7 Definitive Steps On How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You

5,888 thoughts on “How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup”

Esmeralda Garcia

January 24, 2020 at 1:04 am

Me and my boyfriend been together for 9 months and we broke up 2 weeks ago. It happened on a Saturday night when I was going to stay the night at his place and his friend was over. I was waiting for his friend to leave so I can spend time with him. When his friend finally left I was sitting in his room and I was upset because our relationship hasn’t been the same. He doesn’t give me a hug or kiss when he sees me and that night when I asked him for a favor. He answered me all annoyed. He saw me crying and asked me “what’s wrong?” I turned around so I don’t start crying more. I told him “ I wish you knew how I feel about us” We started talking and He said that he just doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore. That he doesn’t feel that connection. I asked him how long has he been feeling like this. He’s been feeling like this 2 months ago! He didn’t say anything to me until I brought it up. Which hurts even more because he’s been dragging me along and he said that he tried to make it work. Without me even knowing he felt like that. I just want to have another chance and make it work because I gave him a chance when we had a big argument and he didn’t deserve that chance that I gave him. But I love him so much that I decided to hear him out. I just don’t know what to do to make him miss me and try to make this work.
alexxis brown

December 29, 2019 at 8:52 pm

so it’s like a long story involving his ex. when we met he was still dating her all the way up till he came home for august. her friend told me in august and him and i worked it out he did things to prove to me and show me. like i even told him if he couldn’t handle doing any of it then don’t be here but he did. well a lot of my anxiety came up when i was moving and trying to get this job and what not. so we would have small fights here and there and at those times he would get aggressively angry. after the last small one we talked about it and he stopped getting so angry. well we had a conversation that led into another fight like two months ago which brought up his ex saying how he told her happy birthday and checked on her because she posted something depressing one day but that was it. and then he said his brothers gf posted something with her and it made him miss her. so then i’m calm and i’m just trying to like talk to him about it to see where we need to go. well he starts crying and just goes to the room and starts packing and i’m like ok dude you are over reacting like wtf. so then he says idk what to do i’m need to be alone whatever and i’m like ok well you have practice at 5 am if you still feel this way do it in the morning. he sits down on the bed and listens to me talk to him and i cried a little when i told him how i felt. he then went to watch tv in the living room like no big deal. then he went to sleep on my bed and was okay with me next to him. and at this point i’m giving him space not crossing boundaries and then when it was time to take him to school he still kissed me and said i love you like okay you are starting to get better and i didn’t go out of my way to text him he came to me. so he started the conversation like any normal day communicating with me like showing me look i’m fine i’m sorry i love you. so a couple days went by and we talked about it. he tells me he responded that way because he’s overwhelmed. he had been helping me and taking care of me with my anxiety not being so healthy as well as he had baseball and school cuz if he didn’t do well he couldn’t play. so i said ok makes sense and i also know he’s not where he wants to be for himself as a person. he doesn’t know where he wants to be at when he graduates. so i said okay we can take things day by day that’s fine. i assumed you stayed because you know i can be that person for you because you’ve grown a lot since we’ve last had a problem. and he was like yes and i said ok where do you want me to be at for you and he said i want you right here with me and i said ok well if you want me to go through it with you she has to not be in control. she can’t be affecting none of this. i told him the relationship i have with my ex is the way is because of the decisions he made and i want no part of it. you left for a reason and get y’all can be cool but you and i are building our history together and nobody should be involved that are ex’s this shouldn’t be a conversation anymore because we are starting to build this foundation. in a couple years maybe. but right now no and it’s not gonna help you figure yourself out if you still let her get in your head. and he said okay i said that’s the only reason i’m staying. if it happens i can’t do it anymore. so after that like he was doing things i never ever asked, being vulnerable with me. just being out right amazing. i showing him more appreciation. he had an amazing time at thanksgiving, i’ve never seen him get like that. well we needed to talk about christmas. and we didn’t till a week before and he came to me about it i didn’t even get the chance to say hey we need to talk. so he tells me he wants to be in new york alone so he can fix things with his family over the whole situation because he never fixed anything with his mom over she only knows the ex’s version of everything. so i know that was a real thing. he told his parents his ex can’t hang around anymore because he’s trying to fix things and do the right thing. so i had said you know how i feel about this. like i respect you needing to do that, i get it makes sense. i preached to him about how his family is more important than either one of us. and i said you know how i feel about it and he was like i know i understand and i’ll do everything to show, i’ll communicate and tell you and i said okay like it doesn’t have to be crazy just be honest with me. i have to trust you danny. ( i have never done anything to make him feel like he had to be extra or overwhelmed, i always gave him his space, let him come to me because me doing that would’ve made things worse. and so we talked it out we were good he was honest about his feelings. that whole rest of the week he was being vulnerable open honest being normal doing things we should’ve been doing form the beginning. just it was a great week. sunday i took him to celebrate his semester and celebrate our own little christmas. we had the best date ever where he was even telling me to put my phone down like it was just perfect, the way it should’ve been. monday he did things he’s never done either like call me when he gets in a situation, he bought me dinner, he introduced me to his cousin he hasn’t seen in 10 years, his friends taking me everywhere. not only that he was taking pictures of where he was at all week, keeping me updated like just out of his way stuff i never asked of him. stuff i never expected of him.now saturday i’m driving out here almost to albuqurque i had a bad dream the night before and i ignored it. it was the same typical day we would have since the past week he was home. and i told him i’m driving like call me when you can and he still did the same stuff took pictures and we had conversations it was great. so then like he calls me and says i just wanted to check in let you know i’m home how are you i’m going to shower eat and spend some more time with my family. and i’m like ok well it gets later and i asked him in a babyish way like how much longer cuz i miss you. he takes a picture of everyone in his family and says idk babe i’m still hanging out. and i got a weird feeling in my gut so i said idk if it’s PTSD from the summer or my bad dream but is there anything i need to know. and he says no.

