Making an ex boyfriend regret letting you go can be a complicated thing to achieve.
If you were to survey the average person on the street and ask them the following question:
“Would you ever get back with your ex?”
Chances are high that they will say “no.”
However, if I have learned anything from my tenure here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery it is that what people say and what people do can sometimes be completely different things.
It’s one thing if your ex boyfriend tells you over and over he regrets what he did. It is altogether a different matter to see your ex boyfriend’s regretful demeanor as revealed in his eyes, or his body language or even his tears.
5 Huge Ways To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret What He Did To You?
This whole question of making your ex boyfriend look back at what happened between the two of you and wonder if he made a huge mistake in either letting you go or simply outright leaving you is a fascinating topic.
Making your ex regret doing those things that caused him to lose you is probably top of your mind right now.
But this business of sewing the seeds of doubt and making your ex bf feel sad for his role in the messy breakup is tricky.
What do I mean by that?
What is so tricky about creating in your ex boyfriend this sense of loss and remorse that he may have done one of the most stupid things in his life – namely letting you get away?
You see, what makes this such a fascinating breakup puzzle to unravel is that there are many kinds of regrets that your boyfriend’s actions can trigger.
I am not talking just about the kind of breakup regrets he may eventually experience over his actions, but also the disappointment you may have about what transpired…. about how it all went down.
Over the course of this Guide, you are going to see that the way to open up your boyfriend’s mind and heart and make him regretful for his decisions follows
5 Important Ex Back Pillars.
These 5 key Pillars that can bring about contrition and remorse in your Ex consist of:
1. Understanding How Your Boyfriend Processes Regret And Leveraging That Knowledge
2. Showing Your Ex Boyfriend That You Are Moving On (Without Really Moving On)
3. Creating Space Between You and Your Ex Boyfriend Then Watching Over Time As His Regrets Accumulate
4. Tapping Into a Psychological Principle That Will Trigger His Addiction To Be Around You Again
5. Learning to Leave Your Ex Boyfriend Wanting More of You
I promise we will spend considerable time talking about each of the critical Pillars I just listed above. Doing any of these things can better your chances.
Doing all of these things will significantly improve your efforts to teach your ex boyfriend that no longer should he take you for granted and that losing you, letting you go was a huge mistake.
Helping your ex boyfriend arrive at these feelings is where the balance of personal power begins to shift your way.
But first let’s explore the question of whether your ex boyfriend can truly feel a sense of loss.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizYou see, this whole topic can get rather confusing. So what should you be asking yourself!
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz10 Questions You Should Ask Yourself About Your Ex Boyfriend, the Breakup and His Sense of Responsibility
There are probably lots of things that your ex boyfriend (and you) may feel sad and sorrowful about.
A lot of bad stuff may have transpired. Can you accept your mistakes and forgive yourself, then move forward?
Is your ex capable of learning from his misdeeds and can he rise to the occasion to accept his role in the breakup?
It turns out that this matter of regret can get rather complicated. For starters, we need to make sure we are all on the same page when talking about this topic. For example what kind of regret or sorrow are we dealing with? And can you trust that your ex boyfriend is genuinely expressing sorrow and sadness?
Will things really get better if your ex boyfriend rushes to your side to frantically tell you he is sorry, but not really feel it or mean it?
No, of course not.
So let’s explore some of the questions you might want to ask yourself!
1. Will your ex bf get to a place where he really feels sad about what he said or did to you?
2. How will he be made to be repentant for the miserable time he dragged you through?
3. Can you trust that your ex boyfriend will truly be remorseful for the pain he caused you? And what will bring that about?
3. Will you be able to accept your boyfriend’s tearful apology if it comes to that?
4. Will your ex boyfriend be contrite and sincerely behave in a way that convinces you he is truly regretful?
5. Is your ex boyfriend’s apologies just a ploy to have sex with you?
6. Is it possible that your ex bf struggles with empathy and you can never expect to get a sincere apology?
7. Is he two timing you and only saying what you want to hear to make you forget about the other girl?
8. How many times have you heard him beg you for forgiveness, throwing himself at your mercy?
9. Is this yet another manipulative effort on his end to play games with you?
10. Is it time to finally decline his apology and end this relationship forever?
As you work you way through this Guide, I hope to shine some light on these topics and better prepare you to deal with these kinds of questions and concerns.
What Is Your Breakup Situation and What Do You Really Want in the End?
Let’s say you have cried your eyes out. Your ex boyfriend did something to you that he has never done before or perhaps it’s just a repetition of all the horrible things he has done in the past.
So what is your “regret” situation?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIs it:
- Making your ex boyfriend regret leaving you for someone else he just met. Man, if that is what went down, then by golly he should be made to feel bad because you are an awesome person, yet he left you behind.
- Is it about helping your ex boyfriend realize that he should regret ignoring you because you deserve so much more? If the relationship is going to work, your ex is going to have to realize he screwed up big time.
- Could we possibly be talking about making your ex boyfriend feel regret for hurting you in unspeakable ways? I am not talking about physical abuse, but let me mention that is one of those things for which you should have zero tolerance. No, what I am referring to is emotional abuse and the bitterness that goes along with ugly break ups.
- Is it about how to make him regret not choosing you over that crazy ex girlfriend he has taken up with again?
- Or maybe you want your ex boyfriend to suffer and suffer for all the awful things he has done to you. I sure hope you don’t take that path as you also will be filled with sorrow and guilt, resulting in a lose – lose situation.
Actually There Are 4 Kinds of Breakup Regrets That Plague a Couple
So how do we organize all these feelings of remorse and sorrow?
Let’s open up the lens and really examine this whole issue of Breakup Remorse.
Who should apologize to who?
Or is that even in play?
Well, it turns out that breakup regrets cover the whole spectrum. It’s not just about what your ex boyfriend did to you that has made things awful. It turns out that there are 4 main areas where a couple can get tangled up in web of dissapointment and sadness, all leading to remorse and a desire to makes things right.
These areas include:
1. Your Mistakes That Triggers Regret
It wouldn’t be right for me to assume that you did absolutely nothing wrong and that the relationship with your ex went south because of all the terrible things your ex boyfriend did to you. Maybe we should sacrifice him to the breakup gods, right! Just kidding. Of course, the way relationships end are rarely the fault of one person. Most often there is plenty of fault on both sides.
Maybe you got hooked up with a really stubborn guy who frustrated you so much that it ended up creating relationship chaos. Hey, guess what? Even if you made some mistakes with your ex boyfriend and he has turned stubborn on you, you still have options!
What I want you to take from this is that if you did things wrong, the sooner you acknowledge it to yourself and eventually to your ex boyfriend, the better. It is important to forgive yourself and not hold on to guilt and sadness. In this case, the sooner you relinquish your internal regrets, the better it will be for you both.
2. Your Boyfriend’s Shortcomings That Lead To His Apology
Of course, this is what brought you here to this post. Your ex boyfriend stole your heart, then pierced it with something bad he said or did and now he needs to accept it and show you he sincerely is remorseful. Sounds like it should be easy for him to do this right? I mean after all, it’s probably really clear in your mind that he is to blame.
So your boyfriend should be the one to confess his sins and apologize, right? If only things could be so simple. As you probably know too well, your boyfriend is not always the most sensitive and empathetic guy around.
It’s going to take some work on his end and your end too to help him see more clearly what he has done. But you are in luck, because that is what we are going to be spending most of our time talking about in this post!
3. Your Regrets That You Even Got Mixed Up With This Guy
Another kind of outcome is when you finally realize that you made a mistake in investing so much of yourself in this relationship. Perhaps there have been numerous fights and multiple break ups in the past. But now you have come to your senses realizing that your boyfriend offers empty apologies and seems incapable of truly regretting his actions.
Whatever it is that makes him this way, perhaps now you are able to see the big picture. So the kind of regret we are dealing with is just the normal sadness a person feels for having tried so hard to make something work, but fell short.
If this is your case or becomes the outcome for you later, I would ask you to take the necessary time to mourn the loss of the relationship, but also recognize that you have many wonderful paths that lies ahead and now you are so much better equipped at making better choices of who you want to spend time with.
4. Your Ex Boyfriend Regrets He Did Not End The Relationship Sooner
Now I am sure this is not the kind of regret you came here to read about. But it would be wrong for me not to acknowledge that it may be your boyfriend’s perception that this relationship is not going to work out. Now, I have seen plenty of cases were couples have come to doubt if their relationship was meant to be. They may feel the passion of love, but they may also grapple with struggles to get along.
