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April Ng
August 15, 2017 at 5:36 am
Hi,
We were in a committed relationship for 5 months and we broke up a week ago, it was a mutual breakup though he asked for it in the first place. We both agree to remain as friend yet we did not contact since we broke up. Except we played a game together with his friends. But we did not talk to each other.
The day we broke up, he did send me a text telling me he is home safely which I think he is just being respectful and responsible. I did not reply.
The reason we broke up is because we could not felt the sparks anymore. The sparks has gone one month ago, I initially thought that he is facing a lot of trouble on works and he is busy with his new projects. Therefore, I felt distant from him.
I been hot and cold to him during the stage as I didn’t want him to feel that I’m the only one who is eagerly want to feel love. Yet, he told me he is confused about his feelings towards me. He isn’t sure if the feelings is love or just like me as a friend although he still get jealous. Which confused me too.
He even said at the moment, he is at the win situation where breaking up with me is what he wants and I’m at the lose situation cause I didn’t want to breakup. He said he might be regret in the future for letting me go but AT THE MOMENT, he just want to be single. I asked if one day he realised he still likes me, what will he do. He said he can’t make any promise as we can’t make sure we can reignite the sparks. But he say he will take action if he really find it back.
I really hope that we can reignite the sparks and have him chase me back again, but not in a mean time, I wanted things to go slow. I don’t wanna rush things now.
I’m going through a no contact rule but I’m quite afraid that he won’t initiate the contact although I can felt that he is being active in the game trying to make contact (or perhaps I’m thinking too much) And of course, I want him to be the first to make the move as he is the one that wanted to break up.
We both actually were moving things too quick, the first day he met me he has already falling in love with me and trying to get my attention. Yet, I felt nothing towards him and we went out with his friends. I started to feel I can give him a chance and we started to date and after 3 weeks of dating, we are officially together as lover. We make love after a week together, and we make love every week since then. But we started to have no sex 3 months before we broke up, I asked him why and he said he didn’t want me to feel that he want this relationship for sex. Which I can tell he truly love me in the first place and the sparks gone.
I really wanna get back with him, because I think we can reignite the sparks and be a happily couple. I wanted to get help from you, I’ll be really thankful and appreciate if you could help.
FYI, I still can get along with his closest friends.
Thank you so much.
Regards,
April
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 15, 2017 at 11:12 pm
Hi April,
Check this ones:
The Ungettable Girl
How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Desire You Again
jen
July 25, 2017 at 7:58 am
Chris your a genius! i sent my ex a message before i went to sleep the other night just simply saying that i hoped hed had a better day today i got a standard answer so said that id messaged cuz i saw something that reminded me of him so ended up seeing how he was…then i went to sleep he messaged when he woke up asking what i ignored it 20mins later i got what reminded you of me it was clearly bugging him and we then ended up talking for the rest of the day until early hours of the morning….good…now for the part i need help on he says he still thinks about me misses me got jealous when i said another guy was asking me to go for a drink however he said “but i dont want to be with anyone im happy on my own”….we ended up in abit of a sexual conversation and if i had said come round he would of been at my door within minutes! i ended the convo with the idea we would hook up for sex but never said when. what do i do next? is it just about the sex and thats it? i had alot of drama in my life near the end of our rel so it was all negative which he said he couldnt cope with but its all sorted now and im alot more positive so am i right in thinking i need to meet up and show him this new confident positive me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 25, 2017 at 4:03 pm
that’s good that you’re talking again but avoid doing it the whole day. Always be the one to end the conversation at high point. Don’t rush.. especially if it’s like that, that he’s not wanting a relationship but will jump at the opportunity of sex, you will end up being friends with benefits if you rush things. You have to build more interest in him.. let him chase. let him be the one to wonder if he can get you back.. keep having your own life while you’re slowly building rapport with him.
Lynn
May 10, 2017 at 7:04 pm
Hello,
I met a guy back in December 2014 and we hit it off instantly. Our first phone conversation that night lasted like 7 hours and we talked like that for weeks. Our first date lasted 24 hours, he spent the night, but we did not have sex. We were very smitten with one another. He was starting his lawncare business, so when the weather got warm, he was really busy. Also, by then, he told me that he did not want to have a committed relationship because most of his relationships had ended because he could never devote enough time. We ended up stopping talking for a little over 6 months. Around Feburary 2016, he contacted me, told me that he missed me and had never really thought about wanted a serious relationship until he met me. We have been doing the “on/off” thing for a while. The last 5 months we have been spending alot of time together, we talk on the phone for hours and he shares all his hopes and dreams with me. He just still does not want to be in a committed relationship. It is very confusing. He told me that he is in a dark place right now (he does have alot going on…lots of betrayal from family and friends). I told him that I respect his decision, but it was time for me to move on. On Friday, we met and talked…it was sad because we were saying goodbye, he said he did not want to lose me, but he cannot give me what I need right now. We spent the night with one another and then I left that morning. No shouting or disrespect, just sadness. He called me while I was going to work and we talked another two hours. I went into NC the next day. He sent a text asking me to remind him of something we had spoken about previously on Sunday, I did not respond. Sent the same text on Monday evening, I did not respond. He called me at work on Tuesday, I did not answer. I am just nervous that I am pushing him away by going into NC. I feel like he will think I have left him like everyone else in his life. We got along great, I am just looking for commitment. Am I doing the right thing? Can NC help me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 11, 2017 at 7:58 pm
nc helps increasing your chances.. but what you really need to ask yourself is, who do you want to be for him? Just a friend or a girlfriend? He’s the one who broke up with you, if he really wants you beside him, why would he do that?
shayla
March 18, 2017 at 4:00 am
I started the NC rule a couple days ago with my ex but since then he’s been calling and texting me. We were having casual conversation right before i implemented the NC but was very distant. Should I write him back telling him i need space right now or should i continue you the NC and just fall off the face of earth right after we had a discussion on the phone a few nights prior? I dont want to be rude and ignore him when in all honesty he didnt do anything wrong but i do need him to see that he cant take me for granted. Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 21, 2017 at 6:03 pm
Hi Shayla,
when and why did you break up?