ten minutes later he does actually there is something. i go okay call me about it then. he goes idk if we will work out when i get back. and i was like wtf. he was like i want to be alone, i want to be free, i don’t want to have to text somebody or call someone and then nag at me for it and i said i never did that and he said i know you didn’t just in general. he said i just want to do what i want to do. and i said okay like what the heck. the past week danny the past two weeks you’ve been doing all these extra things like what in the world and he was like idk. and i was like you could’ve left i never told you to stay and he said i know you gave me so many chances but watching you cry hurt me and i wanted to still be with you even more. and i was like none of this makes sense whoever you talked telling you this isn’t fair because they don’t know us and whatever. he said nobody did i’ve been thinking about it. and i kept trying to get him to give me answers and all he could say was idk. he said i still care about you but i love you as a person. and i was like wtf. and i tried to get him to tell me where we would stand after he figures it out. like him and i had a good connection like a lot of people like thought we had been together for years like were super woah y’all look meant to be and shit so people got the same feeling of how our relationship was connected. he said honestly i think i still love my ex. and i said okay like you are back home it’s confusing memories are there like i get it. like when i went home when we first started dating it was pretty hard for me but i had you and i knew it was a vicious cycle if i tried to go back to that. and i asked him like once you figure it out like what about us and he was like no i think i may go back to her. and i was like seriously danny. how could you do all that you did show me you wanted me through your actions but you never actually felt that way. it doesn’t make any sense. i said you left her for the reason of pushing you away she argued with you and little things way too much. and he just said idk idk. and i said danny you know i’m a great person you were my best friend we had so many similar ambitions, commonalities, we had fun. you told me i was different and special and he was like you are right. i was like like you literally lied to me the whole time then. everything had to have been a lie if you are treating this like it’s me and none of it ever happened. he got mad at me for saying that and he said don’t you dare saying i never appreciated you, all of it was genuine. i felt it and what what i said when i felt it. i just don’t know what happened where i didn’t anymore. i said honestly you are slapping me in the face for saying i still am that girl you wanted to be with just so you could have the possibility of fucking your ex, i honestly wish you would’ve done that just so i could’ve left you because at least there was truth. right now you aren’t telling me anything, giving me anything to go off of. and he goes well i don’t want to be with anyone so it doesn’t even matter. i need to do some stuff for myself and i said i’m all down for that danny but for you to do that that means neither one of us should be part of your life cuz you won’t be able to. i said you are gonna go back into a vicious cycle with her and you are gonna be miserable. and he said if i do then i do. that’s my choice. i said wow… so then i said i guess i wasn’t enough then, it wasn’t enough. he said no it’s not about you, you did everything right, i need to figure stuff out. i said no you don’t danny, you have it figured out, you are telling me you are walking away from relationships in general because you don’t want to be part of what takes place in it just to go back to something that’s ten times worse that the bullshit we went through. we had more good times than bad. and he said i know we did. i said i know who tf i am danny. i know i’m the healthier better person for gods sake you stopped getting so angry you were being vulnerable with me and all those things with me, he said i know you are different i still believe that. i said it’s a slap in my face, especially acting like it didn’t happen. if you do choose to go that route you are going to be in a cycle you are going to be miserable and you are gonna remember this night and know i told you so and regret it. and he got quiet for awhile and said idk what to say… i said thank you for growing my heart bigger than i thought it was, for showing me what i want in someone, and for all the fun…. he was like we did have a lot of fun. on my birthday he got so totally wasted that he actually told me how he felt like deeply felt about me, he’s a shower not a talkie person and i pointed that out and he said idk idk what to say… and he just kept getting quiet saying idk what to say….when i found out everything the first time i had asked him a question about like why me. cuz he cheated on this girl all the time in judo, like a lot a lot. so i said i just want to know why, why did you pick me? if you just wanted a one time thing or a fling or whatever to say you had a chance with me when i told you that i didn’t want it to be like that why didn’t you do it, what made you keep a relationship for almost a year. he said all those girls were just one and done, nothing more. he said with you i could hang out with you we could have fun we can do everything together we could be independent at the same time and have the same friends and you are cool. plus everything everyone told me about you. i said fanny we never hung out on that level until the night we met so what about that night made you decide not to just have a chance and date me. (he gets really really upset, so the night we met his friend tried to fight everyone drunk well danny had to fight him off and seeing him that way made me want to be there for him even after a whole night of pushing him away, on the way home while he drove i held his hand, to comfort him) so that’s what he said, he said, because you are different. you holding my hand that night that’s what caught my attention. he said you didn’t even know me and you went to comfort me and nobody has ever did that… i said okay bye danny.
the next day i got into a car accident he called me and said he was up all night… he stayed up till i drove home to cali. he’s never posts on snapchat. and 3 days later he posted of himself hitting baseballs and said getting right for my last rodeo. when days before he would send me his videos he still looks at my stories. he went out of his way to say merry christmas. i accidentally called him and even after i said it was an accident he asked if i meant to call and apologized for being busy hitting. he would keep saying i’m sorry for being busy when i would text about stuff i needed information from him on. he still interacts normal if we still have to have a conversation. now idk what to do, idk what to feel. he still has to grab his stuff from my place… my heart says he’s home where stuff is comfortable and easier and tempting because he was slowly starting to show me like look i want to be here. one time he even had me sit in the tub with him so he could wash my hair and back and just held me… idk what to do
Colleen

