How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit To You- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

483 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit”

Angel

September 29, 2015 at 10:30 am

Hello,
I am just curious if things might work out between me and my ex. We were together for 7 years. We broke up for about a year plus. Then recently he contacted me via instagram and we could easily hold a conversation. After 4 days i told him i still hold feelings for me and asked if we could start a fresh, be couple and date. He said a clear no. He said he has lost feelings and he plans to date no one. Whenever i ask him back he goes like a old tape recorder about what happened in the past. I apologized and said i have changed . After much talking i kept telling him he isnt giving me his decision properly and he is saying out of anger. But the whole time he had a cool conversation with me. After which he said sarcastically why not you wait 2 years since now you feel ny decision is not right.i said okay and hang up. Right after he messaged saying, look i am a good guy. I am not interested in dating or any sorts. Move on, i dont want to give you false hope. I really lost it and dont wish to get back.Sorry and bye.

I truly still love him. My ego kicked in when he asked me back a year ago. And then we parted and didnt speak. This time round i tried and he didnt want to do anything with me.

Please help what should i do from now on. I am not in contact for about 2 days already.

Angel

October 3, 2015 at 5:11 pm

I forgot to mention, this whole separation is due to he assuming i have cheated.him. His meaning of cheating is when i did not listen to him. Before we broke up there was another guy in the picture, he felt that i have feelings for that guy. Things became very ugly because i couldnt avoid the guy since he was my school mate. Ever since then he backfires me with that because he felt i was never important to him and respect his decisions. Nothing seems to work or can be undone or rectify the situation. I have almost given up hope. When i hold a conversation with my ex he said he wasted 7 years with him, and he has lost his years enjoying. He also mentioned he made a mistake by loving me more than he loved himself. Whatever he mentioned were just words to me. He had issues expressing.the love to me, and he kept it to himself thinking i should understand.
I couldnt judge.his.behaviour, on why he came back. But he repeated saying that he never came back to work things out. He also apologized for contacting me via instagram since it has rekindled the feelings for me. What should i.do?

Lauren

September 10, 2015 at 8:08 pm

Hi. So I think my case may be hopeless but yours is the best advice iv seen so far I just wish I’d seen it sooner. I started seeing a guy about 2 years ago. I fell instantly. It was casual however. I always knew in my heart he wasn’t using me for sex but I couldn’t understand why we weren’t moving forward. It drove me crazy. He lived like 30 seconds from my house so we never did much together outside of our homes apart from going to eat time to time etc. with him living so close I didn’t understand why he would have time for me. I was too much I know this but it didn’t make him pull away. I’m fairly sure he was seeing other people too. After about a year I asked if we could go on a proper date etc and wanted more effort. It was just before he went on holiday with his friends, he said ok he will step up his game. Then he went on holiday, he had been back for a couple days and hadn’t contacted me, that sent me crazy again. I said I wanted to talk to him, he was very responsive. I said I fell for him, he didn’t give me much infact he told me he was like a brick wall don’t hurt your head. But I went on and on and he ended it. But we started seeing eachother again after a couple weeks. But it was different. Now he could do what he wanted and I had lost all my rights to say anything. I have been way to available. A couple months ago I tried to not be and he didn’t seem to care. Then we have seen eachother again and once again I asked why why blah blah. He said its a year too late. We aren’t ‘like that anymore’. I know I annoy him when I ‘go on one’ like he says but he’s not willing to give it that chance again. But when I pull back he doesn’t care either. Is there anything I can do? I never understood why he wouldn’t just cut me off if we are nothing. We don’t see eachother as friends it’s always alone or maybe at the gym. Like I said he doesn’t use me for sex.. He gets it else where. What is it? It has always drove me crazy and that’s why I pushed him away, help me please
Marie

September 6, 2015 at 2:40 pm

So my ex and I have been broken up for almost two months now. We’ve gotten through the no contact and are now texting (i always have to initiate texts though) and talking in person very regularly. I catch him staring at me all the time and even getting annoyed when I flirt with other guys. However the plot twists. A few days ago we had sex and I was worried that all my hard work was going to go down the drain. Afterwards, though, he gave me a tight hug and kissed me on the forehead and has now started initiating texts! Idk what my next move should be, help!
Stephanie

August 13, 2015 at 9:24 pm

Hey there! My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. At first we did no contact for about 4 days, then he contacted me and asked to meet up to talk about the breakup and to figure out what we wanted to do in terms of making the relationship work or completely breaking it off. I have to mention, though, that it’s mainly my fault that the relationship ended. I became very needy and I wasn’t giving him the space he needed. Bascially, I was smothering him. I honestly did not realize how I was acting at first, but once he broke it off with me I took a step back and realized from HIS perspective that I was holding on too tightly.

