How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit To You- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

483 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit”

Melanie

June 10, 2014 at 3:08 am

Ok I have a question. I did no contact for five months and my ex came back to me. We spent a few weeks mostly fighting trying to get things to work until a week ago we had a really great talk and the communication was great and it looked like things were gonna go to the next level. but the problem is he hasnt contacted me since we met up and talked. I think he is getting cold feet about actually committing. What should I do? Go into a no contact period again? Try and discuss it with him? Or just wait for him to come to me?

admin

June 10, 2014 at 4:02 pm

Have you tried messaging him at all since the talk?
Melanie

June 10, 2014 at 6:43 pm

Oh yes i forgot to add! I messaged him a few days ago telling him about this cool new job i got but no answer. I haven’t tried since then
admin

June 11, 2014 at 4:32 pm

Whats the cool new job?
Melanie

June 11, 2014 at 8:03 pm

Got hired to be a special feature extra in pitch perfect 2. Its pretty cool thing to me, I’m not trying to be an actress or anything, just a biology major. They’re shooting at my school and were looking for people. I didn’t tell him yet though, i just said ” Youll never guess what just happened to me!”… no reply… no word from him in 8 days. I’m kind of thinking i should just keep my cool and wait for him to come around, What do you think?
admin

June 15, 2014 at 3:09 pm

Wow, thats a really cool thing. Very interesting…

Im disappointed he didn’t respond b/c that is incredible.

miss bee

May 30, 2014 at 4:23 pm

Hi Chris
I really need your help please. I bought your guide I did the NC, it worked and my ex that left me for another girl, ended up finishing with her and we have maintained a friendship throughout. I have made a point of not asking him about us and allowing our friendship to be repaired and for him to enjoy being around me again
It worked so well in fact that fast forward 5 months and he has said he loves me and misses me and last week we were meant to catch a show together but his work got in the way. No biggie. He said he would make it up to me and then later on in the conversation he asked me if he could take me on a date! I said yes and then this week we made plans to meet this friday evening. This week he also asked me where our friendship was going as he saw me as a priority and wanted to know if we were friends or lovers. (We havent slept together since we broke up in Nov last year). He asked me to think about what I wanted and to get back to him.
I was excited to have this conversation with him on what would have been our date tonight but this morning we had a massive blowout argument. Granted I was already in a foul mood after an argument with a friend but then he cancelled on me this am. I wouldnt have minded normally but it seems like it is a habit of his to cancel last minute and expect me to be ok. Then he says he feels like I want him in capcity that he is not yet ready for.??? I havent asked him for anything. I sent him a message asking where we were meeting this evening. He is the one who has always instigated conversations of taking things to the next level.
What am I to make of this?
I completely lost my temper with him and swore a whole bunch and told him to grow up and that we should call it a day. He responded angrily as well and we had a swearing match, each telling the other to F off. He said that if I feel he is immature then I shouldnt want to be around him. I said that he continually disrespects my time and then has no manners to call me if he needs to change or cancel his plans. He hides behind technology which is hurtful to me.
Is there any hope of saving this situation or should I just walk away. His behavior is so confusing. One minute he is asking where we are headed and that he sees me as a priority and the next minute its like he is running away! His excuse for cancelling was basically that he just didnt want to hang out and wanted to be alone. Is he just playing mind games with me or what? And what should I do to get us back on track?
Please help!
Thanks

admin

May 31, 2014 at 3:50 pm

So, he is still dating the new girl or did you mean to say he is finished with her?
miss bee

June 1, 2014 at 1:10 pm

Sorry he is finished with her. He also went out me his way to call me and tell me at the time.
Since writing to you we have spoken and I aopologised for blowing up at him but I didnt like the way he disrepects my time. He said he accepted my apology and apologised too but he said he’s not making anymore plans with me because he doesnt like arguing like this and he said he will see me when he sees me. Is he just angry or does he not want anything more to do with me? I sent him an email saying sorry again but that I respected his decision. He hasnt replied….. Any advice please?
miss bee

June 1, 2014 at 8:23 pm

Sorry he is finished with her. He also went out of his way to call me and tell me at the time.
Since writing to you we have spoken and I apologised for blowing up at him but that I didnt like the way he disrespects my time. He said he accepted my apology and apologised too but he said he’s not making anymore plans with me because he doesnt like arguing like this and he said he will see me when he sees me. Is he just angry or does he not want anything more to do with me? I sent him an email saying sorry again but that I respected his decision. He hasnt replied….. Any advice please?
admin

June 2, 2014 at 2:44 pm

Give him a little time before you reach out again.