December 28, 2019 at 4:13 pm

So after 2 years my boyfriend broke-up with me 11/19. The cause was he kept saying i was being crazy/jealous the final straw was him telling me he was going to his uncles house but someone seen him parked elsewhere when i called him he wasn’t answering me so I went over there to see what was going on & when he finally came walking up the street from who knows where he flipped out & ended it on the spot. Now we lived together so he didnt move out, however his grandmother became ill during this time, Thanksgiving day he said he was spending it with his mother & grandmother i found out his soon to be ex-wife was there i was very upset we argued & from that night on he stayed at his grandmothers. We continued to hang out, sleep together etc. he said he only had her around to see his kids. I asked if we were going to work things out or whst was going on his reply i hope we can I dont know if you can change. Give me space let me miss you & focus on my grandmother. He would get upset if he seen me textin questioning who i was talking to , he said he wasn’t talkin to anyone else dating anyone else. Now the night his grandmother passed we went out with his family for drinks & slept together, the following night i caught him making out with another female & he slept at her house. I packed all his stuff & dropped it off with his mother & havent heard from him since last friday. He blocked me on all social media too.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 2, 2020 at 11:28 pm

Hi Colleen, thats very hurtful thing for you to go through but right now you are going to have to go into a no contact, even if he has met someone else and the things have been getting worse the more you sleep with him out side of a relationship the more he will think that you are happy for things to be this way. So No Contact and spend some time apart he has blocked you on social media etc because he does not want to talk to you right now. So allow that. He will start to miss you especially after spending 2 years together and living together. He will more than likely take some time as he is going to be grieving the loss of his grandmother for a while too

Ria

December 9, 2019 at 3:34 am

Hi EBR team,

My boyfriend broke up with me after 3 years of being together. A week before he broke up with me we had an argument and he said that he was gonna go because he couldn’t do this anymore. He said he felt as though he wasn’t in love anymore and that all he does is hurt me. But we talked it out and he came to the conclusion that he is in love and he just said those things as he was feeling overwhelmed. A week later he told me he thinks we should end it. He said he’s not happy in the relationship and feels as though he’s not in love. He said that he felt he was not good enough for me and that he doesn’t love me the way a boyfriend should. For example things like being inconsistent at times with communication etc. He said he feels that wouldn’t be an issue if he truly was in love. I know he felt guilty for not being “a good boyfriend” as he put it. I asked him multiple time’s, are you sure this is what you want. And he assured me yes. I asked whether there is any way we could just work this out, and he said he doesn’t think we can. I asked him if there was someone else, whether he had something to confess, and he said no it’s nothing like that he just thinks he needs to be alone. I also asked him what would happen if he regrets his decision, and he started crying saying would u take me back (he was crying throughout the whole conversation). He didn’t message me until a week later. I remained silent and so did he. And then he initiated contact. He checked up on me. And while talking I did things I know I shouldn’t have. I asked him how he’s been feeling about the situation and he explained that he’d been thinking about whether he’s made the right decision (I didn’t ask what conclusion he had come to as I didn’t want to hear “yes I did”). I also asked him whether he sees the possibility of getting back together in the future. And he told me he would never rule it out as that would be silly of him, but he then went on to say for now he’s just focusing on the present and hasn’t thought much about the future at all. Towards the end of the conversation I asked why he hadn’t messaged and he said he had read online that’s the best way to deal with a breakup and his friend had also given him the same advice. I responded saying that I got given the same advice but I feel it would be nice to maintain communication (I’m stupid I know). But anyway, he read my message but didn’t reply. It’s now been 3 weeks of no reply. 3 weeks of me being in no contact. He still has me on all social media’s. He still views my story posts on Snapchat and Instagram. Yesterday he posted on his Instagram some old pics/vids from a concert he went to in summer which I thought was quite rude since he hasn’t responded to me for weeks and knows I’d see that post. It seemed quite petty, even though he has no reason to be rude to me as I’ve not hurt him or upset him in anyway. That’s something he kept saying when he was breaking up with me “you’re the best girlfriend I don’t know why I feel like this.” I just don’t know why he still hasn’t responded yet. Or whether he ever will. Do you feel that there is a good chance of reconciliation here or is it not looking good? I’m thinking of expanding my no contact to 45 days. But I’m scared he’ll move on with someone new or forget about me. Do you think he’ll likely be back or is this the end?
Thank you,
I’m so sorry for how long this is!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 9, 2019 at 6:10 pm