Anyway, so when we met up after 4 days of NC/our breakup we decided to make things work. He was very frustrated because he had a lot going on in his life. He was scrambling for a place to live at the last minute, so my smothering attitude towards him was not helping. I could see it in his face how frustrated he was, but he still wanted to talk, and so we ended up coming to the conclusion that we’d make things work.

One mistake we made when we made this decision… He was still clearly frustrated and I was still confused/shocked about the breakup. So we both weren’t in the right frame of mind, but we still decided to meet, talk things through, and decided we’d make things work WITHOUT setting boundaries. Needless to say, when we met up for the first time exactly one week after talking things through, we bascially picked up where we last left off. BIG MISTAKE!!! We went out and acted like a couple (held hands, kissed, hugged each other, called each other ‘babe’). It’s like we gave each other 110% when we met up and it felt like we were a couple again, but when we’re not together he’d barely text me, and I’d always initiate the contact.

I confronted him about it. And so we met up yet again to talk. Only this time we were better prepared to talk things through. He told me that during the last couple weeks of our relationship he fell out of love with me as the days went by, and that hurt like a b*tch to hear him say! He told me he can’t see himself being in a relationship with me (yet), and that he’s just afraid that the arguments won’t stop. He pretty much said some stuff that made me feel kind of hurt but guilty at the same time, knowing I’m the reason everything got ruined 🙁

Some of the things he told me was confusing. He told me he fell out of love with me, can’t see himself being in a relationship with me yet, and when he’s with me he feels happy, but away from me he feels like he isn’t emotionally invested like he once was, and that he felt like it was more of an attraction thing. But he then said he wants to try to make things work, but wants to take things VERY slow and start off as “friends”. Then he’ll say stuff like he doesn’t want to hurt me (again) by realizing that he may like be better as his friend, because he KNOWS how I feel towards him.

But the point is we still decided to try to make things work at a much slower pace, start off as “friends”, go out and have fun and keep the lines of communication open, and definitely NOT engage in anything sexual (not even hold hands or kiss – at least ‘not yet’). Only this time we put a limit on how often we see each other per week and how often we text, which I’m okay with. The only problem I have is that he does not want to “pre-plan” our meetings. He wants to be able to text me last minute. I have a problem with this because it makes me feel like he’s “stringing” me along, only wanting to meet at his own terms. ALSO, I did ask him if he was thinking about keeping his options opened. But his response was “we’ve invested a lot of time and emotions into our relationship and it’s hard for me to move on quickly or go out on dates.” He went on to explain that he cares about me still, and loved some aspects of our relationship and ME, and if he didn’t then he would not have thought about making things work. I 100% agree, and I’m SO happy he said it. Because if we both want to make things work, then why bother setting up dates to meet other people?

I honestly do believe that he was sincere and being honest about making things work. I know he said he ‘fell out of love” with me and can’t see himself being committed to me just yet. I truly believe it’s because I became so unbearing by smothering him and came across as not having trust in him, that’s why he’s afraid. And with all my heart I know that’s why he made those comments. Your article helped me alot though. And with your tips I’m going to try to rekindle our relationship. I know all he needs is time. I never gave him time. And even after we first met after the breakup I started initiating contact with him. So I never really gave him time to “miss” me.

I’m sorry that was so long!!!

Stephanie

August 14, 2015 at 8:26 pm

I forgot to mention that I’d like your honest opinion/advice on one thing. I talked to a couple people who gave me great advice. I asked them both what do they think he means by “I want to start very slow just as friends and try to make things work…see where it goes”. My (female) friend said that he’s just using me for his own selfish needs, until he can find someone to “replace” me. On the other hand my (male) friend is saying that he’s afraid to be committed at this point after how much I’ve smothered him. However he further explained that my ex may have suggested we start as “friends” because by saying he wants to be in a relationship would give me false hope. If I start smothering him (again), he’ll pull away (again), and then I would become hurt (again), and I’ll feel as though he’s been leading me on by promising to be in a relationship but then pulling away.
I never would’ve thought about it that way though, but I’m torn and I don’t know what to think. What is your opinion? Any advice? The way I looked at it is that he wants it both ways.
Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:30 am

I think your female friend is correct in her thinking. You should do no contact and read the ungettable girl post. It will help you during your period of nc. When you reach out to him after NC he will know your not accepting a friends with benefits or friendzone type of relationship.