Kirsty
February 14, 2017 at 9:21 am
Me and my ex started dating when we was 18 it was defiantly love at first sight and every date we went on he would always ask me out, he even said I love you on a few, although I thought it was too soon we got together 2 months after we went and went on several dates. Our relationship was perfect but after around almost a year I was going through a lot of problems and often moaned or pushed him away. He eventually dumped me and I cried for weeks on end. 3 weeks later he got back into contact and said how he was stupid, that he loves me, but I just need to change. In which I did I became the old me again the real me, we got back together and was together for another year and a half when he broke up with me again (December 13th 2016) we are now 21 I cried again and was completely heart broken, he said he’s head was everywhere and he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. I did the no contact rule and on the day I dropped he’s stuff off (just under a week from the break up) he said he wanted to try again, the next day he texted me saying sorry and that he doesn’t wanna try again and he’s sorry he’s hurt me. 2 days pass I get another text saying he can’t stop thinking about me and can we go on dates and see how it goes just so he knows for certain he’s doing the right thing. After thought I agreed. He kept asking me back out and said how much he loves me but I kept telling him to stop and that we won’t get back together just yet. 9 weeks of dating have now passed and he’s texting me this morning saying he don’t think he wants a relationship, and that I can stop talking to him if I want too he will understand and that it’s nothing to do with what iv done. I rang him and spoke to him and I said I felt the same as I’m scared of getting hurt. He said we will talk about it all tomorrow face to face. I have already booked a hotel room for us for tomorrow, I don’t no what to do anymore I’m completely heart broken and scared that I’m always going to be there waiting for him. Throughout the 9 weeks he’s been paying out for a lot and paid for most dates as I’m in a bad place with money atm. He said he wants to think about himself and sort he’s money situation and I should sort my own i don’t no if he’s thinking if we no longer see each other he will save money and we can sort our problems out but I’d rather sort it out with him then without him
Kiesty
February 21, 2017 at 9:06 am
I feel like iv completely ruined it. Started no contact straight away, went gym and shopping etc. Yesterday he texted me a really angry message because I liked one of he’s mates photos on Facebook and he told him. I didn’t think at the time, I was just scrolling down and happened to like it, thought nothing of it but he texted me saying was disrespectful it was to him, I said sorry and that I unliked it and deleted he’s mate and we left it as that. Now he’s texted
Me again this morning saying how angry he is that I did that and the more he thinks about it the more it gets to him that iv done that and he said he thought we left it on good terms, he also said it’s made it easier for him to get over me. I’m so upset I feel like iv ruined everything now
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 21, 2017 at 11:21 pm
that’s ok.. just restart the count because worrying won’t help..
Kirsty
February 18, 2017 at 8:35 pm
Thank you, I’m defiantly going to start the no contact rule and work on improving myself and looking after myself. It’s hard, he even texted me yesterday seeing if I was okay.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2017 at 6:41 pm
You’re welcome.. that’s a good sign.. You can do it.. Make the most of nc because after that you would have to juggle improving yourself while rebuilding rapport with her..
Kirsty
February 17, 2017 at 6:03 am
We met Wednesday and he both broke down and cried to each other and he said he doesn’t want to loose me, and kept asking me back out and said it’s a wake up call for him because he doesn’t wanna be without me in he’s life, but I said no because he constantly keeps changing he’s mind, he said when he’s with me everything’s perfect and he has no doubts but when he’s home on he’s own he starts to doubt things. He called the whole thing off yesterday over the phone and said he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore and that he will always love me. Will the no contact rule make him move on from me as we’ve broken up now twice and tried to make it work the past 9 weeks? I don’t want him to move on and forget about me
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2017 at 2:08 pm
he’ll probably change his mind again because it’s been like that for too long.. and he’s thinking what you’re thinking but on his side, he knows its because he’s being hot and cold..so, leverage that by improving yourself..make him regret more by being a better person..if he moves on, then take it as a restart and continue to slowly build rapport..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 14, 2017 at 8:45 pm
Hi kirsty,
this time, are you willing to stick to a 45 day nc?
Amanda
January 9, 2017 at 3:46 pm
I have the boyfriend recovery PRO and have read it .. however I would like to run this by you. I have been seeing a guy for 1.5 months. Very affectinnate he asked me on date 1, we went Christmas shopping, he’s made me dinner and I’ve spent some time at his house. I postponed having a sexual relationship. I got him a Christmas gift and spend time with him and things felt different after that. I backed off and he sought me out. We continued to talk. We agreed to hang out this past weekend and on Saturday night – I had a little too much to drink…so did he …and because we didn’t end up hanging out I text him I was done (very mad at myself) .. he said he wasn’t and didn’t want to be. I corrected myself and said I didn’t mean it just needed to know he cared. Next day I text him apologizing for how I spoke to him, his reply was ‘it’s whatever’. (?) I explained that I didn’t mean what I said that it was out of frustration at not getting to hang out anduring came out with drinks. Said I would still like to get to know him if he was still wanting to.