Em

May 28, 2014 at 10:20 am

Hey Chris it’s me again, so yesterday my friend happen to bring up my ex where we haven’t said a word to each other in almost 8 months we dated for 3 years. I feel like when ever I talk to this particular friend she is always talk about my ex is that weird? But anyway I was with my other friend in the hallway and her locker is next to my ex’s locker so we are talking and he just kept looking at me. Anyway, so with my friend yesterday, she said my ex told someone who asked him about me that we never dated.. Does this mean he is trying to get rid of me? Which is weird because he ( for the past month ) had unblocked me from social networks and followed me. I’m really confused. So my two question are: why would an ex say you never dated? And can I get him back after so long?

Em

June 1, 2014 at 1:41 am

Chris?
admin

June 2, 2014 at 2:42 pm

Ya?
miss bee

June 4, 2014 at 8:57 pm

Hi Chris

So he sent me a message today saying he got my email and that everything is cool and that he doesnt want to lose me as a friend. He sent me a funny video (like he always does) and I just responded to the video and not his message. My aim was to act as normal as possible Am I in the friend zone or is there still a chance? I feel like it came close to us finally discussing reconciling and now I’m not sure what to do…

your site is god

April 30, 2014 at 1:16 am

Hey chris! My ex and I have been hanging out and his been coming over and getting excited to see and treating me like his girlfriend when he is with me and he told me that he loved me and that he thinks about me every day. I had my tonsils out recently and he came and sat with me in hospital for a good 6 hours and spent the whole day looking after me yesterday and got upset with how much pain i was in – so its not like he doesnt care

Last night i tried the what are we conversation, and he said that he doesn’t want a relationship because he has been hurt before and that he doesnt want to commit to anything and that he is sorry for giving me the wrong impression and he wants to be best friends forever (sounds so gay haha) rather than a relationship, and that he will come over later in the week and we can hang out like “best friends”. Basically he doesnt want a relationship because:
– he doesnt want to feel obligated to see me and talk to me if he doesnt want to
– he says he cant trust me not to hurt him
– he doesnt want to rely on anyone

But up until last night used to say he missed me, was so happy when he was with me and that he still loved me

Is it still possible to get him back and what steps should i take from here in terms of communication

admin

April 30, 2014 at 1:43 pm

My site is god…. hahahahaha

Yes it is very possible.
your site is god

April 30, 2014 at 1:48 pm

hahah hey now! it is… but seriously help me out here what do i do
admin

May 6, 2014 at 6:27 pm

Sorry I have been out of town for almost a week.

What do you need helpwith?
your site is god

May 11, 2014 at 5:41 am

look… i think i can forgive you!

Basically.. i dont know what to do, because he said that he loves me and he misses me and how happy i make him.. except that he isn’t ready for a relationship and he doesn’t think he should be in one right now and how he is seeking a “peaceful simple” life.

But he admitted that for the past 6 months we have been acting like we are in a relationship and that everything has been so perfect.. but then says, how long can everything stay perfect and simple like it is now, before it gets complicated, and that he doesn’t want to get hurt and is scared etc. And i know that the thought of losing me kills him.

Its so confusing and i dont know where to go from here
your site is god

May 1, 2014 at 12:49 pm

ie. do i let him come over later in the week if we only had this conversation a few days ago and do i try reigniting old happy memories by playing a song or something i dont know… or do i not let him come over and do nc for a week then let him come over

So In Love

April 22, 2014 at 12:37 am

Hey Chris,
I broke it off with my BF of 4 years because he didn’t want to move in (among other things that seem insignificant to me now) We tried to remain friends but basically ended up always hanging out and staying over and each others places. So, pretty much nothing changed except for our “title.” He kept saying that he always thought we would end up back together, he loves me, etc. So, this goes on for 5 months and then he tells me he is going to go on a date with this girl. I of course got really upset, he got upset, we didn’t talk for a few days. I then asked him to meet me for dinner and told him that I have never stopped loving him and I don;t know what the future holds, but can we please at least stay friends….dinner went great and we ended up in bed (amazing, sorry TMI) We have slowly been going back to hanging out and doing things we used to. My question is, 1. How can I prove to him that I really do love him and want to be with him and make things work? He says he thinks this is all fueled by jealousy. Which, true, I was jealous, but it was mostly a big wake up call to me that I want us to be together as much as he does/did. 2. How do I get him to want to be with me again since he now says he is confused and may want to play the field for a little while.

Not sure how your book fits into this situation….

Thanks!
So In Love

admin

April 22, 2014 at 4:50 pm

Are you two friends with benefits…

Jess

April 19, 2014 at 12:44 pm

Hi Chris!

I’m 21 and my ex is 22. I broke up with my ex of 4 years and I did no contact for about two and a half months. I thought he was over me but one of out friends met up with him and apparently he cried (the most manly man I know sobbed) in his truck to our friend for an hour about how nothing’s the same without me and he wants to settle down and he thinks I’ve moved on (we have been broken up for almost 7 months). I texted him three weeks later and we got drinks for his birthday. We have talked almost every day, the whole day, thru texting and he also added me on snapchat. We went to the beach Sunday and he was playfully pushing me and being flirty. Last night my friends and I went out for drinks and I invited him (all my friends miss and love him too) and he came out and stayed the whole time even though he had to be to work at 7am this morning.