Sia

August 5, 2015 at 12:37 am

Hey Chris,
So my boyfriend and I were together for 8 months and he broke up with me in May. It’s been two months and now we are talking again. At first we hung out as friends but lately we’ve been talking about the future. We kissed and were intimate again. I want to be with him again—he makes me really happy, but he broke my heart. Not only that but our families hate each other after we broke up. Actually his father never liked me and now my mother hates him. Besides that I am now in college and he is an incoming high school senior. How are we supposed to make things work when everything is way too complicated? Please help.
Rachel

July 21, 2015 at 12:58 am

My boyfriend and I broke up four weeks ago due to him not being ready for a family – I am in my last few years of fertility. He has just lost his job and is younger than me. I discovered he was flirting with girls on facebook since losing his job and called him on it and broke it off. I did no contact for the last month but he keeps showing up at my events and stopping other men from approaching me. He made a move on the weekend but we have not discussed the issues which broke us up in the first instance. Should I have commitment before going on a date with him? Should he stop all communication with his ‘friend’ who he said there is nothing going on? What is the next step?
Amy

June 8, 2015 at 9:36 pm

Hey Chris, love your site.
I’m actually having an issue that I don’t think you’ve written about. I’ve read so much during NC so if I faced a situation I could handle it. Me and my ex almost got together but he’s confused. We were together for 2 1/2 years and lived together. We went to hang out and he ended up kissing me so I stopped before it got too sexual and asked him how he felt. He still likes me but he’s afraid. He’s bisexual and has never had any experience with a guy and he’s unsure if he wants to be with a guy forever or a girl. He never said that there was no chance with us, he just is unsure because he’s never explored that side of him. He’s 21 and I’m 20. I’m scared that I won’t have a chance. What I’m asking is do I have a chance? How should I handle this situation? Since you have not written about this what articles have you written that I can use advice from? Maybe ex moved on or ex has a gf? Please help 🙁

Amy

June 8, 2015 at 9:39 pm

I forgot to mention that I knew he was bi when we were together and I was ok. Since we broke up he’s been going out more, came out only to his close friends, not family yet but has started considering it. he wants to remain friends no matter what happens between us.

Summer

May 16, 2015 at 8:22 pm

Ok, I just wanted to check in with you to see how I’m doing.
First off, here’s the details:
*I’m 42 white&Mexican, he’s 30 & Latin.
*Both single parents.
*Former co-workers for a seasonal job, however I got promoted to his boss. I am also best friends with his older sister.
*Great friends for 2 years, however he pursued me from about the 2nd month of knowing each other. I blew him off (friend-zoned) for a year because I was in another (terrible) relationship & I don’t cheat. Also, he was still in his 20’s and I was 40, and I wasn’t sure because he is so much younger.
*He went through my break-up with me, and I started having feelings for him. I told him, and we began getting closer and more intimately affectionate.
*Our summer job ended, ad I had to return home to my children’s father to sort out logistics. This made my ex very jealous and he mostly ignored me for 2MONTHS. At the time I didn’t realize it, however now I recognize it as no-contact. LOL
*I finally got angry after getting the silent treatment, left him a voice mail that basically said “Screw you! Goodbye!” and three days later he texts and says he will call me the next day.
*BLAH BLAH BLAH long story short, we ended up getting together on Halloween of 2014. He actually made me swear to him that I am his.
*Things were mostly fantastic but the big issues are that we live 2 hrs. from each other & he hasn’t got a car, so I did all the traveling. I am also very chill, and I think my primary failure was in being to available to him. Towards the end I could feel him getting bored, and then my kids dad had to move back into my guest house. Things went downhill from there in about a week. No angry words were said, but I could feel my man’s jealousy.
The last time I went to see him was 4/14. He confessed that he had gotten drunk and felt up a 50 year old co-worker. I didn’t make a scene. Laughed it off mostly, but I was furious. Later that night after I got back home I wrote him this:

