How many times have you guys heard me say,
Most people who try the no contact rule on their exes end up breaking it…
Well, it still holds true to this day.
At the start of this year I created a private support group for our ex recovery program members where women, going through breakups, could go to get advice and interact with others going through the same thing they are.
As a result, I have gotten to know a lot of amazing people and their situations.
And despite having this personal coaching from me, my team and likeminded individuals they still struggle to make it through the no contact rule.
I can’t tell you how many times I receive a message like this from them,
Chris… I made a bit of a boo boo. I called him during no contact. What do I do next?
And then you have me over here like,
So, I thought I would do something interesting and talk a little about how you can survive your no contact rule.
What you can do to make it through it unscathed without breaking it, ever!
Which leads me to Hannah.
Now, Hannah is unique in the fact that usually when a reader calls in to this podcast they usually hound me with questions.
“What does it mean when he does xyz”
“He told me to F-Off… What do I do?”
But Hannah called in not to ask me a question but to recommend I advise people to do something.
Want to know the craziest part?
I agreed with her!
But before we get started,
A Couple Of Important Going Ons At Ex Boyfriend Recovery
I haven’t really made a big deal about this yet because I kind of wanted to surprise you guys but around three months ago I hired a pretty awesome designer to redesign the website.
Now, there is still some work to do on it but one thing that I had him do was redesign the podcast as well.
What do you think?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
Pretty awesome, right?
Tell me what you think in the comments of this page!
Eleanor Smith
June 25, 2020 at 2:39 pm
Getting through no contact is killing me! My ex reached out on days 3 and 5 and then hasn’t since. I didn’t reply to him on those days but I have no idea why he’s just stopped reaching out – If it were the other way around I would be calling and being like “are you ok? you haven’t replied, just checking you’re alive” and I definitely would have called. He hasn’t called even after PROMISING he was going to make more of an effort to be a good friend. It breaks my heart. I don’t understand it at all. Why isn’t he missing me? Why doesn’t he care? Why hasn’t he called?! I was so close to breaking NC earlier but managed to pull myself back and I still haven’t but my goodness it’s hard – it’s only day 11! Please someone tell me it gets easier!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 27, 2020 at 8:44 pm
Hi Eleanor, it does get easier, you start getting used to working on yourself and not talking to your ex. Day 11 is great and you are doing so well be sure that you are focusing on yourself and that you are doing great – use social media to show you are doing well and that you are just not engaging in conversation because his curiosity is going to make him check on you online
Amber
July 7, 2019 at 3:12 pm
He wanted some time alone to figure out school and career stuff. We’ve been together for two years. It’s been a week since we last talked. Throughout the week he would check my social media. Today he deleted all his pics of us on his Instagram and removed me from his bio.
I wanna reach out so badly. I wanna talk to him. I just wanna hear his voice. I want his name on my phone. I don’t know what to do. I’m starting to think he’s actually going to forget about me.
Emily
March 1, 2018 at 4:38 pm
he would get back to me right now and he doesn’t want to do that. After that I decided to give him the time that he wanted but we were supposed to meet on saturday as we were going to our mutual friends party. During the week we both texted and called each other but not as much as usually. I was even kind of happy because of this ‚break’ as I had time to think about a lot od stuff and understand everything and just let any anger and negative emotions go. When we talked on the phone on friday he said that he misses me too and that he’s happy that we’re going to meet tomorrow. When we met we talked and I was pretty sure that we’re gonna get back together but he said that he needs more time. At the moment that was to much for me to take and I cried but again he said he loves me and we can meet 2-3 times a week. We were going to a party so I had to put myself together and said to myself that I’m going to have a great time and we both had… In the club we were almost all the time together, when I was gone for longer he was calling me and when he forgot about keeping his barrier on he was hugging me. After a party I was sleeping at his place, we didn’t have sex but when asleep he was hugging and kissing me. The next morning we didn’t really talk because he was going to work. He called me in the evening and we talked for about half an hour about some random stuff like gym, work etc. and he even called me honey. We met again on tuesday – he was helping me choose the glasses and then we went to his place so I can take the rest of my things back and to talk. I wanted him to open up and take the barrier down but he wouldn’t so then I did something I know I shouldn’t do – tried to convince him to give us that one last chance. He said no but he agreed to meet not this but next saturday. He also said that it is going to be best if we don’t text each other during this time and as hard for me it was I said nothing. When going out we talked a bit more and I told him to at least try and open in front of himself and try to let go that anger and everything bad and try to think about it more positively and openly – not to fix his mind just on that we are not together. That made him a little bit softer, he said that he is going to try that, hugged me and kissed my head. To give him space I decided to obey the no contact that he wanted but then after around half an hour he texted me if I got home. I replied cause I didn’t want to be rude. Not more that two hours later he sent me a text again saying good night so I also replied. The next evening he texted me again asking how did my job interview went. I decided to wait with replying him and after less then 30min he sent me a questionmark. I replied a few minutes after that just informing him about how the interview went but he started keeping the conversation and telling me about his day etc. but after a while I cut it short saying goodnight and that I’m going to take a bath cause I wanted to be the one ending the conversation. I don’t know what to think about it. If he is the one that didn’t want contact during this time, then why he keeps texting me? Also I know that he wasn’t bored or anything as they had friends over and were playing fifa. I am also not sure how to act during our meeting next saturday. I know that i definitely should go there with a smile on my face but don’t really know if touching the topic of us and our breakup is a good idea or if it’s butter just to go somewhere nice and try to spend great time together?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2018 at 12:54 pm
Hi Emily,
Stop meeting him. Tell him being friends is not workable for you and thank him for everything and then start the nc rule of at least 30 days.