Successful couples seldom quit at the first sign of trouble. Sometimes they learn and work through their problems. Not because they love each other more, but most often because they have the skills and competencies to find a path they both can happily walk down together. But if it doesn’t turn out this way, there should be no shame.
Sure, there will be regrets of all types. But if the compatibility is not there, then it means you will find it with someone else. Seldom do people get it right in the first, second, or even third relationship. We are all out here trying to find the right matches.
So Chris, Where Do I Go From Here?
I would say that it is impossible to force an ex boyfriend to come back to you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz“Wait.. isn’t this a site about doing just that?”
No, this site is all about influencing your ex boyfriend to come back to you. Imagine if you could be such an influence on your ex that you could make him choose to come back to you. THAT is what I am trying to show you.
Luckily, THAT is also what this entire guide is going to be about.
Its about enabling your ex boyfriend to feel a real sense of regret for what has happened. You see, he may not be able to get there by himself. I am not saying you are dating a man devoid of feelings or some kind of heartless and soulless dude.
I am just encouraging to read on to discover more about these 5 Pillars of getting your ex boyfriend to see the error of his ways.
In this Guide, I am going to show you exactly what you need to do in order to leave your ex with feelings of regret. The goal is to make him regret leaving you so much that he will think of nothing else.
In essence, I suppose it can be argued that this Guide is all about improving your chances of making an ex want you back which is what almost everyone on this site wants.
Pillar 1: Does Your Ex Boyfriend Even Regret Letting You Go?
One of the biggest concerns from visitors to Ex Boyfriend Recovery has to be if their ex boyfriend would even consider a reconciliation.
I am sure if you ask the average ex boyfriend he would say something like:
“No way would I ever want to get back with her.”
or
“Why do you think I made her my ex?”
When I was researching for this guide I looked at multiple sources for inspiration. Many of these sources were forums full of women asking men if they ever regretted breaking up with their exes. Of course, as I predicted above most of the men that chimed in said that they didn’t.
Of course, what you say in public, or on the internet and what you know to be true can be completely different.
Men are hardwired to never admit or show weakness. Saying in public that you really regret letting go of your ex girlfriend can be perceived as a weakness but I know enough about the way relationships work to know that a lot of what men say publicly is meaningless. What really matters is what is going on in his head.
Would you like to know something shocking?
I run a website so it is kind of my job to be tech savvy. One of the things that I always find myself doing is looking for ideas on new “guides” to write. One of the ways I do this is to look at what people are typing into Google. For webmasters, Google has created this type of “keyword search volume tool.” Using this tool I can type in key-phrases like “ex boyfriend” and see how many people are searching that particular keyword per month.
So, when I started reading all of these forum comments of guys saying that they didn’t ever regret letting their exes go I got curious to see just how many of them were searching the internet for advice on how to get their girlfriends back.
When I typed in the keyword “how to get your ex boyfriend back” in the search traffic tool there were 9,900 searches per month. That means that every month about 9,900 women are typing that particular phrase into Google.
Now, when I typed in the keyword “how to get your ex girlfriend back” in the search traffic tool there were 12,100 searches per month. I took a screenshot to prove that I am not lying:
(click to enlarge)
This means that there are actually more men searching for advice on their exes than women. In other words, statistics say that more men than women actually regret letting their exes go.
“Okay… but what about all those men saying that they didn’t regret it at all in the forums?”
Yes, lets talk about that for a moment. I think the best way I can explain this to you is to explain the regretting process of men.
How Regret Works For Your Boyfriend
I have found that there are usually two ways that regret can surface within men.
I would like to take a moment to explore each of those ways now.
So, the two main ways that men can regret leaving an ex are:
1. The Quick Way To Get Him To Come Around To Your Way of Thinking
2. The Long Path To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend To Accept His Role in the Breakup
Lets take a moment to explore each of these ways in-depth.
(You can get an even more in-depth look at these two ways with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
The Quick Way
In the example I gave a few sections above I literally proved that there are actually more men regretting letting go of their exes than women. Lets step into the shoes of one of those men. I want you to imagine for a moment that you are a guy who has just left his ex girlfriend. Now, maybe when you were planning the breakup of your relationship in your head you thought it would be a good idea. Maybe you thought that you would spend all of your time with your best friends hopping from bar to bar meeting new girl after new girl.
It all seemed so fun in your head yet after your breakup things aren’t going exactly how you thought they would go. Bar hopping wasn’t really all that great because 2 of your best friends bailed on you and all the women you meet after the breakup can’t hold a candle to your ex.
Soon regret starts to kick in and you realize the cold hard truth, you made a mistake.
The Quick Way- Essentially regret will kick in 1-4 weeks after the breakup of a relationship.
I have actually experienced this phenomenon myself. I remember after I broke up with a girlfriend I started regretting my decision a bit later I think it was predestined though.
Why?
Well, when you date someone for close to a year you get used to talking with them every single day. After we broke up the shock of suddenly NOT talking can be a little weird. This is when the loneliness kicks in and you start to realize that maybe you didn’t have it so bad with your ex (even though it was pretty bad in my case.) Of course, the combat to loneliness in this type of situation is to go out and find someone to fill the void that an ex left and usually that person is your ex.
Ironically, this leads us to our second way of regret!
The Long Path
Some men are stubborn..
It is unfortunate but it is also true. Some men will refuse to believe that they made a mistake by leaving you. No matter what you do or say nothing will change his mind. It is only until he goes out into the world and experiences the horror that is other women (who are not you) that he will finally realize what a mistake he made.
I have used this analogy a lot throughout this site so here it is yet again.
I want you to imagine that in every relationship you get into with a man you are going to be given a number between 1 and 10. This number is going to be a correlation to HIS overall experience in the relationship. Now, obviously if a breakup occurs the number that you were given has fallen below a satisfactory level.
Here is the funny thing though. Humans in general tend to take things for granted. We are always obsessed with getting the newest things and sometimes that carries over into our relationships. It isn’t impossible that a long lasting relationship can become boring and sometimes if a guy feels like this he may want something new.
The only problem with that is the fact that sometimes men don’t realize how good they had it with you.
Lets say that you and your ex broke up. In your exes head he rated his experience with you as an 8. As he begins to move on with his life and has new experiences with other women he begins to get some perspective and ups his rating with you to a “9.”
Now, I want you to imagine that he dated another girl and she doesn’t compare to the standard you set. Soon he begins comparing every girl he meets to the standard you set. The problem he finds is that no girl even comes close to his experience with you.
Lets welcome our old friend regret back!
Pillar 2: Raising Your Chances For Regret By Changing His Paradigm
(If you want more information on raising your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back please check out my E-Book.)
“You need to become someone worth regretting.”
That is what this is all about. One of my favorite quotes ever came from the great Frank Sinatra:
“The best revenge is massive success!”
I know this is going to sound weird but I want you to embrace this philosophy. One of the biggest problems I think that women have when it comes to getting an ex back revolves around how much effort you put into getting him back.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the effort I really do but the fact of the matter is that you are putting your effort in the wrong place. Instead of placing all of your effort into your ex you need to place it on yourself. Look, I totally have your back when it comes to getting him back or making him regret letting you go. You leave all that stuff up to me. What I want you to do is focus on self improvement.
So I want you to strive to move forward, leaving your ex boyfriend behind, without really losing full sight of him.
So, that is my recommendation to you.
Moving On Without Moving On
Right now the goal you are shooting for is to become someone that your ex would regret letting go. If you can do that then you are on the right path.
It shouldn’t come as a shock that men are attracted to beautiful and intelligent women.
Lets say that two women of equal looks were chosen for an experiment. Both of these women were considered to be the same level of attractiveness except there is a huge difference in personality between the two of them. One of the women is extremely intelligent and the other one is not.
If I were to take these two women and line them up against a wall and ask random men to meet each one of them separately something tells me that most of the men would choose the intelligent woman over the non intelligent woman for a long term relationship.
Throughout my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO you constantly hear me talking about the Ungettable Girl.
“You need to become the Ungettable Girl.”
Ungettable Girl here..
Ungettable Girl there…
Ungettable Girl everywhere…
Yes, you need to become an UG but you want to know a secret?
The very best ungettables are the ones that don’t know what they are. They are simply ungettable by nature. One thing that I constantly notice about these type of women is the fact that have more in their life than men. You see, more often than not these type of women really want to feel loved by a man but their whole life doesn’t revolve around that principle. No, their love life is only one aspect of what makes them who they are.
