7 Definitive Steps On How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You

5,888 thoughts on “How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup”

Chelsea

September 14, 2013 at 7:35 pm

Well my bf broke up with me four days ago. I am crushed. I still loved him so much even though I knew things were changing. He wasn’t being sweet anymore. Like all we did was joke and act like goof balls together. But I was having fun with it 🙁 when he came over Tuesday I thought he just wanted to hang out but really he was coming to break up with me. He said he feels like he isn’t happy and something is missing in our relationship. He feels like he can’t even be sweet to me anymore because all we ever did was joke. I did the whole begging and crying thing and he couldn’t even look at me. I felt like he didn’t want to do it….we have so many memories in the 6 months we were together. Trips and so many dates. He was the first man I was intimate with…I couldn’t believe he could do this. We haven’t spoke since but we wil have to speak again soon because he pays my phone bill so I have to get a new phone. Anyway when I do see him what should I do or say? There’s no way he isn’t thinking about me as much as I am thinking about him…we were perfect.

admin

September 15, 2013 at 1:55 am

Have you tried the no contact rule?
Chelsea

September 15, 2013 at 6:07 am

Yeah we haven’t talked at all.

Kris

September 14, 2013 at 3:21 pm

Theoretically, what happens if after the complete 30 days of NC, I text and he doesn’t respond? I tend to date THE most stubborn men.

I can totally see him texting me during NC, me not responding, and then him being like, “well screw yoooouuu! off to bigger and better!” and then when I write, he won’t give me the time of day…

admin

September 15, 2013 at 1:40 am

Well, if that happens then you wait 2 weeks and then try again. BUT if you do your job right your text will be so interesting that he will have no choice but to respond.

Pratiksha

September 14, 2013 at 2:01 pm

Hi, I stumbled across this site and needed some advice… My bf broke up with me 2 months ago then went on holiday we didn’t talk literally NC for over a month… We broke up due to small arguments that got big and I had lied and hid afew truths from him but they were to do with my personal life and nothing to do with our relationship. However he hated lieing …. Long story cut short we broke up after a 5 year long relationship I know he still loves me but hated all this arguing. He agreed to meet me in a couple of weeks. What can I say/do to reconcile and make him want to be with me? I really miss him…. Please help. Much appreciated. Thanks

admin

September 15, 2013 at 1:38 am

Have you read my how to get your boyfriend back guide?
Pratiksha

September 14, 2013 at 2:05 pm

Also to add when we broke up and I asked if he would meet me after he’s back from holiday he said NO that we cannot meet… However as time passed it seems he’s ok to meet me and hear what I have to say… Does that mean he changes his thinking and says things he doesn’t mean in the heat of the moment. Advice from a guy would be great

pia

September 14, 2013 at 11:25 am

we have meet on social site and i liked him in first time even he liked me,,,but after some time i have seen so many massages and call from other number on his mobile and started quetioning then he got angry and why am thinking negative but always i think like he cheated on me…in starting he was crazy about me but after 4 month he used to chat and all from other grls …not he deleting me from FB and blocked me on whats up but i cant forget him …pls suggest dear…always i try to look him how can i say him still missing…i cant call him and mail him

admin

September 15, 2013 at 1:33 am

You have his phone number?

Also, are you doing NC?

Stacy

September 14, 2013 at 2:58 am

Hey, i just broke up with my boyfriend a week ago exactly on our 6 months together. It was so shocking that he broke up with me after 6 months with reasons he kinda bored, he is not ready for a relationship ( after 6 months..) and he doesnt feel the same way to me as before. We broke up on saturday and honestly on friday we met everything was just fine like nothing is gna happen. Even the week before he still came over to my place brought me flowers and necklace to surprise me. But 2 weeks after my greatest fear of losing him came true. although on saturday morning before we broke up he still looks normal until we had a discussion about he wanted to be a model and i directly disagree and i said ” if you want to be one i wont support you as a girlfriend. But i will support you as friend. Because i cant date a model ( due to im scared he will cheat on me and all that.)” so then we argue, and finally he said that he wanted to break up because of those 3 reason i mentioned above. And thats so surprising! because earlier on that day he still looked so normal to me, altho i did notice that he text me a bit less that week but when we met we still fine.i was his first love, his first relationship, first sex intercourse, first everything. and i wonder how can he do that..? Now we havent really talk for a week but if we do im always the one who talk to him first and he only reply short. This is so depressing for me altho i tried to not contact him i cant and i still really want to talk to him showing that i still care, that i still love him. But it seems he doesnt. I always have this feeling that he will be back to me soon. But probably no chance that would happen. Because if the broke up was about something else we probably still can fix that because we still love each other. But this is about he losing his feelings and theres nothing i can so to change people’s feeling i guess. but i really want him back, he is the only one that can make me happy. What should i do to have him back with me?

admin

September 15, 2013 at 1:21 am

You’ve already implemented the NC rule?

erica

September 13, 2013 at 5:01 pm

How do I make him jealous and let him see I’m happy if he blocked me on Facebook? We had broken up in the past and we had no contact for a week, when I contacted him and he admitted that he was happier without me and he had no plans on contacting me. Also, he told me that he hates me and that he hopes he never sees me again, but I’m not sure why. We were fine together and he seemed to start hating me out of the blue. Will the no contact rule work?

admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:35 pm

No contact for 30 days will improve your chances. Keyword there is 30 DAYS! Don’t break it at all.
erica

September 13, 2013 at 6:15 pm

Also, he is very stubborn and hard headed. I don’t know if he would even contact me. Should I contact him after the month is up
admin

September 15, 2013 at 12:50 am

Yes you should. I recommend every do that though.

