he could treat me now is only a friend and I replied it was either going to be gf/bf or nth. I started crying and he did too coz he said he felt guilty for saying this and he proposed a 3 week long silence period in which I could only treat him as a friend. Why 3 weeks is just coz that was the end of the last assignment before the Easter break and he said that this silence period began on mon. He asked me to leave but I said i had my return train ticket bought to return on Monday morning. Talks were ongoing to a point that I couldn’t stand anymore so I decided to walk on the street. Once I came home, I started to pack my stuff to see how much I have got in his place. He went to his friend’s to get the chair back coz there wasn’t enough for me and my ex, but once he came home I noticed he drank. The rest of the night, the talk continued and my tears continued to fall too.
On Sunday, serious talk continued too. He was responsible in a his uni society show, so he got to go, I was unwilling but considering that may be the last chance of spending time with him I went, despite he asked me to go back home after the show ended which was 10:30pm and if I really went home, it will take around 2 hours. We watched the show too, but during the show, I asked if I could have the key back to his home, as the story of the show reflected our relationship. But I stayed till the end, and we walked home after the show and I ran away from him coz I didn’t want Monday to come. We went home and talk began again and I said I wanted to walk on the street again and he pushed the door so I couldn’t go, but I could still pull the door. After walking out a few step, I heard a loud noise, I went home and he punched his hand on the wall. I was like if both are sad, there is no point of the 3 week silence period <- but I didn't say this sentence out. I asked him around 3 times during the talks whether it is coz of the third party he said it wasn't.
On Monday morning, I could tell he was sad, but I couldn't do much but to respect him and went back. I tried to text him as a friend but I failed coz the day after, he texted and said my texts are just creepy as friends won't text in such way, as a result, I stopped texting him.
On Wednesday afternoon, he called and said sorry. I tried my best to convince him before he said anything more. He said he got his Jan exam back and also after talking to his mum, he will try to get a first hon. I ended his call after hearing this and I phoned my mum. He then sent me a text saying I could find a better one and asked if I could get my stuff the coming Friday, but I couldn't.
around 2.5 weeks later, I texted him to inform me the day that I want to get my stuff and he was fine with that too. (I didn't text or call him for no reason during this period, I would like to, but my friends stopped me.)
The day before I arrived, I sent him a massive long text in hoping i would get a reply and perhaps I don't need to pack my stuff at his home. When I arrived, he wasn't at home, coz he was busy and ran late. I saw that he packed a bag of my stuff for me already and I saw 4 bottles of wine in his house, 2 empties and 1 each near the bed and on the table. He hates drinking and he knew drinking couldn't help. His house was a mess with no surprise because I tidied his every time I went there. He got himself some new beddings too, but I was curious coz he could have just washed it no matter how worse the vomit it was- that's just my assumption. I slowly transferred the clothes to my suitcase and found he put his lab coat into the pile too. I realised I forgot to bring one of his jacket to him (we had one identical jacket with different names at the back) I said i could bring it back but he said to throw it. He asked if I need help with closing the suitcase but I was good. I told him a website that he could use to find house for the upcoming year and reminded him to ask the bank staff to post the debit card to his permanent address so he could use it straightaway but he said he lost the debit card and I saw his phone screen cracked. I asked if he wanted to say anything, he said he talked to a few person to see whether his decision is correct and asked me not to type harmful text and I replied I learnt my lesson already and I left. I cried on the street for around 30 mins, he came out and so I stopped crying and left for real. He just came out to throw the rubbish away. Afterwards, he texted to pay me back the transportation cost and the shirt that I bought him to wear that weekend to celebrate our 2 years anniversary, I said it's fine and asked if he got the refund back from my dress too.
Few days later, I went to drop his jacket to his mail box, even thou I know he may not appreciate my act, I still make an effort to return
I didn't contact him at all, since then.
A week later, it was my bday, he didn't say anything.
I believe he is pretty happy with his life right now, I suspected he is in a renounce right now. via the media, he changed his pro pic to a stranger in my eyes, with no smile on his face and a weird stare.
during this period, I tidied my wardrobe and found a shirt of his, and was wondering whether I shld ask a friend of mine to return to him after his last day of Jun exam, it sounds like an unnecessary act. but he mentioned he really liked it, it is not a shirt I bought him, and obviously people in general forget where they put their items. therefore, I am unsure whether I should return as if I return, it may annoy him and sound like I am still a needy person
I am not sure what I should do right now, because June exams are coming up but if I wait till after all the exams are over, it may be hard to be back together coz we are not from the same nationalities. I was surprised he didn't go home this Easter as I don't see the point why he didn't go back as it was easy for him to book a ticket to go home and he loves his family too.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 9:45 pm

no contact is not about being silent, and just waiting. You have to use it for yourself to heal and improve.. Take it as if he has moved on and then slowly rebuild rapport after nc.

Nevaeh Scott

April 24, 2017 at 10:06 pm

Me and my ex had broken up a week before I gave birth because he wasn’t ready to be a father throughout this whole pregnancy was hell he wanted me to get an abortion I didn’t so he broke up with me and went back to his ex and several other girls then we got back together it was on and off well be together for some weeks then break up and get back together and even when we was broken up we still did things with each other and texted everyday but then came around the week I have to give birth I was induced March 8 I let him know we texted sometimes while I was in the hospital for two days he saw pictures but kept saying the baby wasn’t his and that the baby looks nothing like him the day comes that I come home and get stops by to see me not the baby yet so we talked for a little he asked how I was and brought me food and left two days later baby was 4 days old or a week I’m not really sure but he took me and our daughter to see his mom and she absolutely fell in love with her and was saying how she looks like Michael (baby’s father) then after those few hours we went back to my house and he I guess was acting saying how we loved her and saying how much she looks like him and all this good stuff next two days he asked for a DNA test which I didn’t really care cause i knew it was his so a few days later we got the results back and it came back his but he lied and said it didn’t and said it’s someone’s else and how I been having sex with other people so we don’t talk for a whole month and that whole month I’ve been depressed missing him wanting him back so I went and asked a boy from a long time ago to do a DNA test just to make sure because all this was stressing me out but a week later Michael ( baby’s father) texted me and asked if I wanted to have sex it shocked me but I was like yeah when u picking me up so then 30 mins later he came picked me up I left the baby with my mom , so we get to his house we talk and I ask how he been and he said good and then started playing with me trynna take the covers away and then boom we end up having sex and it wasn’t no regular sex it was real interest he kept kissing me and all and then we laid down and cuddled and I asked if he loved me he said he didn’t know I just left it at that and went to sleep and we cuddled and late at night I went home and he text me saying that’s the last time im going to see him and that he’s moving to New York so I’m upset I’m going off saying so why would you do that with me and just crying and then he started ignoring me again two days later I texted him and asked if we can cuddle he says don’t you have a baby to watch so I said my mom would baby sit for a few hours and then he came and got me and we just slept the whole day together holding each other close and kissing each other then he took me home and said that’s the last time I’m seeing him for sure and I cried I said no and then he says it’s my fault and I’m like how he said before u got pregnant everything was perfect but it wasn’t so he still kept saying I should’ve got the abortion and how he could’ve gotten me pregnant later on in our lives when we were ready and how now I have to start over with someone else so then we’re arguing and I’m asking can we try and he’s saying he doesn’t know and that we tried to many times and then he starts telling me how he heard I told someone that they could be the dad and I kept denying say I told my ex that he(Michael) thinks he’s not the Father so he left me . Then he said “Dnt wrry u good just know ion want nun to do with u funny how u acted so Loyal but u was fw sum1 else Ima just go” and I replied back I was not fw someone else and he replied back and said I’m going to just block you and since then he’s been ignoring me then I find out he has a girlfriend but doesn’t claim her so I text her and ask if she goes with him and I’m telling her what me and him dead and she thinks I’m lying so we’re going back and forth arguing over him saying he’s mines and stuff so then I text him and he goes to saying how he’s always been good to me and that she did more for him then me but I was there got him through alot he wanted to kill himself he was there his ex broke his heart again I was there he did a bunch of horrible crimes I was there i was who he always came to and he says that she’s who he wants and that she did 100% more then me & that I’m only good for sex and he blocked me again in so then I text him from different number and he says stop texting me whore so I say how am I a whore but been loyal and faithful to you i even got his name Tattooed on me and he says when I got the tattoo I cheated on him so I say I didn’t which is true I payed cash for that tattoo and he’s saying I did something to get it because I won’t let him see the video I took while I was getting the tattoo I didn’t let him see because I told him a girl did it (actually was a man) & the person who was in the video also my best friend he doesn’t like her and I lied and said I don’t talk to her no more so he really would be angry and leave anyways if I showed him so I deleted the video and just told him I didn’t do anything with the tattoo artist but he thinks otherwise. He kept on ignoring me so I said what about Nevaeh ( our daughter) and he says it doesn’t matter to him and that he doesn’t care then I texted him again and he says I don’t care she’s not my daughter and to leave him alone so I said how you going to disclaim a innocent child that looks just like you and he ignores me I texted him because I needed help with her I needed diapers and stuff ( I do have the child support in process just waiting for an date) he moved to new York and been there for a week now and has been ignoring me since that conversation I love him I want him back I want to be a family I want to talk to him he says he doesn’t love me but i know him well he always says that when we’re on bad terms but deep down I know he loves me he’s just hurt and not ready for that big of responsibility I want him back despite everything he had put me through I love him can you please tell me what I can do? And if I have a chance at getting him back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 8:15 pm

