Did you know that there are two definitions of commitment?
When I started writing this “guide” I wanted to have a really clever opening. You know, something that really captured everyone’s attention. I figured the best way to accomplish this task would be to look up the definition of “commitment” so I could sound all “official” and kick the guide off. Well, when I did I was greeted with two opposing definitions and it gave me an idea which I will explain a little bit later.
First though, this page is obviously going to be about how to make your ex boyfriend commit.
This begs the question, if you are trying to get your ex back will this guide even relate to you?
Actually YES!
A lot of people rely on me for advice so naturally I see what happens in a lot of relationships on a daily basis. One of the most frustrating circumstances that I typically come across are the women who have done everything right and they STILL can’t get a guy to commit to them.
In fact, I want to extend this guide beyond just an ex boyfriend. While this site will always have an intense focus on exes this particular page can be extended to men in general. That’s right, if you are single and are having trouble making a man commit (that is not your ex boyfriend) the stuff I talk about in this page can also extend to you!
Of course, most of my audience are only interested in one thing, getting their ex boyfriend to commit to them. Well, if you are one of these types then I have good news for you.
Understanding The Two Views Of Commitment
As I said above there are two “official” definitions of commitment.
Coincidentally, these two definitions are perfect for what I am about to talk about here.
Right now I can make one big assumption about you. That assumption is that you are probably having trouble making a man commit to you. Look, I don’t know if it is your ex boyfriend or just a friends with benefits type of deal but the facts are that if you are interested in this page that means he probably hasn’t commited to you.
Now, before I can give you any helpful advice I think it is important to look at your view of commitment versus his view of commitment.
In other words, we are going to be taking a look at those official definitions right now :).
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Your View Of Commitment
The first official definition of commitment revolves around your personal views.
The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc
So, in your case you probably want nothing more than for him to dedicate himself to the “cause” that is your relationship. I mean, this is an essential part of getting an ex back so it is definitely an important piece of the puzzle.
Typically, one of the most annoying situations I encounter are those women who do everything right and still can’t get a guy to commit to them. It is annoying because they are left wondering to themselves,
“What else can I possibly do to show him that I want this to happen? Why the he** won’t he commit to me.”
It really sucks because oftentimes a guy will say that he is ready for a commitment… “just not now.” Usually he will say something like:
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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I bet you are DYING for me to dissect a statement like this for you so I will.
When I was doing research for this particular problem (when a guy says he wants to commit just not right this moment) I ran into a lot of angry women experts claiming that if a man says this it means he NEVER wants to commit to you.
I am actually not entirely sure I agree with that. Yes, there will always be some men that won’t ever want to commit to you, that just goes with the territory, but I think there is some truth in the statement. Take a good look at the sample statement I provided you with right now.
A man who says this is basically saying a few things.
Firstly, he wants to have the option of having you down the road.
The “maybe down the road I will be ready to commit” part of the statement basically spells that out for you. But you want to know what I think the most interesting part of him wanting to have the option of you down the road is?
It’s the fact that this is almost a way of him asking you to “stay single” while he can go play around. Which basically means you have every right to be upset and angry with him. While I understand this can feel like a slap in the face I honestly don’t think you should get overly angry about it.
Yes, maybe he doesn’t want to commit to you right now. Well, let that fact drive you to become the best version of yourself. So, he doesn’t want to commit to you right now, ok, well that means that YOU are going to have to become someone he HAS to commit to. Which is what we are going to be exploring throughout this page.
But first, lets turn our attention to his definition of commitment.
His View Of Commitment
(Would you like to know more about EXACTLY what you need to do to make him commit to you? Check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
Ah, and now we come to the second definition of commitment. This definition revolves around what your ex (or any other non-committal guy) thinks about commitment.
An engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.
When I read that definition it was as if a light bulb went off in my head. Someone who refuses to commit to you definitely views commitment (with you) in this way. Lets talk about that for a moment.
Why is it that some men have no problem committing to other women when they couldn’t commit to you?
Yep, I am asking the tough questions here.
It must feel like a punch in the gut to watch someone you clearly have strong feelings for be with someone else when they refused to commit to you. So, does this mean that all men don’t believe in commitment?
No, in fact I think 95% of men do believe in commitment. However, they only believe in it as long as they think the person they commit to is beneficial to them in some way. By this logic that means that right now YOU aren’t beneficial enough to commit to.
Yup..
Look, I am not here to hold your hand and tell you what you want to hear. I am here to help you understand how to make your ex boyfriend commit to you and the best way to do that is to look inwards with self improvement.
The Bigger And Better Deal
This is a fun little topic that I cover exclusively in my PRO System but I figured I would give you a little tease here!
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Men are always looking for the bigger and better deal. How can I put this in terms that you will understand.
Ok, lets say that two women walked into a bar.
One woman was an 8 on the looks scale and an 8 on the personality scale. So, we are talking about a pretty attractive woman here.
(Side Note: Remember that looks along doesn’t make a girl attractive. Personality matters just as much in the long run. However, looks still do matter.)
So, the first woman that walked into the bar scored a total of 16 (8 + 8) on the looks/personality scale.
All of a sudden, another girl walks into the bar. This girl is a 9 on the looks scale and a 9 on the personality scale. Wow, this is one high quality woman! Even I am jealous :p.
Anyways, when we add up her score we get a total of 18 (9 + 9) on the looks/personality scale.
What we have here is a “hot girl standoff.”
The 16 vs The 18
Now, if we apply what we know about men wanting the bigger and better deal which girl do you think the majority of men in the bar will choose as the most attractive mate?
Obviously “The 18” is going to win out because she is the bigger and better deal.
She has the 16 beat in looks and personality.
So, I guess the question now becomes,
“How do you become the bigger and better deal for your ex?”
Well, at one point you were the bigger and better deal (when you dated him.) However, now that the two of you are broken up you have some work to do to reclaim the bigger and better title.
You Aren’t Good Enough And Here Is Why
That is certainly a bold way to start this section isn’t it?
Here is the truth though. I am not going to sit here and tell you want you want to hear. No, I am going to tell you what you NEED to hear. So, here it is:
If you want to get a man to commit to you then you have work to do in the most unlikeliest of places, within yourself. Before you can do anything YOU have to be in the right frame of mind and that is what this entire section is all about, getting you in the right frame of mind.
Self Improvement Is Key
(Getting your ex boyfriend to commit can be tricky. If you want a step by step plan I suggest getting Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
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I am probably different than any guy you have ever known before. I am not saying this to sound arrogant I am saying it because I have a very unique view on life.
You see, if I were to look at a big picture of my life I could divide everything I do up into three categories. In fact, if all of these three categories are fulfilled to their highest potential then I will truly be happy with myself and my life.
What are those three categories?
- Health
- Wealth
- Relationships
Every single important action (excluding free time) I take can be put into those three categories.
I like to call this the holy trinity. In fact, it’s an idea I cover a lot in my Texting Bible. Now, you are probably wondering what the holy trinity is? Lets take a look,
Health
Every time I start a workout routine I am making a conscious decision to improve the “health” aspect of my life.
I would say that many things can be included into this category.
Things like:
- How you look (your appearance.)
- Your hygiene.
- What kind of shape you are in.
- Essentially anything relating to your physical health.
Now that you have a brief overview of the “health” category lets move on to “wealth.”
Wealth
“Wealth” is a lot easier to understand because there isn’t a lot of variety in it.
This has to do with money (obviously)
In other words, how much money do you earn?
Now, probably the most impressive insight I can bring to you here would have to do with how money can affect your mental health (which you will learn all about next.) Maybe this is more of a guy thing than a girl thing but I can tell you that men pride themselves on how much money they make.
If a man who makes six figures a year walks into a room there is a certain confidence about him that is unexplainable.
If a man who can’t even cover the rent on his apartment walks into the room there is a certain uneasiness about him. The point is that if you don’t make enough money it can have an impact on your mental health and confidence.
Let’s stay with this line of thinking as we move on to “relationships.”
Relationships
Again, this one is pretty darn self explanatory.
“Relationships” have to do with the relationships that you have in your life.
Yes, romantic relationships are included here but there is more to this than the romantic partnerships in your life.
We are talking about things like:
- Romantic relationships.
- The relationship you have with your family.