Hey Ria, just so you know this isn’t that long so don’t worry 😉

So with the situation you’ve described I would go into No Contact if you have not completed a full one yet, and I would do so for a minimum of 30 days and prepare in that time to become Ungettable. There is information about this on this website and on Chris YouTube channel for you. After No Contact you need to reach out to your ex with a friendly text where you have a short but positive conversation about something you have done that would interest them. The issue have at the moment is you’re ex is in a mindset of you are not going anywhere so they have time to make the decision this is not what you want to happen as they have the power to make you wait knowing you’re not going anywhere.

Andy

December 7, 2019 at 9:16 pm

Hello

I actually broke up with my bf about 4 months ago. We dated for a couple years. It was a long distance relationship and we had planned on moving together this summer. However, he’s in the army and was supposed to get moved and then was told they didn’t know where or when he was going. After that he stopped talking about the future or making plans with me. He refused to talk about it because he didn’t know where his career was taking him. He was so closed up and made me feel unloved. I decided I needed a real commitment and it wasn’t worth feeling unloved so I ended things. He did not take it well.
We didn’t talk for almost 4 months. Recently, he texted me after absolutely no communication since the breakup. He said he felt he needed to tell me he finally found out where and when he was going. He slowly started texting every few days and the last week or two everyday. If was fun communication with some flirty comments. He even complimented my looks in a couple pictures. Well now I haven’t heard from him in 4 days. What would make him text daily and then nothing. I haven’t texted him either though. Is he looking to get back together due to the stability in his career? Or just talking to an old friend.

Thanks so much

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 8, 2019 at 10:00 pm

Hey Andy so he may have been testing to see how your reaction to speaking with him would be after so long. If you are interested in getting back with your ex then I suggest you put some investment in to conversation too

Wendy

December 3, 2019 at 10:28 pm

Hi Chris, My bf broke up with me after our 4 yrs relationship. I did all the wrong things by begging, pleading and stuffs to try to get him back. I realized that I became as a psycho one to keep calling, txting, emailing to get beg him to be back with me. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him. I know his family and friends encouraged him to not come back with me. I found it would be a challenge for me to face if he comes back and sometime I wanted to give up too. But my heart wouldn’t listen to me, I still love him and miss him crazy everyday. Now I’m following the no contact rule, I haven’t tried to contact him anymore because I know he already blocked my phone number. We are no longer friends on social media, but my mutual friend said he is enjoying to hangout for drinking and eating out with his friends. It has been a month after our breakup. He ignored me completely. Is it mean he no longer want to be back with me anymore right?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 6, 2019 at 9:21 pm

Hi Wendy, so I can’t answer that question for you, all I can do is advise you if you want to get him back is to start and follow the program. Him having spent time with his friends does not mean anything hes doing what is normal. And the fact he hasnt reached out while you have been doing no contact isnt the end of the world either. When you are in a better emotional state you can start reaching out but as you sound upset still, I suggest going to 45 days no contact and reading about how to follow this program properly

Mon

December 1, 2019 at 4:12 pm

Hey Chris and team!
I was dating my ex for 7 months and last month I found out he’s been clubbing and probably sleeping with multiple girls through his best friend, who’s also a trusted friend of mine. I watched him for a month and when I got enough proof such as pictures of him with the girls and the screenshots of their chats, I confronted and broke up with him. He was denying until this time and even asked me to come back to him when I don’t doubt him anymore. I found that he’s a womanizer and a cheater for years and this isn’t his first time cheating. I know that I’m supposed to be moving on from him, but to the miracles, I want him to stop cheating and commit to me. Are there any ways to make that happen?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 1, 2019 at 10:46 pm

Hi Mon, so as hard as this is going to be for you, you do need to get over what he has put you through so that it does not ruin any future relationships for you. And as for him stopping, he will not stop until he is ready to and that could take years. During your No Contact you need to do some real ungettable girl work so that you are the best woman he has ever had in his life and show that using social media to cultivate this “ungettable” woman in his mind. When he starts chasing you need to make him do the chasing and investment. When he has invested a lot of time into getting you back in a relationship with him, HOPEFULLY that will make him not want to cheat again, but if you forgive him too soon he is going to get the impression he can cheat and you will just forgive again and again.

