How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit To You- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

483 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit”

anon

February 1, 2014 at 8:55 pm

Hi Chris! I need some advice.

Last December, I turned into a complete bitch (stress from finals and birth control problems) and because of it, my boyfriend broke up with me. After the break up, I went into 30 days no contact. I spent those days working out, got a new hair cut, and strengthening ties with friends.

He ended up breaking no contact right around day 30 and invited me to hang out with some mutual friends. The whole time he kept complimenting me on both my looks and my personality and just being super friendly. But then I found out he’s hooking up with another girl. I’m sure it’s just a rebound b/c she’s the complete opposite of me and it started about three weeks after we broke up but apparently he’s acting really committed to her but (according to her friends) she’s only in it for the sex.

Anyways, he hasn’t contacted me since then but almost any time I’m hanging out with a mutual friend he will show up. We have such a connection and I usually end up leaving before him and he always seems disappointed.

Some of our mutual friends have talked to me about what he’s said about the breakup. He’s told a few that he just doesn’t want to be committed right now, he told two of them that he still has feelings for me but he feels like I’m happier without him (when I’m with him I try to act super positive and upbeat despite how sad I truly am), that he’s a shitty person and I deserve better, etc. He even told one of our friends that he wanted to ask me out on another date but he was afraid that things would be like they were last time around – but then she kept saying stuff like “You’ll never do better than [me]” and he got angry and ended up showing up to where he knew I was with his new girl.

He came up to me the other night at a party and apologized for saying that he never loved me and went on and on and on about how in love with me he used to be. I didn’t even know how to respond.

Anyways so last week I tried to engage him via text. I sent a memory text and got a neutral response so I cut the conversation off. I then went into no contact for a day but the next day he showed up to a friend’s room where he KNEW I was. I then texted him the day after (this was a stupid text but I was following my sister’s advice) saying “It was nice to see you yesterday:) How has your semester been going?” and he read it but never responded.

My female friends all suggest that I need to talk to him in person and lay out my feelings, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea. What do you think I should do? Should I try again with the texts? Should I be upfront with him? Do I have any chance?

The biggest question I have though is why would he come up to me and tell me how much he used to love me? And why does he keep telling people that I deserve better? It just seemed to cruel, like he was rubbing the fact that he doesn’t love me anymore into my face.

admin

February 2, 2014 at 6:35 pm

He probably is thinking back on your time together fondly.
anon

February 3, 2014 at 7:23 am

First of all – Thank you for replying! I thought that was good news, but……..

Second of all – AHHH
I went to a superbowl party today, and he was there. BUT, he refused to even LOOK at me. We could be in the same conversation, but he wouldn’t even acknowledge me. We rode home in the same car as me, and he maybe spoke two words to me.

He also apparently went up to one of my friends and kept repeating over and over “If I was so shitty to her, why would she ever love me again?”

So does this mean that he changed his mind and hates me? Should I give up? Should I try to text him again?
admin

February 3, 2014 at 6:16 pm

It means he is very very immature.

Angela

January 31, 2014 at 11:27 pm

Hey Chris! Me and my ex have been in a relationship for almost 2 years now. We both loved each other a lot. He even used to cry telling me not to leave him when he goes to Med School to become a doctor. I loved him truly with all my heart. And I know that he did too. We broke up recently due to some issues we were having and he realized that he couldn’t make this relationship work because he will be going to Medical School and wont be able to make time for me as much as I would want from him. I made it clear to him that I will be fine with everything and that I will always love him but he just doesn’t seem to be fine with this. I agreed to the break up and he texted 2 days ago continuously saying that he misses me and had a horrible week and still wants to be friends and have me in his life instead of acting as strangers. He doesn’t talk to much people. He’s basically is a book worm. I was the first girl in his life and he doesn’t have anybody else for company. He said he still has feelings for me, loves me and doesn’t want us to just separate as strangers after everything we had. The only reason he wanted the breakup was because we have a 4 year difference and he cant deal with the fact that I am so young and while he goes to Medical school, we will stay in love. I told him that I cant be his friend because that would hold me up from moving on, and the only way I can move on is if we stop talking. He agreed to my decision after a while and said “I will miss you though.” I said good bye and we ended it like that. I REALLY want him. I WANT him Chris. I know we will be fine if he wasn’t so paranoid about this situation. And it sucks that we cant be together because of our age difference or the fact that he thinks I wont be okay when he wont be able to make time for me while he’s in Medical School. Thats the reason for our separation. He knows how much I love him and I know he loves me to death also. He just wants to continue as friends because he still cares for me and loves me too much to just be nothing. But that will hurt me more. How do I make him realize that everything will be alright even if he goes to Medical school and we will be fine? Please help.