- Business relationships.
- The relationship you have with your friends.
The thing that is important to note here is that “relationships” have a lot to do with your mental health.
For example, the last time you got into a screaming match with your ex boyfriend the chances are high that it really hurt you emotionally. As a result, your mental health was affected. Perhaps a better example would be someone who has a lack of relationships in his/her life.
In this case the person can become extremely lonely and their mental health can be compromised.
H + W + R = Blend Together
No doubt that is probably the weirdest title to a section that I have ever created but I promise that there is always a method to my madness.
Health..
Wealth..
And relationships…
The question that you are probably wondering is how all of this stuff relates to you, your ex and how to make him to re-commit to you.
Allow me to explain.
I have found that the three big areas (health, wealth, relationships) of anyone’s life can kind of “blend together.”
Take me for example, lets pretend for a moment that I was dating you and all three areas of my life were really firing on all cylinders.
- I was in great shape.
- I was doing really great at my job.
- And my relationships with you, my family and my friends were all incredible.
Then something really unexpected happened. It turns out that YOU were cheating on me..
GASP….
First off, what the heck? I thought what we had was going to last the test of time?
All kidding aside, your cheating devastated me and threw the entire “relationship” aspect of my life completely out of balance. Now, since I have already told you that all three areas of your life blend together what will happen next can only be described as a domino effect. Since my “relationships” are out of balance it has negatively affected my “health.” I have let myself go a little bit and I don’t really have any drive to work out anymore. Remember, “relationships” have a direct correlation to your mental health and your mental health can directly impact your physical health.
Of course, having my “health” and “relationships” out of balance will negatively impact me at work. So, what we have here is a trifecta of badness in which all three categories can be put out of wack by just one bad thing happening.
This is a very delicate balance we are talking about here.
Why You Aren’t The Bigger And Better Deal Right Now
Throughout this page I talked a lot about how men usually only commit to women who they view as the bigger and better deal.
Well, even though I don’t know you personally I can make a few assumptions about you. I know that you are reading this page so you are probably interested in getting a man to commit to you (probably your ex boyfriend.) Using what I have just taught you about the three categories I can also assume that the “relationship” aspect of your life is suffering which has probably caused a domino effect in the other aspects of your life.
Now, I could be completely off here but something tells me that I am probably pretty close.
The number one thing that women on this site fail to grasp is that no guy wants to commit to you unless you get all three areas of your life back on track.
It’s no coincidence that the most emotional women who tend to fail at winning their exes back are the ones whose entire life is out of wack.
The first piece of advice I can give you if you want to make your ex or any man for that matter commit to you is to make sure that each of the three major areas are back on track. While there is a lot more to making a man commit to you this is one of the biggest steps you can take and I think you should start right now!
The Problems With Making An Ex Commit To You
(If you would like to learn more about commitment please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
Before we can get to the good stuff about making any man commit to you there are a few things we have to get out of the way first.
Since this page is designed for exes (but the material can be used for just about any man.) I feel the need to point out some of the challenges you will face if you attempt to get an ex to recommit to you. That is what this section is all about.
So, what I have decided to do is list the “problem” that you will probably have to face but also list it’s quick solution.
Bear in mind, these are quick solutions so if the solutions don’t work for you don’t be alarmed. There is always a bigger play you can implement.
Lets take a look at some of the problems you will face.
Problem 1- Things Didn’t End On The Best Of Terms
Have you ever noticed how fragile relationships can be at the end?
If you say one wrong thing that thing could stick with the person for the rest of their life.
Seriously, I remember a girl once told me that I tried too hard to make things work once and even to this day that has stuck with me.
A few years ago I took a psychology class and learned something really interesting.
When you take a bullet list (seen below:)
- Hi there.
- This is.
- What I like.
- To call.
- A bullet list 😉
The thing that most people remember is the first bullet and the last bullet. All of the stuff in between can kind of get muddied a little bit.
I think this philosophy can be applied to relationships to a certain extent. For example, after a really bad breakup you are probably going to be left with a really bad taste in your mouth. This is probably because the last thing that you remember is a really bad breakup. Never mind all of the amazing things that went your way in the relationship.
If you and your ex boyfriend had a bad breakup one of the problems that you are going to have to overcome is the sour taste left in his mouth.
I guarantee you that he is going to think to himself:
“Why would I want to commit to her with the way things ended the first time around?”
This can be a really tricky problem to overcome but it is my job to find the solution for you so here it is.
Solution To Problem 1
Right now your ex boyfriends perception of you isn’t good.
While it may be possible that he will look back to your relationship with fond memories something tells me that right at this moment that isn’t the case.
One of the common mistakes I see here is panic from women in this situation.
Women love communication. You love to talk about your day, your feelings, the latest workplace drama. The list goes on and on. Men are different though. While some of us like to communicate the vast majority don’t like to vent about their feelings.
Women who sense that their ex boyfriend is holding resentment towards them after a breakup will do everything they can to fix the situation as soon as possible. This includes things like text gnatting, call gnatting, etc, etc. The point is that sometimes the best solution to get what you want is to take a step back and remove yourself from the situation for a little bit.
In other words, the more you push to communicate with your ex boyfriend the more he may push you away.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is give him time to sort out his feelings which will take amazing discipline from you.
Problem 2- He Doesn’t Love You Anymore
This is probably your biggest fear….
In fact, it’s such a fear that one of the most common questions I get about PRO is if it teaches you how to get an ex back who doesn’t love you anymore.
I mean, how in the word are you supposed to make anyone commit to you if they don’t have feelings for you anymore?
It is a valid question.
First though, I would like to explore why a guy may lose his feelings for you.
Most men won’t lose their feelings for someone overnight. It is not like they wake up one day and say to themselves:
“Hmm… I don’t like her anymore.”
Usually what can make a man lose his feelings for you is something that you do that he deems as extremely unattractive. Sure, there are men that just suddenly lose their feelings but these men are very rare and I would say most of the women reading this aren’t with a man like that.
So, what I would like to do now is talk about some of the behaviors that most men will see as unattractive. I think the best way I can do this is to talk about myself. In other words, what would a girl have to do (while dating me) for me to lose my feelings for her?
First things first, if I dated someone and she was getting drunk every day, doing drugs or just a HUGE party animal I would lose feelings for her really fast. Some guys like women who do this but I would say the majority of us don’t. Look, I am all for having a good time but there is a line that can be crossed and I honestly don’t know if I can trust someone with my heart who is drunk all the time.
This leads me to my next point.
I am probably the least jealous person. In fact, I would say, if anything, I should be more jealous because if a girl really wanted to she could crush my heart by cheating and I wouldn’t have the faintest idea because I am very trusting.
With that being said, if a girl I date is talking to a lot of guys (in person) all the time it is going to make me more paranoid than I need to be. Now, I am all for a girl hanging out with a guy friend now and then but if a girl ends up spending more time with guy friends than with her actual boyfriend I would have a serious problem.
However, probably the most common thing that gets on my nerves is REALLY overemotional women.
Which is ironic because I talk to them all day 😉 .
Let me give you an example.
Let’s say that I am dating a girl and her whole life is full of drama. Every day that I talk to her all I seem to be doing is helping her with her latest “drama.” Now, this is something I have no problem doing but if it happens every single day I am definitely going to start getting annoyed.
If I am in a relationship and all I seem to be doing is helping a person feel better all the time I don’t see how that can benefit me at all? In fact, a relationship like that is completely one sided and that really isn’t a relationship at all.
Men LOVE to feel admired. I know women better than probably any man you have ever met before so I have an idea of what you ladies need to be happy in a relationship but don’t think I am any different from any other guy out there. If I don’t feel admired in a relationship it is going to take a toll on me.
Solution To Problem 2
How in the world do you make someone fall back in love with you if they fell out of love with you in the first place?
Well, the first thing I think you need to do is identify the problem areas where you went wrong the first time around. Remember, most men don’t fall out of love without some type of reason to. So, read the section above and determine if you committed any of the “sins.”
I want you to do this for two reasons.
Firstly, I want you to understand what went wrong the first time around. Secondly, I want you to never make these types of errors again either in a renewed relationship with your ex boyfriend or a new relationship down the road.
Making an ex boyfriend commit to you if he has no feelings for you is going to be tough.