Kelly

November 29, 2019 at 6:58 pm

Dear Chris

My ex and I broke up for the first time In a two year relationship about a month ago, we had a long chat and got back together three weeks later. A week later as in last week we broke up again, but this time he says it’s for good and nothing will change that. Is that it? I really don’t know what to do. Thanks Kelly

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 4, 2019 at 6:01 pm

Hi Kelly, so your ex was right, nothing had changed in those three weeks. So this time you need to make the change happy. Follow the program and stick with it

Amy Bean

October 28, 2019 at 12:47 am

My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We’ve talked off and on but it’s been one week since I’ve talked to him.. he’s called my best friend to check on me and to say he will always love me but that he’s dating his Jr High sweetheart and didn’t know where it was gonna go. We dated for a year and really had a great relationship.. I still text his mom because we are so close.. I just feel so lost.. he had promised me I was the one and I was his best friend.. it’s like I’m mourning that loss..I feel broken…please help

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 30, 2019 at 6:44 pm

Hi Amy, you need to look up the Being There method and how to utilize it after your NC is over

Tanvi Gupta

October 26, 2019 at 4:07 pm

Hi,
We met each other through an online dating site. Things got pretty serious almost in the same fortnight we met and he proposed me for marriage. I immediately accepted because I never had that kind of instant connection so deep with anyone before. It was all good for just 2-3 months and he started behaving indifferently. Issues arised due to communication gaps and we used to fight each other every day. He is a very stubborn person, though our connection was still strong he initiated for breakup due to below reasons –
1. In the country that I live a man’s income status and approval from either sides parents is really really important for a marriage to happen. He was jobless and was looking for some kind of business to work on. Since it was still not finalized, he decided not to stall me or keep me waiting. Though I told him, I would wait , he doesn’t want to continue whatsoever
2. He also thought that parents would not accept us.
3. He felt our communication issues would hamper the relationship down the line if we continued to be with each other.

Post breakup I literally begged him to stay, pleaded him and did things beyond my self worth. He still didn’t stay. A few incidents also happened where my mom had called his parents without my notice and threatened them. This literally shattered his emotions and ego and blocked me from all social media. Though all this is happening, I can feel that he loves me still the same but just being stubborn to avoid all these situations. I did a no contact for 30days. One week before the no contact, I got a call from him (this was a fake call created by my friend), I thought it was him but didn’t contact him for a week. After the 30day period , I called him from a colleague’s number(as I was still blocked) and spoke to him for a few minutes, a very casual and crisp conversation. In this conversation I realized that the call last week wasn’t from him, also from the way he spoke, he was missing me but not admitting. He hung up the call first. But texted me that same night around 2 AM. We texted the following morning very briefly. He said that he is guilty for coming into my life and messing up, but he also mentioned that he is moving on (he brought up this topic by casually asking how is the moving on going with you. I had admitted that I’ve missed him a lot. Then he said that he’s moving on).

After this happened , I myself initiated conversation twice for every 2-3 day gap. One time he told me that he is still angry with whatever happened (whatever my mom did and whatever I did by trying to be clingy). The second time he mentioned that he’s not being nice to me to avoid being attached as things between us are complicated. But this time I replied saying – even if he gets attached nothings going to work because he is talking normally when things are normal and he would most likely block me again if things go down south and I don’t have a heart to take it. But in reality , I want him so bad and I miss him like crazy. I know for a fact that he also have similar feelings but just wouldn’t come out of his stubborn attitude to start over and resolve the complications.

Please I need some help with making him miss me and contact me back.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 27, 2019 at 3:39 pm

Hi Tanvi, so as you should know by reading the articles No Contact is how you make someone miss you and you need to work on being Ungettable Girl to cultivate the image you want people to see you as, posting things to your social media accounts because over time he is going to be looking

S

October 12, 2019 at 9:18 am

Hi,
There’s this guy I was with for about 3 months. We didn’t tag it but decided to see where it’ll go. He started behaving super weird and when I confronted it according to him what we had was nice and sweet and it’s run it’s course. I just sort of started backing off and even broke the snapchat streak with him. Made no sense to continue. 3 days continuous he kept sending me snaps even tho I was taking hours to open and not replying only. The last and 3rd snap he sent was with his ex girlfriend at a group dinner. Not sure why he sent it to me tho. Anyway a month later he puts a story on instagram with the location “Sana,Yemen”. Sana is my name. Decided to give him the benefit of doubt and went to see his location on snapchat (I know it’s on) – he was pretty much sitting in his office. Not sure why he did this also. Was it to get a reaction? After that it’s been just silence and I don’t know what to do that’ll make him directly just message. Help.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 12, 2019 at 11:10 pm

Hi Sana, so you need to post things that show you’re living life and doing things that would interest him enough to make him want to talk to you.