TJ

September 13, 2013 at 3:52 pm

What if the ex msg’s you back during no contact and you don’t respond. Won’t that kinda push him away and make him move on faster? Won’t he think that I’ve moved on and therefore he should move on now too? Are you sure its not better to respond to the text but just be brief and not say much rather than ignore it completely?

admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:34 pm

I get this question a lot and understand where you are coming from.

But let me ask you a question here. Has talking to your ex right now gotten you any closer to getting them back? I have found that actually talking to your ex can harm your chances a lot b/c emotions get involved, you’ll say the wrong thing or you just plain don’t know how to rebuild attraction.

Some time has to pass if you want them back.

They may get angry but if they do that means they just care about you which is a good thing. Besides, the two of you are broken up you owe them nothing. NC is just as much for you as it is for them.

gabrielle

September 13, 2013 at 1:41 am

so 4 months ago my boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere. we were together for 2 years and we were madly in love with each other from start to finish. He lived with me for a year and a half, and we got along so well. we never fought or anything, we were best friends and never left each others side. i helped him when he was stressed with school and work, and he did the same for me. we complimented eachother all the time and it seemed like we just loved everything about each other. Throughout the whole relationship i was sure he loved me more than i did… sometimes i felt bad, because i felt like i couldn’t love him as much at he loved me… but i think that this was just me being hard on myself. i never told him this, and he never got a hint of me feeling this way. we made love all the time, and it seemed like that wasn’t the issue to the breakup. he wasn’t bored or lonely. i do remember 2 nights before he brokup with me, i had a few friends over and he was outside with a few people and i was inside talking on the phone. one of my friends came inside and looked upset… she cameup to me and said “Gabrielle, i hate you.. i wish my boyfriend talked about me the way drew talks about you. he just loves you so much and never shuts up about how cute and amazing you are.” i was so happy when she told me this and it just made me feel so loved by him….. then he broke up with me 2 days later. it came out of nowhere and it completely broke my heart. he never really gave me an explanation or a reason for breaking up with me. its been 4 months now and i cant seem to get over it, he seems so happy when i look at his facebook. he has so many pictures of him with new friends. he has a few new friends that are girls and im not going to lie… it makes me so mad. they all write on his wall and comment on his picture flirting with him, and he flirts back. its really upsetting. i don’t know what to do. i feel like i never got closure from the breakup because, well i never expected it and never got a legit reason why he decided this.
the breakup:
he suprised me when i was leaving work and was standing outside next to my car. he said that he needed to talk to me, and i was like okayyyy… so we sat in my car and he imediatly started tearing up and said ” im just not happy anymore gabrielle. i feel like we just arent good together anymore and that your not the girl that i fell in love with when we first met.” i was shocked by what he was saying, and i had no idea where this was coming from. he said that ive “changed”. iknow that ive changed because well year growing up, people change and mature with new experiences. my personality definitely didn’t change for sure. so i have no clue what he meant by it. its been bugging me. but anyway… when he said all that stuff… of course i was a wreck crying ang begging him to stay and i couldnt keep myself together. i wish i did because i feel so pitiful and annoying. im guessing he felt sorry for me, and said “this could just be a break… you never know. this wont be the last time you see me, we can talk more another time, so we can have some time to think things over and communicate better on how we are feeling.” and thats when i finally gave in and said okay, then he left me. lets just say i was in a dark dark place for about 2 weeks straight. i was in my room crying and depressed for the most part, and when i was at school and work i would have these random panic attacks and meltdowns when i was asked questions about what was going on. it was not fun. ive gotten better, and now everytime someone asks me about it, i act like im completely over it and i put a smile on just so i dont have to bring the mood down. i feel like im so fake now about everything… i make it seem like im happy, but im not.
i text him from time to time to see what hes doing and just to keep in touch… he never text back usually, but when he does it is very short and rude. we havent talked like he promised. i asked him a couple weeks after we separated if i should just give up on this false hope of of us getting back together, because it seemed like he wanted nothing to do with me. he texted me back saying “Gabrielle, we are broken up for good.”

sooooo now ive just been going on with work and school doing my thing, but not really hanging with friends much. i feel like i should be, but when i do i never have fun. so i just sit at home mostly now with nothing to do. ive tried to start doing a few new hobbies, like working out all the time, learing how to play the piano, and drawing… but its not really helping. i havnt met anyone new or had anything exciting happen in so long that could possibly help me get my mind off him.. so i feel like im just stuck.

before we started dating, i was the type of person that never wanted a relationship, because i have seen my friends go through heart break and i never wanted to go through that. my parents devoured when i was 5 and i never wanted to follow in their footsteps. it had a huge impact on me growing up. i never wanted to be with anyone until i knew that this was the one FOREVER. I am the type of person that doesnt fall in love easily. when i do, its completely.

before we got together i was known for being the happiest, carefree, independent girl with so many friends.So many guys loved me and wanted me because they just liked my personality. My friends and family keep on asking me what happened to this girl? and why im not like that anymore… and i simply don’t know why i cant be that person anymore, but i do know that it is hard to be that when i am not happy anymore. i feel like i have been torn into pieces from this breakup.

he was my first and only boyfriend by the way.

what should i do? i want him back, but i dont want to go through another heart break again. i wish i could just make him see that it was a mistake leaving me. i just want to be happy again.

admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:06 pm

I am sorry you had a breakup and are feeling down :/.