admin

February 1, 2014 at 6:34 pm

How long have you two been broken up?
Angela

February 1, 2014 at 9:29 pm

About 2 weeks I would say. A week ago we got back together for 3 days but because he didn’t seem to be so comfortable, I told him that maybe we should just break up. He agreed to it but later after 3 days he messaged saying he wants to still be in contact, become friends because he still loves me and doesn’t want us to be strangers. He loves me, but is afraid of commitment.

anonymous

January 31, 2014 at 1:25 pm

My ex boyfriend used to tell me he’s not ready for commitment but maybe years down he will be. Which like what you suggest, means he wanted me to stay single. And now he tells me that its better that i start seriously dating other men and letting things go btwn me and him. He said if i end up marrying other men, that means things btwn me and him were never meant to be. The few times i did nc. It will only affect him once i start to hit the 1week nc mark. Then i’d see him commenting on my facebook being sarcastic abt me and the guys i’m going on dates. I mean what gives? Sometimes he acts like he doesn give a damn abt me going on dates with other men. Sometimes he acts all sarcastic. When he wanted this. He wanted to let things go. He wanted me to date others. He himself is dating other ladies. And he wont fight to keep me in his life. I’m okay with letting fate decide, but i also believe that we should do our part to fight for the ones we love, to keep them in our lives.

Fifth day of nc this time. I havent heard anything frm him so far, except he tagging me in a facebook comment (which means he thought of me right? Since apart frm me, he only tagged his close guy friends.

I’m telling you chris, from what i know my ex, has a few close girl friends whom he used to date. Who turned into his close friends. And they all ended up marrying someone else. Sure, it must have hurt him. But he is okay with it! He is a firm believer of letting fate and god decides. In fact he’s always invited to their weddings and even has a VIP table!

I dont know if its an excuse to tell me that he doesn feel like i’m the one for him. Or he’s playing with fate. Knowing that if indeed its meant to be. It will happen eventually. And he’s really eager to let things go. Like the saying “if you love someone set them free. If they come back, its meant to be, else it never was yours to begin with”

He said he doesn know which lady he’s dating now, who he wants to marry. He said sure, he really loved me at one point before. But maybe fate decide that he could end up marrying some lady he never ever loved to begin with. I swear i feel like slapping some sense into him sometimes. He told me in the past, with some ladies. He’d tell them to let go. Thats the only way to see if he wants them enough to chase them again. And he’s doing it to me now. But i dont know for how long more do i have to keep doing this? The problem is, sometimes i do nc. He comes back. Sometimes i initiate the contact first. Its like a game of some sort to him? And its draining me. I think he only continues playing it till he feels he is emotionally and financially prepared to settle down. And he’d just pick whichever lady he has been playing “catch” with to marry.

What do you think abt this chris? Does that mean that he doesn have anymore feelings towards me? Since he did tell me to let go and date other men. But why when i try to do that, and nc for say 2weeks. He’d start commenting on my facebook status/pictures. And he never does that unless i’m in the midst of nc with him. I mean he never likes or comment my facebook stuff when i’m on speaking terms with him. Only during nc.

admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:50 pm

I am sure feelings are there but right now they aren’t strong enough.
anonymous

February 1, 2014 at 4:55 pm

Only day 6 of nc and i’m really struggling 🙁 i’ve done nc a few times before; even a mth of nc but i still have difficulty pulling through. I have not heard frm him and i’m worried that he has forgetten abt me and move on completely. Since i’ve done nc a few times alrdy, will it affect him at all? I’m hoping he’d initiate contact first this time. Will that happen if he’s dating others?

I dont know how long should i do nc for this time. And how should i reach out to him if he doesn’t reach out first? Will he think i’m desperate if i initiate contact first? Since the reason i started doing nc again was cause he went cold on me.

i’m really afraid if there’s really no more hope 🙁
anonymous

January 31, 2014 at 3:54 pm

Oh. And sorry if this seems like a juvenile qns. During nc, are we all not allowed to “like” or comment anything our ex posts? Do men actually care or think so much if we do “like” anything?

I happen to notice this one lady whom my ex boyfriend added a few mths back. She started “liking” almost all photos and status of him which he posted years ago even.