This creates a type of aura around a girl and gives her a special meaning to men.
Want to know why?
Because if a girl is like this then that means she isn’t going to be overly available to a man. In other words, the guy is always having to work to get her attention and while many guys whine about the chasing process deep down we all kind of like it.
So, the first big thing I think you need to realize is to STOP making everything in your life about your ex boyfriend. I know that is a weird thing to say for a site that specializes in reuniting women with their exes but it’s almost like you have to train yourself to NOT want your ex boyfriend. In other words, you have one of the hardest tasks in the world ahead of you.
What you have to do is move on without moving on.
Imagine for a moment that you begin moving on and healing yourself. You still want your ex boyfriend back but you have accepted the fact that even if you do everything right things might not fall in your favor. So, while you have hope alive you don’t want to be caught in limbo land so you start doing things to kind of move on.
“Wait Chris, are you saying that we have to fake moving on? Like, on the outside pretend we are moving on when on the inside we are praying that he comes back?”
No..
I am not a fan of insincerity.
Men can tell when you aren’t being sincere. If you are faking moving on then it is really not happening and you are more likely to be insincere. The point of this exercise isn’t to tell you that you have no hope or anything morbid like that. The point of this is to put you in a position where you have an opportunity to reignite a connection and the best way to do that is to show your ex that your world doesn’t revolve around him.
Would you like to know something scary?
Every woman who I have advised to master the art of moving on to create an opportunity to get their ex back has been given an opportunity to get him back. I am not kidding. Every single one who has done this successfully (that I have heard back from) has always said to me that their ex started chasing them again.
Now that you have the basic principles down one pressing question remains, when do you put all this moving on to get an opportunity into effect?
Well, during the no contact rule of course!
Pillar 3: The No Contact Rule Will Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Losing You
If you have never heard of the no contact rule then I am just going to let you know that it is an ESSENTIAL part of making an ex regret leaving.
Have you ever heard that famous quote:
Sometimes silence can say more than a thousand words.
Well, the no contact rule is essentially based on that philosophy.
So, what is it and how can it help your ex regret letting you go?
The no contact rule is a widely accepted philosophy that after a breakup you should enter into a period of no contact with your ex. So, the nuts and bolts of the rule goes like this. If your ex calls, texts, facebooks, instagrams, snapchats or emails you, you ignore him. On top of that you have to kill any urges to contact him at all. It is a period of complete silence where you don’t talk or respond to your ex in any way shape or form.
This leads us to another inevitable question.
How long should this period of no contact with an ex last?
Well, when I first started this site I had a strict 30 day no contact policy. However, experience has taught me that nothing should ever be set in stone and there are certain situations where 30 days isn’t practical. I am still a fan of the 30 day no contact period so if it is within your power to complete one I would say to complete it.
However, if you have some weird circumstance where it’s not possible for you to complete the 30 day period then just run it by me in the comments section of this page and I will get back to you within a day and give you some help on what to do.
How The No Contact Rule Can Make Him Regret Leaving You
The no contact rule can make an ex boyfriend regret on two fronts.
The first front is pretty self explanatory.
Have you ever wondered why it drives you crazy when someone ignores you?
I can tell you that as smart and clever as I am when it comes to dealing with people it drives me up the wall when I know for a fact that someone is ignoring me.
When I like someone I usually know right away. The way a mans mind works is pretty interesting actually. He will know whether or not he likes a girl within about 5 minutes of talking to her. For example, if I were to be invited to a party and meet a very pretty girl I am sure that I would like her within minutes. Now, that doesn’t mean I am going to date her because I am smart enough to know that there is more to a relationship than just sheer looks. So, every interaction I have with her after the initial meeting is going to shape my perception of her.
Now, if I one day wake up and realize “wow, I really like this girl” and then all of a sudden she starts ignoring me it is going to drive me crazy and probably make me like her more. I know that is a bizarre thing to say but think about it from my perspective for a moment.
One moment I am thinking to myself:
“Wow, I am the man! I got this beautiful girl to like me and I think this could become something special in the future.”
And then the next I am thinking:
“What the heck is going on? Why won’t she respond to my text messages? Man… I really liked her too. I guess she doesn’t feel the same.. :(“
You see, it is the fear of loss that makes men like a woman more. If you are able to lull a men into a sense of false security where he is hopeful for the future and can see happiness with you and then you sweep the rug out from under him something amazing happens. Instead of walking home depressed and with his tail between his legs, you sweeping the rug out from under his feet will create this sense that he lost something and this sense makes a man realize how much he really liked you in the first place.
Now, how does any of this tie into the no contact rule and regret?
Well, a lot of it works the same way. You dated this person so you already have history with them. You have already gotten them hooked at one point. Think of the no contact rule as a way to “sweep the rug out.” Most men will believe that they will always have you in their back pocket for advice, help or someone to lean on in the hard times. However, during NC they begin to realize that this isn’t the case and it’s that fear of loss that creates regret within them.
The Second Front
When I started this section I talked about how the no contact rule can work on two fronts to incite regret.
To recap, the first front had all to do with the fear of loss creating that regret. In other words, as long as you do the no contact rule with no breaks it should stir up some type of regret within your ex boyfriend. The second front is a little bit different.
The second front has to do with taking matters into your own hands and improving yourself.
A while ago what did I say the key was to making your boyfriend regret letting you go?
“You need to become someone worth regretting.”
Right now you are not.
I see too many women making the mistake of doing nothing during the no contact rule. When I first started this site I was a little afraid to speak up and hurt your feelings so I let it slide but I am not like that anymore. To be quite honest I don’t care what you think of me. I am just going to be flat out honest with you and tell you how it is.
Getting an ex boyfriend back is hard work and most of the women who fail on here fail because they are lazy.
Look, you can’t expect to just do the no contact rule and wake up one day to have him at your doorstep. No, you have to be proactive during the no contact period.
In other words, you need to use that time of solitude to become someone that he will regret.
- Be happy.
- Enjoy life.
- Try new things.
- Become more confident with who you are.
- Get in shape.
- Become more intelligent than you already are.
Remember, life starts at the end of your comfort zone so it is time to step outside the comfort zone and make yourself into the best version of you that has ever existed.
Why Your Ex May Not Regret Letting You Go Right Now
Here is a scary fact. There are things that you can do that can cause an ex boyfriend to NOT regret letting you go.
So far, this whole guide has been about one thing, making an ex boyfriend regret his decision to leave your relationship. While there is still a lot more to cover on that subject I think it can speak volumes to look at some of the most common mistakes people make.
Below I have listed THE biggest offense I see occurring on a daily basis. So while you are engaged in the No Contact period, please avoid doing what you are thinking of doing almost every day!
Texting Or Calling Incessantly
(I talk about this section exclusively in my book, The Texting Bible.)
Nothing spells desperation to a guy more than a girl texting or calling non stop.
But why?
Why is this such a grave mistake? It’s not like you are doing anything too crazy like throwing a rock through his house window. I mean, you are just calling or texting him too much.
Many of you probably think I am going to give this huge monologue on power and how you must always have the upper hand but I promise that this isn’t a mistake because of not having the power. Since we are dealing with your ex boyfriend the circumstances are changed a little bit.
I want you to think back to your relationship.
Now, I know the two of you are broken up right now but if you think back to your relationship were you constantly talking his ear off? Were you calling him way too much? Were you a little too much for him to handle at times? Were you needy?
If you were then more often than not it is going to rub your ex the wrong way. I am not saying that this was the reason he broke up with you but it was an annoyance that factored into his decision.
Now, lets fast forward to the present where you are bombarding him with text messages and calls. You may feel something inside of you that tells you to talk to him because he is your “best friend” right? And god forbid you can’t lose your “best friend” no matter what.
NEWSFLASH..
With every text or call bombardment by you, you are further cementing his position that he is glad that the two of you don’t date anymore. I mean, look at it from his perspective. When the two of you were first dating he was probably on the edge of his seat for every text response. However, somewhere along the way it changed and he started getting annoyed with all the attention he was getting. This change is part of what you are trying to combat with the no contact rule.
However, every time you break no contact to selfishly feel better just to talk to him you could be damaging your chances at making him truly regret letting you go.
Pillar 4: How Psychology Can Make Any Man Regret Letting You Go
Here it is!
This is the moment you have all been waiting for. In this section I am going to teach you about a really important Pillar that is always working in the background and it is probably the thing that will influence your boyfriend’s feelings of regret the most!
Now, before I get started I am going to give my customary pep talk.