It will get easier though I promise.

Have you tried NC yet?
gabrielle

September 16, 2013 at 3:05 am

i blocked him on facebook and deleted his number from my phone 2 nights ago.. it just seemed like the right thing to do, in order to move on. i thought it would help… but now i feel so disconnected from him. i feel incomplete now:/ its hurting me to feel like ive completely let go of him. i dont know what to do. i want to talk to him, but i cant. if i did i feel like it would just be a waste, because he will just turn me down again. either way im going to feel heart broken still. i just want to come up with a way for him to want me again. i dont know how to communicate with him in a way to not come off week or desperate.
admin

September 16, 2013 at 5:33 am

Yea, you shouldn’t have deleted the number b/c now you have no way of contacting him. Do you have his email? A mutual friend who can give you his number?
gabrielle

September 20, 2013 at 2:06 am

yes i have… ive basically tried everything. iguess there is no hope really.
admin

September 20, 2013 at 9:09 pm

There is always hope you just have to be patient.
gabrielle

September 18, 2013 at 2:36 am

what do i do now? i want him to want me again..
admin

September 18, 2013 at 3:12 am

Have you read the guide to making him love you again?
gabrielle

September 17, 2013 at 3:16 am

i do have his number memorized… but i thought not having his contact or messages on my phone would be good, so i wouldnt text him so impulsively.
admin

September 18, 2013 at 2:52 am

I am impressed. I don’t have anyones number memorized except mine.

Martha

September 12, 2013 at 8:10 pm

my ex and I broke up about a month ago we’ve known each other for 17 years. We were dating for 2 years I decided to call it off because he had too many girl friends on Facebook.I I tried the no contact rule for 30 days. Then I found out he blocked me on Facebook. He made a point to email me to let me know that he could not take it anymore. Because it tempted him so much to either message me late at night or during the day and he missed me. He asked that I not have any hard feelings towards him. its been two weeks since I .decided to keep in touch. he keeps trying to reassure me that we are just friends. Although he continues to call me and message me as if we were still together. And calls to tuck me in and give goodnight kisses.

admin

September 13, 2013 at 4:13 am

Well, he is ceratinly having trouble letting go isn’t he.

I think still the NC rule is the smartest thing here.
Martha

September 13, 2013 at 5:46 am

Thank you, I’ll stick to NC

lorena

September 12, 2013 at 5:21 am

So if your bf just broke up w you and still wants to be friends..how do u go about starting NC? Do u tell them u don’t want any contact? If so what do u say? Or do u just stop responding to them w/o an explanation and make him wonder?

admin

September 13, 2013 at 3:36 am

Stop responding and make him wonder. That is how I would approach things if I was trying to get a girl back using NC.

Karla

September 12, 2013 at 2:39 am

So I broke up with my ex 6 days ago. We were together for a year, we had ups and downs but I was in love and working tho any issiu. We went to a art gallery for a date, I had a poster, I took the wrap of and playing around I put it in his hand. ( my father and I play around like this) so he got ofended saying I treated him like trash. I explained and said sorry and I didn’t mean to offend him. So he just walks away in front of me leaving me behing for about 20 min. I get mad and finally when he comes talk to me I’m already mad. We leave the place, We are in the car and I told him I wanted to talk about other things we are having problems on. Like how he has a high defense mechanism and won’t admit to things he does wrong, he refuses to lisen by blasting music. I ask him if he still loves me and if he wants to break up? He said “no” Then he still blasting music. I turn it down and he calls me a “dumb bitch” I gave him a surprised face and he said ” yes I said it” so I didn’t say a word till he dropped me off at my place. I got home at 10pm. And I waited 2 hours for a text saying sorry or something, and nothing. So I asked 2 of my (smart) girlfriends if its a good enough reason to end the relationship. ( it wasn’t the first time he’s said that too me he did it 2 times before that) and I warned him I would break off the relationship. So at this point I had nothing to say thro a text or anything. So I unfriended him on Facebook, yes I know it might of not been the most mature but I knew it was offial. So next morning I realized he bloked me. so now it’s the 6 th day and (NOTHING) I’ve been trying to figure him out and I can’t, I’m not gonna say I was the best girlfriend ever, but I was a good one, I accepted my miseries and changed them, now I just want a text or 2 saying sorry, I would just ignore it and go by my life, but it’s drubbing yme crazy and I think I just want him to realize or something, anything, (I will not text or call or nothing I have major pride) specially after I’ve been very sweet. The way I act is calm and never lose my chill. So I fell like I didn’t deserve that.

admin

September 12, 2013 at 4:05 am

Have you started NC yet?
Karla

September 12, 2013 at 4:11 am

Yea I did the NC since I got out of his car
admin

September 13, 2013 at 3:31 am

I think that is the way to go forward for sure!
Karla

September 13, 2013 at 4:59 am

It’s been hard, not emotionally, just mentally. I just want that text from him saying ” he’s sorry” or what ever, but it almost seems like he is applying the NC rule on me, how can you tell if a guy is applying the NC rule?
admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:09 pm

He won’t contact you is pretty much it. Nevertheless, it’s ok if he isn’t talking to you because it gives you time to put your head together.