For me, you should move on and have professional help. You need to see a therapist to help you get back on track with your self and your emotions..

P

April 24, 2017 at 8:20 pm

I broke up with my ex boyfriend nearly 2 months ago, I am still not quite sure what is the exact reason.

Basically we went on a trip late Jan in 2017. However, his phone unexpectedly shut down when all the routines were on his phone. I was trying to connect my phone to the local hotspot. Meanwhile, he was next to me. He thought my phone was connected, but it wasn’t. Therefore, I started to be annoyed and walked away from him. He kept following till a point, and I paused and asked why he was just following. (this walk away-follow-pause pattern happened around 3 times) The last time, I tricked him and said I need to put sth in his backpack so he wasn’t facing me, I just ran away again. He didn’t know what direction I went, therefore he sat still and I went to him less than 15 mins, coz I felt bad already.
On the day we flew back to London, he put his bag underneath someone’s seat as this is what passengers were asked to do most of the time. I was annoyed coz he didn’t lift his bag completely onto his lap and got his passport out. He said he has been doing this every single time and it has been fine. As a result, I stopped talking to him and once I got off the plane, I walked quickly to the immigrations and got my luggage from the belt and left without waiting his luggage to arrive. (I just went to the toilet with my luggage.) After I came out of the toilet, I noticed that he wasn’t in the “belt area” anymore, so I went out and I found him. I asked if we can let this thing go coz clearly it wasn’t a good trip. I thought he was fine with this decision but clearly not.
3 weeks later, he intended to break up coz he said we valued different things, he said he valued my feeling more than what is actually correct in the trip. But after hours, he wanted me back so I went to his house. He gave me another chance that I won’t raise another “non-sense” fight.
Because we study at different unis, we don’t normally meet each other till the weekend. Whenever we met each other since then, there would be always a “fight/argument”. But during the weekdays, we were completely fine.
One Friday, he was going to go to celebrate his post bday and his friend’s house warming party. They had planned this for like 2 months. My ex and his friends came to my ex’s house to get table and chairs because the host didn’t have tables and chairs yet. I found this “moving furnitures” a bit outrageous and I didn’t express my opinion right away because I don’t want his friends knew that I was a bad gf so I texted him by saying “let’s end this” (because I know he won’t reply to text quickly, so I tried to be passive aggressive and typed such), “I m sorry I shldnt say this”; I forgot what’s his reply; I replied “I will do whatever you said”. Conversation ended there and I called him at around 5am in the morning and asked if he was on the way home, meanwhile I walked on the street and tried to meet him. I could have gone out while he was having fun with his friends, but I wasn’t feeling well that day. Once he went home, he didn’t say much and just went to shower and slept. The next day (Saturday), we had a massive talk- all i remembered what he said is all he could treat me now is only a friend and I replied it was either going to be gf/bf or nth. I started crying and he did too coz he said he felt guilty for saying this and he proposed a 3 week long silence period in which I could only treat him as a friend. Why 3 weeks is just coz that was the end of the last assignment before the Easter break and he said that this silence period began on mon. He asked me to leave but I said i had my return train ticket bought to return on Monday morning. Talks were ongoing to a point that I couldn’t stand anymore so I decided to walk on the street. Once I came home, I started to pack my stuff to see how much I have got in his place. He went to his friend’s to get the chair back coz there wasn’t enough for me and my ex, but once he came home I noticed he drank. The rest of the night, the talk continued and my tears continued to fall too.
On Sunday, serious talk continued too. He was responsible in a his uni society show, so he got to go, I was unwilling but considering that may be the last chance of spending time with him I went, despite he asked me to go back home after the show ended which was 10:30pm and if I really went home, it will take around 2 hours. We watched the show too, but during the show, I asked if I could have the key back to his home, as the story of the show reflected our relationship. But I stayed till the end, and we walked home after the show and I ran away from him coz I didn’t want Monday to come. We went home and talk began again and I said I wanted to walk on the street again and he pushed the door so I couldn’t go, but I could still pull the door. After walking out a few step, I heard a loud noise, I went home and he punched his hand on the wall. I was like if both are sad, there is no point of the 3 week silence period <- but I didn't say this sentence out. I asked him around 3 times during the talks whether it is coz of the third party he said it wasn't.
On Monday morning, I could tell he was sad, but I couldn't do much but to respect him and went back. I tried to text him as a friend but I failed coz the day after, he texted and said my texts are just creepy as friends won't text in such way, as a result, I stopped texting him.
On Wednesday afternoon, he called and said sorry. I tried my best to convince him before he said anything more. He said he got his Jan exam back and also after talking to his mum, he will try to get a first hon. I ended his call after hearing this and I phoned my mum. He then sent me a text saying I could find a better one and asked if I could get my stuff the coming Friday, but I couldn't.
around 2.5 weeks later, I texted him to inform me the day that I want to get my stuff and he was fine with that too. (I didn't text or call him for no reason during this period, I would like to, but my friends stopped me.)
The day before I arrived, I sent him a massive long text in hoping i would get a reply and perhaps I don't need to pack my stuff at his home. When I arrived, he wasn't at home, coz he was busy and ran late. I saw that he packed a bag of my stuff for me already and I saw 4 bottles of wine in his house, 2 empties and 1 each near the bed and on the table. He hates drinking and he knew drinking couldn't help. His house was a mess with no surprise because I tidied his every time I went there. He got himself some new beddings too, but I was curious coz he could have just washed it no matter how worse the vomit it was- that's just my assumption. I slowly transferred the clothes to my suitcase and found he put his lab coat into the pile too. I realised I forgot to bring one of his jacket to him (we had one identical jacket with different names at the back) I said i could bring it back but he said to throw it. He asked if I need help with closing the suitcase but I was good. I told him a website that he could use to find house for the upcoming year and reminded him to ask the bank staff to post the debit card to his permanent address so he could use it straightaway but he said he lost the debit card and I saw his phone screen cracked. I asked if he wanted to say anything, he said he talked to a few person to see whether his decision is correct and asked me not to type harmful text and I replied I learnt my lesson already and I left. I cried on the street for around 30 mins, he came out and so I stopped crying and left for real. He just came out to throw the rubbish away. Afterwards, he texted to pay me back the transportation cost and the shirt that I bought him to wear that weekend to celebrate our 2 years anniversary, I said it's fine and asked if he got the refund back from my dress too.
Few days later, I went to drop his jacket to his mail box, even thou I know he may not appreciate my act, I still make an effort to return
I didn't contact him at all, since then.
A week later, it was my bday, he didn't say anything.
I believe he is pretty happy with his life right now, I suspected he is in a renounce right now. via the media, he changed his pro pic to a stranger in my eyes, with no smile on his face and a weird stare.
during this period, I tidied my wardrobe and found a shirt of his, and was wondering whether I shld ask a friend of mine to return to him after his last day of Jun exam, it sounds like an unnecessary act. but he mentioned he really liked it, it is not a shirt I bought him, and obviously people in general forget where they put their items. therefore, I am unsure whether I should return as if I return, it may annoy him and sound like I am still a needy person
I am not sure what I should do right now, because June exams are coming up but if I wait till after all the exams are over, it may be hard to be back together coz we are not from the same nationalities. I was surprised he didn't go home this Easter as I don't see the point why he didn't go back as it was easy for him to book a ticket to go home and he loves his family too.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 8:51 pm

no contact is not about being silent, and just waiting. You have to use it for yourself to heal and improve.. Take it as if he has moved on and then slowly rebuild rapport after nc.