Ai

September 11, 2019 at 8:14 am

Hi Chris (Very long, I’m so sorry)

You probably won’t answer this, but I just wanted a place to express what I’ve been through. Please if you do, give me advice. I really don’t know what else to do. I met my ex through his sister, who is also my best friend. We talked for like a month before we started dating. During the time we were talking, we both felt an instant connection, so that’s probably why we started dating so quickly. Before we even started talking, he explained to me that he went through a rough break up with his ex a year ago before we meet. He was recently just getting over her by the time we met, so he said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I don’t know why, but he changed his mind and asked me out anyways. I asked my best friend if she knew and all she said was that a girl never made him this happy before. He lived close so I would always be at his in my free time. Everything about him made me so happy. He would also say the same thing about me. We were so in love. After 1 and half months, he stopped texting everyday like he used to. He never texted first anymore. It was just me starting almost every conversation with him. I know that he has a life, but he really didn’t put much effort into talking to me anymore. If I didn’t text first, we would have gone weeks without texting each other. I brought it up to him and he said he would try harder. I never saw any improvements. Every time I would up issues to talk about, he would avoid them by saying let’s talk about this when I’m ready to talk about it. So I just dropped the whole thing, waiting for him to come to me to talk. It never happened. Two months passed and nothing changed or were talked about. So I brought it up again and he said the same thing again. Wait for me to be ready. I asked how long are u gonna make me wait for me because our relationship can’t move forward until we resolve this issues. Then we got into a argument over it. We were arguing over text, but I wanted to talk to him face to face. So I went to his house without him knowing. I continued texting him even in his house. That was when he texted me that we should break up and go on a break. I was in tears as I read that. I was angry that he would break up with me over something that could be easily fixed if we just talked about it, but I also so beyond sad. My bff has to go get him, so we could talk this out in person. As soon as he found out that I was at his place, he rushed over in tears. I looked him in the eyes and said to him in tears can we not break up. I can’t imagine a life without you. Can’t we work this out, please. He started crying even harder and said I don’t know what to do at this point. I’m so stressed because this relationship on top of everything else. He was on the verge of getting kicked out of his home of 9 years. I understood his reasonings, but I really couldn’t let him go. I just kept crying in response. After a moment of silence, he took my hands and said look at me. He continue saying that we can still be together, but under the condition that I would not expect him to be the perfect bf. I agreed because I never once expected him to be the perfect bf. I expected him at least be able to communicate with me when we have problems. We didn’t break up in the end. It was around 2 days before Christmas’ Eve when this happened. It was around our 4 months of us being that we started arguing again about the same things. We would always come to the same conclusion that we will talk about this when he was ready. It just made me think that he just didn’t want to deal with me anymore. He would say that I was his happiness but would then treat me like I wasn’t even there. He made decisions that made me thought that I didn’t even matter to him. I explained this to him, but it would go through one ear out the other. It wasn’t always like this. We would go on dates, spend hours just talking about the randomness of things, talked about getting married, having kids together, and just being loving overall to each other. We got into this relationship because we both saw a future together. He even said that he would gone into a relationship in first place, but since it was me he wanted to give it a try. He believed that I was worth the risk of being heartbroken if we were ever to break up. The built up tensions just got worse everyday. It reached it peak the day before my birthday. We argued through the night over text. It wasn’t until the morning that he decides to call it quits. He said that he still loves me and that he knows that I don’t want to break up with him, but he said that he can’t deal with it anymore. I couldn’t even react to his messages because I had to go to school. Throughout my first class, I was texting my bff about what happened and trying my best not to cry. I texted him back saying that I love him and that I will always love him. I also told him to go to school because my bff said that he was trying not to go to school. And that’s when he said stop texting me. I will ignore you if you come over. And he proceed to block me on Snapchat. My bff said he was crying a lot but he was eventually dragging to school. He only sat in the office though. He was asked if he wanted to speak with me by his counselor, but said no. I spent the whole day trying not to cry. After that I had my birthday party, what a great way to spend my birthday. I couldn’t even cry until everyone left. My bff told me that I should come over so I did. I know I shouldn’t have, but I want to see how he was doing. When I got there, he was locked up in his room avoiding me. So I just stayed in the living room with his mom. My bff had to go out for a few days, so I was just there. I slept over for 3 days. I spent most of the time there sleeping. He was still locked in his room during the time I was there. He would only come out only when he knew I wasn’t up. His mom told me how he would check up on me when I was asleep. He did it a couple of times she said. When I saw for the first time after the break up, he seemed totally fine like nothing even happened. I was sad but I wasn’t showing it. After that I would come occasionally to hang out with my bff. My bff and I would catch him staring at me from time to time. He never spoke to me at all during that time. I would post pics on social media and every time he would be online looking at them. It wasn’t until 1 month after our break up that he blocked me on everything expect Instagram. I think it was around 3 months after we broken up that spoke to me for the first time again. It was by accident though. My bff and I were doing something together and he joined in. We were having so much fun that he accidentally smiled at me and said babe to addressed me, but he immediately stopped himself and turned away. I was surprised but I just dusted it off. Little bit after this, he started talking to me more openly. Stopped ignoring and acknowledge my presence more. But soon after, he moved away, so I stopped seeing him as often. But occasionally, I would see him. He would be at the same events as me, even though he never liked going out much. He was a couch potato. I’m very involved with the music department at my school and he knows this. So I don’t understand why I see him at every music related event at my school. I would think he wanted to see less of me, so he would avoid going out to places with the possibility of me showing up to. I overheard him talking once about how he wanted to be a cop and finish high school. While we were dating, he wanted to go into the military. I told him that I didn’t want to lose him, so I begged him not to go. It didn’t change his mind though. He wanted to dropped school to enroll into the military. I told that I would support him, but I wanted him to finish school. So he have a higher chance of being successful in the future. But he didn’t want to. Now that we have broken up, he’s doing the things I asked of him. Which is bs btw. Whenever I hung out with my bff, he would be there too, sometimes. Every single time he’s there though, my bff and I would catch him staring at me. He would hover around me. He would also play with his hair or hands like he is nervous or something. At this point, it has been 6 months since we’ve been broken up. I have improve myself and started to be more outgoing. I’m like a completely different person from when I dated my ex. At his mom’s surprise party, I noticed how he would lean in close to me wherever I was in the house. I would move away and he would inch closer. He seemed more happy to see me now. Compared to before, he wouldn’t even give me the time of day. I still catch him staring, but compared to before he doesn’t turn away anymore when we make eye contact. He kept looking at me even when I already turn away from him. I’m still waiting for him to contact me again. I know there’s probably no chance, since it almost been 8 months now. I would do no contact for about a month before showing up in front of him. I wouldn’t talk to him or anything. It’s my way of showing what he’s missing without being to obvious. Then I would do no contact for 2 months after the contact. And then show myself to him again using the same concept. He still hasn’t contacted me so I guess it’s not working. I, even, heard from my bff that he has been talking to other girls. I think she said he started like 1-2 months after we broke up. Which is pretty upsetting considering, I haven’t even done that yet. I know that we’re not dating, so he can do whatever he wants. But still after 1-2 months, it just makes me think that our relationship was nothing to him. I still love him even after 8 months of being broken up. He was the only guy that I was even comfortable enough opening up to. (I have a moderate case of Androphobia, so basically a fear of guys) So finding someone who I can open up to is hard. That’s why I lost hope of finding someone else. I just want him. No one else, but him. I guess I will be waiting a long long time until I date again. If I ever date again. I seriously wish I could read minds. It would be so much easier to understand people that way.