Good morning, Ed…
You know, I got pretty frigging drunk late last night, and almost called you in a fuming rage to leave you a scathing voice message that would have most likely burned your eardrums and made you bleed from the brain….
But I am a writer, and besides, my kids were sleeping and if I had let myself get “appropriately angry,” they would have woken in terror. So instead you can read about what a quivering vagina I think you are being and have been the entire time we have been dating. Because that’s what this has been, in case you haven’t woken out of your emotional coma long enough to notice. We have been dating, stupid. Since mother f-ing Halloween, when you asked me if I was SURE I wanted to be with you, and I blindly followed my ignorant heart and said yes, you & I have been dating. That’s how relationships work, EDDIE. You enter into a agreement with someone and that is the general consensus until one or both parties clarify otherwise.
Now, I know I am sexually liberal and I talk a lot of crap, but in all honesty, the night you first called me (after 2 MOTHERF-ING MONTHS of giving me the silent treatment after we got out of camp, you child.)and said you had been thinking “about getting yourself a girlfriend,” it did not even dawn on me that you were talking about me at the time. Why? Because I didn’t think that you and I were really compatible as far as what we think it means to be with someone.
Then, when you made your move, I figured I would give it a try, even though I was reluctant because you are a GIANT MAN CHILD. Why did I decide to put myself out there in spite of my misgivings and the obvious train wreck that would ensue??? BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS, YOU REALLY WANTED IT, & I F-ING LOVED YOU, and I believed you could love me. So, regardless of the fact that doing so would mean that I would have to abandon every shred of common sense that I possess, I jumped in when you asked me to, wholeheartedly and with nothing but positive intent. YOU, HOWEVER HAVE NOT. You have guarded your heart from me, the most genuine woman you know, at every turn. And that’s fine. Except, F#@& you.
No. I am not pissed because you made out with some firm breasted 50 year old at work. As much as you would like to think it, that is not the reason for my fury. It is the trigger, my unbridled anger with you is the symptom, but oh! buddy! THERE IS A MUCH DEEPER CAUSE.

And here it is… I am ABSOLUTELY infuriated with you because you HAVE NOT given the “US” that you so willfully and passionately demanded into existence, one ounce of the effort that it deserves. And because you are too f-ing deaf, dumb and blind, (not to mention insecure, emotionally-stunted & afraid.)to take the exceptional chance that you have before you. Which is to be in love with ME, You Self-Defeating A-hole. You refuse to lower your defenses… And I’m not going to try to force or coerce or convince you to. It’s just not in my nature. Love is organic, but both people have to be willing to open up, invest and trust.
I know I don’t drive a corvette, and I’m not some firm young (or old) thing, and I won’t ever chase you around like a retarded puppy trying to service your every need, BUT I AM MOTHERF-ING AMAZING, and if you are too stupid or afraid to realize that, THEN F#@& YOU. I am intelligent, interesting, creative, sexy & kind. I am a fantastic mother, and I AM LOYAL LIKE NO OTHER WOMAN WILL EVER EVER BE TO YOU. I would love you like Carla (his sister) loves Romero (her hubby), in the way that only one woman in your life ever will, and YOU ARE F-ING IT UP. I am motherf-ing love personified, shi#head, and it seems you’re too dumb to appreciate what you are losing. And that’s truly sad, but OH WELL.
You know, I have tried to stay casual and fluid about all of your stupid quirks and defense mechanisms because I am an artist who needs her space, and we’re all pretty f-ing crazy. But listening to you ramble on like a jacka$$ in the car yesterday about how you have been after ol’ girl for ages made me realize something.
I don’t want to have just a casual fun filled fling where “See ya when I see ya,” is the order of the day, and nobody really cares about anyone but themselves.
I want to have something that will evolve into a genuine grown-up relationship, like Romero & Carla, to reiterate. I want to be loved by someone who motherf-ing appreciates me & all I have to give, and who will open themselves up to trust me and love me as deeply as I trust and love them. Pretty sure that’s not going to be you, in spite of all of your promises otherwise during the past 2 years.
“You & Me, Summer… How ‘Bout It?” How about I would’ve been better off taking myself out into the woods and shooting myself in the f-ing foot.
“I’d love you even if you had nothing, summer…” Well, in order to love someone through the rough times, you have to motherf-ing BE WITH THEM.
“I could fall in love…. with you…baby.” I call BS.
I mean, come on. Stop playing with people’s hearts and grow up. Talk is f-ing cheap. Actions are what matter in life.