The stuff I talk about beyond this point is not meant to be easy to pull off. Believe me, if it was easy then every broken hearted girl would have the ability to wrap a man around her finger. With this in mind you are going to have accept that fact that you may have to make some major changes and put in some major work.
If you can’t do that then I am sorry but the probability of you making an ex regret leaving you isn’t going to be high. However, if you are willing to put in the work then I assure you that you are going to put yourself in the best position to get an opportunity to win him back. I can’t promise that you will succeed but I can promise to raise your chances substantially.
Lets get to the good stuff!
The Truth About Making Any Man Fall For You
For this little section I am going to grant you full access into my mind.
Essentially what I would like to do is give you the blueprint to seduce me. Yes, I am going to literally tell you how you need to interact with me in order to get me to fall for you. Oh, and this is guaranteed to work on your ex if you can pull it off.
That’s the catch though. It is not easy to pull off.
Starting this website has been both a blessing and a curse for me personally.
While it has opened up my life in many different ways it has also forced me to dissect every little thing that happens in my personal life. For example, if I really like someone I try to figure out exactly what they did to make me like them. After a while I started to become hyper aware of these trends that women do during interactions that work almost every single time. The scary part is that while I know its happening it still works… every single time.
Now, you are probably thinking:
“AWESOME”
But for me it is literally like torture because I know whats happening while its happening and I can’t do anything about it. Yet at the same time I want it to happen because of the way it makes me feel.
So, what are these trends exactly?
Lets start with a blank slate and use you and I as examples.
Let’s pretend that we are at a party and you catch my eye from across the room. Now, I do feel it is important to hit the pause button here so I can explain exactly why I chose to use an example of us meeting for the first time. The reason I did this as opposed to using one where the two of us are imaginary exes is that I want you to grasp the concept first. Don’t worry, I am going to be tweaking the “trend” so that it fits into making your ex regret leaving you go but I figure the best way to help you understand this is to start with a blank slate.
So, where were we?
Oh yes, you caught my eye from across the room. Let’s say that the two of us found each other attractive, we talked for a few hours and exchanged numbers so we can stay in touch. This is where the work really begins for you. While the texting between the two of us commences we are going to have a long conversation. It is going to be deep and insightful. You know, a basic “get to know you” type of texting conversation. If you did this right I will definitely want to come back for more. So, maybe the next day I decide to send you a text to say hello hoping to have another amazing deep and insightful conversation. Only this time instead of responding immediately you wait a few hours to respond.
Because you waited so long to respond I was constantly checking my phone for your response. This is a really good sign because any time that you can get a guy to check his phone for a response it means that you have value to him in someway.
When you finally do respond you want to spread out your text messages. After I respond to one of your text messages you wait about 10 minutes to respond to mine. The point of this is to not seem too available. How do you do that? Well, with the fear of loss of course.
Can you imagine what would happen if you got a guy used to a certain schedule when it comes to texting you and all of a sudden you interrupted that schedule? For example, lets say that I was used to texting you every day throughout the day. Well, what if one day you just ignored me for half a day before you responded to me? I guarantee you that since we were still in the “talking phase” I would be thinking to myself:
“Well, that was nice while it lasted..”
or
“Why does this always happen to me? Every time I feel I have a connection with someone the girl just suddenly loses interest.”
The second a guy feels that he has something to lose (which would be you in this case) is the second he realizes just how much he cares for that something or someone ;).
I guess the ultimate trend is that you have to have moments where you are very available to a guy and then suddenly become unavailable and then swing back to available and then back to unavailable and so on and so forth. I know it is a messed up game to play but it’s worked on me every single time and its worked on billions of other men too.
Oh, I almost forgot..
Another really clever thing I have seen women use is something I like to call “daydream bait.” It is basically a text that causes the guy to have a daydream about a future experience with you in it.
I will talk more about those in the next section. Actually, lets move on so we can see how we can apply this new found trend to your ex boyfriend.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHow Do You Apply This To Your Ex Boyfriend?
I guess the question on the table right now is how do you implement this trend to re-attract your ex boyfriend?
It’s a tricky question because right now you and your ex probably aren’t on the best of terms. So, why in the world would he regret letting you go?
I would like you to take a moment and revisit the section I wrote about on the no contact rule and how it can help you. One of the hidden aspects of the no contact rule is the fact that it allows you to ramp up the tension. In other words, your ex boyfriend is almost expecting you to become annoying and beg him to take you back at some point.
So, when he sees that the opposite is happening, you ignoring him, he begins to get antsy and may even want you to message him a little bit. All of this is happen without your full knowledge and awareness because of a powerful, yet natural behavior men and women exhibit when they are deprived of something that was such a big part of the routines of their life.
In this case, it’s you that he is deprived of because you have been practicing the No Contact Rule. The psychological principle that is work is referred to as Psychological Reactance. Men are often drawn to reclaim that which was something they use to have and consider a freedom.
Once your ex boyfriend was free to call and talk to you. Once he was free to text back and forth with you and hold you and kiss you. You get the picture. Now that has been taken away. Perhaps by his own doing, but that doesn’t usually stop this invisible force that acts upon his psyche.
You want all these things to happen because if he gets antsy about you contacting him it means he wants it to happen deep down and that is where his true regrets for what he did to cause this breakup will emerge. It might take a while for him to get there, but that is how regret often come into play. It happens over time in small ways.
The focus of this Guide is to make him regret letting you go. So, after the no contact rule is completed I would like you to do the following.
(Remember: The point of this is to achieve that available/unavailability trend that I talked about above.)
The First Text You Send After No Contact Can Cause Your Ex Boyfriend To Experience Those Breakup Regrets Even More!
The idea here is to simply get a response and hook him in.
Now, if you refer to the section above you would notice that usually the first texting conversation between two people who like each other is long and “deep.” Since this is your ex we are talking about here you won’t have to do that. I am sure the two of you have had plenty of good in-depth conversations before.
So, the goal of this isn’t to engage your ex in a super long conversation. It is to open the lines of communication and leave him wanting more.
I would recommend a pretty simple text message like this to start off with:
(For more example texts please check out The Texting Bible.)
After you send this text you will hopefully get a response.
So, the question you are probably wondering is “what now?”
Well, now you engage him in a friendly conversation that leaves him wanting more. The conversation has to be short but pack a punch. You want him to wake up the next day and be checking his phone every five seconds hoping that you will text him.
So, Do You Message Him The Next Day?
Nope!
Remember, the point of this is to spread your interactions out so you leave him wanting more. Well, you can’t leave your ex boyfriend wanting more if he knows he can have you all the time. So, the day after your initial first communication (which wasn’t supposed to last all that long) I want you to enter into a full no contact mode for a day.
It is going to take some self restraint on your part but trust me you can do it.
A Word On The Overall Theory
Before I continue I feel there is an important matter to discuss.
One of the biggest mistakes I see women make after the no contact rule is going from zero to sixty way too fast.
What do I mean by that?
Imagine for a moment that you were trying to get me back. Right after the no contact rule you text me and I text you back. Now, you have waited 30 days for this moment and now that it is finally here you just let loose and we talk all day long.
This is a mistake because it doesn’t really allow you to be unavailable.
Yes, the ultimate goal we are trying to achieve here is to put you in a position where you and your ex can chat all day long without a hiccup. However, it is more powerful if you do it the way I am trying to show you as opposed to doing it right out of the gate.
So, the smartest way is to slowly work your way to a point where you can talk for a long period of time throughout the day.
Every interaction you have with your ex slowly extends until you hit the point where the two of you can text or call each other frequently (like you were dating again.)
BUT if you reach this point without doing the (available/unavailable) trend that I keep going on and on about you are going to find yourself friend zoned as opposed to being his girlfriend again.
Daydream Bait Can Tap Into Your Ex Boyfriend’s Feelings of Remorse and Desires To Be With You
Throughout this site I have talked about the power of daydreams.
I am a guy so I can tell you that most men daydream and usually when we really daydream about a girl we like it can be a powerful way of igniting our true feelings for that girl.
Let me give you an example. If I go on a date with a girl I like and I am so enthralled about my dating experience with that girl that I daydream about her when I am trying to fall asleep then that is a really good sign for her because it means that the next day I am going to wake up and the first thing I think of will be her.
One of the most powerful ways you can re-ignite your exes feelings for you is through the power of daydreams.
Or more specifically, through the use of a properly placed daydream bait.
Have you ever been fishing before?