Abby

April 24, 2017 at 5:36 pm

Hey. Please reply in private to my mail. Chris, my ex broke up with me. And is very very happy. Iv been with the typical break up lufe. Sky falking down. He said he is happier without me. Its been 3 weeks now. Iv not contacted him. Nor has he. We havent seen eachother at all. It wasnt an easy relationship. Lot fights. My quiz chances say average. What should i do? Thebproblem is we go to the same college. I cant face it. Help ?!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 8:25 pm

Hi Abby,

you can try to email here Contact instead, so that it’s private:

Nevaeh Scott

April 24, 2017 at 3:18 am

Me and my ex had broken up a week before I gave birth because he wasn’t ready to be a father throughout this whole pregnancy was hell he wanted me to get an abortion I didn’t so he broke up with me and went back to his ex and several other girls then we got back together it was on and off well be together for some weeks then break up and get back together and even when we was broken up we still did things with each other and texted everyday but then came around the week I have to give birth I was induced March 8 I let him know we texted sometimes while I was in the hospital for two days he saw pictures but kept saying the baby wasn’t his and that the baby looks nothing like him the day comes that I come home and get stops by to see me not the baby yet so we talked for a little he asked how I was and brought me food and left two days later baby was 4 days old or a week I’m not really sure but he took me and our daughter to see his mom and she absolutely fell in love with her and was saying how she looks like Michael (baby’s father) then after those few hours we went back to my house and he I guess was acting saying how we loved her and saying how much she looks like him and all this good stuff next two days he asked for a DNA test which I didn’t really care cause i knew it was his so a few days later we got the results back and it came back his but he lied and said it didn’t and said it’s someone’s else and how I been having sex with other people so we don’t talk for a whole month and that whole month I’ve been depressed missing him wanting him back so I went and asked a boy from a long time ago to do a DNA test just to make sure because all this was stressing me out but a week later Michael ( baby’s father) texted me and asked if I wanted to have sex it shocked me but I was like yeah when u picking me up so then 30 mins later he came picked me up I left the baby with my mom , so we get to his house we talk and I ask how he been and he said good and then started playing with me trynna take the covers away and then boom we end up having sex and it wasn’t no regular sex it was real interest he kept kissing me and all and then we laid down and cuddled and I asked if he loved me he said he didn’t know I just left it at that and went to sleep and we cuddled and late at night I went home and he text me saying that’s the last time im going to see him and that he’s moving to New York so I’m upset I’m going off saying so why would you do that with me and just crying and then he started ignoring me again two days later I texted him and asked if we can cuddle he says don’t you have a baby to watch so I said my mom would baby sit for a few hours and then he came and got me and we just slept the whole day together holding each other close and kissing each other then he took me home and said that’s the last time I’m seeing him for sure and I cried I said no and then he says it’s my fault and I’m like how he said before u got pregnant everything was perfect but it wasn’t so he still kept saying I should’ve got the abortion and how he could’ve gotten me pregnant later on in our lives when we were ready and how now I have to start over with someone else so then we’re arguing and I’m asking can we try and he’s saying he doesn’t know and that we tried to many times and then he starts telling me how he heard I told someone that they could be the dad and I kept denying say I told my ex that he(Michael) thinks he’s not the Father so he left me . Then he said “Dnt wrry u good just know ion want nun to do with u funny how u acted so Loyal but u was fw sum1 else Ima just go” and I replied back I was not fw someone else and he replied back and said I’m going to just block you and since then he’s been ignoring me then I find out he has a girlfriend but doesn’t claim her so I text her and ask if she goes with him and I’m telling her what me and him dead and she thinks I’m lying so we’re going back and forth arguing over him saying he’s mines and stuff so then I text him and he goes to saying how he’s always been good to me and that she did more for him then me but I was there got him through alot he wanted to kill himself he was there his ex broke his heart again I was there he did a bunch of horrible crimes I was there i was who he always came to and he says that she’s who he wants and that she did 100% more then me & that I’m only good for sex and he blocked me again in so then I text him from different number and he says stop texting me whore so I say how am I a whore but been loyal and faithful to you i even got his name Tattooed on me and he says when I got the tattoo I cheated on him so I say I didn’t which is true I payed cash for that tattoo and he’s saying I did something to get it because I won’t let him see the video I took while I was getting the tattoo I didn’t let him see because I told him a girl did it (actually was a man) & the person who was in the video also my best friend he doesn’t like her and I lied and said I don’t talk to her no more so he really would be angry and leave anyways if I showed him so I deleted the video and just told him I didn’t do anything with the tattoo artist but he thinks otherwise. He kept on ignoring me so I said what about Nevaeh ( our daughter) and he says it doesn’t matter to him and that he doesn’t care then I texted him again and he says I don’t care she’s not my daughter and to leave him alone so I said how you going to disclaim a innocent child that looks just like you and he ignores me I texted him because I needed help with her I needed diapers and stuff ( I do have the child support in process just waiting for an date) he moved to new York and been there for a week now and has been ignoring me since that conversation I love him I want him back I want to be a family I want to talk to him he says he doesn’t love me but i know him well he always says that when we’re on bad terms but deep down I know he loves me he’s just hurt and not ready for that big of responsibility I want him back despite everything he had put me through I love him can you please tell me what I can do? And if I have a chance at getting him back. We been together for a year and 8 months do you think that’s the end of everything?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 8:15 pm

For me, you should move on and have professional help. You need to see a therapist to help you get back on track with your self and your emotions..

Aleiana

April 14, 2017 at 7:55 am

Thanks Mr. Chris for such motivational advices but I want to inform you that my boyfriend has gone to different country for further studies. We both are in different countries and eventually he has become very busy. 7-8 days ago he called me and he said he wanted a break up because he had no time for such things that he was suffering from lot of other Tension so he don’t want me as obligation upon him. He said that he wanted to live with me but he don’t want any kind of relationship with anyone. First reason of break up from him was lack of time. And another is his own priorities that he didn’t want me as her girlfriend anymore but he begged to me to be his best friend as we were before relationship. He want me to be in contact with him. I said many things to him to solve the things but he said that it is final from him. He won’t come back not even in
future. Now about 10 days are going to be passed but no message from him n not a single from me. But he checks all my updates on whatsapp. Now what should I do? I really want him back or I want him to miss me badly.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017 at 8:21 am

start the no contact rule.. follow the advice above and check these other two links too:
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?

The Ungettable Girl

Marilyn

April 12, 2017 at 4:28 pm

Hi Amor.
I recently ended 30 day NC and messaged my boyfriend. We’ve been talking pretty well and theres no awkwardness so its pretty good. However, i heard from someone that he started having a slight interest in this other girl. Despite working to reach the UG goal, i dont know what to do now. I wont get to see him a lot and he is able to see the girl frequently because they go to the same school. How am I supposed to reattract him? Im not sure how building rapport works because it seems futile now that his heart is leaning towards another 🙁 thank you!

Marilyn

April 22, 2017 at 3:27 am

Thank you so much for the reply, Amor. I really appreciate it. Ive run into another problem, however, and i dont know what to do anymore. We talked for about a week and a half and everything was going really well until a few days ago. He turned really cold and after ignoring my message for a day, he suddenly messaged me, telling me that he still needed some time because breaking up with me had scarred him. He said talking with me reminded him of everything bad he did or all his bad points, so he said he needed some time alone first. How do i approach the situation when (if) he comes to talk to me again? I dont want him to feel hurt whenever he has to talk to me. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 28, 2017 at 5:43 pm

That’s ok..that means you just have to let him initiate
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2017 at 6:27 pm

just keep building rapport with him, because focusing on the other girls is not going to help you.