Yesterday you said, “You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to.” Thank you for that bit of honesty, because the last thing I want is a man who is on the fence about how he feels about me. I am too good a woman for that BS. No f-ing thanks. I want someone who is as crazy about me as I am about him, and I won’t accept less than passion in my love life. That’s because I don’t need a man… You almost had me convinced I wanted one, but not on these shi##y half a$$ed terms.
You have this giant wall around your heart, and after what you have been through in your relationships, cheated on…lied to…. stabbed…. who can f-ing blame you? But you opened the door and invited me in, and then once I stepped inside, you vacated the motherf-ing premises without truly investing a thing. But you know what? I am not the one who cheated on you, I am not the one who lied to you, and I am not the one who stabbed you…. I am the one who would never care if you had a dime, and who would never EVER EVER betray you, who would treat you like her king, and work alongside you to build something amazing, and in all honesty, if you can’t give me the same in return, then I’m not interested. Again, I’m not talking about squeezing ti##ies, I’m talking about being together… I’m talking about connection and trust and willingness to make an f-ing effort.
Yeah, I know I talk shit about sex to you all the time (& ONLY YOU, YOU PARANOID MORON.) but sex is superfluous to me and always has been. It is the physical expression of the love I have for you, not the one thing I am after. AGAIN, I am actually truly glad that we haven’t made love, because I don’t want to settle, and I take my sexual energy and the man I choose to share it with very seriously.

You know, after the kids dad, I didn’t really think I wanted to be someone’s girlfriend ever again, but apparently I was wrong. I guess this whole experience with you has helped me realize what it is I ultimately want, and also it has helped me see what I don’t want. I want to love and be loved with wholehearted trust and willful intent. Sex is about more than just having fun for me, it’s about spiritual bonding. And I’m not going to settle for less. Because I don’t want less than I am willing to give.
Thank you for helping me find that clarity. Too bad my heart got hurt in the process.

So! Friendzone me, please. Because that’s right back where you are in my life at this point. I won’t say suggestive things to you, and we don’t need to touch each other in an intimate way, ever again. Not because you squeezed ti##ies, (heck, I probably would’ve squeezed them myself and you know it) but because I deserve better than what I have been getting. Not better THAN you, jack@$$. Better FROM you. Both of your sisters have told me that when you are in love, you give your whole heart to your woman. And if you aren’t inclined to give/ entrust it to me, then it’s best I walk away from you romantically. I will not think about you like that, anymore. And if we are working on the book, or hanging out, no matter how drunk you are, please do not touch me. I will do the same with you. I’m better off on my own. My heart is much too tender for this world.
Summer

Prior to the above mentioned April 15th breakup email, we only had one real argument in November, during which he said he didn’t know if he could say he was ready to spend the rest of his life with me yet. I told him I couldn’t even say we were dating in front of his sisters, yet. We parted angry but made up the very next day.

Also, we have been working on a book together, as I am a writer. You can guess who has done most of the work. LOL.

After I sent him the email on the 15th, I went immediately into 30day no contact, except I didn’t realize that’s what it was until day 9 when I started to miss him so I googled “How to get your ex back,” and found your site. I hadn’t been talking to him up until then because I was furious with him.

He is extremely stubborn and did not call, text or make any kind of contact. On the 26th day, I went to see his sister after making sure he would not be there. As I was turning to make a left, I noticed he was in his roommate’s car making an opposing left. I acted like I didn’t see him.
The next day (day 27 no contact) he liked a picture I posted on FB of his sister’s dog. He told at the beginning of our relationship that he checks my facebook to see what I am doing, and we have joked about stalking each other on there. I did nothing. Later that night, he posted a song by The XX called Sunset. It hit me in the feeling, HARD. All of a sudden I couldn’t keep ignoring the fact of how much I miss him, but I waited until day 29 of NC, and then I liked his profile pic, which is also of his sister’s dog.
I then posted a song called “Tell Her You Love Her.” Then he put up 4 pics of himself wearing a beanie I had given him last summer. On the inside it said “Kiss The Girl.” It had been my way of giving him the green light.
SO! On Day 30 of NC, I texted him this:

”Where are you? And don’t lie. I know your Balls like the back of my hand.” (He had once sent me this text verbatim, only he said the p-word. We curse a lot! LOL)
He read it immediately, but didn’t respond. So 5 minutes later I sent:
“Seriously, though. How have you been? I hope good.”
“I was kidding about your balls. I only ever saw them that one time. Haha. Anyways take care, ok?”