Him and I didn’t talk to much while we were out last night since everyone kinda wanted to catch up with him but I caught him staring at me and he walked my friend and I to our car. I think he wanted to be the one to bring me home but it’s hard to tell.

We do not argue when we hang out and out break up has not came up at all. He has brought up fun memories and so have I. When he dropped me off at my house after the beach, my parents were outside so he stopped to say hello for twenty minutes. Then e texted me saying how much he loves my parents.

I’m always the one to ask to hang out and we have not kissed and have barely had an physical contact besides hugging and the occasional playful push. During our time apart I was sort of with another guy and that’s why this has been such a long journey. I don’t want to make any moves on him bc I don’t want him to think I put the moves on every guy I talk to. He’s very traditional and cannot stand slutty girls so I’m a little nervous about being forward, even if he is showing signs that he wants me to be forward. Thoughts on that?

I guess my question is did I do the wrong thing by not focusing on him last night and where do I go from my current position? I am learning patience and the time that has passed was so difficult but so totally worth it. Do I continue to ask him on dates? I think he thinks I’m a UG.. He noted that when I walked in the bar, everyone turned to look at me and he told me my eyes were a pretty blue yesterday.

admin

April 20, 2014 at 3:39 am

You might actually get something out of the make him kiss you article I wrote a while back.

Did you read that one?
Jessica

May 9, 2014 at 12:00 am

I will read it. We kissed/cuddled saturday night and it was fun and all but then he pulled the “i dont know if i want to see other people card”. He told me I was beautiful and also that we should visit our out of town friends together, but then he said he wants to see other people. I called him out on it and that he cant say those things if he doesn’t mean them. He felt bad but I told him i cant emotionally deal with this “uncertain” stage for too long. I kinda feel like im pressuring him a little but its hard since ive waited for so long. I’m assuming its a bad idea for me to be putting a time limit on this in-between stage? Just frustrated and annoyed and that pushes me away too.

Sally

April 14, 2014 at 5:28 am

Hey Chris
So I have successfully followed your book. According to this my ex is a commitment phone. He has made plans with me to have dinner for the weekend. Thank you for all your support. I hope it works out well with me and him.

admin

April 14, 2014 at 5:37 pm

Oh did you read my latest male psychology guide.

LongDistanceBlues

April 8, 2014 at 6:04 am

Thank for this Chris.

I’ve reviewed it, twice, and have been doing the best I can. See, this guy isn’t my ex but a potential New boyfriend. We have been talking, texting, facetimeing, etc since Februrary. He lives out of the state & yes, it’s a significant amount away. I started reading your articles in March after I went to visit him and it has helped me learn how to be “the bigger & better deal” or even the “ungettable girl.” I try not to be too available, I unruptly end some convos, I compliment him, challenge him with my sass, etc. I took a leap of faith on Saturday and asked him what we were..essentially DTR. Are we talking, dating, official, friends…what are we? He said he didn’t know. Immediately I remembered how you said that if be mentioned “not now but perhaps later” that it was a flag. He wants to still sees where this go, but I feel if I’m not worth deciding now, then he may not decide later. On top of that, I’m sure he’s talking to other girls he is interested in. Bittersweet really, and I’ve taken your advice to pretty much do the same, but it’s difficult. I want him and I feel morally unjust if I talk and get new feelings for someone else if I want this one guy. Long distance is tough.

admin

April 8, 2014 at 6:13 pm

Well, you guys are long distance right?

Have you met in person yet?
LongDistanceBlues

April 8, 2014 at 6:58 pm

Yes sir, we have.
admin

April 10, 2014 at 1:22 am

Haha please don’t call me sir. Makes me feel like a grandpa.
LongDistanceBlues

April 10, 2014 at 2:30 am

haha! Sorry, Texas roots kicking in :p
admin

April 11, 2014 at 3:37 am

Hey, your speaking to a fellow Texan here.
LongDistanceBlues

April 11, 2014 at 4:48 am

Haha!! Then you understand how embedded into my DNA it is to say “yes sir/ma’am!” Don’t fight it.
admin

April 12, 2014 at 3:43 pm

Yes mam…
LongDistanceBlues

April 12, 2014 at 6:29 pm

So…concerning my “dilemma” should I just let it go and decide that “if he doesn’t peruse me then clearly it’s his loss and I know I’m worth it”
Or should I just do the no contact and go from there? I guess either way its the same thing…
LongDistanceBlues

April 8, 2014 at 7:07 pm

I guess I should mention that we met online. I did a search for the city he lives in because I am moving there in a few months for a graduate degree. We clicked, we met, we’ve been consistently talking since. I’m not ignorant to the act that he may have a few women and he wants to compare us all, I think it’s silly because I’m the whole package but that’s another story ;).