Louise

April 10, 2017 at 10:24 pm

Hi
I have did the nc for exactly 4 weeks .
After that we seen each other in the pub a work in and I got a text from him apologising . We have text back to each other a couple of times but all very light . What should I do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2017 at 9:54 pm

after nc, you have to keep improving yourself and initiate contact to build rapport.. start with texts, then calls, then meet ups…always be the one to end the conversation at high point

Hannah

April 10, 2017 at 3:02 pm

Ex broke up with me 3 months after his dad died because his grief was too much, not improving, and told me he didn’t like himself while depressed and therefore couldn’t be with me because although he loves me he wasn’t being a good partner. He wants me to be able to be happy and not wait while he deals with grief..but then repeatedly cried and said he loves me now and always will love me.
Wouldn’t no contact, moving on and being happy only reinforce his belief I’m better off without him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 8:49 pm

when did he exactly broke up with you?

Annie

April 9, 2017 at 6:48 am

Hi.me and bf been month nd half dating
He was the one chassing nd ask me out even to move in together in a week which i told him not to rush.we date till now.i was virgin.nd we were good.until 2 weeks ago went tp italy t see family nd saw his ex in a group.he was honest.we sometimes hv language issue bcs he is italian.a week ago i offered him to move in together(bcs he coud not find a roomate)& in sudden he said no and that he will think if he wants t stay alone nd mayb his family visit him.i didnt thought he want some time.so we met 2 days ago.and he explained he was not talking bcs he was thinking.(language issue) and that we r in the beginning as trying to be a couple.i told him its ok and that i understand and tht was just an offer bcs to help him bcs either ways i stay with my cousin.he told me that mayb i have taken the relation more serious than him.i told him he was wrong but i just care much for him.i tried to explain him this bcs i didnt want him to think im needy or pushing.
That was 7th of april..till today we didnt contact.we didnt break up.but im confussed.he said he prefer no text or call sometimes bcs of language barrier.and maybe when we meet is better.and i agreed on that.its easter and i want to gather and b with him.but if it fails ill do the NC rule.which worked with me before(with him and my ex)
Can u help mayb a new idea? 🙂 i love him
(He is 40 am 30)

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 7:09 pm

you’re moving too fast.. check this one:
How Do I Prevent My Boyfriend From Ending Our Relationship

Lisa

April 8, 2017 at 4:46 pm

Hi Chris and team, thanks so much for your advice. I met my ex six months ago during an exchange semester abroad and we had this special connection right from the very beginning in the first week. After one month, he told me he fell in love with me and wanted to be in an official relationship. We stayed together for the whole semester, we were on trips together, we had mostly the same friends and shared many everyday experiences by spending almost every day together, we met each others’ families. We share the same distinct taste in humor and have the same visions in life. There has always been a lot of sexual attraction, too. He hasn’t felt that comfortable around a girl since his last gf five years ago. But we also had fights – he could get a bit cold because he felt the need of more personal space and more own experiences without me whereas I’ve always wanted a lot of attention from him. He broke up a month ago, saying he is not sure whether he likes me enough to make it work and he just doesn’t want to continue (bla bla) , but he’ll always love me in a way. I went into NC right after the breakup in order to heal. He has since contacted me twice – asking me many questions because I was in his country to look at colleges without telling him (on purpose) like who I was with, how I liked his country, and that he wishes for me that I find my dream university while making inside jokes and even mentioning a funny memory of ours… I answered very politely and “in a good mood” (which I was in bc I’m not laying in bed crying over him all the time). After his 2nd contacting there was a misspelling from his side which led to a misunderstanding and a little bit anger from my side – i told him (still politely) that he can’t contact me because I’m moving on and focusing on myself and I’m not the right one for playing games. He apologized for the typing error (i told him it’s fine, no biggie) but that he respects my message. I have only contacted him once after that (sent him an article about a hobby we shared). We live in two neighboring countries and I will move abroad, probably his country, in September or February for further studies. He will come to my city in two weeks for a mutual friend’s party. He said if i don’t want him to come then he would respect that as well, and I said no it’s fine, he should come and meet the other guys as well, and we could meet up. Do you think he could reconsider being together? I don’t think he’s over me. Thank you so so much.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 5:49 pm

Hi LIsa,

Hmm… the nc was broken when you responded to him.. So, since you’re still talking, that means if you want to go to the party, go.. and then decide from there if you want to restart or move on..

lara

April 6, 2017 at 6:55 am

hi… i dated with him for 1month and15 days.. he lives in outside country we meet in online he saw my photo and he starts talk to me he is devorced had 1child.. afrer 15 days convesation he said he wants to marry me and i really like him the first day that i hear his voice after one month chating i told him that i igree with his idea… he said that he love me and i really love him i like the way his expression of ideas… then i invite him we meet in physicall he kissed me he told me that am prety.. then we meet 2days after that he didnt answer for my calks and texts i told hin that i loved him i dont want to loose him.. i beg him to talk to me then after 4days he came to my hotel he told me that i am smart he loves me but i am senstive he also said he lost his intrest… i hurt to much he said am a wonen i have to keep silent when a boy ignores me bla bla… then after 4days he came to my hotel again he said sorry but i didnt accept… then i came back to my country i wrote a text that i love him i miss him but he didnt answer i wait him for one week there is no answer i wrote a massege again that i lost my intrest too i dont want him any more he didnt answer this was 3weeks ago i miss him badly i didnt talk him for the last 3weeks… i wamt him i love him i am thinking about him everyday… i konw i made mistakes how can i get him back? help me please?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 7, 2017 at 7:19 pm

even if you haven’t talked for weeks, if it’s focused in improving yourself and in posting, that’s not a no contact period.. Do you want to try proper nc?

Ustart23

April 4, 2017 at 1:14 pm

Hi,

So I’ve been getting mad at my boyfriend everyday for the dumbest reasons, sometimes I just let things get to me. My recent ex and I have only been with each other for almost 4 months. This past week, I got annoyed with him for something and ignored his texts and calls. Later that night I couldn’t sleep so I texted him telling him why I was mad. The purpose for this text was to avoid me from saying let’s break up. In the past, he would at least talk to me or ask me to talk to him and that worked, we were fine. But this time, after my text, he sent me a text saying I’m sorry for not making you happy and I feel like I can’t be the person you want me to be. I did not know whatelse to say so I just said yeah. Then we did not talk all day. He didn’t try to text me. I didn’t try to text him either. I usually wait for him to text me first. So the next day I told him I want my stuff, and he said he’ll drop them off.

However, later that day , he asked me if I’m definitely sure I want everything back and I said yeah. I ended up having to get my stuff because something came up. I did get a chance to talk to him, and asked him if he really wants this to be over. He said he doesn’t know, he’s just tired of having to worry about me getting mad. I realized I was wrong. He told me he just needs to be with his friends this weekend and doesn’t want to think about anything. Before I left, he was still kissing me and saying he loves me.

It has been 2 days, I don’t know exactly what we are. He hasn’t texted me, I am not texting him either. Does this mean he’s giving up?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 6:04 pm

Hi Ustart23,

maybe he’s getting tired.. CHeck this one:
How Do I Prevent My Boyfriend From Ending Our Relationship

Raina

April 3, 2017 at 4:34 pm

Hello,

My boyfriend (19) and I (18) went our seperate ways about three weeks ago after a 3.5 year long relationship. He was the one who initiated the breakup. I read about the no contact rule the very same day and decided not to text nor talk to him for 4 weeks. He then texted me after 10 days to ask when we should exchange our possesions, and I wrote back that I was busy and would write back when I had the time. We have not had contact ever since. I have been actively posting on Snapchat’s ‘My story’ about hanging out with friends, visiting museums and going to the gym with a guy and so on. He, who has never before posted anything on any social media, has posted three times this past week. The posts were quite innocent, no girls in them. So I do not think he is trying to make me jealous. Moreover, my question is: Does his posts mean anything?

Sincerely,
Raina

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 3:15 pm

HI Raina,

that’s hard to say.. especially that we don’t know him and we don’t know what he posted.. and it doesn’t matter if it means something.. What matter is how you keep improving even after nc and that you build rapport and attraction slowly.