Why?
Because your main “play” to get him to commit is going to be leveraging his feelings for you or creating new feelings that make him fall for you.
But how do you do that?
Now that is a complicated question and coincidentally it is also the next major section of this guide!
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Leveraging The Power Of Feelings To Make Him Commit
(For more information about leveraging feelings grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
What have we talked about so far in this guide?
- We looked at what the two views of commitment were (your view and his view.)
- I told you what men want to commit to (The Bigger And Better Deal.)
- I told you the three areas of your life you need to get in order (health, wealth and relationships.)
- Heck, I even talked about a few of the major problems that cause cause a man to freeze at the idea of commitment.
When you look at all of the bullet points above every idea that I talk about there is very “big picture.”
In other words, they all talk about what you need to do to make a man commit to you but they never talk about HOW you are supposed to do it. That is where this section comes in. Before I talk about anything I think it’s important to tell you about how important feelings are to make a guy commit.
Understanding The Power Of Feelings
Right now you have a lot of feelings.
Out of all of the feelings you are having right now the one that is probably dictating your actions has to be the one in your heart that keeps screaming:
“I want him back. I want him back. I want him back. I want him back.”
It is the type of feeling that never seems to go away. It is on your mind as your eyes shut and it is on your mind as your eyes open. You think about it throughout the day and sometimes it is so prevalent that you can’t even concentrate on day to day activities. Food loses its taste. Every single text message you receive that isn’t from your man makes you angry.
I am sure right now if your ex boyfriend showed up at your door and said:
“I made a mistake. I want to date you again.”
You probably wouldn’t hesitate to take him back.
THAT IS THE POWER OF FEELINGS!
Imagine if you could make your ex boyfriend or just an on again off again lover feel that about you? That is how you make a man commit to you and that is what we are going to be covering here.
Don’t Be Too Available
A lot of women are like me..
(God help me I just compared myself to a woman.)
I am the type of guy that has a lot of feelings when I like someone. When I was very young I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. In other words, when I liked a girl I would just let the feelings pour out and trust me it creeped a lot of girls out. It was just too much too soon. I had to learn the hard way that, that wasn’t the best approach.
I feel when you are in a situation with your ex or with a guy who you desperately want to commit to you, you revert back to this mode where your heart is on your sleeve and you let your feelings pour out.
That isn’t the best approach.
You almost have to train yourself to not be too available.
The girls that I fall for… Almost always have more going on in their life than me. In other words, I am not the first priority and they aren’t too available for me.
Are you starting to realize the difference between you and women who are successful at making guys feel something towards them?
They aren’t TOO available.
Reigniting Feelings And Creating New Feelings
What do you think is better when you are dealing with an ex boyfriend?
Reigniting his old (positive) feelings or creating new feelings?
In the past I have talked a lot about reigniting an exes feelings for you. However, I haven’t really gone into creating new ones. So ultimately, which one of these should we be doing to get an ex to commit?
How about both?
Why don’t we work to reignite his feelings for you and also create new feelings at the same time. I guess the question now becomes,
How do we do that?
Well, in my experience reigniting old feelings can be done through texting, calling, facebook, etc, etc.
While creating new feelings can be done through those mediums it is so much easier to generate them if you see your man in person and experience something new.
So, there it is.
We are going to attack his commitment-phoebe personality with his feelings for you and we are going to do that through two ways.
Reigniting his old feelings for you and making him create new feelings towards you.
Reigniting His Old Feelings
Something has to change here.
Do you know what Albert Einstein defined as insanity?
Insanity- Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Obviously what you are doing to try to get him to commit to you isn’t working so you are going to have to change things up. I want you to be a very unique person for him to talk to. Most girls talk to guys the same way. I want you to try an entirely unique approach to talking to him.
I want you to treat every text message or phone call with him very seriously.
If you plan on writing a one word text or if you plan on being a bore on the phone then leave this page immediately. You obviously don’t have your head in the right place.
Lets start with something simple.
Text messages.
What A “Re-ignition Of Feelings” Text Conversation Should Look Like:
I cover this idea exclusively in my Texting Bible. So, make sure you check that out if you are confused as to how this works.
There are two goals when you have a conversation like this with any guy.
- Make him feel something deep.
- Leave him wanting more without being too available.
I am already going to assume that you and your ex have advanced to a point where you can have a re-ignition conversation without it being “too much.” If you haven’t advanced to this point then make sure you check out my E-Book. I also want to point out that if you use the examples I give below word for word then you aren’t going to do well. The examples I give aren’t meant to be followed to a T. No, they are meant to show you how a successful conversation should look like.
With those things out of the way lets begin!
I think the best time to have a conversation like the one I am about to show you is in the middle of an existing texting conversation. In other words, if you and your man are texting back and forth but the conversation is just kind of unemotional and normal then that would be the perfect time to start a “re-ignition” texting conversation.
One more thing before I move on. During your normal conversations with your ex if he is taking forever to respond to your texts then I wouldn’t recommend trying anything like this. Wait until he is very responsive because this is as much about timing as it is about saying the right stuff.
When you determine the time is right start by sending a text like this:
(If you need more examples like this check out The Texting Bible.)
I like this text for two reasons.
- The “Do you remember..” captures attention.
- The “No.. I shouldn’t.” is a way of testing how much your partner is interested in what you have to say.
I am always a fan of intriguing text messages. The perfect way to start any serious conversation is with a statement that could potentially drive a man nuts if he doesn’t find out. Think of it like this. If you were to say “Do you remember..” and never respond to him for an entire day that man should be constantly checking his phone. It should be driving him nuts as he goes to bed and as he wakes it up it should be on his mind.
That is how intriguing you have to make your first contact text message in a conversation like this.
Here comes the “re-ignition of feelings” part.
Think back to your old relationship with your ex. Throughout that relationship I am guessing a lot of things happened that made the two of you feel good. Sure, a lot of stuff happened that made you feel bad too but we aren’t focusing on that. I want you to think back and locate the best “feel good” memory you can think of that isn’t about sex.
A couple of things to note here.
- This memory needs to be incredibly powerful.
- It can’t be about sex.
- It can’t be anything that like the first time he said “I love you” to you.
- This isn’t even about you. It’s about HIM.
- You need to be thinking how this memory affects him.
One thing we already know is that men love to be admired. So, we are going to leverage this fact by looking at his best experience in the relationship. If you were in his shoes and you were to ask yourself:
“What was the best thing about my time with her?”
What would it be?
THAT is the memory I want you to choose.
I have often wondered what an ex girlfriend of mine would think if she ever saw this site. While I am extremely careful to separate my personal life from this site I can’t help but think of an extremely good example using one of my past relationships.
When I think back to my last relationship I can highlight the high point of the relationship exactly to the moment.
I remember I was at her house and we were sitting on the couch watching a movie. The movie wasn’t anything special but what happened during it was. On the couch she got very close to me and started leaning on me. She was comfortable and I was comfortable. She just cuddled up to me and it felt great to have another human being consciously just want to be there to cuddle with me.
It’s not like we hadn’t cuddled before but there was something different about this..
I don’t know how to explain it but it was like this light bulb went off in my head and I was filled with this feeling of happiness, excitement, contentment and seriousness.
It was like the moment I began to realize for the first time in my life I felt completely comfortable with another human being. I felt that any flaws I had were gone and I could just be myself and the feeling was liberating.
Then she dropped a bombshell and ripped my heart out…
No just kidding, just kidding. I wanted to make sure you were still paying attention.
The point is that if you could send a text that can tap into deep feelings like the ones I gave above then you are really onto something. Here is how a text like that would work for the example I gave of my “liberation.”
(For more text messages like this check out The Texting Bible)
This is really the moment of truth. Either he is going to bite the bait and you are going to have one of those super long text conversations or he is going to give you a negative response. If you did everything right there shouldn’t be any trouble.
Of course, there is still one more thing that has to be done.
The real trick to this is that you have to leave him wanting more. The absolute best way to do that is to cut the conversation prematurely. Lets assume you follow the directions I gave above and you yielded a positive response to the deep memory you chose.
Well, I would actually recommend that you keep the conversation going for 2-3 more texts and then after that simply don’t respond to his texts.
Will it make him mad?
Yup.
Will it leave him wanting more?