I guess my thing is that again, if you want to wait to determine that when I get there this summer then you clearly just want to still be single. I’m not going to have an open relationship, and I’m not going to sit and wait around.

Jess

April 3, 2014 at 9:18 am

Hey Chris,

Thanks a lot for your guide. I really appreciate it. I bought it and I’m following it for a month now.
My ex and I have been together for 5 years and then broke up. We’re not back together yet, but we are sorta dating. We see each other a lot, he stays at my place during weekends and we talk on the phone frequently. He is dead scared of commiting to me. He keeps saying that he doesn’t know what he wants. That he’s unsure if he loves me enough. He says I will always be special, but he’s uncertain of his feelings now. And he asked if we could continue this and see where we will end up.
We broke up with a lot of drama, so we both have our scars from that. I am at this point where I don’t know if it will be worth it at the end. I made it clear that staying ‘just friends’ just ain’t an option.
He keeps asking for time and that we continue this date-like relationship, but I’m not sure if I can do that.
Last weekend we were at a party and he got pretty drunk. During the time he was drunk he held my hand, snuggled up to me, held me all the time, pulled me on his lap, kissed me (he doesn’t kiss me on the lips normally) and hugging me.
This was really confusing for me, and when I asked he couldn’t even remember halve of it and he said he was sorry that he did it.
Everything is really confusing and I don’t know what to think of it anymore. Please help me.

– Jess

admin

April 4, 2014 at 4:57 pm

Wait wait wait…

I find this strange. He doesn’t kiss you on the lips normally? Really? What kind of guy is this?
Jess

April 13, 2014 at 7:49 pm

A really confused guy I’m afraid.
It hasn’t got any better yet. He kisses me on the cheek and on my forehead but doesn’t kiss my lips. I never tried kissing him, because if he wanted to kiss me he would have done that already.
We got into a fight the other day, some really big communication error, and now I feel like I’m back to square one. Although he still decided that he wanted to stay here this weekend. It al feels really boyfriend like, except the not kissing me part. He says he doesn’t know if he loves me so he won’t do that. He says if he does that he does it because of lust, not love.
I am really confused about all of this. And I’m glad that even you don’t get it. Makes me feel like I’m not crazy.

Crazy?

March 28, 2014 at 12:38 am

Would you suggest just staying friends, or no contact? Or something else? I can’t force him but I feel kind of stuck. I really want us to he together… 🙁

admin

March 28, 2014 at 4:38 pm

NC definitely NC.

Crazy?

March 27, 2014 at 3:41 pm

Hi Chris,

I bought your e-book a few months back and followed it like a bible 😉 and, it worked! (No surprise!) 🙂

Him (let’s call him K) and I have been casually dating for about 2 months now. I am going on dates with other people as well because of my own fears of putting all my eggs in one basket. K and I got into the conversation about us over the weekend, where he said that he thinks my feelings for him are stronger than his feelings for me (possibly true- I do really really like him). AND that he’s seeing other people too. He wants to keep seeing me. I told him that I don’t want him to see other people. I felt like he took it as being told what to do (childish) and said “I am going to do what I want to.”

It really hurt me, and I told him I need to think it over and process it, and see if I can be ok with an open relationship. I know he likes me… He said it over and over that he wants us to be together, but he’s not committing or being exclusive. We have been in contact since this conversation because I have so many questions.

Would you have any feedback?

admin

March 28, 2014 at 12:11 am

I wouldnt do the open relationship..

K

March 22, 2014 at 1:45 am

Hi Chris,

I just need advice, and my concerns may be irrelevant to this post. I just read that you are very involved with people who try to contact you and comment, so I’d figure that I would give it a shot.

What is your opinion on guys who make excuses for commitment? I’ve been dealing with this for 2 years. The first time didn’t work out and we split up, but 4 months later he came back and I gave him another chance.
The 2nd time was a lot different because we got a lot more serious, and I’ll be blunt we had sex for the first time. Afterwards he said “we’re still not official,” but I was okay with it because I knew he still needed time to figure things out.
Well, time passed, and the more I thought about it I just felt like a friend with benefit, and that really bothered me.
So a friend gave me advice to just ask him where I stood with him. And so I did.
He said he thought we were still good and still friends, and that he was just a really confused guy who didn’t know what a relationship is.
But then he said we were just friends who made a big move too soon and that really upset me.
I said I couldn’t help but to feel like a friend with benefit. He only said no matter what happens that he wanted to be friends.
I said I felt like I wanted too much out of him and I knew he wasn’t ready, but if friends is where it has to be then I’ll be okay with it.
He started to change the subject on me. But later that night I asked him again what he thinks about it because I got so tired of someone standing in front of me with a great opportunity with me who couldn’t take it.
He said that it would be a tough decision and he’ll think about it.
Well weeks went by. He still asked about my day. I’d figure that he would openly say and give me an answer.
About a month passed and I just wanted to know then. So I asked him one more time. And he decided to stay friends with me. “I’m always here to talk even though we are no longer romantically involved.” “You’ll find your true love someday.”
I still didn’t understand WHY though.
He came back for a 2nd chance with me, he was the one who spilled all his emotions out of no where on me again, and then this happens?
I simply said I don’t understand. After all this time? I thought it was going to be different.