Lynn

September 11, 2013 at 11:33 pm

I have been friends with this guy for 18yrs. We have never been involved romatically, only friends. Worked at the same places and ran in the same circles. I went to his 40th bday party. Somehow we ended up talking the night away, snuggling and kissing. It was unexpected and very nice. He kept texting me all week, and i him.
The week after we go out to dinner. He wants to talk and make sure we are on the same page. We go out, have dinner, talk, laugh and basically have a great time. We head back to his house, get comfy on the couch watching a movie. We started to cuddle and kiss. He stopped it and we talked. He told me that everything was going to fast, and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I told him I wasn’t asking for one, just wanted to see how things go. He said he just wanted to take a step back. We went round and round for about 2 hrs. He kept saying to himself he thought he might be making a mistake. That he just wasnt sure. That night he also told me that Sept 6th was the 1 yr anniverary of his divorce. That even though he seemed ok he wasn’t comforatble in his own skin. I told him i would give him time to figure it out. The next day I made the mistake of texting him to tell him I still wanted to talk. He said he did too and really liked spending time with me. The day after he texted me about his day and random things. We texted for about an hour.
Then he fell off the radar. I texted him 3 times here and there.. and he only responded with a one word reply or just a sentence. He did not keep the conversation going. So now it has been a little over two weeks since I have reached out to him, and I have heard nothing from him. I really do like him and see potential between us.
What do I do?

admin

September 12, 2013 at 4:00 am

It seems he is going through things personally to me.

I think you can text him again BUT you have to make that first text really interesting.
Lynn

September 12, 2013 at 3:11 pm

Thank you for the response. Something interesting? Funny or a common interest of ours?
So you don’t think he and I are done?
The night of the dinner He told me that if he came back I could tell him to get lost if I wanted to.
When he was going through his divorce he started to see someone and stopped seeing her. Then came back and she told him to get lost.
admin

September 13, 2013 at 3:54 am

I don’t know if you and him are done but I do know a thing or two about reigniting feelings in exes and I think you should give it a try before you throw in the towel. Obviously, the final decision is always up to you.
Lynn

September 16, 2013 at 4:29 pm

We have not passed the 30 days NC timeframe as of yet. Tommorrow makes 3 weeks.
Should I wait the full 30 days?
admin

September 17, 2013 at 1:27 am

Yes you should!
Lynn

September 13, 2013 at 2:30 pm

Thank you. Yesterday I put something on FB to see if he might comment and he did. I would still like to her a more personal communication. Its the first of any communication we have had. As far as him and his ex-wife. I think they are done. She cheated on him and while they were seperated tried making a second go of it, with no sucess.
What kind of text should I send him?
admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:28 pm

Your past the 30 days of NC correct?

You should only send a text then and check out the texts in the E-Book for ideas.

Meredith

September 11, 2013 at 8:51 pm

My boyfriend and I split a year ago because his ex came back in the picture and he was “confused”. I gave him a month to figure it out and then I walked. After 3 months apart (absolutely no contact for almost 2 of those months), we decided to get back together. We have been together now for 9 months and for the last 3 weeks he has become very distant – practically no intimacy, etc. (much like last year when he was “confused” and talking to his ex trying to “decide” what he really wanted)… I have told him all of my concerns several times and he does make an effort to try to “make things better” – but those efforts haven’t really changed the distance/coolness of our relationship. 3 days ago he picked a fight with me over something little and blew things way out of proportion and he basically told me to get out – so I left (packed up what I had at his place and everything). Over the next couple of days he was texting / calling to see if we could work things out and we both seemed to want to move in that direction.. Yesterday he left his phone at his place when he went to work, so he face booked me to tell me to contact him on there if I needed him or if I wanted to talk.. so we talked most of the day about where things were going. In the afternoon I stopped at his place to pick up something that I had accidently left the other night, and I realized that his place was spotless and that all of my things (including my toothbrush) were put under the sink…. Only his remained in the holder. STRANGE. So, since his phone was laying there – I did look…. Apparently, the day after he kicked me out he had his ex-fiancé (she dumped him 8 years ago and is now married with 2 kids and just moved back into the area this year) over to his place….. When I had spoke to my BF earlier in the day, he said that he had spent the evening at his friends place (a mutual friend of his ex-fiancés).. The texts between my BF and his ex said things like “I just got home – so great to see you tonight” (at 12am) ….”It was great to see you too – don’t be a stranger”…. “I will definitely try to come around more”…. And from my BF “then I will have to be careful to not get into trouble”…. There was a lot of smiley faces and blah blah…. The texts ended with my bf telling her that if she gets a chance to definitely feel free to text him later to talk – or whenever (at 1:30am)….. I then asked my BF to come over to my place to discuss everything and he said he wasn’t sure he wanted to talk face to face about everything that night because we talked to much about everything during the day…. So I was forced to have the convo over the phone… When I asked my BF again what he did last night he told me again that he hung out with that same mutual friend and had dinner and drinks with them… I asked if anyone else was there – he said no… After a last ditch attempt to pry it out of him – I just told him I know he was with his ex-fiancé and that I’m done with the lying, have a nice life – (a year ago he would lie when he was with his ex during his “confusing” period where he was talking to both of us)…. After the hang up he texted me and basically said “so what if I didn’t tell you, I know that nothing happened between us so this is on you”… Its been almost 24 hours since that text and I’m definitely not going to be the one to contact him… but I’m wondering what your thoughts are – did I over react ?

admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:48 am

I don’t think you overreacted at all.

Taylor

September 11, 2013 at 5:44 pm

My bf and I dated over a year we broke up due to some minor problems that weren’t being resolved. He broke it off saying he just wants to be alone to figure things out and it’s his last year of college and he doesn’t know what he’s doing after and he really wants to focus this year. One of the problems was would always just play music with his friends when we hungout because he lived with his bestfriend and I would just sit there and have to watch them for hours and would get bored and upset. I love music though and always supported him in taking it further and playing shows. Anyway I was on day 15 of nc and I saw a pic a mutually friend posted of his band playing a show. I felt really upset that after a year of watching them they finally play right after we break up so I texted him right away asking how it went and I wish I would have know. I was not calm about us breaking up when it happened but we didn’t end on bad terms so he responded but I’m upset I broke it after being half way done. Should I start over from day 1? He said he would let me know when they play again so I could go

admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:38 am

Yea, if you broke NC you do have to start over from day one….

Maybe we can let you slide though 😉
Taylor

September 12, 2013 at 5:23 am

I think I do want to start over because I want him to miss me and I feel like he doesn’t really. We texted back and forth for a bit about how his musics going and im going to see my friends band play at a place by his college so I invited him and he said he closes for work but maybe after, although i know he won’t, but he never asked me how I was doing or anything so I feel like he doesn’t care
admin

September 13, 2013 at 3:37 am

Ok, lets start over then!

Melissa

September 10, 2013 at 11:28 pm

Oh god where do I start. First off I’m a mother of a ten month old beautiful baby girl. My ex and I started out relationship fast, he moved into my place before we even started dating, because he needed a place to stay. He was so kind, and from what I seem he wasn’t hurting me. Until a month into our relationship when I seen he was contacting his exs telling them he missed them. I finally told him that if he did not cut contact I was moving on. He did so! We moved into our first official place together a month an a half later ( very fast! ) I was in love, he was so good to me! Things started getting crazy and we were fighting constantly, I caught him buying webcam girls to strip for him online and he had numerous porn sites. For some reason we decided we wanted to have a baby. So we got pregnant! One miscarriage later and then a successful pregnancy test after I caught him looking for “massage parlours” he said he was just horny. I was stupid enough to believe him. So I carried on. A month later I seem he was searching for pr*stitutes on back pages. I packed up and moved out for two weeks and again he said he was just horny. So things started getting good and I ended up moving six hours away from home with him for his job. I started seeing emails from a woman coworker at his new job and started getting suspicious. We had our baby girl months later! When she was around 4 months old the women came to me telling me that they were sleeping together. And she was married with two kids! Of course the blame was on me for not being a good partner. I found out they slept together twice. I then decided to make it work and seek counselling. It worked for a bit until the truth came out about how those websites were true. Found out he slept with two prostitutes at the beginning of our relationship. Once AGAIN I stayed, then my grandmother dies and we go to her funeral five hours away, on the way home we got into a terrible fight and he packed all of his belongings and left. Not five hours after we broke up he got another prostitute. I didn’t find this out for a month later after we had already gotten back together. This was THREE days ago! I packed up my entire house, and my baby. And got him to drive me and my things back to my home. He cried the entire way there, so did I. And when he left he held me tight and said “I won’t let you down, I have a problem and I need help” “I’ll be back for you” ever since he has given me the NC and whenever I have contacted him he is really pissed about all of this happening. I want to now place a NC but am scared he will find someone else of I do. I know I’m stupid to want to be with him but I do love him and he has some SERIOUS problems. Would the NC work in this situation? He told me that he needs to actually miss his family as before when we took a break we immediately started talking and sleeping together. How do I make him fall hard and stay that way

admin

September 11, 2013 at 2:46 am

I think the NC rule is a good idea. But make it about YOU and not HIM.
Melissa

September 11, 2013 at 1:49 pm

Do you think it could get my family back together and get him to finally realize what he is missing?
admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:27 am

I think it is definitely possible but I can’t guarantee you anything. If I could I promise you I would be living in Hawaii on the beach!