So i wonder if men finds it creepy if a lady does that? I have guys in my facebook friends list who do that to me. And its a bit of a turnoff for me. Hahahaha.
admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:51 pm

Nope you can’t like or comment on anything.

Kanne

January 31, 2014 at 3:46 am

Chris, I need your prospective. I know I have written before and your advice invaluable. I have been back in touch with my ex for around a month after a 3 month hiatus I decided to contact him and I made sure he knew that hooking up was NOT and option. I am certain he gets that. My terms were that I need to be in a relationship with someone again for that to happen. I have done all of the contacting which I am for now fine with. I don’t have a problem praying what I want ( let me be clear, I would like to try again with him and see if we can make it work… But I do not need him in my life to be happy, I already am). He always responds to my texts. We have not met up bc he has been doing a lot of overtime; he is a cop. He went on vacation last week and I texting him wishing him a fun trip and said I will be interested to find out how it went and he said he would definitely like to share. I said tgat I hoped in person over a drink. He sent me a smiley face ( he sends a lot of those plus kissy face emoticons) I said I would take that as a yes and he said it is a yes.

Now to my actual question. What do you make of this from a guys perceptive? How should I take this scenario?

admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:44 pm

Sounds really good to me. Of course, lets see if he is a man of his word and takes you up on that drink.

G

January 30, 2014 at 10:51 pm

Thanks for going into such thorough detail, and taking care to explain things the way you do. Your website has been so incredibly helpful. One thing I would like to see here, and that I haven’t found anywhere is help getting thru NC. I know you say 90% of women fail at. I’ve probably failed at it 5 times already. I’m starting over AGAIN, and its not necessarily to get him back. I mean I know I need to do it for me, but I’m on day 6, and its so hard. I know I’m supposed to be keeping busy, hanging out with friends, improving myself, etc., and I AM. I’m absolutely doing all of those things, and I’m pushing myself even when I’d rather not. But we were together FIVE YEARS. Even if we weren’t together at the end of the night, he never once missed calling me to tell me goodnight. Going out, and doing things has been great, but when I get home, and there’s no one to talk to – THAT’S WHEN THE WEAKNESS COMES. When I look up how to stay strong during NC all I find is stuff on why its so important. I know it’s important that’s why I need help doing it! I mean you wouldn’t expect to keep someone from drinking just by telling them how damaging drinking is and how important it is for them to refrain because its a chemical addiction. Being in love releases similar chemicals in the brain, and that’s why it’s so hard to stop cold turkey. I’m really struggling at this moment, and I don’t know if I will make it to day 7. You might really be able to capitalize on writing a guide on how to stay strong. And I think it needs to be something different than “go to the spa, watch your favorite movie,” type stuff because that’s not going to work, especially when weakness is the worst during the hours when you can’t just go out or call a friend. I think part of it might just be a support group with other people who are trying to go the distance. Maybe you give silly titles or points for every so many days? I don’t know, but based on what I’ve read on here we need help not only knowing why NC is critical, but also HOW. Thanks for all of your hard work! I’m going to try to be strong for you today.

admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:39 pm

Thank you.. A guide on how to stay strong during NC.
G

January 31, 2014 at 10:54 pm

I did make it past day 6. I’m here on day 7, doing my best!
G

February 5, 2014 at 3:35 am

Okay, I know that no one cares, but I need to say that I’m on day 11.

DAY 11.

This is the longest I’ve ever gone. I’m heading strong into day 12. At this point it’s become pretty clear that things are over forever, he hasn’t tried to contact me, and he won’t – not because he didn’t love me or he doesn’t still care about me, but because he believes he’s doing the right thing for me by letting me go (stupid, I know). So, I think he will continue trying to do the right thing by not contacting me, and also it makes it easier on him to not to hear my voice and miss me. He’s got the willpower of – well I can’t think of anything, but if there was a percentage of willpower you could have he’d be at 100%. So, the more time that passes with NC the more I’m able to accept this as reality, and not trick myself into thinking that I can mold him into something for my benefit. I think if we’re meant to be, then it will work itself out after we get our own lives together, and I think that’s going to take more than a month.