He read that and responded immediately: “I am good, thanks. I’m working. Talk later?”

I waited 4 hours and then responded: “Sure.” And then sent him a sweet smiley face and so far that’s been it.
I do truly love him, and I want him back. I really do. IF we can work out our issues and he can act like a grown-up. I realize I have no control over that, but I hope I have some influence on him, at least. While we were dating he told me he was serious about me, but his actions need to back that up, so we will see. If we can work out the kinks, I think we could build a beautiful life together. If not, I know I will be more than okay, because I’m like that. I’m super independent.
Anyways, THANK YOU for taking the time to read & respond to my novella. I am not sure what to do, so I think I will stay silent & let him make the next move. Or would I be better off texting him something again in a week or so if he hasn’t reached out by then? What do I do???? LOL AHHHH!Love you, Chris. Thank you for everything you do for us girls. You are our champion…
P.S.Do you think the “talk later?” part of his text is good? Gosh, I hate being in love…. It always makes me act like such a girl. 😉

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 6:20 pm

Haha that was quite the novella.

Yes right now at this point stay silent.

linda

May 11, 2015 at 5:06 pm

Hey my name is linda.. and basically my boyfriend decided its best to break up .. because we both wanted different things in life, I want marriage and he doesnt. Anyway he still wants to talk and be my friend.. but I want friendship I want him back , so im doing the no contact.. basically what I want to know is will it work ??
amandaa

May 1, 2015 at 9:40 pm

Please help!
So its a Long distance breakup, we have gotten to the point where we’re talking every day. We had a talk about how we both care about each other and like talking and want to see where it goes. But I think he is scared to put any labels on it.
He wants me to come visit him in a couple of weeks, is this a good idea? Also, the past couple nights he has been wanting to sext, but i worry that that’s giving him EVERYTHING (emotional and physical) without having to talk about commitment.
He is really trying to launch his photography career and it stresses him out to the max, so I understand the commitment stuff seems like too much. But we’re talking every day and he wants to be physical, so how do I discuss to him that being exclusive would pretty much be the exact same thing? I mean slightly different obviously, but basically what we’re doing… Do I visit him without talking about commitment stuff first?
I’m afraid it might freak him out though since we’re trying to keep everything light…
But I would like to know we have a direction at least and that if I come we will figure out some things!
Julia

April 24, 2015 at 2:36 am

Me and my boyfriend broke up, and i really miss him.
HELPPP
we just had problems. the first 8 months we were fine and then he broke up with me to be with another girl. but instead he came back to me. and then we stayed together for 2 years and we just started having problems
I was unemployed for 6 months and he was supporting me
and then i went to the hospital around october and after that everything changed. and i felt like it has, but he wouldnt break up with me. So i was upset. and then i finally decided to put it behind me and we ended up having another fight. then around february he said he couldnt be with me anymore. so i was like why? and he said he didnt love me because we fought alot. after that we didnt talk. but then got back together
and then we stayed almost a month and then we had a really bad giant fight and it ended up with me hitting him. and i was just out of control because i felt like shit
and then he didnt want to be with me but he still had sex with me and was letting me sleepover and everything. and he still kissed me.
and then he kept changing his decision on whether to be with me or not. and then hes like i need space. i was okay with that and i gave it to him
but i said that the only reason was because i wanted to start fresh
and he just didn’t want anything to do with me
and then about last week was his birthday and i was stupid and brought him a birthday cake. he said he missed me. and said i was his girlfriend and everything and he was telling me how he wanted me to move in next to him and everything like that.
and then 2 days later, he just completely broke me and said no. and i got fucked over because i got scammed with something and he just told me he didn’t want to be with me
and now i’m just wallowing in pain
he was my first real boyfriend.
i was his first everything and he was mine
we did everything together and then he fucked me over.
im scared he forgot about me
and doesnt feel bad about what happened

Chris Seiter

April 24, 2015 at 10:53 pm

What did you scam him with?