You bet your butt it will!
Do you see what I mean when I say you can’t remain too available?
Making Him Commit Through Phone Calls
This is getting to be pretty long so I want to take a moment to make sure everyone is still with me here.
Beyond becoming the “bigger and better deal” the key to making a man commit to you is to re-ignite his feelings for you. In other words, make him feel so much for you that he has no choice but to recommit to you. Above I showed you a tactic you can use to achieve that through texting.
Now I would like to move on to how you can re-ignite his feelings through phone calls.
I hate to sound like a broken record but we all know that men love admiration. So again, we are going to leverage that fact during your phone call with your ex.
Talking on the phone can be very tricky for one big reason, it requires you to think on your feet. You see, when you text you can think very carefully before you hit that “send” button. Talking on the phone doesn’t give you that advantage. If your ex asks you one question that catches you off guard and you say something wrong you could screw up your chances entirely.
So, there is a little bit more on the line with phone calls.
However, I don’t want you to stress about this fact. I have talked to people on the phone a lot in my life and I have found the best way to deal with any phone conversation is to remain upbeat and positive. This isn’t meant to be stressful. It’s meant to be fun and positive.
It’s sort of like going on a date. If you go on a date and you are super nervous and you can’t think straight then that date will probably suck. However, if you are super calm and you just focus on having fun the date has a good chance of going well.
Just try to make your boyfriend comfortable on the phone. There is no pressure. This is a no pressure zone.
When the two of you start having your conversation don’t think about saying a specific thing. I just want you to let the conversation flow. If there are a lot of awkward silences then don’t be afraid to get in there and fill them. I just want a friendly conversation to take place between the two of you. I want both of you to get your teeth into the conversation and kind of get a feel for each other.
Eventually, when the nerves have calmed down and the two of you feel comfortable talking to each other I want you to start an old trip down memory lane.
Say something like:
“Actually, I saw something that reminded me of you today. I was driving down (street name) and saw a cop had pulled a guy over. It reminded me of the time that the two of us got pulled over on our way to Colorado. Do you remember how fun that trip was (minus the cop 😉 .)”
The point of a comment like this is to force him to recall whatever trip happened in Colorado (assuming it was an incredible trip.) This way he will associate the good feelings he gets from that memory to you.
He will definitely bite if you say something like this to him. However, if he just gives you a neutral answer like:
“Ya… that was fun.”
Don’t be afraid to push him by being more specific about things that happened on the trip. You really want to force him to remember an incredible memory and associate that memory with you.
Here is where things get tricky though.
Without a doubt the hardest part about talking on the phone is the fact that when you really want to talk on the phone you don’t want to get off of it. This causes a problem because part of the goal with talking on the phone is to leave a guy wanting more.
In other words, you have to cut your conversation with him prematurely. For example, if the two of you were going to have a 45 minute conversation on the phone then I would say you should cut your conversation short at 30 minutes so you can leave him wanting more.
This is so hard to do because if things are going well your heart is going to want you to keep going but you can’t listen to it.
Trust me, I have had girls cut conversations short with me and it absolutely drives me nuts (in a good way.)
Generating New Feelings With New Experiences
A friend of mine once told me that:
The best way to make someone fall in love with you is to experience new things together.
While I am sure there is more to love than that the quote really resonated with me. I liken it to seeing a movie for the first time.
Nothing can quite compare to seeing a movie for the first time. Sure, you can watch it multiple times after you see it for the first time and enjoy it but generally speaking, nothing is going to trump that first time seeing it. I think relationships are like that to a certain extend.
Everyone always remembers:
- Their first kiss.
- Their first time having sex.
- Their first date.
- The list goes on and on.
Imagine if you could have a new experience with your ex on a date that would cause him to generate new feelings for you.
THAT is what we are trying to accomplish here.
If you can think of an experience that you and your ex haven’t already had together I would suggest doing it. Now, I am not talking about anything sexual here. This is more emotional than anything.
If you have any ideas for new experiences feel free to leave them in the comments to not only get my thoughts on them but give other people ideas!
Peyton
January 26, 2020 at 5:29 pm
Update: my ex called me 6 days after telling him I was going to block him and move on I only blocked him on Snapchat and I eventually unblocked him but I did not try to friend him and he had me blocked only on iMessage so he knew he could reach out to me from there. Anyways he called me and asked me why I was talking badly about him to his friends (which I wasn’t talking bad about him but I did tell one of our mutual friends about the night we fought and how I was really upset about it) and I told him that I wasn’t talking bad about him but I did tell one of his friends that what he said and his decision to never talk to me again did really hurt my feelings but I apologized for that and said that I shouldn’t have even said that much. I then asked him why he would even care in the first place and he said he didn’t care he just found it immature and it made him upset that I would say that he was a bad boyfriend when we dated when he took me on vacation and introduced me to his family and everything (which, I have no idea where he even got that from because I never said anything about him being a bad boyfriend) but after that I apologized again and then I asked him if he was still sticking to his decision to never talk to me and he said “I can’t answer that right now I’m at the gym and my phone is on 1%” so I just said okay and hung up. Then I talked to our mutual friend and told him about our history with our relationship and he said that he had to go because my ex texted him and said he needed to talk about some stuff with him and that he had a lot on his mind but he said that he would tell my ex my side and my true feelings about him and whatever. Then the friend called me back the next day and said that he was on the phone with me ex for like 3 hours the night before and my ex mainly talked about me and said only good things about me but said that he didn’t know what to do and that he was conflicted. He said when he told my ex how I felt and everything he said my ex said he understood and again, didn’t know what to do. He asked my ex if he was going to contact me again and my ex said “I don’t know, maybe I’ll call her” but then right after that he said “well, maybe I’ll just wait for her to call me I don’t know” he said my ex was super unsure about everything. But the friend then told me that he believes that we can make it work one more time but after this time it needs to be the end of it doesn’t work out or we just need to not try again and just move on but he said he thinks there’s definitely something there and he thinks my ex cares about me and like 2 or 3 months ago my ex confided in him and was like “what do I do man like should I get back with her?” And because the friend only knew his side of the story he told him not to get back with me. It’s been almost a month since that phone call and I’m not sure if I should contact him after the month is over or if I should wait until his birthday to contact him which is March 10th so that would be a little over 2 months of no contact. He hasn’t tried to reach out to me since the phone call and I’ve been able to see his Snapchat and he looks like he’s doing really good and really happy without me but he can’t see any of my social media. Do I contact him after 30 days, do I contact him on his birthday or do I just wait for him to contact me first even if it takes months to happen?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 31, 2020 at 11:19 pm
Yes No Contact him for 30 days, do not reach out on his birthday and you do not have to wait for him to reach out to you, you need to use a text that Chris suggests as your first text to capture his attention so that you can get in interested in having a conversation with you where you build your connection again.
Marion
January 7, 2020 at 12:35 pm
Hi Chris, so my boyfriend and I broke up last year (March). We have been on and off for more than 3 years. So we communicate, he always calls me and replies to my WhatsApp status and most at times when he calls and he is beside his friends he calls me baby and speaks to me as if we were dating. I want him to commit to me, I want him to ask me to be his girlfriend. I need your help!!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 7, 2020 at 10:37 pm
Hi Marion, so you need to start getting your ex to meet up on a one to one basis, where you start meeting on your own and introducing romantic side of things but it is key that you do not sleep with him until he is your boyfriend again, or you will end up in a friends with benefits situation.