A big thing I realized over the weekend is that I was waiting to start my life in a lot of ways until after he committed, and that was the hugest mistake I’ve ever made. 1) it was a turnoff to him 2) he never committed (because of that) and now I’ve wasted all that time in my own life. Don’t make the same mistake ladies. Read Chris’ guide on being the UG, and have your own life – authentically, not for show, and do not let it slip away when you get your guy back or you meet a new one. That’s what I did. I was the UG, and all these girls tried to date my guy for over a year, I mean he was literally the only guy living in a house full of girls when I met him – that’s how I met him his roommate introduced us, and they all wanted to date him, and we’re constantly trying to entice him and convince him to date them, and then his roommate introduced us. We had lunch with a group of friends, and we got along, and I thought he was cute, but I NEVER called him. I had my own apartment, my own job, my own friends, my own hobbies, and I liked him, but I never once pursued or called him. For the first 3 or 4 months we dated I literally did not have a single outgoing call to him, not because I was playing games, but because he was so into me that he called me enough that I never had to. After we fell in love then I was all about him, and I put a lot of things in my life on hold. And I think that destroyed my UG status. Now we’re broken up, and I have figure out how to rebuild all of that while going through this emotional torment.

Never wait for anyone or anything to save you from your life. Be the hero in your own story. Don’t be afraid of letting him go. He’s not the glue holding your life together. I know it feels like he is. I know. I’m there right now, but do the NC. Be the UG. Learn from your mistakes. Also, I’m saying that I think my breakup is permanent, but Chris has some good advice, so I think if you follow it yours doesn’t have to be. Anyways, I don’t know why I’m preaching, I doubt anyone will read this, but I guess I just need a forum to express my thoughts, and this is it.

Thank you, Chris.
admin

February 5, 2014 at 6:52 pm

Amen!

Hahaha and I am SURE people will read this.
G

February 6, 2014 at 6:02 am

Hey Chris, thanks youre the best. So, here’s why you don’t half-ass NC and you don’t wimp out a few days in: because you learn sh*t. Things you can only learn with time, logical thinking, and somewhat ironically in my situation – learning to love yourself.

DAY 12

I’ve only ever been dumped (don’t worry just one other time, its not like a chronic thing), so I never knew what it was to break someone’s heart until today. But as I’m tackling both NC and becoming a UG with sincerity (I hope that makes me some sort of super star) I realized that there were 2 people in my life that I care about and I don’t want to hurt, but whose personalities and views don’t mesh with mine or are actually holding me back from the progress I’m trying to make it. And then it hit me – I’ve been so selfish.

I assumed this breakup was all about ME. I’ve been analyzing the end of the relationship and all of our post relationship contact like, “I don’t understand why he said that because it doesn’t seem true to ME… Why did he act that way or say that thing – what’s he trying to tell ME. What’s his reaction to ME say about ME? He was nice today, does that mean he still loves ME?” Wtf, self? There were 2 people in the relationship! Maybe he broke up with you because he’s his own person, and he felt like even though he loved you, and it was the hardest thing he ever had to, he had to be true to himself, and what he needed from his own life. Maybe it’s not only about you, what you want, want the failure of the relationship says or doesn’t say about you. Maybe it’s not even about who failure, or who was right or wrong. Maybe it was about 2 people who cared a lot for each other, but needed different things.

Maybe I should not only respect that, but respect him enough to not want to impatiently reign him back in just so I don’t have to be alone with my own thoughts. And MAYBE if we both grow from this, really grow, not just “okay I did my time like I said I would. Now let me have what I want.” maybe our paths will cross again someday, and we’ll both be ready to be equals in the relationship, and give more than we expect or take, and we’ll be able to love each other while staying true to ourselves. Or maybe we won’t. But that’s not the point of NC or the journey, so that’s not what I’m going to focus on.

Imma keep on trucking into DAY 13.

PS is your profile picture very slightly different, Chris?
admin

February 6, 2014 at 6:05 pm

I changed the profile picture hahaha. Keeping things a little fresh for everyone.

Keep on keeping on.
G

February 6, 2014 at 6:05 am

Also, I suck at typing because I wrote that all without a keyboard on my iPad mini. Don’t judge.