He told me he and his ex broke up 3 months ago and she was really awful to him and he didn’t want to get in a relationship where he was going to be yelled at for things he didn’t do again (meaning my frustrated messages). Said I am an amazing individual and he really likes me and loves spending time with me but knows for a fact he isn’t ready for a relationship until he gets himself straightened out and doesn’t feel it’s fair to make me feel led on. I replied “it’s cool…we can still be friends” and he said “I’d like that!”
Now I know every guy is different, that it could be a gentle way of letting me go, it could be that he really just doesn’t feel ready and realized that when we started getting closer (he wasn’t avoiding me at all and had continued to text me every night and tell me good morning). I know the only way to really know is to ask him but I’m taking him at what he said. To me it feel like he isn’t telling me to go away…based on what I’ve read in the past I should no contact him right now … no social media posts for a minute and no texting to say hi just to let him realize that he let me go with the hope that he does care about me and misses me.
Do you agree? Then build a friendship with him after some time…..
I guess I’m wanting your view on what to do since this is so fresh (yesterday) and there isn’t any major negative between us and he may still have feelings …
Reshma Navin
June 17, 2017 at 5:02 am
Hello Amanda,
After reading your story, I felt the urge to reply as I am in the same situation few years back.
You mentioned that the guy you were seeing just broke up with his ex 3 months ago, and based on the time elapsed of going out with him, it is very common especially in my country here in Europe that men easily go on rebound, hooking up with a woman back to back after a bad breakup. It is likely that your case fell on the rebound relationship and being the rebound really sucks. I can feel your sentiments as my situation is very much similar to yours.
I tried my best to connect with my guy after implementing no contact for 30 days (almost 45 days even) and after knowing that he is dating and spending more time with his ex, excruciatingly killed me, I was devastated and broken into pieces. I was told by my ex boyfriend that he really loved his previous girlfriend and considering YET a reconciliation anytime with her since 2 years of their relationship was full of good memories ..again I felt I was stabbed deeply as twice.
After reading several articles on the website, I learned how to let go since you can’t really force a man to commit if he is not ready into it. You would always feel used and abused by emotionally unavailable kind of guy like I was. My advice, find another man that you deserve…who is worth your time and love.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 9, 2017 at 7:18 pm
Hi Amanda,
what happened reminded him of the bad things with his ex and made him think you are the same with her.. So yeah, do a no contact rule..maybe just 21 days
Alison
January 8, 2017 at 11:26 pm
My now ex and I we’re dating for about 5 months or so. Recently I broke up with him because I started to have trust issues. Mind you this is an ex from my past as well. Anyways after some days to think I reached out to him asking if we could talk. He responded angrily saying no. He kept responding to me so I assumed something was still there. I asked him if he was certain he didn’t want to try and that I wouldn’t be reaching out this way if I didn’t think it through. Acknowledging that I too would have some work to do. Though not in those exact words. He did not respond to that final text. Few days later I get 2 missed calls from him back to back. I didn’t think he would call so I wasn’t looking out for it. I did call him back and he answers immediately. The conversation is calm and OK. More about what he’s up to that day. He was dealing with a family hardship. I wanted to give him a complement so I let him know that for a person who goes through a lot, he does a good job holding it together. (He does). Little did I know it triggered something. He kind of snaps at me and asked me why I didn’t call him back sooner? I guess he wanted to see me. I told him that just because I didn’t call him back so soon, isn’t because I’m ignoring him. When we were in a relationship our calls were almost always answered and are callbacks were sooner. Anyways, during the conversation I notice that he’s happy to talk to me. Knowing this I ask him if he’s happy. I can practically hear him smiling through the phone. He admits yes. Eventually he asks me what I’m doing and if he can come stop by to see me real quick for a hug. Unfortunately I was leaving the house and told him I would not be home. I then noticed him getting irritated. If the timing wasnt perfect, he had a family member on the other line calling him. So I let him go. For the rest of the day and the day after I didn’t hear from him. So I followed up with him the day after that. Maybe I shouldn’t have but I left him a voicemail saying hi and that I hope he’s doing OK. But nothing. The next day, perhaps another bad move, I texted him saying Good morning and asking if there was a chance we could meet up. . Again… Nothing. It’s been about a week, which I know isn’t that long. . . But at the same time I’m used to talking to him often. What have I done wrong here?
Alison
January 8, 2017 at 11:51 pm
How should I proceed?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 9, 2017 at 3:51 pm
do you want to try the advice above? of you’re going to do the no contact rule, make it atleast 30 days and be very active in improving yourself
Alison
January 8, 2017 at 11:44 pm
I guess what I really want to know too, what should I do now?
Alison
January 8, 2017 at 11:42 pm
Is it too late?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 8, 2017 at 11:33 pm
Hi Alison,
you kept talking to him instead of just doing the no contact period
Niks
December 11, 2016 at 10:19 am
Hey,
I and My boyfriend started off casually. But soon our relationship turned into serious one. We broke up in summer after his parents denied our relationship. I confronted his parents against his wish they turned against and we broke up. His dad had a heart trouble next day and was hospitalized, so we dint even stay in touch for six month. Post that, I again got back after i got to know about his friendliness towards another girl. That chapter was done and dusted, she got fixed for marriage with someone else and he came out somewhat clean. Now he is again started seeing girl of his parents choice. I stopped communication since i realized this wasnt going anywhere. His parents clearly were just killing it and he was obliging. After 10 days of not talking to him, he has blocked me everywhere on whatsapp, instagram, etc. Dont understand why he had to do that when i was not even calling him or pestering him with calls. I maintained my dignity and just backed off. But he dint had to be that harsh/ rude. Please help. Also kindly note that i dint call him even after knowing that he has blocked me. Though it did hurt a lot and moreover that got me thinking,
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 13, 2016 at 6:42 pm
Hi Niks,
how old are you both? Do you want to try the no contact rule?