He opened up to me about having a mild bipolar disorder. He didn’t understand why he does what he does on a daily basis.
It’s been a couple of months now, but I’m still not dealing with this pretty well. He texted me the day my grandmother passed away asking how I was a month later he called it off with me and I know he will try to reach me again.
I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know if I can handle being friends again. I also know that he still does have feelings for me but he feels like he wants me to be with someone who has a “brighter future.”
But I can’t help the way I feel about him.
Your advice?
I hope this all makes sense, and I apologize if it didn’t.
I’m fed up with excuses, I just don’t care if I’m graduating college and he didn’t, but he has a great job. Also the bipolar thing he could of told me a long time ago so I’ll give him some space. I’m also very afraid that he’ll contact me again. That’s my whole problem in a nutshell I guess.

Thank you so much. I’ve been a wreck here and there and have been a lot better since then, but I’m still thinking about him everyday and it still hurts pretty bad!

admin

March 22, 2014 at 6:25 pm

Bipolar disorder can be tough to deal with. I have an uncle with it and let me tell you it is very hard to watch. Trust me, it changes someone.

For now just give him his space.
K

March 27, 2014 at 3:59 pm

Thanks. I have been for a while now. It just sucks. It makes the moving on process a lot harder because I don’t know what’s going on in his head.

Jenny

March 17, 2014 at 5:22 pm

Hello Chris, I’m in this really weird situation and I just want to know if I’m on the right track here. My ex and I are on speaking terms and we saw each other now and then. But it weren’t really dates. He just came by and we talked a lot. He told me he wanted to take things slow and that he was really confused about his feelings. He says that he is afraid of failure and getting hurt again, I am too but I’m willing to fight for us. He said that he really loves me and stuff. We even played around about our future children, haha. But everytime we talked he said the same thing: we need to take things slow. I was really upset about this and just started to play a bit hard and replied really shortly when he texted me. Last week he asked me out for dinner and this friday he asked me to come over. It was really fun and nice to be at his house again and I even saw his parents again. It felt like I never left the place :). So I was really happy and felt like it’s gonna be fine. Yesterday I went to his soccer game, his parents were also there and after the game we went out for dinner. I asked him about his feelings and he told me again that he’s still confused but wanted to just go on dates and see where we end. After dinner he suggested to come to my place. My parents were there and we just chilled with the family. It felt so good! I’m just unsure about the whole take it slow part. He wants to take it slow but we saw each others family again and he text me all day. What is his deal? What should I do from here? I don’t want to put pressure on him, but I also want him to commit. I’ve already worked on myself, I’m not really needy and we have been honest about our fellings towards eachother.. What else can I do?

Jenny

March 25, 2014 at 4:13 pm

Hey Chris,
I know you are really busy and stuff, but I’m a bit desperate right now. Yesterday we made dinner together and I asked him ones again where we are standing. He told me that I’m the most beautiful, nicest, greatest and smartest girl he knows and that he really loves me, BUT that he doesnt know if HE can make ME happy. It is about the future. He lives and owns a farm and I’m an bit of a city girl. In our last relationship we had some arguments about that. I wasnt really sure if I wanted to live there. BUT NOW I AM and he is still hesitating. I can tell him a thousand times I dont mind where I live as long as its a life with him but he is still not sure. He thinks that MAYBE I’ll be unhappy living there. Uuuuurgh I’m so frustrated. I almost feel like giving up, because I don’t know what to do anymore. I wanted to order your book but Im not sure if it’s helpfull in this case?? Because I’m that far on the road of getting him back. Please help 🙁

marsha

March 12, 2014 at 1:24 pm

dear chris, please write a further article about this section :
Problem 2- He Doesn’t Love You Anymore (from the article above)

please write it down deeply. how can we (woman) do if he doesn’t love you anymore.
maybe you can ask yourself: what if u in love with a beautiful woman, but then something happend and you don’t love her anymore. so how to reconcile?
b

February 25, 2014 at 9:45 pm

Hi i really would appreciate your advice.My ex boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago we were together for four and a half years. I did no contact for the full 30 day already. He called me two days ago and told me he loved and miss me still. He also said he regrets breaking up with me and asked me if I had a boyfriend. I went on a date with him yesterday and it went good.Today I found out hes talking to this other girl and brought her gifts. He hasnt told me he wants me back and he never mentioned this girl (he told me hes still single). Im so confused please help me understand this. He kept on saying I love you to me all day and now I find out that hes talking to this girl. Thank you for taking time to read this and hopefully you can give me some advice.

admin

February 27, 2014 at 7:15 pm

Hmm… I am sorry that happened to you.

