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Cansas B
February 19, 2017 at 4:39 pm
My boyfriend just broke up with me for the second time in a year. He said “it’s for the best, U don’t see it now but U will eventually”, “it’s not because I don’t love you, care for you, want to be with you or think your not attractive” “it’s unhealthy, we fight so much” “my gut tells me we’ll go down the same path” “I have to listen to my gut” “I want you to be happy on ur own” …our relationship wasn’t horrid. I did this program the last time and it worked. I don’t want to give up on him or us. We have lacking areas but he truely is my best friend and I thought we were growing better and better. I have had my doubts about us but they were never strong enough to say goodbye. I never want to say goodbye to him. I can’t imagine my life without him in it. Right now in my life I still want him. This time around it was mutual but then I said no I don’t want it and he still did. We talked maturely and he said he has to think (although everything’s he verbally told me was about his gut telling him not to do it…makes me feel so wanted). I know he will message me in the next couple of days and say it’s for the best again. He did it the last time. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. He has such a special place in my heart and idk if I can go two months broken up like the last time and the thought of it being permanent is even worse. It’s been a roller coaster ride but I love this man with every ounce of me. I became less dependent on him and I thought we were doing well.
Cansas B
February 19, 2017 at 4:52 pm
I’m also in school now living on my own. We were only seeing eachother once or a couple times a week because we live about an hour and twenty minutes apart from my student house to his house. 35 mins from my parents to his house. He said he doesn’t want me to regret these years because they should be full of happiness etc. I think I didn’t appreciate him enough and verbally/physically show him that in order for him to think I am happy. Thinking of him being with someone else KILLS me because I thought we would end up together. Although, at the beginning I wud say “yes I can see myself marrying him” and then recently I was saying I couldn’t. But what do I do if I don’t want this to be the end for us? So many ppl walk in and out of my life and I don’t want him to be one. I hate that he thinks he knows what’s best for me. And I kept googling signs u know u should move on but I can’t say goodbye!!!! I still feel like we’re dating because it wasn’t bad!! Like I don’t understand
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2017 at 10:56 pm
Hi Cansas B,
The key to what he said is that, he’s tried with all of the fighting.. Maybe if he sees during and after nc that you sticked to your own routine of improving yourself, that you have your own life, he will see you differently and not the person that always fights with him.
Kate
February 19, 2017 at 3:31 am
My boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago. We have broken up before, about a year prior, and a couple weeks after that split, I found out I was pregnant. We didn’t get back together but we lost the baby, in which he took care of me and my other Child while I was recovering. That rekindled our intimacy towards each other and we reconciled and he moved back in. Things had their ups and downs and I battled depression for a long time during it. There were things both of us did to push each other away, and there were things both of us did to pull each other back.
This recent break up, I confronted some negative feelings I had. He ultimately told me that he “loved me sometimes, but not all of the time.” I do not know what that means, do you?
I was very upset hearing that and told him that was not something I could accept and that we should break up. We ended up talking some, going to bed and having sex. The next morning was normal, playing with my son and having fun together. We had a date planned that night so my parents picked up my son for the night. We had passionate sex after he left and we took a nap. When we woke up, I asked if he was still wanting to go out. He hesitated and asked if I wanted to go out. I replied that I did. He didn’t really say anything after that so I told him if he wasn’t going to take me out, I was going to go out on my own. While I started getting ready, he came in the bathroom and he was dressed. I asked him if he was leaving and he said “yeah, I guess.” All I said was “ok, then,” and continued to get ready.
He took all of his belongings, save for a few movies and books and didn’t leave his key to our apt. As he left, he gave me $100 and said that was to help pay for bills for the rest of the month. I told him I didn’t want his pity money, but he left it anyways. I have a broken door and he said he would fix it later on. We haven’t spoken since, I’m implying the NC rule. He hasn’t contacted me, either. I think I want him back, because I do love him and we talked about marriage and kids. My son loves him very much too. We had been together for almost 2 years, lived together for about 1.5 years of it.
It has been a week today. If he doesn’t contact me before 30 days, should I go ahead and contact him?
And what the hell does it mean when he says he “loves me sometimes?!”