Gia
December 7, 2016 at 6:25 pm
Hi,
So we were in a serious deep relationship for a year but then we broke up because I badly betrayed his trust(not cheated with some man or anything but had to lie about something for a long time). Now,in this 1.8 yrs time,ever since we brokeup,we never lost touch.We’d continue with the texting once twice a week and once in a while phone calls. We ended up making love twice during this period but now we both refrain. We have fought a lot in this period each time he put me down,or because I ask him either about us,me,love,relationship,feelings etc basically anything which has emotions and feelings hasn’t gone well with him at all ever since we brokeup.
Now,things had seemed to have improved this yr since september. After such a long time he was the one who started calling me (after the breakup it was mostly me who’d initiate the phone calls) and the talks would last for an hour or even more at times. The thing is,even though he still calls me ,texts me,not once in these 1.8 yrs has he complimented me or have I gotten to hear anything positive about me or us from him. It is very evident that he’s still holding grudges(but will never admit) but sometimes this behavior makes me feel as if he’s just emotionally using me. Day before he called me at night and we ended up talking for 2 hrs and it was a great talk,we connected ,shared and laughed so much.However,we ended up having a fight yesterday again when I asked him what do I mean to him and why does he still call me.He said theres no reason why he calls and talks to me and said i musn’t misinterpret it because he can talk the same with anyone and that I’m not special. It got me mad and I told him that it means I am just a fish in his hook till he finds someone else.He replied “you’re free to assume whatever you want.I am done correcting you always.As far as future is concerned,only time can tell because assurances of the present have only resulted in failures of the past”.I just said how stupid I was for asking him that question to begin with since I was just hoping to hear something positive and sweet but got burned again.Then I told him bye and he wished me “have a great day” and that was it.
Is it really that he’s just emotionally using me or anything else?What can I do now after our last night’s fight?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 11, 2016 at 11:18 am
Hi Gia,
it’s been a year, if he wanted to get back with you, he should have. It looks like he just friendzoned you.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?
Skye
November 28, 2016 at 10:22 am
PLEASE HELP!!!!!
So I was in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 months, and he broke it off saying that something felt “off.” We decided to stay friends, and he was pretty stiff and awkward around me for awhile since then. However, recently he’s been getting closer with me. I started getting confused once when I asked him to teach me how to snowboard. He said yes and that afterwards when we’re cold, we can make hot chocolate and watch movies. I started wondering if he meant for that to sound so romantic, but a little later I got even more confused.
I already struggle with depression and anxiety, and I have a bad habit of cutting myself to cope with panic attacks. It doesn’t happen often, but one night it did and I found myself calling him in tears at 3 in the morning to help me. When he told me he was at my apartment, I realized I didn’t want him to see me like that so I told him nevermind. However, I left the bathroom and found that he had let himself in out of concern. We stared at eachother for a moment, and he saw the blood on my arm. Without saying anything, he walked across the room and hugged me. He took me back to his house and treated my wounds. He even wrapped my arm up in gauze for me. Then we just sat there, him rubbing my back and listening to me talk about things. Eventually, he told me there was a movie he wanted me to see and made hot chocolate and popcorn before putting it on. Somewhere throughout the movie, he suddenly wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him so that we were cuddling. He held my hand as well and rubbed it with his thumb. I was super confused after this night and wondered if that meant anything or if he was just comforting me.
However, just a couple nights ago I was watching a movie alone with him again. We again started cuddling and holding hands. This time, when the movie ended we didn’t move. We stayed wrapped up around eachother and fell asleep. After some amount of time, we both woke up and somehow started kissing. That kiss turned into a full on heated makeout session. When we finished, he just stared at my face in this way he did when we were dating. I always loved when he did it, because I could see all the emotion clearly in his eyes and face. He looked at me in that mesmerized way and would kiss me again. This happened for awhile before we finally got up to leave. He initiated holding hands with me during the car ride, and when we arrived at my apartment there was that awkward moment where you don’t know how to say goodbye or what to do. Hug him? Kiss him? I didn’t know what to do, and he was giving me that look again. So I opened the door and started getting out, but he still had my hand and pulled me back to kiss me one last time.
I went into my apartment, and about a half hour later, I got a message from him. He started apologizing to me for taking things too far. He called himself an idiot and said he had very little self control, that he just got caught up in the moment and the memories and let himself go. But that he still wants to just be friends and doesn’t think we should get in a relationship again at the moment.
I also don’t think we can get together right now since it’s only been about 5 months since we broke up, and we’d just run into the same problems right now. Those problems being that he felt like there was something missing between us, and he felt like he couldn’t be fully committed to me as much as I deserve. He also said that as great as it would be to get back together now, it wouldn’t work out. We had a long talk and agreed on just about everything. Being friends right now is for the best, because it will make us closer and more stable so that maybe down the road we can be together again. He said he fears that the past problems will come back to haunt us, and he’s unsure if those things will be surmountable or fade in time. Basically, it was agreed that right now isn’t the right time for us to be together, but we possibly will somewhere down the road.