Peyton
December 30, 2019 at 4:50 am
Adding to a previous post again, things were going well between us and he said he wanted to hang out but then he acted like he didn’t want to talk to him so I gave him space for a couple of weeks. Then I asked about hanging out again and he said that he doesn’t want to hang out anymore bc it’ll be awkward and there’s nothing to do and I asked him if he even wanted to talk to me anymore and he said he’s got a lot going on with his life and he’s unhappy in his life and just doesn’t want to talk to or date anyone which is the same excuse he’s been using since July. We got into a heated argument and I asked him if he just never wanted to talk to me and he said “I guess so I can’t keep dragging you along or doing this anymore I’ve wasted a year of your life because I’ve been indecisive and I just don’t feel the same anymore I just don’t see you or view you the same” and I got really mad because at first he said it wasn’t personal and he just didn’t want to talk to anyone. I said okay I’m done then this is ridiculous I’ll just move on then and block you and he said “ok whatever you have to do or whatever you think is best for you I guess”. I hung up and blocked him on snap and then sent him a text saying that if he really didn’t care about me this whole time then he should’ve just blocked me from the start and then he blocked my number. What do I do now, if there even is anything to do. I still have him on Instagram and I could add him back on Snapchat if I wanted to, he didn’t block me back.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 3, 2020 at 6:28 am
Hey Peyton, I cant see any pending posts from you so I think I have answered the previous post already. But for now, you need to NO CONTACT properly no emotional conversations, not blocking, following, deleting etc. Just radio silence. Let him have that headspace from you. If he has some things going on in his life and you are he are arguing all hes going to do is place that negative feeling onto you and relate it to you. So focus on being out of the way for now. he will unblock you eventually, it just takes time. So during this time in no contact, read and learn about the concept of Ungettable and what you need to do to introduce this into your life
Daisy
December 19, 2019 at 8:15 pm
Hi,
So me and my ex broke up in August after traveling around Europe together. At the time we had been dating for 6 months and when we came back home we ended up breaking up. The break up was due to lack of trust on both ends and he would threaten to leave me if I don’t behave a certain way and sometimes turn his phone off for days to avoid me which would drive me mad. In the end we broke up and I applied the 30 day no contact but I ended up going a bit longer without meaning to. I was having a great time and although he was on my mind everyday I started a new routine, got a new job, joined the gym again and was having lots of chill time to myself which I enjoy. Eventually I bumped into him and he wanted to meet me which lead to us beginning to have sexual intimacy. This was over two months ago. In this two months space he has stated how hurt he is by everything that I have done (no cheating included) and that he cannot be with me because I am over emotional and I don’t handle situations well cause I react with my emotions. He says he cares deeply about me but he will disappear for days which leads to arguments. We have a holiday booked for next week… don’t know what to do right now. I don’t want to be used but also I want to make things work… what do I do from here? Not sure if no contact rule can be applied right before a holiday? Or should I go on the holiday and apply no contact when I come back? Or do I do something else?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 22, 2019 at 4:23 pm
Hi Daisy, so while on holiday i suggest you do not sleep with him or be emotional in any way with him. Just have fun and show him how you can be mature and have learnt how to control your emotional reactions to things. He is saying he is hurt by the things you have done, but not cheated so I am not sure what you mean apart form maybe some hurtful words. Either way you need to read about the Ungettable girl and how to show your ex that you are the best version of yourself now
Peyton
November 26, 2019 at 10:17 pm
Hi shaunna, I’ve broken no contact more times then I can remember. I’ve been trying the no contact rule since June and it’s now November…. I always can go like 1-2 weeks without breaking it but after the two weeks I break it again. And he always knows that I’m going to do no contact like I always tell him that I’m not going to talk to him
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 28, 2019 at 10:00 pm
Hi Peyton so you’re not supposed to tell him youre not talking to him. But if you have tried and failed more than 7 times then yes I’m afraid it isn’t going to have an effect on him like you would want it to. So, instead of no contact you are now going to have to do the work to become Ungettable and NOT reach out to him, just live your life and show him you are getting over him.
Peyton
November 26, 2019 at 5:06 pm
Adding on to a previous post again. I broke no contact after about 2 weeks. We ended up hooking up again and I asked him how he felt about me and he said that he doesn’t love me anymore or feel that way towards me. All of my friends have been saying that he’s not worth it and to just drop him. We started talking about our relationship while I was at his house and he said that the reason we broke up is because I had a lot of pros and cons and more pros actually than cons but eventually he realized that he couldn’t change the cons and I wouldn’t change after he kept bringing it up so he just got tired of it and left. I’ve asked him I don’t know how many times if he can see us getting back together in the future and he always says he doesn’t know because he can’t tell the future. But he tells me not to wait for him and to move on and if stuff happens and we end up getting back together then we get back together. It’s extremely confusing. I can tell that now he doesn’t view me the same or have any respect for me anymore and I’m not sure if I can change that. I still really love him and want to be with him and see a future with him. He’s got his stuff together and is a really great guy and I still want to try if there’s a chance. Is it worth it to keep trying or have I failed too many no contacts and have no chance now? What do I do
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 26, 2019 at 7:42 pm
Hi Peyton how many times have you broken No Contact?
Peyt
October 27, 2019 at 4:21 pm
Adding on to a previous post I made, I’ve asked my ex multiple times if he sees us being a thing later or he says he doesn’t know because he can’t tell how he will feel later on. He’s told me to move on multiple times but he still wants to check up on me every once in a while to make sure I’m okay. He hasnt blocked me or made it seem like he really wants to move on or never wants to talk to me again. I talked to him last night and he said that he “just doesn’t feel that way towards me anymore” and that he has a lot of stuff going on in his life and he feels like if he’s in a relationship he can’t focus 100% on his priorities and he feels like he would have to drop everything for me because that’s what happened last time we were in a relationship. I got really upset and said “well maybe I should just not be in your life anymore then” and he responded with “whatever you feel will be easier for you. He ended the conversation early but said he would call me later to continue the conversation. We’ve been broken up for 8 almost 9 months now and I’ve been actively trying to get him back but mostly with trying to reason with him and sleep with him and talk to him. I’m not sure what I should do now. I got a reply on my previous post saying that I HAVE to do no contact but how long should I do it? And if he calls me back should I not answer and just ignore him or should I answer and then just not talk to him after that? Please reply
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 27, 2019 at 10:10 pm
So NC is anything from 21 – 45 days and the average is 30 days based on a break up that has a relatively normal ending ( no extreme fights or begging) So I would suggest 30 days for yourself where you work on solely yourself and make sure you are happy in every area of your life. If he is to call you during NC you do not answer his calls you leave it. IGNORE. If he is to text you following the call stating it is an emergency of sorts that does involve you, or it is a death of someone close to him then yes you can break it. But for the most part 30 days straight DO NOT SPEAK. The most important part of your journey is working towards being the Ungettable Girl
Peyt
October 15, 2019 at 4:17 pm
So my ex and I were in an on again off again relationship for about 2 years. I broke up with him twice, both times because of my mental health and because I felt like he wasnt giving me enough space. Each time we broke up it only lasted between 1-3 months. The last time we broke up was in February and he broke up with me. He told me he didn’t have time for a relationship and that he needed to focus on himself. I was really upset and I begged and pleaded for him back and we still would talk. Then two weeks later his friend called me and asked me if we were still together because he saw my ex at his wrestling match with his arm around another girl. I called my ex immediately and asked him what was going on and he said they were “just talking”. I got really upset and then he told me that he was fed up and wasn’t going to date anyone. He continued to talk to her until April. He went to her house, they went on two dates, and then he said that she was too immature and childish and he got fed up with her plus she lived an hour away. On his birthday in March I went to his house at night to tell him happy birthday and we ended up sleeping together and he cried and told me he still loved me but he couldn’t just stop talking to her and he picked her over me. Over the summer we kept hooking up but every time I would bring up wanting to be together he would say he’s not ready for a relationship or didn’t have time for one so I would try to do NC but i would only be able to do it for 2-3 weeks and then I would try to talk again and we’d hook up. We hooked up at the very end of August and I told him I wasn’t respecting myself because we kept hooking up without him committing and he said he understood and we tried talking on Snapchat. We talked every day for a month but I always was the one initiating the conversations and when we did talk sometimes he wouldn’t be very responsive he would just give one word or short answers. I asked him to hang out several times and he kept making excuses and finally I told him I know that you’re not that busy so what’s the problem and he said that he just was unsure if he wanted to hang out or if it was a good idea and he would let me know if he wanted to hang out. I wasn’t happy with that because it could take forever so I told him that. It’s now October and we hooked up 3 nights ago. It went really well and I talked to him again and I told him that he didn’t have to make up excuses for why he didn’t want to be together and that I know that it’s because of me. I have always been way too needy and controlling even when we broke up and I have never given him space gone no contact and given both of us time to heal. I told him that I know that I’m the problem because I keep ripping the band aid off when we both haven’t healed so then we argue and have no chance of getting back together. After I said that he hugged me and said that I couldn’t have said it any better. He said that every once in a while he’s going to text me to check up on me but we agreed to stop talking and give each other space/ time to heal for a while. Is that a good idea or should I do something else. I still want him back is there any chance that I’ll be able to get him back after this or did I mess it up permanently and he won’t ever want to be with me again and only ever want to be friends? Please reply
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 15, 2019 at 9:09 pm
Hi Peyt so you NEED to do a full NC and work on yourself and you also need to heal from your break up. There is a chance but you need to work this program properly and work on yourself too so that you are stronger when it comes to reaching out
Trine
August 1, 2019 at 11:24 am
Hey! Me and my ex are now meeting up almost every day. He says he has never been more obsessed with me, that he is waiting for me txt him, gets a bot angry when i dont replay and that he gets a good feeling when i want to come over to his pleace. But, he dont want to commit. He says that he are not able to commit now because he wants hes freedom, but that we will end up togheter in a few years. I understand why he thinks that because our last relationship was a lot of nagging from my part, but now everything is perfect between us.