I am using this time to improve myself. Reading these articles, working out, eating healthy, working on myself as a person such as reading and listening to things to help me be a better listener, communicator, not being a negative or passive aggressive person (which I can be.)
Advice please! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2017 at 6:59 pm
Hi Kate,
maybe what he meant is that he doesn’t feel as strongly in love with you at some times compared to other times.. it can also mean, he finds somethings that you do or about you that he doesn’t like or it can mean he’s feelings are fading.. Yes, you can initiate contact after nc.. I think there’s still a chance because it looked like he just left out of pride.
V
February 17, 2017 at 3:01 pm
So, a few months ago, maybe Aug-Sept 2016? I asked Amor about going NC on my ex who was suffering from depression. He messaged me on recently midnight the 15th Feb: “how are you doing, to be honest I miss you”. To which I answered the day later “Im feeling fantastic. I miss you too.” Was that a stupid move? I am being honest. Haven’t heard back from him. Its one on those things where Im not sure if the program would work when depression is the culprit. Any advice?
V
March 8, 2017 at 11:21 am
A few days later my grandmother told me my ex said ‘Hello Baba’ (gran) while passing by her in a club. Thats all that’s happened so far. I posted a bunch of photos on Facebook of my latest trip overseas. So just being my active self. He’s not on there, but all his friends are. Have no nibbles.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 10, 2017 at 1:54 pm
well, at least he’s slowly reconnecting
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2017 at 8:57 pm
HI V,
nope, that’s not a bad move.. What happened after that?
KAM
February 14, 2017 at 11:08 am
I dated a man for four months. He was the one to say he wanted me to be his girlfriend. He was the first one to say I love you (after a month) Everything about us was great, we always had a great time together, we rarely disagreed, we preferred a lot of the same things. During the holidays I became very anxious and starting questioning his feelings for me which was extremely frustrating for him as time went on. I was also interviewing for a new position at work and trying to be the perfect girlfriend and friend and daughter and employee during the holidays while struggling financially and trying to afford Christmas. Needless to say I was stressed! We had our first big fight a few days after the new year. This created even more doubt in his feelings for me. In the following weeks my doubt caused more friction and we dealt with an emergency intervention for his alcoholic roommate. Throughout this time he assured me that we would work together to get through this and that he loved me. We had talked about marriage and he even got a second job to help save for a ring. He was talking about how his house would change and be rearranged when I moved in, asking where I thought things should go and where a tv would fit in the room and what not. I called him one morning feeling extremely uneasy and he got angry with my confession. He ignored me the entire day and night and the next day broke up with me stating he wasn’t happy and didn’t want to make this work and hat he had been feeling this way for a few weeks. It also came out during our breakup that he has never been alone and has gone from girl to girl to girl. (He’s 33 years old). He unfriended and unfollowed me on social media and deleted every picture that was evidence of my existence. I’ve gone 7 days no contact. We live one street apart from each other. I flip flop as to whether I think he will change his mind or not. Is he gone for good?!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 14, 2017 at 8:52 pm
Hi Kam,
what’s more important now is that you focus in improving yourself..because if he is gone for good, worrying about is not going to increase your chances of getting him back
Gins
February 13, 2017 at 10:58 pm
My boyfriend of 13 yrs has moved out. I’m sure if it’s for good or not yet. Last summer we split for 3 months. I was gutted. After three months we worked through things and he came home… Everything has been wonderful since then. Until… Someone told me had slept with a woman 20 days after we split and he carried on sleeping with her for a few weeks. I asked and he denied it. But my gut instinct said there was something in it. So I asked her.. Anyway after 3 days of lies and the picture unfolding I found it to be true. I asked him to leave again. He says he deeply regrets it and lying about it. He didn’t want upset our great relationship we have now. But it was the lies above all hurt me. We are talking a bit.. And I’m not angry.. I’m not even 100% sure I want him if he can lie like that to me. But I do love him dearly and he me. What can I do to heal this … Thanks x
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 14, 2017 at 6:41 pm
Hi Gins,
think about what you really want first.. check this:
Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)
Giselle
February 13, 2017 at 12:40 pm
Hi I asked a question on here and it got deleted?!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 13, 2017 at 8:06 pm
Hi Giselle,
It wasnt deleted. I just haven’t reached your first comment yet. But if you meant that you can see it before and it says waiting moderation and then it was gone, please confirm.