Well, the concept of fishing is really simple. You get a fishing pole, put some bait on a line and then you cast that line into the water in the hopes that a fish will bite the bait and get hooked on your line. Well, the fishing analogy holds true to what you are going to be trying to do with daydream bait.
In other words, you are going to cast your daydream bait out there and hope he bites the line and starts daydreaming about a future with you and him in it.
(IMPORTANT- The key to a good daydream bait is all about timing and knowing if it is the right time to “cast the line.” For example, it wouldn’t be a good idea to use the daydream bait at the beginning of this process. Rather, it would be smarter to use it when both you and your ex feel comfortable talking to each other and there is no awkwardness between the two of you.)
Lets look at an example of a good use of daydream bait.
(Again, find more examples with The Texting Bible.)
There are a few things that I would like you to notice here.
The daydream that someone would want their ex boyfriend to daydream about if they were to use this particular text should be a romantic getaway in Hawaii. Notice how it is not specified if it is you or your ex who will be taking this trip to Hawaii. The idea behind this is to make your ex fill in the blanks and insert you and him in them.
Also, take note of the use of the word “dream.” This almost screams to him to DAYDREAM.
Pillar 5: The Power Of Leaving Him Wanting More
If you don’t leave your ex boyfriend wanting more during an interaction with him then that interaction should be viewed as a failure.
You can do this in all sorts of ways. Over the phone…in a text message….even in the middle of a casual date. I want you to think of leaving your ex boyfriend a trail of breadcrumbs that lead back to you.
Every time he picks up one, his feeling of regret for ever letting you go increases. You want your ex boyfriend’s sorrows for having parted ways with you in the past to leave him with an emptiness.
You want him to relive those poor past decisions and regret ignoring or hurting you or not choosing you over the other girl he cheated with.
How do you leave someone wanting more?
Well, the idea is to really get them hooked into what you are saying and then all of a sudden end the conversation….
Boom…just as I demonstrated!
Em
March 11, 2023 at 3:10 am
During no contact is it best I shut down/pause my instagram or post having fun??
Coach Shaunna Nicol
April 9, 2023 at 10:17 am
Hi Em, no while in NC you go about your life and continue to work on social media as you normally would – the posts need to be positive and show that you are living life and not at home crying over the break up.
Faith
August 9, 2021 at 2:06 pm
I was at fault,i made friends with his ex after they broke up cause of me,he kept warning me about that,I was always leaving n then coming back he kept forgiving me until this finally break up came from him,now he doesn’t want to even hear my name,I have pleaded and please,cried,fell sick I begged including my friends but he keoson saying his mind is made up nd is already searching for a new girlfriend..am currently observing the NC method but he doesn’t even care if I exist or not,he don’t even know if I blocked him on social media his made is just so made up…pls what should I do again?
darla
November 30, 2020 at 2:52 pm
I think my boyfriend and i broke up over a misunderstanding. I was out of town with my family and he was feeling lonely. He does not have a family. I was trying to not be too available and not to text too much ( as I can tend to be overwhelming). he texted me and said he thought that he was just a side thought and that it was hard for him. he said he felt bad not letting me know how he felt and that he would feel even more terrible to let me know how he felt. I called him and asked if he was done with me and he said he he thought so as I was always at work or unavailable. I thought he needed space so I was trying to give it to him and now I think he needed reassurance. I think I may have pushed him into the break up. I did text him that night once a long text thanking him for letting me know and the good times we had and that I thought that maybe we could have worked things out, and hoped he would have a happy life even though we were not together. I said nothing negative. I told him I loved him, but I understood. He texted back that he appreciated all I had done and that he appreciated me but that talking made it worse. I know he is hurting. I am hurting too,. We got our wires crossed before and didn’t break up but came close to it, but it was just a miscommunication. I want to see him in person and let him understand that I never meant to make him feel like less of a priority and to see if this was just a mistake. The day before he said he loved me and missed me. I am married which he knows and he said he never really realized it before I left town, but I told him months ago
S
November 30, 2020 at 1:23 am
Hi, I was with my boyfriend for 16 months and we split up on our 16 month anniversary, which was at the beginning of November. We split up because he wasn’t happy anymore and he said that he needed to find his own happiness… I was his first girlfriend. There were no trust issues between us, I got along with his family and they liked me too. We did everything we could together as a long distance relationship and there were many positives: Skype calls every night with games or movies or Youtube and a lot, lot more and constant messaging on any and every platform… It started going downhill because of the pandemic and him starting to spend more time with his friends/being busy and this would cause arguments. We always fixed it but this time he had enough and didn’t convey that thoroughly until the day we split… I did beg and plead during no contact as he said he would be there in an emergency (he’s a very caring person!) but one day he stopped replying, and I haven’t contacted him since. That was on the 20th. I’m worried that he will never contact me after NC (don’t know how long it should go on for) because his friend told us that we have to not talk for 2 months to be able to move on, and I’m worried that he won’t come back to me at all if he found his happiness. We spoke about marriage and children. We are very compatible and we graduated through the pandemic together, at different universities, but I’m worried that he will not forget about the negative aspects that occured more towards the end of the relationship as in the last month of being together, he would always worry about the next argument… I do have some things better than him, i.e: doing a masters, which is some sort of security as he was struggling to find a job and only just got a temporary one. But I can’t stop thinking about him or stop visiting this website and it will be a month of single life in 2 days from today…
C
November 10, 2020 at 6:09 pm
Can you shed any light?
Nothing big caused the separation, just crossed wires one day. Effort on both parts to repair it even though he had not come home that day, then one minute hes coming back then hes not. Then he’s calling me at all hours then he’s non responsive, then the same pattern again then blocks me. I have no idea what happened, it was serious and long term, home together etc he hasnt even collected belongings
This whole thing has been ongoing for 5 months, blocking 5 weeks
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 15, 2020 at 1:14 pm
C you need to spend some time ignoring him completely. If you want him to collect his things, ask someone else who you know is close to him. Or someone you trust to deliver things to his place. Stop answering his calls, ignore him especially ones that are late at night! Follow the rules of no contact and work on yourself
Ria
September 17, 2020 at 8:46 am
Hey
I was in a relationship with my bf for 6years and then he cheated upon me with another girl. Initially he said he was sorry, but then he broke up with me and is now dating the other girl who he thinks is perfect for him. He still says he loves me. Me and my ex both have an exam in 3 months, and the pain of going through the break up doesn’t let me study at all. So I asked him if we could study together, to which he agreed and we’re great friends. How do I get him back? No contact rule is impossible for me as it makes such a huge impact on my studies and my future.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 18, 2020 at 3:11 pm
Hi Ria, can I ask how is following the No Contact rule going to affect your studies – just ask someone else to help you or work with. You need to try and remove yourself form working with your ex short term. You need to be in No Contact for 45 days because he has chosen to be with the other girl. IF it is impossible to not work with him, then you need to follow a limited no contact where you only speak about studies and NOTHING else.
Anna
May 24, 2020 at 3:20 pm
Hi
Can my no contact period be longer than 45 days?
My bf and I have been dating for 7 years and towards the end of it I can feel he’s been wondering if he can do better. I lost the ungettable table girl status. We recently had to do long distance due to work and he cheated on me with another girl. He initially said he was sorry and wanted to stay with me but then a few weeks later said we should break up as he can’t see a future with me and he’s seeing this girl.
He is thinking of staying interstate for 3-6 more months and unsure if he even wants to come back.
I think it will take me a few months to become the ungettable girl again and for interstate borders to be opened.
Should I wait for him to text me when he’ll be back? Or should I try no contact for 3 months while he is in a new relationships?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 1, 2020 at 11:38 pm
Hi Anna, I dont suggest that you do go past the 45 day mark, however you can go over 45, but do not pass the 60 day mark. If you have not done so yet, read about the being there method.