How do I make him commit?
I know i am his dream girl and that he dont want anybody else and that he loves me like crazy. But he just cant handle the thought of me «taking over» his life so he will loose his freedom. I do not want to take away his freedom. I want our relationship to be just like it is now, but to be exclusive.
Anna
July 29, 2019 at 7:56 pm
Hi,
I was with my boyfriend for three amazing years. I know he loves me but it’s just come out of no where that he needs space. We have both had the hardest year individually but been each other’s back bone. We have both lost friends and our relationship got a little boring where we didn’t do much, but we still love each other and both want it it work. We started planning to buy a house and discussing the possibility of a baby.. until recently he decided he isn’t done being his own person. I know he loves me and we still want to be friends until we feel like we are both happy individually to be even happier together. Where do I go from here? I miss him so much and it’s broken me, whereas I don’t even feel like he is thinking about me.
Gabi
February 16, 2019 at 6:36 am
I went on a date with my ex two days ago , we had lots of fun and we made out. He texts me every day but hasnt asked me out again since. When we talked about us after the break up he said he would be willing to start over with me but take it slow to see how it goes between us before we commit again. I’m afraid he is leading me on and wants to play the field while still having me around. How can i get him to ask me out again and to want to recommit to me? I want him back and im going crazy missing him. I want to be happy but i feel so close to having him back that i dont want to move on yet. Help me!
Chris Seiter
February 17, 2019 at 1:17 am
Hi Gabi!
So sometimes the best way to attract a guy is to just take things slow….avoid pursuing him….drop a few subtle attraction morsels on social media or play on some very subtle jealousy themes. I hope you have me eBook as it will help you immensely!
san
May 9, 2018 at 6:35 pm
Hi good evening. My ex boyfriend and i have been communicating since october and sometimes he acts like he really wants me back. The other day on phone we were discussing and he ask me that if he asked another girl out I’ll b jealous,we always discuss he calls me sometimes i cal him. But yesterday i qas in a bus traveling he asked if am sitting next to a male or female i said male he said i will sleep on his shoulders i said “are u jealous” he said no he isnt and why should he be.So he is giving me mixed signals don’t really know and he jas been wanting to have sex aince October i have refused telling him “i can’t have sex with someone am not dating”. I dont know if my attitude is stil not okay will him necause he always complain that i am headstrong and disrespectful. Please help.
Chris Seiter
May 10, 2018 at 12:02 am
Hi San…maybe you create some space between you and your ex, applying some of the principles I talk about here so you can get past this game planning.
Becky
March 6, 2018 at 6:18 pm
My ex and I broke up 9 months ago and for about 3 months has been talking to me while dating his new girlfriend. He says he’s unhappy but on the fence about leaving her. Recently I asked about where he was with that and he is in limbo. Also said that if he does break up with her, he would want to date me but maybe not exclusively. I feel like he went right from me to her without truly feeling the pain, and now, realizing she wasn’t the best choice, still wants to play the field. Our long distance makes things difficult for me to compete as well. I decided to focus on someone else and just stop communicating with him again. If he comes back, I need to tell him that I want a commitment.
Cathy
March 1, 2018 at 5:29 pm
When my ex and I broke up, I was making more money, in the best shape, and had the best relationships with my friends and family thus far in my life. He, on the other hand, was struggling financially, had no friends, and seemed incredibly unhappy with his life in general. We weren’t fighting- less than ever, actually. I am confused about how I can make the info on this site apply to me and my situation
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2018 at 12:58 pm
Hi Cathy
When did you break up? Who broke up with who and is that the reason why you broke up? How long were you together? If thats the reason, did you tell him it’s not a problem for you? If yes, and he still wants to stay broken up, don’t talk to him because that will just make the break up easier for him and not miss you..
Travis
December 28, 2017 at 10:20 pm
I had been seeing this guy for about 2 months. We met on a dating app and we clicked immediately. He had told me that was the best first date he had been on in awhile and we continued to see each other. Each time we met he would constantly say how much he really liked me and I would agree that I really liked him. The 3rd time I saw him he introduced me to his room mates then after leaving immediately texted me letting me know how much they liked me and approved. I had even given him a flower one time and the next time I saw him he had told me how him and his room mates talked about how sweet it was and they seemed excited over the gesture and loved it and he had out it in a vase in his room.
It had seemed that his behavior with me progressed fast and I had asked if I could hold his hand and we started to hold my hand and I loved when he would bring me in close to him. He would make a point in always leaning on me or embrace me randomly. When we started to be intimate he would leave marks all over my neck, and was patient with me when I had performance anxiety. Then when we were done I would hold him and he would lightly stroke my arm and he ofter to let me spend the night and we slept in each others arms, I even made sure to ask if he wanted me to stay or go home and he said I was always welcome to stay and if he wanted me to go I’d know. I liked it, I liked it a lot. I never pushed this level of intimacy and had always followed his lead on this.
I started to fall for him, but it really became clear to me the week he went to visit his father for Thanksgiving in Baltimore. I made sure to give him his space and aside from texting him Happy Thanksgiving I didn’t want to be clingy, and of course he started the texting letting me know how much he missed me and I replied in kind. When he came back I decide to let him know how I really felt about him. I made a mixtape and wrote a note telling him how comfortable I was with him and that I wanted him to know how I felt about him. I let him know that there was no pressure in returning my feelings or even giving me a response I just wanted to be honest with him.
Then last Saturday happened…. we had made plans to see a movie and we met up everything was normal. He hugged me gave me a kiss like he always had and it was just fun catching up and telling him about my day. We went to a bar and that’s when he told me that he had a response to what I had given him. He told me how we were at the point in talking about defining our relationship and that what I had given him was sweet and it was a thoughtful gesture, but that he wasn’t ready for a committed relationship and didn’t want to lead me on and how wonderful and great of a person I am. I replied that I understood and never wanted to pressure him into anything he wasn’t ready for. In my head I was freaking out because I know I came off too strong and should of been more clear. I never asked him for a commitment and I just wanted to be honest with him. We sat there for a good 10 minutes in silence when I told him I had to go. I feel that was the biggest mistake I ever made and I tried so hard that day to fix it by texting him that o still want to see him and that maybe I need to take a few steps back and there was never an intention to pressure him. I was so terrified I have him an out of the relationship and he took it. I tried to call him but he just said he has nothing to add to what he told me at the bar and I felt defeated. The next day I cried out in pain several times , my heart felt like it had been ripped out.
I realized what hurt me the most was that he had just cut me off like that so suddenly. I was ok with no commitment I would be lying if I said I wasn’t talking to other guys, but the fact I couldn’t explain myself and clarified my miscommunication hurt me so much. A few days later I ended up texting him how I never wanted a commitment and to change what we had been doing. I apologized for my reaction on Saturday and how I had gotten scared because I knew came off to strong and that I should of been more clear on what I wrote. I told him how I screwed up something good and that was never my intention. He replied saying I had done nothing wrong at all and that I screwed nothing up and had nothing to apologize about. That he had really enjoyed the time we spent together and how wonderful and thoughtful and great I was and how amazing it was that I had the ability to express myself when he couldn’t. He told he had had been feeling anxiety about the direction of where we were going and knew that at some point he would either have to commit or leave, how he should of been honest with how he was feeling but didn’t say anything in hopes that his mind might change. He knew when I had given him the note/mixtape we were at that point. He apologize that he wasn’t upfront and didn’t communicate what he wanted and what he could and couldn’t give me. He said it would be best if we don’t continue a casual thing or friendship but that he wishes only the best for me and that what he had told me would help. It did a little bit. But it raised more question for me. I never pushed him into anything and everything we did he initiated. I feel like it was that even though he showered me with affection and I did the same in turn he was afraid of how he felt about me and ran scared. Then I have doubts how he just lead me on he never was into me. I’ve talked it over and over and it seems like everyone I’ve talk to is surprised in this because how he treated me and his reactions to things we did.