For him, you were probably the abusive girlfriend, and then when he was hurt, he just cant help but throw your faults at you.. Click the link below. It suits your situation more.
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)
Giselle
February 12, 2017 at 8:52 am
Hi team,
I’ll try to cut it as short as I possibly can. My issue is a little unique, so I need professional help.
So, my “boyfriend” had been chasing me for 3 years! A year ago I finally decided to give him a chance. I was still not attracted to him whatsoever, but wanted a time pass, so I gave him a chance. The reason I put boyfriend in quotation marks is because since this day it was never really exclusive in my mind, which ultimately led to the problem.
He has loved me for a good few years and told me this soon after we started talking. During this time though I was still in contact with other men. I guess I was keeping my options open, but my “boyfriend” wouldn’t know anything about this.. or so I thought.
I would always be very harsh with him and very open about the fact that I wasn’t attracted to him. He didn’t mind this as he was happy to be given a chance to prove himself at least. Soon after he told me he loved me, he asked me to marry me. I declined as I wasn’t ready and not 100% convinced of my feelings for him. I was still sort of leading him on at this point. He was patient through it all. He was always very kind and understanding and till this day we haven’t slept together because I didn’t want to. He was always trying to make me say the words “I love you”.
Then I started falling for him. Very recently (2 months ago) I told him I loved him. We started talking about marriage, kids, the future and all things related. He continued to propose to me and propose to me and propose to me. I declined everytime because I still was/am not ready. He’s 27 and I’m 26, btw. Throughout all of this though, I would still see other men and occasionally sleep with them. I guess I kind of justified it as him still having to chase me like he had all those years. It was never completely exclusive in my mind. I wouldn’t tell him this. He always suspected it though and would always be very suspicious of me. Nevertheless, he stuck around.
It wasn’t always perfect though, he would always accuse me of lying to him about where and who I’m going out with. He caught me lying about a few other things as well, but that’s a separate issue. And he was right to be suspicious, but I wouldn’t tell him at all.
Occasionally I would always play little mind games with him like threaten to leave him and ask for a “break”. He would always play to my tune and beg me to stay.
So then the inevitable happened just a few hours ago. I texted him asking for yet another break. Again, he replied back “why another break?”. He begged me a little more to stay, then ALL OF A SUDDEN he told me he knew about the “cheating” and he was sick of the lying as well. He texted “ok let’s end it here”. These words had me in tears immediately as it was NOTHING like him to give up on us regardless of the circumstance. All of a sudden I made the mistake of begging him to stay, which is nothing like me. He travels a lot for a living so then all of a sudden he tells me that he’s going away anyway and he might not even come back. He would be very adamant on leaving, but then every now and then during our conversation he would say something confusing like “Either come with me or stay here and I leave”. Then he would say something like “I can’t have someone that has sex with others”. And then he would all of a sudden say “I’ll contact u when I’m gone. Maybe I will not sure”. He was all over the place. He has never seen me be like this before, begging him and so on. I got so emotional, which maybe I should’ve just kept my cool. I don’t know.
Maybe now he’s on a power trip or something. He was acting so cold like I’ve never seen it before 🙁 I would keep asking him if he loved me or not and he wouldn’t answer me at all. He would just say that he has to leave tomorrow.
This makes no sense because just 2 nights ago we were talking about marriage and kids and he proposed again wanting to ask my dad for my hand in marriage.
Towards the end of the conversation he had me confused whether he was saying bye because he was leaving to go away or because he meant goodbye to “us”. I don’t know.
He blocked me on Instagram immediately after. I blocked him on whatsapp (where we normally communicate on), but he hasn’t blocked me on whatsapp yet.
What should I do now? What’s he thinking? Am I ever going to talk to him again? Is there hope????
Thank you for any help in advance.
Giselle
February 12, 2017 at 9:01 am
I forgot to say, I told him I cheated after he asked me. That’s how he knew about the cheating.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 13, 2017 at 8:05 pm
Hi Giselle,
it wasnt deleted. I just haven’t reached your first comment yet. But if you meant that you can see it before and it says waiting moderation and then it was gone, please confirm.
For him, you were probably the abusive girlfriend, and then when he was hurt, he just cant help but throw your faults at you.. Click the link below. It suits your situation more.