M
May 2, 2020 at 11:52 pm
Hello,
These tips seem great. However, I don’t think this will work for my situation. For a couple months prior my boyfriend had been abit up and down. We discussed what changes we wanted, those were made, however he still didn’t feel right so ended the relationship. I ignored this and went NC and a week later he reached out.. it turned extremely sour quickly as I went mad at him for how he had behaved in the week NC – resulted in being blocked on various sites and stating It confirmed his decision and he wanted nothing to do with me! It’s been 30 days NC since the blocking.. aiming for 45 at least, however, he is stubborn so I can’t see even the fear of loss making him unlock / reach out as even though the tension may be less, he believes the relationship is no good. So firstly, how would I make contact? And I could not just avoid addressing the sour end? But I fear even reaching out at all will make me look desperate/needy and that I can’t give up. To add to the mix, he is now off dating sites and invested into talking to a new girl for the last couple weeks (who may actually be better than me) from the info I’ve gathered of her. So I feel the odds are against me, he won’t unblock and why would he regret or think anything positive when it ended badly and he’s feeling that fresh happy feeling with a new girl which is only going to develop stronger? I don’t really know how to go about this?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 7, 2020 at 9:14 pm
Hey M you are right to follow a 45 day NC and during that time you need to make sure that you are not obsessing, as hard as that can be, and watching their action on social media as hard as this is. During your NC is your goal to work on your Holy Trinity and becoming Ungettable ready to do the being there method
Sarah
April 22, 2020 at 1:27 pm
This was a very helpful article. I am a bit confused about my situation right now. Our first four months were great and then the last three he was very back and forth. He didn’t want to commit and kept finding excuses like “he’s insecure” “I’m too insecure” “I’m annoying” “hes scared” and so on. Then he said we should go our separate ways romantically, then after a few weeks he messaged to apologize and I didn’t give him any attention. I heard he hooked up with a girl a day after we ended. I do want to speak to him but I’m not sure how to approach a situation where I wasn’t treated well. We’ve also unfollowed each other on Instagram. Do you have any advice on how I could say hello and confront him?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 25, 2020 at 10:40 am
Hi Sarah, so while you do need to reach out to your ex after 30 days NC, you do not reach out to “confront” someone. Read the articles about how Chris suggests you reach out to someone for the first time.
Becca
March 29, 2020 at 9:43 pm
Hi,
My boyfriends reason for breaking up with me was because he is away a lot and I would miss him (obviously) and he said he doesn’t want to upset me anymore. I feel like that should be my decision surely? He says he wants the best for me and someone who can constantly be there but I was happy with him but I don’t know how I can show him I am.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 30, 2020 at 8:47 pm
Hi Becca, as hard as it is to deal with his reason for the break up – deep down he wanted to end things. So no, it wouldn’t be your decision he chose to end it for a reason. What you can do though is use social media, and mutual friends to show him you are doing great without him and not sat at home upset about the fact he ended things with you. Read about becoming Ungettable and what work you need to do to improve your Holy Trinity, and this is how you are going to get your ex to regret ending things with you. All the information can be found on this website or on Chris’ YouTube channel
Madeline DeAngelo
March 19, 2020 at 3:14 am
My boyfriend has been on and off with texting due to stress with college and being on his own, and then started blaming me for him barely seeing his friends WHEN HE LITERALLY SAID THAT HE RATHER SEE ME. I never took him away when seeing his friends, and when I was upset it wasn’t because of him when he was out. After all the whole friend thing he literally goes “they don’t see me anymore because they said I never make plans or see them.” I did make a tiny comment back in the summer and said that “you have been barely seeing me, most of those friends most likely won’t be there in 10 years but I will. So that being said, he brought up in a smart tone, “after all, I won’t have most of them in 10 years.” He complains, but those friends would always leave him out, or when they would want to hang it was always at his house. Back in January he said he needed time alone from everyone, but it was a small break that lasted a few hours. Later that night, he texted me freaking out saying “I love you, I can’t lose you. I need you and I need you now. Don’t ever let me do that again. So later he was distant when he was texting and had more of an obsession to his video games which is probably “his stress reliever.” broke up with me a few days ago, and I don’t know how to fix it. He said he loved me and can’t lose me but he said this relationship isn’t what it was due to the distance. When we would hang out, he was very loving and told me on valentine’s day that he will never leave me, if he was going to he wouldn’t of let this relationship get too far. He bought me a nice ring on valentine’s day. About 13 days ago, he broke up with me basically saying that he loves me, but I even said myself that there was distance because I wanted to work on it. As he was breaking up with me, he said “I love you and I can’t lose you but I just don’t have the same feelings for you, it’s been eating at me.” So 3 days after, I texted him and said “Hi, its been a few days since we broke up and I have been thinking and I am sure you are doing the same. Do you think we should talk?” He avoided the text and hung out with his friends that he complained about as explained above. He did, however, read the texts 3 days after. He keeps viewing my Instagram stories right away, but how do I know if he’s affected? How do I make him regret losing a girl like me. He seems okay, and I am left behind crushed. Another thing that he is doing that I don’t understand is that he blocked me from seeing his Instagram and snapchat stories but let’s my sister and my friends view them. Also he keeps posting on social media and one of the pictures he posted was him wearing the hoodie that I got him for valentines day. (he told me to keep his stuff).
In addition, his parents and grandparents really loved me, and I was one of the first girlfriends that he brought home that they liked. His family literally thought that we were going to get married.
I just don’t get how he can go out everyday with his friends without a care in the world when we’ve been dating for a year and a half. How do you go from talking to your significant other all day everyday to not hearing from them at all? Please help, I need answers! Was he lying when he called me his dream girl, and how he wanted to marry me someday?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 30, 2020 at 10:43 pm
Hi Madeline, I think it isn’t a case of him going out with this friends and is “fine” it is more that he is using his friends to be social and distract himself from dealing with any feelings he has going on right now regards to you and the break up. It is not easy to go from talking to someone daily to not at all. But remind yourself that everyone deals with things differently. I would suggest that you work on yourself to become Ungettable and use social media to show you are doing great without him, complete a 30 day NC and then reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles
Tracy
January 2, 2020 at 7:50 pm
Hi,
At the end of the summer I started seeing someone who really became my “knight in shining armor”. I had just gotten out of an emotionally and verbally abusive 4 month relationship with a person who suffered from undiagnosed mental disorders and addiction issues. This new guy was everything my ex wasn’t, and I thought he was the nicest person I’d ever met. He did so much for me, accepted me, was attracted to me.
He went home for thanksgiving and got the flu, which kept him there extra days. We still texted, etc, but it was a full two weeks before I saw him again. I asked him if he wanted to run a 5k with me- he said no because he didn’t like the cold. Over the 4 months we’d been together I’d invited him to things and the answer was always “no”. He usually had valid excuses, such as being sick, being away, etc, but I felt the need to say something to him because I valued the relationship.
He took what I said to heart and offered to come to a party I was throwing, even told me he would come over early and help me set up. We saw each other that Sunday- i went to his house, he made me dinner, did all of my laundry for me, told me I didn’t have to be afraid to open up to him. I started to tell him more about the abuse I had been through earlier that year. I left feeling great about where we stood, and realized I really, really liked him.
A few days later we went to dinner, and something seemed off but I just thought he was tired. Saturday came (the day of my party) and 4 pm came and went- I hadn’t heard from him at all. He had his work Christmas party the night before and was hungover. When I finally texted him, he said he knew he was a jerk, but he wasn’t coming. I called him and he told me he didn’t think of me at all while at his party, that he didn’t feel anything the last time we kissed and he was done with me.
To say I felt blindsided would be an understatement, and I could not believe the cruelty to do this right before my party was to begin. He became someone I didn’t know at all, and I’m still gutted by it. I’ve seen him back on dating apps now, and haven’t heard from him at all. I didn’t handle the breakup well at all being so caught off guard and texted him mean things during the night. I still don’t understand what happened, and I’m not sure I ever will. I know I need to be the best version of myself and keep going, and I will, but I’m having trouble accepting this as my reality. I was so happy, finally.