Have you confronted him about this other girl?
b

February 27, 2014 at 7:49 pm

Thanks for replying :-).. No I haven’t confronted him about it.. Should I?? How should I bring it up?
b

February 25, 2014 at 10:50 pm

Oh I also forgot to mention that he wants me to sleep over his house this week he said he misses holding me at night. I said I will think about it. I think its a bad idea because it might end up with us sleeping together so im not going. How can I tell him that I dont want to go without pushing him away and sounding rude? I dont want him to stop asking me out because im turning him down. Please help me on both comments. I will greatly appreciate it
b

February 27, 2014 at 5:18 pm

I feel like my ex boyfriend is stringing me along,trying to keep me as plan b. What can I do to take him out of that confort zone he has with me? He said he doesnt want me to have a boyfriend but then again hes talking to this girl.I dont want to be his back up plan if it doesnt work out with that other girl. Hes always calling me to see what im up to. Please help me out. Reading your guides has helped me alot.Your guides keep me going and have made me a better person. I hope you can answer my comments soon. Sorry to blow up your section with my issues

kanakana

February 25, 2014 at 5:10 pm

PLEASE HELP:
My boyfriend of 3 years who I used to oush to girls since we were so young when we first started dating.. I knew of the very big tendency that at some point he would want to explore.. this boyfriend of mine is very very seriousu towards me. You see, I’m a Filipino and our culture here can be very weird since most people who enter into a relationship is assumed to et married someday. There are no playing. So..that was our relationship..my parents and other relatives like him very much since he’s a very nice guy with a nice vibe and easy to get along with..
Anyway, back to the pushing to other girls part..i was quite more open about it. i used to tell him that he can explore as log as he tells me.. but he never tried and never even showed interest to the idea. He would uaually tell me that he doesnt want anyone else but me..

I am the controller in our relationship and Ican say that I haven’t been a great girlfriend to him.. well, before our break up..i was so clingy and needy that he found it weird since I was usually a strong woman. That was the start of his weird responses. He told me that since he thought a lot about my ideas and that he’s now quite open that there is a possibilitygor break up. You see, I used to break up with him but he never agreed.
And now, since he was so imprisoned in my world, he got very curious to the outside world and said he would want to explore it. He wants to do anything he wnts without restrictions. He’s a very aventurous and friendly guy and he appreciates all the appreciation and attentipn that other people are giving him.
I said that we can compromise and work it out and that I’ll give him the freedom he wants since it’s a huge part of the relationship thatcouples go trough the most heartbreaking moments and fights and even 3rd parties.. he said he didn’t want me to get hurt in his process of growing and exploring since he might not be able to do and prioritize his boyfriend duties. He saif he loves me so much and Ican feel that it is true.. it’s just ghat we are both too young to be chained to the person we already want to et married to. He was so sure and so was I.
Even up to now, we text and he tells me that he misses me. I told him that he can come back anytime he misses me because I will always be willing to work things out.
I plan to start the full NC on Sunday this week and the 30th day ends on my birthday. Sigh.

I know I think no contact rule can still be applicable here.. but my isaue is that our break up didnt sourced from his losing of interest to me. It was acyually a mutual agreement. We both told each other that we know we’d end up tpgether but we still have to explore our own worlds apart.

What can you say about this? We both love eahbother dearly but he wants to explore the world as a single guy. I understand him since we are both young. But I love the guy.. my family loves him and we are a perfect match. How can I convince him to come back to me and work things out and explore the world together.
You might tell me that I should explore my world too just like what he’s doing but I can be very sure that he’s the one. I want to grow up with him. I want to explore thw world with him.

As a guy, what do you think I shpuld do to get him back. Or to convince him that we can do it together. And another question. Do you think the no contact rule would still apply since the problem does not revolve around me but around his principles? Even after the no contact, what of he sees me as a better version of myself and misses me and loves me but still wants his single time. Right now he loves me and misses but still stnds hia ground. What should I do aince or problem is a bit deeper than our superficial looks and is rooted with his thinking? Me being a better version of myself might not help since that is not the issue why we broke up 🙁 it is actually rooted with his desire to explore. Help!!!!! 🙁

kanakana

February 27, 2014 at 2:29 am

Please help. 🙁
kanakana

February 28, 2014 at 1:29 am

I really need your avice on this, Chris. 🙁
I canot make himcommit because he wants total freedom and I understand that because we are still young. You’d probably tell me to explore too just like what he’s doing but I really love him and I don’t want to let him go…
I’m scared that 16 months might be too long and that even if I stick around sometimes to reattract him, his mind might be changed. A lot can happen in a month.. what more in 1 year anf 4 months? 🙁
I really need your advice. Thanks Chris!
kanakana