Jamesa Johnson

April 2, 2017 at 10:40 pm

Hello … Me and my fiance broke up a little over a month ago. We were together for 2 1/2 years. I got pregnant with our son about a month after we go together. DON’T JUDGE ME lol. When i was abojt 5 months he asked me if he could have a girl beatfriend. Of course I didn’t want that , but i wanted him to have some type of freedom to do what he feels is right. So I trusted him. At the time i was about 5 momths pregnant. One day he stays out allll night and when i called him and told him to come home he said he would when he felt like it. I packed his stuff and told him to get out. He stayes with his sister for about a week and then moved in with the bestfriend. He told me he could stay there for free and nothing was going on, but my womans intuition was telling me differently. He used her car also. He came home after about a month. The whole time we were talking and trying to fix things. Our son was born a little while after he came home. Everything was okay for a while but i always felt like he wasn’t telling me something. So asked him if he did something with her and he told me no everytime I asked. A couple momths ago i went out to have drinks with my friend and one of his friends wanted to join us. My fiance was home with our son and had unneccessary company like always which is why I left. We got wasted and went back to my friends house. Unfortunately i messed around with both of them and after the fact i knew it would crush him to tell him, but i had too. I confoded i a friend who told me that what he doesn’t know wont him him. And the feiend tells me that my ex in fact did have sex with the bestfriend he had before multiple times. I got upset because my fiance should have told me. A week has gone by since i cheated and it was eating me up on the inside. I started of by asked my ex if he cheated he told me no 20x and finally he tells me yes it was one time. He didnt tell me before because he didnt want us to break up. So since he was honest i told him about what i had done. He broke down crying. After the initial reaction we said we would get passed it. The next month we faught on and off about it. He did something else sketchy so i told him to leave. Thinking that we just neede a break. After he left he said he just wanted to co parent. First he needed time and space. Then he said we would never get back together. He is not back with his ex after 5 years who cheated on him. It was his first almost everything i guess. How could he move on so fast. I tried nc but had to for the sake of my son and it made things worst because i was broken and couldnt help myself. I want him back so bad that it hurts and i am trying to move on. I just dont know what to do about us. Our son will be 2 in a few weeks and i always thought that we could get through anything and be a happy family.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 11:16 am

Hi Jamesa,

check this one:
Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

Petra

March 29, 2017 at 1:20 pm

Hi! Me and my boyfriend broke up 10 days ago. We had been together for 7 months. The break initiated from me. I was very angry and upset (not for a very good reason, I realized after the fight we had) and I told him I want to break up and he should come to me to take his stuff. He came very nervous and he explained me some things but in the end he left and told he doesnt want to be with me anymore. After an hour (it was 1AM) I called him to tell him I am sorry I said those things and that I didnt mean them. He didnt answer, he rejected my calls. The next day I went at his door but he didnt answer me, again I called him and he didnt answer. I began to panic and worry. Finally, when I got the chance that day to speak with him I told him I am sorry for those words, that they werent true but he kept it on his decision that he wants us to break apart, that is better this way. Anyway, 3 hours I stayed in his room but we spoke a very few words. I was sad, he was trying to focus on what he had to do. After that I left. the next day we havent talked at all…after another day i went to see him, I was more calm and I told him that I am still sure that I want to be with him and that those words werent true. he said he is still on his decision of us remaining separated. So I left. The next day I contacted him to give him his stuff because I was leaving town for a period. He was very curious where I am leaving and if I leave permanently…I told him that is only for a while. I asked him if he wants to tell me something and he told me `i am sorry I made you suffering, I hope you will meet someone who accomplishes your needs`. I told him that I really wanted to be with him and it wasn`t because of loneliness. The truth is that we had some fights while together. Sometimes we were very happy, sometimes we had fights mainly because of me. I am in stressful period and all I could do was to free my nerves on him, which it wasnt wise at all. Sometimes I had my right when I told him that he has to change some things. ANd I noticed that he was trying to improve them and I was happy. Anyway, is has been a week since we havent talked face to face. we met these days by chance because we live in the same area but it was only a `hi` and nothing more. I remembered that when we were together he told me he is happy with me and that he feels that I exagerate when I am angry at him because his attitude towards me is not so bad. This is true. I liked many things about him but also there were things that he should try to change.
There is any chance for us to get back together? I have to add that I am 28 and he is 21.

Petra

June 9, 2017 at 5:44 pm

Yeah, this time is for good. He didnt even reply to my last message. I do not feel the need to tell him anything or wait. I would lose precious time and resources. I know I have done all I could to repair my mistakes, to talk to him without being needy…someday he will realise this, probably he does now, but is decided we wont be together anymore. Anyway I want you to know I like your website, all the advices, strategies and mindsets. I do consider them very useful and inspiring.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 13, 2017 at 7:11 pm

thank you Petra.. You’re right. He’ll realize it someday
Petra

June 7, 2017 at 7:05 pm

But anyway…I dont think I will be able to build any rapport. I sent him a message a few hours ago and he still hasn`t answer. It was about a funny moment together, no romance involved except the fact we were together at that moment. I only cling to any sign of hope which is not good. I know patience is required but this time is over for me. If he was interested he would have answered differently.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 9, 2017 at 4:12 pm

I understand.. that’s also good that you’re moving on now because that means you know your limits.
Petra

June 7, 2017 at 3:42 pm

How many times should I be the one who initiates before I wait for my ex to initiate? I have already initiated 4 times in almost 3 weeks: two times face to face interactions and two by text.
Petra

June 5, 2017 at 1:20 pm

He wasnt the kind of person to be very warm in words. I dont know why but I took his response as a positive one. In the last week I used some jelousy tactics. A boy I met in the last months tagged me as the person who took him a professional photo for his fb profile and other day I checked in with another friend doing something funny. It wasnt any romance involved in these but I guess it worked. My question is: if I try to build rapport with him through texts, being friendly, should I involve messages that remind him of our past experiences together (especially the funny and good moments not the romantic ones)?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 7, 2017 at 2:42 pm

yes, that’s right.. romantic ones are better used when you’ve already reached the dating stage or when you’ve built enough rapport and attraction for that
Petra

June 4, 2017 at 4:46 pm

I sent a few hours ago a message to my ex which sounded like this: goodluck with your exams! I am sure you will do very well. He responded after 2 hours: thank you, dear Petra.
Petra

June 2, 2017 at 6:39 am

He seemed more friendly only when I asked him for the first time in 6 weeks or maybe 9 ‘how are you?’…I mean I saw the curiosity and smile on his face. And he checked in the last two weeks my day photos on fb, yesterday also. It was the first time to do that. Even when we were together he wasnt viewing them. But anyway…
I cant take back what I did…i just know it wasnt to right reaction. And I think that maybe if I wasnt that stressed, the relationship would have worked better…who knows!…
Petra

June 2, 2017 at 6:01 am

I just dont know. Maybe I will sent him a ‘goodluck’ message next week because he will begin the exams for faculty… probably it wouldnt matter that much but is nice to have someone wishing you good things when you are stressed. He is the kind of person that first you have to gain his trust and then he might involve emotionally. I experienced this in our relationship. But I know he also needs to grow up and mature. I had years ago a boyfriend who has had a lot of patience and was very mature even though had only 24-25 years old. Because it matters very much the experiences a person had gone through. So there are people like this out there. I dont say mistakes must be tolerated forever but if someone is aware of them and puts effort to improve, this is a great step ahead and must be encouraged.
Petra