If you read through this whole essay of mine, thank you! I appreciate it!

Shaunna

September 12, 2019 at 8:18 pm

Hello Ai, I think if you put some work into the program I have here, you will see some great progress for your self confidence and work on being Ungettable. Good Luck 🙂

Tara

August 29, 2019 at 10:53 pm

We dated for 8 years, we did have a break up at the 4 year mark because he said he didn’t love me, I did the no contact thing at that point and he came back about a month and a half later begging for me back. I took him back after many talks and a lot of reflection. Now he is doing it all again, almost exactly 4 years later, he had been ignoring me and I called him out on it, he said he didn’t feel the same about me as he used to, I told him to leave me alone but a couple days later I wrote him on email to tell him sorry and I loved him and needed to know if he needed time or I needed closure, this was his wrote back “I am sorry I have ignored you. I know you love me and have treated me well. You have done nothing wrong. I want you to know that. I don’t love you in the way I should for us to keep dating. I am sorry it’s the way I feel and I have ignored you because you know I don’t like disappointing people. I can’t take up any more of your time thinking we will be together forever. It hurts me too. You are strong. ”. We had a good relationship, no conflicts. Both divorcees with kids, but we are friendly with each other’s exes. I don’t know if there is any hope but I love him and want him to realize what a good thing we had. We have unfriended each other on Facebook but we still have mutual friends and family on there, I need help on where to go from here.
Stephanie

August 23, 2019 at 10:54 am

Hi, my situation is very confusing and I’m afraid I lost all of my chances. Me and my ex broke up 2 months ago and we ended on good terms. He didn’t want a relationship in the summer and just wanted some time for himself. I did the no contact rule for about a week and he texted me saying why I stopped talking to him completely and was going crazy asking me all these questions. He then said that if I see any hope in our relationship again, I shouldn’t leave him alone. We were then texting almost everyday and seeing each other, and when we saw each other in person, he would hug me and kiss me and say I love you and that it’s possible for us to work out again. He still kept his location sharing with me, he didn’t tell his mom we broke up, he told her we were still together, and he still kept all of our pictures and stuff I got him. He then started getting a little distant again and we would still hang out but I would ask him if it’s still possible for us and he would still say “it’s possible but I don’t know right now”. So he still had my passwords to everything and would log into my stuff and get jealous and I would too like if we still wanted each other. But yesterday he posted a picture with a female friend and texted me right after saying he did it to make someone who wants him really bad jealous so she can leave him alone and we kind of got into an argument and he said he doesn’t want a relationship. He said he doesn’t know when he will and that he still loves and has feelings for me but doesn’t want a relationship and doesn’t need that right now. He said he’s still keeping everything and I told him if he wanted his stuff back (even his house key) and he said no and would get mad when I would bring it up. I want him back really bad and I feel like there’s still hope but he’s being stubborn. I need your help!
Eisha