March 2, 2014 at 3:36 pm

I check this daily but you seem to miss out on my posts. 🙁
admin

March 2, 2014 at 7:06 pm

Sorry I have been sick all week long.
kanakana

March 3, 2014 at 3:13 am

PLEASE HELP:
My boyfriend of 3 years who I used to oush to girls since we were so young when we first started dating.. I knew of the very big tendency that at some point he would want to explore.. this boyfriend of mine is very very seriousu towards me. You see, I’m a Filipino and our culture here can be very weird since most people who enter into a relationship is assumed to et married someday. There are no playing. So..that was our relationship..my parents and other relatives like him very much since he’s a very nice guy with a nice vibe and easy to get along with..
Anyway, back to the pushing to other girls part..i was quite more open about it. i used to tell him that he can explore as log as he tells me.. but he never tried and never even showed interest to the idea. He would uaually tell me that he doesnt want anyone else but me..

I am the controller in our relationship and Ican say that I haven’t been a great girlfriend to him.. well, before our break up..i was so clingy and needy that he found it weird since I was usually a strong woman. That was the start of his weird responses. He told me that since he thought a lot about my ideas and that he’s now quite open that there is a possibilitygor break up. You see, I used to break up with him but he never agreed.
And now, since he was so imprisoned in my world, he got very curious to the outside world and said he would want to explore it. He wants to do anything he wnts without restrictions. He’s a very aventurous and friendly guy and he appreciates all the appreciation and attentipn that other people are giving him.
I said that we can compromise and work it out and that I’ll give him the freedom he wants since it’s a huge part of the relationship thatcouples go trough the most heartbreaking moments and fights and even 3rd parties.. he said he didn’t want me to get hurt in his process of growing and exploring since he might not be able to do and prioritize his boyfriend duties. He saif he loves me so much and Ican feel that it is true.. it’s just ghat we are both too young to be chained to the person we already want to et married to. He was so sure and so was I.
Even up to now, we text and he tells me that he misses me. I told him that he can come back anytime he misses me because I will always be willing to work things out.
I plan to start the full NC on Sunday this week and the 30th day ends on my birthday. Sigh.

I know I think no contact rule can still be applicable here.. but my isaue is that our break up didnt sourced from his losing of interest to me. It was acyually a mutual agreement. We both told each other that we know we’d end up tpgether but we still have to explore our own worlds apart.

What can you say about this? We both love eahbother dearly but he wants to explore the world as a single guy. I understand him since we are both young. But I love the guy.. my family loves him and we are a perfect match. How can I convince him to come back to me and work things out and explore the world together.
You might tell me that I should explore my world too just like what he’s doing but I can be very sure that he’s the one. I want to grow up with him. I want to explore thw world with him.

As a guy, what do you think I shpuld do to get him back. Or to convince him that we can do it together. And another question. Do you think the no contact rule would still apply since the problem does not revolve around me but around his principles? Even after the no contact, what of he sees me as a better version of myself and misses me and loves me but still wants his single time. Right now he loves me and misses but still stnds hia ground. What should I do aince or problem is a bit deeper than our superficial looks and is rooted with his thinking? Me being a better version of myself might not help since that is not the issue why we broke up it is actually rooted with his desire to explore. Help!!!!!

That was my question. 🙂

I’m sorry to hear that! I hope you Get well soon!
admin

March 3, 2014 at 6:32 pm

My personal view is that women shouldn’t have their time wasted. You seem like you take relationships seriously so if you feel this guy will be a waste of time then its better to just move on.
kanakana

March 4, 2014 at 3:10 am

But do you think I can still get him back even though the problem is rooted on his desire to be single? 🙁
admin

March 4, 2014 at 6:48 pm

Its possible but it is going to take some time and you may not be wanting to invest the time required b/b there is no guarantees obviously.
kanakana

March 5, 2014 at 1:07 am

He said he wanted to be single for some time and we have talked about it. He said all he wanted was 16 months of single life and because he loved me so dearly, he will come back. Even when I agreed to his decision after a long time, he won’t let go of the thought that we will be together at the end. He said he still wants to marry me but wanted to make the most out of his single life. He looked very sincere, but I am afraid he might meet the game changer and leave me hanging and tell me one day that he found someone new and that he didnt expected it at all.

I am so depressed, Chris. 🙁 what can you say about that?