I went to church with him the following Sunday (he’s LDS), and he had put his arm around me and rubbed my shoulder throughout the first and second hours. There was a little hand holding as well. Then we left early since he had things to do, and we just goofed off on the car ride back to my apartment. It was really nice. We were talking a lot on facebook later that day as well, also just goofing off. But he also said that it would motivate him more to attend the full 3 hours of church if I kept going with him. And I agreed. So it looks as if I’ll be going to church with him every Sunday, and I’m wondering if that will bring us closer somehow.
I’m trying really hard not to obsess over everything, but I have so many questions. I wanna know if it means anything that he’s been very comfortable and relaxed with me lately and if it means anything that he “lost control” and kissed me. I don’t understand how he kissed me and then talked like it was a stupid mistake he made crossing the friendship boundaries. And we did agree that hand holding and cuddling is ok, but I still get the nagging wondering of what’s on his mind each time. Every time I see him or talk to him now I wonder if he’s enjoying it and considering dating me again. My mind is just whirling with all of these questions about everything. I can’t make sense of it. He shows all the signs of still liking me and being attracted to me, but then he says he just wants to be friends and is nervous about getting back together.
The basic things I’m fretting about currently is if he starts dating someone else. I’m terrified of him getting with someone and not being able to hang out with me one on one so much anymore, and we won’t be able to do these hand holding and cuddling things. I’m so deeply scared of that….Losing him. I also keep wondering what’s been on his mind and how much I’ve been on his mind after all the physical things that have been happening. We’ve been broken up for 5 months, and he acted so awkward around me all that time. He had to keep a good amount of space between us if we sat next to eachother, and he got nervous about anything that seemed relationshipy. If I were to hold hands with him at that point, he would’ve stopped it and freaked out. Now, after all this time, he’s suddenly very flirty, very close and comfortable with me, and I just don’t know what to make of it. I’m sorry this is a very long story, but if anyone reads this, then I really appreciate it. I am completely in love with this guy and feel very right about him, like he’s the one. I’ve never had that sort of feeling before for any guy I’ve dated, so this is all new to me. I’ve always forgotten about ex boyfriends pretty fast and moved on, but I can’t seem to shake these strong feelings for this guy. I never in my life would’ve resorted to reading an article like this let alone commenting on it. I just really need help in knowing what to do here. I can tell that some old feelings for me have surfaced in him, but he’s still unsure if getting back together is a good idea or not. I don’t know how to bond with him more and make him feel okay with getting back together, make him feel what I feel. Any advice would really help!
Caitlin
December 2, 2016 at 6:37 pm
I did the one month no contact and he told me to move on I think I’m going to buy this guide because he told me that our time has passed. If I bought this guide could I get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 2, 2016 at 8:24 pm
Nope, it can only increase your chances.. It cannot assure you if getting him back.. there’s no guarantee in that..
Caitlin
November 30, 2016 at 6:34 am
My boyfriend and I were attached at the hip and we were arguing too much and when we broke up we both said such mean things we had a hug blow up fight. Fat forward a few nights and I ended up in the hospital and he came and held my hand and called me babe and said he cared called me beautiful and the whole nine yards and said he wanted what was best for me and my success and all that and he told me maybe it could work in the future and maybe if we were on good terms we could talk. But then a month of no talking he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet and we talked yesterday for the very first time and he knows I’ve made some major life changes and he knows I’m sticking to them. Should I give him more time and space? Because he knows I’m here waiting for him as a changed woman who loves him very much.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 30, 2016 at 9:02 pm
HI Caitlin,
Did you mean you did one month of nc but then you asked if you could get back right after it? or it just so happened that you didn’t talk for a month?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 29, 2016 at 1:11 pm
Hi Skye,
he’s showing good signs but the danger of what you’re doing is if you’re too available without commitment, then he might get comfortable doing those things without commitment
Megan
November 23, 2016 at 5:07 pm
Hi- Any piece of advice will be appreciated! This might be a really long story…
My ex broke off our 2.5 year relationship over 6 months ago(May, 2016). We dated/lived in the same city for 1.5 years, then he moved back to his home state after finishing his education here. Our LDR was still great while he was studying for the professional exam/ looking for a job. Since I already had a professional career, we were able to manage LDR fairly easily (financially) for over a year (seeing each other every 6weeks/ traveling/ visiting families). Then he finally got the job, moved to a new city, and started his new working life (he is in his early-mid 30’s). We talked about me moving to the his city (It would be easier for me to find a job there). But then 3 months after he started his job, he broke up with me out of blue.. We didn’t talk for about a month and half.. then I called him to get some sort of a closure, in fact, I was feeling better and ready to move on after that pleasant conversation. I started moving on–dating other people, doing my usual things (I always have spent most time working out/ shopping/ taking care of myself regardless of my relationship status). Another month has passed, on his birthday and couple days later, he emailed me twice saying how he made a mistake, his love for me had grown even more, and wanted to move in/ have family together. I called after waiting a few days. We discussed what he really wanted. He wanted to visit me, but he wasn’t sure about everything again. Somehow he managed to make a visit in August to sort things out. We had a great time, just like how it was before. But then he still was not sure of committing or getting back together, which confused the heck out of me since he was the one emailing me twice wanting to get back together only a few weeks ago. We talked everyday after he went back to home… but he decided that he didn’t want to hurt me anymore and he just couldn’t jump back into the relationship.. So it ended, again. He wanted to talk after he broke it off, but I just