Linda

April 17, 2015 at 7:25 pm

Hi Chris,
I would really like your feedback on my situation….
Long story short, I dated a guy for two years and we talked about marriage alot.
He has an issue with cutting things off if he doesn’t like something, whether it be a job, hair products, anything including arguments with me. I dealt with this for 2 years and got caught in the cycle…. In Oct 2014 we got into an argument and he asked if we should just break up and I felt I had enough. He did begin to date other women, but we started back talking, but couldn’t stop getting into arguments because he would get a bad attitude really quickly, even over something small, in my opinion. At first I felt like our good outweighed our bad, and he started to contact me heavily, even admitting his faults, he wanted to know what I was up to and if I was dating (EGO), but as soon as I did or said something that he didn’t like, the next thing I know he is trying to talk to other girls again and this time IN MY FACE. Unfortunately we go to the same church ;( Keep it real with me on what you think is going on in his mind!
Eleana

April 6, 2015 at 6:28 am

Hi Chris,

Me and my ex started hanging out after 6-7 months of not seeing each other. but he used to tell me that i will get married soon. My parents are looking for a girl. Once a sales man asked “are you guys married but he replies that we both are singles”. Now please advise what i need to do?. He started calling me on frequent basis from last 2 months.Please advise me what he really wants and should i need to move in or move on?
Tina

March 21, 2015 at 3:08 pm

Great advice! Thank you. My ex bf and I recently ended our relationship mutually because of distance. He said he started losing feelings overtime and he doesn’t call or text anymore like he used too. We recently saw each other and the feelings are there when we see each other in person and it’s like nothing’s changed, but not there when I’m not in his city anymore (which I don’t understand). It wasn’t like this before and I started feeling this the past two months. We decided to take a break and end it mutually last week. I have never had a connection like this before and I have a feeling we still care a lot for each other, but I just don’t know how to reignite his feelings for me. It felt like we started liking each other at two different times. when he liked me, I wasn’t ready and when I liked him, he didn’t know anymore. I’m going to be in his city in a couple of weeks for other commitments and was wondering if I should reach out to him or give him space? we left it off as friends but I’m trying be in the no contact phase right now. Any thoughts? Thanks!
Telle

March 15, 2015 at 4:39 am

Just want an opinion. So my partner and i have recently broken up, coming close to a month. He has admitted he still loves me but isnt in love with me right now because of issues we had. He has said he wants to see me and he has made the effort to by taking me out on dates and everything. So technically we are in some form of an ope relationship. He has grabbed me so many times and kissed me and said “I promise you, i will marry you one day, you and i are forever” but he cant commit right now. we had an amazing night this week and later on in the night hhe hugged me and said “I miss you” even though we had spent that entire afternoon together. He has said he is fully commited to work but he just cant commit to me, but said that he doesnt care about other girls and he isnt interested in anyone else.

Is he just needing some space? In his past relationships he has never worked through issues that came up, except he uped and walked out on them. Could this be his way of working through our issues??

admin

March 15, 2015 at 5:29 pm

He is saying he will marry you and then turns around and says he isn’t in love with you?

Sounds like mixed signals to me.

Ellen

March 8, 2015 at 4:36 am

I wonder if you could please shed some light on your opinion of my situation and what I should do…

My ex boyfriend and I were together for 2.5years. I moved into the apartment that he bought when we had been together for 1 year. It just kind of happened, I was over there all the time, and we had discussed him having some time in his new place by himself for a while and I would move in after a few months, but it happened earlier.

In the beginning we had a happy relationship. We were very much in love. It was intense, and things moved quickly. After about 1.5 years, we started trying for children. We tried for a year, but nothing happened.

During the last year of our relationship, we fought a lot, and the more I pushed to try to make things right and sort out the issues, the more he pulled away.

Eventually in November last year, we had a weekend away, where he drank too much and became verbally abusive (something that sometimes happened but I did not tolerate), so when this happened I couldn’t let it go this time. I said that maybe I should move out, and he agreed and asked me to leave. My mother came around and moved my things out and then I moved the rest of it the next week.

Straight after the breakup I asked him why he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He said he had been feeling that way for a long time and didn’t think we were right for each other. I still haven’t processed this because in my mind he was my partner, and I just still can’t understand how he could go from loving me, to not. I know it was a slow process for him, but I still don’t know how it happened.