Kate

February 25, 2014 at 10:20 am

Hey! My ex boyfriend and i recently broke up about 4 months ago and for the past 2 months we have been seeing each other and acting all couply and he has been telling me he loves me and that he has fallen back in love for me so hard but he didn’t want to be in a relationship because he didnt want to get hurt. Last week he picked me up from a party and i was very drunk which i did not plan to be, but i convinced him into staying and talking to me after he dropped me home, after that we didn’t talk for a week. We spoke today and he said that he was going to get back together with me except on saturday after thinking about it he realised that he didn’t love me anymore and that he confused missing me with loving me, even though he had the i love you look on his face when he was with me and always talked about how he had such a good time. He said he can’t be in a relationship because he can’t love anyone right now.

What do i do… is it possible to confuse missing someone with loving someone after you have been seeing them again for two months? we were together for two and a bit years by the way/ do you have any insight into what he is thinking
Em

February 21, 2014 at 8:22 am

Ok so my text messages totally worked…he showed up at my house saying he missed me etc and cannot see his life without me. We ended up having a longish conversation about our relationship 🙁 Final result was that he wants me in his life as some kind of friend but not girlfriend (he said he’s not ready for that and wants to still be alone). He still wants to come to my graduation and still wants me to come on an overseas holiday to meet his extended family!!! It was so bizarre because then I said it wasn’t going to wait around for him and would date other people so he said he would too!! Now I’ve got him as a weird pseudo friend who gets essentially gets to hang out with me but will also be dating other people…

Did I totally stuff this up as it seems like he now has all the power ie get me in his life but doesn’t have to commit as my boyfriend?? How do I get out of this crappy situation?

Em

February 23, 2014 at 12:11 am

Thinking about it some more, I totally got too emotional (was so weird having him just show up and then start talking about our relationship) and put too way much pressure on him to define things for me and then threw in a ultimatum!!! I think it made him regret coming to see me 🙁

I asked him when we could next hang out and he suggested next weekend but would let me know. Should I wait for him to contact me? I’m not sure how else to come back from being too emotional and pressuring him. Or should I wait 5 days or so and try texting again?

Kanne

February 19, 2014 at 11:34 pm

Hi chris,

I think I made an oops last night. My ex and I were talking ( ok texting) and we were both flirting big time. He kept telling me things he likes about me. I did the same. I mentioned how I got hit on at work and that guys do check me out and ogle daily ( not to toot my own horn, but he likes to tell me how he has no troubles with the ladies) . He responded good for you. I said it’s flattering but it’s hard to find quality men. When I do I go after what I want and usually get what I want. He didn’t catch on that I was referring to him. After he asked I explained it. And he replie with good to know. We bantered and he mentioned how he knows I want him. I said I have not been to shy about it. ( my big oops). I said I know what I want but am trying to figure him out. He said don’t try since e doesn’t know to just see what happens. A few days ago he admitted to being open to trying again. So confusing! Maybe you could shed light on this. He mentioned things we should have done while together and I said if things work out than we will have the opportunity. He agreed. I suggested, again to meet up and aimed for this weekend but he is busy. I suggested the following week and he said yea. I am not going to wait forever for him. I do realize this is not an over night thing. However it has been about six months. Thoughts?

Now to my question. How do I get the ball back in my court?
How do I turn his uncertainty into certainty ?
Honest feedback please.

kanne

March 1, 2014 at 1:23 am

Please if you can provide feedback it would be greatly appreciated,!

I do realize you have a lot of posts to respond to.
admin

March 2, 2014 at 7:10 pm

Sorry I have been sick all week long. Could you give me some bearings on what you would like feedback on?
Kanne

March 3, 2014 at 12:53 am

No problem! Hope you are feeling better!?

Basically from the situation I mentioned in my post, does it seem like I made a mistake and how do I get the ball back in my court so he doesn’t have the upper hand.

Kanne

February 19, 2014 at 6:50 pm

Hi chris,

I think I made an oops last night. My ex and I were talking ( ok texting) and we were both flirting big time. He kept telling me things he likes about me. I did the same. I mentioned how I got hit on at work and that guys do check me out and ogle daily ( not to toot my own horn, but he likes to tell me how he has no troubles with the ladies) . He responded good for you. I said it’s flattering but it’s hard to find quality men. When I do I go after what I want and usually get what I want. He didn’t catch on that I was referring to him. After he asked I explained it. And he replie with good to know. We bantered and he mentioned how he knows I want him. I said I have not been to shy about it. ( my big oops). I said I know what I want but am trying to figure him out. He said don’t try since e doesn’t know to just see what happens. A few days ago he admitted to being open to trying again. So confusing! Maybe you could shed light on this. He mentioned things we should have done while together and I said if things work out than we will have the opportunity. He agreed. I suggested, again to meet up and aimed for this weekend but he is busy. I suggested the following week and he said yea. I am not going to wait forever for him. I do realize this is not an over night thing. However it has been about six months. Thoughts?

Now to my question. How do I get the ball back in my court?
How do I turn his uncertainty into certainty ?
Honest feedback please.

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