ignored. Another 1.5 month passed without talking, then he wished me a happy birthday. I replied shortly “thanks”, he started asking me question which I ignored. Two weeks from our last “conversation”, I accidentally called him/ hung up right away. Then he called right back, wanting to talk(FaceTime). We had great conversation, no hard feelings, just missing each other, and catching up. Then… I don’t know what I was thinking… Two weeks later, I surprised him by visiting his city. He was genuinely happy to see me, we had a great time for a few days, but not talking too much about our relationship. He texted/ called/ Facetimed me everyday ever since. We schedule an another visit too.. So I thought things were going to the right direction (getting back together). Then when I visited him 2 weeks later, something was different. He was still affectionate but I knew he wasn’t the same. I finally brought up about our relationship–just asking if he is seeing or sleeping with anyone else.. He said “no”.. but he wasn’t really open to talk about anything.. I was being honest, and told him that I wanted a family. I am financially and mentally stable to have a family, and we can pay off his student loans, and plan travels.. Well, he wasn’t up for it. He was hesitant. When I asked if he just wants to date and play around, he wouldn’t say “no” to my questions.. He wouldn’t tell me that he doesn’t want to see me anymore either!! He said he was confused and unsure of things. I was so tired. For god’d sake, he is 33 years old and still doesn’t know what he wants? I feel like I did literally everything from the beginning— Letting him go, having closure, giving him more time, letting him go… repeat. Well I told him he should never ever try to talk to me for whatever reason if we end things here. He kept saying how he doesn’t want to hurt me, and stringing alone, blah blah blah. I’m not an idiot, I know he doesn’t want this relationship with me now.. and I’m really exhausted from all this drama that we never had in our 2.5 year relationship. He was still caring/ affectionate even after I got back home. But then I just stopped texting him back and he hasn’t tried to reach out to me. I really think I’m done. I still do have health, wealth, and relationships with friends, family and coworkers.. But why is it so hard for me to just give him up and completely move on? I want to stop all this, and at this point, I don’t think I want to be with a man who isn’t sure about me when I know there are guys who sure want to be with me.
I’m so embarrassed to tell people that I visited him twice but still he doesn’t want me for sure. People think I am confident and career-driven successful woman when I’m so depressed and frustrated with this relationship for over 6 months.. Why is it so hard for me to just accept that it is truly over? Maybe I still think that there is another chance for us?.. Should I move on (which seems so impossible since I already tried multiple times). Do you think he may come back begging me take him back in the future? Just any words would help me…
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 26, 2016 at 12:07 pm
Hi Megan,
set aside what other people think. It’s just been 6 months, it’s normal that you would still think of him and also because you two kept trying to start things over and then withdrawing back. It’s like feeding you just enough to want more. I know you done like a no contact rule by not talking and by being busy but this time, try making new friends. You don’t have to date. Just make new friends in the same field that you love to gain prospective and grow. Volunteer or join a new class and if you talk again, don’t start off as doing another relationship, just be friendly.
Emma
November 13, 2016 at 3:00 pm
Hello,
I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months. In the beginning it was really casual and we had a lot of fun. Gradually we saw more often and it started to feel more serious, but we didn’t talk about it. Lately he broke his foot and I started to take care of him (laundry, groceries, coocking). Yesterday I asked him a question about a girl who is always posting hearts and sweet comments on his FB. He freaked out and said he wanted freedom. he said he don’t want to lose me but he cannot make any promises to anyone. I said the only thing I wanted was openness and honesty. And he said he couldn’t promise me that. So I walked away. Yesterday he only send a message for the link to his X-rays for hist fysiotherapist and I send him the information. Later in the evening he liked a FB post of me. Haven’t heard of him yet. What would you recommend? Should I do NC or can I answer if he seeks contact. Btw lately I was really enjoying life, have a great job, started to train to run the 10 miles, started learning to play the sax. So don’t think I came over as needy but he said he thought I was to controlling and did to much for him.
Emma
November 20, 2016 at 10:22 am
Hi Amor,
Probably he doesn’t want to commit. He keeps liking FBI posts and he has send two meaningless messages in the past week. I don’t know how to react. So I didn’t answered at all. But I do miss him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 22, 2016 at 7:04 pm
It sounds like to him, you’re mommying him.. Yeah, you have your activities but you’re not officially together and yet you’re investing too much in him, then you question girls in his life, when you’re not even his gf.. So, yeah, I think you should try the no contact rule.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 2:34 pm
Hi Emma,
what do you think of his reaction? why did he react like that?
Emma
November 13, 2016 at 2:55 pm
Hello,
I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months. In the beginning it was really casual and we had a lot of fun. Gradually we saw more often and it started to feel more serious, but we didn’t talk about it. Lately he broke his foot and I started to take care of him (laundry, groceries, coocking). Yesterday I asked him a question about a girl who is always posting hearts and sweet comments on his FB. He freaked out and said he wanted freedom. he said he don’t want to lose me but he cannot make any promises to anyone. I said the only thing I wanted was openness and honesty. And he said he couldn’t promise me that. So I walked away. Yesterdayevening he send a message for the link to his X-rays for his fysiotherapist and I send him the information. Later in the evening he liked a FB post of me. Haven’t heard of him yet. What would you recommend? Should I do NC or can I answer if he seeks contact. We are both in our thirties.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 2:33 pm
Hi Emma,
what do you think of his reaction? why did he react like that?
Monica MIchelle
November 10, 2016 at 9:18 pm
So I was with my boyfriend for about 3 months. He moved pretty fast…asked me to meet his parents, mentioned things about me moving in, taking a 2 week trip next year. His actions were 1,000 relationshippy and we were exclusive.