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)
Tracy
February 12, 2017 at 2:46 am
Hi… my ex broke up with me two weeks ago… we were each others first everything, first boyfriend/girlfriend, first kiss, first love, lost our virginity’s to each other… keep in mind we are both freshman in highschool. I his reasoning for breaking up was that we fight too much, I agree we did but we would fight and be over it in 20 minutes. We dated for a year… he tried to breakup with me at 6 months when he started liking another girl but when he saw me cry on FaceTime he took me back out of pity (I know, shouldn’t have begged) we dated for another 6 months and were worth it. What’s different about this time is he doesn’t love me anymore. He broke up with me and I begged for him back after two days of that he agreed to try it one more time. He went snowboarding the next day so I decided to give him some space and not text him, thinking he would text me when he wanted to. He never texted me we just stopped talking, he stopped waiting for me in school(we have two classes together) stopped looking at me, he completely cut me off. What made this so much more difficult for me is he was my best friend. my three best girl friends turned on me, cut me off. He is close with these three girls,and one of them was the one he had broken up with me for at our 6 months. He was all I had, I told him everything that was going on, cried to him, he was always there to talk to but would just sit there never would say anything bad about them. A week after we broke up he told one of his friends how ugly I was, called me a bitch, said he was glad all my friends turned on me because he will never be my friend. I know this is confusing and it’s just a highschool relationship but I really am in love with him. Nothing was ever awkward between us, he was my best and only friend. We haven’t talked for a week now I’m trying to use no contact but I feel like it’s just making him happy without me than missing me. He is going to parties, and is getting close with the girl who turned in me, and who he tried to leave me for. How am I supposed to make him jealous or miss me when I have no friends, and he said all of those horrible things about me. He was all I had, my school is very small. All my friends turned on me for no reason, I always thought I would have him and he looks like he’s doing even better without me. I feel so lost without him I know it’s just highschool and there will be plenty more but we were perfect for each other, have the same exact personalities, sense of humor, style, music taste, play the same sports. How can he not miss me, did I mean nothing to him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 13, 2017 at 7:40 pm
Hi Tracy,
You need to widen your world.Not just because you’re young but because that’s how it should be with all of us. You’re actually blessed than most adults to learn this earlier. When you enter in a relationship, you cant lose yourself. You have to continually improve yourself, do your own thing, grow, see your friends and maintain a relationship at the same time.
When you make him your world, that’s not love anymore. He becomes a necessity because you made him your sole source of happiness and connection. Do new things and make new friends. Improve yourself. Have a make over, join new classes whether online or in the weekends, explore new hobbies, be active in sports, study more. Do that first. Be active in posting your activities in social media. I think you should do at least 45 days..and then continue that routine while slowly rebuilding rapport.
Ignore him as much as you can but if the situation forces you to be with him, be polite. If he asks something, answer politely short and direct. If he says he wants to be friends, tell him it’s not workable for now. If he wants to get back together, he has to apologize for all the bad things he said about you and dont stop your routine for him..
I honestly dont want you to get back with him but if you get him back someday, dont lose yourself and dont stop growing. That goes for all the relationship you’re going to have.
Julia
February 11, 2017 at 1:18 am
My fiance and I are engaged for a year. We have been dating for 4yrs before the engagement. Recently we have been adjusting to new environment (he is officially ended sch finding new job and i am adjusting to new job) these three mths.
We broke up three weeks ago. There were issues that were solvable but he insists that whatever situation he thinks, it couldn’t revert his decision of leaving. He didnt hear me out and he just left. He took back the ring. He said there is no third party and he said he loves me but the relationship is not strong.
We didnt contact each other for three weeks. Please advise. It really hurts me but he don’t even know. I assume he felt that I dont love him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2017 at 4:43 pm
Hi Julia,
why did you assume that? Even if you didn’t talk for 3 weeks, it was not focused in imoroving yourself. So start the count of no contact period after this and do 30 days. Be active in improving yourself and also in posting in social media
Taylor (heart broken)
February 9, 2017 at 3:46 pm
Hello, My boyfriend and I just broke up and it’s been about 48 hours. I had to announce his game last night since he plays volleyball and that was really hard to do, but I put a smile on and then cried when I got home.