Clare
December 31, 2019 at 1:59 am
okay, so I’ve already messed up your rules. my ex and I fell for each other fast and hard. I have never been in love before and with him it was instant. he has two children that I adore and that became EXTREMELY close to me. comments were made by him that he’s “never felt a connection like this before,” “my friends and family have said they’ve never seen me so happy,” “my mom and sister were in utter shock when you they saw how affectionate I am with you,” “you’ve pushed me to let down my walls and tell you everything. I’ve never been this open with anyone ever and i really like it” etc etc. even his mother said to me “idk what you did but I’ve never seen him this way.” he told me before me he felt dead inside and didn’t feel connected to anyone. his family is big and in everyone’s business and they all liked me as I liked them. I was planning to move to his state after the holidays and we both couldn’t wait to “start our lives together and grow as partners and be a family.” well, one day while we were both a little grumpy we had a tiny misunderstanding and boom. he just wrote me off and never gave me a reason as to why, never had a conversation with me, nothing. just disappeared. I did the desperate thing and sent flowers and cards just trying to get him to remember everything we’ve said and felt with one another. I told him that he is letting fear run his life. that he wants love but is afraid of it, he wants to move out of his parents house but he’s afraid of it, he loves our connection but is afraid of it. when I told him that he said I had “cut him to his core and am right about everything. that he’s being stubborn and hiding into his comfort zone of loneliness and hiding behind his kids.” he said “I’m so sorry, you’re right about it all. I’m just putting up walls and living a fake happiness and I’m so sorry. and whatever happens from now and into the future you’re right about everything and I’m so sorry.” but after that bam. he went ghost again. he kept blocking and unblocking me for a couple months. “I just needed to check up on you” is what he would say. well, this last time I made sure I was less intense, did the friend thing. didn’t text daily, etc. we had some really good days and then he bam. got spooked and started leaving me on read again. I believe he is bipolar but he won’t go get help even tho he has admitted to me that he knows he has issues. he’s made sure to post mean and hurtful things on social media, like little hidden jabs thats he knows only I would understand. we aren’t on each other’s social media’s and I’ve made sure not to post anything but positivity in my life and happiness and all the great things I’m doing. he’s been hanging out with this one girl, his “friend” but I know she wants him, she always has. now, before me he had been single for 3 years. that’s part of the shock his mother had, she said he hadn’t even looked at a woman or been interested in dating until me. also, the first time meeting his family they all made comments like “wow, never seen you be so possessive about where you sit” (his brother had sat down next to me) and his mother said “well! he likes this one!” lol. he told me back in november he hasn’t felt like the real him since we broke up and he’s been in a huge dark depression. but to his facebook and family he has painted me out to be the bad guy and I think he’s too embarrassed to do what he truly wants because heaven forbid he say he made mistakes and doesn’t wanna “look bad” on fb to all the people he trash talked me to. with this new girl, I am confident he will not have the same feelings with her as we had, but she’s local and it’s just very easy to be able to go to her house and eat her dinners and the kids play. he’s a coward and a very weak man. I’ve done and said everything I can to open his eyes and see what he’s doing. he wears the bracelet I got him 24/7 and refuses to take it off. we haven’t spoke since thanksgiving (which was a very unnecessary and immature facebook drama fest that got out of control and his whole family attacked me.) I have a strong intuition and I have always been able to read people and situations extremely well. I’ve also been in counseling for years, I know what I’m talking about when it comes to the mental health field. he posts memes about being lonely or the black sheep and outsider of his family yet when he had a woman who thought he walked on water he pushed me away. I fought tooth and nail. I try to tell myself that after the holidays it becomes quiet and lonely and that he’ll have a lot of time to do some thinking and reflecting. I even agreed that maybe he needs to date someone to compare and remember what we had and realize no one else gives him the feelings like I did. I truly love him and even after everything he’s done to me, if he came to me with apologies and would just sit and talk through it with me it could all be worked through. he’s not the best with communication and I’ve always been understanding of that and worked with him on it. my brain knows that he has issues, that the way he treated me was cruel and that I don’t deserve that, blah blah. but just bc my mind knows something i can’t just stop loving him or shake this feeling that we truly belong together. I have hope that he will come around and contact me come spring time, after some time has passed and he has had time to think about it all. the man I know and love would never be okay with the way he has treated me the past couple of months. but he is extremely stubborn and a coward and I’m losing faith in him doing what’s right. I love him, we were planning a life together. even talked of marriage in the future. I’m completely shattered. I have never experienced emotional pain like this and believe me, I have not led an easy life. he is my first love, it took me 32 years to finally have those feelings for someone. I just don’t know if he’ll ever grow up and stop letting fear and what other people think control him or if it’s a lost cause. the man I know and love vs. the man I’ve seen the past few months are plots opposites. but I can’t stop loving him even tho he’s a stupid cowardly ass. idk what to do any more.
Emily
December 28, 2019 at 6:42 pm
His Grandmother died last year. His grandfather at the end of the year and His aunt who raised him and his sister died, cancer. in march. in October he broke up with me. He got a bunch of friends who pushed him to live his life, find a girl who lived closer, we’re 22, and our relationship was long distance. He broke up telling me that even if he loves me he can’t deal being in a relationship. He said he needs to live and make more friends. I am shattered. I am not writing to him for 7 days already and he doesn’t reach out.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 29, 2019 at 11:35 pm
Hey Emily, allow him to have space and you focus on yourself and your friends. Social life and show him how he is missing out on some amazing times with you
Mira
December 25, 2019 at 1:09 am
Basically, my boyfriend is out of the country for nearly two months (now going to be about a month). We have been having a lot of petty, silly arguments since he has been gone. Honestly, for the past four nights, I’m not going to deny that I was causing drama oftentimes for no reason, just out of my own fear and insecurities. An example would be taking longer to reply to his texts than usual, checking up on him too often, and so on. Leading up to his leaving, though, we were at the best part of our relationship — so happy and in love. Well, five nights ago, we got into a big argument, caused by me, and I think he thought I was ending the relationship, so he sent me a long message basically breaking up with me — a very sweet message at that where he said I was the “love of his life”. He is NOT THE GUY to go with other girls and I know that this break has nothing to do with that, which is actually why it makes me feel more worried.
I did not want to break up and sent him a message clarifying that. He then responded with another long message thanking me for everything and saying it would be best for us to have ‘space’ that may make us realize we do need to get back together. I then called him out of confusion and at first, he stated it was a breakup, then downgraded it to a break. He said he will continue to tell his family and friends that we are still together, but he does not want to upload our couple photos on Instagram at this moment (he has them archived). He said the main decision for this break was to be able to spend the time with his family and sisters without feeling like he is ‘suffering’, as he put it. He has also stopped following couple pages on Instagram, which I noticed today.
Although he is coming back in a month, he told me on the call that he is letting me know now that he would like me to come to the airport to talk things out, and thinks there is a 90% chance we will get back together. However, at this moment, he does not want me to contact him, and he said he will contact me if he starts to miss me too much. He also said it’s better we take this space now that he is far and contact is minimal, rather than when he is back and we are close to each other again. He is a very stubborn person, though, and I don’t believe he will send me his flight info before arriving.
The crazy thing is that the day this all went down, he was telling me earlier how he misses being with me and feels like he cannot live without me. He also said he couldn’t stop thinking about me. The day he left from the airport, he told me he wants to see me there when he gets back and couldn’t think of that being the last time we saw each other.
Does this look fairly optimistic for our future, or is he stringing me along by trying to lessen the blow? I have been unable to stop thinking about this since it happened, because I would love to see us get back together. Is my best move right now to just back off and what can I do to make myself feel better in the meantime? I haven’t contacted him since this has been decided. It feels like more of a breakup than a break. How do I get him back and to regret his decision?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 29, 2019 at 7:37 pm
Hey Mira, so I suggest that you take some time for yourself while he is away and work on your emotional control and insecurities. You need to show your ex that you trust him and that you are not going to hassle him while he is away anymore. It is hard and your allowing your thoughts to run away with you and this is where you need to gain some emotional control and tell yourself if he is not that type of person, then you need to trust him. If you want a happy relationship, you need to trust him.
Nara
December 4, 2019 at 11:52 am
He broke up with me almost three weeks ago and since then I told him I dont want to hear from him again, and i started no contact.Its been 17 days since no contact, I dont want to reach out first however after NC period stops. We live in the same city and usually go to the same bars which I have been avoiding for the past two weeks, but I am sure I will see him next weekend at a party. How should i react there to make him want me back?
Also, after our breakup I went on a weekend trip to another country with friends and he was stalking my instagram stories (even though he does not follow me), so I guess that is a good sign.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 6, 2019 at 8:31 pm
Hi Nara, so as next week youll still be in no contact try not to spend too much time around him, look amazing and dont get too drunk so that you end up trying to talk to him and have an argument, emotional conversations or worse a sexident. Look up what Limited No Contact is on this website so that you understand how to do it during the party, but then after the party its back to full no contact
Maria
November 29, 2019 at 8:16 am
Hey Chris and team – I (24 y/o) dated this guy (21 y/o) for 2 until we had to do long distance. Before he left the city, we were talking about our future a lot (marriage, kids). Few months in our ldr, we tried making our relationship work. However, I became too clingy and needy for his attention until he became annoyed and thought that maybe this just wouldn’t work out. It’s been 10 months since we officially broke up. He visited me in April and we had the best time but we thought ldr wouldn’t work still so we stayed friends. I went to his city in November for 2 weeks. We had some fun but felt like he was distancing himself from me. I told myself that I don’t wanna love him anymore but I still do. We went through a lot of things and I wish were still together even if we were long distance. I’m planning to move to his city soon not because of him but because I actually liked the culture and vibe there. I told myself I shouldn’t talk to him anymore tho because I’m scared that I’m gonna get very hurt when I find himself dating someone new. He messaged me out of nowhere since we last saw each other. He said thank you for everything and I said that I hope he finds what he’s looking for. I haven’t talked to him in 3 days. Planning to go NC for a while until he messages me. What do you think I should do? Should I move on?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 1, 2019 at 10:24 pm
Hey Maria, so we are not able to tell you if you should move on or not in most cases its about your willingness to follow and try to do the program. Including completing a full no contact for 30 days minimum where you work on yourself and not replying to him if he was to reach out in those 30 days. IF you do not think you can cope with a long distance relationship then I would consider starting to date others, dating others may also help you make a decision if you want to be with this man or not
Sara
November 19, 2019 at 11:24 am
Hey
I am 21 I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for 3.5 (He is also 21). We’ve been living together at his parents house for a year and a half.