mojojo

January 30, 2014 at 1:42 pm

yo,.. how r you ?
still remember me mojojo?
so… just wanna give you the update…

i’m not really sure if u remember my story tho. haha

after we met,… after no contact almost a month because he came to my city before a month but i didnt contact him after he told me he was in town,

and we met…. his mate join us,.. i did very well like i was okay and talki super happy and nice, and after had lunch they invited me to their hotel… mean while i can see how surprised he was when we met again, but i didnt ask many think bout him lately i just tried to act ignored him. but they can tell i was kinda pissed off,. anyway

i thought they were at the same room,.. apparently they not. so here we are… me and my ex at the same room,.. i tried my best not to hv sex with him,.. but well i was so anxious … i kinda dunno what to do,.. between upsett , sad, happy to see him, missing him, also so angry… i just quiet looking at me and let him kissed me but i ddidnt want o hv sex with him.. untill he cant control him self and he told me how he cant control him self and keep kissing me who looks so sad, he even asked whats wrong and i cant say anything i was too sad. but then we endup having sex… after we cuddling each other still in silent sadness and awkard.. he cuddling me looking away and i just feel relax, then because i have appoitment with a friend (that i actually can cancel it) but i dont want he think i made my time for him so i leaved him after that and give him kisses… he said thankyou for his late birthday gift and before i leaved he asked me to hug him, instead i kissed him all over his face softly (fuck i shouldnt give him that)

and before i closed the door i told him just text me later if they already had dinner and wanna go to club with me and his mates, we’ve planned bout that after lunch, he said okay, and i leaved him…

but …hours… past to 12am he didnt contact me, i got a feeling he wont do that.. and yeah he didn’t… so… text him how i cant accept how he treat me like that. and i went off party with my friends…

and 5am morning i got his apologized text. but he didnt explain anything. instead he wud like to talk to me on skype in few days later… i just said nothing and pissed off but again he didnt do that..

a weeks after that i got drunk and i sent him drunk text how he pissed me off and hurt me by what he did on me …and he reply and explain what was goin on, that he cant handle him self to say goodbye with me, that he was scared with what will i say , he afraid i will ask him promised something that he might not able to do it,.. he said he also worried that i will angry at him infront of his mates, that actually i was so okay with them obviously his mate was find me funny around them, can get along with them, its just him scared with things that what will i do…. he said he was obviously attracted at me and still like a lot, thats why when we met that day actually he really scared to me that we might end up having sex if we met, because he still hv a feeling about me and that will make the separation harder,
he cant be together with me because the location is not makesense,..he dont know when he will come to jakarta again or never gonna come again ..*cough*…ermm…. too much story isnt it AHAHAHAH embarasing. so the point is… he was told me to move on. because he was moving on with his life. 🙁 he said sorry how it ended so bad that hurt me , because he think by just dissappear like that will be just easier to me… instead he hurt me… why man do that? just disappear like that? thats not cool… better u leaved someone with a proper good bye or reason…

the problem now… i’m still thinking bout him all the time. this is sick i need to move on. the weird thing is he not blocked me from skype-email-FB, or unfriend me? why? well i didnt want contact him first untill he say anything at me frist. he hurt me, he dont deserve a hi from me at first.

fuck i need to move on but he is like a gosht in my mind T__________T
Kate

January 30, 2014 at 3:53 am

Almost a month ago, my ex said he missed me and that letting me go was the biggest mistake of his life. Since then, I have tried to control conversations and remind him of emotional memories we had.

He contacts me a lot, texts and phone calls… maybe 4 or 5 times a week. I don’t initiate these things. However, sometimes he seems a bit platonic when we talk, despite my efforts to rekindle positive memories. I don’t want to get friendzoned… how do I get back on his radar?

If it were possible, I’d try to see him in person at this point. Unfortunately though, it won’t be possible for close to 3 months because he lives far away. I feel like I’m in a bit of a stalemate.
Thank you Chris!

admin

January 30, 2014 at 6:13 pm

Is he a very patient person?
Kate

January 31, 2014 at 2:49 am

he is. our previous relationship was long distance for part of the time.
admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:23 pm

Have you read my LDR page?
Kate

January 31, 2014 at 11:35 pm

Yep I have, but I’ll go back and read it again as a refresher!!
Kate

February 1, 2014 at 1:52 am

Oh, and yesterday he tried to sext me during a conversation, lol… I declined, but gently. I feel like a classy, UG type of person wouldn’t randomly sext a guy who isn’t her bf anymore… am I wrong?
Taylor

February 2, 2014 at 4:29 pm

Good for you. I know I would have done the same. Once you start doing that outside of a relationship he’ll think you’ll text him like that all the time without commiting to you. I learned from experience. Luckily, the guy I did that with was someone I wasn’t interested in being serious with. It was just all fun and games. If it’s something real your wanting then it’s not a good idea.