He then ghosted me for a month and I finally confronted him. He said “I think I sort of went quickly into a relationship with you and got cold feet. Didn’t feel I was ready to commit. I’m sorry I should have told you that. Our time together wasn’t the problem. I just felt I needed to be by myself.”
Is this normal? Will he ever come back? I’m not holding my breath, but I really cared about him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 14, 2016 at 6:23 pm
Hi Monica
after a month of ghosting you, he still tells why he broke up and why he thinks it should be that way, that means he doesnt want to go back to you. I’m sorry, but you should move on. Yeah, you can try being friendly but now is not he right time because it’s obvious that you’re still hoping
Annie
November 7, 2016 at 4:32 pm
Hi
My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 days ago from a 1 year relationship. Our relationship was perfect until a few months into it he started distancing himself from me. 10 months into it he admitted to me that his ex had reached out to him and started talking while we were dating. He said they only talked as friends but talking to her made him realize he isn’t completely over her.
We tried to work passed it,I gave him a break for almost 2 weeks and he started showing signs of being a better man. He let go of some bad habits I used to complain about,but somehow he never seemed to be fully committed to being all too public with me. Everyone knew we were dating,but it felt like he wasn’t giving his all. Days like valentines and anniversaries weren’t celebrated because he said he wasn’t used to it as I was his first on all occasions.
I wasn’t proud how he didn’t seem to give me all the attention because I felt like talking to his ex was making him find me less of a priority compared to her. One day she called really late while we were asleep,he never answered or called back but I felt if I wasn’t there he would have. She became the argument of everyday and it even though he said he loved me he had her name as his laptop password. Asked him about it and he told me that it was common for him to do that as all the girls in his life are a password to at least one of his accounts. Three days ago he told me that he wanted to take a longer break to try and figure himself out and fix his problems because he felt like he wasn’t giving me what I deserved and that he can’t treat me the way he wants to because he still has feelings for his ex. He told me he loves me wishes I could stay strong for him while he gets his life in order, but I don’t know if this break is a good idea. I just told him to go work on himself and if at all he was ready he should contact me when and only when he’s fixed his issues. I didn’t guarantee I’d be waiting, I just said I’ll go do me, but he expects me not to meet new people because he thinks he’ll fix it.
I haven’t made contact with him since those 3 days. I love him and I can tell he loves me but I don’t know what to do to insure that when or if he comes back to me that he will be fully committed and won’t have the same problem again. He’s proved his willing to be a better man by getting rid of the bad habits he’s had for years, but I don’t fully trust him. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? What exactly should I do to save our relationship?could this just end up hurting me again? am i just paranoid? Because I’ve asked him and it’s been confirmed I’m not the problem,but how can we save a relationship that wasn’t hurt by anyone but the outsider? HELP!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 9:57 pm
Hi Annie,
it looks like he thinks his ex is a grass is greener case for him or you’re his rebound.. but either way, he finds her better..So, I suggest you read the link below:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Annie
November 7, 2016 at 3:43 pm
Hi
My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 days ago from a 1 year relationship. Our relationship was perfect until a few months into it he started distancing himself from me. 10 months into it he admitted to me that his ex had reached out to him and started talking while we were dating. He said they only talked as friends but talking to her made him realize he isn’t completely over her.
We tried to work passed it,I gave him a break for almost 2 weeks and he started showing signs of being a better man. He let go of some bad habits I used to complain about,but somehow he never seemed to be fully committed to being all too public with me. Everyone knew we were dating,but it felt like he wasn’t giving his all. Days like valentines and anniversaries weren’t celebrated because he said he wasn’t used to it as I was his first on all occasions.
I wasn’t proud how he didn’t seem to give me all the attention because I felt like talking to his ex was making him find me less of a priority compared to her. One day she called really late while we were asleep,he never answered or called back but I felt if I wasn’t there he would have. She became the argument of everyday and it even though he said he loved me he had her name as his laptop password. Asked him about it and he told me that it was common for him to do that as all the girls in his life are a password to at least one of his accounts. Three days ago he told me that he wanted to take a longer break to try and figure himself out and fix his problems because he felt like he wasn’t giving me what I deserved and that he can’t treat me the way he wants to because he still has feelings for his ex. He told me he loves me wishes I could stay strong for him while he gets his life in order, but I don’t know if this break is a good idea. I just told him to go work on himself and if at all he was ready he should contact me when and only when he’s fixed his issues. I didn’t guarantee I’d be waiting, I just said I’ll go do me, but he expects me not to meet new people because he thinks he’ll fix it.
I haven’t made contact with him since those 3 days. I love him and I can tell he loves me but I don’t know what to do to insure that when or if he comes back to me that he will be fully committed and won’t have the same problem again. He’s proved his willing to be a better man by getting rid of the bad habits he’s had for years, but I don’t fully trust him. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? What exactly should I do to save our relationship?could this just end up hurting me again? Because I’ve asked him and it’s been confirmed I’m not the problem,but how can we save a relationship that wasn’t hurt by anyone but the outsider? HELP!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 9:57 pm
Hi Annie,
it looks like he thinks his ex is a grass is greener case for him or you’re his rebound.. but either way, he finds her better..So, I suggest you read the link below:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Alice
November 2, 2016 at 12:02 pm
Hi everyone
So I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now and, while we aren’t in a commit relationship, we are exclusive to each other. It’s been pretty good but the last couple of times we have tried to meet up we haven’t been able to. Now he’s gone that he doesn’t want to really date and be in a relationship right now with so many things on his mind. We’ve agreed to talk about it in a couple of weeks but I really do like this guy and want things to go back to where they were or even be more serious than before. I’m just scared and don’t know how to make us work again. Is there any more advice you can give me right now and what to say to him? He’s also said it’s fine to text.