Jen

September 10, 2013 at 9:52 pm

[Edited] I lived with my fiance for about 2 years. In June, out of nowhere, he told me he’s not happy and he thinks we should break up. He started a huge fight over it, and over the next couple weeks, I packed my things and started moving them out. Over that time, things went from heated to friendly, as I was trying to understand where he was coming from. I walked around packing things, just balling my eyes out, but I told him I wasn’t angry, and that if he wasn’t happy with me, he’s doing the right thing. The day before I was to sign a lease, he came to me and asked if it was too late to try again. So I didn’t sign the lease, and we moved the things I had already moved back. Things went back to normal, and I tried to address and rectify all of the issues he had raised (he wanted me to cook more, go more places with him, etc). About a month ago, at the beginning of August, it started again. This time, he was much quieter. He showed me no emotion, he stopped communicating with me, and didn’t cry or act upset at all. I’m now in my new apartment, and my official moving day was four days ago. I haven’t talked to him since, because he made it really hostile in the last week. I found out he met some girl at a wedding the weekend before last, and went to hang out with her. I tried to talk to him about it, and all he would say is that I “don’t know what I’m talking about.” The next day he changed the locks on the house, and I had to go through his mother to move my things. He and his mother had packed the rest of my things. I’ve never done anything to warrant that kind of treatment, so I’m guessing that it was his guilty conscious, or something. He blocked me on facebook (it’s how I found out he saw the girl). I haven’t talked to him since I got all of my things out of the house, even though on moving day I called to tell him I left some things, and that I was seeing some things of his in my boxes, and when I was done unpacking, I’d get a hold of him for the exchange. I don’t plan on doing that now though, because I don’t feel like it’s my job to be nice here. He pulled the rug out from under me. I know he never cheated on me, and his mother has called me several times reiterating that he’s not seeing someone else, but the way he’s acted makes me doubt he ever loved me at all. There’s too many mixed signals here. Ideas?

admin

September 11, 2013 at 2:38 am

For you I think it is more of should you try to give him another chance or are you better off moving on.

What would make you happier?
Jen

September 11, 2013 at 6:48 am

I really thought he was my best friend. I tried everything while I was still in the house. I went through all the motions; crying, talking, yelling, silence. I went out with friends, I stopped doing things around the house (cleaning, laundry) hoping he’d notice. He brought his laundry to his mother’s, and let the house fall apart around him, like he doesn’t care about keeping any standard of cleanliness. [It’s probably important to know that his mother subsidizes his life; she gave him the house, she pays all the taxes and utilities, bought and insures his truck, boat, bikes, pushes money on him even when he says no, etc. He’s never held accountable for any mistakes with her, and she never forces him to be independent. Despite this, he takes great pride in “his” house… =/] He started doing things he never did with me. I asked him to go skydiving a few months ago, he went without me a few days after the break up. All I’ve gotten from him is this cold, dismissive attitude. I know that he goes through phases where he acts this way, and suddenly, without me changing anything or saying anything new, he’ll come to me, apologizing, sometimes even crying. He’ll admit everything he did, sometimes even things that I didn’t previously know, and set his mind to fixing it. I usually take him very seriously during his cold periods, but he always comes back around, and now I find myself doubting the break up, and wondering when he’ll snap out of it this time. I really don’t know what to do. He only told me that he wasn’t happy, and that he thinks a relationship should be “perfect.” He’s never been with anyone else for any length of time, so I’m kind of hoping that he is just going through a kind of early mid-life crisis or something. I miss my best friend, and I feel like he ripped away something I never questioned, something I thought was secure. Nothing precipitated this shift, all I can think is that maybe he is just taking for granted that I’ll be here while he wanders around exploring other possibilities. Like maybe he looked at our life together, and compared it to that of his single friends, or all the girls out there, and started to doubt us. The thing is, is that after all of this, I don’t know how I could trust him again. I’m 30, I want to be married and have a family. He’s a few years younger than me, and after we got engaged, I was pregnant. I miscarried, and he was very upset- he even cried- saying we’d keep trying. Shortly after that, his father told him not to rush into anything, and I watched him pump the brakes on all of our plans. None of these things were my idea to begin with. I almost feel like he jumped in head first, and set me up to have certain expectations, and then suddenly it was me who wanted these things, while he felt pressured. I let off of him -I wouldn’t want to marry someone who didn’t feel the same way I do anyway- but the more I let it go, the further away he seemed to drift, as far as solid plans for the future go. Everything else about our day to day stayed the same; we laugh, we talk, we hang out. I really don’t know what to do at this point, but I do love him. He has integrity, and he’s a great person to me 99% of the time. I forgot to mention that he started this last break up on our anniversary, and that he says that he feels like I have no sex drive. The night before our anniversary, I got home at 2 am from work (I’m a bartender) and I had to let the dogs out, feed them, clean the kitchen, etc. He wanted to be intimate, and I asked him to let me get these things done first. He got very upset, slept downstairs, bailed on our anniversary the next day, and proceeded to start going out all night and staying out of the house all day until I moved. He also had a problem with the fact that I’m “just” a full time student, so I went and got a job, which he immediately wanted me to quit (that was his basis for the original move out in June). I hope you can give me some insight into what the h*ll is going on with him. I’ve never felt so blindsided, disappointed, or confused. He has devastated me, and he knows it, even though I’m not contacting him. Sorry for the novel, I just figured that if I’m going to take the time to ask for your advice, I might as well spill the whole story. Thanks for your help!! I just found your site tonight and I think I’ve read every article. Wish I could buy your book, but I’ve just had to unexpectedly dump thousands into my move, paying my rent in advance and all that, hahaa.
admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:09 am

Hi Jen,

If you email me I can give you a super discount on the book. It is the least I can do.
Jen

September 12, 2013 at 9:01 pm

I’m emailing you now =) I really appreciate the way you take the time to respond to everyone. It has to be a labor of love. It definitely doesn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated. You’re clearly an amazing person! =)
admin

September 13, 2013 at 4:02 am

I do it just to get compliments like this actually….