Karla

January 30, 2014 at 12:32 am

Hi Chris, so I’m on week 2 of NC rule, he broke up with my for external reasons (family issues on my part). Something that I hid from him and made him double think my loyalty to him, he says he loves me with all his heart but he can’t get over what he thinks was a lie. His birthday is this coming Saturday and I’m wondering if I should send him a short text wishing him a happy birthday and then go back to the NC rule? Your thoughts?

admin

January 30, 2014 at 6:04 pm

Noope I wouldn’t even break the NC rule for a happy birthday text.

Taylor

January 29, 2014 at 11:45 pm

What if there was no actual break up? He just went silent one day and never texted again. I sent maybe two messages saying hi before I realized he was ignoring me. I did not freak out or push to ask what was up. Obviously the silence was a break up since I haven’t heard from him in a month. I’ve used that time to focus on myself. I still find myself thinking about this person all the time. Do you think it’s possible to spark his interest again after all this time?

Gigi

January 31, 2014 at 5:31 am

Are you sure you shouldn’t file a missing persons report? How did you know after 2 messages that he was ignoring you? Did you get in a massive fight before that?
Taylor

January 31, 2014 at 7:41 pm

No fights whatsover. He just randomly out of the blue stopped responding to me. He always responded to my messages and if it took him a while he had an excuse and apologized even though it didn’t bother me about time frame for him to respond. He just didn’t respond to those messages and hasn’t made an effort to contact me at all. This happened exactly 30 days ago. I was very hurt and very confused the first week but I realized I had to move past it. I have made no attempt to contact him at all. I feel stronger and thought by now I would have moved on completely like I usually do but hes’s still in the back of my mind. Before it was difficult to see each other because we both worked all the time and live and hour apart but now things are different because I don’t work as much anymore and started taking classes at a new school and the school happens to be 10 minutes from him. He had moved away a couple of weeks after we started seeing each other and in the beginning stated how much he didn’t like not being able to see me as much as he had been. We managed to see each other atleast once a week sometimes twice but things did feel like they were becoming more distant after each week.
admin

January 30, 2014 at 5:59 pm

….. seriously.. he just fell off the face of the earth? No talk at all?
Taylor

January 30, 2014 at 6:21 pm

Pretty much. It was very strange especially since we never had a fight and he had been pretty worried a few days be
Taylor

January 30, 2014 at 6:22 pm

He had been worried a few days before because I hadn’t responded to some texts he had sent earlier in the day. I never actually received any of these texts.

Clarissa

January 29, 2014 at 8:08 pm

Okay I’m confused. My ex lives in Hawaii and I live in Utah. He was here visiting family and so I met up with my ex and we went on a date. The whole time he was just staring at me. Not blankly but with THE look. When it was time for splitting up he didn’t want to leave me. He wanted to just stay together all day. Then once he had left we started texting and he said he still had feelings for me but didn’t regret breaking up. But I wasn’t too hurt just mostly confused by it.
We text some more then I bid him a good night. The next day he calls me and says he misses me. But as soon as he’s back with his controlling mother and sister I don’t hear from him. The days leading up to our date he was with his dad. The whole time he kept saying how much he missed me and how excited he was to see me. What gives?

admin

January 30, 2014 at 5:45 pm

To me it just sounds like the distance is tough for you two guys.

Jannie

January 29, 2014 at 5:12 am

Dear Chris,

Is it possible to get a guy to commit after he “broke up” with you?

I was seeing this guy regularly for 6 months. The relationship was not defined. He told me 5 days ago that he’d like things to end here. I’m devastated as he was really sweet.

I’d like to think this break allows us time to reflect on what went wrong (a lot of communication issues), and help us build a stronger foundation for a potential future relationship…

Do you think that is possible?

admin

January 29, 2014 at 7:00 pm

Of course it is possible.

Like I said you just have to become the bigger and better deal.

Julie

January 28, 2014 at 3:23 pm

Great guide. My problem is his age, there is 7 years between us. He is defiantly scared. Im older, he is 24 (ugh)
BUT I did the 30 no contact, and now we are talking… kinda, I keep repeating your phrase from another post. Patience in contact…. Which is WAY harder.
Im am not being available, and in the 2 times we have chatted have cut things off early, and took LONG to respond.
I feel great about myself, I would like to just get back to where we were, but I know it takes time and patience is key. Wish they would bottle that stuff. LOL Im not going to lie, being patient is the hardest part, no matter how great you feel.
Also to the women who’s men didn’t contact them in the 30 days, mine didn’t either, but we are talking now, he is stubborn I know that. But it still bothered me, I just want you to know that even if he didn’t or doesn’t contact you doesn’t mean that you won’t start talking again. We are and they have been positive both times.
😀
fingers crossed!