Mallory
November 18, 2017 at 8:14 am
Hi, I’m kind of in a situation like this. I’ve been in a 5 year relationship with the same guy and he recently (2 months ago) randomly decided to break up with me, yet he still has been keeping contact with me, saying he loves me, coming to see me, and when we are together he still cuddles with me, and kisses me like we are basically together still. This was still going on up until a few days ago and it was all because I asked him about a situation that I had just found out about that could’ve happened or might’ve not had happened, I honestly don’t know if it did or didn’t because he never explained instead, he blocked me and caused me to stress over it and believe that maybe what I heard was true and then a few days after I asked him about it and being blocked, he called and started saying hateful things toward me, telling me how he wishes he never met me, calling me dumb and pathetic, saying how I deserve to be treated badly because I’m annoying, and much more mean things. I would have never thought he’d say anything this rude to me, because after all I am very nice to him. I’ve always treated him with respect. And since that day, he hasn’t talked to me. Before he hung up the phone, he told me he loved me but I just was having a hard time believing it because he was being so hateful minutes before. He’s always had this trouble where he’s never shown that much emotion with certain things. Like he started out being so sweet at the beginning of the relationship, then months later he started to stop telling me what he loved about me, and the little things girls like to receive, such as sweet texts, etc. he would show me how he loved me SOMETIMES when we were spending time together though. He was really affectionate toward me while we spent time together and most of the time very sweet but it was like when I found something out or needed to ask him about something important, he blocks it out and ignores me. I’m going through a lot right now having to deal with this because now he’s being heartless. I tried to message him just saying a simple “I love you.” And got no reply, so now I’m trying to start to “no contact rule” because i don’t know what else to do. I’m heartbroken and confused. I keep questioning myself “does he love me?” And “why is he treating me so wrong?” And “am I ever going to hear from him again?”. I really need advice. I just have to know or have at least an idea of what could be going through his mind right now. I know that there has to be some love in his heart still, we were together for 5 years and we just broke up 2 months ago, and really not even that. We still kept contact up until like a week ago. So I don’t believe his love is gone, but he isn’t showing it at all. It’s really stressing me out. I really want to start the no contact rule but scared to do so because I feel like he will cut me off completely. He’s told me multiple times that he wouldn’t care if I ever stopped talking to him and he’d just move on..
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 20, 2017 at 5:16 am
Hi Mallory,
Check this one:
Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact
Nichole
October 11, 2017 at 11:23 am
Hi Chris! I’ve written comments on here a couple of times, but I keep losing the page I commented on, so I’m going to bookmark this one lol. My boyfriend and I broke up a little over a month and a half ago. He originally stated it was due to distance (he temporarily moved out of state for an internship), but I found out a week or so later that he had cheated. So he mostly broke it off due to guilt (as well as ldr). He repeatedly said our relationship is great when we’re together, but hard when we’re apart (I travel for work). He says later on if we settle in the same city, he’d love to try again. And for now he wants to be friends. We fought once due to people calling him out for cheating (he blamed me for their messages). I tried to be friends. He went so far as ducking when we walked by each other when I was with a friend and wouldn’t have stopped him while he was working anyway. After that, I decided it was hurting me more than helping, so I started no contact. After a week, he messaged. I didn’t respond. 3 days, another one. 3 more days, another one. All friendly. He realized I was ignoring him. He messaged again and said he hopes we can still be friends, but he understands if we cant. “Have a good life.” And then he blocked me on Facebook. I unfortunately broke NC. I told him that he hadn’t respected me for awhile, and I realized he never would if I didn’t respect myself enough to know I deserved better. I said I was taking space to heal by enjoying my friends, bettering myself, and meeting new people, and I hoped he would have done the same. He didn’t take kindly and told me he’d stop talking to me like I want and he’s happy for my adventures. I’m back in NC now, but I have no idea where to go from here…
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2017 at 11:59 am
Hi Nichole,
check this one:
The Ungettable Girl
Mary
July 3, 2017 at 1:54 pm
Hi Chris, my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago, he said he didn’t feel the same anymore (we were 2 years together). I didn’t know about the no contact rule so I obviously tried to get him back the wrong way. After a few days without speaking he messaged me, to ask me how i was, wanting to be my friend, I messaged him back… I didn’t know about NC. I started NC one week ago, but yesterday I figured he is dating somebody, what should I do???? Try to win him back by speaking nice through whatsapp or continue with NC and probably lose him if he gets in love with this new girl?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2017 at 9:21 pm
Hi Mary,
Restart nc and check this one:
How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else