He ended things with me 2 days ago after about 1 year of dating and before we started dating, we had a year of just being hookup buddies and really good friends.
He told me that he lost the fire of our relationship and hoped he would get it back. But since we practically lived together, meaning he stayed over ever night and we made meals together all the time and hung out with our friends together, I feel like it was just spending so much time together that it wore him down.
I am a year older than he is and graduate college in May. He still has another year and we just exited the honeymoon stage so there were lots of things going on.
However, when he told me he had lost the fire and been feeling that way for a couple weeks I was so shocked, but he also showed distance and cold shouldering.
I feel like he swept everything under the rug and didn’t talk to me until it got to a boiling point and he broke up with me saying he needed to find himself and figure out what he wants to do because he is lost.
I told him that I thought he was the one for me, and he said for awhile he thought I was too, but he just hadn’t been feeling that passion for a couple weeks. He said that I’m very outgoing and giggly and it was hard for him to reciprocate that because he felt he couldn’t give that to me..
I haven’t spoken to him since he ended it with me and I plan to commit to the NC 30 day rule. I’m just wondering if I even have a shot here because he knows and has said he still cares so much about me a lot but he can’t give me the love that I want.
I know I need to give him time since we spent so much of our time together but it’s so so so hard because I don’t know college without him and we have the same friends. Plus I really miss him…
please help, I’ve read absolutely everything and I still feel crazy about him
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2017 at 8:32 pm
Hi Taylor,
I think that’s just it, that you spent so much time together, it got boring. So, I think you have a chance doing the no contact rule.
Ella
February 8, 2017 at 11:34 pm
My bf broke up with me about a month and a half ago without intending to – he came in the conversation wanting to try but talked himself into breaking up. A week later, he wanted to get back together and try again, so I gave him a chance. 2 weeks later, he was being lukewarm every time we met up, so I confronted him and he confessed he was dealing with the classic “should I stay or should I go?” dilemma – he was very torn both ways and even said things like “I might regret this” and “I wish I’d taken more time to think about things before trying again,” but because he didn’t feel like trying (in the moment? In general?), I ended it.
It’s been almost 1 month, no contact. I’m in 2 fitness/dance classes; I’m doing art again; I’m reaching out to old friends; I’m starting therapy; etc. but there is still a nagging unresolved feeling. I still have some of his stuff and I don’t know what to do in 1-2 weeks should I decide to start talking again. If he wanted to try again, I’d be up for it, but I’m not interested unless he really wants to try. Advice?
Ella
February 9, 2017 at 6:34 pm
Should I even mention returning his stuff when I text him? Or should I just text him and be friendly as if nothing has happened and wait until he brings something up? I don’t want to lose control over the situation but I also want to gauge what he feels.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2017 at 9:06 pm
you can mention his stuff but there’s a possibility that he would just brush off getting them if it’s not important right? So, better to initiate a topic to talk about and then bring that up too, tell him you still have his stuff, if he wants them, just coordinate with you. Don’t make it all too serious..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2017 at 5:51 pm
Hi Ella,
I think you should, but don’t start off asking if he wants to try again. Just be friendly.
Kai
January 31, 2017 at 6:47 pm
Would you recommend blocking the ex? Or allow him to see you via social media enjoying life & leave him unblocked to see if he contacts
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2017 at 11:32 am
Hi Kai,
it would be better to let him see your posts
J
January 31, 2017 at 3:01 pm
I had an on and off relationship with my ex, most of the break-ups was partially my fault. I would explode out of frustration and let my emotions take action without me thinking of what the results would be. I acted impulsive. I was under pressure with college work and other finance, that made me act out on the other break up and how insecure my ex was about other guys’ flirting with me (I am loyal and I told him to ignore them because I wouldn’t ever cheat.)
The fourth one was over something stupid, i realize what I’ve done was another implusive behavior I initiated.
I became desperate to get him back for 2 weeks.
It came to a point that I was seeing no hope into getting him back because he block me from social medias that we communicated in (long distance). He has my friends and my brother still as his contacts. I was his first serious relationship, he had past exes whom cheated on him and the other he had lost all feelings for.
I was the ungettable girl he thought he wouldn’t ever get with from the beginning. He says that I could get any guy I want but I only want him.