No jk jk!

I will get to your email later tonight 🙂
Jen

September 10, 2013 at 10:38 pm

A guilty *conscience… that was way beyond a typo hahaa

Yanni

September 10, 2013 at 3:52 am

I really don’t know should i ask your help cause my case is totally different , he said he have not feel love me that why he wanted to broke up with me to let I go find a better one , we have been together abt 10 months , we were good match , a lot common , did everything together , people said we are mean to be . Perfect couple …he treated me so nice ., did any thing which can make I happy . Whatever I want or like …he also said he was expected n waiting for love comes but don’t know why .. It’s not fair to keep I’m around to wait for it , cause he can’t sure if it would come later , waste my time … Hurt n shock , since I assumed he loved me but just wated for right to say it out .. I did convince , even asked him give us more time , cause I made some mistake when we were together as jealous n checking his time too much , he said that those thing would bush him away ( he told that when we were together around 4 months) , I though I would change n give him more space but he deny n still wanted to leave .. We have not talk or meet each other since that , month already .. I read the no contact rule online , so tried to not contact him, even in his birthday 2 weeks ago , instead I went out , hang out with friend , hiking , took pics n posted in fb , ..but he seems totally disappeared , no active on fb or any contact me either .. Now I think I have to accept that he really doesn’t love me , have never .. I don’t know what to do, I miss him n want him back , but there is no good sign for me to hope , we don’t have base of love with I could start the program to win him back .. Have no blue .. Please tell me what I need to do , move on ??
Thanks for your time

admin

September 11, 2013 at 1:40 am

How long did you stay in NC for?
Yanni

September 11, 2013 at 2:59 am

Almost month already , we are still friend in fb , but he seems deactive his account and some of his friend unfriend me .. Have not hear any thing fr him since it .. There is why way for my case ?

Heartbroken

September 9, 2013 at 10:51 am

My fiance just dumped me long-distance by blocking me on Facebook and changing his relationship status to single. This is the third time we’ve broken up. Each time he initiates it, and never in person. I realize I am the one to blame by picking fights over tiny things over and over. He had just proposed to me for my birthday recently. He said he was moving to a place where he could find work and get a place, then he was coming to get me. When he left, he hugged and kissed me (both arms in the hug, more than just a quick peck), told me he loved me and said very strongly that he would be coming back to get me soon. He left some of his things here, and took some of mine, as we’d agreed on. The things he said and did with this breakup are almost identical as before. I am initiating minimal contact with him (there are times I’d HAVE to talk to him), but I plan to keep things light and friendly. No hounding him at all. I will try not to stalk his profiles online. One thing that was different this time was that he agreed to talk to me about what happened. Everything he said was almost exactly what he said previously. But still, I have a STRONG feeling that he will come back and want to give things another shot, and of course I’m VERY open to this. I am very much in love with him. I’m willing to work on my problems, but I feel he also has problems (he’s admitted this before). He said there was nobody else, he doesn’t want anyone else. We’ve tried full-blown NC before, but both of us ended up breaking it, mostly for silly reasons. I’m trying not to appear clingy, needy, or desperate. I did tell him I’d like to keep talking to him, and just see what happens, if anything at all. Of course, he was vehement in his statements to me as well. I’m not going to date or sleep with anyone else, and I certainly am not looking for a new relationship. Our times apart never seem to last more than a month before he admits he still loves me and wants another chance. Is there anything I can possibly do to speed things up as far as a reconciliation without driving him farther away or completely ignoring him? The best part is that we started as good friends before we became a couple. Any advice outside of your extremely helpful article would be great, as I’d like to know what else I could do…from a male’s perspective, of course.

admin

September 9, 2013 at 7:54 pm

Have you read the long distance post yet?

Renee

September 6, 2013 at 10:50 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me last week. It was out of no where. We had gotten into a fight where I felt really disrespected by him and in retaliation I hurt his feelings and embarrassed him in front of one of my roommates (unintentionally — it slipped). He drove me home screaming at me in the car cursing at me, even though I had apologized. I ignored him because I didnt feel like i deserved to be talked to like that no matter how angry he was. We gave each other space to cool off, then two days later broke up with me.

Background:
AFTER the fight BEFORE the break up he texted me. Called me regarding official business about church stuff we were doing, talked civil and polite. Then he texted me wishing me luck on something I had to do… and although I knew we were angry at each other, I thought our relationship was fine BECAUSE he was keeping communication open.

The next day he called…and broke up with me. Out of nowhere! I say out of nowhere because prior to this argument…our relationship was great. We got along well, we were happy, having a lot of good times, we had a few small fights here or there..but they werent a big deal. What couple doesnt fight right? We were about to hit our 1 year 6 month mark. He said completely on his own how much he loved me and everything had been going perfect. We were making plans for our future, I had moved to his city two weeks before (we were long distance before that San Diego – Long Beach). The break-up was sudden and without warning…for me and our family and friends. No one saw it coming, and knowing him and his temper, I felt like he was just overreacting to his anger.