Gigi

January 31, 2014 at 5:33 am

Thanks Julie, that’s a positive reminder.
admin

January 28, 2014 at 6:42 pm

I am literally making a guide on that right now. Guys who don’t contact during NC.
anonymous

January 29, 2014 at 3:40 am

Please include in your upcoming guides for those ladies who messed up after first nc, who rushed things a bit too soon till their ex ignored them. A bit related to guys who dont contact during nc (if she does nc on him again, after he ignored her)

Also, i always wondered what is going through the male’s mind when they know their ex gf is trying to win them back.
admin

January 29, 2014 at 6:56 pm

Will do!

My next one will be all about what happens if he doesn’t contact you at all during NC.
Koral

January 31, 2014 at 4:01 am

Do you have an approximate date when that post will be up? (Not that I want you to rush and compromise the quality of the post). I did thirty days of no contact and he didn’t contact me. I’ve begun contact with him over the last two weeks, but they have been pretty neutral responses. I’m not sure when to advance to a good memory text message in my situation…I’m thinking he’s just being nice and “friendly” but clearly doesn’t want more than that. I was planning on taking a risk soon and try a good memory text message just to see what happens. Any advice?
admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:21 pm

Ugh.. I have some bad news/good news.

Bad news: I had to push the post back.

Good news: I had to push it back b/c I am putting the finishing touches on my new book.
anonymous

January 29, 2014 at 1:26 pm

And what is going through the male’s mind when he doesn’t initiate contact during nc and esp when his ex girlfriend does nc on him a few times. Meaning to say she does nc on him 30days. He didn contact her. She came bck initiated contact for approx 3mths (contact almost everyday during this 3mths) he eventually went cold on her. She does nc again. Again, he didn contact her at all. And then she initiates contact again after nc. Does he even notice her absence i wonder? Or cares about her? Hmmm. Since he didn look for her when she does nc each time.
admin

January 29, 2014 at 7:04 pm

I am working on a new guide that you may find to be very insightful.

k94

January 28, 2014 at 1:15 pm

As long as we’re dissecting things exes say, I was wondering if you could dissect this for me:

‘I realised that I would probably do anything within my power to be back with you, I really would, but doing that would be completely unfair and even more selfish of me. Yes when I am with you I am happy but I don’t know if it would last and I don’t want to risk it. I will always love you, that is basically what I’m saying but I honestly need to sort my own sh** out right now.’

I understand that he is enjoying being single because he has no one to let down or think about… But how can you want to ‘do anything in your power to get back with me’ if you’d rather reject an opportunity to be with that person. Seems contradictory.
He’s smitten when he’s around me, but pushes me away and is cold when we contact over text (which we hardly ever do anyway), he rejects opportunities to see me…

But when I do tell him Im done with all of this, he messages and makes some sort of effort to drag me back into the loop just to then push me away when I do agree to talk to him.

I’m quite laid back about the whole thing at this point, I don’t obsess over whether we will or won’t get back together, just taking it as it comes.. But Im still in this limbo, not knowing how to approach this.

What are your thoughts/advice on what he says and what my next move could be?
J

January 28, 2014 at 7:53 am

A moment of your time kind Sir? Lol

What confuses me is that surely someone who is supposed to care about you should want to see you through any times of difficulty – health, wealth or relationship wise – no?

Or, are you saying that…. An already committed boyfriend would do that, but if you’re trying to get someone back after they’ve stopped being your boyfriend, then these parts of your life need to be in order for you to have a chance of being successful with your attempt?

admin

January 28, 2014 at 6:31 pm

Nice use of the “kind sir.”

I was more talking about how you can’t make a guy commit to you, you can’t give yourself the best opportunity to succeed if you don’t have those three areas of your life firing on ally cylinders.

kanne

January 28, 2014 at 7:10 am

I posted on the section “how to make your ex regret letting go” and you mentioned about getting him to commit- I have been texting with my ex for about two weeks and enacted the NC rule for 3 months. I am always the one initiating contact and suggesting we beet up which he “seems up for” he says he would love to. I have kept things VERY casual btw us. I set the precedent that we will not be hooking up ( we had for a short while)and he still responds when I text him. I make sure to cut the convo short and not text him daily. We only text. I suggested we meet in person when he returns from vacation and he said he would love to. How loosely do guys say this knowing he is not getting anything from me? I know he is attracted to me…but not sure how I can regret him letting me go bc we clicked on what we wanted in our future?

admin

January 28, 2014 at 6:33 pm

Guys can say this loosely HOWEVER, you never know for sure until the moment it happens. To see if he cancels or not.