It’s already 4 weeks since the break up, he still has pictures of us still on his Facebook, but I know he barely uses it. He said he was never going to delete them.
The last time I talk to him, i know he still has feelings for me, but now his believing his friends of what was bad about me.
I have started no contact and this is my 10th day. I am certain that he has the Grass is Greener in the other side syndrome.
It hurt really bad when he said he no longer sees a future with me and I was trying to find out what parts in the relationship i did wrong. But he would always hang up on me.
Would there be a chance again? What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2017 at 4:34 pm
Hi J,
usually you need a longer nc for on and off relationships..check this one:
How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back
Confused
January 31, 2017 at 7:18 am
So I dated a guy for a couple months (yes a short time, I know). In that time things seemed perfect, we never had a fight or argument, and he would send me adoring notes and messages. He even went away for a week on vacation with his family and during that time we texted constantly and he told me how much he missed me and couldn’t wait to get home to see me (he also explained that he deleted all of his dating profiles in this time and said he had to fight off the girls saying he was taken). During our conversations he also told me that he had thought of me with his last name and about how amazing our future could be together. He even gave his mother my phone number when they were in the airport on the way home because she wanted to send me a picture she took of his smartwatch were he had put hearts next to my contact information in his phone that would show up every time I texted him. We then had a short conversation and she said she was excited to meet me and he talked very fondly of me. When he finally got home he even took a shift off work to spend more time with me because he had missed me so much. During this day we spent the day together and it was fantastic and everything seemed great, we even made it ‘official’ that night.
A little over a week later he had a guys night with a friend but we were supposed to hang out the next day (our schedules are mixed so we only have limited time to see each other each week). I left him alone until I knew his friend was gone then asked him about the next day cuz I wasn’t sure if we actually had plans or not (we had agreed to go skiing but had not set up a time or anything else for it). We were both a bit overtired from different life circumstances, and for some reason the conversation turned into random bickering over literally nothing, it was very confusing.
The next morning we agreed that we would meet for lunch, although he said he didn’t think we needed to really talk about the conversation because there really wasn’t much substance to it anyway. Lunch was strange but ok, but he then informed me before leaving that he was going to leave for another couple days to spend time with his parents because he thought we needed some time to cool off. I texted him later that day and asked what that meant and when I would actually get to see him again since that was the only times for another week that we both had free time. He then told me he was having second thoughts and thought that we had jumped into everything too quickly and that he was done.
I am so confused with this situation and have no idea what to do. It has been almost a week with no contact and I am dying because I miss him and I truly just do not understand what happened. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2017 at 3:56 pm
Hi Confused,
I think he got overwhelmed or something about the fight reminded him of something negative..check this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming
Confused
January 28, 2017 at 5:19 am
Hi,
I am so confused, I haven’t talked to my boyfriend or ex boyfriend in about two weeks…
We were out with his friends, We were having a conversation about something trivial and he said he knew it better because he is a professional…anyway…I went to hug him he said he was so pissed at me do not even touch me…night went on, suddenly I saw him leaving meanwhile I was talking with this gentleman (old btw) I thought well I guess we are leaving, I got in the car and asked him why he didn’t say we were leaving, his response was that I should’ve known because there were only 6 people at the bar… after that he started yelling raging at me about the comment from before that he was the professional…he accused me of getting everybody involved, which is not true, we were all sitting at the same table! And he became the hulk, cursing at me, I apologized I didn’t saw it as such a big deal me having an idea and him saying I was wrong because he was the professional…he criticized my career all the time or make fun of it, if I said he hurt my feelings it turns that it is my problem for not having a thicker skin, because he is critical and if I get not handle it then we better cut the relationship (btw a lot of times when I tried to talk to him or say something he would threaten that then isn’t going to work) Sorry back to that night, he had a few and treated me awful, called me names, he said I was rude, cursed so much … at a point I said I’m sorry maybe we need to talk about this when there isn’t so many jack and cokes involved…he rage at me, at a moment told me to f*** off, and kept going…. I was always told by him that he would get me a refill on my drink because I was his girl etc etc but that night he accused me of being rude, I didn’t say thank you or please, which I know is not true, he called me a princess and through at my face that I was being rude when he was paying ! After I just shut up, then he went into how f-ing sick was he of this, told me I don’t want to hear your voice etc etc …we arrived to his place, he stopped next to my car, said “you can stay here if you want” but I got of the car meanwhile he was keep saying things, I got into my car and left.