Last week we were having a fight and afterwards he told me Something very disturbing. For a time now he had been thinking about the fact that he feels like we’re very young and going to a very serious place. He doesn’t feel experienced enough and wants to experience more. We took a week to think it through in which we didn’t speak at all and I was staying at my parents.Two days ago we met and he broke up with me. He cried a lot and told me that he loves me and feels like he is going to regret this decision. Right now I’m living with my parents but all of my belongings are at his place. I feel like he put me in a position in which he gave me a lot of hope for a future together (he kept telling me he can’t ask me to wait for him but he’s gonna try…)
I don’t know how to physically take my stuff out (text him / just come in, with him in the house or not)
Can no contact work here? What should I do?
Would appreciate any help!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 19, 2019 at 10:40 pm
Hi Sara, so you do need to get your belongings obviously to live. So you can text and ask when is appropriate for you to collect your belongings, go to get them do not have a relationship or break up conversation with him. Pack and leave. Complete the rest of your NC without speaking with him. This interaction is called limited NC where you are only speaking to him to get your belongings and after that you go back to ignoring him if he is to reach out to you at all over the next 30 days
Mary
November 12, 2019 at 3:30 pm
Hi! I need a quick assistance for my situation. Three months ago I went to a party and I met this guy. From the begging there was huge intimacy by his side, but a friend of mine who new the guy told me to back off because he is a f** guy. However, I am not a person who listens what other people say, and therefore I decided to give a chance to the guy. He was really into me, he was complementing me, we were going on day-trips, we were sleeping together etc. On the third week that we were dating (btw he told me we that we were a couple), he ‘confessed’ to me that every week he is going to a psychologist because he has issues with his relationships with other people. In particular, he told me that he comes really close to women from the begging, something that it is his fault, but when they start doing the same, he freaks out and he thinks that they invade to his private life or something. At that point I felt relieved that he said something like this to me, because he added that he cares about me and he doesn’t want to do something wrong, and he works things inside him. So everything was keep going well. At the time that we were dating he was trying to find a new place to stay, and I was truly helpful with everything, and all the time it was my phone ringing to listen all his concerns etc. Nevertheless, one day, after going with him for shopping for his new house, we were out eating and he told me: ‘I believe that relationships have an expiration date’. As you can understand i felt really frustrated since how is it possible to talk to me like this while I have done so much things for him. I didn’t say something, but he understood that I didn’t like what i heard and he tried to manipulate me by saying ‘I wish I didn’t say anything like this, and i meant like everything has an end but this end is not now, it can be tomorrow, in 10 days, or in 20 years’. Anyways, I was so in love that I was keep doing things in order to show him that nothing will end soon and i care about him. However, one day I had these weird vibes and we had a small dispute, but after-all we were good and we solve it. The next day after the dispute everything was fine, but i was keep thinking the fight and I thought that I was overreacting a bit and around 9 p.m. I texted him I am sorry for yesterday etc. (please note that all this time that we were together sometimes he was anxious about things from work etc. and he was thinking that maybe he was harsh with his words on me so he was texting me to apologize and that’s why I thought that it can be a good idea to apologize from my side). As i mentioned I texted him at 9pm and until 12am I didn’t receive any response! I got super mad, and I called him. I told him that i feel that i am doing things all the time and you don’t appreciate them, I said that about the expiration date thing and the fact that I feel we are like in the grey zone or something. I felt out of my league, it was not me talking, but I really needed to say those things!! To be honest I regret nothing. I asked him that if he doesn’t want to be with me, he just need to say it and don’t put me in this position of wondering. He said not… Anyways, the following day the result was, that classic story of I need some time on my own..He didn’t even try to talk with me about what happened. Three days after our break up he contacted me at 1am to ask me If I finished the show (horror) that we were watching together. I replied no, because i didn’t remember at which episode we stopped, and he said to watch it and then contact him to say my impressions. I replied I don’t watch horror on my own and he said ‘I am going to give you my cat to keep you company’. After that I got confused and I didn’t reply. All these since the break up happened 4 weeks ago. I didn’t contact him, but i heard that all of his friends tried to make him think logically because he reacted as a child. Anyways, all this time i was keep thinking about what to do. It is not that we knew each other for a long time but as a short-term relationship I feel like I need to talk to him because I did not do anything all that time. I felt like I said ok to something I didn’t want to happen, like I don’t have feelings or something. So, two days ago I texted him that I want to talk to him in person. And his response: ‘Did you watch the show???’ , WTF!!! I said nope and he saw that I was serious and we schedule to meet tomorrow. Yesterday, he sent me a video with parrots (my favorite animal) and I replied ‘nice’. I am so confused right now about seeing him. I want to say all these things and make him regret of what he did, but I feel like it is not going to work. I feel like he plays with me, or I don’t know. I am not going to act needy because I know myself, but do you have any tips to be to the point and without him trying to manipulate me?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 12, 2019 at 9:38 pm
So when you meet up you need to go knowing what you want to say, and say it. But most importantly you need to mean what you say, and say what you mean. Dont tell him you want a relationship and then agree to just dating. Personally I wouldnt sleep with someone unless they are in a committed relationship otherwise you end up with situations like yours where you are wating more of a commitment when he is ready to walk way at the first hurdle. Good luck with your meet up
Klara
October 21, 2019 at 8:00 pm
I will try explain everything the best I can. I was with my bf more than 3 years, we really quick fall for each other and we were spending a lotttt of time together. The thing is I had different beliefs at tht time left from my organisation but I never said that I won’t come back. I did not have any contact with my family. I was happy but everything was about his family, but don’t get me wrong I didn’t mind it, they were lovely and took me like they own. At some point we were living with his mum saving for deposit for the house because we were planning to buy it. With time I felt lonely because he had actually everything his family around him, me love of his life, during them 3 years I was getting emotional sometimes because I was missing my family on being in my religion he was there for me but then I was okay and we ‘moved on’. I started talking about it more and more but to get back to my religion I needed to get married. So finally we needed to do something, I don’t think that was selfish I just wanted to have my closest in my life to however I do believe what my religion says too. So that how it started. He said that he can’t see that will work out, that will devide us, because I wouldn’t be allowed to be on his for example bank holidays or birthdays parties. I think I sacrificed a lot for them 3 years nobody asked me to do it I wanted to because I loved him, but I have different point of view on different aspects of life and I was hoping we could make it work. He can see as breaking up after some time and he can’t think otherwise, he wanted me to stay but on his terms, so I will have to bail on my family and religion permanently. But at the same time he said he wants me to be happy and fulfil my life as I want without him interrupting. I moved out almost 2 months ago, during that time we were talking he is broken hearted same me, I miss him, I cannot eat sleep, constantly thinking of him how to fix the situation, but I can’t give everything up for someone who isn’t willing to sacrifice anything.. He text me, I was seeing him too few times, he stayed over but after was the same story we cannot be together because that won’t work, his mum hates my religion too, think that they have bigger impact on him that I though… I don’t know what to do, seen him week ago since then is silence. But he isn’t right about that it won’t work for 100% … what to do ?! I know he will regret it and I know I won’t find anyone like him, our relationship was perfect, no big arguments, we were literally like soulmates.would you advice anything?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 21, 2019 at 8:16 pm
Hi Klara my advise is to read and read and read everything that applies to you through our articles and you need to complete a proper no contact where you do not have any interaction. Working on yourself to become Ungettable and making sure that when you reach out to him in 30 days time you are the best version of yourself and so happy with your life that he cant help but notice you are doing so great with out him he will want to know whats new with you