M

January 27, 2014 at 11:53 pm

Excellent guide Chris!
Every topic makes me realize how a girls and guys perspective is so different. I feel like I have trouble with majority of the guys I date and having them to commit. I realized what my problem is..is that Im UG at first but once feelings get involved is game over for me…and I chase the guy away :(. The recent guy I dated for a month seemed a lil different and more genuine. We did establish a honest relationship so I openly asked him to why his behavior changed. He informed me it was because he was down going through alot of personal stuff and as much as he liked someone he needed to take care of himself first…”physically and mentally” and if we could talk later…im leaving him alone for now..it has been almost two months….but he did kinda left me hanging…would this be another excuse to run away from commitment?

admin

January 28, 2014 at 6:18 pm

It could be an excuse or it could be the truth..

Did he specify what the “issues” he was going through were?
M

January 28, 2014 at 10:40 pm

Nope I guess it’s too personal he doesn’t want to talk about it :T

Maria

January 27, 2014 at 4:07 pm

Hi there! I just wanted to thank you again for this… And this is definitely what I was looking for. You just reinforced my opinion of what he really wants, that is having me down the road. He is selfish, childlish and he doesn’t know what he really wants, so… I initiated a new NC but the difference this time is that I don’t want him back.

Thank you for helping me through this, because I really want to heal now.

admin

January 27, 2014 at 7:25 pm

Your welcome haha.

abby

January 27, 2014 at 9:33 am

new experience huh? hurrm.. paintball game i guess? anyway! another new guides!! i was so excited reading this. Love it!

admin

January 27, 2014 at 6:20 pm

Hahaha paintball can be fun but maybe a little too painful.
abby

January 29, 2014 at 9:26 am

well i guess that painful could makes me laugh so hard then.. but.. yeaah. that’s my point of view.. what do you think?

Sabrina

January 27, 2014 at 6:57 am

Btw you are right that relationship affects your health (physically and mentally) and wealth after a break up, i learned that the hard way. Maybe thats the reason why Chris you keep saying on all your guides about self improvement or Becoming the best version of yourself .

admin

January 27, 2014 at 7:19 pm

You might be on to something ;).

Look, getting an ex boyfriend back is not easy. Part of that is the fact that a lot of things in your life crumble after a breakup. I would rather someone work on rebuilding their life before they try getting an ex back as opposed to doing it when you are still crumbled.

Personally, I don’t want to date anyone that is broken inside. I want to date someone who is strong, confident and sexy. Essentially, someone who is comfortable with herself.
Sabrina

February 3, 2014 at 3:51 am

Im on 2months NC already, my exbf is still with his new gf for 3months, i havent contact my ex because of his gf snooping around. His mom isnt responding to my messages. I just heard of today that he is awfully thin now that you can see his cheekbones protruding, in short he became the worst version of himself while he is with the new gf. He is not like this, he used to be smart sexy, great bod.. Is depression starts kicking in him?

I have been doing alot of self improving, but it is him i am worried about.

Sabrina

January 27, 2014 at 6:15 am

Thank you for another new guide! 🙂
I can’t seem to figure out if my break up with my ex was bad one.
How can you differentiate a bad break up to a not one?

admin

January 27, 2014 at 7:17 pm

I suppose no breakup is good but how did you leave things?

YELLING or calmly talking?

What has happened after the breakup? A lot of name calling?
Sabrina

January 28, 2014 at 1:50 am

He cheated on me, i became needy desperate, i cried alot and begged him to come back over the 1st month of the break up and even told him that i can forgive him.
There was no yelling or name calling he even ask if i wanted to slap him on the face but that didn’t happened.
I also showed him a video that i made him 100 reasons why i love you.
Its been 3months and alot of our friends don’t even know that we are not together now, because i never bad mouth him to our friends or people who knows us or even open up what happened.

So what do you think Chris?
Sabrina

January 29, 2014 at 1:20 pm

Is it mine a bad break up? Hope you will response back thanks chris
Sabrina

January 29, 2014 at 6:27 am

Is it a bad break up?

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