Next morning I received a text message apologizing for saying hurtful things and frustration grab the best of him… I didn’t respond, nobody even my Parents yelled or treated me the way he did.
This was not the first time he exploded that way, specially after drinking.
My confusion is HOW someone can be that way, he was always being loving, worried about me, my well being, telling me how lucky he was for having me and how happy he was we met, he wanted to move in together, eventually get married, he was going to get me a promise ring…actually we both we were going to give one each other in symbol of our love and commitment, he wanted me to move in with him, but I said it was a little soon…he lives at a 4 room house, one is his studio/office, he would stay at my place most of the nights, so he rented three of the rooms and moved his bed into his studio, because whatever…. he was basically living with me, and planned on moving in to a new place in a few months, all this HIS plan for us…
I miss him, I stopped contact after that text apologizing because I was so hurt, sad, shocked, I couldn’t believe it. After a week of no contact On a weak night I called him…for those things that happened one of my friends called me meanwhile I was on the phone with him, I told him I needed to take the call and I would call him back….but I didn’t call back. A couple of days after he sent me a text at 12:15AM asking for something random that happened to my car… I keep trying to not call, I don’t know if he is good for me, if I can call it the verbal/emotional abuse is going to stop? Did I create it?
What can I do? I think about him constantly, miss him, want to share events of my life with him, is so hard to not contact…,
Sore for the longest message ever, I appreciate your help
Thank you very much
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 28, 2017 at 12:31 pm
Hi Confused,
nope, you didnt cause it.. it’s not the first time right? it looks like that’s his personality..
Lovely
January 25, 2017 at 4:27 pm
Hey.
My bf broke with me yesterday after a huge fight about how i destroyed his career opportunities by conflicts during his exams and saying that i am very immature and a crybaby. He said he needs space and i am very clingy. I apologised and agreed and he explained me everything he doesnt like in me. He said he loves me but i am very immature . I asked him if he can give me a chance ..or if he wants he can leave the relationship, to which he replied that he cant afford to give me a chance. I just said okay and we have’nt talked since last night. I blocked him on social media as well.
What should i do to get him back ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 26, 2017 at 11:44 am
Hi Lovely,
do you want to do the no contact rule and the advice above?
Hnnh
January 25, 2017 at 6:24 am
Hey. I commented but i didnt know if it got through. If it did then you could ignore this.
My ex and i have been tgt for 4 years. We broke up six months back. Initially he said he didnt love me anymore. Then he came back two months ago and told me he still loved me and slept with me. After that he went ghost and when i confronted him, he said he isnt ready for a relationship. I was mad of course but then i still came back, he gave me cold replies unless it was about sex. I just found out he started talking to this girl two days ago. He told me he didnt love me anymore and the girl seemed like his type. Is she a rebound? How do i get over this?
Hnnh
January 25, 2017 at 4:14 pm
But he’s also done this alot of times when we were tgt. Talk and flirt with other girls and claim them as friends. Im confused if this could be one of them.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 26, 2017 at 11:41 am
well whether it’s real or not, you can only control yourself,so focus in yourself..
Hnnh
January 25, 2017 at 12:49 pm
Yeah. Not contacting him anymore. But the fact he has this new girl is bugging me. Is she just a rebound or is this for real? Their convos look a lot like how we both started (i hacked into his social media) and i scared it’s something real
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2017 at 3:47 pm
it’s probably not a rebound.. and if it’s for real, then all the more that you should focus in improving yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2017 at 12:37 pm
Nope…he madr you his friend with benefits.. first, don’t sleep with him again.. second, do you want to do nc again?
Boy
January 25, 2017 at 3:48 am
Which one is the best option? The first option i very feel comfortable with her and the second gf is that I feel very passionate with her. We are only compatible in bed.
Boy
January 26, 2017 at 5:37 am
I’m still confused, I need both of them at one time. I really feel comfortable with the first gf. While the second gf gave me satisfaction in bed. It hard to make a choice.. dilemma
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 26, 2017 at 1:03 pm
yeah, because yore fulfilling yoir wants and needs from two different people..when you’re old and you cant4 have sex, what kind of person do you see yourself with?