I still hurt and I’m trying to get over him but there are times I feel nothing and almost normal again and then I just start crying again. I know it seemed intense for two months but I never sought him out in the first place, I went into this as just fun casual dating and he surprised me a lot with how he became but said nothing because I liked it. I said my goodbyes to him but left my door open if he ever wanted to talk again in the future but I just don’t how to feel about how relationship and our break up. I don’t know how to move on. He was the first person I had ever felt a connection too and I just don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 31, 2017 at 8:11 pm
Hi Travis,
it hurts a lot because you’re still in the honeymoon phase.. are you going to do the no contact rule?
Rachel
December 19, 2017 at 9:23 am
My ex and I broke up about a year ago. He thought I emotionally cheated but I didn’t. I think he finally believes me. Since then we have been on again off again but he’s never recommitted. He started seeing a girl 5 months ago while he was still seeing me but not committed to either. I did the no contact for a week and now he just committed to her. Then he showed up 2 days later and told me he still loves me and couldnt understand why i ignored him. I told him i needed time away but he refuses even though now he is in a committed relationship. He still tells me he loves me, he is confused and he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. I tried to do no contact again but he lives down the street from me and everytime I do he won’t stop coming over until I talk to him or he will blow up my phone. 18 calls the other day and many text messages and he showed up twice. No matter how much I say need space or time alone he comes over. He keeps asking me if I am moving on with another guy. He obviously doesn’t love this girl or respect her and she lives an hour away. I believe he does love me and when he thinks he is losing me I’ve seen him cry. But everyone else thinks and says he is an emotionless robot. I’m not sure what to do. I have ignored his calls and messages but he will come over and i have to answer the door or he will knock until the whole house is away. (My 7 year old son lives with me) I’m not sure how to get him to recommit to me? I’ve bought your EBR Pro and I can ignore and not message him just fine. It’s him coming over and demanding and begging i talk to him. What should I do??
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2017 at 9:04 pm
Hi Rachel,
Tell him you can’t be someone who’s also dating another person..
Rayane
October 31, 2017 at 7:39 am
Hi there, Im looking for an advice regarding my recent situation. 2 years ago a new colleague arrived at work. He was handesome, cute and very polite. I never though I would fall for a colleague especially him being younger than me by 3 years almost ( he is 25 and Im almost 28). We started being friends but I never flirted or anything until one night after work he made it clear than he was interested in me and we kissed. It was perfect, it was on the 25th of August 2016. Few days later he asked me out on our first date and fast I would meet his flatmates, went out on double dates, did several activities. Our problem is that we would be too much into each others and we would be seeing each others at work all day at the same time, hiding it from other colleagues obviously. It became very fast too much, for him especially. One sunday like a year ago now, we woke up and he found out that his grand dad passed away. He cried in my arms and I did my best to support him but I think he got scared of me being too much into his life. After that it was never really the same, he was distant, texting less I started being the one to suggest dates and he would just say that he is busy without suggesting another day. I left him time to come back and he did slowly. Then I went off two weeks at christmas and we spent new year together with his friends, we really missed each others. The pressure with work, colleagues gossiping and handling our relationship at the same time was hard, we both hated our jobs, were working long hours etc. One week end we was back at his home, I suggested to meet on sunday night he said he had to do his laundry etc so he prefered us to meet on Monday. I went out that Sunday with a friend and found him in that exact place with a girl. He was dressed up. He saw me and just waved a hello at me and I left. He called me several times I didnt answer. The next day at work he came to my desk feeling so sorry and asked me to talk. He explained that it wasnt a date, some common friends suggested them to go for a drink and thats it. But that he never said that we were an item and that he always made it clear that we were casual. It was the first time I was told that so I didnt know how to react. Anyway I took my distances, went on gym, drinks with my colleagues, been happy. He noticed that and was always saying you look good today or have fun at the yoga. after a month we went out all together for St Patty’s day. I didnt feel well that night seeing him talking with other girls so tried to leave, but he ran after me. We talked during two hours that night explaining our feelings and how scared we were. He asked me to stay at his place as it was late and we were 5 mn away. We didnt do anything he just hugged me so much and we slept. After it started again slowly , we dated again, were going out together. We went on two weeks off seperatly when we came back we met straight away and were feeling happy, he came to Paris with me to meet my best friends and hang out with us on a week end. I got the privilege to be the first one to ride at the bike of his motorbike, he never took anyone expect his mum. He took me to Bath in England to visit his university it was a perfect day. All was well he was doing plans and all of a sudden he gets scared and go backwards. At this period we were really not happy at work. Everyone knew about us as we would spend our lunch together everyday. We started having interviews and were supporting each others. I would leave a postit on his desk saying good luck , he would text me. And we both got new jobs in different companies. It was great. I had to give my notice a month after him so he went on leave by himself with his bagpack. I eventually joined him for few days. We were happy but I could see something was wrong like if he didnt want to seem as him having to do a boyfriend duties. One day at lunch he told me that he told his mom that this christmas he would bring a +1, I was so happy. The same day during dinner he talked about us and what we are and that he didnt feel like telling me that he is madly in love and wants to move in together. that its been almost a year and we didnt move forward. I said that it was because of work but now it would be a new beginning for both and we could start again. We get along so well together, we laugh, we joke, we are so attracted to each others, we hug we kiss. That day we fighted at the end I said ok im not gonna beg you. But still we kissed hugged slept together and carried on our trip in Italy. After 2 days it was time for me to go back and for him to carry his trip. I left him some space, he texted me to see how i was and the day he started his new job I didnt text, he texted to let me know how it was and invited me for dinner that night. It was all back to what it was. We love each others so much even if he doesnt really admit it. Eventually that week, again he disappeared on the week end and I got very mad. I wrote him a goodbye letter. I expected that he wouldnt do anything and just let me go. But he didnt he called me straight away came to my house to discuss and tell me that he is just not ready to let me in his life 100 %, that maybe in the time being we should try and be friends . That i deserved the best. That day I said ok lets be friends. he invited me to a birthday party, I went, everyone loved me even his uni mates and most important we could see that he wanted me there. He would look at me, ask if everything is okay, put my favourite song and make me dance. We ended up kissing and spending the night together. after it was his birthday I organised for him a surprise pique nique in a park next to his office he really loved it and said I made his day. the next day it was my leaving drink, he came even though he left the company already. Our colleagues offered me a spa for two suggesting ofc that the second person would be him. He asked me to stay at his place that night as it was my last night before my month off. It was perfect hugging, kissing laughing. I went on my month off thinking that it was just over and I had to move on. But he kept on texting me, saying that he misses me asking when I was back. The day I came back he came home straight away and kissed me like someone who missed his girlfriend. We started again, I didnt ask what was happening , I let it go. We werent working in the same company anymore and it was all good seeing each others 3 times a week and eventually spending the week end together. He met my close friends here in London, I went on a guys golf trip with him and he felt happy. My issue was that as he isnt really good at texting I got a bit paranoiac when we werent together thinking that he was with someone else and he was playing with me again. I would text him did you sleep at home or enjoy your date and he panicked I guess. I eventually apologised trying to explain. He stepped back again and last week we only met once. it was great as always but in the morning I asked him are we spending the week end together ? He said i dont know my plans yet ill text you during the day . And he didnt. Texted me just a random pucture of his hair cut that night. Next day still nothing so I decided to talk to him. I texted him to let me know when he can talk. He facetime me straight away he was on his sofa watching a documentary. I told him that I cant anymore with this situation, one day everything is perfect the next day it is not. I dont feel loved, he said he felt pressured he doesnt like it he likes his own space and that he is still not ready for the commitment that I want. I said but it was all going well, i explained my point of view saying that im happy for him to spend the week end away from me but that he should just say so I do my own plansm he replied that he expected me to do my own plans anyway. That moment I though that even though I love him so much I had to stop because he doesnt want to commit to me and I couldnt live with it anymore. What I want is to do plans, to organise our weeks, to communicate. I told him I wanted someone who wants to share his sofa with me instead of preferring to spend his time alone. He said I deserved so much better than him, that Im a beautiful person inside and out that he is an asshole, that its our age difference, that it is normal that I want something serious but he cant do that now. So I said goodbye and he said I dont express my feelings you know me but right now im very sad. The next day he texted me that I do deserve the world and that he is sorry for not being able to give that to me. And that he would like to see me when the dust has setlled down, and That he will miss me. I didnt reply to his text. I feel a huge loss inside me because this guy when with him was making me happy and a better person and I know he was happy too. What I want from him is more prooves that he likes me and that he wants me. When he doesnt reply to my texts or disappears one day, it drives me crazy because i just remember that episode when i found him with a girl. He was doing plenty of efforts but I cant be available forever. Now it is the first time that we havent spoken in 4 days, neither met. I want him to realise that he lost me because before I was always there. What would you recommend to do ? keep the no contact ? He is a big part of my life and I just want his happiness as I told him and what I wanted it was us being happy together…
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 1, 2017 at 8:00 pm
Hi Rayane,
Yep, do at least 30 days
Bashola Toyin
October 24, 2017 at 6:34 am
My boyfriend broke up with me in June this year saying he wld prefer we remain good friends as being lovers will be a complicated one for us.. I went into NC immediately and re-initiated contact after 30 days. I initiated our convo for the first 2 weeks post NC. Then he took over. He initiates more than I do now. He comes to see me at least once a week. We chat every single day with him doing most of the initiation. I cook for him sometimes at his requests. Then, I noticed he’s trying to work on things I complained about whilst dating.