Over Christmas we started seeing each other again, and he asked me to spend New Years with his family. I did, and the next day I asked him if we could close the last chapter, and maybe start dating again and see where it went. He said maybe.

We continued to see each other every couple of weeks until last week. This was usually dinner, or when I had to sort out some of my belongings…it almost always ended in sex…the chemistry we had after the breakup was amazing (sex was seriously lacking in the last 6 months of the relationship – he wasn’t interested at all).

He was becoming increasingly cold again and distant so this morning I called him and said that I would organise a storage unit for the rest of my things left there so he didn’t have to hear from me anymore. He agreed, but I just couldn’t let it go. In all the time we had been seeing each other, so many times I had asked him what he wanted – me in his life, or me out of his life, and no time could he give me an answer. This morning on the phone call I asked him again. It was the first proper conversation we had had in a long time. He said that he thought things were clear that we weren’t together anymore. I agreed but I said I thought we still had feelings for each other because we had still been seeing each other. He said that maybe he does, he wasn’t sure, but that he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone at the moment (he is on dating websites). He said that he thought the relationship was too compromised to move forward. I said that I wanted to close the last chapter and see where things could go if we gave each other enough space. He said he didn’t know what the future would hold, but maybe it was something he could think about (I just have a feeling he was saying this but didn’t mean it).

What should I do?

admin

March 8, 2015 at 3:13 pm

I have a feeling NC would work well for you in this particular instance.

Estella

February 25, 2015 at 5:40 pm

I have been dating a guy from college for a month and he really seemed to like me. We had fun and passion and everything was okey.. He asked me to go steady after a month and i accepted but after a week he dissapeared didnt text me or call, so i was very confused.. Than after two days he said we need to talk and that he is a jerk.. He told me that he loves me and thinks i am the most beautiful girl he has been with and the nicest and i am very smart and that he is very sorry but he needs to end our relationship because he has issues: he cannot control himself when he is with other girls.. He can not resist making out with other girls when he goes out.. He said that he had problems about this with his exes and that he wants to stop but its hard.. He admitted that the day he asked me to be his gf, later when he was out he made out with another girl… I was really hurt couse i love him so much after all.. What can i do to make him commit and be with me again without cheating?

admin

February 25, 2015 at 10:11 pm

Do NC immediately.

Amanda

February 14, 2015 at 6:26 pm

Dear Chris,
My boyfriend recently broke it off with me out of the blue. I have been totally blindsided by this. All my friends I have told are just as surprised as I am. It was only a week away from being a year of going out together. Everything with each other this past year has been wonderful. Never fought with each other once. He was making plans for the future for us. Any chance we had we would try to be together. Now suddenly he says he doesn’t love me this way and has had this feeling for a while. Though just days ago we were so happy together and he was making plans for the coming weeks and him telling me he loves me. Now I’m left heartbroken and confused. As I really loved and cared for this guy and I thought he felt the same or at least his actions made it like that. 🙁 any advice? Could this be a commitment issue now that things have gotten more serious and it was almost a year of us going out with each other. Should I try anything to get him back? Or is this just it and I should try and move on. 🙁 thanks

admin

February 16, 2015 at 11:28 pm

Commitment issue is what I vote.

Has he had a commitment issue in his past?
Amanda

February 16, 2015 at 11:51 pm

He has only had one other relationship before me years back and he was the one that got hurt though I don’t know the details of what exactly happened. Not sure what to do next. He has really hurt me and broke my heart but I still love him. I’m just trying to give him time right now. Have not spoke to him since he broke it off.
Amanda

February 17, 2015 at 10:53 pm

Dear Chris,
I was so shocked at what he was telling me because I was totally blindsided by this that I never got out what now I wish I could have told him. I would like to talk to him and get this out so I can either move on or try again but it will be hard to trust him again. When should I contact him? Thanks in advance for any advice you could give me.

sun

February 13, 2015 at 11:26 pm

(I mean it seems deleted altogether, can’t see it at all.)

🙁
sun

February 13, 2015 at 11:25 pm

why did you not approve my comment, what was wrong with it…?

admin

February 16, 2015 at 10:52 pm

Hi there, I don’t think I deleted it. I just am not getting around to approving all the comments.

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