August 19, 2019 at 3:57 pm

Hi, I can’t seem to leave a comment on this page, and I am in desperate need of some advice
Eisha

August 19, 2019 at 3:56 pm

Hello,
I have read everything I need to on getting my ex back, I have initiated the NC Rule, however what is most unique about my situation that I have not yet found an answer for is, my ex boyfriend has told me I am the perfect girl…just at the wrong time in his life. We are both 26, and he said that he wants to have sex with more girls than just me before he decides to settle down. He says he sees himself marrying me, but right now just wants to be single. We had the most perfect relationship – never argued. But he said he wanted more than what we had.
I don’t know what to do in terms of waiting for him to be ready? And I desperately need a little guidance because I can’t find a my help for my situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Kerry

July 31, 2019 at 4:55 pm

Hi Chris

So we broke up over a month ago and I’ve being doing all the wrong things. He told me it’s the end our our chapter and I should not even think of hoping to be with him in future or at all. We are in the same lecture class and in the same group project so the NC is pretty hard to do. Although I feel like he is moving on and has set his mind to not think of getting hack with me again. I still see a future with him. We dated for over a year and had plans together. This was out first break up and no once cheated. We just argued a lot of which he got tired of. Anyway, he really has been on and off. He tries to be mature by greeting me because we have mutual friends but I know if he had the choice we would not be talking at all…
Please help
42

July 12, 2019 at 5:55 pm

42 and in a bad spot .
I’ve been thoroughly reading your website to find a article related to my situation.
Do I ask directly here? Or ask my question, It’s a interesting situation and i can assure you, you’d like to pick this one apart.
Adele

July 6, 2019 at 7:56 pm

My ex boyfriend broke up with me about three weeks ago after having a really wonderful relationship for the past 6 months. I’m several years older than him, and was really reluctant to start a relationship because age sometimes really has a lot to do with where a person is in life in regards to goals and drive. Nonetheless, we had a really loving relationship. We spent a lot of time together going out, staying in, and always laughing.

I was surprised about the breakup. I knew he was pulling away, and instead of giving him space, I leaned in and made myself available whenever he was so we could spend time together. I wanted him to have as much face time so he could stay tuned into how much fun we have together. Big mistake. I should have given him some space and stayed true to the woman I am. But I was motivated by fear and now I’m doing my best to implement the strategies you have all over your site.

I’ve stuck to No Contact for a solid three weeks. I’ve posted a couple of pictures to social media, and I’ve been staying active and working out.

I have some challenges with my relationship. We live in completely different parts of town, so I don’t have a chance of running into him. And although we are both social people, we didn’t really have a lot of mutual friends. I feel like my opportunity for an in-person interaction would be to invite him to have coffee or a drink.

I’m pretty confident he will respond positively. Like I said before, before he started pulling away, we had a really loving relationship. We went on plenty of adventures, didn’t fight, and had a lot of physical chemistry.

My biggest question is, what do I do about the pictures I have of the two of us on social media? I know having the pictures I do on my Instagram would likely scare off a new potential guy. But I don’t know if I should remove them from account, and if the answer is yes, when? Before or after I ask him to meet up?
vir

July 4, 2019 at 7:06 am

hi Chris,
I hv met this guy on dating apps. We live in diff country.
Before this, he is ex student in my country for 10yrs and have move back to his current country to start work.
He actually plan to visit my country for some bussines and he did came and we met for 12days. 1month before we met , he said he love me and we have video calls and lots of texts. His character didnt change even after we met . I remember him saying to me, I never thought i can love some one like this after 8yrs. He actually have bad breakup with his ex trying to kill him which happen 8yrs ago. He try to make new relationships but his own words said i have bad luck on this things. As in my 12days knowing him face to face, i realize he had anxiety and OCD but not that serious. My own feeling with him, he the best guy I date before , we had really great time together. He even announce our relationship in social media (snapchat) ,he use the apps frequently and his close frend and his mum.

12day gone, he went back to his country, he even text me once he reach his country. The next day, this is confusing part for me. i text him but he not replying quickly as he did before. Time pass by almost a day, when I text him again , he reply im busy work. but I know he not busy, cause he have time reply comment joke with his fb frend on same day.

I get angry, then i text him. do you still love me?, then he remain silent again for few hours.

Again i ask him same question. he said im busy wit work tired need to sleep now. i reply him , you got time with your fb frend why cant reply simple text. he then got angry, said we better be juz a frend not a couples.

Day 2.
i text normal gud morning, how was ur day. he still remain silent. again 2nd text is night time at his country. he did reply me, im sleeping now , repeated twice.

day 3
I text him again. my intention want to discuss .
but i got angry becuase he again try to avoid me with same reason busy work. he then reply me if u accept us become frend then I msg u back

day 4
i accept because i dont wanna lose him.on that same day he casually text me he want to find new gf reason he getting old.

Chris,

what is this. is he play game with me from beginning. i dont understand
he is 32yr and im 30yrs. both have good career, same religion. both of us good looking.

i want him back. its past 8days i dont text him

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