He’s more attentive, patient and caring now.
Let me point out that even whilst dating, yes, we used to make out sometimes but I never allowed sex. We dated for about 6months. Recently, he’s hinting at us making out sometimes as he’s been resisting just grabbing me. He says he really liked me, that I’m a good babe. I don’t have a problem with that as I don’t want to be friends with benefits. I need to know if we will be back to dating.
Let me say this. He was married for 17yrs but the marriage ended on a bad note about 4years ago. The divorce became final last year. He’s at The lowest point of his life right now because he’s very broke. His business is not going as well as It used to. So he says restarting is his focus at the moment. Yes, he needs a woman, but he needs to remove the source of his strain/frustrations first.
He recently invited me on a two day trip but I politely declined citing an excuse. I need to know where this is headed. Pls what do I do?
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 24, 2017 at 6:05 pm
Hi Bashola,
Check this one:
How To Ask Your Ex Boyfriend To Be In A Relationship With You
Anon
August 31, 2017 at 3:19 am
Hi Amor,
Couldnt post on the https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/my-ex-boyfriend-and-i-still-hook-up-how-can-i-get-him-to-commit/ page so I’ll try here. I’ve read all the articles on how to make an ex commit.
After NC I had slowly been in contact/hanging with ex alone and as a group. Was briefly fwb at the start but cut it off after two weeks and then did NC again, I think.
A month ago, said he missed and liked me (not love), thinks he made a mistake etc etc… Since then we have agreed to see each other and see how it goes. I should have waited for him to ask me out… but I ended up asking if he wanted to try again/date me/be my boyf something along those lines. He suggested “seeing each other” w/o the bf/gf labels. Been on a few dates. Tried to not sleep with him by saying lets take it slow until we are “official” but he said why wait since it was a big part of our previous relationship and said he isnt currently in it just for the physical aspect but emotional too which is why its different from fwb. He doesnt think there is a difference with sleeping together now as opposed to when its “official”. So we are currently being physical.
Guess what I am trying to ask is, how can I get him it make it official and commit? We are keeping it secret from friends until its official. 1) we dont know how to face them. 2) we dont want outside opinions incase they say may not work out and 3) to avoid any awkwardness in the case we end this before we are official. He was pondering about telling our friends and family again last week but then changed his mind quickly after. It is very certain right now that we are not bf/gf. Im still trying to have fun with increasing his feelings towards me. He’s noticed the changes I’ve made since the b/up.
Also, sometimes he will initiate contacting me first. But most times if I dont start a convo, may be more than three days until he does. Should I get into a mini NC or just wait until he contacts me?
I am going away on holidays in a few weeks so how should I handle being apart? Would it make him miss me?
I thought I was pretty much over him and was moving on but then this all happens and I feel like I’m kinda lost again but now I do want to try make it work.
Thank you!
Anon
September 5, 2017 at 7:28 am
Thanks Amor.
So I did what you said and he said he’s not sure if ready. Want some more time so suggested talk after my trip away. I didn’t want to see like pressuring him or setting a deadline. I’m not holding my breathe but at least I tried and he knows where I stand – to move on and cut my losses if we don’t want the same thing.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2017 at 8:44 pm
now, you have to be true to your word. That’s a natural reaction from him, he’s trying to keep while still not committing.
Anon
September 2, 2017 at 8:49 am
And would this essentially be giving him an ultimatum? :/
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 4, 2017 at 7:33 pm
if you want to, you can try it. Don’t put it like an ultimatum, say it like you realized the current situation is not workable for you, so, you’re moving on. You’re not going to say, “If you don’t commit, I”ll be moving on.” You are moving on, if he says he changes his mind and he wants to commit, tell him, it would be better if you prove it first. Because given the situation, you don’t want to fall for another verbal promise only.
Anon
September 2, 2017 at 8:00 am
You are right…
He has told one of our close friends since my message to you but that was because this friend caught us out on a date and said would keep it secret for us.
I should still go with your above advice right?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2017 at 7:38 pm
Hi Anon,
Sorry, you are friends with benefits.. You’re not official, you’re keeping it from friends and you’re slepping together.. Frankly, if you really want a guy to commit, dont give him the things only a boyfriend gets.. If I were you,I’d talk to him, tell him you made a mistake by allowing the current situation to happen because you lost self respect by allowing it.. And that you need time to fully move on for now..If he says, he agrees to being official and you’re not going to hide it from everyone anymore, good for you..if not, restart nc, do it one last time and do everything right.. If it doesn’t work, move on..
Alison
August 25, 2017 at 10:07 pm
Hi there,
A couple days ago myself and the guy I was dating broke up. We have been seeing each other for just over 8 months but I wanted him to commit fully (IE: with the boyfriend and girlfriend title). But due to his very sad past (including the loss of his parents at a young age and unstable upbringing) he has never witnessed or learned how to be in a relationship or take that step with someone emotionally. He was always faithful and acted like a boyfriend should, but every once in a while he would become overwhelmed and need a few days of NC to regain some independence that he’s so used to. It’s been a difficult road because we were both hoping that if we spent more time together then he would eventually be able to develop the courage to take that step but it seems to have been unfruitful. He wants to be in a relationship with me, I believe he has very strong feelings for me (neither of us are in love per say but we had very strong feelings) but after being together so long and him not being able to commit to me how i wanted, he ended it. We decided that we would take time away from each other so that he could focus on himself in order to fix this commitment issue and that i would’nt be “lead” on or “waiting” for him. In truth, it didn’t feel like I was being lead on and I have no ill feelings towards him because he has been trying very hard to overcome his fears. Anyway, now it has been a couple of days since we broke up I’ve noticed that he is not reacting very well to the break-up either. He is still texting me very frequently (during our “relationship” he would message less often, around three times a week or thereabouts whereas now he is messaging me throughout the day!) and is still quite emotinally involved with me (flirting ect). I don’t know what I should do. It’s a complicated situation where neither of us wanted to end things but we needed to in order for us to get the “title” that I needed in the relationship. Usually I would end contact but I don’t want to discourage him from helping himself since I am partly the motivator for it. I don’t want him to give up hope of getting back together with me but I’m also aware that talking could pro-long the “mourning” phase of a relationship and make it harder to move on potentially. What should I do! Any help is GREATLY appreciated!
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 26, 2017 at 12:56 pm
Hi Alison,
do you want to try the advice above?