He had done it on the phone and when when I asked if he could do this in person, out of respect for me he said no. He said were done, and I hung up.

The same day he broke it off he calls. I ignore it. The days to follow, he texts, I don’t respond. He did call again and i picked up (because I was wondering why he kept calling — maybe he had something worth to say — this was prior to learning about NC) And he says he just wanted to check up on me and see how I was doing. Well of course…I’m miserable. I just said I’m ok and ended the conversation and hung up. All calls and text after that I ignore.

His texts are things saying “Good luck on performing” or “Good luck starting your new program today” and even “Hey I know you fall asleep at the wheel when its late…shoot me a text when you get home so I know you’re safe” All these — show concern…(or a longing for an ego stroke) but again, I ignore them except the last one to where I reply “I’m home.” simply because I felt ignoring him might make me look childish. Was that a mistake? He replied with a “Thats good”

About 4 days past since he officially broke up with me, 6 days since the fight…he ask if I could bring his stuff to church via text. I figured it IS his stuff and he should get it back, I tell him sure but he has to find me because I won’t be waiting for him. He then text, asking if I wanted to meet up and talk about everything. I decide, that since it’s in person…maybe I can get some answers and at least he’s offering to talk calmly rather than scream at me again.

We met up and he kept saying “I’m happy to see you” …kept smiling a sad smile…kept looking into my eyes…kept saying “I miss you” and “i wanted to text and call you so much” — I only really responded with “it’s nice to see you too”. We talked about the fight…apologized….forgave. I then asked him, “This is what it is isnt it?” and he said “Yes” (meaning the break up wasnt going to change) I asked for my closure, if what he said and felt before was just an act…or was it real. He said it was real for him too and he meant everything he said so I knew that he really did love me and liked our relationship. I asked if the reason he gave me for the break up was his real reason — he said “Yeah sort of” He said I was too clingy, needy and difficult to be with…but when he said it, it was in anger and in all honesty, I think he was just saying that to have something to say. How could he go from telling me everything is great, to suddenly I’m clingy? (Which I’m trying to be objective…I doubt I am. I never keep tabs or ask where he is or tell him not to do things. I really gave him a lot of space) His reason for breaking up with me, I feel was still BS…I say this because it’s opposite of what hes been telling me for months before the fight..and had NOTHING to do with the fight we had.
We both said we could keep things friendly. We didnt agree to stay friends necessarily..but friendly.

With his saying those things…like I miss you…Im happy to see you…does any of that indicate that he wants to get back together? Our relationship was amazing…we were happy (and i say that unbiased…i know he was happy with me too). The break up was sudden and rash and over an argument. Right now he wants to stay broken up…..but do you see us coming back from this? And how do I make him miss me more…how do I make him regret breaking up, putting aside his pride and want to give our relationship another chance? He already does miss me…i dont know if he was reaching out for a reaction from me or if that was his way of seeing if I wanted to get back together. Thoughts? I can provide details of the fight if you need it…i tried my best to keep concise.

I appreciate the insight and help.

admin

September 7, 2013 at 2:15 am

Have you read my monster post on getting your ex back?

Also, I think you have a shot he is exhibiting signs.
Renee

September 8, 2013 at 9:49 pm

Should I stay in NC? He recently texted me a picture of something that we did months ago saying “Remember this?” I replied with “Hahaha!!! yes :)” because we said we’d keep things friendly…I dont want to come off like I want nothing ot do with him…or is that what I should do?

Should I respond at all? Or just keep things short?
admin

September 9, 2013 at 7:24 pm

You know him better than me so trust your gut.

But I would say you ignore him for a while until your month is up.

Jess

September 6, 2013 at 6:02 am

My boyfriend dumped me nearly a year ago and I took it pretty hard. I cut contact about six or seven months ago and he’s been with the same girl for about six months now.

Anyway, I felt like sending him a message recently just sort of apologizing for being so upset and just about the break up in general. I don’t know, I wanted to let go of some of that poison in my head, ya know? Well, he replies back almost instantly and apologizes, too. And then he mentions how he wants to keep in touch and suggests we even meet for coffee. Later he went onto my art blog and liked a picture of the new tattoo that I designed and got.

I guess I’m just a little confused. I get apologizing, but he “fell out of love” with me and even has a girlfriend now. Clearly she has zero say in him keeping contact with me, even meeting me. I’m just confused by his wanting me around and taking an interest in me.

We were together for almost two years, by far his longest relationship. I have dated around a bit and mentally I’m beyond where I was, even when I first met him. But overall I have stayed single to work on myself, which I thought would be healthy.

Maybe he just wants to be friends or something, but why make such an effort when you have a new girlfriend strung around your waist, ya know? No girlfriend wants her boy hanging with his ex, ever. So I have to wonder if maybe he might miss me, even just a little.

admin

September 7, 2013 at 1:44 am

Do you think he is getting sick of his new girlfriend?

I hope he isn’t setting you up to be the girl on the side.

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