May 31, 2017 at 7:40 pm

Yeah, I understand…it`s complicated. I wasnt thinking that is a good idea to invite him to that event…but we just met by chance and I took this as a sign…as least my gut told me is not that bad to ask him. Is very difficult to build rapport through text. He is not positive. And face to face I am the one who asked `how are you?` twice…I am not saying is enough but I cannot continue too much to be the only one who initiates. it just feels like he is decided we wont be together. I cannot put too much effort if the other one doesnt want the same. We both made mistakes in this relationship and shortcomings are normal, but if he doesnt see this or doesnt want to see, I dont need someone like this by my side. At some point in our relationship he told me he is prepared to give up on everything for proffessional accomplishment and power and by `everything` he meant also our sexual relationship. His coldness and rigidity werent good for our relationship, neither my anxiety. It would have been worthing all this wait and effort if I had seen interest from him, which is not… I dont even know how to act when I bump into him again or what could I text him…it feels like is useless… he knows I cared about him, he is aware I had fought for this relationship even though I pushed him away with my attitude but I have stuck around…he also pushed me away with his coldness and rejection and he left in the end. Shouldnt be a relationship about both putting effort and patience?…difficult times will always be.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 1, 2017 at 5:08 pm

yeah..so, you mean you’re moving on?
Petra

May 30, 2017 at 8:07 pm

Sorry, Amor, but I dont get what you want to say. If I choose to move on what is the point in being friendly when we bump into each other? I am still the one who says more then `hi` when we meet. So no, I dont think that being friendly when we meet will change his attitude in texting. If he thinks that the relationship is not worthing a second chance it means he doesnt see another perspective just like I do. Probably he will realise later when he experiences other relationships but I wont be the person to wait. I do think I deserve someone who can understand me and make some efforts to understand what happened, just like I did. But I am 29 soon and he will turn 22, so yeah, is understandable, even though I dont like prejudgements about age. I remember that when we had that big fight he told me `maybe I will regret this decision, but I have to do this`. Anyway…
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2017 at 3:51 pm

nope.. if you move on, you move on, that’s it.. If you still want to try, it’s going to be a longer process.. because since you’re not having positive text conversations, then take it as a restart.. take it that he has moved on.. so you’re slowly being friendly again.. that will not take just 1 or 3 bumps with each other..
Petra

May 29, 2017 at 8:39 pm

I still feel is hard to build rapport with him. I think he still didnt get over the break up or he still thinks the relationship is not worthing a second chance or maybe he is not prepared to try again. I am confused also…but I still try something…
Should I try to initiate another time with a text?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2017 at 6:09 pm

nope.. it’s either you move on.. or it seems like you always bump into each other.. why not start being friendly slowly in that way, and then later on proceed to texts?
Petra

May 29, 2017 at 8:27 pm

We mer by chance on the street and I asked him…he said that moment he doesnt know and a few hours later he wrote on fb ‘i think is better not to come…and anyway i am busy with my exams’. I replied ‘you know better’. I dont know what should I do from now on…
Petra

May 27, 2017 at 5:17 pm

Hi, Amor! May you please give me an advice? I bought a month ago two tickets for an opera show, here in town. I planned to go with a very good friend but it happened he can`t come anymore. I know is a show that my ex used to tell me he would like very much to attend to. Should I ask him if he likes to come? Or maybe is too sudden.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 29, 2017 at 4:42 pm

of there’s no rapport, it would be risky to do that
Petra

May 22, 2017 at 7:56 pm

And I know I am an unpatient person sometimes but I don-t feel the need to talk to him too much in the present. I mean that I also need to take things slow…if he had come to me right now and tell me we should talk, I wouldn-t be ready. I do care about him and I would like to have the chance to have a new and better relationship (without the mistakes of the previous one) but I want this to happen slowly.
Petra

May 22, 2017 at 7:51 pm

Yeah, I think is better 7 days or even more. I dont know why but he is the kind of person who doesnt rush things at all. It can be due to his age or maybe his view over relationships. I know that we had been friends (more like acquaintances) for five-six months before the first date and after two months of dating we had the first kiss. But during these two months it happened to be a week or two without speaking at all. Because I remember I was confused towards his intentions. I suspect him somehow of having an avoidant attachment because in a previous relationship he wasnt contacting his then girlfriend for 3 months. She went abroad and he said his days were very busy…he didnt cheat on her but the girl was the one to initiate the break up because of his attitude. And I remember in the beginning of our relationship I told him I wont accept to pass a day without him telling me something (except the days when for serious reasons he cannot contact me). I appreciated he respected that during our relationship.
I think the best thing our relationship had was that both of us were aiming for stability. He once told me that he thinks is hard for me to accept he is a cold person but one of his best qualities is stability. I must admit he proved that to me while we had been together. And I also know that his distant behaviour was also creating problems…
Petra

May 22, 2017 at 10:30 am

He replied the second day with a neutral answer “very nice”…sorry, I wrote 4 comments in a row…still practising my patience. But I haven’t answer back. I feel is better this way.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 22, 2017 at 6:09 pm

initiate again after 5 or 7 days… so that you dont look like you’re all excited in talking with him again..
Petra

May 22, 2017 at 4:03 am

I sent him eventually a message that sound like that `I was today in a restaurant and I saw in the menu shrimps cocktails. I remembered you liked it very much`…and he ignored it because he hasn`t respond at all.
I think I am just gonna move on…at least my gut tells me he won`t respond to messages like this not even after a couple of days or weeks. Maybe if I ask for his help with something he will answer, but for sure he will see it as an attempt to talk to him. So I don`t think it`s worth the effort…
Petra

May 21, 2017 at 2:21 pm

Should I begin today/tomorrow the texting period or should I wait more days? Given the fact that we talked about how we were doing lately just yesterday?
Petra

May 20, 2017 at 3:44 pm

Sorry, I wrote the previous message in somebody else`s comments section! Today is my last day of NC. It happened to bump into my ex again while having lunch at a canteen nearby. As you adviced me, Amor, I broke the ice and I asked him how he is and what has been doing lately. He seemed positive that I made the first step because he smiled and he began to tell me about his activities and detailed them. He also asked me how I am. I told him I got a job and that this makes me very content. I think this added me some value in his eyes because I know how important is for him the career. We talked for a few minutes. At some point he touched my shoulder but I think it was a gesture made from instinct, because he used to do this with people without realise it sometimes. I was the one to leave first because he was still waiting for his meal. He wished me goodluck, I thanked him and I said that `maybe we will hear again another time`. He didn`t reply to this but overall the conversation went well. I know it was just a try to test the waters and I think I controlled the situation but I was also a bit nervous and he also was. I will see how I will act next.
Petra

May 13, 2017 at 1:15 pm

Ok, Amor…I will see which is the best option, even though I don`t see as a good sign the fact he hasn`t reached out to me in any way in two months. Maybe he thinks only in this way I can move on and forget about him. Today we met again by chance while waiting in line in a market…he said `hi` when he saw me and `bye` when he left…and I mirrored his responses. So it`s not that encouraging his attitude. I know he cared about me, maybe not as much as I cared about him, and both of us made his own mistakes but I think if you want someone back it means you see there is a chance to make things better the second time or you are willing to put some conscious effort. As I can see, he doesn`t think the same, at least not in the present. One of my best friends says that I should ignore him and just move on, even though I haven`t told her about my attempt of getting him back. Anyway, I am really happy I found your website and learn so many things about how to deal with break ups, become the ungettable girl or how men are thinking. Really useful stuff, guys!!
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 13, 2017 at 4:28 pm

if you bump into each other again next time, be the one to break the ice and be friendly
Petra

May 12, 2017 at 7:24 am

I know my question sounds strange, but there is no chance he might misses me? Because my feelings tell me he is missing me. At least I miss good moments we had.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 12, 2017 at 7:41 pm

if he’s more into calls, that means you could make the texting period shorter and then transition to calls.. actions convince more than words, that’s why your posts are your indirect way of showing that. he probably misses you..
Petra

May 12, 2017 at 6:52 am

Do you mean that by not reaching out to me this whole time, he is still uncomfortable to meet me in person? I am not sure is a good idea to call him after finishing NC… I know I acted stupid when we had that fight that led to the break up, but even if I tried to explain him that my stress was not because of him, he didn`t want to understand. He said he doesnt want to be with me anymore because is not working…and all I could do was walk away no matter how I really felt inside. He just didnt want to listen to what I was saying…
Petra

May 11, 2017 at 7:05 pm

I am in day 35 of the 45 days NC. I keep improving myself: reading motivational books or articles of how to stress less and control the emotions, I am going out with my friends and involving in different activities, I have met new people and we made plans to hang out on coming events. It really feels empowering and constructive! I even got a job so things are going better and better when we are putting effort and patience. I also have been active on posting, I changed my FB profile picture with a professional one which conveys self-confidence and optimism. I am still friend with my ex on FB, btw. Now I see more clearly which were my mistakes during the past relationship and I try to understand how to not repeat them in the future (no matter if I am getting my ex back or date someone else). I know there are still 10 days until the end of my NC and I have read the articles about first contact text messages, but I am a bit worried because I remember my ex wasn`t so much into texting. I mean even in the flirtation phase of our relationship I remember he was texting me very rarely. He prefered face to face interactions as I recall. I don`t know if it is possible to reach day 10 of texts messages, for example. We met these days by chance at the canteen where we both having lunch but we only said `hi`. He still seemed serious, with a very discreet smile, by the face expression and I was also with some friends. He didn`t reach to me in any way during this whole time since the break up. Do you have any idea what could this mean? I know he has a busy schedule because he is involving in many activities, but still… and I don`t think he is dating someone new yet…
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 11, 2017 at 8:28 pm

that just means he’s not comfortable with you meeting you after the break up.. what about calls?
Petra

May 4, 2017 at 8:55 pm

Thank you so much for always answering, Amor! I am very grateful to you!