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 3, 2016 at 3:56 pm
Hi alice,
if you already talked and he still said he doesnt want a relationship, then that means you’re friendzoned right now..if you continue texting and seeing him,it will probably keep being that way.
Gianna
October 30, 2016 at 5:39 pm
Hi guys 🙂
So I’ve been dating my ex for 2 months now thanks to the entire team and your articles!!!
We’ve been out with our friends together, told people that we’re trying to reconnect, and he’s been incredibly sweet and loving towards me. I stay over at his each weekend and things are almost perfect!
However, he refuses to call me his girlfriend despite him already acting like we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. We’re exclusive with each other, yet he seems terrified of the thought of us being a couple again because of all the issues we went through in our past relationship.
My mindset is that this is a title more than anything, as we’re basically a couple already. But more importantly we’re both different people. In the year apart we both changed for the better, and became more independent yet trusting of each other. Yet he’s scared that things will change back to how they were. But nothing I do/say to him reassures him that nothing will change.
Should I give him more time to sort through his own feelings? Should i distance myself from him? I’m at a complete loss right now as to what’s going on with him :/
Thank you!!! xoxo
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 31, 2016 at 10:49 pm
Hi Gianna,
I don’t think you need to keep pushing.. Just keep being who you are right now. Because consistency will convince him.
Shelby
October 26, 2016 at 7:09 pm
My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me in the last week in July because he said he wasn’t happy anymore. I was depressed for awhile in the relationship due to college stress and other issues and I took a lot of that out on him which is why we broke up I assume but he is still to this day reluctant to tell me the true reason why. In August I successfully implemented No Contact for 30 days and at the very end he reached out to me for us to get lunch. It was as if no time had passed and we were back to normal but at the end of our hangout we ended up in bed together and right after he told me he missed me but was still unsure of his feelings. Since then we talk pretty much every day and hang out once or twice a week. When we are together it’s as if we were dating again but he still is very resistant to getting back together. Now, he has admitted that he has feelings for me but is still unsure. He wants to focus on his future and he says he enjoys getting to do whatever he wants. This includes talking to other girls. He gets angry when I say I don’t want to be friends but yet he is very hot and cold. Some days he acts like he wants me and then others he acts like I don’t exist. How do I get him to commit to me & stop talking to other girls and actually act like I’m a priority because right now he’s treating me as if I’m not good enough to be with but just good enough to keep around. He only spends time with me when he’s bored and I’m trying to be patient and let him sort his feelings out but the longer it takes the harder it is for me. He says to me all the time he won’t sacrifice his happiness for anyone and it is very frustrating because I was not controlling in the relationship so I don’t really get why all of a sudden he’s referring to being with me as a sacrifice but yet still wants me around to deal with his emotional issues. I’m running out of energy and hope and am about to the point where I want to just walk away from all of this.
Anon
November 5, 2016 at 5:42 am
I am in the same situation. Was with ex for 5 years, broke up for almost 10 months. Now, I have been seeing my ex for another 10 months (non-commited). After all this time, this week he went from grabbing me and kissing me with passion to the next day saying he doesn’t feel the same way about me, and just wants to be friends and he wants to focus on himself and meeting new people (women). Sounds like your man is doing the same thing, just keeping you around. But I don’t know.. So hard to just walk away.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 5:19 pm
Hi Shelby,
You should walk away.. Staying in that situation, just tells him you’re ok being treated the way he treats you.
Masey
October 17, 2016 at 8:23 am
Hi EBR,
My situation with my ex boyfriend is very strange. We were together for 4 years and broke up about 6 months ago. The breakup involved a lot of unnecessary drama to a point where our families were involved. For the past 6 months he’s been back and forth. Basically he’ll come back every two weeks, soft-talk, tell me he loves me and misses me and then leave again. Every time he comes back he’d say things like, “I love you…don’t want to be in a relationship right now…I don’t want to lead you on..let’s be friends.” He still acts and treats me like as if we are together (i.e. using our inside jokes, sleeping with me etc.) however, he has mood swings and sometimes would go off at me and tell me the break up was my fault or that we shouldn’t be talking. This has been going on for a really long time. In the summer he came back and basically two-timed me with another girl. Although he didn’t have a sexual relationship with her and met her twice, he did hang out with her and hid it from me. When the truth came out, the girl stopped talking to him because she felt bad for me and he blamed me for “ruining things” for him, while claiming that he didn’t even like her. That incident damaged me to a point where I just had to cut off communication and I sought recovery. I didn’t talk to him for 2 months and then eventually he came back again. However, like last time, he did the same thing where he’ll say things like he loves me and misses me, he’ll use me, meet me; however, doesn’t want to commit. So after having enough of being his security blanket, I decided to once again cut off communication with him.
Ever since our initial breakup, I have been working on improving myself. I accepted my mistakes in the relationship and have truly bettered myself.
I really do love my ex and I know he loves me too, that’s why he comes back every time. How do I make him pursue me and chase me now that I have cut off contact? I don’t know how to decipher his actions.
Thanks,
Masey
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 18, 2016 at 4:16 pm
Hi Maset,
dont ever sleep with him if you’re not in a committed relationship..dont give him the benefits without the commitment so that it’s clear to him that he cant do it like before.. of he really wants you, he has to be consistent