Boy
January 26, 2017 at 3:50 am
I’m still confused, I need both of them at one time. I really feel comfortable with the first gf. While the second gf gave me satisfaction in bed. It hard to make a choice.. dilemma
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 26, 2017 at 1:02 pm
yeah, because yore fulfilling yoir wants and needs from two different people..when you’re old and you cant4 have sex, what kind of person do you see yourself with?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2017 at 9:21 am
Hi Boy
what are your non negotiables and who meets them?
Sarah
January 24, 2017 at 11:33 pm
Hi there,
I was dating a guy for 8 months, he is from the middle east and I am from the UK. He was here to study. Everything was fine in the beginning until he started spending more time with friends, not talking to me as much and blowing off plans and not giving me the time i wanted. I’m not an unreasonable person, so I already didn’t talk to him too much because I didn’t want to make him get sick of me and i would see him maybe once every 1/2 weeks. However, i found that once he realised i was his, he was not making much of an effort anymore. We did have 2-3 arguments but nothing heated or offensive, just about how he was bad at communicating and that it was not difficult since i didn’t expect much anyway!
Additionally, he had a lot of supposed stress with exams and his parents being disappointed with his results. He tried to end the relationship as we are from different cultures (but the same religion) but he backed out because he was in love with me. I think he didn’t want to commit to me from the beginning but strung me along because i was a ‘nice, good girl’ that had everything he wanted and that ‘he will never find anyone like me’ (he doesn’t trust most girls and sees them as conniving) and he was ‘scared of losing me’ . He would drunk text me at times saying i am the one etc.
He told me he would have to go back to his country soon due to his failed exams and his parents potentially kicking him out due to disappointment. I also noticed he did not want to have sex with me anymore.
So the last time i saw him i confronted him about this and he then had sex with me. The next day I found out through social media that he was back in his country. I was hurt and I contacted him and he eventually replied and broke up with me stating that it was due to him not coming back to the UK. He said that I am pretty, kind and have a good heart and he wants me to have a good start again.
However, a day later i found out through social media that he was actually still in the country and out clubbing with his friends. I felt betrayed as he had lied and I contacted him but he didn’t respond to any messages or calls.
After that day of finding out, I contacted him a week later to return his things. i never once begged or cried to take him back or anything and never wrote any soppy messages. He did not reply to that text or call either. 2 weeks after that, i gave in and sent him a text saying i just want to know why you did this to me, i know we’ve broken up and that’s fine whatever makes you happy but i just want to know why you did it like that.
The fact that he lied was what really hurt and upset me. I can handle rejection and i expected him to behave like a mature adult and the level of disrespect made me think he is a coward and never loved me.
Anyway, on new years eve, I found out that he is still in the country and out clubbing (not seeking information, just by luck i found out this info) so I mentally closed myself off from ever contacting him again.
So he has not contacted me for a total of 50 days since i discovered his lie and i last contacted him 30 days ago. He has just last week called me on private number and then at 3.30am from his international number which was not withheld. Then a day later, he video called me but i did not answer any calls. It has been 2 days since then and I am confused about what to do next?
Should i not pick up or reply to any of his messages/calls at all and for how long?
Also, my friends told me to answer his next call as he has called 3 times and even better to answer a withheld number as it looks like i would not know it was him?
What do you advise and any help would be much appreciated.
Please could you also not post the entire message because I don’t want anyone realising who the story belongs to please!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2017 at 2:44 pm
Hi Sarah,
Id have to post this so you can read my reply.. but for me, you should move on from him..if you really want to hear why he did what he did for closure, you have to talk to him..
Hnnh
January 24, 2017 at 4:34 pm
Broke up with my ex of 4 years 6 months back. Initially he said feelings faded. He came back 2 months ago, told me he loved me and slept with me. Then went ghost for a week and when i asked, he said be did love me but can’t be committed to a r/s. Earlier this month, tried contacting him again but seemed quite distant except if we’re talking abt sex. Confronted him abt his feelings and said that he didnt love me anymore. But i just found out he’s contacting another girl? Is this girl a rebound? She seems like his perfect girl tho…