I am in 28 day of NC. My ex hasn`t contacted me in any way since the break up which happened on 18-19 of March (no text, no calls, no Facebook or anything else). I have begun the NC three weeks after the break up, because I failed at it. I want to take the NC to 45 days. I think it`s ok this way, given the fact that I know my ex needs more time than me to get over fights or bad situations. Before starting the NC we met by chance and he always said hi to me. One day it happened to walk both in the same direction and for a few minutes we walked together. He asked me how I am, we talked a bit about the activities we usually involved in and when we said goodbye he wished me luck with everything I am doing. I thanked him and wished him the same. I was at that time in the NC and after a few days I contacted him and tell him I would like to talk to him. He came where I live and I told him I assume my reaction that led to our fight in that evening and further to the break up. He said he doesn`t blame for anything, that I should try not to focus on the past and that he still believes the relationship wasn`t working. Since that day, 8 of April, I started the NC again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 5, 2017 at 4:16 pm

ok, I agree.. You’re welcome!
Petra

May 2, 2017 at 2:23 pm

Yeah, true, but I am so confused…
What I actually need is an objective opinion if his behaviour during the relationship was healthy and not toxic? I mean his problem with watching porn instead of making sex (even after two weeks of no sex) and keep refusing me when I was the one to initiate intimate moments…sometimes he told me that he doesnt sleep with me because I was blaming him for not giving me attention or watching porn (I also think he was aware is not good for the relationship what he was doing). Sometimes he told me that this is something all men do or that is easier for him to do this when he is working on something than come to me and have sex (even though we live 4 minutes away). Probably I didnt find the best way to show him that these things push me away and telling him I am suffering because of his attitude, being sad and start to crying wasn`t the right way. But I was so consumed that it just made act very emotionally. Beside these, the fact his family didnt even know about me after half an year of relationship wasn`t a good thing for me. I felt that he is not so commited and this also made me sad and as a result I was the one to say that I dont want this relationship anymore. I know I said things on nerves but probably something inside me told me that my needs aren`t met in this relationship and in the same time I was saying that to make him react and try to change those things. Probably if I were more confident I would identify better what I can accept and cannot. Or probably I identified these things but I am afraid to admit them.
I think I focus too much on what went wrong (and this won`t change anything) in my efforts to avoid those things in the future but I need an objective opinion from specialists like you if it deserves to try building rapport in the future? I don`t want to seem that I put him on a bad light, because he was also a good person, but I am trying to find out if his behaviours are something healthy/normal in a relationship?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 2, 2017 at 8:37 pm

it’s not normal but he’s also young.. it can be because he’s not that serious with relationships yet..
Petra

April 26, 2017 at 3:16 pm

Hi! I have been in the NC for 18 days. Somehow I feel I am more prepared to move on and maybe this is the best option, but in the same time I realize that my ex had also qualities and that relationship had really nice moments. During the relationship we argued a lot and in the last month was getting worse and worse. I felt that things didn-t go very smoothly for us but in the same time I could feel that there are chances to be better in time. Some of my reactions were due to my anxiety and stressful period, some were because of my ex-s attitude. I feel that we werent understanding very good. My ex has some kind of avoidant attachment, very secretive person, his family didnt know about me after 7 months of relationship, he seemed to be afraid of intimacy, he didnt value communication (he said that is useless many times and that he is a simple person and I tend to complicate things…which I also agreed and I was trying to change), he wasn-t comfortable with holding hands. I was more of a warm person, ready to open up, curious about him and his family, more than he was about me or my family. I know he cared about me but I felt that he was not commited the way I was, even though I noticed he tried to give me more attention and to spend more time together. I know that his priority was career, proffesional and personal development and I was feeling very often put on the second place, thing that increased my worries and anxiety. He didnt even remember my birthday after (half an year of dating) or write it on a calendar (like a reminder) but he did this for a guy that offered him an internship. His explanation was that the guy-s birthday is sooner than mine. Anyway. I was ready do make some compromises but it seemed he wasn-t so prepared to do the same. I know that I have to improve myself, become a less stressed and anxious person because I feel that this pushed him away. In the same time I know I had my right when I told him I cannot accept him to tell me he is busy and we cant have sex for another week (and the last time we had sex was more then two weeks ago, at that time….so it would have been no sex for three weeks) but during this week he masturbates with porn. That was the first time I told him very seriously that I break up with him (exactly a day before the real break-up). He talked with me, he saw that I was very upset and said „ok, we will have sex today” and it sounded like I do this because you want not because I want and it felt weird. It wasnt the first time he refused me and I know he was attracted with me, but refusing me and watching porn instead I couldn-t accept it anymore. I was feeling that this habit of him just creates distance between us. I tend to believe that maybe it was an addiction for him. For me it was a deal breaker this thing. I want to mention we didnt live together. I want to do a NC of 45 days and maybe after that text him. When I look back I see the whole situation like he has to be the one to come to me. I know I was angry at him but this was also due to him. I apologise where I think I was wrong because I took responsability for what I did and this seemed to be the right thing to do giving up my ego. He chosed this time after that big fight to leave. He came to the conclusion that it-s not working, at least this is what he told me last time we talked. Probably it was a decision on nerves, kept after that out of stubborness or because he was enjoying his freedom and I seemed too demanding.
Of course my family and friends tell to move on but I stopped speak to them about him.
I know I wanted that relationship, a part of me still does, but I feel I need him to make some steps towards me and realize what he did wrong. Maybe he realizes but he feels is better this way… I know that the decision of wanting him back or not is mine, but some advice it would help a lot! What do you think I should do after NC? Thank you so much!
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 10:24 pm

finish nc first, if you want to move on after nc, move on. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you want to see if you can build rapport, that’s ok too.
Petra

April 14, 2017 at 11:28 am

Do you mean if he initiates during the nc should I answer him? Or if he greets me with the occasion of Easter? It’s been a week since I am in nc.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017 at 8:54 am

Sorry, I mean if he initiates in person because you can’t just be rude and pretend that you don’t hear nor see him.. but in text, don’t reply.
Petra

April 12, 2017 at 5:45 pm

I remembered he also told this last time that he doesnt blame for anything and I should try not to focus on the past. I dont understand why suddenly after that fight he decided is not working. There were days (while still together) when he told me that he thinks that he doesnt behave so bad with me and my moods (when I always find something to be upset about) are because of my stressful period (I am looking for a job and I have to finish my studies). Is it possible for him to realize later he didnt mean the things he said when we broke up?… I have read a conversation between Chris and a lady, Kelly, and this gave me some strength to keep NC and improve myself but also on how to approach later the situation from a position of strength. How much time do you advice me to keep it? Unfortunately I cannot avoid person contact because we often meet at the same students canteen, but usually only a ‘hi’ or ‘how are you?’. We live in buildings that are next to each other.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2017 at 6:30 pm

do at least 30 days, be active in improving yourself and if he initiates just reply politely short and direct.
Petra

April 11, 2017 at 6:53 am

Unfortunately I failed at NC and I contacted my ex two days ago to speak in person. I wanted to tell him that I assume my reaction that led that day to our break-up and I wanted him to know that I wasnt staying with him out of loneliness but because I wanted to be with him. But he continue to say that he still believes that our relationship wasnt working, that I was unhappy with him. We had some issues…he was refusing me a couple of times to have sex because he was busy but during this time he was watching porn. I trusted him and I know he wouldnt cheat on me but that attitude was very painful. Probably this is one of the reasons I was so nervous sometimes because continuously I had the impression that the relationship is not so important for him and he puts first the professional and personal development. And for this he was prepared to give up also on having sex, because this required time and loss of focus. I know he is very good in controlling his emotions and I dont think he will have second thoughts about our relationship. At least not very soon. This is how I feel. In my opinion there were some issues but which could have been solved if both of us wanted this, but it seems it was just me. I know he cared about me but he never told me he loves me. I told him once and his response was that he appreciates this. In the last month we had many fights and he said that things were getting worse and worse. I felt that I become more nervous but in the same time I was aware is not only because of him but because I am in a stressful period. But anyway he didnt come with the decision that is not working, it was something he said during a fight when I reacted impulsively and I told him I want to break up with him. So my guess is that he took a decision on nerves and he kept this decision out of stubborness. What do you think based on what I told you? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 12, 2017 at 11:00 am

if he’s stubborn , then all the more that you should restart nc stick to improving yourself.. and dont sleep with him if you’re not together
Petra

April 2, 2017 at 1:58 pm

Thank you so much for your answer and being there for us!
Sorry, but I didnt understand what you said in your first reply by „trying the advice above”. May you please tell me what you are refering to? Still in no contact phase. All I feel is confusion. I mean, yes, I really cared about him (for sure I still do) and I am so sorry for saying those things to him but he seemed so decided that we are better this way…probably saying that I want us to break apart was because I didnt get enough of what I want from the relationship, and put together with my insecurity moments resulted in me telling him awful things. Yeah, I struggle to accept I told him those words and try to be aware I have to improve myself. Somehow I am thinking that he also upset me a few times with a serious thing (deal-breaker for me in a relationship) and I chosed to trust him that he will change over time. There are many things to take into account when it comes to the idea of getting back together…will it work the second time? Sometimes I feel the best is to move on and work to become better in many aspects of my life, but I still remember the good things that our relationship had. What do you think from what I related here? Do you think there are any chances to get back together?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2017 at 4:38 pm

Oh, I mean the strategy and the tactics that Chris wrote above. There’s still a chance.. try the tactics above and focus in improving yourself.
Petra

March 29, 2017 at 7:31 pm

Thank you so much for answering! In the present moment the „no contact rule” is what I am doing, somehow forced by the circumstances. A week ago was the last time when I texted him and also explained some things about the fact that I wanted to be with him. But no reply from him. I dont have the energy to focus too much on this problem if I dont see any effort from him. He also hurt me with something important (not cheating; fortunately it was trust between us) but I chosed to keep the relationship and hope he will try to change that habit. It seems he doesnt trust me anymore or I dont know. He is afraid I will act desperately and say wrong words again or who knows! The last explanation I had was that the relationship is not working, he cannot fulfill my needs and he has to focus on the professional life. I have to mention that he seems a bit workaholic and he always put me on the second place after his professional development.
What do you think about my situation?
Thank you very much!
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 30, 2017 at 4:05 pm

if he’s afraid that you’ll act desperate, then all the more reason that you should be active in your activities
Petra

March 29, 2017 at 1:22 pm

Thank you very much for you being there! I would appreciate a lot some advice!
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 29, 2017 at 3:24 pm

Hi Petra,

that’s good that you’re in nc.
but you have to be active in improving yourself during and after it. Do you want to try the advice above?

Swtluv

March 29, 2017 at 5:38 am

A week ago my ex broke up with me. His reasons were because I deserved someone better who will take me out and give me the attention. He said he loves me very much and that’s why he has to let me go. He also stated that his love for me is like a best friend type and That we will still keep in touch and he can still come over and visit me and my family. However, Idk if the result of the breakup was due to stress. Back in February he told me that he was sorry for being a bad bf because he doesn’t take me out and all due to school. He said school has been challenging for him (he has a year and a half left and is majoring in Public Health). A few days after that he said he didn’t feel like he was where he should be in his life. That he has so many thoughts and he feels disconnected with everyone and has been isolating himself including me. One day I showed up to his place and he looked stressed out. He said he had been playing catch up with school that’s why he has not be texting me or calling me since he’s been very busy. That he cannot juggle school and everything else at the same time. And he said he wasn’t going anywhere. Well the following week we spent time together and went on a date. Two days after that I texted him and since he didn’t reply back I got mad at him. I realized I should have backed off, but it’s now too late for a few days after that he broke up with me. I know he is not good with stress and doesn’t know how to handle things when stressed. I feel bad cause I feel like I put on more pressure on him which caused the break up. I don’t know if the ages matter but he’s 27 and I’m 33. Is there any advice that I can get in getting him back? If there’s even a chance? We’ve been together for 4 years. Two days after breakup he called me to ask me how I was doing? And that was it. I texted him this past sunday and his response was short. I feel so hurt and that I pushed him away completely.

Petra

May 16, 2017 at 5:57 pm

4 days to go until the end of my 45 days NC and still no sign from my ex. What do you think about my situation, Amor? Do I have any chances to build rapport after this not-so-short period of no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 16, 2017 at 6:45 pm

yeah..there are success stories that dont hear from their ex during nc period
Swtluv

March 29, 2017 at 2:33 pm

Do you think that would help my situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 29, 2017 at 3:27 pm

yes, it can help increase your chances.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 29, 2017 at 2:17 pm

Hi Swtluv,

do you want to try the no contact rule?

CT

March 27, 2017 at 12:35 pm

Oops, I didn’t realize that you had to wait for moderation before the comment posts so I copied and pasted my comment and submitted it a few times (I think twice on here and once on a different article), can you remove the extras and only keep the one w/ my initials for my name.

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2017 at 2:48 pm

Hi CT,

I erased your previous comments..do bc for yourself not more for him
do at least 30 and start the count after this..be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

Jessica

March 22, 2017 at 7:17 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me because he says he likes another girl. He doesn’t talk to this girl in person and the only text sometimes but he insists he had feelings for her. I was obviously hurt by this as I felt I wasn’t enough for him so I asked him to puck between me or her. He told me he wanted both of us, that she’s his friend and nothing more. He told me he wanted to sort things out with me and his feelings for the other girl will stop. But I wanted him to pick between her or me so then he decided suddenly we were to ‘go on a break’. He said he didn’t want to be in a relationship when he had feelings for two people after telling me he wanted to sort things out a few minutes earlier. Prior to this everyday he told me he loved me so much even arguing that he loved me more than I loved him. We were going out six months. When I ask him what a ‘break’ means he says just no relationship and I said well are we going to get back together and he says he doesn’t know. I don’t feel this is fair on me as I don’t know whether I should start moving on or not as I love him so much I can’t let him go anyways. He still says he has strong feelings for me he just doesn’t love me anymore. He said he started to feel all these things two days ago. I don’t know what to think or what to do about the whole situation as I am really confused as to how this came about as I thought he really loved me and I meant a lot to him. I don’t know whether this story about liking this other girl is just an excuse to break up with me or what’s going on. I go to school with him. He’s in my class which makes it even harder as I can’t avoid him. The girl is in the year below us, she’s my neighbour I’ve known her for years. I would really appreciate some advice.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 3:59 pm

Hi Jessica,

in short you broke up. Follow the advice below, it’s almost the same situation since it’s about working with your ex.
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Marie

March 22, 2017 at 3:34 pm

Hi Amor,

We broke up around a month ago, remained in contact for awhile before i decided to do NC. Its been going on for around 11 days so far but my friend told me that he recently deleted all his photos of me on instagram. He follows me on my account and ive been posting actively and ive also been working towards the ungettable girl standard. However, does the fact that he deleted all the pictures recently mean he has completely moved on? Before this he was always caring and always told me how much he cared about me deeply. I just want to know if i still have a chance.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 3:28 pm

Hi Marie

nope, more probably it’s because it hurts to see them..

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